City of Joy (1992) Movie Script

I'm out dad.
I'm out, I'm resigning.
I always thought you'd be a quitter.
...discipline here.
But you let me down.
Haven't I been an
Well okay, run and see where that gets you.
Even at school you were a quitter.
Okay then run and see where that gets you.
Where are you going?
We are going to Calcutta to become rich.
Our farm has died that's why we are going.
Shambu, don't go too far.
Okay, baba.
Baba, baba, bus is coming,
ba, bus is coming.
The bus has come.
Hey, hey stop, stop!
Let's hurry up.
Pick up that.
Come, hurry up.
Okay, baba.
Come, baba.
-...put it carefully, please.
- Baba...
You go, get into the bus.
Bless you.
Bless you, bless you both.
Bless you, Amrita.
- Amrita, Amrita, bahave like a good girl.
- Go on child, go on child.
And help your mother.
- Take care.
- And you too.
Don't fight with each other,
- And come along, Manooj.
- That's right.
And stay away from the
cinema do you hear?
And Kamla, you will look after
these children
Not there, hot there, put it here.
And tie that bundle to the rod, please.
- Son
- Thank you.
Baba don't worry about Amrita.
I will be saving money for her dowry.
I will be writing you soon.
Don't worry about anything,
A man's journey to the end of his
obligations is a very long road.
And Shambu do take care of your brother.
- Yes.
- It might not be what you expect.
And be obedient, listen to what your
father says, okay?
God bless you all!
Ba I'll write to you soon.
Shambu, Shambu!
Shambu Shambu!
Baba, baba!
Come out.
- Amrita, help your mother.
- Shambu!
- Shambu!
- Shambu!
- Baba, baba!
- Shambu!
- Shambu!
- Shambu!
Here boy!
Give me that box!
Give me the food!
Give me the food from the box, give me!
Give me the food!
There he is.
Shambu come here!
Are you all right?
Ma, I saw a leper.
Is that bad luck?
Where where is the address?
Hey, you!
Come here!
You are new in this city.
And have nowhere to sleep?
are places by the riverside.
Thank you, sir.
Over there.
He's saying there's a place by the river.
What's the matter with you?
Nothing, baba.
Stay together.
You are worried?
Don't worry.
I am sure I will find work today.
I've been trying all day, sir.
Is it possible to find some
work even for a day?
Try one of those shops there.
Wait there.
Don't go, stay there.
Could I get some work?
- Oh no, sorry, go go away.
- Sir
Sir listen to me, sir, I come from Bihar.
Go there's nothing in the morning
Go away, please go away now.
two years there's been no rain, sir.
This address I don't know.
Shambu Manooj.
Come here quickly.
Yes, ma.
You'll get a smack now if you
don't stay together.
Look, look Shambu,
look there's a cinema, look, see?
Come, hurry up.
Hello, boys.
Hey, you are from Bihar.
I am also from Bihar.
This your family?
You look worried.
It's not necessary.
Thank the Gods.
I am Mr Gangooly.
Come in, come in.
Fell at home look around
Madam look around.
They'll need feeding.
Give them seed but don't spoil them.
One of
the miracles of the life in the city
Holy water from
the ganges flows out forever.
That's it, that's it.
Now the place is yours for a month.
My cousin Moti is away.
See there, inside.
You'll like it.
Normally the rent takes four hundred rupees
for a month.
Come, come.
Come, have seat.
But for a brother it is three hundred.
No, don't thank me.
No, see
I have only
two hundred.
Look, look Shambu,
pay the rest next week.
You will find work, I trust you
Aren't I from Bihar, too?
You are pleased?
Then Mr Gangooly is pleased.
It's how I am.
Thank you.
Uncle please, uncle.
Please, give me food.
Uncle, please give me money.
Oh, okay.
Here's a coin.
Watch it, watch it.
Where is it?
I got it.
You can have it.
Oh Shit.
See you later okay.
Yes, sir.
Hey okay.
What's your name?
Ishmael with the smile, huh?
Hello, hello.
Welcome, sir how many nights?
Uno noce.
One night.
May I see your passport, please?
You certainly may.
Oh goddam.
I must have left
it at the Ashram.
I'm sure it can be sorted out.
Come, sahib.
It pleases you, sir?
No furit basket, no mini bar.
Of course so many.
Please for me...
If you like drink come to me below.
If it is a lady you like to know tell me.
Very sweet girl.
Er, no, no, I don't need a lady.
What I need is a bath.
Boy very, very good boy.
No, bath, bath.
There you go.
Thank you, er-- Ishmael.
Meditate on this.
Where you come from huh?
Get out!
Take! Get them out.
- What are you doing here?
- Get them out!
What are you doing here?
Mr Gangooly rented us this place.
You are lying!
You, you must be his cousin Moti.
- I don't know any Moti or any Gangooly.
- Please calm.
My name is Binal and this is my home.
I gave him all my money, sir.
You have
given your money to a crook.
- What can I do?
- No, no, he had the key.
...some beggars get in.
He had the keys!
I don't want to hear anything, get out!
...we are going.
GO, go!
Get out, beggars!
There's plenty of room in the street
for you. Go on, back in the streets.
Beggars, beggars out. Go on, get out.
Don't push!
Get out. Go and live on the river.
Shambu come here.
Hold on.
Very sweet girl.
Mr Max is American.
Very disciplined.
What's your name?
How old are you, Poonina?
Twenty, sir.
I'll buy that.
No. I,
ls problem, sir?
Yes there's a problem.
I remember the first day I saw you on
the day of our marriage.
Wearing a bright yellow turban.
You asked me my name and said...
you're a very beautiful girl
and I'm wondering whether you'll
find me appealing.
Maybe the God is taking a test.
I feel I'm such a burden.
In the village I could be of use.
Maybe the children and I should go
out to the cars?
You mean beg?
We didn't come here to bag.
is problem?
Is problem, sahib?
Is problem, no problem.
Okay, er see, sahib.
Special drink for you.
Only the most man can drink it.
For me you make try, huh?
Most man?
- You make you make try for me, okay?
- Most man that's me.
- Okay?
- Bet, okay?
Who drink first? We bet.
- How much?
- Ten rupees.
- We bet okay?
- Okay.
- I win.
- I win.
No, no, no, I never
lose a truly irrelevant contest.
Second drink.
See more drink, huh.
You like this?
How you doing?
