Aliens Abducted My Parents and Now I Feel Kinda Left Out (2023) Movie Script
1
(no audio)
(gentle music)
(comet whooshing)
(gentle music continues)
(satellite beeping)
(gentle music continues)
- [Cyrus] Anything?
- [Calvin] No.
- Huh, I don't get why
it's not working yet.
Okay, read it off again.
- Oh, here we go.
(gentle music continues)
Did we calibrate the rear glass?
- Yes.
- 35 millimeter camera
attachment secured?
- Definitely.
- Took the lens cap off?
- Yeah, of course we
took the lens cap off.
What do you think we are?
But I think I do
know what's wrong.
Maybe we just need a
little Kipler elbow rub.
- What's a Kipler elbow rub?
- Observe, my son.
Okay, so my father taught me
this and now I'm teaching you.
So you take your elbow,
and you just rub at the
problem area, right?
Pay attention to the elbow.
You paying attention?
- Yup.
- All the action
is in the elbow.
And you snap (snapping
fingers) and that should do it.
Take another look.
- [Calvin] It's working.
- [Cyrus] Yeah,
Kipler elbow rub.
- No sign of the comet, though.
- Hey, patience, okay?
Jesper's Comet
has been traveling
almost 10 years to get here.
It'll get here.
Hey.
Listen, kiddo.
There's actually something
I've been meaning to
talk to you about.
So your mom and I-
- Whose car is that?
- Oh, okay.
Stay here.
I'll be right back, 'kay?
- But the comet!
- 30 Seconds.
Start the countdown, 'kay?
- 30, 29
28, 27.
(comet whooshing)
(Calvin gasps)
Dad, it's here!
Dad!
(camera winding)
(metal clanging)
Mom! Dad!
(suspenseful music)
Oh.
(electricity buzzing)
Oh, come on.
(suspenseful music)
- [Cyrus] Calvin!
(dramatic music)
- Mom?
(eerie groaning)
- [Cyrus] Calvin!
(suspenseful music)
(lights whooshing)
(dramatic music)
(wind blowing)
- No!
Mom! Dad! Come back!
(rap music)
Huh
Yeah, I don't care
what it look like
I'ma show you what
it's gonna be, okay
I'm heading for
the good life
So you know we're OT, okay
Never been the Sug type
Never too scared
to go lean, okay
I'ma going like a troll
and they be sleeping on me
Like it's melatonin
They be dozin', they
ain't really doin' that
They be frozen in the
moment, need to let it go
Yeah I'm 'bout to go off
And I don't start now
'cause I knew better
Yo, she doubt me
- Itsy, you doubt me?
- [All] Okay.
Okay, okay, okay, okay
Okay, okay, okay, okay
- Okay, I need a bathroom break.
Okay, okay, okay
Let's go
- I need to pee.
Can we pull over, Dad?
I need the bathroom.
Okay, okay
- I need to go pee!
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Bathroom break.
- Again?
We just stopped
like 30 minutes ago.
- Okay, well I need to go again.
- Maybe you have a UTI.
You know, they make you urinate
two to three times
more than usual.
- Evan, I don't have a UTI.
- We're only about 20
minutes from our new house.
Can you wait?
- No, I cannot wait.
- Definitely sounds like
a urinary tract infection.
Okay.
Looks like there's a convenience
store .2 miles up the road.
Maybe we can all grab
a snack while Itsy
flushes out her system.
- How do you even know
how to use this thing?
And this map is probably
outdated anyway.
- I see it!
Good job, kiddo.
- It's called orienteering, sis.
Might be worth looking into
now that the big city's
bye-bye. Forever.
- Shut up.
- Ever!
- Evan!
(rap music resumes)
Okay, okay, okay
Okay, okay
Okay
- [Itsy] Would you
please let me out?
Okay, okay
- [Itsy] Any other song.
It's working, my time
Let's go
Okay, okay
- [Nelson] Bus leaves
in seven minutes.
Okay
- [Itsy] Got it.
Okay, okay
(fluorescent lights buzzing)
(wistful music)
(wistful music continues)
(wistful music continues)
(door thuds)
(birds singing)
(shutter clicking)
- Hey, did you
get anything good?
- I doubt there's
anything good to shoot
in Puddle Falls anyways.
- It's Pebble Falls,
and I see what you mean.
These are the best
that I managed.
- Too bad.
- All aboard.
Let's go kids.
Let's get to that house.
Maybe we can check out
those bathrooms, too.
(car whooshing)
- [Wendy] Oh my gosh.
- [Nelson] There we go.
- [Wendy] There it is!
- [Nelson] Looks even bigger
than it did on Craigslist.
- [Wendy] You guys.
- [Nelson] Hey, Itsy, got
your weed-pulling hands ready?
Pull some cactus too, maybe.
Look at that.
- [Evan] There's a jackrabbit.
Dibs!
I dibsed it.
It's mine.
- It's perfect!
It's a real fixer-upper.
Just like Chip and Joanna.
- [Nelson] Yep.
- Pretty great
view from up here!
- Oh my gosh!
Evan get down from there!
- [Nelson] How's
the roof look, bud?
(Evan stomping)
- Pretty great shape, I'd say!
- Oh, we're lucky.
Everyone says a good roof is
critical to a nice, easy flip.
(Nelson growling suggestively)
- I'd like to give
you a nice, easy flip.
(Wendy laughing)
- Honey!
- [Evan] This roof feels solid.
(Evan yelps)
(roof cracks)
- Evan?
Where are you?
- [Evan] I'm in my room.
I think we're gonna have
to replace the insulation.
- Hey, Its, why don't
you take a picture of us
in front of the house?
Evan, it's picture time!
(tripod clicking)
- Ah, there he is.
- Okay, ready?
Everyone say, dream home.
- [All] Dream home!
(door thudding)
(Wendy gasping)
(shutter clicking)
- Oh.
(Nelson and Wendy
laughing in relief)
I guess we'll have to
adopt the countryside's
open-door policy.
(Wendy and Nelson laughing)
- Oh, I get it.
- Oh my gosh, Its,
did you hear that?
(Itsy kicking wood)
- (scoffing) Somebody save me.
(birds singing)
(metallic rustling)
(suspenseful music)
- [Nelson] Itsy!
- Coming.
- Hey, sweetheart, can you
run over to the neighbors
and ask to borrow a hammer?
- And maybe a screwdriver.
- And some duct tape,
and a handful of screws.
- Heck, a spare door
if they've got one.
(both laughing)
- Why can't we just go
to the hardware store?
- Uh, well, the hardware
store's about two hours away
and we still have to unpack,
and do all that stuff.
- It'll be good for us
to meet the neighbors.
- And by us, you mean me, right?
- Uh, no.
I mean you and Lewis and Clark.
- Orienteering.
Remember?
Remember the maps and stuff?
- Yeah, I remember.
- [Nelson] Have fun.
- We've been walking
for 10 minutes
and I haven't seen
a single neighbor.
- A single human neighbor.
We've seen prairie
dogs, gophers,
sparrows, and grasshoppers-
- I'm gonna die out here!
- Hey, look.
There's a neighbor.
(sinister music)
Looks like the road
curves up and around.
Oh, offroading.
I'm right behind ya.
Another common neighbor is
the prairie rattlesnake,
who will not
hesitate to bite you-
- Shut up, Evan.
(Evan whistling)
Let's go to this house.
(tense music)
(equipment clanking)
(Itsy knocking on door)
- Hello.
- I think there's
someone back here.
(metal clattering)
(man screaming)
You know, on second thought,
tomorrow might be a better
day for an adventure.
- I thought you
liked adventuring.
Let's go.
- [Evan] Come on, Itsy.
I just wanna go home.
- Evan, it's fine.
- I've got a bad feeling
about this place.
- Evan, I thought you
wanted to come out here.
- I just don't want...
(electricity buzzing)
(Itsy and Evan
arguing in whisper)
(metal clattering)
- I think there's
someone in there.
- Oh, really?
What gave that away?
The mysterious noises, or
the blood-curdling scream?
- Okay, Ev, can you just
help me open the door?
- Hard pass.
- [Itsy] Evan!
(Evan groans)
(door creaks)
- [Evan] Okay, can we go now?
- No.
What does that say?
Unidentified flying object-
(Itsy screams)
- [Calvin] Intruder alert!
(Evan screaming)
- No, let go of me!
Save yourself!
(board smacking)
- Okay, let's go!
- It smelled of dust,
talcum powder, and danger.
But I had to know
what was in that shed.
- You were terrified.
- Of course.
But what is bravery but
courage in the face of fear?
So I pulled open that
40-pound hinged door-
- We pulled open.
- I pulled open that
40-pound hinged door
and single-handedly battled
that masked villain.
(Evan imitating karate chop)
And then I shouted,
"Save yourself, Itsy.
"I'll save you."
- Good job, kiddo.
- Then I grabbed him.
- I'm sure it was real scary.
I'll check it out.
- I'm gonna die here, Mom.
Die.
- I'll have your
father go check it out,
I'm sure the neighbors were
just in the middle of something.
- That's not what I mean.
I have to get back to the city.
There's nothing here for me.
- Nothing but
possibilities, you mean.
You can do whatever
you want here.
You should take the extra room
and turn it into a darkroom
for your photographs.
That'll be fun.
- I can't stay here.
And the second I
graduate, I'm gone.
- Uh huh.
With what money?
- Scholarship money.
- Oh, I like the sound of that.
Does that mean you're
gonna study more?
- No!
- You're not going to die, Itsy.
- I am.
- Things are gonna
get better soon.
- Soon is a relative term.
I need you to be more specific.
- Hm, tomorrow.
- What's tomorrow?
- First day of school.
- I am not going
to school tomorrow.
- [Nelson] Have fun
at school, guys.
- Shall we?
- You're not in high school.
- Pebble Falls is K through 12,
and that includes me, baby.
- Okay.
(students chattering
and shouting)
(bell ringing)
- [P.A.] Micah Merrill, please
report to the front desk.
(students giggling)
- Is something funny?
- Oh, not at all.
We're just wondering if you're
sure you wanted to sit there.
You're welcome to
come sit with us.
By the looks of things,
it's gonna take a little bit
for you to make friends,
but I'm happy to help out.
For now.
- You know, you guys seem
really cool, but I'm good here.
- Suit yourself.
- How was everybody's weekend?
I said, how was
everybody's weekend?
- [Itsy] Good.
- Who said that?
Oh, you must be one
of our new students.
Would you like to stand up
and tell us a little
about yourself?
- (Itsy sighs) Um, my
name is Itsy Levan.
I'm 17.
My dream job
is to work at the "New York
Times" as a journalist.
- No, no, no, no, no.
That's too "new kid at school."
Just tell us your name
and three things you
think are cheujy,
and what cheujy means.
- You mean cheugy?
(knocking at door)
- Mr. Kipler, if you
can't use the doorknob
like everyone else, you need
to remove whatever apparatus
is preventing you from doing so.
- [Calvin] It's not an
apparatus, Mr. Sterman,
it's my gravity
equilibrium suit.
I need to acclimate.
- Do they not have
doorknobs in space?
(Calvin resumes knocking)
Calvin, get your butt in here!
- [Calvin] Okay, okay, hold on.
(students tittering)
- Glad you could make it.
I'm sure the commute from the
stratosphere was terrible.
- You mean the exosphere?
The stratosphere is the
layer right above us.
Nothing orbits in
the stratosphere.
- What is that smell?
- Oh it's uh, coconut
oil and squid ink.
A natural lubricant
for me to slip in and
out of my spacesuits.
- Just take a seat, Mr. Kipler.
- Okay.
- Still happy with
your seat choice?
(Heather gasping)
- [Calvin] Oh, whoops, sorry.
- Eww!
Oh, eww!
- [Mr. Sterman] So
today is the 11th.
So you know what that means?
That's right, it's
group activity day.
Yeah, yeah, you
expressive radical.
Get it?
Little mathematics
joke for you guys.
Anywho, since you all didn't
like that last scenario-
- How did you find
my command center?
- Hmm?
- That was you outside
my shed, right?
You hit my arm with a stick.
- Oh, yeah!
Sorry, me and my brother
were just looking
for a screwdriver.
And a door.
So what was going on in there?
- Uh, it's top secret for
anyone who isn't a friendly.
- Well, I come in peace.
- How do you know about that?
- About what?
- The galactic sign for peace.
I mean, I'm glad that I
can trust someone else
on this planet, but where'd
you learn about that?
- From "Star Trek?"
- What trek, and to what star?
- [Mr. Sterman] All
right, everyone.
You and the person sitting
next to you have 15 minutes
to figure out how
long it takes a ship
traveling at the speed of
light to get to Jupiter.
Go!
- Okay, so it says
that the speed of light
is one billion, eighty
million kilometers an hour-
- Wrong.
It is one billion,
seventy nine million
kilometers per hour, actually.
- But the teacher-
- Is a adequate math teacher,
however, he is woefully ignorant
when it comes to
interstellar travel.
- Oh, what, and
you're an expert?
- As a matter of fact, I am.
- Okay, well then you
can figure this one out.
- All right.
Well, first we have to adjust
the size of the vessel.
- We do?
- Well, yeah.
Any spacecraft traveling
at the speed of light
it has to be at
least 1/3 the size
of today's clunky,
120-meter rocketships.
So like, what, 50 meters?
- 40.
You can calculate space
travel but not fractions?
- Fractions will be obsolete
within the next 100 years.
So, what day will it be leaving?
- I don't know.
Why does that matter?
- Because depending
on the time of year,
Jupiter will obviously be in
a different orbital position.
- [Mr. Sterman] Yes?
- What day is the
spacecraft leaving?
- Why does that matter?
(Calvin whispering)
- Okay, yeah.
Because depending
on the time of year,
Jupiter will obviously be in
a different orbital position.
- Huh, that's a great point.
Let's say tomorrow.
- So if we were
leaving tomorrow,
it would be about 900 million
kilometers away from Jupiter.
- But the board says 1,200.
- Wrong again.
Our spacecraft will be traveling
to Jupiter's future location,
so the curved flight path
will be 1.4 times longer.
We would get there in about
an hour and 15 minutes.
- How do you know all this?
- Just common sense, really.
- If it was common sense,
I would know it, too.
- You know, maybe you should
go on more "Star Treks."
- I'm Heather.
- I'm Itsy.
- I know.
I feel really good about
us being besties now.
Especially 'cause I was the
lead in this years' play,
"My Fair Ladybug" and I'm also
running for class president,
which everyone says I've
already got in the bag.
