Trailer Park Boys s09e10 Episode Script

Steve Rogers here, with "Live in The Sky".
What began as our "Sasq-watch" has now evolved into a high speed chase involving three bears.
It appears, police are in hot pursuit.
Dude, man, you just gotta do it.
Okay, I will.
I mean, I'll try.
Fuck I'm so nervous, dude.
Can you ask her for me? Uh, hell to the no, man.
Come on, man, guy's gotta hang his own bird.
Besides, I'm not your family.
And it's pretty weird.
You're my family, Cory.
Totally.
We're brothers.
Yeah, man.
Brothers.
I've got a plan, we're not fucking going to jail.
We're not going to jail! I might as well get my jail suit on! I cannot fucking believe I'm caught up in this shit! I'm trying not to break the law, now I'm in a fucking high speed chase! Get into Ricky's trailer! I'm gonna die! I'm going to fucking die! There appears to be another animal with the bears now.
It looks like a walrus in a blanket.
Get in the fucking trailer, Bubs! You know I love you.
I'm so happy we're all a family.
I was wondering if you would would you - Hey Lucy, hey Trin.
- What How's the baby Motel? What the hell is going on here? Here, I've got hair bear for ya.
Bit of a long story, actually.
Oh, my God! We got into a fucking horror show at the motel.
Cops followed us here.
Heli-cocksucker in the sky.
- We're in big shit here! - Cops? We have the trailer surrounded.
Cory, Jacob, put the suits on.
Yeah.
Why? 'Cause things got fucked up and you guys got to go to jail for me for a bit.
No, no, no, no, no.
I can't let that happen, sorry, Jacob.
Dad, you're going back to jail? Okay, back up.
You've spent months trying to get us to come and live here with you as a family.
Now we're here, you and I haven't banged yet and you want to go back to jail? You are fucked! Look, I'll go to jail, you guys can bang.
You're not going to jail, Jacob.
Trin and The Motel need you here with them.
You spent most of Trinity's childhood in jail and look how perfect she turned out.
Let me do this for Moe.
It'll make me a better father.
Well, you got a good point there.
No! No, no, no, no, no, no, He's got to come to jail with me, man.
It's going to be no more than two days max, dude.
Come on, please, let him come with me.
Please, please.
Are you fucking kidding me? Get the fuck out here! Dude, man, we're coming! Shut up! You know what, I got hostages and shit, we ain't even moving till you get us our fucking pizza! Cory, shut the fuck up, saying we got hostages! My God, boys, I'm freaking out, I can't go to jail.
Randy, put this on.
I don't want to go jail.
- Do you want me to deal with Lahey? - Yeah Well then, put the fucking bear costume on! Look, I barely have a record, just let me do this, all right? Listen, I'll put it on, Julian, but I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it for - For love, for Mr.
Lahey.
- Just put it on! Jacob, give me that fucking Jacob, just give him the suit, you son of a whore! Oh, my fuck, I'm gonna crank you.
- Come out right now - Hurry up! We'll break the door down! Hurry up! You're all sweaty! Randy, get that on Put the fucking bear costume on! Jacob, I'm going to fucking wallop you! The furry fugitives have barricaded themselves Two at the door.
One more at least in the room.
Okay, okay here we go guys, here we go.
Move it, move it, hands up! Get your fucking hands up! Bears in custody.
I repeat, bears in custody.
Looks like this incident ended peacefully.
I'm Steve Rogers, signing off.
Come on, let's go.
You, off.
Same, let's go.
Dude, we're going to have so much fun hanging out together in jail.
Hey, where's that other guy in there? How's it going? My name is Rick.
I'm the owner of the trailer, just coming from church Yeah, I'll debrief you in a sec, sir.
- Trin, can I talk to you for a sec? - What is it, Jacob? - I was wondering if you - Yeah, come on.
- If I what? - Ricky! Help! - Wait, what? - Ricky What's going on, Jacob? Take it easy.
