Abbott and Costello Meet Captain Kidd (1952) Movie Script
For many moons,
we sailed beneath
the big and little Dipper
and if we're loaded
to the teeth
we owe it
to the skipper
we owe it
to the skipper
we owe it
to the skipper
who's got a jib
from India to Madrid?
Happy to have you meet
captain kidd!
He who would falter,
falter without a quid
love to have you meet
captain kidd
his sword is one of...
And ... made an army
and then we'll beat them
to the ...
He's a Gibraltar,
he's a pyramid
happy to have you meet
captain kidd!
He plays with thousand
bags of gold
he brushes our palms
with silver
but now he must
return to home
what would be
... and me
holding a girl
is something he won't forbid
not that he ever did
not if we first
let her meet
captain kidd
land ho!
Tortuga!
Women!
Women.
Women.
Women?
Women.
Women.
Help me!
If we don't get
a little life around
this town pretty soon,
I'm gonna have to
close up the place.
What were you doing
in that barrel?
What are you
trying to do,
get killed?
You know, a guy could
get killed around here
without even trying.
Come here.
Aw, now, puddin',
if we're gonna work
our way back to america,
you've gotta stop
trying to be a hero
with every girl
that you meet.
Kind sir.
What happened
to your voice?
Oh, kind sir.
Your talk
I don't understand.
Please, take this.
"Ah, my darling, darling.
I love you madly."
That's the first love letter
I ever got from a girl.
It's not for you.
Please, deliver it
to Bruce martingale.
He's a singer
at the tavern.
We work
at the tavern.
Bruce is a good
friend of ours.
Yeah, we'll deliver it.
Hey, we better
get back before
we get docked again.
Come on.
My dad was quick to give me
some fatherly advice
don't throw your life
away, away
or your hard-earned pay away
but I warn you,
stay away
from the shoes and rice
girls are fun,
why pick one
one to be your wife?
Great to be
wild and free
me for a bachelor's life
a bachelor's life,
a bachelor's life
oh, how I love
a bachelor's life
but marriage,
of course
I greatly endorse
if I can live
a bachelor's life
the world
is full of women
who marry
merry men
some girl will make
you pie-eyed, sir
never know
a dry eye, sir
if she answers,
"aye, aye, sir"
life is over, then
girls are fun,
why pick one
one to be your wife?
Great to be
wild and free
me for a bachelor's life
a bachelor's life
a bachelor's life
oh, how I love
a bachelor's life
don't blame ya.
A son of a gun
like father, like son
I want to live
a bachelor's life
if a fish
cannot be caught
then you bait your
line for naught
and it's wiser
not to let any lad
do what he hadn't
ought
if he do do
love in vain
then the course
is very plain
you'll have to let us
cover ground
out on the bounding main
a bachelor's life
a bachelor's life
I've known a lot
of girls in my life
in fact,
there are three
in fact,
there are three
still
lookin' for me
they're gunning for,
gunning for, gunning for
the bachelor's life
wait a minute.
The front door
is for gentlemen.
The back door
is for swine.
I'm no pig.
What about the rarebit
for captain kidd?
Where are my helpers?
Ah, they're no help.
Get to work, you two.
He's almost as ugly
as the guy that
owns this place.
That is the owner.
I am! Serve captain kidd's
rarebit as soon as it's ready.
What a
filthy-looking pan!
Take it easy.
It's gonna be
an honor and a pleasure
to wait on captain kidd.
Sure.
Look, let's have
an understanding.
I'm waiting
on captain kidd.
Aw, no.
Oh, yes!
Why do you always
have to take
that kind of job?
You know
I'm a good waiter.
Do as I tell ya.
Now, hot or cold, i'm
gonna wait on captain kidd.
Ohhh!
Hey, what happened
to you?
Captain kidd didn't like
the way I placed
his knife and fork.
Ohh!
Ohhh!
Wait a minute.
What happened
to you?
Captain kidd threw a knife
because I spill a few
drops of water.
Ohh!
Hey, that was
real blood.
Yes.
Wait a minute.
Did you wait on
captain kidd, too?
No black eyes?
Mmm.
No bruises?
No broken legs?
No teeth.
Ohh.
No, you don't.
I don't know why
I always let you get
away with these things.
Go ahead. You wait
on captain kidd.
I--i ordered you
a rarebit, captain kidd.
How dare you disturb me
when I'm alone
with a woman!
You are a woman,
aren't you, my dear?
Not to you.
You don't appeal to me.
That's the curse
of being known
as the bloodthirstiest
rogue in all the world.
Nobody takes heed of
the sweet side
of my nature.
Why did your ship
go south of hispaniola,
when we agreed that
it was my territory?
I apologize.
The matter is now closed.
Where are the gold coins
and jewels from those
galleons?
They rightfully
belong to me.
You're welcome
to them, my dear.
Most welcome.
Where are they?
On skull island.
Your island.
I'm going to sail
to skull island
on your ship.
Delightful thought.
But my ship
will follow,
ready to attack
if I don't return
safely.
Horrible thought,
but so be it.
Would you like
to see my secret map,
which shows where
the treasure is hidden?
I've already seen it.
Somebody should report
to the authorities there
are pirates around here.
Where's your apron?
I beg your pardon?
Where's your apron?
Hold that, please.
Wash your hands
before you serve that
to captain kidd.
Now, when you serve
captain kidd,
don't drop any
silverware,
don't spill any water,
and, above all,
try and be polite.
Then you may not
get hurt.
Why don't you
help me to serve?
Help you serve.
Now, if I help you
to serve
and something
happens to me,
who's going to
visit you
in the hospital?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm always thinking
of myself.
Certainly you are.
Now, if you serve,
then I can always visit
you in the hospital.
You're good to me.
Oh, that's all right.
It's all right.
Don't worry about
a thing.
There we are,
my boy.
Go right ahead.
Ok.
Right out the door.
Be very careful.
Hey, rocky.
Give me a hand with
the door, will you?
See? You're thinking
of yourself again.
You see I've got
my hands full.
Sorry.
Go ahead.
Go ahead!
Uhh!
Go ahead!
Ahh!
How long are they
gonna keep us waiting
for the food?
Waiter!
Where is the food?
Coming, sir.
Captain kidd,
here's the food.
The food is
delicious here.
Here! Pour the wine!
Aye, aye, captain.
Waiter, the wine!
Bring that cylinder
back here!
I hate fat men!
You're fat.
Hate myself, too.
Blecch!
Is it good, sir?
Just like mother
used to make, it stinks!
Come back here!
Blecch!
You eat some.
But I'm not hungry.
Eat it,
or I'll slit your throat.
Go on!
I'm not hungry.
Go on.
Maybe this will
wash the taste away.
Stop swigging swine.
Stop blowing bubbles.
What's wrong?
More wine.
Hold it.
Ow! Ooh!
Go get the wine!
How did captain kidd
enjoy his rarebit?
Oh, he's bubbling over.
Now he wants some wine.
Ooh.
Are you stupid?
No.
A nincompoop?
Moronic?
Idiotic?
Imbicilic?
What are you
laughing at?
You went right on by me
and didn't even know it.
Ooh.
Hey, Bruce! Look!
Waiter.
Give me another one.
I beg your pardon?
I said give me
another one.
Is it all right
with you, sir?
Give her all she wants.
How about me?
Why, you...
Whaahahah!
Ha ha ha ha!
I seen some ugly faces,
but yours
takes the cake.
Do you see that?
Hey, rocky,
what are you
crying for?
You don't have to
cry, pal.
Captain kidd,
he didn't hurt me.
No ...
No bruises?
No. I--
what's that,
a broken rib?
Oh, no.
That's the girl's
letter.
The girl's letter?
Yeah.
Why didn't you deliver it
like I promised we would?
I've been trying to
give it to Bruce.
Well, I'll make
a copy of it,
and if I see him first,
I'll give it to him.
If you see him first,
you give it to him.
I--skull island?
This is a treasure map.
T-t-t-t--
treasure map.
Let me see that.
How do you like that
cheating captain kidd?
He took out the letter
and put in a dirty,
filthy map.
No, no! Don't!
This map is worth
a fortune to us.
All we have to do
is go to skull island,
search around and find out
where they buried the treasure.
Yeah, and if we
get caught,
who's gonna find out
where they Bury us?
You got something
there.
First we'll hide the map.
Yeah, we hide
the map first,
and then you can
hide me second.
No, no, no,
wait a minute.
We'll disguise you
as a very important
person.
Then captain kidd
will take us to
skull island on his ship.
And suppose he won't
do that?
It's up to you
to talk him into it.
And then you can
do me a favor.
What?
Talk me out of
talking him into it.
Ah, go away!