So I'm just a really
good person to know.
Anyway, I'm also the head editor
for our Young Journalists Club,
and I wanted to
invite you to enter
into a writing competition
for NYU with me.
The winners get to go to
their summer writing program.
- Oh my gosh, that's awesome.
So where's this program?
- Right in New York City, baby.
- That's amazing; I'm in.
So what's the subject about?
- The prompt is to write
about the strangest thing
in your hometown.
- Oh, well I just moved here,
so I don't know much
about Pebble Falls,
but I'm sure I
can figure it out.
- Oh, no, I've already
figured that part out.
The problem is because of a
certain incident in 2nd grade
involving a fairy tea party
and a mock alien invasion,
I'm unable to do the research
on the perfect subject.
But that's where you come in.
- I'm still confused.
What's the subject?
- Not so much a what, but a who.
- Anyone here that cares
about the future of the world?
I'm raising money to
go to outer space.
So, I'm actually
gonna be streaming it.
Anybody that wants
to see the stream?
(Heather snickering)
Hey, could you spare some
money for my grandma's surgery?
Just kidding, it's
way cooler than that.
It's for outer space.
No?
- You want me to
write about that guy?
- The requirements
are to write about
the strangest thing
in your hometown.
That is definitely
Calvin Kipler.
Obviously, he's not
gonna open up to me,
but if you and I work
to write this thing,
we'll be in New York
City in no time.
- Hey guys, I need to
acclimate this suit.
I can't take it off.
(nunchucks clattering)
Ooh, my nunchucks.
- Unless, you want to stay
in Pebble Falls forever.
- No, no, definitely not.
So what do you think I
should do to get started?
- You're a journalist, right?
You'll figure it out.
Bye.
- [Calvin] Let me
hear you say, "Hey,"
if you wanna give me some
money for outer space.
Hey.
Who said that?
(students chattering)
Whoops, sorry.
Didn't realize anybody
was sitting here.
- No, you can stay.
- But don't you wanna sit here?
- Yeah, with you.
Sit.
So, you live in Pebble Falls?
- Mm hm.
- I guess that was
a dumb question.
Um, how long have
you lived here for?
- Uh, 207 months.
Or 103 weeks and two days.
(wrapper crinkling)
- I like the accuracy.
Where did you come up with that?
- A sandwich?
- No, like, the Doritos
on the sandwich?
(chips crunching)
Oh, garnish.
It's cool.
What's the town like?
- [Calvin] It's an adequate
place of residence.
- What are you doing?
Okay, that's gross.
- No, it's not.
Here, try one.
- No, maybe another time.
So I actually wanted to
talk to you about something.
Something supernatural.
- Go on.
- So late last night I was
walking in front of my house,
and I was listening to some
music on my headphones-
- What kind of headphones?
- I don't know, that's not
important to the story-
- Everything is
important to the story.
- Marshall cans.
- What song?
- Elton John.
- What song?
- "Tiny Dancer."
So I was listening
to "Tiny Dancer"
on my Marshall headphones,
when all of a sudden
the music cuts out.
And then I look up
and the street lamps,
they're flashing, going crazy.
And then all the
sudden they just stop.
Yeah, and then
everything goes quiet.
The crickets and the birds,
everything just stops.
And then right above me
this series of lights
starts flashing, and
it's like red and white,
and then splashes of blue.
Then as soon as it arrived,
it just disappeared.
It just went whoosh.
It was gone.
- Then what?
- Then everything
went back to normal.
So what's your take on it?
- I know what that is.
Sounds like what you
encountered is a Super Galaxy.
- A Super Galaxy?
Is that some sort
of alien technology?
A celestial disturbance?
An intersection
between our world
and another parallel universe?
- Nope.
A Lockheed C-5 Super Galaxy
is a large military
transport aircraft.
- Wait, what?
That's rude.
But the crickets went silent.
- Crickets go silent when
anything gets too close.
- I know, this was different
because the lights
were flickering.
- Super Galaxies are equipped
with a frequency jammer
that's similar to what the
old sodium-vapor streetlights
work off of.
They need to be replaced.
I've gone to the city council
about this several times,
and they're always like,
"Ooh, those work just fine,"
and "Oh, we don't
have the budget,"
or "Uh, don't stand on the
podium," blah, blah, blah.
- Okay, but then how do you
explain the sequence of notes?
- Sequence of notes?
- Did I not tell you?
When the lights were flashing,
there was a sequence of
notes that was playing.
Twice.
- Can you remember these notes?
- Yeah, probably.
- Very well.
I have a piano in my workshop.
Meet me in the parking lot
10 minutes after the bell.
- Okay.
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
(students chattering)
- You ready?
- Evan, what are you doing here?
- What do you mean?
This is where Mom and
Dad told us to meet them.
- Okay, well, I'm
not going home.
I have stuff to do.
- What kind of stuff?
- Secret stuff.
- What kind of secret stuff?
(van rumbling)
(engine shuts off)
Wow.
- [Itsy] Crap; Evan, just don't
say anything embarrassing.
(door slams)
- All right, you ready to go?
- Holy moly!
This is incredible!
- Wait, sorry.
Who is this?
- Evan Lean.
- So your name is spelled
Evan, and then an L,
and another Evan?
- I think you're my hero.
(engine purring)
- Hey, kids.
- Hey, hop in.
Some guy's listing a bunch of
half-used cream paint buckets
for a dollar each.
We gotta go.
- Oh, are we not
going to my house?
- Well, hello there.
Who might you be?
- Well, that's a
complicated question.
But for now, suffice it to
say that I'm an astrologist,
junior SETI researcher,
pog champion,
Smithsonian star
cataloger, omnivore,
and proud member
of the human race.
You can call me Calvin Kipler.
- Teach me everything.
- Me and Calvin are just
working on a research project
at his house, so that's all.
End of story.
- Sounds fun.
What's the project?
- So it's a, um-
- It's top secret.
- [Calvin] Right, right.
- Yeah, so we'll be at his
house working on the project.
For school.
- Well, all right.
That sounds like a plan.
- All right, well, it was
very nice to meet you all.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
Yes.
- Live long and prosper.
- Don't, don't, don't do that.
- It's "Star Trek."
- Bye.
(tires crunching)
- So what do your parents do?
- Oh, um, I actually
live with my grandma.
Oh, no, no, no, I
don't think she's home.
She, uh, she's a
volunteer brain surgeon.
- Cool grandma.
- Yeah, so it's this way.
(equipment buzzes and whirs)
Shall we?
- Right, the notes, yeah.
Totally.
- What's wrong?
- Nothing, I'm just
trying to remember them.
Okay, uh...
(Itsy plays "Chopstick")
- Interesting.
This does feel otherworldly.
- Did you take that photo?
- Oh, yeah, that's from the
night my parents disappeared.
- What?
What happened?
- [Calvin] It's a long story.
- You don't have to tell
me if you don't want to.
- I don't know.
I just feel like if I do,
you won't want to hang
out with me anymore.
- That's not true.
I'm listening.
- Okay, well, October
21st, 2012 at 9:44 p.m.,
Jesper's Comet made
its 10-year journey
back into Earth's orbit.
So my dad and I
set up our homemade
camera telescope
to photograph it
and my parents were
never able to see it.
- Where did they go?
- They didn't go anywhere.
They were taken.
- Taken?
Taken by who?
(solemn music)
Aliens?
- UFO spottings happen all along
Jesper's Comet's flight path.
See, it's all here.
And it's coming
back, Jesper's Comet.
It'll make its 10-year
appearance again in 41 days.
And if I'm right, which I
am, they're coming back, too.
My parents are
coming back for me.
- Calvin, this is-
- Please, don't say
crazy, because it is all-
- Incredible!
Calvin, this is incredible.
(hopeful music)
- Really?
- Yeah.
Can you tell me more about it?
- Yeah, yeah.
- And then he's telling me
he's tracking this comet
because he thinks that the
aliens that abducted his parents
are following it, and I'm
like, "Why?" and he's like,
"Because so when it comes
back, I'm gonna go with them."
(keyboard clicking)
- Wow, this is fantastic.
- Really?
- Yeah, I mean,
it's no Nobel Prize,
but I can see the title now:
"Delusional Pebble Falls
High Schooler Thinks Parents
"Were Abducted by Aliens and
He's Finna Get Abducted Too."
- Well, I don't think
he's delusional.
I think he's more,
kind of like a sad,
like, pathetic little
puppy, you know?
- Right, sad and pathetic.
I love that.
- No, I didn't say that.
I just mean he's like,
I don't know, he's-
- Crazy?
- No, I mean, yeah but,
that one sounds a
little bit insensitive.
- You may be right.
There's an emotional
heart to this story
that I think we're overlooking
because we're getting too
wrapped up in the whole
spectacle of the alien
abduction, you know?
This is a story of a boy
looking for his parents.
And they just so happen
to be abducted by aliens.
That's the hook.
But the heart of the
story is the fact
that he's trying to find them.
Like if he finds
them, he's completed,
he's great, he's amazing.
If not, well, like who
even is he, you know?
Itsy?
Hello? (snapping)
- Yeah.
- Okay.
So you keep on hanging
out with Calvin
and I want as much
information as possible, okay?
I'm talking photos,
documentation, everything.
And then I'll write it
into a readable format,
and we will be in
NYC in no time.
- Well, can I see what
you've written so far?
(laptop snaps)
- This is a team
effort, remember?
So I'll handle all the writing,
and you focus on our
weird little friend, okay?
Sound good?
- Sounds good.
- Good.
Um, well I have to get to
horseback riding lessons, so...
- That's cool.
- Yeah, okay.
- Oh, I leave; okay.
- Yeah, that's great.
(liquids dripping)
(knocking at door)
- You're cleared to enter.
- Hey, cutie bug.
What's all this for?
- These are photos for a
article that me and Calvin
are working on for
a summer program
at NYU's School of Journalism.
- Wow, what's the article on?
- We're leaning towards aliens.
- You mean like, SETI, right?
- What's SETI?
- Search for Extraterrestrial
Intelligence.
- [Wendy] Well,
that sounds amazing-
- Don't drink that.
Actually, go ahead.
- By the way, your
mom and I are gonna be
flying into the city to
tie up some loose ends-
- Whoo.
- So we'd like for you to
take care of each other
for the next few days.
You know, take Evan
to school and whatnot.
- Can I go?
Please, you guys know that
I've been dying to go back!
- You guys have school-
- Yeah.
- And it's more of a
romantic weekend getaway, so,
no kids allowed.
(both laughing shyly)
So dinner's in 15.
- Don't worry, sis.
I'll stay out of your way.
Probably.
(brush thudding)
- Can you at least
close the door?
Evan!
So when's the next
time Jesper's Comet
is supposed to come back?
- Approximately 38 days,
seven hours, and 32 minutes.
- And then what happens
when it comes back?
- Well, I will be there
to greet them, duh.
- But have you ever
seen the aliens before?
- Well, I have seen
evidence of them.
- But not them-them.
- [Calvin] More or less.
Philips head?
- More-more, or more-less?
- Um, more-more.
- How do you even know
that this is safe,
trying to contact
aliens and such?
- It totally is.
Probably.
(electricity popping)
(fire extinguisher whooshing)
We'll see.
- Not safe.
- Now it's safe.
- Wow do you even know
they're still out there?
- Well, when was the last time
you saw your grandparents?
- I don't know.
It's been a couple years.
Why?
- Well, how do you know
they're still out there?
- Okay, that's not
even the same thing,
and I can call my grandparents
to make sure that
they're still there.
- Yeah, so can I. (snapping)
- You can call aliens?
When? Where?
With what? With who?
Why? How?
How often? How come?
- [Itsy] What took you so long?
- My legs haven't
fully developed yet.
Also, I'm not a very
good bike rider.
- [Itsy] So you were saying
you can contact aliens by-
- Wait, does this PB&J
have mustard on it?
- No.
- Dang it.
- Thank you.
(radio static hissing)
What's going on?
- Intercepting a signal.
- Holy cow, this is happening!
- How do you know
when it's gonna-
- Shhh.
(radio squawking)
(warbled tones)
- [Heidi] Subway drive through,
what can I get for you?
- Hey, so we just
ordered some sandwiches
but the PB&Js didn't come
with mustard on them.
- [Heidi] Hi, Calvin.
If you wanna swing by, we'll
make another sandwich for you.
- Awesome.
Thank you, Heidi.
I will see you soon.
- Yeah.
- Where's the bathroom?
- Uh, second bush on your right.
- Okay.
- And you, follow me.
- You could have called them.
- Okay, but that
was so much cooler.
- [Itsy] So what's that?
- It measures Earth's
electromagnetic fields.
- And then what's that button?
- Broadcasts a warning to all
networks in a 50-mile radius.
(alarm beeping)
- What's that?
- That is an alarm signifying
that something has
entered our atmosphere,
and we've got less
than 30 seconds
to launch a counterattack.
- Are you serious right now?
Are we about to die?
- Why aren't you taking notes?
- I don't know.
What am I supposed to write?
- November 11th at 4:13 p.m.
Calvin proves he is the
smartest, coolest person
that Itsy knows.
(alarm stops)
- I'm gonna kill you.
That was evil.
- "OMG, are we gonna,
like, die right now?"
- That's not what I said.
- Hey, what's the-
- You're not funny. (laughing)
- Hey Calvin, I didn't know
which one was the pee bush,
so I peed a little
on all of them...
What's going on here?
- Nothing.
- Nothing, what?
- Nothing.
- What?
- Nothing.
(Calvin clears throat)
- So, who wants to
talk to some aliens?
- Yes. When?
- Right now.
(crickets chirping)
- Anything?
- Nope.
- Don't probe me!
I'm sensitive!
(radio chirping)
- Hello?
(eerie music)
Hello, is anybody there?
(warbled buzzing)
This is Calvin Kipler speaking.
Hello.
Dang it.
- What?
- We just missed it.
- Going to the bathroom.
I'll be right back.
- Oh, no, no, no.
You can't go in there.
- Calvin, I'm not
gonna pee in a bush.
Just let me go inside.
- But, my grandma's sleeping.
Naked.
And she sleepwalks.
- Your grandma doesn't actually
live with you, does she?
- No.
- Then where is she?
- Well, that depends on if
you believe in an afterlife
and that sort of thing.
- Shoot.
Calvin, I'm really sorry.
When did she pass?
- Couple years back.
But she knew if we
didn't keep it a secret,
that once she died they'd
put me in a foster home
and then I couldn't keep
looking for my parents.
So, she taught me
how to pay the bills
and take care of myself,
and I have been doing
that ever since.
