Big (1988) Movie Script
"You are standing
in the cavern of the evil wizard.
All around you are the carcasses
of slain ice dwarfs."
Melt-- Melt wizard.
"What do you want
to melt him with?"
What do you think
I want to melt him with?
I told you to take out the garbage!
Just a second!
Throw thermal--
Josh! Didn't you hear
what your mother said?
One minute!
Joshua Baskin!
"Your hesitancy
has cost you dearly.
"The wizard,
sensing your apprehension,
"unleashes a fatal bolt
from the ice scepter.
With luck, you will thaw
in several million years."
Great.
Come on, Josh. It's starting
to stink up the place.
Okay, okay, okay.
Take the garbage out.
Every day, take the garbage out. There!
The teams are being led into the field,
and the crowds are going crazy! Yeah! Yeah!
And wait a minute. It's the Yankees'
star pitcher coming out of the bullpen.
Look at him! And the crowds
are cheering. They're going crazy!
They're screaming!
Is Billy there? Okay.
In the back.
Rick Rhoden is on the mound
for the Yankees.
He looks into the catcher's mitt,
shakes off the first signal,
takes the turn.
He wipes the sweat off his brow,
leans back and fires.
Yeah! Good-bye,
Mr. Spalding!
Here, here. Wait.
Got it, need it,
need it, got it.
Oh!
Hey, hey, hey!
You ever go by Simpson's desk
when she's grading papers or somethin'?
She leaned over,
you can see right down her shirt.
No.
Swear to God.
Bra?
No, no. She's got one
of those undershirt things.
So if you get real close to the board,
you can see all the way down
to her flowers.
Whoa!
Yeah. Give me your gum.
Need it, got it,
got it, need it.
Hey, hey.
- Give me a dollar! Give me--
- Oh, my God. It's Cynthia.
How did a geek like Freddie Benson
get a sister like that?
Beats me.
- I mean, imagine having
a boyfriend like that.
- Hi, Josh.
- Hi.
- Oh, my God. It's Billy.
Come on!
Don't start.
He says hi!
- Come on, Miss Cheapo.
A quarter! A quarter.
- Unbelievable!
God. She likes you.
I know she likes you.
I'll find out, okay?
# Shimmy, shimmy, koko bop
Shimmy, shimmy, rock #
# Shimmy, shimmy, koko bop
Shimmy, shimmy rock #
# I met a girlfriend
A Triscuit #
# She said a Triscuit
a biscuit #
# Ice cream soda pop
vanilla on the top #
# Ooh, Shalida
walkin' down the street
# I meant it, I said it
I stole my mama's credit #
# I'm cool, I'm hot
Sock you in the stomach
three more times ##
Don't forget to
call me after supper.
Okay.
Remember about Cynthia.
Don't worry!
I'm as interested
as you are.
This isn't fair.
Buddy, we've been
talkin' about this for months.
You knew this was gonna happen
when Rachel got older.
- Why can't she stay in your room?
- Because.
Bein' part of a family
means sharing responsibilities.
Great. But do I have to share my room?
I'm a person.
I am not your maid.
Can any of you appreciate that?
You waltz in here like
it's some kind of a resort--
lounging around, waiting
foryour dinner to be cooked,
your clothes to be ironed.
What about me, huh? Have you ever
once thought about how I feel?
Do you know what it's like to work
eight hours and come home to this?
Every single day?
None of you
ever offer to help me!
Why?
I can't do it alone anymore.
Just can't.
And if you tell them anything
that goes on in this room,
well, you'll be sorry.
So, will you tell me?
- You're in.
- What do you mean, I'm in?
- Cynthia Benson.
- What about her?
You ready for this?
She doesn't like Barry anymore.
- So?
- So what do you mean, "so"?
That's it. She's available.
Billy, it doesn't mean--
Josh.
Hey, it's after midnight.
Now, say good night to Billy.
Good night, Billy.
I gotta go.
Good night, Mrs. Baskin!
Sweet dreams.
All right. Come on.
One dollar. Come on, kid.
Watch this. Need some help
with the hammer?
Okay. I'm ready.
Here I go. Here I go.
I get one more try. One more try.
Okay, honey.
Big smile. Big smile.
Go! Go! Go!
Good. Good.
Oh, "wimpy"!
Better luck next time.
Let me get one more try?
Please? Come on!
I can't live with "wimpy."
Mommy! Make it stop!
You sure you want to
go on this thing, son?
Yeah.
No, no. I don't know
about this one, Bob.
No, this looks too scary.
It's okay.
Oh, my God.
See? I told you.
He doesn't want to go on it.
Son, you don't
have to go on this thing
if you don't feel like it.
No, no. It's just that I--
I want to go on myself.
You do?
Yeah.
I think it's something--
Yeah, I think it's
something I should do.
Great. Why don't we meet you
at the Ferris wheel?
Half hour.
Excuse me.
Hey!
What are you doing?
Come on, man.
Watch it.
Sal threw up on the other ride.
It was disgusting.
Josh?
Oh. Hi.
Hi.
Have you been on this before?
This?
Yeah.
- Yes.
- Is it scary?
- Yes.
- Are you here alone?
Yes.
Look. Aren't those
your parents?
Where?
Right over there.
Honey! Smile!
Why, yes.
Hey, who's this?
This is Josh Baskin.
How you doin'?
This is Derek.
- He drives.
Next.
Go ahead.
Yo, next!
Go ahead.
Yo, next!
Whoa! Read this sign.
"You must be at least
this big to ride this ride."
What? Oh.
Hey, I don't make
the rules, kid.
Next! Next!
Well, it's a stupid rule.
Look, why don't you
try the Kiddie Whip?
Yeah, it's about time.
You. You.
See you, Josh.
No problem. Step up.
Hey, watch it, kid!
Hey. Come on, you guys.
Let's go.
"Drop 25 cents here."
Come on!
Work! Work!
Neat!
Make my wish. Right.
I wish I were big.
"Your wish is granted."
Somebody's gonna get you!
Come on. Go! Come on!
What's the matter?
Oh, no. Oh, no, no.
No.
Honey, you'll wake up
your brother.
Shh. Come on. Come on.
You sleep with us.
Easy, doggie! Easy!
Don't make me do it.
I'm only part-time. Sorry.
Josh!
Josh!
Josh!
What?
It's 7:30. Are you up?
Come on, sleepyhead!
You're gonna miss the bus,
and I can't drive you today.
What does he do
in his sleep?
Honey? I put out
some clean clothes.
Bring down your dungarees
and stuff for the laundry, okay?
- Okay.
- You getting a cold, Josh?
No. Fine.
He's got a cold.
Now Rachel's gonna get a cold,
I'm gonna get a cold,
his father's gonna get a cold.
Oh, my God.
Breakfast is ready, Josh.
Be right there!
Josh! Hurry up!
Your eggs are getting cold.
Hold this. Hold this.
Good. Now, can you
keep it a secret?
Yeah. Keep it a secret.
Bring down Rachel
with you, all right?
Okay.
Come on. Come on.
Oh, yeah. Shh, shh, shh.
Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet.
You want orange juice or--
What about your breakfast?
# Pardon me, boys
Is that the Chattanooga
choo-choo #
# Track 29 #
# Choo, choo, choo ##
Don't. Please, don't!
Don't! Please!
Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry.
No!
It's me.
It's Josh. Mom! Mom.
Stop it! Oh, God!
I made a wish last night.
Oh, please, stop!
I turned into a grown-up.
I made this wish on the machine.
Go away!
It turned me into a grown-up.
Last night at the carnival.
No! No!
My birthday's November 3.
Mom, I got a "B" on my history test.
Here, take the purse.
You can have anything
that's in it! Go away!
M-M-M-My baseball team
is called the Dukes!
Uh, I made this for you.
Who are you calling?
I have a birthmark
behind my left knee!
- You bastard.
What did you do to my son?
- I am your son, Mom.
- Where is my child?
Where is my son?
- Oh, Ma! Ma! Ma!
Police!
Hands up!
Hands up on defense!
Come on! All the way.
All the way.
It's all yours!
All right, stop!
I'm open! Here! I'm open!
Shoot it! Yeah!
Gentlemen, this period is over.
- You stink, Kopecki!
- Get back to the locker rooms
and get on to your next class.
- Billy, you stink!
Wash shirts and shorts.
Billy, do us both a favor.
Put the balls in the equipment closet
and you practice your layup.
Horowitz, pick up that shirt
or I'll make you eat it. It stinks!
Let's go, gentlemen.
Hey, let's go now.
Billy.
Yeah?
What?
It's me.
- It's Josh.
- Coach Barnes!
No! Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
Coach Barnes!
Billy, shut up!
I'm your best friend!
Please, you gotta believe me.
Don't hurt me.
I'll prove it to you.
Billy, please!
Look, I'm not gonna hurt you!
Help! Help!
Goddamn it,
Billy Francis Kopecki!
Look, I know I don't look
like myself, okay?
But something really strange
happened, and I'm really scared!
I need your help!
You're my best friend!
I can prove it to you.
Um Oh!
# The space goes
down, down, baby #
# Down, down the roller coaster
Sweet, sweet baby #
# Sweet, sweet
Don't let me go
Shimmy, shimmy, koko bop #
# Shimmy, shimmy, rock
Shimmy, shimmy, koko bop
Shimmy, shimmy, rock #
# I met a girlfriend
A Triscuit #
# She said a Triscuit
a biscuit #
# Ice cream soda pop
vanilla on the top #
# Ooh, Shalida
walkin' down the street
# I meant it, I said it
I stole my mama's credit #
# I'm cool, I'm hot
Sock you in the stomach
three more times ##
Josh?
You look terrible.
I know.
He had on a blue, uh, sweatshirt
with a hood on it...
that said "Giants"
across the front.
He-He ran in here.
He ran into the kitchen.
He followed me a-around
that pillar there,
and when I got into the kitchen,
he turned around
and he pulled down his pants...
and he exposed his heinie.
I-I can't. I can't.
I was in the house making gravy,
and I heard this commotion.
That's right.
We're at the scene right now.
We've talked to the mother.
She's pretty hysterical.
She's not making
any sense at all.
There's no ransom note,
no prints. There's no nothin'.
I'll tell you what
file a report, be on the safe side.
Shut up!
Bet he ran away.
Wish I could.
Want me to pack your bags?
It's me.
You couldn't wish
for a million dollars?
Take that off. Don't worry.
I got it all figured out.
Go to the city,
lay low for a couple days,
find that Zoltar thing,
make your wish.
You'll be home by Thursday.
It grew all over.
- Hmm.
- Why can't I just tell them
what happened?
You did, and your mom
tried to kill you.
I'm gonna get in one awful lot
of trouble because of this.
They'll probably be so happy
to see you, you'll probably get
a new bike out of it.
Come on. Let's get going.
Oh!
Excuse me.
Thanks.
She's a problem.
This is the time of day when
she gets cranky and she cries.
She does it every day.
I'm not supposed to go to
New York without my folks.
You'll be all right. Here.
Where did you get that?
My father's sock drawer.
You stole it?
It's his emergency fund.
Fine! Fine. Fine.
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.
Kill the bitch.
Kill her with a knife.
Kill her with a knife!
Kill the bitch. Kill the bitch.
Kill her with a knife.
Put it in. Bitch!
Kill the bitch!
Kill her!
You lookin' for some fun
tonight, sweet thing?
No, thank you.
Hey, man.
Spare some change?
No, not really.
Hey, this looks okay.
No, it doesn't.
St. James, Josh.
It's religious.
Stay out there all night,
all day and all night again?
Hi.
Hi.
Uh, we would like
a hotel room, please.
$ 10 deposit for the sheets.
Mm-hmm.
You go straight
to the top of the stairs.
The last door on the right,
next to the bathroom.
Wait a second.
I'll show you.
It smells bad.
Shh.
Have a pleasant stay.
Thanks.
Hey, Angel!
Get out of that
bathroom now!
He's in that bathroom
all night.
I don't want
to stay here by myself.
I can't help it, Josh.
I gotta be home by 10:00.
Look, I'll cut classes tomorrow.
We'll find that Zoltar thing
before you know it, okay?
Just one night. All right?
All right.
Good.
- What if I can't sleep?
- It's probably better if you don't.
See you in the morning.
Well, you know,
like, what time?
I'd use the chain, if I were you.
All right. Come on out.
Open the door.
Stay away from here.
If you don't have the money,
don't show us your face over here!
Goddamn it!
Get out!
Watch the money!
Give me that!
Mom. Mom.
You really think
we'll find it today?
It's a big city, Josh.
I bet there's a million
Zoltar machines.
Well, where should we
start first?
I don't know. Oh, let--
Let's try the next street.
I told you,
it's not a video game.
Then what is it?
Well, it's not a video game.
This one's got a number on it.
Does yours?
No. Wait. Here's one.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Do you have Zoltar?
No, I told you,
I looked back in the back.
I've got Powerhouse--
We really need Zoltar.
I haven't got it.
What did the guy
at the arcade say?
They have to license them.
And where are we?
Uh, the licensing bureau.
Right. So all we gotta do is
get a list of all the carnivals,
then track it down.
Will you quit
your moping now?
I'm not mopin'.
Can I help you?
- Yes. We would like a list
of all carnivals and fairs.
- And arcades.
Yeah.
Carnivals and fairs.
Try Consumer Affairs
down the hall, Room 111.
Thank you.
Fill this out in triplicate.
Five dollar filing charge.
- See?
- One month to process.
You get it in six weeks.
- Six weeks?
- Sometimes longer,
but you could get lucky.
Next, please!
Fill this out in triplicate.
I'm gonna be 30 years old
for the rest of my life.
Would you come on?
We'll figure something out.
By the way, you may be
older than that.
So now what?
I'll come and see you
every day after school.
How?
I'll tell them I made
the basketball team.
I won't have nothin' to do.
You can get a job.
Can't get a job.
Why? Can't be
any different than school.
What are you good at?
I don't know.
Making spitballs?
How 'bout a delivery man?
I don't know how to drive.
Yeah, right.
Cardiological technician.
Civil engineer.
You're not gonna
eat your cherry?
Go ahead.
Clerical transcriber.
Billy.
Yeah.
Gross. God, that's gross!
Check, please.
- Go to the next column.
- Collection agent. Company clerk.
Computer operator.
Construction engineer.
Computer operator?
What?
Computer operator.
Read that one.
-Josh, will you quit
with your stupid computers!
-Just read it.
"MacMillan Toys." Toys!
- Toys!
Whee-whee-whee-whee, Jags.
"Seeking experienced computer operators
for all levels of system management.
"Candidates must perform
data updates, malfunction isolation,
monitoring
of cluster performance."
"Performance." I can do that.
- You can?
- Sure.
- Hey, great. They use H.P. 3000s.
- You understand all that?
Well, it's It's an old system,
but, you know--
- Where do we go?
- Um, "Apply in person,
MacMillan Toys."
All right. Let's go.
Miss? Miss?
Miss?
Miss?
You look good.
MacMillan Toys!
There it is!
MacMillan Toys.
May I help you?
I'll connect you.
Are these
the applications?
Yes. Just have a seat.
I'll call your name.
What's next?
There.
Previous employment.
Your paper route.
I don't think I can put that.
Neighborhood
circulation director?
