Brother Nature (2016) Movie Script

The inset is perfect.
All right, it's ready.
And you're positive?
Yes, thank you
for your Patience.
I know I've sent it back a
few times for adjustments...
Five times.
Well, I hope you and your future
bride will live happily ever after.
I hope you live happily
ever after yourself.
Nothing's gonna happen for me until
I get these bangs figured out.
- Roger!
- Hey.
Congressman McClaren
should be here at 11:41.
Is this the rewrite on his speech?
Good. Good.
Let's cut this section. Start
with "born in Seattle"
and go into the
dedication of troops.
Okay so, wait...
Actually no, I'll do that. Okay.
Do you want me
to run a sound check?
Already did that. Are there too
many red balloons on this side?
Um. Maybe. Do you want
me to do something?
Yeah. Grab the raw veggies out
of my car and put them on ice?
Hey, Riggleman,
are these balloons symmetrical?
We have a situation.
This is the a Cappella
group, the founding fathers.
They're the opening act
for frank.
Ah. Gentlemen,
I'm Roger Fellner,
congressman McClaren's
chief of staff.
What seems to be the problem?
Well, our bass is drunk.
If it's talk about me,
I'm right here.
You have a problem, Gabe!
Don't provoke him, please.
Uh, if I may suggest something?
If you three switch your
baritone to a bassitone
and then you transpose
it up half a step,
you'll still have a nice,
clean three-part Harmony.
It's not going to be perfect, but
they won't know the difference.
I see why one of
them had to drink.
I've been coming
to this festival
for longer than I can remember,
but somehow the funnel cake
keeps getting tastier.
I was born and raised
here in Seattle...
No, no, no.
Guess what?
I'm the best!
Is he okay?
Might be time to check the
prescription on those bifocals, Ben.
Frank, I take
full responsibility.
I don't think any clips
will end up on YouTube...
Roger, lighten up.
I recovered. That
bifocal line destroyed.
And just off the top of
your head I was like,
"am I watching
whose line is it anyway?"
Oh. Thank you.
That's my favorite show.
I've decided not to
run for re-election.
Oh, my... are you okay?
Is it your health or...
I'm fine.
My wife left me...
Oh! That bitch!
...A note, Roger.
She left me a note
saying that she missed me.
You know, it made me
realize I miss her, too.
Now, I know it doesn't
give you much time...
You've given me more than
time, you've given me...
You need to let me complete
my sentences, Roger.
Time to campaign.
I think that you
should run for my seat.
There's no one more qualified...
Yes. I will do it.
You don't need to
give me an answer now.
You can discuss it with your family.
I'll do it. I want it.
I'm definitely prepared. I think
education reform should be my...
Roger, take a deep breath.
I want you to really
think about this.
This job consumes
every part of you.
Now, I'm telling you now so you
have the vacation to consider.
And when we get back,
if you still want it,
you have my full endorsement.
Sir, I cannot thank you enough.
This is my dream... My whole life...
since fifth-grade student council
I knew that...
I'm sorry if I seem a little distracted
but drunk Ben Franklin is back,
and I just want to make sure that
baby he's holding is his baby.
Yes, you should do that. Okay!
See you in a week.
So grateful. Thank you!
Hey, is that your baby?
Yes, it is.
Is that your baby?
This is my baby.
I am speechless. Come on. I
couldn't do it without you.
That's not true. No,
that's not entirely true.
I could probably do
a fair amount, but...
Riggleman, will you
be my campaign manager?
Of course, Roger! Yes.
A hundred times, yes!
Sure, sure. I'll get
started right away.
I'll get a scout,
get headquarters...
Well don't break your back, you
know, enjoy your vacation.
Uh, all I have planned
is mother's birthday.
Well, that's nice.
No, it's not nice.
All she wanted this year was
to take me to get a haircut.
Which means we will go to
a salon, of her choosing,
and she will watch me receive
a haircut, of her choosing.
Moms, gotta love them, right?
I don't love my mom.
I fear her.
Uh-huh. Well,
I gotta go. I'm late.
...and because
of your generous donations,
the read the world foundation
can continue its work
traveling the globe,
and building libraries
in under-developed countries.
This year, we're asking for
your help to raise money
for our trip to Bangladesh,
where we'll spend three months
establishing literacy programs
in the sundarbans.
Thank you for the $5.
Great to see you!
Okay, take care. Bye.
So great, start to finish...
I saw you come in late.
I know. I'm sorry. Drunk
Ben Franklin stole a baby.
That old excuse?
I know.
But I would like to make a very
generous donation as an apology.
Ooh! Accepted. Now we only
mostly didn't reach our goal.
Oh, no, is it bad?
Well, we have a big
fundraiser next month,
but we are so far behind.
Well, I guess maybe
you just don't leave your
boyfriend for three months?
Maybe you come with me?
Will you settle for a week
with your folks at the lake?
I can't wait for you to see
it, it's so wonderful there.
And we deserve a break.
Absolutely. Yes.
Is now a bad time to tell you
I'm running for congress?
Hi, Gwennie!
Hi, guys! Hi,
kiddo, how are you?
Ew! Dad, what are you chewing on?
Back away from the camera!
What are you packing for?
Come on, get here!
Did you get my email
about packing your own towels?
Because for some reason the only
ones that aren't being used
have these weird stains on them.
- I packed towels.
- Oh! Hi, Roger!
Hey, guys.
Guys, Roger is running for congress!
Oh, my god!
Mr. president in the making!
You're the man!
I gotta go get the stuff out of the dryer.
I love you guys, I'll see you tomorrow!
No, don't, uh, hang up.
I just got to ask them...
Just about, um... Because
the weather was, uh...
Hey, guys. Um, actually,
when we get up there,
I would love to find a moment
alone with the two of you
to discuss something.
You're going down!
Oh, my god, we're under attack!
Gotta go. Under attack!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
That one hit my boob, Todd!
Oh, man, it's a war zone
over there
Who is this?
Tomorrow, you're mine.
Hey, Gwen...
Your sister's boyfriend Todd
sent me a friend request on Facebook.
Oh. That's nice.
I mean, we haven't
met before, right?
No, because
they live in Colorado
and he wasn't at Thanksgiving because
he had something at the camp.
"The camp"? Yeah, he's a counselor.
You knew that.
I just didn't realize it was
like a year-round thing.
I mean, he seems like a fun guy.
Are you ready for your first political
scandal, Mr. future-congressman?
I love you so much.
No, don't get romantic because then
I'm going to get self-conscious.
Sorry. Keep the fantasy.
Get over here.
Mmm. Scandal me!
Mom! Mom!
What now? Mom, I got a splinter.
Oh! Jesus, Spencer,
that looks awful.
Probably going to scar.
I'm going to get some disinfectant.
Mel, watch them.
Love you too, babe.
Oh! It's so cute!
Are you in love already or what?
I am. I am.
They're here!
Hey, Roger!
How are you?
Good. Good.
So good to see you!
Tell me everything.
What's going on?
Okay. Well, aunt Pam is
going through menopause...
Hi, Roger.
How are you? Very good.
Very happy to be here.
So are we, hon. And
dinner's almost ready.
