Crackers (1984) Movie Script
1
We got more than we need
But we don't even notice
Right before our eyes
Our dreams just up and fade away
We keep givin' up more tears
And losin' hope for something better
Of pain and disappointment
We got more than we need
We got more than we need
Enough fear and confusion
To keep us busy running
Reaching out so desperately
We keep wasting our faith on illusion
Risking it all on a roll of the dice
If our past is the dreams of tomorrow
Then we're travelin' together
We got more than we need
Of old lies and deception
Hi, Maxine. Hello, Slam Dunk.
Made your quota today? [ Groans
] I had it covered by lunch.
How about yourself?
Still working on it, baby.
Still working on it.
We keep thinking the path of resistance
Is too steep Oh, why, thank you.
Gentlemen are so rare these days.
How can I ever repay you?
And we're travelin' together
We got more than we need
And we don't even know it
Oh, why, thank you.
Gentlemen are so rare
these days. How can I...
Is more than we could ever see
If working won't do
Then it should be for something better
'Cause of the things that matter
We got more than we need
We got, we got
We got more than we need
And we don't even know it
Hey, let's check these guys out.
[ Workers ] i' La migra! I' La migra!
Right before, Right before our eyes
Immigration. Let's see some I.D., huh?
I'm wearing it.
Good afternoon, madam,
I'm Sharon from Total Woman.
Good afternoon, madam. I'm Sharon
from Total Woman Cosmetics,
a new and exciting line of home beauty
aids for a new and exciting home beauty.
Yo no hablo ingles.
Her jojoba body lotion is just fabulous.
Right before our eyes
There's more than we could ever see
If working won't do
Then it should be for something better
'Cause of the things
that matter Hi, David.
We got more than we need
We got, we got
We got more than we need
[ Man 1 ] It's my move! You moved!
[ Man 2 ] It's my move!
All right, this is a bust!
[ Clock Cuckooing ]
Hello?
Hi, Maxie. Hi, Maxie.
Careful, fellas, you might spoil
me with too much attention.
How are you doing, Turtle?
I don't know.
Well, you think about it.
Oh, wait! Ho! Hey, girl, wait a minute here!
Say, you a lot of trouble for me!
You never pay anyway.
It's the principle! You're just lucky
it's on blocks and hard to tow,
or it would have been gone by now.
You're finished! Do you mind?
[ Laughs, Jumps Two Checkers ]
[ Jumps Three Men ]
Mind? No, I don't mind. [ Jumps Three Men ]
I can win now, I can win later.
I don't mind.
Say, Mr. Fix-It, can't you
keep that bitch in line?
I told ya, don't call her a bitch.
Lighten up, Fix-It.
Now bitch don't mean nothing.
I call my old lady that.
Call 'em all that. Say, bitch! Oh, oh.
See? Boardwalk, are you here on business?
Yeah.
What, a baby carriage?
You want to sell a baby carriage?
Baby carriage?
Compare this to a baby carriage,
you talking Toyota to Cadillac.
I mean, you either got a
car, or you got a ride.
We're talking chrome wire
wheels, front disc brakes.
Sure. Ten dollars.
Man, this book from 1935. The
carriage is from 1932. Here.
Garvey, you don't understand,
This old shit's comin' back.
Look here, they got a
blanket, a little pillow.
Look at the tires, they're radials.
Never wear out.
Ten. Ten?
[ Phone Ringing ] Ten.
Did you move? Answer the phone.
[ Ringing Continues ]
Hello. Mama, how you doing?
Mama, I'll be there.
It's your 90th birthday.
[ Laughs ] Sure, Mama.
No, Jerry won't be there.
Because he's dead, Mama.
He's been dead for ten years.
That's right. That's why
he wasn't there last year.
[ Chuckles ] Anything I can bring you?
Huh?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
No, Mama, I can't bring that.
Why? Because the doctor has to prescribe it.
You know that.
Look, I got to go now, Mama.
Yeah. Yes, I'll be there.
I promise. All right? All right, Mama.
[ Hangs Up Phone ]
So what are you looking at? You never
saw a son talk to his mother before?
Yeah. Here.
[ Clock Chiming ]
[ Baby Crying ]
Damn!
Ooh, Tyrone.
[ Crying Continues ] Oh.
I wouldn't forget you. You know that. Here.
I'm just taking care of him for this
afternoon, 'til Slam Dunk's done.
Turtle!
You don't be robbin' no baby, man.
Jesus Christ!
My God, Turtle. What...
Move the carriage, huh?
[ Sighs ] How's your mother?
Ninety. Come on, it's your move.
It's gonna cost you more this time. What?
Me. Guarding the store
when you go see your mother.
We're gonna have to make it
25 bucks for the day.
Twen... What is this, a welfare office?
What do you mean "welfare"?
You know how much a real
security guard would cost ya?
Move. I'm not on welfare. I
don't believe in welfare.
You believe in eating?
It's a temporary layoff.
Temporary. Huh, six months? I
talked to Kurnitz yesterday.
He said things were picking up. He
said he'd have me back on the job.
Takes time. Hey, Garvino.
How's it going? Listen, McGarvey.
Hey, baby. You miss daddy?
Any dumb punkers been picking on ya?
[ Amplifier Feedback ]
Don't worry about it, baby,
'cause we are reunited.
How much?
Twenty bucks.
Twenty bucks?
That's a brand new BMW radio, man.
You know what those things go for?
Yeah. 326 bucks.
Then how come only $20?
Well, a piece as hot as this, they
could raise my fire insurance.
No, Garvey. My brother-in-law give it to me.
Your brother-in-law drives a BMW?
[ Chuckles ] Twenty bucks.
[ Continues ]
[ Sniffs ]
All right, all right.
That's enough with that noise, eh? Come on.
Hey, Garvey,
she's mine.
Have you read a newspaper lately?
Today's the 16th. She's
been mine for a week now.
I got the money. Clean green, pal.
Twenty-five dollars. It ain't 25.
It is. That's what you gave me for her.
That's what I gave you.
That's not what you give me.
I'm in business. I have to make a profit.
Capisce?
How much profit? Well, read the tag.
[ Clock Cuckooing ]
A hundred and fifty dollars!
Now, look, I know it ain't much,
but they don't want that kind anymore.
You scumbag!
You thievin', low-life, son of
a puke brain, bastard bitch!
