Wellington Paranormal (2018) s04e03 Episode Script

1 (SPOOKY MUSIC) Today we're at a high school, not to arrest anyone but to encourage a career in the police.
Mm.
It may come as a surprise to learn that high school was not a very nice time for me.
I was not very 'cool'.
In fact, I was so uncool, I was voted Most Likely to Become a Police Officer.
- Mm.
So was i.
- Hmm.
Oh, when I say 'voted, ' I mean, the other kids would shout it at me as I was walking to class 'Cop!' Yeah, so be that as it may, it'd be nice to get in there and talk to these young people and be the cool ones for a change.
- So, this is a baton.
- It's one of the very few weapons that the New Zealand Police have at their disposal.
We use it for offence and defence.
Don't we? - See that? Pretty cool.
- Yeah.
So anyway, in closing and to reiterate You know, don't use drugs.
Oh! I'm all good.
I'm all good.
- Common sense is - you know, it's a real buzz.
It's a real high, and it's got real street value.
And to us, you're so much more than just fingerprints or DNA or other incriminating evidence.
I mean yo e actually a person a person of interest OK.
Do we have any questions? Yes? - How much money do you get? - Uh - Can I have a go at your taser? - Oh - No.
- No.
- Yes? - How huge is your carbon footprint, driving around all day in your four-wheel jackboot of colonisation? O'Leary, you wanna take that one? Officer Minogue, do you hear that altercation outside? Ah, yep.
That's go for Sapphire and Steel.
- Logan, take it off! - BASSY VOICE: Yeah.
Minogue, there's actually a commotion outside.
- Oh, actually.
- (SCHOOL BELL RINGS) - - Are you listening?! - Cop! Turn your ears on, Logan! You know you're not allowed to wear leather jackets at school! You'll have to get it off me, sucker! - All right, fine.
- Altercation in progress.
I'm sure the principal's got it under control.
Aargh! (IMITATES WHOOSHING) I've confiscated the jacket, sucker! ('WELLINGTON PARANORMAL' THEME MUSIC) Captions by Able.
You know, I think you handled that disturbance really well today.
Oh, thank you.
I thought you did.
Oh, well, I just think it was great teamwork yet again.
- Mm.
- You know, it was a complex situation.
- We had student versus teacher.
- We did.
We had a student in an unauthorised garment.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Followed by a teacher wearing an unauthorised garment.
Followed by a teacher in an unauthorised garment.
- Mm-hm.
- We've now confiscated the jacket.
- That's in our car.
- That We've got that.
- Yeah.
That's right.
- So problem solved.
Mm.
Nice jacket too, just quietly.
- Nice jacket.
- Yeah.
- It's a really nice jacket.
- Mm.
I mean, that's just my personal take, not an official police view.
Yeah, sure.
Sure.
Can you keep your eyes on the road, Minogue? Oh yeah.
Everything's under control.
I've got two side mirrors, and my senses are popping.
Just quite keen to, um, try that jacket on.
Don't you think it would be a little bit too cool for you? - Eh? - What? Nah.
Here; hold the wheel, I'll show you.
- (BUS HORN BLARES) - Minogue! No! You're driving! - Oh! - What are you doing? Hold the wheel! Sorry.
Sorry.
(PANTS) That was impulsive.
I don't know what came over me there.
(PANTS) Yeah, well, what did come over you? I mean, you can't put that on.
It's not police issue, OK, for starters.
But if I put my police badge on it, it'd be police issue.
You can't just put your badge on things and call them police uniform.
You tried that with your jandals, OK? Plus, you're driving half the time.
I'm not driving, though.
No, you said it's not police uniform.
I'm not gonna wear it; I'm just gonna try it on.
- I saw it first! - Well, I'm just having a turn.
Well, can you not do it? It's distracting.
I'm trying to drive.
- Just concentrate on the wheel.
- Well, I am concentrating on that.