Oh! You're not
a vegetarian, are you?
Oh! No.
Okay, good.
Because look at this beast.
It looks so good I could nut!
Did your mom just
say, "I could nut"?
Yeah. It's her fun spin
on "I'm going nuts."
She's said it
since we were kids.
Don't worry, she doesn't
mean it the other way.
Great. I have lake hair. I
just threw on this sweatshirt.
I look freakish. I didn't realize
I'd be meeting him like this, Gwen.
You look great to me.
Okay, well, that's a lie.
I'm Pam.
Hi. Roger.
Of course he's lying,
he's a politician.
Gwen. What are you doing
with all my taxes?
Just lining the pockets
of corporate America.
Oh, yeah? More like...
Should be cargo pants.
I'm sorry?
You said "pockets"...
I thought... A lot of...
I'm Mel.
Hey. Roger.
Hey, little man.
What is wrong with you?
He got a splinter, guy!
I'm so sorry. Come on,
honey, let's go inside.
- He's only 11, guy.
- I mean, really!
I didn't see the splinter. I thought
he was going for like a low five...
I thought he was
going for a low five.
So did I.
Should I go in there?
No. No. No. Give them
a moment to cool down.
Because Mel and Pam are kind of
angry people. They're hateful.
No way!
He's here!
He's here!
Don't leave!
I'm coming!
Oh, yeah!
Hey, man.
He's here! Whoo!
Watch your feet,
you've got open toes on.
Hey, buddy, I'm Roger.
Yes! I knew it!
I'm so happy you're here!
Hi, Gwen.
Thank you for bringing me
a new toy to play with.
Man, I'm so happy you're here!
I'm doing it again!
I know. Just go easy.
Sorry. They haven't
even unpacked yet.
On it.
You, with me. We carry heavy
things, for this is man's work.
It's Tim Allen.
Home improvement?
Oh! Sure. "I don't
think so, Tim."
You're my Al.
Let's do this. Come on!
Great show.
Oh, yeah!
Hey, did you get
my friend request?
I noticed you didn't accept it.
Oh, yeah. I haven't
really had a chance.
You got time now.
Yeah. Can we
unpack first?
I love unpacking.
Oh, man, it's just so good to finally
meet you, you know. I got that.
How long have you and Gwen
been together now?
Uh. Almost two years.
Two years!
Oh, wow!
And at last we are united.
Good things take time, I guess.
I got that.
Sorry. I should know, man. I've been
dating Margie for what, five years now?
Still don't see a ring on it.
Hey, man, just don't beat me
to the proposal punch. Okay?
Because I got seniority.
And it'll make me
look Nada so good.
You speak Spanish?
It was. Yeah.
And then I went like that...
For the sombrero.
Don't get me wrong. Margie
is most def the one.
Them Turley girls, they yummy.
They're lovely women.
I just want to do
it right, you know?
I think everybody has to propose
when it feels best for them.
I'll dap on that.
No, man. Dap it.
I'm a dapper.
Pew, pew!
You got me.
Shot you in the face.
Would never do it.
Would never do it.
Hey, let me grab that for you.
No, I got it.
No, let me grab it.
Okay. Thank you.
Okay, everyone, meat's ready!
Look at this. Honey, it's so good.
Salt and pepper.
Dibs on the seat next to Roger!
It's only a week.
It's only a week.
Baby Gwen!
Oh! Don't look
at that. Oh, god!
You're so cute though,
I want to kiss it.
Hey, Rog.
Hey, Jerry. Great.
Oh! I see you found
the wall of Gill.
Oh, yeah, Gill is the fish.
Oh! Largest trout in the lake.
He's kind of an unofficial
town mascot, too. Oh!
Everybody in the family's
caught him. Look.
There's Melster
and Todd. Pam.
He's gigantic!
I mean, he's like
the size of a small...
'84 Olympics.
Is that you?
Looking good, Jerry.
Almost medaled but
the French beat us.
They were kind of so
smug about it, too.
They started kissing their
medals in front of me. Uh...
You aren't French, are you?
No, sir.
Hey, let's eat.
Check this out.
I also prefer to
eat my dessert first.
No, actually, grandma Hibby
has severe sciatica. Oh.
So I put together a completely
legal "herbal" snack pack.
Special candy bars and
chips and stuff, you know.
All with a little THC,
a little...
You feeling good, Hibby?
I saw her talking to an
old boot the other day.
Nah, I'm just kidding.
Gwen, how'd you meet
the high-five king?
It was new year's Eve. Neither
one of us had anyone to kiss.
So I told him if we started at 11:59, our
first kiss would last for two years.
How could I say no?
Yeah, but it wasn't a two-year kiss,
it was probably like a minute.
Hey, everybody,
can I have the floor?
Being the baby in a family
of six sisters, you know,
I've always wanted a brother.
I guess I was a good boy, because
my wish finally came true.
Roger rabbit over here.
Uno more thing, sir.
Rich Spanish guy, um...
I actually have some big news.
Margie's pregnant. I told
you she was showing.
No, Pam.
I'm not pregnant.
No. Guys, I'm leaving
my job at the camp.
What? But it's for
a good reason.
I'm going to be taking
a higher paying gig
as a program director
at the new youth center...
In Seattle!
What? Are you moving
to Seattle?
Yes. It was so hard
not to say anything.
You're dead to me.
You're dead to me.
Get used to seeing
this face, sir.
Because you are going to
be seeing it all the time!
All the time!
All the time!
All the time!
All the time!
So, you guys are in this cabin.
And that one is
Todd and Margie's.
You know, I forgot my satchel back
in the house, I'll be right back.
Did he just say "satchel"?
Unfortunately, yes.
Oh, no.
My god. Look,
they're so cute.
Oh! I want to hold
them close to my face.
No, you do not.
You know that their sacks
are primed to spray
and that scent can
linger for months!
Todd, go get a box
and some syrup.
Got it. Look at the little one.
He's my friend.
His name's Langdon.
No. Don't name them.
Don't get attached.
I'm not naming them.
That is his name.
I'm sensing it.
Oh, no, it's the mom.
Nobody. Move.
Got the satchel!
Okay, on three. Jerry, I'm
standing right here, buddy.
Cathy, I am so sorry.
I will pay for whatever cleaning
service you need for the cabin...
Oh! Stop it, please. That thing
needed renovating anyway.
- Luckily, we have two.
- Look!
- Dream phone!
- Oh, my god.
Does that thing still work?
You tell me.
- Phone call.
- I think your face is cute.
Well, your room is all set.
And if you need anything,
you know where to find us.
Thank you so much. Yeah.
Actually, uh, Cathy, sorry.
I would love to find that moment
alone with you and Jerry,
sometime tomorrow, maybe
just the three of us.
Oh! Absolutely. Jerry and I
always go for a morning hike.
Oh! That's great. Consider
me your co-hiker.
It's early.
7:00 A.M. sharp.
That's okay. I am an early bird.
I will be there.
All right, I can't wait.
I'm gonna nut! Me too.
7:00 A.M.!
7:00 A.M.
Welcome to the free hostel.
It's Todd.
Yeah, I recognized you from
the denim pajama pants.
