This is Us (2016) s01e04 Episode Script
The Pool
1 Previously on This is us.
I wanted to be the man that made you happy.
From here on out, I'm gonna be a 12 for you.
You are getting in the car right now, and we are going to this doctors appointment.
Hi, white people.
I don't know what you were looking for with all this, but I do know you don't have a whole lot of time.
I'd like to tell the girls who you are.
I was not a very good brother to you, was I? RANDALL: No, you weren't.
But you still got time.
- Toby.
- Kate.
How's your breakfast? You mean this, uh, steel-cut oatmeal and egg-white pancake you're making me eat? It's amazing.
I'm gonna do theater.
I did it I-I-I booked a redeye to New York.
ANNOUNCER [on radio.]
: It's a scorcher out there, folks.
- Stay cool, Pittsburgh.
- RANDALL: Shut up.
KEVIN: Don't tell me to shut up.
- You're doing it wrong.
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
- Mom, I'm hot.
I know, kiddo.
Dad is trying to fix the air conditioning.
Babe, how's it going? We're dying in here.
- JACK: I'm working on it.
- Give it back! - Just hold on.
- Enough! Mom, Randall took my Rubik's Cube.
- You weren't doing it right.
- Enough.
Come here.
Wow.
You did this? You're supposed to be yelling at him! Randall, stop scratching.
That's a rash, babe.
You're gonna make it worse.
- JACK: Okay, I think I have a solution.
- Is it fixed? Jack, what what are you doing wearing that shirt? You know I hate that shirt.
I'm wearing this shirt because it makes me think of fun.
It makes me think of sun.
And because we are going to the pool! Huh? Kate Pearson, you get in here and you strut your stuff, young lady.
That's right.
Uh-huh.
uh-huh.
- Care Bears.
- You know it, you know it.
Today, people, we are gonna debut the brand-new Care Bear bikini! Can we go to the Greenview pool? The one with the diving board? Please.
No, that place sucks.
- You barely get in anyway.
- [blows raspberry.]
The Big Three.
Your brother needs you.
- Come on, you big mope.
- [others repeating "please".]
Don't hold out on us.
Please.
Please.
Okay, okay, yes.
Go get your swimsuits on.
Go get your suits.
Come on, towels, towels.
AC is zonked, babe, we're gonna have to call someone.
Pool, huh? Not a movie? Are you sure you're okay with the pool today.
We're gonna have a day-long pool vacation.
I'm gonna snag us not one, not two, - but five pool chairs.
- [gasps.]
Five? I'm gonna snag us five pool chairs.
- You bad man.
- Yes, I am.
The kids are gonna run off, you're gonna finish that book you've been trying to read for two years.
- It's Misery.
- Oh, it's gonna be fun.
No, no, no, the book is Misery, by Stephen King.
Oh, yeah, right.
Hey, I already packed the cooler.
All soft drinks, no beer.
A whole day at the pool with those kids and no beer? I told you, I stopped drinking.
It's not you I'm worried about.
[chuckles.]
See? That's what we need, then.
We just need a day to relax.
[laughing.]
[children screaming happily.]
WOMAN [over P.
A.
.]
: A reminder, there is no running, no diving, and absolutely no glass containers in the pool area.
Feeling relaxed yet? [shouts, laughter.]
There's a chair! Run, run, run, run, run, run, run.
Go get it! Get it, yes! - Get it, get it, get it.
- Yeah! Ow.
Oh, stop it.
That doesn't hurt.
- Ow! - RANDALL: Oh, that one might've hurt.
Sorry.
Gotcha.
ANNIE: I want Grandpa to do mine.
WILLIAM: No problem, Miss Annie.
Oh, really? You want Grandpa to try to tame this mess? - Have at it.
- Let's see here.
Oh, that's gotta go.
Beth, where's your scissors? - No! - [William laughing.]
Then you better sit still and not give me a hard time.
How'd you get that scar? Oh, that? Rock, bottle Eh, there were plenty in the air that day.
- Maybe we don't tell that story.
- Oh, no, it's not a bad one.
Some people in Pittsburgh were fighting against bussing, and I was helping out with that.
'86, '87? ANNIE: What's bussing? Getting poor children into the schools in better neighborhoods.
You were working with the Urban League? Yeah, a little bit, yeah.
Look, I gotta get on my walk.
You wanna take over here? - Mm-hmm.
- Mwah! Okay, you two, let's get moving.
Mom and I gotta get to work so we can pay for all this hair product.
- [Annie laughs.]
- [FaceTime rings.]
Hey, hey! - The Eagle has landed.
- RANDALL: What's up? I'm officially a New Yorker now East Coast! Hey, somebody wants to say hi.
Uncle Kevin, come see my play.
I'm Snow White.
You're kidding me! Snow White's my favorite character of all time! I'm actually auditioning for a play, too.
Yeah, it's very dark, very, very truthful - Do the Manny voice.
- What's that? They love it when you do the catchphrase.
I don't want to do the Manny voice.
- Please.
- Please.
- Baby say what? - Like, for real.
[grumbles, sighs.]
Baby say what? No, like in the show.
[in character.]
: Baby say what? [girls laughing.]
Your biggest fans.
Any anyway, this play is a total departure for me, you know? None of that, like, Manny stuff.
It's a character-driven departure for me.
Where'd you go? What are you looking at? Uh, hey, man, uh, I gotta go.
You're just gonna hang up on him? No, no, no, I will not show you my I.
D.
Not until you tell me why you need a reason to see it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Tony, what's going on here? Hey, Mr.
Pearson.
We had a report of someone loitering.
I wasn't loitering.
I was taking my walk, and literally on my way to smell the roses, - as I have been for the past week.
- I know.
Is there some local rose smelling ordinance - I'm not aware of? - William, enough.
Enough He's with you, sir? Yeah, he's staying with us.
- Sorry.
- Sorry? [scoffs.]
WOMAN: We're so sorry.
We didn't know, Randall.
Understood.
Thanks.
Thank you, Tony.
We're gonna get you some new clothes.
I hate kale.
Me, too.
Ick.
Baby arugula is just as bad as grown-up arugula.
All right, you know what? Here we go.
Oh, no, no, no.
Let me get Remember, you are unemployed.
And I am not convinced that you would do well - begging for money.
- Are you kidding? You don't think the drivers will be sympathetic to me holding up a sign that says "hungry?" That's good.
I'm gonna use the restroom, and then we'll go, okay? TOBY: Hi.
Hi.
[chuckles.]
WOMAN: How are you? - Uh, good.
How are you? - Good.
Okay, uh you wanna get out of here? - Who was that? - Who was uh You saw that.
Uh, that was my ex-wife.
[laughing.]
Wait, are you serious? Uh, yeah.
I told you I was married before.
Not to that.
Supermodel, pose and catwalk.
Hey, Kate, stop being silly.
Come over here, please.
Oh, Samantha and Vicki are here! - Care Bears! - JACK: Okay, that's two.
Babe, I had to sleep with someone to get this one.
- I hope that's okay.
- Yeah, I'm fine with it.
As long as his wife is okay with it.
Kevin, you're up, please.
Shirt off.
Why? I don't even like swimming.
You don't have to put your face in.
You can sit in the shallow end and Randall will stay with you.
I don't like Randall either.
- Hey, Kev, come on.
- REBECCA: Enough.
Turn around.
Randall, you're up, please.
Come here.
Turn around, please.
Are you sure I really need sunscreen? - Yes, absolutely.
- Yeah, absolutely.
- Of course you do.
Sure.
- [groans.]
Okay, look, Big Three, come here.
Come here.
You are surrounded by adults and lifeguards that resemble adults.
There's very little trouble you can actually get into Wait, wait.
Kate, baby, are you sure you don't want to put a shirt on? - Right.