Now a toast
to our partnership,
my dear captain Bonney.
Give me the map.
I want to refresh
my memory.
"My darling,
darling, darling,
I love you madly!"
What?!
"But I am being torn
away from those strong
affectionate arms."
You stole the map
and replaced it
with this mush.
When could I
have done it?
That fat
little waiter.
I will kill him
slowly and unpleasantly--
unpleasantly for him,
that is.
Waiter!
Captain kidd,
allow me to present
captain puddin'
fathergill of
the king's guard.
Stout fellow.
Oh, I see.
Ah, my dear fathergill.
Captain kidd!
Oh, ho ho!
Captain kidd,
how do you do!
You! You are adorable,
my darling.
Captain fathergill.
I salute you, sir.
I salute you, too,
captain kidd.
Allow me.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Not at all.
I'll use this
for small battles.
Nobody will
ever notice.
Captain kidd,
we have business
with you.
Ah, gentlemen,
pray, be seated.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
And you made
a merry campaign.
Where did you get
this medal?
That medal, sir,
I got for jumping off
the westminster bridge.
Very interesting.
Where did you win
this medal?
That one I got
for jumping back.
Most diverting.
Really, really?
Yeah.
Care for a sniff?
Don't mind if I do.
I'll take a whiff!
Very good.
You look different.
You do, too.
Thanks.
Where's that map?
Uhh!
Where's my letter?
I'll make a fair
exchange.
I'll give you the letter,
you give me the map.
Captain Bonney,
give him the letter.
The more I look at you,
the less I understand this.
Now give me the map!
I hid it.
You hid it?
I knew what you would
do with us guys
if I was to
give you the map.
Why doesn't anybody
trust me?
We'll make a deal
with you.
If you take us
to skull island
on your ship,
we'll split
the treasure.
My treasure!
My island!
But we have the map.
You win, gentlemen.
You sail on my ship
tonight.
Morgan!
I wouldn't want anything
to happen to you and the map
before we get aboard.
Yes, captain.
Morgan, escort
these gentlemen aboard.
Aye, we'll see you
aboard ship.
Gentlemen.
Gentlemen,
after you.
Good night,
sweet prince.
Parting is such
sweet sorrow...
Well...
Excuse me, captain kidd.
Captain Bonney,
good-bye, my doll.
She's wonderful.
Good-bye, captain kidd.
We sail tonight,
set sail tonight
tonight we sail
overjoyed to be
shovin' out to sea
we've never seen
danger before
until we were
safely on shore
all hail tonight,
we sail tonight
tonight we sail
glad to leave a den
of these highwaymen
who land on these
innocent lands
is taking your life
in your hands
a bloodthirsty lot
is what we're known to be
but you'll excuse us
if we seem to ...
We're not, really not,
a desperate pirate thief
these vultures have picked up
where we left off
so we're off
to lift mast tonight
at last tonight
tonight we sail
and they'll give a turn
if we don't return
hey, Bruce!
Bruce!
... is what we leave to
those who respect
that we plunder, indeed
tonight we sail
the men sound happy.
The carefree life
of a sea rover
has been greatly
exaggerated in poetry
and song.
If I had a son,
I'd rather he be
a pickpocket
or a highwayman,
a worthwhile occupation
to keep him on land.
Any son of yours
would rise to
great heights...
Aided by
the hangman's noose.
Pirates on the sea
pirates on the shore
people aren't safe
anywhere anymore
when they slit your throat,
no one friendlier
they will likely say,
"here's your head,
thank you, sir"
we're starting
on a long trip tonight
we ship tonight
tonight we sail
in their pleasant way,
they insist we stay
though we would
love to
we can't afford to
we'll lose our shirts
if we don't get aboard tonight
tonight we sail
tonight we sail
get aboard,
you scoundrels!
Make ready to sail!
Tonight we sail
all right, leave
those wenches and
get about your work!
Am I glad to see you,
partner.
So you got the map?
Yes, sir.
Am I glad to see you,
partner.
Aye, aye, sir.
Morgan, bring
the other one aboard!
Aye, captain.
Men, make my guests
comfortable.
Morgan, take the map
away from them.
Aye, sir.
I told you
this guy wouldn't
give us a fair shake.
"My darling, darling--"
I don't want
love letters from you!
I want that map!
I think it disappeared.
I think we had better
disappear, too.
Puddin', say good-bye
to captain kidd.
Good-bye, captain kidd.
Put them in irons!
You can't do this
to us.
The things I have to do
to go down in history.
Make ready to sail!
Three of our crew
is missing, captain.
Take the best gang
in Shanghai and
replace them.
Aye, aye.
Make ready to sail!
You! You, too.
There were two men.
One is short and fat,
and the other one--
has a moustache.
That's the pair!
I got to find them.
You will.
Look that way.
Bring him aboard!
Make ready to sail!
Here they are,
captain.
Which one of you
has the map?
Captain, you may do
with me as you wish,
but I will not tell you
that he has the map.
What do you think
he is, a snitch?
Huh.
Take him out
and treat him as my guest.
Aye, aye, captain.
Do you have the map?
Hand it over.
You want to be
a good pirate.
Oh, I do so want to
be a good, brave pirate.
Where's the, uh,
bow of the boat?
That's in the front.
Where's the stern?
That's in the back
of the boat.
But where's the port?
It's in the wine closet.
See if the barometer
has fallen.
It's still hanging
on the wall.
Listen to this.
Morgan!
Set the sail
under the mast
and haul in
the out canopy!
Aye, aye, sir.
Repeat that
order.
Aye, aye, sir.
Morgan!
You heard what
the captain said!
Spread that bread
against the mast
and open up
a can of peas!
You're sure you have
the map?
Oh, yes,
your captain kidd.
Won't you sit down?
Thank you.
Clumsy.
I told you that
captain kidd wouldn't
give you a fair shake.
Oh, if you had
marked the map,
you wouldn't have thrown it
to Bruce by mistake.
I put an "x" on it.
Then why didn't you
give the letter?
I put an "x"
on the other cylinder.
I think I got
my "x"s crossed.
How's the great lover?
Who does she mean, me?
Not if she's in
her right mind.
Nonsense. Only a Romeo
could inspire such a letter.
Do you think I could
make you forget this
other woman?
Uh, why don't you
free him and find out?
Sometimes my men
become foolish
and tire of me before
I tire of them.
Then what happens?
I make a lovely widow.
Thank you.
See you later.
So long.
Why don't you free us
and let's talk this
thing over?
Uh-uh.
What's the matter,
are you afraid
of captain kidd?
Who's afraid
of captain kidd?
I'll tell you what,
we give you the map,
you set us free,
then you'll have
captain kidd in your power.
There you are.
Hurry up.
These things hurt.
Thank you.
My foot!
The map.
The map. Ok.
There's the map.
Bruce!
What are you
doing here?
I was shanghaied
last night.
Thank you, my dear.
One of the disadvantages
of being a pirate
is lack of associates
one can trust.
You'll regret this.
"My darling, darling,
darling--"
why didn't you tell me
it was a love letter?
I'll stuff this
down his throat
and make him read
every word of it,
every syllable
and every punctuation Mark.
If I weren't a pirate,
I'd cry!
Why did you give me
this map?
The map! The map!
Bruce, he was supposed
to deliver to you
a note from lady Jane--
a love note.
I know.
You gave the love note
to captain Bonney.
Go and get it.
Wait a minute,
wait a minute, rocky.
You heard what
captain Bonney said
that she kills
her husbands.
What is she gonna do
to a stranger?
Go and get it!
All right, but if you
should happen to see
a shark swimming by,
picking his teeth,
you'll know what
happened to me.
Go and get it!
If I catch the sneaking,
sniveling cur that's done this,
I'll boil him in oil.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
I'm looking for
something here.
Captain kidd!
How did you
get out of this?
Shut up!
How did you
get out of this?
I just slipped
my hands out, like that.
It was very easy.
You see, captain kidd,
they put them on in front--
what fool put it on
in front of you?
That fool did it.
He should put it on
on the back of you,
then you couldn't
have moved.
Well, this I don't know--
he should have put
it round the back of you
so that you
couldn't move!
I'll show you, look.
Like that.
Now lock it.
I beg your pardon?
I said lock it!
I think he's mad.
I'll lock it.
You couldn't have moved.
Ok. How's that one?
That's it.
How's that now?
That's right.
He can't move now.
You can't move?
Can't move your hands
or nothing.
Now you can't
take 'em out, huh?
You can't do
a thing, see?
You're really
tied in there.
I sure am. Now get the key
and undo the lock.
Get the key--
it's between my belt
and my stomach--
and unlock 'em,
will ya?
