The Fall Guy (1981) s01e19 Episode Script

Charlie

WELL, I'M NOT THE KIND TO KISS AND TELL BUT I'VE BEEN SEEN WITH FARRAH I'VE NEVER BEEN WITH ANYTHING LESS THAN A NINE SO FINE I'VE BEEN ON FIRE WITH SALLY FIELD GONE FAS WITH A GIRL NAMED BO BUT SOMEHOW THEY JUS DON'T END UP AS MINE IT'S A DEATH-DEFYIN' LIFE I LEAD I TAKE MY CHANCES I DIE FOR A LIVIN' IN THE MOVIES AND TV [ Siren Wailing ] BUT THE HARDEST THING I EVER DO IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES KISS SOME OTHER GUY WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE I MIGHT FALL FROM A TALL BUILDIN' I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MADE REDFORD SUCH A STAR [ Women Vocalizing ] I'VE NEVER SPEN MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL BUT I'VE TAUGH LADIES PLENTY IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY BODY OUT FOR PAY HEY, HEY I'VE GOTTEN BURNED OVER CHERYL TIEGS BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY HEY, HEY I MIGHT JUMP AN OPEN DRAWBRIDGE OR TARZAN FROM A VINE 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MAKES EASTWOOD LOOK SO FINE [ Colt Narrating ] THIS IS THE STORY OF ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.
YOU'VE CHEERED FOR HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM, WOMEN HAVE WANTED TO DIE FOR HIM.
BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.
HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.
AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN' SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS-- WELL, BECAUSE IT'S ME, COLT SEAVERS.
ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.
SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.
WELL, ONE WAY IS TO WAIT BY THE PHONE AND WAIT AND WAIT.
THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED INNOCEN UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES A LO OF THESE PEOPLE GET OUT OF JAIL ON WHAT WE CALL BAIL.
AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN.
I SOMETIMES PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.
ONCE IN A WHILE, I GET A CHANCE TO DO NOTHIN' WITH ALL MY BUDDIES.
HEY, TOM! HEY, WELCOME.
HOW YOU DOIN', ALL RIGHT? OKAY? EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT? HYAH! HYAH! HYAH! LOOK AT ALL THOSE PEOPLE, COLT.
GEE, THIS IS EXCITING.
YEAH, I KNOW, KID.
REMEMBER, THE KEY IS TO PACE YOURSELF.
YOU DON'T WANNA PEAK TOO SOON.
WE GOT TWO DAYS OF NONSTOP PARTYIN'.
YEAH.
YEAH.
HYAH! HYAH! WELL, IF IT ISN' THE OLD WELLS FARGO MAN HIMSELF.
[ Horse Whinnies ] TAKE IT IN.
HI, STAN.
HERE WE ARE.
WOW.
WELL, JODY, HOW WAS THE RIDE? I'LL LET YOU KNOW AS SOON AS I GET SOME FEELIN' BACK.
COME ON OUT, BIG JACK.
THANKS, HOWIE.
OH, BOY.
I'LL NEVER SIT AGAIN.
COLT, THE NEXT TIME YOU SAY WE'RE TRAVELING BY COACH, I'D LIKE TO SEE THE TICKET FIRST.
I'LL SAY ONE THING, YOU STILL KNOW HOW TO MAKE AN ENTRANCE.
HELLO, GUS.
HOW ARE YOU? FINE.
GOOD TO SEE YOU, COLT.
YOU KNOW JODY AND HOWIE.
SURE.
THIS IS SAMANTHA JACK, FRIEND OF OURS, WANTED TO COME ALONG FOR A FEW DAYS OF SUN AND FUN.
COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE.
YOU HAVE NO WORRIES AT ALL.
THIS IS A FUN-LOVIN' GROUP.
SURE LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT A GOOD TURNOUT.
YEAH, WE GOT ALL THE BIG NAMES, ALL EXCEP FOR CHARLIE HEFFERTON.
OH, NO, CHARLIE-- CHARLIE SAID SHE'D BE HERE.
YOU CAN BET SHE'LL SHOW UP.
- CHARLIE'S A SHE? - BEST STUNTWOMAN IN THE BUSINESS.
YEAH, I REMEMBER WHEN YOU AND CHARLIE USED TO WORK TOGETHER.
YOU WERE A REAL PAIR TO DRAW TO.
- WELL, SHE HAD THA SPECIAL FLAIR, ALL RIGHT.
- COLT, LOOK AT THAT.
[ Woman ] THANKS FOR THE RIDE.
COLT, I THINK YOU'VE BEEN JUST UPSTAGED.
WATCH IT.
COLT, DO YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS? THAT'S CHARLIE.
SHOULDN'T WE GIVE HER SOME ROOM? NO NEED TO.
SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE'S DOIN'.
[ No Audible Dialogue ] [ Woman ] YEAH.
ALL RIGHT.
WHOO! WHOO! COLT! NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, CHARLIE.
HOW ARE YOU? OH.
SORRY TO STEAL YOUR THUNDER, BUT YOU KNOW ME.
WHERE THERE'S A STAGE, I'LL DO A SHOW.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
OH! THAT WAS WONDERFUL.
GREAT JUMP, CHARLIE.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
[ Big Jack ] GOOD JOB.
HEY, COME ON.
LET'S GET YOU GUYS SETTLED.
SEE YOU LATER.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR AN ENCORE? STICK AROUND, BIG FELLA, AND YOU'LL FIND OUT.
HI, GARY! HEY, CHARLIE.
COME OVER AND SAY HELLO.
YEAH, JUST A SECOND.
COLT, I'VE GO ABOUT A MILLION PEOPLE I'VE GOTTA SAY HELLO TO.
I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET MY BROTHER.
WHERE YOU GONNA BE LATER? - THAT DEPENDS ON LADY LUCK.
- WELL, FINE.
I'LL SEE YOU IN THE CASINO.
NOPE, I'LL BE HAVIN' A COLD BEER BY THE POOL AND SEE WHO LADY LUCK BRINGS ME.
OH.
WELL, IF YOU'RE REAL LUCKY, SHE'LL BRING YOU ME.
AH.
[ Chuckles ] [ Nickers ] NOT BAD, COLT.
NOT BAD AT ALL.
YEAH, IT'S A GREAT TEAM OF HORSES.