- Here.
Enjoy your Misery.
People are staring at her in that bathing suit, Jack.
Some jerky little kid is gonna say something.
It's baby fat.
She's only eight years old.
Kids haven't turned mean yet.
And what is up with Kevin lately, and that attitude? - He's so jealous of Randall.
- He's fine.
Babe, he's fine.
They are all fine.
And does Randall need sunscreen? I mean, have we just been wasting sunscreen all of these years? That I have no answer for.
Chair.
Chair! Careful! KEVIN: She's his ex-wife, Kate.
All right? The operative word being "ex.
" They're not together anymore.
He's with you now.
"Why?" is the question.
You should see her.
Maybe that's what Toby wants.
Maybe he's fulfilling a fat-girl fetish with me.
Well, that's actually a thing.
Of course, for me it was more of a phase than a thing, but anyway I did a deep dive with this woman.
Everything reeks fabulous.
She has fabulous taste, she has fabulous friends.
She's been to Argentina, Kevin! Listen to me, I did not leave you in Los Angeles so you could selfsabotage, okay? So get off the Internet do that right now and tell me how hard I'm gonna crush this audition.
The edges are gone and then the thing.
DIRECTOR: Thank you, Sean Patrick.
- Some good choices, I thought.
- It's Daniel.
Everyone else sucks.
- WOMAN: You know, I kind of liked - It's Daniel.
Hold on, hold on.
We have one more.
Kevin Pearson.
Sorry.
I know, I know.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm late.
It's just, you know, I tried to take the subway, right, and then walk, like a New Yorker.
Uh, Ron Shiller.
This is Sloane Sandberg.
- You're the, uh, screenwriter.
- Playwright.
Well, you know, I mean, you gotta start somewhere.
Um, you'll be reading with Miss Maine today, if that's okay.
Yeah, no, whatever you got, you know.
Miss Maine, Miss Iowa.
I judged, uh, Miss USA for Trump once, so we may have actually met before.
Miss Maine is Olivia Maine.
Tony nominee.
SHILLER: She plays Jessica.
Of course.
Hi.
Good to meet you.
Uh, well, before we start, I just wanted to I want to get something off my chest.
I do understand the perception, you know.
These L.
A.
actors, they come out here, right? They do their little quick stint in theater just to feel better about themselves.
That's not why I'm here, okay? I'm here for the right reasons.
Let's get this over with, shall we? [sniffles, clears throat.]
Did you want me to start? Yes, I thought it would be good, if, uh you speak, then I speak, then you speak, and we all go home.
Does that work for you? Yeah.
That's great [clears throat.]
My recollection's hazy, actually, it was a long day.
Not for me.
Mine was over before 9:00 in the morning.
[whispering.]
: That's really good accent.
- What? - The American accent.
What? I just diving diving right back in.
Uh [flipping pages.]
It say, uh it says "I lay," uh, I don't Let me just say I don't need to say it.
It says I'll just say it.
I lay Just keep going.
[chuckles softly.]
This is I'll get it.
[sniffles.]
I lay on the dock all night, and part of the next morning.
And I don't feel a thing.
Let me take that again.
KEVIN: Oh, my gosh oh, my gosh.
Okay.
Baby say what [chuckles.]
Okay.
I-I lay Let me get into it.
I lay on the dock all night and part of the next morning.
And I don't feel a thing.
The bug bites, the sunburn.
Nothin'.
It's like when we used to go fishing.
You remember? - I never fished - Do you have the next - What the hell? - Sorry.
You weren't talking, so I thought - It's called a pause.
- Right.
Sorry.
It doesn't say pause on my script Well, it doesn't say suck, either, yet here we are.
RANDALL: You know your size? Always tended toward the slim.
I don't see that changing much at this point.
Try these.
Afterwards, we'll swing by the pharmacy, get those medications that the doctor wrote for you.
Sounds like a plan.
Ugh! $100? It's what they cost.
I'm paying, just take the pants.
So are we gonna talk about it or not? Talk about what? Ha.
About what.
Uh, this morning.
Or are you content to stand in silent judgment with that face? It's just my face.
No, you didn't like me apologizing for you.
I get it.
Would you have been happier if I made a big scene? You know, got up in Tony's face, had the cops roll up and turn the hoses on us? It's the Cosgroves.
He runs an insurance agency, she collects owls.
History would not have memorialized our stand.
You ever had a hose turned on you? Can't say that I have, I'm very sorry.
Don't be.
It hurts.
And there's that face.
Only face I got.
Look, I could use some socks No, the face.
The one that says I have a scar on my arm from integrating schools.
And probably blisters on your feet from marching for freedom, but me, because I grew up in a white house, you think I don't live in a black man's world.
Oh, you know the one.
The one where that salesman there has been eyeballing us ever since we came in here.
Or where that security guard has moved just a little off his mark so he can keep us in his sight.
And where they'll definitely ask for an ID with my credit card when I go to pay, even though they haven't asked for anybody else's.
Plus a million things every day that I have to choose to let go, just so I'm not pissed off all the time.
Like I did on the street this morning.
Like I have done every day of my life.
Now try on the damn slim cut flat front chinos.
I think they'll look nice on you.
- KEVIN: Randall! - Yeah? Watch! [chuckling.]
: Cool! Cool! Dad, watch! Dad! - Where's the other one? - I'm looking.
Man, you take your eyes off one for a second, you lose track of the others.
That's because there are more of them than there are of us.
- Always will be.
- What? Oh.
Talking about the kids.
Yep.
It's a war.
They got the numbers.
- KEVIN: Dad! Dad! - We were beat before we started.
- Watch! - There she is.
Hi.
Hey, guys.
You want to play mermaids? This is from all of us.
KEVIN: Dad! - Dad! Daddy! Dad! - Yep.
- Dad, watch me! - Yeah.
I see you, pal! Do you remember the first time he said "Dad"? How happy I was? Now where's Randall? - How about that time? Did you see? - Hey, Kev.
Where's your brother? I don't know! - Jack - You take land, I'll take sea.
KEVIN: Dad! Watch! REBECCA: Kevin.
You were supposed to watch each other! REBECCA: Randall! Randall! KEVIN: Aw, Kate it was the worst audition in the history of the world.
Okay? I mean, that woman made me so nervous, I started doing an English accent in the middle of it for no reason! Okay, I'm sure it wasn't that bad.
Maybe that's the problem.
You know? I wanted it too much.
Hey! It's the Man-ny! Hey Man-ny! How's it going? [squeals.]
Yeah.
Listen.
Could you please fly out here? I really need you right now.
You'll be fine, you just What? I'm just what? Where'd you go? Nowhere.
I'm here.
I'm shopping.
- I'm lost.
- KATE: You're not lost.
It's just all new.
It's just new.
No I mean I'm actually lost, I have no idea where the hell I'm at.
I got to go.
- Oh! - Ow! Sorry.
Oh.
[sighs.]
- Hey, uh that whole thing back there, just so you know.
I'm not actually bad, okay? - Okay.
Duly noted.
- Okay.
Okay.
Just wanted to get that out there.
Well, out there it is.
Although you weren't super helpful.
You want to get a drink? What, like, now? Yeah.
Now.
Come on, - L.
A.
- What? Yeah.
[indistinct chatter.]
TESS: Mom, the play's about to start! All right, Tess.
Hurry up.
Go get your dress on.
Get her her shoes.
- Hurry, hurry, hurry.
- Break a leg.
Come on [chuckles.]
Wow, this is a nice place.
Yeah.
Public schools in this area are good, it's why we moved here.
- Even better than private.
- Mm-hmm.
You know, the parents are real involved.
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, Beth's on the board.
Real involved.
They got a farm.
- Really? - Yeah.
