The Fall Guy (1981) s01e06 Episode Script

The Human Torch

WELL, I'M NOT THE KIND TO KISS AND TELL BUT I'VE BEEN SEEN WITH FARRAH I'VE NEVER BEEN WITH ANYTHING LESS THAN A NINE SO FINE I'VE BEEN ON FIRE WITH SALLY FIELD GONE FAS WITH A GIRL NAMED BO BUT SOMEHOW THEY JUS DON'T END UP AS MINE IT'S A DEATH-DEFYIN' LIFE I LEAD I TAKE MY CHANCES I DIE FOR A LIVIN' IN THE MOVIES AND TV [ Siren Wailing ] BUT THE HARDEST THING I EVER DO IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES KISS SOME OTHER GUY WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE I MIGHT FALL FROM A TALL BUILDIN' I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MADE REDFORD SUCH A STAR [ Women Vocalizing ] I'VE NEVER SPEN MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL BUT I'VE TAUGH LADIES PLENTY IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY BODY OUT FOR PAY HEY, HEY I'VE GOTTEN BURNED OVER CHERYL TIEGS BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY HEY, HEY I MIGHT JUMP AN OPEN DRAWBRIDGE OR TARZAN FROM A VINE 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MAKES EASTWOOD LOOK SO FINE [ Colt Narrating ] THIS IS THE STORY OF ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.
YOU'VE CHEERED FOR HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM, WOMEN HAVE WANTED TO DIE FOR HIM.
BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.
HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.
AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN' SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS-- WELL, BECAUSE IT'S ME, COLT SEAVERS.
ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.
SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.
WELL, ONE WAY IS TO WAIT BY THE PHONE AND WAIT AND WAIT.
THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED INNOCEN UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES A LO OF THESE PEOPLE GET OUT OF JAIL ON WHAT WE CALL BAIL.
AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN.
I SOMETIMES PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.
BUT TODAY I'M THE RED BARON-- YOU'VE HEARD OF HIM-- AND I'M OUT LOOKIN' FOR MY 67th KILL.
WE'LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN WE'RE READY, DANNY.
ALL RIGHT, COLT.
NOW THIS ONE'S FOR REAL.
- OKAY, DANNY, HERE COME THE BAD GUYS.
ROLL CAMERA.
- ACTION! [ Machine Gun Fire ] AND ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST.
HI.
HI.
HI, JACK.
WHERE'S COLT? WHERE ELSE? [ Machine Gun Fire ] [ Machine Gun Fire ] - THAT LOOKS AWFULLY DANGEROUS.
- THAT'S WHY WE GET PAID THE BIG BUCKS, JACK.
DON'T WORRY, JACK.
HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING.
CUT! BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL, COLT! - YOU OKAY, COLT? - YEAH, I'M ALL RIGHT, JODY.
THANKS.
NEXT TIME WE DO THIS, THOUGH, I GOTTA ASK FOR SOFTER DIRT.
WELL, WHAT DID YOU THINK, JACK? UH, WELL, ARE YOU COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR MIND, COLT? WELL, I OFTEN ASK MYSELF THAT WHEN I'M WORKIN' FOR YOU.
[ Laughs ] VERY FUNNY.
YOU'RE FUNNY.
NOW LISTEN, IF YOU DON'T WANNA WORK FOR ME, THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER PEOPLE I CAN USE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WE DIDN'T SAY THAT.
YEAH, WE LIKE WORKING FOR YOU.
HOLD ON, YOU TWO.
JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOU COULD GET TO WORK FOR YOU, BIG JACK? WELL, UM, THERE'S ROBO WILSON.
ROBO? THE MAN'S GOT BRAIN DAMAGE.
HE COULDN'T TURN HIMSELF IN.
THERE'S ALWAYS BETTY WOODRUFF.
SHE'S VERY COMPETENT.
ARE YOU KIDDING? SHE'S STILL EXPECTING A BABY FROM THE LAST GUY SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BRING BACK.
[ Big Jack ] YOU'RE ALL SO CYNICAL.
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, SHE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK IN SAN QUENTIN.
- HOW ROMANTIC.
- ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S ENOUGH KIDDING.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE LET HER OFF THE HOOK - AND TAKE THE CASE WITHOU A FIGHT THIS TIME, HUH? - DO YOU MEAN IT? YEAH, WE PROBABLY STILL OWE YOU ONE AFTER ALL THE MONEY WE COST YOU SO FAR.
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU DO.
- JACK, YOU'RE SO GRACIOUS.
AW.
HIS NAME IS EMMETT JACKSON.
HE WAS ARRESTED ON ARSON.
HIS COURT DATE WAS LAST WEEK, BUT HE DIDN'T SHOW.
YOU SURE THIS GUY JUST BURNS HOUSES? LOOKS LIKE HE HAUNTS 'EM.
OH, I THINK HE'S SWEET LOOKIN'.
SWEET? HE LOOKS LIKE HE COULD BE THE POSTER BOY FOR PLANNED PARENTHOOD.
COLT, WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOUR COMPASSION? HE WAS AFRAID AND ALONE.
AND BESIDES, THE ONLY EVIDENCE AGAINST EMMETT IS THAT HE WAS NEAR THE BUILDING AT THE TIME OF THE FIRE.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE WE CAN FIND THIS GUY NOW? HE WAS SEEN THREE WEEKS AGO IN HIS HOMETOWN, FEDERALSBURG, BY ROBERT SIMMONS, AN INSURANCE INVESTIGATOR WORKING ON THE CASE.