You mean, you gotta get
the key to unlock it?
Get the key
and unlock 'em,
will ya?
I just gotta find out
how you do it.
I didn't know
you had to have a key.
Can't you get the key?
No, I can't get the key.
Go ahead, take
your hand in there
and go like that,
and take--
I can't get the key.
My hands are locked
behind my back, you fool.
You can't get the key.
No, I can't get the key.
Ha ha ha!
Well, this
I'll take with me.
And you can't
get the key, huh?
No.
You're absolutely locked
into the shackles?
I've told you--
shut up!
Who are you yelling at?
I'll slug
you on the head.
Captain kidd's
a tough one, huh?
After the treasure,
that's what you're after.
You don't want to take
rocky and I with ya, huh?
You thought I was
the stupid one, huh?
Ooohh, you fat --
Morgan!
Hey, Bruce!
Here's the letter.
Give me this here.
What's the matter?
What are you
so happy about?
I gotta laugh.
You know this
captain kidd?
I got him shackled
like this. He can't
get his hands out.
Stop.
How did you get
in this predicament,
captain?
None of your business.
Unlock 'em.
Get her out to ...
Aye.
I'll take care of him.
Come on!
I want to see this.
He's so chained up,
he'll never get free.
Come on, rocky!
Hey, look out.
Captain kidd.
Take it easy.
Go on, take a poke
at him, go on.
He's not so bad.
Take a poke at him.
You sure
he's shackled?
Go on, after all--
come on.
Come on, rocky.
He's got it coming.
Let him have it.
Go on!
I got him shackled.
Ha ha! What are you
scared about, rocky?
I mean--
hold on, rocky!
Rocky? Rocky?
Hey, hey, did you
see rocky run?
Land ho!
Off the port stern!
Morgan!
Merchant ship.
It'll be a prize
worth taking.
And this one's
all mine.
Stingy!
All hands on deck!
Man the guns!
All hands on deck!
Man your guns!
All hands on deck!
All hands
man the guns.
She's leveling her guns.
She'll put up a fight.
Good. I was afraid
she'd run around
and struggle
like you after that
overstuffed little man.
Check the powder
before you do--
fire!
Fire!
Fire!
What about these two,
captain?
Have them man a gun.
If they want to live,
they'll have to fight.
Aye, aye, sir.
You heard what
the captain said.
Let's hide.
Fire!
Fire!
Reload!
Coward!
Where's puddin'?
He's hiding around here
someplace.
There he is.
If you'd help captain kidd
capture that vessel,
he might spare your lives.
You know, she's
got something there.
We couldn't be
any worse off.
Wait!
Take this into
battle with you.
Come on.
Hurry up! Come on!
Take it easy.
That's it.
Powder it down.
Ok, light it away!
Take it easy,
take it easy.
Ok.
Here it comes now.
Watch out.
Hey. Something's wrong.
Maybe the powder's wet.
Powder's wet?
Must be.
What are you doing?
I want to see
that powder in there.
Huh? How is it?
Let me see.
That looks
awful dry to me.
What's the matter
with you?
Put another ball in.
Aah!
Wait a minute!
What did you do
that for?
The Cannon was on fire.
More powder!
Below the stern!
Was that me?
Fire!
Prepare to board her!
Prepare to board her!
What are you gonna do?
Take it easy.
Never mind this.
Don't be hasty.
Have some of this
to calm your nerves.
Hey!
I'll smack 'em in...
Hope the London papers
get this straight.
They haven't been
too kind to me lately.
Put 'em below!
Bruce!
Stand by to scuttle
the englishmen!
Cast off the prize ship
before she blows up!
Cast off!
All hands aloft
to make sail!
Hoist over!
She appeals to me.
Do you think
I should appeal to her?
If I'm any judge
of womanhood, she'll
slap your face.
You underestimate
my charms.
Any wagers,
captain Bonney?
Ahem.
Captain kidd
welcomes you as his
personal captive.
Aaiiiyyii!
Still want to wager,
captain?
Lady Jane!
Lady Jane!
Lady Jane!
You know her?
Yeah, she's the girl
that wrote the letter.
With hundreds of
merchant ships
sailing the seas,
you have to choose
the one she's on
and bring her to him.
Escort the lady
to my quarters, Morgan.
Aye, aye, captain.
Wait a minute, you!
Captain kidd!
Captain kidd!
Captain kidd!
Captain kidd,
if I give you the map,
would you allow
lady Jane, rocky,
and myself
to use one of your
boats to go to england
or america?
And you can come,
too.
No, thank you.
Not until I get my
share of the treasure.
Produce the map,
and I'll Grant your request
regarding the boat.
If I give you the map,
is it a deal?
It's a deal.
Right.
I'll give you the--
uh-oh.
I'll give you the map.
Here's the map.
There's the boat.
Ha ha ha ha!
Lady Jane...
I brought you
something to eat.
I'm not hungry.
Oh, you must eat.
You can't starve yourself.
It's unhealthy.
What is Bruce doing
on this boat?
He was shanghaied.
But why doesn't he
talk to me?
Oh, he don't dare,
lady Jane.
If captain kidd
ever saw him talk to you,
he'd--kkkkhhh!
Please eat, lady Jane.
I'm not hungry.
Just put it someplace.
Speak to me
of the tall pine
where the wild flowers dwell
speak to me
of the tall pine
and I'll answer you well
on my beloved countryside
there I met my love
my love was fair
fair as leaves
on the bended bough
fair as skies up above
as we walked along
the shaded Lane
wasn't he mine?
He said he would
with his two hands
build a house
made of pine
speak to me
of the tall pine
and the memories start
speak to me
of the tall pine
and I'll speak
with my heart
a house to grace
the countryside
proud of where
it stands
beyond the door
will be chairs
and a table, too
that I'll make
with my hands
one thing you'll make
I'll Cherish most
make your love mine
and in the cradle,
baby sleeps
cradle made
out of pine
speak to me
of the tall pine
where the
wild flowers dwell
speak to me
of the tall pine
and I'll answer you well
You know,
when I first met you,
I wanted to kill you,
but now
I want to kiss you.
Where are you going?
Captain Bonney's
quarters?
No. Captain kidd's
taking a stroll
around the deck.
We're going into
his quarters and
get that map.
I'd rather go
in her quarters.
We're going to
captain kidd's quarters.
He don't appeal to me.
Ooh!
Captain kidd's quarters.
Come on.
Now, the map's
around here somewhere.
Look around.
Don't make any noise.
How can you get so wet
in a dry room?
Rough sea, I think.
Why? What do you mean
a rough sea?
Where were you?
I went and
opened the window.
Are you kidding?
Over here?
There's no rough sea
out there.
What's the matter
with you?
Look for the map.
Come on,
stop this nonsense.
Pplll! Pplll!
What are you ppllling
about?
Did you find anything?
Oh, why don't you
dry yourself off?
What are you doing?
I was opening up
the window, and--
stop. Come here.
Come here.
Come here.
You have to watch.
Is that what
you mean out there?
Here. What's wrong
with that out there?
Come here!
Come here!
What's wrong with
that weather out there?
Anything wrong
with that?
Take a good look.
Get up and take
a good look.
Anything wrong?
Well, then, stop it.
Now,
look for the map.
Now, come on.
It's around here
someplace.
Hey, maybe it's
in a panel.
Come on, never mind
your--
quiet!
Maybe some kind
of a panel.
That's it.
Rocky!
I got the ma-ma-map!
What is that?
The map. The map.
I found the map.
It's the map.
We gotta work fast
before anyone comes.
Study that map.
Look at it carefully.
You've got to eat it.
You've got to eat it
and get rid of it.
Keep it up in here.
Remember everything
that you eat.
You want me to remember
everything that I eat here?
Remember
everything you eat.
Now, study it.
I've got a photocell mind.
That a-boy.
Now you're doing it.
You got a little sauce
in your pocket?
Never mind the sauce.
Get rid of that
before anyone comes.
After I eat this, can I
paint a moustache on him?
Yes, you can do
anything you want,
and I'll meet you
up on deck.
Must be one of those
rocks on the island.
Pretty good.
I'd have sworn I put
a moustache on him.
You didn't.
I didn't?
No.
Will you--oh!
I forgot something.
Ahh...i enjoyed that.
Stuffy in here.
Something you ate?
That's better.
Get wet?
Skull island!
Hard to port stern!
Point the jib,
lift the sail
get your rib off your tail
all the way
from liverpool
as away-i-ay we go
with all of the grub
that's in the hold
the grub that they serve
is two months old
to make matters worse,
they serve it cold
away-i-ay-i-o
and the belles of Amsterdam
and the darlings of Bordeaux
had few little girls
for company
but after a month
or so at sea
the ugliest ones
look good to me
away-i-ay-i-o
I lived by the ocean
with my many heirs
he's got a lot,
you know
and let's all remember
that I drank my cares
away-i-ay-io
away-i-ay-io
pull that boat in
closer to shore.
