Wonderland (2013) s01e04 Episode Script
Celebrity
-(SOBS) -Kristen! It's over.
It's definitely over.
MIRANDA: You know, Adam and I, we had everything mapped out, and now, here I am.
TOM: What happened with you guys? I think what I was doing was just .
.
pushing him into breaking up with me.
-Really? -Yeah.
And now you're stuck with me.
-I was with someone.
-With someone, meaning Meaning what? GRACE: I'm not really the kind of girl that hangs out in vans in the middle of the night.
Then why are you here? We're going to get you to take the test again.
You just blew over.
-I'm going home to Perth.
-Good idea.
What happens next is up to you.
Shit! Ah! -(LAUGHS) Got ya.
-Whoa.
-I got ya.
OK? -Yep.
-Any time.
-Thank you.
That's OK.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ON TV) WOMAN: Tomorrow night, a show about the moment "I do" turns into a great big "I don't".
-Tom! Tom! Tom! -What? Look at this.
-.
.
becoming my husband? -(LAUGHTER) WOMAN: Someone didn't give this guest the script.
KRISTEN: It's a yes-or-no answer, Tom.
Oh, my God.
That's our wedding.
That's our wedding on national TV! Can we talk about this outside? WOMAN: Little did he know his words might come back to bite him.
KRISTEN: It's a yes-or-no answer, Tom.
WOMAN: Let's take another look.
(LAUGHS) KRISTEN: It's a yes-or-no answer, Tom.
That is my life! That is not entertainment.
-No? -WOMAN: Proposals.
All-new fun, all-new laughter.
Tomorrow night.
SONG: # The morning sun set alight The future and all that it holds And I walked with intent Left no room for regret You don't miss something you never had Come on, come inside Whoa-oh whoa-oh oh We don't see what's Right before our eyes.
(STEAM WHISTLES) -Sorry.
-Sorry.
I'm in your way.
-No, you're fine.
-The tea.
That's OK.
I just wanted to say, um, thankthank you for, um, just being so great, Tom.
I haven't even noticed you lately.
Are you, like, a ninja? (LAUGHS) Yeah, I know.
I haven't seen you much either.
-This place is so big and -Right.
-Just grab the milk.
-OK.
You know.
You do your thing.
And I do mine.
-So that's great.
-Really great.
Yes.
-Yep.
-I'm gonna get in the bath.
OK.
Knock yourself out.
Miranda -Actually, I was -No, you go.
-No, you, please.
-Really? -Yeah, sure.
-Um I just wanted to say the other night -The thing.
-The other night? You know, with the vodka shoes.
Oh! Yeah.
Crazy.
Oh! Yeah.
Crazy.
I mean, who makes alcohol out of potatoes anyway? Yeah - I mean, I struggle to think how they get the potatoes in the bottle.
Yes, and, hypothetically speaking, if there was a thing, which both of us know there wasn't Absolutely.
I just wanted to say what a great thing it is we have as friends.
-Friends.
Totally.
-Shintaro and Tombei.
You know Tombei? He's, like, a ninja.
OK.
-So, uh -Yep.
-I'm gonna jump in the bath.
-Yes.
You are.
You're gonna be one clean little ninja.
(LAUGHS) Ninja.
-Shh! -I didn't say anything! Your toes are doing that twitching thing again.
It's likebeing in bed with a family of ferrets.
I can't help it.
I'm excited.
-How long have you been awake? -Oh, like, an hour.
Here, look at this.
My launch got a mention.
"Word is she's dating a pro surfer, "and the duo are expecting to hit the Coceau launch "as an item tonight.
" I planted that.
-And it grew.
-(PHONE CHIMES) Oh, that'll be her, grovelling at my feet.
-What?! -What's up? She wants to know why it didn't get plugged in the other paper.
Oh.
That sucks.
-I hate my boss.
-I hate her too.
I hate the way that she fake-smiles when she stabs me in the back.
And I hate the way she says, "Wrong answer, darling.
" I hate that too.
And it really drives me nuts when you do that.
I didn't expect you to pick me up.
I just finished a job close by, so Still, thanks.
COLETTE: Did you talk to anyone? Nope.
-So no-one knows still? -Just you and me.
And him, of course.
Whoever he is.
Maybe we should go to a restaurant tonight.
Talk there.
Neutral ground.
It's FAT night.
I'm cooking.
-You didn't cancel? -And say what? "Sorry, guys.
I can't cook.
"Colette's shagged some other bloke"? I need to know who it is.
Oh! Boy, don't tell me I have left it atat the hote I did, didn't I? What are you looking for? I might have one.
If you have a bra that matches my underpants, I'm leaving.
OK.
No, I can't help.
Seriously, this is why I hate living out of bags.
I have the job now.
I just I just need to find somewhere to live.
-Where are you going? -Got it.
-I'm going house-hunting.
-Already? Well, it's a very competitive market, but s Ooh! Seriously, do you have any idea how quickly all the good apartments go? Really, you have no idea how good you've got it.
Seriously, never move.
(SIGHS) Why don't you stay for a while? Becau I just said to you I have to go house-hunting.
No, I mean, in this apartment, with me and your matching bras.
That'd be hilarious.
-Come back to bed.
-Ooh.
-Um -For 10 minutes.
-For five.
-Five? -I can do a lot in five.
-(LAUGHS) Look, why can't you just tell me who it is? It makes no difference.
Alright.
I've narrowed it down.
Rob, please.
Look, if I'm gonna get past this, I need to find out.
Is it someone I know? If I told you, you'd just do something stupid.
So it is someone I know.
Here's what I'm thinking.
-Tom.
-Are you serious? -Of course not.
-Yoga instructor.
-Rob, please.
-Your student, that -The one from Sweden? -Please stop.
-Is it? No! Tell me it's not that dickhead who puts hearts in your froth at the Tratt.
The barista? (SIGHS) I understand, but I don't think that Miriam will.
Well, that's not our fault.
No, I did that.
Hello? So, what did she say? Can she get here for the early photo call? -She's not coming.
-Excuse me? She's just pulled the plug.
Her manager's pulled the plug.
What happened? What did you do? No, she just got a better offer.
It's an energy drink, and now there's a conflict of interest.
Well We have her signature.
She signed.
No, I said that, but The other gig is worth $200,000, so they don't care.
They're just gonna pay us out.
Wrong answer, darling.
-TOM: Hey.
-Oh, hey.
Um, is it alright if I use this space just as the background? -Just for today.
It's perfect.
-Um -Sure.
-Yeah? Cool.
Sure.
-Ready.
-Cool.
-Hey, man.
-Hey.
(CAMERA CLICKS AND WHIRRS) -That's not bad.
-MIRANDA: Yeah.
It's being launched tonight, actually.
-Big event.
Lots of celebs.
-Should I be going? Well, we'll all be home watching Tom have his TOM: Correction - we've got FAT night tonight, which actually coincides with the program in question, and if I have it my way, we're just gonna leave the TV off all night.
You don't have to talk yourself down.
I've auditioned for a few reality shows.
Really? Um, side-on, please.
Yeah, I've got this amazingly tragic backstory.
Those things can get you really far.
Mmm.
Sorry, I didn't catch your name.
-Denham.
-Amazing.
Thank you.
-What's your surname? -Oh, it's just Denham.
-Like Just Jeans.