Yeah!
Yes. Hold on just a moment, please.
What's he got?
Hey, don't worry about it.
Um, Social Security number?
What is that?
It's my locker combination.
Great.
Mr. Baskin?
Mr. Baskin?
Y-Yes. Yes.
The personnel director
will see you now.
Uh, your son can wait out here.
Yeah, okay.
Son, you should sit down.
And don't give the lady
any trouble now.
Sure, Dad.
This way.
Don't forget--
look him in the eye!
There's a couple
of numbers missing
on your Social Security.
Oh. Oh, 12.
- It says here you've got
four years' experience.
- Yes.
All on computers.
Yes.
Where did you go to school?
It was-- It was called
George Washington.
Oh, G.W. My brother-in-law
got his doctorate there.
- Did you pledge?
- Yes, every morning.
It happened again.
David, the girl is
absolutely useless.
You have got to give me
someone who knows what
she is doing. Excuse me.
I'm not getting any of my mail.
Nothing has been filed.
Ever since she got engaged,
my life has been a disaster.
Well, you know, she came
so highly recommended.
She spent the last three months
writing down her married name.
Mrs. Judy Hicks.
Mrs. Donald Hicks.
Mrs. Judy Mitchellson Hicks.
Sometimes with a hyphen,
sometimes without a hyphen.
Sometimes she spells
the hyphen.
Well, I really don't know
where I can put her.
Put her on unemployment.
- When can you start?
- Soon.
MacMillan Toys. I'll transfer.
Brent.
Susan.
Where's Mildred?
She's out sick.
Again.
And it's easy to clean.
That's very important,
that you're easy to clean.
Open that one.
What's so--
What's the joke?
Is it a small?
Oh, Miss Lawrence.
See, when she opens
her shower presents,
everything she says
she'll say on her wedding night,
only she doesn't know it.
So, when we read
the list to her--
Who's answering my phone?
Oh, it's pink.
Oh. I'll get it.
Oh, I needed towels.
Thank you very much.
Paul Davenport's office.
Can I help you?
Susan Lawrence.
Is he in?
Of course.
Thank you.
Susan.
Paul.
If I don't have a man tonight,
I'm absolutely going--
Mr. MacMillan's on line two.
Yeah, I'll hold.
An automatic switch-on--
These are the preliminary voice
runs on Princess Gwendolyn.
All comments should
be directed to Jack Taylor
no later than Thursday.
One day, I'll find my prince.
Alternate version number one:
One day, my prince will come.
Alternate version number two:
I want you to steal all the money
from Mummy's purse...
and buy all my accessories.
The more you buy me,
the more I'll love you.
Just kidding, Susan.
Tra-la. Tra-la.
I thought we'd start you
off on last week's
preschool orders.
It should take a few days.
Give you a chance
to find your way around.
Do you smoke?
Well, just that once, but
Only on breaks,
and in the coffee room.
Most of that's pretty
straightforward stuff.
You have any questions,
come to me. Good luck.
Bye.
The Dinky Link.
Seven.
Jimmy's Toy Box.
Psst.
Squirmy Hermie.
Psst!
Hey. Psst. Hey.
I'm Scott Brennen.
Uh, I-I'm Josh Baskin.
Listen,
what are you trying to do,
get us all fired?
Huh?
Gotta slow down.
Pace yourself.
- Slowly. Slowly. Slow.
- Sorry.
- Today's my first day.
- I know.
So, how long
have you worked here?
Five years.
Work stinks,
but the fringe benefits are great.
See that girl over there
in the red?
Say hi to her,
and she's yours.
She'll wrap her legs
around you so tight,
you'll be begging for mercy.
Well, I'll stay away
from her then.
Excuse me.
Yeah. Brennen.
I gave it to you yesterday.
Oh, here it is.
I don't have time to xerox it.
Let the new guy do it.
Yeah. It--
We still-- We haven't
shipped it out yet.
You gotta be quiet.
People are tryin' to work here.
Hey, wait!
They can't think.
We're gonna go in the other room
and see some toys. Come on.
Come on, you guys.
Stay together.
Come on, guys.
Trouble.
We're pregnant?
Huggy Bear took a nosedive.
That's not possible.
Look at these figures, Paul.
Third-quarter profits off 40%.
Pre-orders down 55.
I'm not talking about one toy.
I'm talking about the whole goddamn line:
Huggy Bear Mama,
Huggy Bear Papa.
Goddamn Baby's off 60%.
You must feel awful.
I must feel awful?
You must.
Paul, uh--
Paul, I-- I think we
must feel awful.
Well, yeah. I feel bad too.
This whole line was your idea.
I think that if you just march right in
and talk with MacMillan--
It's not my fault.
Honey, are we trying to fix this thing
or are we tryin' to place blame?
If it'll make you feel better, I'll go
in there with you while you talk to him.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I taught him
everything he knows.
Mm-hmm. Right up.
Hi, this is Matthew
with MacMillan Toys.
Yeah, well, I live
right over by the river.
And I just need
to confirm your address.
You ever seen Brooklyn
by dawn?
Hey, hey. Does it sound
like I'm beggin'? I am.
Hello?
Uh
Hello?
Hello.
Mrs. Baskin?
Yes?
How are you?
Who is this?
I just wanted you
to know that, uh,
Josh is all right,
and he's okay and everything.
You have my boy?
Yeah, and y-you're gonna
get him back just the way he was.
Look, I swear to God,
if you do anything to him,
if you touch one hair
on his head,
I will spend the rest of my life
making sure you suffer.
Wow. Thanks.
Let me talk to Josh.
Oh, he can't come
to the phone right now.
Why not? Why not?
What did you do to him?
I didn't do anything to him.
I think he's a terrific kid.
I want proof that he's all right.
Uh, all right.
Um, a-ask me something
th-that-- that only he would know.
Then I'll ask him for you,
and that way you'll know
that he's okay.
Ask him what I used to sing to him
when he was a little boy.
Isn't there something else
that you'd rather ask him?
Ask him.
I got it. I got it.
# Memories #
# Light the corner of my mind #
# Misty watercolored memories #
# Of the way we were #
# Scattered pictures ##
Oh!
Look, you're gonna
see him again really soon.
I promise.
I cross my heart and hope to--
Uh, we'll talk about this later.
That's total bullshit, Paul!
But, sir,
the favorability rating--
Let's not lie to ourselves.
If a kid likes a toy, it sells.
That's all.
But every bit of research
and focus testing shows--
It worked in research.
It worked in the testing.
It just didn't work with the kids.
Oh, sorry.
Why don't you watch where
the hell you're going!
- Are you okay?
- I am fine.
You could kill somebody
running around here like that!
Paul, a boss should
get knocked on his ass
once in a while.
It's good for him.
I don't know, sir.
You should see a doctor.
For crying out loud, Paul,
I'm fine! I'm fine!
- Sorry, sir. Sorry.
- Where were you going anyway, son?
Um, I was, uh--
I was going to the Xerox room
'cause they needed these by 5:00.
Oh! That's good.
Nothing wrong with a little hustle.
Nothing at all.
Right, Paul?
It's good to see
a little hustle for a change.
What did he mean?
I hustle. Uh, sir? Sir!
Get down! Get down!
Get out of the area!
He's got my money. Get 'im!
Ferris!
Thank you.
Brennen!
Baskin!
What is this?
Payday.
Hey, Walt. Where's mine?
$ 187?
Yep.
Oh! Oh!
They really screw you,
don't they?
"Sign below." Hi.
Hi.
Okay. So how
would you like that?
Could I have your driver's license, please?
And your check guarantee card?
Okay.
All right.
Three dimes,
a hundred dollar bill and 87 ones.
One--
One, two--
three, four, five, six--
three, four, five, six
seven, eight, nine, 10!
seven, eight, nine--
Look at it. Look at it.
It's beautiful.
Look at this. You know what
we're gonna do with this?
What?
Spend it!
# With a rebel yell
More, more, more #
# More, more, more #
# She don't like slavery
She won't sit and beg #
- # But when I'm tired and lonely ##
- I'm never eating again.
It wasn't that bad.
It was the boat ride
that did it.
No. It was the pork rinds.
Pork rinds!
- We sure had fun, didn't we?
- Yeah. Yeah, we sure did.
Booger! Booger!
Get that baby
to shut up. Come on.
I could use some help
with the baby.
Oh, please. I'm
I give you all the help I can.
I-- You drive me nuts.
You are never here.
I'm just goin' out for a little while.
I'll be back when I want to, okay?
Hello?
Hello.
Uh, is this
the Baskin residence?
Yes.
Hi.
Who's this?
We're conducting a, uh--
a consumer s-survey
and we were wondering...
what kind of medicine...
you would give to your family.
For what?
For a stomachache.
Pepto-Bismol.
How-How often
do you give that?
Every four hours.
I gotta go.
Every four hours.
Okay.
Thank you.
Josh! Josh!
Doggie!
No-No. Get away
from that dog.
Come on.
Get away from that dog.
Doggie. I wanna pet him!
Doggie!
We'll go inside
and buy you a nice gum ball.
Okay.
How did you get it to stop?
# Welcome to our world #
# Welcome to our world #
# Welcome to our world #
# Welcome to our world #
# Welcome to our world of fun #
Right. Okay.
Second door. Right there.
Okay. This one is goin' way out.
See if you can get this one.
Okay. Another big one.
# Welcome to our world #
# Welcome to our world #
# Welcome to our world of fun ##
Hey, no fair! Hey.
Yee-haw!
Oh, now, Rocky, keep away
from the strange man.
- Gotcha.
- What's your name?
Jordan. What's yours?
My name's Josh.
I'm gonna
blow you away, Josh.
I just got you!
No way! You're closer.
Get back here!
I got you!
You big gawk.
Look at him!
You work for me,
don't you?
Yes.
I thought so.
What, are you here with your kids?
No.
I got the last!
Did not.
I was just looking around.
Oh.
Me too. I come here
every Saturday.
You can't see this
on a marketing report.
What's a marketing report?
Come on! It's my turn!
Exactly. Come on.
What do you think of that?
The Championship Hockey?
Yeah.
Oh, I love it. Only that--
Only what?
Well, the pieces don't move.
What do you mean?
Well, on the old set,
you could slide the men
up and down the ice.
Now all they do is spin around.
It's more like
real hockey the old way.
Why'd they change it?
I don't know.
See, the Starfighters
are good because you can
change all the pieces you want.
But I never liked
the Galacticons.
You only get one robot,
and they don't come
with a vehicle.
I see.
Plus, you can't take 'em
underwater. If you do--
Neat.
Okay, uh,
let's check out the--
- Piano lessons?
- Three years.
Me too.
Every day after school.
Hey, hey!
# Madly #
What department
did you say you were in?
I'm in Computers.
Computers?
Yeah. Yeah.
You just saved me
a trip to the gym, son.
According to the marketability studies,
this thing should go straight through the roof.
Hey! Hey!
Watch it, fella.
Sorry. Sorry.
Vice president in charge
of product development.
Vice president?
He's only been here a week!
And he came
from Data Processing.
He's out of his mind.
The old man has finally lost it.
Did you know he gave him
Bob's old office?
Bob's--
Bob's office
is bigger than my office!
There's gotta be a reason.
Things like this don't happen
unless there's a reason.
That means if the president dies,
you get to take over?
No. They got a hundred of 'em.
Are we ready?
Yes, Mr. Baskin.
Come on in.
Look at this place.
It's bigger than
the principal's office!
How would you know?
Remember that explosion
in science?
Oh, yeah.
Truckapillar!
- You know that only costs
- Get outta here!
-What is this?
-Oh. They just put this in here.
It doesn't mean anything.
So, what do they make you do
for all this?
Well, I play with all of
this stuff, and then I go in
and tell 'em what I think.
- That's it?
- Yeah.
- And they pay you for that?
- Yeah.
Suckers!
Thank you, Miss Patterson.
Hey, Miss Patterson,
could you call Media
and have them send up...
the video of the Giants-Broncos
Super Bowl and have them edit
out the commercials and stuff?
Yes, Mr. Baskin.
Thanks.
- Miss Patterson.
- You're the luckiest guy I know.
Boom!
- Great.
- Mr. Davenport.
Try taking
some of the padding out.
Projected sales
are gonna go through the roof.
Those test scores--
Whoa!
Oh You know, this is
an office, not a playground.
Kill somebody--
Did you check Mattel?
Nothing.
Time now to check
the day's business news.
Coleco?
Zero.
He can't come from nowhere, Susan.
He has to come from somewhere.
How 'bout Hasbro?
Yes. And Fisher-Price
and Worlds ofWonder.
- I have called everywhere.
Nobody's ever heard of him.
- This is just terrific!
It's not my fault.
Shh!
- Today's arrests
bring the current total to 18--
- I know him.
Those under indictment include
five senior vice presidents
Now they're arresting businessmen?
The new American crime,
tryin' to earn a living?
...the most coveted position
on Wall Street--
Baskin!
Susan, he has to come
from somewhere.
Let's face it, Paul. The guy comes
from Data Processing.
Terrific. That's just terrific.
This is just terrific!
You're being paranoid, Paul.
You're being paranoid, Paul.
These tests were conducted
over a six-month period...
using a double-blind format
of eight overlapping
demographic groups.
Every region of the country
was sampled.
The focus testing
showed a solid base...
in the nine-to-11-year-old
bracket,
with a possible carryover
into the 12-year-olds.
When you consider that
GoBots and Transformers
pull 37% market share
I'm sorry.
and that we are targeting
the same area,
I think that we should see
one-quarter of that,
and that is one-fifth
of the total revenue
from all of last year.
Excellent, Paul.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Any questions?
No.
Not from me.
Yes?
- Yes?
- I don't get it.
What, exactly, don't you get?
It turns from a building
into a robot. Right?
Precisely.
Well, what's fun about that?
Well, if you had read
your industry breakdown,
you would see that our success
in the action figure area...
has climbed from 27% to 45%
in the last two years.
There. That might help.
Oh.
- Yes?
- I-I still don't get it.
What?
What don't you get, Josh?
There's a million robots
that turn into something.
This is a building
that turns into a robot. What's fun
about playing with a building?
- That's not any fun.
- This is a skyscraper.
Well, couldn't it be,
like, a robot that turns into,
like, a bug or something?
A bug?
Yeah.
- A prehistoric insect with claws
that could pick up a car.
- Interesting.
A prehistoric Transformer?
Interesting.
- So the robot turns into a bug?
- Uh, gentlemen--
You've got
a very good idea here!
The robot
turns into a bug!
This is a great idea!
Wh--
Different sizes--
Susan, we could
do ladybugs!
You could
have him wreck buildings.
Transformers for girls!
A building is inert.
A bug, it moves, it's got
all kinds of possibilities.
This doesn't just happen.
This guy-- This doesn't happen.
He doesn't just come to
a meeting and say "bugs."
Uh--
Well done, Josh. Well done.
Oh-ho! He is vicious!
He's not vicious.
Don't kid yourself.
That man is a killer.
All he said was,
he didn't get it.
"I don't get it. I don't get it.
Let's make it a bug!"
He was going for the throat,
trying to eviscerate me.
Did you see the look
on MacMillan's face?
Mm-hmm.
It's quite a unique space.
