The Boss Baby: Back in Business (2018) s01e08 Episode Script

Into the Belly of the Den of the House of the Nest of Cats

1 [grunts] Hold all my calls.
[giggling] [music] Boss Baby I'm the boss, Boss Baby Boss boss, Boss Baby, boss boss - Boss Baby - Watch a itty-bitty kid get large I'm the big Boss Baby in charge Stroller rolling Up and down the boulevard I'm the big Boss Baby in charge - Boss Baby - I run this house, I rule this crib Change my diaper, son, where's my bib? Don't pacify, you just got to pay me Who's in charge? Me, the Boss Baby.
[doorbell rings] "Good morning, sir or ma'am.
I am a Lowly Apprentice Do-Good Trooper, looking to advance to Lofty Squire Do-Good Trooper.
To accomplish this dream, I need just one more sticker for my achievement helmet, the Neighborhood Service sticker.
It requires me to help out every single neighbor on my block.
The question is, how can I do good for you today?" Uh, you wanna sweep my porch? Ooh! [Tim whistling] [continues whistling] [doorbell rings] "Good morning, sir or ma'am.
" Clearly, "ma'am.
" Do-Good Troopers never pre-judge.
Yes! One last neighbor to Well, I am out of the Do-Good Troopers! - Whoa, buddy.
Everything okay? - What happened? Nothing.
I'm just never gonna be a Lofty Squire Do-Good Trooper ever! - So, what's the point? - [Dad] Timbo, want to talk about it? [tapping on glass] Guys, I'm in the middle of breakfast here.
[cat shrieking] Is that a box of cat? Oh, yes, it is, sir.
Jimbo and I were doing our morning patrol of the neighborhood when - I saw a fire truck! - [cat growling] And also, we got jumped by one of Bootsy's kittens.
Oh! They're getting bolder.
- They're getting vicious! - [screams] Not the face! Not the face! - [cat shrieking] - [Staci grunting] - [punches landing] - [Jimbo yells] Miss McCrackin's house? Tim, honey, there's nothing there to be afraid of.
But it's old and dark and creepy and gross.
I can feel my breakfast coming up just thinking about - [Mom] Bucket.
- [Dad] Clear! - I'm not actually throwing up.
- Oh, good.
Honey, Wendi's a nice lady.
She goes to Book Club, she knits me a sweater every Christmas.
She I don't know.
She probably pays her taxes.
- Danny Petrosky told me - Ugh, that kid.
Danny said Miss McCrackin turns kids into robots.
[snorts, laughs] Robots? Oh, man, that Danny sure cracks me up.
Tim, no one is able to turn a kid into a robot.
I know you know that.
Do you really want me to take that chance? No chance, sport.
We promise.
- [Tim] Um - [cat yowls] Did I ever tell you that when I was your age, I wasn't even allowed - to be a Do-Good Trooper? - Because you were a girl? No.
It was because they thought I had a big head, and it wouldn't fit into the helmet, which is obviously not the case.
Girls' heads just grow faster than boys'.
- That's science.
- That's not science.
- Uh, agree to disagree.
- I don't agree to that.
The point is, your mother's head is lovely.
Thank you, Ted.
But the other point is, you can't judge a book by its cover.
The Troopers judged me, and now that's what you're doing with Wendi, and it's wrong.
Timothy Leslie Templeton.
Are you listening to me? What are you even looking at out? - I have problems! Focus on me! - [cat meowing] - [cat hisses, growling] - [Staci chuckling] [shrieking] - Got it! Again! - [snarling] - Okay, now, what do we do with the kitty? - Let's mail it to the ocean.
Not how the postal system works.
Staci.
We could take it to the junkyard and see if they'll strip it for parts.
- Tempting, but no.
- [Tim] I don't wanna be a robot! Timothy Templeton, we are going to help Wendi.
You can't bail on neighborhood service just because a nice lady chooses to live in a weird old house with a bunch of cats.
[gasps] House full of cats? We are going to march over there and do our Do-Good duty! "Our"? Sounds like you're really holding onto something, Janice.