I was wondering, would you propose to Trin for me? I'd be happy to son.
- Thanks.
- Okay, let's go.
Have fun in jail, say hi to everybody.
We got to go bang right now.
- Right now.
- God, yeah, let's go.
Ohhh, hmmm Be right back, Bubs.
- Where are you going? - To deal with Lahey.
Here, Willy, look.
Look, who's that? That's you, as a bottle! Jim.
Jim! Jim! Blulian! Jesus Christ, what the hell are you doing? No, you're not, you're trying to drink yourself to death in a goddamn liquor bath! Look, I've got a new offer.
Let's just sell the park, cut our losses, and start fresh.
Jim, you're like a father to me.
Like the father I've never had.
This park's been a pain in our asses for a long, long time.
Won't you come live in the motel? Whaddya say, Dad? All you have to do, is sign right there.
Then we'll have a new beginning.
All right, all right, that's en that's enough, Jim.
Ohhhh! Just sign it.
Yeah.
- We did it.
- Yeah, we did it.
Put these on and let's go celebrate.
This is a good thing, Jim Lahey.
This is a good thing, Julian! I'm okay, Julian I'm okay.
Fuck, I missed this thing.
Okay, but, circle double-U Jeez, Trin's here, Trin.
- Hey, Trin.
- I'm sorry, I need to know what Jacob said to you.
Okay.
Just, uh, just have a seat, sweetie.
Well, there's no real easy way to do this, I guess.
He just wanted me to get down on one knee and ask you Oh, my God, yes! 'Kay, hold on a second, though, I mean You do realize that he's not good at smartly kinds of things.
He's can't keep a job, he draws like an asshole Dad.
It's okay, he's just like you.
Okay, well Trinity Will you marry me? I mean, will you marry Jacob? Yes, of course.
- Congratulations, sweetie.
- Thanks, Dad.
- I'm so happy for you guys.
- Thank you.
Sorry, I just got this thing from - your mom.
- Yes, that's okay.
We're going to go now.
I'm happy for you guys.
Just can you close the door and not come in for about five minutes? So sweet, and so fucking hot.
I got to put this in you.
What's going on, Julian? Got some good news, buddy.
We've just got to wait for Lahey.
Ay, Julian, I'm back with the fugees, y'all! Sayin'! Back up in it! You coming out, Lahey, bud? That was awesome.
- Oh! - Jesus Christ, you look like a fucking snurf! A liquor snurf! La-la-la fuck yourself! All right, that's enough, Bubs.
All right, everyone.
Jim and I have an announcement to make.
We just sold the park.
Jesus Christ! Who the fuck did you sell it to? We sold it to an investment company.
And the president of that company is me.
I'm the new owner of Sunnyvale, there, Jim.
And as the new owner, I'd like to do two things.
This is no longer a dry park.
Yeah! You can drink whatever you want, whenever you want, Woo hoo hoo! What about hash and weed? - Sure, man.
Anything.
- Nice.
And number two - Jim? - Yeah.
I want you to get the fuck out of my park.
Ooh Motel? Unfortunately, the motel burned down this morning.
Thank fuck I had fire insurance.
Great time for that to happen, eh, bud? Perfect timing.
You did it to yourself, Jim.
You did it the day you wouldn't let Ricky in, and you did it the day you turned this into a dry park.
Now get the fuck out of here.
You heard him, Lahey.
Get the fuck outta here! Get the fuck out! Yeah! Get the fuck out! Get the fuck out! - Get the fuck out! - What! - Get the fuck out! - Bitch! - Get the fuck out! - Huh! - Get the fuck out! - That's what's up.
Get the fuck out! That's what's up.
That's what's up.
That's the last time you fuck with us! Okay, everyone.
Welcome back to the new old Sunnyvale.
Now, I got a tub of Roc vodka in there.
Ten bucks a head, all you can drink.