The lines are so clean,
and you don't get any
of that partition quality.
It has 50-foot ceilings,
all hardwood floors,
ample closet space,
a modern kitchen,
a brand-new bathroom
with a jet-stream Jacuzzi.
We'll take it!
Baskin! Rental delivery!
Come out. Come out.
Hey! What, are you nuts?
So close.
Dear Mom and Dad:
They said...
that I could write you...
and let you know I was okay.
Whoa! Check it out!
So far they're treating me fine.
I got enough to eat--
Two!
and am perfectly safe.
# I'm takin' what they're givin'
'cause I'm workin' for a livin' #
Rebound!
They say I'll get out of here--
Two!
in about a month.
# Whoa-ohh
Takin' what they're givin' #
# Whoa-ohh
Workin' for a livin' ##
In the meantime,
it's a lot like camp.
I watch TV--
I got it! I got it!
I got it!
Hooray!
and even get outside...
once in a while.
I know...
you miss me,
but try not to worry.
I think...
this experience...
might even be good for me.
Knocked him out!
I love you very much...
and I know...
I'll see you soon.
Your son,
Joshua.
P.S.
Give Rachel a kiss
from her big brother.
Hey.
Oh, hey. Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
The computers were down
for, like, 45 minutes.
There was nothing
I could do about it.
What is this?
It's a letter to my mom.
She's gonna feel--
This is terrible!
No. You don't mail it--
You're gonna get her
all screamin' and cryin'--
No, I'm not.
It's just a letter
to say I'm okay and stuff.
Come on.
Why can't I go with you?
Bill-- I told you, Billy.
It's only for people
in the company, so you can't.
I could be your assistant.
Billy!
Fine. Fine.
Just go to your fancy party...
while I stay at home by my mailbox
and wait for your stupid carnival list.
It's just this once, okay?
Sure.
Yes. That's a beautiful fit.
Here, Paul. Take this,
go over to the mirror,
put the hat on
and look at yourself.
What color would you call this?
Can I help you?
Yeah. I'd like to
rent a tuxedo.
Uh, I see. Is-Is-Is there
any particular occasion?
Yeah. His company
is havin' a party.
Uh, well, then you probably
want something simple.
Maybe a nice black, uh,
with a p-p-p
Whoa! Check it out.
Oh, wow. Feel that.
What do you think?
I like it.
Look at these.
Uh, usually this type of tuxedo
is popular with students--
senior proms, juvenile dress-ups
and maybe a fancy p--
Look at this one.
Ooh.
What kind of tuxedo
is this?
That's not a tuxedo!
That's a morning coat.
Well, what do you call this?
Ugly.
Oh, hey. I've got it.
Excuse me.
I'll be right back. Oy.
I really wanna go home.
Maybe we got off
on the wrong foot.
Let's start again.
Hey, smell my neck.
Mm-mmm.
I was hopin'
for a raise, sir.
A raise.
Just-Just-Just a little one.
All right, a little one.
Kim. Have a good time.
I'll see what I can do.
Okay. Thank you, sir.
Thank you, sir.
All right.
Come on, George.
You can't sell to the parents.
You sell to the kids.
I disagree.
Listen. You hit 'em
at 7:00 in the morning while
their folks are still asleep.
Then you get 'em good
and jacked up for three hours...
so that by 10:00,
they're rippin' the house apart.
It's timing, George. Timing.
You want that parent
to wake up...
listening to
Little Jennifer screaming,
"Puppy Pal, Puppy Pal."
It's very beautiful
and I'm having a lovely time.
I'm delighted, Miss Patterson.
It's much better than last year.
I just wanted to tell you that.
How are you gents
doing here?
Double up on
the scotch, will you?
Right away, sir.
Here you are, sir.
Susan.
Love your tux.
I think it's the same
as the matre d's.
Yeah. Have you decided
what you're doing
on the Danbury line?
No, I haven't.
Well, uh, I think if you got
everyone's input up front,
I mean, right from
the beginning, you can--
Susan, have a drink.
What?
Have a couple of drinks.
It's a party.
It's a party.
Look at this!
Oh, God!
Josh! I'm glad
you could make it.
Bet he gets another raise.
Now, that's
what I call a tuxedo.
I rented it.
This is a real bow tie though.
I tied it myself.
That's why I was late.
No, you're not
late at all.
Let me show you around.
There's Miss Patterson. Hi.
There's a guy from the meeting!
- Would you like a drink
uh, champagne, glass of wine?
- No, just some milk.
Why not?
You on the wagon?
No, I'm at a party.
It works on your hips.
You need a whole other exercise
for your thighs. It's true.
Hi.
Let me grab
a plate here.
Excuse me.
This looks good.
...from the I.R.S. tells me
that I can't amortize like that,
s-so I show him the schedule,
and then he says,
"It's not accepted
accounting procedure."
I say, "You little pissant."
Try a little bit of, uh--
That looks good.
Yeah.
Want to get a load of that guy.
He's a little overdressed.
Look, my feet really hurt.
Yeah? You want me
to rub 'em?
You know, most people,
they don't know
how to rub feet.
Think it's in the thumbs.
It's the knuckles.
Now put some
eucalyptus oil on--
Just--Just dance.
It's great.
Oh, it's great.
I'm having
a really good time.
I'm really excited about this.
Ignore him. Just ignore him.
I don't know him.
The guy's a goddamn
knock-off artist.
What do you mean?
Amphibian?
He takes 10,000 G.I. Joes,
slaps some gills on 'em,
webs their feet,
packages 'em in seaweed.
There's not supposed
to be pieces in mousse.
Carrot.
Give me a break.
But the toy sold, Paul.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Hi.
All the same people
having all the same
discussion.
It's like they cloned
some party in 1983...
and kept spinning it out
again and again and again.
I loved your ideas
on the Squeezy Doll line.
Thanks.
They were so... incisive.
"Incisive."
It's beluga.
MacMillan orders it
every year.
Sidle up to him
and then ask for a raise.
Gesundheit.
You all right?
You okay?
You want a glass of water?
Want something to drink?
Could I have
a milk shake or something?
I got a car outside.
You wanna get outta here?
- Uh-huh.
- Let's go.
Watch it!
Did you see that?
I'm not really
a big one for parties.
I like things that are
a little more... intimate.
Wow! Is this your car?
Well, it's the company's car.
This is the coolest thing
I've ever seen!
Yes, sir.
Sir.
Just seeing someone
in the office,
you don't really get
a chance to know them.
Just being with you here,
I really get a sense of--
of who you are.
You gonna
eat these fries?
No, no.
Hey, mister, you want
some of these fries?
No. No, thank you.
See, it's hard,
in a business situation--
I mean, there's
this invisible line,
and-- and even if--
even if you're
attracted to someone--
You're gonna call
someone before--
No.
Uh, I mean,
at this point in my life--
Don't--
Don't play with the ra--
Leave the, uh Don't--
I'm really vulnerable right now,
you know, and I--
I mean,
I love my job.
And--
And I--
Ejector seat!
# Hot in the city #
# Hot in the city tonight #
# All right #
This is great!
# Hot in the city
Hot in the city tonight #
Hey, come on up.
# Tonight #
# Right ##
That was my apartment.
Really?
Yeah.
Love to see
where you live.
Have you always
lived alone?
No, not always.
Oh.
Is it just recently, or--
Yeah.
Give yourself a couple of days.
It'll pass.
Oh. They said it was
gonna take six weeks.
Well, it can be painful, but...
that's what they invented
Xanax for, right?
Watch your step.
Watch your step.
Thank you.
I'm not sure
we should do this yet.
- Do what?
- Well--
I mean, I like you,
and I-- I wanna spend
the night with you.
Do you mean sleep over?
Well, is-- Yeah.
Okay.
But I get to be on top.
You live here?
Yeah.
- It's nice, isn't it?
# Sending you forget-me-nots #
Yeah.
# To help you to remember #
You, uh
You want a soda?
Huh?
Soda?
You want one?
Yeah, sure.
I rigged this up
so you don't need
any quarters.
Aah! No. No. Don't.
What?
The glue is not dry yet.
Sorry. It's okay.
Sorry.
You didn't break it.
You wanna play pinball?
No.
You don't need quarters
for this either. It's free.
No, thank you.
Okay.
- Is that a trampoline?
- Yeah. You wanna try it?
- No.
- You should. It's really fun.
It's simple too. Come on. You'll like it.
And it's really easy too.
Do you have some wine,
maybe--
Take off your shoes.
Oh, maybe
for a few minutes.
It's easy. All right.
# It's not hard to believe
I want you and I need you
Come on ##
It's really simple.
Let me just get
my big balls off here.
- No, really, I-I-- I'll watch.
- It's fun. I'll do it with you.
Up.
Excellent. All right.
Help me up?
Sure!
Okay.
- Okay. Jump.
- You want me to jump.
Yeah. Just jump.
There.
Now can I have a drink?
No, no, no.
Look, really jump.
Stand there and get air.
Go ahead.
Get some air between you
and the tramp... oline.
There.
Oh, come on. I'll do it with you,
to show you how it goes.
Ready? Come on. Jump.
See? That's all it is.
That's all there is to it. Good.
There you go.
There you go. Yeah.
It's easy. Anybody could do this.
Whoo!
Whoa!
How'd you do that?
Good!
Okay. I'm attacking China
from Mongolia.
Why do you smoke?
Oh.
That's, uh--
I lose two.
Mmm, yeah.
Okay.
Oh. Hi.
Here.
What?
Pick one.
That one.
Okay, try it again.
That one.
It's for you.
It's a glow-in-the-dark
compass ring.
So you won't get lost.
Good night.
Jones Industrial Average--
Have fun last night?
Sure. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, you left pretty quick.
Gave him a ride home, Paul.
- Oh. Did he enjoy it?
- Don't be ridiculous.
Ah, that's me
Mr. Ridiculous.
Just a silly old guy.
Short-term credit conditions.
Yields fell slightly--
I don't feel like
going out tonight.
What do you mean?
They're your friends.
I know.
Leave it! Leave it!
- # Hot in the city tonight #
- Would you quit it!
Do you have to play with everything?
Baskin?
Wouldn't you rather
play basketball?
I know how to play that.
We could be a team
for the MacMillan Company.
No!
I'm not very good at sports,
but I'll give it a try.
My best sport's video hockey.
That isn't a sport.
Well, it takes
eye-to-hand coordination.
It's not a sport if you don't sweat.
What about golf?
You don't sweat, and that's a sport.
And you're not sitting there
letting some machine
do all the work.
What about car racing?
Shut up, Baskin!
What are the rules again?
I told you.
Over the line on the serve.
Yellow is out-of-bounds.
Play to 21. Ready?
Sorry. Sorry.
One-nothin'.
- Hold it.
- Get it! Get it! Get it! Attaboy.
Okay. You ready?
All right.
Yeah.
Ho ho! Nice try!
That was in.
Two-zip. Just made it two-zip.
Ready? Okay, here we go.
Oh!
It's in. Good. Point.
Whoa! What's the matter--
Wait a minute.
Time out. Time!
- Backhand!
- Whoa!
Yes!
Uh, that was
under the line.
- What?
- You said it had to be
over the line on a serve.
- No, I didn't.
- Yeah, you said it had to be
over the line on a serve.
No, I did not!
Now, give me the goddamn ball!
Well, that's cheating.
Give me the goddamn ball,
will ya?
No!
Give me the ball,
you little shit.
It's my serve.
Give me the goddamn ball!
I never said that!
Yes, you did.
Give me the
Give me the ball.
Give me the ball!
Give me the--
Give me the--
This is new.
Come here.
Give me the ball.
You're a cheater!
Give me the--
I do not cheat!
He cheats!
Give me the ball!
Give me the ball!
Give-- Give me the--
Give me the--
Give me the ball!
All right, let's take it over.
We'll take it over! Ow!
He didn't have to punch me.
I know.
He's scared of you. Ohh.
You don't play his game.
I tried to play his game.
He beat me up.
If he's scared of me,
then why did he punch me?
He punched you
because he's scared of you.
I don't get it.
It's just the way he is.
Everything's a fight with him.
Everyone's an enemy.
It's not just a job for him.
It's a war.
How come you're so nice?
What?
You work as hard as he does,
and you're not like that.
You don't know me that well.
Yes, I do.
You're one of
the nicest people I've met.
How do you do it?
On the fast break. What a job.
Let's get this done.
It's in the corner--
Oh. Go Knicks.
Oh! Heartbreak!
He lost it.
Must need a new center.
Good night.
Come in.
Hey, Josh.
Hi.
What time is it?
It's 10:00 or somethin'.
Mmm.
What are you
doin' here so late?
I finished up
on the Astro Blaster.
So? What do you think?
It's okay.
I know what you mean.
Astro Blaster, Laser Might--
They're all the goddamn same.
Wasn't always that way.
I remember
there was this duck once.
You mean, like,
a-a rubber duck for the bath?
No, no, no. Just a...
little, wooden, quacky duck.
And a string on the bottom
and you pulled him forward,
he'd waddle from side to side.
And I realized...
if you put the head on a hinge,
just a little wooden dowel,
then the beak would peck at the ground
when it pulls forward.
See? Oh.
Just-- I had an idea.
Look at this.
Come over here.
You know what this is?
It's a report on how to expand
the heavy adventure market past
the 12-year-old cutoff point.
- You can't do that. It doesn't work.
- Why not?
Y-You can't keep a kid
from growing up.
All a 13-year-old boy wants
is a 13-year-old girl.
And I sure don't know
how to build one of those.
What's this?
What does it look like?
Shampoo, razor,
toothpaste, two neckties
and your exercise tape.
Susan--
And I want
my keys back.
Sure.
It was just some scratches, honey.
He'll get over it.
It has nothing to do with him.
Oh, what is this, then?
Your one big moment
of redemption?
Yeah. Yeah,
that sounds good to me.
Come on, Susan.
He's just another link in the chain.
First it was Tom Caulfield.
Then Handlen.
Then Golding. Then me.
Am I missing somebody?
It's not like that anymore.
What is so special about Baskin?
He's a grown-up.
Susan--
I can't believe
you brought up Golding.
Can't believe you slept with him.
Oh!
Catch. Catch the dough. Catch!
A little piece of dough over there!
Here it come!
Throw me the dough.
Right here.
Hey! Hey!
Oh, my God!
Got him!
He's really good!
# Happy birthday to you #
Surprise!
# Happy birthday to you #
# Happy birthday
Happy birthday #
# DearJosh #
# Happy birthday #
#Toyou ##
# And many more #
Happy birthday to you.
You!
Hey.
What are you gonna
wish for this time?
I know what we can do.
We can get some beers
and some dirty magazines--
I can't, Billy.
What? Of course you can.
It's your birthday.
I have to go somewhere.
Where? Where?
Um,
well, I have to
go meet somebody and--
So I got all night.
Yeah, I know, but, see, I-I just
Well, I can't right now.
But I'll call you. All right?
Okay? I'll give you a call.
Thanks again, Billy!
It was fun!
Yeah. Fun.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Do you want to come in?
- Sure.
Sit down.
Wanna go?
Yeah! Yeah.
Okay.
Wanna go again?
How come you have
all these points?
'Cause I'm just tappin' 'em.
You don't have to kill 'em.