It isn't the rock
of Gibraltar,
but I call it home.
You've done well
for yourself.
Ah, you will be
as safe here as--
as in a prison?
Nicely put.
Would you excuse me?
Morgan,
open the sack.
Aye, aye,
captain.
I'll never learn.
Stay close by her
and see that
she doesn't escape.
Aye, aye, sir.
Hello!
Boy, I'm glad
we lost captain kidd.
You come here,
and lead me to
that treasure
before that addlepated
brain of yours forgets.
A tree.
Three paces south.
1, 2, 3.
Get off my foot.
I'm sorry, captain.
5 paces west.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
Dig!
Dig!
Dig.
Thank you very much.
You're welcome, sir.
Dig!
Yes, sir.
I win.
Dig! And you
dig, too.
This dirt is heavy.
Heavy?
Yeah.
What's wrong with it?
Come on, will you,
please?
I think I hit
the treasure.
You hit it?
It's heavy. Come and see.
I--it's the same thing.
What's the matter
with you?
Come on. Dig.
Hey.
I've got it!
I've got it!
Come on!
Give me a hand.
Give me a hand.
Lift this up.
Ok.
Hold it. Now,
wait a minute
1, 2, 3,
come on.
Come on.
Hello, captain kidd.
Dig.
Come on.
Wait a minute.
What are you doing?
Shoveling the dirt.
Don't throw it into
that hole there.
I'm digging this out
mysel--come here.
Get over here.
Get over there,
and throw your dirt
in an opposite direction.
What are you doing?
Making a hole,
the way you--
don't throw it
into my hole!
What are you
getting mad for?
I'm going to relax.
Well, go ahead.
You go ahead and dig.
Now, don't you
try to run away,
or I can make it
mighty miserable for you.
How miserable
can you make it?
That's more like it.
Alas, poor yorick.
I knew him well.
A fellow of
infinite--
that's the wrong play, dake.
That your head
or the treasure chest?
Couldn't be his head
this has got
something in it.
How am I
going to look
wearing all those
diamonds?
Bring it up.
Come on,
pick it up.
Take it across
the island to headquarters.
Clear over the hill?
You heard me.
Get a move on.
Hey.
Hey, you're
getting us all dirty.
Now, aren't they
nice fellows,
helping us to fill
this hole?
Man could live all his life
in luxury on these.
So could a woman.
When do we sail?
Oh, I'm going to
double-cross you.
That's traditional,
love.
Am I to be
shot or hanged?
I'll let you know.
There are so many people
to be disposed of,
I haven't made up
my mind.
Morgan, drop those.
Shut that up.
Aye.
Take it away.
You heard what
the captain said.
Hey, we ought
to get out now
and help them.
I got a feeling
they won't let us
get out.
You and I
digging our own graves.
Who put us into this?
Puddin,' puddin,'
come on out.
Give me your hand,
and I'll help you out of there.
Oh, how did you--
that's hot!
Rocky!
Here, then.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on up here
attaboy. Attaboy.
Get up.
Puddin.'
where's puddin'?
There he is.
Puddin'!
What are you doing
in there?
Come on.
Get out of there.
Come on.
Attaboy.
Uhh.
Come on.
Hey, rocky.
Come on, rocky.
Give me your hand.
That-a-boy.
Thanks, captain Bonney.
Captain kidd has
double-crossed us,
and he's decided
to kill us tonight.
H-How in the world
can we escape?
You boys steal a boat,
and I'll arrange for
lady Jane and Bruce
to keep
the pirates occupied.
Aye, aye, sir!
Ok.
All right--
Give me that.
The wench and I will
entertain you, captain.
Have her dance, too.
Aye, aye, sir.
Hey, you.
Get over here
and help entertain
the men.
Over there.
I'm north of nowhere
south of someday
lost when you are
away from me
oh, my love,
will I find you there
north of nowhere,
south of someday, too?
Bravo!
Sorry.
That's all right.
...No further than my
true love's eye...
Here we are,
captain kidd,
and here I am.
...sky
good work.
Now where do we
go from here?
We don't go
anywheres from here.
We've got to save
lady Jane and Bruce.
Come on.
Wait a minute.
...someday
lost when you are
away from me
I would know the harbor
of your arm
drift upon a lonely sea
I look to skies
above me
stars to guide me
on the long
voyage home to you
oh, my love,
will I find you there?
North of nowhere
south of someday, too
hey, Mac, how about
the dance?
Enough
of that.
Leave that wench
alone.
She is my prize.
I do not wish her
to be exhausted.
Avast, you crow bait,
or ye shall hang by the arms
in the yard. Yardarms.
Oh, come to me,
my pretty one.
You're adorable.
Tonight's the night.
It's only me.
When I kiss you,
swoon.
Hey, you're
overdoing it.
Sing, you fools,
while I woo this wench.
Hoist your gal,
have your drink
fill your mug
to the brink
come on, lady Jane.
At last you done
something right.
Come on. Let's go.
Wait a minute.
Where's captain Bonney?
I don't--
here I am, puddin.'
oh, captain Bonney.
What happened
to captain kidd?
Who did that?
I did. All I did was
take this here shovel
and I went--bang!
Hit him right on
the head.
He's been laying
like this ever since.
Nice going, puddin.'
I'm going to signal
the ship.
They ought to be
in sight any minute.
Come on.
Come on, folks.
Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute. No.
I'm going with
captain Bonney.
You stay here
and watch captain kidd.
Wait a minute!
Why do you always
give me these tough jobs,
I got to stay here
and look over him.
All right, then,
you stay here
and watch captain kidd
and I'll go with
captain Bonney.
That's better.
Away-i-ay-i-o
hoist your gal,
have your drink
fill your mug...
Captain Bonney
needs help.
Man your guns.
Aye, aye, sir.
Man your guns!
Ye got a hankie?
Yeah.
Here, captain kidd.
Thank you very much.
Oh... I feel
better now.
You all right now?
I'm all right
now, yes.
Just a minute.
How do you feel?
Much better,
thank you.
You really do?
Yeah, really.
Good.
Fire when ready.
Fire!
Fire!
From your--
captain kidd!
We're being attacked!
We're being attacked?
Man the boat!
Aye, aye.
Avast, you ...!
Avast!
That goes for you, too.
Hey, what's wrong with
your voice?
Well, I've been
around the little
fat fella so much,
I'm starting to talk
like him.
You talk a little bit
too much like him.
Uh, captain kidd.
What happened to him?
Somebody hit him on
the head with a shovel.
Who? Uh--
me.
Oh! Ooh!
Uhh!
Ha ha ha!
One more broadside,
and captain kidd will be
a captain without a crew.
Good.
And captahold your fire.
A captainthey're done for.
Ahoy there.
Hold your fire.
My men have
destroyed them.
We must get the treasure
aboard my ship
before captain kidd
catches up with us.
Bruce and I will
carry the chest.
You get the boat ready.
Yeah.
Come on. Go.
That's captain kidd.
He's trying to escape.
Load and fire,
and don't miss.
Aye, aye, sir.
Load and fire!
Fire!
Hey, don't shoot!
I'm on your side!
Fire!
Reload!
Cease firing.
They're waving
a white flag.
Cease fire!
It must be wrapped
around a barrel.
Now what are you doing?
Get up on your feet.
I--oh.
I must've
scared him.
I'll get him
for you, captain.
Put him in irons.
You shut up. Aah!
You take care of him.
No, you take care
of him.
This thing's
driving me crazy.
He went thataway.
Which way did they
go, captain?
That way.
That way?
All of captain kidd's
crew have gone down to
Davy Jones' locker.
Your men are
about to land.
I have a first mate.
Could you use
a second mate?
Morgan, did I
overhear you say
you want to be
on our side?
Aye, aye, captain.
Aye, aye, sir.
Aye, aye.
Morgan, I want
you and rocky
to take this
treasure chest to
captain Bonney's ship.
Yes, sir.
Captain.
Take it away.
Bruce, you and lady Jane,
keep your eye on them.
Aye aye.
Sir.
Aye, aye.
Well,
how about me?
You keep your eye
on me.
Oh, puddin.'
call me by my
last name--head.
Puddin' head.
For any moon
we'll sail beneath
the big and little Dipper
and if we're loaded
to the teeth
we owe it to the skipper
Again we're off to sea,
to the only home we know...
Hey, Morgan!
