The Twilight Zone (1959) s02e28 Episode Script

Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up

You're traveling through another dimension a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination.
That's the signpost up ahead.
Your next stop, the twilight zone.
See anything? The tops of some trees have been knocked down.
Looks like something hit that pond.
Whatever it is will be under the ice till next spring.
A meteor or something, probably.
I better check in.
That woman who phoned said something about calling out the national guard.
This is 118-3a, 118-3a reporting a check-out.
Go ahead.
Checking out a report on an unidentified flying object.
Supposed to have landed in the area of hook's landing.
Appears something cut off the tops of some trees.
Came down in the ice at tracy's pond and we can't see it now.
Bill? Hold on.
Yeah? There are footprints up here.
They come up from the pond and looks like they got out of whatever landed.
Appears to be some evidence that we'll call you back.
What's it all about? We don't know yet.
How's that? We'll, uh we'll call you back in a little bit.
All right, padgett but there's talk of the bridge going out up there.
When you can, take a look and make sure she's posted and blocked off.
Enough ice jammed against it to cool the congo.
Roger and out.
No question about it.
Something left that pond and went over to the diner.
Looks like a bus in front of that diner.
You don't suppose it came out of that pond, do you? Very funny.
Sorry.
Let's leave the car and follow these tracks.
I want to be sure they lead to the diner.
Wintry february night, the present.
A phone call from a frightened woman notating the arrival of an unidentified flying object then the check-out you witnessed with two state troopers verifying the event but with nothing more enlightening to add beyond evidence of some tracks leading across the highway to a diner.
You've heard of trying to find a needle in a haystack? Well, stay with us and you'll be part of an investigating team whose mission is not to find that proverbial needle- no, their task is even harder.
They've got to find a martian in a diner and in just a moment you'll search with them because you've just landed in the twilight zone.
Trouble? Whose bus is this out here? That's mine, officer.
What's the problem? The bridge up ahead has been declared temporarily impassable.
Ice floe stacked up against it.
Another pound of weight and it could be driftwood.
That's rough.
Can't go back.
There's a slide up at the turnoff.
Blocked the whole road.
Looks like you're marooned.
Till morning, anyway.
Till morning? I've got to be in boston at 9:00 a.
m.
You better start walking, mister because that bus stays out there until they fix the bridge.
Either that or have them drop some snowshoes.
So you might as well all get comfortable and get a little hot food in you.
Oh, that's just great.
That's fine, isn't it? Get comfortable and get a little hot food in you.
That's precious little consolation for missing my meeting in boston.
That's a fine bus line you work for.
They care so much about their schedules, don't they? I wouldn't be too hard on them.
They have no control over the snow, bridges the sides of hills that decide to come down.
That's pretty much out of their hands.
What do you think? They were all on the bus, weren't they? What's the trouble? You looking for somebody? Driver, uh you got a passenger manifest? Passenger manifest? What do you think i got parked out there, a 707? That's a 14-year-old bus and business is lousy.
My boss would run rum across the border if there was a profit in it.
I don't ask passengers their names.
We kiss them gently and help them in.
We're that glad to have them, with or without names.
You know how many you had? Six.
Unless one of them fell out the window when we hit a bump.
I picked up six and i'm supposed to deliver six.
Nobody fell out.
Somebody must have jumped in.
There are seven here now.
That's funny.
I know i had six people.
Thanks.
Tell me, was there anybody in here before the bus stopped? No, i haven't served anybody since 11:00 this morning.
I figured this whole bunch got off the bus.
We did- there was no one in here when we came in.
Then how do you account for seven people? That one beats me.
One of them didn't get off the bus.
Which one of you wasn't on the bus? We were all on the bus.
What kind of interrogation is this, anyway? If we're going to be grilled, i want to talk to a lawyer.
That's a good one! First he wants snowshoes, then he wants a lawyer.
I don't remember seeingyouon the bus.
That's quite funny because i don't remember seeing you neither.
Makes one of us a liar, don't it? This is preposterous.
What difference does it make who was on the bus and who wasn't or whether there were six or seven or 120? Is this a diner or gestapo headquarters? Oh, now, take it easy, mister.
What's it all about? Did you hear anything flying over here tonight? Flying over here? No, i haven't heard anything.
We got a call about two hours ago.
Woman said she heard something fly over and then come down.
Fly over here? From where? From up there.
An unidentified flying object.
Unidentified flying object? Nothing's come down from up there except snow.
That's all i've seen for the past Where did she say it came down? Close to here.
