The Graham Norton Show (2007) s16e13 Episode Script
New Year's Eve Show
1 I don't know who you are.
But I have a particular set of skills.
Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.
If you go now, that'll be the end of it.
I will not look for you, I will not pursue you.
But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.
All right, Liam! I was only asking if he wanted to come on my New Year's Eve special! Hey! Let's start that show! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Oh! Ohh! Wow! Hello! Hello, welcome, everybody.
Happy New Year's Eve to you! Yay! CHEERING Oh, lovely.
Nice to see you all.
Did you all have a nice Christmas? AUDIENCE: Yes! Really? I sort of feel like it's passed me by this year.
LAUGHTER I can hardly remember it.
But listen - we're going to see 2014 out with a bang.
Yes, star of Taken, and Oscar nominated for Schindler's List, Liam Neeson is here.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Hot British actor playing Stephen Hawking in The Theory of Everything, Eddie Redmayne is on the show.
CHEERING The star of Pitch Perfect and Oscar nominated for Up In The Air, Anna Kendrick is joining us.
CHEERING Plus we've got the fastest thing on two wheels - Olympic champion Sir Bradley Wiggins, he's here! CHEERING AndI'm thrilled to say, singing the song of the year, Eurovision star Conchita is singing, yes, she is! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Happy place.
Taking me to a happy place.
No, here! Seriously, Conchita's here.
Lovely to have Liam Neeson back on the show.
Here he is in action.
Oh, yeah.
I wonder which of his special skills he's demonstrating there? Ooh, a high score on Candy Crush.
And Sir Bradley Wiggins is here - an Olympic champion and winner of the Tour De France.
Here he is in action.
In peak condition, ladies and gentlemen, he really is.
Bet he can't wait to retire and let himself go a bit.
I mean, this is Chris Hoy nowadays.
LAUGHTER Lovely.
Aaargh! And while we're looking at people in Lycra - indulge me, please - let's remind ourselves, this is one of my favourite pictures of the year.
The Colombian women's team launching their new kit.
LAUGHTER APPLAUSE The shame! All excited putting them on and then, "Eeurgh!".
Of course, the big sporting story of the year was the World Cup.
Here's England manager Roy Hodgson arriving in Brazil.
"Hello!" And a few days later, "Bye!" He didn't even unpack.
A big welcome to Anna Kendrick, now starring in the musical film Into The Woods, but of course Oscar nominated for Up In The Air with George Clooney.
And the big story this year - George Clooney got married.
I know.
I tell you, some people were heartbroken when they read the news.
LAUGHTER Stupid sexy human rights lawyer! HE MUMBLES .
.
long hair! And first time on the show for Eddie Redmayne, currently playing Stephen Hawking in the new film The Theory of Everything.
The film is a love story about Hawking and his wife Jane.
Yes, geeks can be sexy.
Well, not all geeks, obviously.
LAUGHTER That's Ed Miliband there trying to eat a bacon sandwich.
Mind you, Nigel Farage didn't do much better.
He's just found out that it was made by Hungarians.
But let's face it, 2015 could be UKIP's year.
It could! Although if he doesn't want people to think he's a right-wing extremist, he really should be more careful when standing in front of a microphone.
LAUGHTER That's how rumours start! Let's get some guests on! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Later, we'll be having music from Conchita, but first, he's a tour de force, it's Sir Bradley Wiggins! Suited and booted! Hello, sir.
Lovely to see you.
Sit down.
Bradley Wiggins! Talent plus good looks equals great guest, it's Eddie Redmayne! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING You genius! You are so, so good.
So good.
Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.
She's so good, she's pitch perfect - it's Anna Kendrick.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Wow! Beauty! Hello, my dear.
Lovely to see you, come and sit down.
Join the group.
- And I'm really - taken - with this star, it's Liam Neeson! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Have a seat.
How exciting is this? Welcome all, welcome all.
Did everyone have a nice Christmas? LAUGHTER - It did go past very quickly.
- Didn't it, though? In a blur.
Anna, what was your best present? Um, I mean I was just high the whole time.
LAUGHTER So high.
- Eddie, a nice Christmas? - Wonderful Christmas.
Wonderful.
Of course you did.
I like making hams, and I made a verya Delia Smith ham.
He's so on it, isn't he? Right there, with his Delia Smith ham.
By the time this is shown, there will have been some sort of ham outbreak of something and people will be like, "Why did he eat ham?!" Bradley Wiggins, you know if a dad likes golf, everything he gets for Christmas is golf related, is everything you get bicycle is it like socks with bikes on? No, my son is a mad footballer, so everything we do is related to Neymar, and Barcelona.
Even though we live in the North of England.
We'll play in a muddy field pretending to be in Barcelona and I'm pretending to be Jimmy Bullard from Blackburn.
LAUGHTER That sound is ovaries clicking.
Everyone is like, "Oh, what a lovely dad".
Very good.
But what's the thing about when you're travelling, your wife has to carry all the bags.
Well, my wife is a bit of a brow beater.
- LAUGHTER - Happy New Year! A chill came over the Wiggins household.
No, she's a strong girl.
LAUGHTER No, I'm serious.
For years, when I was training, she would always take me to the airport whenever I was going somewhere, or she would pick me up from somewhere, and I've got my suitcase full of all my gear.
She would say, "Don't do that, love.
Let me sort that out for you.
" So she always chucks it in the back of the car or out of the car.
Because she sort of clean and jerks LAUGHTER Is that her over there? APPLAUSE Oh, look at you.
We didn't know what we were expecting to see.
Some sort of Russian gymnast.
Your wife is lovely.
But so, you know, she's always conscious of me - like, the biggest competition, you know, I'm at the airport, do my back in, I can't compete.
So she's like, let me deal with that.
"Stand back, let me deal with this.
" LAUGHTER Northern accent.
HE GRUNTS If that's her actual voice, I would laugh a lot.
- You don't sound like that, do you? - No.
- (LOW VOICE) - No! Now, listen, we've got lots of New Year's treats to talk about, because some really, really good films are on their way.
So, let's start with The Theory of Everything, Eddie Redmayne's movie.
Congratulations on this film, it's just brilliant and you are extraordinary in it.
And as we speak you are SAG nominated, Golden Globe nominated.
- Yes.
- Yes! Punch the air! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING It's the Stephen Hawking biopic, it opens tomorrow, New Year's Day, and SCATTERED TITTERS Let's not pick at that.
It will be a long evening, otherwise.
I mean, listen, I'll gush.
You are brilliant in it, just so good in it.
- Thank you.
- A difficult performance anyway, but presumably so much more pressure because Stephen Hawking is still around, he's so familiar to us, and he was on set, I believe.
He was, yeah.
It was one of those extraordinary things where I read the script and I thought it was going to be a biopic of Stephen's life and it was actually an extraordinary love story.
So I did that thing you do with job interviews of kind of chasing and pretending to be really confident and know exactly how you would get the job, and you persuade people that they should hire you and then you get the call saying that they have hired you and you have a moment of euphoria, followed by a sort of sucker punch of fear, basically.
And that is sustained when you are playing someone real and you know they are going to see the film.
I didn't sleep, basically, for nine months.
And when you see Stephen Hawking on TV and stuff, it is instant, but meeting him takes longer.
I mean, the speech isn't immediate.
Yes, when you see Stephen and he's interviewed, often he is sent the questions in advance, so he has prepared the answers.
But when you meet him and he is speaking live, he just uses this muscle beneath his eye to communicate, there is a sensor on his glasses.
So it takes a wee while.
So, when I met him, I'd spent maybe four months researching everything about him, he'd gone from full-on icon to sort of idol status.
And I arrived to meet him and there was this very unique rhythm, these kind of long, long pauses.
I have a hatred of silence, and I proceeded to genuinely just spew forth information about Stephen Hawking to Stephen Hawking.
For about 45 minutes.
It was catastrophic.
Yeah, it was bad to start.
But presumably you get into that rhythm and it's all right.
Well, you do, but that didn't stop He'd just come out with a book called My Brief History, an autobiography, and in it, he talked about how he was born on Galileo's birthday, which was 8 January.
So I was making chat, a sort of verbal monologue, and I said to him, "Stephen, you were born on 8 January "and I'm actually born on 6 January, and we're both Capricorns.
" LAUGHTER The second I said it - it actually still makes me sweat.
He looked at me and spent about six minutes - six minutes is a long time of silence, then he said in his iconic voice, he said, "I'm an astronomer, not an astrologer.
" And it was basically the second thing I said to him, and the idea that Stephen Hawking thought that the guy playing him in a film thought he was Mystic Meg LAUGHTER .
.
was too much to bear, so, yeah.
It was a great start, but, er, yeah.
And, of course, the film, not just the story of Stephen Hawking, it does tell the story of his first marriage, - and it's based on her book.
- Absolutely, so, Jane It's based on Jane Wilde's book, Stephen's first wife, who's a phenomenal woman, amazing mind and brain in her own right, and, yeah, it's a love story.
It's a complicated but delicate but quite passionate love story really.
Well, we've got a clip.
This is kind of the start of your romance before the motor neurone disease has really taken hold.
This is you in The Theory of Everything.
COCKTAIL JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS You see how the men's shirt fronts and their bow-ties, how they glow more than the women's dresses? Yes.
Do you know why? Why? Tide.
The washing powder.
The fluorescence in the washing powder's caught by the UV light.
Why do you know that? When stars are born, and when they die, they emit UV radiation, so if we could see the night sky in the ultraviolet light then almost all the stars would disappear, and all that we would see are these spectacular births and deaths.
I reckon it would look a little Like that.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Very good.
And in terms of being in movies, The Hobbit, every English actor in the world was in it.
- What gives, Eddie Redmayne? - Oh, God, do you know what? For a few years there, there were the Harry Potter films, there was a whole family of ginger people, and I thought somehow I might be part of that at some point and it never happened.
And then The Hobbit, after The Lord of the Rings, you know, they were auditioning for The Hobbit, and I was sent an audition for Bilbo Baggins, erm, which shows that they were really casting the net wide.
And I went to this audition and I'd been really rigorous about it and didn't want to, erm, just do my usual boring thing, and so I went on YouTube and I found Ian Holm, who had played it in Lord of the Rings, and I tried to copy his character, and I arrived there and the casting director put on the camcorder and I started reading the scene.
FANTASTICAL, CAMP VOICE "My name is Bilbo Baggins!" LAUGHTER I thought I was being brave, you know, that I could be bold.
