The Fall Guy (1981) s01e18 Episode Script

WELL, I'M NOT THE KIND TO KISS AND TELL BUT I'VE BEEN SEEN WITH FARRAH I'VE NEVER BEEN WITH ANYTHING LESS THAN A NINE SO FINE I'VE BEEN ON FIRE WITH SALLY FIELD GONE FAS WITH A GIRL NAMED BO BUT SOMEHOW THEY JUS DON'T END UP AS MINE IT'S A DEATH-DEFYIN' LIFE I LEAD I TAKE MY CHANCES I DIE FOR A LIVIN' IN THE MOVIES AND TV [ Siren Wailing .]
BUT THE HARDEST THING I EVER DO IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES KISS SOME OTHER GUY WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE I MIGHT FALL FROM A TALL BUILDIN' I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MADE REDFORD SUCH A STAR [ Women Vocalizing .]
I'VE NEVER SPEN MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL BUT I'VE TAUGH LADIES PLENTY IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY BODY OUT FOR PAY HEY, HEY I'VE GOTTEN BURNED OVER CHERYL TIEGS BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY HEY, HEY I MIGHT JUMP AN OPEN DRAWBRIDGE OR TARZAN FROM A VINE 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MAKES EASTWOOD LOOK SO FINE [ Colt Narrating .]
THIS IS THE STORY OF ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.
YOU'VE CHEERED FOR HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM, WOMEN HAVE WANTED TO DIE FOR HIM.
BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.
HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.
AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN' SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS-- WELL, BECAUSE IT'S ME, COLT SEAVERS.
ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.
SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.
WELL, ONE WAY IS TO WAIT BY THE PHONE AND WAIT AND WAIT.
THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED INNOCEN UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES A LO OF THESE PEOPLE GET OUT OF JAIL ON WHAT WE CALL BAIL.
AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN.
I SOMETIMES PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.
BUT TODAY I'M DOIN' A STUN THAT'S GONNA PUT ME RIGHT OVER THE EDGE.
[ Man .]
AND CUT! GOOD JOB, JODY, TED.
OH.
THANKS.
HERE YOU GO.
THAT WAS GREAT.
THANKS.
WASN'T BAD, HUH? I THINK IT WAS YOUR BEST EVER.
WHAT'S GOIN' ON? WHERE'S EVERYBODY GOIN'? WELL, IT SEEMS THA KAMIKAZE PRODUCTIONS HAS RUN INTO A LITTLE FINANCIAL TROUBLE.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT-- WHAT? UH, THEY FORECLOSED TODAY, AND WE'RE SHUT DOWN.
SHUT DOWN? IN THE MIDDLE OF MY STUNT? OH, WE GOT IT ON FILM.
IT'S JUST THAT, UH, THE BANK HAS THE CAMERA.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
NEITHER CAN I.
SUPPOSE THE KAMIKAZE BROTHERS AREN'T AVAILABLE FOR COMMENT.
WELL, NOT RIGHT NOW-- BUT THE POLICE ARE OU LOOKING FOR THEM.
- POLICE? - UH, SOMETHING ABOU WRITING BAD CHECKS.
INCLUDING THE ONE THEY PAID US WITH? YOU GOT IT.
[ Groans .]
HOW DID I EVER LET YOU TALK ME INTO WORKING FOR AN OUTFIT LIKE THIS? WELL, FIRST OF ALL, THEY GAVE US A FINANCIAL OFFER THAT WE COULDN'T REFUSE.
YEAH, SURE, WRITTEN ON A RUBBER CHECK.
THEY ALSO AGREED TO GIVE COL THE STAR BILLING HE WANTED.
YOU REMEMBER? OH, YEAH.
YEAH, YEAH.
YEAH.
HE JUST TOOK MY CHAIR.
COLT, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? YOU GOT A TRUCK PAYMEN COMING UP-- NOT TO MENTION THE MORTGAGE IS DUE.
YEAH, HOWIE, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? DON'T WORRY.
I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
I'LL GET US OUT OF THIS.
I PROMISE.
[ Colt .]
WORKING FOR BIG JACK ISN'T EXACTLY WHAT I CALL INSPIRED THINKING.
LOOK, WE COULDN'T GE ANOTHER STUNT JOB OVER THE WEEKEND ANYWAY.
BESIDES, THIS CASE IS GONNA BE A PIECE OF CAKE.
SIX COUNTS OF ILLEGAL BOOKMAKING, FOUR COUNTS OF CONSPIRACY TO FIX SPORTING EVENTS, AND CAR THEFT.
WELL, CLYDE DORSETT'S BEEN A BUSY MAN.
YEAH.
THOSE ARE ONLY THE THINGS HE GOT CAUGHT FOR.
HEY, LOOK.
HIS TRIAL'S ON MONDAY.
HOW COME BIG JACK WANTS US TO PICK HIM UP? SHE DOESN'T.
WE'RE JUS GONNA KEEP OUR EYE ON HIM OVER THE WEEKEND AND MAKE SURE HE SHOWS UP FOR HIS TRIAL IN L.
A.
THAT REALLY DOES SOUND LIKE A PIECE OF CAKE.
YEAH.
WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.
AW, COME ON, COLT.
JUST THINK OF I AS AN ALL-EXPENSE-PAID WEEKEND IN SANTA LUISA, COURTESY OF BIG JACK.
WE'RE GOING OVER TO LET CLYDE KNOW WE'RE HERE.
WELL, DON'T YOU WAN TO GO TO THE BEACH? NO, NO.
YOU GO AHEAD.
