The Comeback (2005) s01e08 Episode Script

The Comeback - Season 1 - Episode 8 "Valerie Relaxes in Palm Springs" - What's the catch ? - There's no catch, Marky-Mark.
They're giving us a brand new navigator All right.
We just have to use it in "The Comeback.
" - So there is a catch.
- Well, catch or freebie ? I've always wanted to drive one of these things.
Well - It's big.
- Big car for a big man.
I'm really looking forward to our little Palm Springs getaway.
It's gonna be nice, just us.
And the two cameras and the crew.
We're gonna get some shots of you driving, right ? No, you should just relax and enjoy the trip.
Yes, get shots of us driving.
Yeah, I think we just have the one camera and sound.
Oh, just like our honeymoon.
Isn't he something ? He's, you know He could tell I was a little down last week, you know, 'cause they canceled the Sassy episode, and he just put everything on hold to take a long weekend, spend some much needed downtime with his lady in the desert.
It's nice.
He's a good guy.
Oh, that's a great idea.
Honey, will you grab my golf clubs too ? You want to golf ? Yeah, I got some real cute golf clothes.
So yeah, I do.
- That'll be a good shot.
- Morning.
Beautiful day for a drive.
Hi.
Bill Hartwick, press rep, Lincoln Mercury.
Thank you so much.
We're real excited.
Oh, it's our pleasure, believe me.
And you must be Jane.
Okay, really looking forward to the trip.
This car handles real well.
Could you say "the navigator handles real well"? - I'm sorry ? - When you say something about the car Could you mention the name ? Like "the navigator has comfortable seats," or "the navigator has individual seat warming or cooling controls.
" Yeah, okay.
The naviga I forgot what I said.
This navigator handles real well.
There, done.
Oh, it's my agent.
Probably calling about the "Room and Bored" situation.
Hello.
Could you put it on the speaker ? - Valerie, hold for Joe.
- Thank you.
- Val ? - Oh hi, Joe.
Listen, you're on speaker, Mr.
Agent man, so no bad news, huh ? Okay, what's up, doll ? "Room and bored" is officially shut down for a retool.
Oops.
Looks like we have to find another code word for bad news, 'cause bad news didn't work.
Uh, uh yeah no.
Tom and Paulie G already told me about that, yeah.
Yeah, everyone's happy with what you're doing, but they think that last episode went off-track.
In their words, they're "refocusing to chase the youth.
" Well, I'll tell you one thing that is chasing the youth away, It's that running suit they put me in You know, Joe ? Oh, "call ended.
" Yeah, this area's a bitch for cell reception.
Oh yeah, well, he'll call back.
"Chase the youth.
" That's hollywood for you.
You know, anyone over 22, mandatory hip replacement.
So you know what, I'm done.
Here.
Don't let me make any more calls about the show.
- Right.
- I'm serious, Mark.
No, just put it in your pocket, okay ? We're going to Palm Springs to get away, all right ? Biz show business stops here and now.
How about some music ? Marky-Mark loves his music.
I bet this car the navigator has a great sound system.
The Lincoln navigator is the first in its class to offer a cinema-quality sound system.
- Yeah, he's not gonna say that.
- Oh, that's fine.
All right, well, what do we have ? We have Eric Clapton, the Allmann Brothers Cheap Trick and Bob Seger.
And I know we have some current hits in air.
Oh, here's one we love, Mary J.
"Bilge.
" It's Blige.
No, you're wrong.
It's Blige.
Put in Cheap Trick.
We can't play any music, because if we can't afford it or can't clear it, then the whole trip's unusable.
- Right.
- We can't listen to music ? - Well, then they can't use it.
- I heard her.
- All right.
- I'm sorry.
That's all right.
What are we gonna do for the next two hours ? If we can't listen to music.
Well, I for one am gonna just sit here quietly.
Let all the Hollywood stress go.
Start to relax.
Do you ? No.
Not even thinking about show business.
- Remember this ? - Yeah.
Yeah, oh.
W uniforms.
Hello hello hello ! Well, here we are in relaxing Palm Springs and - Yeah ? - We have to do it again.