And after Before the word "Baggins" had come out of my mouth, she said, "No, no, no, own voice.
Own voice.
" LAUGHTER - I never got a call-back.
- But I think that's good to tell that story because you always hear these famous stories about, well, about, like, Elijah Wood dressing up as a hobbit and filming himself out on the moor somewhere.
- Oh, really? - Yeah - I should have done that! Yeah, to get that part, and you always hear the stories of the actor being brave and really doing something kind of mad to get a part, and you're like, "I'm going to do that!" But they never tell you the stories about the actors who do something mad, and they're like, "What the?" LAUGHTER Cos then that's you.
Cos Liam Neeson, presumably you don't audition for anything now? - Never, darling.
- No! But in the past, in your youth, - was it The Princess Bride where you were called in? - Oh, yeah.
- To be a giant? - Yeah, and, er, Rob Reiner, the director, whom I'm dying to meet someday because I will pull him to task on this, erm This very sweet casting director, I forget her name, er, lovely lady, she got me in to meet Rob Reiner for The Princess Bride, for the giant, and I cycled in from Putney and locked up my bike and got in and, you know, what do you do? Take three deep breaths and walk in, and Rob Reiner said, "I asked for a giant! "This is What are you?" I said, "Six foot four.
" That was it, there was no "Hello, how are you? Thanks for coming.
" GRAHAM LAUGHS Hey, Rob, come here.
- You will find him.
- Oh! I felt bad.
I really felt for the casting director.
She just wanted the ground to kind of swallow her up.
Who did get it? Andre the Giant, God rest him, yeah.
An actual giant.
Yeah.
They should have just gone to him, really.
- I know, I know.
- The clue's in his name.
And Eddie, you've got the Golden Globe nomination, and now, I know you don't want to think about these things but you must be thinking about, "Will Mr Oscar? Will there be a call?" Will there be a call? - "Mr Redmayne, it's Oscar on the phone.
" - Erm HE GASPS It must be in your head.
You'd be an idiot if it wasn't.
Do you know what, I don't think you can If you listen to all the buzz then I think that's where madness lies.
I'm going to look to Liam now for this.
Cos you must have been through it, cos Schindler's List, you were nominated for that, and you must be swept away by it a bit? Well, I I enjoyed it.
I knew in my heart of hearts I was not going to win, and so I actually enjoyed it, I had a great, great night, you know? But even in that moment there must be a kind of, "They might say Liam Neeson.
" No.
I'm being very honest, I was absolutely convinced it wasn't going to happen and it was OK.
Cos, Anna, you, Up In The Air, obviously nominated for that.
I had the same experience, though, where I felt actually really relieved that there wasn't, like, "Oh, maybe she won the SAG, but she didn't" I didn't win anything, and that was all right.
I just sat there happily as a nominee and drank as much as they would give me.
Eddie, you'll find the Golden Globes, you can have a really good time because they serve drink, you know what I mean? But they tell you that they serve food and they don't.
- Pack a power bar, seriously.
- Yeah, they don't.
This is good to know.
This is good counsel, thank you.
A power bar, what is a power bar? That sounds like something Bradley might have to Like a meal replacement bar, you know, like a Clif Bar.
- You guys have those? - Protein bar, yeah.
- Protein bar.
We live like animals, Anna, we don't know.
But, I think, yeah, we do.
Yeah, you know, OK, so, pack some, I don't know, trail mix.
You have trail mix? LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE It's nuts and dried fruit, it's, you know, the idea of something very small that you can take with you on a hike, that's why it's called trail mix.
It's sort of calorie packed with good fats I think they get it, Anna, I think they get it.
No, no, I feel like this is important.
OK, are you all with me? She's a woman on a mission.
But here's the thing, the losing, the winning, and you would think winning would be the simple part, but, er, winning the Tour de France, Bradley, I read in interviews where you said it wasn't justit wasn't unadulterated joy, there was - also difficulties that came with it.
- Yeah, I think You do something for three weeks day in, day out, you get to the end in Paris and you don't almost realise what you've done - because in some ways you just want to get home.
- Yeah.
And, er, for me there was definitely It wasn't an enjoyable experience.
The end result was When I look back now it was an incredible experience, but during it I wasn't overjoyed every day.
- No, but that moment on the Champs-Elysees - Yeah.
- That must be amazing.
- Yeah.
But do you know? The whole thing with the Champs-Elysees was, the biggest moment of that Champs-Elysees was not standing on the podium winning the Tour de France, it was more leading out one of my best friends in Mark Cavendish, who won the stage win.
So being able to lead him out, which was a childhood dream of mine, was being able to go across the Place de la Concorde in the yellow jersey and lead the world champion onto the Champs-Elysees, who then eventually won the stage.
That was more of a dream than I crossed the line and they said, "You won the Tour de France.
" I was like, "Oh, yeah.
I forgot about that.
Cheers! "Thanks for that.
Nice one!" - Now, you're giving up the road racing? - No.
I'm not.
- I'm not giving up.
- You're not? - No.
I am, I am, I am, I am.
LAUGHTER How do these rumours of drug use start? I don't know! I just don't know! No, look.
I did the Sydney Olympics, what was that? 15 years ago? And that was my first Olympic Games and I always wanted to end it doing the same thing so why not go to Rio? an old fogey, and give on.
But you are doing one last road race.
Is that the Paris-Roubaix? Yeah, yeah.
Traditionally, that is the toughest race in professional cycling.
It's across cobblestones and not many people that have won Eddie just went, "What?" They don't have much suspension, do they? I was talking to you about that earlier and you were loving it! Now you're mugging me off, saying, "What?" Cobblestones on those bikes? Aren't they You pretended to know what that was all about and now you're like Anyway, yeah.
Pretty tough race, that.
It's on cobblestones.
Do the bikes have suspension or do they I told you earlier! - Fight, fight, fight, fight! - You didn't tell me.
- Do they have suspension? - No.
- OK.
- That must hurt.
Yeah, it's pretty painful.
You can never have kids again.
Heavy lifting, no more kids.
It's a tough life up there.
Listen, the thing about cycling is it can be dangerous.
So when you were coming on we were sort of looking for cycling images and we found one of a cycle crash.
I love this one because it's not a picture of someone crashing, it's a picture of someone on holidays, I think in Berlin.
So they have their picture taken, unaware of what an amazing photograph had been taken.
- This is it.
So - LAUGHTER That is a brilliant crash! That is a very good crash.
So, that is a kind of classic of the kind of perfectly timed photo.
We've collected a few more to look at tonight.
Here's one.
That could be Kim Kardashian's baby.
We don't know.
This next one is so freaky.
In case you're confused, that is a woman, she is sitting on a zebra.
There are her feet and that's the rest of her.
Here's another one.
What's this? "Single to Barking.
" And here's the next one.
Now I'm not sure that is a perfectly timed photograph or whether that's really happened.
Cos even the dog is looking round, like, "What? I don't remember eating that!" What's up next? Oh! So, there's that.
That isn't very impressive.
That isn't very impressive.
But you know the expression, hung like a Japanese baseball player's arm? LAUGHTER That's where the expression comes from.
That's where the expression comes from.
And finally.
- It's back to cycling.
- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Very good.
Well done, everybody.
Very good.
New Year's Eve is a time to reflect on the year gone by and 2014 has been another good year for our old friend, the red chair.
So let's enjoy some of the best bits.
- Hi, Graham.
- Hello, how are you? - I'm good.
- What's your name? - Jessica.
- Jessica, lovely.
And what do you do, Jessica? - Oh, dear.
They asked me this earlier.
I'm a real estate sustainability consultant.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - That's not a great way to open.
- Who's up next? - John from London.
- Hello, John from London.
- What do you do, John? - I'm a plumber.
- And are you wearing shorts, John? Yeah.
It's hot Friday, isn't it? - I like it.
- All Fridays are hot.
- He can predict the weather.
Plumber and meteorologist.
Off you go with your story, John.
I got called out to a job in Chelsea for blocked drains.
Me and my partner was there.
We had gone there, done the blockage.
And the lady of the house Oh, don't say blockage! That was impressive! So, it was New Year about four years ago.
I had lots of friends over.
We were drinking and throughout the evening the doorbell kept ringing.
I ran upstairs to my front door, opened the front door and couldn't see anyone there apart from a man walking down the street.
So I yelled out at him, "Why are you ringing on the doorbell? "Stop bloody ringing on the doorbell! It's bloody annoying!" And the man looked really, really confused and turned to me, walked a bit closer and said, "Hello.
Lovely to meet you.
My name is Mark.
I'm your new neighbour.
" And it was Mark from Take That.
- Is that true? - It must be.
- Do you recognise her? - No.
- My eyesmy eyesmy eyes have gone.
- My eyes! My eyes! - Where was the house? - In Wandsworth.
- Oh, yeah.
I remember.
- Should she walk or should we flip her, Mark? - No, no.
- Don't flip her, no.
- She can walk.
- She was having a - You was having a party, weren't you? - I was, yeah.
- I remember.
- So why were you knocking on the door? - Because I was being a bit old.
And I was asking them to turn the noise down.
You can walk.
You can walk.
Well done.
- Paul.
- Yes.
- Where are you from? - I'm from Colchester in Essex.
- Colchester in Essex.
- And what do you do there? - I don't work in Colchester, I work in Chelmsford.
But I work in retail.
Fashion.
God is in the detail.
I tell you where he is from is the bridge of the Starship Enterprise.
That's where he's from.
So, when I was 13 years of age I was playing golf on a sunny day in June.
Tempted! And hailstones started falling so I put my umbrella up and I got struck by lightning.
MATTHEW LAUGHS My three friends watched me get hit by lightning.
I phoned my dad and he didn't believe me and told me to play on.
I went to hospital and my hand was paralysed for half a day and I had no feeling in my arm for six months.
Shall we let him walk too? If he can.
If he can.
You can walk, he can walk.
Rafferty Fox.
Did you change your name to Rafferty Fox? Nah.
LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH - So, your mother and father decided to name you Rafferty.
- Yeah.
It's Dad's favourite pub.
- Is that your story? - Yeah.
Off you go with your story, Lana.
Basically, tonight was very exciting for me because from the time I was about I used to have a kind of fantasy or dream about Mr Stallone being my father.
She can go.
Can I do it? Get out! She may be.
I might be.
It's scary.
Oh, my God.
Well, Benedict Cumberbatch and I were actually at the same boarding school.
We both went to Harrow.
And there are lots of rumours circulating about what he got up to there so I thought I would use this Do it now.