WE'LL BE BACK BEFORE YOU GET STRAP MARKS.
AND REMEMBER-- THE RIGHT PLACE TO PU A BLANKET ON THE BEACH IS RIGHT NEXT TO ONE WITH PRETTY GIRLS ON IT.
I'LL REMEMBER THAT.
DADDY? SORRY.
DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE YOU.
WHAT HAPPENED? I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST GOT HOME.
IT'S OBVIOUS SOMEBODY WAS LOOKIN' FOR SOMETHING, HUH? [ Howie .]
AND THEY DIDN'T CARE WHA THEY HAD TO DO TO FIND IT.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHY WOULD ANYBODY DO THIS? WE DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY.
ARE YOU CLYDE DORSETT'S DAUGHTER? [ Sniffs .]
UH-HUH.
I'M LIBBY.
WELL, I'M COLT.
AND THIS IS HOWIE.
- HI.
- HI.
NOW, WHERE, UH-- WHERE IS YOUR FATHER? HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HOME.
I'M REALLY SCARED.
HEY, THERE'S NOTHING TO BE SCARED ABOUT.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GO FIND YOUR FATHER? UH, NO, I BETTER WAIT HERE.
HE MIGHT COME BACK.
YEAH, WELL, I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, BECAUSE WHOEVER DID THIS MIGHT COME BACK TOO.
BUT, UH, SEE, MY FATHER TOLD ME I SHOULD NEVER GO ANYWHERE WITH STRANGERS.
WELL, THAT-THAT'S A VERY GOOD RULE, BUT UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES, YOU SEE, I THINK YOUR FATHER WOULD WANT YOU TO COME ALONG WITH US, DON'T YOU? WELL, OKAY, BUT, UH, I HAVE TO CHANGE.
SEE, THIS IS MY GOOD DRESS.
OKAY.
WE'LL WAIT FOR YOU.
OKAY.
[ Chuckles .]
CUTE KID, HUH? YEAH.
GONNA BREAK A LOT OF HEARTS.
SURE IS TAKING AN AWFUL LONG TIME.
KEEPING A MAN WAITING IS A TRICK WOMEN LEARN WHEN THEY'RE LITTLE GIRLS.
YEAH.
SO'S PLAYING HARD TO GET.
[ Colt .]
HEY.
HEY, WHERE YOU GOIN'? [ Horn Honks, Tires Squeal .]
LIBBY? GET IN THE CAR, LIBBY.
BUZZ OFF, STEWART.
COME ON.
WE'RE GONNA TAKE YOU TO YOUR FATHER.
YEAH, SURE.
NICE JOB YOU GUYS DID ON THE HOUSE.
- BE A GOOD BRA AND GET IN THE CAR.
- HEY, HEY.
WHAT'S GOIN' ON? THEY TRIED TO RUN ME OVER, COLT.
THE KID'S LYIN'.
SHE RAN RIGHT OU IN FRONT OF US.
BESIDES, WE'RE GOOD FRIENDS, AREN'T WE, LIBBY? I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE IN MY LIFE.
- WE WERE GONNA TAKE HER TO SEE HER OLD MAN.
- THAT'S A LIE.
WHERE IS HER OLD MAN? - WHAT'S IT TO YOU, COWBOY? - WE'RE TRYING TO LOCATE HIM.
WELL, UNLESS YOU AND YOUR FRIEND WANT YOUR FACES RELOCATED, I SUGGES YOU HIT THE ROAD-- NOW.
[ Vehicle Approaching .]
COME ON, KID.
[ Tires Screech .]
HEY, MOVE THAT TANK, WILL YA? [ Horn Honks .]
LET'S GO.
- [ Horn Honks .]
- YOU'LL BE SEEING US.
YEAH, WE'RE LOOKIN' FORWARD TO IT.
[ Horns Honking .]
[ Tires Squeal .]
WELL, UM-- HEY, THAT'S MINE! COLT, THERE MUST BE FIVE GRAND IN HERE.
WELL, LET ME SEE.
I'M A GIRL SCOUT.
I SELL COOKIES.
[ Colt .]
$5,000 IS AN AWFUL LO OF COOKIES-- NOT TO MENTION GAMBLING RECEIPTS.
LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE GO SOME EXPLAINING TO DO.
I FOUND IT.
I SWEAR.
WELL, OKAY, THEN IF YOU FOUND IT I GUESS IT'S ALL RIGH THAT WE TURN IT OVER TO THE POLICE.
POLICE? WHAT ARE YOU BUCKING FOR, CITIZEN OF THE YEAR? HEY, YOU DIDN'T FIND THAT MONEY.
YOU KNEW THOSE MEN IN THAT CAR TOO, DIDN'T YOU? COME ON.
EITHER YOU TELL US OR YOU TELL THE COPS.
BOY.
I WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF TO GO WITH THE GOONS.
MR.
GRAHAM DOESN'T LIKE PEOPLE THAT SCREW UP, AND, GEEZ, WE SCREWED UP TWICE TODAY.
YOU THINK THOSE TWO GUYS WERE FROM THE D.
A.
's OFFICE? THEY'RE WEARIN' BLUE JEANS AND THEY DROVE A PICKUP TRUCK.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? MORON.
I THINK I DON'T LIKE TO BE CALLED MORON.
BESIDES, WHY ELSE WOULD THEY PROTEC THAT KID? I DON'T KNOW, BUT WE BETTER TELL MR.
GRAHAM.
[ Pop .]
[ Continues .]
SO, YOU TWO ARE A COUPLE OF STUNTMEN, HUH? - I COULD GET INTO THAT.
