Chasing Papi (2003) Movie Script

Mrs. Fuentes, congratulations,
you have a beautiful baby boy!
Mi hiijito,|- Let me introduce myself.
And walk into my world.
I came that you may find yourself|- para ti.
Mi amor!
Wait a minute I'm almost there.
Corazon.|- Good things will come, just wait.
Every wish is my command
it's destiny|we're fate
Good morning.|- Good morning, Mr. Fuentes!
You're my happily ever after
just say that you'll be mine
Mi amor!|- I missed you.
What's a kiss among friends.
Who knows if we can|live till then
from the beginning to end
Mi princesita?
Tomas. You're here!|- You're carriage awaits.
Jaime, vamonos!|- Hyah!
Don't leave me standing|don't walk away
'cause you're my favorite
fantasy, yeah
Is he meeting you here?
If he knows|what's good for him.
He's so cute!
Oye, suavito!
Every woman in this room|is looking at you.
Are there other women in this room?
Don't move.|I'll get you a drink.
Excuse me, that's taken,|and I'm not talking about the seat,
I'll have a moijito and a menu.
Here's your menu.|You can have my foot or my fist.
Either one comes|with a side of claw marks.
Would you like to hear|the special?
No, thanks,
Cici...|- if I ever find out there's another woman...
I swear la llorona|will get you.
La llorona?
Did you hear me?
Did you hear me?|- Yes, of course.
This is for you.
Oh!|- Wicked!
Can't wait till my shift is over.|- Ay, mamita,
You know I have to leave tonight.|- Ohh.
Unfortunately, my business|is los angeles, and it can't wait.
Okay, papi.|But if I find out...
It's more like monkey business...|- I know. I know. I know.
A side of claw marks.
No, listen.|Our case is solid.
No. My client won't be denied,|and you know that.
Oh, because I find it|hard to believe the owner...
of 12 apartment buildings|was surprised there are...
anti-discrimination laws.
Please. No, I said it.|We're not backing down. We're...
You know what? I'm gonna have to call|you a little later. Yes.
Your workday is over.
You came all the way to Chicago|to visit me in my office?
Mi amor, where else would I find you?
"Together in the autumn|in water, in hips,,,
"until we can|be alone together...
"only you, only me...
our hearts entwined|in a hot embrace."
Solo tu, Lorena,|soloyo,
oh, no.|It's not very good.
It is Tomas.|It is.
You have no idea|how sexy you are.
Me? No!|- You? Yes.
You know what I love?|That the basis of our relationship is...
Intellectual.|- Yes.
Exploring each other|through words is so...
Intelligent.|- It is.
Miamor, this is foryou,|- Gracias, mi amor,
Too much?
It's more like too little.
Tomas, how long are|you gonna be in Chicago?
Just for the evening, mi corazon,|- oh, Tomas!
Why don'tyou stay longer?|- I'd love to.
But I have a big presentation.
You know I miss you|so much when we're apart.
Do you miss me|when you're alone?
Don't ask silly questions.
Of course, I miss you.|- You do?
Miamor, of course.
You wanna...|keep reading?
Until you call me romeo
I will wait outsideyour window|- rome-romeo
take you anywhere|take you anywhere you want to go
I 'd rather wear my versace tonight.
This one is elegant,|like madonna in evita,
That was seven years ago.|- Yes.
And even she's gotten married|since then.
Oh, my darling.
There will be eligible men|here at the party tonight.
Who knows?|You might find mr. Right...
patricia sofia ordonez|coronado del pescador!
You knowthat I know what's best|foryou, no, mi amor, hmm?
She treats me like a child.
Can you believe what I have to put up with living here?|- It's shocking.
Thank goodness|you're so sweet and easygoing.
I know!
Buenas noches, lupe,
What a great surprise!
Now I see why they call new york|the most exciting city in the world.
Ay, chihuahua!
This isn't what I call exciting.
Come here, my baby.|- Maybe this will excite you.
You got me a gift?
I hope you don't mind.
Tomas.|- What?
My motherwould die!|- Oh, next time I'll bring her one.
Funny.|- Hmm?
Fifi, ay, que bonita perrita chiquita,|- Fifi.
When is that Tomas|gonna move to new york...
So we don't have to marry|someone else, huh?
Tomas, what's wrong?|- It's nothing.
Are you sure?|- Yes. Let's go for a ride, hmm?
I can't. I have to go to this|ridiculous party downstairs.
No, you don't.
I don't?|- Of course not.
You're right. I don't.
I can do whatever I want.
right now I want to be out|of this house.
Well, at least for tonight.
Let's go.
Oh, my gosh!|- Oh, my flight,
oh, my gosh!|- Oh, my flight,
put that in the upright position!
please, allow me.
Where was he in '44?
Good day, sisters.|- Uh, hi.
Sister, is it too late|to change my mind?
Oh!|- Hello?
Mr. Fuentes, it's mary.|- What's happening?
I need you. I need to talk|to you desperately.
Hold on, I have a call. Hello?|- What are you wearing?
Cici! Oye, mi amor, I would love|to talk to you now, but...
I am on line with my secretary.|- Your secretary?
Is she pretty?|- No! Not at all.
I'll call you right back.|Hi, mary. What's going on?
I tried you last night regarding|the momento perfume campaign?
The ad director, Ms. James, came into town early.|- She what?
Yeah, she...|- Oh, mary, hold on. The other line again.
Hello?|- I still feel the wind in my hair.
Patricia! I'll call you right back,|my little renegade.