Again we bet.
- Ten rupees.
- Oh yeah.
This time no cheat, hands here.
Set go!
I beat.
No you don't
Show me a sign
Take it to the limit one more time.
Where you going?
Nice bike.
Oh goddam.
Seek and ye shall find.
You bastard!
What's that?
- You son of a bitch!
- Someone needs help.
You shouldn't go over there.
Brother just look after my family.
You, don't go over there.
Listen, come back.
I say, you will be in trouble.
Who is there?
Hey what are you doing.
They are beating a man here.
Help. they are beating him.
Get up what happened?
You bastard!
- Who are you, who are you?
- Sshhh!
Oh God!
Hey help me.
I know where we can take him.
There now junior.
Welcome to India.
UP you get.
All right?
Where am I?
You're in the city of Joy.
The City of...
Is that geographical or spiritual?
I think that depends on your point of view.
Oh, this is the gentleman
who brought you in.
He and a young lady.
Did, er I do that to your nose?
I'm sorry.
Er, whoever it was they'll have
cleaned you out I'm afraid.
Auntie Joan.
What brings you to India?
I came to find enlightenment.
Oh and have you found it?
I've been opening the windows and doors of
my soul and I haven't seen a damn thing yet
There now.
it's it's okay, I can do it.
Mind your head.
Got it.
Jesus H Christ.
Are you a doctor?
No corporate executive.
we have a young intern who comes in
three days a week at seven-thirty.
Must be one of the three days.
How is he?
He is fantastic.
Come and see me later, right?
That is a dispensary?
Humble though it is.
Hello, Auntie Joan Di.
What is it that you
do in America?
Oh God, you're very titillating, aren't
you? Are you a criminal of some sort?
Well that depends on how you
define the word.
I was a doctor.
Go away.
How long are you here for?
Don't try to recruit me.
You've got your non-practising
I'm a non-practising doctor.
So of you could direct me to the hotel.
Why don't you practice?
Because I don't like sick people.
Thank you.
I owe you one
Listen, can I at least...
- No, no, no...
Oh, when they clean you out here
they clean you out completely.
- Ram Bhai.
- Yes, memsahib?
- Here's your first ride of the day.
- Thank you, memsahib.
No, I...
Ah, go on.
It' s all right.
Excuse me, memsahib.
Now you owe me two
Goodbye, memsahib.
So, er you live here?
No, sir, I am from Bihar.
I lost my farm to the money lenders.
You picked one hell of a city.
Excuse me, sir
do you think I can pull one of these?
You think any idiot can pull a rickshaw?
No, look sir, look sir.
Look sir, I can run very fast.
- Oh no.
- Hey, hey, give him a shot.
He's as fast as you are and you should
take care of that ankle.
- That's all right.
- Thank you.
- Please try me, sir.
- Yeah, let him try,
- You go up.
- Let him try and I'll give you full fare.
- Yeah thank you.
- Make it make us look good, farmer.
Hey, be careful.
You are responsible for this.
- Yes, sir.
- I am telling you.
- Yes, sir.
- Don't worry, sir.
Watch out watch out!
Watch it, watch it, watch it.
My God, this way, come on.
Be careful, there's a car.
Watch what you are doing.
It's the rickshaw wallah with wings,
ladies and gentlemen.
And he does it, what a race.
What a driver!
That was great.
good man, huh?
Did your job.
Thank you.
I'll see you.
Thank you, sahib.
Mr Max did you have a good night?
Yeah, memorable
gonna remember it for a long time.
MY Passport here yet?
Excuse me.
No, no, no
no, no, I need some work.
I need some work.
See, I have a family.
Ashoka sahib.
The rickshaw vvallans are outside.
What tell them?
It's the son.
He likes your gift.
So, he wants to be a human horse, huh?
Yes, babu.
Does he not have a mouth?
What babu?
Can you neigh?
Neigh like a horse?
Hey, child
what's this?
He wants to pull a rickshaw.
Pull up your vest.
Take a deep breath.
Leave it.
You have a family?
Yes, babu.
Wife, three children.
And they have to be fed.
The world is full of open mouths.
Put is away.
This is good.
Stay loyal.
I will always be grateful.
It's a crop no-one plants these days.
Have you a name?
Take it Kamla.
Where are you taking us?
It's a long way off--across the city.
It's your new home,
it's called the City of Joy.
Where is Shambu?
Here we are, children.
Here at last.
Now we are close.
Just to see you back, Ram.
Welcome back, Ram.
Yes I brought some new friends.
Welcome, welcome back.
Nomaste, Joan Di.Nomaste, Doctor Sunil.
Nice to have you back, Ram.
Chomotkar... is, er...
here is our new tenant Hasari.
Ah, the one you talked about.
Welcome, welcome.
And this is Kamla, his wife.
And Amrita, their daughter.
Where are my little ones? Come.
This is Manooj and Shambu.
This is er, Manooj
and this is Shambu.
No, no, no,
Shambu Manooj.
Kids come up
Go, go this way.
Go look at your new home.
Amrita, go up.
Hey, Ram
Yes, I'm coming.
I really don't know how to thank you.
Don't worry, you will soon earn the rent.
A job, a roof a school.
Soon I'll be able to send money home.
And save money for my daughter's dowry.
Amrita, come quick.
Look see that there is a tea shop come.
See look, there.
There's a school.
Yes there is a school.
Didn't I say I will find a job huh?
Not there go to your left.
Yeah go to the left.
Yeah there, there.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, just stop it here, just stop it.
I'm sorry.
You are my very first rider.
Oh really well I hope I bring you luck.
Come at four we can go to my place
and meet my parents because they need a
permanent rickshaw wallah.
So you've been here
a longtime, then?
Three of four years.
Oh yeah oh yeah.
- Try some, very tasty.
- I, I really can't eat this.
Er, do you have a hamburger?
Chopped beef chop the beef
You chop it then you push it into a patty.
You know.
Then throw it on the grill you know.
Minute and a half like, flip it.
Grilled onions, cheese on a hamburger.
Hamburger, you gotta know.
You mean burger.
Hey you!
Hey, I want my medallion.
- Hold on hold on!
- Stop him!
Get out of the way,
you've got to stop that guy!
May I see your passport, please?
- Passport, he's got my wallet!
- Passport please!
- May I see your passport?
- He stole my wallet!
- Don't show me your temperament, okay'?
- Hey, hey, hey, don't do that!
