Come September (1961) Movie Script
Upon completion of the factory,
we will assume dual responsibilities.
Quanta la fabbrica sar ultimata,
sarebbe duplice responsabilit.
Er... Thee capitalization
will be shared equally.
They put up half, I put up half.
La capitalizzazione
sar divisa in parti iguali.
Needless to say, I have great
personal Interest In this project
and I'm looking forward to
its earliest consummation.
Inutile dire
che Mr Talbot ha un grandissimo...
- Mr Talbot your call to Rome.
- Ah. Excuse me, gentlemen.
- Lisa
- Mmm?
- lui. qui.
- E chi qui?
Talbot
qui?
No, al Milano.
Speak English. I dont want her to hear.
What's he doing here In July?
He never comes till September.
Well, I don't know, but he's here.
I will say to him that
you are not in house
No, Ill talk to him.
But Lisa, I tell you, an old love Is
like an empty bottle of champagne.
You don't refill it
You get new bottle.
He has a right to know
I'm marrying.
He comes once a year, stays a month.
You never see him the rest of the year.
He has no rights.
Send him a letter.
Thats more than most husbands get.
MI scusi, sa. Torno subito.
Lisa
Se parli con queil'uomo
sei comppletamente...
English I don't want them to hear.
- You've wasted enough time on that man.
- Where's the phone?
- I put him In the dish.
- Oh
Don't
While's he's in there, you're safe.
I am safe whether he is in or out
I will simply tell him the truth.
He went away, I met another man.
He asked me to marry him,
and I accepted.
Davvero?
Va bene.
- Hello?
- Lisa.
- It's wonderful to hear your voice.
- I was going to write...
Theres no need to. I'm here.
Then I'll tell you on the phone.
- Robert, I...
- Ah, ah, ah. Say it again.
- What?
- My name.
- Robert
- Once more.
Robert
If you only knew how often I've thought
about you, how much I look forward to...
Please, please listen to me. I...
There's nothing to do rather than listen to you.
I couldn't wait until September.
I rearranged my entire schedule
to be here early. Just to be with you.
- Did you?
- Mm-hm. Did you miss me?
- Yes.
- Well, tell me.
- I've missed you.
- Oh, Lisa.
Lisa, my sweet, sweet Lisa.
Yes, Roberto?
Now, listen carefully.
Whatever youre doing, drop it
- It's not important
- It's not important
Pack your bags.
You can catch the one-twenty.
Pack my bags.
Catch the one-twenty.
- And meet me at the villa.
- At your villa.
- Goodbye, sweetheart
- Goodbye, sweetheart
I couldn't help it
L'hai visto, no?
English. I don't want them
to know you're a fool.
Anna, please.
I tried to tell him, very hard.
- You heard me
- What were you going to tell him?
That he's not the man for me. He's
always had everything his own way.
He's arranged his life for his comfort,
not mine. I don't intend to live like that
- Then why didnt you tell him?
- And spoil everything?
Eleven months of the year, you're an
intelligent, good business woman, successful.
He comes here,
and you havent got a brain in your head.
Anna, do you know
what it means to be happy?
- Yes, of course.
- But I mean, really happy?
But that kind of happy
only gets you In trouble.
Guai, guai... Ma che guai?
Lisa, listen to me.
- Basta Permes so.
- In due siete arrivati
e non avete combinato niente!
Ci devo pensare io?
Spencer, I've thought about it
I've made up my mind.
I can't hurt you.
It wouldn't be fair of me to marry you.
But darling, don't you realise?
Everything's arranged.
My sisters have come all the way from London
for this wedding.
Theyre coming to meet you now.
What on earth am I going to tell them?
Tell them it's best for both of us.
Theyll understand.
Believe me, I know what you're just
suffering from. Pre-marital nerves.
I'm extremely nervous myself. I'll tell you.
Yes, I've had some problems.
My sisters... I had the deuce of job
persuading them.
it was the accepted thing nowadays
for an Englishman to marry a foreigner.
Here in Italy, Im not the foreigner.
You and your sisters are foreigners.
Yes, of course. I realize that
but I wouldn't mention it to them.
Theyre charming. I'm sure
you'll like them when you meet them.
- I'd rather not
- Lisa, please.
It wouldnt work
I'd never be happy in England.
You will, really, you will.
England's not a bad old place.
It's like a cold shower. Once you get
used to it, you feel the better for it
- I don't like cold showers.
- Look darling, we'll compromise.
Six months here and six months there.
Oh, I can't live like a gypsy.
Believe me, Spencer,
I'm doing this for your own good.
Some day, you'll meet girl
who'll enjoy that cold shower with you.
- Spencer
- Wait, here are my sisters now.
- Lisa, my sisters Katherine and Claire.
- Goodbye.
Via Bellagio 46.
Rather an attractive girl.
But not too friendly.
Gee, mister, she's a beauty
Sure dont see many like that
I'll bet she's the fastest thing
on the road.
Gee, mister, she's a beauty
Sure dont see many like that
I'll bet she's the fastest thing
on the road.
Gee, mister, she's a beauty
Sure dont see many like that
I'll bet she's the fastest thing
on the road.
- Look out
- Oh, my God
Gee, you guys, she's a beauty
You don't see many like that
Yes, sire. I'll bet she's
the fastest thing on the road.
How are you, Dino?
[phone rings]
Hotel La Dolce Vista. Cosa?
Talbot?
Grazie.
Teresa, Milena, Maria
Presto!
Now, listen carefully.
Mr Talbot will be here any minute.
Madonna mia.
He'll find out We are lost
God helps those who help themselves.
Thee bedrooms.
You, the bathrooms.
Hide Cedric. Hurry up.
Cedric...
Teresa , Apri, apri, apri
Arriva il Signore Talbot.
- Maurice.
- Mr. Talbot unexpected pleasure.
- How are you?
- A bit surprised.
To see you In July.
You never come till September.
- I wish I'd known.
- My telegram?
- Telegram? No, sir.
- I sent one.
- Get In.
- Yes, sir.
- Isn't that a new colour?
- Pardon?
I said, Isn't that a new colour?
Houses are like women, sir. The older
they get, the more paint they need.
- How's everything been?
- Very quiet.
Like turtles, we withdraw
into our shells until you return.
- What's that?
- Sir?
This... err... bougainvillea.
it wasnt here last year, was it?
Oh I've done a little...
I've done a bit of landscapping.
If your are displeased...
Displeased?
With what youve done with this place?
You're more than a major-domo.
You're a friend.
I hope you'll continue
to think that, sir.
- Signor Clavell. Telegram.
- Oh.
Here, wait minute. I'll get it
- Thank you.
- Grazie.
It's from me.
I'm arriving today.
That's the charm of Italy. It's the only country
where a man can send a telegram
and be sure
he'll be there to receive it
You know, I never realize now much I
miss this place until I come back to it
It's more than a villa. It's a refuge.
It's where a man can...
Lock out the rest of the world.
- Will Miss... err...?
- Yes. She'll be here.
A man doesn't lock the whole world out
Hello, Maria.
...Benedictus sanctus...
Why Is she praying?
A friend of hers, a very fine chap,
Is passing through a severe crisis.
- Well, I hope he makes it
- No more than I do.
I'll take your rooms to your bag.
"La Dolce Vista"?
Must be a new one.
- Hello
- Just get here?
- Yes.
- You'll like it
- What's that?
- Girls.
I know. Whatre they doing here?
Sir, if you could have seen them.
Students on tour In a strange land,
their tiny bus disabled.
Theyll be gone In the morning.
Theyre staying here tonight?
I know I should have turned them away,
but the quality of mercy's not strained.
It's being strained right now.
Why not send them to a hotel?
There Isnt a vacant In town. But
if you Insist, I'll tell them to leave.
Well, they have to go somewhere.
What about this new place?
La Dolce Vista.
- Full up, sir.
- Well, they cant stay here.
- Check around and find something.
- Yes, sir.
Maurice
Oh, we had a splendid hike.
Quite exhilarating.
Miss Allison, Miss Stevens.
Mr. Talbot
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
- HI.
- Miss Allison is the girls' chaperone.
- Where's Cedric?
- I had him carried up to your bedroom.
- Oh, splendid?
- Err... Who's Cedric?
- Miss Allison's parakeet.
- This is such a lovely place.
And the view from the terrace
quite breath-taking.
Thank you. Now, if you'll excuse me.
Maurice, make the ladies comfortable.
Well, really
He acts as though he owns the place.
- I was hoping he'd be better this year.
- What's wrong with him?
This is a story
I wish I didn't have to tell.
Years ago, his family owned this place.
There were financial reverses,
they lost it
- That's when you bought it
- Yes.
Then the war came along. He was standing
sentry duty at an ammunition dump.
- Blew up.
- Really?
- It left him traumatised.
- You will not look at him?.
No, It's like looking at
a magnificent castle, with a weak tower.
Isn't it dangerous
to have him roaming in the house?
No, no, no. He's absolutely harmless
except for one small mental quirk
He thinks he still owns the place.
I let him come every year to stay
a while. It seems to calm his nerves.
If he says something unusual,
just play along.
- What an Interesting case history.
- Has he any money?
Only his government pension.
Naturally, I do what I can.
Oh, Maurice I think
that's why I'm so fond of you.
You're always thinking of others.
I think a psychiatrist
would help him.
Undoubtedly.
But It's none of your affair.
Sandy's a major In psychology.
She's quite a fanatic on the subject
- Dear child.
- Maurice.
- Have these shined, will you?
- Yes, sir.
- Draw my bath. Lay out my clothes.
- Yes, sir.
- Analysis would help him.
- Or good talking to.
He may be shell-shocked,
but he's not helpless.
The ideal treating you
as if you were his servant
Hello.
Hello.
- Mr. Talbot?
- Have you owned this place very long?
- Quite some time.
- You must be very proud of it
- Yes, I am.
Unfortunately, since the war, I've only
been able to come here once a year.
- It must have been a terrible war.
- They usually are.
Yes... I'd like to talk to you
about it some time.
- About what?
- The war.
- The war?
- Yes.
I have a feeling I can help.
I doubt it
It's over.
- What are you doing?
- You told me to lay out...
All right, I'll do it. Get on the phone
and find a place for those women. - Yes, Sir.
Come In.
- Mr. Talbot?
- Yes.
- I was wondering if we could talk now?
- I'm...
Please, It's terribly important
Why dont you sit down?
No, no, not there. On the couch.
What do you mean?
Now try and relax. Lie down.
- Lie down?
- It's for your own good.
There.
Really, Mr. Talbot
You must try and relax.
Now. Where would you like to begin?
I really don't know.
Where would you suggest?
Well...
Let's start with... the war.
That war really... bothers you,
doesn't it?
You were In the Army.
I thought I was In the Navy.
No, you were In the Army.
Standing sentry duty...
at an ammunition dump
that blew up.
Do you remember that?
All I remember Is
being officer In a PT boat.
Dont you see? Thats your subconscious
substituting fantasy for fact.
Look...
Thats why you think
you own this place.
Don't I?
No. Really, Mr. Talbot
You must face reality.
Your family lost this house,
Mr. Cavell bought it,
turned it Into a hotel.
- A hotel?
- La Dolce Vista?
- That's right.
- People pay him to stay here?
- Yes.
It's a hotel.
You don't know how happy
you've made me. I knew I could help you.
Oh, you have.
Suddenly, all the pieces
have fallen Into place.
Mr. Cavell will be so thrilled
you've recovered.
- I'll go tell him.
- No, no, no.
Let me tell him.
You can tell Maria to stop praying.
Her friend didn't survive the crisis.
Excuse me. I have some duties.
A major-domo's day Is never done.
Yours Is.
Don't think of your self as a major-domo.
More like a sentry
at an ammunition dump
that's about to blow up.
- Your room or mine?
- Yours.
- You're a thief.
- Yes, sir.
- And a liar.
- Yes, sir.
Completely untrustworthy.
Thief and a liar, yes.
But not untrustworthy.
I really don't think this is the proper time
to talk the matter out
Not while your mind is bristling
with negative thoughts.
I havent even begun to bristle.
- Turning my house Into a hotel.
- How easy for you to say "my house".
- You're never here.
- What's that to do with it?
When her windows are stuck do you care?
No, you're In New York
I, Maurice, have to unstick them.
On a cold night when
her radiators knock are you here?
No, I have to warm them up.
And when her plumbing goes out
who's there to unclog her? Maurice.
You're like a husband who's only
with his wife one month a year.