- LET'S GET INTO WHA YOU'RE DOIN' NOW.
WHY DID YOUR FATHER HAVE YOU PICK UP THE BETS? SEE, 'CAUSE WHEN I DRESSED UP IN THAT CORNBALL DRESS AND CAME ON WITH THE SWEET TALK, I COULD HAVE WALKED INTO TOWN HALL AND TAKEN A PAYOFF FROM THE MAYOR.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
AN 11-YEAR-OLD BAG LADY.
- WHERE'S YOUR MOTHER? - SHE WALKED OUT ON US WHEN I WAS FIVE.
I GUESS SHE COULDN'T GE INTO THE HOUSEWIFE TRIP.
WILL YOU STOP TALKING WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL AND KEEP YOUR ELBOWS OFF THE TABLE? WIPE YOUR MOUTH OFF.
WHAT IS THIS? DINNER WITH NANCY REAGAN? JUST DO IT.
LOOK.
YOU GUYS WASTED A TRIP OUT HERE.
MY FATHER'S GONNA SHOW UP FOR HIS TRIAL.
- YOU'RE SURE OF THAT? - ABSOLUTELY.
WE'RE GOIN' STRAIGHT.
THAT WHY HE'S STILL MAKIN' BOOK? WE NEEDED A LITTLE EXTRA BREAD TO START CLEAN ON, BUT AFTER THAT, IT ALL STOPS.
I MEAN, A LIFE OF CRIME IS NO LIFE FOR A KID.
I'M SURPRISED I'M SO WELL-ADJUSTED.
IT'S AMAZING, ISN'T IT? WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE THAT YOUR FATHER ISN' GOING TO JAIL? WELL, I GUESS I CAN TELL YOU.
AFTER WHA THE GOONS DID TO THE HOUSE, IT MUST NOT BE A SECRET ANYMORE.
MY DAD'S GONNA TURN EVIDENCE OVER TO THE D.
A.
IN L.
A.
GET IT? HE MADE A DEAL? YEAH.
SEE, MY DAD TURNS OVER HIS BOSS'S RECORDS, AND WE'RE OFF THE HOOK.
DOES HE HAVE THOSE RECORDS WITH HIM? WHAT DO YOU THINK WE ARE, STUPID? THEY'RE HIDDEN IN A PLACE NOBODY'LL EVER THINK OF.
OH! IT'S TIME TO MEET MY FATHER.
YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS? SURE.
SEE, WE HAVE THIS BACKUP PLAN IN CASE ONE OF US GETS INTO TROUBLE AND CAN'T GET HOME.
KID, YOUR OLD MAN'S GOT HIMSELF ONE HECK OF A PARTNER.
[ Calliope: "The Entertainer" .]
[ Libby .]
HE'LL BE IN THE MERRY-GO-ROUND.
[ Colt .]
YOU'RE SURE? DON'T WORRY.
HE'LL BE THERE.
[ Continues .]
THANKS FOR THE TIP, TOMMY.
MR.
GRAHAM WILL RETURN THE FAVOR.
[ Libby .]
DADDY! NO, NO.
HOLD HER.
NO.
[ Continues .]
[ Tires Screeching .]
COME ON! DON'T LET 'EM GET AWAY.
GET 'EM! CALM DOWN, WILL YA? I'LL GET 'EM.
[ Libby .]
COME ON, STEP ON IT! YOU DON'T WANNA LOSE 'EM.
HEY, PUT A MUZZLE ON IT.
HE'S DOIN' THE BEST HE CAN.
THE BEST HE CAN? I THOUGHT YOU TWO WERE A COUPLE OF BIG HOLLYWOOD STUNTMEN.
YOU DON'T EVEN LOOK LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOIN'.
[ Tires Squealing .]
- [ Tires Squealing, Horn Honking .]
- LOOK OUT! WHOA.
[ Libby .]
WHAT ARE YOU, SUICIDAL? OR ARE YOU JUST CRAZY? YOU WANNA CATCH 'EM, DON'T YOU? YEAH, BUT I'D LIKE TO CATCH 'EM ALIVE.
- WHOA.
- [ Howie .]
LOOK OU FOR THE SCHOOL BUS.
[ Tires Squealing .]
WAY TO GO, ACE.
LISTEN, YOU GUYS CAN' JUST LEAVE ME HERE.
I WANNA COME TOO.
FORGET IT, MUNCHKIN.
THOSE GUYS HAVE GOT GUNS.
I'M NOT GONNA BE RESPONSIBLE FOR A KID GETTIN' KILLED.
WELL, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, CAPTAIN COURAGEOUS? WHERE HAVE YOU TWO BEEN? IT'S NOT TURNING OUT TO BE THE CAREFREE WEEKEND WE PLANNED ON.
- CLYDE'S IN TROUBLE.
- WHOSE KID? THAT'S CLYDE DORSETT'S DAUGHTER.
I WANT YOU TO LOOK AFTER HER WHILE WE GO AFTER CLYDE.
- HERE'S HER SUITCASE.
- HI, SWEETIE.
YOU GUYS ARE LEAVING ME WITH A BARBIE DOLL? DON'T YOU EVER SAY ANYTHING NICE ABOUT ANYBODY? YEAH.
YOU HAVE A NICE BOD.
WHAT? WELL, IF YOU DON'T WAN PEOPLE TO NOTICE, YOU SHOULDN'T WEAR YOUR JEANS SO TIGHT.
THEY SHRUNK IN THE WASH.
BE CAREFUL WITH THIS KID.
SHE THINKS SHE'S LIZZIE BORDEN.
- DON'T WORRY.