Out back.
Kids learn about the land.
Grow their own food.
Thank you.
They got, uh, chickens.
They got a goat.
Wanna take it down, gonna do my thing Gonna do my thing Gonna do my thing Gonna do my thing Hi.
Can I help you find something? No.
Oh! You're here about the job.
- Hmm? - You know.
The job? [chuckles.]
- Y-yeah.
- Great! I'm unstoppable Let's go over here so we can talk.
It's time to hit the road again.
Randall? Randall? Hey, Kate.
Have you seen Randall? [sighs.]
Randall! Randall? Randall Randall! Hello! Did you not hear me calling you? - Hey, what are you doing over here? - Oh, no, no, no - I've been - It's okay.
I'm watching him.
Okay, it's I-I have him now.
I'm sorry, I'm his mother.
I was a little panicked.
I'm Rebecca.
Oh, we know who you are.
You do? Oh yes.
When a white family has a black child and they don't introduce themselves to any of us, we tend to take notice.
Well.
Thank you for watching him, He's just not supposed to be over here.
Not "over here" like that.
There's nothing wrong with over here.
I just mean that I want him where we can see him.
Where we're sitting.
In front of us.
Thank you.
It was very nice to meet you.
Randall, come on.
Let's go.
Come on.
Thank you.
Actually, you stay right here.
That's my son, and I'm his mother.
And I don't know if you have some sort of problem with that arrangement, but also, I don't really care.
Thank you very much for watching my son.
But I have him now.
- Okay.
- Okay.
You need to get the child a proper haircut.
The razor bumps on his neck.
You need a barber who knows how to cut black hair.
Come on.
Hey, I told you to stay with your brother.
Didn't I? Sorry.
Is this the real reason you wanted to come to this pool and not the other? - Come on.
- [classical music playing.]
So beautiful.
BOY: Ho, there.
Who might you be, fair maid? I am the Princess Snow White.
[laughter.]
BOY: I have traveled this land and many others, and never have I seen a beauty so fair.
[laughter.]
ANNIE: Where are you from, noble sir? What errand brings you to the forest? I come from a land far away.
- Thanks.
- Cheers.
[indistinct conversation.]
- The, uh - Thank you.
That play is really special, isn't it? I mean, I don't read a lot of plays, - but that's-that's good.
- [laughing.]
: Yeah.
Yeah, I got that.
- No, look, it's - [laughs.]
it's really good, actually.
I mean, it's it's fragile.
It's-it's delicate.
So, where are you from, Kevin Pearson? - Me? - Mm.
Uh Pittsburgh, originally.
You got family back there? Um not anymore.
Right, so, L.
A.
is home now? Yeah, I guess so.
Yeah.
- I think you should go back there.
- I know, right? [laughs.]
Are you serious? I am serious.
And I'm telling you this as a friend because I see this all the time.
I mean, you said it yourself.
Pretty people come here from TV or movies because they want to do something real.
I mean, even if they've they've never had a genuine moment in their entire lives.
Do you know what they find out? That guess what? It's hard.
It's so hard.
It's not it's not pretend, it's not Guys and Dolls in some high school cafeteria.
It's not I'm sorry, what-what-what was the-the movie you were in? It was a TV show, actually, called, uh, The Man-ny.
Yeah, and look, I'm not saying that you're not good at what you do.
I'm sure you're you're great at it.
I mean, I-I couldn't do it.
But this is not that.
You're in over your head, Kevin Pearson.
I mean, if you really want to do this, then go home, find a class, get some training.
I'm just being honest.
I see.
As a as a friend.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
[phone beeps and vibrates.]
Still, just, you know, it feels like you're using the word "friend" wrong.
Everything all right? - You okay? - Yeah.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
[glass shatters.]
You got the part.
- Wait, I'm sorry, what? - They think the nanny will sell tickets.
It was actually The Man-ny.
Dad, look! I'm going under and everything! Dad! - Yeah, I see you, pal! - Randall.
- KEVIN: Dad! - Lunch, baby.
- Dad! - You know, maybe she was just - trying to be helpful.
- KEVIN: Dad! Watch! By condescendingly telling me how I could raise my kid? Yeah.
- No, thank you.
- KEVIN: Dad! [children shouting.]
I love my father and I love him well [children laughing and shouting.]
I hope to see him someday soon I love my father and I love him well I hope to see him someday soon 'Cause where I live it gets dark at night The kind of dark eats up the light Yeah, where I live it gets dark at night The kind of dark eats up the light And you know that, mother I'd be lying If I didn't tell you I'm afraid of night.
[gasping.]
[heavy breathing.]
WOMAN [over P.
A.
.]
: We have a lost child, looking for its parents.
If you are missing a child, please call Lost and Found.
[laughing.]
JACK: Kate, you're not eating.
You okay? What's up with her? Are you kidding me?! Oh! Why? Because we didn't make her wear a T-shirt, that's why.
No, no, Jack, you're only gonna make it worse.
Sit - [whispering.]
: sit down.
Seriously.
- I almost drowned! - REBECCA: What? - Did you even care? - When? - I tried to get to the deep end, - but you never watch me.
- Hey.
Calm down.
- You always watch them.
- Kev, Kev, Kev.
- Come on - Don't touch me.
Watch yourself, pal.
And you're so busy making sure that Kate's not eating too much - Kev, calm down.
- and and Randall's not too adopted, and meanwhile, where's Kevin? Oh, guess what? He's dead.
REBECCA: Bud, we love you.
We were watching - KEVIN: Don't touch me.
- I got this one.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, come here.
Come here.
- What? - I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Okay? I should have been watching.
- Okay? - You should have.
And I said I was and I should have been watching you, pal.
I'm trying, okay? Look, I know that I'm bigger than you.
I know that I'm an adult, but I th-th-this is my first time, okay? This is my first time, too.
I got three of you and I'm trying.
I'm sorry.
I should've been there.
And I'm gonna be there, okay? - Okay.
- Can I have a hug? Can I get a "Dad, I love you"? Do you have the name of a barber? I do.
Well, I would appreciate it.
Then I'll write it down.
When he gets out of the pool, you need to put lotion on him or he gets ashy.
Lotion.
Okay.
Thank you.
Do you think that my son could play with yours sometime after school? Yeah, yeah.
I think we can do that.
And does he need sunscreen or not? - He does, right? - [laughs.]
- I thought he did.
I knew he did! - [laughing.]
Can you tell my husband that, please? Uh, I didn't bring a résumé, sorry.
I didn't think I'd have a job interview.
And I thought I would just pick up an application Oh, well, you're here and I'm here, let's talk.
I could be your highlight, highlight I could be your highlight You have really pretty skin.
Oh, thank you.
So do you.
- Thanks.
- So, Kate, do you know anything about my store or my background? Hmm a little.
I know that you've had this store since 2013 and before that you sold your own designs on Etsy, until you partnered with that woman that you met at UC Santa Cruz go, Banana Slugs at her wedding in Thailand.
Oh, so beautiful.
Like, that is my dream trip.
And then you imported those scarves then it just, like, took off from there.
Oh, and you're divorced, you have no kids and you look amazing in wide-brimmed hats.
[sighs.]
I assume.
You just have the head for it.
I don't.
I look like a pacifier.
[laughs.]
I like a person who does her research before an interview.
- I'm a big researcher.
- [knocking.]
Hey, what's up? So, the good news is: I got a job.
Well, that means that there's bad news.
Bum-bum-bum! [whistle blows sharply.]
Adult swim.
- Adult swim only.
- [children groaning.]
You cold? Every word I said When I said that I love you - T-shirt? - I didn't bring one.
That I love you forever Well I brought a T-shirt.
That's the one Mommy hates.
- Oh, Mommy's just jealous.
- I don't think so.