-(LAUGHS) No, I mean, it's it's just Denham, like Den-ham.
Right.
Let'slet's do this.
Uh, did you want the boat shoes on or off? Um, off.
I might leave you to it.
Right.
Just side-on, and chin forward and down.
Thanks.
(LAUGHS) Ah, you call that five minutes? I call it worth every second.
-I missed all my inspections.
-I didn't.
-(KNOCK AT DOOR) -Shit.
What are you doing? -Opening the door.
-No, you can't.
What if it's someone who knows me? You are very funny.
-STEVE: Hey, man.
-Hey, man.
-You up for some brekkie? -What, now? No, special request for Tuesday next week.
-Yes, now.
-Oh, OK.
Sure.
Oh, you'reentertaining? (WHISPERS) Grace? -No.
-So -You want me to push off or -I'll meet you at the Tratt.
Roger that.
(DOOR CLOSES) -We're going out for breakfast.
-No.
We are not going out for breakfast.
OK, we are not going out for breakfast.
OK, we are not going out for breakfast.
-I'll call Steve.
-No.
I think you should go.
I'll just, um, jump online and look at flats.
If I knew you didn't want to go, I wouldn't have said yes.
It's fine.
I think it's good if you hang out with your friends.
And, um, I'llyou I mean, we can hang later.
So it's good.
Justjust It's, like, taking it slow.
(SIGHS) SONG: # You can stop your crying I'm never coming back You can stop your crying Just walk down the tracks again I just can't take the pressure It's all too much for me I just can't take the pressure So please just let me be -Hey, hey, hey.
-All ready for Tom's big debut? Dude, we are not spending FAT night watching some lame show just so you can laugh at me.
STEVE: Uh Yes, we are.
Mate, if you'd rather not, I'm happy to cancel.
-What? Why? -No, no, no.
Well, I just don't have my shit together.
I never picked you for a choker, blossom.
-I'm not choking.
I just -(CHOKES) "I can't do it.
" -I'm talking about postponing.
-STEVE: Robbo.
Everyone's deadset on watching the show together at yours.
-We're coming.
-Don't stress about the food.
Hey, Tom! Was it not enough for you, humiliating me in front of -Now it's a million people.
-I know.
I'm sorry.
I tried to call you - I wasn't the one .
.
that put it online.
This isn't a joke! Your mates think it's hilarious.
But I loved you, and you pretty much destroyed me.
You deserve to be miserable too.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait.
Wait! Wait! TOM: I'm not I'm not making excuses.
I'm not making excuses.
Maybe I could have handled things differently, but -We've got to stop doing this.
-What? What are we doing? We've got to move on from thethe food-throwing stage.
That's easy for you to say.
You're not the one in therapy.
-You're in therapy? -I've been traumatised.
I've got serious PTSD.
Is that something I need to get tested for? Post-traumatic stress disorder.
-Oh, right.
-I can barely function at work.
I told all my clients I was getting married.
And I've spent the last two months explaining to them why I'm not.
What? What's that face? Well, I just I I thought that maybe by now, you might have -Got over it? -Well, got more accepting-ish.
That might be easier if my humiliation wasn't being broadcast over the entire country.
Yeah, that's bad.
Oh, hey.
Hey, hey.
-I can't cope.
I can't.
-Oh, OK.
-And you don't even care.
-No, I do, I do, I do.
I do.
-Hey.
It's alright.
-(SOBS) Oh, dear me.
-(DOOR CLOSES) -You missed out.
Oh, no.
No, I made myself breakfast.
Tom's been charming the ladies again.
-You should have seen it.
-Tom was there as well? And Rob.
It was probably good .
.
that I stayed.
Is it that bad if anyone finds out about us? No, um, it's just that what's happening between you and me is personal - it's not about anybody else.
You're embarrassed.
I'm not really into the whole self-promoting-on-Facebook thing either.
We're not on show.
I mean, you don't have to broadcast every minor detail of your life to the world.
So I'm a minor detail? Of courcourse not.
You're lovely.
I just don't want my personal life to become everyday gossip.
People are going to start talking if you're staying here.
I'm not.
While you're looking for somewhere.
-What's wrong with that? -The clock starts ticking.
What clock? The family law clock.
You move in together, 12 months later, boom, you're de facto.
Two years after that, you're in court fighting over custody of the cats.
You're nuts.
And yet I make perfect sense.
(PHONE CHIMES) GRACE: The footage was taken in a public arena where it was reasonably understood that videos and photos would be taken, so it's up for grabs.
Yeah, but it was a private wedding.
Yeah, but it wasn't a private conversation.
I mean, it was over a P.
A.
I'm sorry.
I know it's harsh.
I thought defamation was your specialty.
Yeah, but this is not, um, defamation.
Um If the footage had been edited to change the context or -Mmm.
-Their defence is truth.
You did it, so it's not defamation.
So there's nothing we can do? What about damages for my trauma? My therapist says I'm on the verge of a total breakdown.
Would your therapist write a letter? I mean, it would have to imply that you were kind of -Crazy? -Yeah.
On the edge, at least.
I'll call her now.
(WHISPERS) I had to try something for her sake.
-Yeah.
-Mmm.
Look, I'm sorry there's not more that I can do.
Mobile phones have changed everything.
Yeah.
Look, I can write an email citing the Privacy Code.
-Oh, yeah? Would that work? -Probably not.
Worth a shot.
-Yep.
Thank you.
Owe you.
-Yeah.
A full billable hour plus travel time.
-She said yes.
-Great.
Give her my details.
-I'll need the letter asap.
-OK.
And she's booking me in for an emergency session this afternoon.
-Oh, great.
That's good.
-She wants you to come too.
She says it will help me to get closure.
Oh.
-Grace! -Harry.
Hello! Can I have a word? Sure.
What's up? I was looking for legal advice about arecent acquisition.
I was looking for legal advice about arecent acquisition.
I can pay.
You are in the presence of a dragster vintage low-rider circa 1974.
Haven't seen one in this condition in years.
And? It was left on the nature strip.
What would a reasonable person have done in my position? -Harry, you stole a kid's bike.
-Now No.
That's an inflammatory suggestion.
I have a copy of the council regulations as to the definition of hard rubbish somewhere here.
(GASPS) My go-kart licence! So I've been looking for this.
Um Bear with me.
So Found it! Same view, different layout.
Sorry? Your flat Yes? Even the junket whores are pulling out.
We're losing press.
I need to give them something.
Look, I think I just got the girl from the stockings ad.
-Who? -She's getting heaps of press.
Oh, that's all we need - a plus-size model in a white pantsuit.
She really likes the product.
I'm not using a fat, ugly cow to launch coconut water.
-Who else have you got? -Um, no-one yet.
No, I'm on it.
I'm on it.
More names.
Bigger names.
-(SIZZLING) -COLETTE: Rob.
Rob, it's burning.
-Oh, shit! -(HISSING) If you keep winding yourself up like this, you're gonna end up stabbing someone at dinner.
Maybe you need to talk to somebody else.
I'm gonna do some marking.
Hey! Look at you.
-Mmm.
-Where's Den-ham? He went to get us some lunch.
And thus the average IQ in here just doubled.
(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY) He's doing me a favour.
-Is that what you call it? -Yeah.
I need bodies to shoot.
-He's a professional model.
-Yeah.