I CAN HANDLE IT.
- THAT'S WHAT WE THOUGHT.
LOCK HER IN THE CLOSET.
[ Vehicle Approaching .]
[ Classical .]
HELLO, CLYDE.
HOW YOU DOIN', MR.
GRAHAM? I'M, UH-- I'M A BIT DISTRESSED, CLYDE.
IN FACT, I'M RATHER HURT.
LOOK, MR.
GRAHAM, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE HEARD-- DON'T TRY TO WEASEL YOUR WAY OUT OF IT, CLYDE.
MY SOURCES ARE VERY RELIABLE.
- I SWEAR.
- CLYDE, YOU'RE ONE OF MY FAMILY.
I FEEL VERY CLOSE TO YOU.
I'M NOT GOING TO LET ONE LITTLE MISGUIDED DIGRESSION END OUR RELATIONSHIP.
- MR.
GRAHAM IS A FAIR MAN.
- YES, THAT'S VERY TRUE, STEWART.
AND AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'M GOING TO GIVE CLYDE ANOTHER CHANCE-- IF HE CONFESSES HIS SINS, AND IF HE GIVES ME THE EVIDENCE INSTEAD OF THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY.
LOOK, MR.
GRAHAM, I DON'T WAN TO BE DISRESPECTFUL, BUT I'VE SEEN A LO OF OTHER GUYS CONFESS ALL AND END UP ON THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN.
IF I DO HAVE THE EVIDENCE YOU THINK I HAVE, IT COULD BE THE ONLY THING THAT MIGHT SAVE MY LIFE.
YOU KNOW WHY THIS IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL MACHINE, CLYDE? IT'S NOT JUST THE ARTISTRY OF THE LINES OR THE AWESOME POWER THAT IT HAS UNDER THE HOOD, BUT IT'S THE TOTAL CONTROL I HAVE WHEN I SI BEHIND THE WHEEL.
SEE, IT DOES ANYTHING I ASK OF IT.
AND IF IT BREAKS DOWN, I SIMPLY REPLACE A PART, AND IF ALL THE PARTS BREAK DOWN, I SIMPLY REPLACE THE CAR.
SEE WHAT I'M GETTING AT, CLYDE? - I CAN BE REPLACED.
- YOU ALREADY HAVE BEEN.
OH, YOU MADE A WONDERFUL CROOK, CLYDE.
TOO BAD YOU HAD TO TURN GOOD.
[ Soft Rock .]
- [ Continues .]
- JUST WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? TO FIND MY FATHER.
YOU'RE NOT GOIN' ANYWHERE.
- COLT'S FINDING YOUR FATHER.
- THAT STUPID REDNECK COULDN'T FIND THE HOLES IN A BOWLING BALL.
I'M GETTING TIRED OF THAT MOUTH OF YOURS.
- YOU'VE BEEN CUTTING DOWN COLT AND HOWIE ALL NIGHT.
- BELIEVE ME, IT'S EASY.
LOOK, BRAT, YOU'VE GO 10 SECONDS TO GET IN THAT BED AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH - BEFORE I TAKE YOU OVER MY KNEE.
- SO LONG, SUCKER.
OH, JUST YOU TRY AND GET UP.
WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF CHILD BEATER? NO, I AM AN ADUL WHO'S TIRED OF LISTENING TO A SPOILED LITTLE GIRL WHO THINKS SHE CAN DO ANYTHING SHE WANTS.
YOU DON'T SCARE ME.
I DON'T WANNA SCARE YOU.
I WAS TRYING TO BE YOUR FRIEND.
WELL, I DON' NEED FRIENDS.
THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.
YOU'RE ALL ALONE EXCEPT FOR YOUR FATHER, AND HE'S IN SERIOUS TROUBLE.
LIBBY, WE'RE ALL YOU'VE GOT.
HEY, DON'T TRY AND CHEER ME UP.
HONEY.
LISTEN, YOU JUST GOTTA UNDERSTAND SOMETHING, AND THAT'S THAT WE CARE.
IF ANYBODY CAN FIND YOUR DADDY IN THIS WHOLE WIDE WORLD, IT'S COLT.
HE'S THE BES THERE IS.
THE ONLY REASON YOU GUYS ARE HELPING IS 'CAUSE YOU'RE GETTING PAID.
HONEY, WE'RE BARELY GETTING PAID ENOUGH TO PAY FOR THESE TWO CRUMMY MOTEL ROOMS.
NOW, PEOPLE DON' RISK THEIR LIVES FOR ONLY THAT.
YEAH? YEAH.
HEY, YOU STOP CRYING.
I CAN'T.
I'M WORRIED ABOUT MY DAD.
I KNOW.
I WISH HE WAS HERE.
I KNOW.
[ Taps On Glass .]
AW, IT'S 4:00.
HAVE ANY LUCK? NO.
HOW'S THE KID? SHE CRIED HERSELF TO SLEEP.
LIBBY? SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO CRY.
YOU JUST DON' UNDERSTAND HER.
SHE'S REALLY A GOOD KID.
I THINK YOU BETTER GO BACK IN THERE AND CHECK, AND MAKE SURE SOMEBODY DIDN'T MAKE A SWITCH.
I THINK YOU GO THE WRONG KID.
GOOD NIGHT.
YOU SURE LOOK AWFUL PRETTY TODAY, LIBBY.
THANKS.
JODY HELPED ME WITH MY HAIR.
YOU'RE NOT TALKING WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL.
LOOK, I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT YESTERDAY.
I WAS BEING A BRAT.
AND I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT ALL THOSE NAMES I CALLED YOU.