Bye-bye.
We turn now to Liam Neeson.
Taken 3.
And this is out on 8th January.
By the way, thank you for reprising I couldn't believe I forgot the lines.
- I've only said them 17,000 times.
- Because, listen.
Everyone is delighted that Bryan Mills - and his particularly unlucky family are back.
- Yes! But no, like, really.
If you see them moving into the neighbourhood it's, "Oh, my God!" Because you did say this film wouldn't happen.
You said Taken 2 wouldn't happen.
I said I wouldn't do the third one if someone got taken, because that's insulting to an audience.
So I was mean.
And they said, "No, we've got a good storyline.
" - And so they ran it past me and it's actually good.
- No, it is.
And it's No, it is good.
- Surprised? - No, and it is very different.
I mean, you still use your special set of skills but this time in a different way.
From a different angle, I would say.
Yeah.
I'm sort of the hunted one instead of me hunting.
The authorities are after me this time.
But the shock in this one, and I imagine American travel agents will be delighted, in that this time we discover you don't need to come to Europe for bad things to happen to your family.
Do you know something? Just the other day I got a legitimate letter from a schoolteacher from somewhere in South Texas that was passed to someone else that was passed to someone else that was passed to someone that I eventually got.
And she had tried to take 60 students from South Texas to Europe to, you know, all the scenic spots in Europe and stuff during a summer vacation.
got their kids out of it because they had seen Taken 2.
And then this year, she wanted to take 20 of them and they all said no.
The families, the parents and, "No, they're not going.
"Because we seen that movie.
" - These are kids that haven't left South Texas.
- And never will! So I'm trying to compose a letter to the teacher to read out to the - kids and so far, I don't know.
- They should look at Taken 3.
America, very dangerous also.
This time around you've got some great co-stars.
Dougray Scott's in it.
The great Forest Whitaker.
Dougray Scott.
The great Forest Whitaker, absolutely.
And the clip we have is you and Forest.
- And, honestly, you love a phone in a Taken film.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Absolutely.
That's in the contract.
- Top phone acting.
So, what's happening here? I don't know the clip you're going to show me.
- Well, Forest is trying to catch you.
- Yes.
- Hunt you down.
- I'm in a very snazzy car.
- No, you're not.
- Am I not? You are in a snazzy car, but not in this scene.
This is basically you contacting Forest, - who is trying to hunt you down for crimes you didn't commit.
- OK.
- This is Taken 3, right? - This is Taken 3.
- The one that's out January 8th.
- I'll take your word for it! - Come on.
- Here we go.
PHONE RINGS Dotzler.
By now I'm sure you know who I am.
You know what I'm capable of.
I am beginning to.
Let me ask you something, just so I'm clear.
CIA operative? Division six? Division seven? What? All you have to know is I'm innocent.
If you give me two days I can prove it.
I can find out who did it.
You may very well be innocent, Mr Mills, but that is the court's job to decide.
It's not mine.
My job is to bring you in and let the law take its course.
That's it.
Good luck.
APPLAUSE But one of the things about the first Taken, and the second, was that idea of someone who's not in the first flush of, you know - If you know what I mean? - You can say it.
Go on.
- Of youth! - But being an action hero.
- I was in my 50s, yeah.
But now it's six or seven years later and you're jumping over things, there's a big chase with cars.
- Like, how is all that? - It's Listen, I have a great stunt double.
Mark Vanselow.
He was in the show a couple of years ago.
- Yeah, I remember.
- We've done 16 films together.
He must be exhausted! - And he's younger than me.
- OK.
- He does all the stunts.
I do my own fighting, I like doing that stuff, but Mark does all the - all the serious stuff.
- But you've still got to land cos sometimes it's obviously you.
But that's easy.
You know? They start the camera and say, "Action," and it's LAUGHTER We've all done that, right?! You made it look so easy.
But, Bradley Wiggins, now, you could, presumably, step away from the bike at this point in your life.
But no sign of quitting.
You're Rio full steam ahead, aren't you? Yeah, I've What do you mean step away from the bike? Well, you know, again, very tiring - the cycling.
So you could stop and just No, II love what I do.
I absolutely love it and the Olympic Games, for me, is the ultimate.
And when I'm going to finish my career, another Olympics in Rio, I mean, what a way to go out.
So that will be the end, do you think? I'll be nearly as old as you, then, Graham.
So I'm going to have to call it a day, won't I? - I couldn't even walk the course.
- LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH But, you know, the sport is flourishing, - hence why I'm on Graham Norton.
- Yeah.
- I'm not on Jonathan Ross, am I? - You have a gazillion gold medals and you won the Tour de France.
So, you know, that's why you're here.
They can all ride a bike! Now, the picture here, of you on your throne - Yeah, that's a good one, that.
- It's nice! Is this the one you tried to buy? I do that every morning.
- They weren't actually - Your wife lifts you onto it! Love, wipe me arse.
LAUGHTER AND GROANING Now, you sort of brought it up.
I feel bad but people do want to know! When you're on a long road race - Yeah? - .
.
clearly you're not stopping at cafes to use the facilities.
So do you hold it? What happens? - Just get it out.
- But You do, you do, you do.
- While you're cycling? - Yeah.
Yeah, so, a lot of races Like, there's a race in March called Milan - San Remo, which goes from Milan to San Remo.
It's 300 LAUGHTER Funny, isn't it?! It'd be funnier if it didn't! It's 300km, which isI don't know, what's that in miles? Oh, it's many! And I think it's seven hours, the race.
- And you've got to have a wee in seven hours, don't you? - Yeah.
So you just stop.
- Oh, you do stop? - You do literally stop, pull your kecks down - where there's no-one around.
If it's raining, you do it in your shorts.
- Which is true.
- These are the rules, everyone, these are the rules! If it's raining, you do it, you just go.
If it's raining, and it's freezing cold, you do it in your shorts cos it warms your legs up.
NERVOUS LAUGHTER Hey! You know, everyone wants to know about the People ask about cycling and they love the, you know Cycling's quite popular now in the UK.
Yes! LAUGHTER But Now it sounds like people are only cycling - in order to piss themselves! - Well Me nan did it for years and now LAUGHTER She's still doing it! - Oh, dear! - Me nan will love that! - Yeah, I tell you.
Now, cos Liam Neeson, you shat yourself.
- No, you didn't! No, you didn't! - LAUGHTER I just wanted to say that! I nearly did once, yes! - Did you? - Yeah.
- This is how we get stories! I nearly did when I met Muhammad Ali for the first time.
It was Like, definitely shaky knees, wobbly knees and nearly lost control of the bowels.
He was my idol, he still is.
- And that - And there he is standing in front of you and it's like this God, this athlete.
And he still had one more fight left.
Two! I think two.
And I was like He's looking at me and he's standing in front of me and I'm a little bit taller! And You could have taken him? "Oh, my gosh, am I going to have an accident here?" - Yeah, cos that's not the way you want to meet your idol.
- No.
But I held it in just about.
So listen, our final great film tonight is It really is, it's so hotly anticipated, this film.
.
.
Rob Marshall's adaptation of Sondheim's Into The Woods.
Starring Anna Kendrick as Cinderella.
And Into The Woods, it is a Disney movie.
- Yes, yeah.
- So there's the original Disney Princess.
- There she is.
- Sure.
Lovely, beautiful.
Beautiful.
Now, I hate to pick on Eddie - Come on! - .
.
but Eddie, your, kind of Would it be right to say your sexual awakening was, sort of, was a two-dimensional sexual awakening? Oh, God! I hate New Year! No, it's true.
I was once interviewed and I was asked, like, "Who were your first crushes?" And I did I loved the Lion King when I was younger and I had a weird obsession with Nala.
LAUGHTER look at her face! She's so sweet.
And she can sing really well! That's wrong.
That is so wrong! And is it true you like Maid Marian as well? Yes, that is true.
She's a fox, though.
- ANNA: No, but I have that, too! - Oh, do you? Oh, there's No, no, no, but in Eddie's defence In Eddie's defence, they draw them really sexy! - Did you like Robin Hood? - Robin Hood was quite sexy! We've got Robin Hood.
There he is.
And that tunic is worn very low, I notice.
Yeah, mm, he's packin'.
We forced you to say you had a slightnot a yen for Wilma.
Wilma Flintstone, yeah.
Yeah.
What's not to like? That is a hot cartoon lady.
Yeah.
And then When we asked Bradley You were, top of your head, - you were just like, "Oh, yeah.
" - Straight up there.
"Sexy cartoons? Got 'em.
" So who did you like? Well, there's two of them.
Depending how old you are, She-Ra Oh, look at She-Ra! - .
.
and then Cheetara.
- Cheetara! Classic! LAUGHTER And my God, could she run quickly.
- She ran so quickly.
- Oh, dear.
Now, as we were saying, Anna, Into The Woods, it's not just you.
It's the starriest cast.
It is a bit intimidating, yes.
- Mad! - Yeah! - Tell the people, tell the people! Oh, you know, it's Well, it's I get embarrassed, as though I'm bragging.
Well! It's Meryl Streep and Emily Blunt and James Corden and Chris Pine - and Johnny Depp, as well.
- AUDIENCE OOHS - Yeah, so sexy folks.
- All right, calm yourselves.
And then I'm there, inexplicably! CHEERING It opens on the 9th of January and if people aren't familiar with this musical, it's a take on traditional fairy-tales but the idea is to go beyond happily ever after.
Exactly, it's what happens after happily ever after.
The first half of the film is all, sort of, the fairy-tales as we know and love them and it makes us feel all warm and cosy and cuddly.
And then after that, you know, things still transpire.
We still exist and things go sort of badly wrong in a lot of places.
And, you know, my prince cheats, cos he's a tool.
- LAUGHTER - And, you know, the giant is quite angry with Jack And The Beanstalk for, you know, stealing all his wares.
- And so there's consequences.
- It gets dark.
- Oh, yeah, it gets real.
- Real properly dark! - Oh, yeah.
- Yeah! Now, presumably this movie will be opening in the cinemas of Portland, Maine.
Yes! I'm from Portland, Maine, and yes, luckily Into The Woods is a big enough movie that it kind of goes everywhere.
But, yes, I am in some films that open sort of ten cities.
But my mother is very tenacious and wants to see my films on the big screen! And she will call the theatres and exhibitors and distributors and movie studios or, you know, production companies and sort of campaign to have my films reach my home town.