It's the man who's with her the rest
of the year deserves the credit
Well, I dont care for
what youve turned my wife Into.
- What have I done with the profit?
- That's a good question.
Painted her. Put In a new garden wall,
a fountain, a patio.
- I even replenished the wine cellar.
- Not to mention your wallet.
Any personal gain
was of secondary importance.
Your smile of appreciation
when you came here every year.
That was my real... my real reward.
Tell your guests
to find themselves another hotel.
As for you and your accomplices,
pack your bags and leave in the morning.
Sir, I wish you'd sleep
on that decision.
Tomorrow, we'll probably both
laugh about this matter.
We might both be laughing.
But not In the same house.
Sir, may I please ask one last favor?
Margaret, the chaperone. She's been
coming with tourists for some time.
We've become rather close,
even made plans for the future.
She thinks I'm the owner.
Will you please let me explain it to her
In my own way?
All right. But I have the feeling
I'm not doing Margaret any favor.
Thank you. I'll talk to her right away.
We should be leaving in about half an hour to
pick up Ms. Fellini at the station.
I'll pick her up my self.
Please, sir. As long as I'm here,
I'd like to attend to my duties.
Just for my own Information,
how long has this been a hotel?
Six years.
it was a fine hotel, sir,
with a Triple A rating.
Conrad Hilton
would have been proud to own it
I'm surprised you didn't sell it to him.
The deed Is In your name.
Che piacere rivederla, signorina.
- Grazie Maurice.
- What did he say?
- That It's nice to see me.
- Oh.
- La trovo bene, Maurice.
- Lisa, please.
- Don't pat the servants.
- Maurice? He's more than a servant
Yes, I found that out today.
Keep your eyes on the road.
Robert, you're terribly sharp
with Maurice.
What's wrong?
How would you feel if you found out
Brutus was your major-domo?
Lucrezia Borgia your cook
and Benedict Arnold your upstairs maid?
Cos'hal combinato?
Questa villa resta vuota
Un dici mes al l'anno.
Al lora mi son detto: "Che peccato,
perch non convertirla In un albergo?"
- A hotel
- Filled with tourists.
Look... He even advertises.
Don't laugh, you'll encourage him.
C' solo una povera vecchia
con sei hambin Indifes.
E lui Il butta fuori, sulla strada.
- vero?
- vero.
- I can't believe it
- What?
That you could be so cruel,
to throw out on the street
an old woman
and six helpless children.
- Theyre not children, they're...
- What?
- Not children.
- Chie devo solo di lasciarli una notte.
Se ne vada domattina.
Why cant they stay one night?
They are leaving In the morning.
I don't want anybody there tonight.
Do you?
Roberto, what can one night hurt?
- Ha ragione, cosa importa...
- You keep out of this.
- Dont you listen to him.
- I've never seen you like this before.
- You're upset.
- Of course I'm upset.
It's 10 months since we had seen each other.
- Whose fault Is that?
- Mi fa male sentirvi litigare.
Isn't he sweet?
He said it upsets him to hear us argue.
Theres nothing to argue about
He's already told them to leave.
You did tell your friend Margaret,
didnt you?
Come potevo? Stava facendo Il bagno,
non siamo poi cos tanto amici.
Dont talk to her, talk to me.
- What's the big joke?
- He said, how could he tell her?
She was taking a bath,
and they're not that friendly.
I don't think that's funny.
Mi preoccupa.
Ha perso tutto Il suo spirito.
He said he's worried about you.
You've lost your sense of humour.
Well, I'll get it back when he leaves.
I don't think you should go In with me.
Why not?
The hotel guests.
How will it look if we come In together?
All right. I'll park the car and come In
through the servants' entrance.
I wouldn't want you
to lose your Triple A rating.
Oh, Miss Allison. Signorina Fellini.
- Buon giorno .
- Good afternoon.
- Who's she?
- A school teacher.
She doesn't look like a school teacher.
Margaret, If beauty
symbolizes occupation,
I would mistake you for a star
from the cinema
Maurice
- Oh, not now.
- Why not?
- She's taking a shower.
- Who Is?
- Sandy.
- Sandy?
The girl with whom I share
the room.
- You're rooming with someone?
- I'll kill that Maurice.
- It's not his fault
If he moved everyone around so I could
be alone In the room next to yours,
how would it look?
You'd better leave.
- We'll have dinner on my terrace.
- There Isn't room for nine people.
- What nine people?
- Theyll suspect if we eat alone.
Hurry, she might see you.
Be careful.
What am I sneaking around for?
It's my...
- Shhi
...house.
You'd better wait
Miss Allison hasn't made her bed-check.
And she's already suspicious.
- Of what?
- You and Mr. Talbot
- What about us?
- Dont get me wrong.
I think It's terribly exciting.
All the girls do.
Two people In love.
In a romantic place like this.
It's the dreamiest thing
I've ever heard of.
I'm going downstairs
to get some warm milk.
Warm milk?
He looks more like
the champagne type to me.
Good night, girls. Lights out now.
Err...
I was just going downstairs...
to get some warm milk.
I got the warm milk.
- Sandy.
- Yes, ma'am.
Lights out now.
- Good night, girls.
- Good night.
She'll be asleep In ten minutes.
So will I.
But he's waiting for you.
I can hear the music.
I really don't know where
a girl your age gets Ideas like that
I have no Intention
of going to Mr. Talbot's room.
I'm going...
Yes, I'm going to finish my milk
and go to sleep.
Good morning.
- Morning?
- What happened to last night?
- Everybody looked suspicious.
And Sandy knew about us.
I couldn't leave.
it would've been too obvious.
Sandy seems to know about everything.
Now I know what she's doing In Europe.
Her neighbors
decided to chip In and send her.
- What's that?
- Theyre getting ready to leave.
Good.
I promised to come down
and say goodbye.
Oh, send them a letter.
- It'll only take a minute
- No, Lisa, come on.
- I think you should come and say goodbye too.
- I'll wave to them from the terrace.
Teenagers are like the H-bomb.
When they go off, It's much better
to observe them from a distance.
- Bye, Mr. Talbot
- Bye
- Goodbye, Mr. Talbot
- Bye, Mr. Talbot
Good morning, sir.
Your orange juice.
Not orange juice, Maurice, champagne.
It's a special occasion.
The hotel Is closing,
you're packing,
and the guests are leaving.
How often does a man get rid
of all his troubles at the same time?
Oh, what's the matter?
I don't understand, Miss Allison.
What are you doing In traction?
Slipped on a champagne cork?
it was an accident
I've sprung my sacroiliac.
Mm? No, I've had this happen before.
Don't worry, I'll be absolutely splendid
by the morning.
The girls cant go without her.
You will have to let them stay
until tomorrow
You wouldnt think a cork this small
could lay out woman that big.
Maria, move Miss Fellini's luggage
into Miss Allison room.
- Teresa and...
- Milena, sir.
Start making sandwiches. Lots of them.
Mr. Cavell will need
all of his strength.
- Where am I going?
- On a long hike. With the girls.
You're going to show them Italy.
All of it.
if you run out of Italy,
show them Sicily.
That ought to take you all the day.
And a good part of the night, sir.
I'm glad we understand each other.
It's a shame the girls
have no place to go today.
They do.
Theyre going on a long hike.
Shouldnt we offer to go with them?
Maurice already volunteered.
Do you want to go?
Hiking could never replace this.
Oh, Robert
One, two, three, four,
ready, set...
- Hey, two, three, four...
- Hup
- Hup
- Two, three, four...
- Hup Hup Hup Hup
- Hey
What's going on here?
Observe.
Hey, look. It's Barney Oldfield.
- Catch, Beagle.
- Hey, two, three, four...
- What are you doing here?
- This is the Hotel Dolce Vista, right?
- Not any more.
- We got reservations.
- Theyre cancelled.
- Hold this.
- I got written confirmation from the manager.
- He's cancelled it too.
Sorry.
- All right, out
- Hey, wait a minute. Hold it
Hey, Beagle.
You're gonna be a lawyer, right?
Can he do this to us?
In 1937, there was the case
of Wilson against the Waldorf Astoria.
- And?
- He can do it to us.
- Good day, gentlemen.
- Yeah.
Let's go.
Beagle, give me a coin.
Hey...
That's for parking In your driveway.
We end up In a stream first,
then we're tossed out of our hotel.
- Maybe this country's unlucky.
- We could be In France In a few hours.
- These In favor of leaving, say "Aye'.
- Aye
- These In favor of staying, say "Aye'.
- Aye
Aye
- Theyre backing up.
- Don't look around.
- Which one did you like?
- I didn't notice.
- The driver was cute. Nice blue eyes.
- Theyre brown and keep away from him.
Err... Bongiorno.
Bongiorno.
- This one Is mine, huh?
- Tell 'me we wanna be friends.
Just wait a minute, let me handle it
and we'll all make out
Where do you live?
Sausalito.
And where Is that near?
San Francisco.
I am very stoopid.
But I'm loads of fun.
- We're from Connecticut
- Where are you staying?
Hotel La Dolce Vista.
Well, Isn't that coincidence?
We're staying right outside the gate.
- But theres nothing there.
- Give us 20 minutes, will you?
See you.
Call the police.
I want them picked up for trespassing.
Unfortunately, sir,
It's not your property.
Theyre like spiders. And they've got
the flies helping them put up their web.
- Why arent those flies out hiking?
- They Insisted on going to help out
The moment I saw you,
just came out of my shell.
Well, yes, but you know I really think
we ought to go help the others, Tony.
- Say that again.
- What?
My name.
Tony.
Once more.
Tony.
Theres something about that boy
I don't trust.
I dont care how you do it,
I want you...
- Ciao!
- What's she doing down there?
Goodbye, I'll see you later.
Ciao, ciao!
La, la, la, la
La la Il, la la, la la
La, la, la, la
What were you doing down there?
Darling, you're going to be so proud
of me. I've arranged everything.
- Like what?
- La, la, la, la...
- Like what?
- The boys need kerosene.
- Why? Who are they planning to burn?
- It is for the stove.
- Theyre very nice American boys.
- So was the Dalton gang.
The boys are hurt
They think you don't like them.
Theyre right.
Theyre college students on their first
vacation in Europe. Go...Make friends.
- I don't want to make friends.
- I don't understand you.
- Theyre sweet.
- Sweet.
- Yes
- Yes.
Do you know what the boys are going to do
with the girls this afternoon?
No.
What are the boys going to do
with the girls this afternoon?
Well, I thought,
those girls have nothing to do.
These boys have nothing to do.
So, they could use the sun terrace.
- But Robert wouldn't like that
- No, Robert wouldn't like that
Then I said to my self,
"Wouldn't it be nice
if they all rented motors scooters
and went for a ride In the country?"
That's what you said to your self.
Did you say it to them?
Oh, yes. The boys said it sounded
like it would be a lot of fun.
Well, that sounds like the boys.
- Mr. Cavell.
- Sir?
Go with them and you are not to let those
girls out of your sight.
- Sir, I can't ride a motor scooter.
- Then learn.
I have no sense of balance.
I was the only child, I had to be
strapped to my tricycle.
- I won't let them go out alone.
- Robert
Lisa, please.
I don't know how I let myself get talked Into
all of this, but I'm In it
It's not his hotel, It's my home.
I am the one legally responsible.
- I fully expect your friend, err...
- Margaret.
...to sue me the minute she goes out.
- She wouldn't.
I can be sued for sprung sacroiliac
I can go to jail for what
can happen to those girls.
What can happen to them?
There are four boys and six girls.
That adds up to ten.
And there's safety In numbers.
Theres more to mathematics than adding.
These boys look quite capable
of dividing and multiplying
Oh
Oh
They purposely took this road.
Theyre trying to shake us.
I don't know about you,
but I'm pretty well shook.
All right, so It's my fault
I said I'm sorry.
You'd be more comfortable
if you put your head against me.
- What did you wish for?
- It's very bad luck to tell.
I hope you get what you want
That sure Is sweet of you.
You know, this Is a side of you
I've never seen before.
What Is?
This protective attitude towards women.
Women? Theyre only 18.
Children, no older than my niece.
- So?
- So?
So?
Would I let my niece
go out with guys like that?
I know those boys.
I know that's on their mind.
Robert,
you have a moral streak.
You know me better than that
Hey, Beagle Beagle
- What?
- Look.
A Papilio glaucus. Thatd look great
In your butterfly collection.
- What butterfly collection?
- The one you're starting, now.
