Bride & Prejudice (2004) Movie Script
(Line of prayer sung in Punjabi)
(Low conversation)
This is the conveyor belt?
Mind out.
Wait, wait, wait.
Balraj! Can you get the other one?
Can you check this one?
l just did.
AMERlCAN: This is mayhem.
This is like bedlam.
Good, isn't it?
What do you mean
it's a bit like New York?
WOMAN: Better get used to it, Darcy.
We're here for two weeks.
(Street vendors shout)
(Bellowing)
(Car horns beep)
Jesus, Balraj, where the hell
have you brought me?
(Woman shouts) Hurry up, you silly girls!
We must make sure Jaya meets
this Mr Balraj from London before anyone else.
All mothers think that any single guy
with big bucks must be shopping for a wife.
l'm embarrassed to say,
but l hope he is.
What, shopping or loaded?
Well, both.
Lakhi, you think your mother
has gone crazy?
That l am letting you wear that?
l told you, Lakhi. lt's very vulgar.
But, Mama. lt's killing, Mama!
Oh, if it's killing, it's what everyone's
wearing in Mumbai.
But we want Balraj to look into Jaya's eyes,
not your mames.
She's our only hope.
lf we do not get the eldest married first,
we'll never be able to marry rest of you
for the shame.
(Music plays inside)
Come on, Lakhi, it's only a party.
Save your fussing for the big wedding tomorrow.
Papa, just chill. Let me fix my dupatta.
Oh! Nameste.
WOMAN: Chandra, make sure you smile.
Now, sit back.
- Hi, Lakhi.
- Hi.
Hello, dear.
- Can we sit here?
- Of course!
- Mama, we'll go and see the bride.
- OK, come soon.
- Chandra, don't be too long.
- OK.
Oh, this must be the famous Balraj from UK.
He's from the Uppal family of Delhi, you know.
Hey, Balraj, you made it in one piece
from London.
MRS BAKSHl: ls that his name?
l completely forgot
groom is bringing guest from England.
Apparently, he's a barrister.
ls that right? A barrister?
And his family live in Windsor,
near the Queen's castle.
Really? Next to the Queen?
CHANDRA'S MOTHER:
Oh, his sister is looking so lovely.
So fair, nah?
- Who's that Englishman with him?
- He's American.
His name is William Darcy.
He was Balraj's fast friend at Oxford.
From one of the richest families in America.
They own hotels all over the world.
Shame he's not lndian, though.
(Both laugh)
Sure you're OK about going away to London?
You only met him twice.
He's nice and so is his family.
You need to get out of this town, Lalita.
You know there's nothing for you here.
All the guysjust want girls from rich families.
Papa needs me. l couldn't leave.
His friend Balraj is great.
He's looking for a girl too, you know.
Good Lord, is it me,
or is every woman over 50 giving you the eye?
Don't be dense, Darcy.
Every mother in this room is wetting
her knickers for him for their daughters.
- Can we leave yet?
- Kiran, l'm his best man.
l can't just bail out on him, can l?
lt's 1 0am in New York.
l wouldn't mind getting back early
so l can go through the financials
on that hotel in Goa.
Will you stop working, just this once?
And you stop being such a coconut.
This is our dear, dear motherland. Enjoy it.
The only thing lndia's good for is losing weight.
Are you sure this is safe to eat?
l don't want to get Delhi belly on my first day.
(Lively drumming starts)
(Cheering)
- What's happening now?
- The lndian version of American ldol.
l hope you've brought earplugs.
This is where the girls tease the boys,
and the boys tease the girls.
KlRlN: Brace yourself, Darcy.
He's about to transform
into the lndian MC Hammer.
What are they like?
(Singing in Punjabi)
DARC Y: What are they singing?
Oh, these pretty girls
fluttering temptingly like kites without string.
These girls are like naked live wires.
lf you get too close,
you'll get an electric shock of love.
Ooh!
Oh, my gosh, she's beautiful!
There's still time.
(Laughter)
That's fantastic. Thank you.
- (Cheering)
- Come and dance.
You must be joking.
The two of you, dance.
(Whistling and cheering)
KlRAN: Let go of me!
Thank you.
Darcy, what are you doing?
- My drawstring keeps coming undone.
- Let's see.
l don't know why
you made me wear these pants.
Why don't we just alert the media?
GlRL: She's too outrageous.
l'm telling you, she'll give us all a bad name.
You know she is spending all night texting boys?
Lakhi.
Stop it now. Lakhi.
Good evening, sir.
We're from the groom's side.
We'd like to introduce ourselves, if we may.
l'm Balraj.
- This is my sister Kiran.
- Hi.
- And my good friend William Darcy.
- Hello.
Very nice to meet you all.
Er, l'm Chaman Bakshi.
May l introduce my family to you?
This is my wife, Mrs Manurma Rama Bakshi,
and, er, these are my daughters:
Jaya, Lalita, that's Lakhi and that's Maya.
Four daughters in one family!
God has blessed you four times over.
Such a pleasure
to make your fine acquaintance.
BALRAJ: Would you do me the honour?
Papa?
Of course, of course. Please, please.
Darcy, why don't you ask
one of Jaya's lovely sisters to dance as well?
No.
Um, l'm sorry. l can't. l must get back and work.
l have a conference call.
But it's easier than you think.
- l can show you.
- No, l really can't.
Maybe another time.
Rich American.
What does he think -
we are not good enough for him?
(Low conversation)
You should have seen Mrs Lamba's face.
Balraj didn't dance with any other girl all night.
l knew he wouldn't be able to resist
my pretty Jaya's charms.
Mama.
Or yours, l'm sure.
Just imagine - if Jaya went to live in UK,
we could visit her any time.
l would hate to have my daughters so far away.
But we have so many.
One or two can go abroad.
They'll earn more. God knows they need to,
because we can't afford to give them
all decent dowries.
Perhaps we should have drowned some
at the time of their birth.
We wouldn't have had these problems
if we had gone to US.
Did l tell you about this fellow
who went to America and made it rich?
My brother did all the paperwork to sponsor us
but you didn't want to leave.
This fellow went to America
and bought a huge American house
and built three swimming pools.
Now he owns three Subway franchises
in New Jersey.
And what do we have?
An old house, an old farm, and new bills.
So when his father visited from lndia,
he showed him around his mansion
and three swimming pools.
His father asked,
''But, son, why do you need three pools?''
So he said proudly, ''Well, one is filled
with cold water for when l feel hot.
The second is filled with hot water
when l feel cold.''
The father nodded and said,
''But why is the third pool empty?''
He said, ''Well, that's when
l don't feel like swimming at all.''
(Daughters laugh)
Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha.
Listen, Balraj, if you really wanna get married,
hook up with an lndian girl from England,
or even America.
You'd have something in common.
Look, l didn't have any problems
talking with Jaya, did l?
She's intelligent, she's beautiful.
Come on, Bal.
Look around you.
You said it yourself, man.
We're in Hicksville lndia.
Then why did l see you eyeing up Lalita?
She's beautiful, yeah, but...
But not your mum's idea
of the mother of her heirs, right?
Not exactly, no.
- Bye.
- Give me that bag.
- Why?
- l want to go over there.
- Come.
- Just give me the bag.
# ls this going to be
# The last time we three
# Walk down this street together?
# She's going to be wed
# lt doesn't mean she's dead
# We'll be friends for ever
# lt's not long before the day
# l up, up, up and fly away
# So let's make this a walk to remember
# There are stars in your way
# From Amritsar to UK
# There are stars in your way
# From Amritsar to UK
# You are the golden girl
# The centre of the world
# Just ask and you shall have it
# This is your moment, grab it
# Your wish is our command
# We'll supply what you demand
# You've turned their lives around
# You got a marriage into town
# A marriage has come to town
# Laughter, colour, light and sound
# Life is great, let's celebrate
# The sacred union two souls have found
# You see flowers are most important
# Bright garlands can never be forgotten
# No-one can be at your wedding
# With a bad taste in their mouth
# So we will supply the ras malai
# The guests won't leave without
Look at that.
Come on.
Hurry up.
Ha!
# Fancy pearls and precious stones
imported from far and wide
# We melt and mould
and set for our 24-carat bride
# Cut, colour, clarity,
the best you've ever seen
# Only the Kohinoor is better,
but you'll have to ask the Queen
# A marriage has come to town
# Laughter, colour, light and sound
# Life is great, let's celebrate
# The sacred union two souls have found
# Life and all its intricacies
# We'll paint on your hands and feet
# The colour of mud shows the heat in the blood
# Henna is the earth and all her fertility
# We'll darken your lifeline, to deepen with time
# Adding soul to the magic that is to be
# Your life and all its intricacies
# Who can tell you more about Yin and Yang?
# Sharing one spirit between woman and man
# Marriage is the path taken by he and she
# May your new life be kissed by harmony
(Speaks Punjabi)
# lt seems they had nothing
in their lives before today
# And why are they so happy
to give a daughter away?
# You've got what you always wanted
and for that l am glad
# But just take a look around you,
the city has gone mad
# Can't wait for the day,
can't keep our shoulders down
# God bless you for getting
this marriage into town
# A marriage has come to town
# Laughter, colour, light and sound
# Life is great, let's celebrate
# The sacred union two souls have found
# A marriage has come to town
# Laughter, colour, light and sound
# A marriage has come to town
# Laughter, colour, light and sound
(Cheering)
(Hindu wedding ceremony)
Hi, hi.
They look sizzling, yeah?
Jaya should grab him right away.
Seduce him before he leaves,
give him a little taste
so he comes begging back for more.
What makes you such an expert, huh?
l know enough to know
that if that damn cute Darcy was looking at me
the way he is looking at you now,
l wouldn't ignore him.
LALlTA: You're nuts, Chandra.
Oh, God, is he coming now?
- Lalita.
- Huh?
Marry him.
Divorce him right away.
Then give me half.
(Both laugh)
Someone's having some fun up here.
- lt's not my tie, is it?
- No, we were just joking...
- (Sneezes) Excuse me.
- Someone's thinking of you.
l'm off to get a Coke. Bye.
- What'd she say?
- Oh, it's just an old saying.
We say whenever you sneeze,
it means someone's thinking of you.
lt's probably my lawyer.
Can't get any work done in the hotel l'm in.
- Which hotel's that?
- lt's the DN lnternational.
That's the best hotel in town.
Oh.
Their computer system keeps crashing,
the electricity goes.
l don't know how business functions here.
Are you a barrister like Balraj?
No, no, no.
My family's in the hotel business.
l'm sure Amritsar's hotels can't compare,
but l bet there's a slight price difference.
How much does it cost
to stay in one of your hotels?
A good room's about four,
five hundred dollars a night.
That's more than what most people
make here in a year.
Well, pretty bad when you put it like that.
But, people who can afford it,
they want the best. lt's...
There's nothing wrong
with having standards, is there?
No, as long as you don't impose them on others.
- This is your first lndian wedding?
- Mmm, yeah.
And it's been an experience.
You're not enjoying it?
No, no, l am. l just find the whole
arranged marriage thing a little strange.
l don't know how two people can get married
that don't know each other.
l mean, it's a little backward, don't you think?
That's such a clich.
lt's different now.
lt's more like a global dating service.
The groom looks pretty happy.
Did his parents force him into it?
No, he asked his parents
to find him a bride, actually.
He was busy running his company.
- He just wanted it to be simple.
- l see, and so he came here.
ls that what you think, too,
that lndia is the place to go for a simple woman?
No, that's not what l meant.
Americans think they've got the answers
for everything, including marriage.
Pretty arrogant, considering they've got
the highest divorce rate in the world.
What l was trying to say
is that he wanted a bride who was traditional.
Darcy! Stop boring her to death
and come and get down with us.
Listen, er...
l'm a hopeless dancer, but...
well, this looks like you just screw in
a light bulb with one hand,
you pet the dog with the other.
Will you teach me?
You know what?
l think you should find someone
simple and traditional
to teach you to dance like the natives.
(Chatter)
We're all flying down to Goa tomorrow.
Darcy's looking into a hotel he may acquire.
BALRAJ: Mr Bakshi,
we'd love for Jaya to join us as our guest.
Oh, how nice, a hotel in Goa.
Mr Balraj, l am not sure if it would be appropriate
to let Jaya go on her own.
Oh, l understand.
Don't be silly, dear.
So kind of you to invite Jaya.
Perhaps her sister can accompany her?
- l think l can go to Goa.
- Lakhi, you're too young.
- Lalita should accompany her sister.
- But, Papa...
MRS BAKSHl: Don't be a silly girl.
Go and have fun with your sister.
Sure, l'd love to come with Jaya.
BALRAJ: Wonderful.
l'll send the driver over in the morning.
- Good night to you all.
- Thank you.
- Good night.
- Goodbye.
Good night.
Have you gone crazy, old man?
This is Jaya's chance to win him once and for all.
And he'll get to see her in a swimsuit.
Are you crazy?
Hello.
What's this?
Thank you.
- Sea Breeze.
- Oh, thanks.
Darcy, darling, can you tear yourself
away from the love of your life
and put some lotion on my back?
l don't want to get too dark.
l'm writing to my little sister Georgie.
Oh, my God!
You lugged that all this way?
That explains why you haven't got
much room for outfits.
Do you have something against books?
Or do you resent them
because they leave less room for make-up?
No.
No, l just never have time for them.
lndians here have a lot more free time.
Or maybe you're just a much more
accomplished woman than l am.
Mm-hm. Maybe.
(Darcy chuckles)
Darcy's a great reader.
ln fact, l think a love of books
is on his list for his ideal woman.
l think you've had one too many Sea Breezes.
l remember a very drunken night in Oxford
when you recited the list.
She has to be smart, speak several languages...
All right, Kiran, drop it.
No, l recall, she had to be athletic,
voluptuous, of course,
graceful, witty, confident...
l'm not surprised Mr Darcy hasn't found
his ideal woman with a list like that.
Does this mean you're an ideal man?