Mmm. Thank you,
they're pa-Jean-as! Ooh!
I see you brought the camping
essentials of wig and funny glasses.
Wrong-o. I brought
a bunch of them.
Behold the wig museum.
Seriously though, they're communal. So,
feel free to take whatever you want.
I highly suggest raptor head.
Oh! Thank goodness, because I
left my raptor head at home.
You have a raptor head at home?
Shut it down.
You got me, bro.
Gwen, I think we're
going to keep this one.
Let me get that for you,
clear a little space.
Sorry. It's my
white noise machine.
Need this bad boy to sleep.
My roommate had one of those.
She played forest sounds.
Oh, nice.
I use casino floor.
"Casino floor"?
Yeah. I grew up in Reno. My
mom was a Blackjack dealer,
so I spent a lot
of time at casinees.
The sounds are just
soothing to me I guess.
I hated it when he first
started staying over,
but now I can't
sleep without it.
Oh. Is this going to bother you?
I didn't even think of asking.
I'm a heavy sleeper, so I'm fine,
but did you bring earplugs?
I did not.
trust me.
This thing is going to
conk your butt right out!
Need I say more?
No more bets.
...flying home, 'cause I
got a text on my pager...
...oh, this is not
my mess.
- It was so his mess!
- It was so his mess!
Hey, Roger!
- I slept in.
- Don't worry about it.
You're on vacation.
Not a problem.
I'm so sorry. I just... I had a hard
time falling asleep last night.
Oh, Rog, if you want to switch beds,
man, you just let me know. Okay?
Aw, beautiful.
Hey, Rog...
I got the squirrel bite
on my nuts to prove it.
Oh! Oh!
That's why the walks are fun.
I'm gonna go check on Margie.
I feel awful that
I missed this hike,
just because it would have been
a better setting than this.
I want to talk to you
about something important...
Good morning, Turleys!
Good morning!
Miesha! This is Gwen's
boyfriend, Roger.
Magic is real.
And it lives right here.
You know, Miesha lives
here all year long
and he takes care of the
place when we're gone.
And that's Laerke.
It's a pleasure
to meet both of you.
And that's a lovely
painting, Laerke.
Oh, Laerke speaks no English.
But I will relay your kindness.
Please believe me.
Have a good one!
What were you saying?
He interrupted.
Well, yeah, actually,
if you're free right now
I'd love to take
you out to breakfast.
You guys want waffles
or French toast?
Oh! You've got to try
his legendary French toast.
Jer, can I put you
on the crumble topping?
I've been summoned.
Hey, listen, don't worry about it.
We'll find some time. We have all day.
Sure, totally. No, I just would
love to find a moment...
Because it's important.
Whoa! Mel magic!
Good morning.
I made you breakfast in bed.
Oh! Oh!
Roger? Oh!
I am so sorry.
I saw someone standing over us.
I didn't mean to throw
shogun at your face.
Oh. That's okay. It's paperback.
Come on. Are you okay, honey?
I didn't mean to scare you,
I just literally don't think
there will be another moment for
the three of us to be alone.
But I'll keep it brief.
I love your daughter.
I think she is the most
extraordinary, strong, intelligent,
fun person I know,
and I live to make her happy.
So, I wanted to ask you two
for your blessing
to ask her to marry me.
Of course, yes.
Of course, honey.
That means a lot.
I would be misty right now, but I
really can't get my eyes open.
Okay, I'm going to get out of your hair.
You guys get back to sleep.
Oh, uh, and if you wouldn't
mind keeping it under wraps,
because I have a whole thing planned,
so maybe don't say anything.
Our lips are zipped, Rog.
Okay, thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Get some sleep.
Sweet dreams.
I got your book...
Oh, my god!
Roger, you have to knock!
Yeah. God,
that was so fast.
That's how we do
it in this family.
Oh! Hubba Hubba!
Where you going?
I'm going swimming.
You want to come?
I do. Let me grab
my trunks.
Why are you in such a good mood?
I'm on vacation.
And when I'm on vacation, I, uh,
kind of turn into Dr. happy.
Do you also turn into an idiot?
Okay, well, that's your opinion.
Hey, what do you think about you
and me going on a date this week?
When was the last time
we went on a date?
Yeah. That's what
I'm saying.
So, how about Thursday
I take you out for
the night of your life?
All right.
I think I like Dr. happy.
I mean, he's kind of
the best, right?
And he's a doctor so
you've got to trust him.
You know what's the worst though?
Whatever those are on your feet.
They're my aqua-toesies.
That's a deal-breaker
as hell!
They're sleek, what are
you talking about?
They're for balance and traction.
They're hideous.
I don't know what's at
the bottom of that lake.
They're useless.
Yeah, and you can't push me over
because I'm sturdy as heck.
Yes, I can.
Super grip!
Here, feel the super
grip on the bottom.
No, don't put those near me.
Feel the super grip.
That feels terrible. No. No.
Here, just try them on.
Kiss my toesies. No! I'm
not gonna kiss your...
Daddy, what're you
doing to mommy?
Hi, Todd.
Sorry to interrupt. Roy Rogers,
you've got a phone call.
To be continued.
I can smell it
through my mask, dude.
Get right down those edges.
Oh. This smells like
this inside of a butt.
Hello? Ah! You're a
hard man to reach.
Hey, yes, sorry.
Reception sucks up here.
What's going on?
Bit of a crisis.
It got out.
What got out?
Frank's retirement.
His daughter
freaking tweeted it.
And now I'm getting phone calls
asking if frank is dying.
Okay. I'll call frank
right now.
I just talked to him,
he's getting on a plane.
But he wants to call you
today or tomorrow.
Can I give him this phone number?
Yes. Yes, please.
Did he sound upset? No. He
was actually pretty chill.
You know, I like about-to-retire frank.
He doesn't give a...
Yes, mother?
That's gutter language!
You are an educated man.
Not a gangbanger.
What, are you listening to NPR?
Sounds like you're getting the haircut.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
It's her birthday.
Which is why none of the
birds are singing today.
How are things over there?
Great. Great. Yeah.
Gwen's family
is fantastic. Um...
Her sister's boyfriend
is a little...
A little what?
Well, right now he has a
face painted on his belly.
He's laughing hysterically
and he's all by himself.
Wow. You really
hate this guy.
Yeah, but, uh, keep me updated.
And tell your
mother I say hello.
I will not do that.
Thank you.
In the back, do you want
it straight across or a v?
Let's go with a v.
Straight across!
Straight across...
No. It's my head.
V? No... I guess... Let's
go straight across.
That's fine.
Do it! Do it!
Hi, Roger!
Come on in!
Isn't this the life?
You get a chance to accept
my friend request yet?
No. Not yet. I'm actually just
doing a little work here.
Hey, can I talk to
you about something?
I thought you weren't
gonna propose before me.
And I heard that you were thinking
about asking Gwen, and I just...
Got confused, I guess.
Where did you hear that?
On the roof.
I was up there
watching the sunrise
and I heard something
through the window.
I'm a curious little monkey.
Listen, Todd, I've had this proposal
planned since before I even met you.
So, I am gonna do it.
Yeah. I get it.