- Oh.
- Come on, it went that way.
- Now, just a minute here.
- You wait here In case it doubles back.
Tony, are you sure
that butterfly's gonna come here?
Positive. When you're followed,
you instinctive find a place
where nobody can find you.
- This Is it
- You do know a lot about butterflies.
It's what we study In medical school:
Insects, animals, people.
You'd be surprised
how similar we are In many ways.
Oh?
Well, did you know that
beetles actually kiss?
- No.
- Sure.
How?
The boy beetle rubs his antenna
against the girl beetle.
And what does the girl beetle do?
If he doesn't rub her the wrong way,
they make plans for the future.
Like tonight.
Medicine's a fascinating field.
That's why a woman
like Lisa so interesting.
Lisa?
There are 206 bones In the human body.
I've never seen them that way arranged before.
Oh.
- She sure Is a beautiful specimen.
- Yes, she Is. For her age.
- I am sorry. I didn't mean to be catty.
- Don't be sorry.
She Is, she's very beautiful.
- She really Is.
How would you say I'm arranged?
- You?
- Yeah.
I never gave it much thought.
You've got good basic bone structure.
Let me see.
Nice rib cage.
Fibula.
Tibias good.
Ah, well-developed patellas.
Uh-huh.
Mm-hm.
Uh-huh.
Good.
Very good.
Excellent
Good strong heartbeat.
- Isn't that strange?
- What?
Your pulse,
it suddenly started to race.
- Did it?
- It's swung down now.
There it goes again.
it doubled back.
Oh, err... Tony was just examining
my bone structure.
He's studying to be a doctor.
Where does he plan to Intern?
At the Follies Bergres?
I don't want to Interfere
with medical progress,
but were ready to leave.
After you, Doctor.
- Hey, Beagle. Is this it?
- Yes, sir
Here we go
I thought you said
he'd never make it up this hill.
All right, so we get him
on the next hill.
He's killing the whole day for us.
What about tonight?
The girls are leaving In the morning.
Beagle, will you relax?
We'll get rid of him.
I don't know.
This Is no kid we're fooling with.
That's the answer, he's no kid.
Look he's got a be over 35.
How many hills can he take?
I don't know.
He looks pretty rugged to me.
Yeah, In his day, Beagle.
The B-29 was a rough plane, but it cant
keep up with a guided missile.
When they wheel him
Into the hanger tonight,
his tail Is really gonna be dragging.
- Theyre out to get me.
- Get you what?
- Get rid of me.
- Do you blame them?
- Don't start that
- It's natural, they want to be alone.
- Have you forgotten what that's like?
- What's that supposed to mean?
Theyre normal, healthy boys
and normal, healthy girls. No?
That can lead to a normal, unhealthy
situation. Yes, believe me. I know what I'm doing.
- Robert, you're breaking the spirit.
- Yeah
The guy's not human.
When I couldn't push my scooter
up that last hill...
...he carried it up for me.
- It's spooky.
- Look, Let's be rational.
How old are we, anyway?
I feel like I'm 92.
We're 20 and he's pushing 40.
That's ancient
We're young, we can bounce back.
He's probably laying In his room right now,
like a lead ball.
Anybody here?
The girls tell me
we're all going dancing tonight.
We'll be ready to leave
In about an hour.
Multiplication,
that's the name of the game
And each generation plays the same
Isn't he terrific?
When you see a gentleman bee
Round a lady bee buzz in;,
Why, count to ten
Then count again
There's sure to be an even dozen
Multiplication,
it's the name of the game
And each generation plays the same
Now two butterflies cast their eyes
Both In the same direction
Why you'd never guess
that one little yes
Could start a butterfly collection
Multiplication,
that's the name of the game
And each generation plays the same
I say one and one are five
Call me a silly goat
But you take two minks
You add two winks
What've you got? One mink coat
A girl gets coy In front of a boy
after three or four dances
Well, you can bet
shell play hard to get
To multiply her chances
Multiplication,
that's the name of the game
And each generation plays the same
Let me tell you now
Mother Nature's a clever gal
She relies on habits
Take two hares with no cares
Soon you got a room full of rabbits
Parakeets, In between tweets,
sometimes get too quiet
But have no fear, soon you hear
A parakeets riot, try it
Multiplication
is the name of the game
And each generation plays the same
Multiplication
is the name of the game
And each generation plays the same
It's respect.
That's what girl wants from a boy.
if the girl gives In too easy,
the boy will not take her seriously
He ll never think
In terms of engagement,
marriage, a home, or children.
if you want all these things,
keep your standards high.
The bedroom's like a wedding gown,
It's bad luck to let the fellow
see you In it before you marry him.
Isn't he fabulous?
How does he do it?
He's going on raw courage now.
Remember.
The night Is young, he's not
Well, if youre old enough to fly,
you're old enough to look.
Mr. Talbot?
Mr. Talbot sir?
What do you what?
We'd like to speak to you
for a minute, sir.
It's terribly important
- Ill be right down.
- Thank you, sir. Thank you.
You told the girls
to be ready In an hour, right?
He's a weirdie
Hes just as fresh
as when we started out
Beagle... Beagle,
No man his age
can defy the laws of medical science.
He's traveled on a motor scooter for
over 100 miles, half of it straight up.
He's been on a dance floral night,
knocking himself out
He's had it. Come here.
It's medically proven that to put
said subject to sleep at this point,
It's only necessary to Introduce into the system
some drops of monatomic di carbon hydroxyl.
What's that?
Booze. Just few drinks, we're home.
- You're the king.
- Thank you. Observe.
Hold it, now.
Yes?
Excuse me Sir, since we're leaving early
in the morning,
we thought wed like to come by
and apologise to you.
Oh.
I know we've created a terrible impression,
we've been rude and unpleasant,
in fact, sometimes downright boorish.
May we come In for a moment, sir?
Thank you, sir. Thank you.
Mr. Talbot We just couldn't leave without
trying to square things with you.
- I see.
- No hard feelings?
- Not at all.
- Thank you, sir. Thank you.
- Thank you, sir.
- Thank you, sir.
What did you say, Beagle?
Do you know what an occasion
like this calls for? A drink.
- Yeah.
- You're right. He's right, sir.
May we have a farewell drink together?
- Sure. Let's do.
- Thank you, sir.
Beautiful villa you have, Mr. Talbot
Now, then.
What would you boys like to drink?
- A brandy.
- Brandy?
Fine.
A toast, sir.
May this night be an example
of the friendship.
between your generation and ours.
And another toast, sir.
May these drinks wash away the past
and ensure the future.
To a little insurance.
Now, then...
Well, sir.
I'd like to propose a toast.
To what?
You name it
- Well...
- How do you feel?
Fine.
Sir, do you realize that you are defying
the laws of medical science?
Dr. Lister and Louis Pasteur.
And, err...
Madame Curie.
All our work, sir, Is for nothing.
I'm sorry. Some unfinished business
I had to attend to.
Robert
What's wrong?
- What's happened?
- I got'em
Every last one of 'em.
Tony?
Tony
What happened?
Tony
Tony
Hmm?
Tony?
Are you all right?
Course I'm all right.
A little wet, that's all.
Come on, try and stand up.
Now see if you can walk.
Course I can walk.
How do you feel?
What happened?
Mr. Talbot...
He called us In,
and then he forced us to drink with him.
Tony...
If I could only lie down for minute,
I'd feel fine. I know it
Do you want to go In the house?
No, I... I'd better not
I'd better go back to the tent
- Tony
- Mm?
I need a little help.
Robert
How could you do this?
I was only following their golden rule.
Do unto others before they do it to you.
You can't let them lie there all night.
Maurice can sweep 'em out
In the morning.
Look...dont feel sorry for them.
They got exactly what they
are deserved.
- Somebody has to look after the girls.
- Is it not their parentsresponsibility?
The trouble with the American parents is,
they have a new gimmick.
"Keep your kids off the streets.
Send them to Europe."
Theyre turning this continent
Into one big corner drugstore.
- It's gone.
- What?
Theres a body missing. The one body
I don't want to have missing.
Sandy wait, I was drunk, I swear.
I didnt even know what I was doing.
The next time I see a man lying in the bar,
I will leave him there.
- Mr.Talbot, Did you force him to drink with you?
- Of course not.
And that's a lie.
- Sandy, honey...
- Sandy...
Thank you.
You've reaffirmed my lack of confidence
In my fellow man.
- Sandy?
- Mm?
Are you all right?
Oh, sure. He's cute, Isn't he?
- Who?
- Tony.
Hope I didn't loosen any teeth when
I hit him. He has a beautiful smile.
- You're not mad at him?
- Mad? Why would I be mad at him?
Wait, wait...
- He got fresh. You hit him.
- You're not mad?
- No.
- You like him?
- Adore him.
Eh gil Sicuro!
The business psychiatrists
must do In America
You people are all mixed up.
You see, when he got fresh,
it showed he was Interested.
- I had to ensure he stayed Interested.
- So you hit him.
It's like Mr.Talbot said.
A girl has to make a boy respect her.
If she gives in easily, he
will never take her seriously.
Oh.
- He said that?
He's right. He said,
"When you go shopping In a market,
you don't buy anything
that's been there too much."
- When did Mr.Talbot tell you all this?
- While we were dancing.
He said: "if you want man to think in terms
of getting engaged and married,
you got to keep your standards high."
What else did he say?
He said that love Is one product you
don't sell by giving away free samples.
That's a good advice for all of us.
You listen to him. I can tell you,
he knows what he's talking about
I know.
Well?
I guess you learned
something tonight, huh?
Yes. I never realized
how wrong I was.
- It's all In the past now.
- You're so right.
You know, It's been a long day.
Some champagne
would do us both the world of good.
- The bottle's on the terrace.
- I'll go get it
- Robert
When you get to the terrace,
would you do me a favor?
- Sure.
- Jump off.
- What are you doing?
- Taking your advice.
If a woman is too easy to get,
no man will ever take her seriously.
When I think how easy I was.
Stupida Cretina Idiota
- Something I told some young girls.
- To protect their morals.
What about my morals?
What's that got to do with it?
We're adults.
- Lisa, look. You just calm down.
- Don't touch me.
How could I be that stupid?
You are rich, good looking
Intelligent, charming.
I should have known better than
to get mixed up with someone like that
You're not making any sense.
I don't have to make sense.
I'm Italiani
Ci sono uomini
pi Interessanti di te In Italia.
Sono stufa degil american. Stufa
Talk English I can't understand you.
That's another thing. if you loved me,
you'd have learned my language.
But no. I had to do it
The weeks I spent studying.
Learning to speak this fluid English.
Not fluid, fluent
Big shot Knows all the words.
For the first time, I started to think
What am I doing here?
Lisa, believe me, no love affair can survive
if either party starts to think.
That's the beauty of our relation ship.
No thinking.
- No pressure, no questions asked.
- It's time someone asked questions.
I knew those girls
would get me In trouble.
You're a hypocrite.
You made all the rules
and I play by them.
- Now I know what you think of me.
- Lisa.
Well, the game Is over, Robert
I dont want to play any more.
- If you just calm down.
- I'm tired of being a free sample.
- Theres no future In it
- We never even talked about the future.
Women don't want talk.
They go by Intuition.
And I've learned one thing.
A womans Intuition
Is a man's best friend.
- Lisa, wait.
- The market's closed, Mr. Talbot.
You have to start shopping
somewhere else.
Lisa.
Lisa
Who's In that tent?
Boys.
Boys?
Watch your head, my dear.
- Did my girls meet them?
- Meet whom?
- Those boys down In the tent
- Oh, those boys. Yes.
They weren't Interested
In feminine companions.
Theyre too absorbed by
the educational aspects of the tour.
It's too bad you won't have time to meet
them. Fine, clean-cut young Americans.
True goodwill ambassadors
of a great nation.
- Which way's the tent?
- What happened to the girls?
I don't know. Man, what a night.
- Maurice
- Dear, I'm as shocked as you are.
If anything's happened to those girls...
Margaret, believe me, please
Nothing happened.
Absolutely nothing, I'm sure.
I hope not. Remember...
I left to the girls In your care.
Oh Cedric
- He hiccupped.
- He did.
Cedric
He's drunk
Maurice What kind of party
did you have here last night?
- Lisa, come back here
- I said, dont touch me
Wait until everybody's gone.
We can talk like adults.
I don't want to talk like an adult
That's how I got Into all this trouble.
- How will you get back? There's no train.
- I'll walk.