And if she succeeds, she'll then go with throngs of friends to make sure that it kind of does well, to show that, "See, if you bring a movie to Portland, Maine, "we appreciate independent film over here.
" It's very sweet.
Well, I'm sure your mother will enjoy this cos it is a terrific film.
- You should be so proud of it.
- Thank you.
This is a clip.
This is, in fact, just leading up to your song On the Steps of the Palace.
This is Anna Kendrick in action as Cinderella.
MAN SHOUTS SHE GASPS # He's a very smart prince # He's a prince who prepares # Knowing this time I'd run from him # He spread pitch on the stairs # And I'm caught unawares # Well, it means that # He cares # This is more than just malice # Better stop and take stock While you're standing here stuck on the steps of the palace CHEERING Every time, I'm like, "Oh, God, is that what I sound like?!" You sound beautiful! No, but everything, from just my breathing I was like, "God, is that what I sound like when I'm breathing?!" Really, is it? I can't tell! But it's so nice to have musicals back - cos they used to be a rarity.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
But now, I mean, is this your fifth? It's one of five that I've done, yeah, on film.
Pitch Perfect 2's coming out and Last Five Years is coming out.
- Exactly.
- And you're so young but already old hand at this.
- Jaded old chorus girl.
- No! How old were you when you got nominated for your first Tony? - Wow! - OK, 12 and nominated for a Tony.
- Yeah.
I mean, it was sort of perfect because I was like, "Oh, that's nice!" but I didn't have I wasn't grown-up enough to understand the gravity of what it meant to be nominated for a Tony award and so I didn't have a tiny - addicted to tiny 12-year-old pills.
- What was? - I don't know! - What were you going to say, Liam? - What was the show? - High Society, based on the Grace Kelly film.
- Oh, sure! - Gosh.
- But actually, another tiny, tiny star in the West End of London - Eddie Redmayne.
- Were you? - No! - You were! - I thought I was.
- You were in Oliver! - You were in Oliver! - I was.
I was in a production of Oliver aged about 10 or 11, which was directed by Sam Mendes.
I was Workhouse Boy number 46.
- I remember that! - Do you remember? - Yes! And in fact Sam Mendes remained on my CV even though I don't think I ever met him until I had to go and meet him, aged 31, for a meeting.
I was like, "I should probably cross him off!" He'll have no idea who I am! But, yeah, no, I was in Oliver.
It was a great moment.
Can you show us a little bit of your Cos was this in the audition you did this dance? You have very, very talented researchers.
LAUGHTER - CHEERING - I feel bad.
APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH Look, soon you'll be at the Oscars, this will be like a bad dream.
- OK, this is - Do you need room? - Yeah, you need room.
- Oh, yeah! - If you're going to do Consider Yourself you need room.
- OK, so - Will any bit of the song do? - No, Graham! - Absolutely not.
- What should it be? I'll give you music.
- So we don't need music? - Feel free to sing along.
Anna, how well do you know Oliver? - Do you know Oliver? - Don't drag me into this! - Please! So we don't need music, you're good doing it all? So basically the dream was If you were 11 years old and wanted to be an actor, I feel like everyone in England, at some point, played someone in Oliver.
And I wanted to be in the gang and I only got the part of Workhouse Boy number 43 but I did an audition and I still remember the dance and here's how it goes.
# Ba-ba-ba bum Ba-ba-ba bum # Bum-ba-bum ba-bum # Consider yourself at home # Consider yourself part of the family We've taken to you so strong That's probably about it! CHEERING That was amazing.
But there's a weird bit of me that was seeing Stephen Hawking doing that dance, there.
It was just .
.
very wrong! Yes, luckily you'll see the movie after you've seen that, so it's fine.
But seeing the movie before you see that - very bad idea.
Right, let's take a pause to look at some more highlights of the year in the Big Red Chair.
- Hello.
Now! - Now! Now! - Hello, Madam! - Oh, hello! - What's your name? - My name's Pam, I'm from Hull.
Pam, start your story but I would brace yourself.
My husband had to have an angiogram and the letter from the hospital said he had to have Incoming, incoming! .
.
his pubic hair shaved.
So I offered to do it with my lady shaver, which he enjoyed more than I did.
LAUGHTER The next day when I picked him up from the hospital, the procedure had been changed and you no longer put the wire in the groin, it just went in your hand.
So he didn't need to be shaved at all.
- Shall we let her walk? - Yeah, yeahNO! You can walk, you can walk.
- Hello.
- Hi! - OK, we have high hopes.
What's your name? - Shanny.
LAUGHTER - And where are you from, Shanny? - I'm from New Zealand.
Oh, she's from New Zealand! We always do well with New Zealanders, cos even if the story's bad the voice is hilarious.
Very funny accent.
- So, Shanny, are you living here or visiting? - I live here.
You live here? Oh, smell the visa! - OK, what do you do? - I'm a florist.
A florist! You OK with that? Yeah? And off you go with your story, Shanny.
OK, so mine's an embarrassing story about myself.
The first time I tried home wexxing I bought some strips that you heat up Can I just stop you right there? Already the New Zealand pronunciation of waxing is genius.
- Wexxing! - Especially that her name, Shanny, rhymes with LAUGHTER MAN IN CHAIR: I had a vasectomy.
LAUGHTER Flip it, flip it, flip it! - Flip it! - Go on, Andrew, go on.
No, but maybe it was for health reasons! Thank you! It was a vasectomy and I remember getting a call a few months afterwards from the hospital saying can I please produce a sample and take it in because they wanted to confirm that everything was OK and the operation had worked.
So I did the deed and I ran quickly across the local Sainsbury's car park, to the hospital, but didn't realise the lid of the jar had come off.
I got to the hospital and the nurse looked at me with a huge smile on her face, realised what had happened and said, "I'm sorry, you're going to have to come again, Sir.
" CHEERING - You can walk, you can walk.
- Great job.
- Hello, sir.
- Hi, how are you going? - Very good.
- Ah, Aussie! - His baby rocks him.
- Have you done this before? - No, mate, I haven't.
I love ya, mate! This better be good! Off you go with your story.
OK, basically a couple of years ago I had a serious knee injury and I went and got an X-ray done.
The X-ray was from the waist down and I went to my girlfriend's place and her parents wanted to see the X-rays so I held the X-rays up against a window.
They started laughing.
I didn't realise what they were laughing at and then I looked and realised that as it was from the waist down, there was a bit more on it than just my knee! LAUGHTER I'm very impressed if it got to your knee! Let's just flip him! There we go.
- He was a bit cocky.
- Yeah.
OK, who's up next? Oh! Oh, I can't! That's terrible! - Hello, nice lady.
- Hello! - What's your name? - Jessica.
- Jessica.
- Can you hear Jessica? - Pardon? - I'm not talking to you! - Oh, she's so sweet and she's French! - She's adorable.
I don't think she's French.
Didn't she say, like FRENCH ACCENT: "Pardon?" No, she just said pardon.
She's posh.
LAUGHTER I'm just Where's the chair? Put me in it! Do you want to go? You want to go?! OK, can Hugh have a go on the chair? OK, go, Hugh, go! And do that again! - OK.
- Where's the chair? - Follow that man, there.
OK.
But hurry, we've got homes to go to! By the way, this is the best time I've ever had on a talk show.
- Aw-w, bless you! - Without a doubt! - Thank you very much.
- That's true.
- Come and see us again! - That is true.
It's cos they've laced the champagne with crack.
Yeah, I think it's the champagne, not the host! OK, who's up next? - Hi.
- Hi! - Hi, I'm Hugh, I'm from West Sussex.
Oh, hi, Hugh! Hi, I'd just like to say that I think Matt Damon is really amazing in the fourth Bourne movie.
LAUGHTER Well done, very good! But now obviously, clearly We should be honest, we're not really here.
Because look at these people, they've got lives.
They're not really here on New Year's Eve.
So where will you really be? What are you doing for New Year's Eve? New Year's Eve, I'm going to be on the island of Anguilla.
Good answer! OK, he's really raised the stakes there, everyone.
And Anna, where you going to be? I am going to try to get Liam Neeson to take me on holiday with him.
- That sounds good! - Hello, Liam.
- Hi, Anna.
- How are you? - Want to come? - Yeah.
And Eddie? I'm going to be down south, staying with some friends in a big house that someone's rented - and hopefully getting drunk.
- OK.
Is that allowed? Yes, but that sounds like there'll be horse riding involved - and things like that.
- Oh, you bastard! - LAUGHTER - Is it that kind of thing? Yes, it is that kind - Will somebody get shot on New Year's Day? - I hope not! And Bradley? Are you in the middle of training? - Can you have fun? - We're all going on a beano to Margate, - if you're interested.
- LAUGHTER Lovely! I don't know what any of that meant.
What's the beano to Margate? - In other words, it's a boys outing only.
- OK! - Margate.
- That's a town.
That's the town.
Boys only coach trip from London.
It sounds like my kind of party! Apart from the destination! Everything else sounds great.
Right, that is nearly it.
So ladies and gentlemen, please say thank you to my guest Bradley Wiggins! CHEERING - Eddie Redmayne! - CHEERING - Anna Kendrick! - CHEERING - And Liam Neeson! - CHEERING Now, singing us out with the song that won this year's Eurovision Song Contest, Rise Like a Phoenix, ladies and gentlemen, it is Conchita! CHEERING # Waking in the rubble # Walking over glass # Neighbours say we're trouble # Well, that time has passed # Peering from the mirror # No, that isn't me # A stranger getting nearer # Who can this person be? # You wouldn't know me at all today # From the fading light I fly # Rise like a phoenix # Out of the ashes # Seeking, rather than vengeance # Retribution # You were warned # Once I'm transformed # Once I'm reborn # You know I will rise like a phoenix # But you're my flame # Go about your business # Act as if you're free # No-one could have witnessed # What you did to me # Cos you wouldn't know me today # And you have got to see # To believe # From the fading light I fly # Rise like a phoenix # Out of the ashes # Seeking, rather than vengeance # Retribution # You were warned # Once I'm transformed # Once I'm reborn # I rise up to the sky # You threw me down but # I'm gonna fly # Rise like a phoenix # Out of the ashes # Seeking, rather than vengeance # Retribution # You were warned # Once I'm transformed # Once I'm reborn # You know I will rise like a phoenix # But you're my Flame.
CHEERING Thank you.
Wow! Conchita, everybody! Oh, beautiful job! - Conchita! - CHEERING CONTINUES Great job.
We'll be back on Friday, with the one and only Meryl Streep.
Until then, have a very happy New Year.