I just have a really fun idea
that I think you'd like.
Hear me out. What about
a dual proposal?
We could even like, make a
suit with two heads in it...
We could be like one
person but with two heads.
Just because it's
kind of a whole thing.
I planned for us to
go horseback riding,
a sunset picnic with champagne
on her favorite bluff
where she used
to hike to as a kid.
What's a bluff? It's
kind of like a cliff.
You can kind of
see it from there.
You could just call it a cliff.
You know...
I even hired a caterer to have a
dessert reception for the family.
There's going to be
vintage port, so... Mmm.
Sounds classy as fug.
I could go halvsies?
That's not going to work,
because it's very, very specifically
designed to Gwen and I.
You know, she's leaving soon,
so I would really like it
to go as planned.
I get it.
You just want to get married
to her before she gets away.
I got it.
I just figured since we were gonna
spend the rest of our lives together,
that we could propose
to our girls together.
What do you mean, we're spending
the rest of our lives together?
Look at them, man,
they're inseparable.
And when we move
next to each other
they're going to be
even more inseparable.
We're gonna to be doing
everything together.
We're gonna be
"Brothers" is plural.
It's one "law".
We are brothers now.
we're not even that yet.
Tell that to my heart.
Oh, my god.
I can't wait.
My lady, I lick you very much.
Stop, you're getting it
on the goatee.
Belly Bob Thornton!
When did you get here?
Can I get some French fry potatoes?
Give me a kiss, Roger.
Give me a kiss.
No, thank you.
I'm spoken for.
Give me a kiss, Roger.
I'll blow you one.
You'll blow me?
Belly Bob Thornton
want a kiss from you.
You kissed
my belly! Ew!
You know, I'm glad we can all laugh
about this because as we all know
this lake was the site
of a horrific tragedy.
Todd, if you talk
about scary stuff
I'm going to have
nightmares and I'm leaving.
Fraidy cat!
What was it,
13, 14 years ago now?
What happened?
A whole family was murdered
right here on this lake.
By a crazy person
with a chainsaw.
One by one in the dark.
That is not true.
It is true, Pam.
Bing it.
I'm not going to Bing it.
And the scary thing is,
they never found the guy.
Last thing I heard, they
found him hiding under a...
Did you hear that?
Hibby, you heard that, right?
I'm going to go check this out.
Spencer, maybe you
should go with him?
No way!
Go on. Go.
No! Please!
Help me.
I loved you.
Todd, that is even better
than last year!
He got blood on my sweater.
Roger! Roger,
stop! It's me!
It's me. Margie.
Dude. We got you!
He screamed so high.
Oh. Spencer.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
You broke a table with my son.
So, how's little Spencer doing?
He's got a really bad sprain.
Pam's putting a bandage
on him right now.
What a putz!
Now, your entire family
hates me.
Spencer does hate you, but
he has a pretty good reason.
I'm pretty sure
Cody hates me, too.
Wow, he's giving you the double.
Todd did that to make
me look like an idiot.
But that wasn't just for you.
That was for everybody.
No, he said... remember,
he said, "we got you."
Because he did. Because you
screamed like a little girl.
No, he's trying
to get back at me.
For what?
I don't know what.
He's been combative with me
since we got here.
Todd is a lot of things, but
combative is not one of them.
You got to relax.
Remember, that's why
we came up here.
That, and so you could bond with
my family, but you've tanked that.
I'm trying to be... It's a joke, Roger.
It's a joke.
why don't you come with me?
Where are we going?
I'm going to take you
to a pet cemetery.
Come on, you big puss.
Can you see where
you're stepping?
Shh. Why don't you
just relax?
You might actually have
a really good time.
What does that mean?
I think you'll
find out soon enough.
Oh! There's mud here.
Be careful.
What am I gonna... Oh. This mud?
Yeah, found it.
It's the sticky kind.
Where did you go?
What are you doing?
What do you think I'm doing?
Come on in, you creep.
Come out and play.
Here I come.
Stop it. Stop it.
Stop it!
Stop fighting!
This is why we don't have
candy for breakfast.
Maybe today we give each other
a little breathing room.
What do you think?
Let's go. Let's go.
Hey there, early bird. Hey, you.
Hey. Morning.
Hey, dad. You going to
go catch us some dinner?
No. I'm just going to throw a
couple of lines out from the dock.
Catch and release, you know.
Roger, you want to join me?
Yeah. I've never
done it before.
Oh! It's a blast.
I'll show you the ropes.
Great. Let me
get changed.
Come on, Gill.
Where are you?
Hey, gentlemen.
Is this seat taken?
No. Just for you.
No, Rog. Join us.
Grab that pole.
Thank you, Jer.
Thanks so much, Jerry.
This is the life.
I'm glad you guys could make it.
Both of you.
It's kind of a tricky thing, a father
meets his daughter's boyfriends.
You know, after all, you're
sexing up my little girls.
What? No, me and Margie
just hold hands.
Nice try. Roger?
Oh, I...
I promise, I'm the
most respectful, um...
Hey, godspeed.
Because at a certain moment
you got to just trust that you've
raised your kids to have good taste.
And I think mine do.
I really appreciate that, Jerry.
It means a lot.
Choosing who to
share your life with,
that's the most important decision
you'll ever make in your whole lives.
I remember me, it was
after the '84 Olympics,
I flipped this super-charged golf cart
and completely destroyed my shoulder.
Cath came down to the hospital.
I said, "what now?"
She said,
"we'll figure it out."
And then, right there,
in the hospital...
She tugged it.
That's beautiful.
Your father is probably telling
the hospital tugged-it story.
I love that story.
It's so romantic.
Yeah, it's a beautiful story.
Now the left side.
It just stinks that you're
gonna be gone for three months
the second I move to Seattle.
It'll be over
before you know it.
Hey, honey, where are you
going again? Bulgaria?
Oh! Bangladesh is gorgeous
in the summertime.
You must avoid eating
the Dolpudi fish though.
It causes insanity.
And circle the hips.
Wow. Gwen, you know,
if Roger gets elected,
you're gonna be
dating a public figure.
That's a lot of pressure.
You know, when Todd
was head camp counselor
I had to share the spotlight
with him, it was so hard on us.
We almost broke up.
And now squat position.
Use your Bo for balance.
I don't know. We haven't
even really talked about it.
What does a congressman's
girlfriend do?
All right. Are we all
loose and ready?
Well, guess what, guys?
I had these two beers,
and now I've got to pee.
Need anything?
I'm good. I'll take a hot milk.
Thank you.
You know, I didn't get
a lot of this growing up.
No. Guy time.
With six sisters, you'd think I'd get at
least a boyfriend or a brother-in-law.
But, alas, all lesbians.
All six of your
sisters are lesbians?
Indeed. But I got my
little bros at camp. So...
They keep me going.
Check this out.
That's Oscar.
He's got like
a really sucky home life.
But he's an amazing artist.
I told him if he drew me a picture
every day for the whole summer
I would get him
off of cleaning duty.
By the end of the summer
he had a whole portfolio.
Now, he's going to art
school on a scholarship.
He drew that for me.
Isn't that amazing? Oh!