And in exchange, he's getting some shots for his portfolio.
-Plus he'she's a nice guy.
-He is.
He is.
Maybe in future, just mention that life photography means full-frontal nudity.
Just, you know.
I got us some wheat grass shots.
Oh, that's sweet of you.
Ha! -MAGGIE: Hi! -Hi! -Hi there! -How are ya? Good - look, I just came to let you know that the solicitor said he could fit me in at 2:00.
Oh, right.
Right, right, right.
So if you're still interested in coming -Why not use Dad's lawyer? -A lawyer's a lawyer.
But at least our guy knows that you're not a tragic alco.
If I go and see him, it'll leak all over the district that Maggie Wilcox got done driving under the influence.
They'll be talking about it for the next 10 years.
-You'll be a legend, Mum.
-Are you coming or not? Yeah, I wanted to.
I would.
But I've got an appointment this arvo, with Kristen.
-Kristen? -Mmm.
What the hell are you putting that poor girl through now? TOM: We're going to a counselling session.
-(LAUGHS) -Don't.
No shortage of entertainment with you, is there? -You saw the ad, didn't you? -Three times.
I laughed just a little bit more each time.
-Yeah.
-I'll be watching.
Thanks.
Good luck with your appointment.
Good luck with yours.
I think you'll need it more than me.
Yeah.
Don't forget your broom.
SONG: # Morning creeps in And you swear that you loved me once But your promises break and your words are empty and small Furious soldier, flash your steel And scream at your father's ghost It turns out the one that you broke Was the one you loved most Hey! Keep your head above water Hey, Rob.
Above the water Above the water Rob.
Where'd you go? Just to clear my head.
There's some olives there if you want 'em.
Thanks.
WOMAN: Why don't you tell us in your own words how you feel about the break-up, Tom? Oh Um Can I go second? I mean This is about Kristen.
I'm I'm just here to listen.
I'd like a lot more from you than that.
Well, good luck getting it, because I tried for two years.
Well, it was 18 months.
Are you intentionally minimising the relationship with that comment? No.
Would you like to just sit with that for a moment, Tom? MAN: No outstanding parking fines, speeding fines, current accident investigations? Trust me.
I'm a very good driver.
When you're not under the influence, of course.
Of course.
-No prior convictions? -No.
Are you being completely honest with me, Mrs Wilcox? Maggie.
Yes.
It says in the police record, you were charged and convicted with possession of marijuana in 1975.
I was chained to a tree at the time.
I just don't understand why he let it go on as long as he did.
He could have said at any time, "Hey.
I'm just using you for sex while you're living here.
" Were you using her for sex, Tom? Um, not consciously.
It's not like you were in a coma.
You said I was special.
Did you even mean it? Yeah, of course.
You are.
Was it like special needs or special to you? Because I thought it was special to you.
But it wasn't, was it? See, you have this way, Tom - you look a girl in the eye and you make her feel like she's the only one, and that's like a promise.
If you can't follow through, you have to stop doing it.
Mmm.
MAN: Obviously, we'll push being primary carer for your mother as grounds not to disqualify you, but that's temporary.
Do you need a licence for your work? Oh, I'm not working at the moment.
So unemployed? Semi-retired.
My husband's still running the vineyard.
-A vineyard? -Yes, we make wine.
We don't actually drink it all ourselves.
Is there any chance your husband could write a stat dec saying you're required to drive back and forth to help him on the property? Is that not possible? You see, I don't really want my husband to know about this.
I didn't mean to hurt her.
I didn't mean to cause any of thisthisthis pain.
All our actions and words have consequences, Tom.
Yeah.
Well, I see that now, I really do.
I will never do this again.
GRACE: Oh, Miranda? Sorry to bug you.
Is Tom there? Oh, he did go to the counselling with Kristen.
That's hilarious.
Yeah.
I know, right? Um Can you just get him to call me about the cease and desist? Can I ask you one more thing? Why didn't you move in with Harry? So he's not an axe murderer? OK, great.
Cool.
Alright, see ya.
I think I've found a solution.
-To what? -My living situation.
OK.
Harry, in the Wonderland building, has a spare room, and hehe seems quite open to the idea of sharing.
Harry.
Look, I know the place doesn't seem like much, and there is a lot of stuff, but I can deal with that.
And it's close to you.
It's close to my friends.
Please don't be upset.
You want your own space.
-I understand.
-Really? It makes sense to stay there, and I'm only five minutes away.
Well, see, that's what I was thinking, and we can get a lot done in five minutes.
But since you're doing things your way, I would like to try my way too.
Oh? I want us to let our friends know we're seeing each other.
If you're living in that building, I'm not sneaking around.
Yeah, I just don't know that I'm .
.
I'm ready for that just yet.
It doesn't have to be broadcast.
We'll justturn up together.
Think on it.
(PHONE CHIMES) Oh, my God! She said yes.
-Sorry? Are you sure, Dani? -Her agent wants to talk fees.
So I'm calling back now.
They're waiting.
If you pull this off, I'm going to kiss you on all four cheeks.
-No need.
-You go home and get changed.
And be back no later than 5:00.
-Hi! It's Miriam James.
-(PHONE CHIMES) So excited.
She was the first person I thought of.
I know.
-Where did you get this? -Harry.
He posted it.
This is gonna cause a huge problem.
Well, maybe he shouldn't have gone and punched the guy.
This is why he was happier.
He came in and was talking to me, and I thought (SIGHS) .
.
stupidly .
.
it was because maybe he was forgiving me.
Did you sleep with him because, like, a part of you wanted to end it with Rob? Honestly.
Honestly? I'd wanted things to change for a long time, but I didn't know how.
And all I know is, second I told Rob what I'd done .
.
I knew I didn't want to lose him.
You told him? And it's over between you guys? Told him, obviously, but no, it's not over.
I came because I came because I wanted to say I'm sorry.
I never meant for this to happen, believe me.
Um Well, I just wanted to make sure that you were OK.
I'm fine.
And that you're not gonna take this any further.
Are you? That's why you're here? You're worried I'm gonna call the cops on him? -Please don't do this.
-Is this what you wanted? Two guys fighting over you? I'm so sorry.
You don't deserve this.
But I understand why Rob did what he did.
It's his way of evening things out.
-We don't have to be -It ends here.
Oh, honey, honey.
Can you tuck my label in? I don't know why you got changed.
You looked amazing.
I thought so, but apparently not.
Anyway, I'm not getting into that now.
It's all good.
I fixed it.
Oh! And Miriam said that if we salvage this together, there will be big things ahead for me.
Well, that sounds promising! I have worked my guts out for this, so -It'll be my reward.
-I'm so proud of you.
-Come here.
-Oh, honey, you're crushing me.
It's silk.
I love you.
Bye-bye.
-(BUZZER GOES OFF) -Oh, great, you're back.
Hey, listen.
Can you get the garlic bread out of the oven? I've got my hands full here.
Any time in the next five minutes would be good.
STEVE: Hello, lovebirds! No, what I'm saying is the television officially counts as a screen, so technically, it should go in the bucket with the phones.
-It's a technicality! -Not happening.
Um, this is Denham.
-Hey.
-MIRANDA: Hey.
-Did she just say -Denham.
Did you clear it with Rob? About what? Well, don't shoot the messenger, but you know what they're like with FAT night rules and extra guests.