Let's get fucking drunk! Yeah! Drinky-time, buddy.
Great going, Julian.
I'll take a rain check, I'm going to bang Lucy again.
Right on, buddy.
Let's go, let's go, you guys, Ten bucks inside, I'll get it from you.
I don't fucking piece of shit! Just fuck off.
Get the fuck off my fucking park now! You guys never allowed in my fucking park again ever! Take your fucking cocksucking cameras, shove them up your fucking archetypical asses! Nobody throws a party for you when you're bornt.
You have to wait a whole goddamn year.
Why the fuck is that fair? I couldn't wait that long.
I want to show my gramson how much I love him.
I got Willy-goat, Ricky.
Well, it's about fucking time.
I'm trying to have a family portrait here.
How's it going, little man? Oh, you like that, don't ya? Things are going so well with Ricky and I, it took us a while to start banging again, but now that we are, he is, uh he's giving 150%, for sure, uh, it's dirty.
The fuck is wrong with this thing, Bubs? Willy pooped in the punch.
Can you taste it? I didn't taste it.
I got to get fresh punch.
Taste it and see if you can taste it.
Nice looking wiener there, Rick.
Thanks, Luce.
Ricky.
We're the happiest we've ever been.
I mean, after my Dad proposed to me on Jacob's behalf, everything just kind of fell into place.
Look.
It follows you wherever you look.
Yeah! Ay, let me tell y'all something right quick.
Sometimes life's like "Bing, bong! Hey man! Got a surprise for your candy, some shit you didn't see coming," y'know I mean? And I'll be honest with you, This was my surprise right hurr.
- Whaddup y'all? - You know I'm sayin'? And at first, I was like, "Ain't got time for this, y'know I mean? I got hoes to row, you know I'm sayin'? Skrilla to make, joints to drop.
" But then I realized something important, y'all: You don't gotta choose maf'ks.
One mafk go to the other mefk, you just combine meefks! You know I mean? Know what I know? I'm down with old hoes.
Makin' breakfast, goin' for walks.
I don't care if all the hustlers gonna judge me.
A mahfucka feel safe.
Know I mean? Plus, I've been around, I know just how to snack it up, flip it, and rub it down.
Sayin'? Now, ain't that some shit.
First I was like, "Who's this.
Kelsey Grammar-lookin' bitch?" But turns out he's a'ight.
Dang right, and now we tight.
And we combined forces in a brand new business venture.
Yeah! It's still a party bus, and it's still bumping.
But now it's more like, a birthday party bus, you know I mean? Goose! When I say silly, y'all say goose! Silly - Goose! - Silly! - Goose! - When I say silly We still poppin' bottles and all dat, but now it's more like, bottles of ginger ale, or root beer rep.
Sayin'? Silly, silly, goose, silly, huh! Silly, huh! The only thing that sucks about being in jail is that it went by too fast, man.
We had so much fun there.
Hey! But now we got a wedding to plan.
And I couldn't think of a better best man.
Aha, gotcha.
In hindsight I might've got a little carried away on the entrepreneurial front.
You know, I started trying to expand like Richard Branson.
Basically, and I just it was too much, too fast, and then I got a little bit, you know a little carried away with possessions like TVs, and nice fancy shed and all the things I had.
And really, I figured you don't need that stuff.
You just need your friends and your family, some liquor, some nice liquor, some nice dope, and some nice warm kitties to keep you company at night.
Things couldn't be going any better for me right now, in my life.
I mean, I'm the owner of Sunnyvale Trailer Park, for fuck's sakes.
How good does that sound? Things were going a little fucky there for a little while, and I was going to throw in the towel, but then I said "Hey, reverse psychology is working for you.
" So I stuck with it, and what can I say? Everything worked out.
Hey, babe.
I was thinking, I'm getting a little tired Thinking about maybe we shouldn't get some greasy shit going later on tonight.
See, that's reverse psychology.