Rick Rhoden, on the mound.
He takes the curve.
Here's the windup
and the pitch.
Pick a prize.
So they have these cars
that you can actually drive,
except they're on this rail,
so you can't get off the road--
You have a really big
gob of mustard right--
What?
Mustard.
- Where?
- Right there.
- Is it gone?
- Well
Here.
- That gone?
- Yeah.
Listen.
Oh, the music?
Wanna dance?
Dance?
We don't have to
if you don't want to.
Okay. Okay.
All right.
Okay.
Are you cold?
Mm-mmm.
We could get some
hot chocolate, you know.
Mm-mmm.
You can wear my jacket
if you want.
Come on.
It'll be fun.
I'm scared.
What are you worried about?
You're with me, right?
All right. You're on.
Oh, I haven't done this
in a long time.
What were you like
when you were younger?
Oh, well,
I wasn't much different.
I believe that about you.
I've been thinking
about you a lot.
It's crazy.
In my car,
lying in bed.
I've just never gone out
with someone like you.
With all the other men,
there was so much to hide.
I feel like I can tell you anything.
Susan? Susan?
There's something
I think I should tell you.
What?
You want the light on?
Good morning.
Hey, Brent! How are you?
Good morning!
Hi, everybody!
Hi, Josh!
Josh. My man!
Good morning.
Good morning.
Good morning, sir.
I'd like some coffee,
please, Miss Patterson.
But you don't drink coffee.
And, uh, make it black.
It was a dream, honey.
Atlantic City was beautiful
and Donald was so romantic--
I know I'm late with this,
but congratulations, Mrs. Hicks.
Barbara, you are not
going to believe this.
Hold on.
You know, you two
should come to Vermont.
It is so pretty up there now.
We spent
our anniversary there.
All you did was watch TV.
I popped popcorn too.
He likes
that intellectual stuff.
Anybody happen to
see that great documentary
about Columbus...
on PBS the other night?
Mm-mmm.
Uh, no. Was it good?
I had no idea
he had a fourth ship.
Yeah.The Santa Cristina.
That's right.
He only had that
on his second trip though.
- You saw it too.
- No.
But I-I used to... study,
you know, the stuff, so--
Really?
Dad, I need some help
with my alge
Uh, not now, Adam.
- Yeah, Dad, you said--
- Adam, we have guests.
He's had the roughest
time with algebra.
We've tried tutors, everything.
Mom!
With algebra?
I used to study that too.
Isn't that nice?
Okay, look. Forget all the X's
and Y's stuff...
'cause that was invented
by some teacher that hates kids.
All right.
Let's imagine that Larry Bird...
is gonna score 10 points
in a quarter, okay?
Yeah, okay.
- So how many points is he
gonna score in the entire game?
- That's easy-- 40 points.
Exactly. That's algebra.
Righ It is?
Yeah. See? Okay,
one quarter is to 10 points
that he scores in a quarter...
just as four--
You're right.
He's wonderful.
I know.
Ohh!
You can do this for earned run averages,
field goal percentages, whatever.
That's pretty cool.
I don't wanna hear it anymore.
You constantly bring--
What's home?
This is my house.
What's home? Fine.
It's your house, you pay for it.
Billy, are you on the phone?
I'm doin' it.
Hey, Billy,
get off the phone.
Listen to your mother.
Mmm.
He's never done this before.
Kind of like a sweepstakes.
Get the art department
on the phone. Get them!
Send out
for some sandwiches.
Cajun or deli?
Maybe next year, right?
Next year.
- You can do it. I know you can.
- I cannot plan a whole line.
Why? Nobody knows more
about toys in this
entire company than you.
Susan, that means marketing
and strategy and stuff.
All he wants
is a proposal.
I can't--
You come up with the ideas,
and I'll handle the marketing.
Excuse me.
But it
Come on.
It'll be neat.
Oh, I-- I don't know.
I don't have any ideas
for new toys or anything.
You've got great ideas.
Cute. Can you walk the dog?
Forget how to knock?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Hey! Hey, you guys!
Wait up for me!
"Department of Consumer Affairs"?
Yeah, buddy! It came!
- He gives too much homework.
What'd you get on the test?
- I got a "C."
Do you have, like,
Sports Illustrated?
Sure.
Here.
Two and a quarter, kid.
Hey. I got it.
Oh, all right. Comic books.
Daredevil.
Change.
Say, what's that one?
Trade. Yeah.
This one's got Billy
in the coal mine.
Think I've read this one.
I'll trade you forX-Factor.
It won't be like these,
where you just
follow the story along.
You would actually make
a whole different story appear
just by pressing these buttons.
An electronic comic book?
That's amazing.
Yeah, a living comic book.
It's gonna be different every time.
This is incredible.
You're brilliant.
If you liked one, you could see it
over and over and over again.
You're--
You're wonderful.
Do you really like it?
Really?
Really.
You think Mac'll like it?
I think he'll love it.
We could do sports comic books,
where, like, if he's going to
steal second or something.
We could have sports books--
baseball, football.
It would work for almost
any sport there is-- hockey!
- Wh-What is it we're doing?
- Huh?
W-What's going on here?
Well, you know, we're--
Something wrong?
You don't like it?
No! No!
It's
I mean, if it's an affair,
that's one thing.
But if it's--
i-if it's s-something else--
Not that we have to know
right now. We don't.
But if we think that it could
turn into something else, well--
How do you feel
about all this?
How do I feel about what?
How do you--
How do you f-feel about me?
What is that supposed to mean?
Oh, no. I'm sorry. Mr. Baskin
is still in conference.
Yeah? Well, tell him
I called again.
Kopecki. K-O-P--
E-K-E.
Yes, I can spell, young man.
Yeah, right.
Well, tell him
it's important.
Good-bye.
Each page would be
made out of six panels.
There will be 30 pages
per electronic comic book,
with a choice every two pages--
No, choice
every three pages.
But ours will also be
in color. Did I say that?
Yes, Mr. Baskin.
Ours-- Did I say--
I didn't say that right.
Yes. Well, whatever. Anyway--
Do you have the list
of story line options?
Maybe.
Can I see them?
Maybe.
What was that?
That sound.
What? What?
That. What are you doing?
What is it?
Let me see your hand.
Did you make this?
No, Petey made it. Here.
What does it do?
Put your hand right there.
Just put your hand right there.
Put your hand. Okay. Watch.
Put your hand on it.
What does it do?
That's incredible.
That's great.
I don't get how it works.
Well, you need another person
for it to work.
Although maybe
it will work with a dog.
I don't know.
All right.
Let's get back to work.
Do you want some coffee?
Sure?
Uh-huh.
Susan.
Oh, hi.
You working late again?
Yeah. Well, we were just
I get-- got some coffee.
You know, you're
looking good these days.
No.
Oh, yeah. You are.
Oh.
I'm happy for you.
Oh.
Happy for both of you.
I really am.
Night.
Night, darlin'.
It's your house?
The deed's in my name.
I don't care who you raised.
Did you raise gerbils and dogs?
My tone is plenty civil.
My tone is plenty civil.
Who's putting the food
on your plate?
It's my house.
It's my house. I keep the house.
You keep sayin' that,
but the deed's in my name.
Well, Jenny was saying that
there was a problem--
Hi.
Well, Wednesday would be
better than Thursday.
Mr. Baskin can't be--
I have
a key example right here.
Where you been?
I've been trying to
reach you forever.
I'm in the middle
of something, okay?
That's the list.
All you gotta do is call.
Can you give me
a minute?
- Yes.
- What are you talking about?
This is it. This is the list.
- Would you come back at lunch?
I'm busy right now-- Hello?
- Busy?
- Billy!
- Are you outta your mind?
Jesus, Billy. Miss Patterson,
get them on the phone
and apologize for me?
This is what we've been
waiting for.
I got work to do.
Can't you understand that?
I got a deadline to meet. God!
- Who the fuck do you think you are?
- Hey!
Hey, you're Josh Baskin! Remember?
You broke your arm on my roof!
You hid in my basement
when Robert Tyson was
about to rip your head off!
You don't get it, do you?
This is important!
I'm your best friend.
What's more important
than that, huh?
And I'm three months older
than you are, asshole.
Stupid stuff.
Some friend.
I don't need him.
Stupid jacket.
Josh?
Josh!
Oh. Hi, Mrs. Baskin.
Hiya.
I was just looking
around in here.
Hmm.
- Your hair's getting longer.
- I got it cut yesterday.
Oh.
He had a birthday.
Yeah, I-- I know.
I got him this anyway.
Pete Rose.
Yeah.
They have these special shops
where they do that.
You know, if you want,
you can keep it until-- until he--
He'll be coming back real soon.
Everything's gonna be okay.
"You are standing in the cavern
of the evil wizard.
All around you are the carcasses
of slain ice dwarfs."
Melt wizard.
"What do you want
to melt him with?"
Throw thermal pod.
Race you to the corner!
No!
Why not?
You always win.
I'll let you win.
Spreading leaves!
Greg! Time for dinner!
Wait! Just five more minutes!
Mrs. Kaplan, in just
a little bit to your right.
Your right. Your right.
Mrs. Kaplan knows
her right and her left.
Isn't that great?
Let's have some smiles.
This is a joyous occasion.
No, no, no, just
Where are we going?
Where do you guys
wanna go?
Thanks, mister!
Got it. I got it. Got it.
Hit a couple more!
All right.
Where you been?
It's kind of late.
Oh, I was-- was out.
Out where?
Just... took a walk.
Josh, what's wrong?
What is it?
I haven't told you something
because I didn't think that
you were gonna believe me.
And even if you did believe me,
I didn't think that you were
gonna like me anymore, so--
Oh, honey, come here.
You can tell me anything.
What?
Susan, I'm not
what you think I am.
Uh, what do you mean?
Before I met you,
I was in Little League.
Um, I was in Little League,
and I rode my bike to school,
and I played with my friends
and hung out with them and--
Josh, what are you
What are you talking about?
I want to go home.
I miss my family, Susan,
and I want to go home.
- Oh, my God. You're married.
- No.
This was too good to be true.
There had to be something.
Susan, I'm not married.
You're not?
No.
- I'm a child.
- What?
I'm a child, Susan,
and I'm-- I'm not ready
for all of this.
Oh, that's fine.
That is-- That's just great.
You see, what happened--
No, I understand. "I'm not ready
to make a commitment.
I'm not ready to accept
the responsibility."
No, you don't understand.
- I'm 13 years old.
- Oh, and who isn't?
You think that there isn't
a frightened kid inside of me too?
No, I mean I really am 13.
I went to bed one night and
I was a kid, woke up the next
morning, I was a grown-up.
Oh, right. And just yesterday
I was a schoolgirl with pigtails.
Why are you doing this, Josh?
- There was this carnival in NewJersey.
- Please.
I made a wish on a machine
called the Zoltar machine.
Oh, stop it.
It was a Zoltar machine.
It had this bobbing head,
and it looked like a devil.
If you got a quarter in
the devil's mouth, you could
make a wish, and I did.
So I made a wish to be big.
That's what I'm trying to tell you.
I changed into a grown-up,
when I'm really just a kid.
Fine, Josh, you're a kid.
Look, I really don't know what it is
that you're trying to tell me,
but we have a very big presentation
to give tomorrow,
so I'm gonna get some sleep.
Hello?
Yeah, do you have
a Zoltar machine?
Nope. Never heard of it.
Yeah. Yeah, thanks.
Wait. I need a paper.
Would you get me
some gum?
Thank you.
These are the notes,
in case you want 'em.
Thank you.
Well, should get the cards set up
before everyone comes in.
Okay.
Hello?
Yeah, do you have
a Zoltar machine?
Got one right here.
You do?
Yeah.
Yeah! Yeah, thanks.
That's great!
Yeah!
MacMillan Toys. I'll transfer.
Right there.
Sea Point Park, New York.
Well?
Yes?
They're waiting for you,
Mr. Baskin.
- Thanks.
- See you around.
There's this flat screen
on the inside with, uh,
with pictures on it,
and you read it, and you have
to make a choice of what
the character's gonna do.
If he's gonna fight the dragon,
you push one of the buttons--
Uh--
- Paul?
- I don't get it.
Well--
Paul, stop it.
It's a comic book that--
See, there's a computer chip inside
which stores the choices.
So, when you reach the end
of the page, you decide
where the story goes.
That's the point.
Terrific, Susan.
The kid makes his
own decision.
This is really possible?
- Yeah.
In fact, it's a very simple program.
Isn't that right?
So what happens when
you run out of choices?
That's the great thing. You can
just sell different adventures.
Just pop in a brand-new disk,
and you get a whole new set of options.
- We could market this
on a comic book rack.
-Mm-hmm.
I'll be right back.
How much
would the unit cost?
Our initial figure is around seven--
Around seven dollars,
with a retail cost
of about $ 18.95.
You expect a kid to pay
$19 for a comic book?
I think a kid--
Will you excuse me?
- What's going on?
Let 'em be.
Josh?
Josh?
Oh.
More.
Will you take me
to Sea Point Park, New York?
Get in.
Sea Point Park? Josh!
Hey! Not so fast!
Sorry. Here.
Josh! Josh!
See you back home!
Yeah!
Excuse me. Do you know him?
You knowJosh?
Yeah. Yeah.
Look, you have to tell me
where he went.
Who are you?
I'm-- I'm his girlfriend.
Ew.
Billy Kopecki.
You have to tell me where
he went. Where did he go?
Please tell me.
Tell me!
It's tough to find
a cab out here.
Thanks.
Work, damn it!
I wish I was a kid again.
Josh?
Susan.
You know, you don't
walk out on somebody.
You don't just get up
and leave and-- and--
and walk out like that.
You don't do that.
I know. I know.
I'm really sorry.
I'm really sorry,
but I didn't know
what to do.
I didn't know
what to say.
Oh, God.
You got your wish.
I tried to tell you.
I didn't listen.
I guess I didn't hear you,
or-- or want to, or
I tried to tell you last night.
How would I have-- Even if I
did listen, how would I know?
I've been thinking about this.
Why would I know that?
I've been trying
I've been thinking about it,
and there's a million reasons
for me to go home,
but there's only one reason
for me to stay.
What-- What reason is that?
Well, you.
Oh, come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
So, uh, what
what are you, 15, 16?
I'm-- I'm 13.
Mm-hmm.
Well, that explains it.
Maybe you could come with me.
No.
No, I--
Why not?
I've I've been there before.
It's hard enough the first time.
You know what I mean?
No, you don't know
what I mean.
Come on.
I'll drive you home.
I'm sorry.
No, I'll be okay.
You'll be fine.
Ten years, who knows?
Maybe you should
hold on to my number.
So this is where you live.
Which one is it?
The one right there.
Oh. It's nice.
I'm gonna miss you.
I'm gonna miss you too.
You won't even remember me.
Oh, yes, I will.
Bye.
Ma?
Ma, it's me.
Josh?
Josh?Josh!
Oh, my God!
Oh, thank God you're home!
Oh, Ma, I missed you all so much.
I'm just not good enough.
What are you
talking about?
You've been hitting the ball
over the fence almost
every time in stickball.
You just gotta get used
to a fatter bat.
You really think
I could do it?
Yeah.
Come on. We'll hit
some after supper.