- You are very welcome to come with us.
- Thank you.
You keep out of this.
Lisa, dont you walk out that door.
What would I lose? Thef privilege
of seeing you every September?
Well, I'm tired
of being girl of the month.
- You know you're more than that
- Don't worry, Robert
You won't have any trouble.
Just put an ad In the paper.
Girl wanted. Short hours,
pleasant working conditions.
Theres only one drawback.
Theres no chance of advancement
Wild parties, immoral rendezvous...
And to think I trusted you
Next, I'll find out
this Isnt even a hotel.
That's precise the next thing
you're about to find out
- Sir.
- You're fired.
And you, madam,
take those girls of yours,
pack that drunken bird,
and get out
Are you going to allow him
to speak to me like that?
Margaret, theres a small detail I probably
should have mentioned before now.
I know you are going to take it
with your customary good sense of humor.
Margaret, Listen to me
Where's that good sense of humour?
Margaret
Sandy Honey, listen...
Hey, Sandy
- I'm packed, sir.
- Goodbye, Mr. Clavel.
- Before I leave, can I get you breakfast?
- No.
- Yes. Get me an olive.
- A martini for breakfast?
Great for the morning after. Especially
if there hasn't been a night before.
Yes, sir.
Oh, before I forget,
would you kindly sign this, sir?
- What Is it?
- A letter of recommendation.
A letter of recommendation?
I didn't want to trouble you, so I took the
liberty of writing it out myself. Just sign here.
It's much too trivial
for you to bother reading, sir.
"Loyal...
...faithful, dedicated, noble."
"Reputable. Incorruptible."
it does get rather monotonous.
Nearly saint-like in his devotion
to his master.
Yes, sir.
Nobody who believes this deserves you.
Thank you very much, sir.
I'll get the olive.
May I speak to you a moment, sir?
Well, If it Isn't
the prowling physician.
I don't blame you, sir.
The way I acted with Sandy,
I'm no credit to the medical profession.
Hardly.
I came to apologise, sir.
No gimmicks this time.
You had us pegged
right from the beginning.
That's probably
why we got so sore at you.
- Sir, do you know what a lemming is?
- No.
Well, It's an animal
that destroys itself.
I gotta look up my family tree, there
must be some real lemmings in it
I meet a great girl like Sandy and what
do I do? I goofed the whole thing up.
I acted just like a stupid adolescent
I'm not a kid any more,
I know better than that
- I'm getting on In years.
- You are not exactly ancient.
When a guy gets as old as I am,
you'd think he'd be smart enough
to stop fooling around
and look for lasting relationship.
Once In a while, if you're lucky, you
come across something of real value.
And what do you do?
Treat it like a bargain basement
speola. You start grabbing it
And you lose it
You spend your life shopping around
for something
that's not even half as good.
Anyhow, I came by to say, I'm sorry.
So long, Mr. Talbot
Tony.
Yes, sir?
Err...
Have a nice trip.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
- Here you are, sir.
- Mr. Clavell.
just learned something. I'm a lemming.
You really should have something
more substantial for breakfast.
You know man Is the only animal clever enough
to build the Empire State Building
and stupid enough to jump off it
- Get the car, Maurice.
- Yes, sir
- I dont see them.
- Sparrow, stop worrying
- He'll follow us.
- Who?
Tony. You don't think I'd have left
If I didnt think he'd come after me?
And don't you worry.
Mr. Talbot will come after you too.
Believe me, Sandy, I couldn't care less.
A $20,000 car
Isn't supposed to get a flat
Evident, the manufacturers
felt the same way.
Theres no jack to change the tyre.
There must be a garage
around here someplace.
Va; vial
Dov' il garage pl vicino?
They don't know. I'll ask Inside.
You there, I want to borrow your truck.
MI spiace, ma non capisco.
I want to borrow your truck.
I'll pay you for it
Non posso.
It's an emergenoy.
I'll buy it, here.
Ma questo camion non mica mio.
Perch mi ha dato questo denaro?
Non mio.
- Get In.
- Theres a garage.
- Never mind, get In.
- In this?
Va bene. Va bene.
Eh, il mio camion
Eccolo l Fermati
Calmati, figlio mio.
Chiamiamo la polizia adesso.
There they are, sir.
- Here, take this bird.
- Take the wheel.
Lisa
- What?
- Stop the bus
- I want to talk to you.
- Go away.
I've been thinking.
You want me to take you seriously?
OK. I take you serious.
It's too late.
What do you want me to do, marry you?
- OK, I'll marry you.
- You sound like you do me a favor.
I'm not doing you any favor
by marrying you.
if you'd asked me when we first met,
or last year, or even yesterday.
We never spoke of marriage.
We were happy.
I always feel I forced you Into it
- Do I sound like I'm being forced?
- You dont seem happy about it
I've never been happier.
Look damn it, I'm smiling.
it would never work
Lisa, I'm asking you In a nice way.
Now stop being an Idiot
Get off that blasted bus and marry me
No
OK, don't ever say I never asked you.
You're a witness.
You heard me ask her.
- Dont stop now, sir. Follow them.
- No, Maurice.
I'm like this goose.
I know when I've laid an egg.
I want that villa put up forsale.
And if you can't sell it, burn it
I've had it with this country.
Thais Is no time to burn your villas
behind you.
- She loves you. She wants to marry you.
- She has a funny way of showing it
Italian women are emotional.
She's been hurt
She wants time to think.
I want to go back to America, where
people get married without thinking.
Eccolo l camion
Arresta
ue?
- What are they saying?
- They say we stole his truck.
His truck? That's ridiculous.
Tell them I bought it, paid $600 for it
Yes, we admit it
We stole this truck. It was his Idea.
I never stole any thing In my life.
Thais Isnt the first car he's stolen.
Tell them that's my car over there.
He stole that one, too.
I resent being treated
like a memberof the Mafia.
He's a member of the Mafia.
What are they doing?
Maurice, tell them who I am.
This Is Robert Talbot
The most wanted criminal In Europe.
That's right.
They probably want some money.
Offer them a bribe.
He says you'll never collect
the big reward.
He's wanted In Rome...
five million lire.
You know the police
In the big cities.
if they come after him,
they end up with the reward.
The way to make sure you get it,
Is to take him to Rome personal.
- Did you tell them about the money?
- Theyre definitely Interested.
The time I wasted on him.
For the hypocrite, a liar, a fraud.
You are fortunate. Most women
find it out after they are married.
I'm lucky to get man like Spencer.
He's honest, sincere, sympathetic...
...err... reliable
Everything Robert Isn't.
But at least Robert did me one favor.
- He did?
- He asked me to marry him.
He begged me.
And that freed me of him forever.
Now I know I can be happy with Spencer.
Where are they taking us?
We've been riding for hours.
I wish I knew, sir.
I don't understand it
They act like I'm a criminal.
I've noticed that, sir.
Hey
Metti gi le mani
Tell him I'd like to
explain everything very carefully.
Yes, sir.
He says he Is ready
to make a full confession.
Now, there's this girl, Lisa Fellini.
There Is this girl,
Lisa Fellini.
Tell them she was my house guest.
She Is his chief accomplice.
She lives here In Rome,
via Bellaglo, 46.
She Is hiding out In Rome...
at via Bellaglo, 46.
We had an argument, a lover's quarrel.
I was trying to keep her from leaving.
Theres a big reward for her.
Hey
If I only had my lawyer here.
Believe me, what I'm doing for you,
no lawyer could ever do.
You didnt see Lisa at her best the other day.
Once you get to know her, you'll love her.
She's a shy, gentle girl.
Very quiet, well-bred and home-loving.
Lasciatem andare!
Lasciatem andare!
Sono Innocente! Mascalzoni
I don't like making snap decisions,
Spencer,
but do you think
this Is the right girl for you?
Robert
Signorina
Theres this man I met
about eight months ago. Spencer.
He's been very nice to me and...
Non lo so.
I don't want to sue anybody
for false arrest.
just want to get out of here.
if there's a plane, a train, a bus, or
jackass leaving this city, get me on it
- Theres a train leaving for Milan in just about
an hour. - Fine. Get me a taxi.
Let me tell you about Italian women.
Theyre not to be trusted.
- Deceitful, emotionally unstable.
- Doesn't that apply to all the women?
Of course, it does. That's where they've got us.
Nothing else to replace them with.
- At least you go down to the station and apologise.
- I'll write to them.
Cafoni
First, You say you don't love me,
spend two nights at a man's villa,
finally, when you return you're arrested.
I can't allow this to go on
after were married.
Come along.
Hello?
Yes, Maurice.
I dont care
what train Mr. Talbot Is taking.
As long as he takes it
We dont want him here In Italy.
I speak for the government
Goodbye.
Hello?
Take care of yourself, Maurice. Ciao.
What are you so happy about?
- Lisa, I have to talk to you.
- Come In.
What's wrong?
He didn't follow me
I'm going home tomorrow and
he doesnt even have my phone number.
- I know I'll never see him again.
- Dont worry.
Lisa, I don't want to lose him. I'm 18,
I may never have another chance.
- Of course you will.
- No, I'm going to end up like you.
Marrying the wrong man
and miserable with someone I don't love.
Non sense,
I'm very happy with Spencer.
Now, listen. Do you know
where the boys were going?
Yes, but what good Is it?
It's like Mr. Talbot said.
It's wrong for woman to chase a man.
He won't respect her.
Forget Mr. Talbot
Listen to him and you'll ruin your life.
But you told me he was right.
You said you were taking his advice.
Did I? I don't remember.
Now, where were the boys going?
Paris. The Deauville Hotel.
Hotel Deauville In Paris.
Internazionale prego.
- You're calling Tony.
- Lisa...
I want the Hotel Deauville In Paris.
- When they answer, ask for him.
- Do you think I should?
Of course
It's like fighting a war. If you retreat
and the enemy doesn't follow you,
you've got to turn around and attack.
What good Is winning the battle
if you lose the war?
Aspetta un momen to.
Why be miserable
with someone you don't love?
Betterto be miserable
with someone you do love.
Hello? Hello.
Paris.
Yes, Hotel Deauville.
Yes, I'll hold on.
- Miss Fellini. Where...?
- Apartment 2a...
- Thank you.
- What's she made up for?
Yes, operator, I'm still holding on.
Hello? Hello?
Sandy.
Hi.
Oh, It's you.
Remember I told you
we were going to Paris?
Did you?
Well, I couldnt go.
I didn't have your phone number.
Oh.
I suddenly realized
I might never see you again.
You dont care
if you never see me again.
- I dont want to hurt your feelings.
- Don't say another word.
Let's have dinner tonight.
The two of us will sit and talk.
And maybe get to know each other.
OK?
- OK?
- What'll I tell Mario?
- Who's Mario?
- My date for tonight.
Oh.
I see.
Oh, but I can cancel it
Will you?
- I wont even answer the phone.
- Good.
Promise. I wont even touch you.
Robert
Robert
There she Is.
I told you she'd be here.
Robert
Lisa
Mi lasci passare.
Un momen to, e che dlavolo!
Devo parlare con quel signore
che sta prendendo II treno. La prego!
- Non si pu.
- Ho capito, cafone!
Darling, I knew you wouldn't
let me down. My sisters are over there.
Robert...
Robert
I'm here Robert
I'll send you both a wedding present
Andiamo!
There you are.
I'll give the fellow credit:
he's a jolly good loser.
You stop here and don't move.
I'll bring my sisters.
- Ho detto non si pu!
- Ho capito!
- Ancora lei
- un padre dl famiglia, mi pu capire.
Mi guardi, sola e abandonata con questo
bambino. Il giorno delle nozze.
E il padre di questo bambino sta
partendo.
Mascalzone americano!
- America no?
- America no d'America.
Se lei non mi fa
passare, quello l se ne val
I can't let you leave
without even talking to her.
She's got that little something extra.
That little something extra.
This could never happen In England.
It's this beastly climate.
- Eccolo!
- lui?
- Il pap.
- L'americano? Ci penso io.
Guarda pap.
...nobody's gonna... That's not mine.
I'm gonna leave this country.
I'm gonna go back to America
Lisa, tell him I'm not...
He has done it, again.
Sir, I thought you were both
on your way to America.
You've two minutes to get everyone
out of the house.
I received a letter from Margaret.
She's forgiven me.
We might even get married.
I needed the money.
I said Everybody out.
Theyre different, so quiet,
you won't even notice they're around.
All right. If you won't
throw them out I will.
Are you sure
those two people are married?