-Oh, man.
Sorry.
-I had no idea.
Sorry, Rob.
-What? -No, you guys weren't to know.
Don't worry about it.
Traditions are made to be broken.
Phones at the door, members only.
You know, no couples cooking.
Look at these two.
First rule of FAT night is you don't talk about FAT night.
-Second rule of FAT night is -You just don't talk about it.
That's cool, man.
I don't want to make things awkward.
No, no.
Things aren't awkward.
Things Denham.
Denham.
You can have my piece of lasagne.
Thanks, but no.
I don't really eat carbs this time of night.
-So -Um, 'bye.
'Bye.
-Oh, wait.
You're going? -We just popped in to say hi.
Just Have a good night, and good luck with the proposal.
MIRANDA: 'Bye.
Coxie the matchmaker.
Nice work, Robbo.
Very tasty.
Disappointing stopping at four cheeses, though.
-Why not five? Seven.
-7-cheese lasagne.
That would be a heart attack on a plate.
-I love it.
-STEVE: So Here's to Tom's I don't want 15 minutes.
I don't even want 15 seconds.
-Oh, come on.
Sure you do.
-TOM: No, I don't.
You know what I wanted to be as a kid? A ninja.
Do you know what kids want to be these days? Famous! It's crap.
What happened to wanting to do something useful, noble and anonymous? -Such as? -Driving a bus.
-Teaching.
Nursing.
-Exactly.
Real stuff.
You're full of insights, Tom.
-Got any others? -What? How was the counselling session? Are you cured? -Oh! -(OTHERS LAUGH) Hey, sorry if it was awkward back there, with your friends.
Oh, no, no, no.
It's alright.
I, um I should have checked.
I don't mind missing the night, you know.
It wasn't that funny, what happened at the wedding.
I don't need to see it again.
That Tom guy's a bit of a douche.
-Oh, no offence.
-Oh, no.
You're entitled to your opinion.
I mean, he's just been giving me total attitude since the minute I met him, acting all chummy, but, really, he's just he's just undercutting.
Is he always like that? Yeah.
Oh, he has his moments.
I don't know how you share a workspace with him.
Uh, I don't just share a workspace with him.
We're flatmates.
Whoa.
Yeah, I know.
Dude has seriously bad 'chy'.
'Chee'.
Huh? Um Do you mean Ah, never mind.
Sorry, am I, um, keeping you from something? Look, this might sound lame, but .
.
do you think there'll be any A-listers at your friend's launch tonight? -(ALL CHATTER) -(KNOCK AT DOOR) Evening! I thought I'd come and socialise while we watched.
-Wrong night for that, Mum.
-Oh.
Hello.
Hey, Maggie.
There's plenty of my winning lasagne left over.
-Help yourself.
-Thank you very much.
STEVE: How much longer have we got? How was your appointment this afternoon? I think you were right about seeing a lawyer who knows me.
After today, I feel like getting drunk.
-MAGGIE: Keep going.
-TOM: Oh, it was that good? Well, he does about 10 DUIs a week, so I suppose he knows what he's doing.
I've started paying him, so I don't know why you don't just tell Dad.
What's going on? I thought you were here to look after Nanna.
Yes, of course I'm here to look after Nanna.
Mmm.
But maybe I'm down here for something else.
What? Who? Oh, no, no, no.
It's me.
It's me.
And don't say a word to your father, because I've got away with it so far.
-Uh-huh.
-How was your appointment? I actually think that I learned something about myself today.
God - for a second, I thought you said you'd just learned something about yourself.
-Thanks, Mum.
-(LAUGHS) (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) -Unbelievable.
-Thank God we pulled that off.
Oh.
Still had to grovel to clients all night.
It was still a major stuff-up.
-But a good save.
-Darling I know how important your career is to you, but let's just take this as one of those learning curve opportunities.
Learning how to fix a bad situation? Yeah.
Somebody had to take the blame for what happened today, so I told the clients that I fired you.
Don't worry.
They don't even know who you are.
You what? What happened to bigger things ahead? Well, we'll see.
No, we won't.
I quit.
Wrong answer, darling.
Wrong answer, darling.
(GLASS TAPS) It's possible.
Um Grace has some news she would like to share with everybody.
-No, I don't.
-Sure you do.
Is this about the new job? -Yes.
-No.
Umwell, yeah, I do actually havehave some other news, as it turns out, um, that There is a chance that I will be moving into Wonderland.
So -Ooh! -GRACE: That's good.
-TOM: Are you serious? -Um, when did this happen? I needed somewhere, II spoke to Harry, and He has somewhere.
It needs a bit of a declutter, but Oh.
Well, I think that's wonderful.
Me too, if you like strange men who have no boundaries.
What'd I miss? Nothing at all.
I'm not just moving in with Harry.
Oh.
Who else are you moving in with? Uh, no, the other news is that, um .
.
Carlos and I are seeing each other, so, um .
.
there's that too, which is good.
You and Grace? Who would have thought? -No more news.
I'm done.
-Smooth.
-STEVE: Carlos.
-Showtime.
Yep.
I'm out, you guys.
-Oh! -No.
You know what? -None of you are my friends.
-Aww, diddums! -Oh, Tom.
-Oh, hey! -Phone violation.
-No, shush.
This is important.
They've agreed to pixelate you and Kristen.
-What?! -Congratulations.
Here's to getting completely pixelated.
Thank you.
Thank you.
-Alright, have a good night.
-(PHONE RINGS) That's Warwick.
I've got to get it.
I'm so sorry.
Wa.
I'm not supposed to be on the phone.
What? What do you mean, I'm a celebrity? WOMAN: Coming up - the proposal you don't want to miss.
See what happens when your best man becomes your worst nightmare.
(TURNS OFF TV) -Uh -Sorry.
I thought you were going out with Denham.
Oh, we were, but he, um he had to be somewhere.
Oh.
Denham's faded? -(LAUGHS) -Huh? (SIGHS) I'm clearly still on the rebound.
Yep.
I just need to wait and then go crazy for about a decade or so.
-Mmm.
That makes sense.
-Mmm.
Did you really go to counselling with Kristen today? -I did.
-And? I'm not a nice person.
And if a woman so much as looks my way from now on, I'm gonna make myself invisible, like Naruto.
-Ninja? -Mmm.
Anyway, I'm watching TV and knitting, if you want to join.
No.
No, I'm good.
I was just heading out.
I just came in to um, grab my car keys.
-OK.
-OK.
-I'll see you later.
-'Bye.
(DOOR CLOSES) Babe, I caught the bouquet.
Alright.
I just have to turn it on.
One second.
Now, what do I need to type in? Yep.
Right.
Yep.
OK.
Oh, bum.
And I see that as a sign that what I have planned to do today has the blessing of the universe.
Tom, in front of your best friends and your family, I want us to make the ultimate commitment.
Will you do me the honour of becoming my husband? TOM: Can we talk about this outside? KRISTEN: It's a yes-or-no answer, Tom.
Yes or no.
TOM: No? Are you going somewhere? I It's not good me being here.
I'm I'm going crazy.
So you're just gonna leave things hanging, like this? I'm going up the coast for a few days.
Just on my own.
Do some surfing and .
.
think it out.
We can't avoid this.
Well, you do whatever you like, but I can't be around you.