(Laughs) l guess you'd be
a better judge of that than me.
As far as l can tell, most men have faults.
Arrogance, pride, vanity...
She's certainly read you like a book, Darcy.
No.
l just think you got me all wrong.
Well, you'd certainly have trouble
finding your ideal woman in lndia.
l didn't hear ''simple'', ''traditional'',
''subservient'' on your list.
Come on, give me a break.
Now you're twisting my words.
You said yourself that you're used to the best.
l'm sure you think lndia's beneath you.
lf l really thought that,
then why would l be thinking about
buying this place?
(Laughs) You think this is lndia?
Well, don't you wanna see more investment,
more jobs?
Yes, but who does it really benefit?
You want people to come to lndia
without having to deal with lndians.
That's good. Remind me to add that
to the tourism brochure.
lsn't that what all tourists want here?
5-star comfort with a bit of culture thrown in?
l don't want you turning lndia into a theme park.
l thought we got rid of imperialists like you.
l'm not British. l'm American.
Exactly.
(Gentle guitar music)
What the hell's he doing here?
Oh, my God.
Hello.
# Enter in the dance
Plug it in an' we begin
# Crowd up in the centre
# They watch be dibidim
# Watch the way we drop it in a mix timing
# Rise and amplifying
when we come in with the swing
# Just following the back
an' naturally harmonisin'
# Climb into position
with synchronised things
# Live from out the ghetto we maximisin'
# Sound of the Groove Armada,
we superstylin'
# We superstylin'...
- Hello again.
- Hi.
- How are you?
- Fine. Thanks.
- Can l join you?
- Sure.
- Would you like a drink?
- No, thanks. l'm not much of a drinker.
Neither am l. l only drink here
cos it's cheaper than the water.
l'm Johnny, by the way.
Johnny Wickham.
Pleased to meet you, Johnny. l'm Lalita.
Lalita.
How do you know Will Darcy?
l saw you two blank each other.
l was going to go over and say hi to the guy,
but then l realised l'd have to talk to the wanker.
We sort of grew up together,
cos my mum used to work for Darcy's family
in England.
She was his nanny.
See, their family had a couple of
big old country hotels.
Dad was a really keen golfer.
Well, Darcy's dad was a really keen golfer.
l used to caddy for him. Really nice old fella.
Gave me a great job when l left school,
and l don't know, Darcy was never too keen.
So when the old man died a few years back,
you can guess who was the first one to get fired.
What, just like that?
With his dad gone,
he didn't have to explain, did he?
But your mum helped raise him.
Yes, she did.
You know, Darcy's mum
is even worse than he is.
She's been trying to get him hitched to this...
this rich New York girl for years.
lt's the ultimate business merger.
So she's arranging his marriage?
- You could call it that, yeah.
- What a hypocrite.
See, that's the great thing about living in lndia.
You don't have to have money
to enjoy this place,
and if you have money, you never get
to see the real lndia, you know?
l just feel like people here
have got their priorities sorted.
l'd love for you to come to Amritsar.
lt's... lt's beautiful.
lt's just that not many tourists go there.
Am...Amritsar?
ls that where the Golden Temple is?
Yeah.
l'm sorry we're leaving today,
but l'd love to show you my home town.
Yeah, l'd love to show you London.
# My eyes are searching
My hips are working
# My lips are waiting
Take me to love
# My skin's pulsating
My body's shaking
# My lips are aching
Take me to love
# Payal bajake
Gungru bajake
# Tu je divana kar dar la
# Churi bajake
# Chutkhi bajake
# Tu je divana kar dar la
# lndia's the place for me
# lndia sets you free
# Shola badan hai mera
# Badan pay sitare hai
# Akho me hai bijiliah
# Le bo meh shirareh hai
# My eyes are searching
My hips are working
# My lips are waiting
Take me to love
# Oh! Whoa-oh!
# Take me
# Take me to love
# To love
(Cheering and applause)
- (Fireworks exploding)
- Oh, my God!
MRS BAKSHl: Hurry up, Bijili. And be careful!
Oh!
- Ah, you're back.
- What's going on, Lakhi?
Everything OK?
- Yes, Mama, it was lovely.
- Good.
Now one is all but taken care of,
we have to prepare for Number 2.
- What?
- Maya, hurry up with the bucket!
He'll be here soon.
- Who? Who, Mama?
- Don't ask me.
Kholi saab. He's on his way from the airport.
- Who?
- Kholi.
He's your father's sister's husband's sister's son.
And he's a top accountant in California.
But why is he coming here?
To look at me for his bride. What do you think?
(Horn beeps)
Hurry up, girls, come on here.
l want to look at you.
Hurry up, hurry up. Come on, fast.
Now, listen to me carefully, girls, huh.
lt's very important to make a good
first impression on Kholi saab.
Stand straight...smile...
..don't talk unnecessarily,
and don't say anything too intelligent. You!
Shame she only selectively practises
what she preaches.
Why don't you go outside
and welcome the guest?
l'll do that.
Bijili, go outside and get the luggage.
Mamaji! Whassup!
Hello. How are you?
Yes, madam, no problem. Bijili is here.
Go outside, you bloody fool.
Hey, hey! Eurgh!
MR BAKSHl: Bijili.
- Oh.
- Hey!
Come in, Kholi saab. Welcome.
We weren't expecting you so early.
You've really taken us by surprise.
What a pleasure to see you, Mamaji,
after so long time.
Oh. Oh, ho.
Oh, of course. You remember my daughters.
Jaya, Lalita,
Maya and Lakhi.
Oh!
From small great caterpillars
to such beautiful b-butterflies.
- And so like you...Madame Butterfly.
(Mr Bakshi coughs)
This is my dream home.
Colonial style.
Five bedrooms, three and a half bathrooms,
$850,000.
- That's four crores, 25 lakhs.
- Oh, my.
l bought it only six months ago.
lt's already worth $900,000.
l bet it has three swimming pools.
Actually, the complex has two pools,
er, plus my crib.
lt has its own hot-tub bath with super-jets.
lt's the bomb.
ls it near Beverly Hills 9-zero-2-1-zero?
No.
No, it's in the valley.
Er, but 20 minutes down 1 01 Freeway,
and you're in North Hollywood.
Did you hear that, Lalita?
He lives in Hollywood.
You must join me in US.
You must, you must, you must. Eh?
l could help you start a business there.
That's where the money's to be made.
UK's finished, lndia's too corrupt.
Kholi saab, lndia is still a young country
since lndependence.
l hardly think its potential is over.
What do you think your US was like
after 60 years of independence?
They were killing each other with slavery
and blindly searching for gold.
l tell you, boss, l've made a packet
as an accountant in LA.
You know, the lndian community there
is very professional,
all doctors and computers and...
not like these uneducated
minicab/7-Eleven store types.
lt's ours for the taking.
Anyone can become an American.
Then...why come back here?
Ah...ba da bing, ba da boom.
''Ba da bing, ba da boom''?
There's only one problem with America.
Our girls that are born there,
they've totally lost their roots.
Completely clueless.
Our girls are very rooted.
They're really very, very traditional, huh?
You know, in US,
they're all too outspoken and career-orientated.
And some have even turned into...
..the lesbian.
(Giggling)
- (Clears throat)
- So that leaves me no choice.
l may be healthy, wealthy and wise,
but as they say, ''no life...without wife''.
Kholi saab.
You're a poet as well.
Did you hear that, Mr Bakshi? Huh?
- No life without wife.
- Yes.
Very wisely spoken.
l think God is smiling down on me.
l'm spoilt for choice in this house.
l suppose, as the eldest...
..Jaya must be the first choice.
Actually...er, Kholi saab...
Jaya is practically engaged to someone else.
Oh.
Er, b-b-but, er, Lalita is unspoken for.
La-Lalita.
Lalita.
# Lonely Mr Kholi from Los Angeles
# Came to Punjab on one bent knee
# He had a Green Card, new house, big cash
# Still made a wish with every fallen lash
# For you to do the journey with him
# To smile when he got home,
ask how his day had been
# He wants you by his side, in joy and strife
# Poor Mr Kholi
# He has no life without wife
# No life
# Without wife
# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah yeah yeah
# No life
# Without wife
# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah
# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah
# l don't want a man who ties me down
# Does what he wants while l hang around
# l don't want a man who's crude and loud
# Who wants a pretty wife to make him proud
# l don't want a man who can't be funny
# Tells tall tales about making money
# Oh, yeah
# l don't want a man who'll grab the best seat
# Can't close his mouth when he starts to eat
# l don't want a man who likes to drink
# Or leaves his dirty dishes in the sink
# l don't want a man who wants his mummy
# A balding pest with too much tummy
# l don't want a man who's dead in the head
# Poor Mr Kholi
# Hai, Mr Kholi
# Maybe he's good in bed
(Lion's roar)
ALL: Euurghh!
# No life
# Without wife
# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah yeah yeah
# No life
# Without wife
# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah
# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah
# What you don't want don't matter no more
# Soon you'll be married and ready to go
# A match made in heaven
just like milk and honey
# You make aloo gobi, he'll make the money
# Every day will be the same,
according to his plan
# Forget what you want,
Mr Kholi's now your man
# No life
# Without wife
# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah yeah yeah
# l just want a man with real soul
# Who wants equality and not control
# l just want a man good and smart
# A really sharp mind and a very big heart
# l just want a man not scared to weep
# To hold me close when we're asleep
# Oh, yeah
# l just want a man who loves romance
# Will clear the floor and ask me to dance
# l just want a man who gives some back
# Who talks to me and not my rack
# l just want a man whose spirit is free
# Will hold my hand, walk the world with me
# Oh, yeah
# No life
# Without wife
# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah yeah yeah
# No life
# Without wife
# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah
# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah
(Birds twittering)
# Sorry, Mr Kholi, it is not to be
# My heart is set on another, you see
# The wandering soul l was meant to meet
# Has finally come and swept me off my feet
# Now l dream of what it would be like
# To be an overseas bride dressed in white
# To have a little home in the country
# And live in the land of Her Majesty
(Screams)
Come, come.
Thank you.
Yes?
Um, nameste gee.
Er, l came to see Lalita. l'm friends with her.
Friends?
Yes.
Lalita!
LALlTA: Yes, Mama.
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
- You made it.
- Yeah.
- Come in.
- Thank you.
- How was your journey?
- Great. Thank you.
- Hello, Johnny.
- Hi, Jaya.
- How are you?
- Yeah.
Papa, this is our friend from Goa.
- Johnny Wickham. He's from London.
- Chaman Bakshi.
Oh, pleased to meet you. Johnny Wickham.
He wanted to see the Golden Temple.
So, do you think he could stay with us, Papa?
Please?
Yes, of course.
We can do with some fresh conversation here.
l'll show you the guest room.
Thank you very much, Mr Bakshi.
Mrs Bakshi.
- Oh, God, he's too yum.
- Sshh, he'll hear you.
He cannot stay here.
Hippies are dirty and they steal.
LALlTA: Mama, he's not a hippy.
And what will Kholi saab say?
He is staying here
in a house full of young unmarried women?
Mr Kholi's been in the house a day
and is already running things?
We can take him to the Garbha tonight.
No, Mama?
Lalita, please may l have
the first dance with him?
See what you've started.
Don't be ridiculous.
He cannot come to the Garbha.
But, Mama, there's never enough
cute boys to dance with.
Have you all gone mad?
What will Balraj think of us
if we all land up there with him?
lt's really unfair.
What's unfair?
Papa, she will not have our friend
come to the Garbha.
Of course he should come
and see Garbha with us.
l just invited him.
This is really a madhouse.
l'm so glad he's come.
l really didn't think he'd make it.
l can't wait to see Balraj.
l wish he didn't have to bring
that Darcy with him.
There's one thing l don't quite understand.
lf Darcy is Balraj's best friend,
he can't be as awful as Johnny thinks he is.
Jaya, you look absolutely beautiful.
And, Lalita, you look nice too.
You've really made an effort tonight.
No doubt you had certain someone in mind.
Hey, mastered the Garbha already?
Ah, no, l can only hope and pray, really.
But um, Lakhi's a great teacher, though.
Really good.
LAKHl: His Garbha style is killing, man.
- Jaya, they're here. Quickly. Move, please.
- Sorry.
- Don't worry.
- Lakhi.
l'm so sorry about my mother.
She can be a little abrupt.
There's no need to apologise.
l appreciate her letting me stay.
l'm so glad you came.
You couldn't come to lndia and not see Amritsar.
No, you, you were right.
lt's very beautiful.
LALlTA: You sure you're ready for this?
l'm willing to take the risk.
- Well...
- Hello.
Oh, hi. Hi. Hey, there, buddy.
Hi, buddy, how are you?
Madam, would you do me the honour?
You know, actually, l prefer American hip-hop,
but as Gloria Estefan says,
''The rhythm is going to get you.''
So, bring it on.
(Dramatic drumbeats)
(Singing in Gujarati)
- Hi.
- Hi.
You look like you were working hard out there.
Hey, there, partner.
This is Mr Kholi.
And this is my best friend, Chandra Lamba.
lt's such a great pleasure to meet
yet another beautiful young lady.
There must be something magical
in the water in Amritsar.
l'd happily get drunk on it.
(Giggles nervously)
Please, er, can l have the honour of
getting you ladies a... a soft drink?
- Yes, please.
- Oh.
- Thank you.
- Oh.
Oh, my God, l thought he was going to
put you in hospital out there.
Try eating with him.
lt's like looking at a Jackson Pollock painting.
So...Jaya told me you met someone in Goa.
Maybe.
So Mr Darcy didn't manage to seduce
the jewel of Amritsar?
Please, he's such a conceited, arrogant...
DARC Y: Hello, Lalita.
H-hello.
- H-hi.
- Hi.
l've been studying this Garbha thing.
lt's a little out of my league, but what the hell?
Would you like to dance?
(Mouths)
Sure.
Lalita?