Sister, this time I'm sure.
we will assume dual responsibilities.
Quanta la fabbrica sar ultimata,
sarebbe duplice responsabilit.
Er... Thee capitalization
will be shared equally.
They put up half, I put up half.
La capitalizzazione
sar divisa in parti iguali.
Needless to say, I have great
personal Interest In this project
and I'm looking forward to
its earliest consummation.
Inutile dire
che Mr Talbot ha un grandissimo...
- Mr Talbot your call to Rome.
- Ah. Excuse me, gentlemen.
- Lisa
- Mmm?
- lui. qui.
- E chi qui?
Talbot
qui?
No, al Milano.
Speak English. I dont want her to hear.
What's he doing here In July?
He never comes till September.
Well, I don't know, but he's here.
I will say to him that
you are not in house
No, Ill talk to him.
But Lisa, I tell you, an old love Is
like an empty bottle of champagne.
You don't refill it
You get new bottle.
He has a right to know
I'm marrying.
He comes once a year, stays a month.
You never see him the rest of the year.
He has no rights.
Send him a letter.
Thats more than most husbands get.
MI scusi, sa. Torno subito.
Lisa
Se parli con queil'uomo
sei comppletamente...
English I don't want them to hear.
- You've wasted enough time on that man.
- Where's the phone?
- I put him In the dish.
- Oh
Don't
While's he's in there, you're safe.
I am safe whether he is in or out
I will simply tell him the truth.
He went away, I met another man.
He asked me to marry him,
and I accepted.
Davvero?
Va bene.
- Hello?
- Lisa.
- It's wonderful to hear your voice.
- I was going to write...
Theres no need to. I'm here.
Then I'll tell you on the phone.
- Robert, I...
- Ah, ah, ah. Say it again.
- What?
- My name.
- Robert
- Once more.
Robert
If you only knew how often I've thought
about you, how much I look forward to...
Please, please listen to me. I...
There's nothing to do rather than listen to you.
I couldn't wait until September.
I rearranged my entire schedule
to be here early. Just to be with you.
- Did you?
- Mm-hm. Did you miss me?
- Yes.
- Well, tell me.
- I've missed you.
- Oh, Lisa.
Lisa, my sweet, sweet Lisa.
Yes, Roberto?
Now, listen carefully.
Whatever youre doing, drop it
- It's not important
- It's not important
Pack your bags.
You can catch the one-twenty.
Pack my bags.
Catch the one-twenty.
- And meet me at the villa.
- At your villa.
- Goodbye, sweetheart
- Goodbye, sweetheart
I couldn't help it
L'hai visto, no?
English. I don't want them
to know you're a fool.
Anna, please.
I tried to tell him, very hard.
- You heard me
- What were you going to tell him?
That he's not the man for me. He's
always had everything his own way.
He's arranged his life for his comfort,
not mine. I don't intend to live like that
- Then why didnt you tell him?
- And spoil everything?
Eleven months of the year, you're an
intelligent, good business woman, successful.
He comes here,
and you havent got a brain in your head.
Anna, do you know
what it means to be happy?
- Yes, of course.
- But I mean, really happy?
But that kind of happy
only gets you In trouble.
Guai, guai... Ma che guai?
Lisa, listen to me.
- Basta Permes so.
- In due siete arrivati
e non avete combinato niente!
Ci devo pensare io?
Spencer, I've thought about it
I've made up my mind.
I can't hurt you.
It wouldn't be fair of me to marry you.
But darling, don't you realise?
Everything's arranged.
My sisters have come all the way from London
for this wedding.
Theyre coming to meet you now.
What on earth am I going to tell them?
Tell them it's best for both of us.
Theyll understand.
Believe me, I know what you're just
suffering from. Pre-marital nerves.
I'm extremely nervous myself. I'll tell you.
Yes, I've had some problems.
My sisters... I had the deuce of job
persuading them.
it was the accepted thing nowadays
for an Englishman to marry a foreigner.
Here in Italy, Im not the foreigner.
You and your sisters are foreigners.
Yes, of course. I realize that
but I wouldn't mention it to them.
Theyre charming. I'm sure
you'll like them when you meet them.
- I'd rather not
- Lisa, please.
It wouldnt work
I'd never be happy in England.
You will, really, you will.
England's not a bad old place.
It's like a cold shower. Once you get
used to it, you feel the better for it
- I don't like cold showers.
- Look darling, we'll compromise.
Six months here and six months there.
Oh, I can't live like a gypsy.
Believe me, Spencer,
I'm doing this for your own good.
Some day, you'll meet girl
who'll enjoy that cold shower with you.
- Spencer
- Wait, here are my sisters now.
- Lisa, my sisters Katherine and Claire.
- Goodbye.
Via Bellagio 46.
Rather an attractive girl.
But not too friendly.
Gee, mister, she's a beauty
Sure dont see many like that
I'll bet she's the fastest thing
on the road.
Gee, mister, she's a beauty
Sure dont see many like that
I'll bet she's the fastest thing
on the road.
Gee, mister, she's a beauty
Sure dont see many like that
I'll bet she's the fastest thing
on the road.
- Look out
- Oh, my God
Gee, you guys, she's a beauty
You don't see many like that
Yes, sire. I'll bet she's
the fastest thing on the road.
How are you, Dino?
[phone rings]
Hotel La Dolce Vista. Cosa?
Talbot?
Grazie.
Teresa, Milena, Maria
Presto!
Now, listen carefully.
Mr Talbot will be here any minute.
Madonna mia.
He'll find out We are lost
God helps those who help themselves.
Thee bedrooms.
You, the bathrooms.
Hide Cedric. Hurry up.
Cedric...
Teresa , Apri, apri, apri
Arriva il Signore Talbot.
- Maurice.
- Mr. Talbot unexpected pleasure.
- How are you?
- A bit surprised.
To see you In July.
You never come till September.
- I wish I'd known.
- My telegram?
- Telegram? No, sir.
- I sent one.
- Get In.
- Yes, sir.
- Isn't that a new colour?
- Pardon?
I said, Isn't that a new colour?
Houses are like women, sir. The older
they get, the more paint they need.
- How's everything been?
- Very quiet.
Like turtles, we withdraw
into our shells until you return.
- What's that?
- Sir?
This... err... bougainvillea.
it wasnt here last year, was it?
Oh I've done a little...
I've done a bit of landscapping.
If your are displeased...
Displeased?
With what youve done with this place?
You're more than a major-domo.
You're a friend.
I hope you'll continue
to think that, sir.
- Signor Clavell. Telegram.
- Oh.
Here, wait minute. I'll get it
- Thank you.
- Grazie.
It's from me.
I'm arriving today.
That's the charm of Italy. It's the only country
where a man can send a telegram
and be sure
he'll be there to receive it
You know, I never realize now much I
miss this place until I come back to it
It's more than a villa. It's a refuge.
It's where a man can...
Lock out the rest of the world.
- Will Miss... err...?
- Yes. She'll be here.
A man doesn't lock the whole world out
Hello, Maria.
...Benedictus sanctus...
Why Is she praying?
A friend of hers, a very fine chap,
Is passing through a severe crisis.
- Well, I hope he makes it
- No more than I do.
I'll take your rooms to your bag.
"La Dolce Vista"?
Must be a new one.
- Hello
- Just get here?
- Yes.
- You'll like it
- What's that?
- Girls.
I know. Whatre they doing here?
Sir, if you could have seen them.
Students on tour In a strange land,
their tiny bus disabled.
Theyll be gone In the morning.
Theyre staying here tonight?
I know I should have turned them away,
but the quality of mercy's not strained.
It's being strained right now.
Why not send them to a hotel?
There Isnt a vacant In town. But
if you Insist, I'll tell them to leave.
Well, they have to go somewhere.
What about this new place?
La Dolce Vista.
- Full up, sir.
- Well, they cant stay here.
- Check around and find something.
- Yes, sir.
Maurice
Oh, we had a splendid hike.
Quite exhilarating.
Miss Allison, Miss Stevens.
Mr. Talbot
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
- HI.
- Miss Allison is the girls' chaperone.
- Where's Cedric?
- I had him carried up to your bedroom.
- Oh, splendid?
- Err... Who's Cedric?
- Miss Allison's parakeet.
- This is such a lovely place.
And the view from the terrace
quite breath-taking.
Thank you. Now, if you'll excuse me.
Maurice, make the ladies comfortable.
Well, really
He acts as though he owns the place.
- I was hoping he'd be better this year.
- What's wrong with him?
This is a story
I wish I didn't have to tell.
Years ago, his family owned this place.
There were financial reverses,
they lost it
- That's when you bought it
- Yes.
Then the war came along. He was standing
sentry duty at an ammunition dump.
- Blew up.
- Really?
- It left him traumatised.
- You will not look at him?.
No, It's like looking at
a magnificent castle, with a weak tower.
Isn't it dangerous
to have him roaming in the house?
No, no, no. He's absolutely harmless
except for one small mental quirk
He thinks he still owns the place.
I let him come every year to stay
a while. It seems to calm his nerves.
If he says something unusual,
just play along.
- What an Interesting case history.
- Has he any money?
Only his government pension.
Naturally, I do what I can.
Oh, Maurice I think
that's why I'm so fond of you.
You're always thinking of others.
I think a psychiatrist
would help him.
Undoubtedly.
But It's none of your affair.
Sandy's a major In psychology.
She's quite a fanatic on the subject
- Dear child.
- Maurice.
- Have these shined, will you?
- Yes, sir.
- Draw my bath. Lay out my clothes.
- Yes, sir.
- Analysis would help him.
- Or good talking to.
He may be shell-shocked,
but he's not helpless.
The ideal treating you
as if you were his servant
Hello.
Hello.
- Mr. Talbot?
- Have you owned this place very long?
- Quite some time.
- You must be very proud of it
- Yes, I am.
Unfortunately, since the war, I've only
been able to come here once a year.
- It must have been a terrible war.
- They usually are.
Yes... I'd like to talk to you
about it some time.
- About what?
- The war.
- The war?
- Yes.
I have a feeling I can help.
I doubt it
It's over.
- What are you doing?
- You told me to lay out...
All right, I'll do it. Get on the phone
and find a place for those women. - Yes, Sir.
Come In.
- Mr. Talbot?
- Yes.
- I was wondering if we could talk now?
- I'm...
Please, It's terribly important
Why dont you sit down?
No, no, not there. On the couch.
What do you mean?
Now try and relax. Lie down.
- Lie down?
- It's for your own good.
There.
Really, Mr. Talbot
You must try and relax.
Now. Where would you like to begin?
I really don't know.
Where would you suggest?
Well...
Let's start with... the war.
That war really... bothers you,
doesn't it?
You were In the Army.
I thought I was In the Navy.
No, you were In the Army.
Standing sentry duty...
at an ammunition dump
that blew up.
Do you remember that?
All I remember Is
being officer In a PT boat.
Dont you see? Thats your subconscious
substituting fantasy for fact.
Look...
Thats why you think
you own this place.
Don't I?
No. Really, Mr. Talbot
You must face reality.
Your family lost this house,
Mr. Cavell bought it,
turned it Into a hotel.
- A hotel?
- La Dolce Vista?
- That's right.
- People pay him to stay here?
- Yes.
It's a hotel.
You don't know how happy
you've made me. I knew I could help you.
Oh, you have.
Suddenly, all the pieces
have fallen Into place.
Mr. Cavell will be so thrilled
you've recovered.
- I'll go tell him.
- No, no, no.
Let me tell him.
You can tell Maria to stop praying.
Her friend didn't survive the crisis.
Excuse me. I have some duties.
A major-domo's day Is never done.
Yours Is.
Don't think of your self as a major-domo.
More like a sentry
at an ammunition dump
that's about to blow up.
- Your room or mine?
- Yours.
- You're a thief.
- Yes, sir.
- And a liar.
- Yes, sir.
Completely untrustworthy.
Thief and a liar, yes.
But not untrustworthy.
I really don't think this is the proper time
to talk the matter out
Not while your mind is bristling
with negative thoughts.
I havent even begun to bristle.
- Turning my house Into a hotel.
- How easy for you to say "my house".
- You're never here.
- What's that to do with it?
When her windows are stuck do you care?
No, you're In New York
I, Maurice, have to unstick them.
On a cold night when
her radiators knock are you here?
No, I have to warm them up.
And when her plumbing goes out
who's there to unclog her? Maurice.
You're like a husband who's only
with his wife one month a year.