I DIDN'T MEAN IT.
HEY, FORGET IT.
THANKS.
AND I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU'RE DOING FOR ME AND MY FATHER TOO.
YOU BETTER COOL IT.
WE DON'T WANNA OVERDO IT.
WELL, I MEAN EVERYTHING I SAY.
REALLY.
I JUST HOPE WE CAN FIND HIM.
BE A LOT EASIER IF WE COULD HAVE GOTTEN THE LICENSE PLATE NUMBER OFF THAT SEDAN.
IT'S, UH, 1-E-D-I-0-8-4.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? - I REMEMBER THINGS-- EVEN THINGS I DON'T WANNA.
- YOU MEAN YOU'VE GO A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY? - I GUESS.
[ Colt .]
WE'LL HAVE THE POLICE RUN A TRACE ON THAT TAG.
UH, CAN I PLEASE BE EXCUSED TO GO TO THE HEAD? [ Chuckles .]
I MEAN LADIES' ROOM.
- SURE.
- OKAY.
[ Colt .]
OH! OH, I'M SO SORRY.
IT'S OKAY.
GO AHEAD.
WE'LL CLEAN UP.
OKAY.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER? SHE'S ACTING GROWN-UP.
YOU REALLY HAVE A WAY WITH KIDS.
YOU COWBOYS DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT KIDS.
SHE NEEDED A WOMAN'S TOUCH.
SOME GENTLE UNDERSTANDING WILL TURN A KID AROUND FASTER THAN ANYTHING-- EXCEPT FOR MAYBE A JUDO CHOP.
[ Chuckles .]
WELL, I GOTTA HAND IT TO YOU.
SHE SURE IS A DIFFERENT KID.
- [ Truck Starts .]
- [ Colt .]
MY TRUCK! LIBBY.
LIBBY.
MY TRUCK! LIBBY, STOP THAT TRUCK RIGHT THIS MINUTE.
- NO! - YOU BETTER LISTEN TO ME, YOU LITTLE YOUNG LADY.
I CAN'T GET I UNDER CONTROL.
HOLD IT! WATCH IT, KID.
OH, NO.
- SORRY.
- I WAS JUST RUN OVER BY MY OWN TRUCK.
I'M GONNA PUT THAT KID OVER MY KNEE.
I'LL HELP.
[ Easy Listening .]
[ Woman .]
WALTER, NOTHING EVER HAPPENS.
[ Man .]
WELL, I SPOTTED A WHALE OFF THE COAST LAST NIGHT.
BIG DEAL.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT? THIS IS SANTA LUISA.
PEOPLE COME HERE FOR PEACE AND QUIET.
[ Vehicle Approaching .]
THAT'S EXACTLY WHY IT'S SO BORING.
[ Clamoring .]
OH, NO.
NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALL CRASHING A PARTY.
HOWARD, THIS AIN'T FUNNY.
NOW, GET OUT OF THE TRUCK.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO ME? COME ON, GET OUT.
NO! NO.
GET BACK.
NO.
OW! OW! HELP ME! PUT ME DOWN! SOMEBODY HELP, PLEASE! I'M BEING KIDNAPPED! HELP ME! YEAH, AND HOOK THE WINCH TO A TREE.
PULL THE TRUCK OUT.
SURE THING, COLT.
YEAH.
TELL THE PEOPLE THAT OWN THIS PLACE WE'LL TAKE CARE OF THE DAMAGES.
OKAY.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO TO HER? I'M GONNA GIVE HER AN OLD-FASHIONED SPANKIN'.
PUT ME DOWN! SOMEBODY HELP! AND DON'T MOVE.
MY LEGS ARE FALLIN' ASLEEP.
- THAT'S TOO BAD.
- LOOK, MACHO MAN, IF YOU'RE GONNA HIT ME, GET IT OVER WITH.
I'M NOT BIG ON SUSPENSE.
ARE YOU REALLY GONNA SPANK HER, COLT? - NO.
- CAN I DO IT? NO.
MY DADDY HIT ME PLENTY OF TIMES.
IT DIDN'T DO ANY GOOD.
YEAH, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
ACCORDING TO A STUDY WE DID AT CORNELL, CHILDREN OFTEN SEEK PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR AFFECTION.
IS THIS GUY FOR REAL? LOOK, KID, LET'S GE ONE THING STRAIGHT.
JUST BECAUSE YOU DIDN' GET SPANKED DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK.
NOW, WE ARE THE ADULTS AND YOU ARE THE CHILD, - AND YOU WILL DO AS WE SAY DO.
- THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.
OH, I GIVE UP.
GO AHEAD, KID, BEAT HER.
YOU-YOU'RE INCORRIGIBLE.
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? - IT MEANS YOU'RE UNCHANGEABLE-- A HOPELESS CASE.
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT? - WE'RE GONNA TURN YOU OVER TO THE POLICE.
- POLICE? YEAH.
YOU'LL BE SAFE AND YOU'LL BE OU OF OUR HAIR.
- BUT THEY'LL PUT ME INTO AN INSTITUTION.
- DO YOU HAVE TO, COLT? - WE DON'T HAVE ANY CHOICE, JODY.
- [ Phone Rings .]
YEAH, HELLO? - THANK GOD YOU'RE OKAY.
- OH, YOU MUST HAVE HEARD ABOUT THE KID.
- WHAT KID? - CLYDE DORSETT'S DAUGHTER.
SHE'S A PAIN IN THE NECK.
HE HAS A DAUGHTER? THAT'S AWFUL.
- YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.