Want a drink? Yeah, just get that in ya.
Life's great.
I'm in for arson.
Burning down the fucking motel.
Jail fuckin' sucks.
But, on the plus side, I got lots of time to figure out how in the fuck I'm going to fucking fuck Julian back over.
'Cause the fuzz says they got me on videotape.
But there's only one ape coulda done that.
Fuckin' jerkmeat Julian better watch the fuck out.
Cyrus! You piece of shit! I know you set me up! You fuckin' rats! Every time you open your mouth, Tommy, my cock gets homesick.
Oh, I got four words for you, motherfucker: "Slingshot to the face!" - Fuck you.
- No, fuck you! We hit the road, just to get out of Sunnyvale for a bit.
All the drama.
All the assholes.
Yeah, we opened up a Mystic Fingers day spa in Yarmouth.
And business was good, too.
Like, really good.
Oh, we were killing it.
Till one of the seniors turned out to be a police officer.
Cops don't like it when you cop a feel.
So we got arrested.
Ooh! My name is Colonel Dancer.
Not Private Dancer.
You don't crawl up through the swamp of rankings to be called a "Private".
I'm a colonel.
I always will be a colonel.
To hell with that, I might even make general.
No, I'll go further.
I'll be a goddamn field marshal.
Pearl-handled revolvers, baton, make Patton look like a pussy.
Be back on Omaha Beach again 'fore we know it, with real men.
People doing a mission, a job, getting the job done.
What are you drooling for, soldier? Getting thrown in jail's been a happy accident.
I mean, don't get me wrong, we had great business in Yarmouth.
But business in jail is banging.
Like, literally banging.
'Cause there's tons of bored chicks here that want to pass the time with the mystic fingers, right? We are making money hand over fist.
I could run the country, I could run the world, I could run a marathon.
Do you want to run a marathon? Whaddya say, soldier? Let's do it, let's go now, the two of us, just us against the world! What's wrong with these people? Even though our journey was to Yarmouth, I feel like my personal journey was more profound.
Like, life-changing.
I realized that my entire life I have been defined by a man.
And I don't need one.
You love a person, not a gender.
And all through this whole thing, Sarah has been a rock.
And, Donna too.
Men, I've got my girls.
Here's a brand new one, little buddy.
Look, it matches Grampie's shirt.
It's great, Dad.
I'm so glad you were bornt.
You want another drink? Here you go.
Hm, delicious isn't it? Liquor and whores Liquor and whores Let me take him around.
Sure.
and dope and mustard and baloney Let's go see some people.
Thanks for coming to the borntday party.
Drinkin' at the Legion I met a girl She was nice She was pretty and pleasing Liquor and whores - Liquor and whores - I'm going to go see Lahey.
Cigarettes and dope and mustard and baloney Liquor and whores Hey, I brought you some cake, bud.
Julian! Haha! How you doing, bud? That was really thoughtful of you.
Hey, Julian.
I'm surprised your pants aren't on fire you're such a friggin' liar.
What are you talking about? I went to jail for you, I should be allowed back in the trailer park.
- You frigged me over.
- Jesus, Randy.
You're allowed in the park.
Just not with him.
That's not friggin' fair.
Yeah, it's fair, Randy.
I've frigged myself over, but I recognize that.
- Randy, I did what I had to do, okay? - Right.
It's for the best, anyway.
Have a good night, Jim.
Cheers, Juli.
Bastard.
Randy! Don't talk like that, bud.
You know what? I'm going to get the park back.
How the frig are you going to do that? Randy, it'll be a piece of cake, bud.
Piece of cake.
I'm already 10 sexy steps ahead of him, Bo-bander.
Oof! Now! Ugh! Bag him and tag him, Amanda.
And get some of that de-stink from behind the front seat.
Tagged and bagged him.
Good work.
Liquor and whores Liquor and whores Fuck! Fuck! Fuck off! Fuck Fucka.