She's mine! Wait a minute.
You want a guitar, I want a burglar alarm.
You put one in that works,
we'll figure something out.
You kidding me? You sleazy,
bloodsucking ditz!
I don't make deals with leeches!
[ Puts Guitar Down ]
Tomorrow for the morning, he does it.
Oh, the hell I will!
I ought to tear your head off
and shit down your neck!
Such a sweet kid.
All he needs is a chance.
Is that the way you're gonna go? Of course.
Dillard, you listen to me, okay?
I ain't helping that bastard!
I know. But you said I would.
No, I said you can fix the alarm. Well?
I bet you can fix it good. Que no?
You mean, fix it so's we can get in?
[ Baby Crying ]
You hear anything?
You talking to me? Yeah.
I didn't hear nothing. Baby's crying.
Besides, I don't talk Mexican.
[ Baby Cooing ]
I don't think it's a good
idea. I don't know.
Dillard, you not to worry, okay?
For a city boy lover
Stuck here 'til you come to
your senses You see that?
He don't want to mess with your old man.
Good afternoon.
Good afternoon.
How are you today?
I saw your sign out front.
I thought this might be a good
place to... Hock an adding machine?
Nah, I got three of them in last week.
Top of the line.
Kurnitz? Kurnitz!
[ Laughing ] Oh, boy, am I glad to see you.
Lou Garvey, Jack Kurnitz. My boss.
I told ya he was coming to see me.
Well, when do I start? What do I do?
What are you doing with the adding machine?
[ Continues ]
You said things were gettin' better.
Yeah, well, uh, uh, they got worse. Worse?
What do you mean, worse? [ Garvey ] Worse!
You know, worse?
Come on, Turtle. I need a
little bit of fresh air.
See you tomorrow.
Shit. I got to figure out something to do.
I have an idea.
What? Why don't we go get something to eat?
Jesus Christ, Turtle!
You're just like my mother!
It's Thursday? Yeah.
What do we always do? Guacamole?
Well, baby, maybe Mr. Fix-It and I
talk a little business. Maybe? Hmm?
Hey, Slam Dunk, baby. Don't
baby me, you lazy fool.
What the hell am I paying you for?
You are worthless.
Pimps givin' you trouble? Nothing
I can't handle, no thanks to you!
You supposed to be walking
around. Look tough!
How the hell am I supposed to look
tough carrying Tyrone around?
Ow! [ Crying ] Damn right!
What you do that for? For doing nothing!
Gophers gonna be delivering
your mail, you keep that up!
You got that wrong, Slam Dunk! You my woman!
As usual, you got it wrong. You my pimp!
At least you was.
What's this "was" shit?
"Was" like in ain't no more!
There's your stuff.
Say, wait a minute here. Wait! Ain't you
forgetting a little something? Tyrone!
Yeah. I still can't figure
out how you managed that.
[ Tyrone Crying ]
Yeah, I know exactly what
you mean, Tyrone. Exactly.
[ Clicks Heels ]
[ Screams ]
Hey, you... [ Speaking
Yiddish ] [ Laughing ]
Huh? You bet.
Look, I got... Oh, shit.
I want to be your boyfriend
Somehow that seems hard to do
[ Whirring ]
You got work for me?
Que pasa, man?
Let's see some I.D., huh?
[ Whirring Continues ]
Well, if you ask me
What's the problema, Ramon? Immigration.
They took my mother last week.
Suzi Plastic, you won't get far
Your name is Plastic and that you are
Hi, David. Hi, Maria.
[ Ramon ] Maria, what you doing here?
I'm going to the market. Don't you
know La Migra's around? Let's go.
I can't stay home all the time!
Mientras yo mande, usted hace lo que diga.
But this is silly! Mama didn't say...
I' Maria! A mama se la llevo La Migra.
Yo soy responsable hasta que yo regrese.
Y mientras yo siga responsable,
usted no sale sola, punto.
[ Maria Shouting ]
i' Claro que no!
But you're gonna act like one.
Hey, what's going on? Who's this?
Dillard, you no butt in, okay?
Maria. His sister.
Nice to meet you. I didn't
know Ramon had a sister.
He didn't know he had a sister
'til last week.
Suddenly he's big brother.
Yeah, and if I catch anybody messing
with her, I cut his pescuezo.
Y usted, vamonos. Come on, Ramon.
You're a real pain.
[ Arguing ]
[ Maria ] I didn't do anything!
[ Arguing ]
[ Arguing Continues ]
[ Thunder Rumbling ]
[ Door Opens ]
You know, this is really for people over 21?
Oh, he is. He just forgot his I.D.
Well, it's the foreman, my main man.
Hey, don't worry, Turtle. I
come to deal, not to steal.
You mind if I sit down?
I, uh, got some information for Garvey.
Say somebody installs an alarm,
only he was gonna rig it so him and
his buddy could get around it.
Dillard and Ramon. [ Boardwalk ] Right.
What do ya think?
I think it's great. Serves Garvey right.
I'm serious! What do ya say?
[ Thunder Rumbling ]
It won't work. Gettin' inside is easy.
No way they're gonna crack that safe.
It's a Hauser.
The safe? Goddamn! Huh.
I thought they was breaking in
for some little shit.
That's good. That's good!
He's got to give us a reward!
Garvey? [ Laughs ]
[ Maxine ] Hi, Fernando.
Como esta, Maxine? Mucho caliente.
Oh. [ Clicks Heels ]
I know you two are friends, Weslake,
but I swear I don't understand it.
Maybe you'll get lucky. It
ain't happened so far today.
Well, there's always tomorrow, Papa.
[ Boardwalk ] I'll check you later, Mama.
Papa, Mama. I don't believe it.
Hey, relax, my dance card's already full.
I got to get back into the mainstream.
You already are. You're unemployed.
Ha, ha. Big joke.
Hey, come on, let's have a drink. Fernando.
Your place. I keep forgetting it's Thursday.
[ Laughs ] You're gonna pay
for that, Weslake. [ Gasps ]
[ Maxine Laughs Louder ]
Monday. Senor Weslake, it's been a month.
Catch you Friday, Ferdie. Bye, Turtle.
[ Thunder Rumbling, Door Closes ]
[ Grabs Chips ]
[ Thunder Continues ]
You pervert!