That's great.
That's you?
Yeah. He got the neck
just right.
Looks just like it.
Yeah. That's incredible.
Are those grenades?
I have a grenade
collection at home.
So he's just working from
real life, he's amazing.
He made me a superhero.
Busting through a wall
like the Kool-aid man.
"Oh, yeah!"
More precious than gold.
Todd, that's... oh.
Here we go. I think
I caught a fish!
Yeah, you did.
Okay. So what do I do?
Reel that bitch in. Come on.
Just keep turning?
Yeah. Just reel it for three seconds
then pull real hard to set the hook.
Reel, reel, reel.
Reel... oh, boy.
Oh, man!
That is a big one, huh?
Oh! No way.
That stripe...
Gill! That's Gill!
That's Gill?
You caught Gill!
I caught Gill!
Roger got Gill!
I got Gill! All right.
I'll get everybody.
Oh! There he is!
There he is!
Okay, I got it.
Yes, it's Gill!
You put on some pounds,
you big fat bastard.
Good job, honey.
I'm so proud of you.
Gilly boy, good to see you.
Good job, Roger!
Thanks, buddy.
Triumphant smile.
It's going on the wall!
All right, now we've
got to put him back.
Okay, so I just...
Pull the hook out?
Yeah. Take the hook out
and send him home.
Okay. He's not going to bite me, right?
You got it, man.
No. Come on, Rog, just grab it.
Yeah, come on, just
pull back real hard.
You just got to
finesse it a little bit.
Let's go. Take it out.
Take it out.
It's stuck in there really good.
Okay, man, you just got to give it a
quick up-shimmy and then pull back.
What is an
it's an up-shimmy...
Down, and then
Up-shimmy, Roger.
It's stuck on a bone.
Roger, please...
You please! You please!
You're killing him!
Take it out!
Just give it an up-shimmy and
then pull it as hard as you can!
I am up-shimmying!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Stop it! We can
stop the bleeding!
We can save...
He's okay. He's okay!
He's gonna be fine.
Please, will you just kick
that into the water. Please.
It's on my foot.
I can't...
I'm going to expel.
Out of my way!
Here, here, here!
Get it off!
Get it off!
Good night, sweet prince.
Was that my fault?
No, Roger.
It was Gill's fault.
Todd said to just pull
as hard as I could...
Well, after
an up-shimmy.
Boys, boys, boys.
It was nobody's fault.
It was just a very, very, very,
tragic accident.
And, uh, we don't blame
you, Roger, at all.
Maybe... maybe that
wasn't Gill.
Maybe Gill had a twin.
No. Gill's
an only child.
Roger, telephone call.
It's frank.
I got to take this call.
Right now?
I'm so sorry.
I'll come back to clean.
Take your call, Roger.
Take your phone call.
Say goodbye.
Roger, it's frank.
Is there any possible way I could
call you back in 30 minutes?
Nope. The party is pressing
me to make a statement.
The media thinks
a scandal is involved.
"McClaren dick pic"
is trending on Twitter.
Sir, please tell me
there's no such picture.
Oh! Of course not!
But the party's not going
to wait until next week
and they are understandably
forcing my hand.
Which means I have
to force yours.
So, are you in?
Yes. Yes, of course.
I'm in.
Hey look, channel 3 is
interviewing me on the 4th
and I'd like you here with me
to announce that you're
running for my seat.
Well, I'm actually
still up at trout lake.
And I'm planning
on proposing tomorrow...
You know what, this could
work in our favor.
Newly engaged family man.
Beautiful outdoor setting
in Washington state.
I mean, it's a nice
Are you saying we
should do it up here?
Of course. We'll send
a camera crew to you.
We'll satellite you in.
I think I could make that work.
Your life is going to change.
Thank you, sir.
I'll talk to you soon.
Where are Pam and the boys?
Oh! They just decided to have
a little quiet night in.
You know, little Spencer
was still pretty upset
about the whole Gill thing.
That was rough.
Gill would not want us to
be a bunch of mopey dopes.
I think he would
want us to celebrate.
To future congressman Roger!
All right. A celebration.
I can't thank you enough
for being so supportive.
And particularly for
allowing a camera crew
to come crash your vacation.
Listen, we weren't going
to let you leave.
And now we get to be a
part of this big moment.
We're excited.
And I know this goes
without saying, but,
please don't say anything to anyone
before the announcement because...
Ladies and gentlemen. Tonight
is a very special night.
I won't say who because
it's not official yet,
but someone here, Roger Fellner,
is running for congress.
So I'd like you all to put
your hands together like this,
and help me get him on up here.
Roger! Roger! Roger!
We'd like to dedicate this song
to two very special ladies.
It's deuce princes
by spin doctors.
- Come on, Roger!
- Sing it, Rog!
Look at him go!
He's on fire!
Yeah, baby!
Move the strawberry
into the cart.
No. That's...
No. No.
Hey! Hey, hey, um...
Are we still on for our date tonight?
I was thinking pizza
on main street.
Awesome. How about 5:30,
but, like, be ready at 5:00?
What is that?
Let's get ready to go tubing!
Oh, my god!
You two. On here.
Yeah, I'll go grab
our bathing suits.
How long do you think we'll be?
Once you get on this ride,
you ain't never gonna
want to come back.
Yes, I want a goddamn
glass of wine!
I've got you, brother.
Yeah, I really was happy
just sitting on the boat.
But you're going to love it.
All right.
You trying to bump me?
You're going down!
I'm coming for you, Rog.
Oh! This is so much fun!
Roger! Roger!
Look out, Roger!
No! No! No!
Oh! Oh!
Roger, are you okay?
Hey, sorry about your mug, bro.
It'll be better by Friday.
Hey, for what it's worth... Before you
ate it, you hit some serious air.
You looked like a rock skipped
a human across the lake.
You were like...
Speaking of big splashes, um,
how are you going to
make your announcement?
What do you mean?
I mean, you gotta make a good
first impression, you know.
You've got to wow the voters.
Get them to remember you.
Well, I'm going to
announce that I'm running
and then the endorsement
from congressman McClaren
should be more than enough.
Bro, hear me out.
All right?
What if you like... What if you
like rose out of the lake,
you know, like, "people of Washington,
I am here to lead you, you, you..."
Well, I'm going to say no
to that for two reasons.
One, I'm not here to lead them,
I'm here to represent them.
That's how government works.
And two, how would I
rise out of the water?
I know a guy. His name's Makev. I
could have him here in an hour.
Forty-five minutes if you've
got some cash on you.
It's not going to happen.
Well, I know you've got
a lot of work to do,
so maybe this will turn
that frown upside down.
Todd, where'd you get that? You
got a speech to write, man!
Put that down, Todd!
You've gotta write...
No! No! No!
No, please...
I'm so sorry, honey.
I gotta ask, though, why
was that bag on the boat?
Ask him that.
Still want to go
on our date night?
I don't know.
I think I just need
a moment alone.
Hey, Roger, I'm sorry, man.
I'll replace the satchel.
The engagement ring
was in the satchel.
The engagement ring that I was
going to use to propose to Gwen,
right now, is now at
the bottom of the lake,
because of you!