He's my friend.
Madam, do you know this fellow?
Yes, I do.
But he doesn't have any passport.
Yes well, he, he, he's with me, he's fine
Oh Shit!
If he is with you then it's all right.
Now you owe me three
Don't you think we should have a look
at that wrist?
I guess.
Come on then.
Come on boys.
No wait
I still think you should let Doctor Sunil
have a look at this.
Doctor Max fixed it.
Well if you want it to heal you really
ought to stop abusing yourself.
Well listen to you.
Are you just nuts or are you doing penance
for some major past sin here?
It's not penance, I love it here.
You love it here?
Came on a whim in the
first place but then I stayed.
In the beginning it was really frustrating
trying to convince them not to be so.
So bloody passive and then.
I realised that I was fighting a thousand
years of acceptance.
Well maybe you should stop
Maybe I should.
Joan Di.
Kamla, you've got to
stop doing this.
Happy people are fat, Joan Di.
So where do you get
the bucks for this set-up?
I get a bit from the Swiss
organisation and my ex-husband sends
He's great.
I'm not very good at loving just
one person.
Seems to work out better if I spread
it around a bit.
Can I ask you something?
Don't you feel it's just a little
bit stupid
trying to drill a hole
in water like this?
Not nearly as stupid as asking for
a hand and being turned down.
May I be so bold as to ask
what you believe in?
Do you believe in anything?
Absolutely, lady.
I believe in the Dallas Cowboys, the
most oohsisteht winners of the modern era
Excuse me, Mr Max.
Do you saw 'flims'?
Do I saw 'flims'?
He's asking that do you seem 'flim'
when you were small?
If I saw 'flims' when I You mean movies,
I saw 'flims' all the time.
I saw three a week two on Saturday
cartoons Donald Duck.
You're great with kids, anyway.
Do you know what I've come
to think in my old age, Max?
No idea, you're pretty much
an enigma to me.
I think, in life, a person
really only has three choices.
And I don't suppose there's any
way you're not gonna tell me is there?
To run
to spectate
or to commit.
That's very tidy.
Simple minded but tidy.
You're awfully, badly twisted around,
Well one of us sure the hell is.
I'm off, Sister Joan.
Ah, goodnight, god bless Doctor Sunil.
Comes from a wealthy medical family.
Donates his time.
Very generous spirited young man.
And clearly not twisted around.
No, no, I have to go home.
Hello, miss.
Okay, bye, see you tomorrow.
Manooj baba is come.
Hey, hey everybody listen.
Good news really good news.
And what is that?
Hasari has got a regular customer.
And who is that person?
That schoolgirl.
On a monthly basis, you say?
Oh yes.
You must pay for the tea today.
Yes, yes.
Kamla, wine.
The Gods have smiled Hasari has got a
regular customer.
A great day.
It's been a lucky day.
this is for Amrita.
For her dowry.
Let's start a little shelf for her.
Bring me a glass of water.
Yes, baba.
What's that, baba?
What for?
So that we can watch something grow.
Coming, son.
God bless you.
Ask him, ask him, ask him.
There is a doctor from America.
He sees two 'flims'
and also Mickey Mouse on Saturday.
Can he eat with us?
Go go ask him.
Come, come.
Doctor Max, Doctor Max.
Will you eat with us today?
See this is the earth from our village.
And water from our new home.
When these seeds grow into flowers.
We'll pluck them and put them in your hair.
On your wedding day.
go and get some tea.
Yes, baba.
And then everybody will look at you.
And say oh, how beautiful she is.
And I'll shed tears of joy.
I was so frightened
my brother gave me something to drink.
I went out to piss under
a tree and fell asleep.
And when I woke up.
I thought I married the tree.
I still love that tree.
If I could pay off the money lender
I'd go straight back to my village.
So what's a dowry, Ram?
A heavy burden.
Why do you bother?
Well, it's our duty.
An honour.
Thank you, Surya.
Without this our daughters can't marry.
Joan Di, Joan Di.
We need a doctor.
Anouar what's what's wrong?
It's my wife!
- It's Meeta.
- Please help my sister.
All right, all right, Poomina.
Anouar what's wrong?
It is her time
but something is wrong.
We need Doctor Sunil.
run for Doctor Sunil.
Oh no, he's not there
it's his cousin's wedding.
Oh God, how,
how long has she been in labour?
Long, long time.
Poomina when did the bleeding start?
Twenty minutes I think.
The midwives, they don't know what to do.
What shall we do?
I don't know what to do!
I will come with you.
I have treat your him.
- Have me diazepan?
- No.
- Sparine.
- No.
- You have anything and morphine to cut.
- Notthing.
All right.
I'll need a sterho scope
a suturing kit, a thermometer
hot swabs, compresses.
Do you have a, a local anaesthetic?
No sparine, no morphine, no local
anaesthetic, no organisation.
You've got some nerve calling that
place a clinic, you know that?
Yeah, we haven't got a brain scanner
either, Max, but we're doing the best we can.
here careful, don't touch anything here.
If your heart is clean
nothing happens.
Baby's breeched backward.
Heartbeafs strong.
But I'm, I'm going to have to turn it.
I need some I need some air!
Get her out of here.
Okay, tell her to relax these
muscles as much as she can.
I'm gonna work from the outside and
the inside.
Don't worry, you just every
thing'll be okay.
No medication.
It's gonna be a rollercoaster.
Okay, Kamla.
It's getting fainter
I can't hear the heartbeat.
Max, I can't hear the heartbeat.
Take her hand and squeeze
like hell now.
Joan, hold her hips.
Hold her hips!
Massage against me now.
Massage against me.
Don't die on me don't die please, don't me.
Get some more hot water, quickly,
quickly, come on.
Don't worry, he's doing his best.
Push, Meeta
Wait, wait, wait, wait
I've got it, I've got the head, wait!
Push push!
It's coming it's coming.
I got it--I got it.
Lookee here it's a boy.
It's a boy, lady.
Hey little fella hiya little buddy.
Please scream your heart out.
There you go.
How is it, how is it?
It' s a boy, daddy.
And he's got all his stuff.
What can you expect Said!
Your wife was incredible.
Kamla, you were absolutely
Thank you for your kind words.
I was dearly blessed to marry her.
Have you birthed many babies?
Not for a long time.
We desperately need a doctor here full time.
Will you just
I'm sorry.