[laughing.]
: Well, it's true.
She just pretends like she hates it because I won't let her wear it.
You know where I got this shirt? I heard Mommy say it was from a drugged-out drifter.
Listen, Mommy doesn't know the whole truth, so this is gonna have to stay between us, okay? I got it in Florida.
A magical land called Daytona Beach.
Can we go there? No.
No, you may never go to Daytona Beach.
[stammers.]
I want you to say it out loud: "Daddy, I will never go to Daytona Beach.
" Daddy, I will never go to Daytona Beach.
Good girl.
But I was there and one night, I was walking back to my hotel, and I came across this man a traveler.
He was wearing ragged clothes and he had a strange way of talking.
And these three young jerks were bothering him.
They were trying to take away his bag of groceries.
And so I chased the jerks off.
- By yourself? - Yeah, by myself.
And I had a few vitamin drinks and I chased them off.
It happened.
And the traveler was so grateful, he wanted to repay me.
You know, he-he didn't have much, so he reaches into his little satchel and he pulls out this shirt.
He says to me that it's a magic T-shirt.
He said, that when you wear it, your enemies will see you exactly as you want to be seen, and only that way.
Whether it's a a warrior, or a princess.
Whatever you want.
- Does it work? - You tell me.
I was wearing this shirt the night I met your mom.
And she thought I was the handsomest man in the world.
- You? - Yeah, I know.
Me.
Magic.
I'm gonna go with princess.
I want you to know that your daddy already sees you that way without the shirt, okay? You don't need it.
Thanks, Daddy, but I'm gonna wear it anyway.
Okay.
Your Highness.
Need to find you a crown.
Oh, my God, this is not happening.
This is are you oh.
[laughs.]
- Toby.
- Oh So you're telling me that you work for my ex-wife? I didn't mean to, okay? It just happened.
Like, I-I wanted to see her up close.
So you just stalked her like a serial killer.
Josie and I prefer to call it "research.
" "Josie and I.
" "Josie and I"? Wha how in the hell is there a Josie and I? - I don't know.
I just had to know.
- Know what? Toby, one of these things is not like the other, okay? So I wondered, like was she fat and then she got skinny? Was she a terrible person? But no.
She's actually beautiful, and she's great, and she thinks that I'm great, and she has amazing taste in imported goods.
Like, feel this.
[stammering.]
: I don't even know what that is! It's a portfolio.
- Oh.
- And I liked it.
Is that what you want? Is that what you want? Do you want a skinny person? No, but I would like to be with a sane person, Kate.
That is not nice.
Yeah, well, maybe I'm a little tired of being nice.
Some stranger tells you that you're great and you believe her.
I tell you you're great and you think I'm lying.
Why is that? I don't I don't know.
I have a problem.
We all have problems, Kate.
- Toby, all of my life - You've been fat.
Yeah, I get it.
I empathize, clearly.
I empathize, then I say something cute, then you feel better, rinse and repeat.
She was terrible to me, Kate.
Josie, this skinny, successful woman that-that you admire so much? She cheated on me, she lied to me, and then she took half my life savings.
I gained 95 pounds in one year after she left me.
At my lowest point, I told my brother that I was committing suicide even though that wasn't true because I wanted him to be as scared and lonely as I was.
You know what? You know what? That's that's a lie, I, uh I did consider suicide.
A lot.
When I would get drunk.
Alone.
And disgust myself.
So, you haven't cornered the market on problems, Kate.
God, I'm really sorry.
My issues are not gonna go away overnight, Toby.
Well neither am I.
But Jesus, Kate Josie and I weren't good together.
So we're not.
It's not like I was gonna keep the job anyway.
But you know who are good together? Matt Lauer and Savannah Guthrie? [quietly.]
: Yeah, duh.
I love them.
And I want them to be my family.
And also us.
We're pretty good together.
But mostly I was talking about Matt and Savannah.
- Can I keep the portfolio? - Oh, my God, you're killing me.
- No.
- Do you just want to feel it? [gasps.]
Oh, my God.
- [phone vibrating.]
- What is that? That's a baby something.
KATE [over voicemail.]
: Leave a message for Kate.
[voice mail beeps.]
Hey, hey, it's me.
Um I got the part.
Yay, right? I think.
Can you call me? Uh, it's just, you know, you're-you're usually the one who who tells me how great I am, and you're not here.
[softly.]
: So [footsteps approaching.]
WILLIAM: Man, that Tess was some Snow White tonight, huh? [chuckles.]
Yeah.
[sighs.]
I've offended you somehow.
- No.
- No, I have.
- You think I'm judging you.
- I Because I'm in no position to judge you whatsoever.
But you need to know, if I was in a position to judge you, you'd be getting a very high score.
That story you told about helping to bus little black kids in Pittsburgh.
- That was '86, '87? - Thereabout.
So you were clean then? Just functional? Because you know what this little black kid was doing? - I don't - I was a little boy, living in Bethel Park, Pennsylvania.
Which is pretty much the whitest place on Earth.
I had this little notebook and every time I met a new black person, I would put a mark in this notebook.
And every time I met a black man, I wondered if, somehow, if that man could possibly be my father.
But I couldn't say that.
You know, I couldn't say it out loud because I loved my father.
My white father.
And my white mother.
I'm a strong, successful, black man.
My wife and I give a lot of thought to how we raise our girls, believe that.
- Yes.
- The fact that my daughter doesn't find anything unusual about her playing Snow White? - That's the whole idea.
- [chuckles.]
Right? Look, I-I don't know everything, William.
I don't.
But I wouldn't change a thing about my parents, or the way that I parent, and I will not apologize - for any of it.
- You shouldn't.
- Because I don't.
- I should.
Three weeks I've known you, and I still haven't said the words.
- You don't have to say any - I'm sorry.
I am so deeply sorry.
I did everything wrong by you.
And you've done everything right.
You are doing everything right, son.
Well, uh Now, you wear whatever you want on your walk tomorrow.
Oh, I like my new flat front khakis just fine.
[both laugh.]
I love my father, and I love him well [doorbell rings.]
Hmm.
I hope to see him someday soon [door opens.]
- Baby say what? - Uncle Kevin! - Hey! How are you? - Good.
- Hi! I'm good, how are you? - How you doing? - Oh, you look beautiful.
- Thank you.
Honey, look, it's Kevin.
- What's up, bro? - Yo! - What's going on, man? - Oh, you know.
Missing my fan club, of course, you know? And, uh, you don't mind if I crash for a bit, right? Uh [chuckles.]
uh Yes.
- Absolutely.
- For a time.
- Thanks.
- Uncle Kevin, I was Snow White! - Yeah? - You should come see the video, and we have to call Stacy Klein, who doesn't believe you're my uncle.
You're kidding me, that's ridiculous.
All right, yeah, I'll be right there.
We'll tell her what's up.
- She's cute.
- RANDALL: Yeah, she is.
Hey.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Oh.
- Uh, Kevin, this is, uh - Yeah? William, he's my, uh This is my biological father whom I looked for, and I found, and this is him.
Uh, well, that probably is gonna be a longer conversation, - but it's good to meet you.
- It's a pleasure to meet you.
TESS: Uncle Kevin, come on! - Uh, go.
- Okay.
All right, yeah, no.
- [claps.]
Let's go.
- Go, go, go, go.
Yes, yes.
KEVIN: All right, where's my little Annie, huh? I miss the other half of my fan club.
Was that the Man-ny? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
I love that show.
I'm gonna go get my autograph book.
[William laughs.]
A mind filled with memories Weigh me down like gold I love my father, and I love him well I hope to see him someday soon I love my father, and I love him well Hey, is now a bad time to mention having another kid? - Are you reading? - I'm on the last page, come on, baby.
- Yeah.