Oh! What's this?
A horse.
He was supposed
to wait out front.
He's beautiful.
Honey, are you okay?
Oh. Honey,
you woke up!
What happened?
You ate an entire bag of
grandma Hibby's THC chips.
Todd said it was the equivalent of
nine joints hitting you at once.
I'm so sorry, Roger.
Those weren't potato chips.
They were pot-ate-o chips.
It says so right on the bag.
What was I thinking?
Where is Todd?
You really don't remember?
Remember what?
It is me or is he talking?
Hello, Roger.
High-five, horse.
High-five, horse!
Whoa. Whoa, Roger! You're
going to spook the horse.
Please, Artax!
You have to try.
Look out!
Are you okay? I'm okay.
Are you okay?
Oh, my god, I thought I
was going to lose you!
Oh, my god, Todd.
You just saved my life!
Margie, I love you so much.
I love you, Todd.
Will you marry me?
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Yes, I'll marry you! I want
an army of your babies!
Oh, Margie.
I'm glad we sat in the front!
Yeah, why sit in the back?
Roger dodger, hey.
Oh, Roger, our evening
was so romantic.
We had champagne and strawberries
and we saw the most perfect,
beautiful sunset ever.
I mean, just amazing.
How could it not be?
Gwen and I are going to
sleep in the house tonight
because we thought the two of
you would like to be alone.
Being newly engaged and all.
Oh! Roger,
you're the best!
Hey, I'll meet you inside.
I'm just going to talk
to the r man for a sec.
Yeah, that'll be fine. It
will give me time to prepare.
Plug your ears, Roger.
Didn't hear a thing.
Oh, you will.
Tonight on dotch TV, dotch
is going to touch a butt.
You okay, brother?
I am not your brother.
I am not your friend.
I am not your anything.
And after this trip, I hope I
never have to see you again.
Okay, um, you seem upset.
Because you sabotaged
and then stole my proposal.
I didn't steal your proposal.
You gave it to me.
Are you delusional?
You don't remember?
You okay, buddy?
Do you still want to do your thing?
I don't know
if you're up for it, but...
Ben, what do you say, man?
No way, man.
No way!
Are you joking me?
You can't propose now!
If you do it, you'll regret
it for the rest of your life.
Take it from me,
I'm rock bottom, Hoss.
Dude, check this out.
No. No. No.
Just hear me out, okay.
I'm just saying I don't want
this all to go to waste.
There's a horse here.
I can't believe I'm saying
this, would you mind
if Margie and I go instead?
I won't do it if
you don't want me to.
Yeah, let him take the horse.
What are you going to do with it?
You look like junk!
You look like some jerk-off
socked you right in the face!
Let him take it, man.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
I didn't know what I was
saying because you drugged me!
I did not drug you.
The bag clearly said "pot-ate-o"...
I know what the bag said!
But you got what you
wanted, didn't you, Todd?
You got to propose first.
I didn't get...
It just happened, Roger.
I'm so sorry.
No more words.
No more anything.
For the rest of this trip,
you stay away from me.
And I'm declining
your friend request.
No, don't do that.
Ah! He's here!
Oh! Hugs. That's new.
I have literally never been more
happy to see you in my life.
Don't worry, Riggy's here. He's
going to make everything okay.
The news gets in
tomorrow at 3:00.
I brought blazer options.
I like Navy, it's powerful.
You know what?
I can handle all of that now.
What I need you to do,
your sole purpose in being here,
is to keep Todd away
from me all the time.
Belly-man? You won't know he's here.
Thank you.
Hey! Gwen!
Oh, my god!
On what?
On your... English-style
vacation home.
The architecture... I've
seen that in England.
You're holding swords.
Oh, yeah.
Miesha is teaching us
combat yoga.
It's stretching
but with weapons.
He's a free thinker. Sounds great.
Sounds great.
Honey, Margie and I are going to go
into town to give you time to focus.
Thank you so much.
If you forget anything, just let
me know and I'll pick it up.
Same goes for you, Riggleman.
Thank you so much.
It's great to see you. Oh. Great
to see you. You're a treasure.
I'm afraid to ask.
Why did you not propose to
that exceptional woman?
I'm coming to get you!
Because of that.
That's him?
He literally has been
ruining my life all week.
And last night he stole
my proposal to Gwen.
Please, keep him out of my hair.
All right, you go.
I'll take care of this thing.
I am the king!
This is the most scared
I've ever been in my life.
And I grew up in Pakistan.
The little mermaid.
Part of your world now.
Hey, you must be Todd.
You're Roger's best friend, huh?
What's your name?
I'm Riggleman. I said
how much do you bench?
I don't work out, so I wouldn't...
Me neither.
Great. Glad that's
out of the way.
I don't know what
you're going for,
but there doesn't seem to
be much definition there.
I'm not a dictionary
so I don't need definition.
That word means a few things.
So does "thesaurus".
Thesaurus means different things?
I think it just means one thing.
Prove it.
I'm in town for a few days
and Roger said you're the
man to show me around.
Roger said I was the man?
To show me around.
I am the man.
To show me around.
I feel like there's a part of the
sentence you're not listening to.
I am the man.
To show me around.
Let's do it!
Just let me bust
a piss right quick.
Oh. You're...
Going right now.
What's up?
Um. It's just the un-breaking eye
contact is a little off-putting.
That's also
Let me just go
get my wrist-cuffs.
Oh, boy.
Poor Roger.
Ripped his head right off.
- Murderer.
- What a bastard.
Who murders a fish?
Roger does.
Hey, Roger?
Hey, Cathy.
Hey. We're making
They're margaritas with beer in them.
You want one?
No, I'm all right,
but thank you, Cathy.
Okay. Hey, how are
you holding up?
Not bad.
No, I think pretty good.
You know, just going
over the speech.
Making sure I say everything
I want to say. Oh.
Well, yeah, you know, I know
that that's going to be fine.
But I meant, how are you holding
up with the whole Todd thing?
What do you mean?
It's pretty clear
that he took your proposal
or maybe you gave it to him?
But dessert and port
aren't exactly Todd's style.
A ball-pit, maybe.
But not port.
You know, when I first met him
I thought, "this guy has got to
take it down all the notches."
But then I realized, you know, that
the reason he's got that much energy
is because he's
got such a big heart.
And I guess
a guy with a big heart
isn't the worst thing
you could wish
for your daughter.
Yeah, sure. Of course.
This is probably
none of my business,
but can I give you
some friendly advice?
As someone who has known
Gwen her entire life,
she really loves you.
You could ask her to marry you
in a parking lot and she'd nut.
So, try not to put too much
pressure on the "how" of it.
Thank you, Cathy.
Well, excuse you!
I'm a little buzzed.
That burp smelled delicious.
Can I get a beer-garita?
You sold me.
The burp sold me.
You're going to be good
in this family. Come on.
Hey, honey, look. I got
a giant donut! Whoa!
That's amazing.
My ice cream! She
dropped her ice cream.
How do we clean it?
It's okay.
Problem solved.
Wash it away.
It's okay.
Todd cleaned the ice cream with
soda and his shoe. It's all better.
I'll get you more ice cream.