Maybe you have it in you to be a saint,
Sister Joan, but it's just not my style.
Oh, so what are you going to be
when you grow up, doctor?
Look, don't do that, lady!
Don't patronise me because you are
on some goddam good do-gooder trip.
Don't you snarl at me or I'll
smack you upside the head.
Don't do this!
You know I don't even feel good
about what we did down there today.
Bringing in another little mouth to feed
in this cesspool of a country
Feel good!
Who the hell cares if you feel good?
What makes you so special?
You're jusst another person like the
rest of us doing the beset you can to. tade care of yourself any too
bloody well as far as I can make out.
Don't talk to me like you
think you know me,laby!
Look, you need help
Don't be a coward, ask for it.
I don't need your help.
Have a pleasant journey home, Max.
Goodbye and god bless you.
Mr Max.
I -- I think you have a good heart.
Thank you for...
...allowing me to be of use.
I told you, my passport is lost in
the mail, but I can't believe...'s going to take three weeks to
transfer a couple of hundred dollars.
I just gave it to you.
I don't know, my visa...
No dinero, no bucks for three weeks.
- This is driving me crazy
- Max...
...the bill.
I'll need you plane ticket.
- My plane ticket.
- Yeah.
It's just a little guarantee.
With a face like mine
you don't trust me?
- It's not a question of trust, Max.
- Oh, of course not.
The government renuires foreign exchange.
So it's the government's fault?
My husband is a very strict man.
And, er-- we have to tell your husband.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
And there is absolutely no other way
out of this place?
Hunched back camel--
burrow, nothing?
No not until the bill is paid.
Not until the bill is paid, all right.
Here you go.
Please take care of it.
Can I leave this here?
Thank you.
For you.
...not contagious.
I don't know that, all I know is...
You don't know it, you don't know.
You know nothing.
Please, please...
I've been vvoring with these
people for five years...
Let them go to hospital.
Just a minute, just a minute, just a minute.
You stay out of it!
Listen-- just a minute.
Leprosy is not infectious.
I am leper.
But my daughter...
...but my daughter is not leper.
Oh, I'm not interested in all that.
All I know is that
lepers shouldn't come here.
Joan Di. Joan Di.
Hello, Anouar.
Hello-- tell us
...Dotor Lowe was telling us-
that many of us could be helped.
...that all it would take-
is money for medication.
Please-- would you buy us
the medication?
Anouar, it, it'd cost a fortune.
Well-- as we are not allowed to
come to the clinic...
...then perhaps Doctor Lowe would
come visiting us occasionally.
Anouar, Doctor Lowe is no longer a
part of this endeavour.
There is only his cherished memory.
...because I am having visions.
Good morning, good morning!
Hell of a good morning.
I may have the body of a sparrow
but I have the eyes of an eagle.
What are you doing, Sister Joan...
...practising medicine without a license?
Oh God, junior, you're great.
Oh, what a surprise!
Now don't get carried away,
I'm just here to get you organised.
Will you shut up?
What made you change your mind?
Well, I had a religious experience.
You see, I talked to Jesus to day...
Oh yeah, and I'm a bloody
bathing beauty.
Actually-- I am temporarily
deprived of my plane ticket.
Ah..., how long am I stuck with you?
Couple of weeks, till I get you organised.
No, six months, not a day less.
- You're crazy, lady.
- Not worth the aggravation.
One month and not a day more.
Three months-- and that's my
final offer.
Nine weeks-- or until my plane flies...
...and that's my final offer.
You're on.
Olay, now sit down.
We need detailed case histories...
...we need an IV.
Er, you need a truch load of broad
spectrum antibiotic...
...pain killers...
...basic vaccine...
God save me from knights
in shining armour.
Good morning, Doctor Max.
- What are you doing?
- Good morning, doctor.
Hi, Hasari.
Er, Kamla...
...I was wandering if you would
like to be my assistant.
At the clinic, what do you think?
...I need Kamla as my assistant
at the clinic
Is it all right?
You are staying here?
Well-- for a bit.
What do you think?
All right.
Twist and shout-- twist and shout.
Come on, come on baby...
Hasari, where have you been?
I've been waiting almost five minutes.
I'm sorry-- it was the traffic.
Oh no, mum, come.
Oh, you're looking very different today.
You not go to school?
No, we are going baara bizarre.
She is getting married, Hasari.
Oh-- that's very nice.
Soon I'll take her children to school.
Hasari, you must remember
the shop where we are going.
Because it is the nicest shop in the city.
And when your daughter gets married--
you should, you should take her to this shop.
Am I not right?
Turn to the right please
and don't mind her.
She's just a little chatterbox.
But mama, you get such beautiful saris.
Come on, let's get down.
Dipti dear, how do you think he
can afford a shop like this?
But mama, I didn't mean it.
Don't take it so seriously.
That was very insensitive, my dear
Mama, just look at the sari.
Well, youy shouldn't say these things.
One you know what I mean.
I said it again.
One every two days, okay?
Only four hours to go, junior.
Oh, go for it!
Okay, little fella,
let's check you out.
Let's check you out.
How are you doing?
How are you doing?
This baby's not gaining weight.
Are you giving him the
extra milk we gave you?
Some, not all.
She's probably selling it.
Selling it?
Gotta pay the rent.
On that dump?
Well now Poomina's going to school
somebody's got to pay the rent.
That's the way things work round here.
I'm not liking the school to be in,
okay. From tomorrow I'll not go.
I will go back to work...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, yo!
We have the technology.
Okey dokey.
...Is the extra milk for the baby.
And this is the extra
extra milk for the rent.
So it's very simple, give it to
the kid or I'll kill you.
Thank you, sir.
And Poomina...
you, young lady will stay in school.
Come here little
You're gonna need all the luck you can get.
Gonna be a fireman
when he grows up.
I get no respect.
Take me to 'Rifles' building.
...I'm cooking, baba.
I'm cooking rice,baba.
Where's your mother?
Careful go get me some water.
Kamla, do you have any water in there?
I am fried!
Hasari, you have three fine
potential scholars here.
This one will be ready for a proper
school in another couple of years.
It's more than a father could hope.
Fifteen years from now, Dallas,
Texas, Doctor Manooj Pal.
Joan we can't keep going out to
that leper colony, it's wasting... what, two hours a day walking.
I know but
Well Poomina...
where have you been, young lady?
You should be in school!
I know who this is from.