WELL, DID THIS GUY SIMMONS TALK TO JACKSON? - I GUESS SO.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GUESS SO? - YOU DIDN'T CONTAC THE INVESTIGATOR? - WELL, I TRIED, BUT-- BUT WHAT? NO ONE HAS HEARD FROM HIM SINCE HE SPOTTED EMMETT.
[ Howie ] I CAN'T EVEN FIND THIS PLACE ON THE MAP.
[ Colt ] I DREW A CIRCLE AROUND IT.
- [ Howie ] OH, YEAH.
THAT'S A VERY SMALL CIRCLE.
- WELL, IT'S A VERY SMALL TOWN.
WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS MISSING INVESTIGATOR? I DON'T KNOW, KID.
SEEMS STRANGE TO ME-- I MEAN, THE INSURANCE COMPANY NOT EVEN WANTING TO TALK ABOUT HIM.
WELL, INSURANCE COMPANIES DON'T LIKE TO GIVE OU INFORMATION ABOUT ANYBODY.
BUT THAT'S NOT OUR PROBLEM.
OUR JOB IS TO FIND EMMETT JACKSON.
YEAH.
THAT WAS THE INVESTIGATOR'S JOB TOO.
[ Howie ] BATES MOTEL-- WHERE HAVE I HEARD THAT BEFORE? WELL, FOR SURE, IT WASN'T IN THE TRIPLE "A" TOUR GUIDE.
WHAT A DUMP.
[ Dings ] WHEN YOU'RE THE ONLY MOTEL IN TOWN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT KEEPIN' UP AN APPEARANCE.
[ Dinging ] [ Dinging Continues ] I'M SLOW, NOT DEAF.
I'M SORRY.
I WAS JUS ADMIRING YOUR ANIMALS.
- THEY'RE DEAD.
- I NOTICED.
- WE'D LIKE A ROOM.
- REGULAR OR DELUXE? - WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? - DELUXE HAS GO A LOCK ON THE DOOR.
- DELUXE.
- SIGN IN.
[ Dog Howling In Distance ] DO YOU RECALL IF A MAN NAMED ROBERT SIMMONS STAYED HERE ABOUT THREE WEEKS AGO? SIMMONS? - DON'T RECALL THE NAME.
- YOU DON'T MIND IF I TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR REGISTER, DO YA? - HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
- HERE IT IS.
ROBERT SIMMONS.
IT SAYS HE STAYED THREE DAYS AND THEN LEFT.
OH, YEAH.
NOW I REMEMBER.
STRANGE MAN.
- ASKED A LOT OF QUESTIONS.
- ABOUT EMMETT JACKSON? YOU'RE IN CABIN 14.
UH, WE'RE, UH-- WE'RE FRIENDS OF EMMETT'S.
- WE THOUGHT MAYBE YOU MIGH BE ABLE TO TELL US WHERE-- - CHECKOUT TIME'S 11:00.
11:00.
THANK YOU.
[ Wind Gusting ] [ Thunderclap ] NOW I REMEMBER WHAT THE BATES MOTEL IS.
- IT'S THE PLACE IN-- - I KNOW, PSYCHO.
PSYCHO WAS A MOVIE, KID.
I MEAN, IT WAS NOT REAL.
YEAH, WELL, MAYBE NOT.
BUT I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING-- YOU'RE NOT GONNA CATCH ME TAKIN' A SHOWER.
[ Thunderclap ] [ Dog Howling ] [ Thunderclap ] [ Thunderclap ] [ Clatters ] COLT? HUH? WELL, HE'S GONE, WHOEVER HE WAS.
SORRY, COLT.
LOOKS LIKE THESE ARE WHAT HE WAS AFTER.
AND I DON'T MIND TELLIN' YOU, I'M RELIEVED.
ANYTHING MISSING? NO.
LOOKS LIKE OUR VISITOR WAS ONLY INTERESTED IN OUR I.
D.
's.
- WHY? BECAUSE WE ASKED ABOUT EMMETT? - YEAH, OR SIMMONS.
YOU KNOW, COLT, SUDDENLY I'M NO SO RELIEVED AFTER ALL.
[ Sighs ] [ Howie ] NICE HOUSE.
[ Colt ] YEAH, IF YOU'RE MAKIN' A HORROR MOVIE.
[ Howie ] I'M GLAD YOU SAID THAT.
[ Doorbell Rings ] MAYBE WE'LL GET LUCKY AND NOBODY'LL BE HOME.
[ Creaks ] HI THERE.
UH, IS MRS.
JACKSON IN? I THINK HE WANTS US TO FOLLOW HIM.
I THINK HE WANTS US TO WAIT.
WE'LL, UH-- WE'LL WAIT HERE.
WHAT A WEIRD DUDE THAT WAS.
WHOA.
THEY DON'T MAKE PLACES LIKE THIS ANYMORE, DO THEY? THERE'S A REASON FOR THAT.
I AM MRS.
JACKSON.
MRS.
JACKSON, I'M COLT SEAVERS.
THIS IS MY COUSIN, HOWIE MUNSON.
IF YOU TOLD MY SERVANT ETHAN THE NATURE OF YOUR VISIT, I'M AFRAID HE WAS UNABLE TO COMMUNICATE IT TO ME.
YOU SEE, HE HAS BEEN DEAF AND SPEECHLESS SINCE BIRTH.
WE'RE HERE TO SEE YOUR SON, EMMETT.
- EMMETT? - WELL, YES, MA'AM.
WE WORK FOR THE COUR OF LOS ANGELES COUNTY.