Okay, mary?|- Mary? Who's mary?
Oh, still you, mi chiquita,
uh, m-mary, my secretary.|- Is she pretty? What color's her hair?
I don't know the color ofher hair.|Let me call you back.
M-mary?|- Yes, sir?
Ms. James is in town already?|- Yes, she already...
hold on.|The other line again.
Hello?|- Is this the famous poet Tomas Fuentes?
Lorena, let me call you back|when I finish with my secretary.
who's not pretty,|and I don't know the color ofher hair.
what, Tomas?|- Lorena, I can't hear you.
We're breaking up.|- Tomas. Tomas.
We're breaking up?|- Hello. Hello. Hello?
mary?|- Right here.
Get everybody together. We'll be ready.
Wh-what does it mean,|"we're breaking up"?
We probably just got disconnected.|- It's time!
It's time to see what the planets|have in store forus,
let's go with waltermercado,
i am walter mercado,|and this is mundo infinito,
aquarius,|- Hi, gloria.
Any calls?|- All in order on your desk.
Would you mind if I just go and...|- go ahead.
Yeah! Hey, did they do leoyet?
Not yet!
Hola, Cici.|- Hola, fala,
counterfeiting ring that has eluded|the F.B.I., until today,
the Miami police are hopeful|this latest arrest will lead,,,
authorities to accom pl ices|i n the counterfeit ring...
that stretches across the country.
F.B.I. Officials say large sums of money|still have not been recovered...
but theywere unable to...|- Cici, I haven't heard from ricky in days.
Why can't I find|a nice novio like yours?
'Cause there's only one,|and he's all mine.
Conga room.
It's a collect call from ricky.|Should I accept?
Sure. This is notyour house.
I accept. Ricky!
Where haveyou been?|I've been so worried aboutyou!
Take your car? Si,|- here we go.
To los angeles? Ricky, I can't.|You know I've got to work.
Oh, no, no, no!|Mi amor, no!
Of course, I love you. Okay-okay, here.|Tell me the name again.
No, ricky. Okay, I promise.
Ricky, when am I gonna|see you again? Hello?
As beautiful as I looked|the one and only time I wore it.
So please explain to me one more time|why I'm trying on yourwedding dress.
Because it pays to be prepared,|my baby, mmm?
Patricia, I don't wantyou pulling|another stunt like last night.
Mother, please. I was just|trying to have some fun.
One day... when you are|well taken care of...
you'll thank me, baby.
I am a grownup.|I can take care of myself.
Really? Remember that|on your next shopping spree.
Venus the planet|oflove and romance...
is transiting overyour sign.
The moment is perfect|to love andbe loved,
it's okay to work, work, work.|But now, you need love.
Surprise yourself,|surprise the man of your life,
Li bra...
Gloria! I -i -i 'm so glad|you're here.
Would you book me on the flight tomorrow|for los angeles? Aisle seat, exit row.
Thank you.|- You got it.
You know,|Walter's never wrong.
What does the brain surgeon|want now?
He says he wants me to take|this car to los angeles.
He sold it over the internet.
Why doesn't he do it himself?|- How would I know?
I didn't even know he had a computer.|- Scorpio...
oh! Shh. Shh. Shh.|- Danger is,,,
in your house of love!
Listen carefully.|The moment is to be aware.
Surprise him|before another girl...
can steal this man from you.
Fala, where did you say|you had to take ricky's car?
Los angeles. I have to meet|somebody named "rodrigo"...
at a parking lot on hollywood boulevard on|saturday at noon and give him the car.
Ricky said it was very important.
He said he'd kill me|if I screwed up.
Tell you what, fala.|I'll take the car to los angeles.
Oh, you would? Really?
Oh, Cici, thank god.|Because I've never been out of Miami.
Wait a minute. Neither have you.|- I'll figure it out.
You will do this for me?|- Yeah, sure. What are friends for?
Ay, you know what?|You could get discovered?
Like at a restaurant...|oh, my god. Get your toes done.
I can't believe she's making me|try on wedding dresses.
I'm not even engaged.
Capricorn: Don't let others|decide your life for you,
make your own future,
How are you?|- Hey, how's it going?
How are you?|- Hey, how's it going?
Good morning, Mr. Fuentes,|- Good morning.
Hi, mary.|Any important messages?
Nothing important, but Miss Cici,|Miss Lorena and Miss patricia...
have all called several times.
Oh, no.
Mr. Fuentes, you're sick.
Uh, I'm fine.
Oh, thank you, mary.
You're very good to me.
Uh, let me askyou|something, mary.
What would you do|if your boyfriend...
I've never had|a boyfriend, sir.
Well, if you had one.
What would you do|if you found out that...
he was going out|with another girl...
Or three?
I would get him, like, la llorona.
They're all waiting in the conference room.|- What?
The momento account.|Ms. James?
You rpresentation?
After months o fresearch|in our key three cities...
Miami, Chicago and new york.
We are convinced that momento|will be a tremendous domestic success...
which we can platform|into international markets.
This perfume embodies|the many attributes of a woman...
strength andintelligence,,,
uh, sassiness and sexuality...
Also class...
and beauty.
Enough! Enough!
I love you! I love you all!|I love you! I do!
Well, your blood pressure|is very high, Tomas.
What seems to be the problem now?|- Pain in my left eye.
I'm light-headed, dizzy.
It's like there's no blood|reaching my brain.
Ah, well,|sounds like stress.
Uh, work problems?
Uh, I'm dating three women.
Well, guess we know|where all the blood is then.