- You've been on your
own all these years?
- Yeah well, there's
nothin' new about that.
So um, the bathroom
is in on the,
(emotional music)
on your right.
Um, yeah, the bathroom.
- Yes.
- Wait!
Look, make a wish.
- I didn't think
you'd do that, too.
I thought you'd just say there's
no point in wishing on it.
- Yeah, well, shooting
stars are basically
just metallic particles with
gases like hydrogen and helium,
but I've spent so much
time looking at the sky
I figure if one in a
million grant my wish,
I'm already halfway there.
You know, my dad said the light
from each one of those stars
took millions and-
- Millions of
years to get to us.
I mean, just think of
what it was like here
when that light
was first sent out.
- You mean, like dinosaurs?
- Oh much, much before
dinosaurs, kiddo.
Most likely just noxious
gas and raw elements.
But it's possible that some
of that starlight was sent out
when the earth was just
bits of stardust, too.
Back when the universe
was brand new, and cold,
and just starting
to form itself.
How awesome is that?
And who knows, maybe there's
an alien dad and alien kid
out there looking at us, too.
- You think?
- Only one way to find out.
Hello out there!
My name is Cyrus!
And this is my
alien son, Calvin!
- Hello out there, aliens.
- Oh, you gotta be
louder than that.
They can't hear that.
Hello out there!
- Hello, can you hear us?
- Hello, nice to meet
you, alien buddies!
- Hello, aliens!
Hello!
- [Cyrus] Good job, young man.
("Ignite" by Omar
Raafat & Sunset Park)
When you see us
We'll be shooting stars
runnin' down the boulevard
We'll be us
Will you come out and play
Will you do this every day
Come with us
'Cause everything is ours
Yeah, we get
the fire started
We will be the spark
In every chosen heart
Light up like the moon
You will feel it soon
- Nice.
- This is a gold mine!
I love it.
This is perfect.
I think this is finally
enough to finish our article.
- Really?
You think that's enough?
- Yeah, I mean, he
is a crazy person.
Forget the UFOs, the peanut
butter and jelly and mustard,
that is enough for the
kid to be an outcast.
For his own sake, I
hope Jasper's Comet
does come to town.
- It's Jesper.
- Okay, whatever.
Still going to be
a great article,
and NYU's going to love it.
I just, I don't know.
I feel like we need
a different title.
You know, maybe like,
"Aliens Aren't the Weirdest
Thing in Pebble Falls."
Yeah, no, I...
Or "Pebble-Brained
in Pebble Falls?"
Oh, wait, no, no, no, I have it.
"Bit Space Delusions,
Small-Town Dope." (laughing)
- But he's not an idiot.
- What?
- I said, he's not an idiot.
He's actually
really, really smart.
I mean, look at this stuff.
Telescopes, radiation
detector, magnometers,
and he made all of
it from scratch.
If anything, he's the smartest
person in this stupid town.
And yeah, his story's a
little bit far-fetched,
but he's fighting for something,
and he has goals, and...
he has a good heart.
- I think I know what
our title should be.
"City Girl Falls
for Village Idiot."
- (scoffs) I'm not
falling for him.
- Oh, really?
Then do you believe him?
Do you believe his parents
were abducted by aliens?
- No, of course not.
- [Heather] Are you sure?
- I think I'm gonna go.
Don't publish the article yet.
Talk to you later.
(keyboard clicking)
(monitor beeping)
- Calvin?
- Yeah?
- Um, you know, I was, I
was kinda just thinking.
What if your parents
weren't abducted by aliens?
- Well, that is impossible
because I saw it.
- I get that, but it was
a really long time ago.
And you were really young,
and kids have a hard time
remembering traumatic
things like-
- Like their parents
being abducted by aliens?
- Like their parents
abandoning them.
- My parents didn't
abandon me, Itsy.
I can prove it.
'Kay, December 5th, 2016.
The star called Nimbus in
the constellation Andromeda
blinked the morse
code for P-N-C-A-K-S.
- What am I missing here?
- It's pancakes.
Duh, I mean, my
dad made pancakes
the very morning he disappeared.
It's obviously a
message from them
telling me that they're
still out there.
- Calvin, I think you need
real evidence of a UFO.
- Okay, well I do have,
like, photographic memory.
I have photographic memory.
It's very rare.
Self-diagnosed.
(Itsy exhales)
But I have plenty of
pictures of the comet
in here somewhere.
(latch clicking)
- Are these them?
- [Calvin] Hmm?
- Is this your parents?
- Yeah, yeah, that is.
Now, where is it?
Ah, okay.
See, here it is.
Okay, but this is only
the 8-millimeter preview
of the original
35-millimeter film,
so it's like one sixth
the original scale.
(Itsy laughing)
- One fourth.
For a genius, you are
so bad at fractions.
- Okay.
See, okay, but it's there.
Right there.
- Yeah, it's kinda hard to see.
Why don't you develop it?
- I mean, there's an old
photo shop back in town,
but it closed down
a couple years ago.
I already know it's there,
so like, what's the point?
- Why don't I just take this
and I'll put it in my next
batch of film to be developed.
- Yeah, sure.
- Anyways, I was
thinking it's a good idea
to start applying to some
schools for the fall.
- I'm not going to college.
- What do you mean?
You'd probably get a really
good scholarship somewhere
like MIT or NYU.
- I'm not going to college
because I don't plan on
being on this planet,
not because I don't
think I could get in.
(emotional music)
- You really think
they're still out there?
- Yeah, I do.
(latch clicking)
(keyboard clicking)
(clicking continues)
(clicking continues)
(clicking continues)
(intense music)
- Oh my gosh.
Calvin.
(laptop snaps)
(birds singing)
- [TV Narrator] Since the
discovery of the solar system,
mankind has-
- Hey, where are you going?
- [TV Narrator] By the
endless possibilities-
- Camping with Calvin.
Um, take the bus
to school, okay?
And here is the money that
Mom and Dad gave me for food.
Order whatever you
want for dinner.
- Triple pepperoni pizza?
- I don't care.
Bye.
- Camping in the winter?
(door slams)
- [TV Narrator] Point
of experimentation.
- Get in.
- What?
- Get in, we're
going on a road trip.
- Road trip?
But I was about to
oxidize my moon boots.
- Well, I recently
made a discovery
regarding our
top-secret project.
- Really?
What is it?
- Well, obviously, I can't say.
Somebody could be listening.
(crow cawing)
Time is of the essence,
and we need to be in Billings,
Montana by this weekend.
- Wait, but the
orbit isn't happ-
(Itsy stops him
with warning sound)
Your discovery needs to be
discovered this weekend?
- Yes, but it's fine.
We'll be back in
time for the comet.
So are you in or not?
- I'm gonna go
grab my space suit.
(exciting music)
(engine rumbling)
- Any music requests?
- Oh, Super Space Talk
Radio with Hank Fujiwara,
episode 429.
- Why 429?
- 'Cause I love that one.
So good.
(musical flourish)
- [Hank and Calvin]
I'm Hank Fujiwara.
You may remember me
from my other podcast,
"Inner Space with
Hank Fujiwara."
- Today's episode-
(something pops)
it's a real doozy.
- What was that?
- It's probably just something
tipping over in the back.
- [Hank] Ever heard
about space-time?
Not space time-
- Ooh, but I love this part.
See, Hank's theory is that time
functions differently in space.
And he's got this crazy
idea where if you were to
go into space with the,
like, space continuum,
it kind of builds up.
It's interesting
(voice fades out).
- [Hank] You've seen "Toy Story"
which I'm sure
that you all have.
- Oh, I brought some snacks.
- Oreos and-
- Orange juice.
- You're joking.
- Just try one.
- This is gonna
ruin Oreos for me.
- Uh uh.
It's gonna blow your mind.
(podcast continues)
(Oreo crunching)
- [Hank] Now, in space-
- Well?
- Mm hm!
- Yes! (honking horn)
Whoa!
(tires screeching)
- [Hank] The problem is that-
- They're good, right?
(object clicking)
- There it was again.
- [Calvin] Is there anything?
- No, nothing.
- [Hank] Slinky Dog's caboose,
and hits you all at once.
If there's some
sort (fades out).
Unable to move faster than
(drowned out by crunching).
- Geez, hungry much?
- Yeah, a little.
Yeah, you wanna hand 'em over?
I just gave them to you.
(both screaming)
(tires screeching)
I'm gonna strangle
you, you idiot!
- Don't kill me!
Calvin save me!
- Taking him back would
be a 6-hour round trip.
- We could put him on a bus.
- He'd probably just
get off at the next stop
and get on one
headed our direction.
- How?
He doesn't even know
where we're going.
- Billings, Montana.
- [Itsy] Shut up, Evan.
- See, I think we
gotta take him with us.
- No.
- What do you wanna do?
Leave him tied up on
the side of the road?
- We'll leave him with water.
- Mom and Dad said you were
supposed to take care of me
while they were gone.
Unless you want me to tell
them you left me at home alone.
Poor little old Evan.
- Fine, under one condition.
You obey all orders,
you do everything I ask,
and you don't annoy me
or else I'm ditching you.
- That's like three conditions-
- Evan!
- Okay, deal.
- All right, well, we should
probably hit the road.
- Ooh, can I have shotgun?
- [Itsy] No!
(van rumbling)
- Ooh, should we
put some tunes on?
Are these salt
and vinegar chips?
They look del...
Fine.
(Evan farting, sighing)
I farted.
- Oh!
- Oh, that one's bad.
Oh, that's bad.
- Geez, Evan.
- [Calvin] Oh, oh!
- You were asking for it.
- Geez, my eyes can smell it.
Still no service.
- Okay, well, there
should be a map
in the glove compartment.
(map crinkling)
- I don't know how to use this.
- Of course you don't.
You have it upside
down, by the way.
Okay.
This is where you
almost left me for dead
on the side of the highway.
This is where we saw
that dead possum.
This about where we
should be, right there.
Orienteering: learn it.
- Fine, you can be in
charge of the map then.
(Evan farting)
Ah, much better.
- Again?
("Faint of Heart"
by The Strike")
Feel the room get colder
You can rest your
head on my shoulder
'Cause I've been
waiting forever
Waiting on this to start
Can you lend me your hand
I'm a little too
faint of heart
Little too faint of heart
Oh
Little too faint of heart
Little too faint of heart
- Dinner time.
- Awesome, thanks, Itsy.
- 'Kay, who wants to
tell a campfire story?
I'll start.
This is the story of Daniel
and the hungry beaver.
So Daniel was out fishing,
and he saw a beaver.
He took it home-
- I think I'm gonna
grab some firewood.
- Okay.
He was out fishing
and he found a beaver
who was always hungry.
He took him home and-
- I think I'm
gonna go help Itsy.
- Okay.
I'll just stay by the fire.
Guarding it.
From water.
(fire crackling)
Guess I'll just continue
the story by myself.
(bird squawking)
- Hey.
- Hey.
Um, are you having fun?
- Oh, yeah, I love
collecting wood.
- No, I mean on this
trip in general.
- Oh, of course, um...
Are you?
- Yeah, I'm having a lot of fun.
- Um, hey, Itsy.
There was something I
wanted to say to you,
and I'm sure you
can already tell.
But I'm not really somebody
that has a lot of friends.
People kinda think I'm weird.
- You're not weird.
- No, I am.
But I like that part
of me, you know?
Just makes it difficult for
other people to really like me.
- I found it really
easy to like you.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I find it really easy.
To really like you.
- I um...
I really like you, too.
I-I wanna ask you something.
- What is it?
- Well, I was wondering.
Itsy, may I have your consent?
- My consent?
- Yeah, to like, you know...
- Geez, Calvin, I don't
think we're ready for that.
- Right, I'm sorry.
Kissing's a huge step, and we
should really take that slow.
- Hold on.
You were asking for my
consent just to kiss me?
- Of course.
I mean, consent is
really important.
- Well, in that case, of
course you can kiss me.
- Really?
Thank you.
Um, it's an honor.
I, um...
Okay.
Well, if I may.
(romantic music)
(sticks clattering)
- How much frickin' firewood
are you guys getting?
Oh, oh, oops.
Oh, is that firewood?
I think I'll go investigate.
- Um, anyways.
- [Evan] Hey, my foot is stuck.
I stepped in something squishy.
It might be dead, but it
is most certainly squishy.
- He'll be fine.
- Okay.
- [Evan] Ouch, that hurt!
Okay, it bit me!
I need to see a doctor.
- Okay, well, we should
probably go help him.
- Yeah.
(Itsy sighing)
- [Evan] I think
it's licking me.
(invigorating music)
Larry, the Hungry.
- [Itsy] This kid
is always hungry.
- [Evan] I'm starving.
I could eat a cow, horse-
- [Itsy] Or Oreos.
- [Evan] Guys, there's an
old tire someone left here.
When are we gonna get there?
- There it is right there.
- Yes!
You know, we've seen seven
deer on the side of the road.
- Only seven?
We've been driving for so long.
- I know.
Hey, gotta keep
track of something.
They sell moose here?
Gross.
- 'Kay, so we're
having lunch here
and then are we almost there?
- Actually, we're here.
This is the last place.
- Welcome, guys.
Anything I can get
you started with?
- Mom?
- Calvin?
Hey.
(tableware clinking)
So um, how's Cyrus doing?
- You mean, Dad?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
It's probably weird
for me to ask.
I was just curious.
You don't have to answer.
He knows that you're
here at least, right?
- No, he doesn't because-
- Oh, Calvin, he
must be worried sick!
- No, he's not-
- Hey, no, you need to call him.
- I um
I can't.
- Okay, why can't you?
- 'Cause I don't
know where he is.
I haven't seen him since that
night that you guys, um...
- That, that, that night what?
- Ms. Kipler, um, from
what Calvin's told me,
he believes that you and Cyrus
disappeared 10 years ago.
- Disappeared?
What do you mean?
- He thought,
he thinks...
- What?
What does he think?
Someone please explain
to me what's going on.
- No, wait.
You need to explain.
Where have you been?
- Oh, geez.
Where haven't I
been? (chuckling)
I've been all over.
- But I, I saw it.
I saw it.
- Saw what?
What did you see?
- I thought both of
you both were abducted.
- Abducted?
By aliens, or something?
(intense music)
No.
No, Calvin, that's not
at all what happened?
Your father and I
were separating.
We were,
we were getting a divorce.
He was supposed to explain
all of that to you.
- Vera, Vera, slow down.
Come on.
Come inside and let's sit
down and talk about this.
- No.