[ TV Chatter ] [ Inhaling, Exhaling ]
[ Thunder Continues ]
[ Inhaling, Exhaling ]
[ Maxine ] Hey, Weslake, guess what?
I'm free Saturday night. Garvey's
standing me up this week.
It's his mother's birthday. I know.
So I thought I might like to play in
the pawn shop with the security guard.
Remember last year, hmm? [ Giggles ]
Does he still have that thing with
the pulleys? Block and tackle? Yeah.
I'm not guarding the place this year.
You're not?
No, it's the age of electronics. What?
He's putting in a burglar alarm system.
[ Applause On TV ]
[ Sighs ] Enough Ping-Pong.
[ Shuts Off TV ]
They have the replay of the
Cleveland game on afterwards.
Oh, really? Hmm.
[ Sets Down Glass ]
"Dear Penthouse:"
"Being a librarian from Laramie,
Wyoming, may not sound very exciting,"
"but last night something happened that
I just thought I would share with you."
Midnight cowgirl? [ Chuckles ]
"Just before closing there
was a knock at the back door.
It was Jim, a local cowboy and a real hunk."
We can't do that one.
We don't have a saddle.
Look in the closet. [ Crowd Cheering On TV ]
You're outrageous.
Well, if you don't want to, I
could always try it with Garvey.
You got to be kidding. You'd
need paramedics standing by.
Oh, yeah? You'd be surprised.
He may be a little short of breath, but
at least he doesn't watch Ping-Pong.
Go on. "Jim, a local
cowboy and a real hunk."
[ Cheering Continues ]
"I should have said no to him. I was
breaking all the library rules.
"But he just laughed, locked the door...
and pushed me into the Rare Book Room."
[ Cheering Continues ]
[ Thunder Rumbling, Crickets Chirping ]
[ Rock Music Playing ]
[ Thunder Continues ]
[ Squeaks ]
[ Rat Squeaking Loudly ]
[ Music Playing Loudly ]
[ Harmonica ]
[ Tyrone Gurgling ]
Mmm.
Ever been in a sensory
deprivation tank, Weslake? What?
It's a great change of pace.
I have a friend, he has one of those clubs.
I got to go, hot stuff. [ Doorbell Buzzing ]
That must be Turtle. Turtle can
wait, cowgirl. [ Drops Brush ]
I got some range to ride,
front pasture to plow.
Weslake, I am late for work.
I'll see you Saturday. We could
try that skydiving next time.
We could hang that parachute
harness up in here.
I'll be the Red Baron!
Mr. Weslake?
[ Turns Up Volume ]
[ Approaching Footsteps ]
I can just see your bare ass
swingin' in that harness.
[ Clears Throat ] Mr. Weslake? Yes?
Sorry to bother you, but, uh, I
have to get your block converter.
My what? The little box on your TV.
My cable? Why? It works terrific. [ Laughs ]
You're a little behind on your
subscription payments. Me?
Six months. No, no, no. That's gotta be
some kind of computer foul-up at the bank.
It's okay. I'll make it all right.
Look, you can't take it. I've been waiting
for ages for that Nakajima-Cuellas fight.
You can't take it now. Sorry, Mr.
Weslake, but don't worry about the fight.
Nakajima, he's gonna tear him apart.
Won't be much to see.
[ Static ]
[ Humming ]
[ Kids Chattering ]
That's awful. What?
If you're gonna do it, do it right.
Tack it in the joint there. Keeps it
out of sight, doesn't look so messy.
[ Clock Cuckooing ]
Come here.
Huh? What? Take a look.
Ohh. You wanna sell your father's watch?
No. Are you telling me what time it is?
No, I was just wondering what
something like that might be worth.
To me?
It's real gold. Plate.
[ Clock Chiming ] Gold! Solid gold.
It runs great.
It's running a little slow.
[ Groans ] Six bucks.
Six bucks! It's an antique!
We're talkin' about a time when men
made things by hand. That was then.
These days, you buy a watch,
you wanna see what time it is.
Look, Weslake, you don't wanna hock this.
Here, here. Come on.
You know, it's a good thing
I don't need the money,
because if I was serious about pawning
that watch, you would have made me angry.
Very angry! Listen, business is business.
Yeah. Yeah, business is business.
Well, here's a nickel.
I'm gonna use the john.
Oh, the best things in life are free.
[ Chuckling ]
[ Humming ]
[ Humming Continues ]
[ Humming ]
[ Singing ]
Turtle! I'll meet you
in Garvey's in ten minutes.
Good morning, Mrs. O'Malley.
Aye. Good morning.
Jasmine, we're going now. Hi.
And don't be creative. Just move the
furniture exactly the way we told you.
Oh, and Jasmine?
Huh? Don't use my cast iron pan.
It's only for omelettes.
Worry me about a pot and a pan!
[ Door Slams ]
Nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen...
Weren't you just doin' that?
He don't want me to forget,
so he keeps me practicin'.
Remember what you were talkin'
about yesterday? Yeah.
I think we may be able
to work somethin' out.
There's a girl cleaning the apartment
on the second floor right behind us.
Entrance is on 23rd Street.
Go in there and find out who lives
there, what their hours are;
Make a little drawing of the
apartment, where everything is. Okay?
What's that got to do with
Dillard, Ramon and Garvey?
If you and me are going to be
working together, I'm in charge.
Got it? Meet me at my
place, up there, at 3:00.
3119. Just up the street.
Okay? Wait, wait.
What do I get? Rich... maybe.
Depends on what she says.
And, Boardwalk... keep your mouth shut.
You're talkin' to the right man. [ Fussing ]
Come on, Tyrone.
[ Grunts ] Give me the key.
What for? You gotta trust him, Garvey.
He's installing it.
[ Garvey ] All right. Now
let's see if it works.
[ Button Clicks ] Let's see.
Nobody broke in yet. We have to wait?
Jesus. I'm gonna lock the
door from the outside,
and you open the door without the key.
That's somebody breakin' in.
It's all wired to the key.
All right. All wired to the key.
[ Player Piano Playing ]
[ Electric Fan Whirring ]
[ Cymbals Clanging, Chittering ]
[ Cuckooing, Chiming ]
[ Car Horn Honking,
Cymbal Clanging, TV Static ]
[ Gadgets Continue Clamoring ]
[ Screaming, Frankenstein Growls ]
[ Horn Blaring ]
Yippee! Let her blow!