She... She...
l believe we're coming to your house
for dinner tomorrow night.
Balraj said your father invited us all.
Can't wait.
Surprised to see your old friend Johnny?
l wasn't so much surprised as disappointed.
He's staying with us.
My family really like him.
Oh, yeah, everyone loves Wickham.
He makes friends easily,
but he loses them just as quickly.
And what about you?
Are you a loyal friend?
What are you talking about?
l've heard so many things about you, Darcy.
l can't seem to figure you out.
Maybe you shouldn't listen
to everything you hear.
You should talk.
After all the rubbish you said
about arranged marriages,
l can't believe your mother's arranging yours.
May l have this dance, Madam Bakshi?
l thought you'd never ask.
Shall we, er...?
(Laughs)
(Cheering)
MRS BAKSHl: Lalita! Bijili!
Where is my china?
l'm sorry about this stupid dinner tonight.
l... l wanted you to join us.
Don't worry about it. l'm used to it.
Still, l wish you could come.
lt would make this evening a lot less boring.
Ah, there you are!
l've been looking for you everywhere.
Where have you been?
Lakhi's decided
she wants to show me the town tonight.
l'm going to take him for Amritsari fish,
fruit cream and hot gulab jamans.
That's nice.
- Why are you looking? Look at me.
MRS BAKSHl: Bring my china!
- Stop it. What?
- Chelo, Bijili.
Bring the ones which are not chipped.
Don't.
l'm warning you.
The Cobra dance.
Thank you.
That was lovely, Maya.
- Papa, shall l play the sitar now?
- That's all right, Maya.
You have entertained us enough
for the evening. Thank you.
Very good.
l still can't believe l'm sitting with a Darcy
in Amritsar of all places.
- This world is too small, no, dude?
- Way too small.
Lalita, my firm has been doing business
for many years with Darcy's mother,
Ms Catherine, beautiful lady.
- She has a such big hotel in Beverly Hills.
- Can l get anyone a drink?
- Me, please.
- Yes, please.
Let me help you with that.
Why don't you all have something?
Balraj, have something.
l saw you dance with Wickham,
and l hear from Darcy
that he's staying with you.
Yeah.
So?
Don't fall for his bullshit.
He's more trouble than he looks.
His mother was Darcy's nanny, therefore...
And you're Darcy's friend.
Of course you'd take his side, wouldn't you?
There's no crime in being the son of a servant.
l have heard so many stories about
your Mr Darcy saab in Goa, Balraj.
Mmm, let's just say that Darcy and lndia
have had a little bit of a rough time.
Ah, these lndians,
they don't know how to treat tourists.
- There's no sophistication.
- What do you mean ''these lndians''?
- Are you no longer an lndian?
- l'm a Green Card holder now.
lndia is decades behind.
DARC Y: Oh, l think there is a lot about lndia
that we don't have.
Oh, really? Like what?
Well, l think it's nice the way the families,
um, come together.
l lost my father a while back
and my mum spends a lot of her time
in New York,
so, my sister and l,
we don't really have a family home.
And l can't remember the last time
that all my family
kind of got together like this.
Oh, Kholi saab is only trying
to win over my daughters.
Yes, he wants them to be in love
with America as much as he is.
And why is that?
Well, you can see for yourself, Mr Darcy,
they are all exceptional marriageable prospects
for any single young man.
MR BAKSHl: l hope you brought big appetites.
Mrs Bakshi has planned a special feast
for all of us.
The truth is that Kholi saab
was quite taken by Jaya at first,
but after l explained to him
that she was being coveted
by another fine gentleman from abroad,
l then steered him towards Lalita.
Balraj, you are a very lucky man.
Jaya's had many suitors before,
with her great beauty and fine figure,
but none were good enough for her.
You two will make a fine couple
and you will have no regrets
on your wedding night.
(Only Mrs Bakshi and Kholi laugh)
(Sings scale)
MRS BAKSHl: Lalita Beti!
Jaya, l need some help in the kitchen.
Come, come.
Come on.
(Clattering)
Phew.
Power walking.
lt's so healthy. Everyone in LA is so healthy.
They all like to exercise but not read.
Oh, no, no.
There are great bookstores too, word up.
There's nothing you can't find in LA.
Nothing? You sure you don't miss
some things from here?
Well, er, to be honest...
..what l do miss most is companionship.
You know, you can get very lonely
in such a big place and...
and...
Lalita, l like you.
You're very peppy and bright,
and l wanna marry you and bring you back.
- l spoke to your mother...
- You spoke to her?
Yes, she's very enthusiastic.
l'm sorry,
you should have spoken to me first.
l'm not ready to be married.
l... l really can't accept.
Well, Lalita, l'm offering
to take you to America, huh?
You and your family will have no more worries.
l could never be the kind of wife
that could make you happy.
And l don't think
you could make me happy either.
l work for some of the richest people in America.
l have savings and bonds and stocks
and you wouldn't even have to work.
But l like working.
OK. OK. Oh...
You know, you may never get
such a good offer like this one again.
l'm sorry.
lt's too, too much tension for me now.
She is happy to let us all be ruined.
You must speak to her, old man.
She wants love to be there from the beginning.
Where was the love-shove
when we first got married, huh?
Tell her. Tell her that you marry first,
then love grows.
l'll never speak to her again if she refuses him.
Lalita, do you understand
what your mother is saying?
She is saying that she will never speak to you
again if you do not marry Kholi saab. No?
Yes.
And l will never speak to you again
if you...do.
What?
Oh, Kholi, Kholi saab.
Where are you going?
Listen to me, Kholi saab. Listen to me.
Please don't leave like this. Kholi saab?
Kholi saab?
Kholi saab? Kholi saab, please listen to me.
Oh, my God. Kholi saab, l'll talk to her.
Just listen to me.
l'm sure she will understand, Khol...
Oh, Jaya, Balraj is here.
Kholi saab.
- l thought you were leaving next week.
- l know, l'm sorry.
l've just found out that l have to be
on the next flight back to London.
Some important business has come up.
- Hang on a sec.
- Where are you going?
Kiran and Darcy want to go home too, so...
Yeah.
l understand.
But l'll e-mail you as soon as l get back. OK?
Well, l...suppose l'd better go.
Everything OK?
Bye.
LAKHl: Mama!
Mama.
Mama, you won't believe
what has happened.
Jaya, Lalita, come fast.
You won't believe this.
MR BAKSHl: What is wrong?
Papa, Kholi has proposed to Chandra Lamba.
- What?
- What?
- l bet she gave him two tight slaps.
- No, she said yes.
And you know what?
They're having a small temple ceremony here,
and then a big American wedding in LA.
No.
LALlTA: l can't believe
my best friend would do that.
(Sobbing)
One billion lndians and she had to marry
one of the stupidest?
People do horrible things for money.
And a Green Card, too.
No, no.
But on the inside, Chandra is not like that.
Not everyone can stand up to the pressure
the way you can, Lalita.
Better single than unhappy. Tikk hai nah?
l have to go.
My mates are waiting for me in Varanasi.
And l don't want to go
but l don't want to desert my mates either.
Of course. Of course you should go.
l knew you wouldn't stay for ever.
LAKHl: Johnny!
Wait, you can't leave without me.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Oh. Oh, Lakhi.
You'll come back, nah?
Maybe, yeah.
And, and don't you dare remove this, OK?
You know it's bad luck if you do,
and you promised you wouldn't.
All right, well, um...
Well, l'd better go. OK?
l don't want to miss that train.
Come.
(Train horn blares)
# Show me the way
# Take me to love
# Another world
# How l long to be
# Where fallen stars must lie
# Roses bloom, never die
# Show me the way
# Take me to love
# Show me the way
# Take me to love
# A cold sunset
# Gold drop, left to melt
# Close my eyes and wish l could see
# lf it is near
# Or far from me
# This place called love
# ls it for real?
# Or is it just a dream?
# Show me the way
# Take me to love
# Another world
# How l long to be
# Under clouds that don't cry
# Wounded birds can soar high
# Show me the way
# Take me to love
(Thunder)
(Phone rings)
- Sit down. lt will pick up.
Hello? Bakshis' residence.
Yes.
Why, hello, Kholi saab.
Really?
That's very kind of you.
lt's really too much.
Chandra wants us to be at her wedding in LA.
They are sending us four tickets.
Come on.
Hi, Chandra.
Four tickets.
lt's so good to hear you sounding so happy.
Jaya, we can stop over in London.
You can meet Balraj again.
(Big Ben chiming)
All right, love.
Hello?
ls that Kiran?
Hi. lt's Jaya Bakshi...from Amritsar.
Actually, we were just passing through London.
Really?
OK.
We'll come by today, then.
Great.
Bye.
See!
How nice to see you all again
in our part of the world.
The Thames.
Windsor Castle.
Oh, flag's up, Queen's at home.
The Queen?
So many lovely paintings.
- ls that an Andy Warhol?
- Wrong decade.
We have several originals
Mummy found in Barcelona.
Oh, ltalian. How nice.
Do sit down.
Lakhi.
- Oh, my God. Johnny!
- Hey!
How are you? Oh, my God.
- What are you doing here?
- Oh, l came here to surprise you.
You have. lt's a lovely surprise. Thank you.
We brought her over from lndia.
Don't know how we'd manage without her.
(Laughs)
Um, won't Balraj be joining us for tea?
Oh, no. Didn't l tell you? Balraj isn't here.
He's in New York with my parents.
No, you didn't tell me.
Yeah...they wanted him to meet
a couple of girls out there.
Cake?
Lemon one's low fat.
Flight 7 1 4 to Los Angeles
is now ready for boarding.
Would all first-class passengers
please make their way to gate 37.
(Sneezes)
Lalita?
- Hey.
LAKHl: Oh, wow.
Hi.
l was just checking in and l...
You're on your way to LA?
Yes, we are going for Kholi's wedding.
Oh, of course.
They are booked into our hotel in Beverly Hills.
lt's beautiful in the garden for a wedding.
- Oh, should we be getting on too?
- Not yet, Mama.
They let first class on before everyone else.
MRS BAKSHl: l hope we are in better seats.
Oooh, it was so crowded and noisy
coming from Delhi.
Yeah.
l had a meeting in London. On my way home.
Well, it's nice to see you all.
Maybe l'll see you at the wedding.
Thank God we're in economy.
One thing l asked - not to be near the toilets.
How will we sleep with all the flush noise
and the doors banging?
Hello.
- Pretty cramped back here, huh?
- Yes. No leg-room for my blood circulation.
Mrs Bakshi, would you like to
exchange seats with me in first?
No, we're fine, thank you.
Really, young man?
Me in first class?
- Are you sure?
- Yes, please.
- lt's the least l could do to repay your hospitality.
- Sure.
Show me.
Come, show me.
Well, who could have guessed
he'd be so thoughtful?
Another glass of champagne, madame?
Yes. Thank you.
Well, your mom's very happy.
Thank you, but you really didn't need to do that.
Oh, it's a very small price to pay,
if it means l get to sit next to you
for the next ten hours and 53 minutes.
Well, l do intend to sleep
for at least ten of those hours.
Yeah.
How's Wickham?
Don't know, haven't heard from him.
Well, that sounds just like him.
Why do you hate him so much?
Listen, Lalita, some things are best left unsaid.
Now, l wouldn't lie to you.
You just have to trust me -
he's a nasty piece of work.
l would hate it if he ever hurt you.
l wanted to tell you in lndia but...
Well, l'm glad that l can warn you now.
Warn me?
Let's just say it's a good thing
that he hasn't been in touch.
And l guess the way you two were dancing...
..l was a little jealous.
What's going on with Balraj?
He never wrote or called Jaya ever since lndia.
You know, he and Kiran...
they know a fair bit about pressure
from their parents, too.
l guess we all do.
From what Johnny said, er,
l hear your mother's no different.
(Chuckles)
Yeah.
Well, l don't know what Johnny told you,
but my mom's probably not
the best judge on marriage.
l think sometimes the only reason that
my parents stayed together as long as they did
was...cos they lived in separate countries.
You know, l wanna marry someone
l can't wait to see every day.
You know,
we're not gonna get any sleep in these chairs.
Get used to it.
And take your arm off my arm-rest
and keep your leg to your side.
(Clunk)
(Both laugh)
# Hey, must be the money!
# lf you wanna go and get high wit me
# Smoke an L in the back of the Benz-y
# Oh, why must l feel this way?
# Hey, must be the money!
Welcome.
Oh, hello.
# Hey, must be the money!
# Must be the money!
lt's all good.
KHOLl: And this is the en-suite bathroom.
This one has hot-tub bath with super-jets.
Oh, oh, you must see this closet.
Just look at the space.
Chandra has this entire side
for all her 51 wedding suits.
51 .
And that's gonna be the gym.
And that's my crib.
Very nice, Kholi saab.
CHANDRA: l know what you're thinking.
But he's a good man.
l'm not romantic like you, Lalita.
l didn't want to take the chance
in case my prince never came.
l know he's not for you, but...
but he's kind and...
and adores me.
And l love it here.
Chandra, l'm truly happy for you.
l... l think l was a bit too quick to judge him.
l'm sorry.
lt's fine.
- Beautiful, isn't it?
- Yes, Kholi saab, it's lovely.
The ceiling is so ornate.
To think my wedding's going to be here!
Just put those figures on my desk.
Oh, here we go.
Hi.
Hey.
- Mr Darcy.
- Hello, everyone.
Good afternoon, sir.
lsn't it great we're all together again?
Er, only this time we have
home-court advantage, no, sir?
OK, come on, l'll show you around.
- Please.
- Mama.
Come, come. Come, Beta.
Mmm, that's very good, Paul.
Excellent. l'll put the order in today.
Mmm.
Mmm, Will!
Mother.
l'd like you to meet the Bakshi family.
So these are Kholi's relatives?
Such a pleasure to meet you, madam.
And your lovely hotel.
lt's, er, first class.