No, Cy.
If I don't do this now,
it'll just be another
thing that I never did,
and I can't, I can't do this.
I know we had so many plans.
And living in a broken-down
house in the middle of nowhere
was not one them.
Cy, I don't know
what happened to us.
- We became a family, Vera.
That's what happened to us.
Vera, please.
I'll let you go.
I promise I will.
At least say goodbye to him.
- You know I can't do that.
- Why?
- Because if I do that
then I will never leave.
- Well then maybe you shouldn't.
We can figure it out.
Just tell me what
to do, anything.
Just tell me what you need.
- Tell Calvin I'm sorry.
(trunk slams)
(tires crunching)
- Why did you leave?
- Uh,
I don't know, Calvin.
I just...
- No.
No, 'cause you need a reason.
Did you need to go somewhere?
Did something happen?
Did I do something wrong?
Did I do something wrong?
Did I make you mad?
- No, no, no!
You were good.
You did nothing
(laughing ruefully).
You did nothing wrong.
You're really
a great kid.
Great kid.
I think that I just,
listen, I think that I
wasn't meant to be a mom.
At least not a very
good one, obviously.
- No, no, no, 'cause
you were to me.
You were.
You were my mom.
- The truth is
that I left because
when your father and I
married, I was so young,
and I barely knew who I was.
And once I figured it out,
I was just so desperate
to get out of that little
town and see the world,
and it felt like
life was out there.
And I was so scared that
I was gonna miss it,
that I was going to
give up anything.
- Give up anything, yeah.
You mean me.
- No.
Don't say it like that.
No, I wanted to come back.
But the thought of facing you
and your dad.
How could I after I left you?
So just easier to
let it go, you know,
like water under the bridge.
So you can understand
that, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
It's easier just
to forget I exist.
I get it.
- No.
Calvin, you're taking all
of this the wrong way.
I'm saying that all
of this is behind us.
We can be friends now.
- I don't wanna
to be your friend.
I wanted to be your son.
(emotional music)
So, let's go.
(bell jingles)
(van rumbling)
(musical flourish)
- [Hank] I'm Hank Fujiwara.
You may remember me
from my other podcast.
(contemplative music)
(birds singing)
(engine shuts off)
- See you later, Calvin.
- See you, buddy.
Well, thank you
for the road trip.
It was, um,
well, thank you.
- Calvin, I'm sorry.
I didn't know what I
expected your mom to be like-
- It's no big deal.
It's not like it was
your fault, or anything.
- Well, actually, I've been
meaning to tell you that
me and Heather, we start-
(car humming)
- Well, I gotta get going.
See you at school tomorrow.
(engine starting)
- Good night.
- [Wendy] We're back!
- What's up, Cal?
- [Wendy] It's so
good to see you!
- [Evan] You too.
- [Wendy] Calvin was here?
- [Evan] Yeah.
You ready for bed?
- [Wendy] No, I gotta
hear all the stories.
- [Evan] All the stories?
- [Wendy] Yeah,
every single story,
and that thing about Daniel
and the hungry beaver
named Larry, part two.
(students chattering)
- There she is!
- Heather, what's going on?
- OMG, that's right, you
played hooky on Friday.
We won.
New York City, here we come.
- Heather, why would
you turn this in?
- 'Cause that was the plan?
What?
- Calvin.
Calvin, I'm sorry.
Calvin, I can
explain, I promise.
Calvin, can you wait?
Calvin, stop.
Calvin, wait, serious-
- Was it before or after?
- What do you mean?
- Did you start writing that
paper before or after our trip?
- Before-
- Was it before or
after you told me
you wanted to be my friend?
- Before.
- Was it before or after
you told me you liked me?
- Before.
- So all of that
was just to get out of
this stupid town, right?
- Calvin, I didn't know
you like I know you now.
- Yeah well, my mom knew me too,
and that is exactly
what she did.
- I wouldn't do that.
- Oh hey, Calvin,
any word from E.T.
on how Mom and Dad are doing?
I heard probing was a thing.
- That's not true.
- Yes, it is.
I saw it on the SYFY channel.
- No, his mom wasn't abducted.
We found her this
weekend in Montana.
- Oh.
So she just ran out?
- No, I mean-
- Well, you were right, Itsy.
Isn't that what you said?
You said that he was so
sad and pathetic, right?
Aww, look, he's so sad now.
Hey, maybe Mommy
will kiss it better
if she hasn't run off again.
- What is wrong with you?
- No!
- You're such a jerk, Heather!
(girls shouting)
(students cheering)
- Get off me!
- [Students] Fight,
fight, fight!
- Come at me, you mongrels!
You're not ready!
I'm built different!
(screaming and
chanting continue)
That's my sister!
- Get off me!
Help me!
- I've been waiting a
long time to do this!
(Heather screaming)
- So I take one out, give
the ol'(imitates karate chop)
and then the other one
comes at me like aahh,
and then I'm like, so I'm
like "Today's my lucky day."
(imitating karate chop)
- Okay, okay, we get it, honey.
I mean, we're just lucky
they didn't suspend
the both of you.
- Yeah, speaking of which,
I was thinking we ground
you guys for like, 2 days.
- Oh, our first grounding.
How fun.
We can make you guys
pull weeds, or something.
- [Nelson] Sand the banisters?
- I've got some ottomans that
need to be reupholstered.
You can do that, too.
- Ooh, exciting.
- [Evan] I have no clue
what that means, whatsoever.
- Hey, you remember that
you're grounded, right?
Just be back before dinner.
I guess.
("All Your Days" by
Emmit Fenn and Shallou)
We could be together
like a clock
Take our time
and make it ours
We could be
something they're not
But all my friends,
they keep asking
"How do you spend, all
your days by her side"
And I just said, "I
love her 'til I die"
Your friends
they keep asking
Do you want to spend all
your years by his side
And you just said, "I
will never say goodbye"
- Honey, what's wrong?
- What's wrong?
- Dinner.
- You can just leave it.
- These from Calvin's shed?
- Yeah, he was
tracking this comet,
the one he believed that the UFO
that took his parents
were following.
'Til I blew it all up.
- That was pretty uncool of you.
But he still deserved to know
that his mom was
still out there,
even if she was a total jerk.
What are these?
- Those were taken the
night his parents left,
and he didn't have a way
to develop them, so I did.
- What this, though?
- I just told you.
- No, this, right here.
- [Itsy] Is that a UFO?
- That's a UFO?
- Shh!
(Wendy and Nelson laughing)
It's tonight.
- Huh?
- That's why he's
not at the shed.
Jesper's Comet
flies over tonight!
- How many times do I
have to say orienteering
before you listen to me?
- With these coordinates
measuring for travel time,
huh, the comet path
should be right here,
but it looks like he mixed up
the 1/3 and 1/4 mile marker
and went to a spot
2 miles south.
- You are a genius!
Freakin' fractions.
Oh, man.
- Unless we tell him,
he's gonna miss the comet.
- You forget, we're grounded.
- You forget that
I'm very clever.
Hello, Mother and Father.
I'm just going to the
kitchen for sustenance.
(glass breaking)
Oh, no!
I've broken something.
Gasp! I think it's
Mother's favorite tea mug!
- Better not be!
- [Evan] Never mind.
I think it's Dad's entire
shot glass collection
from Venezuela.
- If you mean Nicaragua,
I'm gonna be really upset.
(TV chattering)
(suspenseful music)
Hold it right there, missy.
I'm guessing your brother
orchestrated that whole thing
as a distraction so
you could sneak out?
- Mm hm.
- And you're going
to go find Calvin?
- Mm hm.
- Then you should
probably take my car.
- Wait, you'll need this.
It's dark out there.
- You guys are okay with this?
- Ah, you can be
grounded some other time.
Maybe next Thursday. (chuckling)
(joyful music)
- Go get 'em, kiddo.
- Love you guys.
- Love you.
(car whooshing)
("UFO" by The National Parks)
I caught a glimpse
of you tonight
movin' like a satellite
And not to be dramatic but
my heartbeat was erratic
Then my radio went static
and it felt like magic
And I couldn't
even move my eyes
They were locked, paralyzed
Now everybody
thinks I'm crazy
You made everything
feel hazy
- Calvin!
You are my UFO
- Calvin!
Like a flash of bright lights
in the middle of the night
You are my UFO
Take my breath away
- Calvin!
Yeah, you make me levitate
- Calvin!
You are my UFO
I was a doubter 'til
the close encounter
- Calvin!
And now I know that
you're somewhere out there
- Calvin!
Calvin!
And I'm not alone
You are my UFO
- Itsy?
- Calvin.
Calvin, I am so sorry
about everything.
I shouldn't have written
that article about you,
and I shouldn't have
said those things,
and you were right
about everything
except your mom being abducted,
who just turned out to be
a total jerk-
- Itsy.
- And I'm sorry, I was
just focused on trying
to get back to my old life,
so I was self-centered,
and selfish, and a jerk!
- Itsy.
You're right.
- You don't have to
agree that quickly.
- No, no, what I
mean is I've realized
I've spent so much time thinking
about leaving this planet,
I haven't thought about
what I'd do if I stayed.
So I came here to say goodbye.
Not to Earth, but to my dad.
I have to move on.
I can't keep pretending like
he's coming back for me,
or that UFOs exist-
- No, but they do exist!
Calvin, you were
right about the UFOs,
but you were wrong
about the location.
We're supposed to be
two miles that way.
You might be a genius,
but you're still
horrible at fractions.
(exhilarating music)
- I was right?
- You were right.
- My dad was abducted by aliens?
- Your dad was totally
abducted by aliens!
- We've got 23 minutes.
Okay, we need to go.
(exciting music)
- This way; let's go.
You are my UFO
Like a flash of bright lights
in the middle of the night
You are, you are
You are my UFO
- Did we make it on time?
- We made it.
Okay, it's coming.
It's coming.
(comet roaring)
- There it is!
It's so beautiful.
- Okay, okay, get ready.
(crickets chirping)
- Calvin?
(poignant music)
- I really thought
he was coming.
- Are you okay?
- I'm okay.
I think I'm finally okay.
I've got everything
I need right here.
Let's go home.
(light hums)
(wind whooshes)
(dramatic music)
(metallic humming)
(vacuum hissing)
(aliens chattering)
(ethereal music)
- Calvin, look.
(chattering continues)
(Itsy laughing)
(alien speaking gibberish)
- Pardon?
(aliens whispering)
- Nice to meet you, buddy.
- Oh, yeah, it's nice
to meet you too, buddy.
(aliens chatter excitedly)
- Calvin?
- Dad?
Dad!
(exhilarating music)
(exhilarating music continues)
- Oh, Calvin.
I can't believe you're here.
- Me?
I can't believe
that you're here.
- And look at you.
You're huge!
- Look at you!
You look, the exact same.
- Yeah, it's crazy, right?
Yeah, there's something
about chasing Jesper's Comet
that stops you from aging.
You know, I've been up
in space for 109 years.
Wait, so how many earth years
have passed since I left?
- You've been gone
for 10 years, Dad.
- Oh, I'm so sorry, son.
Look, I've been trying to reach
you since the moment I left.
Did you get my message
about pancakes?
- I knew that was you.
- Well, I'm here now.
- [Itsy] Calvin?
(aliens chattering)
- Who's this?
- Hi, I'm Itsy.
- Oh, hi, Itsy.
I'm Cyrus, Calvin's dad.
Are you, uh...
- Well, it's um...
- I'm his girlfriend.
- I see, all right.
Hmm.
Well, it's very nice
to meet you, Itsy.
- Nice to meet buddy.
(aliens chattering)
(Itsy and Calvin laughing)
- Wait, Dad, your hair.
You're getting older.
- Oh no.
I was afraid this would happen.
- What's going on?
- Time is catching up to me.
That 109 years I spent in space
must be affecting
me all at once.
(aliens warbling)
(alien speaking gibberish)
Okay.
- [Itsy] What are they saying?
- Well, the bad news is uh...
- You can't stay.
- Well, no.
I can.
I've come all this
way to see you.
I'm staying here.
- Dad, you've aged 20
years in five minutes.
Another 15 and you'll have
aged 60 years and probably die.
You need to go.
- All right.
Give me a second.
(Cyrus speaking alien)
(alien speaking gibberish)
Okay, great news.
They said that you
guys can come with us.
Yeah, but we need to
leave ASAP, all right.
These guys are kind of obsessed
with chasing Jesper's Comet
because they think the tail
tastes like cotton candy.
By the way, it's very good.
- Cotton candy?
- Yeah.
- But the tails of
comets are mostly made up
of ionized gases and
metallic microparticles.
- Oh, my sweet, sweet boy.
There's so much
for you to learn.
(spaceship chiming)
Oh, there's the departure bell.
Come on, let's go.
We better go.
- Calvin.
I can't leave.
My family's here.
- But my dad.
- I know.
You go.
- Calvin?
Come on.
- Dad, I, I...
- Yeah, it's okay.
I understand.
Just know I'll be up
there looking down on you.
Oh, I'm so proud of you, Son.
So proud of you.
Love you, kiddo.
- Love you, too, Dad.
- And hey, the
comet will be making
its way back around to
Earth every 10 years.
Maybe one day you guys
will change your minds
and wanna come with us.
(metallic humming)
(spaceship whooshing)
(wind rushing)
(spaceship whirs)
- Wait, look.
- Make a wish, Calvin.
- Well, um, if now
is a good time.
I'd like to ask for
your consent to-
Wow.
- What?
- I just didn't expect for
my wish to come true so soon.
(dramatic music swells)
(comet whooshes)
Wherever you go
Know that you're never alone
You're forever in my heart
And the moments you need me
No distance could keep me
I will be wherever you are
You could be all the
way across the ocean
You might just feel a
million miles from me
It don't matter, baby
I'll come running
Oh, I will do anything
to make you see
Wherever you go
Know that you're never alone
You're forever in my heart
And the moments you need me
No distance could keep me
I will be wherever you are
When you find pain
When you fall down
When you hit harder times
Just call my name
I'll always be
right by your side
(piano playing bridge)
Wherever you go
Know that you're never
alone, never alone
You're forever in my heart
Forever in my heart
And the moments you need me
No distance could keep me
Could keep me
I will be wherever you are
I'll be wherever you are
Wherever you go
Wherever you go
Know that you're never alone
You're never alone
You're forever in my heart
Oh, forever in my heart
And the moments you need me
And the moments
No distance could keep me
No distance could keep me
I will be wherever you are
I'll be wherever you are
Wherever you are
I'll be wherever you are
I'll be
I'll be wherever you are
Wherever you,
wherever you are
(no audio)
(gentle music)
(comet whooshing)
(gentle music continues)
(satellite beeping)
(gentle music continues)
- [Cyrus] Anything?
