The Golden Girls (1985) s05e02 Episode Script

Sick and Tired (2)

Thank you for being a friend Traveled down the road and back again Your heart is true You're a pal and a confidante And if you threw a party Invited everyone you knew You would see the biggest gift would be from me And the card attached would say "Thank you for being a friend" (Rose) On the last episode of "The Golden Girls" I have heart palpitations.
I can't concentrate.
I forget things.
I I get confused.
Well, now I know what my destiny is, Rose.
I'm gonna be a novelist.
Dorothy, I don't believe you're sick, but you do.
Girls, I have writer's block.
It is the worst feeling in the world.
Try ten days without a bowel movement sometime.
Everybody thinks I'm crazy.
Maybe I am.
There's nothing wrong with you, Dorothy, except what happens to all of us.
In case you haven't noticed, you're not 30.
Dorothy could be dying and they just don't know it.
(banging) Dorothy, Dorothy.
Don't smash the Play-Doh.
Sorry.
Well, as far as doctors go, you've certainly seen the best.
The best don't exist anymore.
The best are dead.
Well, I don't know about that.
Oh.
You're the exception, Harry.
I didn't mean you.
So do you think I'm crazy too? Dorothy, I think you're very sane.
Just because a doctor hasn't found something doesn't mean there isn't something there.
Are you serious? How come you know that and they don't? First of all, I know you.
You're a stable person.
If you say you're sick, you probably are sick.
Now, I want you to see Michael Chang.
He's a virologist on staff here at the hospital.
There are all kinds of diseases we didn't know about before.
Look at Lyme disease.
Harry, am I gonna die? I'm afraid so.
Do you really think so? Sooner or later, I guarantee it.
Unless, of course, the Japanese come up with something.
There you go.
Here's his name and number.
My God, what handwriting doctors have.
I can't even read this, and I just wrote it Here it is.
Thank you, Oliver.
How are you gonna know it's not chicken soup? We don't keep chicken soup here.
We only have vegetable soup.
If that looks like vegetable soup, you're in a lot of trouble.
How are you gonna know it's mine? Because I'll put your name on it.
How old are you? Too old for you.
Has he been your doctor ever since you were little? He's not my doctor.
He's my friend.
Oh.
Oh, Oliver, Oliver! The bottle, please.
Thank you.
Listen, Harry.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I can't tell you what it means to have someone like you believe me.
Give me that.
That's not his.
He had Buddy Kline do it for him.
This is a proxy? He'll do it in his own bed, but there's something about doing it in a public place.
Kinda like sex.
Maybe where you come from.
Rose, what the hell are you doing? I'm making omelets for us without yolk so we don't get too much cholesterol.
That leaves these yolks, which I hate to throw out, so I thought we'd give them to the homeless.
Fine.
Give them egg yolks.
They'll die of heart attacks.
They won't need homes.
Your heart's in the right place, Rose, but I don't know where the hell your brain is.
Morning.
Oh, Dorothy, you look terrific.
Where are you going? To see that specialist that Harry recommended.
Wipe off your makeup.
What? You look too healthy.
Maybe that's why they don't believe you.
You don't look sick.
She should go.
They'd believe her.
Blanche, you look terrible.
What day is this? I've been up for 72 hours.
I had a breakthrough.
I discovered a new form of writing.
I will go down in history.
First I wrote all day, then I tore it all up, and then that night it came to me, and the words poured forth like liquid from a stream.
It was almost a mystical experience.
Somebody else was writing this.
Who? Everyman.
This is everyman's work.
It's all gold.
Just open it anywhere and the magic will touch you.
But I'm so tired.
I must sleep.
And I cannot sleep.
I am too tired to sleep.
I will never sleep again.
I may die from this.
What am I gonna do? My God, I'm hallucinating.
I see little balls of sunshine in a bag.
Does this mean something? Those are egg yolks, Blanche.
My brain's gone.
My body is limp with exhaustion.
I suppose all the greats knew this feeling.
And the thing is, after all this I've decided not to sell my book.
It's too good to sell.
They can publish it after I'm dead, like Vincent van Gogh.
Van Gogh was a painter, Blanche.
Whatever.
It's all the same thing.
We're all artists.
We're all misunderstood.
He cut off his hair.
Maybe I'll cut off mine.
He cut off his ear.
I have too many earrings.
We gotta go.
I hate to leave.
I've never seen a show like this before.
Good luck, Dorothy.
I hope he finds something wrong with you.
Oh, I don't mean something wrong wrong.
I mean something wrong so you know you're right when you know there's something wrong and you haven't been wrong all along.
My God, I can't even understand people when they speak anymore, I'm so tired.
What'd she just say, Dorothy? Was that a poem? Rose, make her lie down.
I do try.
I try, but I just pop right up again like one of those clowns you hit.
I'll never rest.
I'll never rest again.
Have a good time, Dorothy.
Buy me a present.
I'll make you some nice hot milk and then we're gonna pile you into bed.