Good as new.
Hello, "Giggleman."
Oh. Yeah. Todd gave it to me.
The nickname and the shirt.
I assumed.
That guy is pure
good times, man.
We met up with Gwen and Margie.
We went go-kart racing.
Except he called it
"go-fart racing".
'Cause it's powered by gas.
Do you get it?
It really was
just go-kart racing.
Oh! We did a Chinese fire
drill, check this out.
He did, like, a Chinese
accent the whole time.
But it didn't feel racist.
It felt more like a tribute
to an ancient culture.
He got to you, too.
You really got to give him
another chance, man.
It feels good
to do this. Try it.
All right. Well, I'm
going to go inside.
Apparently, I'm
staying here tonight.
Todd would not let me
stay at a motel.
Classic Todd.
So, you and Gwen are back rooming
with Todd and Margie, okay?
Todd, do you want to
teach me how to swim?
Roger? Roger, wake up!
You're covered in ants!
They're biting!
They're biting!
Ew! I can see his butt.
That's what they want.
That's my ice cream.
Oh. Look, he's skinny-dipping!
Good for him.
Dad, the news Van is here.
Shut up!
Hi there. Dana Curlman. Hi.
I feel like I might be
wearing too much makeup.
No, Margie did a great job. You
can't see any of the bites, honey.
I look like a peach mime.
I think it's going to read
differently on camera, okay?
God, they really got in here.
I know.
Thank you for doing this.
It's not my first time.
Remember when I got
attacked by all those mites
when we were building
that library in Peru?
Yeah. Hey.
I'm really gonna miss you
when you leave.
I'm going to miss you, too.
And I'm very sorry for how
this week has panned out.
I wanted things to
go very differently.
And I actually was
planning to ask you to...
Hey, Roger. Oh.
Was I interrupting?
Um. No? No. We should
get you mic'd up.
All right. Um.
Wish me luck?
Good luck!
Wait, where's Todd?
I don't know. He said he
knew this was big for you,
so he had to get out of here.
Kind of miss him.
Hi. Dana Curlman.
Cascade news 3.
Let's hit it. I'm jazzed and we're
going to be live very, very soon.
Can I ask you, is the
makeup intentional?
Do you think it's too much?
Yes, it is.
But it is too late. Here we go, guys.
Let's do this dang thing.
We're live. Go.
Welcome, Roger.
Hi, tom. Hi, Jules.
Ooh! Look at Roger. He looks good.
Well, thanks for having me.
Does he look too orange?
His face looks like it's
covered in Cheetos dust.
There's an ant coming out of his nose!
What? Oh, my god...
There's an ant...
Do you need a tissue?
No. Just an ant.
No. He's done.
With the ant thing, it's over.
I grew up in Seattle.
It's a city I love.
It's a city I know. I've been
working with congressman McClaren
these last five years and in that
time unemployment has dropped 2%.
High school graduation rates
are at an all-time high.
Wait, is that Todd?
Is that Todd?
Yeah. That's Todd.
Wow! He's got some height.
Roger Fellner for congress!
America loves this man!
America needs this man!
I can't even dream this stuff,
get the freak in the back.
Roger! It's me, Todd!
Roger Fellner for congress!
Just having fun up here
on vacation with the fam.
Leave! Leave!
I can't hear you
over the jet shoes.
I said turn it off!
Turn that off!
You're ruining it!
Do you hate this?
The innovation of the
people of Washington.
If you don't leave I'm going to kill you!
I'm gonna kill you!
Makev! Let's go!
Okay, he is going to hit him.
Roger, I'm sorry!
Watch out!
Roger, I'm sorry!
Roger Fellner
is now unconscious.
He's like iron man.
This is amazing!
All right!
Now that's news!
Roger Fellner.
Guy worth saving.
Guy worth voting for.
Hell of a tagline.
I felt like a superhero!
God, Todd!
It was the best, it was...
I don't even know where it came from.
I don't know how I did it.
I mean, that was awesome.
And I gotta tell you,
seeing your face now.
It is busted. Honestly,
that makeup was not that bad.
Well, thank you for today
and we will catch you later.
Todd, you my dude!
Roger, are you okay?
All things considered,
that went okay.
And Todd said we can try
his water boots.
This is even worse than
ripping off Gill's head.
I'm just glad he had clothes on.
Roger, I wouldn't go to sleep tonight.
I'm sure you're concussed.
You know I can't vote for
you now, guy. Right?
How many times did I tell
you to leave me alone?
How many times
did I say stay away?
Easy. Easy.
You punched me?
Yes, and it felt wonderful!
What is wrong with you?
What is wrong with me?
Him! He just destroyed my political
career on live television!
Looks to me like
he saved your ass.
That's because you're an idiot!
You're out of line, Roger.
I'm the only one
being honest, Jerry!
You should not be content with
this man marrying your daughter.
She could do so much better.
You need to apologize
to Todd right now.
How are you not on my side?
I am on your side, but it is
not okay to assault people!
Gwen, if anything,
he should apologize to me!
I'm sorry. I don't
want your apology!
Do you hear yourself right now?
You've completely
lost your mind!
He knocked me into the water! He
didn't save me! He caused it!
I know, but that
was an accident.
He doesn't have
a mean bone in his body.
He is a menace!
There's one person right now who's
a screaming, raving lunatic
and that is you.
Why would that be?
Do you understand
what I am going through?
Gwen, you don't know half
of what's transpired, okay?
Well, why don't you tell me!
No. You don't tell me
anything that's going on.
I can't tell you everything!
Things affect me, too!
And when you decide out of the blue
that you're gonna run for congress
that has an effect on me!
And so does you leaving the country
for three months at a time!
Have you communicated with me,
or asked how I feel about that?
Well, how do you feel about it?
I hate it!
I think if you really
want to help people
you should give them something
like food, not young-adult novels.
All right.
No. I hear you.
I'm sorry.
You think I'm a joke,
and you hate my family.
I'm really glad to know,
a couple of years in,
that this whole time
you thought I'm a fool.
I don't...
So I think,
now would be a perfect
time for you to go.
You want me to go home?
That's great.
Oh. And by the way,
"I'm gonna nut" means ejaculate!
Let's go.
That's disgusting.
Why would he say that?
Cathy, that part's true.
Hey, Roger.
I just want to say thank you for
a wonderful couple of days.
Switching gears
a little bit, um,
I lost my cell
phone charger in there.
It's a Samsung android s3.
It's like the s4
but a fewer prongs.
You know how they just change
the chargers for no reason.
I know this is a weird time to bring
it up, but it is a discontinued model.
It's got metal gray...
It's our candidate, folks!
I just want to thank all of
you for all your hard work.
I really appreciate it.
Place isn't much, but it's the
best I could do on short notice.
No. No, the place
is wonderful.
I just hope everyone realizes
I'm going to lose.
Why would you say that?
I fell into a lake
on live television.
Yeah. People love it. It's gone viral.
Where have you been?
Purposely avoiding all media.
Look at this.
It's got three
million views on YouTube.
Roger Fellner.
Guy worth saving.
Guy worth voting for.
And you've become a meme, look.
There's you being rescued
from the Titanic.