I didn't plan this!|All three are so different...
so beautiful,|so... so special.
You'd better choose one, or|you're gonna wearyourself out.
How can you choose between the colors|of nature's beautiful flowers?
How? Besides, they'd be heartbroken,|and I'd be dead.
Well, you may die from exhaustion.
So, um,|what are their names?
Cici, patricia y Lorena.
I'm married to a woman|named Bertha.
Bertha? Hmm.
Choose one.
Now, what name are you hoping for?|- I don't know. Who is it?
What matters is who are|you hoping it is?
Quick!|- Uh, I don't know. Who is it?
That's your conscious self talking.|Your subconscious knows what you really want.
Quick!|- Can'tyou just read it? Please?
That's not the point.|Your blood pressure is way too high.
We'll try some tranquilizers|until you can work everything out.
Until then, no driving,|no alcohol and, most important...
No women.|- What?
I'm gonna write one|for myself.
Now take out the third|and seventh paragraphs.
Yes.|Give me one second.
Okay.|Now read it back to me.
The rest sounds fine.|Have them sign and circulate it.
Thank you.|- You're welcome.
Sit. Good girl.
Agent Quinn?|Yeah, it's Carmen,
yeah, she just pulled up|to someone's house.
Uh, no. I don't think|it's one of theirs.
You stay.
Good dog!
Surprise, papi!
What's going on?|What's happening?
What are you doing|in my lingerie?
Your lingerie?|Open your fake eyes, honey!
He obviously gave this little|number to all of us.
But only one of us is doing it justice!|- But he's mine! He's mine!
Then, why is he in Miami|on monday giving me this?
Well, tuesday|he was in Chicago.
Wednesday, New York.
Este walter told me that a venus|hootchie was moving in on my man!
What doyou mean your man? Not that I would|ever watch... what's his name? Walter?
I assure you that hootchie venus|he was referring to is not me.
It's you! And you!
This is ludicrous.|Tomas would not cheat on me...
with some bookworm|and a maid.
I'm the maid, and I'm gonna wipe|the floor with you!
This whole thing's so absurd!|- Especially, since Tomas and I are engaged.
Tomas Fuentes bought you that ring?|- Yeah.
Nice! Cubic zirconium.
For 10 bucks I can get you a matching pair of earrings.|- Wait a minute,
that's a... that's a pinky ring!
You better get back to the castle, princess,|before you turn into a pumpkin!
Well, at least it's real,|which is more than I can say for some...
other things in this room.|- That's it!
I'll shove your tiara right upyour...
Hold it! Hold it!|- Psycho.
This is just perfect! Tomas Fuentes cheats|on us, and we fight with each other?
This man,|as we have witnessed,,,
he is deceiving,|he is conniving...
and he is untrustworthy!
Have we no pride, girls?
He doesn't deserve us!
I'm with the bookworm.|My mom always said...
"lfa man cheats on you,|he doesn't respect you."
I propose that we walk out ofhere,|and we never look back.
We should wait here|and give him a heart attack.
No, no, no, no. We must cease|and desist of all contact whatsoever.
That's what he deserves.|- Cracked huevos is what he deserves.
But I like your plan...|it's subtle.
And subtle's|your middle name.
As of this moment, we agree|to be honest in our intention...
to abandon Tomas Fuentes.
We swear on our oath|as honorable women.
Who taught you to talk like that?|- Agreed?
Agreed.|- Good.
I'm Lorena Morales.|- I'm Cici.
Just "Cici"?
Like Charo.|- Like Cher.
Que ridiculez,|- I am patricia sofia...
whatever!|- Ordonez coronado del pescador.
Ay, she must be european!
Remember, we've|got to be strong.
Because we deserve|more than this.
I don't care|how many times he tries.
I will not take his call,|- Neither will I.
I wonderwho he will call first.|I mean...
I know it won't be me.
If he can have you two,|what would he want with a chica like me?
Pues, ciao, muijeres,
well, I guess,|this is good-bye.
Yes, good-bye.
If he can have you two,|what would he want with a chica like me?
Tomas needs intellectual stimulation.|- And culture.
He wouldn't go for the...|- blond with the boobs...
Would he?|- Would he?
Okay, Tomas. It's time to relax.
Mi amor, I was|just thinking about you.
Really? May I come in?|- Of course, my sweet.
Where are my manners?|- Oh, I don't know.
Perhaps you left them|in new york...
or, maybe, Miami?
Isn't it trueyou were in both|of those cities recently?
Very recently, in fact.
Uh, yes, for my work, amor,|- oh, your work.
No other reason, Tomas?
I don't know what you mean?|- I thinkyou do.
Mi amor...|- no me toques,
querida, go upstairs.
I will make you a drink, okay?
I'm gonna have|more questions foryou, Tomas!
I'll be right there,
What was she saying...|new york and Miami? Oh, my god!
No way. No way.
Now, stay calm.
Breathe, Tomas.|Just breathe.
Patricia, I was just|thinking about you.
How could you, Tomas?
I thought you had better taste|than a librarian and some sort of...
a prostitute!|- What areyou talking about?
Who are those drinks for?|- For me?
Two drinks?|- Yes. So I don't have to come back for a refill.
See? Mmm.
Come into the kitchen.|I will fix two foryou.
Federal express.
I'll be right back.
This can't be happening.
Oh, my god.|It is happening.
Ay, Cici!|- You've been very, very bad, cabron!
Mamita.|- Take a good look at me, papi.
Feast your eyes|on what you're losing and forwhat?