YOU SEE, HE WAS DUE TO STAND TRIAL LAST WEEK, AND HE DIDN'T APPEAR.
IS THIS SOME CRUEL HOAX? THIS IS NO HOAX, MRS.
JACKSON.
YOUR SON WAS ARRESTED MONTHS AGO AND RELEASED ON BOND.
- I AM QUITE AWARE OF THAT.
- WELL, THEN YOU UNDERSTAND WHY WE NEED TO TALK TO HIM.
I DON'T WISH TO DISCUSS I ANY FURTHER.
PLEASE LEAVE.
LOOK, I'M SURE YOU THINK YOU'RE PROTECTING EMMETT, BUT WE'RE GONNA FIND HIM SOONER OR LATER.
IT WOULD BE EASIER FOR EVERYBODY ALL AROUND IF YOU'D HELP US FIND HIM.
YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU WHERE TO FIND HIM? - YES, MA'AM.
- ALL RIGHT.
I'LL TELL YOU.
GO TO THE CORNER OF MAPLE AND FENWICK STREETS.
HE'LL BE THERE.
AND I ASSURE YOU, HE WILL GIVE YOU NO PROBLEMS.
COLT, YOU KNOW THAT BAD FEELING I HAD AT THE MOTEL? YEAH? WELL, IT WAS EVEN STRONGER AT MRS.
JACKSON'S HOUSE.
DON'T LET YOUR IMAGINATION GET THE BEST OF YOU.
IT WASN'T MY IMAGINATION.
IT WAS A GUT FEELING.
[ Pedal Thumps ] - [ Howie ] WHAT'S THE MATTER? - I GOT A GUT FEELING OUR BRAKES ARE GONE.
WHAT? [ Tires Squealing ] [ Honking ] - [ Pedal Thumps ] - [ Honking ] - [ Tires Squealing ] - HANG ON.
I'M GONNA USE THE GEARS AND THAT HILL TO STOP US.
THAT WAS ONE GREAT PIECE OF DRIVING, COLT.
WELL, STUNT WORK WILL EITHER KILL YA OR SAVE YOUR LIFE.
WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED ANYWAY? LOOKS LIKE THE BRAKE LINES ARE LOOSE.
[ Grunts ] SHOULDN'T TAKE MUCH TO TIGHTEN 'EM UP.
YEAH, WOULDN'T TAKE MUCH TO LOOSEN 'EM EITHER.
YOU KNOW, THEY WERE FINE UNTIL WE WENT TO MRS.
JACKSON'S HOUSE.
I'M TELLING YOU, THERE'S SOMETHING NOT RIGH ABOUT THAT PLACE.
DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS.
I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING-- IF THEY COME LOOSE AGAIN, I'LL KNOW SOMEBODY TOOK A WRENCH TO 'EM.
[ Grunts ] GET SOME FLUID OUT OF THE BACK, WILL YA? [ Howie ] MAYBE MRS.
JACKSON GAVE US THE WRONG ADDRESS.
OR THERE AGAIN, MAYBE SHE DIDN'T.
FIRST THE MOTEL, THEN THE OLD HOUSE, THEN THE HAIR-RAISING RIDE AND NOW IT'S A CEMETERY.
WELL, MAYBE FEDERALSBURG ISN' SUCH A DULL TOWN AFTER ALL.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE TAKE A LOOK? IF I LIKED GRAVEYARDS, I WOULD'VE GONE TO MORTUARY COLLEGE.
- THEY'RE NOT MY FAVORITE PLACES EITHER.
- WHOA! KINDA JUMPY, AREN'T YA, FELLA? I-- I DIDN'T MEAN TO STARTLE YA.
NO.
UH, HE'S JUST, UH, SEEN TOO MANY MOVIES.
[ Chuckles ] WELL, SHOOT, I'VE BEEN CARETAKER HERE FOR NIGH ON TO 40 YEARS.
I-- I STILL GET GOOSE BUMPS.
CAN I HELP YOU WITH SOMETHING? UH, NO, NO.
UH, YES.
WE'RE LOOKIN' FOR EMMETT JACKSON.
JACKSON? OH, YOU CAN JUST ABOU SPIT ON HIM FROM HERE.
HE'S OVER THERE UNDER THA NEW MOUND OF DIRT.
RIGHT OVER THERE.
THANK YOU.
[ Colt ] LOOKS LIKE WE FOUND OUR MAN.
[ Colt ] WELL, I'VE NEVER HAD A BAIL JUMPER DIE ON ME BEFORE.
- WELL, I GUESS THIS MEANS WE CAN GO HOME NOW, HUH? - I GUESS IT DOES.
HOWDY, SHERIFF.
WELL, GUESS YOU BOYS FOUND WHAT YOU WERE AFTER.
YEAH, THAT WE DID.
UH-HUH.
WE GOT A CALL FROM MRS.
JACKSON.
SEEMS YOU BOYS SCARED HER PRETTY BADLY.
WE DON'T LIKE TO SEE MRS.
JACKSON SCARED OR UPSET.
SHE'S A VERY IMPORTANT CITIZEN OF THIS COMMUNITY.
WE DIDN'T KNOW HER SON WAS DEAD.
WELL, NOW YOU DO, SO I SUGGES YOU MOVE ON OUT OF TOWN.
WELL, THERE'S ONLY ONE PROBLEM, SHERIFF.
YOU SEE, I HAVE A FUGITIVE WARRANT FOR THIS MAN, AND I'LL NEED A COPY OF THE DEATH CERTIFICATE TO SATISFY THE COURT.
YOU UNDERSTAND.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED, THEN GET OUT OF TOWN.