Good night, everybody.
Bye-bye!
But I have a particular set of skills.
Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.
If you go now, that'll be the end of it.
I will not look for you, I will not pursue you.
But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.
All right, Liam! I was only asking if he wanted to come on my New Year's Eve special! Hey! Let's start that show! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Oh! Ohh! Wow! Hello! Hello, welcome, everybody.
Happy New Year's Eve to you! Yay! CHEERING Oh, lovely.
Nice to see you all.
Did you all have a nice Christmas? AUDIENCE: Yes! Really? I sort of feel like it's passed me by this year.
LAUGHTER I can hardly remember it.
But listen - we're going to see 2014 out with a bang.
Yes, star of Taken, and Oscar nominated for Schindler's List, Liam Neeson is here.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Hot British actor playing Stephen Hawking in The Theory of Everything, Eddie Redmayne is on the show.
CHEERING The star of Pitch Perfect and Oscar nominated for Up In The Air, Anna Kendrick is joining us.
CHEERING Plus we've got the fastest thing on two wheels - Olympic champion Sir Bradley Wiggins, he's here! CHEERING AndI'm thrilled to say, singing the song of the year, Eurovision star Conchita is singing, yes, she is! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Happy place.
Taking me to a happy place.
No, here! Seriously, Conchita's here.
Lovely to have Liam Neeson back on the show.
Here he is in action.
Oh, yeah.
I wonder which of his special skills he's demonstrating there? Ooh, a high score on Candy Crush.
And Sir Bradley Wiggins is here - an Olympic champion and winner of the Tour De France.
Here he is in action.
In peak condition, ladies and gentlemen, he really is.
Bet he can't wait to retire and let himself go a bit.
I mean, this is Chris Hoy nowadays.
LAUGHTER Lovely.
Aaargh! And while we're looking at people in Lycra - indulge me, please - let's remind ourselves, this is one of my favourite pictures of the year.
The Colombian women's team launching their new kit.
LAUGHTER APPLAUSE The shame! All excited putting them on and then, "Eeurgh!".
Of course, the big sporting story of the year was the World Cup.
Here's England manager Roy Hodgson arriving in Brazil.
"Hello!" And a few days later, "Bye!" He didn't even unpack.
A big welcome to Anna Kendrick, now starring in the musical film Into The Woods, but of course Oscar nominated for Up In The Air with George Clooney.
And the big story this year - George Clooney got married.
I know.
I tell you, some people were heartbroken when they read the news.
LAUGHTER Stupid sexy human rights lawyer! HE MUMBLES .
.
long hair! And first time on the show for Eddie Redmayne, currently playing Stephen Hawking in the new film The Theory of Everything.
The film is a love story about Hawking and his wife Jane.
Yes, geeks can be sexy.
Well, not all geeks, obviously.
LAUGHTER That's Ed Miliband there trying to eat a bacon sandwich.
Mind you, Nigel Farage didn't do much better.
He's just found out that it was made by Hungarians.
But let's face it, 2015 could be UKIP's year.
It could! Although if he doesn't want people to think he's a right-wing extremist, he really should be more careful when standing in front of a microphone.
LAUGHTER That's how rumours start! Let's get some guests on! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Later, we'll be having music from Conchita, but first, he's a tour de force, it's Sir Bradley Wiggins! Suited and booted! Hello, sir.
Lovely to see you.
Sit down.
Bradley Wiggins! Talent plus good looks equals great guest, it's Eddie Redmayne! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING You genius! You are so, so good.
So good.
Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.
She's so good, she's pitch perfect - it's Anna Kendrick.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Wow! Beauty! Hello, my dear.
Lovely to see you, come and sit down.
Join the group.
- And I'm really - taken - with this star, it's Liam Neeson! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Have a seat.
How exciting is this? Welcome all, welcome all.
Did everyone have a nice Christmas? LAUGHTER - It did go past very quickly.
- Didn't it, though? In a blur.
Anna, what was your best present? Um, I mean I was just high the whole time.
LAUGHTER So high.
- Eddie, a nice Christmas? - Wonderful Christmas.
Wonderful.
Of course you did.
I like making hams, and I made a verya Delia Smith ham.
He's so on it, isn't he? Right there, with his Delia Smith ham.
By the time this is shown, there will have been some sort of ham outbreak of something and people will be like, "Why did he eat ham?!" Bradley Wiggins, you know if a dad likes golf, everything he gets for Christmas is golf related, is everything you get bicycle is it like socks with bikes on? No, my son is a mad footballer, so everything we do is related to Neymar, and Barcelona.
Even though we live in the North of England.
We'll play in a muddy field pretending to be in Barcelona and I'm pretending to be Jimmy Bullard from Blackburn.
LAUGHTER That sound is ovaries clicking.
Everyone is like, "Oh, what a lovely dad".
Very good.
But what's the thing about when you're travelling, your wife has to carry all the bags.
Well, my wife is a bit of a brow beater.
- LAUGHTER - Happy New Year! A chill came over the Wiggins household.
No, she's a strong girl.
LAUGHTER No, I'm serious.
For years, when I was training, she would always take me to the airport whenever I was going somewhere, or she would pick me up from somewhere, and I've got my suitcase full of all my gear.
She would say, "Don't do that, love.
Let me sort that out for you.
" So she always chucks it in the back of the car or out of the car.
Because she sort of clean and jerks LAUGHTER Is that her over there? APPLAUSE Oh, look at you.
We didn't know what we were expecting to see.
Some sort of Russian gymnast.
Your wife is lovely.
But so, you know, she's always conscious of me - like, the biggest competition, you know, I'm at the airport, do my back in, I can't compete.
So she's like, let me deal with that.
"Stand back, let me deal with this.
" LAUGHTER Northern accent.
HE GRUNTS If that's her actual voice, I would laugh a lot.
- You don't sound like that, do you? - No.
- (LOW VOICE) - No! Now, listen, we've got lots of New Year's treats to talk about, because some really, really good films are on their way.
So, let's start with The Theory of Everything, Eddie Redmayne's movie.
Congratulations on this film, it's just brilliant and you are extraordinary in it.
And as we speak you are SAG nominated, Golden Globe nominated.
- Yes.
- Yes! Punch the air! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING It's the Stephen Hawking biopic, it opens tomorrow, New Year's Day, and SCATTERED TITTERS Let's not pick at that.
It will be a long evening, otherwise.
I mean, listen, I'll gush.
You are brilliant in it, just so good in it.
- Thank you.
- A difficult performance anyway, but presumably so much more pressure because Stephen Hawking is still around, he's so familiar to us, and he was on set, I believe.
He was, yeah.
It was one of those extraordinary things where I read the script and I thought it was going to be a biopic of Stephen's life and it was actually an extraordinary love story.
So I did that thing you do with job interviews of kind of chasing and pretending to be really confident and know exactly how you would get the job, and you persuade people that they should hire you and then you get the call saying that they have hired you and you have a moment of euphoria, followed by a sort of sucker punch of fear, basically.
And that is sustained when you are playing someone real and you know they are going to see the film.
I didn't sleep, basically, for nine months.
And when you see Stephen Hawking on TV and stuff, it is instant, but meeting him takes longer.
I mean, the speech isn't immediate.
Yes, when you see Stephen and he's interviewed, often he is sent the questions in advance, so he has prepared the answers.
But when you meet him and he is speaking live, he just uses this muscle beneath his eye to communicate, there is a sensor on his glasses.
So it takes a wee while.
So, when I met him, I'd spent maybe four months researching everything about him, he'd gone from full-on icon to sort of idol status.
And I arrived to meet him and there was this very unique rhythm, these kind of long, long pauses.
I have a hatred of silence, and I proceeded to genuinely just spew forth information about Stephen Hawking to Stephen Hawking.
For about 45 minutes.
It was catastrophic.
Yeah, it was bad to start.
But presumably you get into that rhythm and it's all right.
Well, you do, but that didn't stop He'd just come out with a book called My Brief History, an autobiography, and in it, he talked about how he was born on Galileo's birthday, which was 8 January.
So I was making chat, a sort of verbal monologue, and I said to him, "Stephen, you were born on 8 January "and I'm actually born on 6 January, and we're both Capricorns.
" LAUGHTER The second I said it - it actually still makes me sweat.
He looked at me and spent about six minutes - six minutes is a long time of silence, then he said in his iconic voice, he said, "I'm an astronomer, not an astrologer.
" And it was basically the second thing I said to him, and the idea that Stephen Hawking thought that the guy playing him in a film thought he was Mystic Meg LAUGHTER .
.
was too much to bear, so, yeah.
It was a great start, but, er, yeah.
And, of course, the film, not just the story of Stephen Hawking, it does tell the story of his first marriage, - and it's based on her book.
- Absolutely, so, Jane It's based on Jane Wilde's book, Stephen's first wife, who's a phenomenal woman, amazing mind and brain in her own right, and, yeah, it's a love story.
It's a complicated but delicate but quite passionate love story really.
Well, we've got a clip.
This is kind of the start of your romance before the motor neurone disease has really taken hold.
This is you in The Theory of Everything.
COCKTAIL JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS You see how the men's shirt fronts and their bow-ties, how they glow more than the women's dresses? Yes.
Do you know why? Why? Tide.
The washing powder.
The fluorescence in the washing powder's caught by the UV light.
Why do you know that? When stars are born, and when they die, they emit UV radiation, so if we could see the night sky in the ultraviolet light then almost all the stars would disappear, and all that we would see are these spectacular births and deaths.
I reckon it would look a little Like that.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Very good.
And in terms of being in movies, The Hobbit, every English actor in the world was in it.
- What gives, Eddie Redmayne? - Oh, God, do you know what? For a few years there, there were the Harry Potter films, there was a whole family of ginger people, and I thought somehow I might be part of that at some point and it never happened.
And then The Hobbit, after The Lord of the Rings, you know, they were auditioning for The Hobbit, and I was sent an audition for Bilbo Baggins, erm, which shows that they were really casting the net wide.
And I went to this audition and I'd been really rigorous about it and didn't want to, erm, just do my usual boring thing, and so I went on YouTube and I found Ian Holm, who had played it in Lord of the Rings, and I tried to copy his character, and I arrived there and the casting director put on the camcorder and I started reading the scene.
FANTASTICAL, CAMP VOICE "My name is Bilbo Baggins!" LAUGHTER I thought I was being brave, you know, that I could be bold.
And after Before the word "Baggins" had come out of my mouth, she said, "No, no, no, own voice.