- Please.
[soft chuckle.]
I wanted to be the man that made you happy.
From here on out, I'm gonna be a 12 for you.
You are getting in the car right now, and we are going to this doctors appointment.
Hi, white people.
I don't know what you were looking for with all this, but I do know you don't have a whole lot of time.
I'd like to tell the girls who you are.
I was not a very good brother to you, was I? RANDALL: No, you weren't.
But you still got time.
- Toby.
- Kate.
How's your breakfast? You mean this, uh, steel-cut oatmeal and egg-white pancake you're making me eat? It's amazing.
I'm gonna do theater.
I did it I-I-I booked a redeye to New York.
ANNOUNCER [on radio.]
: It's a scorcher out there, folks.
- Stay cool, Pittsburgh.
- RANDALL: Shut up.
KEVIN: Don't tell me to shut up.
- You're doing it wrong.
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
- Mom, I'm hot.
I know, kiddo.
Dad is trying to fix the air conditioning.
Babe, how's it going? We're dying in here.
- JACK: I'm working on it.
- Give it back! - Just hold on.
- Enough! Mom, Randall took my Rubik's Cube.
- You weren't doing it right.
- Enough.
Come here.
Wow.
You did this? You're supposed to be yelling at him! Randall, stop scratching.
That's a rash, babe.
You're gonna make it worse.
- JACK: Okay, I think I have a solution.
- Is it fixed? Jack, what what are you doing wearing that shirt? You know I hate that shirt.
I'm wearing this shirt because it makes me think of fun.
It makes me think of sun.
And because we are going to the pool! Huh? Kate Pearson, you get in here and you strut your stuff, young lady.
That's right.
Uh-huh.
uh-huh.
- Care Bears.
- You know it, you know it.
Today, people, we are gonna debut the brand-new Care Bear bikini! Can we go to the Greenview pool? The one with the diving board? Please.
No, that place sucks.
- You barely get in anyway.
- [blows raspberry.]
The Big Three.
Your brother needs you.
- Come on, you big mope.
- [others repeating "please".]
Don't hold out on us.
Please.
Please.
Okay, okay, yes.
Go get your swimsuits on.
Go get your suits.
Come on, towels, towels.
AC is zonked, babe, we're gonna have to call someone.
Pool, huh? Not a movie? Are you sure you're okay with the pool today.
We're gonna have a day-long pool vacation.
I'm gonna snag us not one, not two, - but five pool chairs.
- [gasps.]
Five? I'm gonna snag us five pool chairs.
- You bad man.
- Yes, I am.
The kids are gonna run off, you're gonna finish that book you've been trying to read for two years.
- It's Misery.
- Oh, it's gonna be fun.
No, no, no, the book is Misery, by Stephen King.
Oh, yeah, right.
Hey, I already packed the cooler.
All soft drinks, no beer.
A whole day at the pool with those kids and no beer? I told you, I stopped drinking.
It's not you I'm worried about.
[chuckles.]
See? That's what we need, then.
We just need a day to relax.
[laughing.]
[children screaming happily.]
WOMAN [over P.
A.
.]
: A reminder, there is no running, no diving, and absolutely no glass containers in the pool area.
Feeling relaxed yet? [shouts, laughter.]
There's a chair! Run, run, run, run, run, run, run.
Go get it! Get it, yes! - Get it, get it, get it.
- Yeah! Ow.
Oh, stop it.
That doesn't hurt.
- Ow! - RANDALL: Oh, that one might've hurt.
Sorry.
Gotcha.
ANNIE: I want Grandpa to do mine.
WILLIAM: No problem, Miss Annie.
Oh, really? You want Grandpa to try to tame this mess? - Have at it.
- Let's see here.
Oh, that's gotta go.
Beth, where's your scissors? - No! - [William laughing.]
Then you better sit still and not give me a hard time.
How'd you get that scar? Oh, that? Rock, bottle Eh, there were plenty in the air that day.
- Maybe we don't tell that story.
- Oh, no, it's not a bad one.
Some people in Pittsburgh were fighting against bussing, and I was helping out with that.
'86, '87? ANNIE: What's bussing? Getting poor children into the schools in better neighborhoods.
You were working with the Urban League? Yeah, a little bit, yeah.
Look, I gotta get on my walk.
You wanna take over here? - Mm-hmm.
- Mwah! Okay, you two, let's get moving.
Mom and I gotta get to work so we can pay for all this hair product.
- [Annie laughs.]
- [FaceTime rings.]
Hey, hey! - The Eagle has landed.
- RANDALL: What's up? I'm officially a New Yorker now East Coast! Hey, somebody wants to say hi.
Uncle Kevin, come see my play.
I'm Snow White.
You're kidding me! Snow White's my favorite character of all time! I'm actually auditioning for a play, too.
Yeah, it's very dark, very, very truthful - Do the Manny voice.
- What's that? They love it when you do the catchphrase.
I don't want to do the Manny voice.
- Please.
- Please.
- Baby say what? - Like, for real.
[grumbles, sighs.]
Baby say what? No, like in the show.
[in character.]
: Baby say what? [girls laughing.]
Your biggest fans.
Any anyway, this play is a total departure for me, you know? None of that, like, Manny stuff.
It's a character-driven departure for me.
Where'd you go? What are you looking at? Uh, hey, man, uh, I gotta go.
You're just gonna hang up on him? No, no, no, I will not show you my I.
D.
Not until you tell me why you need a reason to see it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Tony, what's going on here? Hey, Mr.
Pearson.
We had a report of someone loitering.
I wasn't loitering.
I was taking my walk, and literally on my way to smell the roses, - as I have been for the past week.
- I know.
Is there some local rose smelling ordinance - I'm not aware of? - William, enough.
Enough He's with you, sir? Yeah, he's staying with us.
- Sorry.
- Sorry? [scoffs.]
WOMAN: We're so sorry.
We didn't know, Randall.
Understood.
Thanks.
Thank you, Tony.
We're gonna get you some new clothes.
I hate kale.
Me, too.
Ick.
Baby arugula is just as bad as grown-up arugula.
All right, you know what? Here we go.
Oh, no, no, no.
Let me get Remember, you are unemployed.
And I am not convinced that you would do well - begging for money.
- Are you kidding? You don't think the drivers will be sympathetic to me holding up a sign that says "hungry?" That's good.
I'm gonna use the restroom, and then we'll go, okay? TOBY: Hi.
Hi.
[chuckles.]
WOMAN: How are you? - Uh, good.
How are you? - Good.
Okay, uh you wanna get out of here? - Who was that? - Who was uh You saw that.
Uh, that was my ex-wife.
[laughing.]
Wait, are you serious? Uh, yeah.
I told you I was married before.
Not to that.
Supermodel, pose and catwalk.
Hey, Kate, stop being silly.
Come over here, please.
Oh, Samantha and Vicki are here! - Care Bears! - JACK: Okay, that's two.
Babe, I had to sleep with someone to get this one.
- I hope that's okay.
- Yeah, I'm fine with it.
As long as his wife is okay with it.
Kevin, you're up, please.
Shirt off.
Why? I don't even like swimming.
You don't have to put your face in.
You can sit in the shallow end and Randall will stay with you.
I don't like Randall either.
- Hey, Kev, come on.
- REBECCA: Enough.
Turn around.
Randall, you're up, please.
Come here.
Turn around, please.
Are you sure I really need sunscreen? - Yes, absolutely.
- Yeah, absolutely.
- Of course you do.
Sure.
- [groans.]
Okay, look, Big Three, come here.
Come here.
You are surrounded by adults and lifeguards that resemble adults.
There's very little trouble you can actually get into Wait, wait.
Kate, baby, are you sure you don't want to put a shirt on? - Right.
- Here.