[ Garvey ] Shut it off already!
No, here, I'll do it!
Disturb the whole neighborhood.
Shut it off! Whoa!
[ Clamoring Continues ] Shut it off, huh?
[ Clamoring Continues, Loud Explosion ]
[ Garvey ] It doesn't work! The
stupid switch doesn't work!
Dillard, come on, do something!
[ Din Continues ]
[ Sirens, Gadgets Winding Down ]
Power main.
Okay, hold it! Right there!
Nobody moves! Put your gun away, Ronnie.
Garvey's just testing his new burglar alarm.
Weslake, what's going on?
You're telling me Garvey paid for an alarm?
[ Laughing ]
[ Mocking Laughter ] That's right, wise guy.
You hear it this Saturday, you come
in blasting. You got my permission.
Good morning, madam.
I'm with the gas company.
[ Tyrone Cooing ]
Say, babe, I'm your gas man.
[ Sniffing ]
Tyrone! No, no! Not now!
[ Continues Cooing ]
Look, I know it's the only
thing you do real good,
but there is a time and a place for
everything, and this ain't that, okay?
Good morning, sugar.
I'm with the gas... company.
What? [ Sniffing ]
It's not gas. [ Sniffing ]
[ Tyrone Cooing ] Let me take the baby.
And watch how I do it. I'm
only gonna show you one time.
Right on, Tyrone.
What's your name?
Jasmine. And I'm busy.
Hey, hey, that's what I
came to talk to you about.
I can make you very busy.
Don't let these work clothes fool you none.
You're looking at a highly-respected
interior decorator...
who just happen to believe in doing
the important work her own self.
You did all this? I'm doing it.
So, if you'd kindly be about your
business, I'll be about mine.
Hey, lady, cool out!
Look, I just thought we might be able
to help each other a little bit.
You are a fine looking woman, you know.
Help each other?
Yeah. You're smart too. I can see that now.
You think you can help me?
You name the place.
Wonderful.
Now, we'll move the dining
room over there in the bay...
and we'll make this the den.
Uh, you'll move the couch
perpendicular to the fireplace.
Oh, and of course, this china closet...
will go in the bay as well.
Where you goin'? I gotta see Ramon.
Yeah? Why? He copy keys?
I gave him back the key.
Yeah, but you can do pretty good with
wax if you know what you're doin'.
Come on.
That was Ramon's idea. I
didn't like it from the start.
What are you gonna do? I'm
gonna think about it.
You and him meet me at my place
this afternoon at 4:00, 3119, okay?
Dillard, tell your pal
that was a really dumb idea.
The guys that rig alarms are
the first ones they check.
Turtle!
Nobody move!
- Get your hands up.
- [ Giggling ]
- Keep 'em up.
- [ Maria Giggling ]
Gonna put cuffs on.
[ Both Laughing ]
If he catches you here alone with me...
Little Ramon? Mi amigo Ramoncito?
That's no problem.
You like to live dangerously or what?
It's only the good die young.
Are you a mechanic too?
No, I'm a musician. Oh, yeah, sure.
That's what everybody says. Oh, no, listen.
[ Harmonica ]
[ Men's Voices ]
[ Stops Playing ] Oh, my God, it's Ramon!
Oh, good, I gotta talk to him.
No, no, no, you've got to hide.
You know what he'll do if he see you? Hide?
Pasele, Don Garrido.
Venga, Maria.
Le presento a Don Fernando
Pablo Jesus y de la Vaca.
My sister Maria Elena Mercedes.
Hi, Fernando. Hi, Maria.
It's a pleasure to see you.
Sientese, Don Fernando.
Un cafecito?
Traigale un cafe.
How's your family, Don Fernando?
They're fine. How is your mother, Maria?
Oh, uh, she's away, on family business.
Oh, I thought Immigration
sent her back to Mexico.
[ Stammers ] Uh, but of course,
I never pay any attention to the
malicious gossip of the neighborhood.
No. Y es mejor asi.
Sugar? Ahorita se la traigo.
[ Gasps, Coffee Splashing ]
Maria, por poco se me queman las entranas.
I'm so terribly sorry!
No, don't worry.
Forgive me! It was my fault...
Voy por una toalla. [ Knocking ]
Hey, Ramon.
Oh, Senor Dillard. Nice to see you.
I want you to meet my friend Don
Fernando Pablo Jesus de la Vaca...
who has kindly come
to call on my sister, Maria.
Jesus, Ramon. You pimpin' family now?
You want something? I'm busy.
Weslake's hip to the plan.
He wants us to be at his place at 4:00.
What the hell you talk about?
Weslake, he knows!
He's got the key and the wax both. Shit!
No, no, over there in the corner.
Hmm.
I guess I was wrong. It was better before.
Oh, no! No!
Everything looks just fine just like this.
Wouldn't change a thing. [ Laughing ]
You know, I had you figured
for some lazy pimp.
[ Panting ] Who me? Lazy? Mm-hmm.
I ain't no lowlife.
Anyway, thanks.
Thanks?
That's it?
You got something special in mind?
[ Dishes Clatter ]
Ham hocks and red beans?
Mm-hmm. Ooh.
[ Laughs ] Mmm!
Not bad for a second choice.
[ Chuckles ]
Take your time, man.
The food won't run away. [ Laughs ]
Time.
I gotta go.
[ Tyrone Gurgling ]
Where you going? Uh, gotta take
care of a little business.
Right? [ Tyrone Cooing ]
How about dinner tomorrow night?
[ Weslake ] This is 24th Street? Right.
She works for two guys who live together.
They go up to the Russian
River every weekend.
And upstairs? Upstairs, another
guy who's also pretty.
An artiste. He's usually out for the night.
Cruises North Beach all weekend.
First floor?
First floor. Landlady, Mrs. O'Malley.
Deaf as a stone.
[ Sniffing ] What is it?
[ Doorbell Buzzing ] I think
it's ham hocks and red beans.
Open the door.
This is the front room?
Yeah. Let me see.
Yeah, right. Well, you see this is the den.
This used to be the dining
room. We switched them around.
[ Weslake ] But this is 24th Street?
[ Boardwalk ] Yeah, of course.
[ Purring ]
[ Weslake ] Good afternoon, gentlemen.