Own voice.
" LAUGHTER - I never got a call-back.
- But I think that's good to tell that story because you always hear these famous stories about, well, about, like, Elijah Wood dressing up as a hobbit and filming himself out on the moor somewhere.
- Oh, really? - Yeah - I should have done that! Yeah, to get that part, and you always hear the stories of the actor being brave and really doing something kind of mad to get a part, and you're like, "I'm going to do that!" But they never tell you the stories about the actors who do something mad, and they're like, "What the?" LAUGHTER Cos then that's you.
Cos Liam Neeson, presumably you don't audition for anything now? - Never, darling.
- No! But in the past, in your youth, - was it The Princess Bride where you were called in? - Oh, yeah.
- To be a giant? - Yeah, and, er, Rob Reiner, the director, whom I'm dying to meet someday because I will pull him to task on this, erm This very sweet casting director, I forget her name, er, lovely lady, she got me in to meet Rob Reiner for The Princess Bride, for the giant, and I cycled in from Putney and locked up my bike and got in and, you know, what do you do? Take three deep breaths and walk in, and Rob Reiner said, "I asked for a giant! "This is What are you?" I said, "Six foot four.
" That was it, there was no "Hello, how are you? Thanks for coming.
" GRAHAM LAUGHS Hey, Rob, come here.
- You will find him.
- Oh! I felt bad.
I really felt for the casting director.
She just wanted the ground to kind of swallow her up.
Who did get it? Andre the Giant, God rest him, yeah.
An actual giant.
Yeah.
They should have just gone to him, really.
- I know, I know.
- The clue's in his name.
And Eddie, you've got the Golden Globe nomination, and now, I know you don't want to think about these things but you must be thinking about, "Will Mr Oscar? Will there be a call?" Will there be a call? - "Mr Redmayne, it's Oscar on the phone.
" - Erm HE GASPS It must be in your head.
You'd be an idiot if it wasn't.
Do you know what, I don't think you can If you listen to all the buzz then I think that's where madness lies.
I'm going to look to Liam now for this.
Cos you must have been through it, cos Schindler's List, you were nominated for that, and you must be swept away by it a bit? Well, I I enjoyed it.
I knew in my heart of hearts I was not going to win, and so I actually enjoyed it, I had a great, great night, you know? But even in that moment there must be a kind of, "They might say Liam Neeson.
" No.
I'm being very honest, I was absolutely convinced it wasn't going to happen and it was OK.
Cos, Anna, you, Up In The Air, obviously nominated for that.
I had the same experience, though, where I felt actually really relieved that there wasn't, like, "Oh, maybe she won the SAG, but she didn't" I didn't win anything, and that was all right.
I just sat there happily as a nominee and drank as much as they would give me.
Eddie, you'll find the Golden Globes, you can have a really good time because they serve drink, you know what I mean? But they tell you that they serve food and they don't.
- Pack a power bar, seriously.
- Yeah, they don't.
This is good to know.
This is good counsel, thank you.
A power bar, what is a power bar? That sounds like something Bradley might have to Like a meal replacement bar, you know, like a Clif Bar.
- You guys have those? - Protein bar, yeah.
- Protein bar.
We live like animals, Anna, we don't know.
But, I think, yeah, we do.
Yeah, you know, OK, so, pack some, I don't know, trail mix.
You have trail mix? LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE It's nuts and dried fruit, it's, you know, the idea of something very small that you can take with you on a hike, that's why it's called trail mix.
It's sort of calorie packed with good fats I think they get it, Anna, I think they get it.
No, no, I feel like this is important.
OK, are you all with me? She's a woman on a mission.
But here's the thing, the losing, the winning, and you would think winning would be the simple part, but, er, winning the Tour de France, Bradley, I read in interviews where you said it wasn't justit wasn't unadulterated joy, there was - also difficulties that came with it.
- Yeah, I think You do something for three weeks day in, day out, you get to the end in Paris and you don't almost realise what you've done - because in some ways you just want to get home.
- Yeah.
And, er, for me there was definitely It wasn't an enjoyable experience.
The end result was When I look back now it was an incredible experience, but during it I wasn't overjoyed every day.
- No, but that moment on the Champs-Elysees - Yeah.
- That must be amazing.
- Yeah.
But do you know? The whole thing with the Champs-Elysees was, the biggest moment of that Champs-Elysees was not standing on the podium winning the Tour de France, it was more leading out one of my best friends in Mark Cavendish, who won the stage win.
So being able to lead him out, which was a childhood dream of mine, was being able to go across the Place de la Concorde in the yellow jersey and lead the world champion onto the Champs-Elysees, who then eventually won the stage.
That was more of a dream than I crossed the line and they said, "You won the Tour de France.
" I was like, "Oh, yeah.
I forgot about that.
Cheers! "Thanks for that.
Nice one!" - Now, you're giving up the road racing? - No.
I'm not.
- I'm not giving up.
- You're not? - No.
I am, I am, I am, I am.
LAUGHTER How do these rumours of drug use start? I don't know! I just don't know! No, look.
I did the Sydney Olympics, what was that? 15 years ago? And that was my first Olympic Games and I always wanted to end it doing the same thing so why not go to Rio? an old fogey, and give on.
But you are doing one last road race.
Is that the Paris-Roubaix? Yeah, yeah.
Traditionally, that is the toughest race in professional cycling.
It's across cobblestones and not many people that have won Eddie just went, "What?" They don't have much suspension, do they? I was talking to you about that earlier and you were loving it! Now you're mugging me off, saying, "What?" Cobblestones on those bikes? Aren't they You pretended to know what that was all about and now you're like Anyway, yeah.
Pretty tough race, that.
It's on cobblestones.
Do the bikes have suspension or do they I told you earlier! - Fight, fight, fight, fight! - You didn't tell me.
- Do they have suspension? - No.
- OK.
- That must hurt.
Yeah, it's pretty painful.
You can never have kids again.
Heavy lifting, no more kids.
It's a tough life up there.
Listen, the thing about cycling is it can be dangerous.
So when you were coming on we were sort of looking for cycling images and we found one of a cycle crash.
I love this one because it's not a picture of someone crashing, it's a picture of someone on holidays, I think in Berlin.
So they have their picture taken, unaware of what an amazing photograph had been taken.
- This is it.
So - LAUGHTER That is a brilliant crash! That is a very good crash.
So, that is a kind of classic of the kind of perfectly timed photo.
We've collected a few more to look at tonight.
Here's one.
That could be Kim Kardashian's baby.
We don't know.
This next one is so freaky.
In case you're confused, that is a woman, she is sitting on a zebra.
There are her feet and that's the rest of her.
Here's another one.
What's this? "Single to Barking.
" And here's the next one.
Now I'm not sure that is a perfectly timed photograph or whether that's really happened.
Cos even the dog is looking round, like, "What? I don't remember eating that!" What's up next? Oh! So, there's that.
That isn't very impressive.
That isn't very impressive.
But you know the expression, hung like a Japanese baseball player's arm? LAUGHTER That's where the expression comes from.
That's where the expression comes from.
And finally.
- It's back to cycling.
- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Very good.
Well done, everybody.
Very good.
New Year's Eve is a time to reflect on the year gone by and 2014 has been another good year for our old friend, the red chair.
So let's enjoy some of the best bits.
- Hi, Graham.
- Hello, how are you? - I'm good.
- What's your name? - Jessica.
- Jessica, lovely.
And what do you do, Jessica? - Oh, dear.
They asked me this earlier.
I'm a real estate sustainability consultant.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - That's not a great way to open.
- Who's up next? - John from London.
- Hello, John from London.
- What do you do, John? - I'm a plumber.
- And are you wearing shorts, John? Yeah.
It's hot Friday, isn't it? - I like it.
- All Fridays are hot.
- He can predict the weather.
Plumber and meteorologist.
Off you go with your story, John.
I got called out to a job in Chelsea for blocked drains.
Me and my partner was there.
We had gone there, done the blockage.
And the lady of the house Oh, don't say blockage! That was impressive! So, it was New Year about four years ago.
I had lots of friends over.
We were drinking and throughout the evening the doorbell kept ringing.
I ran upstairs to my front door, opened the front door and couldn't see anyone there apart from a man walking down the street.
So I yelled out at him, "Why are you ringing on the doorbell? "Stop bloody ringing on the doorbell! It's bloody annoying!" And the man looked really, really confused and turned to me, walked a bit closer and said, "Hello.
Lovely to meet you.
My name is Mark.
I'm your new neighbour.
" And it was Mark from Take That.
- Is that true? - It must be.
- Do you recognise her? - No.
- My eyesmy eyesmy eyes have gone.
- My eyes! My eyes! - Where was the house? - In Wandsworth.
- Oh, yeah.
I remember.
- Should she walk or should we flip her, Mark? - No, no.
- Don't flip her, no.
- She can walk.
- She was having a - You was having a party, weren't you? - I was, yeah.
- I remember.
- So why were you knocking on the door? - Because I was being a bit old.
And I was asking them to turn the noise down.
You can walk.
You can walk.
Well done.
- Paul.
- Yes.
- Where are you from? - I'm from Colchester in Essex.
- Colchester in Essex.
- And what do you do there? - I don't work in Colchester, I work in Chelmsford.
But I work in retail.
Fashion.
God is in the detail.
I tell you where he is from is the bridge of the Starship Enterprise.
That's where he's from.
So, when I was 13 years of age I was playing golf on a sunny day in June.
Tempted! And hailstones started falling so I put my umbrella up and I got struck by lightning.
MATTHEW LAUGHS My three friends watched me get hit by lightning.
I phoned my dad and he didn't believe me and told me to play on.
I went to hospital and my hand was paralysed for half a day and I had no feeling in my arm for six months.
Shall we let him walk too? If he can.
If he can.
You can walk, he can walk.
Rafferty Fox.
Did you change your name to Rafferty Fox? Nah.
LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH - So, your mother and father decided to name you Rafferty.
- Yeah.
It's Dad's favourite pub.
- Is that your story? - Yeah.
Off you go with your story, Lana.
Basically, tonight was very exciting for me because from the time I was about I used to have a kind of fantasy or dream about Mr Stallone being my father.
She can go.
Can I do it? Get out! She may be.
I might be.
It's scary.
Oh, my God.
Well, Benedict Cumberbatch and I were actually at the same boarding school.
We both went to Harrow.
And there are lots of rumours circulating about what he got up to there so I thought I would use this Do it now.
Bye-bye.