I can't even look at you right now.
They're the facts.
I'll see ya.
It's definitely over.
MIRANDA: You know, Adam and I, we had everything mapped out, and now, here I am.
TOM: What happened with you guys? I think what I was doing was just .
.
pushing him into breaking up with me.
-Really? -Yeah.
And now you're stuck with me.
-I was with someone.
-With someone, meaning Meaning what? GRACE: I'm not really the kind of girl that hangs out in vans in the middle of the night.
Then why are you here? We're going to get you to take the test again.
You just blew over.
-I'm going home to Perth.
-Good idea.
What happens next is up to you.
Shit! Ah! -(LAUGHS) Got ya.
-Whoa.
-I got ya.
OK? -Yep.
-Any time.
-Thank you.
That's OK.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ON TV) WOMAN: Tomorrow night, a show about the moment "I do" turns into a great big "I don't".
-Tom! Tom! Tom! -What? Look at this.
-.
.
becoming my husband? -(LAUGHTER) WOMAN: Someone didn't give this guest the script.
KRISTEN: It's a yes-or-no answer, Tom.
Oh, my God.
That's our wedding.
That's our wedding on national TV! Can we talk about this outside? WOMAN: Little did he know his words might come back to bite him.
KRISTEN: It's a yes-or-no answer, Tom.
WOMAN: Let's take another look.
(LAUGHS) KRISTEN: It's a yes-or-no answer, Tom.
That is my life! That is not entertainment.
-No? -WOMAN: Proposals.
All-new fun, all-new laughter.
Tomorrow night.
SONG: # The morning sun set alight The future and all that it holds And I walked with intent Left no room for regret You don't miss something you never had Come on, come inside Whoa-oh whoa-oh oh We don't see what's Right before our eyes.
(STEAM WHISTLES) -Sorry.
-Sorry.
I'm in your way.
-No, you're fine.
-The tea.
That's OK.
I just wanted to say, um, thankthank you for, um, just being so great, Tom.
I haven't even noticed you lately.
Are you, like, a ninja? (LAUGHS) Yeah, I know.
I haven't seen you much either.
-This place is so big and -Right.
-Just grab the milk.
-OK.
You know.
You do your thing.
And I do mine.
-So that's great.
-Really great.
Yes.
-Yep.
-I'm gonna get in the bath.
OK.
Knock yourself out.
Miranda -Actually, I was -No, you go.
-No, you, please.
-Really? -Yeah, sure.
-Um I just wanted to say the other night -The thing.
-The other night? You know, with the vodka shoes.
Oh! Yeah.
Crazy.
Oh! Yeah.
Crazy.
I mean, who makes alcohol out of potatoes anyway? Yeah - I mean, I struggle to think how they get the potatoes in the bottle.
Yes, and, hypothetically speaking, if there was a thing, which both of us know there wasn't Absolutely.
I just wanted to say what a great thing it is we have as friends.
-Friends.
Totally.
-Shintaro and Tombei.
You know Tombei? He's, like, a ninja.
OK.
-So, uh -Yep.
-I'm gonna jump in the bath.
-Yes.
You are.
You're gonna be one clean little ninja.
(LAUGHS) Ninja.
-Shh! -I didn't say anything! Your toes are doing that twitching thing again.
It's likebeing in bed with a family of ferrets.
I can't help it.
I'm excited.
-How long have you been awake? -Oh, like, an hour.
Here, look at this.
My launch got a mention.
"Word is she's dating a pro surfer, "and the duo are expecting to hit the Coceau launch "as an item tonight.
" I planted that.
-And it grew.
-(PHONE CHIMES) Oh, that'll be her, grovelling at my feet.
-What?! -What's up? She wants to know why it didn't get plugged in the other paper.
Oh.
That sucks.
-I hate my boss.
-I hate her too.
I hate the way that she fake-smiles when she stabs me in the back.
And I hate the way she says, "Wrong answer, darling.
" I hate that too.
And it really drives me nuts when you do that.
I didn't expect you to pick me up.
I just finished a job close by, so Still, thanks.
COLETTE: Did you talk to anyone? Nope.
-So no-one knows still? -Just you and me.
And him, of course.
Whoever he is.
Maybe we should go to a restaurant tonight.
Talk there.
Neutral ground.
It's FAT night.
I'm cooking.
-You didn't cancel? -And say what? "Sorry, guys.
I can't cook.
"Colette's shagged some other bloke"? I need to know who it is.
Oh! Boy, don't tell me I have left it atat the hote I did, didn't I? What are you looking for? I might have one.
If you have a bra that matches my underpants, I'm leaving.
OK.
No, I can't help.
Seriously, this is why I hate living out of bags.
I have the job now.
I just I just need to find somewhere to live.
-Where are you going? -Got it.
-I'm going house-hunting.
-Already? Well, it's a very competitive market, but s Ooh! Seriously, do you have any idea how quickly all the good apartments go? Really, you have no idea how good you've got it.
Seriously, never move.
(SIGHS) Why don't you stay for a while? Becau I just said to you I have to go house-hunting.
No, I mean, in this apartment, with me and your matching bras.
That'd be hilarious.
-Come back to bed.
-Ooh.
-Um -For 10 minutes.
-For five.
-Five? -I can do a lot in five.
-(LAUGHS) Look, why can't you just tell me who it is? It makes no difference.
Alright.
I've narrowed it down.
Rob, please.
Look, if I'm gonna get past this, I need to find out.
Is it someone I know? If I told you, you'd just do something stupid.
So it is someone I know.
Here's what I'm thinking.
-Tom.
-Are you serious? -Of course not.
-Yoga instructor.
-Rob, please.
-Your student, that -The one from Sweden? -Please stop.
-Is it? No! Tell me it's not that dickhead who puts hearts in your froth at the Tratt.
The barista? (SIGHS) I understand, but I don't think that Miriam will.
Well, that's not our fault.
No, I did that.
Hello? So, what did she say? Can she get here for the early photo call? -She's not coming.
-Excuse me? She's just pulled the plug.
Her manager's pulled the plug.
What happened? What did you do? No, she just got a better offer.
It's an energy drink, and now there's a conflict of interest.
Well We have her signature.
She signed.
No, I said that, but The other gig is worth $200,000, so they don't care.
They're just gonna pay us out.
Wrong answer, darling.
-TOM: Hey.
-Oh, hey.
Um, is it alright if I use this space just as the background? -Just for today.
It's perfect.
-Um -Sure.
-Yeah? Cool.
Sure.
-Ready.
-Cool.
-Hey, man.
-Hey.
(CAMERA CLICKS AND WHIRRS) -That's not bad.
-MIRANDA: Yeah.
It's being launched tonight, actually.
-Big event.
Lots of celebs.
-Should I be going? Well, we'll all be home watching Tom have his TOM: Correction - we've got FAT night tonight, which actually coincides with the program in question, and if I have it my way, we're just gonna leave the TV off all night.
You don't have to talk yourself down.
I've auditioned for a few reality shows.
Really? Um, side-on, please.
Yeah, I've got this amazingly tragic backstory.
Those things can get you really far.
Mmm.
Sorry, I didn't catch your name.
-Denham.
-Amazing.
Thank you.
-What's your surname? -Oh, it's just Denham.
-Like Just Jeans.
-(LAUGHS) No, I mean, it's it's just Denham, like Den-ham.