TAKE CARE OF 'EM, WILL YA? I WAS TALKIN' ABOUT THE GIRL.
I WANNA HANG OUT WITH YOU.
WAIT A MINUTE, KID.
YOU TRUST ME, DON'T YA? WELL, YEAH, SURE, BUT-- LET ME GIVE YOU ADVICE THAT DAVE ROBINSON GAVE TO ME.
HE SAID, "'TIS A WISE MAN THAT WOULDN'T TRADE A WORLD FILLED WITH BEAUTIFUL WOMEN FOR A TEAM OF DEPENDABLE HORSES.
" I'M NOT OLD ENOUGH TO BE WISE.
UH, DIDN'T THINK YOU'D BUY THAT.
OH, GREAT.
SHE LIKES ME.
[ Nickers ] [ Country ] [ Man ] GOT EIGHT, SKATE AND DONATE.
LET'S GO.
ROLL 'EM UP.
ALL RIGHT.
COME ON.
HEY, BOSS.
CAN WE TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE? I'M STUCK HERE.
YOU BETTER HAVE GOOD NEWS.
WALK OVER HERE.
IT'S GOOD NEWS, ALL RIGHT.
WE LOCATED HEFFERTON.
WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME.
HEY, BOSS, HE'S PRETTY SLIPPERY.
I KNOW ALL ABOUT IT.
WHERE IS HE? WELL, THE RENT-A-CAR PLACE AT THE AIRPORT GAVE HIS ADDRESS FOR A HOTEL RIGHT HERE.
DID HE HAVE THE MONEY WITH HIM? WE CHECKED THE ROOM.
IT'S NOT REGISTERED TO HIM.
IT'S REGISTERED TO SOME STUNTWOMAN WHO'S ON SOME KIND OF VACATION.
IT FIGURES THAT LITTLE LEECH WOULD BE LIVIN' OFF SOME BROAD.
YOU JUST GO SIT ON HER.
HE'LL POP UP.
HOW HARD DO YOU WANT US TO COME DOWN ON HIM? HOW HARD IS DEAD? HELLO, LOVELY LADIES.
WHAT'LL YOU HAVE? DO YOU MAKE A GOOD PIÑA COLADA? DO I MAKE A GOOD PIÑA COLADA? HONEY, YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT THE BEST PIÑA COLADA MAKER TO COME OUT OF BREWSTER, PENNSYLVANIA.
COURSE, I'M THE ONLY PIÑA COLADA MAKER TO COME OUT OF BREWSTER.
- WE'LL HAVE TWO.
- YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO MAKE, UH, DIET PIÑA COLADAS, DO YOU? JACK, WE'RE ON VACATION, REMEMBER? YOU'RE RIGHT.
MAKE THOSE DOUBLES.
GO FOR IT.
DOUBLES COMIN' UP.
NOW THIS IS WHY I BECAME A STUNTMAN.
JUST LOOK A ALL THOSE BEAUTIFUL BODIES.
I FEEL LIKE A KID IN A CANDY STORE.
EASY, KID.
REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT PEAKIN' TOO SOON.
HOW ARE THE HORSES? THE HORSES ARE FINE.
THE QUESTION IS HOW ARE THE WOMEN? GREAT.
YOU RUB 'EM DOWN? - THE WOMEN? - THE HORSES.
I BOUGHT 'EM ALL STEAKS AND TOOK 'EM TO A SHOW, OKAY? YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GO THAT FAR.
COLT, IS IT MY IMAGINATION OR IS THAT GUY ABOUT TO COMMIT SUICIDE? OH! I ALMOST HAD A HEART ATTACK.
- HAPPENS EVERY YEAR.
- HE DID KNOW THAT AIR BAG WAS THERE, DIDN'T HE? COURSE HE DID.
IT'S ONE OF THE NEW ONES THEY'RE DEMONSTRATIN'.
THAT WAS JUS A DEMONSTRATION? MM-HMM.
AND A LITTLE SHOWING OFF.
YEAH, WELL, THAT'S A LITTLE TOO MACHO FOR ME.
THINK I'M GONNA TAKE A SWIM IN THE DIRECTION OF THAT REDHEAD.
SEE IF SHE LIKES THE STRONG BUT SENSIBLE TYPE.
MMM.
GOOD LUCK.
[ Water Splashes ] COLT? HEY, WHAT KEPT YOU? PULL UP A CHAIR.
I WISH I COULD, BUT I SPENT SO MUCH TIME LOOKING FOR MY BROTHER, I HAVEN'T BEEN TO MY ROOM YET.
HURRY BACK AND I'LL BUY YOU A BEER.
WHY DON'T YOU COME TO THE ROOM AND I'LL BUY YOU A BEER? - I COULD USE A LITTLE COMPANY.
RIGHT NOW.
- SOMETHING WRONG? I HOPE NOT.
I MEAN, I DON'T REALLY THINK SO, NO.
IT'S-- WE'VE GOT A LO OF CATCHIN' UP TO DO.
WE MIGHT AS WELL START NOW.
THAT SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.
I GOTTA GET MY TRUNKS ANYWAY.
OKAY.
[ Exhales ] DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE LEAVING PARADISE.
OH, TEMPORARILY.
HEY, DON'T FORGET.
YOU PROMISED TO TAKE YOUR NEW STUNT GIRL TO LUNCH.
WHO'S THAT? ME.
DON'T WORRY.
I'LL HAVE HIM BACK BY THEN.
SHORTLY.
YOU KNOW, GUS WAS RIGHT.
THEY DO MAKE A GOOD TEAM.
OH, JODY! I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW GOOD IT IS TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME, HASN'T IT? IT MAKES FOR A BETTER REUNION.
TRUE.
[ Snaps Fingers ] WHAT'S THE MATTER? FORGOT TO STOP BY THE DESK TO SEE IF MY BROTHER LEFT ME A MESSAGE.
I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA MEET YOU HERE.
SO DID I, BUT HE NEVER SHOWED.
MESSAGES FOR 516, PLEASE.
YOU WORRIED ABOUT HIM? OH, A LITTLE.
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
HE'S MY KID BROTHER AND, UH, HE LIVES IN PHOENIX.
I'M NOT SO SURE THAT ALL HIS BUSINESS DEALINGS ARE ENTIRELY ABOVEBOARD.