[slurps] Listen to your mother, Tim! I have an outside-the-box idea.
Let's roll.
- Yeah! - [Jimbo chuckles] Suit up, Trooper.
Let me put the baby down, and then we are going earn you that helmet sticker.
Oh, I guess your dad got him.
[cats yowling] Why so many cats? Who cares? It's the perfect cat prison.
Shove this killer kitty in there, and Wendi, as unhinged as she is, will be thrilled to gain another fleabag.
You know, because she's [meows] Now, hit it, Big J! [screaming] [cats yowling, echoing] [meowing continues] [cat meowing] - I wish you nothing but the best.
- [shrieking] [screams, pants] That was surprisingly easy.
[grunts, screams] [both gasp] - [Mom] Come on, Tim.
- [gasps] - What do we do, sir? What do we do? - Mom and Tim.
Cats.
But Mom and Tim! But cats.
Come on, what's it gonna be, Boss? Staci, I guess we've got to go into the belly of the den of the house of the nest of cats! Huh? Don't hate me for being prepared.
Cats are evil but dumb.
If we act just like them, we can go in there, stay off their radar, and save Jimbo! [sighs] My shame is complete.
[Boss] It's pitch black in here.
Can cats see in the dark? [Staci] Uh, I think that's dogs.
Cats are the ones that can smell your fear.
[Boss] No, that's dogs.
[Staci] Um, sir, I'm happy to sit here in the dark, arguing about which animals have which lame superpower, but if we're gonna find Jimbo [cats meowing] [hissing] Oh, aren't you little fur babies the cutest? I bet you two strays are dying for a dish of milk.
[cats yowling, hissing] - [whispers] Where's Jimbo? - Back there? [doorbell rings] Ugh! It's probably people.
Now's our chance.
Let's go check that back room for Jim I don't know if I can do this.
Ahh! Scratch that.
I can, but I don't want to.
Just pull yourself together and don't make any sudden movements.
Sudden movements? But you just slapped me Forget about it.
Just blend in.
Meow? Good morning, sir or ma'am.
Ma'am.
So, um, never mind.
Bye! Wendi, always a pleasure.
Here's the lowdown.
My son needs to help you with something around the house to earn his last Do-Good Trooper helmet sticker.
It's very important to me.
But to him as well.
I'm busy, Janice.
I've got cats.
And I respect that, but you know kids, how they just won't let go of that thing they want more than anything, which is my Timmy here.
Ugh! The sooner we start, the sooner we leave.
Fine.
Got a lot of stuff in the backyard I've been meaning to haul away.
Would that be good enough for you? I mean, for your son Tim? Uh, the "outside-ier," the better.
Have at it.
[robot beeping, whirring] I used to be a little boy like you.
[screams] - [screams] - Well, this was unexpected, but can't wait to get "McCrackin" on this, Wendi! House is off-limits.
That's non-negotiable.
Ring the bell when you're done.
Or you could just leave.
[chuckles] - Do that one.
- You've got yourself a deal! Ugh! My fur babies don't like smelling other people.
This'll be fun! Just think of it as one of your Dekker Moonboots adventures.
Don't you get it, Mom? This is the metal she uses to turn kids into robots! This evil is everything Dekker Moonboots stands against! Tim, if you're trying to get out of doing some work, the scope of which I did not anticipate I'm not, I swear! I just love my body the way it is.
And that's a beautiful thing, Tim, but it's not an excuse.
Grab some metal.
You're building character.
[sighs] [cats meowing] I'm getting the sense they don't believe we're cats.
This is the only way we're gonna find and rescue Jimbo.
We gotta make them believe.
[grunting] [shrieking] Somebody has a lot of repressed hostility.
Fine! [meowing] [chuckles] [groans] - [meowing] - [heaves, coughs] [continues coughing] Oh! Oh, that came out.
Mondays.
Am I right? It's all for Jimbo.