It's not what you think.|- Some stuck up, pinche,,,
ice princess and|a mousey little office clerk!
I hope it was worth it!|- I can explain. Listen.
Because you're don't get|these chichis tonight!
Well, I'm back at this house,|but something funny is going on.
Aha! You came back! I knew I couldn't|trust a tramp like you! You liar!
Liar? Me? Your fake-eyed, funny-named,|culo crawled back before I did!
What have you done to him!
The librarian?
I am a lawyer!|- Oh, you tricked us!
I didn't.|- "And we deserve more than this," my ass!
I did it...|- So you could have Tomas for yourself.
Big word talker!|- I didn't plan to come back!
It was just... damn it, it was Cici's chichis!|- Tramp!
Sounds like it's getting violent.|Wait.
What are we doing?
What are we doing?|- Trying not to kill somebody.
Please don't kill me.
I didn't mean to.|- Shh. Quinn-quinn...
i can't hear anything.
Leave your man wanting more.|- We're gonna need more than that, papi.
I won't shareyou.|- Make a choice, Tomas,
choose or you die.
I choose...
I... I choose.
What are you doing?|- I have to make sure he's okay! He might need c.p.r.
If anyone's gonna give Tomas the breath|of life, it's gonna be me!
Get your mouth out of there!|This dead chico is mine!
Look at this. Look at this.|They were prescribed today!
He took half of it!|- Oh, these are just tranquilizers.
He'll sleep it off.,|- And what do we do now?
What can we do? We're gonna wait here|till he gets up and he chooses me!
I mean, he makes a decision,|all right? Deal?
Deal.|- Okay. That's it.
I got to get a closer look|I'll call you back.
Hi, you've reached Tomas Fuentes,|please leave a message,
Hi, it's me,
What?|- I'm worried about you,
and seeing it's my job to take care|of you, I'm bringing over what you need,
and you better be I n bed|when I get there.
The i.a. Woman.
Her job?|- In bed?
Wake up, Tomas!|- Come on, you cheating chico!
Snap out of it!|- I'm gonna kill her!
Wait until she finds out!|- She won't likeyou two...
any more than you like me,|but I liked the odds...
better when it was|just the three of us.
She's here! She must've|called from a cell phone.
This doesn't look so good.
She's not that hot.|- Oh, my gosh, she has a gun,
Let's get out of here!|- I'm not going anywhere without Tomas.
Wait! She's going around|the back! Come on!
Come on, fifi. Come to mama, baby.
Come on! Come on!|Come on.
Oh, no, not my coat!
Probably bought|that to match the dog.
Let's get going before she comes back,|- my clothes don't squeak!
It's not my coat.|It's your stupid little rat!
Come on, my little fluff.|Come on.
What are those girls up to?
Can you turn that thing off?
The F.B.I. is close to an arrest...|- I can't! It's broken!
She's following us!|- Hold on! I 'll lose that hootchie mama!
"Hootchie mama"?
Watch it, lady!
Nice dodge!
Admit it! Cicita|knows what she's doing!
Okay!|Pero what do we do now?
Yeah, we can't just keep|driving around here.
I saw a motel 6 on myway into town.|- A motel what?
We have to go somewhere.|- I once stayed at this fabulous hotel here.
That's where we're going.|- As long as you're paying.
Hello, ladies.
Hello, may I help you with your bags?|- Yeah, sure,
how we gonna get him inside|without making a scene?
I won't carry him again.
'Scuse me.
Ay, nice place!
My mom loves these.
Why don't you guys stay behind?
I'll take care ofthis.
Yes, I'd like a suite,|preferably on the top floor.
I hope I have one on such short notice.
We are so booked.|- I'm sure you'll find something.
Here's one! We do have|one last suite available.
Isn't that great?|- I'll take it.
My pleasure to serveyou|"Miss coronado del pescador."'
That's an interesting name,|- it's all taken care of.
Well, good. Because Tomas|is locked in the luggage room.
I am sorry|Miss coronado del pescador,,,
but there seems to be|a problem with your card.
That's impossible.|- Well, my computer says...
that the account has been closed down|by the main cardholder,,,
a mrs, coronado del pescador,
is that your mother?|Would you like to try another card?
She did it.|She real ly did it.
My mother must be really mad.
This would have been perfect.|Where are we going to go now?
Don't ask me,|I have no money and no credit cards.
Well, well. How the mighty have fallen!|- Oh, shut up!
That's enough. We have to think|ofsomething beforeTomas wakes up...
or somebody finds him.|- Jesus, are they cloning them?
Buena suerte, paula.|- I'm going to go and check on Tomas.
Miss Puerto Rico!|Finally, we find you!
I am costas delgado.|I am the director...
of the Miss latina american|beauty pageant.
I understand|your plane was delayed,
I'm so sorry, but...
we have you here now!
I'm so pleased.|You must be tired.
You must be hungry from all your travels.|- Yes, we are!
I'm Cici, Miss Puerto Rico's manager.
And this is patricia,|the maid.
Well, I'm pleased|to meet you all.
Ah, bellboy! Please,|the ladies' luggage?
Take it up to suite 907!|- Yes, sir.
Senoritas, this way, please.
And may I say, you are even|more beautiful in person.
I am? No, I'm not.|- Oh, yes, you are.
Hello, Miss Puerto Rico's line.
Oh, enrique! Oh, yeah.|- Iglesias?
We'd love to join you,|but we're in los angeles.
No, I'm sure I told you.
No, thank you...
but have|a great concert anyways.
Yeah, sure.|Bye, good luck.