WELL, THAT HAPPENS IN THIS TOWN.
IS HE A GAMBLER? I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HE IS.
I WAS HOPING WE WERE GOING TO HAVE A TALK ABOUT THAT.
[ Whispers ] CHARLIE! MEL, I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO MEET ME AN HOUR AGO.
SOMETHING CAME UP.
COLT? COLT SEAVERS, THIS IS MY BROTHER MEL.
HEY.
HOW YOU DOIN', MEL? FINE.
I'LL GRAB A BEER.
BE RIGHT WITH YOU.
SURE.
WHAT IS GOING ON? ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? [ Exhales ] NOT EXACTLY.
DO YOU HAVE ANY CASH? IT'S IMPORTANT.
- WHY? - I-- CHARLIE, I-- YOU KNOW I WOULDN'T ASK YOU IF I WASN'T DESPERATE.
MEL, DO YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT I OR SOMETHING? I CAN'T EXPLAIN RIGHT NOW.
WILL YOU JUST GIVE ME THE MONEY? SCUSE ME.
HOPE I'M NO INTERRUPTING ANYTHING.
NO, HONEY.
IT'S OKAY.
HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU NEED? GUESS A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN YOU'RE CARRYIN', CHARLIE.
UH, HI, FELLAS.
CAN WE HELP YOU? BUTT OUT.
[ Colt ] THAT'S ONE.
MEL, LANCE ROSS WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU.
ME? I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT.
I DON'T KNOW ANYBODY NAMED LANCE ROSS.
WE'LL INTRODUCE YOU.
HEY, FELLAS.
WAIT A MINUTE.
IF THIS LANCE WANTS TO TALK TO MEL, WHY DOESN'T HE COME OVER AND HAVE A DRINK? I'LL GIVE YOU 200,000 REASONS.
I GUESS WE'D BETTER ORDER SOME DRINKS, BECAUSE THAT'S GONNA TAKE SOME TIME.
A REAL COMEDIAN, HUH? [ Colt ] THAT'S TWO.
- LET'S GO, JUNIOR.
- HANDS OFF MY BROTHER.
YOU JUST BOUGHT IT, PAL.
[ Charlie ] HEY! DAMN GOOD.
[ Country, Indistinct ] I FEEL GUILTY ALL OVER.
I'M SORRY.
GUILTY? WHY? THAT THIS HAD TO HAPPEN, THA YOU HAD TO GET INVOLVED IN IT.
INVOLVED IN WHAT? IN MY BROTHER'S LIFE.
SOMETIMES I WONDER WHY I AM.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF IT'S POSSIBLE TO STRAIGHTEN HIM OUT ANYMORE.
I JUST PROMISED MY PARENTS I'D TRY.
WAIT.
WHERE YOU GOIN'? AFTER MEL.
HE MAY BE A FOOL, BUT HE'S THE ONLY BROTHER I'VE GOT.
YOU EVER STOP TO THINK YOU MAY BE GETTIN' IN OVER YOUR HEAD ON THIS ONE? I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.
MAYBE.
AND MAYBE NOT.
YOU'RE GONNA STAY IN YOUR ROOM UNTIL I FIND OUT WHO THOSE GUYS ARE AND WHAT'S GOIN' ON.
I'M GOIN' WITH YOU.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
AND IF YOU GIVE ME ANY MOUTH, I'M GONNA PUT A FRIEND OF MINE OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR TO MAKE SURE YOU STAY PUT.
OKAY? OKAY.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU GUYS LET HIM SLIP THROUGH YOUR FINGERS.
HE GOT HELP.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN? FROM WHO? FROM HIS SISTER AND THIS OTHER GUY.
I'M UP TO HERE WITH ALIBIS FROM YOU TWO, ALL RIGHT? I WANNA GET BACK TO THE HOTEL.
THERE'S A GUY OVER THERE, OWES ME $200,000.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? I DON'T CARE WHAT IT TAKES.
I WANT IT BACK FROM HIM.
NOW LET'S GO.
[ Screaming ] [ Shouts ] THAT WAS GREAT.
YOU GOTTA TRY IT.
UH-UH.
I GET DIZZY IN HIGH HEELS.
THE ONLY WAY YOU'RE GONNA GET ME OFF THE GROUND IS WITH ONE OF THESE.
[ Man Chuckling ] [ Chuckling, Shouting ] GOSH.
BOY, YOU FELLAS HAVE GOTTA BE BUBBLE UP TO PLUMB TO DO THAT.
HEY.
DON'T KNOCK I UNLESS YOU'VE TRIED IT, BIG JACK.
OH, HI, COLT.
WHAT HAPPENED TO LUNCH? OH, SOMETHING CAME UP.
THAT'S THE GUY WHO WAS IN THE BAR.
RIGHT NOW, I'M LOOKIN' FOR AN OLD FRIEND NAMED ROSCOE, WORKS HERE SOMEPLACE.
HMM.
BARTENDER'S NAME IS ROSCOE.
YOU'RE KIDDING.
WHAT'S YOUR POISON? I'M BUYIN'.
WELL, RIGHT NOW I'M LOOKIN' FOR INFORMATION, BUT IT JUST MIGHT BE UNHEALTHY AT THAT.
COLT, WHAT'S GOIN' ON? I'M NOT EXACTLY SURE.
BUT YOU STAY HERE.
LESS YOU KNOW, THE BETTER.
EXCUSE ME.
WHAT IS GOING ON? I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE A FUN CONVENTION WITH A LOT OF SEXY STUNTMEN.
YOU SURE HE'S NO WORKIN' ON A CASE FOR YOU? MM-HMM.
I'M SURE.
HOW MANY OF THESE PIÑA COLADAS HAVE I HAD? HOWDY, ROSCOE.
COLT SEAVERS! HEY, MAN, I'M CLEAN! YOU GOT-- YOU GOTTA CATCH ME! [ Shouts ] [ Grunts, Sputters ] MAN, I HAVEN'T DONE A-- A THING.
I DIDN'T SAY YOU DID.
I JUST WANTED TO ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS.
[ Exhales ] WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO? I HATE GETTIN' WET.
- WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT A GUY NAMED LANCE ROSS? - I NEVER HEARD OF HIM.
WELL, COME ON, ROSCOE.
- WHERE WE GOIN'? - UP ON THE ROOF.