You? What you doin' here?
Hey, man, I ain't said nothin'.
He didn't say anything.
I saw Dillard palm the key myself. So?
So, I figured if you start out that dumb,
you need all the help you can get.
You got a better idea? You
bet your ass, Pancho.
Come here. My name is Ramon. What is it?
[ Weslake ] Sit down. You in or you out?
[ Cat Purring ]
[ Ramon ] How I know until I hear a plan?
[ Cat Yowls ]
The only thing you gotta know
is your plan sucks...
and my plan takes us to Hawaii... the safe.
I'm listening. Okay.
I'll accept that.
My plan is simplicity itself.
We break in, and we hit the safe.
[ Dillard ] How do we do that?
We use an expert. Who?
Old friend of mine. A locksmith...
with an interesting sideline in old safes,
if you get my meaning.
Gentlemen?
[ Weslake ] What the hell do you
mean, you won't, you can't?
[ Man ] Absolutely not! But on the phone...
I'm only out of the joint a month!
They catch me again, they throw
the key away! Forget it!
I shouldn't even be
consorting with you guys!
But you... Do you know they'll
look for any excuse...
to revoke parole?
The cops don't like short people.
But I said I could help and I will.
[ Birds Squawking ]
[ Dog Howling, Barking ]
Ah! I'll show you how to open a safe!
[ Tyrone Cries ]
Voila!
Now, the secret of cracking
boxes... opening safes to you...
Is based on the presumption that what
is on the inside can be outside.
And what is on the outside...
Stop eating! We'll have intermission later!
That is, you desire what is on
the outside to be on the inside.
Hey, can you show us how to get in?
And what is on the inside...
Sure!
[ Cracking Knuckles ]
[ Birds Squawking ]
[ Squawking Continues ]
[ Dial Clicking ]
[ Clicking Continues ]
Jesus, that's fantastic.
Thank you. Looks easy.
I know, but it isn't. Yeah,
but you can teach us.
I doubt it. Besides, it takes years.
How we gonna do it then? Patience.
The secret for safes is patience.
Especially when we use
the historically important...
circular saw.
Oh, Weslake, you turn and you oil.
[ Tyrone Cooing ]
Lazzarelli, this is gonna take forever.
Precisely!
That's why it's only of a
passing interest. Lazzarelli!
How do we get into the safe?
- Soup!
- Soup?
Soup! Soup?
Soup. A nitroglycerin compound,
only not quite so dangerous.
How does it work? Two
wires, electrical outlet,
a drop of soup on the hinges or
in the lock, and "open sesame!"
Try it on this. Lift that sawhorse
up for me, will you, Ramon?
Okay.
Watch it with that stuff, Dillard!
He said it was safe.
Yeah, well, it is. You just
gotta be a little careful.
That battery work? Yeah.
Okay, come on. Try it on here.
No, you do it. You're the electrician.
Hey, Weslake, what's that
shit supposed to do?
Just watch and see.
You got it live for God's sakes!
Soup!
A nitroglycerin compound,
two wires,
an electrical outlet,
one drop of soup...
and... "open sesame."
[ Electrical Sparking, Loud
Explosion ] - [ Dillard Screaming ]
[ Cruisers Hooting ]
[ Mexican ]
He's so mean
Don't you get him mad now
Once you get him pounding
You let your love shine
There ain't a star in the sky
doesn't understand why
You got me crashin' in your eyes tonight
[ Cruisers Laughing, Hooting ] Yo, fellas!
Que pasa, hombre? [ Turtle ] Hey, Maxine!
[ Laughing ] We're out for a
little bounce, right, Fernando?
Whoo! [ Laughing ]
That's all I wanted! Buenas noches.
Don Ramon, que tal?
How is my future in-law? I...
Como esta su beautiful sister Maria?
Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria
Hey, we don't want to throw off
our schedule, right, Friday?
[ Laughing ] I mean, Ferdie!
[ Both Laughing ]
[ Cruisers' Radios Blaring ]
Oh! Man, you dropped my foot!
[ Continues ]
Dillard, you need a doctor.
No, doctors. They have
to talk to the police.
Yeah, they give you downers.
I can't get behind downers.
Well, Maria can fix it.
Yeah, Maria can fix it!
Okay, I'll walk you home.
[ Groans ]
I don't know if I can make it home.
I think I better sleep here tonight.
[ Rooster Crowing ]
[ Harmonica ]
[ Footsteps ]
Jasmine is no longer in our employ.
When she was, she wasn't a decorator.
Well, she moved all that stuff. Oh, that.
Just a whim. But if you do
windows, we could use...
Nah, nah. I don't do anything
you want, man. Nothin'!
Non gustibus disputandum est.
Say, man, why don't you just watch
your mouth! Now, where is she?
No idea.
But if you find her, tell her we'd
love to have our silver back.
What silver? Just mention it if you see her!
She didn't take your damn silver, man!
All right.
Hey, what is this? What
are you all doin' here?
We just wanted to make
sure you got off okay.
I'll get off okay if you get out of my way.
Come on, move, huh?
She'll kill me if I'm late.
Let's go.
Here, lock it.
Oh, Turtle. Here, look.
First of the season.
[ Sniffs ] Incredible!
Incredible.
[ Garvey ] What's so incredible?
It's only a salmon.
[ Starts Engine ]
We have to approach this as if
it was a military exercise.
Timing, precision, coordination,
teamwork, skill, courage.
That's hip, that John Wayne shit.
You're not gonna bring that
with you, are you? [ Gurgling ]
We can't get through there.
I got that front all wired.
You didn't wire the back, did you?
The back's just a solid wall. Precisely.
We are gonna go through that
wall from the apartment...
on the second floor of the building
next to the O'Malley building.
That's how we get to the safe.
We get into that building...
from the coal chute on 23rd Street...
and that's where we meet this
morning at 0200. Okay? [ Groans ]
0200. Okay. Okay.
Okay. 0201: Bolt cutter
cuts the coal chute lock.
0202: Turtle goes into the
coal chute and up the stairs.
0203: You open the front
door of the building.
0204: We force open the door of the apartment
upstairs. Did you get the crowbar?
You got a tire iron in the
trunk of that pink thing?
No sweat. [ Exhaling ]
We then use the jack...
to go through the wall
into Garvey's upstairs.
- Jack, Ramon?