We turn now to Liam Neeson.
Taken 3.
And this is out on 8th January.
By the way, thank you for reprising I couldn't believe I forgot the lines.
- I've only said them 17,000 times.
- Because, listen.
Everyone is delighted that Bryan Mills - and his particularly unlucky family are back.
- Yes! But no, like, really.
If you see them moving into the neighbourhood it's, "Oh, my God!" Because you did say this film wouldn't happen.
You said Taken 2 wouldn't happen.
I said I wouldn't do the third one if someone got taken, because that's insulting to an audience.
So I was mean.
And they said, "No, we've got a good storyline.
" - And so they ran it past me and it's actually good.
- No, it is.
And it's No, it is good.
- Surprised? - No, and it is very different.
I mean, you still use your special set of skills but this time in a different way.
From a different angle, I would say.
Yeah.
I'm sort of the hunted one instead of me hunting.
The authorities are after me this time.
But the shock in this one, and I imagine American travel agents will be delighted, in that this time we discover you don't need to come to Europe for bad things to happen to your family.
Do you know something? Just the other day I got a legitimate letter from a schoolteacher from somewhere in South Texas that was passed to someone else that was passed to someone else that was passed to someone that I eventually got.
And she had tried to take 60 students from South Texas to Europe to, you know, all the scenic spots in Europe and stuff during a summer vacation.
got their kids out of it because they had seen Taken 2.
And then this year, she wanted to take 20 of them and they all said no.
The families, the parents and, "No, they're not going.
"Because we seen that movie.
" - These are kids that haven't left South Texas.
- And never will! So I'm trying to compose a letter to the teacher to read out to the - kids and so far, I don't know.
- They should look at Taken 3.
America, very dangerous also.
This time around you've got some great co-stars.
Dougray Scott's in it.
The great Forest Whitaker.
Dougray Scott.
The great Forest Whitaker, absolutely.
And the clip we have is you and Forest.
- And, honestly, you love a phone in a Taken film.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Absolutely.
That's in the contract.
- Top phone acting.
So, what's happening here? I don't know the clip you're going to show me.
- Well, Forest is trying to catch you.
- Yes.
- Hunt you down.
- I'm in a very snazzy car.
- No, you're not.
- Am I not? You are in a snazzy car, but not in this scene.
This is basically you contacting Forest, - who is trying to hunt you down for crimes you didn't commit.
- OK.
- This is Taken 3, right? - This is Taken 3.
- The one that's out January 8th.
- I'll take your word for it! - Come on.
- Here we go.
PHONE RINGS Dotzler.
By now I'm sure you know who I am.
You know what I'm capable of.
I am beginning to.
Let me ask you something, just so I'm clear.
CIA operative? Division six? Division seven? What? All you have to know is I'm innocent.
If you give me two days I can prove it.
I can find out who did it.
You may very well be innocent, Mr Mills, but that is the court's job to decide.
It's not mine.
My job is to bring you in and let the law take its course.
That's it.
Good luck.
APPLAUSE But one of the things about the first Taken, and the second, was that idea of someone who's not in the first flush of, you know - If you know what I mean? - You can say it.
Go on.
- Of youth! - But being an action hero.
- I was in my 50s, yeah.
But now it's six or seven years later and you're jumping over things, there's a big chase with cars.
- Like, how is all that? - It's Listen, I have a great stunt double.
Mark Vanselow.
He was in the show a couple of years ago.
- Yeah, I remember.
- We've done 16 films together.
He must be exhausted! - And he's younger than me.
- OK.
- He does all the stunts.
I do my own fighting, I like doing that stuff, but Mark does all the - all the serious stuff.
- But you've still got to land cos sometimes it's obviously you.
But that's easy.
You know? They start the camera and say, "Action," and it's LAUGHTER We've all done that, right?! You made it look so easy.
But, Bradley Wiggins, now, you could, presumably, step away from the bike at this point in your life.
But no sign of quitting.
You're Rio full steam ahead, aren't you? Yeah, I've What do you mean step away from the bike? Well, you know, again, very tiring - the cycling.
So you could stop and just No, II love what I do.
I absolutely love it and the Olympic Games, for me, is the ultimate.
And when I'm going to finish my career, another Olympics in Rio, I mean, what a way to go out.
So that will be the end, do you think? I'll be nearly as old as you, then, Graham.
So I'm going to have to call it a day, won't I? - I couldn't even walk the course.
- LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH But, you know, the sport is flourishing, - hence why I'm on Graham Norton.
- Yeah.
- I'm not on Jonathan Ross, am I? - You have a gazillion gold medals and you won the Tour de France.
So, you know, that's why you're here.
They can all ride a bike! Now, the picture here, of you on your throne - Yeah, that's a good one, that.
- It's nice! Is this the one you tried to buy? I do that every morning.
- They weren't actually - Your wife lifts you onto it! Love, wipe me arse.
LAUGHTER AND GROANING Now, you sort of brought it up.
I feel bad but people do want to know! When you're on a long road race - Yeah? - .
.
clearly you're not stopping at cafes to use the facilities.
So do you hold it? What happens? - Just get it out.
- But You do, you do, you do.
- While you're cycling? - Yeah.
Yeah, so, a lot of races Like, there's a race in March called Milan - San Remo, which goes from Milan to San Remo.
It's 300 LAUGHTER Funny, isn't it?! It'd be funnier if it didn't! It's 300km, which isI don't know, what's that in miles? Oh, it's many! And I think it's seven hours, the race.
- And you've got to have a wee in seven hours, don't you? - Yeah.
So you just stop.
- Oh, you do stop? - You do literally stop, pull your kecks down - where there's no-one around.
If it's raining, you do it in your shorts.
- Which is true.
- These are the rules, everyone, these are the rules! If it's raining, you do it, you just go.
If it's raining, and it's freezing cold, you do it in your shorts cos it warms your legs up.
NERVOUS LAUGHTER Hey! You know, everyone wants to know about the People ask about cycling and they love the, you know Cycling's quite popular now in the UK.
Yes! LAUGHTER But Now it sounds like people are only cycling - in order to piss themselves! - Well Me nan did it for years and now LAUGHTER She's still doing it! - Oh, dear! - Me nan will love that! - Yeah, I tell you.
Now, cos Liam Neeson, you shat yourself.
- No, you didn't! No, you didn't! - LAUGHTER I just wanted to say that! I nearly did once, yes! - Did you? - Yeah.
- This is how we get stories! I nearly did when I met Muhammad Ali for the first time.
It was Like, definitely shaky knees, wobbly knees and nearly lost control of the bowels.
He was my idol, he still is.
- And that - And there he is standing in front of you and it's like this God, this athlete.
And he still had one more fight left.
Two! I think two.
And I was like He's looking at me and he's standing in front of me and I'm a little bit taller! And You could have taken him? "Oh, my gosh, am I going to have an accident here?" - Yeah, cos that's not the way you want to meet your idol.
- No.
But I held it in just about.
So listen, our final great film tonight is It really is, it's so hotly anticipated, this film.
.
.
Rob Marshall's adaptation of Sondheim's Into The Woods.
Starring Anna Kendrick as Cinderella.
And Into The Woods, it is a Disney movie.
- Yes, yeah.
- So there's the original Disney Princess.
- There she is.
- Sure.
Lovely, beautiful.
Beautiful.
Now, I hate to pick on Eddie - Come on! - .
.
but Eddie, your, kind of Would it be right to say your sexual awakening was, sort of, was a two-dimensional sexual awakening? Oh, God! I hate New Year! No, it's true.
I was once interviewed and I was asked, like, "Who were your first crushes?" And I did I loved the Lion King when I was younger and I had a weird obsession with Nala.
LAUGHTER look at her face! She's so sweet.
And she can sing really well! That's wrong.
That is so wrong! And is it true you like Maid Marian as well? Yes, that is true.
She's a fox, though.
- ANNA: No, but I have that, too! - Oh, do you? Oh, there's No, no, no, but in Eddie's defence In Eddie's defence, they draw them really sexy! - Did you like Robin Hood? - Robin Hood was quite sexy! We've got Robin Hood.
There he is.
And that tunic is worn very low, I notice.
Yeah, mm, he's packin'.
We forced you to say you had a slightnot a yen for Wilma.
Wilma Flintstone, yeah.
Yeah.
What's not to like? That is a hot cartoon lady.
Yeah.
And then When we asked Bradley You were, top of your head, - you were just like, "Oh, yeah.
" - Straight up there.
"Sexy cartoons? Got 'em.
" So who did you like? Well, there's two of them.
Depending how old you are, She-Ra Oh, look at She-Ra! - .
.
and then Cheetara.
- Cheetara! Classic! LAUGHTER And my God, could she run quickly.
- She ran so quickly.
- Oh, dear.
Now, as we were saying, Anna, Into The Woods, it's not just you.
It's the starriest cast.
It is a bit intimidating, yes.
- Mad! - Yeah! - Tell the people, tell the people! Oh, you know, it's Well, it's I get embarrassed, as though I'm bragging.
Well! It's Meryl Streep and Emily Blunt and James Corden and Chris Pine - and Johnny Depp, as well.
- AUDIENCE OOHS - Yeah, so sexy folks.
- All right, calm yourselves.
And then I'm there, inexplicably! CHEERING It opens on the 9th of January and if people aren't familiar with this musical, it's a take on traditional fairy-tales but the idea is to go beyond happily ever after.
Exactly, it's what happens after happily ever after.
The first half of the film is all, sort of, the fairy-tales as we know and love them and it makes us feel all warm and cosy and cuddly.
And then after that, you know, things still transpire.
We still exist and things go sort of badly wrong in a lot of places.
And, you know, my prince cheats, cos he's a tool.
- LAUGHTER - And, you know, the giant is quite angry with Jack And The Beanstalk for, you know, stealing all his wares.
- And so there's consequences.
- It gets dark.
- Oh, yeah, it gets real.
- Real properly dark! - Oh, yeah.
- Yeah! Now, presumably this movie will be opening in the cinemas of Portland, Maine.
Yes! I'm from Portland, Maine, and yes, luckily Into The Woods is a big enough movie that it kind of goes everywhere.
But, yes, I am in some films that open sort of ten cities.
But my mother is very tenacious and wants to see my films on the big screen! And she will call the theatres and exhibitors and distributors and movie studios or, you know, production companies and sort of campaign to have my films reach my home town.
And if she succeeds, she'll then go with throngs of friends to make sure that it kind of does well, to show that, "See, if you bring a movie to Portland, Maine, "we appreciate independent film over here.