Enjoy your Misery.
People are staring at her in that bathing suit, Jack.
Some jerky little kid is gonna say something.
It's baby fat.
She's only eight years old.
Kids haven't turned mean yet.
And what is up with Kevin lately, and that attitude? - He's so jealous of Randall.
- He's fine.
Babe, he's fine.
They are all fine.
And does Randall need sunscreen? I mean, have we just been wasting sunscreen all of these years? That I have no answer for.
Chair.
Chair! Careful! KEVIN: She's his ex-wife, Kate.
All right? The operative word being "ex.
" They're not together anymore.
He's with you now.
"Why?" is the question.
You should see her.
Maybe that's what Toby wants.
Maybe he's fulfilling a fat-girl fetish with me.
Well, that's actually a thing.
Of course, for me it was more of a phase than a thing, but anyway I did a deep dive with this woman.
Everything reeks fabulous.
She has fabulous taste, she has fabulous friends.
She's been to Argentina, Kevin! Listen to me, I did not leave you in Los Angeles so you could selfsabotage, okay? So get off the Internet do that right now and tell me how hard I'm gonna crush this audition.
The edges are gone and then the thing.
DIRECTOR: Thank you, Sean Patrick.
- Some good choices, I thought.
- It's Daniel.
Everyone else sucks.
- WOMAN: You know, I kind of liked - It's Daniel.
Hold on, hold on.
We have one more.
Kevin Pearson.
Sorry.
I know, I know.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm late.
It's just, you know, I tried to take the subway, right, and then walk, like a New Yorker.
Uh, Ron Shiller.
This is Sloane Sandberg.
- You're the, uh, screenwriter.
- Playwright.
Well, you know, I mean, you gotta start somewhere.
Um, you'll be reading with Miss Maine today, if that's okay.
Yeah, no, whatever you got, you know.
Miss Maine, Miss Iowa.
I judged, uh, Miss USA for Trump once, so we may have actually met before.
Miss Maine is Olivia Maine.
Tony nominee.
SHILLER: She plays Jessica.
Of course.
Hi.
Good to meet you.
Uh, well, before we start, I just wanted to I want to get something off my chest.
I do understand the perception, you know.
These L.
A.
actors, they come out here, right? They do their little quick stint in theater just to feel better about themselves.
That's not why I'm here, okay? I'm here for the right reasons.
Let's get this over with, shall we? [sniffles, clears throat.]
Did you want me to start? Yes, I thought it would be good, if, uh you speak, then I speak, then you speak, and we all go home.
Does that work for you? Yeah.
That's great [clears throat.]
My recollection's hazy, actually, it was a long day.
Not for me.
Mine was over before 9:00 in the morning.
[whispering.]
: That's really good accent.
- What? - The American accent.
What? I just diving diving right back in.
Uh [flipping pages.]
It say, uh it says "I lay," uh, I don't Let me just say I don't need to say it.
It says I'll just say it.
I lay Just keep going.
[chuckles softly.]
This is I'll get it.
[sniffles.]
I lay on the dock all night, and part of the next morning.
And I don't feel a thing.
Let me take that again.
KEVIN: Oh, my gosh oh, my gosh.
Okay.
Baby say what [chuckles.]
Okay.
I-I lay Let me get into it.
I lay on the dock all night and part of the next morning.
And I don't feel a thing.
The bug bites, the sunburn.
Nothin'.
It's like when we used to go fishing.
You remember? - I never fished - Do you have the next - What the hell? - Sorry.
You weren't talking, so I thought - It's called a pause.
- Right.
Sorry.
It doesn't say pause on my script Well, it doesn't say suck, either, yet here we are.
RANDALL: You know your size? Always tended toward the slim.
I don't see that changing much at this point.
Try these.
Afterwards, we'll swing by the pharmacy, get those medications that the doctor wrote for you.
Sounds like a plan.
Ugh! $100? It's what they cost.
I'm paying, just take the pants.
So are we gonna talk about it or not? Talk about what? Ha.
About what.
Uh, this morning.
Or are you content to stand in silent judgment with that face? It's just my face.
No, you didn't like me apologizing for you.
I get it.
Would you have been happier if I made a big scene? You know, got up in Tony's face, had the cops roll up and turn the hoses on us? It's the Cosgroves.
He runs an insurance agency, she collects owls.
History would not have memorialized our stand.
You ever had a hose turned on you? Can't say that I have, I'm very sorry.
Don't be.
It hurts.
And there's that face.
Only face I got.
Look, I could use some socks No, the face.
The one that says I have a scar on my arm from integrating schools.
And probably blisters on your feet from marching for freedom, but me, because I grew up in a white house, you think I don't live in a black man's world.
Oh, you know the one.
The one where that salesman there has been eyeballing us ever since we came in here.
Or where that security guard has moved just a little off his mark so he can keep us in his sight.
And where they'll definitely ask for an ID with my credit card when I go to pay, even though they haven't asked for anybody else's.
Plus a million things every day that I have to choose to let go, just so I'm not pissed off all the time.
Like I did on the street this morning.
Like I have done every day of my life.
Now try on the damn slim cut flat front chinos.
I think they'll look nice on you.
- KEVIN: Randall! - Yeah? Watch! [chuckling.]
: Cool! Cool! Dad, watch! Dad! - Where's the other one? - I'm looking.
Man, you take your eyes off one for a second, you lose track of the others.
That's because there are more of them than there are of us.
- Always will be.
- What? Oh.
Talking about the kids.
Yep.
It's a war.
They got the numbers.
- KEVIN: Dad! Dad! - We were beat before we started.
- Watch! - There she is.
Hi.
Hey, guys.
You want to play mermaids? This is from all of us.
KEVIN: Dad! - Dad! Daddy! Dad! - Yep.
- Dad, watch me! - Yeah.
I see you, pal! Do you remember the first time he said "Dad"? How happy I was? Now where's Randall? - How about that time? Did you see? - Hey, Kev.
Where's your brother? I don't know! - Jack - You take land, I'll take sea.
KEVIN: Dad! Watch! REBECCA: Kevin.
You were supposed to watch each other! REBECCA: Randall! Randall! KEVIN: Aw, Kate it was the worst audition in the history of the world.
Okay? I mean, that woman made me so nervous, I started doing an English accent in the middle of it for no reason! Okay, I'm sure it wasn't that bad.
Maybe that's the problem.
You know? I wanted it too much.
Hey! It's the Man-ny! Hey Man-ny! How's it going? [squeals.]
Yeah.
Listen.
Could you please fly out here? I really need you right now.
You'll be fine, you just What? I'm just what? Where'd you go? Nowhere.
I'm here.
I'm shopping.
- I'm lost.
- KATE: You're not lost.
It's just all new.
It's just new.
No I mean I'm actually lost, I have no idea where the hell I'm at.
I got to go.
- Oh! - Ow! Sorry.
Oh.
[sighs.]
- Hey, uh that whole thing back there, just so you know.
I'm not actually bad, okay? - Okay.
Duly noted.
- Okay.
Okay.
Just wanted to get that out there.
Well, out there it is.
Although you weren't super helpful.
You want to get a drink? What, like, now? Yeah.
Now.
Come on, - L.
A.
- What? Yeah.
[indistinct chatter.]
TESS: Mom, the play's about to start! All right, Tess.
Hurry up.
Go get your dress on.
Get her her shoes.
- Hurry, hurry, hurry.
- Break a leg.
Come on [chuckles.]
Wow, this is a nice place.
Yeah.
Public schools in this area are good, it's why we moved here.
- Even better than private.
- Mm-hmm.
You know, the parents are real involved.
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, Beth's on the board.
Real involved.
They got a farm.
- Really? - Yeah.
Out back.
Kids learn about the land.