- Crank type, right?
Right. [ Exhales ]
Drill? Not to worry. [ Exhales ]
Okay, I figure all that
should take about 17 minutes.
So, at 0221 we are
downstairs and at the safe.
[ Tyrone Fusses ] [ All ] Hawaii!
Shut up. 0222:
We use the plasticene
and Dillard wires the hinges.
Two drops of soup, electrical outlet and...
Open sesame!
Okay. Alibis. Ramon?
I don't need one. I don't even
supposed to be in this country.
[ Laughing ] A black man don't need one.
Law don't believe him anyway.
- Dillard?
- I figured I'd say I was with you.
I have an alibi.
I forgot.
[ Boardwalk ] I'll check
you out later on, okay?
Okay.
Come with me. We'll get the jack.
I gotta get some wire for the soup.
Okay, we'll do that on the way.
Well, special wire.
Okay.
[ Harmonica ]
Mami, estoy muy cansada.
Andale, ya.
- [ Stops Playing ]
- [ Maria ] Mama!
Took control over my mind
Made me want him every day
Say, what the hell you think you doin'?
Getting ready for work. What kind
of work you dressed for like that?
Well, you know. Girl, you crazy.
I didn't like being an interior decorator.
The customer's never satisfied.
What you doing?
Gettin' you off the street. Certain people
are real protective of their territory,
and we're on it.
You're standing me up, aren't you?
It's not standing you up if I tell
you I can't make it beforehand.
[ Man ] You can't do this to me.
There's no reason to do it.
With all the crime in this city,
you're giving out tickets!
Why don't you do something
about real criminals?
Weslake, I expected better from you.
This is awfully short notice, you know, and
it's not easy in San Francisco these days.
Maxie, it's just one night.
It was just two minutes! Come on!
Maxie, I will make it up to you, I swear!
I can't make up a lost Saturday night.
But next Thursday you might
be on your back in Paris.
France!
Come on, Weslake, you know you'll
never have to deliver on that one.
Why? Because I have to be
back here on Friday...
for Don Fernando.
Well, we could have dinner
at Chez Panisse. Yes?
Just don't ever let this happen again.
Do you understand?
Yes, sir.
[ Motorist ] Okay, I'll move the car.
I hate the car. I'll move the car.
Hey, fella.
You busy tonight?
What are you doin', honey?
[ Ripping Ticket ]
Ramon, you gotta let me
explain about last night.
I was only taking Maxine home.
I certainly didn't mean to be disrespectful
to your lovely sister Maria.
In fact, I have a small
token of my affection.
I come to wash up. [ Jasmine
] Why you won't let me?
You ain't gonna whore for two reasons.
One: It's skilled labor.
You gotta learn before you earn.
Nobody gonna be payin' you $500 a
night just because you look good.
Five hundred dollars.
What's a $500-a-night whore do?
See? There ain't no such
thing as a $500 whore,
just $500 johns.
There's tricks to walkin'.
There's tricks to talkin'.
You could teach me.
Now that brings us to the second
reason why you can't whore.
Which is?
You're too smart. You're too pretty.
[ Laughs ]
[ Tyrone Gurgling ]
Damn it.
The keys to the apartment.
Here, let me take care of that for you.
How come? Oh, let's just say,
I give them the keys, show them how
honest you are, we split the silver.
What silver? [ Laughs ] Come on, now.
This is Boardwalk you're talkin' to.
The silver you took when you was decoratin'.
They say that I took their silver?
Oh, it's cool.
We won't take it to Garvey. We'll go
uptown and get some real money for it.
Damn it to hell, Boardwalk!
You're just like 'em!
Any time they lose something with
all their damn furniture movin',
they have to blame the nigger maid.
The same damn thing
happen at the last place.
The old lady say I broke her Cuisinart.
I can't even run a damn
Cuisinart, but she fired me!
And it's gonna happen again and again and...
[ Sighing ]
[ Inhales, Exhales ]
Mm-hmm, that's right.
I ain't no decorator.
I'm a maid, and I was a good one too.
But now I ain't got a job, and I
wish I had taken their damn silver!
[ Sobbing ] It's okay. It's okay.
I knew you wasn't no decorator.
Didn't make no difference to me.
[ Sniffling ] 'Cause you got a pretty face.
You got a pretty name. Jasmine.
[ Crying ] What?
[ Crying ] My name is Betty.
I made up "Jasmine."
[ Continues Crying ] [ Laughing ]
Come on, come on, it's okay.
It's all right. [ Laughing ]
You think my mama named me "Boardwalk"?
Hmm? [ Laughing ]
Now, don't... Don't you worry.
I got something goin'.
After tonight you gonna be workin' for me.
But you said I didn't know how.
No, not that.
I'm gonna be needin' a personal secretary.
Maybe you can start tonight.
Take care of Tyrone for me.
I mean, if it's cool.
[ Sniffs ]
I wouldn't mind you teachin'
me some of that stuff.
What stuff?
Oh, that stuff.
[ Mexican ]
[ Woman Laughing ]
[ Continues ]
[ People Chattering ]
Mama!
I' Ramoncito, mi hijo!
I' Oh, mi hijo!
Oh, gracias, mi hijo. Gracias.
I want you to meet Don Dillard.
He's been so good
to take care of la Maria...
while I was away and you were so busy.
Nice to meet you.
I' Ramon! I' Con respeto!
Nice to meet you, Don Dillard.
[ Tapping ]
[ Weslake ] Testing, one, two, three, four.
[ Static, People Laughing, Chattering ]
What's so funny over there?
You havin' a good time? Huh?
[ Crunching Chips ]
[ Woman's Voice ] Oh, Weslake, I this
is just the most wonderful party.
Do you think I could have a little
more champagne? - [ Cork Pops ]
Oh, you're so generous. What time is it?
[ Man's Voice ] It's 2:30 by my
watch, but I think I'm a little slow.
Is it 2:35 over there?
[ Party Music, Chattering Continues ]
[ Ringing Bell ] Telephone!
Boardwalk, for you.
[ Muffled Voice ] Hey, kids!
[ Crunching ]
[ Slurping ]
[ Man On Record ] Aw, man, wait a minute.
[ Inhaling ]
[ High-Pitched Voice ] You contractors all
have such a wonderful time at parties.
I'm amazed. This is terribly
well-organized, the way you've done it.