But while you're doing that, it's hard to concentrate.
Plus you've taken your seatbelt off, and that's not on.
That's illegal.
- Unbelievable.
- (SIGHS) Check it out.
- Does look pretty cool.
- Thank you.
I know that.
It looks like it's made for me.
As we know, youth can be a very difficult time for youth.
So we need some new ideas to really reach out to the rangatahi.
Parker, you seem like a pretty hip, cool kind of guy.
Is that correct? - Me, Sarge? - Mm.
Oh, no.
Far from it.
I mean, at school, I was voted Most Likely to Become a Cop.
- Yeah.
- Same.
Yeah, well, so was I, but they don't know me.
Actually, if you want hip and cool, Sarge, I don't think you can go past musical handbells.
- Really? Tell me more.
- Um, me and my besties, we get together, like, and, um, we just play a Oh, well, look who decided to grace us with their presence.
- Sorry, Sarge.
- Yeah, you know, sometimes, um, operations out in the field, they don't always run to a clock.
So just, you know Just chill out, everyone.
Is that right? And what is that you're wearing, O'Leary? Take that off.
Sorry there, Parker.
Please extrapolate about these handbells.
I'm interested in learning more about your culture.
- Yeah, basically, me and my crew - What are you doing? Leave it.
-or my band - Don't! Just we're called the Bellbottom Beauties, and we've got 12 different bells, and they're various sizes.
Now, the rule is you're not allowed to turn them upside down; you're meant to hold them up as if it were an ice-cream cone.
So we each get three different bells, and they play different notes.
And we kind of focus more on the, um Catch you suckers later.
This place is a little low-octane.
- Uh, excuse me, Minogue.
- Hey! Get back here! You know what? I want a full report on your insubordination, Minogue! - I'll follow him.
- No.
Don't do that.
I wanna follow him too, when he looks like that.
No, Parker.
Don't do that.
Matter of fact, no one else follow Minogue, all right? That's a terrible example to set for youth.
Yeah.
I think it came from a blue cow.
It's hard to say.
Mm.
- Yeah.
- So, I'm just following Minogue, um, first, to remind him that he shouldn't be wearing that unauthorised attire and also that it's actually my turn with the jacket.
Yeah, so I guess I'd describe my personal style as.
- Law-abiding rebel.
- I mean, he's just kind of acting all cool, talking all cool.
Normally, he finds it very hard to communicate with other people.
I mean, it's normally just me that he talks to.
It's not that helpful, being in the police Not being able to communicate.
Yeah, I guess I could have been a bad boy, but instead I'm a good boy, who's still a bit of a bad boy.
(WOMEN GIGGLE) Hey, Minogue, it's my turn with the jacket.
- You've had a turn, O'Leary.
- I just wanna look in the mirror.
I haven't even had a turn looking in the mirror.
- OK, well, I'm coming to get it.
- Good luck, O'Leary (!) - Oh! - Ooh! Yeah! That's how you do it! That's actually not how you do it.
In fact, that's obstructing the police.
Minogue! - Oh.
Looking cool, Minogue.
- Yeah, whatever.
- Just 30 seconds, Minogue! - How about no seconds, O'Leary? Hmm.
(SIGHS) It's over now, isn't it? (SNIFFLES) Game over.
Yeah.
Yeah.
- (LOCK BEEPS) - Right.
That's it.
No more wearing of that cool jacket.
All right? You are wearing the most stylish outfit in the world The New Zealand Police uniform.
Yeah.
That's right, Minogue.
That's right.
And when you don't have pride in your uniform, you let the squad down, don't you? Just wearing that jacket gave me a lot of confidence.
And I'm just, you know, not used to that.
I understand, Minogue.
And thank you for sharing that.
You know, clothes can give us a lot of confidence.
- Mm.
- And jackets like this one Oh, that's a very nice jacket.
It's a It's a very nice jacket.