There was a problem with the camera move.
- Again ? - Yeah.
We gotta do it again.
It's all right.
They just wanna get it right, you know.
Hold up ! Hold up ! It's gonna be a long weekend with this guy.
- Ugh, I know it.
- Jeez.
Okay, rolling ! Come on out.
- Do you wanna ? - No, I'm on vacation.
Well, here we are in Palm Springs ready to relax.
Should we just leave the car here ? Uh, "should we just leave the navigator here ?" Jane, he's gonna have to stop.
He's gonna have to stop doing that.
Welcome to the Parker Palm Springs, Mrs.
Cherish.
Oh, thank you.
Wow ! This place is different.
The hotel has just gone through an extensive renovation.
I'll say, yeah.
When we were here last, the lobby was all white couches and very elegant chaise lounges.
Right, very old Hollywood.
It hasn't been like this for two years.
Two years ? No, wait.
It can't have been that long since we were here.
Well, yeah, I remember the last time we were here I threw my back out playing golf and had to put on those bengay hot adhesive strips on my lower back.
- Yeah.
- That was like Oh, look at that ! Oh Jane, isn't that fun ? You getting that ? Yeah.
Aw.
It's so fun, that piece.
You know, compliments to the decorator.
Really, great look, the whole.
- Would you like to go to see your room ? - Oh yes, I would.
Look at that.
It's a sheep, but it's a chair.
It's a sheep chair.
Yeah, no.
It's really great.
So hip, you know.
Ooh ! Hi, do you know Are these chairs taken here ? I'm sorry.
Hi.
I'm wondering, are all these chairs taken ? Yeah, my boyfriend and my friends.
Oh, so you're saving one, two, three, four, five chairs then ? Sorry, we got up real early to get these chairs.
- What is all this ? - Oh, right, we're filming a reality show.
The actually wanted to get a shot me.
We're hoping to on one of these pool chairs, You know, just outside my room.
That's my room right there.
Right directly behind us.
It's a straight line.
Can't miss it.
- Yeah, that's my room next to yours.
- Oh, is it ? Yeah.
Do you know when these chairs will be available ? I don't know.
Everybody's taking naps.
Oh.
Right, okay, uh-Huh.
I'd sit over there, but I can't be in the direct sun, you know.
I'm a redhead, so I'm not allowed.
I'll move my ipod.
You can have one.
That's awfully sweet of you.
It really is, really.
But actually I need two.
Because I'm waiting for my husband.
He's coming out.
So I guess I need two, so all right.
Yeah, you got that ? I don't need to see that ! I thought I left that all behind me.
Mark ? Hey.
I shouldn't yell.
It's not a tenement.
Just wanted to know we're over here.
Oh, hi.
I read the new revisions.
I wanna make sure we're all on the same page budget-wise.
- The studio, they're just not happy.
- I don't wanna hear that.
Oh, let it go, Val.
Decide what you wanna eat.
Oh, I know what I want.
Good.
Well, we'll eat something and then we'll squeeze in nine holes.
All right.
Oh, great.
Here comes a cigar.
Perfect, perfect.
- That's a good cigar.
- Is it ? You know, that reminds me, you know who we should see while we're here ? - Who ? - Don and Donna Franklin.
You know, Jane, that could be fun.
We should have them on the show, Have'em for dinner or something.
He used to work with Mark, and she is quite a character.
You know, she has a real big personality, - Tons of fun, yeah.
- Great.
Yeah.
All right, guys, you know what you'd like ? Yes, oh yes, I would like a little lunch in a lounge chair.
Near my room, please.
Yeah, bummer, everyone kind of stakes out their claims early here.
Yeah, well, that's good to know.
What time usually ? - How early ? - Uh, like 7:00.
Wow, so you have to set the alarm so you could get up and relax ? - Yeah.
- I am going to have the tiger shrimp tempura with the ponzu dipping sauce.
And I am going to have the salad with the poached chicken and pear, please.
Oh, is that on the menu ? Oh sure, yeah.
No, I get it all the time.
Yeah, it's called the - Angie Dickinson.