- [Calvin] No.
- Huh, I don't get why
it's not working yet.
Okay, read it off again.
- Oh, here we go.
(gentle music continues)
Did we calibrate the rear glass?
- Yes.
- 35 millimeter camera
attachment secured?
- Definitely.
- Took the lens cap off?
- Yeah, of course we
took the lens cap off.
What do you think we are?
But I think I do
know what's wrong.
Maybe we just need a
little Kipler elbow rub.
- What's a Kipler elbow rub?
- Observe, my son.
Okay, so my father taught me
this and now I'm teaching you.
So you take your elbow,
and you just rub at the
problem area, right?
Pay attention to the elbow.
You paying attention?
- Yup.
- All the action
is in the elbow.
And you snap (snapping
fingers) and that should do it.
Take another look.
- [Calvin] It's working.
- [Cyrus] Yeah,
Kipler elbow rub.
- No sign of the comet, though.
- Hey, patience, okay?
Jesper's Comet
has been traveling
almost 10 years to get here.
It'll get here.
Hey.
Listen, kiddo.
There's actually something
I've been meaning to
talk to you about.
So your mom and I-
- Whose car is that?
- Oh, okay.
Stay here.
I'll be right back, 'kay?
- But the comet!
- 30 Seconds.
Start the countdown, 'kay?
- 30, 29
28, 27.
(comet whooshing)
(Calvin gasps)
Dad, it's here!
Dad!
(camera winding)
(metal clanging)
Mom! Dad!
(suspenseful music)
Oh.
(electricity buzzing)
Oh, come on.
(suspenseful music)
- [Cyrus] Calvin!
(dramatic music)
- Mom?
(eerie groaning)
- [Cyrus] Calvin!
(suspenseful music)
(lights whooshing)
(dramatic music)
(wind blowing)
- No!
Mom! Dad! Come back!
(rap music)
Huh
Yeah, I don't care
what it look like
I'ma show you what
it's gonna be, okay
I'm heading for
the good life
So you know we're OT, okay
Never been the Sug type
Never too scared
to go lean, okay
I'ma going like a troll
and they be sleeping on me
Like it's melatonin
They be dozin', they
ain't really doin' that
They be frozen in the
moment, need to let it go
Yeah I'm 'bout to go off
And I don't start now
'cause I knew better
Yo, she doubt me
- Itsy, you doubt me?
- [All] Okay.
Okay, okay, okay, okay
Okay, okay, okay, okay
- Okay, I need a bathroom break.
Okay, okay, okay
Let's go
- I need to pee.
Can we pull over, Dad?
I need the bathroom.
Okay, okay
- I need to go pee!
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Bathroom break.
- Again?
We just stopped
like 30 minutes ago.
- Okay, well I need to go again.
- Maybe you have a UTI.
You know, they make you urinate
two to three times
more than usual.
- Evan, I don't have a UTI.
- We're only about 20
minutes from our new house.
Can you wait?
- No, I cannot wait.
- Definitely sounds like
a urinary tract infection.
Okay.
Looks like there's a convenience
store .2 miles up the road.
Maybe we can all grab
a snack while Itsy
flushes out her system.
- How do you even know
how to use this thing?
And this map is probably
outdated anyway.
- I see it!
Good job, kiddo.
- It's called orienteering, sis.
Might be worth looking into
now that the big city's
bye-bye. Forever.
- Shut up.
- Ever!
- Evan!
(rap music resumes)
Okay, okay, okay
Okay, okay
Okay
- [Itsy] Would you
please let me out?
Okay, okay
- [Itsy] Any other song.
It's working, my time
Let's go
Okay, okay
- [Nelson] Bus leaves
in seven minutes.
Okay
- [Itsy] Got it.
Okay, okay
(fluorescent lights buzzing)
(wistful music)
(wistful music continues)
(wistful music continues)
(door thuds)
(birds singing)
(shutter clicking)
- Hey, did you
get anything good?
- I doubt there's
anything good to shoot
in Puddle Falls anyways.
- It's Pebble Falls,
and I see what you mean.
These are the best
that I managed.
- Too bad.
- All aboard.
Let's go kids.
Let's get to that house.
Maybe we can check out
those bathrooms, too.
(car whooshing)
- [Wendy] Oh my gosh.
- [Nelson] There we go.
- [Wendy] There it is!
- [Nelson] Looks even bigger
than it did on Craigslist.
- [Wendy] You guys.
- [Nelson] Hey, Itsy, got
your weed-pulling hands ready?
Pull some cactus too, maybe.
Look at that.
- [Evan] There's a jackrabbit.
Dibs!
I dibsed it.
It's mine.
- It's perfect!
It's a real fixer-upper.
Just like Chip and Joanna.
- [Nelson] Yep.
- Pretty great
view from up here!
- Oh my gosh!
Evan get down from there!
- [Nelson] How's
the roof look, bud?
(Evan stomping)
- Pretty great shape, I'd say!
- Oh, we're lucky.
Everyone says a good roof is
critical to a nice, easy flip.
(Nelson growling suggestively)
- I'd like to give
you a nice, easy flip.
(Wendy laughing)
- Honey!
- [Evan] This roof feels solid.
(Evan yelps)
(roof cracks)
- Evan?
Where are you?
- [Evan] I'm in my room.
I think we're gonna have
to replace the insulation.
- Hey, Its, why don't
you take a picture of us
in front of the house?
Evan, it's picture time!
(tripod clicking)
- Ah, there he is.
- Okay, ready?
Everyone say, dream home.
- [All] Dream home!
(door thudding)
(Wendy gasping)
(shutter clicking)
- Oh.
(Nelson and Wendy
laughing in relief)
I guess we'll have to
adopt the countryside's
open-door policy.
(Wendy and Nelson laughing)
- Oh, I get it.
- Oh my gosh, Its,
did you hear that?
(Itsy kicking wood)
- (scoffing) Somebody save me.
(birds singing)
(metallic rustling)
(suspenseful music)
- [Nelson] Itsy!
- Coming.
- Hey, sweetheart, can you
run over to the neighbors
and ask to borrow a hammer?
- And maybe a screwdriver.
- And some duct tape,
and a handful of screws.
- Heck, a spare door
if they've got one.
(both laughing)
- Why can't we just go
to the hardware store?
- Uh, well, the hardware
store's about two hours away
and we still have to unpack,
and do all that stuff.
- It'll be good for us
to meet the neighbors.
- And by us, you mean me, right?
- Uh, no.
I mean you and Lewis and Clark.
- Orienteering.
Remember?
Remember the maps and stuff?
- Yeah, I remember.
- [Nelson] Have fun.
- We've been walking
for 10 minutes
and I haven't seen
a single neighbor.
- A single human neighbor.
We've seen prairie
dogs, gophers,
sparrows, and grasshoppers-
- I'm gonna die out here!
- Hey, look.
There's a neighbor.
(sinister music)
Looks like the road
curves up and around.
Oh, offroading.
I'm right behind ya.
Another common neighbor is
the prairie rattlesnake,
who will not
hesitate to bite you-
- Shut up, Evan.
(Evan whistling)
Let's go to this house.
(tense music)
(equipment clanking)
(Itsy knocking on door)
- Hello.
- I think there's
someone back here.
(metal clattering)
(man screaming)
You know, on second thought,
tomorrow might be a better
day for an adventure.
- I thought you
liked adventuring.
Let's go.
- [Evan] Come on, Itsy.
I just wanna go home.
- Evan, it's fine.
- I've got a bad feeling
about this place.
- Evan, I thought you
wanted to come out here.
- I just don't want...
(electricity buzzing)
(Itsy and Evan
arguing in whisper)
(metal clattering)
- I think there's
someone in there.
- Oh, really?
What gave that away?
The mysterious noises, or
the blood-curdling scream?
- Okay, Ev, can you just
help me open the door?
- Hard pass.
- [Itsy] Evan!
(Evan groans)
(door creaks)
- [Evan] Okay, can we go now?
- No.
What does that say?
Unidentified flying object-
(Itsy screams)
- [Calvin] Intruder alert!
(Evan screaming)
- No, let go of me!
Save yourself!
(board smacking)
- Okay, let's go!
- It smelled of dust,
talcum powder, and danger.
But I had to know
what was in that shed.
- You were terrified.
- Of course.
But what is bravery but
courage in the face of fear?
So I pulled open that
40-pound hinged door-
- We pulled open.
- I pulled open that
40-pound hinged door
and single-handedly battled
that masked villain.
(Evan imitating karate chop)
And then I shouted,
"Save yourself, Itsy.
"I'll save you."
- Good job, kiddo.
- Then I grabbed him.
- I'm sure it was real scary.
I'll check it out.
- I'm gonna die here, Mom.
Die.
- I'll have your
father go check it out,
I'm sure the neighbors were
just in the middle of something.
- That's not what I mean.
I have to get back to the city.
There's nothing here for me.
- Nothing but
possibilities, you mean.
You can do whatever
you want here.
You should take the extra room
and turn it into a darkroom
for your photographs.
That'll be fun.
- I can't stay here.
And the second I
graduate, I'm gone.
- Uh huh.
With what money?
- Scholarship money.
- Oh, I like the sound of that.
Does that mean you're
gonna study more?
- No!
- You're not going to die, Itsy.
- I am.
- Things are gonna
get better soon.
- Soon is a relative term.
I need you to be more specific.
- Hm, tomorrow.
- What's tomorrow?
- First day of school.
- I am not going
to school tomorrow.
- [Nelson] Have fun
at school, guys.
- Shall we?
- You're not in high school.
- Pebble Falls is K through 12,
and that includes me, baby.
- Okay.
(students chattering
and shouting)
(bell ringing)
- [P.A.] Micah Merrill, please
report to the front desk.
(students giggling)
- Is something funny?
- Oh, not at all.
We're just wondering if you're
sure you wanted to sit there.
You're welcome to
come sit with us.
By the looks of things,
it's gonna take a little bit
for you to make friends,
but I'm happy to help out.
For now.
- You know, you guys seem
really cool, but I'm good here.
- Suit yourself.
- How was everybody's weekend?
I said, how was
everybody's weekend?
- [Itsy] Good.
- Who said that?
Oh, you must be one
of our new students.
Would you like to stand up
and tell us a little
about yourself?
- (Itsy sighs) Um, my
name is Itsy Levan.
I'm 17.
My dream job
is to work at the "New York
Times" as a journalist.
- No, no, no, no, no.
That's too "new kid at school."
Just tell us your name
and three things you
think are cheujy,
and what cheujy means.
- You mean cheugy?
(knocking at door)
- Mr. Kipler, if you
can't use the doorknob
like everyone else, you need
to remove whatever apparatus
is preventing you from doing so.
- [Calvin] It's not an
apparatus, Mr. Sterman,
it's my gravity
equilibrium suit.
I need to acclimate.
- Do they not have
doorknobs in space?
(Calvin resumes knocking)
Calvin, get your butt in here!
- [Calvin] Okay, okay, hold on.
(students tittering)
- Glad you could make it.
I'm sure the commute from the
stratosphere was terrible.
- You mean the exosphere?
The stratosphere is the
layer right above us.
Nothing orbits in
the stratosphere.
- What is that smell?
- Oh it's uh, coconut
oil and squid ink.
A natural lubricant
for me to slip in and
out of my spacesuits.
- Just take a seat, Mr. Kipler.
- Okay.
- Still happy with
your seat choice?
(Heather gasping)
- [Calvin] Oh, whoops, sorry.
- Eww!
Oh, eww!
- [Mr. Sterman] So
today is the 11th.
So you know what that means?
That's right, it's
group activity day.
Yeah, yeah, you
expressive radical.
Get it?
Little mathematics
joke for you guys.
Anywho, since you all didn't
like that last scenario-
- How did you find
my command center?
- Hmm?
- That was you outside
my shed, right?
You hit my arm with a stick.
- Oh, yeah!
Sorry, me and my brother
were just looking
for a screwdriver.
And a door.
So what was going on in there?
- Uh, it's top secret for
anyone who isn't a friendly.
- Well, I come in peace.
- How do you know about that?
- About what?
- The galactic sign for peace.
I mean, I'm glad that I
can trust someone else
on this planet, but where'd
you learn about that?
- From "Star Trek?"
- What trek, and to what star?
- [Mr. Sterman] All
right, everyone.
You and the person sitting
next to you have 15 minutes
to figure out how
long it takes a ship
traveling at the speed of
light to get to Jupiter.
Go!
- Okay, so it says
that the speed of light
is one billion, eighty
million kilometers an hour-
- Wrong.
It is one billion,
seventy nine million
kilometers per hour, actually.
- But the teacher-
- Is a adequate math teacher,
however, he is woefully ignorant
when it comes to
interstellar travel.
- Oh, what, and
you're an expert?
- As a matter of fact, I am.
- Okay, well then you
can figure this one out.
- All right.
Well, first we have to adjust
the size of the vessel.
- We do?
- Well, yeah.
Any spacecraft traveling
at the speed of light
it has to be at
least 1/3 the size
of today's clunky,
120-meter rocketships.
So like, what, 50 meters?
- 40.
You can calculate space
travel but not fractions?
- Fractions will be obsolete
within the next 100 years.
So, what day will it be leaving?
- I don't know.
Why does that matter?
- Because depending
on the time of year,
Jupiter will obviously be in
a different orbital position.
- [Mr. Sterman] Yes?
- What day is the
spacecraft leaving?
- Why does that matter?
(Calvin whispering)
- Okay, yeah.
Because depending
on the time of year,
Jupiter will obviously be in
a different orbital position.
- Huh, that's a great point.
Let's say tomorrow.
- So if we were
leaving tomorrow,
it would be about 900 million
kilometers away from Jupiter.
- But the board says 1,200.
- Wrong again.
Our spacecraft will be traveling
to Jupiter's future location,
so the curved flight path
will be 1.4 times longer.
We would get there in about
an hour and 15 minutes.
- How do you know all this?
- Just common sense, really.
- If it was common sense,
I would know it, too.
- You know, maybe you should
go on more "Star Treks."
- I'm Heather.
- I'm Itsy.
- I know.
I feel really good about
us being besties now.
Especially 'cause I was the
lead in this years' play,
"My Fair Ladybug" and I'm also
running for class president,
which everyone says I've
already got in the bag.
So I'm just a really
good person to know.