YOU GOT IT, SHERIFF.
LET'S GO, KID.
BOUNTY HUNTER.
IT WAS A LOVELY FUNERAL.
MOST OF THE TOWN CAME.
MS.
JACKSON SPARED NO EXPENSE.
THE LINING WAS OF PURE SILK FROM HONG KONG.
THAT'S THE BEST, YOU KNOW.
MR.
MORTON, IT SAYS HERE ON THE DEATH CERTIFICATE THAT EMMETT DIED THREE WEEKS AGO OF NATURAL CAUSES.
OH, YES.
MY, WHAT A TRAGEDY.
HOW SHE LOVED THAT BOY.
SHE SPARED NO EXPENSE, NO EXPENSE AT ALL.
WHAT NATURAL CAUSES DID HE DIE OF? UM, KIDNEY FAILURE I THINK.
YES, I THINK THAT'S WHAT MS.
JACKSON SAID.
YES, IT WAS KIDNEY FAILURE.
MRS.
JACKSON SAID? LOOK, YOU ARE THE COUNTY MEDICAL EXAMINER AS WELL AS THE MORTICIAN.
- DIDN'T YOU PERFORM AN AUTOPSY? - OH, NO, INDEED.
MS.
JACKSON WOULD NEVER STAND TO SEE HER SON CUT UP IN LITTLE PIECES.
OH, MY, NO.
YEAH, WELL, THANKS, MR.
MORTON.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU'RE QUITE WELCOME.
AND IF EVER I CAN BE OF ANY OTHER KIND OF SERVICE TO YOU-- OH, WELL, THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU, BUT I DON'T THINK SO.
MM-MMM.
NOT RIGHT NOW ANYWAY.
MAN, AM I GLAD THIS IS DONE WITH, SO WE CAN HEAD OUT OF THIS FUNNY FARM.
YEAH, BUT, YOU KNOW, SOMETHING HE SAID KIND OF BOTHERS ME.
COLT, EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED SINCE WE HIT THIS TOWN HAS BOTHERED ME.
YEAH, BUT, YOU KNOW, HE SAID EMMETT DIED THREE WEEKS AGO.
THAT'S HOW LONG IT'S BEEN SINCE ANYBODY'S HEARD FROM THAT INSURANCE INVESTIGATOR.
COME ON, COLT.
YOU SAID OUR JOB WAS TO FIND EMMETT JACKSON, NOT THE INVESTIGATOR.
[ Engine Starts ] NOW WE FOUND HIM.
CAN'T WE GO HOME? YEAH, SURE, KID.
RIGHT AFTER WE GE A BITE TO EAT.
[ Rock On Radio ] WELL, YOU TWO SURE 86'ed THOSE STEAKS IN A HURRY.
WE HAVEN'T EATEN SINCE WE CAME INTO TOWN LAST NIGHT.
WHERE ARE YOU FROM? L.
A.
[ Chuckles ] WELL, YOU COULDN'T BE IN FEDERALSBURG FOR PLEASURE.
- IT MUST BE BUSINESS.
- WE CAME HERE LOOKIN' FOR A GUY NAMED EMMETT JACKSON.
EXCEPT WE FOUND OUT HE DIED.
YEAH, THREE WEEKS AGO.
WHAT DID EMMET DO IN LOS ANGELES, BURN DOWN THE COLISEUM? WELL, HE WAS ARRESTED FOR ARSON.
FIGURES.
EVER SINCE EMMETT WAS A KID, HE'S BEEN BURNIN' DOWN SOMETHING.
HE SET FIRE TO THE SCHOOL, THE BANK.
[ Chuckling ] HE EVEN SET FIRE TO THE FIRE DEPARTMENT.
IT BURNED DOWN TO THE GROUND WITH THE FIRE ENGINES STILL LOCKED UP INSIDE.
SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT KID.
OH, HE DIDN'T GET ANY BETTER WHEN HE GREW UP.
FOR A WHILE HE HAD A CRUSH ON ME.
WHEN I WOULDN'T GO OUT WITH HIM, HE BURNED MY FOLKS' HOME DOWN.
- WHAT DID THE SHERIFF DO ABOUT THAT? - TO A JACKSON? DID YOU SEE THAT BIG OIL REFINERY OUTSIDE TOWN? YEAH.
WELL, THE JACKSONS OWN THAT, AND MOST OF THE TOWN WORKS AT IT.
WHICH MEANS THA THE JACKSONS CAN PRETTY MUCH DO ANYTHING THEY WANT.
OH, MRS.
JACKSON ALWAYS PAID TO REPLACE ANYTHING THAT EMMETT BURNED, SO NO ONE EVER REALLY LOST OUT.
YEAH, WE ME MRS.
JACKSON TODAY.
SHE'S A WEIRD ONE, HUH? SOMETIMES I THINK SHE'S EVEN WEIRDER THAN EMMETT EVER WAS.
SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT MRS.
JACKSON USED TO HELP EMMET SET SOME OF THOSE FIRES.
I'M JUST AS GLAD WE'RE LEAVIN' TOWN.
WELL, Y'ALL HAVE A NICE TRIP HOME, AND IF YOU EVER COME BACK TO FEDERALSBURG, MY NAME'S SALLY.
MAYBE THIS PLACE ISN'T SO BAD AFTER ALL.
GET THE CHECK, WILL YA? COME ON.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WELL, YOU GOT THE-- WAIT A MINUTE, COLT.
[ Howie ] WELL, WITH EMMET DEAD, AT LEAST BIG JACK'S OFF THE HOOK FOR HIS BAIL.