It's a summons to see 'himself
Now Mr Ghatak, I understand
there should be an increase in rent
if we have larger quaters, but
I don't see why we should have to
pay more protection.
More people, more problems
the strangers.
And if I don't charge you
what will I tell others?
We can't afford it!
If you can expand, you can
afford to pay more.
Excuse me, sir, this isn't a
drinking den, this is a free clinic.
You are from a rich country, doctor.
For you money is a piece of paper
with which you buy something you want.
For me it's a wall.
A beautiful wall.
A protective wall.
A wall that separates me from
the degradation oh the other side.
This wall is my achievement,
Miss Bethel.
I am proud of it.
And what you don't understand is...
...that those poor souls on the other side...
...they are also proud of it.
Do you understand?
Oh yes.
Please sit down.
Please sit down.
So... wish to start the treatment
of lepers,hmm?
But your neighbours are simple, not educated.
They won't tolerate lepers.
They'll change.
You are a romantic,
Miss Bethel.
I've learned not to
trust those who say...
...they do things for the benefit of others.
Man can be tamed by having
an abundance or by having nothing.
Who is rebellious?
Who is disobedient?
Those who have only a little.
...If there isn't enough for all...'s best that people have nothing.
My children...
...bask in the light of my strength.
It brings--stability.
But I burden my children carefully.
Reading their faces adding
to their burden in tiny increments.
...tranquility... end to pointless aggression.
You really ought to give up
thinking, doctor.
Learn to enjoy yourself.
Have some--pastries, Miss Bethel.
Thank you.
I'm sure we can provide the means.
To remove those coulds from your forehead.
Don't offer me candy!
What are you trying to do, bride mel?
Get your hands...
Take those boys away.
Get out--get out!
What in the name of God
do you think you're doing?
Are you trying to get yourself killed?
With me, any duplicity's possible.
What was all that about?
Nothing, just a...
...little--low family joke.
Stop it--stop it!
Leave me alone you silly--eejit.
I think we have to break the godfather's
hold on us.
That's exactly what I'm saying.
We have to be cautious,
this is not the most appropriate time.
Oh come on, Sunil, how do you
proceed with caution against someone...
...who considers you a chicken with
a weight around your neck?
You want to change things...
you have to risk.
Look, you back off this ,you
compromise with this guy...
...and he will eat you alive.
You, you can stand up.
But we can't do
that, we live here.
I'm telling you if you stand up
he will back off,I guarantee it.
Max, this is not one of your
American gangster TV shows, you know.
Let me ask you something, let me askyou
something, Max, now...
this is a self help society.
So help yourself.
So, so...
are we
not getting swept up with your thing
I take of fence to that, saint
Ah well, I'm sorry you're so
sensitive but this, this is too
important to piss about.
It's hard to know when to trust you.
I mean, you're, you're angry with everything.
You ain't seen nothing yet.
And you can afford to talk like this because.'re not
going to be here tomorrow, you're
going home.
I am here!
Max, we should think
thrice before we do anything.
For Ghatak is... the saviour here.
He has given us the jobs.
Hasari -- isn't it '2
Come on, speak out.
See, he's given me a job.
And I've been eating his salt.
So what -- you're paying for it...
And I promised him to remain loyal...
Let him speak!
Now... know, it's, it's difficult...
I, I hope you understand Joan Di.
I don't understand you people,
you're acting like sheep.
You bow your heads and take this
nightmare like you have no choice.
But I'm telling you...
...if you don't stop this asshole now he will
ruin you for the rest of your lives.
Ashish, Ashish, when Ghatak's son
came into my shop he beat my son up...
May I be allowed to speak?
Just a minute, Kamla wants to say
Now you want to speak.
It's only because this is our home now.
We've never know such friends.
I think the god father
is strong.
And could kill us.
But we must choose.
Maxis, is only trying to help all of us
and we should support him.
I think we should stand up.
I've got a property
which I could let out.
Say two hundred and fifty
rupees a month.
But not a rupee less!
Those goras are going to build
a new clinic on someone else's property.
But they won't pay protection.
I think the doctor must go.
How many times
a heart beats in a man's lifetime?
I have calculated it
two billion times.
Very few.
The woman
the nurse she is okay.
The doctor
American doctor.
He should go.
He should go now.
I'm ill I'm sick!
I can't be bothered about it now.
Are they going to bring in the lepers?
- Yes.
- Yes.
Let them climb well out on the branch.
Then we'll out it.
When I' m gone
...who will you be loyal to '2
I didn't realise it was you.
Your father, babu.
Remember loyalty.
The godfather has made our
life possible here.
We shouldn't anger him.
I think we can trust Max daddah.
He'll stand by us.
You know you are very beautiful.
Oh, Kamla
What about the children?
We won't make noise.
Max, is this going to be your room?
No Joan Di's room.
Is this fun?
Look, Max
I didn't know all this would work.
But it has.
Now all you need is a Indian bride.
Oh yeah, and you're gonna pick her?
Get outta town!
God, I never thought this day would come
and yous all worked your socks off and
I wish I had some champagne, but
we haven't so we've got some sweets.
Everyone can come to the new clinic.
And I declare it officially open.
Hey, Manooj!
Excuse me, can I go?
Hurry UP-
Good news?
Job back home.
Could you
Oh my God, lepers.
Put these in my box.
Well there goes the neighbourhood.
Sshhh you barbarian!
We are trying not to be lepers.
Oh I didn't get the concept.
Of course, not lepers.
You had me fooled.
Since it is a special day.
We are taking you to the
clinic in grand style.
Oh, you are, let's go!
Meeta is very excited by this
ride through Calcutta.
She has never been
sightseeing before.
Oh Anouar, you are incorrigible.
I know, I'm very encouraging.
You're very that's not what I said.
Hey Poomina, where have you been hiding, huh?
Hello, Poomina,
an old friend wants to see you.
- I have to go with my friend I can't go.
- You come with us.
- I have to go with them.
- Come on.
I've got to go with them.
you like the clinic huh?
Ah, little Poomina you have new friends now.
And they like you, huh?
And they like your smile.
My God, we've got a crazy man driving.
Hasari, hasari
come quick Gahtak's
men are attacking the lepers.
Hey, what, what's going on?
Hasari what's happening?
What's wrong?
Take Anouar.
Hasari, what's going on?
Max, Max, come on, let's go, please.