WHISPERS: Hello.
I want you.
But there's a real mana in wearing the dark blue.
- Mm.
- Only if you respect it, though.
- Mm.
- Every morning, I get up, and I put this uniform on.
I look at myself in the mirror, and I salute myself.
- Whoa! - That is how the - Ooh.
- Hey! It's gone, Sarge! - Hey, who's in there?! - It's gone.
- "O'Leary! - (LAUGHS) You are letting down the squad! You're letting down our squad, O'Leary! Oh! Really can't figure out the damn Oh.
Hey.
'Oh, you need more than one PIN number, ' they said.
(BEEPING) Oh, great idea (!) I thought you just pulled it.
Yeah, you just pull it.
- It's not even connected.
- Oh God.
O'Leary! - Sucker! - Continuing pursuit of O'Leary, who is wearing a non-regulation item of clothing that she took from the evidence room.
I'm gonna take the shortcut; you guys go round.
It's too dangerous.
- O'Leary! - I'm out of here! Too slow, sucker! Officer O'Leary is now throwing insults, which is a form of verbal assault, which is only verbal, but it's still an assault.
O'Leary is running in quite an effortless manner and talking to me in a disrespectful tone, considering she is my partner.
But I know that there is a fence coming up round the corner, and fences are like kryptonite to her, so I expect to be able to apprehend her soon.
(ALL PLAY GENTLE MELODY) See you later, sucker! You see that? No, cos then you guys can't get over.
I know a shortcut.
Go that way.
Go that way.
There are some really good ones in there.
I'd love to hear more, but I'm pretty busy, so probably gonna have to go.
Obviously, these guys, they'll be coming with me.
They're making a documentary about me.
I'm gonna reach down while she's distracted, talking about herself.
WHISPERS: I'm gonna grab the jacket, - cos this craziness has gotta end.
- for me.
But, I mean, - the punters seem to love it.
- Aargh! (GROANS) Didn't even hurt.
- I win this round, O'Leary.
- I've gotta go.
This will not stand.
Minogue has surprised me with an ambush.
I mean, it's not very honourable policing.
Um, he's taken the confiscated jacket, and I don't believe he's got any intention of returning that to the evidence room.
He's now breakdancing on the police-station awning.
That's a skill that he's shown no proclivity to in the past, - whatsoever.
- Taser fingers! (BUZZES) I mean, it's entirely out of character, and to be fair, the jacket deserves better.
- (CRASH!) - Aargh! (GRUNTS, COUGHS) - Minogue! - (GROANS) Did it look cool? Earlier on this evening, while performing what a lot of people were saying were spectacular breakdancing manoeuvres, the awning gave way, and I came crashing down.
But rather than assisting me, Officer O'Leary abducted the jacket from my person.
She is a disgrace.
(MEGAPHONE FEEDBACK WHINES) O'Leary! Put down the jacket and move away! That manoeuvre is far above your technical capability, O'Leary.
Built a ramp! (RINGS BICYCLE BELL) What Officer O'Leary doesn't know is that I've formulated a plan to put this skateboard into a forward momentum, which will then stop her forward momentum, allowing me to catch up and then remove the jacket from her person and walk around cockily for the rest of the day.
See you later, sucker! Effectively, all that's happened there is I've just passed her the skateboard so she could continue to look cool on a different vehicle.
It's just unfortunate that Officer O'Leary is putting looking cool above actually being cool, which is a bit unfortunate.
But it's just a maturity thing, I guess.
- Hey.
- It's you.
When did you learn how to breakdance? Well, where did you learn how to do all those tricks on the bike? - First time I've ever done it.
- Never, ever tried it before? Nah.
I'm actually overheating slightly, due to all the exertion.
Well, maybe just take the jacket off, cool down for a while.
Copy that.
- Hey! Hey! - (GRUNTS) My turn! (BOTH GRUNT) - Come on.