[ Tarzan Yell ] YOU'RE GONNA LOVE BEIN' A STUNTMAN.
NO, I'M NOT GONNA LOVE BEIN' A STUNTMAN.
WHAT DO YOU WANNA KNOW ABOUT LANCE? WHATEVER YOU CAN TELL ME.
WELL, BASICALLY HE'S A-- HE'S A LIGHTWEIGHT, BUT WORD HAS IT THAT HE GOT TOOK FOR A COUPLE OF HUNDRED THOUSAND IN A PHONY REAL ESTATE DEAL.
200,000 DOESN'T EXACTLY SOUND LIKE A LIGHTWEIGHT.
NO, I'M TALKIN' ABOUT HIM, NOT THE MONEY.
WHAT'S THE WORD ON WHO TOOK HIM? WELL, IT'S A YOUNG, UH, CON MAN-- ANOTHER LIGHTWEIGHT.
- IS HE LOCAL? - NO, HE'S FROM PHOENIX.
PHOENIX.
NAME WOULDN'T BE MEL, WOULD IT? YEAH, THAT'S IT.
THANKS, ROSCOE.
I'D CHANGE UNIFORMS BEFORE THAT ONE SHRINKS.
NICE TALKIN' TO YOU, COLT.
ALL THAT AND NO DRINK? THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT WHAT HE'S UP TO.
YEAH.
HEY.
HEY! HEY.
WHAT'D THE COWBOY WANT? WANTED AN ESTIMATE ON A DAIQUIRI.
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL TELL YOU.
I'LL TELL YOU.
OKAY.
EVERYBODY UP.
WE'RE GONNA DO SOME CELEBRATIN'.
I'LL CALL UPSTAIRS FOR CHARLIE.
FORGET IT.
HANGIN' OU WITH EX-PARTNERS IS LIKE HANGIN' OUT WITH EX-WIVES.
JODY, I SWEAR.
I WAS HELPIN' CHARLIE OUT OF A SERIOUS PROBLEM.
TURNED OU IT WASN'T SO SERIOUS.
I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG BEFORE, BUT YOU SURE LOOK BETTER NOW.
OH, COME ON, JODY.
COME ON.
LET'S GO.
JODY, I SWEAR I'M NO TAKIN' CHARLIE BACK AS MY PARTNER.
I JUST HAD TO SATISFY MYSELF THAT THIS LANCE ROSS WASN'T GONNA HARM HER BROTHER.
- LANCE ROSS? - HE'S JUST A SMALL-TIME OPERATOR FROM PHOENIX.
LITTLE HANDLING, NO PROBLEM.
- COLT, I THINK YOU BETTER SIT DOWN.
- WHAT? LANCE ROSS IS A SMALL-TIME OPERATOR, BUT HIS FATHER ISN'T.
HIS FATHER.
HOW HEAVY IS HIS FATHER? HIS FATHER'S NAME IS TONY THE GROCER.
T-- TONY THE GROCER? TONY THE GROCER.
HE STARTED OU DELIVERING PRODUCE, BUT THEN HE DISCOVERED THERE WAS A LOT MORE LETTUCE IN BOOZE THAN THERE WAS IN LETTUCE.
HIS KID'S REAL NAME IS BILLY.
THEY CALL HIM BILLY THE BOX BOY.
BOX BOY? I THOUGHT HIS NAME WAS LANCE.
WELL, HE THOUGHT LANCE, YOU KNOW, WAS THE KIND OF NAME PEOPLE WOULD RESPECT.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU WEAR AN EXPENSIVE SUIT OF CLOTHING, IT MAKES YOU FEEL IMPORTANT.
SOUNDS LIKE A REAL WINNER.
BUT A VERY DANGEROUS LOSER.
HE KEEPS TRYING TO MAKE THAT BIG SCORE, AND HE KEEPS TRYING TO GAIN THE RESPECT OF HIS FATHER.
[ Clears Throat ] THIS, UH, BILLY THE BOX BOY-- HE WOULDN'T BE THE KIND OF GUY THAT WOULD, UH, HAVE $200,000 TO INVES IN A PHONY SCHEME, WOULD HE? $200,000? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? HE'D HAVE TO HAVE DIPPED INTO ONE OF HIS DAD'S ILLEGAL-- WHAT'S WRONG, COLT? YOU DON'T LOOK TOO GOOD.
YOU DON'T DRINK PIÑA COLADAS EITHER.
I DO NOW.
MY BROTHER SWINDLED THE MOB? I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
YOU CAN BELIEVE IT.
I DON'T THINK HE QUITE REALIZED IT WAS THE MOB.
I'D CHALK THAT UP TO REAL BAD LUCK.
THEN THEY WANNA KILL MELVIN.
THEY PROBABLY WANNA GET THEIR MONEY BACK FIRST, THEN KILL HIM.
OH, COLT.
UH, TRY AND KILL HIM.
WE'RE NOT GONNA LET THAT HAPPEN.
[ Sighs ] WHAT AM I GONNA DO? FIRST OF ALL, WE GOTTA FIND MEL, SEE HOW MUCH OF THAT MONEY HE STILL HAS LEFT.
- AND CHANCES ARE, WE CAN MAKE A DEAL.
- NOT "WE.
" ME.
LOOK.
I'M A STUNTWOMAN, REMEMBER? I CAN HANDLE MYSELF OUT THERE.
- BESIDES, I'VE GOTTEN YOU IN ENOUGH TROUBLE AS IT IS.
- I DON'T CALL THIS TROUBLE.
COLT, I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO, REALLY.
BUT IT'S POINTLESS.
MEL IS MY BROTHER, HE'S MY PROBLEM, AND YOU DON'T HAVE ANY STAKE IN THIS.
I THINK I DO.
GEE, I LOVE IT WHEN A MAN WON'T TAKE "NO" FOR AN ANSWER.
COME ON.
LET'S GO FIND YOUR BROTHER.
[ Sniffles ] WHAT IS IT? IT'S THE TWO THUGS FROM THE BAR.
COME ON.
[ Pounding ] [ Man ] HEY, WHAT'S GOIN' ON? EXCUSE US.
[ Woman ] I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS WAS A PRIVATE ROOM, JEROME.
ARE THESE FRIENDS OF YOURS? HAVE A NICE DAY.
COME ON.