Anyway, I'm also the head editor
for our Young Journalists Club,
and I wanted to
invite you to enter
into a writing competition
for NYU with me.
The winners get to go to
their summer writing program.
- Oh my gosh, that's awesome.
So where's this program?
- Right in New York City, baby.
- That's amazing; I'm in.
So what's the subject about?
- The prompt is to write
about the strangest thing
in your hometown.
- Oh, well I just moved here,
so I don't know much
about Pebble Falls,
but I'm sure I
can figure it out.
- Oh, no, I've already
figured that part out.
The problem is because of a
certain incident in 2nd grade
involving a fairy tea party
and a mock alien invasion,
I'm unable to do the research
on the perfect subject.
But that's where you come in.
- I'm still confused.
What's the subject?
- Not so much a what, but a who.
- Anyone here that cares
about the future of the world?
I'm raising money to
go to outer space.
So, I'm actually
gonna be streaming it.
Anybody that wants
to see the stream?
(Heather snickering)
Hey, could you spare some
money for my grandma's surgery?
Just kidding, it's
way cooler than that.
It's for outer space.
No?
- You want me to
write about that guy?
- The requirements
are to write about
the strangest thing
in your hometown.
That is definitely
Calvin Kipler.
Obviously, he's not
gonna open up to me,
but if you and I work
to write this thing,
we'll be in New York
City in no time.
- Hey guys, I need to
acclimate this suit.
I can't take it off.
(nunchucks clattering)
Ooh, my nunchucks.
- Unless, you want to stay
in Pebble Falls forever.
- No, no, definitely not.
So what do you think I
should do to get started?
- You're a journalist, right?
You'll figure it out.
Bye.
- [Calvin] Let me
hear you say, "Hey,"
if you wanna give me some
money for outer space.
Hey.
Who said that?
(students chattering)
Whoops, sorry.
Didn't realize anybody
was sitting here.
- No, you can stay.
- But don't you wanna sit here?
- Yeah, with you.
Sit.
So, you live in Pebble Falls?
- Mm hm.
- I guess that was
a dumb question.
Um, how long have
you lived here for?
- Uh, 207 months.
Or 103 weeks and two days.
(wrapper crinkling)
- I like the accuracy.
Where did you come up with that?
- A sandwich?
- No, like, the Doritos
on the sandwich?
(chips crunching)
Oh, garnish.
It's cool.
What's the town like?
- [Calvin] It's an adequate
place of residence.
- What are you doing?
Okay, that's gross.
- No, it's not.
Here, try one.
- No, maybe another time.
So I actually wanted to
talk to you about something.
Something supernatural.
- Go on.
- So late last night I was
walking in front of my house,
and I was listening to some
music on my headphones-
- What kind of headphones?
- I don't know, that's not
important to the story-
- Everything is
important to the story.
- Marshall cans.
- What song?
- Elton John.
- What song?
- "Tiny Dancer."
So I was listening
to "Tiny Dancer"
on my Marshall headphones,
when all of a sudden
the music cuts out.
And then I look up
and the street lamps,
they're flashing, going crazy.
And then all the
sudden they just stop.
Yeah, and then
everything goes quiet.
The crickets and the birds,
everything just stops.
And then right above me
this series of lights
starts flashing, and
it's like red and white,
and then splashes of blue.
Then as soon as it arrived,
it just disappeared.
It just went whoosh.
It was gone.
- Then what?
- Then everything
went back to normal.
So what's your take on it?
- I know what that is.
Sounds like what you
encountered is a Super Galaxy.
- A Super Galaxy?
Is that some sort
of alien technology?
A celestial disturbance?
An intersection
between our world
and another parallel universe?
- Nope.
A Lockheed C-5 Super Galaxy
is a large military
transport aircraft.
- Wait, what?
That's rude.
But the crickets went silent.
- Crickets go silent when
anything gets too close.
- I know, this was different
because the lights
were flickering.
- Super Galaxies are equipped
with a frequency jammer
that's similar to what the
old sodium-vapor streetlights
work off of.
They need to be replaced.
I've gone to the city council
about this several times,
and they're always like,
"Ooh, those work just fine,"
and "Oh, we don't
have the budget,"
or "Uh, don't stand on the
podium," blah, blah, blah.
- Okay, but then how do you
explain the sequence of notes?
- Sequence of notes?
- Did I not tell you?
When the lights were flashing,
there was a sequence of
notes that was playing.
Twice.
- Can you remember these notes?
- Yeah, probably.
- Very well.
I have a piano in my workshop.
Meet me in the parking lot
10 minutes after the bell.
- Okay.
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
(students chattering)
- You ready?
- Evan, what are you doing here?
- What do you mean?
This is where Mom and
Dad told us to meet them.
- Okay, well, I'm
not going home.
I have stuff to do.
- What kind of stuff?
- Secret stuff.
- What kind of secret stuff?
(van rumbling)
(engine shuts off)
Wow.
- [Itsy] Crap; Evan, just don't
say anything embarrassing.
(door slams)
- All right, you ready to go?
- Holy moly!
This is incredible!
- Wait, sorry.
Who is this?
- Evan Lean.
- So your name is spelled
Evan, and then an L,
and another Evan?
- I think you're my hero.
(engine purring)
- Hey, kids.
- Hey, hop in.
Some guy's listing a bunch of
half-used cream paint buckets
for a dollar each.
We gotta go.
- Oh, are we not
going to my house?
- Well, hello there.
Who might you be?
- Well, that's a
complicated question.
But for now, suffice it to
say that I'm an astrologist,
junior SETI researcher,
pog champion,
Smithsonian star
cataloger, omnivore,
and proud member
of the human race.
You can call me Calvin Kipler.
- Teach me everything.
- Me and Calvin are just
working on a research project
at his house, so that's all.
End of story.
- Sounds fun.
What's the project?
- So it's a, um-
- It's top secret.
- [Calvin] Right, right.
- Yeah, so we'll be at his
house working on the project.
For school.
- Well, all right.
That sounds like a plan.
- All right, well, it was
very nice to meet you all.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
Yes.
- Live long and prosper.
- Don't, don't, don't do that.
- It's "Star Trek."
- Bye.
(tires crunching)
- So what do your parents do?
- Oh, um, I actually
live with my grandma.
Oh, no, no, no, I
don't think she's home.
She, uh, she's a
volunteer brain surgeon.
- Cool grandma.
- Yeah, so it's this way.
(equipment buzzes and whirs)
Shall we?
- Right, the notes, yeah.
Totally.
- What's wrong?
- Nothing, I'm just
trying to remember them.
Okay, uh...
(Itsy plays "Chopstick")
- Interesting.
This does feel otherworldly.
- Did you take that photo?
- Oh, yeah, that's from the
night my parents disappeared.
- What?
What happened?
- [Calvin] It's a long story.
- You don't have to tell
me if you don't want to.
- I don't know.
I just feel like if I do,
you won't want to hang
out with me anymore.
- That's not true.
I'm listening.
- Okay, well, October
21st, 2012 at 9:44 p.m.,
Jesper's Comet made
its 10-year journey
back into Earth's orbit.
So my dad and I
set up our homemade
camera telescope
to photograph it
and my parents were
never able to see it.
- Where did they go?
- They didn't go anywhere.
They were taken.
- Taken?
Taken by who?
(solemn music)
Aliens?
- UFO spottings happen all along
Jesper's Comet's flight path.
See, it's all here.
And it's coming
back, Jesper's Comet.
It'll make its 10-year
appearance again in 41 days.
And if I'm right, which I
am, they're coming back, too.
My parents are
coming back for me.
- Calvin, this is-
- Please, don't say
crazy, because it is all-
- Incredible!
Calvin, this is incredible.
(hopeful music)
- Really?
- Yeah.
Can you tell me more about it?
- Yeah, yeah.
- And then he's telling me
he's tracking this comet
because he thinks that the
aliens that abducted his parents
are following it, and I'm
like, "Why?" and he's like,
"Because so when it comes
back, I'm gonna go with them."
(keyboard clicking)
- Wow, this is fantastic.
- Really?
- Yeah, I mean,
it's no Nobel Prize,
but I can see the title now:
"Delusional Pebble Falls
High Schooler Thinks Parents
"Were Abducted by Aliens and
He's Finna Get Abducted Too."
- Well, I don't think
he's delusional.
I think he's more,
kind of like a sad,
like, pathetic little
puppy, you know?
- Right, sad and pathetic.
I love that.
- No, I didn't say that.
I just mean he's like,
I don't know, he's-
- Crazy?
- No, I mean, yeah but,
that one sounds a
little bit insensitive.
- You may be right.
There's an emotional
heart to this story
that I think we're overlooking
because we're getting too
wrapped up in the whole
spectacle of the alien
abduction, you know?
This is a story of a boy
looking for his parents.
And they just so happen
to be abducted by aliens.
That's the hook.
But the heart of the
story is the fact
that he's trying to find them.
Like if he finds
them, he's completed,
he's great, he's amazing.
If not, well, like who
even is he, you know?
Itsy?
Hello? (snapping)
- Yeah.
- Okay.
So you keep on hanging
out with Calvin
and I want as much
information as possible, okay?
I'm talking photos,
documentation, everything.
And then I'll write it
into a readable format,
and we will be in
NYC in no time.
- Well, can I see what
you've written so far?
(laptop snaps)
- This is a team
effort, remember?
So I'll handle all the writing,
and you focus on our
weird little friend, okay?
Sound good?
- Sounds good.
- Good.
Um, well I have to get to
horseback riding lessons, so...
- That's cool.
- Yeah, okay.
- Oh, I leave; okay.
- Yeah, that's great.
(liquids dripping)
(knocking at door)
- You're cleared to enter.
- Hey, cutie bug.
What's all this for?
- These are photos for a
article that me and Calvin
are working on for
a summer program
at NYU's School of Journalism.
- Wow, what's the article on?
- We're leaning towards aliens.
- You mean like, SETI, right?
- What's SETI?
- Search for Extraterrestrial
Intelligence.
- [Wendy] Well,
that sounds amazing-
- Don't drink that.
Actually, go ahead.
- By the way, your
mom and I are gonna be
flying into the city to
tie up some loose ends-
- Whoo.
- So we'd like for you to
take care of each other
for the next few days.
You know, take Evan
to school and whatnot.
- Can I go?
Please, you guys know that
I've been dying to go back!
- You guys have school-
- Yeah.
- And it's more of a
romantic weekend getaway, so,
no kids allowed.
(both laughing shyly)
So dinner's in 15.
- Don't worry, sis.
I'll stay out of your way.
Probably.
(brush thudding)
- Can you at least
close the door?
Evan!
So when's the next
time Jesper's Comet
is supposed to come back?
- Approximately 38 days,
seven hours, and 32 minutes.
- And then what happens
when it comes back?
- Well, I will be there
to greet them, duh.
- But have you ever
seen the aliens before?
- Well, I have seen
evidence of them.
- But not them-them.
- [Calvin] More or less.
Philips head?
- More-more, or more-less?
- Um, more-more.
- How do you even know
that this is safe,
trying to contact
aliens and such?
- It totally is.
Probably.
(electricity popping)
(fire extinguisher whooshing)
We'll see.
- Not safe.
- Now it's safe.
- Wow do you even know
they're still out there?
- Well, when was the last time
you saw your grandparents?
- I don't know.
It's been a couple years.
Why?
- Well, how do you know
they're still out there?
- Okay, that's not
even the same thing,
and I can call my grandparents
to make sure that
they're still there.
- Yeah, so can I. (snapping)
- You can call aliens?
When? Where?
With what? With who?
Why? How?
How often? How come?
- [Itsy] What took you so long?
- My legs haven't
fully developed yet.
Also, I'm not a very
good bike rider.
- [Itsy] So you were saying
you can contact aliens by-
- Wait, does this PB&J
have mustard on it?
- No.
- Dang it.
- Thank you.
(radio static hissing)
What's going on?
- Intercepting a signal.
- Holy cow, this is happening!
- How do you know
when it's gonna-
- Shhh.
(radio squawking)
(warbled tones)
- [Heidi] Subway drive through,
what can I get for you?
- Hey, so we just
ordered some sandwiches
but the PB&Js didn't come
with mustard on them.
- [Heidi] Hi, Calvin.
If you wanna swing by, we'll
make another sandwich for you.
- Awesome.
Thank you, Heidi.
I will see you soon.
- Yeah.
- Where's the bathroom?
- Uh, second bush on your right.
- Okay.
- And you, follow me.
- You could have called them.
- Okay, but that
was so much cooler.
- [Itsy] So what's that?
- It measures Earth's
electromagnetic fields.
- And then what's that button?
- Broadcasts a warning to all
networks in a 50-mile radius.
(alarm beeping)
- What's that?
- That is an alarm signifying
that something has
entered our atmosphere,
and we've got less
than 30 seconds
to launch a counterattack.
- Are you serious right now?
Are we about to die?
- Why aren't you taking notes?
- I don't know.
What am I supposed to write?
- November 11th at 4:13 p.m.
Calvin proves he is the
smartest, coolest person
that Itsy knows.
(alarm stops)
- I'm gonna kill you.
That was evil.
- "OMG, are we gonna,
like, die right now?"
- That's not what I said.
- Hey, what's the-
- You're not funny. (laughing)
- Hey Calvin, I didn't know
which one was the pee bush,
so I peed a little
on all of them...
What's going on here?
- Nothing.
- Nothing, what?
- Nothing.
- What?
- Nothing.
(Calvin clears throat)
- So, who wants to
talk to some aliens?
- Yes. When?
- Right now.
(crickets chirping)
- Anything?
- Nope.
- Don't probe me!
I'm sensitive!
(radio chirping)
- Hello?
(eerie music)
Hello, is anybody there?
(warbled buzzing)
This is Calvin Kipler speaking.
Hello.
Dang it.
- What?
- We just missed it.
- Going to the bathroom.
I'll be right back.
- Oh, no, no, no.
You can't go in there.
- Calvin, I'm not
gonna pee in a bush.
Just let me go inside.
- But, my grandma's sleeping.
Naked.
And she sleepwalks.
- Your grandma doesn't actually
live with you, does she?
- No.
- Then where is she?
- Well, that depends on if
you believe in an afterlife
and that sort of thing.
- Shoot.
Calvin, I'm really sorry.
When did she pass?
- Couple years back.
But she knew if we
didn't keep it a secret,
that once she died they'd
put me in a foster home
and then I couldn't keep
looking for my parents.
So, she taught me
how to pay the bills
and take care of myself,
and I have been doing
that ever since.