A world where
a man harpoons a whale
away-i-ay-i,
away-i-ay-i-o
we sailed beneath
the big and little Dipper
and if we're loaded
to the teeth
we owe it
to the skipper
we owe it
to the skipper
we owe it
to the skipper
who's got a jib
from India to Madrid?
Happy to have you meet
captain kidd!
He who would falter,
falter without a quid
love to have you meet
captain kidd
his sword is one of...
And ... made an army
and then we'll beat them
to the ...
He's a Gibraltar,
he's a pyramid
happy to have you meet
captain kidd!
He plays with thousand
bags of gold
he brushes our palms
with silver
but now he must
return to home
what would be
... and me
holding a girl
is something he won't forbid
not that he ever did
not if we first
let her meet
captain kidd
land ho!
Tortuga!
Women!
Women.
Women.
Women?
Women.
Women.
Help me!
If we don't get
a little life around
this town pretty soon,
I'm gonna have to
close up the place.
What were you doing
in that barrel?
What are you
trying to do,
get killed?
You know, a guy could
get killed around here
without even trying.
Come here.
Aw, now, puddin',
if we're gonna work
our way back to america,
you've gotta stop
trying to be a hero
with every girl
that you meet.
Kind sir.
What happened
to your voice?
Oh, kind sir.
Your talk
I don't understand.
Please, take this.
"Ah, my darling, darling.
I love you madly."
That's the first love letter
I ever got from a girl.
It's not for you.
Please, deliver it
to Bruce martingale.
He's a singer
at the tavern.
We work
at the tavern.
Bruce is a good
friend of ours.
Yeah, we'll deliver it.
Hey, we better
get back before
we get docked again.
Come on.
My dad was quick to give me
some fatherly advice
don't throw your life
away, away
or your hard-earned pay away
but I warn you,
stay away
from the shoes and rice
girls are fun,
why pick one
one to be your wife?
Great to be
wild and free
me for a bachelor's life
a bachelor's life,
a bachelor's life
oh, how I love
a bachelor's life
but marriage,
of course
I greatly endorse
if I can live
a bachelor's life
the world
is full of women
who marry
merry men
some girl will make
you pie-eyed, sir
never know
a dry eye, sir
if she answers,
"aye, aye, sir"
life is over, then
girls are fun,
why pick one
one to be your wife?
Great to be
wild and free
me for a bachelor's life
a bachelor's life
a bachelor's life
oh, how I love
a bachelor's life
don't blame ya.
A son of a gun
like father, like son
I want to live
a bachelor's life
if a fish
cannot be caught
then you bait your
line for naught
and it's wiser
not to let any lad
do what he hadn't
ought
if he do do
love in vain
then the course
is very plain
you'll have to let us
cover ground
out on the bounding main
a bachelor's life
a bachelor's life
I've known a lot
of girls in my life
in fact,
there are three
in fact,
there are three
still
lookin' for me
they're gunning for,
gunning for, gunning for
the bachelor's life
wait a minute.
The front door
is for gentlemen.
The back door
is for swine.
I'm no pig.
What about the rarebit
for captain kidd?
Where are my helpers?
Ah, they're no help.
Get to work, you two.
He's almost as ugly
as the guy that
owns this place.
That is the owner.
I am! Serve captain kidd's
rarebit as soon as it's ready.
What a
filthy-looking pan!
Take it easy.
It's gonna be
an honor and a pleasure
to wait on captain kidd.
Sure.
Look, let's have
an understanding.
I'm waiting
on captain kidd.
Aw, no.
Oh, yes!
Why do you always
have to take
that kind of job?
You know
I'm a good waiter.
Do as I tell ya.
Now, hot or cold, i'm
gonna wait on captain kidd.
Ohhh!
Hey, what happened
to you?
Captain kidd didn't like
the way I placed
his knife and fork.
Ohh!
Ohhh!
Wait a minute.
What happened
to you?
Captain kidd threw a knife
because I spill a few
drops of water.
Ohh!
Hey, that was
real blood.
Yes.
Wait a minute.
Did you wait on
captain kidd, too?
No black eyes?
Mmm.
No bruises?
No broken legs?
No teeth.
Ohh.
No, you don't.
I don't know why
I always let you get
away with these things.
Go ahead. You wait
on captain kidd.
I--i ordered you
a rarebit, captain kidd.
How dare you disturb me
when I'm alone
with a woman!
You are a woman,
aren't you, my dear?
Not to you.
You don't appeal to me.
That's the curse
of being known
as the bloodthirstiest
rogue in all the world.
Nobody takes heed of
the sweet side
of my nature.
Why did your ship
go south of hispaniola,
when we agreed that
it was my territory?
I apologize.
The matter is now closed.
Where are the gold coins
and jewels from those
galleons?
They rightfully
belong to me.
You're welcome
to them, my dear.
Most welcome.
Where are they?
On skull island.
Your island.
I'm going to sail
to skull island
on your ship.
Delightful thought.
But my ship
will follow,
ready to attack
if I don't return
safely.
Horrible thought,
but so be it.
Would you like
to see my secret map,
which shows where
the treasure is hidden?
I've already seen it.
Somebody should report
to the authorities there
are pirates around here.
Where's your apron?
I beg your pardon?
Where's your apron?
Hold that, please.
Wash your hands
before you serve that
to captain kidd.
Now, when you serve
captain kidd,
don't drop any
silverware,
don't spill any water,
and, above all,
try and be polite.
Then you may not
get hurt.
Why don't you
help me to serve?
Help you serve.
Now, if I help you
to serve
and something
happens to me,
who's going to
visit you
in the hospital?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm always thinking
of myself.
Certainly you are.
Now, if you serve,
then I can always visit
you in the hospital.
You're good to me.
Oh, that's all right.
It's all right.
Don't worry about
a thing.
There we are,
my boy.
Go right ahead.
Ok.
Right out the door.
Be very careful.
Hey, rocky.
Give me a hand with
the door, will you?
See? You're thinking
of yourself again.
You see I've got
my hands full.
Sorry.
Go ahead.
Go ahead!
Uhh!
Go ahead!
Ahh!
How long are they
gonna keep us waiting
for the food?
Waiter!
Where is the food?
Coming, sir.
Captain kidd,
here's the food.
The food is
delicious here.
Here! Pour the wine!
Aye, aye, captain.
Waiter, the wine!
Bring that cylinder
back here!
I hate fat men!
You're fat.
Hate myself, too.
Blecch!
Is it good, sir?
Just like mother
used to make, it stinks!
Come back here!
Blecch!
You eat some.
But I'm not hungry.
Eat it,
or I'll slit your throat.
Go on!
I'm not hungry.
Go on.
Maybe this will
wash the taste away.
Stop swigging swine.
Stop blowing bubbles.
What's wrong?
More wine.
Hold it.
Ow! Ooh!
Go get the wine!
How did captain kidd
enjoy his rarebit?
Oh, he's bubbling over.
Now he wants some wine.
Ooh.
Are you stupid?
No.
A nincompoop?
Moronic?
Idiotic?
Imbicilic?
What are you
laughing at?
You went right on by me
and didn't even know it.
Ooh.
Hey, Bruce! Look!
Waiter.
Give me another one.
I beg your pardon?
I said give me
another one.
Is it all right
with you, sir?
Give her all she wants.
How about me?
Why, you...
Whaahahah!
Ha ha ha ha!
I seen some ugly faces,
but yours
takes the cake.
Do you see that?
Hey, rocky,
what are you
crying for?
You don't have to
cry, pal.
Captain kidd,
he didn't hurt me.
No ...
No bruises?
No. I--
what's that,
a broken rib?
Oh, no.
That's the girl's
letter.
The girl's letter?
Yeah.
Why didn't you deliver it
like I promised we would?
I've been trying to
give it to Bruce.
Well, I'll make
a copy of it,
and if I see him first,
I'll give it to him.
If you see him first,
you give it to him.
I--skull island?
This is a treasure map.
T-t-t-t--
treasure map.
Let me see that.
How do you like that
cheating captain kidd?
He took out the letter
and put in a dirty,
filthy map.
No, no! Don't!
This map is worth
a fortune to us.
All we have to do
is go to skull island,
search around and find out
where they buried the treasure.
Yeah, and if we
get caught,
who's gonna find out
where they Bury us?
You got something
there.
First we'll hide the map.
Yeah, we hide
the map first,
and then you can
hide me second.
No, no, no,
wait a minute.
We'll disguise you
as a very important
person.
Then captain kidd
will take us to
skull island on his ship.
And suppose he won't
do that?
It's up to you
to talk him into it.
And then you can
do me a favor.
What?
Talk me out of
talking him into it.
Ah, go away!
Now a toast
to our partnership,
my dear captain Bonney.
