United States of Tara s01e05 Episode Script


Previously, on United States of Tara I haven't had a real friend in so long.
Tiffany must be very pleased with your work.
I love it.
God, I just want to live in there, right? Hi, I'm the new server.
- Gene's gonna love you.
- Really? Gene Stewart, General manager.
I think he's nice.
If you like him, he must be a great guy.
And if he likes you, then he won't give a damn about the bee stings.
Does that hurt? You're so cute.
- Thank you.
- Come on.
Kate! I did not raise you to let boys who wear pigtails push you around.
I am Buck, and I will fuck you sideways.
I know about the multiple personalities.
- I want to meet one.
- Tiffany, you don't.
I'm not a dancing monkey.
Tiffany thinks one of your alters broke into her place in the middle of the night.
- I'm the only one who has her key.
- Are you Tara Gregson? It's not just the restraining order.
I'm banned from selling Vita-Self products.
You just ruin everything.
grischka, salomon, valpi SeriesSub.
com I'm telling you, man, Tupac is alive.
I just saw him eating huevos down at the pancake place in Prairie Village.
- What are you doing? - Oh, yes, I did.
I could find some kind of clue about, you know, who ruined mom's mural on one of these videos.
Now lookity-look who's dead.
Now would be your window to say something disparaging about me being very Nancy Drew or Mrs.
It's too early.
Tara made a new friend.
Tiffany was a threat to the system.
So one of the alters was jealous? And wanted to be out in the world too.
I know this is scary, but it's what we wanted.
Not to just tolerate your parts, but to really get to know them.
So that we'll get to the truth of what happened to you.
It's just one of your alters showing a side we've never seen.
Great, now my alters have alters.
It was me.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
So, you snuck over to Tiffany's in the middle of the night? Okay.
And what did you use to scratch "die yuppie cunt" in the wall? - My ferocious nails.
- Remember to pour with confidence.
Well, the restraining order says whichever one did it used mom's exact dull knife.
So we're looking for the alter that's the biggest dumbass.
Pretty much.
Crud! Everybody has aggression.
Most women don't have a clue how much they're carrying, Which is totally understandable.
We're not encouraged to express it, and we don't have societally sanctioned outlets for aggression built in to our daily lives, like men do.
Max doesn't.
Sure, I do.
I play basketball.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here, and just say that, with our situation, - it might not be enough.
- Maybe it was aunt Charmaine.
Another pitiful, yet over-the-top grab for Listen.
When people see who I really am, it's gonna change everything.
I can't imagine Alice scratching up somebody's wall.
No way.
I guess it could be Buck.
But he'd be more inclined to write "sit on my face with your yuppie cunt.
" Not just my life, but the lives around me.
People are gonna talk about this for a long time.
Please, my money's on T.
- Interesting.
- come on.
She's devious.
We know she's insecure.
So when you see what I'm capable of, you're gonna know that I got super powers, bitches! Like how you always recognize stuff, even if Tara wasn't around.
Yeah, maybe I don't remember Alice making chicken with corn flakes, but when you or one of the kids tell me, I can feel it's true.
Like, somewhere in another room in my head that I'm not privy to.
Yeah, I get that.
I can see it kind of click with you.
Yeah, but with this, there's no click.
I have no feeling for it.
And I would take responsibility, honestly.
But I just don't think it was me.
Really? Maybe it was Tiffany's ex-husband.
Maybe it was somebody who was really, really pissed - 'cause they couldn't lose weight.
- Come on, is there some way it's not me? I guess there's some way.
You don't really believe that.
You think I did it.
You're my husband.
Aren't you supposed to believe me? Come on, honey.
We're late.
All right, let's just talk about this later, when I see you.
They only are able to dispense these particular medications once a month.
This has devastated an already overpopulated fucking NPR.
They're on their way.
Just another five minutes.
How'd you kill it? It's not dead yet.
Max said he'd take a look.
Hey, Tara, where are you going? Don't you have something at Marshall's school? T.
? Hi, Max.
Yeah, it's me.
's back.
No, I'm glad you were there.
Charmaine, any chance I could convince you to help me wrangle her? What's in it for you? I don't know.
Free junk food, and good karma, I guess.
Thank you.
Listen, I gotta go.
Listen, your mom's fine.
She She's just not quite herself.
She went awol? I'm pretty sure she's at that arcade place she likes.
You should go get her.
No, no, no.
I'm not gonna do that.
You're gonna be wiggling your foot the whole trial anyway.
Just go.
Okay, all right.
I hate Fremont.