Grow their own food.
Thank you.
They got, uh, chickens.
They got a goat.
Wanna take it down, gonna do my thing Gonna do my thing Gonna do my thing Gonna do my thing Hi.
Can I help you find something? No.
Oh! You're here about the job.
- Hmm? - You know.
The job? [chuckles.]
- Y-yeah.
- Great! I'm unstoppable Let's go over here so we can talk.
It's time to hit the road again.
Randall? Randall? Hey, Kate.
Have you seen Randall? [sighs.]
Randall! Randall? Randall Randall! Hello! Did you not hear me calling you? - Hey, what are you doing over here? - Oh, no, no, no - I've been - It's okay.
I'm watching him.
Okay, it's I-I have him now.
I'm sorry, I'm his mother.
I was a little panicked.
I'm Rebecca.
Oh, we know who you are.
You do? Oh yes.
When a white family has a black child and they don't introduce themselves to any of us, we tend to take notice.
Well.
Thank you for watching him, He's just not supposed to be over here.
Not "over here" like that.
There's nothing wrong with over here.
I just mean that I want him where we can see him.
Where we're sitting.
In front of us.
Thank you.
It was very nice to meet you.
Randall, come on.
Let's go.
Come on.
Thank you.
Actually, you stay right here.
That's my son, and I'm his mother.
And I don't know if you have some sort of problem with that arrangement, but also, I don't really care.
Thank you very much for watching my son.
But I have him now.
- Okay.
- Okay.
You need to get the child a proper haircut.
The razor bumps on his neck.
You need a barber who knows how to cut black hair.
Come on.
Hey, I told you to stay with your brother.
Didn't I? Sorry.
Is this the real reason you wanted to come to this pool and not the other? - Come on.
- [classical music playing.]
So beautiful.
BOY: Ho, there.
Who might you be, fair maid? I am the Princess Snow White.
[laughter.]
BOY: I have traveled this land and many others, and never have I seen a beauty so fair.
[laughter.]
ANNIE: Where are you from, noble sir? What errand brings you to the forest? I come from a land far away.
- Thanks.
- Cheers.
[indistinct conversation.]
- The, uh - Thank you.
That play is really special, isn't it? I mean, I don't read a lot of plays, - but that's-that's good.
- [laughing.]
: Yeah.
Yeah, I got that.
- No, look, it's - [laughs.]
it's really good, actually.
I mean, it's it's fragile.
It's-it's delicate.
So, where are you from, Kevin Pearson? - Me? - Mm.
Uh Pittsburgh, originally.
You got family back there? Um not anymore.
Right, so, L.
A.
is home now? Yeah, I guess so.
Yeah.
- I think you should go back there.
- I know, right? [laughs.]
Are you serious? I am serious.
And I'm telling you this as a friend because I see this all the time.
I mean, you said it yourself.
Pretty people come here from TV or movies because they want to do something real.
I mean, even if they've they've never had a genuine moment in their entire lives.
Do you know what they find out? That guess what? It's hard.
It's so hard.
It's not it's not pretend, it's not Guys and Dolls in some high school cafeteria.
It's not I'm sorry, what-what-what was the-the movie you were in? It was a TV show, actually, called, uh, The Man-ny.
Yeah, and look, I'm not saying that you're not good at what you do.
I'm sure you're you're great at it.
I mean, I-I couldn't do it.
But this is not that.
You're in over your head, Kevin Pearson.
I mean, if you really want to do this, then go home, find a class, get some training.
I'm just being honest.
I see.
As a as a friend.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
[phone beeps and vibrates.]
Still, just, you know, it feels like you're using the word "friend" wrong.
Everything all right? - You okay? - Yeah.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
[glass shatters.]
You got the part.
- Wait, I'm sorry, what? - They think the nanny will sell tickets.
It was actually The Man-ny.
Dad, look! I'm going under and everything! Dad! - Yeah, I see you, pal! - Randall.
- KEVIN: Dad! - Lunch, baby.
- Dad! - You know, maybe she was just - trying to be helpful.
- KEVIN: Dad! Watch! By condescendingly telling me how I could raise my kid? Yeah.
- No, thank you.
- KEVIN: Dad! [children shouting.]
I love my father and I love him well [children laughing and shouting.]
I hope to see him someday soon I love my father and I love him well I hope to see him someday soon 'Cause where I live it gets dark at night The kind of dark eats up the light Yeah, where I live it gets dark at night The kind of dark eats up the light And you know that, mother I'd be lying If I didn't tell you I'm afraid of night.
[gasping.]
[heavy breathing.]
WOMAN [over P.
A.
.]
: We have a lost child, looking for its parents.
If you are missing a child, please call Lost and Found.
[laughing.]
JACK: Kate, you're not eating.
You okay? What's up with her? Are you kidding me?! Oh! Why? Because we didn't make her wear a T-shirt, that's why.
No, no, Jack, you're only gonna make it worse.
Sit - [whispering.]
: sit down.
Seriously.
- I almost drowned! - REBECCA: What? - Did you even care? - When? - I tried to get to the deep end, - but you never watch me.
- Hey.
Calm down.
- You always watch them.
- Kev, Kev, Kev.
- Come on - Don't touch me.
Watch yourself, pal.
And you're so busy making sure that Kate's not eating too much - Kev, calm down.
- and and Randall's not too adopted, and meanwhile, where's Kevin? Oh, guess what? He's dead.
REBECCA: Bud, we love you.
We were watching - KEVIN: Don't touch me.
- I got this one.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, come here.
Come here.
- What? - I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Okay? I should have been watching.
- Okay? - You should have.
And I said I was and I should have been watching you, pal.
I'm trying, okay? Look, I know that I'm bigger than you.
I know that I'm an adult, but I th-th-this is my first time, okay? This is my first time, too.
I got three of you and I'm trying.
I'm sorry.
I should've been there.
And I'm gonna be there, okay? - Okay.
- Can I have a hug? Can I get a "Dad, I love you"? Do you have the name of a barber? I do.
Well, I would appreciate it.
Then I'll write it down.
When he gets out of the pool, you need to put lotion on him or he gets ashy.
Lotion.
Okay.
Thank you.
Do you think that my son could play with yours sometime after school? Yeah, yeah.
I think we can do that.
And does he need sunscreen or not? - He does, right? - [laughs.]
- I thought he did.
I knew he did! - [laughing.]
Can you tell my husband that, please? Uh, I didn't bring a résumé, sorry.
I didn't think I'd have a job interview.
And I thought I would just pick up an application Oh, well, you're here and I'm here, let's talk.
I could be your highlight, highlight I could be your highlight You have really pretty skin.
Oh, thank you.
So do you.
- Thanks.
- So, Kate, do you know anything about my store or my background? Hmm a little.
I know that you've had this store since 2013 and before that you sold your own designs on Etsy, until you partnered with that woman that you met at UC Santa Cruz go, Banana Slugs at her wedding in Thailand.
Oh, so beautiful.
Like, that is my dream trip.
And then you imported those scarves then it just, like, took off from there.
Oh, and you're divorced, you have no kids and you look amazing in wide-brimmed hats.
[sighs.]
I assume.
You just have the head for it.
I don't.
I look like a pacifier.
[laughs.]
I like a person who does her research before an interview.
- I'm a big researcher.
- [knocking.]
Hey, what's up? So, the good news is: I got a job.
Well, that means that there's bad news.
Bum-bum-bum! [whistle blows sharply.]
Adult swim.
- Adult swim only.
- [children groaning.]
You cold? Every word I said When I said that I love you - T-shirt? - I didn't bring one.
That I love you forever Well I brought a T-shirt.
That's the one Mommy hates.
- Oh, Mommy's just jealous.
- I don't think so.
[laughing.]
: Well, it's true.