THIS MAY SOUND SILLY, BUT WHY ARE WE RUNNING UP? DON'T TALK WHILE YOU'RE RUNNING.
IT SLOWS YOU DOWN.
ALL'S I CAN SAY IS, I HOPE YOU KNOW SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW, LIKE HOW WE'RE GONNA GET DOWN.
TRUST ME.
I DID TRUST YOU, AND LOOK WHERE WE WOUND UP: STUCK ON A ROOF WITH TWO HOODS BREATHING DOWN OUR NECK.
WE AIN'T STUCK.
COME ON.
JUMP! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WE'RE NOT STUCK? WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? WE'RE GONNA JUMP.
ARE YOU CRAZY? CLOSE YOUR EYES.
[ Screams ] [ Both Screaming ] [ People Cheering ] YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS BAG ALL THE TIME, DIDN'T YOU? BUT WOULD YOU TELL ME? NO.
YOU HAD TO SCARE ME TO DEATH.
I TOLD YOU TO TRUST ME.
TRUST YOU.
YOU SEE IF I TRUST YOU EVER AGAIN IN MY LIFE.
[ Bell Dings ] WELL? WHERE IS HE? WE HAD 'EM.
WE HAD 'EM BOTH.
TILL HE JUMPED OFF THE ROOF.
HE WHAT? HE JUMPED INTO SOME KIND OF AN AIR BAG.
HE MUST BE A STUNTMAN WITH THE CONVENTION HERE.
THAT'S TERRIFIC.
HI.
ANY MESSAGES FOR 207? SEE THAT GIRL? THAT'S THE ONE WHO WAS AT THE POOL WITH HIM.
I THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME WE TOOK THE UPPER HAND IN THIS AFFAIR.
AND THIS TIME, LET'S NOT BLOW IT, ALL RIGHT? RIGHT.
YOU GOT IT.
WALK BETWEEN US AND SAY NOTHING.
WHO ARE YOU? JUST WALK.
THIS IS SOME KIND OF A JOKE, RIGHT? YEAH, IT'S A JOKE.
WE'LL ALL LAUGH ABOUT IT LATER.
[ Jody ] HEY! OW! TAKE IT EASY, YOU GUYS.
UH-- OH, NO, NO.
OW! [ Engine Starts ] THAT'S JODY.
[ Charlie ] COLT! LOOK OUT! [ Tires Squealing ] OW.
WHAT DID YOU FIND OUT? NOTHING.
SECURITY PEOPLE DIDN'T SEE A THING.
YEAH, OR THEY'RE NOT TALKING.
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? WE KNOW IT WAS LANCE ROSS.
YEAH.
DO WE KNOW HE'S PLAYIN' FOR KEEPS? COLT, I WISH YOU WOULD HAVE TOLD ME YOU WERE IN TROUBLE.
AT THE TIME, I REALLY DIDN'T THINK I WAS.
[ Charlie ] YOU WEREN'T.
YOU HAVE TO POINT FINGERS, POINT 'EM AT ME.
IT WAS MY FAULT.
OH, COME ON, CHARLIE.
DON'T BLAME YOURSELF.
YEAH, BLAME YOUR BROTHER.
SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW, COLT? I'M NOT HANGIN' HERE.
I'M GONNA LOOK FOR THAT PUNK, LANCE ROSS.
OKAY.
PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE TO TELL ME WHAT COLT SEAVERS HAS TO DO WITH MEL HEFFERTON.
NOTHIN'.
NOTHIN', EH? WELL, HE'S AN OLD FRIEND OF CHARLIE HEFFERTON.
MEL'S SISTER? RIGHT.
MUST BE PRETTY CLOSE FRIENDS IF HE'S WILLING TO RISK HIS LIFE FOR HER.
YEAH, WELL, COLT'S LIKE THAT.
HE'S A REAL MAN OF ADVENTURE, HUH? HE'S A STUNTMAN.
THAT'S ALL? ISN'T THAT ENOUGH? THERE'S NO NEED TO GET DEFENSIVE, HONEY.
SEE, WE KNOW COLT SEAVERS IS A BOUNTY HUNTER.
I HAVE A FEW FRIENDS, I MAKE A FEW PHONE CALLS.
IT'S A GOOD THING FOR YOU THAT HE IS A PROFESSIONAL.
IT'S A GOOD THING FOR BOTH OF US.
[ Chattering ] [ Phone Ringing ] WANT ME TO GET THAT, COLT? NO.
I BETTER GET IT.
- COLT SEAVERS.
- HELLO, MR.
SEAVERS.
YOU ENJOYING YOUR TRIP TO RENO? ALL RIGHT, LET'S CU THE SMALL TALK, PAL.
I WAN JODY BACK, AND I WANT HER NOW.
WE'LL DISCUSS I WHEN YOU DELIVER MEL HEFFERTON.
I DON'T HAVE MEL HEFFERTON.
THAT'S TOO BAD.
JODY WAS EASY TO FIND, BUT MEL ISN'T.
FROM WHAT PEOPLE TELL ME, THA SHOULDN'T BE TOO DIFFICULT FOR A MAN OF YOUR EXTRAORDINARY TALENTS.
WHAT ARE YOU PROPOSING? SIMPLE EXCHANGE.
YOU FIND MEL HEFFERTON, YOU BRING HIM TO ME, AND YOUR FRIEND GOES FREE.
I MAY JUST FIND YOU FIRST.
WELL, I DON'T THINK YOU COULD FIND ME IN TWO HOURS, AND THAT'S EXACTLY HOW MUCH TIME YOU HAVE BEFORE I KILL YOUR FRIEND.
KILLING HER WON'T GET YOU MEL, BUT IT'LL GET YOU DEAD.
WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT, BUSTER.
I WON'T KILL HER.
BUT AFTER I GET THROUGH WITH HER, BELIEVE ME, SHE'LL WISH SHE WAS DEAD.
NOW, DO WE HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING? YEAH, WE HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING.
BUT YOU UNDERSTAND THIS.
YOU LAY ONE HAND ON JODY, AND I'LL SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE TRACKIN' YOU DOWN.
WELL, LET'S HOPE THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY.
GOOD-BYE, MR.
SEAVERS.
WHAT'D HE SAY? HE SAID IF WE DON'T FIND HER BROTHER, HE'S GONNA KILL JODY OR WORSE.