Right.
Let'slet's do this.
Uh, did you want the boat shoes on or off? Um, off.
I might leave you to it.
Right.
Just side-on, and chin forward and down.
Thanks.
(LAUGHS) Ah, you call that five minutes? I call it worth every second.
-I missed all my inspections.
-I didn't.
-(KNOCK AT DOOR) -Shit.
What are you doing? -Opening the door.
-No, you can't.
What if it's someone who knows me? You are very funny.
-STEVE: Hey, man.
-Hey, man.
-You up for some brekkie? -What, now? No, special request for Tuesday next week.
-Yes, now.
-Oh, OK.
Sure.
Oh, you'reentertaining? (WHISPERS) Grace? -No.
-So -You want me to push off or -I'll meet you at the Tratt.
Roger that.
(DOOR CLOSES) -We're going out for breakfast.
-No.
We are not going out for breakfast.
OK, we are not going out for breakfast.
OK, we are not going out for breakfast.
-I'll call Steve.
-No.
I think you should go.
I'll just, um, jump online and look at flats.
If I knew you didn't want to go, I wouldn't have said yes.
It's fine.
I think it's good if you hang out with your friends.
And, um, I'llyou I mean, we can hang later.
So it's good.
Justjust It's, like, taking it slow.
(SIGHS) SONG: # You can stop your crying I'm never coming back You can stop your crying Just walk down the tracks again I just can't take the pressure It's all too much for me I just can't take the pressure So please just let me be -Hey, hey, hey.
-All ready for Tom's big debut? Dude, we are not spending FAT night watching some lame show just so you can laugh at me.
STEVE: Uh Yes, we are.
Mate, if you'd rather not, I'm happy to cancel.
-What? Why? -No, no, no.
Well, I just don't have my shit together.
I never picked you for a choker, blossom.
-I'm not choking.
I just -(CHOKES) "I can't do it.
" -I'm talking about postponing.
-STEVE: Robbo.
Everyone's deadset on watching the show together at yours.
-We're coming.
-Don't stress about the food.
Hey, Tom! Was it not enough for you, humiliating me in front of -Now it's a million people.
-I know.
I'm sorry.
I tried to call you - I wasn't the one .
.
that put it online.
This isn't a joke! Your mates think it's hilarious.
But I loved you, and you pretty much destroyed me.
You deserve to be miserable too.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait.
Wait! Wait! TOM: I'm not I'm not making excuses.
I'm not making excuses.
Maybe I could have handled things differently, but -We've got to stop doing this.
-What? What are we doing? We've got to move on from thethe food-throwing stage.
That's easy for you to say.
You're not the one in therapy.
-You're in therapy? -I've been traumatised.
I've got serious PTSD.
Is that something I need to get tested for? Post-traumatic stress disorder.
-Oh, right.
-I can barely function at work.
I told all my clients I was getting married.
And I've spent the last two months explaining to them why I'm not.
What? What's that face? Well, I just I I thought that maybe by now, you might have -Got over it? -Well, got more accepting-ish.
That might be easier if my humiliation wasn't being broadcast over the entire country.
Yeah, that's bad.
Oh, hey.
Hey, hey.
-I can't cope.
I can't.
-Oh, OK.
-And you don't even care.
-No, I do, I do, I do.
I do.
-Hey.
It's alright.
-(SOBS) Oh, dear me.
-(DOOR CLOSES) -You missed out.
Oh, no.
No, I made myself breakfast.
Tom's been charming the ladies again.
-You should have seen it.
-Tom was there as well? And Rob.
It was probably good .
.
that I stayed.
Is it that bad if anyone finds out about us? No, um, it's just that what's happening between you and me is personal - it's not about anybody else.
You're embarrassed.
I'm not really into the whole self-promoting-on-Facebook thing either.
We're not on show.
I mean, you don't have to broadcast every minor detail of your life to the world.
So I'm a minor detail? Of courcourse not.
You're lovely.
I just don't want my personal life to become everyday gossip.
People are going to start talking if you're staying here.
I'm not.
While you're looking for somewhere.
-What's wrong with that? -The clock starts ticking.
What clock? The family law clock.
You move in together, 12 months later, boom, you're de facto.
Two years after that, you're in court fighting over custody of the cats.
You're nuts.
And yet I make perfect sense.
(PHONE CHIMES) GRACE: The footage was taken in a public arena where it was reasonably understood that videos and photos would be taken, so it's up for grabs.
Yeah, but it was a private wedding.
Yeah, but it wasn't a private conversation.
I mean, it was over a P.
A.
I'm sorry.
I know it's harsh.
I thought defamation was your specialty.
Yeah, but this is not, um, defamation.
Um If the footage had been edited to change the context or -Mmm.
-Their defence is truth.
You did it, so it's not defamation.
So there's nothing we can do? What about damages for my trauma? My therapist says I'm on the verge of a total breakdown.
Would your therapist write a letter? I mean, it would have to imply that you were kind of -Crazy? -Yeah.
On the edge, at least.
I'll call her now.
(WHISPERS) I had to try something for her sake.
-Yeah.
-Mmm.
Look, I'm sorry there's not more that I can do.
Mobile phones have changed everything.
Yeah.
Look, I can write an email citing the Privacy Code.
-Oh, yeah? Would that work? -Probably not.
Worth a shot.
-Yep.
Thank you.
Owe you.
-Yeah.
A full billable hour plus travel time.
-She said yes.
-Great.
Give her my details.
-I'll need the letter asap.
-OK.
And she's booking me in for an emergency session this afternoon.
-Oh, great.
That's good.
-She wants you to come too.
She says it will help me to get closure.
Oh.
-Grace! -Harry.
Hello! Can I have a word? Sure.
What's up? I was looking for legal advice about arecent acquisition.
I was looking for legal advice about arecent acquisition.
I can pay.
You are in the presence of a dragster vintage low-rider circa 1974.
Haven't seen one in this condition in years.
And? It was left on the nature strip.
What would a reasonable person have done in my position? -Harry, you stole a kid's bike.
-Now No.
That's an inflammatory suggestion.
I have a copy of the council regulations as to the definition of hard rubbish somewhere here.
(GASPS) My go-kart licence! So I've been looking for this.
Um Bear with me.
So Found it! Same view, different layout.
Sorry? Your flat Yes? Even the junket whores are pulling out.
We're losing press.
I need to give them something.
Look, I think I just got the girl from the stockings ad.
-Who? -She's getting heaps of press.
Oh, that's all we need - a plus-size model in a white pantsuit.
She really likes the product.
I'm not using a fat, ugly cow to launch coconut water.
-Who else have you got? -Um, no-one yet.
No, I'm on it.
I'm on it.
More names.
Bigger names.
-(SIZZLING) -COLETTE: Rob.
Rob, it's burning.
-Oh, shit! -(HISSING) If you keep winding yourself up like this, you're gonna end up stabbing someone at dinner.
Maybe you need to talk to somebody else.
I'm gonna do some marking.
Hey! Look at you.
-Mmm.
-Where's Den-ham? He went to get us some lunch.
And thus the average IQ in here just doubled.
(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY) He's doing me a favour.
-Is that what you call it? -Yeah.
I need bodies to shoot.
-He's a professional model.
-Yeah.
And in exchange, he's getting some shots for his portfolio.