Rose, you're my friend so I'm gonna let you read a few pages, but you have to give me your word you won't tell anyone.
Your word.
Of course.
And then will you sleep? Whatever.
I can trust you, I know I can.
You're from Minnesota.
People from Minnesota are honest.
They don't lie.
What could you possibly find to lie about on a farm? Must be some state.
Lots of lakes and nice, pale people.
I'd drown myself.
Read, Rose.
Don't talk.
I must publish a guide to go with my book.
It's too full of references people could not possibly understand.
It will be taught in universities.
Rose, what is this? Yellow eyeballs are staring at me.
Those are egg yolks, Blanche.
Blanche, you are exhausted.
You have to sleep.
To sleep, perchance to dream.
My God, what a wonderful line.
Oh! I'm getting so good I can't stand it.
I ought to write that in my book, that line.
What do you think, Rose? What page are you on? To tell the truth, I don't understand any of this.
It doesn't seem to make any sense.
Doesn't make sense? Since when are you a literary critic, Rose Nylund? I'm not.
You're from Minnesota.
What have you read, for God's sake? Silas Marner? Paul Bunyan? Nothing.
You know nothing.
People from Minnesota are considered well-read if they get through the Sears catalog.
Give me back my book.
This is why Hollywood won't get it either.
I will not have my words coming out of Glenn Close's mouth.
I'd rather die.
Come on, Blanche.
We're gonna get you to bed.
But it's my duty to the public.
No, I must have it published.
It's my duty.
Oh, my God, I'm so tired.
Come on, you can sleep right here, honey.
Tell me a story, Rose.
That always puts me to sleep.
It works every time.
Just tell me one of your boring stories.
OK.
I want you to know I'm crazy about Chinese people.
Ma.
It's a compliment.
I am.
Thank you, Mrs.
Petrillo.
Chinese people revere the elderly.
In this country we throw away anything that's old.
But you people don't.
That's a beautiful thing.
You also have the most gorgeous hair in the world.
Even when it's humid.
Ma, please, let Dr.
Chang read.
It's OK, Mrs.
Zbornak.
I'm finished.
You've seen some wonderful doctors, but I really can't agree with their findings.
There are new diseases arising all the time - things we don't necessarily have tests for - but that doesn't mean the diseases don't exist.
See how terrific the Chinese are? With the most terrific food.
Tasty, but not fattening.
I don't care what anyone says.
I don't get hungry an hour later.
Ma, let Dr.
Chang finish.
I love Chinese checkers.
It's much better than plain checkers.
And chopsticks - what a great idea.
Who knows what fork to use at a dinner party? Chopsticks, you don't feel like an idiot.
Ma, enough! Dr.
Chang, please.
Well, I think that you are sick.
I think you have something called chronic fatigue syndrome.
It's fairly recent.
There are many theories, but most of us believe it's a virus.
It just has not been identified yet.
The man's a genius.
By the way, I loved Flower Drum Song.
Doctors just kept telling me I was depressed.
Depression can make a person feel tired, but it doesn't start suddenly, give you swollen glands, sore throat and all the other symptoms.
Now, there are certain blood tests, which we'll do, and if those results are abnormal that combined with the exclusion of the other diseases will compose a profile that actually thousands of people fit.
So I really have something real? I would say you most certainly do.
We should have our answers in a couple of weeks.
How long will it last? I mean, will it go away? Does it get worse? Does anyone die from it? Well, no one has died from it.
We don't know how long it lasts.
Some people recover in months, some still have it after ten years, but that happens in other diseases as well.
You take multiple sclerosis.
Some people have 20-year remissions, others wind up in wheelchairs.
There are variations.
You're a genius.
All your people are brilliant.
The Chinese invented pasta, you know.
We take credit for it, but we just added oregano.
Well All I can say at this point is try to adapt to it.
Rest when you need to, eat well, eliminate stress if you can.
Right now there is no cure, and no one thing that relieves symptoms in everyone.
Right now I'm afraid you'll just have to live with it.
Oh, why didn't they tell me, all those doctors I saw? I'm sure some of them weren't familiar with it.
The ones who have heard about it sometimes have trouble believing it exists, since they're not able to see it under their microscopes just yet.
Those colleagues of mine, unfortunately, tend to blame the victim.
I can't tell you what a relief this is.
I'm sure.
Are there any other questions that I could answer for you? Not now, not that I can think of.
Maybe later.
Right now I can't even think straight.
If there are no more questions, I'll order some blood work I have a question.
Of course, Mrs.
Petrillo.
When I order at Fung Chow's and say no MSG, do they really put it in anyway? I don't believe it.
Another rejection.
And this one isn't even personal.
It's a form letter.
They just filled in my name at the top, see? Oh, I'm so upset.
I put everything into this, Rose, all of me, I held nothing back.
Then to have some snotnosed little kid from Harvard send me a form letter, oh! I'm so mad I could scream.
(screams) That's the first time I ever heard anybody say "I'm so mad I could scream" and actually do it.