- You've been on your
own all these years?
- Yeah well, there's
nothin' new about that.
So um, the bathroom
is in on the,
(emotional music)
on your right.
Um, yeah, the bathroom.
- Yes.
- Wait!
Look, make a wish.
- I didn't think
you'd do that, too.
I thought you'd just say there's
no point in wishing on it.
- Yeah, well, shooting
stars are basically
just metallic particles with
gases like hydrogen and helium,
but I've spent so much
time looking at the sky
I figure if one in a
million grant my wish,
I'm already halfway there.
You know, my dad said the light
from each one of those stars
took millions and-
- Millions of
years to get to us.
I mean, just think of
what it was like here
when that light
was first sent out.
- You mean, like dinosaurs?
- Oh much, much before
dinosaurs, kiddo.
Most likely just noxious
gas and raw elements.
But it's possible that some
of that starlight was sent out
when the earth was just
bits of stardust, too.
Back when the universe
was brand new, and cold,
and just starting
to form itself.
How awesome is that?
And who knows, maybe there's
an alien dad and alien kid
out there looking at us, too.
- You think?
- Only one way to find out.
Hello out there!
My name is Cyrus!
And this is my
alien son, Calvin!
- Hello out there, aliens.
- Oh, you gotta be
louder than that.
They can't hear that.
Hello out there!
- Hello, can you hear us?
- Hello, nice to meet
you, alien buddies!
- Hello, aliens!
Hello!
- [Cyrus] Good job, young man.
("Ignite" by Omar
Raafat & Sunset Park)
When you see us
We'll be shooting stars
runnin' down the boulevard
We'll be us
Will you come out and play
Will you do this every day
Come with us
'Cause everything is ours
Yeah, we get
the fire started
We will be the spark
In every chosen heart
Light up like the moon
You will feel it soon
- Nice.
- This is a gold mine!
I love it.
This is perfect.
I think this is finally
enough to finish our article.
- Really?
You think that's enough?
- Yeah, I mean, he
is a crazy person.
Forget the UFOs, the peanut
butter and jelly and mustard,
that is enough for the
kid to be an outcast.
For his own sake, I
hope Jasper's Comet
does come to town.
- It's Jesper.
- Okay, whatever.
Still going to be
a great article,
and NYU's going to love it.
I just, I don't know.
I feel like we need
a different title.
You know, maybe like,
"Aliens Aren't the Weirdest
Thing in Pebble Falls."
Yeah, no, I...
Or "Pebble-Brained
in Pebble Falls?"
Oh, wait, no, no, no, I have it.
"Bit Space Delusions,
Small-Town Dope." (laughing)
- But he's not an idiot.
- What?
- I said, he's not an idiot.
He's actually
really, really smart.
I mean, look at this stuff.
Telescopes, radiation
detector, magnometers,
and he made all of
it from scratch.
If anything, he's the smartest
person in this stupid town.
And yeah, his story's a
little bit far-fetched,
but he's fighting for something,
and he has goals, and...
he has a good heart.
- I think I know what
our title should be.
"City Girl Falls
for Village Idiot."
- (scoffs) I'm not
falling for him.
- Oh, really?
Then do you believe him?
Do you believe his parents
were abducted by aliens?
- No, of course not.
- [Heather] Are you sure?
- I think I'm gonna go.
Don't publish the article yet.
Talk to you later.
(keyboard clicking)
(monitor beeping)
- Calvin?
- Yeah?
- Um, you know, I was, I
was kinda just thinking.
What if your parents
weren't abducted by aliens?
- Well, that is impossible
because I saw it.
- I get that, but it was
a really long time ago.
And you were really young,
and kids have a hard time
remembering traumatic
things like-
- Like their parents
being abducted by aliens?
- Like their parents
abandoning them.
- My parents didn't
abandon me, Itsy.
I can prove it.
'Kay, December 5th, 2016.
The star called Nimbus in
the constellation Andromeda
blinked the morse
code for P-N-C-A-K-S.
- What am I missing here?
- It's pancakes.
Duh, I mean, my
dad made pancakes
the very morning he disappeared.
It's obviously a
message from them
telling me that they're
still out there.
- Calvin, I think you need
real evidence of a UFO.
- Okay, well I do have,
like, photographic memory.
I have photographic memory.
It's very rare.
Self-diagnosed.
(Itsy exhales)
But I have plenty of
pictures of the comet
in here somewhere.
(latch clicking)
- Are these them?
- [Calvin] Hmm?
- Is this your parents?
- Yeah, yeah, that is.
Now, where is it?
Ah, okay.
See, here it is.
Okay, but this is only
the 8-millimeter preview
of the original
35-millimeter film,
so it's like one sixth
the original scale.
(Itsy laughing)
- One fourth.
For a genius, you are
so bad at fractions.
- Okay.
See, okay, but it's there.
Right there.
- Yeah, it's kinda hard to see.
Why don't you develop it?
- I mean, there's an old
photo shop back in town,
but it closed down
a couple years ago.
I already know it's there,
so like, what's the point?
- Why don't I just take this
and I'll put it in my next
batch of film to be developed.
- Yeah, sure.
- Anyways, I was
thinking it's a good idea
to start applying to some
schools for the fall.
- I'm not going to college.
- What do you mean?
You'd probably get a really
good scholarship somewhere
like MIT or NYU.
- I'm not going to college
because I don't plan on
being on this planet,
not because I don't
think I could get in.
(emotional music)
- You really think
they're still out there?
- Yeah, I do.
(latch clicking)
(keyboard clicking)
(clicking continues)
(clicking continues)
(clicking continues)
(intense music)
- Oh my gosh.
Calvin.
(laptop snaps)
(birds singing)
- [TV Narrator] Since the
discovery of the solar system,
mankind has-
- Hey, where are you going?
- [TV Narrator] By the
endless possibilities-
- Camping with Calvin.
Um, take the bus
to school, okay?
And here is the money that
Mom and Dad gave me for food.
Order whatever you
want for dinner.
- Triple pepperoni pizza?
- I don't care.
Bye.
- Camping in the winter?
(door slams)
- [TV Narrator] Point
of experimentation.
- Get in.
- What?
- Get in, we're
going on a road trip.
- Road trip?
But I was about to
oxidize my moon boots.
- Well, I recently
made a discovery
regarding our
top-secret project.
- Really?
What is it?
- Well, obviously, I can't say.
Somebody could be listening.
(crow cawing)
Time is of the essence,
and we need to be in Billings,
Montana by this weekend.
- Wait, but the
orbit isn't happ-
(Itsy stops him
with warning sound)
Your discovery needs to be
discovered this weekend?
- Yes, but it's fine.
We'll be back in
time for the comet.
So are you in or not?
- I'm gonna go
grab my space suit.
(exciting music)
(engine rumbling)
- Any music requests?
- Oh, Super Space Talk
Radio with Hank Fujiwara,
episode 429.
- Why 429?
- 'Cause I love that one.
So good.
(musical flourish)
- [Hank and Calvin]
I'm Hank Fujiwara.
You may remember me
from my other podcast,
"Inner Space with
Hank Fujiwara."
- Today's episode-
(something pops)
it's a real doozy.
- What was that?
- It's probably just something
tipping over in the back.
- [Hank] Ever heard
about space-time?
Not space time-
- Ooh, but I love this part.
See, Hank's theory is that time
functions differently in space.
And he's got this crazy
idea where if you were to
go into space with the,
like, space continuum,
it kind of builds up.
It's interesting
(voice fades out).
- [Hank] You've seen "Toy Story"
which I'm sure
that you all have.
- Oh, I brought some snacks.
- Oreos and-
- Orange juice.
- You're joking.
- Just try one.
- This is gonna
ruin Oreos for me.
- Uh uh.
It's gonna blow your mind.
(podcast continues)
(Oreo crunching)
- [Hank] Now, in space-
- Well?
- Mm hm!
- Yes! (honking horn)
Whoa!
(tires screeching)
- [Hank] The problem is that-
- They're good, right?
(object clicking)
- There it was again.
- [Calvin] Is there anything?
- No, nothing.
- [Hank] Slinky Dog's caboose,
and hits you all at once.
If there's some
sort (fades out).
Unable to move faster than
(drowned out by crunching).
- Geez, hungry much?
- Yeah, a little.
Yeah, you wanna hand 'em over?
I just gave them to you.
(both screaming)
(tires screeching)
I'm gonna strangle
you, you idiot!
- Don't kill me!
Calvin save me!
- Taking him back would
be a 6-hour round trip.
- We could put him on a bus.
- He'd probably just
get off at the next stop
and get on one
headed our direction.
- How?
He doesn't even know
where we're going.
- Billings, Montana.
- [Itsy] Shut up, Evan.
- See, I think we
gotta take him with us.
- No.
- What do you wanna do?
Leave him tied up on
the side of the road?
- We'll leave him with water.
- Mom and Dad said you were
supposed to take care of me
while they were gone.
Unless you want me to tell
them you left me at home alone.
Poor little old Evan.
- Fine, under one condition.
You obey all orders,
you do everything I ask,
and you don't annoy me
or else I'm ditching you.
- That's like three conditions-
- Evan!
- Okay, deal.
- All right, well, we should
probably hit the road.
- Ooh, can I have shotgun?
- [Itsy] No!
(van rumbling)
- Ooh, should we
put some tunes on?
Are these salt
and vinegar chips?
They look del...
Fine.
(Evan farting, sighing)
I farted.
- Oh!
- Oh, that one's bad.
Oh, that's bad.
- Geez, Evan.
- [Calvin] Oh, oh!
- You were asking for it.
- Geez, my eyes can smell it.
Still no service.
- Okay, well, there
should be a map
in the glove compartment.
(map crinkling)
- I don't know how to use this.
- Of course you don't.
You have it upside
down, by the way.
Okay.
This is where you
almost left me for dead
on the side of the highway.
This is where we saw
that dead possum.
This about where we
should be, right there.
Orienteering: learn it.
- Fine, you can be in
charge of the map then.
(Evan farting)
Ah, much better.
- Again?
("Faint of Heart"
by The Strike")
Feel the room get colder
You can rest your
head on my shoulder
'Cause I've been
waiting forever
Waiting on this to start
Can you lend me your hand
I'm a little too
faint of heart
Little too faint of heart
Oh
Little too faint of heart
Little too faint of heart
- Dinner time.
- Awesome, thanks, Itsy.
- 'Kay, who wants to
tell a campfire story?
I'll start.
This is the story of Daniel
and the hungry beaver.
So Daniel was out fishing,
and he saw a beaver.
He took it home-
- I think I'm gonna
grab some firewood.
- Okay.
He was out fishing
and he found a beaver
who was always hungry.
He took him home and-
- I think I'm
gonna go help Itsy.
- Okay.
I'll just stay by the fire.
Guarding it.
From water.
(fire crackling)
Guess I'll just continue
the story by myself.
(bird squawking)
- Hey.
- Hey.
Um, are you having fun?
- Oh, yeah, I love
collecting wood.
- No, I mean on this
trip in general.
- Oh, of course, um...
Are you?
- Yeah, I'm having a lot of fun.
- Um, hey, Itsy.
There was something I
wanted to say to you,
and I'm sure you
can already tell.
But I'm not really somebody
that has a lot of friends.
People kinda think I'm weird.
- You're not weird.
- No, I am.
But I like that part
of me, you know?
Just makes it difficult for
other people to really like me.
- I found it really
easy to like you.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I find it really easy.
To really like you.
- I um...
I really like you, too.
I-I wanna ask you something.
- What is it?
- Well, I was wondering.
Itsy, may I have your consent?
- My consent?
- Yeah, to like, you know...
- Geez, Calvin, I don't
think we're ready for that.
- Right, I'm sorry.
Kissing's a huge step, and we
should really take that slow.
- Hold on.
You were asking for my
consent just to kiss me?
- Of course.
I mean, consent is
really important.
- Well, in that case, of
course you can kiss me.
- Really?
Thank you.
Um, it's an honor.
I, um...
Okay.
Well, if I may.
(romantic music)
(sticks clattering)
- How much frickin' firewood
are you guys getting?
Oh, oh, oops.
Oh, is that firewood?
I think I'll go investigate.
- Um, anyways.
- [Evan] Hey, my foot is stuck.
I stepped in something squishy.
It might be dead, but it
is most certainly squishy.
- He'll be fine.
- Okay.
- [Evan] Ouch, that hurt!
Okay, it bit me!
I need to see a doctor.
- Okay, well, we should
probably go help him.
- Yeah.
(Itsy sighing)
- [Evan] I think
it's licking me.
(invigorating music)
Larry, the Hungry.
- [Itsy] This kid
is always hungry.
- [Evan] I'm starving.
I could eat a cow, horse-
- [Itsy] Or Oreos.
- [Evan] Guys, there's an
old tire someone left here.
When are we gonna get there?
- There it is right there.
- Yes!
You know, we've seen seven
deer on the side of the road.
- Only seven?
We've been driving for so long.
- I know.
Hey, gotta keep
track of something.
They sell moose here?
Gross.
- 'Kay, so we're
having lunch here
and then are we almost there?
- Actually, we're here.
This is the last place.
- Welcome, guys.
Anything I can get
you started with?
- Mom?
- Calvin?
Hey.
(tableware clinking)
So um, how's Cyrus doing?
- You mean, Dad?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
It's probably weird
for me to ask.
I was just curious.
You don't have to answer.
He knows that you're
here at least, right?
- No, he doesn't because-
- Oh, Calvin, he
must be worried sick!
- No, he's not-
- Hey, no, you need to call him.
- I um
I can't.
- Okay, why can't you?
- 'Cause I don't
know where he is.
I haven't seen him since that
night that you guys, um...
- That, that, that night what?
- Ms. Kipler, um, from
what Calvin's told me,
he believes that you and Cyrus
disappeared 10 years ago.
- Disappeared?
What do you mean?
- He thought,
he thinks...
- What?
What does he think?
Someone please explain
to me what's going on.
- No, wait.
You need to explain.
Where have you been?
- Oh, geez.
Where haven't I
been? (chuckling)
I've been all over.
- But I, I saw it.
I saw it.
- Saw what?
What did you see?
- I thought both of
you both were abducted.
- Abducted?
By aliens, or something?
(intense music)
No.
No, Calvin, that's not
at all what happened?
Your father and I
were separating.
We were,
we were getting a divorce.
He was supposed to explain
all of that to you.
- Vera, Vera, slow down.
Come on.
Come inside and let's sit
down and talk about this.
- No.
No, Cy.