- COLT, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I CALLED YOU BECAUSE THEY FOUND CLYDE THIS MORNING WITH THREE BULLETS IN HIM.
- WHAT? - THEY LEFT HIM FOR DEAD.
- YEAH, BUT HE ISN'T? - NO, HE'S IN INTENSIVE CARE AT SANTA LUISA HOSPITAL.
HE'S ON THE CRITICAL LIST.
[ Colt .]
TH-THAT'S TERRIBLE.
I KNOW IT IS, BUT I'VE TALKED TO HIS DOCTOR, COLT, - AND THEY THINK HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
- WE BETTER GET DOWN THERE.
THEY WON'T LET ANYBODY IN WHILE HE'S STILL IN INTENSIVE CARE UNIT.
OKAY, BIG JACK.
THANKS FOR CALLING.
COLT, I'M SORRY.
YEAH.
UH, BYE-BYE.
WHAT DID BIG JACK SAY? WHAT'S WRONG? THE KID AND I ARE GONNA TAKE A LITTLE WALK ON THE BEACH.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, DROWN ME? COME ON, SWEETHEART.
WALK WITH ME.
NOW I KNOW I'M IN TROUBLE.
TALK TO YOU GUYS WHEN WE GET BACK.
[ Door Closes .]
[ Libby .]
WHAT ARE WE DOING OUT HERE? I DON'T EVEN LIKE THE BEACH.
SURE ARE A BRAVE KID, AREN'T YOU? THIS SOUNDS LIKE A SETUP.
IT IS.
IT'S GONNA BE HARD FOR ME TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT-- IT'S ABOUT MY FATHER, ISN'T IT? THOSE GOONS HAVE DONE SOMETHING TO HIM.
I'M NOT GONNA LIE TO YOU, LIBBY.
YOUR FATHER'S BEEN SHOT.
HE'S CRITICAL.
SWELL.
THE DOCTORS SAY HE'S GONNA MAKE IT.
YEAH, SURE.
JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIES.
HE'S SO STUPID.
I TOLD HIM TO BLOW TOWN UNTIL THE TRIAL, BUT NO, HE HAD TO STAY AND MAKE MORE BREAD.
YOU GOT TO CU THE TOUGH-GUY STUFF.
AND DON'T BE AFRAID TO BE SCARED.
GO AHEAD AND CRY.
YOU GOT IT COMIN'.
SHUT UP.
[ Sobs .]
THAT'S A GIRL.
GET IT OUT.
OH, COLT, I'M SCARED.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITHOUT MY DAD? HEY, HE'S GONNA MAKE IT.
DON'T WORRY.
THERE'S NOTHING TO BE SCARED ABOUT.
YOU GOT ME.
AND I'M NO GONNA LEAVE YOU.
[ Laughs .]
YOU'RE NOT CONNIN' ME, ARE YOU? [ Chuckles .]
NO, I'M NOT CONNIN' YOU.
YOU'RE STUCK WITH ME.
I WANNA GO TO THE HOSPITAL.
WELL, I CAN'T PROMISE THAT THEY'LL LET YOU IN TO SEE HIM.
OKAY.
[ Sniffling .]
[ Colt .]
THERE YOU GO.
HE LOOKED BAD.
WELL, THEN HE MUST BE BETTER THAN HE LOOKS.
IF THE DOCTOR SAID HE WAS IN STABLE CONDITION, HE'LL BE TAKEN OFF THE CRITICAL LIS IN TWO OR THREE DAYS.
HE COULDN'T EVEN TALK TO ME.
HE JUST BLINKED.
LIBBY, I THINK IT'S TIME YOU TOLD ME WHERE THAT EVIDENCE IS.
YEAH, I GUESS I SHOULD TELL YOU.
IT'S ALL UP HERE.
WHAT, IN THA PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY? UH-HUH.
I GOT IT ALL-- NAMES, DATES, PLACES.
ALL THAT JUNK.
NO WONDER THEY COULDN'T FIND IT.
COLT, WE'RE GONNA GET GRAHAM FOR WHAT HE DID TO MY FATHER, AREN'T WE? YEAH.
AS SOON AS WE GET BACK TO L.
A.
L.
A.
? BUT HE'S RIGHT HERE IN TOWN.
WE'RE GONNA LET THE LAW GET GRAHAM.
[ Scoffs .]
WE'RE GONNA GO BACK AND SPILL THE BEANS TO THE D.
A.
IN L.
A.
GET IT? THE LAW.
MR.
GRAHAM'S ABOVE THE LAW.
HE'D NEVER GO TO JAIL.
HALF THE CITY COUNCIL'S ON THE PAYROLL.
THEN WHY'D YOUR FATHER BOTHER WITH THE EVIDENCE IN THE FIRST PLACE THEN? TO SAVE HIS OWN SKIN, BUT HE KNEW IT WOULD NEVER REALLY HURT GRAHAM.
COME ON.
THE D.
A.
WOULDN'T HAVE MADE A DEAL IF HE DIDN'T THINK HE HAD ENOUGH EVIDENCE TO PUT GRAHAM AWAY.
BIG DEAL.
JAIL ISN'T ENOUGH.
COME ON, COLT, YOU PROMISED.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, WALK IN AND KILL HIM? YES! COME ON.
YOU DON'T MEAN THAT.
BESIDES, I CAN'T DO THAT.
I'D BE BREAKING THE LAW.
I'D BE WORSE OFF THAN HE IS.
SURE.
COME ON.
WE'RE GOING BACK TO THE MOTEL AND PACK.
-[ Libby .]
THAT'S THE GOONS' CAR.