So tell me everything about lndia.
l've always been fascinated by it.
lndia is such a huge country,
l wouldn't know where to begin.
lt's always been a dream of mine,
since l was a little girl, to go there.
l was devastated
when Will said that l shouldn't go.
Oh, that's not what l said, Mother.
l said that it might be hard for you to travel there.
But you're the one
that didn't want to buy the hotel there.
The Board wanted to.
Oh, everybody has their hand on lndia
these days.
But Will refused.
Well, that was for lots of reasons.
ln fact, it was Lalita who helped me
make that decision.
A decision that lost us a fortune.
Well, there's so much to see in lndia, Mrs Darcy.
You must come some time.
Well, if l had a hotel, l might have.
But, well, with yoga, and spices,
and Deepak Chopra,
and wonderful Eastern things here,
there's no point in travelling there any more.
Well, l don't know about that.
People haven't stopped going to ltaly
because Pizza Hut's around their corner.
Yes, right.
Yes.
Ah, Georgina.
Oh, hey, Georgie.
Hey.
Hey, come here.
Everyone, l'd like you to meet
my little sister, Georgie.
- Hi.
- Hi.
So this is Lalita?
Yeah.
Oh, Will told me all about your fab time
together in lndia.
Food poisoning, being ravaged by mosquitoes.
Not your brother's idea of a perfect holiday.
There were lots of things l liked.
Well, l hope l get to hear you play guitar.
- What?
- Yeah, Will said you played beautifully.
No.
He'sjust exaggerating.
No, my brother never lies.
Lunch.
He's one of the most eligible bachelors
in this town.
You should be stirring
your husband's dinner, not trouble.
- Darcy was just being friendly.
- Very friendly.
After meeting his mother,
l even felt a little sorry for him.
l think what changed your mind
was seeing the size of his hotel.
(Phone rings)
KHOLl: Oh, hello?
Ah, hello, Mr Darcy.
What can l do for you?
Oh, Lalita. Yeah.
Well, yes, she's just here.
Huh?
(Falsetto cry)
(Cheering and whooping)
(Singing in Spanish)
Here's to the only person
l've ever seen stand up to my mother.
l hope l wasn't too rude.
Mmm. Trust me, it's good for her.
lt reminded me of when l first arrived in lndia.
l'm trying to deal with everything and then,
boom, you jump straight down my throat.
l didn't know what had hit me.
You deserved it.
Oh, come on.
(Song finishes)
l really like this place.
lt's not at all where l expected you'd take me.
Ah-ha, you see. l told you you misjudged me.
The band is great.
Why don't you show them how it's done?
No, no, no, no, no way.
No, l guess your guitar playing can't compare
to your sister's snake dance.
(Romantic music)
# Show me the way
# Take me to love
# Things only heard now l want to feel
# My soul caressed by silken breeze
# Whisper secrets to listening trees
# Show me that world
# Take me to love
# Show me the way
# Take me to love
# Come out, blue moon
# l need a friend soon
# To share what l feel, it's so rare
# Shine down on me so l can see
# The silver street that leads me
to the place l want to be
# Show me the way
# Take me to love
# Show them the way
# Take them to love
# Things only heard now they want to be
# Two beings with one beating heart
# For their whole lives not to part
# Show them that world
# Take them to love
# La-la la-la la la-la-la
# Show them the way
# La-la la-la
# La-la la-la-la
# Take them to love
# La-la la la-la-la
# La-la la-la
# La la-la-la
# La-la la-la la la-la-la
# Yeah-yeah yeah-yeah...
- Hey, how you doing?
- Great.
- This is my wife.
- Nameste.
- My mother-in-law.
- Hello.
Jaya, smile, please.
Your face looks like
a baby's smacked bottom.
Kholi wants you to meet
a plastic surgeon from Orange County.
l can't just forget Balraj like that, Mama.
Please don't make it any worse.
l'm sorry, excuse me.
Er, can l talk to you for a second?
You look more comfortable this time.
- lt really suits you.
- There you are!
- Hi, Lalita.
- Hello, Mrs Darcy.
Er, l'd like you to meet Will's girlfriend, Anne.
Lolita.
That's such a cute name.
Like the movie, right?
Er, it's, um, Lalita.
Nice to meet you...
Anne.
- Anne.
- This is so much fun.
Look at all the colours.
Just imagine, she would have missed all of this,
so l insisted that she come
on the plane from New York with me.
Lalita, doesn't Anne look wonderful
in lndian clothes?
Oh, stop that, Catherine.
She's too kind.
You look lovely.
Shall we go? The ceremony is starting.
..keep her, in sickness and in health,
as long as you both shall live?
Yes, l do.
Chandra, do you take this man as your
lawfully wedded husband, to love,
honour and comfort him, and to keep him,
in sickness and in health,
as long as you both shall live?
Yes, l do.
By the power vested in me
by the state of California,
l hereby pronounce you man and wife.
You may kiss.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- You OK?
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
- Sure.
- That ceremony was so beautiful.
- Yeah.
- They both look really happy.
- Mm-hm.
So l guess the next lndian wedding
l'll get to go to is Balraj's.
Well, that's if he and my brother make up.
What do you mean?
Well, he and my brother
aren't really talking much right now.
Yeah? Why?
Um, he didn't tell me everything,
but l guess Balraj met someone in lndia
and Will didn't think she was right
and ended up having to talk him
out of marrying her.
Your brother talked him out of it?
Oh, no, he wasjust looking out for him.
The girl's mom was a total nightmare.
She was a gold-digger
out to nail a rich hubby for her daughter.
Scary or what?
Oh, there's Will.
Oh, l'm... l'm sorry, l gotta go.
Lalita, wait.
Please, give me a minute to explain.
l'm sorry about Anne coming. l didn't know.
l don't give a damn about her.
l hope you two are very happy.
l don't love her.
My mother never told me she was inviting her.
Look, it's not my business
what you and your mother do.
Yes, it is.
Look, Lalita...
..l love you.
And l hated seeing you with Wickham in lndia.
And l tried my hardest to forget you,
but l couldn't.
l know this sounds totally crazy,
my mom's gonna flip out,
but l don't want you to leave.
Only you could say that you love me
and insult me at the same time.
What?
You tried to forget me.
Loving me is crazy.
l'm not good enough for your mother.
And you think l'd want to leave my family for you
after you've ruined my sister's life?
- Hold on, hold on.
- Georgie told me.
You talked Balraj out of marrying Jaya.
Yeah, yeah, l did. But l had my reasons.
- And you ruined Wickham's life too.
- Look, just let me explain.
We may not have your family's money,
but that does not make us inferior to you.
l'm being honest with you here, all right?
My family are not gonna be
jumping for joy about it.
l'm telling you that l don't care.
When l first met you, l thought you were rude,
arrogant, intolerant and insensitive.
But over the last few days,
l thought maybe... maybe l'd made a mistake.
But l was right.
You're the last person l'd ever want to be with.
Hey, Mr Darcy. How are you doing?
Hey, Kholi. Er, is Lalita here?
l'm sorry, sir, you've missed her.
- What?
- l took them to the airport.
They're on their way to London.
You want to come in for a beer or something?
l'll get it.
MRS BAKSHl: lt's so tragic.
Not a single proposal.
So sad.
My fate is to live in that rotten house
full of spinsters and no grandchildren.
- Don't worry.
- Everything will be all right.
Mama...l was thinking, can l go shopping?
- Go, Lakhi, go.
- Thank you, Mama.
lf we are not bringing back any husbands,
and she goes shopping,
at least we won't be going back empty-handed.
(Sniffs)
Hey, what's wrong?
We almost did have a proposal.
A proposal?
Who?
- Will Darcy.
- Darcy?
l know this sounds crazy.
What did he say?
That he loves me.
And what did you say?
(Lively music and excited screams)
- Hello.
- Hi.
- How are you?
- Good to see you.
Good to see you.
- How long have you been waiting?
- Not very long.
Shall we go? Come on.
lt's from Lakhi.
God.
(Doorbell rings)
- Darcy...
- Lalita...
l feel like l owe you an apology.
- This isn't a good time.
- Lalita, please, just...
l'm sorry about Jaya.
l wasn't sure whether she really loved Balraj.
l thought your mom was just pushing her.
l was an idiot.
l've apologised to Balraj
because l know he still loves her.
- He'd like to see her.
- l don't have time for this.
- Wickham has...
- Wickham is a liar.
He got my sister pregnant when she was 1 6.
And he ran off and tried to marry her
for my father's money.
l stopped him and l had to pick up the pieces.
Oh, my God.
- What?
- Lakhi.
Lakhi has gone off with Wickham.
What?
Lakhi went out shopping yesterday
and she never came back.
Mama's sick in bed.
Papa's here from lndia with the police.
They can't seem to find her anywhere.
Wickham!
Lakhi!
Know where he is?
lt's so beautiful. l love it.
He left with some bird.
Said something about the London Eye.
Smile.
l don't know.
- My God, Johnny, l want to go on that.
- Hey!
l want to go on that.
Lalita!
Lakhi!
Lakhi!
LAKHl: Oh, my God, Bollywood!
Go away!
No!
Go away!
Johnny, there's two seats.
- Darcy.
- All right.
LALlTA: Lakhi.
DARC Y: Lakhi, let's go.
Lakhi!
Come back.
- Lakhi!
- Johnny.
Just...stop it now.
Leave him. Let's go.
Lalita.
Not him. Please, anyone...
Don't you dare.
Lalita, it was always you!
(Audience cheers)
LAKHl: l'm so sorry.
LALlTA: Let's call Mama and Papa.
- Oh, silly girl.
- Papa.
Oh, Lakhi.
- Thank God you're safe.
- Mama, l'm so sorry.
What sorry?
No boy's coming within ten miles of you
until you get married.
Mama, Papa, it's Will who found her.
Oh.
Thank you so much, son,
for bringing her home.
- We're really indebted to you.
- No, really.
- Lalita, help him clean up his face.
- Yes.
Balraj is here.
Tell them.
Yes, yes, yes.
Er, there's an important news.
- Your sister is getting married.
- Yes!
LAKHl: Oh, my God!
Congratulations. l'm so happy for you.
- lt's a long story.
- Hey, congratulations.
Thank you.
- Come on, sit down now.
- Come, Darcy, son.
Come sit down, sit down, sit down.
- She's back now, she's fine.
- Hear hear.
MR BAKSHl: Relax.
Balraj, now that we are one big family,
why don't you find our Lalita
a nice lndian husband?
Don't you have any cousins?
MR BAKSHl: That's nice. Have a ladoo, please.
- l would love to have one.
- Wonderful.
LALlTA: l'm so happy for you, Jaya.
l told you, the moment he saw you,
he was yours.
l didn't think it would ever happen for me.
But it did.
(Sneezes)
(Brass band)
Jaya.
Balraj is already here.
Beautiful.
Agai bharat.
Chalo.
- Where's Darcy?
- He'll be there somewhere.
Have you not seen him? He's over there.
# A marriage has come to town
# Laughter, colour, light and sound
# Life is great, let's celebrate
# The sacred union two souls have found
# Can't wait for the day
# Can't keep our shoulders down
# God bless you for getting
this marriage into town
# My eyes are searching
# My hips are working
# My lips are waiting
# Take me to love
# My skin's pulsating
# My body's shaking
# My lips are aching
# Take me to love
# Payal bajake
# Gungru bajake
# Tu je divana kar dar la
# Churi bajake
# Chutkhi bajake
# Tu je divana kar dar la
# La la la la
# Mare de la
# La la la la
# La la la la
# lndia's the place for me
# lndia sets you free
# Shola badan hai mera
# Badan pay sitare hai
# Akho me hai bijilia
# Le bo meh shirareh hai
# My eyes are searching
My hips are working
# My lips are waiting
# Take me to love
# Payal bajake
# Gungru bajake
# Tu je divana kar dar la
# My heart's awakening
# His love forsaking
# Why am l waiting?
# Take me to love
# La la la la
# Mare de la
# La la la la
# La la la la
That's a wrap!
# ASHANTl: Touch My Body
# Touch my body,
make me feel like l've never felt
# Deliver it,
make me shiver from head to toe
# Move my waistline side to side
# Come on, push up on me,
l'm feeling hot tonight
# Can you touch my body,
make me feel like l've never felt?
# Deliver it,
make me shiver from head to toe
# Move my waistline side to side
# Come on, push up on me,
l'm feeling hot tonight
# What have l got to do
to get a little closer to you?
# To you
# l've been watching you,
l really wanna get to know you
# Know you
# l'm kinda feeling your vibe
as l look in your eyes
# And you're watching my thighs
moving left to right
# So what do you wanna do?
# You come to me and l'll come to you
# Touch my body,
make me feel like l've never felt
# Deliver it,
make me shiver from head to toe
# Move my waistline side to side
# Come on, push up on me,
l'm feeling hot tonight
# Can you touch my body,
make me feel like l've never felt?
# Deliver it,
make me shiver from head to toe
# Move my waistline side to side
# Come on, push up on me,
l'm feeling hot tonight
# lf l could be alone with you,
this is what l would do
# l would do
# l would grab you by the hand
and begin to show you
# Show you
# How to make it real hot,
never want it to stop
# Take it up to the top,
make my body rock
# So what are you gonna do?
# You come to me and l'll come to you
# Touch my body,
make me feel like l've never felt
# Deliver it,
make me shiver from head to toe
# Move my waistline side to side
# Come on, push up on me,
l'm feeling hot tonight
# Can you touch my body,
make me feel like l've never felt?
# Deliver it,
make me shiver from head to toe
# Move my waistline side to side
# Come on, push up on me,
l'm feeling hot tonight
# Now, can you rocket up, rocket up?
# Don't stop, just move your waistline
from side to side
# Now, why don't you push it up,
push it up?
# And do the body right
# Do the body right, do the body right
# Now, can you rocket up, rocket up?
# Don't stop, just move your waistline
from side to side
# Now, why don't you push it up,
push it up?