Give me the map.
I want to refresh
my memory.
"My darling,
darling, darling,
I love you madly!"
What?!
"But I am being torn
away from those strong
affectionate arms."
You stole the map
and replaced it
with this mush.
When could I
have done it?
That fat
little waiter.
I will kill him
slowly and unpleasantly--
unpleasantly for him,
that is.
Waiter!
Captain kidd,
allow me to present
captain puddin'
fathergill of
the king's guard.
Stout fellow.
Oh, I see.
Ah, my dear fathergill.
Captain kidd!
Oh, ho ho!
Captain kidd,
how do you do!
You! You are adorable,
my darling.
Captain fathergill.
I salute you, sir.
I salute you, too,
captain kidd.
Allow me.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Not at all.
I'll use this
for small battles.
Nobody will
ever notice.
Captain kidd,
we have business
with you.
Ah, gentlemen,
pray, be seated.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
And you made
a merry campaign.
Where did you get
this medal?
That medal, sir,
I got for jumping off
the westminster bridge.
Very interesting.
Where did you win
this medal?
That one I got
for jumping back.
Most diverting.
Really, really?
Yeah.
Care for a sniff?
Don't mind if I do.
I'll take a whiff!
Very good.
You look different.
You do, too.
Thanks.
Where's that map?
Uhh!
Where's my letter?
I'll make a fair
exchange.
I'll give you the letter,
you give me the map.
Captain Bonney,
give him the letter.
The more I look at you,
the less I understand this.
Now give me the map!
I hid it.
You hid it?
I knew what you would
do with us guys
if I was to
give you the map.
Why doesn't anybody
trust me?
We'll make a deal
with you.
If you take us
to skull island
on your ship,
we'll split
the treasure.
My treasure!
My island!
But we have the map.
You win, gentlemen.
You sail on my ship
tonight.
Morgan!
I wouldn't want anything
to happen to you and the map
before we get aboard.
Yes, captain.
Morgan, escort
these gentlemen aboard.
Aye, we'll see you
aboard ship.
Gentlemen.
Gentlemen,
after you.
Good night,
sweet prince.
Parting is such
sweet sorrow...
Well...
Excuse me, captain kidd.
Captain Bonney,
good-bye, my doll.
She's wonderful.
Good-bye, captain kidd.
We sail tonight,
set sail tonight
tonight we sail
overjoyed to be
shovin' out to sea
we've never seen
danger before
until we were
safely on shore
all hail tonight,
we sail tonight
tonight we sail
glad to leave a den
of these highwaymen
who land on these
innocent lands
is taking your life
in your hands
a bloodthirsty lot
is what we're known to be
but you'll excuse us
if we seem to ...
We're not, really not,
a desperate pirate thief
these vultures have picked up
where we left off
so we're off
to lift mast tonight
at last tonight
tonight we sail
and they'll give a turn
if we don't return
hey, Bruce!
Bruce!
... is what we leave to
those who respect
that we plunder, indeed
tonight we sail
the men sound happy.
The carefree life
of a sea rover
has been greatly
exaggerated in poetry
and song.
If I had a son,
I'd rather he be
a pickpocket
or a highwayman,
a worthwhile occupation
to keep him on land.
Any son of yours
would rise to
great heights...
Aided by
the hangman's noose.
Pirates on the sea
pirates on the shore
people aren't safe
anywhere anymore
when they slit your throat,
no one friendlier
they will likely say,
"here's your head,
thank you, sir"
we're starting
on a long trip tonight
we ship tonight
tonight we sail
in their pleasant way,
they insist we stay
though we would
love to
we can't afford to
we'll lose our shirts
if we don't get aboard tonight
tonight we sail
tonight we sail
get aboard,
you scoundrels!
Make ready to sail!
Tonight we sail
all right, leave
those wenches and
get about your work!
Am I glad to see you,
partner.
So you got the map?
Yes, sir.
Am I glad to see you,
partner.
Aye, aye, sir.
Morgan, bring
the other one aboard!
Aye, captain.
Men, make my guests
comfortable.
Morgan, take the map
away from them.
Aye, sir.
I told you
this guy wouldn't
give us a fair shake.
"My darling, darling--"
I don't want
love letters from you!
I want that map!
I think it disappeared.
I think we had better
disappear, too.
Puddin', say good-bye
to captain kidd.
Good-bye, captain kidd.
Put them in irons!
You can't do this
to us.
The things I have to do
to go down in history.
Make ready to sail!
Three of our crew
is missing, captain.
Take the best gang
in Shanghai and
replace them.
Aye, aye.
Make ready to sail!
You! You, too.
There were two men.
One is short and fat,
and the other one--
has a moustache.
That's the pair!
I got to find them.
You will.
Look that way.
Bring him aboard!
Make ready to sail!
Here they are,
captain.
Which one of you
has the map?
Captain, you may do
with me as you wish,
but I will not tell you
that he has the map.
What do you think
he is, a snitch?
Huh.
Take him out
and treat him as my guest.
Aye, aye, captain.
Do you have the map?
Hand it over.
You want to be
a good pirate.
Oh, I do so want to
be a good, brave pirate.
Where's the, uh,
bow of the boat?
That's in the front.
Where's the stern?
That's in the back
of the boat.
But where's the port?
It's in the wine closet.
See if the barometer
has fallen.
It's still hanging
on the wall.
Listen to this.
Morgan!
Set the sail
under the mast
and haul in
the out canopy!
Aye, aye, sir.
Repeat that
order.
Aye, aye, sir.
Morgan!
You heard what
the captain said!
Spread that bread
against the mast
and open up
a can of peas!
You're sure you have
the map?
Oh, yes,
your captain kidd.
Won't you sit down?
Thank you.
Clumsy.
I told you that
captain kidd wouldn't
give you a fair shake.
Oh, if you had
marked the map,
you wouldn't have thrown it
to Bruce by mistake.
I put an "x" on it.
Then why didn't you
give the letter?
I put an "x"
on the other cylinder.
I think I got
my "x"s crossed.
How's the great lover?
Who does she mean, me?
Not if she's in
her right mind.
Nonsense. Only a Romeo
could inspire such a letter.
Do you think I could
make you forget this
other woman?
Uh, why don't you
free him and find out?
Sometimes my men
become foolish
and tire of me before
I tire of them.
Then what happens?
I make a lovely widow.
Thank you.
See you later.
So long.
Why don't you free us
and let's talk this
thing over?
Uh-uh.
What's the matter,
are you afraid
of captain kidd?
Who's afraid
of captain kidd?
I'll tell you what,
we give you the map,
you set us free,
then you'll have
captain kidd in your power.
There you are.
Hurry up.
These things hurt.
Thank you.
My foot!
The map.
The map. Ok.
There's the map.
Bruce!
What are you
doing here?
I was shanghaied
last night.
Thank you, my dear.
One of the disadvantages
of being a pirate
is lack of associates
one can trust.
You'll regret this.
"My darling, darling,
darling--"
why didn't you tell me
it was a love letter?
I'll stuff this
down his throat
and make him read
every word of it,
every syllable
and every punctuation Mark.
If I weren't a pirate,
I'd cry!
Why did you give me
this map?
The map! The map!
Bruce, he was supposed
to deliver to you
a note from lady Jane--
a love note.
I know.
You gave the love note
to captain Bonney.
Go and get it.
Wait a minute,
wait a minute, rocky.
You heard what
captain Bonney said
that she kills
her husbands.
What is she gonna do
to a stranger?
Go and get it!
All right, but if you
should happen to see
a shark swimming by,
picking his teeth,
you'll know what
happened to me.
Go and get it!
If I catch the sneaking,
sniveling cur that's done this,
I'll boil him in oil.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
I'm looking for
something here.
Captain kidd!
How did you
get out of this?
Shut up!
How did you
get out of this?
I just slipped
my hands out, like that.
It was very easy.
You see, captain kidd,
they put them on in front--
what fool put it on
in front of you?
That fool did it.
He should put it on
on the back of you,
then you couldn't
have moved.
Well, this I don't know--
he should have put
it round the back of you
so that you
couldn't move!
I'll show you, look.
Like that.
Now lock it.
I beg your pardon?
I said lock it!
I think he's mad.
I'll lock it.
You couldn't have moved.
Ok. How's that one?
That's it.
How's that now?
That's right.
He can't move now.
You can't move?
Can't move your hands
or nothing.
Now you can't
take 'em out, huh?
You can't do
a thing, see?
You're really
tied in there.
I sure am. Now get the key
and undo the lock.
Get the key--
it's between my belt
and my stomach--
and unlock 'em,
will ya?
You mean, you gotta get
the key to unlock it?