There's you with
the water-skiing squirrel.
Your own commemorative cereal.
That's just you
coming out of a toilet.
That's also... A bunch of
just different toilets.
It's really so flattering to have the
entire country making fun of me.
Roger, this is a good thing.
This is a real human moment.
People look at this and go,
"well, I could fall into a lake.
"I should vote
for this guy."
Hey, Pete, play
the Maddow piece.
And finally tonight,
I'm sure you've all seen the Seattle
politician fall into a lake
while announcing his run
for a congressional seat.
Yes, a near-drowning on live
TV is a bit of a blunder,
but the quick thinking of a
family member saved his life,
and with it, his chance
at public office.
Well, now, new footage has surfaced
of the accident-prone candidate
and his rescuer just crushing
the spin doctors on karaoke.
Somebody smart once said,
"judge a person's character by
who he surrounds himself with."
Well, with friends like these,
Roger Fellner seems like
a stand-up guy.
Or rather, "a guy worth saving.
A guy worth voting for."
So, we are all set for the
fundraiser on Friday.
And this is for you,
it was sent to my house.
Good night, Roger.
Is that your boyfriend?
Oh. Hey, man, sorry. I didn't
realize anyone was still here.
You look happy.
You and your boyfriend.
No. He's not my boyfriend.
No, no. He's, um...
He's a...
Do you want me to move?
No. No. No. You're good.
All right, ready, zip!
What is it?
"Cabbie penny
needs a potty."
Wait, what did it start as?
"Katy Perry's
a hottie."
Yeah, she is!
Don't tell your parents
I said that, okay?
'Cause I could
get in big trouble.
Do you think I could
talk to you for a second?
Hey, Micah.
Can you please tell our guest that
these are not visiting hours?
These are not visiting hours.
Thank you, Micah.
I can hear him.
I just need two minutes.
Hear me out.
And if you don't want to see me
again, I'll leave you alone.
Hey, Micah.
Can you please tell our guest
that if he would like to arrange a time
to talk that's not during our hang time
that would be much better?
He said... Yeah, I heard him, Micah.
Thank you.
Okay, little homies.
Where were we?
Red-hair Ralph.
Mickey got another one.
Give it to me, brother.
Hey, Micah.
Can you please tell our guest
that if he would like
to talk to me right now
that he could call me up
on the telephone.
Todd, I've tried calling...
"Limes harden in a lunch room.
Nine times a night."
What did it start as?
"I'm sorry that I punched you.
I had no right."
I acted like such a jerk
and there are no excuses,
but if you give me a second
chance I would love...
Your round is over.
Okay. Guys, thank you very
much for letting me interrupt.
I hope you have fun.
You deserve a better
brother-in-law than me.
You're not safe here.
None of you are!
That beam is the safe zone.
And he is it!
Freeze tag!
It's on!
Hit him.
I take it you got my package.
I did. Todd, that was amazing.
Thank you so much.
Though I don't know if I'll
have much use for it now.
Gwen won't even return my calls.
Come on, buddy. You know
she still loves you.
She's been moping around the
house for like two weeks.
Makes for an awful roommate.
You know, her big
fundraiser's tomorrow night.
I do know this.
In fact, part of the reason I came here...
Is I need your help.
Say it again.
I need your help. Say
it real loud this time.
I need your help!
Now, say it... Say it
like a weird baby.
I need your help!
Let's do it!
Without funding, thousands of
people won't have access to books
and the priceless knowledge
contained within their pages.
We view every book in our
libraries as a chance.
A chance to learn.
Help give that chance to the
people of the sundarbans.
Because when a book is in your hands,
the world is at your fingertips.
All right, I would like to call
upon our pledge donations.
Can I get the house
lights up, please?
Let's start with our golden
bookmark donors.
Who here is willing
to pledge $10,000?
Really? Nobody?
Oh! We have one.
Yes! Thank you so much.
No, you are a waiter.
Um. Okay, let's move
on to our next...
What just happened?
This is ridiculous.
Aw, yeah, give it up for books!
Put your hands in your
pockets, get the cash out!
Put your hands in your
pockets, get the cash out!
Yo, these kids are books!
Ladies and gentlemen,
the actual spin doctors!
That's not the spin doctors.
Now we're talking.
I don't know when I started
taking you for granted,
but shame on me.
I don't hate that you do this.
I don't.
I love you because you do this.
What I hate is
being away from you.
Being with you will always be
my greatest accomplishment.
I love being with you so much, I am willing
to say in front of all these people,
that I am okay with having
him for a brother-in-law.
It's me.
Gwen Elaine Turley,
will you marry me?
Now, I'm going
to ask one more time.
Who here is now willing
to pledge $10,000
for some literacy?
If you think just because you had the
spin doctors play a hit from 1993
that's suddenly going to inspire
me to write a check for $10,000
I have one question
for you, sir.
Do you have a pen?
Oh, my god!
Thank you.
I now pronounce
you husband and wife.
I also now pronounce you
husband and wife.
You may kiss the brides.
Oh, oh!
You've got an ant...
Now, can we please go party?
Guys, she's all mine!
She's all mine!
Hey, I like the facial
adjustments, uncle Mel.
Thanks. It's easier to maintain,
and it's a little more classy.
More handsome.
You think so?
Mel! Oh!
Ooh! Careful, Spencer!
Thanks, Roger.
No problem.
Hey, Roger?
They tell a story.
Go, Giggleman!
Go, Giggleman! Go, Giggleman!
How was Bangladesh, guys?
Oh, I think it was
the trip we needed.
Yeah, we helped a lot of people.
We built a school
and we dug a well.
And we put in
a Wi-Fi tower.
Now, they have a full,
electronic library.
This guy thinks of everything.
I feel sort of guilty
that you lost the election.
It was pretty hard to come back once
it came out that I murdered Gill.
Yeah. People loved
that fish.
I owed you one. It's just
like the one we had.
Get on up there, man.
Ride off into the sunset.
Actually just to the end
of the driveway
'cause that horse
isn't allowed on the street.
But I did get you a limo to
take you to the airport, so...
There you go.
Thank you, brother.
Come here.
Oh. I have
something for you.
I love you.
I know. Just let the moment happen.
There's no words...
We'll see you when we get back.
Adorable. You'll see
me on the plane.
The plane?
Dual honeymoon! We booked the
room right next to yours!
The party continues.
It always does.
We can get walkie talkies.
We can do everything together.
Do you like pizza? I can't believe
I've never asked you that before.
Look at me.
Sorry. Sorry.
I'm doing it, Roger!
Roger! I'm helping!
You're not helping.
Do you hate this?
Come on, Pam.
It's been two years, which
is a very acceptable time.
Two years is nothing. I could
sit on one box for two years
and it wouldn't phase me... You
will sit on a box for two years?
I have done it.
Where were you when you sat
on a box for two years?
Nobody gets Dana Curlman wet.
Unless I want them to.
Be the Riggleman that
you've always wanted to be.
'Cause that's what you deserve.
Every day look at yourself
and go, "I did it."
Oh. You dropped
your ice cream!
Okay. Bye.
What are you doing?
Making a movie?
How did you...
What just happened?