-MUST BE UP WITH JODY AND HOWIE.
YEAH.
I GOTTA GET UP THERE.
SO, COLT, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? WE AREN'T GONNA DO ANYTHING.
WHAT'S THAT? IT'S A STUN GUN.
WHAT DOES IT DO? IT SHOOTS A BEANBAG INTO A MAN'S GU HARD ENOUGH TO DOUBLE HIM OVER.
BEANBAGS? YOU'RE GOING AFTER CRIMINALS WITH A GUN THAT SHOOTS BEANBAGS? LOOK, I'M NOT A KILLER.
I TAKE MY PRISONERS ALIVE.
YEAH? WELL, THEY'RE GONNA TAKE YOU DEAD.
COME ON, COLT.
USE A REAL GUN.
YOU JUST HIDE IN THE TRUCK AND KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.
YOU'RE GONNA BLOW IT.
IN THE TRUCK, MUNCHKIN.
COME ON.
HURRY.
COME ON.
[ Groans .]
[ Stewart .]
SIT AND WAIT HERE TILL YOUR FRIEND COMES BACK WITH THE KID.
YOU MIGHT AS WELL TELL US WHERE THEY ARE.
WE TOLD YOU.
COLT TOOK THE KID BACK TO L.
A.
YEAH.
HE TURNED HER OVER TO THE POLICE.
[ Man .]
I'M LOSING MY PATIENCE TOO.
MAYBE WE OUGHT TO BEA THE TRUTH OUT OF THEM.
WHEN ARE YOU TWO GOONS GONNA GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULLS THAT LIBBY ISN' IN SANTA LUISA ANYMORE? [ Knocking .]
WHO IS IT? [ Libby .]
IT'S ME, YOU IDIOTS.
[ Stewart .]
IT'S THE KID.
OH.
WELL, I'M HERE, YOU GUYS.
TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER.
LIBBY, WHERE'S COLT? DON'T TRY TO COME AFTER US.
WHAT WOULD COLT DO? HE'D GO AFTER 'EM ANYWAY.
WELL, LET'S GO.
- [ Groans .]
- COLT! - WHERE IS EVERYBODY? - THEY TOOK LIBBY.
WHAT? [ Tires Squealing .]
[ Groans .]
[ Groaning .]
OH, GOD.
ARE YOU OKAY, COLT? I DON'T KNOW.
ANYTHING BROKEN? NO, JUST MY SPIRIT.
COLT? WHAT? LIBBY DIDN'T GO AFTER GRAHAM WITHOUT HELP.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOUR BLANK GUN'S MISSING.
WHAT? SHE DIDN'T.
SHE DID.
YOU CAN'T LEAVE THAT KID ALONE FOR A MINUTE.
AT LEAST SHE CAN' HURT ANYBODY IF THE GUN'S ONLY FILLED WITH BLANKS.
[ Colt .]
SHE DOESN'T KNOW THAT, AND THE BAD GUYS DON'T KNOW THAT.
[ Tires Squeal .]
[ Colt .]
BIG JACK SAYS THIS GUY GRAHAM HAS A PLACE UP HERE ON SIXTH STREET.
IF I HAD TO GUESS, I'D SAY THAT'S WHERE THEY'D TAKE HER.
[ Classical .]
[ Engine Purring .]
[ Engine Stops .]
[ Stops .]
WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
YEAH.
FINALLY FOUND HER FOR YOU, MR.
GRAHAM.
YOU DIDN'T FIND NOTHIN', WALNUT BRAIN.
I TURNED MYSELF IN.
WELL, SHE DID COME TO THE DOOR, BUT WE GRABBED HER BEFORE SHE COULD GET AWAY AGAIN.
I HOPE IT DIDN' CAUSE YOU TOO MUCH TROUBLE.
I HEARD ABOU YOUR FATHER, LIBBY, AND I'M TRULY SORRY.
WHAT A MIRACLE HE DIDN'T GET KILLED.
CUT THE ACT, GRAHAM.
MY FATHER CROSSED YOU.
YOU HAD TO TEACH HIM A LESSON.
WELL, I'M HERE TO FIX THAT.
HOW VERY INTELLIGEN OF YOU, LIBBY.
BIG JACK SAID THE SIXTH STREET GARAGE.
MUST BE ON SIXTH STREET, RIGHT? WE'RE RUNNIN' OUT OF STREET.
COLT, STOP.
THERE IT IS.
[ Howie .]
AND THERE'S LOUIS.
LIBBY MUST BE INSIDE, COLT.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER WAY IN.
YEAH, AND FAST.
- THEN I TAKE I YOU BROUGHT IT WITH YOU.
- UH-HUH.
IT'S RIGHT IN HERE.
- WELL, THEN, LET'S HAVE IT.
- OKAY.
WHAT-- DIDN'T YOU FRISK HER? WHO FRISKS A KID? UH-UH.
DON'T DO IT, STEWART.
THIS IS A REAL GUN, AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.
AH, COME ON, SWEETHEART.
YOU DON'T WAN TO USE THAT THING.
YOU ALMOST KILLED MY FATHER.
NOW YOU'RE GONNA PAY.
WE DIDN'T HURT YOUR FATHER.
I SWEAR IT.
COME OFF IT, GRAHAM.
YOU DID IT.
LISTEN.
I OFFERED YOUR FATHER A WAY OUT, BUT HE WASN' AS BRIGHT AS YOU ARE.
NOW COME ON, LIBBY.
BE SMART.
GIVE ME THE GUN AND THE EVIDENCE, AND YOU AND YOUR FATHER CAN GO AND LIVE IN PEACE.