[ Horn Honking ] [ Honking ] [ Tires Squealing ] IS THAT LUNATIC TRYIN' TO PASS US ON THIS ROAD? [ Squealing Continues ] MY BRAKES DON'T WORK! I CAN'T STOP! COLT, DID YOU HEAR THAT? SHE LOST HER BRAKES.
I KNOW THE FEELIN'.
- HELP ME! - HERE, TAKE THE WHEEL, KID.
STAY CLOSE TO HER, AND WHEN I GET INSIDE HER CAR, USE THE TRUCK TO STOP US.
OKAY.
BE CAREFUL, COLT.
YEAH, YOU BET.
GOOD AFTERNOON, MA'AM.
COME ON, KID.
[ Tires Squealing ] YOU OKAY? [ Chuckles ] FINE, THANKS.
- IS EVERYONE ALL RIGHT? - YEAH, WE'RE OKAY.
GOOD JOB, KID.
YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING.
HOW DID YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THAT? [ Howie ] UH, WE DO A LOT OF DRIVING IN OUR BUSINESS.
LUCKY FOR ME.
I'M ROBIN SIMMONS.
HI.
COLT SEAVERS.
ANY RELATION TO ROBERT SIMMONS, THE INSURANCE INVESTIGATOR? YEAH.
DO YOU KNOW MY FATHER? WELL, WE KNOW OF HIM.
WE CAME HERE TO FIND EMMETT JACKSON TOO.
YOU DIDN'T JUST COME FROM SEEING MRS.
JACKSON, DID YOU? - HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT? - WELL, WE WENT TO VISIT HER AND LEFT WITHOUT OUR BRAKES TOO.
[ Robin ] SOME COINCIDENCE, HUH? YOU KNOW, WE NEED TO TALK.
WHY DON'T YOU GO WITH US IN OUR TRUCK.
WE'LL GET YOUR CAR LATER.
[ Rock On Radio ] [ Howie ] COFFEE? PLEASE.
COFFEE? YEAH.
THREE COFFEES, PLEASE, SALLY.
HI, SALLY.
I THOUGHT SHE LIKED YOU.
YEAH.
- BET YOU'RE SURPRISED TO SEE US BACK SO SOON, HUH? - [ Coffee Pouring ] SALLY, IS SOMETHING WRONG? LOOK, I GOTTA LIVE IN THIS TOWN.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S THE SAME KIND OF REACTION MY FATHER GOT AROUND HERE.
[ Howie ] APPARENTLY, THE JACKSONS HAVE A STRONG FOLLOWING.
DAD CALLED ME FROM A PHONE BOOTH ON THE LAST NIGHT THA ANYONE HAD HEARD FROM HIM.
HE SAID HE SPOTTED EMMETT JACKSON HEADED TOWARD THE REFINERY.
HE WAS GOIN' AFTER HIM.
WHAT NIGHT WAS THAT? DECEMBER 10.
DECEMBER 10.
KID, SHOW HER THE DEATH CERTIFICATE.
ARE YOU SURE IT WAS DECEMBER 10? I'M POSITIVE.
EMMETT JACKSON DIED OF KIDNEY FAILURE ON THE AFTERNOON OF DECEMBER 10.
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
MY FATHER SAW HIM THAT NIGHT ALIVE.
I KNEW THIS CASE WASN'T GONNA BE EASY.
YOU JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO TAKE GOOD ADVICE, DO YOU, MR.
SEAVERS? HI, SHERIFF.
NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU AND YOUR FRIEND TO GET OUT OF TOWN.
IT'S JUST HARD LEAVING SUCH A FRIENDLY PLACE.
WELL, I'M GIVIN' YOU FAIR WARNING, MR.
SEAVERS.
IF YOU'RE NOT OUT OF HERE IN 20 MINUTES, IT'S LIABLE TO GET VERY UNFRIENDLY.
SHERIFF, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? WHY ARE YOU IN SUCH A HURRY TO SEE US GO? WELL, NOW LET'S JUST SAY THAT I CARE ABOUT THE GOOD IN THIS TOWN.
THE GOOD OF THE TOWN, OR THE GOOD OF MRS.
JACKSON? WELL, NOW IF YOU WERE AS SMAR AS YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU'D HAVE FIGURED THAT OUT BY NOW.
THEY'RE ONE AND THE SAME.
GET THE CHECK, KID.
UH, COLT, NOW ARE WE GONNA LEAVE TOWN? I GUESS THIS MEANS WE'RE NOT.
SINCE WHEN DO WE LEAVE TOWN BECAUSE SOMEBODY TELLS US TO? - DOES THIS MEAN YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME FIND MY FATHER? - I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
NOW LOOK, WE'RE NOT DETECTIVES.
WE'RE BOUNTY HUNTERS.
BUT THERE COMES A TIME WHEN A LITTLE DETECTING NEVER HURT ANYBODY.
- EXCEPT MAYBE NOW.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WE'VE GOT VISITORS RIGHT ON OUR TAIL.
- [ Robin ] MAYBE THEY JUST WANNA PASS.
- I DOUBT IT.
[ Tires Squealing ] [ Howie ] COLT, THE WHOLE TRUCK COULD BLOW ANY SECOND! [ Robin ] WE GOTTA BAIL OUT! I CAN'T LET MY TRUCK BLOW UP! HOLD ON! WELL, I'LL TELL YA, IF THAT WAS MEANT TO GET US OUT OF TOWN TODAY, THEY MADE A BIG MISTAKE.