It's the man who's with her the rest
of the year deserves the credit
Well, I dont care for
what youve turned my wife Into.
- What have I done with the profit?
- That's a good question.
Painted her. Put In a new garden wall,
a fountain, a patio.
- I even replenished the wine cellar.
- Not to mention your wallet.
Any personal gain
was of secondary importance.
Your smile of appreciation
when you came here every year.
That was my real... my real reward.
Tell your guests
to find themselves another hotel.
As for you and your accomplices,
pack your bags and leave in the morning.
Sir, I wish you'd sleep
on that decision.
Tomorrow, we'll probably both
laugh about this matter.
We might both be laughing.
But not In the same house.
Sir, may I please ask one last favor?
Margaret, the chaperone. She's been
coming with tourists for some time.
We've become rather close,
even made plans for the future.
She thinks I'm the owner.
Will you please let me explain it to her
In my own way?
All right. But I have the feeling
I'm not doing Margaret any favor.
Thank you. I'll talk to her right away.
We should be leaving in about half an hour to
pick up Ms. Fellini at the station.
I'll pick her up my self.
Please, sir. As long as I'm here,
I'd like to attend to my duties.
Just for my own Information,
how long has this been a hotel?
Six years.
it was a fine hotel, sir,
with a Triple A rating.
Conrad Hilton
would have been proud to own it
I'm surprised you didn't sell it to him.
The deed Is In your name.
Che piacere rivederla, signorina.
- Grazie Maurice.
- What did he say?
- That It's nice to see me.
- Oh.
- La trovo bene, Maurice.
- Lisa, please.
- Don't pat the servants.
- Maurice? He's more than a servant
Yes, I found that out today.
Keep your eyes on the road.
Robert, you're terribly sharp
with Maurice.
What's wrong?
How would you feel if you found out
Brutus was your major-domo?
Lucrezia Borgia your cook
and Benedict Arnold your upstairs maid?
Cos'hal combinato?
Questa villa resta vuota
Un dici mes al l'anno.
Al lora mi son detto: "Che peccato,
perch non convertirla In un albergo?"
- A hotel
- Filled with tourists.
Look... He even advertises.
Don't laugh, you'll encourage him.
C' solo una povera vecchia
con sei hambin Indifes.
E lui Il butta fuori, sulla strada.
- vero?
- vero.
- I can't believe it
- What?
That you could be so cruel,
to throw out on the street
an old woman
and six helpless children.
- Theyre not children, they're...
- What?
- Not children.
- Chie devo solo di lasciarli una notte.
Se ne vada domattina.
Why cant they stay one night?
They are leaving In the morning.
I don't want anybody there tonight.
Do you?
Roberto, what can one night hurt?
- Ha ragione, cosa importa...
- You keep out of this.
- Dont you listen to him.
- I've never seen you like this before.
- You're upset.
- Of course I'm upset.
It's 10 months since we had seen each other.
- Whose fault Is that?
- Mi fa male sentirvi litigare.
Isn't he sweet?
He said it upsets him to hear us argue.
Theres nothing to argue about
He's already told them to leave.
You did tell your friend Margaret,
didnt you?
Come potevo? Stava facendo Il bagno,
non siamo poi cos tanto amici.
Dont talk to her, talk to me.
- What's the big joke?
- He said, how could he tell her?
She was taking a bath,
and they're not that friendly.
I don't think that's funny.
Mi preoccupa.
Ha perso tutto Il suo spirito.
He said he's worried about you.
You've lost your sense of humour.
Well, I'll get it back when he leaves.
I don't think you should go In with me.
Why not?
The hotel guests.
How will it look if we come In together?
All right. I'll park the car and come In
through the servants' entrance.
I wouldn't want you
to lose your Triple A rating.
Oh, Miss Allison. Signorina Fellini.
- Buon giorno .
- Good afternoon.
- Who's she?
- A school teacher.
She doesn't look like a school teacher.
Margaret, If beauty
symbolizes occupation,
I would mistake you for a star
from the cinema
Maurice
- Oh, not now.
- Why not?
- She's taking a shower.
- Who Is?
- Sandy.
- Sandy?
The girl with whom I share
the room.
- You're rooming with someone?
- I'll kill that Maurice.
- It's not his fault
If he moved everyone around so I could
be alone In the room next to yours,
how would it look?
You'd better leave.
- We'll have dinner on my terrace.
- There Isn't room for nine people.
- What nine people?
- Theyll suspect if we eat alone.
Hurry, she might see you.
Be careful.
What am I sneaking around for?
It's my...
- Shhi
...house.
You'd better wait
Miss Allison hasn't made her bed-check.
And she's already suspicious.
- Of what?
- You and Mr. Talbot
- What about us?
- Dont get me wrong.
I think It's terribly exciting.
All the girls do.
Two people In love.
In a romantic place like this.
It's the dreamiest thing
I've ever heard of.
I'm going downstairs
to get some warm milk.
Warm milk?
He looks more like
the champagne type to me.
Good night, girls. Lights out now.
Err...
I was just going downstairs...
to get some warm milk.
I got the warm milk.
- Sandy.
- Yes, ma'am.
Lights out now.
- Good night, girls.
- Good night.
She'll be asleep In ten minutes.
So will I.
But he's waiting for you.
I can hear the music.
I really don't know where
a girl your age gets Ideas like that
I have no Intention
of going to Mr. Talbot's room.
I'm going...
Yes, I'm going to finish my milk
and go to sleep.
Good morning.
- Morning?
- What happened to last night?
- Everybody looked suspicious.
And Sandy knew about us.
I couldn't leave.
it would've been too obvious.
Sandy seems to know about everything.
Now I know what she's doing In Europe.
Her neighbors
decided to chip In and send her.
- What's that?
- Theyre getting ready to leave.
Good.
I promised to come down
and say goodbye.
Oh, send them a letter.
- It'll only take a minute
- No, Lisa, come on.
- I think you should come and say goodbye too.
- I'll wave to them from the terrace.
Teenagers are like the H-bomb.
When they go off, It's much better
to observe them from a distance.
- Bye, Mr. Talbot
- Bye
- Goodbye, Mr. Talbot
- Bye, Mr. Talbot
Good morning, sir.
Your orange juice.
Not orange juice, Maurice, champagne.
It's a special occasion.
The hotel Is closing,
you're packing,
and the guests are leaving.
How often does a man get rid
of all his troubles at the same time?
Oh, what's the matter?
I don't understand, Miss Allison.
What are you doing In traction?
Slipped on a champagne cork?
it was an accident
I've sprung my sacroiliac.
Mm? No, I've had this happen before.
Don't worry, I'll be absolutely splendid
by the morning.
The girls cant go without her.
You will have to let them stay
until tomorrow
You wouldnt think a cork this small
could lay out woman that big.
Maria, move Miss Fellini's luggage
into Miss Allison room.
- Teresa and...
- Milena, sir.
Start making sandwiches. Lots of them.
Mr. Cavell will need
all of his strength.
- Where am I going?
- On a long hike. With the girls.
You're going to show them Italy.
All of it.
if you run out of Italy,
show them Sicily.
That ought to take you all the day.
And a good part of the night, sir.
I'm glad we understand each other.
It's a shame the girls
have no place to go today.
They do.
Theyre going on a long hike.
Shouldnt we offer to go with them?
Maurice already volunteered.
Do you want to go?
Hiking could never replace this.
Oh, Robert
One, two, three, four,
ready, set...
- Hey, two, three, four...
- Hup
- Hup
- Two, three, four...
- Hup Hup Hup Hup
- Hey
What's going on here?
Observe.
Hey, look. It's Barney Oldfield.
- Catch, Beagle.
- Hey, two, three, four...
- What are you doing here?
- This is the Hotel Dolce Vista, right?
- Not any more.
- We got reservations.
- Theyre cancelled.
- Hold this.
- I got written confirmation from the manager.
- He's cancelled it too.
Sorry.
- All right, out
- Hey, wait a minute. Hold it
Hey, Beagle.
You're gonna be a lawyer, right?
Can he do this to us?
In 1937, there was the case
of Wilson against the Waldorf Astoria.
- And?
- He can do it to us.
- Good day, gentlemen.
- Yeah.
Let's go.
Beagle, give me a coin.
Hey...
That's for parking In your driveway.
We end up In a stream first,
then we're tossed out of our hotel.
- Maybe this country's unlucky.
- We could be In France In a few hours.
- These In favor of leaving, say "Aye'.
- Aye
- These In favor of staying, say "Aye'.
- Aye
Aye
- Theyre backing up.
- Don't look around.
- Which one did you like?
- I didn't notice.
- The driver was cute. Nice blue eyes.
- Theyre brown and keep away from him.
Err... Bongiorno.
Bongiorno.
- This one Is mine, huh?
- Tell 'me we wanna be friends.
Just wait a minute, let me handle it
and we'll all make out
Where do you live?
Sausalito.
And where Is that near?
San Francisco.
I am very stoopid.
But I'm loads of fun.
- We're from Connecticut
- Where are you staying?
Hotel La Dolce Vista.
Well, Isn't that coincidence?
We're staying right outside the gate.
- But theres nothing there.
- Give us 20 minutes, will you?
See you.
Call the police.
I want them picked up for trespassing.
Unfortunately, sir,
It's not your property.
Theyre like spiders. And they've got
the flies helping them put up their web.
- Why arent those flies out hiking?
- They Insisted on going to help out
The moment I saw you,
just came out of my shell.
Well, yes, but you know I really think
we ought to go help the others, Tony.
- Say that again.
- What?
My name.
Tony.
Once more.
Tony.
Theres something about that boy
I don't trust.
I dont care how you do it,
I want you...
- Ciao!
- What's she doing down there?
Goodbye, I'll see you later.
Ciao, ciao!
La, la, la, la
La la Il, la la, la la
La, la, la, la
What were you doing down there?
Darling, you're going to be so proud
of me. I've arranged everything.
- Like what?
- La, la, la, la...
- Like what?
- The boys need kerosene.
- Why? Who are they planning to burn?
- It is for the stove.
- Theyre very nice American boys.
- So was the Dalton gang.
The boys are hurt
They think you don't like them.
Theyre right.
Theyre college students on their first
vacation in Europe. Go...Make friends.
- I don't want to make friends.
- I don't understand you.
- Theyre sweet.
- Sweet.
- Yes
- Yes.
Do you know what the boys are going to do
with the girls this afternoon?
No.
What are the boys going to do
with the girls this afternoon?
Well, I thought,
those girls have nothing to do.
These boys have nothing to do.
So, they could use the sun terrace.
- But Robert wouldn't like that
- No, Robert wouldn't like that
Then I said to my self,
"Wouldn't it be nice
if they all rented motors scooters
and went for a ride In the country?"
That's what you said to your self.
Did you say it to them?
Oh, yes. The boys said it sounded
like it would be a lot of fun.
Well, that sounds like the boys.
- Mr. Cavell.
- Sir?
Go with them and you are not to let those
girls out of your sight.
- Sir, I can't ride a motor scooter.
- Then learn.
I have no sense of balance.
I was the only child, I had to be
strapped to my tricycle.
- I won't let them go out alone.
- Robert
Lisa, please.
I don't know how I let myself get talked Into
all of this, but I'm In it
It's not his hotel, It's my home.
I am the one legally responsible.
- I fully expect your friend, err...
- Margaret.
...to sue me the minute she goes out.
- She wouldn't.
I can be sued for sprung sacroiliac
I can go to jail for what
can happen to those girls.
What can happen to them?
There are four boys and six girls.
That adds up to ten.
And there's safety In numbers.
Theres more to mathematics than adding.
These boys look quite capable
of dividing and multiplying
Oh
Oh
They purposely took this road.
Theyre trying to shake us.
I don't know about you,
but I'm pretty well shook.
All right, so It's my fault
I said I'm sorry.
You'd be more comfortable
if you put your head against me.
- What did you wish for?
- It's very bad luck to tell.
I hope you get what you want
That sure Is sweet of you.
You know, this Is a side of you
I've never seen before.
What Is?
This protective attitude towards women.
Women? Theyre only 18.
Children, no older than my niece.
- So?
- So?
So?
Would I let my niece
go out with guys like that?
I know those boys.
I know that's on their mind.
Robert,
you have a moral streak.
You know me better than that
Hey, Beagle Beagle
- What?
- Look.
A Papilio glaucus. Thatd look great
In your butterfly collection.
- What butterfly collection?
- The one you're starting, now.
- Oh.
- Come on, it went that way.