Get the key
and unlock 'em,
will ya?
I just gotta find out
how you do it.
I didn't know
you had to have a key.
Can't you get the key?
No, I can't get the key.
Go ahead, take
your hand in there
and go like that,
and take--
I can't get the key.
My hands are locked
behind my back, you fool.
You can't get the key.
No, I can't get the key.
Ha ha ha!
Well, this
I'll take with me.
And you can't
get the key, huh?
No.
You're absolutely locked
into the shackles?
I've told you--
shut up!
Who are you yelling at?
I'll slug
you on the head.
Captain kidd's
a tough one, huh?
After the treasure,
that's what you're after.
You don't want to take
rocky and I with ya, huh?
You thought I was
the stupid one, huh?
Ooohh, you fat --
Morgan!
Hey, Bruce!
Here's the letter.
Give me this here.
What's the matter?
What are you
so happy about?
I gotta laugh.
You know this
captain kidd?
I got him shackled
like this. He can't
get his hands out.
Stop.
How did you get
in this predicament,
captain?
None of your business.
Unlock 'em.
Get her out to ...
Aye.
I'll take care of him.
Come on!
I want to see this.
He's so chained up,
he'll never get free.
Come on, rocky!
Hey, look out.
Captain kidd.
Take it easy.
Go on, take a poke
at him, go on.
He's not so bad.
Take a poke at him.
You sure
he's shackled?
Go on, after all--
come on.
Come on, rocky.
He's got it coming.
Let him have it.
Go on!
I got him shackled.
Ha ha! What are you
scared about, rocky?
I mean--
hold on, rocky!
Rocky? Rocky?
Hey, hey, did you
see rocky run?
Land ho!
Off the port stern!
Morgan!
Merchant ship.
It'll be a prize
worth taking.
And this one's
all mine.
Stingy!
All hands on deck!
Man the guns!
All hands on deck!
Man your guns!
All hands on deck!
All hands
man the guns.
She's leveling her guns.
She'll put up a fight.
Good. I was afraid
she'd run around
and struggle
like you after that
overstuffed little man.
Check the powder
before you do--
fire!
Fire!
Fire!
What about these two,
captain?
Have them man a gun.
If they want to live,
they'll have to fight.
Aye, aye, sir.
You heard what
the captain said.
Let's hide.
Fire!
Fire!
Reload!
Coward!
Where's puddin'?
He's hiding around here
someplace.
There he is.
If you'd help captain kidd
capture that vessel,
he might spare your lives.
You know, she's
got something there.
We couldn't be
any worse off.
Wait!
Take this into
battle with you.
Come on.
Hurry up! Come on!
Take it easy.
That's it.
Powder it down.
Ok, light it away!
Take it easy,
take it easy.
Ok.
Here it comes now.
Watch out.
Hey. Something's wrong.
Maybe the powder's wet.
Powder's wet?
Must be.
What are you doing?
I want to see
that powder in there.
Huh? How is it?
Let me see.
That looks
awful dry to me.
What's the matter
with you?
Put another ball in.
Aah!
Wait a minute!
What did you do
that for?
The Cannon was on fire.
More powder!
Below the stern!
Was that me?
Fire!
Prepare to board her!
Prepare to board her!
What are you gonna do?
Take it easy.
Never mind this.
Don't be hasty.
Have some of this
to calm your nerves.
Hey!
I'll smack 'em in...
Hope the London papers
get this straight.
They haven't been
too kind to me lately.
Put 'em below!
Bruce!
Stand by to scuttle
the englishmen!
Cast off the prize ship
before she blows up!
Cast off!
All hands aloft
to make sail!
Hoist over!
She appeals to me.
Do you think
I should appeal to her?
If I'm any judge
of womanhood, she'll
slap your face.
You underestimate
my charms.
Any wagers,
captain Bonney?
Ahem.
Captain kidd
welcomes you as his
personal captive.
Aaiiiyyii!
Still want to wager,
captain?
Lady Jane!
Lady Jane!
Lady Jane!
You know her?
Yeah, she's the girl
that wrote the letter.
With hundreds of
merchant ships
sailing the seas,
you have to choose
the one she's on
and bring her to him.
Escort the lady
to my quarters, Morgan.
Aye, aye, captain.
Wait a minute, you!
Captain kidd!
Captain kidd!
Captain kidd!
Captain kidd,
if I give you the map,
would you allow
lady Jane, rocky,
and myself
to use one of your
boats to go to england
or america?
And you can come,
too.
No, thank you.
Not until I get my
share of the treasure.
Produce the map,
and I'll Grant your request
regarding the boat.
If I give you the map,
is it a deal?
It's a deal.
Right.
I'll give you the--
uh-oh.
I'll give you the map.
Here's the map.
There's the boat.
Ha ha ha ha!
Lady Jane...
I brought you
something to eat.
I'm not hungry.
Oh, you must eat.
You can't starve yourself.
It's unhealthy.
What is Bruce doing
on this boat?
He was shanghaied.
But why doesn't he
talk to me?
Oh, he don't dare,
lady Jane.
If captain kidd
ever saw him talk to you,
he'd--kkkkhhh!
Please eat, lady Jane.
I'm not hungry.
Just put it someplace.
Speak to me
of the tall pine
where the wild flowers dwell
speak to me
of the tall pine
and I'll answer you well
on my beloved countryside
there I met my love
my love was fair
fair as leaves
on the bended bough
fair as skies up above
as we walked along
the shaded Lane
wasn't he mine?
He said he would
with his two hands
build a house
made of pine
speak to me
of the tall pine
and the memories start
speak to me
of the tall pine
and I'll speak
with my heart
a house to grace
the countryside
proud of where
it stands
beyond the door
will be chairs
and a table, too
that I'll make
with my hands
one thing you'll make
I'll Cherish most
make your love mine
and in the cradle,
baby sleeps
cradle made
out of pine
speak to me
of the tall pine
where the
wild flowers dwell
speak to me
of the tall pine
and I'll answer you well
You know,
when I first met you,
I wanted to kill you,
but now
I want to kiss you.
Where are you going?
Captain Bonney's
quarters?
No. Captain kidd's
taking a stroll
around the deck.
We're going into
his quarters and
get that map.
I'd rather go
in her quarters.
We're going to
captain kidd's quarters.
He don't appeal to me.
Ooh!
Captain kidd's quarters.
Come on.
Now, the map's
around here somewhere.
Look around.
Don't make any noise.
How can you get so wet
in a dry room?
Rough sea, I think.
Why? What do you mean
a rough sea?
Where were you?
I went and
opened the window.
Are you kidding?
Over here?
There's no rough sea
out there.
What's the matter
with you?
Look for the map.
Come on,
stop this nonsense.
Pplll! Pplll!
What are you ppllling
about?
Did you find anything?
Oh, why don't you
dry yourself off?
What are you doing?
I was opening up
the window, and--
stop. Come here.
Come here.
Come here.
You have to watch.
Is that what
you mean out there?
Here. What's wrong
with that out there?
Come here!
Come here!
What's wrong with
that weather out there?
Anything wrong
with that?
Take a good look.
Get up and take
a good look.
Anything wrong?
Well, then, stop it.
Now,
look for the map.
Now, come on.
It's around here
someplace.
Hey, maybe it's
in a panel.
Come on, never mind
your--
quiet!
Maybe some kind
of a panel.
That's it.
Rocky!
I got the ma-ma-map!
What is that?
The map. The map.
I found the map.
It's the map.
We gotta work fast
before anyone comes.
Study that map.
Look at it carefully.
You've got to eat it.
You've got to eat it
and get rid of it.
Keep it up in here.
Remember everything
that you eat.
You want me to remember
everything that I eat here?
Remember
everything you eat.
Now, study it.
I've got a photocell mind.
That a-boy.
Now you're doing it.
You got a little sauce
in your pocket?
Never mind the sauce.
Get rid of that
before anyone comes.
After I eat this, can I
paint a moustache on him?
Yes, you can do
anything you want,
and I'll meet you
up on deck.
Must be one of those
rocks on the island.
Pretty good.
I'd have sworn I put
a moustache on him.
You didn't.
I didn't?
No.
Will you--oh!
I forgot something.
Ahh...i enjoyed that.
Stuffy in here.
Something you ate?
That's better.
Get wet?
Skull island!
Hard to port stern!
Point the jib,
lift the sail
get your rib off your tail
all the way
from liverpool
as away-i-ay we go
with all of the grub
that's in the hold
the grub that they serve
is two months old
to make matters worse,
they serve it cold
away-i-ay-i-o
and the belles of Amsterdam
and the darlings of Bordeaux
had few little girls
for company
but after a month
or so at sea
the ugliest ones
look good to me
away-i-ay-i-o
I lived by the ocean
with my many heirs
he's got a lot,
you know
and let's all remember
that I drank my cares
away-i-ay-io
away-i-ay-io
pull that boat in
closer to shore.