- Uh, the who ? Yeah, I'll get, um I'll just have a salad then.
Oh, awesome.
Okay, which one ? Yeah, the uh the $25 one.
- Okay, all right.
- Yeah.
Okay.
Spencer, it's such a glorious day for golf.
- Jane, that's my Kate Hepburn.
- Okay, let's get serious here.
All right, you old poop.
- Hands - Yeah.
Okay, hands nice and easy.
Right there.
There we go.
Now easy backswing and okay, you're done.
My turn.
- I was just trying to have some fun.
- I know, but they're trying to play through.
- So let me go and then - He's gonna go.
Someone's in the doghouse.
Agh ! Jesus ! Fuck ! What ? Mark, that was good.
No it wasn't.
Val, would you come over here and just take this ? Could you get the cameras outta here ? - Why are you so upset ? - Because I don't want them filming this.
We have a camera in the bedroom, but this is where you draw the line ? - This is golf.
- Okay.
- Okay - But wait.
I want one more shot.
So just go over there, turn your phone off and don't say anything.
Okay, okay.
- He's gonna take another shot.
- Is everything okay ? Yeah, shh.
Be quiet.
Now go.
- Yeah ? - Yeah.
All right.
Well, that was fun.
- We're gonna get back now.
- How's he gonna get back ? Oh, he's a big boy.
He'll figure it out.
Just check my messages.
Who called ? Okay.
Ahem, yeah.
Mark, that was Don and Donna.
They're on for 7:00.
Oh ! Okay, he heard me.
I'm just gonna get in.
He was driving, I don't know Okay, all right.
It goes fast.
Marky-Mark, how do you like that chair ? You know, it's pretty comfortable.
It's not quite as comfortable as the seats in the navigator.
There, I think we did our duty.
- Oh, here they are.
Hello hello hello ! - Hey ! - So you found us ? - How could we miss you ? You're the two old farts with the camera.
Can you believe this crazy place ? The only thing missing is Dean Martin and the Golddiggers.
Oh, what'd I tell you ? Tons of fun, huh ? - And who is this with the gorgeous skin ? - This is Jane, our producer.
Oh, hi, "Jane our producer," we're Don and Donna, the double Ds.
Need I say more ? Well tons of fun.
So anyway, we thought we could have drinks here and then go into town for dinner.
Oh, Val, honey, between the gays and the grays, this town is a zoo.
Let's just eat here.
Is that okay with you, Don ? As long as I don't have to sit in a chair with fur.
- That's for you, big guy.
- Hey, now we're talkin'.
- Grab my purse, then I'm gonna - Okay.
Don't really know them that well.
They're business acquaintances of Mark's.
So you know, I've met Don a couple times and you know I just met her a couple times.
Always seemed fun.
No, yeah ! I'm running a production company Why would I ? I can do everything I did there, But here I live off the 18th green.
If they ever find a way to hook up a computer to a golf bag, He'll never come home.
That would be a nice idea if I was a moron, but I'm not.
I cannot make this movie doing it all afternoon at the pool, and now he's doing it at dinner.
- You want me to say something ? - No no, it's not.
Hey, Mr.
Hollywood ! Hold it down.
The geriatric set is trying to talk.
- There.
Done.
- Yeah.
You know, before the cancer I would have just sat here and fumed.
But now You did know I had cancer ? - No, I didn't.
- It was in our holiday newsletter.
Oh, who really reads those things, right ? I mean If it's not about my family, I don't give a fuck.
Oh, relax, Valerie.
I'm fine now.
And I got to keep both my tits ! And besides, it's a reality show, right ? - Cancer's part of reality.
- Yes yes.
- And it is a part of reality - It is.
you know.
- Would anyone like dessert ? - Sure, absolutely.
- Love dessert.
- Yes ! - There you go.
- Thanks.
And how's your evening going ? Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Bill Hartwick, I gave them their navigator.
So uh, you have a good evening.
Okay, good night.
- Val ? - Yeah.
Jane, he has to stop doing that.
Well, it's 2:00 A.
M.