- Now, just a minute here.
- You wait here In case it doubles back.
Tony, are you sure
that butterfly's gonna come here?
Positive. When you're followed,
you instinctive find a place
where nobody can find you.
- This Is it
- You do know a lot about butterflies.
It's what we study In medical school:
Insects, animals, people.
You'd be surprised
how similar we are In many ways.
Oh?
Well, did you know that
beetles actually kiss?
- No.
- Sure.
How?
The boy beetle rubs his antenna
against the girl beetle.
And what does the girl beetle do?
If he doesn't rub her the wrong way,
they make plans for the future.
Like tonight.
Medicine's a fascinating field.
That's why a woman
like Lisa so interesting.
Lisa?
There are 206 bones In the human body.
I've never seen them that way arranged before.
Oh.
- She sure Is a beautiful specimen.
- Yes, she Is. For her age.
- I am sorry. I didn't mean to be catty.
- Don't be sorry.
She Is, she's very beautiful.
- She really Is.
How would you say I'm arranged?
- You?
- Yeah.
I never gave it much thought.
You've got good basic bone structure.
Let me see.
Nice rib cage.
Fibula.
Tibias good.
Ah, well-developed patellas.
Uh-huh.
Mm-hm.
Uh-huh.
Good.
Very good.
Excellent
Good strong heartbeat.
- Isn't that strange?
- What?
Your pulse,
it suddenly started to race.
- Did it?
- It's swung down now.
There it goes again.
it doubled back.
Oh, err... Tony was just examining
my bone structure.
He's studying to be a doctor.
Where does he plan to Intern?
At the Follies Bergres?
I don't want to Interfere
with medical progress,
but were ready to leave.
After you, Doctor.
- Hey, Beagle. Is this it?
- Yes, sir
Here we go
I thought you said
he'd never make it up this hill.
All right, so we get him
on the next hill.
He's killing the whole day for us.
What about tonight?
The girls are leaving In the morning.
Beagle, will you relax?
We'll get rid of him.
I don't know.
This Is no kid we're fooling with.
That's the answer, he's no kid.
Look he's got a be over 35.
How many hills can he take?
I don't know.
He looks pretty rugged to me.
Yeah, In his day, Beagle.
The B-29 was a rough plane, but it cant
keep up with a guided missile.
When they wheel him
Into the hanger tonight,
his tail Is really gonna be dragging.
- Theyre out to get me.
- Get you what?
- Get rid of me.
- Do you blame them?
- Don't start that
- It's natural, they want to be alone.
- Have you forgotten what that's like?
- What's that supposed to mean?
Theyre normal, healthy boys
and normal, healthy girls. No?
That can lead to a normal, unhealthy
situation. Yes, believe me. I know what I'm doing.
- Robert, you're breaking the spirit.
- Yeah
The guy's not human.
When I couldn't push my scooter
up that last hill...
...he carried it up for me.
- It's spooky.
- Look, Let's be rational.
How old are we, anyway?
I feel like I'm 92.
We're 20 and he's pushing 40.
That's ancient
We're young, we can bounce back.
He's probably laying In his room right now,
like a lead ball.
Anybody here?
The girls tell me
we're all going dancing tonight.
We'll be ready to leave
In about an hour.
Multiplication,
that's the name of the game
And each generation plays the same
Isn't he terrific?
When you see a gentleman bee
Round a lady bee buzz in;,
Why, count to ten
Then count again
There's sure to be an even dozen
Multiplication,
it's the name of the game
And each generation plays the same
Now two butterflies cast their eyes
Both In the same direction
Why you'd never guess
that one little yes
Could start a butterfly collection
Multiplication,
that's the name of the game
And each generation plays the same
I say one and one are five
Call me a silly goat
But you take two minks
You add two winks
What've you got? One mink coat
A girl gets coy In front of a boy
after three or four dances
Well, you can bet
shell play hard to get
To multiply her chances
Multiplication,
that's the name of the game
And each generation plays the same
Let me tell you now
Mother Nature's a clever gal
She relies on habits
Take two hares with no cares
Soon you got a room full of rabbits
Parakeets, In between tweets,
sometimes get too quiet
But have no fear, soon you hear
A parakeets riot, try it
Multiplication
is the name of the game
And each generation plays the same
Multiplication
is the name of the game
And each generation plays the same
It's respect.
That's what girl wants from a boy.
if the girl gives In too easy,
the boy will not take her seriously
He ll never think
In terms of engagement,
marriage, a home, or children.
if you want all these things,
keep your standards high.
The bedroom's like a wedding gown,
It's bad luck to let the fellow
see you In it before you marry him.
Isn't he fabulous?
How does he do it?
He's going on raw courage now.
Remember.
The night Is young, he's not
Well, if youre old enough to fly,
you're old enough to look.
Mr. Talbot?
Mr. Talbot sir?
What do you what?
We'd like to speak to you
for a minute, sir.
It's terribly important
- Ill be right down.
- Thank you, sir. Thank you.
You told the girls
to be ready In an hour, right?
He's a weirdie
Hes just as fresh
as when we started out
Beagle... Beagle,
No man his age
can defy the laws of medical science.
He's traveled on a motor scooter for
over 100 miles, half of it straight up.
He's been on a dance floral night,
knocking himself out
He's had it. Come here.
It's medically proven that to put
said subject to sleep at this point,
It's only necessary to Introduce into the system
some drops of monatomic di carbon hydroxyl.
What's that?
Booze. Just few drinks, we're home.
- You're the king.
- Thank you. Observe.
Hold it, now.
Yes?
Excuse me Sir, since we're leaving early
in the morning,
we thought wed like to come by
and apologise to you.
Oh.
I know we've created a terrible impression,
we've been rude and unpleasant,
in fact, sometimes downright boorish.
May we come In for a moment, sir?
Thank you, sir. Thank you.
Mr. Talbot We just couldn't leave without
trying to square things with you.
- I see.
- No hard feelings?
- Not at all.
- Thank you, sir. Thank you.
- Thank you, sir.
- Thank you, sir.
What did you say, Beagle?
Do you know what an occasion
like this calls for? A drink.
- Yeah.
- You're right. He's right, sir.
May we have a farewell drink together?
- Sure. Let's do.
- Thank you, sir.
Beautiful villa you have, Mr. Talbot
Now, then.
What would you boys like to drink?
- A brandy.
- Brandy?
Fine.
A toast, sir.
May this night be an example
of the friendship.
between your generation and ours.
And another toast, sir.
May these drinks wash away the past
and ensure the future.
To a little insurance.
Now, then...
Well, sir.
I'd like to propose a toast.
To what?
You name it
- Well...
- How do you feel?
Fine.
Sir, do you realize that you are defying
the laws of medical science?
Dr. Lister and Louis Pasteur.
And, err...
Madame Curie.
All our work, sir, Is for nothing.
I'm sorry. Some unfinished business
I had to attend to.
Robert
What's wrong?
- What's happened?
- I got'em
Every last one of 'em.
Tony?
Tony
What happened?
Tony
Tony
Hmm?
Tony?
Are you all right?
Course I'm all right.
A little wet, that's all.
Come on, try and stand up.
Now see if you can walk.
Course I can walk.
How do you feel?
What happened?
Mr. Talbot...
He called us In,
and then he forced us to drink with him.
Tony...
If I could only lie down for minute,
I'd feel fine. I know it
Do you want to go In the house?
No, I... I'd better not
I'd better go back to the tent
- Tony
- Mm?
I need a little help.
Robert
How could you do this?
I was only following their golden rule.
Do unto others before they do it to you.
You can't let them lie there all night.
Maurice can sweep 'em out
In the morning.
Look...dont feel sorry for them.
They got exactly what they
are deserved.
- Somebody has to look after the girls.
- Is it not their parentsresponsibility?
The trouble with the American parents is,
they have a new gimmick.
"Keep your kids off the streets.
Send them to Europe."
Theyre turning this continent
Into one big corner drugstore.
- It's gone.
- What?
Theres a body missing. The one body
I don't want to have missing.
Sandy wait, I was drunk, I swear.
I didnt even know what I was doing.
The next time I see a man lying in the bar,
I will leave him there.
- Mr.Talbot, Did you force him to drink with you?
- Of course not.
And that's a lie.
- Sandy, honey...
- Sandy...
Thank you.
You've reaffirmed my lack of confidence
In my fellow man.
- Sandy?
- Mm?
Are you all right?
Oh, sure. He's cute, Isn't he?
- Who?
- Tony.
Hope I didn't loosen any teeth when
I hit him. He has a beautiful smile.
- You're not mad at him?
- Mad? Why would I be mad at him?
Wait, wait...
- He got fresh. You hit him.
- You're not mad?
- No.
- You like him?
- Adore him.
Eh gil Sicuro!
The business psychiatrists
must do In America
You people are all mixed up.
You see, when he got fresh,
it showed he was Interested.
- I had to ensure he stayed Interested.
- So you hit him.
It's like Mr.Talbot said.
A girl has to make a boy respect her.
If she gives in easily, he
will never take her seriously.
Oh.
- He said that?
He's right. He said,
"When you go shopping In a market,
you don't buy anything
that's been there too much."
- When did Mr.Talbot tell you all this?
- While we were dancing.
He said: "if you want man to think in terms
of getting engaged and married,
you got to keep your standards high."
What else did he say?
He said that love Is one product you
don't sell by giving away free samples.
That's a good advice for all of us.
You listen to him. I can tell you,
he knows what he's talking about
I know.
Well?
I guess you learned
something tonight, huh?
Yes. I never realized
how wrong I was.
- It's all In the past now.
- You're so right.
You know, It's been a long day.
Some champagne
would do us both the world of good.
- The bottle's on the terrace.
- I'll go get it
- Robert
When you get to the terrace,
would you do me a favor?
- Sure.
- Jump off.
- What are you doing?
- Taking your advice.
If a woman is too easy to get,
no man will ever take her seriously.
When I think how easy I was.
Stupida Cretina Idiota
- Something I told some young girls.
- To protect their morals.
What about my morals?
What's that got to do with it?
We're adults.
- Lisa, look. You just calm down.
- Don't touch me.
How could I be that stupid?
You are rich, good looking
Intelligent, charming.
I should have known better than
to get mixed up with someone like that
You're not making any sense.
I don't have to make sense.
I'm Italiani
Ci sono uomini
pi Interessanti di te In Italia.
Sono stufa degil american. Stufa
Talk English I can't understand you.
That's another thing. if you loved me,
you'd have learned my language.
But no. I had to do it
The weeks I spent studying.
Learning to speak this fluid English.
Not fluid, fluent
Big shot Knows all the words.
For the first time, I started to think
What am I doing here?
Lisa, believe me, no love affair can survive
if either party starts to think.
That's the beauty of our relation ship.
No thinking.
- No pressure, no questions asked.
- It's time someone asked questions.
I knew those girls
would get me In trouble.
You're a hypocrite.
You made all the rules
and I play by them.
- Now I know what you think of me.
- Lisa.
Well, the game Is over, Robert
I dont want to play any more.
- If you just calm down.
- I'm tired of being a free sample.
- Theres no future In it
- We never even talked about the future.
Women don't want talk.
They go by Intuition.
And I've learned one thing.
A womans Intuition
Is a man's best friend.
- Lisa, wait.
- The market's closed, Mr. Talbot.
You have to start shopping
somewhere else.
Lisa.
Lisa
Who's In that tent?
Boys.
Boys?
Watch your head, my dear.
- Did my girls meet them?
- Meet whom?
- Those boys down In the tent
- Oh, those boys. Yes.
They weren't Interested
In feminine companions.
Theyre too absorbed by
the educational aspects of the tour.
It's too bad you won't have time to meet
them. Fine, clean-cut young Americans.
True goodwill ambassadors
of a great nation.
- Which way's the tent?
- What happened to the girls?
I don't know. Man, what a night.
- Maurice
- Dear, I'm as shocked as you are.
If anything's happened to those girls...
Margaret, believe me, please
Nothing happened.
Absolutely nothing, I'm sure.
I hope not. Remember...
I left to the girls In your care.
Oh Cedric
- He hiccupped.
- He did.
Cedric
He's drunk
Maurice What kind of party
did you have here last night?
- Lisa, come back here
- I said, dont touch me
Wait until everybody's gone.
We can talk like adults.
I don't want to talk like an adult
That's how I got Into all this trouble.
- How will you get back? There's no train.
- I'll walk.
- You are very welcome to come with us.
- Thank you.