That enrique!
Tomorrow the pageant officially begins...|- Move it!
With a reception-slash-brunch|followed by round one with the judges.
How exciting.|- Yes!
Oh, you must allow me|to send you up a feast.
Is there anything special|you all would like?
I would love|a marguerita, please?
Oh, now,|Miss Puerto Rico.
You know that our pageant contestants|are not allowed to drink!
Well, I'm sorry.
She's ordering it for me.|She takes such good care ofher staff.
Isn't that right, patty?
Why don'tyou make it|a bottle of champagne?
For my nerves.|- Thank you so much for everything.
Oh, oh, oh! It's my pleasure!|My-my card! My card!
If there's anything...|- Thank you. See you tomorrow.
That was close.|- This is outrageous!
Nice room, huh?
I'm not talking about|the room, you peasant.
They think that|she's Miss Puerto Rico...
and I'm some sort of maid.
If you don't like it,|there's the door.
And leave you two|alone with Tomas?
I don't think so.|- Where is Tomas?
I don't know.
Open.|- No!
Hi.|Brought your bags.
Oh, wow. What a room.|- The maid is taking care of it, as you can see.
Okay, if there's anything you ladies|need or want or, you know, desire,,,
I'm at your service, so just...|- Thank you.
What's the matter?|You don't like the food?
I'm just not very hungry.
I guess losing all your money in one day|can make you lose your appetite.
Here.|Have this.
It'll numb the pain.|- I'm not really supposed to drink. Thank you.
You're not really|in a contest. Thank you.
I need to have a clear head. I have|round one with the judges tomorrow.
No you don't. Miss Puerto Rico has|round one with the judges tomorrow.
You have to sneak out of here|without being thrown in jail.
I'm not breaking anylaws!|I couldbe Miss Puerto Rico,
No, you couldn't!|- Why not?
For starters, you're not|from Puerto Rico!
You think those contestants are from|where they say they're from?
Excuse me?|- I'm gonna tell you something.
I heard Miss Venezuela,|she's really from Nicaragua.
Help me out here, patty.|- Oh, don't ask me. I'm just the maid.
So why did your mom cutyou off?
Well, that's|none of your business.
But Tomas had better choose me because I've|given everything up for that 'cheating chico'.
Your parents cut you off|because of Tomas?
Well, I sort of...|ran away.
They just wanted to marry me off|anyways so...
You ran away?|I'm impressed.
Too bad Tomas|is gonna choose me.
Over my dead body.|- Anyway you like it.
Please. Please. We're stuck here|together for the night.
Soon, Tomas is gonna wake up,|and he's gonna to make his choice.
And I thinkwe all know|who that's gonna be.
The one he really loves.
The one that makes his heart...|bound in his chest.
The one that he cannot stop|thinking about.
A toast.|- To me!
Oh, god.
Isn't he... beautiful?
If only all he did|was sleep.
Why did you do it?|- 'cause he's man.
That's so depressing.|- That's life, no?
What do you do in Miami?|- I'm a cocktail waitress.
I was thinking about|getting a job too.
Anyway, I really|want to be a dancer,
Ihe kind with the pole?|- No! A real dancer.
Everything I know,|I taught myself.
And that's hard to put on a resume.
I know what people think|when they look at me,
I may not look smart,|but I'm full of surprises.
But what about you,|Miss Puerto Rico?
How come you're a lawyer|and you have no dinero?
Because I work for the people.
What people?|- Our people,
I fight the fight|for rights for all latinos,
I fight against discrimination.
I fight against inequality.
I fight for the people|who have no voice!
Que bueno,
you should save that|for the beauty contest tomorrow.
You know that I've... I've never been|in a beauty contest before.
And you're|not in one now.
Being a fake beauty contestant|is better than a fake maid.
Tomorrow, can I be Miss Puerto Rico|and Lorena be the maid?
And now, the moment|we've all been waiting for.
And the winner is...
Miss Lorena!|- Yea, Lorena!
Way to go, Lorena!
Come on, Lorena!|You're hot, baby!
Lorena morales, do you swear|to be my only, my one and only...
and nothing but my one and only|so help you god?
I do!
Lorena, yeah!
You're my love,|and I won't share you with anyone.
This is ridiculous.
I should be going to the ball,|not those tacky, ugly hags.
Help me with my dress!
The buckle on my shoe is loose!|Fix it!
Would you hurry?|I don't want to Miss the prince.
May I have some water?|I am so thirsty from my travels.
You got it, prince.
You're so very beautiful.|- I am, aren't I?
And I'm wasting away|in this horrible dungeon.
Would you like to ride away with me?|- More than anything.
Let's go.
My papi.|Yes, Tomas?
How dare you?|- How dare me?
How dare you!|- Keep your hands off the merchandise!
Oh, you wish.|- Hello? Yes. Yes, Miss Puerto Rico.
Correct. Oh, I'm sorry.|I'll be right down.
what happened?|- I missed my brunch!
Okay, I'm meeting the judges.|It's 11:30!
It's 11:30? Move it. We have to go.|- Where?
We have to take the car|to fala's boyfriend's friend.
It's a long story.|- I have to meet the judges.
No, you don't.|- And why should we go with you?
Because we're in this together,|because we have a common bond...
and because I don't trust|either one of you...
alone with Tomas.
Okay. Fine. Then,|I'll just go downstairs...
and spill the frijoles|on little Miss Puerto Rico.
I'm sure motel 6|will have a room.
We're in.
Well, what about Tomas?|What if he wakes up?