- Aha! (GRUNTS) - Minogue! - (GRUNTS) - You want a taser? - No, you wouldn't! - Aargh! - Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! You two! Cut it out! You are behaving like a couple of thugs, not New Zealand Police! Report to the holding cells right now.
Turn.
Turn again.
Yeah, there's something not right about that jacket.
Every time one of you puts it on, you become a completely different person; you're There's only one word for it cool.
- So what's new? - I'm often cool.
- No, you're not, Minogue.
- No.
Look at O'Leary, eh? What is she even leaning on? See that? That's cool.
OK.
Minogue try that jacket on.
- Oh yeah.
- OK.
Do something.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Ah, ooh.
Ooh! - Holster! - Mm.
Impressive.
All right.
Now, remove the jacket and try that again.
(CLATTERING) - Aargh! - (ZAPPING) Aarsh! - Oh.
- Just as I suspected.
Everything you do, you do better while wearing that jacket.
Best of three? (ZAPPING) (GROANS) Yep.
I believe that that jacket is possessed with the spirit of its former owner.
Aargh.
- I can still borrow it, though, eh? - I'll look after it, though.
We need to find out who the original owner was.
I believe whatever spirit is still inside it wants something.
I will, cos Minogue doesn't have a very good track record for, uh, - not being an idiot.
- Eh?! Well, what about O'Leary? She's, uh - Can't even think of an insult? - Well, I can.
I will think of one, and I'll text it to you.
Do you know what? I don't think I can trust you with this.
With (PANTS) With Wow.
I should Well, I should at least try it on, I mean It's not gonna fit you, Sarge.
You're way too big for it.
- It's tailored for me.
- Excuse me.
That is highly inappropriate for either of us to notice that, O'Leary.
All right? (GRUNTS, SIGHS) - It's kind of snug, Sarge.
- Eh? What are you even talking about, sucker? I'm very sorry.
This jacket just makes me feel like such a confident bad boy.
I mean There's something in here.
Requesting assistance.
- Thank you.
- It's an old video card.
Expired in August 1987, and it was a Notorious Roland? So the owner was cool enough to put a a bad-boy nickname on an official ID.
Give me that, fool! I'm so sorry.
I don't know why I called you that.
It's this jacket, just feels so good.
So soft on my body it's like my body is sculpted in pavlova.
- (KNOCK AT DOOR) - Hi, guys.
Hey, how did you get in here, sucker? - Sorry? - I mean Parker.
I was just wondering what you guys are investigating.
(CHUCKLES) - It's a possible possessed jacket.
- Ooh! (PANTS) - Can I try it on? - Nah, nah.
Not at all, Parker.
There's no way that you're the same size as me or O'Leary.
No.
You know what? Run that name in the database.
OK, go.
(SIGHS) All right.
You two, I need you to find out what this spirit wants.
I need you to go along with the jacket.
I need you to work as a team.
Do not betray each other.
Can I trust you? - Yes, Sarge.
- Yes, Sarge.
Definitely me.
- Oh, well, probably not her.
- OK.
Good.
But first, I'm just gonna keep it a little bit longer, because I wanna take some selfies in it.
- Yeah, we'll take it now, Sarge.
- No! No! (GROWLS, PANTS) Now please take it off.
(PANTS) I love it too.
Get your hands out.
Get your hands out.
- (SIREN WHOOPS) - Where are we going? I don't know.
Jacket is controlling the steering wheel.
See? I'm not even looking.
Look at me not looking.
- It's not very safe.
- I know, but look.
I'm not even looking.
- What's it doing, O'Leary? - Minogue, what are you doing? It's accelerating without my permission.
Look, I'll just turn the sirens on, then no one will notice.
Great idea, O'Leary.
That's teamwork.
Guys, it's Sgt Maaka here.
I've got a bit more information about the original owner of the jacket.
- Go ahead.
- Notorious Roland Smiler.