The clinic Max. Come on Max.
Go go inside.
Go inside.
Please, please don't do
this these people can't hurt you.
Take them inside.
Sunil, get 'em inside.
Go, 90, 9
Get off her!
- Max.
- Come on.
Oh, little girl!
Go inside, go inside.
Come on!
Get in get in.
Out of the way!
Will you leave us alone, please?
Get out!
Joan Di Joan Di.
Joan Di
Get out!
Please be careful, Joan.
Fucking bastard!
Joan Di!
Let me get some water, quick!
Quick, put him out!
Put him out.
Put out that fire!
I got one.
I stuck him like a pig I stuck him like a pig
Put out the fire.
Joan Di!
Joan Di, please stop!
Joan Di!
We'll P33'!
All right?
We'll P33'!
So by all means protect us.
Rickshaw wallah!
Come and see me.
Will she
will her face be all right?
She is going to be absolutely beautiful.
And if you do exactly what I say
and don't open it up again you're not
even going to see a scar, sweetheart.
But you're going to have to stay here, do
you understand?
Joan, you're gonna have
to make her stay here.
I'll try.
You don't goddam try, you do it!
God I hate this place.
I hate this place. I hate this place.
Almost done, sweetheart.
Almost done.
What have you got to say?
I told them your father provides us
with a great deal and
and I, I had promised
him that I will remain loyal.
You're off the list.
Leave your rickshaw here.
Your rickshaw will be reserved for
people who deserve our trust.
Babu, I, I, I'll be ruined.
This is as if the ground has opened
I have to speak to Mr Ghatak.
Mr Ghatak!
Mr Ghatak!
Please let me talk to baba, babu.
My father is ill.
I'm making the decisions.
My decision is final.
Now go.
Or do you want him to break your fingers?
Please listen
please let me
please let me talk to
Please let me explain
I quit, I should have stayed quit.
I became a doctor because my
goddam father was a doctor.
I played football because he
played football.
I ran for class president because my
daddy was class president.
And I'm done with it.
Listen to me, Max.
If you want to leave, tell us to go and
stuff ourselves
but don't try and blame
anybody except yourself.
All right then, I quit.
I have given you light years
more than I planned.
I am not magic Max
and I will not be invested in these
people, with their needs
and their clinging and their desperation.
It's just too goddam painfull!
That's what it is working
with people, painful.
And it's a struggle not to lose
compassion or humanity
but it's a struggle we can't afford to lose.
Oh, bullshit.
Ghatak is right.
People are just out for themselves and
everything else is a fraud.
What are you, saint Joan?
Are you a fool or a fraud?
Both of those.
But I'm here because I want to be here.
Max, maybe the world was meant
to break your heart.
From the moment we're born, we're shipwrecked
struggling between hope and despair.
Oh God
All of us.
God junior.
Not everyone's out out for this, you know.
You did the very best you could.
No, no
Better than most.
No I did not, lady.
I messed up real bad.
You're only human, Max.
Yeah, I khow. Let us, let us not ever forget
what is it, er, run, spectate, commit.
Running, spectator.
Whatever they are.
The more you run the harder they'll chase you.
Oh goddam.
They took away my rickshaw.
So what do you want me to do about it,
get it back for you?
But we trusted you.
I guess that was your mistake, huh?
They took away my rickshaw.
You will have nothing to do with these people
Or that clinic any more.
Hasari, please, what I will earn
will be for you and me.
Sshhh, lie down quickly, lie down.
Go to sleep come on, lie down.
How will I get a job now?
Sshhh, go to sleep, close your eyes.
How will I put food in your mouths?
We have what you saved for my dowry.
Take some more.
Take this one.
This one too.
Hello, Hasari.
You didn't go to work today?
It was a morrning shift, baba.
I bought some food.
Hasari, look
I know you feel
I let you down but don't punish Kamla.
What happened is between you and me.
And we need her at the clinic.
Oh Hasari, please!
The clinic is for everyone.
And I think they'll pay me.
No more clinic!
I'm your husband
and you will do what I will say.
Stay away from him.
He is not one of us.
This is not his home.
He's a he's tree with on roots.
NO, but he is
He will only be good to
you as long as you please him.
That is just not true Hasari.
Please, don't teach me what is true.
Just leave us alone.
I've lost my rickshaw.
I've lost my livelihood.
I don't know what is going to happen to us.
I have something confidential to ask you.
This disease of ours it is not a visitation
for our past sins
but an illness, yes?
I want to start a workshop.
We have weavers and carpenters.
We could weave cloth instead of begging.
Anouar, it's a good idea but I
Listen Max I know about this godfather,
he's a clever man.
He has got everyone
to turn their backs on you.
But I can show you how to get your way
back into their hearts.
That is why I want you to follow me.
Please, I show you something.
What is it?
You will see it come on.
You devil!
You stole it?
No, sahib.
Where'd you get it?
The police, sahib.
And, er
we have borrowed it from the police.
It's great. I konw it's a little
ratty but
I'm good with my hands,
you're good with your so,
we can make it good as new.
What do you think.
If I go out on the streets
with this machine
I'll die in the gutter with my throat cut.
No you won't .
Because the license the cops.
That can all be fixed
with bribes or something.
And as far as the godfather's concerned,
we just don't work in his area.
And we have nothing to do with
the sucker, here.
So please take it.
Oh goddam, Hasari!
Doctor Max, you you don't understand.
Tell me.
You are a gora a white man.
You're you're different.
You you think you can buy people's
hearts by giving them things.
Building clinics being a big man.
For me trust is in the heart.
And that is something
which cannot be purchased.
Purchased is that what you think?
Is that what you really feel?
All right.
All right.
Look, I'm a small man.
No, shit!
Born small and that's my fate.
And I will not allow you again
to tempt me with big thoughts.
Oh no no, sir.
Small ain't the word for you, pal
You are a little brown
illiterate gutless victim.
And you should take all this crap from
the cops and the gangsters.
And you should keep on locking up your wife
being suspicious
being jealous for no goddam reason.
You have no right to say such things to me.
Well then go ahead, stop me.
Come on goddam it!
DO it!
Hasari I did not do this all on my own
You participated too.
And did I take your goddam rickshaw
did I make you live in this shit hole'?
So if you want to be pissed at me
go ahead, that's fine.
But you should get pissed at the people who
are really using you.
Do you know what I think?
I think you should bow down so low
that you don't have to get up.