And as you can hear, Mr.
and Mrs.
Hollywood next door are having a party.
And I've called the desk twice now, and Mark has taken a sleeping pill.
I have not taken a sleeping pill, Because I have to get up early in the morning so I can get two decent pool chairs you know.
Listen to that ! Unbelievable ! Just 'cause someone doesn't know how to leave work behind and simply relax, you know ? Now everyone else has to pay the price.
I have to.
All right, well, I'm gonna try to go to bed.
I'm just gonna try now.
Valerie ? I think I hear something.
- Jane, what time is it ? - It's 10:30.
- What ? Oh, What, what ? - It's 10:30.
It's No no, Mark ! We slept in ! - What ? - We slept in.
Can I see ? Are there chairs at the pool ? There're no chairs at the pool.
- There are no chairs left at the pool, Mark.
- What ? That's it, that's it.
There're no chairs.
- The whole day is ruined ! - What can we do ? I don't know ! We're screwed ! The day is ruined ! Ok, we'll be out.
We'll be out in a second.
God, this sun is delicious.
- What's the matter ? - Nothing, I'm just so hot.
- Take off that sarong and go for a swim.
- I can't, I'm wired.
You're not wired ? You're pissed off ! You know ? If it's bothering you so much just go over there and tell you wanna use the empty chairs You want better go ? It's fine ! it really is ! You can't keep these feelings.
You'll get sick ! Words to live by ! Thank you ! You know.
Valerie ? We don't know each other very well but can I say something ? Sure ! You have to stop worrying so much about what people think ! Okay.
Like that, like that ! You keep looking at the camera, trying to control have this is all coming across ! Oh no ! I'm not trying to control all You can't control all life, Val ! You can't even control that chair here by the pool.
Cares what people think ! You got to love yourself.
Warts and all.
Good for you ! Yeah ! Donna gonna wild ! Bang bang ! So we would probably have to go into town to get that footage Right.
Otherwise, when we'll Yeah Otherwise when will we So Hey remember ! Dinner's on us tonight.
That's right ! Thank you for that.
Awesome.
Thank you so much.
Just gotta get my shoe on.
- Okay, good.
- Bye, honey.
- Bye, have fun.
Enjoy everything.
- Thank you, I am.
Okay.
Oh ! Oh, shoot ! I'm sorry, did I break it ? All right, well, let's go.
Let's keep going.
Well, here's the statue of celebrity and former mayor of Palm Springs Sonny Bono.
For those of you who don't know, he was the mayor of Palm Springs Ooh ! Really heats up there.
- Excuse me.
- Yes ? Could you tell me where the statue of Sonny Bono is ? There he is right there.
Just don't touch him.
Don't touch him, because he really heats up.
- Yeah.
- All right.
- Anyway - Oh my god ! It's Valerie Cherish ! We We don't wanna bother you, we just wanna tell you that we love you.
Oh, it's no bother at all.
Valerie Cherish Hi.
I can't believe I'm meeting you.
I love you ! I've turned him onto you.
I've loved you since "I'm it !" You boys are so delightful ! What are your names, then ? Well, I'm Tony and this is my boyfriend Raoul.
You are the best thing on "Room and Bored" ! Really ? That's running suit you wear is hilarious ! Isn't it, isn'it ? Ah ah, I know.
You're busy and we don't wanna take up any more of your time.
- Oh, not at all.
- We can't wait for your reality show.
Oh, okay, listen, I gotta get a hug for that.
Thank you, thank you so much.
- Take care.
- Thank you.
Nice meeting you ! - You too.
- Can I get you to sign a release so we can use you on the "The Comeback" ? Is that a yes ? I don't wanna be on the show.
What's that ? I'm sure you do.
You're adorable.
Don't worry about.
He's not out to his parents yet.
I mean, I keep pushing him and pushing him.
They don't even know I come to Palm Springs.
They don't even know about Tony.
It'd be like "hi, I'm gay" on national TV.
Right.
Yeah, well, you know, of course, this, Raoul, is a very personal decision, of course.
You know.