Still out like a light.|- We'll leave Fifi here to guard him.
Come on, Fifi.|Let me help you get your favorite toy.
Good girl!
This is so bizarre.|I could've sworn I put it in here.
I have a better idea.
Hotel security.
Baby, I'm chasing papi,|chasing papi.
Baby, I'm chasing papi,|chasing papi.
Now we have to wait|for some guy named rodrigo.
We have to wait? In this heat?
Is the sun too bright for your pretty,|fake blue eyes?
What's that supposed to mean?
Only that someone in this car|is ashamed of being latina.
I'm not ashamed|of being latina.
I can't believe|I'm missing the pageant for this.
You're not in the pageant!
All right, all right.|There's the car. Let's go.
Okay. Okay, just a minute.|- What?
Just a minute. I gotta take these pills|before the novocaine wears off.
You can't stand a little toothache?|- Shoot! It...
it's a root canal. It's the most painful|thing you could have.
Haven't you ever|heard of people saying...
"rather have a root canal," when they|don't want to do something?
No, but you would rather have|two root canals than to blow this deal.
Look here, Victor.|Tonight is the night.
We make this pickup,|and then we are in with the big boys.
Are you almost finished?
Let's... let's go.|- Okay. Okay.
I'm miserable, you know?|You could be a little more sensitive.
Ladies, you are late.
The last thing I picture you doing|on the internet is buying a car. Here.
Great car.|Really roomy.
The radio sticks a little bit.
Where's the bag?|- What?
Where is the bag?
The bag?|- Where is the bag? The bag with the money.
Oh, my god.|Was it supposed to be in the trunk?
Look, don't play|with me, little girl.
I object to you calling|her a little girl.
And who the hell are you?|- I am a woman with a conscience.
You're about to be a woman without|a pulse, if we don't get that bag back.
It's back at our hotel. Yeah.
I didn't know about a bag of luggage.|- Well, I don't.
Why did you say it?|- I'm stalling. This is all your fault.
What are they talking about?|- Okay, okay. Okay.
Please! Break it up. Man!
Please, okay? You know? Every time women|get together they go like this all the time.
We're just gonna go|to the hotel, get the bag...
and we're gonna|bring it to you.
Yes.|- Not so fast, senorita smiles.
Victor's coming with you.
Huh?|- No, no, no.
That's really not necessary.
He coming too?|- Wha... I...
Hey, hey, hey.|I gotta put ice on my jaw, okay?
I really don't wanna take|a ride with them, all right?
You know what? You are going, unless you|wanna stay here and explain this to the boss.
And I know you don't|really wanna do that, do you?
Nice move.|- Is that a plan?
What are we gonna do when we get|to the room and there's no money?
Yeah, then what?|- You got us into this mess.
Here we are.
There's a note!
Here, I'll get it. I'll get it.
"If you want your papi back, bring|the money to the don quixote puppet...
at the L.A. Latin festival|at 5:00 p.m., no cops."
No cops?|- L.A. Latin festival...
this is all your fault.|- Why is everything my fault?
It's not my fault.|- Hey, hey! Keep it down, please.
Where is the bag,|because that's not the bag.
It's full of underwears|and stuff. Where's the bag?
We didn't have to leave|Tomas to return stupid car...
you're Miss perfect.|Nothing is ever your fault!
Shut up! Shut up|so I can think. Please!
What? I live in new york.|No one touches my bag.
It's like I'm seeing you|for the very first time.
That was good.|- But where is Tomas?
And who are these thugs|and what was in that car?
I don't know,|but I'm going to find out.
Conga room.
Fala.|- Cici!
I need to find|that jerk, Ricky.
I don't know where he is. Are you in|L.A.? Have you see the Hollywood sign?
He set us up. Do you know about a bag of money|that was supposed to be in the car?
No. Ricky wouldn't|do anything like that.
He doesn't have any money.|Have you seen any movie stars?
I don't have time for this. Good-bye.|- Take pic...
Well?|- Well?
We have to find out|how to get to this festival.
Miss Puerto Rico!|We've been calling and calling!
I was so worried!
I love your glasses!|But this is a beauty contest. Lose them!
It's just you and me. Let's go.
Excuse me! We need|a map of the area.
How nice to have you back.|Shall we give it another go?
That was just a little misunderstanding.|- Of course.
What about the map?|- Whose adorable dog is that?
Hotel policy does not allow...
our four-legged family members to stay with us.|- Fifi, what's wrong?
Oh, I've seen a lot,|but this one's a real doozy.
No, I think he'll prove|very useful to us.
Yeah. Okay,|I'll see you there.
I'm just gonna make sure|they make it there too.
Okay. Bye.
And worldpeace.
Excuse me.
Miss Mexico,|how would you define beauty?
I believe beauty|does come from within...
but why not let your beauty|show on the outside...
and share it|with the whole world?
If you got it, flaunt it.
And like the great daisy fuentes said,|"we must all express our salsa gene...
"because it allows us to be...
as beautiful as we are."
Muchas gracias.
Thank you, Miss Mexico.|Ah, Daisy Fuentes:
Truly a voice of our generation.
Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure|now to introduce to you...
Miss... Puerto Rico.
Miss Puerto Rico!
Fifi, what is it?|Come here. Come here.
Aw, they let you have a dog? How nice.|- Nobody let's me do anything.
I'm not a maid.|Not a maid.
You know, you just|keep tellin'yourself that.
I wake up every morning|and I say to myself in the mirror...
"I am a musician."
Fifi, what is it baby? Come here.