- OR WORSE? - TALK ABOUT A NO-WIN SITUATION.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, COLT? CHARLIE, MEL'S GOTTA HAVE SOMEBODY HERE IN RENO HE'D TURN TO, SOMEBODY THAT'S HELPING TO HIDE HIM OUT.
COLT, I ONLY KNOW ONE PERSON OTHER THAN HIMSELF THAT MEL EVER HAD ANY INTEREST IN.
-I DON'T KNOW IF HE WOULD TURN TO HER IN THIS KIND OF TROUBLE.
-WE'LL NEVER KNOW UNLESS WE ASK.
LET'S GO.
WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.
[ Colt ] WHERE IS IT THAT WE'RE GOIN'? WELL, ALL MY BROTHER USED TO TALK ABOUT WAS THIS DANCER HE WAS DATING WHO WORKED IN A CLUB SOMEWHERE OFF THE STREET.
HOW FAR OFF? WAY OFF.
[ Pop ] [ Glass Shatters ] MY BROTHER NEVER REALLY HAD WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL GREAT TASTE IN WOMEN.
[ Howie ] HIS TASTE DOESN'T SEEM TOO BAD TO ME.
WHAT'LL IT BE, FOLKS? PERSONALLY, I RECOMMEND THE CHI-CHIS.
WE JUST WANNA TALK TO ONE OF YOUR DANCERS.
- WHAT ABOUT? - IT'S PERSONAL.
PERSONAL, HUH? THAT KIND OF TALKIN' CAN GET PRETTY EXPENSIVE.
UH-- HMM.
OH, VERY GENEROUS.
NOT SO FAST.
YOU CALL IT, YOU WIN.
IT'S YOURS.
I WIN, YOU TELL US WHAT WE WANNA KNOW.
HMM.
THAT'S THE ONLY PROBLEM WITH THIS CITY.
EVERYBODY'S A GAMBLER.
OKAY, FLIP IT.
GOOD GIRL.
RED SIDE UP.
SORRY.
OKAY, COWBOY.
WHICH DANCER DO YOU HAVE ON YOUR MIND? - MONIQUE MALROW.
- YOUR LUCK JUST RAN OUT.
MONIQUE HASN'T WORKED HERE SINCE LAST MONTH.
- WHAT HAPPENED TO HER? - SHE HIT THE BIG TIME.
- LANDED A JOB IN THE MAIN HUB.
- WHICH HOTEL? UH, THE ONE WHERE ALL THE GIRLS WEAR THE BIG HEADDRESSES.
YEAH, YEAH.
SURE.
I KNOW THE ONE.
THANK YOU.
HEY, HOLD YOUR HORSES THERE, COWBOY.
WE HAVE A TWO DRINK MINIMUM.
TIMES THREE, THAT'LL BE 90 BUCKS.
90 BUCKS? YEAH, $15 A DRINK, WHETHER YOU DRINK 'EM OR NOT.
WELL, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
IT CERTAINLY IS.
IF YOU THINK WE'RE GONNA PAY 90 BUCKS FOR NOTHIN', YOU'RE CRAZY, LADY.
FIFTEEN BUCKS A DRINK.
THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS.
I HAPPEN TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE LAWS IN THIS STATE AGAINST CLIP JOINTS TRYIN' TO DO WHAT YOU'RE DOIN' TO US.
- UH, HOWIE.
- COLT, IF EVER THERE WAS A TIME FOR RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION, THIS IS IT.
[ Clears Throat ] HOWIE, WHY DON'T WE JUS PAY THE LADY? SOMEBODY HAS TO TEACH THESE PEOPLE THAT THEY CAN'T GE AWAY WITH THIS KIND OF THING.
HOWIE.
HOWIE.
LISTEN TO COLT.
IF THERE'S ONE THING I LOVE AS MUCH AS BEING A STUNTMAN, IT'S LAW, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S CLEARLY ON MY SIDE.
UH, THE LAW IN HERE IS ON MY SIDE.
OR SHOULD I SAY BEHIND YOU? [ Colt ] IT'S NOT WORTH IT, KID.
WE'RE STILL PAYIN' FOR THE LAST BAR WE BROKE UP.
ON SECOND THOUGHT, MAYBE WE OUGHTA JUST PAY THE BILL.
A GOOD IDEA.
A BROKEN JAW IS NOT WORTH 90 BUCKS.
TWENTY, 40, 60, 80, 100.
KEEP THE CHANGE.
ALL OF IT.
Y'ALL COME BACK NOW, ANY TIME.
SMOOTH, KID.
REAL SMOOTH.
COLT, I'VE GOT A GOOD FEELING ABOUT THIS.
I THINK MONIQUE'S GONNA LEAD US STRAIGHT TO MEL.
- YEAH, I HOPE SO.
HOW MUCH TIME HAVE WE GOT? - LESS THAN AN HOUR.
HADN'T YOU BETTER GET THIS THING IN GEAR? LET'S SEE SOME DRIVIN', BOY.
[ Tires Squealing ] [ Colt ] YOU MEAN LIKE THAT? [ Charlie ] YOU HAVEN'T LOS YOUR TOUCH BEHIND THE WHEEL.
[ Piano: Up-tempo ] [ Man ] OKAY, GIRLS.
LET'S PUT A LITTLE LIFE IN IT.
[ Continues ] OKAY, KELLY.
SMILE NOW.
COME ON.
SMILE.
COME ON.
LET'S KICK HIGH.
THAT'S A GIRL.
THAT'S IT.
EXCUSE ME.
WHERE DO WE FIND MONIQUE MALROW? SHE'S STILL IN HER DRESSING ROOM, AND WILL YOU TELL HER TO PLEASE GET OUT HERE? OKAY, GIRLS.
A LITTLE LIVELY NOW.
EXCUSE ME.
MONIQUE? YES? WE'RE LOOKIN' FOR MEL HEFFERTON.
THOUGHT MAYBE YOU MIGH COULD HELP US FIND HIM.
- [ Monique ] YOU'RE GONNA BE SORELY DISAPPOINTED.
- PLEASE.
MEL'S MY BROTHER.
HE'S IN TROUBLE, AND WE'RE TRYIN' TO FIND HIM.
SORRY.
I HAVEN' SEEN HIM IN WEEKS.
HEY, MONIQUE.