Okay, I'll call for you.
in the cavern of the evil wizard.
All around you are the carcasses
of slain ice dwarfs."
Melt-- Melt wizard.
"What do you want
to melt him with?"
What do you think
I want to melt him with?
I told you to take out the garbage!
Just a second!
Throw thermal--
Josh! Didn't you hear
what your mother said?
One minute!
Joshua Baskin!
"Your hesitancy
has cost you dearly.
"The wizard,
sensing your apprehension,
"unleashes a fatal bolt
from the ice scepter.
With luck, you will thaw
in several million years."
Great.
Come on, Josh. It's starting
to stink up the place.
Okay, okay, okay.
Take the garbage out.
Every day, take the garbage out. There!
The teams are being led into the field,
and the crowds are going crazy! Yeah! Yeah!
And wait a minute. It's the Yankees'
star pitcher coming out of the bullpen.
Look at him! And the crowds
are cheering. They're going crazy!
They're screaming!
Is Billy there? Okay.
In the back.
Rick Rhoden is on the mound
for the Yankees.
He looks into the catcher's mitt,
shakes off the first signal,
takes the turn.
He wipes the sweat off his brow,
leans back and fires.
Yeah! Good-bye,
Mr. Spalding!
Here, here. Wait.
Got it, need it,
need it, got it.
Oh!
Hey, hey, hey!
You ever go by Simpson's desk
when she's grading papers or somethin'?
She leaned over,
you can see right down her shirt.
No.
Swear to God.
Bra?
No, no. She's got one
of those undershirt things.
So if you get real close to the board,
you can see all the way down
to her flowers.
Whoa!
Yeah. Give me your gum.
Need it, got it,
got it, need it.
Hey, hey.
- Give me a dollar! Give me--
- Oh, my God. It's Cynthia.
How did a geek like Freddie Benson
get a sister like that?
Beats me.
- I mean, imagine having
a boyfriend like that.
- Hi, Josh.
- Hi.
- Oh, my God. It's Billy.
Come on!
Don't start.
He says hi!
- Come on, Miss Cheapo.
A quarter! A quarter.
- Unbelievable!
God. She likes you.
I know she likes you.
I'll find out, okay?
# Shimmy, shimmy, koko bop
Shimmy, shimmy, rock #
# Shimmy, shimmy, koko bop
Shimmy, shimmy rock #
# I met a girlfriend
A Triscuit #
# She said a Triscuit
a biscuit #
# Ice cream soda pop
vanilla on the top #
# Ooh, Shalida
walkin' down the street
# I meant it, I said it
I stole my mama's credit #
# I'm cool, I'm hot
Sock you in the stomach
three more times ##
Don't forget to
call me after supper.
Okay.
Remember about Cynthia.
Don't worry!
I'm as interested
as you are.
This isn't fair.
Buddy, we've been
talkin' about this for months.
You knew this was gonna happen
when Rachel got older.
- Why can't she stay in your room?
- Because.
Bein' part of a family
means sharing responsibilities.
Great. But do I have to share my room?
I'm a person.
I am not your maid.
Can any of you appreciate that?
You waltz in here like
it's some kind of a resort--
lounging around, waiting
foryour dinner to be cooked,
your clothes to be ironed.
What about me, huh? Have you ever
once thought about how I feel?
Do you know what it's like to work
eight hours and come home to this?
Every single day?
None of you
ever offer to help me!
Why?
I can't do it alone anymore.
Just can't.
And if you tell them anything
that goes on in this room,
well, you'll be sorry.
So, will you tell me?
- You're in.
- What do you mean, I'm in?
- Cynthia Benson.
- What about her?
You ready for this?
She doesn't like Barry anymore.
- So?
- So what do you mean, "so"?
That's it. She's available.
Billy, it doesn't mean--
Josh.
Hey, it's after midnight.
Now, say good night to Billy.
Good night, Billy.
I gotta go.
Good night, Mrs. Baskin!
Sweet dreams.
All right. Come on.
One dollar. Come on, kid.
Watch this. Need some help
with the hammer?
Okay. I'm ready.
Here I go. Here I go.
I get one more try. One more try.
Okay, honey.
Big smile. Big smile.
Go! Go! Go!
Good. Good.
Oh, "wimpy"!
Better luck next time.
Let me get one more try?
Please? Come on!
I can't live with "wimpy."
Mommy! Make it stop!
You sure you want to
go on this thing, son?
Yeah.
No, no. I don't know
about this one, Bob.
No, this looks too scary.
It's okay.
Oh, my God.
See? I told you.
He doesn't want to go on it.
Son, you don't
have to go on this thing
if you don't feel like it.
No, no. It's just that I--
I want to go on myself.
You do?
Yeah.
I think it's something--
Yeah, I think it's
something I should do.
Great. Why don't we meet you
at the Ferris wheel?
Half hour.
Excuse me.
Hey!
What are you doing?
Come on, man.
Watch it.
Sal threw up on the other ride.
It was disgusting.
Josh?
Oh. Hi.
Hi.
Have you been on this before?
This?
Yeah.
- Yes.
- Is it scary?
- Yes.
- Are you here alone?
Yes.
Look. Aren't those
your parents?
Where?
Right over there.
Honey! Smile!
Why, yes.
Hey, who's this?
This is Josh Baskin.
How you doin'?
This is Derek.
- He drives.
Next.
Go ahead.
Yo, next!
Go ahead.
Yo, next!
Whoa! Read this sign.
"You must be at least
this big to ride this ride."
What? Oh.
Hey, I don't make
the rules, kid.
Next! Next!
Well, it's a stupid rule.
Look, why don't you
try the Kiddie Whip?
Yeah, it's about time.
You. You.
See you, Josh.
No problem. Step up.
Hey, watch it, kid!
Hey. Come on, you guys.
Let's go.
"Drop 25 cents here."
Come on!
Work! Work!
Neat!
Make my wish. Right.
I wish I were big.
"Your wish is granted."
Somebody's gonna get you!
Come on. Go! Come on!
What's the matter?
Oh, no. Oh, no, no.
No.
Honey, you'll wake up
your brother.
Shh. Come on. Come on.
You sleep with us.
Easy, doggie! Easy!
Don't make me do it.
I'm only part-time. Sorry.
Josh!
Josh!
Josh!
What?
It's 7:30. Are you up?
Come on, sleepyhead!
You're gonna miss the bus,
and I can't drive you today.
What does he do
in his sleep?
Honey? I put out
some clean clothes.
Bring down your dungarees
and stuff for the laundry, okay?
- Okay.
- You getting a cold, Josh?
No. Fine.
He's got a cold.
Now Rachel's gonna get a cold,
I'm gonna get a cold,
his father's gonna get a cold.
Oh, my God.
Breakfast is ready, Josh.
Be right there!
Josh! Hurry up!
Your eggs are getting cold.
Hold this. Hold this.
Good. Now, can you
keep it a secret?
Yeah. Keep it a secret.
Bring down Rachel
with you, all right?
Okay.
Come on. Come on.
Oh, yeah. Shh, shh, shh.
Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet.
You want orange juice or--
What about your breakfast?
# Pardon me, boys
Is that the Chattanooga
choo-choo #
# Track 29 #
# Choo, choo, choo ##
Don't. Please, don't!
Don't! Please!
Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry.
No!
It's me.
It's Josh. Mom! Mom.
Stop it! Oh, God!
I made a wish last night.
Oh, please, stop!
I turned into a grown-up.
I made this wish on the machine.
Go away!
It turned me into a grown-up.
Last night at the carnival.
No! No!
My birthday's November 3.
Mom, I got a "B" on my history test.
Here, take the purse.
You can have anything
that's in it! Go away!
M-M-M-My baseball team
is called the Dukes!
Uh, I made this for you.
Who are you calling?
I have a birthmark
behind my left knee!
- You bastard.
What did you do to my son?
- I am your son, Mom.
- Where is my child?
Where is my son?
- Oh, Ma! Ma! Ma!
Police!
Hands up!
Hands up on defense!
Come on! All the way.
All the way.
It's all yours!
All right, stop!
I'm open! Here! I'm open!
Shoot it! Yeah!
Gentlemen, this period is over.
- You stink, Kopecki!
- Get back to the locker rooms
and get on to your next class.
- Billy, you stink!
Wash shirts and shorts.
Billy, do us both a favor.
Put the balls in the equipment closet
and you practice your layup.
Horowitz, pick up that shirt
or I'll make you eat it. It stinks!
Let's go, gentlemen.
Hey, let's go now.
Billy.
Yeah?
What?
It's me.
- It's Josh.
- Coach Barnes!
No! Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
Coach Barnes!
Billy, shut up!
I'm your best friend!
Please, you gotta believe me.
Don't hurt me.
I'll prove it to you.
Billy, please!
Look, I'm not gonna hurt you!
Help! Help!
Goddamn it,
Billy Francis Kopecki!
Look, I know I don't look
like myself, okay?
But something really strange
happened, and I'm really scared!
I need your help!
You're my best friend!
I can prove it to you.
Um Oh!
# The space goes
down, down, baby #
# Down, down the roller coaster
Sweet, sweet baby #
# Sweet, sweet
Don't let me go
Shimmy, shimmy, koko bop #
# Shimmy, shimmy, rock
Shimmy, shimmy, koko bop
Shimmy, shimmy, rock #
# I met a girlfriend
A Triscuit #
# She said a Triscuit
a biscuit #
# Ice cream soda pop
vanilla on the top #
# Ooh, Shalida
walkin' down the street
# I meant it, I said it
I stole my mama's credit #
# I'm cool, I'm hot
Sock you in the stomach
three more times ##
Josh?
You look terrible.
I know.
He had on a blue, uh, sweatshirt
with a hood on it...
that said "Giants"
across the front.
He-He ran in here.
He ran into the kitchen.
He followed me a-around
that pillar there,
and when I got into the kitchen,
he turned around
and he pulled down his pants...
and he exposed his heinie.
I-I can't. I can't.
I was in the house making gravy,
and I heard this commotion.
That's right.
We're at the scene right now.
We've talked to the mother.
She's pretty hysterical.
She's not making
any sense at all.
There's no ransom note,
no prints. There's no nothin'.
I'll tell you what
file a report, be on the safe side.
Shut up!
Bet he ran away.
Wish I could.
Want me to pack your bags?
It's me.
You couldn't wish
for a million dollars?
Take that off. Don't worry.
I got it all figured out.
Go to the city,
lay low for a couple days,
find that Zoltar thing,
make your wish.
You'll be home by Thursday.
It grew all over.
- Hmm.
- Why can't I just tell them
what happened?
You did, and your mom
tried to kill you.
I'm gonna get in one awful lot
of trouble because of this.
They'll probably be so happy
to see you, you'll probably get
a new bike out of it.
Come on. Let's get going.
Oh!
Excuse me.
Thanks.
She's a problem.
This is the time of day when
she gets cranky and she cries.
She does it every day.
I'm not supposed to go to
New York without my folks.
You'll be all right. Here.
Where did you get that?
My father's sock drawer.
You stole it?
It's his emergency fund.
Fine! Fine. Fine.
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.
Kill the bitch.
Kill her with a knife.
Kill her with a knife!
Kill the bitch. Kill the bitch.
Kill her with a knife.
Put it in. Bitch!
Kill the bitch!
Kill her!
You lookin' for some fun
tonight, sweet thing?
No, thank you.
Hey, man.
Spare some change?
No, not really.
Hey, this looks okay.
No, it doesn't.
St. James, Josh.
It's religious.
Stay out there all night,
all day and all night again?
Hi.
Hi.
Uh, we would like
a hotel room, please.
$ 10 deposit for the sheets.
Mm-hmm.
You go straight
to the top of the stairs.
The last door on the right,
next to the bathroom.
Wait a second.
I'll show you.
It smells bad.
Shh.
Have a pleasant stay.
Thanks.
Hey, Angel!
Get out of that
bathroom now!
He's in that bathroom
all night.
I don't want
to stay here by myself.
I can't help it, Josh.
I gotta be home by 10:00.
Look, I'll cut classes tomorrow.
We'll find that Zoltar thing
before you know it, okay?
Just one night. All right?
All right.
Good.
- What if I can't sleep?
- It's probably better if you don't.
See you in the morning.
Well, you know,
like, what time?
I'd use the chain, if I were you.
All right. Come on out.
Open the door.
Stay away from here.
If you don't have the money,
don't show us your face over here!
Goddamn it!
Get out!
Watch the money!
Give me that!
Mom. Mom.
You really think
we'll find it today?
It's a big city, Josh.
I bet there's a million
Zoltar machines.
Well, where should we
start first?
I don't know. Oh, let--
Let's try the next street.
I told you,
it's not a video game.
Then what is it?
Well, it's not a video game.
This one's got a number on it.
Does yours?
No. Wait. Here's one.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Do you have Zoltar?
No, I told you,
I looked back in the back.
I've got Powerhouse--
We really need Zoltar.
I haven't got it.
What did the guy
at the arcade say?
They have to license them.
And where are we?
Uh, the licensing bureau.
Right. So all we gotta do is
get a list of all the carnivals,
then track it down.
Will you quit
your moping now?
I'm not mopin'.
Can I help you?
- Yes. We would like a list
of all carnivals and fairs.
- And arcades.
Yeah.
Carnivals and fairs.
Try Consumer Affairs
down the hall, Room 111.
Thank you.
Fill this out in triplicate.
Five dollar filing charge.
- See?
- One month to process.
You get it in six weeks.
- Six weeks?
- Sometimes longer,
but you could get lucky.
Next, please!
Fill this out in triplicate.
I'm gonna be 30 years old
for the rest of my life.
Would you come on?
We'll figure something out.
By the way, you may be
older than that.
So now what?
I'll come and see you
every day after school.
How?
I'll tell them I made
the basketball team.
I won't have nothin' to do.
You can get a job.
Can't get a job.
Why? Can't be
any different than school.
What are you good at?
I don't know.
Making spitballs?
How 'bout a delivery man?
I don't know how to drive.
Yeah, right.
Cardiological technician.
Civil engineer.
You're not gonna
eat your cherry?
Go ahead.
Clerical transcriber.
Billy.
Yeah.
Gross. God, that's gross!
Check, please.
- Go to the next column.
- Collection agent. Company clerk.
Computer operator.
Construction engineer.
Computer operator?
What?
Computer operator.
Read that one.
-Josh, will you quit
with your stupid computers!
-Just read it.
"MacMillan Toys." Toys!
- Toys!
Whee-whee-whee-whee, Jags.
"Seeking experienced computer operators
for all levels of system management.
"Candidates must perform
data updates, malfunction isolation,
monitoring
of cluster performance."
"Performance." I can do that.
- You can?
- Sure.
- Hey, great. They use H.P. 3000s.
- You understand all that?
Well, it's It's an old system,
but, you know--
- Where do we go?
- Um, "Apply in person,
MacMillan Toys."
All right. Let's go.
Miss? Miss?
Miss?
Miss?
You look good.
MacMillan Toys!
There it is!
MacMillan Toys.
May I help you?
I'll connect you.
Are these
the applications?
Yes. Just have a seat.
I'll call your name.
What's next?
There.
Previous employment.
Your paper route.
I don't think I can put that.
Neighborhood
circulation director?
Yeah!