I don't know why she can't find a sugar shack closer than 200 miles.
It'd take all the fun out of it.
I was thinking about Tara and her friends.
You know if she had a roommate at boarding school? Somebody that might have been around, you know, when whatever happened happened? I think so.
She didn't mention it? Well, I asked, but I think my wanting to know just puts her on edge.
- Yeah, I know.
- Oh, you know? You know she told me to also get a hobby other than fixing her? We were going round and around about that.
She said "train set.
" I thought maybe line dancing.
She did have a roommate.
I can't remember her name.
I remember she was freakishly tall.
Of course I was only worthy of shitty public school, so Why's that? I don't know.
I don't know what I did.
Maybe you didn't do anything.
Pretty good.
My bitch is fresh.
Come on.
Hi, dad.
Did you find her? Yes, I have, and she's not even in any trouble.
You haven't let her out of your sight, have you? No, sir.
I have not, sir.
Hey, I think we're gonna stay over, okay? - All right, bye.
- Roger.
Oh, yeah, I'll take you bitches anytime.
I wanna have a party.
What? They're staying over.
You just wanna have a party so that that Jason guy comes over.
I've always wanted to have a party.
- You hate parties.
- Parties with teenagers.
I mean, I'd go to Woody Allen's new year's eve party, or, you know, if Noel Coward invited me to something on his boat.
Sorry, Moosh, but Jason's not gonna come.
How do you know? Because, it'd be too big of a statement.
It would show he's actually into you.
Maybe it'd just show, you know, that he likes parties.
Civilized parties, like mine will be.
But I guess I can make some phone calls.
Thank you.
So her footwork's all sloppy, and she dares me to sight read.
And I'm like, "Step-off, bar-humper, here comes my bong Thomas.
" And then I did a double on this nine-footer, and was, like, totally in challenge mode.
Why's she here? Well, 'cause she's a nice person, and she's offered to drive Tara's car back.
So I can get up early, and go to my job at the clinic.
Because your actions don't only affect you, you self-absorbed pretend teenager.
What about me? We're gonna stay over.
No shit? Yeah, let's hang out, have some fun.
Why not? What kind of fun? Okay, bye.
Why are we gonna stay over if we're not gonna fuck? Drive safe, Charmie.
Can I at least fuck him? No.
You never let me do anything.
You know, I think Tara's roommate's name was HeidI Troy, or Heidi Sawyer maybe.
- Does that help? - Yeah, yeah.
You bet.
All right.
Okay, thank you.
I've been collecting for quite some time now.
I started on or around Christmas when I was eight.
It's like, a peppermint schnapps party? I told you it was going to be civilized.
- Hey.
- Hey, how'd you get off work? I told Gene Stuart my grandma died, and I have to sit Shivah.
Nice, I told him I had lady cramps.
Oh, hey, Moosh, the Christians are here! Come on in! Hey, what the fuck, man? Hey, T.
Leave us alone, weird stranger! - Yeah, we were having a moment here! - Yeah, you were.
Moment's over.
I'm her husband.
Let's go.
- Excuse me? - In your dreams, old man.
Go away now! Yeah, you heard her.
- Why don't you take a walk with me? - Oh, what the fuck.
, tell these guys who I am.
Hello, I'm 16.
- In your dreams, old lady.
- Come on.
Get your fucking hands off me, freakzoid.
- Guess I'm leaving.
- Thank you.
Listen, chief, you don't know what the fuck is going on.
Come on, it's still a good party.
No, it's not.
Well, if it makes you feel any better, Ben's here with his new evil girlfriend.
What the fuck? I know.
I invited him.
Yeah, but not her.
Sugar hole.
Motherfucking, cock sucking cunt blossom.
Marshall? Oh, my my God.
You made it Dude.
What's up? This is my This is my kitchen area.
I like it.
It's nice.
Party's over.
Are we gonna have a problem? Yeah, don't be such an asshole, dad.
- Just go home.
- Wait.
He's your dad? Yes, that's right.
I'm her dad.
- And you are in big trouble, missy.
- Don't pay any attention to him, Skunk.
Nice meeting you.
Hey, call me.
- Hello, pretty lady.
- What the fuck is this? Three guesses.
I'm going to kill my niece.
Well, as Kate's manager at Barnabeez, I can absolutely vouch for her.
She's dedicated, she's hard working.
And I don't know if you're familiar with the phrase, "Those who work hard, play hard", but that's pretty much what we got going on here.
- It's gonna be fine.
- Shut up.
Talk to you Talk to you later.
See that? That went good.