Sweet little sixteen.
Whoa Max. you are good!
Now you look beau Ah, I'll kill you!
You look beautiful
but still no running, jumping,
picking up anything heavy.
All right?
And you're going to stay here
and stay away from you know who.
And she's going to school.
You heard the lady, and she's going to school
Shake the head yes.
Good, you understand?
Say yes.
Be careful.
Thank you.
I'm serious.
Hah, busted!
Well rickshaw wallahs,
eat your heart out, Hasari, looking great.
Shambu, go and shut that door.
Okay, babu.
I'll get it.
Godfather has more eyes than a pineapple.
Manooj, bring that stool.
Yes, babu.
Hurry UP-
Let me help you.
Please let me do it!
Push that log in
promised the kids I'd take them
to the cinema to the
new Anil Kapur movie.
Well, if a man promises something.
baba, are you okay?
It's all right.
Go back to your work.
Yes, baba.
Can I see that, please?
It's nothing, it's
Open your hand.
Just cough.
If it's nothing, open your hand.
You're not taking the medication, are you?
not everything I do is wrong. I am a doctor.
Tuberculosis is something to be messed with.
Do you understand it can kill you?
Do you?
you know best, right?
You got one hour, kids.
Max daddah, Anil Kapur is the best fighter in
the world.
What are you talking about, better than Rambo
Yes, better than Rambo.
You're crazy.
He's much better than Rambo.
It's Captain Manooj Pal, the pirate doctor.
You are so fun, magic Max,
I wish my father was so fun as you.
Whoa, whoa!
Don't you ever say that.
I wish my daddy had loved me half
as much as your daddy loves you.
He's a very' special man,
do you understand that?
- Yes
- Yeah?
And he's backing me up.
Oh no, he's in trouble.
Okay, everybody off the road.
Out of the way.
Max daddah!
Run, run, move it!
He'll be okay, it's just
just a little bruise, a little scared.
When he wakes up.
Isn't it a work of art?
This is Arjun's chariot.
Pity it won't be used, though.
Will they let you use it?
I'm going to talk to the old man.
Listen to him.
I'll catch him when he's alone.
He's not like his son.
He came to the city with a little bundle.
They could have killed
my little son yesterday.
- Max, it's not the point.
- But Hasari
- He's doing this to frighten all of us.
-If you'd be the next tomorrow?
- Max has nothing to do with it.
- What would happen to your family?
And in fact godfather has
nothing to do with this.
It's his son.
Chomotkar da.
What's happening?
The godfather is dying.
And the son is raising rent.
Ram da, take care of this.
Don't involve yourself.
But they are our own people
If the old man is dying we
Rickshaw work, Zindahad
Rickshaw union, Zindahad.
My father is ill!
Your godfather is dying!
This is how you show your respect.
Do you think I want to raise the rent?
Do you know how much it costs to
change a spoke on a wheel?
Do you realise how much money I have
to spend to keep you people on the road?
you all know this man.
He is only a son.
Godfather was a different man.
You can't risk your lives with this man.
I propose end of lets pay
Rickshaw union, Zindahad.
So you want to strike?
Those of you who want to strike leave
your rickshaws here.
Those of you who want to work
there are customers out there, get out
where are you going?
Don't don't go!
They tried to kill my son.
Nobody thinks about us rickshaw pullers
or bothers with our stories.
They trust us to take their
children to school
but they forget the boiling tar on the
road which blisters our feet.
Cars trying to run us down.
We are threatened by corrupt police,
we pay off officials
we pay off Goondas.
I'm proud to take my countrymen
from place to place
but I can't keep silent any longer.
As someone said,
if a man bows down too many times.
There will come a time when he won't be
able to stand up forever!
There will be no commotion.
I will make a restraining order against
Ashoka Ghatak.
This man will be permitted
to use his rickshaw
without let or hindrance.
These men have clear
and legal right to strike.
I haven't finished these proceedings.
For his part in this disturbance I fine
the defendant fifty rupees.
But ma'am
Pay at this time
or spend seven days in jail.
But madam, I, I can't afford fifty
Madam, fifty rupees is
I have not done anything wrong.
MOFISOOH, monsoon
What does your father do?
He owns the workshop.
Are you studying?
I just finished my school.
So I must visit your father.
Go home, doctor.
What's wrong?
Ashoka ordered me to go home.
So here I am.
Oh, who's that?
Who's the little girl?
She died.
I couldn't save her.
Proverbial last straw.
You know.
There was a man in the town when I grew up.
Thirteen years his wife was dead and he still
laid a place for her at
One day he burned his house to the
And he left the town for good.
We assumed he was a free man.
Welcome home, junior.
Hey goodnight.
So, you want your daughter to marry my son.
You're a rickshaw puller.
Am I correct?
Yes, sir.
But I own my rickshaw
He is the owner of his rickshaw.
I'm a partner of the workshop where
your daughter is employed.
Are you aware of that?
Yes, my daughter had told me that.
So tell me how could I permit my
son to marry your daughter, huh?
Just a moment, please.
Ah, he's an oldfashioned man
Don't worry, huh?
Um, brother are you saying that, er
in no way you can consider
this marriage, huh?
It is a love match, you see.
Perhaps some inducement
would that help you anyway.
- Inducement?
- Yeah.
What could he possibly offer?
Possibly nothing.
But in fairness we should find out, huh?
Hey Ram daddah how is the business?
Hey, Hasari!
Good business.
Are you feeling better today?
Doctor Max magic.
Isn't it a joy to watch this disaster?
We shall by grace of God make fortunes today.
Eight rupees.
It's too much, the rate is fixed.
Who needs a ride?
Come on, come on.
And two rupees for the packet.
No change.
Daylight robbery!
Come back, come back!
God bless Kali, he has heard your prayer.
If it keeps on like this.
You'll make Amrita's dowry and
I will return to my village.
God willing.
What can he possibly offer?
Hey, babu!
Oh no, no, no
Well I know why I stayed.
You can get water front property cheap.
They're coming from the clinic,
they're coming!
- Hang on, they're coming.
- Oh look look who's coming.
Max daddah.
Thank God he's coming.
Come on, come on, quick,
the whole thing is getting lost.
Come on!
- Get the stuff down to the water!
- Where are they?
- Here!
- Ah, there they are.
- Anouar!
- Max!
Let's get out there!
Throw it down!
Take out the tyres.