Yes. Hold on just a moment, please.
What's he got?
Hey, don't worry about it.
Um, Social Security number?
What is that?
It's my locker combination.
Great.
Mr. Baskin?
Mr. Baskin?
Y-Yes. Yes.
The personnel director
will see you now.
Uh, your son can wait out here.
Yeah, okay.
Son, you should sit down.
And don't give the lady
any trouble now.
Sure, Dad.
This way.
Don't forget--
look him in the eye!
There's a couple
of numbers missing
on your Social Security.
Oh. Oh, 12.
- It says here you've got
four years' experience.
- Yes.
All on computers.
Yes.
Where did you go to school?
It was-- It was called
George Washington.
Oh, G.W. My brother-in-law
got his doctorate there.
- Did you pledge?
- Yes, every morning.
It happened again.
David, the girl is
absolutely useless.
You have got to give me
someone who knows what
she is doing. Excuse me.
I'm not getting any of my mail.
Nothing has been filed.
Ever since she got engaged,
my life has been a disaster.
Well, you know, she came
so highly recommended.
She spent the last three months
writing down her married name.
Mrs. Judy Hicks.
Mrs. Donald Hicks.
Mrs. Judy Mitchellson Hicks.
Sometimes with a hyphen,
sometimes without a hyphen.
Sometimes she spells
the hyphen.
Well, I really don't know
where I can put her.
Put her on unemployment.
- When can you start?
- Soon.
MacMillan Toys. I'll transfer.
Brent.
Susan.
Where's Mildred?
She's out sick.
Again.
And it's easy to clean.
That's very important,
that you're easy to clean.
Open that one.
What's so--
What's the joke?
Is it a small?
Oh, Miss Lawrence.
See, when she opens
her shower presents,
everything she says
she'll say on her wedding night,
only she doesn't know it.
So, when we read
the list to her--
Who's answering my phone?
Oh, it's pink.
Oh. I'll get it.
Oh, I needed towels.
Thank you very much.
Paul Davenport's office.
Can I help you?
Susan Lawrence.
Is he in?
Of course.
Thank you.
Susan.
Paul.
If I don't have a man tonight,
I'm absolutely going--
Mr. MacMillan's on line two.
Yeah, I'll hold.
An automatic switch-on--
These are the preliminary voice
runs on Princess Gwendolyn.
All comments should
be directed to Jack Taylor
no later than Thursday.
One day, I'll find my prince.
Alternate version number one:
One day, my prince will come.
Alternate version number two:
I want you to steal all the money
from Mummy's purse...
and buy all my accessories.
The more you buy me,
the more I'll love you.
Just kidding, Susan.
Tra-la. Tra-la.
I thought we'd start you
off on last week's
preschool orders.
It should take a few days.
Give you a chance
to find your way around.
Do you smoke?
Well, just that once, but
Only on breaks,
and in the coffee room.
Most of that's pretty
straightforward stuff.
You have any questions,
come to me. Good luck.
Bye.
The Dinky Link.
Seven.
Jimmy's Toy Box.
Psst.
Squirmy Hermie.
Psst!
Hey. Psst. Hey.
I'm Scott Brennen.
Uh, I-I'm Josh Baskin.
Listen,
what are you trying to do,
get us all fired?
Huh?
Gotta slow down.
Pace yourself.
- Slowly. Slowly. Slow.
- Sorry.
- Today's my first day.
- I know.
So, how long
have you worked here?
Five years.
Work stinks,
but the fringe benefits are great.
See that girl over there
in the red?
Say hi to her,
and she's yours.
She'll wrap her legs
around you so tight,
you'll be begging for mercy.
Well, I'll stay away
from her then.
Excuse me.
Yeah. Brennen.
I gave it to you yesterday.
Oh, here it is.
I don't have time to xerox it.
Let the new guy do it.
Yeah. It--
We still-- We haven't
shipped it out yet.
You gotta be quiet.
People are tryin' to work here.
Hey, wait!
They can't think.
We're gonna go in the other room
and see some toys. Come on.
Come on, you guys.
Stay together.
Come on, guys.
Trouble.
We're pregnant?
Huggy Bear took a nosedive.
That's not possible.
Look at these figures, Paul.
Third-quarter profits off 40%.
Pre-orders down 55.
I'm not talking about one toy.
I'm talking about the whole goddamn line:
Huggy Bear Mama,
Huggy Bear Papa.
Goddamn Baby's off 60%.
You must feel awful.
I must feel awful?
You must.
Paul, uh--
Paul, I-- I think we
must feel awful.
Well, yeah. I feel bad too.
This whole line was your idea.
I think that if you just march right in
and talk with MacMillan--
It's not my fault.
Honey, are we trying to fix this thing
or are we tryin' to place blame?
If it'll make you feel better, I'll go
in there with you while you talk to him.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I taught him
everything he knows.
Mm-hmm. Right up.
Hi, this is Matthew
with MacMillan Toys.
Yeah, well, I live
right over by the river.
And I just need
to confirm your address.
You ever seen Brooklyn
by dawn?
Hey, hey. Does it sound
like I'm beggin'? I am.
Hello?
Uh
Hello?
Hello.
Mrs. Baskin?
Yes?
How are you?
Who is this?
I just wanted you
to know that, uh,
Josh is all right,
and he's okay and everything.
You have my boy?
Yeah, and y-you're gonna
get him back just the way he was.
Look, I swear to God,
if you do anything to him,
if you touch one hair
on his head,
I will spend the rest of my life
making sure you suffer.
Wow. Thanks.
Let me talk to Josh.
Oh, he can't come
to the phone right now.
Why not? Why not?
What did you do to him?
I didn't do anything to him.
I think he's a terrific kid.
I want proof that he's all right.
Uh, all right.
Um, a-ask me something
th-that-- that only he would know.
Then I'll ask him for you,
and that way you'll know
that he's okay.
Ask him what I used to sing to him
when he was a little boy.
Isn't there something else
that you'd rather ask him?
Ask him.
I got it. I got it.
# Memories #
# Light the corner of my mind #
# Misty watercolored memories #
# Of the way we were #
# Scattered pictures ##
Oh!
Look, you're gonna
see him again really soon.
I promise.
I cross my heart and hope to--
Uh, we'll talk about this later.
That's total bullshit, Paul!
But, sir,
the favorability rating--
Let's not lie to ourselves.
If a kid likes a toy, it sells.
That's all.
But every bit of research
and focus testing shows--
It worked in research.
It worked in the testing.
It just didn't work with the kids.
Oh, sorry.
Why don't you watch where
the hell you're going!
- Are you okay?
- I am fine.
You could kill somebody
running around here like that!
Paul, a boss should
get knocked on his ass
once in a while.
It's good for him.
I don't know, sir.
You should see a doctor.
For crying out loud, Paul,
I'm fine! I'm fine!
- Sorry, sir. Sorry.
- Where were you going anyway, son?
Um, I was, uh--
I was going to the Xerox room
'cause they needed these by 5:00.
Oh! That's good.
Nothing wrong with a little hustle.
Nothing at all.
Right, Paul?
It's good to see
a little hustle for a change.
What did he mean?
I hustle. Uh, sir? Sir!
Get down! Get down!
Get out of the area!
He's got my money. Get 'im!
Ferris!
Thank you.
Brennen!
Baskin!
What is this?
Payday.
Hey, Walt. Where's mine?
$ 187?
Yep.
Oh! Oh!
They really screw you,
don't they?
"Sign below." Hi.
Hi.
Okay. So how
would you like that?
Could I have your driver's license, please?
And your check guarantee card?
Okay.
All right.
Three dimes,
a hundred dollar bill and 87 ones.
One--
One, two--
three, four, five, six--
three, four, five, six
seven, eight, nine, 10!
seven, eight, nine--
Look at it. Look at it.
It's beautiful.
Look at this. You know what
we're gonna do with this?
What?
Spend it!
# With a rebel yell
More, more, more #
# More, more, more #
# She don't like slavery
She won't sit and beg #
- # But when I'm tired and lonely ##
- I'm never eating again.
It wasn't that bad.
It was the boat ride
that did it.
No. It was the pork rinds.
Pork rinds!
- We sure had fun, didn't we?
- Yeah. Yeah, we sure did.
Booger! Booger!
Get that baby
to shut up. Come on.
I could use some help
with the baby.
Oh, please. I'm
I give you all the help I can.
I-- You drive me nuts.
You are never here.
I'm just goin' out for a little while.
I'll be back when I want to, okay?
Hello?
Hello.
Uh, is this
the Baskin residence?
Yes.
Hi.
Who's this?
We're conducting a, uh--
a consumer s-survey
and we were wondering...
what kind of medicine...
you would give to your family.
For what?
For a stomachache.
Pepto-Bismol.
How-How often
do you give that?
Every four hours.
I gotta go.
Every four hours.
Okay.
Thank you.
Josh! Josh!
Doggie!
No-No. Get away
from that dog.
Come on.
Get away from that dog.
Doggie. I wanna pet him!
Doggie!
We'll go inside
and buy you a nice gum ball.
Okay.
How did you get it to stop?
# Welcome to our world #
# Welcome to our world #
# Welcome to our world #
# Welcome to our world #
# Welcome to our world of fun #
Right. Okay.
Second door. Right there.
Okay. This one is goin' way out.
See if you can get this one.
Okay. Another big one.
# Welcome to our world #
# Welcome to our world #
# Welcome to our world of fun ##
Hey, no fair! Hey.
Yee-haw!
Oh, now, Rocky, keep away
from the strange man.
- Gotcha.
- What's your name?
Jordan. What's yours?
My name's Josh.
I'm gonna
blow you away, Josh.
I just got you!
No way! You're closer.
Get back here!
I got you!
You big gawk.
Look at him!
You work for me,
don't you?
Yes.
I thought so.
What, are you here with your kids?
No.
I got the last!
Did not.
I was just looking around.
Oh.
Me too. I come here
every Saturday.
You can't see this
on a marketing report.
What's a marketing report?
Come on! It's my turn!
Exactly. Come on.
What do you think of that?
The Championship Hockey?
Yeah.
Oh, I love it. Only that--
Only what?
Well, the pieces don't move.
What do you mean?
Well, on the old set,
you could slide the men
up and down the ice.
Now all they do is spin around.
It's more like
real hockey the old way.
Why'd they change it?
I don't know.
See, the Starfighters
are good because you can
change all the pieces you want.
But I never liked
the Galacticons.
You only get one robot,
and they don't come
with a vehicle.
I see.
Plus, you can't take 'em
underwater. If you do--
Neat.
Okay, uh,
let's check out the--
- Piano lessons?
- Three years.
Me too.
Every day after school.
Hey, hey!
# Madly #
What department
did you say you were in?
I'm in Computers.
Computers?
Yeah. Yeah.
You just saved me
a trip to the gym, son.
According to the marketability studies,
this thing should go straight through the roof.
Hey! Hey!
Watch it, fella.
Sorry. Sorry.
Vice president in charge
of product development.
Vice president?
He's only been here a week!
And he came
from Data Processing.
He's out of his mind.
The old man has finally lost it.
Did you know he gave him
Bob's old office?
Bob's--
Bob's office
is bigger than my office!
There's gotta be a reason.
Things like this don't happen
unless there's a reason.
That means if the president dies,
you get to take over?
No. They got a hundred of 'em.
Are we ready?
Yes, Mr. Baskin.
Come on in.
Look at this place.
It's bigger than
the principal's office!
How would you know?
Remember that explosion
in science?
Oh, yeah.
Truckapillar!
- You know that only costs
- Get outta here!
-What is this?
-Oh. They just put this in here.
It doesn't mean anything.
So, what do they make you do
for all this?
Well, I play with all of
this stuff, and then I go in
and tell 'em what I think.
- That's it?
- Yeah.
- And they pay you for that?
- Yeah.
Suckers!
Thank you, Miss Patterson.
Hey, Miss Patterson,
could you call Media
and have them send up...
the video of the Giants-Broncos
Super Bowl and have them edit
out the commercials and stuff?
Yes, Mr. Baskin.
Thanks.
- Miss Patterson.
- You're the luckiest guy I know.
Boom!
- Great.
- Mr. Davenport.
Try taking
some of the padding out.
Projected sales
are gonna go through the roof.
Those test scores--
Whoa!
Oh You know, this is
an office, not a playground.
Kill somebody--
Did you check Mattel?
Nothing.
Time now to check
the day's business news.
Coleco?
Zero.
He can't come from nowhere, Susan.
He has to come from somewhere.
How 'bout Hasbro?
Yes. And Fisher-Price
and Worlds ofWonder.
- I have called everywhere.
Nobody's ever heard of him.
- This is just terrific!
It's not my fault.
Shh!
- Today's arrests
bring the current total to 18--
- I know him.
Those under indictment include
five senior vice presidents
Now they're arresting businessmen?
The new American crime,
tryin' to earn a living?
...the most coveted position
on Wall Street--
Baskin!
Susan, he has to come
from somewhere.
Let's face it, Paul. The guy comes
from Data Processing.
Terrific. That's just terrific.
This is just terrific!
You're being paranoid, Paul.
You're being paranoid, Paul.
These tests were conducted
over a six-month period...
using a double-blind format
of eight overlapping
demographic groups.
Every region of the country
was sampled.
The focus testing
showed a solid base...
in the nine-to-11-year-old
bracket,
with a possible carryover
into the 12-year-olds.
When you consider that
GoBots and Transformers
pull 37% market share
I'm sorry.
and that we are targeting
the same area,
I think that we should see
one-quarter of that,
and that is one-fifth
of the total revenue
from all of last year.
Excellent, Paul.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Any questions?
No.
Not from me.
Yes?
- Yes?
- I don't get it.
What, exactly, don't you get?
It turns from a building
into a robot. Right?
Precisely.
Well, what's fun about that?
Well, if you had read
your industry breakdown,
you would see that our success
in the action figure area...
has climbed from 27% to 45%
in the last two years.
There. That might help.
Oh.
- Yes?
- I-I still don't get it.
What?
What don't you get, Josh?
There's a million robots
that turn into something.
This is a building
that turns into a robot. What's fun
about playing with a building?
- That's not any fun.
- This is a skyscraper.
Well, couldn't it be,
like, a robot that turns into,
like, a bug or something?
A bug?
Yeah.
- A prehistoric insect with claws
that could pick up a car.
- Interesting.
A prehistoric Transformer?
Interesting.
- So the robot turns into a bug?
- Uh, gentlemen--
You've got
a very good idea here!
The robot
turns into a bug!
This is a great idea!
Wh--
Different sizes--
Susan, we could
do ladybugs!
You could
have him wreck buildings.
Transformers for girls!
A building is inert.
A bug, it moves, it's got
all kinds of possibilities.
This doesn't just happen.
This guy-- This doesn't happen.
He doesn't just come to
a meeting and say "bugs."
Uh--
Well done, Josh. Well done.
Oh-ho! He is vicious!
He's not vicious.
Don't kid yourself.
That man is a killer.
All he said was,
he didn't get it.
"I don't get it. I don't get it.
Let's make it a bug!"
He was going for the throat,
trying to eviscerate me.
Did you see the look
on MacMillan's face?
Mm-hmm.
It's quite a unique space.
The lines are so clean,
and you don't get any
of that partition quality.