It's all for Jimbo! [giggling] - Think they bought it? - After what you did to that litter box? - [mimics explosion] - I don't know what you think you saw, but I went in there strictly for show.
[chuckles] Nothing happened.
- [growling] - [Boss] We've been made! - I pooped in a box for nothing.
- [cat growling] [sniffing] [snarling] We did it! We're in! Let's go get Jimbo! And never speak of that litter incident again.
Too big.
Safe from being robotomized.
[grunts] Tim, that doesn't go on your arm.
And it never will! Come on, back to work.
[gasps, whimpers] [metal clinking] [cats meowing, hissing] [metal clinking] - Um - [metal clinking] Some sort of musical performance? [gasps] Wait, look! - Jimbo! - Sorry, we have to cat fight now.
- Did he say "cat fight"? [grunts] - [Jimbo yells] [grunts] [grunting] Tim, I'm going to give myself a hernia working for this sticker.
Help me move whatever this is.
I think you mean "whoever.
" I think you mean "whomever," and I think you're not learning your lesson.
Timmy, I know you have a powerful imagination, but I need you to remember why we're doing this.
Because judging a book by its cover is wrong, because Mommy's head was and is of regulation size, and because you're the best, sweetest, most helpful little boy, and you deserve that sticker! So, what do you say? Should we go earn it? Hey, Timmy! Miss McCrackin is a nice - [metal slicing] - [Timmy grunting] - [grunts] - [both gasp] [metal slicing] [whispers] I bet she's always wanted a grown-up robot.
[whimpers] Everything's normal, normal, normal, normal.
- [snarls] - [grunts] - Jimbo, why are you doing this? - It's the only way to stay alive in here.
Kitties love violence.
[Jimbo meowing] - [grunts] - If we stop fighting, they'll kill us! Barely logical and incredibly asinine.
[grunts] Sure sounds like cat to me.
Who cares what they want? We found you.
Let's just escape! I can't go, not without Gwendolyn! Dare I inquire who Gwendolyn is? - [meows] - No.
No! You did not get a prison pet! Jimbo, of all the mistakes! She's not a mistake! She's the one who saved me when I first got here.
She showed me their ways, got me into the cat-fighting circuit, made them respect me.
- [meowing] - [grunting] We formed the everlasting and unbreakable bond of baby and pet.
- You've been in here, like, ten minutes! - And they were magical! - [meows] - [coughing] - Hairball or the prison pet thing? - I don't know.
Both? - Carry on.
- [coughing] [gasps] Kelly, is that you? It's Tim.
I sat next to you in art.
We shared watercolors.
Are you alive? Oh, Tim, you haven't cleaned up any of this.
We really need to get rid of this stuff if you want that last sticker.
This is bigger than stickers, Mom! It looks like Kelly, right? She's been missing all summer.
She went to camp.
Can we please just finish cleaning this dump? Well, maybe if you worked a little harder, it wouldn't be such a dump.
I-I didn't mean "dump" dump.
[chuckles] Just a friendly reminder.
Keep your eyes on your own work, or else.
Or else no sticker for Tim? Sure.
Threatening another adult isn't a crime, Janice.
Except it is sort of, Janice.
So, let's please stop talking to Mommy about robots and really hustle, baby, okay? Are you really gonna choose some kitten over us? Uh I can't choose! I wanna save everybody! I'm the nice one! [cats hissing] [Boss] They're getting restless.
We have to go, Jimbo.
[Gwendolyn meows] [growling] [both gasp] [hissing, meowing] [meowing] - She wants us to follow her.
Let's go.
- I don't take orders from a cat.
- Whoa! - Whoa! [yowling] [snarling] [grunts] - [meows] - Ahh! This beast is trying to kill me! I don't know what's happening, but I feel so alive! [sighs] We'll be back home for Dad's famous pork and beans in no time.
- Beans on everything.
Yeah! - [objects clattering] [Jimbo and Staci whimpering] [Boss screams] Danny Petrosky was right.
She does steal kids and turn them into robots! Honey, Danny Petrosky is a liar and a moron.