You keep out of this.
Lisa, dont you walk out that door.
What would I lose? Thef privilege
of seeing you every September?
Well, I'm tired
of being girl of the month.
- You know you're more than that
- Don't worry, Robert
You won't have any trouble.
Just put an ad In the paper.
Girl wanted. Short hours,
pleasant working conditions.
Theres only one drawback.
Theres no chance of advancement
Wild parties, immoral rendezvous...
And to think I trusted you
Next, I'll find out
this Isnt even a hotel.
That's precise the next thing
you're about to find out
- Sir.
- You're fired.
And you, madam,
take those girls of yours,
pack that drunken bird,
and get out
Are you going to allow him
to speak to me like that?
Margaret, theres a small detail I probably
should have mentioned before now.
I know you are going to take it
with your customary good sense of humor.
Margaret, Listen to me
Where's that good sense of humour?
Margaret
Sandy Honey, listen...
Hey, Sandy
- I'm packed, sir.
- Goodbye, Mr. Clavel.
- Before I leave, can I get you breakfast?
- No.
- Yes. Get me an olive.
- A martini for breakfast?
Great for the morning after. Especially
if there hasn't been a night before.
Yes, sir.
Oh, before I forget,
would you kindly sign this, sir?
- What Is it?
- A letter of recommendation.
A letter of recommendation?
I didn't want to trouble you, so I took the
liberty of writing it out myself. Just sign here.
It's much too trivial
for you to bother reading, sir.
"Loyal...
...faithful, dedicated, noble."
"Reputable. Incorruptible."
it does get rather monotonous.
Nearly saint-like in his devotion
to his master.
Yes, sir.
Nobody who believes this deserves you.
Thank you very much, sir.
I'll get the olive.
May I speak to you a moment, sir?
Well, If it Isn't
the prowling physician.
I don't blame you, sir.
The way I acted with Sandy,
I'm no credit to the medical profession.
Hardly.
I came to apologise, sir.
No gimmicks this time.
You had us pegged
right from the beginning.
That's probably
why we got so sore at you.
- Sir, do you know what a lemming is?
- No.
Well, It's an animal
that destroys itself.
I gotta look up my family tree, there
must be some real lemmings in it
I meet a great girl like Sandy and what
do I do? I goofed the whole thing up.
I acted just like a stupid adolescent
I'm not a kid any more,
I know better than that
- I'm getting on In years.
- You are not exactly ancient.
When a guy gets as old as I am,
you'd think he'd be smart enough
to stop fooling around
and look for lasting relationship.
Once In a while, if you're lucky, you
come across something of real value.
And what do you do?
Treat it like a bargain basement
speola. You start grabbing it
And you lose it
You spend your life shopping around
for something
that's not even half as good.
Anyhow, I came by to say, I'm sorry.
So long, Mr. Talbot
Tony.
Yes, sir?
Err...
Have a nice trip.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
- Here you are, sir.
- Mr. Clavell.
just learned something. I'm a lemming.
You really should have something
more substantial for breakfast.
You know man Is the only animal clever enough
to build the Empire State Building
and stupid enough to jump off it
- Get the car, Maurice.
- Yes, sir
- I dont see them.
- Sparrow, stop worrying
- He'll follow us.
- Who?
Tony. You don't think I'd have left
If I didnt think he'd come after me?
And don't you worry.
Mr. Talbot will come after you too.
Believe me, Sandy, I couldn't care less.
A $20,000 car
Isn't supposed to get a flat
Evident, the manufacturers
felt the same way.
Theres no jack to change the tyre.
There must be a garage
around here someplace.
Va; vial
Dov' il garage pl vicino?
They don't know. I'll ask Inside.
You there, I want to borrow your truck.
MI spiace, ma non capisco.
I want to borrow your truck.
I'll pay you for it
Non posso.
It's an emergenoy.
I'll buy it, here.
Ma questo camion non mica mio.
Perch mi ha dato questo denaro?
Non mio.
- Get In.
- Theres a garage.
- Never mind, get In.
- In this?
Va bene. Va bene.
Eh, il mio camion
Eccolo l Fermati
Calmati, figlio mio.
Chiamiamo la polizia adesso.
There they are, sir.
- Here, take this bird.
- Take the wheel.
Lisa
- What?
- Stop the bus
- I want to talk to you.
- Go away.
I've been thinking.
You want me to take you seriously?
OK. I take you serious.
It's too late.
What do you want me to do, marry you?
- OK, I'll marry you.
- You sound like you do me a favor.
I'm not doing you any favor
by marrying you.
if you'd asked me when we first met,
or last year, or even yesterday.
We never spoke of marriage.
We were happy.
I always feel I forced you Into it
- Do I sound like I'm being forced?
- You dont seem happy about it
I've never been happier.
Look damn it, I'm smiling.
it would never work
Lisa, I'm asking you In a nice way.
Now stop being an Idiot
Get off that blasted bus and marry me
No
OK, don't ever say I never asked you.
You're a witness.
You heard me ask her.
- Dont stop now, sir. Follow them.
- No, Maurice.
I'm like this goose.
I know when I've laid an egg.
I want that villa put up forsale.
And if you can't sell it, burn it
I've had it with this country.
Thais Is no time to burn your villas
behind you.
- She loves you. She wants to marry you.
- She has a funny way of showing it
Italian women are emotional.
She's been hurt
She wants time to think.
I want to go back to America, where
people get married without thinking.
Eccolo l camion
Arresta
ue?
- What are they saying?
- They say we stole his truck.
His truck? That's ridiculous.
Tell them I bought it, paid $600 for it
Yes, we admit it
We stole this truck. It was his Idea.
I never stole any thing In my life.
Thais Isnt the first car he's stolen.
Tell them that's my car over there.
He stole that one, too.
I resent being treated
like a memberof the Mafia.
He's a member of the Mafia.
What are they doing?
Maurice, tell them who I am.
This Is Robert Talbot
The most wanted criminal In Europe.
That's right.
They probably want some money.
Offer them a bribe.
He says you'll never collect
the big reward.
He's wanted In Rome...
five million lire.
You know the police
In the big cities.
if they come after him,
they end up with the reward.
The way to make sure you get it,
Is to take him to Rome personal.
- Did you tell them about the money?
- Theyre definitely Interested.
The time I wasted on him.
For the hypocrite, a liar, a fraud.
You are fortunate. Most women
find it out after they are married.
I'm lucky to get man like Spencer.
He's honest, sincere, sympathetic...
...err... reliable
Everything Robert Isn't.
But at least Robert did me one favor.
- He did?
- He asked me to marry him.
He begged me.
And that freed me of him forever.
Now I know I can be happy with Spencer.
Where are they taking us?
We've been riding for hours.
I wish I knew, sir.
I don't understand it
They act like I'm a criminal.
I've noticed that, sir.
Hey
Metti gi le mani
Tell him I'd like to
explain everything very carefully.
Yes, sir.
He says he Is ready
to make a full confession.
Now, there's this girl, Lisa Fellini.
There Is this girl,
Lisa Fellini.
Tell them she was my house guest.
She Is his chief accomplice.
She lives here In Rome,
via Bellaglo, 46.
She Is hiding out In Rome...
at via Bellaglo, 46.
We had an argument, a lover's quarrel.
I was trying to keep her from leaving.
Theres a big reward for her.
Hey
If I only had my lawyer here.
Believe me, what I'm doing for you,
no lawyer could ever do.
You didnt see Lisa at her best the other day.
Once you get to know her, you'll love her.
She's a shy, gentle girl.
Very quiet, well-bred and home-loving.
Lasciatem andare!
Lasciatem andare!
Sono Innocente! Mascalzoni
I don't like making snap decisions,
Spencer,
but do you think
this Is the right girl for you?
Robert
Signorina
Theres this man I met
about eight months ago. Spencer.
He's been very nice to me and...
Non lo so.
I don't want to sue anybody
for false arrest.
just want to get out of here.
if there's a plane, a train, a bus, or
jackass leaving this city, get me on it
- Theres a train leaving for Milan in just about
an hour. - Fine. Get me a taxi.
Let me tell you about Italian women.
Theyre not to be trusted.
- Deceitful, emotionally unstable.
- Doesn't that apply to all the women?
Of course, it does. That's where they've got us.
Nothing else to replace them with.
- At least you go down to the station and apologise.
- I'll write to them.
Cafoni
First, You say you don't love me,
spend two nights at a man's villa,
finally, when you return you're arrested.
I can't allow this to go on
after were married.
Come along.
Hello?
Yes, Maurice.
I dont care
what train Mr. Talbot Is taking.
As long as he takes it
We dont want him here In Italy.
I speak for the government
Goodbye.
Hello?
Take care of yourself, Maurice. Ciao.
What are you so happy about?
- Lisa, I have to talk to you.
- Come In.
What's wrong?
He didn't follow me
I'm going home tomorrow and
he doesnt even have my phone number.
- I know I'll never see him again.
- Dont worry.
Lisa, I don't want to lose him. I'm 18,
I may never have another chance.
- Of course you will.
- No, I'm going to end up like you.
Marrying the wrong man
and miserable with someone I don't love.
Non sense,
I'm very happy with Spencer.
Now, listen. Do you know
where the boys were going?
Yes, but what good Is it?
It's like Mr. Talbot said.
It's wrong for woman to chase a man.
He won't respect her.
Forget Mr. Talbot
Listen to him and you'll ruin your life.
But you told me he was right.
You said you were taking his advice.
Did I? I don't remember.
Now, where were the boys going?
Paris. The Deauville Hotel.
Hotel Deauville In Paris.
Internazionale prego.
- You're calling Tony.
- Lisa...
I want the Hotel Deauville In Paris.
- When they answer, ask for him.
- Do you think I should?
Of course
It's like fighting a war. If you retreat
and the enemy doesn't follow you,
you've got to turn around and attack.
What good Is winning the battle
if you lose the war?
Aspetta un momen to.
Why be miserable
with someone you don't love?
Betterto be miserable
with someone you do love.
Hello? Hello.
Paris.
Yes, Hotel Deauville.
Yes, I'll hold on.
- Miss Fellini. Where...?
- Apartment 2a...
- Thank you.
- What's she made up for?
Yes, operator, I'm still holding on.
Hello? Hello?
Sandy.
Hi.
Oh, It's you.
Remember I told you
we were going to Paris?
Did you?
Well, I couldnt go.
I didn't have your phone number.
Oh.
I suddenly realized
I might never see you again.
You dont care
if you never see me again.
- I dont want to hurt your feelings.
- Don't say another word.
Let's have dinner tonight.
The two of us will sit and talk.
And maybe get to know each other.
OK?
- OK?
- What'll I tell Mario?
- Who's Mario?
- My date for tonight.
Oh.
I see.
Oh, but I can cancel it
Will you?
- I wont even answer the phone.
- Good.
Promise. I wont even touch you.
Robert
Robert
There she Is.
I told you she'd be here.
Robert
Lisa
Mi lasci passare.
Un momen to, e che dlavolo!
Devo parlare con quel signore
che sta prendendo II treno. La prego!
- Non si pu.
- Ho capito, cafone!
Darling, I knew you wouldn't
let me down. My sisters are over there.
Robert...
Robert
I'm here Robert
I'll send you both a wedding present
Andiamo!
There you are.
I'll give the fellow credit:
he's a jolly good loser.
You stop here and don't move.
I'll bring my sisters.
- Ho detto non si pu!
- Ho capito!
- Ancora lei
- un padre dl famiglia, mi pu capire.
Mi guardi, sola e abandonata con questo
bambino. Il giorno delle nozze.
E il padre di questo bambino sta
partendo.
Mascalzone americano!
- America no?
- America no d'America.
Se lei non mi fa
passare, quello l se ne val
I can't let you leave
without even talking to her.
She's got that little something extra.
That little something extra.
This could never happen In England.
It's this beastly climate.
- Eccolo!
- lui?
- Il pap.
- L'americano? Ci penso io.
Guarda pap.
...nobody's gonna... That's not mine.
I'm gonna leave this country.
I'm gonna go back to America
Lisa, tell him I'm not...
He has done it, again.
Sir, I thought you were both
on your way to America.
You've two minutes to get everyone
out of the house.
I received a letter from Margaret.
She's forgiven me.
We might even get married.
I needed the money.
I said Everybody out.
Theyre different, so quiet,
you won't even notice they're around.
All right. If you won't
throw them out I will.
Are you sure
those two people are married?
Sister, this time I'm sure.