Would you stop fooling|around with that dog?
The money.|- The bag, it really was in the trunk.
I put Fifi's toy inside, thinking it was|my bag, but really it was the money bag.
It looks like my bag, but it was|last year's. The clasp is different.
Sorry.|- We don't have time for this.
Let's get Miss Puerto Rico,|and rescue Tomas.
Oh, man... how can three|defenseless girls get away from you?
I dunno what happened.|They pushed me. They kicked me.
What?|- I don't know what happened!
Victor, I'm not ready to die yet,|- I'm miserable.
And if we don't get|that money, we're dead.
Now look. We... we gotta|find these broads.
Okay. Okay, Rodrigo.|Don't yell at me.
I think they're|at the Don Quixote puppet.
The Don Quixote puppet|at the festival?
I'll meet you there.
When women realize that we|are the majority of this world...
the possibilities are endless,|but it is up to us.
I believe that as women...|- Check out the wonder bread.
Excuse you. Come on.
In every aspect|of our lives, right?
How would you respond to those who say|a beauty contest such as this...
does more for the object ifiication|of women, rather than women's rights?
I say, what better way to show that a woman|can be both beautiful and intelligent?
In fact, if chosen,|I plan to propose...
that all beauty contestants|are required to take entrance exams.
What the hell|is she talking about?
Our goal, people,|should be to celebrate the diverse...
and the wonderful qualities|of today's latin woman.
We don't have time for this.|- In fact, I believe...
Stop that imposter!
I am the real Miss Puerto Rico.
I'm so sorry. Just a little misunderstanding...|- and that's my...
That wasn't very dignified|for a beauty queen.
Anyway, what would tell me|to go see Tomas?
I can explain this whole thing.
We really don't have time for this.|- What happened?
Whoo! What were|you doing up there?
It was amazing, Cici. I really had them.|They were hanging on my every word.
Girl, it wasn't words they were hangin' on.|- I learned from you.
Lorena! Lorena! Hey, we found the money.|- Really?
Let's go. We have to get|to that festival...
or we don't know what's|going to happen to Tomas.
I hope he's okay.|- We have to find a puppet...
I'm losing my mind.
Welcome back.
Where am I?
Who are you?
Agent Carmen Rivera, F.B.I.
I-I-it... it's a federal crime|to date three women?
No, but it should be.
I'm missing out|on the whole contest.
You're a liar!|Get over it!
Yeah, focus, Lorena.|- Got the map?
Got it.|- Floor it!
What's happening?|- Buckle up, Romeo. We're going for a ride.
Are you arresting me?|- No, you're just the bait.
Your girlfriends|have something I want.
You know what? I think|we're gonna make it.
You know what? For a lawyer,|you make a hell of a beauty contestant.
You know what?|I don't know what got into me.
I never had that kind|of attention before. It was amazing!
I bet if the real Miss Puerto Rico|hadn't shown up, you would have won.
Stop it. You really think so?|- Definitely.
You think so?
You know what? For a cocktail waitress,|she's quite a mastermind.
Street smart.
You, patty, you can|really swing a lamp.
I know. Yeah. Yeah.|- Thank you. Thank you.
What was that?|- I don't know.
What's happening?|- We're running out of gas!
Cici!|- We're out of gas?
And they were all there at my house.|Can you believe that?
Well, you can't say|you didn't have it coming.
Nothing like this|has ever happened before.
What? Getting caught?|- No, falling in love with three women.
Oh, love. You call it love, hmm?|- Si, like neruda...
"I love in this way, because|I don't know any other way of loving."
Oh, my god.|You gotta be kidding me.
We're not gonna make it.|- Then we'll go to a gas station! There's a gas station.
Pull into the gas station.|- I see the gas station!
This isn't full service.
This isn't full service.|- Are you out of your mind?
Hurry! Hurry!
Perfect!|- We don't have time for this.
We need another ride.
Are you with me?|- Ahead of you.
You know how to do it?|- I don't know how to drive that thing.
You don't?|- No! What would I... I thought you did.
Why would I know how to drive a motorcycle?|- Why would I?
'Cause it seemed implied!
Do you wanna argue,|or do you wanna ride?
She doesn't know|how to pump gas...
but she knows|how to drive a motorcycle.
Vamonos!|- And she speaks spanish.
Hold on, chicas!
Sorry! We have to save|someone's lifie!
Hey, wait! That's my bike!|- We promise to bring it back!
Sad girls.
Talkin' 'bout bad girls.
Maybe through my childhood.
I was raised by so many women.
Mi madre, mis tias,|and three other sisters.
That's interesting. That's why the amount|of women never seem to be a problem.
That's it. That's it exactly!
You understand.|You are so smart.
Know what you need?|You need to spend some time alone.
You shouldn't cover your beautiful eyes|with such dark glasses.
Sit back.|- What? You have beautifiul eyes.
I hope you girls know|that stealing is illegal.
My mother's definitely gonna kill me this time.|- We're gonna give it back, okay?
Yeah.|- Yeah, but first we save Tomas.
oh, look! The hootchie mama's back.|She really wants Tomas!
Go! Go! Go!|- I'm trying.
Oh, my god!|There.
Ooh, they all are...
go, go, go!
No! Wait!|- Lean!
Your girlfriends pulled through.
They must be tougher than they look.|- What?
They're here?|- That's right. Right on schedule.
Who knew?|- She should add Evel Knievel to her list of names.
There's the puppet!|- Let's go! Let's go!
Are they all together?
Enjoying the festival?