I'm sorry, but it's true.
And now, she's got the baby! What? Tim, what? The baby's napping.
You're acting crazy.
I've got to stop that evil robot lady.
It's what Dekker Moonboots would do.
Dekker Moonboots would listen to his mother! - Don't you dare go in that house! - Sorry, Mom.
Also, if you wanna follow and make sure everyone's okay and alive, that'd be nice.
[gasps] Timothy Leslie! - [Gwendolyn meows] - [Boss grunting] - [Gwendolyn meows] - [grunts] That's Italian silk, you savage! Blech! [meows] You made an exit tunnel? Gwendolyn, you saved everybody! [McCrackin in slow-motion] Here, kitty, kitty.
- [Gwendolyn meows] - [Boss grunts] There's a big, fluffy kitty for Mama.
Time for you to come upstairs with me now.
Won't that be fun? Oh, that's a shame.
Okay, exit tunnel time! - Um - We can't leave without her! Jimbo, these crazy killer kitties are gonna find us any second.
We have to get outta here now! But she just saved our lives.
She saved yours two times.
With all due respect, embarrassing, but he does have a point.
Ugh! Sort of.
I could've gotten away on my own.
Probably.
- So, it's only right that we - Send her a proper thank you card? Ugh! Fine.
Yes, we'll go save her.
- The same way she saved you.
- [chuckles] Saved by a cat.
Comedy and danger.
Today's been a real roller coaster.
How are we gonna get past all those cats? I have an inside-the-box idea.
- [cat meows] - [cat shrieks] [cats snarling, yowling] [Tim] No.
Too late.
- Baby robotomized! - [Boss] Templeton! You're not a robot! - What? - We're looking for Gwendolyn.
- Who? - [Gwendolyn meows] [licking, coughing] What? Do not judge me.
- Mom! - [Gwendolyn meows] Tim, what? [gasps] - [cat meowing] - [device whirring] [cash register dinging] - [Mom] Wendi? - Janice! Uh, I can explain this.
[retching] Those sweaters you gave me they're cat hair? I wore them to Thanksgiving, around food! You said they were cashmere! I clearly said "cat schmear.
" You heard what you wanted.
- [police siren wailing] - Admit it, your wife loved my sweaters! Loved the Turns out Miss McCrackin's been selling cat hair sweaters at cashmere prices for years.
Wow! And we were the ones who busted her? - It was all you, sweetie.
- It's just too bad that I couldn't actually help her and get that final Neighborhood Service sticker.
You're a Lowly Apprentice Do-Good Trooper? On your way to Lofty Squire Do-Good Trooper? [chuckles] Well, son, you've done more good for the neighborhood than any police officer that I ever knew.
That's troubling.
This is awesome! We did it, Mom! So, lesson learned.
Never judge a book by its cover, even if it turns out the book is even creepier and weirder on the inside.
Just read a few pages anyway to be sure.
Is any of this helping? I'm a good mom, right? - I like your head.
- Thanks, kiddo.
[police siren wailing] Oh, Gwendolyn, you're the best pet a baby could have.
And we'll be together forever and ever and ever and ever and ever - Do you wanna tell him or should I? - [sighs] Part of being the boss.
Jimbo.
- and ev - [meows] - [blabbering incoherently] - You can't have a pet, Jimbo.
While this little fur ball has certainly proven her worth, she's from the other side.
You understand? I'm sorry.
It's just the way it is right now.
The stakes are too high.
That was a very polite way of telling him that this is gross and unacceptable.
[meowing] Gwendolyn! - [snarling] - Darn this mangy kitten! Darn it to heck! Why is it always the last one that puts up the biggest fight? - There, there, now.
- Wow! You must have the magic touch.
I have always had a special fondness for kitty cats.
You know, looks like you have your van and your hands mighty full.
Would you mind if I took this one? Seems to have taken a real shine to me.
- Uh, strange lanky man, he's all yours.
- [vehicle door closes] Yes, he is.
Yes, yes, you are.
[cackles] Boss Baby