# And do the body right
(Low conversation)
This is the conveyor belt?
Mind out.
Wait, wait, wait.
Balraj! Can you get the other one?
Can you check this one?
l just did.
AMERlCAN: This is mayhem.
This is like bedlam.
Good, isn't it?
What do you mean
it's a bit like New York?
WOMAN: Better get used to it, Darcy.
We're here for two weeks.
(Street vendors shout)
(Bellowing)
(Car horns beep)
Jesus, Balraj, where the hell
have you brought me?
(Woman shouts) Hurry up, you silly girls!
We must make sure Jaya meets
this Mr Balraj from London before anyone else.
All mothers think that any single guy
with big bucks must be shopping for a wife.
l'm embarrassed to say,
but l hope he is.
What, shopping or loaded?
Well, both.
Lakhi, you think your mother
has gone crazy?
That l am letting you wear that?
l told you, Lakhi. lt's very vulgar.
But, Mama. lt's killing, Mama!
Oh, if it's killing, it's what everyone's
wearing in Mumbai.
But we want Balraj to look into Jaya's eyes,
not your mames.
She's our only hope.
lf we do not get the eldest married first,
we'll never be able to marry rest of you
for the shame.
(Music plays inside)
Come on, Lakhi, it's only a party.
Save your fussing for the big wedding tomorrow.
Papa, just chill. Let me fix my dupatta.
Oh! Nameste.
WOMAN: Chandra, make sure you smile.
Now, sit back.
- Hi, Lakhi.
- Hi.
Hello, dear.
- Can we sit here?
- Of course!
- Mama, we'll go and see the bride.
- OK, come soon.
- Chandra, don't be too long.
- OK.
Oh, this must be the famous Balraj from UK.
He's from the Uppal family of Delhi, you know.
Hey, Balraj, you made it in one piece
from London.
MRS BAKSHl: ls that his name?
l completely forgot
groom is bringing guest from England.
Apparently, he's a barrister.
ls that right? A barrister?
And his family live in Windsor,
near the Queen's castle.
Really? Next to the Queen?
CHANDRA'S MOTHER:
Oh, his sister is looking so lovely.
So fair, nah?
- Who's that Englishman with him?
- He's American.
His name is William Darcy.
He was Balraj's fast friend at Oxford.
From one of the richest families in America.
They own hotels all over the world.
Shame he's not lndian, though.
(Both laugh)
Sure you're OK about going away to London?
You only met him twice.
He's nice and so is his family.
You need to get out of this town, Lalita.
You know there's nothing for you here.
All the guysjust want girls from rich families.
Papa needs me. l couldn't leave.
His friend Balraj is great.
He's looking for a girl too, you know.
Good Lord, is it me,
or is every woman over 50 giving you the eye?
Don't be dense, Darcy.
Every mother in this room is wetting
her knickers for him for their daughters.
- Can we leave yet?
- Kiran, l'm his best man.
l can't just bail out on him, can l?
lt's 1 0am in New York.
l wouldn't mind getting back early
so l can go through the financials
on that hotel in Goa.
Will you stop working, just this once?
And you stop being such a coconut.
This is our dear, dear motherland. Enjoy it.
The only thing lndia's good for is losing weight.
Are you sure this is safe to eat?
l don't want to get Delhi belly on my first day.
(Lively drumming starts)
(Cheering)
- What's happening now?
- The lndian version of American ldol.
l hope you've brought earplugs.
This is where the girls tease the boys,
and the boys tease the girls.
KlRlN: Brace yourself, Darcy.
He's about to transform
into the lndian MC Hammer.
What are they like?
(Singing in Punjabi)
DARC Y: What are they singing?
Oh, these pretty girls
fluttering temptingly like kites without string.
These girls are like naked live wires.
lf you get too close,
you'll get an electric shock of love.
Ooh!
Oh, my gosh, she's beautiful!
There's still time.
(Laughter)
That's fantastic. Thank you.
- (Cheering)
- Come and dance.
You must be joking.
The two of you, dance.
(Whistling and cheering)
KlRAN: Let go of me!
Thank you.
Darcy, what are you doing?
- My drawstring keeps coming undone.
- Let's see.
l don't know why
you made me wear these pants.
Why don't we just alert the media?
GlRL: She's too outrageous.
l'm telling you, she'll give us all a bad name.
You know she is spending all night texting boys?
Lakhi.
Stop it now. Lakhi.
Good evening, sir.
We're from the groom's side.
We'd like to introduce ourselves, if we may.
l'm Balraj.
- This is my sister Kiran.
- Hi.
- And my good friend William Darcy.
- Hello.
Very nice to meet you all.
Er, l'm Chaman Bakshi.
May l introduce my family to you?
This is my wife, Mrs Manurma Rama Bakshi,
and, er, these are my daughters:
Jaya, Lalita, that's Lakhi and that's Maya.
Four daughters in one family!
God has blessed you four times over.
Such a pleasure
to make your fine acquaintance.
BALRAJ: Would you do me the honour?
Papa?
Of course, of course. Please, please.
Darcy, why don't you ask
one of Jaya's lovely sisters to dance as well?
No.
Um, l'm sorry. l can't. l must get back and work.
l have a conference call.
But it's easier than you think.
- l can show you.
- No, l really can't.
Maybe another time.
Rich American.
What does he think -
we are not good enough for him?
(Low conversation)
You should have seen Mrs Lamba's face.
Balraj didn't dance with any other girl all night.
l knew he wouldn't be able to resist
my pretty Jaya's charms.
Mama.
Or yours, l'm sure.
Just imagine - if Jaya went to live in UK,
we could visit her any time.
l would hate to have my daughters so far away.
But we have so many.
One or two can go abroad.
They'll earn more. God knows they need to,
because we can't afford to give them
all decent dowries.
Perhaps we should have drowned some
at the time of their birth.
We wouldn't have had these problems
if we had gone to US.
Did l tell you about this fellow
who went to America and made it rich?
My brother did all the paperwork to sponsor us
but you didn't want to leave.
This fellow went to America
and bought a huge American house
and built three swimming pools.
Now he owns three Subway franchises
in New Jersey.
And what do we have?
An old house, an old farm, and new bills.
So when his father visited from lndia,
he showed him around his mansion
and three swimming pools.
His father asked,
''But, son, why do you need three pools?''
So he said proudly, ''Well, one is filled
with cold water for when l feel hot.
The second is filled with hot water
when l feel cold.''
The father nodded and said,
''But why is the third pool empty?''
He said, ''Well, that's when
l don't feel like swimming at all.''
(Daughters laugh)
Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha.
Listen, Balraj, if you really wanna get married,
hook up with an lndian girl from England,
or even America.
You'd have something in common.
Look, l didn't have any problems
talking with Jaya, did l?
She's intelligent, she's beautiful.
Come on, Bal.
Look around you.
You said it yourself, man.
We're in Hicksville lndia.
Then why did l see you eyeing up Lalita?
She's beautiful, yeah, but...
But not your mum's idea
of the mother of her heirs, right?
Not exactly, no.
- Bye.
- Give me that bag.
- Why?
- l want to go over there.
- Come.
- Just give me the bag.
# ls this going to be
# The last time we three
# Walk down this street together?
# She's going to be wed
# lt doesn't mean she's dead
# We'll be friends for ever
# lt's not long before the day
# l up, up, up and fly away
# So let's make this a walk to remember
# There are stars in your way
# From Amritsar to UK
# There are stars in your way
# From Amritsar to UK
# You are the golden girl
# The centre of the world
# Just ask and you shall have it
# This is your moment, grab it
# Your wish is our command
# We'll supply what you demand
# You've turned their lives around
# You got a marriage into town
# A marriage has come to town
# Laughter, colour, light and sound
# Life is great, let's celebrate
# The sacred union two souls have found
# You see flowers are most important
# Bright garlands can never be forgotten
# No-one can be at your wedding
# With a bad taste in their mouth
# So we will supply the ras malai
# The guests won't leave without
Look at that.
Come on.
Hurry up.
Ha!
# Fancy pearls and precious stones
imported from far and wide
# We melt and mould
and set for our 24-carat bride
# Cut, colour, clarity,
the best you've ever seen
# Only the Kohinoor is better,
but you'll have to ask the Queen
# A marriage has come to town
# Laughter, colour, light and sound
# Life is great, let's celebrate
# The sacred union two souls have found
# Life and all its intricacies
# We'll paint on your hands and feet
# The colour of mud shows the heat in the blood
# Henna is the earth and all her fertility
# We'll darken your lifeline, to deepen with time
# Adding soul to the magic that is to be
# Your life and all its intricacies
# Who can tell you more about Yin and Yang?
# Sharing one spirit between woman and man
# Marriage is the path taken by he and she
# May your new life be kissed by harmony
(Speaks Punjabi)
# lt seems they had nothing
in their lives before today
# And why are they so happy
to give a daughter away?
# You've got what you always wanted
and for that l am glad
# But just take a look around you,
the city has gone mad
# Can't wait for the day,
can't keep our shoulders down
# God bless you for getting
this marriage into town
# A marriage has come to town
# Laughter, colour, light and sound
# Life is great, let's celebrate
# The sacred union two souls have found
# A marriage has come to town
# Laughter, colour, light and sound
# A marriage has come to town
# Laughter, colour, light and sound
(Cheering)
(Hindu wedding ceremony)
Hi, hi.
They look sizzling, yeah?
Jaya should grab him right away.
Seduce him before he leaves,
give him a little taste
so he comes begging back for more.
What makes you such an expert, huh?
l know enough to know
that if that damn cute Darcy was looking at me
the way he is looking at you now,
l wouldn't ignore him.
LALlTA: You're nuts, Chandra.
Oh, God, is he coming now?
- Lalita.
- Huh?
Marry him.
Divorce him right away.
Then give me half.
(Both laugh)
Someone's having some fun up here.
- lt's not my tie, is it?
- No, we were just joking...
- (Sneezes) Excuse me.
- Someone's thinking of you.
l'm off to get a Coke. Bye.
- What'd she say?
- Oh, it's just an old saying.
We say whenever you sneeze,
it means someone's thinking of you.
lt's probably my lawyer.
Can't get any work done in the hotel l'm in.
- Which hotel's that?
- lt's the DN lnternational.
That's the best hotel in town.
Oh.
Their computer system keeps crashing,
the electricity goes.
l don't know how business functions here.
Are you a barrister like Balraj?
No, no, no.
My family's in the hotel business.
l'm sure Amritsar's hotels can't compare,
but l bet there's a slight price difference.
How much does it cost
to stay in one of your hotels?
A good room's about four,
five hundred dollars a night.
That's more than what most people
make here in a year.
Well, pretty bad when you put it like that.
But, people who can afford it,
they want the best. lt's...
There's nothing wrong
with having standards, is there?
No, as long as you don't impose them on others.
- This is your first lndian wedding?
- Mmm, yeah.
And it's been an experience.
You're not enjoying it?
No, no, l am. l just find the whole
arranged marriage thing a little strange.
l don't know how two people can get married
that don't know each other.
l mean, it's a little backward, don't you think?
That's such a clich.
lt's different now.
lt's more like a global dating service.
The groom looks pretty happy.
Did his parents force him into it?
No, he asked his parents
to find him a bride, actually.
He was busy running his company.
- He just wanted it to be simple.
- l see, and so he came here.
ls that what you think, too,
that lndia is the place to go for a simple woman?
No, that's not what l meant.
Americans think they've got the answers
for everything, including marriage.
Pretty arrogant, considering they've got
the highest divorce rate in the world.
What l was trying to say
is that he wanted a bride who was traditional.
Darcy! Stop boring her to death
and come and get down with us.
Listen, er...
l'm a hopeless dancer, but...
well, this looks like you just screw in
a light bulb with one hand,
you pet the dog with the other.
Will you teach me?
You know what?
l think you should find someone
simple and traditional
to teach you to dance like the natives.
(Chatter)
We're all flying down to Goa tomorrow.
Darcy's looking into a hotel he may acquire.
BALRAJ: Mr Bakshi,
we'd love for Jaya to join us as our guest.
Oh, how nice, a hotel in Goa.
Mr Balraj, l am not sure if it would be appropriate
to let Jaya go on her own.
Oh, l understand.
Don't be silly, dear.
So kind of you to invite Jaya.
Perhaps her sister can accompany her?
- l think l can go to Goa.
- Lakhi, you're too young.
- Lalita should accompany her sister.
- But, Papa...
MRS BAKSHl: Don't be a silly girl.
Go and have fun with your sister.
Sure, l'd love to come with Jaya.
BALRAJ: Wonderful.
l'll send the driver over in the morning.
- Good night to you all.
- Thank you.
- Good night.
- Goodbye.
Good night.
Have you gone crazy, old man?
This is Jaya's chance to win him once and for all.
And he'll get to see her in a swimsuit.
Are you crazy?
Hello.
What's this?
Thank you.
- Sea Breeze.
- Oh, thanks.
Darcy, darling, can you tear yourself
away from the love of your life
and put some lotion on my back?
l don't want to get too dark.
l'm writing to my little sister Georgie.
Oh, my God!
You lugged that all this way?
That explains why you haven't got
much room for outfits.
Do you have something against books?
Or do you resent them
because they leave less room for make-up?
No.
No, l just never have time for them.
lndians here have a lot more free time.
Or maybe you're just a much more
accomplished woman than l am.
Mm-hm. Maybe.
(Darcy chuckles)
Darcy's a great reader.
ln fact, l think a love of books
is on his list for his ideal woman.
l think you've had one too many Sea Breezes.
l remember a very drunken night in Oxford
when you recited the list.
She has to be smart, speak several languages...
All right, Kiran, drop it.
No, l recall, she had to be athletic,
voluptuous, of course,
graceful, witty, confident...
l'm not surprised Mr Darcy hasn't found
his ideal woman with a list like that.
Does this mean you're an ideal man?
(Laughs) l guess you'd be
a better judge of that than me.