If I don't do this now,
it'll just be another
thing that I never did,
and I can't, I can't do this.
I know we had so many plans.
And living in a broken-down
house in the middle of nowhere
was not one them.
Cy, I don't know
what happened to us.
- We became a family, Vera.
That's what happened to us.
Vera, please.
I'll let you go.
I promise I will.
At least say goodbye to him.
- You know I can't do that.
- Why?
- Because if I do that
then I will never leave.
- Well then maybe you shouldn't.
We can figure it out.
Just tell me what
to do, anything.
Just tell me what you need.
- Tell Calvin I'm sorry.
(trunk slams)
(tires crunching)
- Why did you leave?
- Uh,
I don't know, Calvin.
I just...
- No.
No, 'cause you need a reason.
Did you need to go somewhere?
Did something happen?
Did I do something wrong?
Did I do something wrong?
Did I make you mad?
- No, no, no!
You were good.
You did nothing
(laughing ruefully).
You did nothing wrong.
You're really
a great kid.
Great kid.
I think that I just,
listen, I think that I
wasn't meant to be a mom.
At least not a very
good one, obviously.
- No, no, no, 'cause
you were to me.
You were.
You were my mom.
- The truth is
that I left because
when your father and I
married, I was so young,
and I barely knew who I was.
And once I figured it out,
I was just so desperate
to get out of that little
town and see the world,
and it felt like
life was out there.
And I was so scared that
I was gonna miss it,
that I was going to
give up anything.
- Give up anything, yeah.
You mean me.
- No.
Don't say it like that.
No, I wanted to come back.
But the thought of facing you
and your dad.
How could I after I left you?
So just easier to
let it go, you know,
like water under the bridge.
So you can understand
that, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
It's easier just
to forget I exist.
I get it.
- No.
Calvin, you're taking all
of this the wrong way.
I'm saying that all
of this is behind us.
We can be friends now.
- I don't wanna
to be your friend.
I wanted to be your son.
(emotional music)
So, let's go.
(bell jingles)
(van rumbling)
(musical flourish)
- [Hank] I'm Hank Fujiwara.
You may remember me
from my other podcast.
(contemplative music)
(birds singing)
(engine shuts off)
- See you later, Calvin.
- See you, buddy.
Well, thank you
for the road trip.
It was, um,
well, thank you.
- Calvin, I'm sorry.
I didn't know what I
expected your mom to be like-
- It's no big deal.
It's not like it was
your fault, or anything.
- Well, actually, I've been
meaning to tell you that
me and Heather, we start-
(car humming)
- Well, I gotta get going.
See you at school tomorrow.
(engine starting)
- Good night.
- [Wendy] We're back!
- What's up, Cal?
- [Wendy] It's so
good to see you!
- [Evan] You too.
- [Wendy] Calvin was here?
- [Evan] Yeah.
You ready for bed?
- [Wendy] No, I gotta
hear all the stories.
- [Evan] All the stories?
- [Wendy] Yeah,
every single story,
and that thing about Daniel
and the hungry beaver
named Larry, part two.
(students chattering)
- There she is!
- Heather, what's going on?
- OMG, that's right, you
played hooky on Friday.
We won.
New York City, here we come.
- Heather, why would
you turn this in?
- 'Cause that was the plan?
What?
- Calvin.
Calvin, I'm sorry.
Calvin, I can
explain, I promise.
Calvin, can you wait?
Calvin, stop.
Calvin, wait, serious-
- Was it before or after?
- What do you mean?
- Did you start writing that
paper before or after our trip?
- Before-
- Was it before or
after you told me
you wanted to be my friend?
- Before.
- Was it before or after
you told me you liked me?
- Before.
- So all of that
was just to get out of
this stupid town, right?
- Calvin, I didn't know
you like I know you now.
- Yeah well, my mom knew me too,
and that is exactly
what she did.
- I wouldn't do that.
- Oh hey, Calvin,
any word from E.T.
on how Mom and Dad are doing?
I heard probing was a thing.
- That's not true.
- Yes, it is.
I saw it on the SYFY channel.
- No, his mom wasn't abducted.
We found her this
weekend in Montana.
- Oh.
So she just ran out?
- No, I mean-
- Well, you were right, Itsy.
Isn't that what you said?
You said that he was so
sad and pathetic, right?
Aww, look, he's so sad now.
Hey, maybe Mommy
will kiss it better
if she hasn't run off again.
- What is wrong with you?
- No!
- You're such a jerk, Heather!
(girls shouting)
(students cheering)
- Get off me!
- [Students] Fight,
fight, fight!
- Come at me, you mongrels!
You're not ready!
I'm built different!
(screaming and
chanting continue)
That's my sister!
- Get off me!
Help me!
- I've been waiting a
long time to do this!
(Heather screaming)
- So I take one out, give
the ol'(imitates karate chop)
and then the other one
comes at me like aahh,
and then I'm like, so I'm
like "Today's my lucky day."
(imitating karate chop)
- Okay, okay, we get it, honey.
I mean, we're just lucky
they didn't suspend
the both of you.
- Yeah, speaking of which,
I was thinking we ground
you guys for like, 2 days.
- Oh, our first grounding.
How fun.
We can make you guys
pull weeds, or something.
- [Nelson] Sand the banisters?
- I've got some ottomans that
need to be reupholstered.
You can do that, too.
- Ooh, exciting.
- [Evan] I have no clue
what that means, whatsoever.
- Hey, you remember that
you're grounded, right?
Just be back before dinner.
I guess.
("All Your Days" by
Emmit Fenn and Shallou)
We could be together
like a clock
Take our time
and make it ours
We could be
something they're not
But all my friends,
they keep asking
"How do you spend, all
your days by her side"
And I just said, "I
love her 'til I die"
Your friends
they keep asking
Do you want to spend all
your years by his side
And you just said, "I
will never say goodbye"
- Honey, what's wrong?
- What's wrong?
- Dinner.
- You can just leave it.
- These from Calvin's shed?
- Yeah, he was
tracking this comet,
the one he believed that the UFO
that took his parents
were following.
'Til I blew it all up.
- That was pretty uncool of you.
But he still deserved to know
that his mom was
still out there,
even if she was a total jerk.
What are these?
- Those were taken the
night his parents left,
and he didn't have a way
to develop them, so I did.
- What this, though?
- I just told you.
- No, this, right here.
- [Itsy] Is that a UFO?
- That's a UFO?
- Shh!
(Wendy and Nelson laughing)
It's tonight.
- Huh?
- That's why he's
not at the shed.
Jesper's Comet
flies over tonight!
- How many times do I
have to say orienteering
before you listen to me?
- With these coordinates
measuring for travel time,
huh, the comet path
should be right here,
but it looks like he mixed up
the 1/3 and 1/4 mile marker
and went to a spot
2 miles south.
- You are a genius!
Freakin' fractions.
Oh, man.
- Unless we tell him,
he's gonna miss the comet.
- You forget, we're grounded.
- You forget that
I'm very clever.
Hello, Mother and Father.
I'm just going to the
kitchen for sustenance.
(glass breaking)
Oh, no!
I've broken something.
Gasp! I think it's
Mother's favorite tea mug!
- Better not be!
- [Evan] Never mind.
I think it's Dad's entire
shot glass collection
from Venezuela.
- If you mean Nicaragua,
I'm gonna be really upset.
(TV chattering)
(suspenseful music)
Hold it right there, missy.
I'm guessing your brother
orchestrated that whole thing
as a distraction so
you could sneak out?
- Mm hm.
- And you're going
to go find Calvin?
- Mm hm.
- Then you should
probably take my car.
- Wait, you'll need this.
It's dark out there.
- You guys are okay with this?
- Ah, you can be
grounded some other time.
Maybe next Thursday. (chuckling)
(joyful music)
- Go get 'em, kiddo.
- Love you guys.
- Love you.
(car whooshing)
("UFO" by The National Parks)
I caught a glimpse
of you tonight
movin' like a satellite
And not to be dramatic but
my heartbeat was erratic
Then my radio went static
and it felt like magic
And I couldn't
even move my eyes
They were locked, paralyzed
Now everybody
thinks I'm crazy
You made everything
feel hazy
- Calvin!
You are my UFO
- Calvin!
Like a flash of bright lights
in the middle of the night
You are my UFO
Take my breath away
- Calvin!
Yeah, you make me levitate
- Calvin!
You are my UFO
I was a doubter 'til
the close encounter
- Calvin!
And now I know that
you're somewhere out there
- Calvin!
Calvin!
And I'm not alone
You are my UFO
- Itsy?
- Calvin.
Calvin, I am so sorry
about everything.
I shouldn't have written
that article about you,
and I shouldn't have
said those things,
and you were right
about everything
except your mom being abducted,
who just turned out to be
a total jerk-
- Itsy.
- And I'm sorry, I was
just focused on trying
to get back to my old life,
so I was self-centered,
and selfish, and a jerk!
- Itsy.
You're right.
- You don't have to
agree that quickly.
- No, no, what I
mean is I've realized
I've spent so much time thinking
about leaving this planet,
I haven't thought about
what I'd do if I stayed.
So I came here to say goodbye.
Not to Earth, but to my dad.
I have to move on.
I can't keep pretending like
he's coming back for me,
or that UFOs exist-
- No, but they do exist!
Calvin, you were
right about the UFOs,
but you were wrong
about the location.
We're supposed to be
two miles that way.
You might be a genius,
but you're still
horrible at fractions.
(exhilarating music)
- I was right?
- You were right.
- My dad was abducted by aliens?
- Your dad was totally
abducted by aliens!
- We've got 23 minutes.
Okay, we need to go.
(exciting music)
- This way; let's go.
You are my UFO
Like a flash of bright lights
in the middle of the night
You are, you are
You are my UFO
- Did we make it on time?
- We made it.
Okay, it's coming.
It's coming.
(comet roaring)
- There it is!
It's so beautiful.
- Okay, okay, get ready.
(crickets chirping)
- Calvin?
(poignant music)
- I really thought
he was coming.
- Are you okay?
- I'm okay.
I think I'm finally okay.
I've got everything
I need right here.
Let's go home.
(light hums)
(wind whooshes)
(dramatic music)
(metallic humming)
(vacuum hissing)
(aliens chattering)
(ethereal music)
- Calvin, look.
(chattering continues)
(Itsy laughing)
(alien speaking gibberish)
- Pardon?
(aliens whispering)
- Nice to meet you, buddy.
- Oh, yeah, it's nice
to meet you too, buddy.
(aliens chatter excitedly)
- Calvin?
- Dad?
Dad!
(exhilarating music)
(exhilarating music continues)
- Oh, Calvin.
I can't believe you're here.
- Me?
I can't believe
that you're here.
- And look at you.
You're huge!
- Look at you!
You look, the exact same.
- Yeah, it's crazy, right?
Yeah, there's something
about chasing Jesper's Comet
that stops you from aging.
You know, I've been up
in space for 109 years.
Wait, so how many earth years
have passed since I left?
- You've been gone
for 10 years, Dad.
- Oh, I'm so sorry, son.
Look, I've been trying to reach
you since the moment I left.
Did you get my message
about pancakes?
- I knew that was you.
- Well, I'm here now.
- [Itsy] Calvin?
(aliens chattering)
- Who's this?
- Hi, I'm Itsy.
- Oh, hi, Itsy.
I'm Cyrus, Calvin's dad.
Are you, uh...
- Well, it's um...
- I'm his girlfriend.
- I see, all right.
Hmm.
Well, it's very nice
to meet you, Itsy.
- Nice to meet buddy.
(aliens chattering)
(Itsy and Calvin laughing)
- Wait, Dad, your hair.
You're getting older.
- Oh no.
I was afraid this would happen.
- What's going on?
- Time is catching up to me.
That 109 years I spent in space
must be affecting
me all at once.
(aliens warbling)
(alien speaking gibberish)
Okay.
- [Itsy] What are they saying?
- Well, the bad news is uh...
- You can't stay.
- Well, no.
I can.
I've come all this
way to see you.
I'm staying here.
- Dad, you've aged 20
years in five minutes.
Another 15 and you'll have
aged 60 years and probably die.
You need to go.
- All right.
Give me a second.
(Cyrus speaking alien)
(alien speaking gibberish)
Okay, great news.
They said that you
guys can come with us.
Yeah, but we need to
leave ASAP, all right.
These guys are kind of obsessed
with chasing Jesper's Comet
because they think the tail
tastes like cotton candy.
By the way, it's very good.
- Cotton candy?
- Yeah.
- But the tails of
comets are mostly made up
of ionized gases and
metallic microparticles.
- Oh, my sweet, sweet boy.
There's so much
for you to learn.
(spaceship chiming)
Oh, there's the departure bell.
Come on, let's go.
We better go.
- Calvin.
I can't leave.
My family's here.
- But my dad.
- I know.
You go.
- Calvin?
Come on.
- Dad, I, I...
- Yeah, it's okay.
I understand.
Just know I'll be up
there looking down on you.
Oh, I'm so proud of you, Son.
So proud of you.
Love you, kiddo.
- Love you, too, Dad.
- And hey, the
comet will be making
its way back around to
Earth every 10 years.
Maybe one day you guys
will change your minds
and wanna come with us.
(metallic humming)
(spaceship whooshing)
(wind rushing)
(spaceship whirs)
- Wait, look.
- Make a wish, Calvin.
- Well, um, if now
is a good time.
I'd like to ask for
your consent to-
Wow.
- What?
- I just didn't expect for
my wish to come true so soon.
(dramatic music swells)
(comet whooshes)
Wherever you go
Know that you're never alone
You're forever in my heart
And the moments you need me
No distance could keep me
I will be wherever you are
You could be all the
way across the ocean
You might just feel a
million miles from me
It don't matter, baby
I'll come running
Oh, I will do anything
to make you see
Wherever you go
Know that you're never alone
You're forever in my heart
And the moments you need me
No distance could keep me
I will be wherever you are
When you find pain
When you fall down
When you hit harder times
Just call my name
I'll always be
right by your side
(piano playing bridge)
Wherever you go
Know that you're never
alone, never alone
You're forever in my heart
Forever in my heart
And the moments you need me
No distance could keep me
Could keep me
I will be wherever you are
I'll be wherever you are
Wherever you go
Wherever you go
Know that you're never alone
You're never alone
You're forever in my heart
Oh, forever in my heart
And the moments you need me
And the moments
No distance could keep me
No distance could keep me
I will be wherever you are
I'll be wherever you are
Wherever you are
I'll be wherever you are
I'll be
I'll be wherever you are
Wherever you,
wherever you are