[ Man On Record ] Man, come on, let's go.
[ Weslake ] Wait a minute!
Dillard's gonna play the guitar.
Hang on and listen. Shut up, everybody,
and let Dillard play the guitar.
[ Static, Flamenco Guitar Strumming ]
Shut up, I said!
Hey, Dillard, you're terrific.
The best, man...
[ Guitar Continues ]
[ Boardwalk Sighs ] Where the hell is he?
[ Sighing ]
Everybody here? Yeah!
Okay, synchronize watches.
Fifty-three.
Fifty-four.
Fif...
[ Clock Striking 2:00 ]
Sixty.
Okay, let's go. The coal chute.
Hey, Boardwalk. What?
The keys. I ain't got no keys.
Ramon says he saw you
at La Rondall with the scrub.
He said she gave 'em to you.
She changed her mind.
The keys are not part of the plan.
We stick to the plan.
[ Bangs Cans ] Shh!
[ Dog Barking ] Bolt cutter.
[ Rattling ]
Bolt cutter!
[ Snickering ]
[ Wheezing Laughter ]
Good.
Ready? Yeah.
When you get to the bottom, go up the
stairs and let us in the front door, okay?
Okay. I'll help you down.
Good.
[ Turtle Screams, Crashing ]
[ Clattering ]
Turtle?
[ Banging, Cat Meows ]
[ Turtle Screams, Cat Meows ] Turtle?
[ Meowing Continues, Groaning
] Are you all right?
[ Groaning ] What are you doin'?
The door is stuck.
All right. Get him out of there.
[ Dog Barking ]
Okay. Plan "B."
Piece of cake. Fire escape.
We go around and up, over the skylight,
down the shaft, in through the window.
Simple. Come on.
Get down!
Piece of cake.
Dillard?
Okay, I got it. [ Yells ]
[ Dogs Barking ]
Okay, go on up.
Turtle, go ahead.
Boardwalk, go!
Ramon... go!
What's the matter? The tool bag.
I'll take the goddamn tool bag.
Come on.
Now what? I don't like ladders.
This is a hell of a time to mention it!
Nobody asked me before.
[ Tires Screeching, Dogs Barking ]
Where's Ramon?
He wouldn't climb the ladder.
That's cool. Just more for us.
[ Dillard ] No way, man.
He's part of the team.
He is, huh? That's funny,
'cause I don't see him.
We're already four minutes and
28 seconds behind schedule.
Come on, let's go.
[ Boardwalk ] Say, man, you sure
this thing's gonna hold us up?
Yeah, it's plate. Just
don't walk on the glass.
Just go on carefully and brace yourself
against the edge of it, like this.
Careful.
Easy, Turtle.
Freeze! Shit! [ Dillard Gasps ]
[ Artiste ] Welcome to my little atelier.
So this is the, uh, thing
you were talking about.
[ Laughing ]
Ooh! It's so big.
What I'm trying to do with it...
I-I-I'm trying to explore the
interplay of light and shadow...
as it moves through space. Hmm.
It's very sexy.
Ah, Maxine, you promised me.
Maybe I lied.
You're gonna tell me
everything about your mother.
Now put the music on.
[ Classical ]
Oh, Maxine, what are you doing?
Helping you relax.
I'm very relaxed. [ Maxine Giggles
] Your toes are clenched.
[ Maxine Giggling ]
[ Indistinct Talking ]
[ Bottle Clanks ]
Psst, here.
[ "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" ]
This is one of my favorite
pieces of music. What is it?
The Nutcracker.
Really? Mm-hmm. "Dance of
the Sugar Plum Fairy."
Oh, how sweet.
Well, it just makes me
feel like moving in space.
[ Continues ]
She's a wonderful dancer.
Maxine. Wha... No.
What are you doing? Stop. We
already talked about this.
I know, honey. I just had another thought.
Maxine! Don't worry. That's the good part.
I get to show you. Maxine!
Relax. I'll do the hard part.
[ Gasps ] Atta boy, tiger!
[ Artiste ] Jesus, you're
kinkier than I thought.
[ Maxine Giggling ]
Come on! I got all stiff.
In the leg, man.
That's the window over there.
[ Turtle ] Do we have to do this?
Turtle! Come on.
[ Dillard Groaning ] The soup!
Dillard. Boardwalk stepped on my damn hand.
Glass cutter.
It's got no cutter! Shit!
[ Boardwalk ] That's the way I would
have done it in the first place.
Just shut up and show us the way.
[ Stumbling On Glass ]
We are one hour and 23
minutes behind schedule.
Where are we? You're in the dining room.
No, no, that's the den. W-Wait a minute.
[ Weslake ] One, two, three,
That used to be the living room.
Four, five, six,
seven, eight... Ohh!
What took you so much? Ramon?
How'd you get in?
Okay, I saw the meter maidcome
in the front with this guy,
so I put my foot on the door. Good, huh?
Good. Did you know she was in here?
Yeah, yeah, we knew. But how
did you get in this place?
Did you break in to this apartment? No.
The door, it was open.
Yeah. All right, all right.
Let's go. Ten, eleven...
Boardwalk, drill right there.
[ Banging ] What are you doin'?
I gotta find a spot. Just drill there.
All right. You're the boss.
[ Drill Revving ]
You hit the water pipe! You
told me to drill here!
[ Mrs. O'Malley ] Oh, he'll
be so happy to see you.
You're such a little gypsy.
[ Cat Meowing ] I'll turn on the light.
There you go.
Now, there, you're home.
[ Water Gurgling ]
Hello? Mr. Monicelli?
This is Vera O'Malley, your neighbor.
I just wanted you to know
that my idea worked.
I left the door open
and the kitty came back.
What? You wanted her out? How come?
Well, never mind.
I know why you wanted her out.
Just a second. I'll get her.
- Naughty kitty.
- Get the cat.
Naughty kitty.
[ Meowing ]
[ Sighs ]
Okay. I put the kitty out again.
But I'm afraid you're going to have a
little cleanup to do when you get home.
Huh? Yes, I got the key.
No, it wasn't Jasmine who brought it.
A friend of hers. A nice colored gentleman.
A real fancy dresser, I'll tell you.
Bye-bye.
[ Hangs Up Phone, Footsteps ]
[ Meows ]
[ Door Closes ] Okay. Over here.