" It's very sweet.
Well, I'm sure your mother will enjoy this cos it is a terrific film.
- You should be so proud of it.
- Thank you.
This is a clip.
This is, in fact, just leading up to your song On the Steps of the Palace.
This is Anna Kendrick in action as Cinderella.
MAN SHOUTS SHE GASPS # He's a very smart prince # He's a prince who prepares # Knowing this time I'd run from him # He spread pitch on the stairs # And I'm caught unawares # Well, it means that # He cares # This is more than just malice # Better stop and take stock While you're standing here stuck on the steps of the palace CHEERING Every time, I'm like, "Oh, God, is that what I sound like?!" You sound beautiful! No, but everything, from just my breathing I was like, "God, is that what I sound like when I'm breathing?!" Really, is it? I can't tell! But it's so nice to have musicals back - cos they used to be a rarity.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
But now, I mean, is this your fifth? It's one of five that I've done, yeah, on film.
Pitch Perfect 2's coming out and Last Five Years is coming out.
- Exactly.
- And you're so young but already old hand at this.
- Jaded old chorus girl.
- No! How old were you when you got nominated for your first Tony? - Wow! - OK, 12 and nominated for a Tony.
- Yeah.
I mean, it was sort of perfect because I was like, "Oh, that's nice!" but I didn't have I wasn't grown-up enough to understand the gravity of what it meant to be nominated for a Tony award and so I didn't have a tiny - addicted to tiny 12-year-old pills.
- What was? - I don't know! - What were you going to say, Liam? - What was the show? - High Society, based on the Grace Kelly film.
- Oh, sure! - Gosh.
- But actually, another tiny, tiny star in the West End of London - Eddie Redmayne.
- Were you? - No! - You were! - I thought I was.
- You were in Oliver! - You were in Oliver! - I was.
I was in a production of Oliver aged about 10 or 11, which was directed by Sam Mendes.
I was Workhouse Boy number 46.
- I remember that! - Do you remember? - Yes! And in fact Sam Mendes remained on my CV even though I don't think I ever met him until I had to go and meet him, aged 31, for a meeting.
I was like, "I should probably cross him off!" He'll have no idea who I am! But, yeah, no, I was in Oliver.
It was a great moment.
Can you show us a little bit of your Cos was this in the audition you did this dance? You have very, very talented researchers.
LAUGHTER - CHEERING - I feel bad.
APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH Look, soon you'll be at the Oscars, this will be like a bad dream.
- OK, this is - Do you need room? - Yeah, you need room.
- Oh, yeah! - If you're going to do Consider Yourself you need room.
- OK, so - Will any bit of the song do? - No, Graham! - Absolutely not.
- What should it be? I'll give you music.
- So we don't need music? - Feel free to sing along.
Anna, how well do you know Oliver? - Do you know Oliver? - Don't drag me into this! - Please! So we don't need music, you're good doing it all? So basically the dream was If you were 11 years old and wanted to be an actor, I feel like everyone in England, at some point, played someone in Oliver.
And I wanted to be in the gang and I only got the part of Workhouse Boy number 43 but I did an audition and I still remember the dance and here's how it goes.
# Ba-ba-ba bum Ba-ba-ba bum # Bum-ba-bum ba-bum # Consider yourself at home # Consider yourself part of the family We've taken to you so strong That's probably about it! CHEERING That was amazing.
But there's a weird bit of me that was seeing Stephen Hawking doing that dance, there.
It was just .
.
very wrong! Yes, luckily you'll see the movie after you've seen that, so it's fine.
But seeing the movie before you see that - very bad idea.
Right, let's take a pause to look at some more highlights of the year in the Big Red Chair.
- Hello.
Now! - Now! Now! - Hello, Madam! - Oh, hello! - What's your name? - My name's Pam, I'm from Hull.
Pam, start your story but I would brace yourself.
My husband had to have an angiogram and the letter from the hospital said he had to have Incoming, incoming! .
.
his pubic hair shaved.
So I offered to do it with my lady shaver, which he enjoyed more than I did.
LAUGHTER The next day when I picked him up from the hospital, the procedure had been changed and you no longer put the wire in the groin, it just went in your hand.
So he didn't need to be shaved at all.
- Shall we let her walk? - Yeah, yeahNO! You can walk, you can walk.
- Hello.
- Hi! - OK, we have high hopes.
What's your name? - Shanny.
LAUGHTER - And where are you from, Shanny? - I'm from New Zealand.
Oh, she's from New Zealand! We always do well with New Zealanders, cos even if the story's bad the voice is hilarious.
Very funny accent.
- So, Shanny, are you living here or visiting? - I live here.
You live here? Oh, smell the visa! - OK, what do you do? - I'm a florist.
A florist! You OK with that? Yeah? And off you go with your story, Shanny.
OK, so mine's an embarrassing story about myself.
The first time I tried home wexxing I bought some strips that you heat up Can I just stop you right there? Already the New Zealand pronunciation of waxing is genius.
- Wexxing! - Especially that her name, Shanny, rhymes with LAUGHTER MAN IN CHAIR: I had a vasectomy.
LAUGHTER Flip it, flip it, flip it! - Flip it! - Go on, Andrew, go on.
No, but maybe it was for health reasons! Thank you! It was a vasectomy and I remember getting a call a few months afterwards from the hospital saying can I please produce a sample and take it in because they wanted to confirm that everything was OK and the operation had worked.
So I did the deed and I ran quickly across the local Sainsbury's car park, to the hospital, but didn't realise the lid of the jar had come off.
I got to the hospital and the nurse looked at me with a huge smile on her face, realised what had happened and said, "I'm sorry, you're going to have to come again, Sir.
" CHEERING - You can walk, you can walk.
- Great job.
- Hello, sir.
- Hi, how are you going? - Very good.
- Ah, Aussie! - His baby rocks him.
- Have you done this before? - No, mate, I haven't.
I love ya, mate! This better be good! Off you go with your story.
OK, basically a couple of years ago I had a serious knee injury and I went and got an X-ray done.
The X-ray was from the waist down and I went to my girlfriend's place and her parents wanted to see the X-rays so I held the X-rays up against a window.
They started laughing.
I didn't realise what they were laughing at and then I looked and realised that as it was from the waist down, there was a bit more on it than just my knee! LAUGHTER I'm very impressed if it got to your knee! Let's just flip him! There we go.
- He was a bit cocky.
- Yeah.
OK, who's up next? Oh! Oh, I can't! That's terrible! - Hello, nice lady.
- Hello! - What's your name? - Jessica.
- Jessica.
- Can you hear Jessica? - Pardon? - I'm not talking to you! - Oh, she's so sweet and she's French! - She's adorable.
I don't think she's French.
Didn't she say, like FRENCH ACCENT: "Pardon?" No, she just said pardon.
She's posh.
LAUGHTER I'm just Where's the chair? Put me in it! Do you want to go? You want to go?! OK, can Hugh have a go on the chair? OK, go, Hugh, go! And do that again! - OK.
- Where's the chair? - Follow that man, there.
OK.
But hurry, we've got homes to go to! By the way, this is the best time I've ever had on a talk show.
- Aw-w, bless you! - Without a doubt! - Thank you very much.
- That's true.
- Come and see us again! - That is true.
It's cos they've laced the champagne with crack.
Yeah, I think it's the champagne, not the host! OK, who's up next? - Hi.
- Hi! - Hi, I'm Hugh, I'm from West Sussex.
Oh, hi, Hugh! Hi, I'd just like to say that I think Matt Damon is really amazing in the fourth Bourne movie.
LAUGHTER Well done, very good! But now obviously, clearly We should be honest, we're not really here.
Because look at these people, they've got lives.
They're not really here on New Year's Eve.
So where will you really be? What are you doing for New Year's Eve? New Year's Eve, I'm going to be on the island of Anguilla.
Good answer! OK, he's really raised the stakes there, everyone.
And Anna, where you going to be? I am going to try to get Liam Neeson to take me on holiday with him.
- That sounds good! - Hello, Liam.
- Hi, Anna.
- How are you? - Want to come? - Yeah.
And Eddie? I'm going to be down south, staying with some friends in a big house that someone's rented - and hopefully getting drunk.
- OK.
Is that allowed? Yes, but that sounds like there'll be horse riding involved - and things like that.
- Oh, you bastard! - LAUGHTER - Is it that kind of thing? Yes, it is that kind - Will somebody get shot on New Year's Day? - I hope not! And Bradley? Are you in the middle of training? - Can you have fun? - We're all going on a beano to Margate, - if you're interested.
- LAUGHTER Lovely! I don't know what any of that meant.
What's the beano to Margate? - In other words, it's a boys outing only.
- OK! - Margate.
- That's a town.
That's the town.
Boys only coach trip from London.
It sounds like my kind of party! Apart from the destination! Everything else sounds great.
Right, that is nearly it.
So ladies and gentlemen, please say thank you to my guest Bradley Wiggins! CHEERING - Eddie Redmayne! - CHEERING - Anna Kendrick! - CHEERING - And Liam Neeson! - CHEERING Now, singing us out with the song that won this year's Eurovision Song Contest, Rise Like a Phoenix, ladies and gentlemen, it is Conchita! CHEERING # Waking in the rubble # Walking over glass # Neighbours say we're trouble # Well, that time has passed # Peering from the mirror # No, that isn't me # A stranger getting nearer # Who can this person be? # You wouldn't know me at all today # From the fading light I fly # Rise like a phoenix # Out of the ashes # Seeking, rather than vengeance # Retribution # You were warned # Once I'm transformed # Once I'm reborn # You know I will rise like a phoenix # But you're my flame # Go about your business # Act as if you're free # No-one could have witnessed # What you did to me # Cos you wouldn't know me today # And you have got to see # To believe # From the fading light I fly # Rise like a phoenix # Out of the ashes # Seeking, rather than vengeance # Retribution # You were warned # Once I'm transformed # Once I'm reborn # I rise up to the sky # You threw me down but # I'm gonna fly # Rise like a phoenix # Out of the ashes # Seeking, rather than vengeance # Retribution # You were warned # Once I'm transformed # Once I'm reborn # You know I will rise like a phoenix # But you're my Flame.
CHEERING Thank you.
Wow! Conchita, everybody! Oh, beautiful job! - Conchita! - CHEERING CONTINUES Great job.
We'll be back on Friday, with the one and only Meryl Streep.
Until then, have a very happy New Year.
Good night, everybody.
Bye-bye!