Hey, Ben.
Is it okay that I'm here? I mean, look, I don't want you to feel weird or anything, so.
I don't feel weird.
I miss you, Katie-chan.
Be right there.
You gotta be quiet.
, there's other Hey, stop, leave that alone.
There's other people sleeping here.
Let's go for a swim in the heated pool.
Or we can empty the mini bar, watch porn, and then go for a swim.
Pool's closed.
Well, what do you want to do? Talk.
Ask me anything.
What happened to Tiffany's mural? What? Just thought you'd know how it got cut up.
Oh, that.
Oh, Maxi-pad.
I wanna help you.
You know I do.
But I can't tell you about that unless you fuck me.
Did you guys, like, change your agreement or something? Not really.
You wanna do it on the bed or the floor? Sorry, you weren't expecting someone romantic, were you? 'Cause I can totally be that guy.
What is this? Is Ashton Kutcher gonna step out from behind a plant or something? No, T.
, you're not getting punked.
Tell me why you hurt Tara.
I didn't.
Please don't lie to me.
I'm not.
Everything's so easy for you, isn't it? She loved that mural.
She loved that job.
You just had to take it away, didn't you? Tara? No, jackass.
And I didn't fuck up Tara's mural.
I thought that you said that if he came, it would be a statement.
But this isn't a statement.
It's just folk rock for girls about Jesus.
Max, you need to get back here.
We so seriously need beer, it's not even funny.
- I know.
- May I be of service? Hi Gene.
I didn't know you were here.
I'm just glad you're feeling better.
Any way that I can help? Yeah, actually.
If you wouldn't mind.
As long as I can trust you not to drink and drive.
We don't do that, Gene.
- Of course not.
- Let's make it so.
What's going on? Nothing, Ben.
Who's the joker? He's my boss.
Let's go.
Good deal.
Hey, cool hat, man.
Katie, where are you going? You can't leave your own party! - Thanks for saving me.
- Anytime, milady.
How did you get off work? ? Everything's under control.
It's all good.
Let's go.
Party's over.
No, it's not! I just hope that there's still room for me, you know? There's always room, bro.
Not for, like, people in buildings.
Holy shit, Marshy.
What have you done to yourself? Who's this? - I'm Jason.
- What's up, Jason? Not too much.
- Are you even gay? - What? Man or clam? Who's hungry? Could you just leave him alone, okay? Okay.
Dude, you smell like toothpaste.
- And no smoking in the house.
- Just trying to help.
Then could you write "Die yuppie cunt" for me on this napkin? Nice cup.
Yeah, that's one of my inventions.
I think you're hot.
And you have what it takes to go far in business.
But I've just been too damn hurt too many times.
Most guys could just They can have intercourse day after day without even caring, but I won't go there, Kitty.
Especially not with someone I could fall in love with.
There's my house.
Oh, that's your house? In case you ever want to drop by, and And not have intercourse? Fair enough.
Charmaine, just leave that, all right, I got it.
Just go home.
Okay, I'll just wrap up some lasagna.
Where's your sister? - With Gene Stuart.
- He's hot.
- Hey, there's no smoking in here, okay? - That's what I said.
It was my fault.
party was my idea.
- No, it wasn't.
Thank God you're safe, Katie.
We were worried about you.
Katie can take care of herself.
- Did you get some? - I'm pretty sure Marshy didn't.
Hey, T.
, why don't you go out to the shed and chill out? That's a great idea.
- I thought she left.
- Just go home, Charmaine.
I was just trying to help.
I was just trying to help, Maxi.
I was just trying to help.
I really don't think you should be getting all judgey on me.
- Oh, my God, be quiet.
- You should have seen him.
He's totally into me.
Your father is like a sex-crazed Just shut up, T.
! Haven't you caused enough trouble? Excuse me? Look, you know you wrote "Die yuppie cunt" on mom's mural.
Did not.
Why does everyone always blame me? Because it's always you.
You gave Kate the morning after pill.
You shoplifted bras.
You ruined mom's mural.
And then she went away, and dad had to go get you.
And so mom and dad missed my open house.
Just like they missed the scopes trial, and Aztec day, and my parent-teacher conference, and the battle of Little Big Horn.
Honey, I'm sorry.
It's not your fault.
It's hers! Are you my mother? No way.
Then why are you inside my mother? I don't know.
I want my real mother, and only my real mother, and none of you other freaks.
Just her.
Everybody else, go away! T.
didn't ruin the mural, Marsh.
Come on.
Who did? I don't know, son.
You're still here? I'm sorry.