It has 50-foot ceilings,
all hardwood floors,
ample closet space,
a modern kitchen,
a brand-new bathroom
with a jet-stream Jacuzzi.
We'll take it!
Baskin! Rental delivery!
Come out. Come out.
Hey! What, are you nuts?
So close.
Dear Mom and Dad:
They said...
that I could write you...
and let you know I was okay.
Whoa! Check it out!
So far they're treating me fine.
I got enough to eat--
Two!
and am perfectly safe.
# I'm takin' what they're givin'
'cause I'm workin' for a livin' #
Rebound!
They say I'll get out of here--
Two!
in about a month.
# Whoa-ohh
Takin' what they're givin' #
# Whoa-ohh
Workin' for a livin' ##
In the meantime,
it's a lot like camp.
I watch TV--
I got it! I got it!
I got it!
Hooray!
and even get outside...
once in a while.
I know...
you miss me,
but try not to worry.
I think...
this experience...
might even be good for me.
Knocked him out!
I love you very much...
and I know...
I'll see you soon.
Your son,
Joshua.
P.S.
Give Rachel a kiss
from her big brother.
Hey.
Oh, hey. Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
The computers were down
for, like, 45 minutes.
There was nothing
I could do about it.
What is this?
It's a letter to my mom.
She's gonna feel--
This is terrible!
No. You don't mail it--
You're gonna get her
all screamin' and cryin'--
No, I'm not.
It's just a letter
to say I'm okay and stuff.
Come on.
Why can't I go with you?
Bill-- I told you, Billy.
It's only for people
in the company, so you can't.
I could be your assistant.
Billy!
Fine. Fine.
Just go to your fancy party...
while I stay at home by my mailbox
and wait for your stupid carnival list.
It's just this once, okay?
Sure.
Yes. That's a beautiful fit.
Here, Paul. Take this,
go over to the mirror,
put the hat on
and look at yourself.
What color would you call this?
Can I help you?
Yeah. I'd like to
rent a tuxedo.
Uh, I see. Is-Is-Is there
any particular occasion?
Yeah. His company
is havin' a party.
Uh, well, then you probably
want something simple.
Maybe a nice black, uh,
with a p-p-p
Whoa! Check it out.
Oh, wow. Feel that.
What do you think?
I like it.
Look at these.
Uh, usually this type of tuxedo
is popular with students--
senior proms, juvenile dress-ups
and maybe a fancy p--
Look at this one.
Ooh.
What kind of tuxedo
is this?
That's not a tuxedo!
That's a morning coat.
Well, what do you call this?
Ugly.
Oh, hey. I've got it.
Excuse me.
I'll be right back. Oy.
I really wanna go home.
Maybe we got off
on the wrong foot.
Let's start again.
Hey, smell my neck.
Mm-mmm.
I was hopin'
for a raise, sir.
A raise.
Just-Just-Just a little one.
All right, a little one.
Kim. Have a good time.
I'll see what I can do.
Okay. Thank you, sir.
Thank you, sir.
All right.
Come on, George.
You can't sell to the parents.
You sell to the kids.
I disagree.
Listen. You hit 'em
at 7:00 in the morning while
their folks are still asleep.
Then you get 'em good
and jacked up for three hours...
so that by 10:00,
they're rippin' the house apart.
It's timing, George. Timing.
You want that parent
to wake up...
listening to
Little Jennifer screaming,
"Puppy Pal, Puppy Pal."
It's very beautiful
and I'm having a lovely time.
I'm delighted, Miss Patterson.
It's much better than last year.
I just wanted to tell you that.
How are you gents
doing here?
Double up on
the scotch, will you?
Right away, sir.
Here you are, sir.
Susan.
Love your tux.
I think it's the same
as the matre d's.
Yeah. Have you decided
what you're doing
on the Danbury line?
No, I haven't.
Well, uh, I think if you got
everyone's input up front,
I mean, right from
the beginning, you can--
Susan, have a drink.
What?
Have a couple of drinks.
It's a party.
It's a party.
Look at this!
Oh, God!
Josh! I'm glad
you could make it.
Bet he gets another raise.
Now, that's
what I call a tuxedo.
I rented it.
This is a real bow tie though.
I tied it myself.
That's why I was late.
No, you're not
late at all.
Let me show you around.
There's Miss Patterson. Hi.
There's a guy from the meeting!
- Would you like a drink
uh, champagne, glass of wine?
- No, just some milk.
Why not?
You on the wagon?
No, I'm at a party.
It works on your hips.
You need a whole other exercise
for your thighs. It's true.
Hi.
Let me grab
a plate here.
Excuse me.
This looks good.
...from the I.R.S. tells me
that I can't amortize like that,
s-so I show him the schedule,
and then he says,
"It's not accepted
accounting procedure."
I say, "You little pissant."
Try a little bit of, uh--
That looks good.
Yeah.
Want to get a load of that guy.
He's a little overdressed.
Look, my feet really hurt.
Yeah? You want me
to rub 'em?
You know, most people,
they don't know
how to rub feet.
Think it's in the thumbs.
It's the knuckles.
Now put some
eucalyptus oil on--
Just--Just dance.
It's great.
Oh, it's great.
I'm having
a really good time.
I'm really excited about this.
Ignore him. Just ignore him.
I don't know him.
The guy's a goddamn
knock-off artist.
What do you mean?
Amphibian?
He takes 10,000 G.I. Joes,
slaps some gills on 'em,
webs their feet,
packages 'em in seaweed.
There's not supposed
to be pieces in mousse.
Carrot.
Give me a break.
But the toy sold, Paul.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Hi.
All the same people
having all the same
discussion.
It's like they cloned
some party in 1983...
and kept spinning it out
again and again and again.
I loved your ideas
on the Squeezy Doll line.
Thanks.
They were so... incisive.
"Incisive."
It's beluga.
MacMillan orders it
every year.
Sidle up to him
and then ask for a raise.
Gesundheit.
You all right?
You okay?
You want a glass of water?
Want something to drink?
Could I have
a milk shake or something?
I got a car outside.
You wanna get outta here?
- Uh-huh.
- Let's go.
Watch it!
Did you see that?
I'm not really
a big one for parties.
I like things that are
a little more... intimate.
Wow! Is this your car?
Well, it's the company's car.
This is the coolest thing
I've ever seen!
Yes, sir.
Sir.
Just seeing someone
in the office,
you don't really get
a chance to know them.
Just being with you here,
I really get a sense of--
of who you are.
You gonna
eat these fries?
No, no.
Hey, mister, you want
some of these fries?
No. No, thank you.
See, it's hard,
in a business situation--
I mean, there's
this invisible line,
and-- and even if--
even if you're
attracted to someone--
You're gonna call
someone before--
No.
Uh, I mean,
at this point in my life--
Don't--
Don't play with the ra--
Leave the, uh Don't--
I'm really vulnerable right now,
you know, and I--
I mean,
I love my job.
And--
And I--
Ejector seat!
# Hot in the city #
# Hot in the city tonight #
# All right #
This is great!
# Hot in the city
Hot in the city tonight #
Hey, come on up.
# Tonight #
# Right ##
That was my apartment.
Really?
Yeah.
Love to see
where you live.
Have you always
lived alone?
No, not always.
Oh.
Is it just recently, or--
Yeah.
Give yourself a couple of days.
It'll pass.
Oh. They said it was
gonna take six weeks.
Well, it can be painful, but...
that's what they invented
Xanax for, right?
Watch your step.
Watch your step.
Thank you.
I'm not sure
we should do this yet.
- Do what?
- Well--
I mean, I like you,
and I-- I wanna spend
the night with you.
Do you mean sleep over?
Well, is-- Yeah.
Okay.
But I get to be on top.
You live here?
Yeah.
- It's nice, isn't it?
# Sending you forget-me-nots #
Yeah.
# To help you to remember #
You, uh
You want a soda?
Huh?
Soda?
You want one?
Yeah, sure.
I rigged this up
so you don't need
any quarters.
Aah! No. No. Don't.
What?
The glue is not dry yet.
Sorry. It's okay.
Sorry.
You didn't break it.
You wanna play pinball?
No.
You don't need quarters
for this either. It's free.
No, thank you.
Okay.
- Is that a trampoline?
- Yeah. You wanna try it?
- No.
- You should. It's really fun.
It's simple too. Come on. You'll like it.
And it's really easy too.
Do you have some wine,
maybe--
Take off your shoes.
Oh, maybe
for a few minutes.
It's easy. All right.
# It's not hard to believe
I want you and I need you
Come on ##
It's really simple.
Let me just get
my big balls off here.
- No, really, I-I-- I'll watch.
- It's fun. I'll do it with you.
Up.
Excellent. All right.
Help me up?
Sure!
Okay.
- Okay. Jump.
- You want me to jump.
Yeah. Just jump.
There.
Now can I have a drink?
No, no, no.
Look, really jump.
Stand there and get air.
Go ahead.
Get some air between you
and the tramp... oline.
There.
Oh, come on. I'll do it with you,
to show you how it goes.
Ready? Come on. Jump.
See? That's all it is.
That's all there is to it. Good.
There you go.
There you go. Yeah.
It's easy. Anybody could do this.
Whoo!
Whoa!
How'd you do that?
Good!
Okay. I'm attacking China
from Mongolia.
Why do you smoke?
Oh.
That's, uh--
I lose two.
Mmm, yeah.
Okay.
Oh. Hi.
Here.
What?
Pick one.
That one.
Okay, try it again.
That one.
It's for you.
It's a glow-in-the-dark
compass ring.
So you won't get lost.
Good night.
Jones Industrial Average--
Have fun last night?
Sure. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, you left pretty quick.
Gave him a ride home, Paul.
- Oh. Did he enjoy it?
- Don't be ridiculous.
Ah, that's me
Mr. Ridiculous.
Just a silly old guy.
Short-term credit conditions.
Yields fell slightly--
I don't feel like
going out tonight.
What do you mean?
They're your friends.
I know.
Leave it! Leave it!
- # Hot in the city tonight #
- Would you quit it!
Do you have to play with everything?
Baskin?
Wouldn't you rather
play basketball?
I know how to play that.
We could be a team
for the MacMillan Company.
No!
I'm not very good at sports,
but I'll give it a try.
My best sport's video hockey.
That isn't a sport.
Well, it takes
eye-to-hand coordination.
It's not a sport if you don't sweat.
What about golf?
You don't sweat, and that's a sport.
And you're not sitting there
letting some machine
do all the work.
What about car racing?
Shut up, Baskin!
What are the rules again?
I told you.
Over the line on the serve.
Yellow is out-of-bounds.
Play to 21. Ready?
Sorry. Sorry.
One-nothin'.
- Hold it.
- Get it! Get it! Get it! Attaboy.
Okay. You ready?
All right.
Yeah.
Ho ho! Nice try!
That was in.
Two-zip. Just made it two-zip.
Ready? Okay, here we go.
Oh!
It's in. Good. Point.
Whoa! What's the matter--
Wait a minute.
Time out. Time!
- Backhand!
- Whoa!
Yes!
Uh, that was
under the line.
- What?
- You said it had to be
over the line on a serve.
- No, I didn't.
- Yeah, you said it had to be
over the line on a serve.
No, I did not!
Now, give me the goddamn ball!
Well, that's cheating.
Give me the goddamn ball,
will ya?
No!
Give me the ball,
you little shit.
It's my serve.
Give me the goddamn ball!
I never said that!
Yes, you did.
Give me the
Give me the ball.
Give me the ball!
Give me the--
Give me the--
This is new.
Come here.
Give me the ball.
You're a cheater!
Give me the--
I do not cheat!
He cheats!
Give me the ball!
Give me the ball!
Give-- Give me the--
Give me the--
Give me the ball!
All right, let's take it over.
We'll take it over! Ow!
He didn't have to punch me.
I know.
He's scared of you. Ohh.
You don't play his game.
I tried to play his game.
He beat me up.
If he's scared of me,
then why did he punch me?
He punched you
because he's scared of you.
I don't get it.
It's just the way he is.
Everything's a fight with him.
Everyone's an enemy.
It's not just a job for him.
It's a war.
How come you're so nice?
What?
You work as hard as he does,
and you're not like that.
You don't know me that well.
Yes, I do.
You're one of
the nicest people I've met.
How do you do it?
On the fast break. What a job.
Let's get this done.
It's in the corner--
Oh. Go Knicks.
Oh! Heartbreak!
He lost it.
Must need a new center.
Good night.
Come in.
Hey, Josh.
Hi.
What time is it?
It's 10:00 or somethin'.
Mmm.
What are you
doin' here so late?
I finished up
on the Astro Blaster.
So? What do you think?
It's okay.
I know what you mean.
Astro Blaster, Laser Might--
They're all the goddamn same.
Wasn't always that way.
I remember
there was this duck once.
You mean, like,
a-a rubber duck for the bath?
No, no, no. Just a...
little, wooden, quacky duck.
And a string on the bottom
and you pulled him forward,
he'd waddle from side to side.
And I realized...
if you put the head on a hinge,
just a little wooden dowel,
then the beak would peck at the ground
when it pulls forward.
See? Oh.
Just-- I had an idea.
Look at this.
Come over here.
You know what this is?
It's a report on how to expand
the heavy adventure market past
the 12-year-old cutoff point.
- You can't do that. It doesn't work.
- Why not?
Y-You can't keep a kid
from growing up.
All a 13-year-old boy wants
is a 13-year-old girl.
And I sure don't know
how to build one of those.
What's this?
What does it look like?
Shampoo, razor,
toothpaste, two neckties
and your exercise tape.
Susan--
And I want
my keys back.
Sure.
It was just some scratches, honey.
He'll get over it.
It has nothing to do with him.
Oh, what is this, then?
Your one big moment
of redemption?
Yeah. Yeah,
that sounds good to me.
Come on, Susan.
He's just another link in the chain.
First it was Tom Caulfield.
Then Handlen.
Then Golding. Then me.
Am I missing somebody?
It's not like that anymore.
What is so special about Baskin?
He's a grown-up.
Susan--
I can't believe
you brought up Golding.
Can't believe you slept with him.
Oh!
Catch. Catch the dough. Catch!
A little piece of dough over there!
Here it come!
Throw me the dough.
Right here.
Hey! Hey!
Oh, my God!
Got him!
He's really good!
# Happy birthday to you #
Surprise!
# Happy birthday to you #
# Happy birthday
Happy birthday #
# DearJosh #
# Happy birthday #
#Toyou ##
# And many more #
Happy birthday to you.
You!
Hey.
What are you gonna
wish for this time?
I know what we can do.
We can get some beers
and some dirty magazines--
I can't, Billy.
What? Of course you can.
It's your birthday.
I have to go somewhere.
Where? Where?
Um,
well, I have to
go meet somebody and--
So I got all night.
Yeah, I know, but, see, I-I just
Well, I can't right now.
But I'll call you. All right?
Okay? I'll give you a call.
Thanks again, Billy!
It was fun!
Yeah. Fun.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Do you want to come in?
- Sure.
Sit down.
Wanna go?
Yeah! Yeah.
Okay.
Wanna go again?
How come you have
all these points?
'Cause I'm just tappin' 'em.
You don't have to kill 'em.
Rick Rhoden, on the mound.