He was a black belt in karate; a welterweight in dance boxing; and a golden sash in tanglang quan, praying mantis kung fu; and by many accounts, the finest dancer in all of greater Newtown.
Oh, we're actually heading in that direction, Sarge.
The report continues, 'Gave him official warning 'to stop making us all jealous.
' What was the cause of death, Sarge? Still looking into that.
I will report when I know more.
And the message is that wine glasses don't need wine in them for young people to have a good time.
Quite impressive, actually.
Might get you to play at the office Christmas party.
- I'd love that, Sarge.
- Mm.
(SIREN WAILS) - Why are you doing a spin? - I assume because it's cool.
RAPS: Da-da-da-da-da driving skills.
It's my turn with the jacket! Come on.
So, we're here in Newtown, and we've been brought here by a possessed leather jacket, as you can see.
We're just trying to determine what it wants.
Really, I feel like we should be running, but my partner insists on strutting.
Looks as though I'm about to attempt to pick this lock with a hair pin.
I don't have that skill, nor do I even wear hair pins.
What? Hang on.
Hello, Comms.
We've got a burglary in progress.
- RT: Can you identify the suspect? - Yeah, it's us doing it.
- What are you doing? - I dunno.
So, it appears I actually have just committed a Code 5120.
That's an arson.
It's actually breaking and entering, so that was the breaking, and this is the entering.
Still one of the bad ones.
That looked so cool, though, O'Leary.
It actually did feel quite cool.
WHISPERS: Why have we broken into a second-hand store? WHISPERS: I don't know.
Ask the jacket.
Why have we broken into a second-hand store? I didn't mean actually ask the jacket.
- Oh, I know.
O'Leary! - What? - Look.
- What? - What? - Police.
Cool.
- Ah! - What are you pointing at? I dunno.
Are you seeing what I'm seeing? Yes.
It's a pair of pants, like that of the '80s rapper MC Hammer.
- We can't touch those.
- Maybe the pants know the jacket.
They used to be an ensemble, they didn't wanna be split up, and that's why the jacket brought us back here.
Mm.
I don't buy it.
You've got the blue leather and then the gold satin pants.
I mean, the colours don't work.
- It's good contrast.
- And then there's different weights, like really heavy leather and the lightness of the satin.
It wouldn't work.
Pursuing pants.
Approach with caution.
Slowly, cautiously pursuing pants.
Satin pants, we know you're in here! Come out with your Oh, you can't say 'hands up'.
No.
- BOTH: Pants! - Pants, pants, pants? (CLATTERING) WHISPERS: The pants! - Good evening, uh - Pants.
pants.
I'm Officer Minogue, and this is my partner.
- Officer O'Leary.
- Yeah.
We work with the, uh, New Zealand Police.
You having a good night? - (GRUNTS) - What are you doing, O'Leary? - We're trying to build trust.
- It's not me; it's the jacket.
- Stop it.
- Get the jacket off, please.
- Get the jacket off me.
- You get the jacket off.
I'll get the pants.
All right, everyone, just break it up.
- Ooh.
- All right.
Just calm down.
O'Leary, I'm not quite sure how to, uh, arrest these pants without invading their privacy.
- This jacket is very disorderly.
- Aargh! Aargh! Right.
Beginning to understand why your jacket doesn't like you, mate.
Let's just Aargh, oh! Aargh.
Just get in there.
In you go.
Come on.
Keep my hands off my face, please.
That's a police face.
Aargh! Aargh! Aargh! (GRUNTS) He's assaulting a police officer! (GRUNTS) - Aargh! - (PANTS) These pants have put themselves on me, O'Leary.
Not a look everyone can pull off, apparently.
- (GRUNTS) - O'Leary! Looks like I'm attempting to leave the store in pants I haven't purchased, O'Leary.
I appear to be being abducted by my pants.
(GRUNTS) I think my pants are making me do stretches.
So is this jacket.