It isn't the rock
of Gibraltar,
but I call it home.
You've done well
for yourself.
Ah, you will be
as safe here as--
as in a prison?
Nicely put.
Would you excuse me?
Morgan,
open the sack.
Aye, aye,
captain.
I'll never learn.
Stay close by her
and see that
she doesn't escape.
Aye, aye, sir.
Hello!
Boy, I'm glad
we lost captain kidd.
You come here,
and lead me to
that treasure
before that addlepated
brain of yours forgets.
A tree.
Three paces south.
1, 2, 3.
Get off my foot.
I'm sorry, captain.
5 paces west.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
Dig!
Dig!
Dig.
Thank you very much.
You're welcome, sir.
Dig!
Yes, sir.
I win.
Dig! And you
dig, too.
This dirt is heavy.
Heavy?
Yeah.
What's wrong with it?
Come on, will you,
please?
I think I hit
the treasure.
You hit it?
It's heavy. Come and see.
I--it's the same thing.
What's the matter
with you?
Come on. Dig.
Hey.
I've got it!
I've got it!
Come on!
Give me a hand.
Give me a hand.
Lift this up.
Ok.
Hold it. Now,
wait a minute
1, 2, 3,
come on.
Come on.
Hello, captain kidd.
Dig.
Come on.
Wait a minute.
What are you doing?
Shoveling the dirt.
Don't throw it into
that hole there.
I'm digging this out
mysel--come here.
Get over here.
Get over there,
and throw your dirt
in an opposite direction.
What are you doing?
Making a hole,
the way you--
don't throw it
into my hole!
What are you
getting mad for?
I'm going to relax.
Well, go ahead.
You go ahead and dig.
Now, don't you
try to run away,
or I can make it
mighty miserable for you.
How miserable
can you make it?
That's more like it.
Alas, poor yorick.
I knew him well.
A fellow of
infinite--
that's the wrong play, dake.
That your head
or the treasure chest?
Couldn't be his head
this has got
something in it.
How am I
going to look
wearing all those
diamonds?
Bring it up.
Come on,
pick it up.
Take it across
the island to headquarters.
Clear over the hill?
You heard me.
Get a move on.
Hey.
Hey, you're
getting us all dirty.
Now, aren't they
nice fellows,
helping us to fill
this hole?
Man could live all his life
in luxury on these.
So could a woman.
When do we sail?
Oh, I'm going to
double-cross you.
That's traditional,
love.
Am I to be
shot or hanged?
I'll let you know.
There are so many people
to be disposed of,
I haven't made up
my mind.
Morgan, drop those.
Shut that up.
Aye.
Take it away.
You heard what
the captain said.
Hey, we ought
to get out now
and help them.
I got a feeling
they won't let us
get out.
You and I
digging our own graves.
Who put us into this?
Puddin,' puddin,'
come on out.
Give me your hand,
and I'll help you out of there.
Oh, how did you--
that's hot!
Rocky!
Here, then.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on up here
attaboy. Attaboy.
Get up.
Puddin.'
where's puddin'?
There he is.
Puddin'!
What are you doing
in there?
Come on.
Get out of there.
Come on.
Attaboy.
Uhh.
Come on.
Hey, rocky.
Come on, rocky.
Give me your hand.
That-a-boy.
Thanks, captain Bonney.
Captain kidd has
double-crossed us,
and he's decided
to kill us tonight.
H-How in the world
can we escape?
You boys steal a boat,
and I'll arrange for
lady Jane and Bruce
to keep
the pirates occupied.
Aye, aye, sir!
Ok.
All right--
Give me that.
The wench and I will
entertain you, captain.
Have her dance, too.
Aye, aye, sir.
Hey, you.
Get over here
and help entertain
the men.
Over there.
I'm north of nowhere
south of someday
lost when you are
away from me
oh, my love,
will I find you there
north of nowhere,
south of someday, too?
Bravo!
Sorry.
That's all right.
...No further than my
true love's eye...
Here we are,
captain kidd,
and here I am.
...sky
good work.
Now where do we
go from here?
We don't go
anywheres from here.
We've got to save
lady Jane and Bruce.
Come on.
Wait a minute.
...someday
lost when you are
away from me
I would know the harbor
of your arm
drift upon a lonely sea
I look to skies
above me
stars to guide me
on the long
voyage home to you
oh, my love,
will I find you there?
North of nowhere
south of someday, too
hey, Mac, how about
the dance?
Enough
of that.
Leave that wench
alone.
She is my prize.
I do not wish her
to be exhausted.
Avast, you crow bait,
or ye shall hang by the arms
in the yard. Yardarms.
Oh, come to me,
my pretty one.
You're adorable.
Tonight's the night.
It's only me.
When I kiss you,
swoon.
Hey, you're
overdoing it.
Sing, you fools,
while I woo this wench.
Hoist your gal,
have your drink
fill your mug
to the brink
come on, lady Jane.
At last you done
something right.
Come on. Let's go.
Wait a minute.
Where's captain Bonney?
I don't--
here I am, puddin.'
oh, captain Bonney.
What happened
to captain kidd?
Who did that?
I did. All I did was
take this here shovel
and I went--bang!
Hit him right on
the head.
He's been laying
like this ever since.
Nice going, puddin.'
I'm going to signal
the ship.
They ought to be
in sight any minute.
Come on.
Come on, folks.
Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute. No.
I'm going with
captain Bonney.
You stay here
and watch captain kidd.
Wait a minute!
Why do you always
give me these tough jobs,
I got to stay here
and look over him.
All right, then,
you stay here
and watch captain kidd
and I'll go with
captain Bonney.
That's better.
Away-i-ay-i-o
hoist your gal,
have your drink
fill your mug...
Captain Bonney
needs help.
Man your guns.
Aye, aye, sir.
Man your guns!
Ye got a hankie?
Yeah.
Here, captain kidd.
Thank you very much.
Oh... I feel
better now.
You all right now?
I'm all right
now, yes.
Just a minute.
How do you feel?
Much better,
thank you.
You really do?
Yeah, really.
Good.
Fire when ready.
Fire!
Fire!
From your--
captain kidd!
We're being attacked!
We're being attacked?
Man the boat!
Aye, aye.
Avast, you ...!
Avast!
That goes for you, too.
Hey, what's wrong with
your voice?
Well, I've been
around the little
fat fella so much,
I'm starting to talk
like him.
You talk a little bit
too much like him.
Uh, captain kidd.
What happened to him?
Somebody hit him on
the head with a shovel.
Who? Uh--
me.
Oh! Ooh!
Uhh!
Ha ha ha!
One more broadside,
and captain kidd will be
a captain without a crew.
Good.
And captahold your fire.
A captainthey're done for.
Ahoy there.
Hold your fire.
My men have
destroyed them.
We must get the treasure
aboard my ship
before captain kidd
catches up with us.
Bruce and I will
carry the chest.
You get the boat ready.
Yeah.
Come on. Go.
That's captain kidd.
He's trying to escape.
Load and fire,
and don't miss.
Aye, aye, sir.
Load and fire!
Fire!
Hey, don't shoot!
I'm on your side!
Fire!
Reload!
Cease firing.
They're waving
a white flag.
Cease fire!
It must be wrapped
around a barrel.
Now what are you doing?
Get up on your feet.
I--oh.
I must've
scared him.
I'll get him
for you, captain.
Put him in irons.
You shut up. Aah!
You take care of him.
No, you take care
of him.
This thing's
driving me crazy.
He went thataway.
Which way did they
go, captain?
That way.
That way?
All of captain kidd's
crew have gone down to
Davy Jones' locker.
Your men are
about to land.
I have a first mate.
Could you use
a second mate?
Morgan, did I
overhear you say
you want to be
on our side?
Aye, aye, captain.
Aye, aye, sir.
Aye, aye.
Morgan, I want
you and rocky
to take this
treasure chest to
captain Bonney's ship.
Yes, sir.
Captain.
Take it away.
Bruce, you and lady Jane,
keep your eye on them.
Aye aye.
Sir.
Aye, aye.
Well,
how about me?
You keep your eye
on me.
Oh, puddin.'
call me by my
last name--head.
Puddin' head.
For any moon
we'll sail beneath
the big and little Dipper
and if we're loaded
to the teeth
we owe it to the skipper
Again we're off to sea,
to the only home we know...
Hey, Morgan!
A world where
a man harpoons a whale
away-i-ay-i,
away-i-ay-i-o