As far as l can tell, most men have faults.
Arrogance, pride, vanity...
She's certainly read you like a book, Darcy.
No.
l just think you got me all wrong.
Well, you'd certainly have trouble
finding your ideal woman in lndia.
l didn't hear ''simple'', ''traditional'',
''subservient'' on your list.
Come on, give me a break.
Now you're twisting my words.
You said yourself that you're used to the best.
l'm sure you think lndia's beneath you.
lf l really thought that,
then why would l be thinking about
buying this place?
(Laughs) You think this is lndia?
Well, don't you wanna see more investment,
more jobs?
Yes, but who does it really benefit?
You want people to come to lndia
without having to deal with lndians.
That's good. Remind me to add that
to the tourism brochure.
lsn't that what all tourists want here?
5-star comfort with a bit of culture thrown in?
l don't want you turning lndia into a theme park.
l thought we got rid of imperialists like you.
l'm not British. l'm American.
Exactly.
(Gentle guitar music)
What the hell's he doing here?
Oh, my God.
Hello.
# Enter in the dance
Plug it in an' we begin
# Crowd up in the centre
# They watch be dibidim
# Watch the way we drop it in a mix timing
# Rise and amplifying
when we come in with the swing
# Just following the back
an' naturally harmonisin'
# Climb into position
with synchronised things
# Live from out the ghetto we maximisin'
# Sound of the Groove Armada,
we superstylin'
# We superstylin'...
- Hello again.
- Hi.
- How are you?
- Fine. Thanks.
- Can l join you?
- Sure.
- Would you like a drink?
- No, thanks. l'm not much of a drinker.
Neither am l. l only drink here
cos it's cheaper than the water.
l'm Johnny, by the way.
Johnny Wickham.
Pleased to meet you, Johnny. l'm Lalita.
Lalita.
How do you know Will Darcy?
l saw you two blank each other.
l was going to go over and say hi to the guy,
but then l realised l'd have to talk to the wanker.
We sort of grew up together,
cos my mum used to work for Darcy's family
in England.
She was his nanny.
See, their family had a couple of
big old country hotels.
Dad was a really keen golfer.
Well, Darcy's dad was a really keen golfer.
l used to caddy for him. Really nice old fella.
Gave me a great job when l left school,
and l don't know, Darcy was never too keen.
So when the old man died a few years back,
you can guess who was the first one to get fired.
What, just like that?
With his dad gone,
he didn't have to explain, did he?
But your mum helped raise him.
Yes, she did.
You know, Darcy's mum
is even worse than he is.
She's been trying to get him hitched to this...
this rich New York girl for years.
lt's the ultimate business merger.
So she's arranging his marriage?
- You could call it that, yeah.
- What a hypocrite.
See, that's the great thing about living in lndia.
You don't have to have money
to enjoy this place,
and if you have money, you never get
to see the real lndia, you know?
l just feel like people here
have got their priorities sorted.
l'd love for you to come to Amritsar.
lt's... lt's beautiful.
lt's just that not many tourists go there.
Am...Amritsar?
ls that where the Golden Temple is?
Yeah.
l'm sorry we're leaving today,
but l'd love to show you my home town.
Yeah, l'd love to show you London.
# My eyes are searching
My hips are working
# My lips are waiting
Take me to love
# My skin's pulsating
My body's shaking
# My lips are aching
Take me to love
# Payal bajake
Gungru bajake
# Tu je divana kar dar la
# Churi bajake
# Chutkhi bajake
# Tu je divana kar dar la
# lndia's the place for me
# lndia sets you free
# Shola badan hai mera
# Badan pay sitare hai
# Akho me hai bijiliah
# Le bo meh shirareh hai
# My eyes are searching
My hips are working
# My lips are waiting
Take me to love
# Oh! Whoa-oh!
# Take me
# Take me to love
# To love
(Cheering and applause)
- (Fireworks exploding)
- Oh, my God!
MRS BAKSHl: Hurry up, Bijili. And be careful!
Oh!
- Ah, you're back.
- What's going on, Lakhi?
Everything OK?
- Yes, Mama, it was lovely.
- Good.
Now one is all but taken care of,
we have to prepare for Number 2.
- What?
- Maya, hurry up with the bucket!
He'll be here soon.
- Who? Who, Mama?
- Don't ask me.
Kholi saab. He's on his way from the airport.
- Who?
- Kholi.
He's your father's sister's husband's sister's son.
And he's a top accountant in California.
But why is he coming here?
To look at me for his bride. What do you think?
(Horn beeps)
Hurry up, girls, come on here.
l want to look at you.
Hurry up, hurry up. Come on, fast.
Now, listen to me carefully, girls, huh.
lt's very important to make a good
first impression on Kholi saab.
Stand straight...smile...
..don't talk unnecessarily,
and don't say anything too intelligent. You!
Shame she only selectively practises
what she preaches.
Why don't you go outside
and welcome the guest?
l'll do that.
Bijili, go outside and get the luggage.
Mamaji! Whassup!
Hello. How are you?
Yes, madam, no problem. Bijili is here.
Go outside, you bloody fool.
Hey, hey! Eurgh!
MR BAKSHl: Bijili.
- Oh.
- Hey!
Come in, Kholi saab. Welcome.
We weren't expecting you so early.
You've really taken us by surprise.
What a pleasure to see you, Mamaji,
after so long time.
Oh. Oh, ho.
Oh, of course. You remember my daughters.
Jaya, Lalita,
Maya and Lakhi.
Oh!
From small great caterpillars
to such beautiful b-butterflies.
- And so like you...Madame Butterfly.
(Mr Bakshi coughs)
This is my dream home.
Colonial style.
Five bedrooms, three and a half bathrooms,
$850,000.
- That's four crores, 25 lakhs.
- Oh, my.
l bought it only six months ago.
lt's already worth $900,000.
l bet it has three swimming pools.
Actually, the complex has two pools,
er, plus my crib.
lt has its own hot-tub bath with super-jets.
lt's the bomb.
ls it near Beverly Hills 9-zero-2-1-zero?
No.
No, it's in the valley.
Er, but 20 minutes down 1 01 Freeway,
and you're in North Hollywood.
Did you hear that, Lalita?
He lives in Hollywood.
You must join me in US.
You must, you must, you must. Eh?
l could help you start a business there.
That's where the money's to be made.
UK's finished, lndia's too corrupt.
Kholi saab, lndia is still a young country
since lndependence.
l hardly think its potential is over.
What do you think your US was like
after 60 years of independence?
They were killing each other with slavery
and blindly searching for gold.
l tell you, boss, l've made a packet
as an accountant in LA.
You know, the lndian community there
is very professional,
all doctors and computers and...
not like these uneducated
minicab/7-Eleven store types.
lt's ours for the taking.
Anyone can become an American.
Then...why come back here?
Ah...ba da bing, ba da boom.
''Ba da bing, ba da boom''?
There's only one problem with America.
Our girls that are born there,
they've totally lost their roots.
Completely clueless.
Our girls are very rooted.
They're really very, very traditional, huh?
You know, in US,
they're all too outspoken and career-orientated.
And some have even turned into...
..the lesbian.
(Giggling)
- (Clears throat)
- So that leaves me no choice.
l may be healthy, wealthy and wise,
but as they say, ''no life...without wife''.
Kholi saab.
You're a poet as well.
Did you hear that, Mr Bakshi? Huh?
- No life without wife.
- Yes.
Very wisely spoken.
l think God is smiling down on me.
l'm spoilt for choice in this house.
l suppose, as the eldest...
..Jaya must be the first choice.
Actually...er, Kholi saab...
Jaya is practically engaged to someone else.
Oh.
Er, b-b-but, er, Lalita is unspoken for.
La-Lalita.
Lalita.
# Lonely Mr Kholi from Los Angeles
# Came to Punjab on one bent knee
# He had a Green Card, new house, big cash
# Still made a wish with every fallen lash
# For you to do the journey with him
# To smile when he got home,
ask how his day had been
# He wants you by his side, in joy and strife
# Poor Mr Kholi
# He has no life without wife
# No life
# Without wife
# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah yeah yeah
# No life
# Without wife
# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah
# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah
# l don't want a man who ties me down
# Does what he wants while l hang around
# l don't want a man who's crude and loud
# Who wants a pretty wife to make him proud
# l don't want a man who can't be funny
# Tells tall tales about making money
# Oh, yeah
# l don't want a man who'll grab the best seat
# Can't close his mouth when he starts to eat
# l don't want a man who likes to drink
# Or leaves his dirty dishes in the sink
# l don't want a man who wants his mummy
# A balding pest with too much tummy
# l don't want a man who's dead in the head
# Poor Mr Kholi
# Hai, Mr Kholi
# Maybe he's good in bed
(Lion's roar)
ALL: Euurghh!
# No life
# Without wife
# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah yeah yeah
# No life
# Without wife
# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah
# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah
# What you don't want don't matter no more
# Soon you'll be married and ready to go
# A match made in heaven
just like milk and honey
# You make aloo gobi, he'll make the money
# Every day will be the same,
according to his plan
# Forget what you want,
Mr Kholi's now your man
# No life
# Without wife
# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah yeah yeah
# l just want a man with real soul
# Who wants equality and not control
# l just want a man good and smart
# A really sharp mind and a very big heart
# l just want a man not scared to weep
# To hold me close when we're asleep
# Oh, yeah
# l just want a man who loves romance
# Will clear the floor and ask me to dance
# l just want a man who gives some back
# Who talks to me and not my rack
# l just want a man whose spirit is free
# Will hold my hand, walk the world with me
# Oh, yeah
# No life
# Without wife
# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah yeah yeah
# No life
# Without wife
# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah
# Oh, yeah-yeah yeah
(Birds twittering)
# Sorry, Mr Kholi, it is not to be
# My heart is set on another, you see
# The wandering soul l was meant to meet
# Has finally come and swept me off my feet
# Now l dream of what it would be like
# To be an overseas bride dressed in white
# To have a little home in the country
# And live in the land of Her Majesty
(Screams)
Come, come.
Thank you.
Yes?
Um, nameste gee.
Er, l came to see Lalita. l'm friends with her.
Friends?
Yes.
Lalita!
LALlTA: Yes, Mama.
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
- You made it.
- Yeah.
- Come in.
- Thank you.
- How was your journey?
- Great. Thank you.
- Hello, Johnny.
- Hi, Jaya.
- How are you?
- Yeah.
Papa, this is our friend from Goa.
- Johnny Wickham. He's from London.
- Chaman Bakshi.
Oh, pleased to meet you. Johnny Wickham.
He wanted to see the Golden Temple.
So, do you think he could stay with us, Papa?
Please?
Yes, of course.
We can do with some fresh conversation here.
l'll show you the guest room.
Thank you very much, Mr Bakshi.
Mrs Bakshi.
- Oh, God, he's too yum.
- Sshh, he'll hear you.
He cannot stay here.
Hippies are dirty and they steal.
LALlTA: Mama, he's not a hippy.
And what will Kholi saab say?
He is staying here
in a house full of young unmarried women?
Mr Kholi's been in the house a day
and is already running things?
We can take him to the Garbha tonight.
No, Mama?
Lalita, please may l have
the first dance with him?
See what you've started.
Don't be ridiculous.
He cannot come to the Garbha.
But, Mama, there's never enough
cute boys to dance with.
Have you all gone mad?
What will Balraj think of us
if we all land up there with him?
lt's really unfair.
What's unfair?
Papa, she will not have our friend
come to the Garbha.
Of course he should come
and see Garbha with us.
l just invited him.
This is really a madhouse.
l'm so glad he's come.
l really didn't think he'd make it.
l can't wait to see Balraj.
l wish he didn't have to bring
that Darcy with him.
There's one thing l don't quite understand.
lf Darcy is Balraj's best friend,
he can't be as awful as Johnny thinks he is.
Jaya, you look absolutely beautiful.
And, Lalita, you look nice too.
You've really made an effort tonight.
No doubt you had certain someone in mind.
Hey, mastered the Garbha already?
Ah, no, l can only hope and pray, really.
But um, Lakhi's a great teacher, though.
Really good.
LAKHl: His Garbha style is killing, man.
- Jaya, they're here. Quickly. Move, please.
- Sorry.
- Don't worry.
- Lakhi.
l'm so sorry about my mother.
She can be a little abrupt.
There's no need to apologise.
l appreciate her letting me stay.
l'm so glad you came.
You couldn't come to lndia and not see Amritsar.
No, you, you were right.
lt's very beautiful.
LALlTA: You sure you're ready for this?
l'm willing to take the risk.
- Well...
- Hello.
Oh, hi. Hi. Hey, there, buddy.
Hi, buddy, how are you?
Madam, would you do me the honour?
You know, actually, l prefer American hip-hop,
but as Gloria Estefan says,
''The rhythm is going to get you.''
So, bring it on.
(Dramatic drumbeats)
(Singing in Gujarati)
- Hi.
- Hi.
You look like you were working hard out there.
Hey, there, partner.
This is Mr Kholi.
And this is my best friend, Chandra Lamba.
lt's such a great pleasure to meet
yet another beautiful young lady.
There must be something magical
in the water in Amritsar.
l'd happily get drunk on it.
(Giggles nervously)
Please, er, can l have the honour of
getting you ladies a... a soft drink?
- Yes, please.
- Oh.
- Thank you.
- Oh.
Oh, my God, l thought he was going to
put you in hospital out there.
Try eating with him.
lt's like looking at a Jackson Pollock painting.
So...Jaya told me you met someone in Goa.
Maybe.
So Mr Darcy didn't manage to seduce
the jewel of Amritsar?
Please, he's such a conceited, arrogant...
DARC Y: Hello, Lalita.
H-hello.
- H-hi.
- Hi.
l've been studying this Garbha thing.
lt's a little out of my league, but what the hell?
Would you like to dance?
(Mouths)
Sure.
Lalita?