Why would we be stretching? - I think they want us to fight.
- What? I don't wanna fight you.
I don't wanna fight you.
I'm sorry about what happened earlier.
And I'm sorry for throwing so many insults at you.
- You didn't throw any insults at me.
- Yeah, but I was thinking of heaps, and I was gonna throw them all at you at once.
What are you doing? You're supposed to be working! - We're not in control, Sarge.
- Well, exactly.
Look, I came down to assist, because I'm going to try and contact the spirit.
I think the spirits want us to battle.
This is the way that Notorious Roland met his demise, in a dance battle against his archnemesis, Edmond 'The Eggbeater' Egmont.
(CLEARS THROAT) Kehua ma! Reveal your spectral entities here! But also, in a manner that is not scary, please.
(SPOOKY MUSIC) I'm Notorious Roland The one, the only.
I never quit.
I'ma gonna get you, sucker! - I'm the Eggbeater! (IMITATES WHIRRING) And you're the egg! You're going down, clown! Notorious Roland? You are wanted for possession of these two officers.
(GRUNTS) Uh, stop it.
Look, I know I look good doing this, but, uh, I'm not enjoying it.
Thank you.
Please, I'm asking you nicely.
Look, you've been dead for over 40 years, Mr Notorious.
Sucked! Loser! Yeah, um, you're dead too.
- What? - Ha! Sucker! - Well, how? - The two of you perished tragically in a dance battle, where you each tried to best each other, pulling off riskier and riskier moves, until you jumped on the roof of a passing police car, smashing the light on top and then electrocuting yourselves.
(GIBBERS) (SIGHS) Sad.
I know I said I wished you were dead earlier, but on hearing that you are, I'm actually pretty downcast.
Sorry to hear about you dying.
Look, you guys, it doesn't have to feel like this, OK? You've been holding on to this grudge for over 40 years.
You guys are better than that.
If you're working against each other, you're gonna be in this endless cycle.
And, I mean, look, you like some of his dance moves, don't you? Well, I do like your dance moves.
I do like some of your moves, actually.
They are pretty good.
I was just about to say the same thing.
(LAUGHS) - Same thing.
Yeah.
There's never gonna be a winner here.
You need to break the cycle.
Or maybe cos you're so good at it, you breakdance the cycle Whatever works for you.
OK, you've gotta work it out, and then it won't have to be so sad.
It's just an endless cycle of fear, hell, horrible, you know.
- It's hard.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- It's like a black hole.
- Yeah.
- You don't know what's on the other end and if you're gonna get to the end.
- Mm.
- You guys shouldn't be fighting; - you should be dancing together.
- Yeah.
You know, you're gonna be very popular on the other side, I think.
But the only way you're gonna be popular is if you actually make that, uh make that transit, uh, and move on to the other side permanently.
Also, could the two of you please release me? It's, uh (PANTS) This is very exhausting.
- (PANTS) - Ooh.
What's that move? - I've seen that move a few times.
- Nobody is gonna want to see that.
- I can't stop! (PANTS) Oh my God! - Maybe don't film that bit.
As you can see, we've managed to convince Eggbeater Egmont and Notorious Roland to work together instead of against each other.
Yeah, and that's really great to see.
I mean, it's a great result.
And I think if you are a ghost, don't haunt your old clothes.
Yeah.
Clothes have the right to be recycled without bearing the grudges - of their former owners.
- Mm.
And I think if this demonstrates anything, it's that the coolest thing out there is teamwork.
Yeah.
Doesn't sound cool, though.
Yeah.
But it is.
We'll say it together.
- Teamwork.
- I wasn't ready.
- Oh.
- OK, we'll Ready? We'll say it together.
- Teamwork.
- Team.
- If it's gonna work - Teamwork together.
Ready? - Here we go.
- OK.
Well, ready? - BOTH: Teamwork.
- That was a good one.
That was really good.