WHY, BECAUSE YOU'RE MAD? NO, IT'S GONNA TAKE TWO DAYS TO FIX MY TRUCK.
[ Dog Howling ] [ Shoveling ] AW, I'M TELLING YA, THIS IS NOT RIGHT.
YEAH, WELL, JUS KEEP DIGGIN', HUH? IT'S ILLEGAL, COLT, NOT TO MENTION DISRESPECTFUL.
[ Thunderclap ] - I KNEW THAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN.
- DO WE HAVE TO BE DOING THIS? ISN'T THERE SOMETHING ELSE WE COULD BE DOING? LOOK, JUST BECAUSE THE HEADSTONE SAYS EMMETT JACKSON'S BURIED HERE, THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT HE IS.
YOU MEAN, MAYBE MY FATHER-- I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
I JUST WANNA MAKE SURE THAT EMMETT'S WHERE HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE.
COLT, I THINK I HIT SOMETHING.
- MAYBE YOU BETTER NOT LOOK.
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
I DON'T THINK I WANNA SEE THIS.
I MEANT ROBIN.
OH.
I'M OKAY.
[ Screams ] [ Robin ] OH, MY GOD! IT'S A DUMMY.
[ Thunderclap ] YEAH, AN UGLY DUMMY.
I'D HATE TO SEE THE DEPARTMENT STORE WINDOW THAT GUY ESCAPED FROM.
COLT, HOW DID YOU KNOW THA EMMETT WASN'T BURIED HERE? WELL, I DIDN'T.
I JUST KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG WHEN THE WHOLE TOWN GETS JUMPY JUST BECAUSE YOU MENTION A DEAD MAN'S NAME.
WELL, WE STILL DON'T KNOW THAT HE'S NOT DEAD.
WE HAVE A DEATH CERTIFICATE.
YEAH, WELL, DEATH CERTIFICATES CAN BE FORGED.
IT'S NOT A BAD IDEA IF YOU WANNA THROW THE LAW OFF YOUR TRAIL.
BUT IF EMMETT IS DEAD, I CAN'T THINK OF ONE GOOD REASON WHY HE ISN'T HERE.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE FUNERAL? WOULDN'T THE WHOLE TOWN KNOW THAT THEY BURIED A MANNEQUIN? WELL, NOT IF IT WAS A CLOSED-CASKET CEREMONY.
WELL, WE DIDN'T FIND EMMETT, BUT AT LEAST WE DIDN' FIND MY FATHER EITHER.
AS FAR AS WE KNOW, THEY'RE BOTH STILL ALIVE.
ROBIN, WHY DON'T YOU GO ON BACK TO THE MOTEL.
HOWIE AND I'VE GOTTA TALK TO THE LAST PERSON THAT SAW EMMETT DEAD.
COME ON, KID.
GIVE ME A HAND WITH THIS THING.
COME DOWN HERE.
[ Gasps ] YOU RECOGNIZE HIM, MR.
MORTON? I THOUGHT THA ONE OF MY PEOPLE HAD ARISEN.
IT'S THE FEAR OF EVERY MORTICIAN.
GOT ANY IDEA WHERE WE FOUND IT? I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT I DO NOT.
WELL, IT WAS BURIED INSIDE EMMETT JACKSON'S COFFIN.
INSIDE EMMETT'S COFFIN? THAT'S THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING I EVER HEARD IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
HOW DID YOU KNOW WHAT IS INSIDE EMMETT JACKSON'S COFFIN? - WE DUG IT UP.
- YOU DUG IT UP? THAT IS AGAINST THE LAW, MR.
SEAVERS.
YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE.
- YEAH, WELL, SO ARE YOU.
NOW WHERE'S EMMETT? - HE WASN'T IN HIS COFFIN? I JUST SAID THE MANNEQUIN WAS.
THERE ISN'T ROOM FOR BOTH OF THEM.
EMMETT'S BODY GONE? - WELL, THIS IS TERRIBLE.
- YOU MEAN YOU REALLY DID BURY HIM? I'VE BEEN THE MORTICIAN IN THIS TOWN FOR OVER 20 YEARS, AND NO ONE HAS EVER SAID THAT I HAVE NOT BURIED A BODY.
AND NO ONE IS ACCUSING YOU NOW, MR.
MORTON.
GRAVE ROBBING IS A VERY SERIOUS OFFENSE, MR.
SEAVERS.
WAIT.
ALL THAT WAS IN THAT GRAVE WAS THAT MANNEQUIN.
YOU SHOULD'VE LEFT TOWN WHEN I TOLD YOU TO, MR.
SEAVERS.
NOW YOU'VE GOTTA STAY HERE AS OUR GUEST IN JAIL.
SHERIFF, DOESN'T IT BOTHER YOU THAT EMMETT JACKSON'S BODY ISN'T IN HIS GRAVE? AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, YOU TOOK IT OUT.
NOW GET HIM OUT OF HERE.
MOVE! BUT, SHERIFF, LET ME EXPLAIN.
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY ABOUT THIS, MR.
MORTON, BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU, THEY WON'T DISTURB YOU AGAIN.
[ Sheriff ] GIVE 'EM THEIR GOODS.
WELL, YOUR BAIL FINALLY ARRIVED FROM THE BIG CITY.
SIGN RIGHT THERE, AND YOU CAN LEAVE.
LEVEL WITH US, SHERIFF.
YOU KNOW WE DIDN'T TAKE EMMETT'S BODY.
WHY SHOULD WE? NO TELLING WHA TWO BOYS FROM THE BIG CITY WOULD WANT WITH A BODY.