-Plus he'she's a nice guy.
-He is.
He is.
Maybe in future, just mention that life photography means full-frontal nudity.
Just, you know.
I got us some wheat grass shots.
Oh, that's sweet of you.
Ha! -MAGGIE: Hi! -Hi! -Hi there! -How are ya? Good - look, I just came to let you know that the solicitor said he could fit me in at 2:00.
Oh, right.
Right, right, right.
So if you're still interested in coming -Why not use Dad's lawyer? -A lawyer's a lawyer.
But at least our guy knows that you're not a tragic alco.
If I go and see him, it'll leak all over the district that Maggie Wilcox got done driving under the influence.
They'll be talking about it for the next 10 years.
-You'll be a legend, Mum.
-Are you coming or not? Yeah, I wanted to.
I would.
But I've got an appointment this arvo, with Kristen.
-Kristen? -Mmm.
What the hell are you putting that poor girl through now? TOM: We're going to a counselling session.
-(LAUGHS) -Don't.
No shortage of entertainment with you, is there? -You saw the ad, didn't you? -Three times.
I laughed just a little bit more each time.
-Yeah.
-I'll be watching.
Thanks.
Good luck with your appointment.
Good luck with yours.
I think you'll need it more than me.
Yeah.
Don't forget your broom.
SONG: # Morning creeps in And you swear that you loved me once But your promises break and your words are empty and small Furious soldier, flash your steel And scream at your father's ghost It turns out the one that you broke Was the one you loved most Hey! Keep your head above water Hey, Rob.
Above the water Above the water Rob.
Where'd you go? Just to clear my head.
There's some olives there if you want 'em.
Thanks.
WOMAN: Why don't you tell us in your own words how you feel about the break-up, Tom? Oh Um Can I go second? I mean This is about Kristen.
I'm I'm just here to listen.
I'd like a lot more from you than that.
Well, good luck getting it, because I tried for two years.
Well, it was 18 months.
Are you intentionally minimising the relationship with that comment? No.
Would you like to just sit with that for a moment, Tom? MAN: No outstanding parking fines, speeding fines, current accident investigations? Trust me.
I'm a very good driver.
When you're not under the influence, of course.
Of course.
-No prior convictions? -No.
Are you being completely honest with me, Mrs Wilcox? Maggie.
Yes.
It says in the police record, you were charged and convicted with possession of marijuana in 1975.
I was chained to a tree at the time.
I just don't understand why he let it go on as long as he did.
He could have said at any time, "Hey.
I'm just using you for sex while you're living here.
" Were you using her for sex, Tom? Um, not consciously.
It's not like you were in a coma.
You said I was special.
Did you even mean it? Yeah, of course.
You are.
Was it like special needs or special to you? Because I thought it was special to you.
But it wasn't, was it? See, you have this way, Tom - you look a girl in the eye and you make her feel like she's the only one, and that's like a promise.
If you can't follow through, you have to stop doing it.
Mmm.
MAN: Obviously, we'll push being primary carer for your mother as grounds not to disqualify you, but that's temporary.
Do you need a licence for your work? Oh, I'm not working at the moment.
So unemployed? Semi-retired.
My husband's still running the vineyard.
-A vineyard? -Yes, we make wine.
We don't actually drink it all ourselves.
Is there any chance your husband could write a stat dec saying you're required to drive back and forth to help him on the property? Is that not possible? You see, I don't really want my husband to know about this.
I didn't mean to hurt her.
I didn't mean to cause any of thisthisthis pain.
All our actions and words have consequences, Tom.
Yeah.
Well, I see that now, I really do.
I will never do this again.
GRACE: Oh, Miranda? Sorry to bug you.
Is Tom there? Oh, he did go to the counselling with Kristen.
That's hilarious.
Yeah.
I know, right? Um Can you just get him to call me about the cease and desist? Can I ask you one more thing? Why didn't you move in with Harry? So he's not an axe murderer? OK, great.
Cool.
Alright, see ya.
I think I've found a solution.
-To what? -My living situation.
OK.
Harry, in the Wonderland building, has a spare room, and hehe seems quite open to the idea of sharing.
Harry.
Look, I know the place doesn't seem like much, and there is a lot of stuff, but I can deal with that.
And it's close to you.
It's close to my friends.
Please don't be upset.
You want your own space.
-I understand.
-Really? It makes sense to stay there, and I'm only five minutes away.
Well, see, that's what I was thinking, and we can get a lot done in five minutes.
But since you're doing things your way, I would like to try my way too.
Oh? I want us to let our friends know we're seeing each other.
If you're living in that building, I'm not sneaking around.
Yeah, I just don't know that I'm .
.
I'm ready for that just yet.
It doesn't have to be broadcast.
We'll justturn up together.
Think on it.
(PHONE CHIMES) Oh, my God! She said yes.
-Sorry? Are you sure, Dani? -Her agent wants to talk fees.
So I'm calling back now.
They're waiting.
If you pull this off, I'm going to kiss you on all four cheeks.
-No need.
-You go home and get changed.
And be back no later than 5:00.
-Hi! It's Miriam James.
-(PHONE CHIMES) So excited.
She was the first person I thought of.
I know.
-Where did you get this? -Harry.
He posted it.
This is gonna cause a huge problem.
Well, maybe he shouldn't have gone and punched the guy.
This is why he was happier.
He came in and was talking to me, and I thought (SIGHS) .
.
stupidly .
.
it was because maybe he was forgiving me.
Did you sleep with him because, like, a part of you wanted to end it with Rob? Honestly.
Honestly? I'd wanted things to change for a long time, but I didn't know how.
And all I know is, second I told Rob what I'd done .
.
I knew I didn't want to lose him.
You told him? And it's over between you guys? Told him, obviously, but no, it's not over.
I came because I came because I wanted to say I'm sorry.
I never meant for this to happen, believe me.
Um Well, I just wanted to make sure that you were OK.
I'm fine.
And that you're not gonna take this any further.
Are you? That's why you're here? You're worried I'm gonna call the cops on him? -Please don't do this.
-Is this what you wanted? Two guys fighting over you? I'm so sorry.
You don't deserve this.
But I understand why Rob did what he did.
It's his way of evening things out.
-We don't have to be -It ends here.
Oh, honey, honey.
Can you tuck my label in? I don't know why you got changed.
You looked amazing.
I thought so, but apparently not.
Anyway, I'm not getting into that now.
It's all good.
I fixed it.
Oh! And Miriam said that if we salvage this together, there will be big things ahead for me.
Well, that sounds promising! I have worked my guts out for this, so -It'll be my reward.
-I'm so proud of you.
-Come here.
-Oh, honey, you're crushing me.
It's silk.
I love you.
Bye-bye.
-(BUZZER GOES OFF) -Oh, great, you're back.
Hey, listen.
Can you get the garlic bread out of the oven? I've got my hands full here.
Any time in the next five minutes would be good.
STEVE: Hello, lovebirds! No, what I'm saying is the television officially counts as a screen, so technically, it should go in the bucket with the phones.
-It's a technicality! -Not happening.
Um, this is Denham.
-Hey.
-MIRANDA: Hey.
-Did she just say -Denham.
Did you clear it with Rob? About what? Well, don't shoot the messenger, but you know what they're like with FAT night rules and extra guests.
-Oh, man.