She... She...
l believe we're coming to your house
for dinner tomorrow night.
Balraj said your father invited us all.
Can't wait.
Surprised to see your old friend Johnny?
l wasn't so much surprised as disappointed.
He's staying with us.
My family really like him.
Oh, yeah, everyone loves Wickham.
He makes friends easily,
but he loses them just as quickly.
And what about you?
Are you a loyal friend?
What are you talking about?
l've heard so many things about you, Darcy.
l can't seem to figure you out.
Maybe you shouldn't listen
to everything you hear.
You should talk.
After all the rubbish you said
about arranged marriages,
l can't believe your mother's arranging yours.
May l have this dance, Madam Bakshi?
l thought you'd never ask.
Shall we, er...?
(Laughs)
(Cheering)
MRS BAKSHl: Lalita! Bijili!
Where is my china?
l'm sorry about this stupid dinner tonight.
l... l wanted you to join us.
Don't worry about it. l'm used to it.
Still, l wish you could come.
lt would make this evening a lot less boring.
Ah, there you are!
l've been looking for you everywhere.
Where have you been?
Lakhi's decided
she wants to show me the town tonight.
l'm going to take him for Amritsari fish,
fruit cream and hot gulab jamans.
That's nice.
- Why are you looking? Look at me.
MRS BAKSHl: Bring my china!
- Stop it. What?
- Chelo, Bijili.
Bring the ones which are not chipped.
Don't.
l'm warning you.
The Cobra dance.
Thank you.
That was lovely, Maya.
- Papa, shall l play the sitar now?
- That's all right, Maya.
You have entertained us enough
for the evening. Thank you.
Very good.
l still can't believe l'm sitting with a Darcy
in Amritsar of all places.
- This world is too small, no, dude?
- Way too small.
Lalita, my firm has been doing business
for many years with Darcy's mother,
Ms Catherine, beautiful lady.
- She has a such big hotel in Beverly Hills.
- Can l get anyone a drink?
- Me, please.
- Yes, please.
Let me help you with that.
Why don't you all have something?
Balraj, have something.
l saw you dance with Wickham,
and l hear from Darcy
that he's staying with you.
Yeah.
So?
Don't fall for his bullshit.
He's more trouble than he looks.
His mother was Darcy's nanny, therefore...
And you're Darcy's friend.
Of course you'd take his side, wouldn't you?
There's no crime in being the son of a servant.
l have heard so many stories about
your Mr Darcy saab in Goa, Balraj.
Mmm, let's just say that Darcy and lndia
have had a little bit of a rough time.
Ah, these lndians,
they don't know how to treat tourists.
- There's no sophistication.
- What do you mean ''these lndians''?
- Are you no longer an lndian?
- l'm a Green Card holder now.
lndia is decades behind.
DARC Y: Oh, l think there is a lot about lndia
that we don't have.
Oh, really? Like what?
Well, l think it's nice the way the families,
um, come together.
l lost my father a while back
and my mum spends a lot of her time
in New York,
so, my sister and l,
we don't really have a family home.
And l can't remember the last time
that all my family
kind of got together like this.
Oh, Kholi saab is only trying
to win over my daughters.
Yes, he wants them to be in love
with America as much as he is.
And why is that?
Well, you can see for yourself, Mr Darcy,
they are all exceptional marriageable prospects
for any single young man.
MR BAKSHl: l hope you brought big appetites.
Mrs Bakshi has planned a special feast
for all of us.
The truth is that Kholi saab
was quite taken by Jaya at first,
but after l explained to him
that she was being coveted
by another fine gentleman from abroad,
l then steered him towards Lalita.
Balraj, you are a very lucky man.
Jaya's had many suitors before,
with her great beauty and fine figure,
but none were good enough for her.
You two will make a fine couple
and you will have no regrets
on your wedding night.
(Only Mrs Bakshi and Kholi laugh)
(Sings scale)
MRS BAKSHl: Lalita Beti!
Jaya, l need some help in the kitchen.
Come, come.
Come on.
(Clattering)
Phew.
Power walking.
lt's so healthy. Everyone in LA is so healthy.
They all like to exercise but not read.
Oh, no, no.
There are great bookstores too, word up.
There's nothing you can't find in LA.
Nothing? You sure you don't miss
some things from here?
Well, er, to be honest...
..what l do miss most is companionship.
You know, you can get very lonely
in such a big place and...
and...
Lalita, l like you.
You're very peppy and bright,
and l wanna marry you and bring you back.
- l spoke to your mother...
- You spoke to her?
Yes, she's very enthusiastic.
l'm sorry,
you should have spoken to me first.
l'm not ready to be married.
l... l really can't accept.
Well, Lalita, l'm offering
to take you to America, huh?
You and your family will have no more worries.
l could never be the kind of wife
that could make you happy.
And l don't think
you could make me happy either.
l work for some of the richest people in America.
l have savings and bonds and stocks
and you wouldn't even have to work.
But l like working.
OK. OK. Oh...
You know, you may never get
such a good offer like this one again.
l'm sorry.
lt's too, too much tension for me now.
She is happy to let us all be ruined.
You must speak to her, old man.
She wants love to be there from the beginning.
Where was the love-shove
when we first got married, huh?
Tell her. Tell her that you marry first,
then love grows.
l'll never speak to her again if she refuses him.
Lalita, do you understand
what your mother is saying?
She is saying that she will never speak to you
again if you do not marry Kholi saab. No?
Yes.
And l will never speak to you again
if you...do.
What?
Oh, Kholi, Kholi saab.
Where are you going?
Listen to me, Kholi saab. Listen to me.
Please don't leave like this. Kholi saab?
Kholi saab?
Kholi saab? Kholi saab, please listen to me.
Oh, my God. Kholi saab, l'll talk to her.
Just listen to me.
l'm sure she will understand, Khol...
Oh, Jaya, Balraj is here.
Kholi saab.
- l thought you were leaving next week.
- l know, l'm sorry.
l've just found out that l have to be
on the next flight back to London.
Some important business has come up.
- Hang on a sec.
- Where are you going?
Kiran and Darcy want to go home too, so...
Yeah.
l understand.
But l'll e-mail you as soon as l get back. OK?
Well, l...suppose l'd better go.
Everything OK?
Bye.
LAKHl: Mama!
Mama.
Mama, you won't believe
what has happened.
Jaya, Lalita, come fast.
You won't believe this.
MR BAKSHl: What is wrong?
Papa, Kholi has proposed to Chandra Lamba.
- What?
- What?
- l bet she gave him two tight slaps.
- No, she said yes.
And you know what?
They're having a small temple ceremony here,
and then a big American wedding in LA.
No.
LALlTA: l can't believe
my best friend would do that.
(Sobbing)
One billion lndians and she had to marry
one of the stupidest?
People do horrible things for money.
And a Green Card, too.
No, no.
But on the inside, Chandra is not like that.
Not everyone can stand up to the pressure
the way you can, Lalita.
Better single than unhappy. Tikk hai nah?
l have to go.
My mates are waiting for me in Varanasi.
And l don't want to go
but l don't want to desert my mates either.
Of course. Of course you should go.
l knew you wouldn't stay for ever.
LAKHl: Johnny!
Wait, you can't leave without me.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Oh. Oh, Lakhi.
You'll come back, nah?
Maybe, yeah.
And, and don't you dare remove this, OK?
You know it's bad luck if you do,
and you promised you wouldn't.
All right, well, um...
Well, l'd better go. OK?
l don't want to miss that train.
Come.
(Train horn blares)
# Show me the way
# Take me to love
# Another world
# How l long to be
# Where fallen stars must lie
# Roses bloom, never die
# Show me the way
# Take me to love
# Show me the way
# Take me to love
# A cold sunset
# Gold drop, left to melt
# Close my eyes and wish l could see
# lf it is near
# Or far from me
# This place called love
# ls it for real?
# Or is it just a dream?
# Show me the way
# Take me to love
# Another world
# How l long to be
# Under clouds that don't cry
# Wounded birds can soar high
# Show me the way
# Take me to love
(Thunder)
(Phone rings)
- Sit down. lt will pick up.
Hello? Bakshis' residence.
Yes.
Why, hello, Kholi saab.
Really?
That's very kind of you.
lt's really too much.
Chandra wants us to be at her wedding in LA.
They are sending us four tickets.
Come on.
Hi, Chandra.
Four tickets.
lt's so good to hear you sounding so happy.
Jaya, we can stop over in London.
You can meet Balraj again.
(Big Ben chiming)
All right, love.
Hello?
ls that Kiran?
Hi. lt's Jaya Bakshi...from Amritsar.
Actually, we were just passing through London.
Really?
OK.
We'll come by today, then.
Great.
Bye.
See!
How nice to see you all again
in our part of the world.
The Thames.
Windsor Castle.
Oh, flag's up, Queen's at home.
The Queen?
So many lovely paintings.
- ls that an Andy Warhol?
- Wrong decade.
We have several originals
Mummy found in Barcelona.
Oh, ltalian. How nice.
Do sit down.
Lakhi.
- Oh, my God. Johnny!
- Hey!
How are you? Oh, my God.
- What are you doing here?
- Oh, l came here to surprise you.
You have. lt's a lovely surprise. Thank you.
We brought her over from lndia.
Don't know how we'd manage without her.
(Laughs)
Um, won't Balraj be joining us for tea?
Oh, no. Didn't l tell you? Balraj isn't here.
He's in New York with my parents.
No, you didn't tell me.
Yeah...they wanted him to meet
a couple of girls out there.
Cake?
Lemon one's low fat.
Flight 7 1 4 to Los Angeles
is now ready for boarding.
Would all first-class passengers
please make their way to gate 37.
(Sneezes)
Lalita?
- Hey.
LAKHl: Oh, wow.
Hi.
l was just checking in and l...
You're on your way to LA?
Yes, we are going for Kholi's wedding.
Oh, of course.
They are booked into our hotel in Beverly Hills.
lt's beautiful in the garden for a wedding.
- Oh, should we be getting on too?
- Not yet, Mama.
They let first class on before everyone else.
MRS BAKSHl: l hope we are in better seats.
Oooh, it was so crowded and noisy
coming from Delhi.
Yeah.
l had a meeting in London. On my way home.
Well, it's nice to see you all.
Maybe l'll see you at the wedding.
Thank God we're in economy.
One thing l asked - not to be near the toilets.
How will we sleep with all the flush noise
and the doors banging?
Hello.
- Pretty cramped back here, huh?
- Yes. No leg-room for my blood circulation.
Mrs Bakshi, would you like to
exchange seats with me in first?
No, we're fine, thank you.
Really, young man?
Me in first class?
- Are you sure?
- Yes, please.
- lt's the least l could do to repay your hospitality.
- Sure.
Show me.
Come, show me.
Well, who could have guessed
he'd be so thoughtful?
Another glass of champagne, madame?
Yes. Thank you.
Well, your mom's very happy.
Thank you, but you really didn't need to do that.
Oh, it's a very small price to pay,
if it means l get to sit next to you
for the next ten hours and 53 minutes.
Well, l do intend to sleep
for at least ten of those hours.
Yeah.
How's Wickham?
Don't know, haven't heard from him.
Well, that sounds just like him.
Why do you hate him so much?
Listen, Lalita, some things are best left unsaid.
Now, l wouldn't lie to you.
You just have to trust me -
he's a nasty piece of work.
l would hate it if he ever hurt you.
l wanted to tell you in lndia but...
Well, l'm glad that l can warn you now.
Warn me?
Let's just say it's a good thing
that he hasn't been in touch.
And l guess the way you two were dancing...
..l was a little jealous.
What's going on with Balraj?
He never wrote or called Jaya ever since lndia.
You know, he and Kiran...
they know a fair bit about pressure
from their parents, too.
l guess we all do.
From what Johnny said, er,
l hear your mother's no different.
(Chuckles)
Yeah.
Well, l don't know what Johnny told you,
but my mom's probably not
the best judge on marriage.
l think sometimes the only reason that
my parents stayed together as long as they did
was...cos they lived in separate countries.
You know, l wanna marry someone
l can't wait to see every day.
You know,
we're not gonna get any sleep in these chairs.
Get used to it.
And take your arm off my arm-rest
and keep your leg to your side.
(Clunk)
(Both laugh)
# Hey, must be the money!
# lf you wanna go and get high wit me
# Smoke an L in the back of the Benz-y
# Oh, why must l feel this way?
# Hey, must be the money!
Welcome.
Oh, hello.
# Hey, must be the money!
# Must be the money!
lt's all good.
KHOLl: And this is the en-suite bathroom.
This one has hot-tub bath with super-jets.
Oh, oh, you must see this closet.
Just look at the space.
Chandra has this entire side
for all her 51 wedding suits.
51 .
And that's gonna be the gym.
And that's my crib.
Very nice, Kholi saab.
CHANDRA: l know what you're thinking.
But he's a good man.
l'm not romantic like you, Lalita.
l didn't want to take the chance
in case my prince never came.
l know he's not for you, but...
but he's kind and...
and adores me.
And l love it here.
Chandra, l'm truly happy for you.
l... l think l was a bit too quick to judge him.
l'm sorry.
lt's fine.
- Beautiful, isn't it?
- Yes, Kholi saab, it's lovely.
The ceiling is so ornate.
To think my wedding's going to be here!
Just put those figures on my desk.
Oh, here we go.
Hi.
Hey.
- Mr Darcy.
- Hello, everyone.
Good afternoon, sir.
lsn't it great we're all together again?
Er, only this time we have
home-court advantage, no, sir?
OK, come on, l'll show you around.
- Please.
- Mama.
Come, come. Come, Beta.
Mmm, that's very good, Paul.
Excellent. l'll put the order in today.
Mmm.
Mmm, Will!
Mother.
l'd like you to meet the Bakshi family.
So these are Kholi's relatives?
Such a pleasure to meet you, madam.
And your lovely hotel.
lt's, er, first class.