Look, something did land in tracy's pond.
Left a trail of broken branches before it hit.
We found tracks leading away from it.
To where? To here.
You mean something landed in tracy's pond and then came in here? That's crazy.
Nothing's come in here since 11:00 this morning.
Nothing, except except me and my passengers.
Me and six people.
That means that one person here george, i don't like this.
Easy, honey, easy.
Let me get this straight.
You're trying to tell us that there's one person in here who landed in some kind of a saucer and then came in here? Came in here with us? Well, that's just not possible.
We'd have seen them.
Not necessarily.
It's snowing and dark.
We climbed off of that bus with our eyes closed to get out of the snow.
Anyone could have come in with us and we wouldn't have noticed.
You were all on the bus together.
You would have known who the other passengers were.
That don't cut any ice.
They loaded in the snow at hook's landing.
Tell you the truth, i don't know who got on.
She's just like a science fiction, that's what she is.
A regular ray bradbury.
Six humans and one monster from outer space you wouldn't happen to have an eye in the back of your head, would you? I find you offensive, you know that? What do you do now, officer? Look, lady, this isn't exactly par for our courses either.
We go off on a lot of nutty assignments but this one wow.
Well, i know how you begin.
You pair off the couples.
Since it's just one person who doesn't belong here, you you eliminate the couples.
We're exonerated.
Cross us off.
We're two of the humans.
Us, too my wife and i.
We're in the clear.
What's the matter? I i could have sworn you had a mole on your chin.
Mole on my chin? Connie, i've never had a mole on my chin.
I can tell you what's going to happen.
We're all going to get so panicky that everyone will start picking up invisible clues from everybody else.
This is nonsense.
Of course it's nonsense if a husband and wife start wondering whether the husband is really the husband and the wife is now, wait a minute.
for a woman to know who she's married to.
So i'll thank you to stop looking at me as if i'd just put on this face as part of a costume.
I love this.
She don't know who he is.
He don't know who she is.
We don't know who she is.
And this lemon-sucker here he's the most suspicious of the bunch.
You got a back door to this place? Sure, why? Go back there and lock it.
It's already locked.
If that certain somebody really is from outer space they'll just go through the wall.
Check them for wings! Check them for wings! Look under their coats.
You got identification, grandpa? Left it in the pond in my spaceship.
Who won the world series last year? What is this, a sort of prolonged practical joke? I get it, i get it! Pittsburgh pirates won it.
Took four out of seven from the yankees.
Eh? Sharp boys, real sharp boys.
Didn't figure us martians would know nothing about the great american pastime, did you? Huh? Huh! You got identification, miss? Well, no, as a matter of fact, i don't.
I left my wallet i left it in my suitcase.
It was shipped on ahead.
What's your name, miss? Ethel mcconnell, i'm a professional dancer.
How many legs? I'm going to belt you, grandpa.
She was on the bus.
How do you know? She's the only one i noticed.
Well, thank you.
But who noticed him? How do we know you're the same one driving the bus? Ain't nobody been exonerated yet that's for sure.
Let's cut this farce out.
We'll all show our identifications and put a stop to it.
The whole thing's ridiculous.
Then how do you explain the extra person in here? Yes, how about that? Very simple.
The driver's mistaken.
Seven people got on the bus and he thought there were only six.
Is that possible? Not a chance in the world.
I counted heads before we took off.
There were sixpeople.
Miss what caused that? We, uh we may get a laugh out of all this in the morning in the meantime everyone stay right where they are.
Where are the troopers? Hmm? Oh, stepped outside.
Snow stopped.
Say, haley that wasn't your gag, was it? I mean, the business about the jukebox starting like that? Not me.
I'm strictly short orders and pay your taxes.
I don't know anything about science fiction.
A jukebox is a jukebox, and if that thing wants to start up all on its own, you'll check with an electrical engineer.
Take me to your leader.
Take me to your leader! Find anything? No.
Took a look at the bridge.
Holding up well.
I know that bridge.
What's more, i don't trust it.
Well, thank goodness we needn't concern ourselves with your judgment.
If the bridge gets a clean bill of health you'll drive that bus right across it.
Listen, you may be a big shot in boston but when it comes to bridges and buses i got seniority and i tell you that bridge is so old that hey, what is this? Why did the lights go out like that? We may be losing power.
This is weird.
This is just plain weird.
Well, i wish whoever it was would play his cards right now.
Why don't they do something? What's the point of us all staying cooped up in here like this and and not the point is this, miss.
We're all kids in a closet here.