But if I Can I share something with you ? Today a friend of mine who recently survived a cancer scare said, "You can't worry about what people think" You know, I am telling him that all the time.
Yeah, well, you can't.
You have to be who you are.
Warts and all.
Just you know Okay.
I'll sign ! Wow, good for you.
What a nice moment ! That's a nice moment.
Thank you, Ms.
Cherish.
My pleasure, you know.
It's true, though.
It's just really important to honor yourself.
Yeah, I think it's right there.
Yeah ! Put your name there.
- Gotta help him out, Jane.
- Do we both sign ? - Excuse me.
- I'm so sorry.
I would like to make a toast.
To my new spiritual leader Donna.
I've ben called many things but never that.
Well, you are now, 'cause listen, thank you.
Okay, from me, from "The Comeback".
From my new out-loud and proud friend Raoul ! - Raoul ! - Salud ! Val, it sounds like there's a ballet in your birkin.
- That's good.
- Thank you.
I'm sorry.
Oh, it's Juna ! I should say hi.
Juna Ji.
- Hi, baby girl.
- Can you hear me ? One of these kids from the show.
- Hey, Valerie, are you coming ? - Coming where, dear ? I'm in Palm Springs.
Oh that's why you're not here.
- Where ? - At Paulie G's party ! Oh, are you having fun ? Who's there ? Oh, the whole cast and Tom, some of the writers.
You know, Paulie was so cute trying to make us all relax about the retooling thing.
All right, sounds like fun but Like I said, I'm out of town relaxing with Mark so That explains it.
'Cause I asked Paulie where you were.
He's always joking like, oh, "she's not invited.
" Okay, all right, listen ! I'm in the middle of dinner so when I get home I'm gonna call you, okay ? Okay have fun.
Miss you.
You too.
All right, bye.
Sweet.
As your newfound spiritual advisor, I advise you to get some of those feelings out.
I'm fine.
Okay, then, as Donna, - I advise us to get a lot of more drinks.
- Oh, well - Mas tequila, por favor ! - Muy bueno, senor ! Let's have our own party, huh ? You know, one time Donna and I were in Acapulco, We rented two burros and a guide who took us to the top of this mountain Mm-hmm, now.
Oh marky-mark, let's get our chair for tomorrow.
We're leaving tomorrow, Val.
No, I'm getting a good chair before I'm leaving.
Come on, it's late.
Let's go in.
No, you go in.
I'm relaxing.
Val.
Marky-Mark, go in.
I'm relaxing on my chair.
All right, five minutes.
And then I'm coming out.
Okay.
No.
No, no.
Where are you ? - What are you doing ? - I want to call him.
Oh, I can't find it.
I wanna call Paulie G.
- I'll do it.
- Okay.
Look under "F" for "Fatty".
Did you hear that ? - It's ringing.
- Oh.
Okay.
This is Paulie G.
This is Valerie, Valerie Cherish, and words on the street is that you had a party.
Fatty had the party ! Fatty had a party and nobody came ! Oh no, no, no, no.
No, the problem is that everbody came, and I wasn't invited.
And that hurt my feelings.
Okay ? And you need to know that, 'cause I'm not gonna keep it inside and get cancer.
Good.
Okay, I'm just gonna wait until I can enjoy my chair.
- Let's not sleep outside, okay ? - Why not ? - How's your head ? - It's fine.
You wanna stop for water of coffee or something ? Let's just go home.
We can't play music.
We can't afford it.
I'll pay.
It's on me.
*I wan't you to want me !* How about the quality of those navigator cinema-quality I swear to God.
I will pull over and put you out onto the side of the road.
Corrections : Seth Cohen * I want you to want me * * I need you to need me * * I'd love you to love me * * I'm begging you to beg me * * I want you to want me * * I need you to need me * * I'd love you to love me * * I'll shine up the old brown shoes * * Put on a brand new shirt * * I'll get homeearly from work * * If you say that you love me * * Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you crying ? * * Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you crying ? * * Feeling alone without a friend * * you know you feel like dying * * Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you crying ? * * I want you to want me * * I need you to need me * * I'd love you to love me * * I'm begging you to beg me *