Sorry.
-I had no idea.
Sorry, Rob.
-What? -No, you guys weren't to know.
Don't worry about it.
Traditions are made to be broken.
Phones at the door, members only.
You know, no couples cooking.
Look at these two.
First rule of FAT night is you don't talk about FAT night.
-Second rule of FAT night is -You just don't talk about it.
That's cool, man.
I don't want to make things awkward.
No, no.
Things aren't awkward.
Things Denham.
Denham.
You can have my piece of lasagne.
Thanks, but no.
I don't really eat carbs this time of night.
-So -Um, 'bye.
'Bye.
-Oh, wait.
You're going? -We just popped in to say hi.
Just Have a good night, and good luck with the proposal.
MIRANDA: 'Bye.
Coxie the matchmaker.
Nice work, Robbo.
Very tasty.
Disappointing stopping at four cheeses, though.
-Why not five? Seven.
-7-cheese lasagne.
That would be a heart attack on a plate.
-I love it.
-STEVE: So Here's to Tom's I don't want 15 minutes.
I don't even want 15 seconds.
-Oh, come on.
Sure you do.
-TOM: No, I don't.
You know what I wanted to be as a kid? A ninja.
Do you know what kids want to be these days? Famous! It's crap.
What happened to wanting to do something useful, noble and anonymous? -Such as? -Driving a bus.
-Teaching.
Nursing.
-Exactly.
Real stuff.
You're full of insights, Tom.
-Got any others? -What? How was the counselling session? Are you cured? -Oh! -(OTHERS LAUGH) Hey, sorry if it was awkward back there, with your friends.
Oh, no, no, no.
It's alright.
I, um I should have checked.
I don't mind missing the night, you know.
It wasn't that funny, what happened at the wedding.
I don't need to see it again.
That Tom guy's a bit of a douche.
-Oh, no offence.
-Oh, no.
You're entitled to your opinion.
I mean, he's just been giving me total attitude since the minute I met him, acting all chummy, but, really, he's just he's just undercutting.
Is he always like that? Yeah.
Oh, he has his moments.
I don't know how you share a workspace with him.
Uh, I don't just share a workspace with him.
We're flatmates.
Whoa.
Yeah, I know.
Dude has seriously bad 'chy'.
'Chee'.
Huh? Um Do you mean Ah, never mind.
Sorry, am I, um, keeping you from something? Look, this might sound lame, but .
.
do you think there'll be any A-listers at your friend's launch tonight? -(ALL CHATTER) -(KNOCK AT DOOR) Evening! I thought I'd come and socialise while we watched.
-Wrong night for that, Mum.
-Oh.
Hello.
Hey, Maggie.
There's plenty of my winning lasagne left over.
-Help yourself.
-Thank you very much.
STEVE: How much longer have we got? How was your appointment this afternoon? I think you were right about seeing a lawyer who knows me.
After today, I feel like getting drunk.
-MAGGIE: Keep going.
-TOM: Oh, it was that good? Well, he does about 10 DUIs a week, so I suppose he knows what he's doing.
I've started paying him, so I don't know why you don't just tell Dad.
What's going on? I thought you were here to look after Nanna.
Yes, of course I'm here to look after Nanna.
Mmm.
But maybe I'm down here for something else.
What? Who? Oh, no, no, no.
It's me.
It's me.
And don't say a word to your father, because I've got away with it so far.
-Uh-huh.
-How was your appointment? I actually think that I learned something about myself today.
God - for a second, I thought you said you'd just learned something about yourself.
-Thanks, Mum.
-(LAUGHS) (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) -Unbelievable.
-Thank God we pulled that off.
Oh.
Still had to grovel to clients all night.
It was still a major stuff-up.
-But a good save.
-Darling I know how important your career is to you, but let's just take this as one of those learning curve opportunities.
Learning how to fix a bad situation? Yeah.
Somebody had to take the blame for what happened today, so I told the clients that I fired you.
Don't worry.
They don't even know who you are.
You what? What happened to bigger things ahead? Well, we'll see.
No, we won't.
I quit.
Wrong answer, darling.
Wrong answer, darling.
(GLASS TAPS) It's possible.
Um Grace has some news she would like to share with everybody.
-No, I don't.
-Sure you do.
Is this about the new job? -Yes.
-No.
Umwell, yeah, I do actually havehave some other news, as it turns out, um, that There is a chance that I will be moving into Wonderland.
So -Ooh! -GRACE: That's good.
-TOM: Are you serious? -Um, when did this happen? I needed somewhere, II spoke to Harry, and He has somewhere.
It needs a bit of a declutter, but Oh.
Well, I think that's wonderful.
Me too, if you like strange men who have no boundaries.
What'd I miss? Nothing at all.
I'm not just moving in with Harry.
Oh.
Who else are you moving in with? Uh, no, the other news is that, um .
.
Carlos and I are seeing each other, so, um .
.
there's that too, which is good.
You and Grace? Who would have thought? -No more news.
I'm done.
-Smooth.
-STEVE: Carlos.
-Showtime.
Yep.
I'm out, you guys.
-Oh! -No.
You know what? -None of you are my friends.
-Aww, diddums! -Oh, Tom.
-Oh, hey! -Phone violation.
-No, shush.
This is important.
They've agreed to pixelate you and Kristen.
-What?! -Congratulations.
Here's to getting completely pixelated.
Thank you.
Thank you.
-Alright, have a good night.
-(PHONE RINGS) That's Warwick.
I've got to get it.
I'm so sorry.
Wa.
I'm not supposed to be on the phone.
What? What do you mean, I'm a celebrity? WOMAN: Coming up - the proposal you don't want to miss.
See what happens when your best man becomes your worst nightmare.
(TURNS OFF TV) -Uh -Sorry.
I thought you were going out with Denham.
Oh, we were, but he, um he had to be somewhere.
Oh.
Denham's faded? -(LAUGHS) -Huh? (SIGHS) I'm clearly still on the rebound.
Yep.
I just need to wait and then go crazy for about a decade or so.
-Mmm.
That makes sense.
-Mmm.
Did you really go to counselling with Kristen today? -I did.
-And? I'm not a nice person.
And if a woman so much as looks my way from now on, I'm gonna make myself invisible, like Naruto.
-Ninja? -Mmm.
Anyway, I'm watching TV and knitting, if you want to join.
No.
No, I'm good.
I was just heading out.
I just came in to um, grab my car keys.
-OK.
-OK.
-I'll see you later.
-'Bye.
(DOOR CLOSES) Babe, I caught the bouquet.
Alright.
I just have to turn it on.
One second.
Now, what do I need to type in? Yep.
Right.
Yep.
OK.
Oh, bum.
And I see that as a sign that what I have planned to do today has the blessing of the universe.
Tom, in front of your best friends and your family, I want us to make the ultimate commitment.
Will you do me the honour of becoming my husband? TOM: Can we talk about this outside? KRISTEN: It's a yes-or-no answer, Tom.
Yes or no.
TOM: No? Are you going somewhere? I It's not good me being here.
I'm I'm going crazy.
So you're just gonna leave things hanging, like this? I'm going up the coast for a few days.
Just on my own.
Do some surfing and .
.
think it out.
We can't avoid this.
Well, you do whatever you like, but I can't be around you.
I can't even look at you right now.
They're the facts.
I'll see ya.