Nobody understands what's going on.
If there was some kind of a saucer that landed in that pond and he did come in here i think it would be a real healthy idea if we pinpointed that particular somebody and kept him from leaving.
Makes sense.
Maybe whoever it is is invisible.
Maybe they're playing around.
Cat and mouse.
That is childish nonsense.
It's as good an explanation as any i've heard.
But what if the the thing doesn't show itself? Do we just sit here holding our breath? Yes.
How about that? Well, if somebody was to ask me well, no one did ask you, and no one will.
Why don't you leave the old man alone.
Who invited you into this? Well, i didn't realize we were waiting for invitations, but you've got this big thing about bossing everybody around.
Look, it's tough enough just sitting here without get over there and sit down, gramps.
Yeah.
What's that? It's okay? All right, thanks.
The bridge is okay.
Well, it's about time.
Shall we go? What do you think, perry? Can't hold them.
You're making a big mistake, officer.
Big mistake.
You're letting a monster out.
That may well be, old man.
May well be.
Can't hold somebody on suspicion of being a monster.
You can roll them any time.
All right.
Are they sure about that bridge? I don't like that sucker.
She swings in the wind and she's not a suspension.
That was the county engineer.
The bridge has been checked out and declared passable.
We'll go on ahead, cross the bridge first.
You can pay your checks right over here ladies and gentlemen.
Godspeed and a safe trip.
And you all come back and see us again, you hear? That is all but one of you.
Now, you had the chili, right? That's 90 cents.
Thank you.
And you had, what, that was $1.
40.
Good-bye, officer.
Miss mcconnell.
Well, i counted seven.
That's right, seven.
Betcha by the time we get to boston, there'll be 17.
Something for you? Coffee- black.
One coffee, black.
Hey, uh, didn't you, uh what i mean is didn't you go out on that bus? I did indeed.
Oh, yes, i went out on that bus.
And do you know something? That bridge wasn't safe.
It collapsed.
The state police car, the bus, everything kerplunk, right into the river.
It was a terrible scene.
No one got out.
Except you.
Except me.
Lucky, i guess, huh? Very lucky.
But but but what? You're not even wet.
Wet what's "wet?" What do you mean "what's 'wet? '" You landed in the river but your clothes are all dry.
Illusion, that's all.
Just an illusion.
Like that jukebox playing in the corner.
That's an illusion, too.
Or, uh, that telephone ringing.
That's an illusion.
Just a parlor trick.
What are you, some kind of magician? Who, me? Oh, hardly.
Now, uh, before you, uh, faint dead away i ought to explain that the name isn't really ross and, uh, i wasn't really going to boston.
No, i was sent as a kind of advance scout.
You know, these, uh cigarettes, do you call them? They taste wonderful.
We haven't got a thing like this on mars.
That's incidentally where i come from.
We're beginning to colonize.
My friends will be arriving very shortly.
I think they're going to like it here.
It's a lovely area.
So so remote, so pleasant, so off the beaten track.
Just the perfect spot for a colony don't you think, mr.
Haley? While we're waiting how about a little what you call music? I don't mind.
I have to do a little waiting myself.
You see, mr.
Ross my name isn't haley.
And i do agree with you.
This is an extraordinary place to colonize.
We folks on venus had the same idea.
We got it several years ago.
And i think i really ought to tell you now that your friends are not coming.
They've been intercepted.
Oh, a colony is coming.
But it's from venus.
And if you're still alive i think you'll see how we differ.
And i agree with you about what they call music.
Why don't you play some? Incident on a small island, to be believed or disbelieved.
However, if a sour-faced dandy named ross or a big, good-natured counterman who handles a spatula as if he'd been born with one in his mouth if either of these two entities walk onto your premises you better hold their hands- all three of them- or check the color of their eyes- all three of them.
The gentlemen in question might try to pull you into the twilight zone.
Rod serling, creator ofthe twilight zone will tell you about next week's story after this word from our alternate sponsor.
And now, mr.
Serling.
Mr.
Burgess meredith is no stranger to the twilight zone but his role in next week's story is a unique one, even for him.
The time will be the future, the place just about anywhere where men have been taken over by a machine state.
Our story is called "the obsolete man.
" It may chill, it may provoke but we're rather certain it will leave a mark.
Next week onthe twilight zone, "the obsolete man.
" Captioned by media access group at wgbh access.
Wgbh.
Org hi, this is ed sullivan reminding you that the colgate- palmolive company also brings you star-studded entertainment on our show on most of these same stations.

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