It's like saying, "I laughed all the way to the bank.
" I never saw anybody do that either.
I did all this work, Rose.
I worked so hard.
Oh, I know you did, Blanche.
All I ever wanted was to be special.
I thought this would do it.
I thought I'd publish a novel and I'd be special.
'Course, I've always been special because of my looks, but they won't last forever.
I have to be realistic - another 20 or 30 years.
My face and body might start to go and then I'll have nothing to make me special.
That's not what makes a person special, Blanche.
You're special because you're a kind, decent, loving individual with a wonderful heart and a beauty that comes from your soul.
That's that Minnesota crap again about the meaning of life.
Well, Blanche, what else is there besides love and kindness? How about fame and fortune? That doesn't bring happiness.
Like hell it doesn't.
You know, I'm getting sick of you knocking Minnesota.
Maybe we're not as sophisticated as Miami, maybe we don't have French boutiques and valet parking and face-lifts for Christmas vacation, but we have friends and family and a sense of community and caring, and that's pretty special.
And our people are special too.
And if we have farms, that's great.
Without farms, you couldn't eat, and without eating, you wouldn't be able to go on a diet, and if you couldn't do that, what would you do for the rest of your life? Was I harsh? Ladies, drinks? Champagne.
The best you have.
Dorothy, that's so expensive.
Shut up, Rose.
This is my treat.
It is a celebration.
What are we celebrating? My daughter found out she has a debilitating disease.
Oh! And it has a name.
I am thrilled.
We all are.
Well, of course.
Congratulations.
Champagne it is.
I can't tell you what a relief it is to just be sick, not sick and crazy, and to know what I have, and that a lot of other people have the same thing.
I don't like the name.
I think it ought to have a better name.
That's what Dr.
Chang said.
Chronic fatigue syndrome makes it sound like I'm just a tired person when it is so much more than that.
I think they should name it after you.
Zbornak syndrome.
Zbornak syndrome.
That sounds like a chess move.
Devereaux's disease has a nice ring to it.
Oh, my God.
Oh, it was just a thought.
It's him.
Who? I can't believe it.
I saw him first.
Who is it? Where is he? It's Dr.
Budd, the neurologist I saw in New York.
The one who told me I was just getting old and to go see a psychiatrist.
Dorothy, don't make a scene.
Order without me.
Dr.
Budd? Yes.
You probably don't remember me, but you told me I wasn't sick.
Do you remember? You told me I was just getting old.
I'm sorry.
I really don't Remember.
Maybe you're getting old.
That's a little joke.
Well, I tell you, Dr.
Budd, I really am sick.
I have chronic fatigue syndrome.
That is a real illness.
You can check with the Center for Disease Control.
Oh, well, I'm sorry about that.
Well, I'm glad.
At least I know I have something.
I'm sure.
Well, nice seeing you.
Not so fast.
There are some things I have to say.
There are a lot of things that I have to say.
Words can't express what I have to say.
What I went through, what you put me through I can't do this in a restaurant.
Good.
But I will.
Lewis, who is this person? Look, miss Sit.
I sat for you long enough.
Dr.
Budd, I came to you sick - sick and scared.
And you dismissed me.
You didn't have the answer.
Instead of saying, "I'm sorry.
I don't know what's wrong with you," you made me feel crazy, like I had made it all up.
You dismissed me.
You made me feel like a child, a fool, a neurotic who was wasting your precious time.
Is that is that your caring profession? Is that healing? No one deserves that kind of treatment, Dr.
Budd, no one.
I suspect, had I been a man, I might have been taken a little bit more seriously and not told to go to a hairdresser.
Look, I am not going to sit here anymore-- Shut up, Lewis.
I don't know where you doctors lose your humanity, but you lose it.
If all of you at the beginning of your careers could get very sick and scared for a while, you'd probably learn more from that than anything else.
You'd better start listening to your patients.
They need to be heard.
They need caring, they need compassion.
They need attending to.
Someday, Dr.
Budd, you're gonna be on the other side of the table, and as angry as I am, and as angry as I always will be, I still wish you a better doctor than you were to me.
Are you all right? I feel better than I have felt in a long time.
To my friends who made being sick a little easier because they cared.
Oh! This is the best champagne I've ever tasted.
It should be.
It's $430 a bottle.
Rose, I can't afford that! You did say the best.
Rose, for heaven's sake, you should have told me what it was.
(overlapping chatter) Ma, what am I gonna do? Just calm down.
I'll show you an old Sicilian trick.
This is how I grew up poor and managed to eat in the best restaurants in all of Italy.
Watch.
Look, learn.
It's awful! Swill! Is there a problem? You're supposed to take off your socks before you step on the grapes.
Taste this.
Oh, dear.
Ladies, I'm terribly sorry.
I'll get you a new bottle.
No, no.
It lingers on the palate.
We won't be able to drink champagne for weeks.
Well, at least let us pay for your meal.
If you insist.
Thank you.
Now it's a celebration!
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