THAT MEANS YOU, BABE.
- I'VE GOTTA GO.
- I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND.
LOOK, I TOLD YOU I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? HEY, MONIQUE.
IF YOU'RE NO OUT HERE IN TWO SECONDS, YOU'RE GOING BACK ON THE STREETS.
LET ME GO.
SURE.
BREAK A LEG.
[ Continues ] COLT, THERE HE GOES! MEL! MEL, COME BACK HERE! [ Charlie ] MEL, YOU IDIOT! MEL, WE'RE YOUR FRIENDS.
WHAT IS THIS? THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A REHEARSAL.
GO THAT WAY, KID.
SORRY.
WHOA! ANY LEAKS? THE POLICE WILL NEVER KNOW YOU'RE IN THIS STATE.
GOOD, GOOD.
HAVE THE PILO COME BACK IN FOUR HOURS SO HE DOESN'T GET SPOTTED.
YOUR FRIEND IS RUNNING OUT OF TIME, HONEY.
COLT ALWAYS GETS HIS MAN, EVEN IF HE IS BEING BLACKMAILED.
DAD.
YOU GUYS TAKE HER IN THE OTHER ROOM.
YEAH.
DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE? YOU KNOW THEY GOT A WARRAN FOR YOU IN NEVADA.
HOW'S MOM? MY SON, THE BIG SHOT! I GOT HALF A MIND TO TAKE YOU OVER MY KNEE.
- COME ON, DAD.
- YOU'RE SUCH A-- AH, I CAN'T EVEN SAY IT.
YOUR MOTHER AND ME, WE ASKED GOD TO GIVE US A SON, AND WHAT DOES HE DO? HE GIVES US YOU.
- DAD, I-- - YOU'RE NEARLY 30, AND I'M STILL CLEANIN' UP YOUR MESSES.
DAD-- DON'T INTERRUPT ME WHEN I'M TALKIN' TO YOU.
NOW WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE? HOW COME YOU LE SOME TWO-BIT HUSTLER GET THE BEST OF YOU? DAD, DON'T WORRY.
I GOT A PROFESSIONAL GUY AND HE'S OUT TRACKIN' HIM DOWN.
WHAT? YOU GO SOMEBODY ELSE INVOLVED? WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH YOU? - DAD, DON'T WORRY.
I'LL GET THE MONEY BACK.
- I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE MONEY.
IT'S $200,000.
$200,000 I CAN MAKE IN A GOOD WEEK.
I'M HERE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU TO LOOK LIKE A FOOL.
- I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.
- WELL, NOW YOU KNOW, DON'T YOU? I JUST THOUGHT THIS TIME I COULD DO IT BY MYSELF.
I GUESS I WAS WRONG.
SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO, DAD? WE'RE GONNA FIND HEFFERTON AND WHOEVER ELSE YOU GOT INVOLVED IN THIS, AND WE'RE GONNA TAKE 'EM FOR A RIDE IN THE DESERT.
AND WE'RE GONNA MAKE SURE THAT THEY NEVER COME BACK.
TELL ME SOMETHING, MEL.
HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID AS TO TRY TO RIP OFF A RACKETEER? I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS CONNECTED TO THE MOB.
IT LOOKED LIKE A SURE THING.
LANCE ROSS IS ABOUT AS BRIGH AS THE BOTTOM OF A COAL MINE.
I NEVER THOUGHT HE'D CATCH ON.
[ Sighs ] MEL, I SWEAR.
SOMETIMES I WONDER IF YOU'RE MY BROTHER.
HEY, IT'S NOT LIKE I ROBBED A HELPLESS VICTIM.
THE GUY'S A CROOK HIMSELF.
YEAH, A CROOK THAT'S HOLDIN' JODY HOSTAGE UNTIL YOU COME UP WITH THE $200,000 YOU STOLE FROM HIM.
- YEAH, I KNOW.
THAT'S GONNA BE A PROBLEM.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, A PROBLEM? - I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY.
I BLEW IT AT THE CRAP TABLES.
- YOU WHAT? WHY DO YOU THINK I WAS HITTING YOU UP FOR CASH? I'M BUSTED.
I WAS TRYIN' TO RAISE A STAKE TO GET OUT OF TOWN.
COLT, IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY TRYIN' TO RAISE $200,000 IN THE NEXT 17 SECONDS.
LOOKS LIKE ALL WE HAVE TO OFFER LANCE IS MEL IN EXCHANGE FOR JODY.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU CAN'T JUS FEED ME TO THE WOLVES.
OH, WE'RE NO GONNA LET THEM EAT YOU.
JUST LICK YOUR FACE A LITTLE.
[ Phone Rings ] - SEAVERS.
- HELLO, MR.
SEAVERS.
I HOPE YOU HAVE SOMETHING FOR ME.
- YES, I DO.
- IS IT GREEN? - NO, YELLOW.
- I'M NOT SURE I FOLLOW YOU.
I'VE GOT YOUR MAN.
YOU'LL HAVE TO GET YOUR MONEY OUT OF HIM ANY WAY YOU CAN.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PLANNING A WEDDING? GIVE ME THAT PHONE.
- SEAVERS? - WHO'S THIS? THIS IS THE BOY'S FATHER.
HAVE YOU GOT MEL HEFFERTON? YES, I DO.
OKAY.
LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.
WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE THE EXCHANGE? IN PUBLIC.
HUH.
I SEE YOU'RE A MAN WHO TAKES PRECAUTIONS.
VERY WELL.
WHY DON'T WE MAKE I THE BAR IN OUR HOTEL? RIGHT.
MY SON WILL BE THERE WITH YOUR FRIEND IN 30 MINUTES.
[ Handset Settles In Cradle ] IT'S ALL SET.
WELL, DON'T WORRY, DAD.
HE WON'T GET AWAY THIS TIME.
- WHO WAS IT? - LANCE'S FATHER.
TONY THE GROCER HIMSELF? [ Big Jack ] THIS HAS GOTTEN PRETTY SERIOUS IF HE'S IN TOWN.
THERE'S A WARRANT OU FOR HIS ARREST, WHICH MEANS THE RENO POLICE WILL PICK HIM UP ON SIGHT.
NO WONDER HE'S IN SUCH A HURRY.
ANOTHER THING YOU BETTER KNOW.