YOU HAVEN'T GOT ANY FRIENDS WHO ARE INTO FIREBOMBING TRUCKS, HAVE YOU? LISTEN, BOY, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO YOU, YOU HAD COMIN'.
IS THAT YOUR OFFICIAL OPINION, SHERIFF? - SEAVERS, YOU ARE STARTIN' TO TRY MY PATIENCE.
- YOU'RE TRYIN' MINE, SHERIFF.
WHILE YOU'RE OUT THERE WAITIN' FOR YOUR TRUCK TO BE FIXED, YOU STAY AWAY FROM MRS.
JACKSON, YOU HEAR THAT? RECEIPT, PLEASE.
LET'S GO.
HERE.
GO BACK TO THE MOTEL AND CHECK US BACK IN.
MAKE SURE ROBIN'S ALL RIGHT.
WHERE ARE YOU GONNA BE? WELL, I'M GONNA TRY AND DIG UP A FEW ANSWERS.
OKAY.
GOOD AFTERNOON, MR.
MORTON.
OH, IT'S YOU.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE IN JAIL.
WELL, NOT ANYMORE.
SEE, YOU WERE SO HELPFUL TO ME THE OTHER DAY, - I THOUGHT THE LEAS I COULD DO WAS WARN YOU.
- WARN ME? ABOUT THE INVESTIGATORS FROM THE STATE BOARD OF MEDICAL EXAMINERS.
THEY'RE COMIN' TO LOOK INTO THE EMMETT JACKSON PROBLEM.
THERE IS NO PROBLEM.
OH, NO, NO.
JUST A MISSING CORPSE.
I TOLD YOU, I EMBALMED HIM MYSELF, AND I PLACED HIM IN THE COFFIN WITH HIS HEAD ON A LITTLE SATIN PILLOW.
HE NEVER LOOKED BETTER IN HIS LIFE.
AFTER THAT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
LOOK, MORTON, I-- I-- I LIKE YOU, AND I BELIEVE YOU.
I JUST HOPE THE STATE BOYS DO.
I WOULD HATE TO SEE YOU BURIED.
WAIT, UH, IF I TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED, YOU HAVE TO PROMISE TO HELP ME WITH THE BOARD.
YOU CAN TRUST ME.
WELL, EMMETT IS DEAD, BUT I-- I FAKED THE DEATH CERTIFICATE.
HE DIDN'T DIE OF NATURAL CAUSES.
HE-- HE DIED OF A GUNSHO WOUND IN THE CHEST.
GUNSHOT WOUND? YES.
MRS.
JACKSON WANTED ME TO CHANGE IT SO THE POLICE WOULDN'T GET INVOLVED.
SHE SAID IT HAPPENED WHILE HE WAS CLEANING HIS-- HIS GUN.
YOU BELIEVED HER? MR.
SEAVERS, THAT WAS THE WORD OF A BOY'S MOTHER.
IF YOU CAN' BELIEVE A BOY'S MOTHER, WHO CAN YOU BELIEVE? [ Wind Gusting ] [ Water Running ] YEAH! [ Shouts ] NICE FALL, KID.
YOU'RE REALLY DEVELOPING A STYLE.
YOU ALMOST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK.
YOU DIDN'T DO MINE ANY GOOD EITHER.
YEAH, HI.
IT'S COLT.
CAN YOU COME OVER RIGHT AWAY? [ Shower Shuts Off ] SURE.
SEE YOU IN A MINUTE.
- IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF A BURGLAR ALARM? - IT WORKED, DIDN'T IT? I WOULDN'T BOTHER SETTIN' THAT BACK UP BECAUSE ROBIN'S ON HER WAY OVER.
WHAT A SILLY PLACE TO PUT GARBAGE.
DID YOUR FATHER CARRY A GUN? YES, WHY? EMMETT JACKSON DIED OF A GUNSHOT WOUND.
- AND YOU THINK ROBIN'S FATHER SHOT HIM? - WELL, IT TIES IN.
DO YOU SMELL SMOKE? - COME TO THINK OF IT, YEAH.
- [ Howie ] THE BATHROOM'S ON FIRE! OH! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
LET'S GO! WHERE? THE WINDOW! EVERYBODY OKAY? YEAH.
YEAH, I GUESS SO.
COLT, LOOK A THE FRONT DOOR.
- I AM STARTING TO GET MAD AGAIN.
- [ Tires Squealing ] WELL, KID, SOMEBODY SURE WANTS US DEAD.
I'LL BET YOU MRS.
JACKSON STARTED THOSE FIRES.
WELL, THE GUY AT THE GAS STATION SAID SHE OWNS THE BLACK PANEL TRUCK.
SOMEHOW, I CAN'T PICTURE THE OLD LADY DRIVIN' A TRUCK.
[ Howie, Chuckling ] YOU MEAN THE BUTLER DID IT? NOT FUNNY.
ONE THING'S FOR SURE.
MRS.
JACKSON ISN'T STRONG ENOUGH TO PUSH THAT DUMPSTER UP AGAINST THE DOOR WITHOUT HELP.
IF MY FATHER SHOT EMMETT, GOD KNOWS WHA THEY'VE DONE TO HIM.
[ Wind Gusting ] BOY, THIS SURE IS A CREEPY PLACE.
[ Howie ] IT WOULD HAVE TO BE A FULL MOON.
WOULDN'T THIS BE A LOT SAFER IN THE DAYLIGHT? I DON'T THINK THIS PLACE WOULD BE SAFE IF YOU PUT IT IN FORT KNOX.