[ Howie .]
COLT, HOW ARE WE GONNA GET DOWN THERE? [ Colt .]
I CAN ONLY THINK OF ONE WAY, KID.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
HEY! GOOD WORK, LOUIS.
I'LL TAKE THAT.
A VERY FOOLISH THING YOU DID, LIBBY.
NOW LET'S SEE WHAT ELSE YOU'VE GOT IN HERE.
[ Shouts .]
[ Groans .]
[ Shouts .]
LIBBY-- BLANKS! LIBBY, WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE? NO! HELP! HELP! HELP! GET OUT OF HERE! [ Libby Shouting .]
COME BACK HERE.
HELP, COLT! COLT, HELP! COLT, COME ON! HELP ME! COLT! COLT, COME ON! YOU GET IN THERE.
GO ON.
- COLT, HELP! - I'M COMIN', KID.
COLT, HE'S TAKIN' ME AWAY.
HURRY! HELP! COVER 'EM, KID.
I'M GOIN' AFTER GRAHAM.
[ Tires Squeal .]
GET IN THERE AND HELP HOWIE.
SEEMS LIKE YOUR FRIEND IS COMING AFTER US.
ALL RIGHT, COLT! YOU KNOW, I THINK I BETTER PUT ON MY SEAT BELT.
I THINK YOU'RE GONNA MESS UP-- BAD.
[ Crash .]
AW, COLT, YOU DID IT.
JODY'S RIGHT.
YOU ARE THE BEST.
OUT OF THE CAR.
COME ON.
IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THE RECORDS, THEY'RE NOT IN THE PURSE.
- I HAVE 'EM ALL MEMORIZED.
- YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT? I DON'T CARE, 'CAUSE THE D.
A.
WILL-- ESPECIALLY WHEN WE ADD ATTEMPTED MURDER AND KIDNAPPING.
YOU KNOW, COLT, YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT.
MAYBE THE LAW CAN HANDLE THIS GUY.
YEAH, WELL, I'M GONNA HANDLE YOU.
YOU KNOW KIDS SHOULDN' PLAY WITH GUNS.
WELL, YEAH, BUT-- NOT EVEN ONES THAT JUST FIRE BLANKS.
[ Door Closes .]
WHAT'S TAKIN' SO LONG? SHE'S BEEN UP THERE FOR TWO HOURS.
SHE PROBABLY HAD A LOT TO TELL THEM.
I SHOULD HAVE GONE UP THERE WITH HER.
SHE WAS SCARED TO DEATH.
WELL, THE D.
A.
CONTACTED HER AUNT.
I GUESS HE WANTED A BLOOD RELATIVE TO BE WITH HER.
YEAH.
[ Door Closes .]
[ Footsteps Approaching .]
HERE THEY COME.
QUITE A JOB.
THANKS.
[ Indistinct .]
WELL, I DID IT, COLT.
I SPILLED THE BEANS.
SHE HAS QUITE AN AMAZING MEMORY, MR.
SEAVERS.
WE HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH TO INDICT GRAHAM AND HIS MEN.
AND DON'T WORRY.
I'LL SEE TO IT THAT THEY'RE LOCKED UP WHERE THEY BELONG.
I'M PROUD OF YOU, KID.
IF HALF THE THINGS SHE TOLD ME ABOUT YOU ARE TRUE, YOU ARE AN AMAZING MAN.
THANKS A LO FOR YOUR HELP.
I WANT TO THANK YOU TOO.
I THINK LIBBY WANTS TO TALK TO YOU ALONE.
YES, MA'AM.
DO YOU, KID? COME ON.
I CAN SEE I'M IN FOR A LO OF EMBARRASSING MOMENTS WHILE I'M STAYING AT MY AUNT'S.
WHY? I THINK SHE SEEMS LIKE A VERY NICE LADY.
YEAH.
NICE AND DULL.
THE WOMAN'S A VEGETARIAN.
I THOUGHT YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED TO GO STRAIGHT.
WELL, YEAH, BUT STAYING WITH AUNT ALICE IS LIKE GOING COLD TURKEY.
I TELL YOU, IF YOU GE THE URGE TO BE BAD, YOU CALL ME UP, AND WE'LL GO KNOCK OVER A BANK TOGETHER, OKAY? [ Laughs .]
THAT'S FUNNY.
UH, YOU KNOW, COLT, UH, THIS MIGHT SOUND CORNY, BUT I REALLY DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME TO BE SUBTLE.
I, UH-- I KIND OF HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU.
UH, YEAH? WELL, I HAVE A BIG CRUSH ON YOU, AND I DON'T CARE IF IT IS CORNY.
THERE'S KIND OF A BIG AGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US, HUH? A LITTLE BIT, BUT THAT'S NOT GONNA STOP US FROM BEING FRIENDS, RIGHT? RIGHT.
BUT YOU GOTTA DO ME A FAVOR.
TRY BEING A KID AGAIN.
YOU KNOW, YOU GREW UP TOO FAST, AND YOU MISSED A LOT.
I KNOW.
AND MAKE FRIENDS WITH KIDS YOUR OWN AGE.
YOU MIGHT HAVE A LOT OF FUN.
KIDS MY OWN AGE ARE SO IMMATURE.
HEY.
[ Sighs .]
BUT FOR YOU I'LL TRY.
THAT'S MY GIRL.
HERE.
BET ON IT, COLT.
THE RACE IS FIXED.
"DADDY'S GIRL IN THE SEVENTH.
" [ Chuckles .]
THAT LITTLE MUNCHKIN.