- WHEREVER HE GOES, A LOT OF MUSCLE GOES WITH HIM.
- NOW WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU CAN'T TURN ME OVER TO A GUY LIKE THAT.
HE'LL KILL ME.
COLT, HE IS MY BROTHER.
CAN'T WE WORK SOMETHING OUT? IT'S WHA I'M TRYIN' TO FIGURE OUT.
COME ON, KID.
LET'S GO TO THE BAR.
WE GOT SOME RECRUITING TO DO.
WHO ARE WE GONNA RECRUIT? EVERY AVAILABLE STUNTMAN.
- WHAT FOR? - MORAL SUPPORT.
[ Colt ] TONY THE GROCER WOULDN'T USE THE INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT.
HE'D PROBABLY SNEAK ONTO ONE OF THOSE RANCH STRIPS NORTH OF THE CITY.
THIS GUY COULD BE UP TO ANYTHING, SO LET'S NO TAKE ANY CHANCES.
I'M ALL FOR THAT.
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA LET US IN ON YOUR PLAN? I DON'T GOT ONE.
JUST FOLLOW MY LEAD, HUH? IT'S BEEN QUITE A WHILE, MELVIN.
WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR BARGAIN? YOU SAID YOU WERE BRINGIN' JODY.
THERE'S BEEN A LITTLE CHANGE IN THE PLANS.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, A LITTLE CHANGE IN THE PLANS? WELL, WE'LL ALL WALK OUTSIDE AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT.
- YOU SLIMY-- - SIT DOWN, BUSTER.
WE DON'T NEED A SCENE.
BESIDES, I DON'T THINK YOU REALLY HAVE AN ALTERNATIVE.
WELL, THAT'S NOT ENTIRELY TRUE.
THERE-- THERE IS ONE ALTERNATIVE.
[ Woman Screams ] ALL RIGHT, BREAK IT UP, YOU KIDS! COME ON.
STOP IT! [ Continues, Indistinct ] KID! [ Engine Starts ] [ Tires Squealing ] [ Howie ] COLT, THERE'S JODY.
COME ON, KID.
STAGECOACH.
A 25-MILE-AN-HOUR STAGECOACH CAN'T KEEP UP WITH A CAR.
IT CAN IF HE'S HEADIN' FOR AN AIRSTRIP ON A RANCH.
[ Horse Whinnies ] HYAH! [ Tires Screeching ] [ Horn Honking ] [ Colt ] THEY HUNG A RIGHT.
THAT ELIMINATES THE INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT.
GIDDAP! GET! HYAH! HYAH! HYAH! GIDDAP! HYAH! HYAH! HYAH! HEY! GET OUT OF THERE! [ Horn Honking ] MOVE! COME ON! [ Horn Honking ] I KNEW DOING WESTERNS ALL THOSE YEARS WOULD PAY OFF SOONER OR LATER.
TAKE THE LINES, KID.
[ Tires Screeching ] HO! ALL RIGHT, LANCE.
OUT OF THERE, NICE AND SLOW, HUH? [ Sighs ] BOY, AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU.
- YOU OKAY? - I THINK SO.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT HIM.
- MEET TONY THE GROCER.
- WELL, TONY.
I GUESS IT'S ONE TIME YOU WISH YOU'D STAYED HOME AND MINDED THE STORE.
HUH.
HO! HO! I THINK THIS IS YOUR STOP, BOYS.
COME ON, SEAVERS.
THERE'S NO REASON TO DO THIS.
LET'S MAKE A DEAL.
SURE.
YOU GET WHAT'S BEHIND DOOR NUMBER ONE: JAIL.
- VERY FUNNY.
- THEY SAY A SENSE OF HUMOR'S A GOOD THING TO HAVE, ESPECIALLY WHERE YOU'RE GOIN'.
TAKE 'EM AWAY, BOYS.
DON'T WORRY, DAD.
THEY'LL NEVER DO THIS TO YOU.
I'LL GET YOU OUT OF THIS.
[ Tony ] WILL YOU SHUT UP! IF YOU WEREN'T MY OWN SON, I'D HAVE YOU BUMPED OFF.
GIDDAP.
GIDDAP! [ Exhales ] THIS IS THE LIFE, ISN'T IT? MMM.
DOESN'T IT FEEL GREA JUST TO RELAX AGAIN? YEAH.
MAYBE TOMORROW, I'LL GET A BIT OF A SUNTAN.
I'M SO PALE.
[ Big Jack ] COLT, DON'T YOU WANT A DRINK? NOPE.
- I DON'T WANNA SPOIL MY APPETITE.
- WHOO! LOOK AT YOU.
- NICE TIE.
- IT'S YOURS.
HOW COME YOU NEVER WEAR A TIE WHEN YOU GO OUT TO DINNER WITH US? 'CAUSE YOU NEVER OFFER TO PAY.
OH, IS CHARLIE TAKING YOU OUT? YEP.
THAT'S THE MODERN WOMAN FOR YA.
SHE'S EVEN GONNA PICK HIM UP.
SHE'LL PROBABLY EVEN BRING HIM FLOWERS.
[ Knocking ] [ Vocalizing ] WHOOP.
I'M AFRAID I'M GONNA HAVE TO BREAK OUR DATE.
DON'T LIKE MY TIE? I LOVE YOUR TIE.
JUST THAT MY FOLKS ASKED ME TO MAKE SURE HE GETS HOME SAFE, AND SO I'M FLYING BACK TONIGHT.
OH.
MAYBE NEXT YEAR.
WELL, IF YOU THINK I'M GONNA WAIT A WHOLE NOTHER YEAR TO SEE YOU, YOU'RE CRAZY.
YOU STILL LIVE IN THE HILLS? YEAH, THE SAME PLACE.
WELL, DON'T BE SURPRISED IF I DROP IN.
YEAH, I'LL BE LOOKIN' FOR YOUR PARACHUTE.
I'M NEVER GONNA BE ABLE TO THANK YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID FOR ME AND FOR MY BROTHER.
AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW I APPRECIATE IT.
SEE YOU SOON.
T-TELL YOUR BROTHER GOOD-BYE FOR ME.
TELL HIM YOURSELF.
HE'S STANDIN' RIGHT OUT-- MEL? HE'S GONE AGAIN.
THAT MEAN YOU'RE FREE FOR DINNER? [ Laughs ]