'Scuse me, 'scuse me.|The cops!
The note said no cops.|We can't take the risk.
What's wrong with your face?
My contact!|Help me find it!
Do you see it?|Do you see it? Come on.
Wait a minute.|I'll just take the other one out.
You look so much prettier|without all the money.
Thank you.|- I hope she can see.
It's Victor!|- She can see.
There's only one way out of this.|We can't let them catch us.
Where are we going?|- Dancers.
Dancers.|- We're not dancers.
I don't know|if we should do this.
This is gonna be easy. Just follow my lead.|- I can't do this!
I won't do it!|I don't dance!
Listen to me. This is the talent|portion of the pageant.
Convince the judges that you|are the real Miss Puerto Rico.
There they are. They're, like, ripping|each other's clothes off.
I don't care what's goin' on. I'm through|messing around with these, uh, "machacas".
Machacas, man?
This is it. You're gonna dance|and you're gonna win that crown.
It's a tiara.|- Whatever.
I've had lessons, but I don't know that|I'm ready for the stage.
In this case, less is more.
They can't stay|up there forever.
Yeah, you've obviously|never been to a salsa club.
Cici, those were expensive!
They look great.
Are you sure about this?|- Yes. We're safe here.
If we're on stage,|they can't get us.
We're the dancers.|Sorry we're late.
Lorena, dance!|Come on. Go!
Move around. Back like this.|- Now what?
I did it! Oh, my god!|- Good job.
Yeah. I 'm ready.
Ooh! Cici! Cici!
Let's go! Let's go!|- Thank you! We gotta run.
Come on. We gotta go.|- Whoever wrote that note still has Tomas and wants this money.
Who are those guys, anyway?
Grab my hands. Come on, Cici!|- They're coming!
Hurry! Come on!|We have to get to the puppet.
The note said 5:00.
Stop right there!
Drop the guns|and put your hands in the air.
Not you.
Throw the bag over there.|- What?
Give her the bag.|That's the girl from the matrix.
Oh, yeah. It is.
It is the girl from the matrix, yo.|The black and everything.
Shut up.|- Okay. Okay, please. Just don't yell. Please.
Cuff'em.|- Cuff'em. Come on.
Victor and Rodrigo|didn't get away this time.
Oh, man! Hey, is anybody|taping this? Ow! Ow!
Hey, listen. Can you tell your guys|to be a little less rough, you know?
Please. That's enough. Get outta here.|- Read them their rights.
We made it! We're alive.|- I didn't doubt us for a second.
What a team!|- All for one, and one for all!
Tomas!|- Tomas!
Where's Tomas?|- Tomas!
Good call not grabbing|the bag in Miami, Carmen.
Those boys are gonna lead us|right to whitaker.
And you to a promotion.
So, that guywas dating all three of them.|- It's a long story.
Hmm. He turned out|to be good bait.
I knew the perps would follow their money|and the girls would follow their man.
I drove a Harley, just like|you taught me. It was so cool.
I was Miss Puerto Rico.|- She was so beautiful!
I'm sorry.|I'm really sorry.
I never meant|for this to happen.
I fell in love|with all of you.
I don't think|i could ever choose.
Tomas, I have been out of control|for, like, 36 hours now.
I've finally broken|free of my parents.
I know what's best for me.
So Fifi and I, we're|gonna go it on our own now.
Ayayay, Tomas.|What you did was very wrong.
But I 'm gonna thank you, because I've|done things I've never dreamt of doing.
I realized that|I don't need you to feel sexy...
and to have fun with my life, so if|you're thinking of choosing me, mm-mmm.
And you, Cicita?
Ay, papi. Suddenly it seems|like I can do anything.
What I really|wanna do is dance.
I think the world|is ready for me now.
So I don't think|I need you either.
I'm sorry.
Good-bye, baby!
Tomas, it looks like|they made the choice for you, huh?
I'm taking your advice, Carmen.
I'm going to spend|some time alone.
Good for you.
But before I do...
would you|like to get some dinner?
Dinner?|- Yes.
Is that another one of your lines, Tomas?|- No more lines. Just food.
Well, I am kinda hungry.|- I'm starving.
Can I drive?|- I don't think so.
I'm going dancing more often.|- I see you.
I love that move you did.|- Which one?
Tusabes the one with the hip...|- Ay, no.
Hey! Come up here.
What, us?|- Nooo.
Yes, you. Come up here.
Ay! No, no!
Lido deck.
Cici, it's for you.
It's time.
Hello, girls.
Hey.|- Greetings from the Lido deck.
You go first, Cici.|- Paradise.
Sun and fun all day. Three shows|a night. And the sailors...
I can't believe you're|getting paid for that.
Ay, this from someone|who's never had a job.
guess where I am right now.|- Where?
Buckingham palace.|- My new apartment.
No!|- Good. Our girly's out on her own.
Not only that, but I started|my job at the gallery yesterday.
The work place will never be the same.|- Probably not.
What about you, Lorena?|- Let's just say that every weekend...
I am the queen of tango!|- No!
Let me see for cancer.
Cancerian... oh, the moment|of your life. It's your turn.
Love is closer|to you than ever.
So go outside the door,|because love is waiting for you.
Don't get me wrong|I still wanna fall in love real hard.
If it's real|and for the right reasons.
And I'm my own boss.
Some wanna come|and steal my heart.
But I don't need a man.
Though I'm still hoping.
I know what I need is|to come from the inside.
If it's real|and for the right reasons.
And I'm my own boss.
Some wanna come and steal my heart.
But I don 't...