She just pretends like she hates it because I won't let her wear it.
You know where I got this shirt? I heard Mommy say it was from a drugged-out drifter.
Listen, Mommy doesn't know the whole truth, so this is gonna have to stay between us, okay? I got it in Florida.
A magical land called Daytona Beach.
Can we go there? No.
No, you may never go to Daytona Beach.
[stammers.]
I want you to say it out loud: "Daddy, I will never go to Daytona Beach.
" Daddy, I will never go to Daytona Beach.
Good girl.
But I was there and one night, I was walking back to my hotel, and I came across this man a traveler.
He was wearing ragged clothes and he had a strange way of talking.
And these three young jerks were bothering him.
They were trying to take away his bag of groceries.
And so I chased the jerks off.
- By yourself? - Yeah, by myself.
And I had a few vitamin drinks and I chased them off.
It happened.
And the traveler was so grateful, he wanted to repay me.
You know, he-he didn't have much, so he reaches into his little satchel and he pulls out this shirt.
He says to me that it's a magic T-shirt.
He said, that when you wear it, your enemies will see you exactly as you want to be seen, and only that way.
Whether it's a a warrior, or a princess.
Whatever you want.
- Does it work? - You tell me.
I was wearing this shirt the night I met your mom.
And she thought I was the handsomest man in the world.
- You? - Yeah, I know.
Me.
Magic.
I'm gonna go with princess.
I want you to know that your daddy already sees you that way without the shirt, okay? You don't need it.
Thanks, Daddy, but I'm gonna wear it anyway.
Okay.
Your Highness.
Need to find you a crown.
Oh, my God, this is not happening.
This is are you oh.
[laughs.]
- Toby.
- Oh So you're telling me that you work for my ex-wife? I didn't mean to, okay? It just happened.
Like, I-I wanted to see her up close.
So you just stalked her like a serial killer.
Josie and I prefer to call it "research.
" "Josie and I.
" "Josie and I"? Wha how in the hell is there a Josie and I? - I don't know.
I just had to know.
- Know what? Toby, one of these things is not like the other, okay? So I wondered, like was she fat and then she got skinny? Was she a terrible person? But no.
She's actually beautiful, and she's great, and she thinks that I'm great, and she has amazing taste in imported goods.
Like, feel this.
[stammering.]
: I don't even know what that is! It's a portfolio.
- Oh.
- And I liked it.
Is that what you want? Is that what you want? Do you want a skinny person? No, but I would like to be with a sane person, Kate.
That is not nice.
Yeah, well, maybe I'm a little tired of being nice.
Some stranger tells you that you're great and you believe her.
I tell you you're great and you think I'm lying.
Why is that? I don't I don't know.
I have a problem.
We all have problems, Kate.
- Toby, all of my life - You've been fat.
Yeah, I get it.
I empathize, clearly.
I empathize, then I say something cute, then you feel better, rinse and repeat.
She was terrible to me, Kate.
Josie, this skinny, successful woman that-that you admire so much? She cheated on me, she lied to me, and then she took half my life savings.
I gained 95 pounds in one year after she left me.
At my lowest point, I told my brother that I was committing suicide even though that wasn't true because I wanted him to be as scared and lonely as I was.
You know what? You know what? That's that's a lie, I, uh I did consider suicide.
A lot.
When I would get drunk.
Alone.
And disgust myself.
So, you haven't cornered the market on problems, Kate.
God, I'm really sorry.
My issues are not gonna go away overnight, Toby.
Well neither am I.
But Jesus, Kate Josie and I weren't good together.
So we're not.
It's not like I was gonna keep the job anyway.
But you know who are good together? Matt Lauer and Savannah Guthrie? [quietly.]
: Yeah, duh.
I love them.
And I want them to be my family.
And also us.
We're pretty good together.
But mostly I was talking about Matt and Savannah.
- Can I keep the portfolio? - Oh, my God, you're killing me.
- No.
- Do you just want to feel it? [gasps.]
Oh, my God.
- [phone vibrating.]
- What is that? That's a baby something.
KATE [over voicemail.]
: Leave a message for Kate.
[voice mail beeps.]
Hey, hey, it's me.
Um I got the part.
Yay, right? I think.
Can you call me? Uh, it's just, you know, you're-you're usually the one who who tells me how great I am, and you're not here.
[softly.]
: So [footsteps approaching.]
WILLIAM: Man, that Tess was some Snow White tonight, huh? [chuckles.]
Yeah.
[sighs.]
I've offended you somehow.
- No.
- No, I have.
- You think I'm judging you.
- I Because I'm in no position to judge you whatsoever.
But you need to know, if I was in a position to judge you, you'd be getting a very high score.
That story you told about helping to bus little black kids in Pittsburgh.
- That was '86, '87? - Thereabout.
So you were clean then? Just functional? Because you know what this little black kid was doing? - I don't - I was a little boy, living in Bethel Park, Pennsylvania.
Which is pretty much the whitest place on Earth.
I had this little notebook and every time I met a new black person, I would put a mark in this notebook.
And every time I met a black man, I wondered if, somehow, if that man could possibly be my father.
But I couldn't say that.
You know, I couldn't say it out loud because I loved my father.
My white father.
And my white mother.
I'm a strong, successful, black man.
My wife and I give a lot of thought to how we raise our girls, believe that.
- Yes.
- The fact that my daughter doesn't find anything unusual about her playing Snow White? - That's the whole idea.
- [chuckles.]
Right? Look, I-I don't know everything, William.
I don't.
But I wouldn't change a thing about my parents, or the way that I parent, and I will not apologize - for any of it.
- You shouldn't.
- Because I don't.
- I should.
Three weeks I've known you, and I still haven't said the words.
- You don't have to say any - I'm sorry.
I am so deeply sorry.
I did everything wrong by you.
And you've done everything right.
You are doing everything right, son.
Well, uh Now, you wear whatever you want on your walk tomorrow.
Oh, I like my new flat front khakis just fine.
[both laugh.]
I love my father, and I love him well [doorbell rings.]
Hmm.
I hope to see him someday soon [door opens.]
- Baby say what? - Uncle Kevin! - Hey! How are you? - Good.
- Hi! I'm good, how are you? - How you doing? - Oh, you look beautiful.
- Thank you.
Honey, look, it's Kevin.
- What's up, bro? - Yo! - What's going on, man? - Oh, you know.
Missing my fan club, of course, you know? And, uh, you don't mind if I crash for a bit, right? Uh [chuckles.]
uh Yes.
- Absolutely.
- For a time.
- Thanks.
- Uncle Kevin, I was Snow White! - Yeah? - You should come see the video, and we have to call Stacy Klein, who doesn't believe you're my uncle.
You're kidding me, that's ridiculous.
All right, yeah, I'll be right there.
We'll tell her what's up.
- She's cute.
- RANDALL: Yeah, she is.
Hey.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Oh.
- Uh, Kevin, this is, uh - Yeah? William, he's my, uh This is my biological father whom I looked for, and I found, and this is him.
Uh, well, that probably is gonna be a longer conversation, - but it's good to meet you.
- It's a pleasure to meet you.
TESS: Uncle Kevin, come on! - Uh, go.
- Okay.
All right, yeah, no.
- [claps.]
Let's go.
- Go, go, go, go.
Yes, yes.
KEVIN: All right, where's my little Annie, huh? I miss the other half of my fan club.
Was that the Man-ny? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
I love that show.
I'm gonna go get my autograph book.
[William laughs.]
A mind filled with memories Weigh me down like gold I love my father, and I love him well I hope to see him someday soon I love my father, and I love him well Hey, is now a bad time to mention having another kid? - Are you reading? - I'm on the last page, come on, baby.
- Yeah.
- Please.
[soft chuckle.]