He takes the curve.
Here's the windup
and the pitch.
Pick a prize.
So they have these cars
that you can actually drive,
except they're on this rail,
so you can't get off the road--
You have a really big
gob of mustard right--
What?
Mustard.
- Where?
- Right there.
- Is it gone?
- Well
Here.
- That gone?
- Yeah.
Listen.
Oh, the music?
Wanna dance?
Dance?
We don't have to
if you don't want to.
Okay. Okay.
All right.
Okay.
Are you cold?
Mm-mmm.
We could get some
hot chocolate, you know.
Mm-mmm.
You can wear my jacket
if you want.
Come on.
It'll be fun.
I'm scared.
What are you worried about?
You're with me, right?
All right. You're on.
Oh, I haven't done this
in a long time.
What were you like
when you were younger?
Oh, well,
I wasn't much different.
I believe that about you.
I've been thinking
about you a lot.
It's crazy.
In my car,
lying in bed.
I've just never gone out
with someone like you.
With all the other men,
there was so much to hide.
I feel like I can tell you anything.
Susan? Susan?
There's something
I think I should tell you.
What?
You want the light on?
Good morning.
Hey, Brent! How are you?
Good morning!
Hi, everybody!
Hi, Josh!
Josh. My man!
Good morning.
Good morning.
Good morning, sir.
I'd like some coffee,
please, Miss Patterson.
But you don't drink coffee.
And, uh, make it black.
It was a dream, honey.
Atlantic City was beautiful
and Donald was so romantic--
I know I'm late with this,
but congratulations, Mrs. Hicks.
Barbara, you are not
going to believe this.
Hold on.
You know, you two
should come to Vermont.
It is so pretty up there now.
We spent
our anniversary there.
All you did was watch TV.
I popped popcorn too.
He likes
that intellectual stuff.
Anybody happen to
see that great documentary
about Columbus...
on PBS the other night?
Mm-mmm.
Uh, no. Was it good?
I had no idea
he had a fourth ship.
Yeah.The Santa Cristina.
That's right.
He only had that
on his second trip though.
- You saw it too.
- No.
But I-I used to... study,
you know, the stuff, so--
Really?
Dad, I need some help
with my alge
Uh, not now, Adam.
- Yeah, Dad, you said--
- Adam, we have guests.
He's had the roughest
time with algebra.
We've tried tutors, everything.
Mom!
With algebra?
I used to study that too.
Isn't that nice?
Okay, look. Forget all the X's
and Y's stuff...
'cause that was invented
by some teacher that hates kids.
All right.
Let's imagine that Larry Bird...
is gonna score 10 points
in a quarter, okay?
Yeah, okay.
- So how many points is he
gonna score in the entire game?
- That's easy-- 40 points.
Exactly. That's algebra.
Righ It is?
Yeah. See? Okay,
one quarter is to 10 points
that he scores in a quarter...
just as four--
You're right.
He's wonderful.
I know.
Ohh!
You can do this for earned run averages,
field goal percentages, whatever.
That's pretty cool.
I don't wanna hear it anymore.
You constantly bring--
What's home?
This is my house.
What's home? Fine.
It's your house, you pay for it.
Billy, are you on the phone?
I'm doin' it.
Hey, Billy,
get off the phone.
Listen to your mother.
Mmm.
He's never done this before.
Kind of like a sweepstakes.
Get the art department
on the phone. Get them!
Send out
for some sandwiches.
Cajun or deli?
Maybe next year, right?
Next year.
- You can do it. I know you can.
- I cannot plan a whole line.
Why? Nobody knows more
about toys in this
entire company than you.
Susan, that means marketing
and strategy and stuff.
All he wants
is a proposal.
I can't--
You come up with the ideas,
and I'll handle the marketing.
Excuse me.
But it
Come on.
It'll be neat.
Oh, I-- I don't know.
I don't have any ideas
for new toys or anything.
You've got great ideas.
Cute. Can you walk the dog?
Forget how to knock?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Hey! Hey, you guys!
Wait up for me!
"Department of Consumer Affairs"?
Yeah, buddy! It came!
- He gives too much homework.
What'd you get on the test?
- I got a "C."
Do you have, like,
Sports Illustrated?
Sure.
Here.
Two and a quarter, kid.
Hey. I got it.
Oh, all right. Comic books.
Daredevil.
Change.
Say, what's that one?
Trade. Yeah.
This one's got Billy
in the coal mine.
Think I've read this one.
I'll trade you forX-Factor.
It won't be like these,
where you just
follow the story along.
You would actually make
a whole different story appear
just by pressing these buttons.
An electronic comic book?
That's amazing.
Yeah, a living comic book.
It's gonna be different every time.
This is incredible.
You're brilliant.
If you liked one, you could see it
over and over and over again.
You're--
You're wonderful.
Do you really like it?
Really?
Really.
You think Mac'll like it?
I think he'll love it.
We could do sports comic books,
where, like, if he's going to
steal second or something.
We could have sports books--
baseball, football.
It would work for almost
any sport there is-- hockey!
- Wh-What is it we're doing?
- Huh?
W-What's going on here?
Well, you know, we're--
Something wrong?
You don't like it?
No! No!
It's
I mean, if it's an affair,
that's one thing.
But if it's--
i-if it's s-something else--
Not that we have to know
right now. We don't.
But if we think that it could
turn into something else, well--
How do you feel
about all this?
How do I feel about what?
How do you--
How do you f-feel about me?
What is that supposed to mean?
Oh, no. I'm sorry. Mr. Baskin
is still in conference.
Yeah? Well, tell him
I called again.
Kopecki. K-O-P--
E-K-E.
Yes, I can spell, young man.
Yeah, right.
Well, tell him
it's important.
Good-bye.
Each page would be
made out of six panels.
There will be 30 pages
per electronic comic book,
with a choice every two pages--
No, choice
every three pages.
But ours will also be
in color. Did I say that?
Yes, Mr. Baskin.
Ours-- Did I say--
I didn't say that right.
Yes. Well, whatever. Anyway--
Do you have the list
of story line options?
Maybe.
Can I see them?
Maybe.
What was that?
That sound.
What? What?
That. What are you doing?
What is it?
Let me see your hand.
Did you make this?
No, Petey made it. Here.
What does it do?
Put your hand right there.
Just put your hand right there.
Put your hand. Okay. Watch.
Put your hand on it.
What does it do?
That's incredible.
That's great.
I don't get how it works.
Well, you need another person
for it to work.
Although maybe
it will work with a dog.
I don't know.
All right.
Let's get back to work.
Do you want some coffee?
Sure?
Uh-huh.
Susan.
Oh, hi.
You working late again?
Yeah. Well, we were just
I get-- got some coffee.
You know, you're
looking good these days.
No.
Oh, yeah. You are.
Oh.
I'm happy for you.
Oh.
Happy for both of you.
I really am.
Night.
Night, darlin'.
It's your house?
The deed's in my name.
I don't care who you raised.
Did you raise gerbils and dogs?
My tone is plenty civil.
My tone is plenty civil.
Who's putting the food
on your plate?
It's my house.
It's my house. I keep the house.
You keep sayin' that,
but the deed's in my name.
Well, Jenny was saying that
there was a problem--
Hi.
Well, Wednesday would be
better than Thursday.
Mr. Baskin can't be--
I have
a key example right here.
Where you been?
I've been trying to
reach you forever.
I'm in the middle
of something, okay?
That's the list.
All you gotta do is call.
Can you give me
a minute?
- Yes.
- What are you talking about?
This is it. This is the list.
- Would you come back at lunch?
I'm busy right now-- Hello?
- Busy?
- Billy!
- Are you outta your mind?
Jesus, Billy. Miss Patterson,
get them on the phone
and apologize for me?
This is what we've been
waiting for.
I got work to do.
Can't you understand that?
I got a deadline to meet. God!
- Who the fuck do you think you are?
- Hey!
Hey, you're Josh Baskin! Remember?
You broke your arm on my roof!
You hid in my basement
when Robert Tyson was
about to rip your head off!
You don't get it, do you?
This is important!
I'm your best friend.
What's more important
than that, huh?
And I'm three months older
than you are, asshole.
Stupid stuff.
Some friend.
I don't need him.
Stupid jacket.
Josh?
Josh!
Oh. Hi, Mrs. Baskin.
Hiya.
I was just looking
around in here.
Hmm.
- Your hair's getting longer.
- I got it cut yesterday.
Oh.
He had a birthday.
Yeah, I-- I know.
I got him this anyway.
Pete Rose.
Yeah.
They have these special shops
where they do that.
You know, if you want,
you can keep it until-- until he--
He'll be coming back real soon.
Everything's gonna be okay.
"You are standing in the cavern
of the evil wizard.
All around you are the carcasses
of slain ice dwarfs."
Melt wizard.
"What do you want
to melt him with?"
Throw thermal pod.
Race you to the corner!
No!
Why not?
You always win.
I'll let you win.
Spreading leaves!
Greg! Time for dinner!
Wait! Just five more minutes!
Mrs. Kaplan, in just
a little bit to your right.
Your right. Your right.
Mrs. Kaplan knows
her right and her left.
Isn't that great?
Let's have some smiles.
This is a joyous occasion.
No, no, no, just
Where are we going?
Where do you guys
wanna go?
Thanks, mister!
Got it. I got it. Got it.
Hit a couple more!
All right.
Where you been?
It's kind of late.
Oh, I was-- was out.
Out where?
Just... took a walk.
Josh, what's wrong?
What is it?
I haven't told you something
because I didn't think that
you were gonna believe me.
And even if you did believe me,
I didn't think that you were
gonna like me anymore, so--
Oh, honey, come here.
You can tell me anything.
What?
Susan, I'm not
what you think I am.
Uh, what do you mean?
Before I met you,
I was in Little League.
Um, I was in Little League,
and I rode my bike to school,
and I played with my friends
and hung out with them and--
Josh, what are you
What are you talking about?
I want to go home.
I miss my family, Susan,
and I want to go home.
- Oh, my God. You're married.
- No.
This was too good to be true.
There had to be something.
Susan, I'm not married.
You're not?
No.
- I'm a child.
- What?
I'm a child, Susan,
and I'm-- I'm not ready
for all of this.
Oh, that's fine.
That is-- That's just great.
You see, what happened--
No, I understand. "I'm not ready
to make a commitment.
I'm not ready to accept
the responsibility."
No, you don't understand.
- I'm 13 years old.
- Oh, and who isn't?
You think that there isn't
a frightened kid inside of me too?
No, I mean I really am 13.
I went to bed one night and
I was a kid, woke up the next
morning, I was a grown-up.
Oh, right. And just yesterday
I was a schoolgirl with pigtails.
Why are you doing this, Josh?
- There was this carnival in NewJersey.
- Please.
I made a wish on a machine
called the Zoltar machine.
Oh, stop it.
It was a Zoltar machine.
It had this bobbing head,
and it looked like a devil.
If you got a quarter in
the devil's mouth, you could
make a wish, and I did.
So I made a wish to be big.
That's what I'm trying to tell you.
I changed into a grown-up,
when I'm really just a kid.
Fine, Josh, you're a kid.
Look, I really don't know what it is
that you're trying to tell me,
but we have a very big presentation
to give tomorrow,
so I'm gonna get some sleep.
Hello?
Yeah, do you have
a Zoltar machine?
Nope. Never heard of it.
Yeah. Yeah, thanks.
Wait. I need a paper.
Would you get me
some gum?
Thank you.
These are the notes,
in case you want 'em.
Thank you.
Well, should get the cards set up
before everyone comes in.
Okay.
Hello?
Yeah, do you have
a Zoltar machine?
Got one right here.
You do?
Yeah.
Yeah! Yeah, thanks.
That's great!
Yeah!
MacMillan Toys. I'll transfer.
Right there.
Sea Point Park, New York.
Well?
Yes?
They're waiting for you,
Mr. Baskin.
- Thanks.
- See you around.
There's this flat screen
on the inside with, uh,
with pictures on it,
and you read it, and you have
to make a choice of what
the character's gonna do.
If he's gonna fight the dragon,
you push one of the buttons--
Uh--
- Paul?
- I don't get it.
Well--
Paul, stop it.
It's a comic book that--
See, there's a computer chip inside
which stores the choices.
So, when you reach the end
of the page, you decide
where the story goes.
That's the point.
Terrific, Susan.
The kid makes his
own decision.
This is really possible?
- Yeah.
In fact, it's a very simple program.
Isn't that right?
So what happens when
you run out of choices?
That's the great thing. You can
just sell different adventures.
Just pop in a brand-new disk,
and you get a whole new set of options.
- We could market this
on a comic book rack.
-Mm-hmm.
I'll be right back.
How much
would the unit cost?
Our initial figure is around seven--
Around seven dollars,
with a retail cost
of about $ 18.95.
You expect a kid to pay
$19 for a comic book?
I think a kid--
Will you excuse me?
- What's going on?
Let 'em be.
Josh?
Josh?
Oh.
More.
Will you take me
to Sea Point Park, New York?
Get in.
Sea Point Park? Josh!
Hey! Not so fast!
Sorry. Here.
Josh! Josh!
See you back home!
Yeah!
Excuse me. Do you know him?
You knowJosh?
Yeah. Yeah.
Look, you have to tell me
where he went.
Who are you?
I'm-- I'm his girlfriend.
Ew.
Billy Kopecki.
You have to tell me where
he went. Where did he go?
Please tell me.
Tell me!
It's tough to find
a cab out here.
Thanks.
Work, damn it!
I wish I was a kid again.
Josh?
Susan.
You know, you don't
walk out on somebody.
You don't just get up
and leave and-- and--
and walk out like that.
You don't do that.
I know. I know.
I'm really sorry.
I'm really sorry,
but I didn't know
what to do.
I didn't know
what to say.
Oh, God.
You got your wish.
I tried to tell you.
I didn't listen.
I guess I didn't hear you,
or-- or want to, or
I tried to tell you last night.
How would I have-- Even if I
did listen, how would I know?
I've been thinking about this.
Why would I know that?
I've been trying
I've been thinking about it,
and there's a million reasons
for me to go home,
but there's only one reason
for me to stay.
What-- What reason is that?
Well, you.
Oh, come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
So, uh, what
what are you, 15, 16?
I'm-- I'm 13.
Mm-hmm.
Well, that explains it.
Maybe you could come with me.
No.
No, I--
Why not?
I've I've been there before.
It's hard enough the first time.
You know what I mean?
No, you don't know
what I mean.
Come on.
I'll drive you home.
I'm sorry.
No, I'll be okay.
You'll be fine.
Ten years, who knows?
Maybe you should
hold on to my number.
So this is where you live.
Which one is it?
The one right there.
Oh. It's nice.
I'm gonna miss you.
I'm gonna miss you too.
You won't even remember me.
Oh, yes, I will.
Bye.
Ma?
Ma, it's me.
Josh?
Josh?Josh!
Oh, my God!
Oh, thank God you're home!
Oh, Ma, I missed you all so much.
I'm just not good enough.
What are you
talking about?
You've been hitting the ball
over the fence almost
every time in stickball.
You just gotta get used
to a fatter bat.
You really think
I could do it?
Yeah.
Come on. We'll hit
some after supper.
Okay, I'll call for you.