So tell me everything about lndia.
l've always been fascinated by it.
lndia is such a huge country,
l wouldn't know where to begin.
lt's always been a dream of mine,
since l was a little girl, to go there.
l was devastated
when Will said that l shouldn't go.
Oh, that's not what l said, Mother.
l said that it might be hard for you to travel there.
But you're the one
that didn't want to buy the hotel there.
The Board wanted to.
Oh, everybody has their hand on lndia
these days.
But Will refused.
Well, that was for lots of reasons.
ln fact, it was Lalita who helped me
make that decision.
A decision that lost us a fortune.
Well, there's so much to see in lndia, Mrs Darcy.
You must come some time.
Well, if l had a hotel, l might have.
But, well, with yoga, and spices,
and Deepak Chopra,
and wonderful Eastern things here,
there's no point in travelling there any more.
Well, l don't know about that.
People haven't stopped going to ltaly
because Pizza Hut's around their corner.
Yes, right.
Yes.
Ah, Georgina.
Oh, hey, Georgie.
Hey.
Hey, come here.
Everyone, l'd like you to meet
my little sister, Georgie.
- Hi.
- Hi.
So this is Lalita?
Yeah.
Oh, Will told me all about your fab time
together in lndia.
Food poisoning, being ravaged by mosquitoes.
Not your brother's idea of a perfect holiday.
There were lots of things l liked.
Well, l hope l get to hear you play guitar.
- What?
- Yeah, Will said you played beautifully.
No.
He'sjust exaggerating.
No, my brother never lies.
Lunch.
He's one of the most eligible bachelors
in this town.
You should be stirring
your husband's dinner, not trouble.
- Darcy was just being friendly.
- Very friendly.
After meeting his mother,
l even felt a little sorry for him.
l think what changed your mind
was seeing the size of his hotel.
(Phone rings)
KHOLl: Oh, hello?
Ah, hello, Mr Darcy.
What can l do for you?
Oh, Lalita. Yeah.
Well, yes, she's just here.
Huh?
(Falsetto cry)
(Cheering and whooping)
(Singing in Spanish)
Here's to the only person
l've ever seen stand up to my mother.
l hope l wasn't too rude.
Mmm. Trust me, it's good for her.
lt reminded me of when l first arrived in lndia.
l'm trying to deal with everything and then,
boom, you jump straight down my throat.
l didn't know what had hit me.
You deserved it.
Oh, come on.
(Song finishes)
l really like this place.
lt's not at all where l expected you'd take me.
Ah-ha, you see. l told you you misjudged me.
The band is great.
Why don't you show them how it's done?
No, no, no, no, no way.
No, l guess your guitar playing can't compare
to your sister's snake dance.
(Romantic music)
# Show me the way
# Take me to love
# Things only heard now l want to feel
# My soul caressed by silken breeze
# Whisper secrets to listening trees
# Show me that world
# Take me to love
# Show me the way
# Take me to love
# Come out, blue moon
# l need a friend soon
# To share what l feel, it's so rare
# Shine down on me so l can see
# The silver street that leads me
to the place l want to be
# Show me the way
# Take me to love
# Show them the way
# Take them to love
# Things only heard now they want to be
# Two beings with one beating heart
# For their whole lives not to part
# Show them that world
# Take them to love
# La-la la-la la la-la-la
# Show them the way
# La-la la-la
# La-la la-la-la
# Take them to love
# La-la la la-la-la
# La-la la-la
# La la-la-la
# La-la la-la la la-la-la
# Yeah-yeah yeah-yeah...
- Hey, how you doing?
- Great.
- This is my wife.
- Nameste.
- My mother-in-law.
- Hello.
Jaya, smile, please.
Your face looks like
a baby's smacked bottom.
Kholi wants you to meet
a plastic surgeon from Orange County.
l can't just forget Balraj like that, Mama.
Please don't make it any worse.
l'm sorry, excuse me.
Er, can l talk to you for a second?
You look more comfortable this time.
- lt really suits you.
- There you are!
- Hi, Lalita.
- Hello, Mrs Darcy.
Er, l'd like you to meet Will's girlfriend, Anne.
Lolita.
That's such a cute name.
Like the movie, right?
Er, it's, um, Lalita.
Nice to meet you...
Anne.
- Anne.
- This is so much fun.
Look at all the colours.
Just imagine, she would have missed all of this,
so l insisted that she come
on the plane from New York with me.
Lalita, doesn't Anne look wonderful
in lndian clothes?
Oh, stop that, Catherine.
She's too kind.
You look lovely.
Shall we go? The ceremony is starting.
..keep her, in sickness and in health,
as long as you both shall live?
Yes, l do.
Chandra, do you take this man as your
lawfully wedded husband, to love,
honour and comfort him, and to keep him,
in sickness and in health,
as long as you both shall live?
Yes, l do.
By the power vested in me
by the state of California,
l hereby pronounce you man and wife.
You may kiss.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- You OK?
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
- Sure.
- That ceremony was so beautiful.
- Yeah.
- They both look really happy.
- Mm-hm.
So l guess the next lndian wedding
l'll get to go to is Balraj's.
Well, that's if he and my brother make up.
What do you mean?
Well, he and my brother
aren't really talking much right now.
Yeah? Why?
Um, he didn't tell me everything,
but l guess Balraj met someone in lndia
and Will didn't think she was right
and ended up having to talk him
out of marrying her.
Your brother talked him out of it?
Oh, no, he wasjust looking out for him.
The girl's mom was a total nightmare.
She was a gold-digger
out to nail a rich hubby for her daughter.
Scary or what?
Oh, there's Will.
Oh, l'm... l'm sorry, l gotta go.
Lalita, wait.
Please, give me a minute to explain.
l'm sorry about Anne coming. l didn't know.
l don't give a damn about her.
l hope you two are very happy.
l don't love her.
My mother never told me she was inviting her.
Look, it's not my business
what you and your mother do.
Yes, it is.
Look, Lalita...
..l love you.
And l hated seeing you with Wickham in lndia.
And l tried my hardest to forget you,
but l couldn't.
l know this sounds totally crazy,
my mom's gonna flip out,
but l don't want you to leave.
Only you could say that you love me
and insult me at the same time.
What?
You tried to forget me.
Loving me is crazy.
l'm not good enough for your mother.
And you think l'd want to leave my family for you
after you've ruined my sister's life?
- Hold on, hold on.
- Georgie told me.
You talked Balraj out of marrying Jaya.
Yeah, yeah, l did. But l had my reasons.
- And you ruined Wickham's life too.
- Look, just let me explain.
We may not have your family's money,
but that does not make us inferior to you.
l'm being honest with you here, all right?
My family are not gonna be
jumping for joy about it.
l'm telling you that l don't care.
When l first met you, l thought you were rude,
arrogant, intolerant and insensitive.
But over the last few days,
l thought maybe... maybe l'd made a mistake.
But l was right.
You're the last person l'd ever want to be with.
Hey, Mr Darcy. How are you doing?
Hey, Kholi. Er, is Lalita here?
l'm sorry, sir, you've missed her.
- What?
- l took them to the airport.
They're on their way to London.
You want to come in for a beer or something?
l'll get it.
MRS BAKSHl: lt's so tragic.
Not a single proposal.
So sad.
My fate is to live in that rotten house
full of spinsters and no grandchildren.
- Don't worry.
- Everything will be all right.
Mama...l was thinking, can l go shopping?
- Go, Lakhi, go.
- Thank you, Mama.
lf we are not bringing back any husbands,
and she goes shopping,
at least we won't be going back empty-handed.
(Sniffs)
Hey, what's wrong?
We almost did have a proposal.
A proposal?
Who?
- Will Darcy.
- Darcy?
l know this sounds crazy.
What did he say?
That he loves me.
And what did you say?
(Lively music and excited screams)
- Hello.
- Hi.
- How are you?
- Good to see you.
Good to see you.
- How long have you been waiting?
- Not very long.
Shall we go? Come on.
lt's from Lakhi.
God.
(Doorbell rings)
- Darcy...
- Lalita...
l feel like l owe you an apology.
- This isn't a good time.
- Lalita, please, just...
l'm sorry about Jaya.
l wasn't sure whether she really loved Balraj.
l thought your mom was just pushing her.
l was an idiot.
l've apologised to Balraj
because l know he still loves her.
- He'd like to see her.
- l don't have time for this.
- Wickham has...
- Wickham is a liar.
He got my sister pregnant when she was 1 6.
And he ran off and tried to marry her
for my father's money.
l stopped him and l had to pick up the pieces.
Oh, my God.
- What?
- Lakhi.
Lakhi has gone off with Wickham.
What?
Lakhi went out shopping yesterday
and she never came back.
Mama's sick in bed.
Papa's here from lndia with the police.
They can't seem to find her anywhere.
Wickham!
Lakhi!
Know where he is?
lt's so beautiful. l love it.
He left with some bird.
Said something about the London Eye.
Smile.
l don't know.
- My God, Johnny, l want to go on that.
- Hey!
l want to go on that.
Lalita!
Lakhi!
Lakhi!
LAKHl: Oh, my God, Bollywood!
Go away!
No!
Go away!
Johnny, there's two seats.
- Darcy.
- All right.
LALlTA: Lakhi.
DARC Y: Lakhi, let's go.
Lakhi!
Come back.
- Lakhi!
- Johnny.
Just...stop it now.
Leave him. Let's go.
Lalita.
Not him. Please, anyone...
Don't you dare.
Lalita, it was always you!
(Audience cheers)
LAKHl: l'm so sorry.
LALlTA: Let's call Mama and Papa.
- Oh, silly girl.
- Papa.
Oh, Lakhi.
- Thank God you're safe.
- Mama, l'm so sorry.
What sorry?
No boy's coming within ten miles of you
until you get married.
Mama, Papa, it's Will who found her.
Oh.
Thank you so much, son,
for bringing her home.
- We're really indebted to you.
- No, really.
- Lalita, help him clean up his face.
- Yes.
Balraj is here.
Tell them.
Yes, yes, yes.
Er, there's an important news.
- Your sister is getting married.
- Yes!
LAKHl: Oh, my God!
Congratulations. l'm so happy for you.
- lt's a long story.
- Hey, congratulations.
Thank you.
- Come on, sit down now.
- Come, Darcy, son.
Come sit down, sit down, sit down.
- She's back now, she's fine.
- Hear hear.
MR BAKSHl: Relax.
Balraj, now that we are one big family,
why don't you find our Lalita
a nice lndian husband?
Don't you have any cousins?
MR BAKSHl: That's nice. Have a ladoo, please.
- l would love to have one.
- Wonderful.
LALlTA: l'm so happy for you, Jaya.
l told you, the moment he saw you,
he was yours.
l didn't think it would ever happen for me.
But it did.
(Sneezes)
(Brass band)
Jaya.
Balraj is already here.
Beautiful.
Agai bharat.
Chalo.
- Where's Darcy?
- He'll be there somewhere.
Have you not seen him? He's over there.
# A marriage has come to town
# Laughter, colour, light and sound
# Life is great, let's celebrate
# The sacred union two souls have found
# Can't wait for the day
# Can't keep our shoulders down
# God bless you for getting
this marriage into town
# My eyes are searching
# My hips are working
# My lips are waiting
# Take me to love
# My skin's pulsating
# My body's shaking
# My lips are aching
# Take me to love
# Payal bajake
# Gungru bajake
# Tu je divana kar dar la
# Churi bajake
# Chutkhi bajake
# Tu je divana kar dar la
# La la la la
# Mare de la
# La la la la
# La la la la
# lndia's the place for me
# lndia sets you free
# Shola badan hai mera
# Badan pay sitare hai
# Akho me hai bijilia
# Le bo meh shirareh hai
# My eyes are searching
My hips are working
# My lips are waiting
# Take me to love
# Payal bajake
# Gungru bajake
# Tu je divana kar dar la
# My heart's awakening
# His love forsaking
# Why am l waiting?
# Take me to love
# La la la la
# Mare de la
# La la la la
# La la la la
That's a wrap!
# ASHANTl: Touch My Body
# Touch my body,
make me feel like l've never felt
# Deliver it,
make me shiver from head to toe
# Move my waistline side to side
# Come on, push up on me,
l'm feeling hot tonight
# Can you touch my body,
make me feel like l've never felt?
# Deliver it,
make me shiver from head to toe
# Move my waistline side to side
# Come on, push up on me,
l'm feeling hot tonight
# What have l got to do
to get a little closer to you?
# To you
# l've been watching you,
l really wanna get to know you
# Know you
# l'm kinda feeling your vibe
as l look in your eyes
# And you're watching my thighs
moving left to right
# So what do you wanna do?
# You come to me and l'll come to you
# Touch my body,
make me feel like l've never felt
# Deliver it,
make me shiver from head to toe
# Move my waistline side to side
# Come on, push up on me,
l'm feeling hot tonight
# Can you touch my body,
make me feel like l've never felt?
# Deliver it,
make me shiver from head to toe
# Move my waistline side to side
# Come on, push up on me,
l'm feeling hot tonight
# lf l could be alone with you,
this is what l would do
# l would do
# l would grab you by the hand
and begin to show you
# Show you
# How to make it real hot,
never want it to stop
# Take it up to the top,
make my body rock
# So what are you gonna do?
# You come to me and l'll come to you
# Touch my body,
make me feel like l've never felt
# Deliver it,
make me shiver from head to toe
# Move my waistline side to side
# Come on, push up on me,
l'm feeling hot tonight
# Can you touch my body,
make me feel like l've never felt?
# Deliver it,
make me shiver from head to toe
# Move my waistline side to side
# Come on, push up on me,
l'm feeling hot tonight
# Now, can you rocket up, rocket up?
# Don't stop, just move your waistline
from side to side
# Now, why don't you push it up,
push it up?
# And do the body right
# Do the body right, do the body right
# Now, can you rocket up, rocket up?
# Don't stop, just move your waistline
from side to side
# Now, why don't you push it up,
push it up?
# And do the body right