MY FATHER SAID MRS.
JACKSON'S ALWAYS GONE AT THIS TIME, SO WE'LL ONLY HAVE ABOUT AN HOUR.
[ Hooting ] [ High-pitched Howl ] LET'S HOPE THA WAS ONLY A GHOST.
WE'LL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH.
[ Thunderclap ] WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.
WE'LL HAVE TO SPLIT UP AND CHECK THIS PLACE OUT.
DO WE HAVE TO SPLIT UP? SHE'S GOT A POINT, COLT.
AFTER ALL, THERE'S SAFETY IN NUMBERS.
LOOK, WILL YOU TWO GROW UP? IT'S JUST AN EMPTY OLD HOUSE.
ROBIN, YOU CHECK UPSTAIRS.
YOU SEE IF YOU CAN FIND THE BASEMENT, AND I'LL LOOK AROUND DOWN HERE.
AND, HEY, YOU ALL BE CAREFUL, HUH? [ Dog Howling In Distance ] [ Squawks ] DAMN BIRD.
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE STUFFED? [ Rats Squeaking ] [ Thunderclap ] [ Creaking ] [ Shudders ] COLT! COLT! COLT! [ Creaking ] [ Howie ] COLT! I FOUND EMMETT! HE'S FROZEN STIFF IN THE FREEZER DOWNSTAIRS! [ Gunshot ] [ Robin Screams ] - [ Screaming ] - ROBIN! [ Screaming Continues ] ROBIN! OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'M HER FATHER.
[ Car Door Closes, Engine Starts ] COME ON, KID.
WE GOTTA GET MRS.
JACKSON.
[ Tires Squealing ] [ Tires Squealing ] [ Tires Squealing ] [ Mrs.
Jackson ] MR.
SEAVERS! YOU'D BETTER GET OUT OF HERE, OR YOU'LL BLOW UP WITH THIS WHOLE REFINERY.
I'LL GO UP THIS WAY.
SEE IF YOU CAN FIND A WAY UP THE BACK.
[ Grunting ] [ Groans ] GOOD TIMING, KID.
HE WAS BEGINNING TO LOSE HIS SENSE OF HUMOR.
YEAH, WELL, WHAT'S MRS.
JACKSON GONNA DO? SHE'S GONNA BLOW THIS WHOLE PLACE UP IF WE DON'T STOP HER.
GO KEEP HER OCCUPIED.
I'LL TRY.
[ Howie ] NO, WAIT! MRS.
JACKSON, DON'T! NOT ONE STEP, OR I'LL THROW THIS! THE TANK WILL EXPLODE, AND WE'LL GO UP WITH IT.
BUT WHY? WHY KILL YOURSELF? WHY KILL US? WHY LIVE? THIS REFINERY BELONGED TO MY HUSBAND.
IT'S ALL HE CARED ABOUT.
BUT EMMETT-- EMMETT WAS MINE! AND NOW THAT YOU'VE SEEN HIM, YOU'LL TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME.
WITHOUT MY SON, WHAT REASON DO I HAVE TO LIVE? I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO LOSE SOMEONE, BUT THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
THINK ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WILL SUFFER FOR YOUR SON.
WHAT DO I CARE ABOUT THEM? THEY'RE NOT MY FAMILY.
THEY DON'T LOVE ME.
THEY DON'T EVEN NEED ME-- JUST THIS DAMNED PLACE.
WHEN I THROW THIS TORCH, THEY'LL SUFFER.
FINALLY THEY WILL GE WHAT THEY DESERVE.
MRS.
JACKSON, PLEASE.
NO.
NOT ONE MORE STEP! [ Howie ] I CAN'T LET YOU DO THIS.
[ Mrs.
Jackson ] YOUNG MAN, YOU CAN'T STOP ME.
NO ONE CAN! [ Siren Wailing ] COLT! HERE COMES OUR FRIEND THE SHERIFF! YEAH, WELL, YOU BETTER GET THA SILVER TONGUE OF YOURS READY, 'CAUSE YOU'RE SURE GONNA HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHAT YOU DID TO THAT POOR OLD LADY.
[ Siren Continues ] THE STRANGEST CASE YOU GUYS HAVE EVER BEEN ON.
OH, IT WASN'T ALL THAT BAD.
ROBIN WAS A LITTLE BIT SCARED, BUT I MANAGED TO KEEP HER CALM.
[ Phone Rings ] [ Rings ] HELLO? YEAH.
YES, BIG JACK.
I UNDERSTAND.
I KNOW IT'S SERIOUS.
OKAY, THANKS FOR CALLING.
GOOD-BYE.
WHAT'S SERIOUS? MRS.
JACKSON AND ETHAN-- THEY JUST ESCAPED FROM THE MENTAL HOSPITAL, AND THEY WERE SEEN HEADIN' FOR L.
A.
WHAT? THEY'RE COMING HERE? THEY'RE GONNA COME HERE WHEN WE'RE ASLEEP, AND THEY'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN.
YEAH, WELL, DON'T WORRY.
IF THEY-- THEY COME, I'LL LEAVE QUIETLY.
I WON'T WAKE YOU.
THIS ISN'T FUNNY, COLT.
DON'T YOU CARE ABOU THE DANGER WE'RE IN? NO, I'M JUST KIDDIN'.
NO, YOU WEREN'T.
BIG JACK WAS JUST REMINDING US THAT WE'RE OUT ON BAIL AND NO TO MISS OUR COURT DATE.
I GOT HIM.
I GOT YA.
[ Man ] FALL GUY IS A GLEN LARSON PRODUCTION.