Come on, come on.
Throw it down!
Anouar, don't worry.
Okay, let's get the raft together.
- Max, please take the baby
- Come on, give me the baby.
- Please help her, Max.
- Come on.
- Take the baby.
- I got him, I got him.
Max daddah.
Max daddah.
Max daddah.
You're cold.
He's in bed when he
should be working.
You dring this and
it'll warm you up.
Sorry, it's a bit full.
You know, er...
...that time at the godfather's
when you, er...
wanted to know about the candy
and the bribes.
When I was a kid, er...
...I walked in on my father
with another woman.
That's when the bribes started.
He'd tell my mum
we were gonna go play golf.
I loved driving that
golf cart for him and...
...and, re...
...just being with him, you know.
Then we stopped going
to the golf course and...
...and, er...
...we'd go see her instead.
He kept a stock of candy bars
in the glove compartment.
He said don't tell, don't tell mum.
This is just between us men, Okey?
I'd sit at the dinner table...
...and I couldn't even look at my mother.
After a while I couldn't even eat
the candy bars. I just stuck'em in a drawer
So at nine I was... alibi and a traitor.
At twelve...
...she died and --
and I never told her.
After that, you know,
I, I just shut down.
You, you shut the vvorkd out maybe.
I, I worshipped the ground
that man walked on.
Lonely, lonely Max.
Lonely Joan.
You know what this is?
It's the world's smallest record player
playing "My Heart Bleeds For You."
Why don't you sell
him some ornaments of gold...
Please, let me speak.
How much gold do you have?
Please don't embarrass me, sir,
I have no gold.
The only ornament
I have is my daughter.
She's a good girl
and she's a working girl.
She has been a jewel of my house.
Now she'll be a jewel of your house.
Are they still at it?
It's only the beginning.
I'll see you.
Hello, Doctor Max.
Hi, you guys.
So Ram, how's it going?
They 're very upset.
They're saying that Hasari has sent
his daughter to trap their son.
- Trap their son?
- Hello, Mr.Max.
All that really separates
them is an ounce of gold.
That's all, an ounce of gold?
How much is that?
About this much.
See that?
So is your daddy tearing 'em up?
Oh yes. my daddy is better than Rambo.
Rambo -- what happened to
Anil Kapur, huh?
Have you some cash?
What is it?
What's happening?!
Listen, this is my rickshaw!
Babu -- babu, what is this?
Thank you for dropping by.
My father is dead.
So now I'm in charge.
Is this your rickshaw?
You made this?
Yes, babu.
That's beautiful.
Ashoda, please don't do this.
I'll do whatever I like.
I'm in charge.
You will get off my street.
You will leave my country.
And the clinic
and school --closed.
Why, we're not doing you any harm.
Because I hate interfering foreigners
who think they are better than me.
But you hurt your own people
Exactly -- my P9OPle-
She's beautiful.
Some day she is going to give
somebody a lot of joy.
Leave my child alone!
What did he say?
He said don't touch her.
Now, doctor...
...what concern is it of
yours -- who I touch?
They're my family.
Your family.
My people
You put your dirty hands on my child!
No, Salim
I want you to stop!
Let him settle this himself.
I won't leave here!
No baba, don't.
No baba!
No more!
No more feet on our necks, babu!
Come on.
We've taught him a good lesson.
Max daddah.
Sit down, sit down. sit down.
Pressure, push, push.
I think I'll give him a break.
Well you can try but he won't leave him.
Shall I stay?
No, I thing you should go home.
I'll look after him.
It's okay, I can stay.
No, you've got an early day tomorrow.
We make a good team.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
You see that picture up there?
The guys on the front looking
off into the distance.
Like you and your baba...
...their full of hope.
You see that guy on the back of the
raft with his ohih on his hand...
Huh? old magic Max...
...he spends all his time being afraid.
Scared of all the bad
things that could happen.
But the guys on the front...
...somehow they stay full of hope.
And they never ever, ever give up.
And you know what?
What makes it possible to make
it through all the rough stuff... our love for each other.
Oh, Max daddah.
For a long time I wanted you to leave.
You made me feel things
I never felt before.
I'm glad you came to my country.
I'll ask the God's to bless each
day of your absence.
What's that?
I'm dreaming now?
Must look.
Easy, easy. easy...
That's it, real slow real slow.
When I came to this city I had no-one.
Well my friend - it was you who got
Ashoka off their backs.
No, no, no, lay down.
The journey isn't what you expect.
Don't be surprised.
My father said that...
...before I left the village.
Get his pills.
Is my father going to be dead?
Get serious.
Your father's gonna be fine.
Does he need gold?
Yeah, he needs gold.
Is this a gold?
Yeah, that's gold.
Now my sister can get married?
Yeah -- yeah, now your sister
can get married.
All because of you.
You should be resting.
God bless you, my child.
See -- this grew out of a tiny seed.
You never did belong to me.
You were only lent to me by God.
Until you marry.
And continue the wheel of life.
But you don't like the city --no.
Chomotkar daddah.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm, I'm fine.
I would be honoured if you'd come
and sit next to my father.
To bless the daughter.
What are they doing?
You have to pour the water in the hand.
That's how the marriage is solemnised.
Well now, junior.
I bet you never thought you'd be giving
away a daughter in a Calcutta slum.
Well now, Sister Joan...
I bet you never
expected me to say
that I'm glad to be here.
I never felt more alive.
So... you're free to go.
No -- now I'm free to stay.
Well now, I just might be able to find
something for you to do.
I'm, I'm not promising mind because...
I've a beautiful Frenchman coming in
next week and I'm very partial to Frenchmen.
I'm glad you stuck it out.
Max daddah.
Max daddah.
See that group of people,
if they need anything...
just see, I'll be there.
Look, your daughter, it's her first night.
You can't --
Oh Jesus!
Please, please...
...this is the time of their happiness.
Let's go.
No, he's had enough.
You should have had five more daughters.
Your son Manooj -- is a genius.
Okay, remind me that I'll tell you
what he told me.
Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on...
I want to walk on my own. Max daddah
Max da.
Is it bad?
Fatal, you mean?
No, it's not fatal, if I can keep
you in bed for more than five minutes.
You've done enough, Hasari.
Now you've got to get your strength back.
You know Max baddah...
The Gods haven't made it
easy to be a human being.
They sure as hell haven't.
But I guess that's why it feels so