Move the furniture.
"Nice colored gentleman," eh? What?
I get it. You have the hard-on for the maid.
You talkin' to me, man? I don't care about
no maid. Besides, she's a decorator.
You had the key! It doesn't
make any difference.
If he had used the key, they could have
traced it to him and nailed all of us.
Now, get to work! Exactly!
Dillard, Ramon, bring that couch.
Turn.
[ Weslake ] We're nearly there.
[ Indistinct Muttering ]
[ Groaning ]
Damn! This shit's harder than workin'!
[ Debris Falling ]
We are four hours and 17
minutes behind schedule.
Now, let's do it, and let's
do it right this time.
[ Weslake ] Aw, shit. Wrong wire.
Perfect.
Frijoles.
[ Boardwalk ] Mm-mm. Red
beans and ham hocks.
[ Clock Cuckooing ]
It's good.
Yeah. Jasmine's all right.
She can cook.
It needs chilies.
It don't need nothin'.
It's great just the way it is.
Soup. Okay. Soup.
Careful. Right in there.
There.
Don't let that loose wire
touch the terminal yet.
We're gonna blow it.
If you wanna help, get out of the way.
Ramon, give me some light.
Everybody set?
Here we go to Hawaii.
[ Rattling ]
[ Rattling Continues ]
[ Rooster Crowing ]
The fish was too much for her.
She just looked at it and...
smiled...
and closed her eyes forever.
Your mother?
You know her last word?
Lox.
Yeah, she loved salmon.
She used to cure it herself;
A little dill, a little brandy.
Hmm.
Come on.
Feel better.
Sit down.
I'm real sorry, Garvey.
That's a tough one, man.
Mis pesames, Garvey.
Yeah, that mother stuff's a
heavy gig, man. I'm sorry.
[ Sighs ] Well, I'm glad you're all here.
I don't know what I would have done.
Would you like some... [ Groans ]
Hmm. Oh! Here, have some salmon.
Hmm?
You'll like that. Have a drink.
Salud. Salud.
Piece of fish?
[ Meowing ]
[ Player Piano Playing,
Toy Chimp Chittering ]
- [ Chittering, Clanging ]
- [ Sirens Blaring ]
[ Gadgets Clamoring ]
The key! The key! The key!
The key, where is it?
[ Clamoring Continues ]
[ Gadgets Winding Down, Clock Cuckoos ]
Okay, buster! Hold it, right there!
I got him, I got him!
[ Chimp Buzzes, Bangs
Piano Keys ] Move! Move!
Get your hands on the counter! Move!
[ Garvey Groans ]
What are you doin'? What do you want?
We heard your alarm.
We caught this guy red-handed.
[ Garvey ] Caught this guy?
We just gave him the key to turn it off.
It was an accident. Forget it.
Looks like they came in
from the apartment behind,
came down the stairs.
[ Sighs ]
Where were you two?
If it weren't for my friends
here, I'd have nothing.
Here you are arresting the heroes.
Heroes?
Did any of you heroes get a description?
They were black. They was Mexican.
They had ski masks.
Right! It was ski masks.
Black Mexicans wearin' ski masks.
Come on, Ronnie.
[ Boardwalk ] You should
have been here, Garvey.
I really scared one of them big suckers.
Oh, I appreciate that.
They do any damage? Uh, a little.
But I'm sure we'll be able
to put it back together.
Oh. That'll be nice.
Well, you guys are friends indeed.
This salmon won't keep.
You know, Weslake, those
robbers were pretty dumb.
I wouldn't say that.
I thought it was a pretty professional job.
The safe, I only had it for the picture.
There hasn't been anything in it for years.
Wasn't even locked.
[ Clock Cuckooing ]
[ Garvey ] Ah, what's the difference.
Friendship, that's what's important.
But, in the meantime, you'll have to do.
We got more than we need
But we don't even notice
Right before our eyes
Our dreams just up and fade away
We keep givin' up more tears
And losin' hope for something better
Of pain and disappointment
We got more than we need
We got more than we need
Enough fear and confusion
To keep us busy running
Reaching out so desperately
We keep wasting our faith on illusion
Risking it all on a roll of the dice
If our past is the dreams of tomorrow
Then we're travelin' together
We got more than we need
Of old lies and deception
Hiding in the shadows
Wondering who we should believe
We keep thinking the path of resistance
Is too steep to climb on our own
We are finding the truth in our sorrow
And we're travelin' together
We got more than we need
We got more than we need
But we don't even notice
Right before our eyes
Our dreams just up and fade away
We keep givin' up more tears
And losin' hope for something better
Of pain and disappointment
We got more than we need
We got more than we need
Enough fear and confusion
To keep us busy running
Reaching out so desperately
We keep wasting our faith on illusion
Risking it all on a roll of the dice
If our past is the dreams of tomorrow
Then we're travelin' together
We got more than we need
Of old lies and deception
Hi, Maxine. Hello, Slam Dunk.
Made your quota today? [ Groans
] I had it covered by lunch.
How about yourself?
Still working on it, baby.
Still working on it.
We keep thinking the path of resistance
Is too steep Oh, why, thank you.
Gentlemen are so rare these days.
How can I ever repay you?
And we're travelin' together
We got more than we need
And we don't even know it
Oh, why, thank you.
Gentlemen are so rare
these days. How can I...
Is more than we could ever see
If working won't do
Then it should be for something better
'Cause of the things that matter
We got more than we need
We got, we got
We got more than we need
And we don't even know it
Hey, let's check these guys out.
[ Workers ] i' La migra! I' La migra!
Right before, Right before our eyes
Immigration. Let's see some I.D., huh?
I'm wearing it.
Good afternoon, madam,
I'm Sharon from Total Woman.
Good afternoon, madam. I'm Sharon
from Total Woman Cosmetics,
a new and exciting line of home beauty
aids for a new and exciting home beauty.
Yo no hablo ingles.
Her jojoba body lotion is just fabulous.
Right before our eyes
There's more than we could ever see
If working won't do
Then it should be for something better
'Cause of the things
that matter Hi, David.
We got more than we need
We got, we got
We got more than we need
[ Man 1 ] It's my move! You moved!
[ Man 2 ] It's my move!
All right, this is a bust!
[ Clock Cuckooing ]
Hello?
Hi, Maxie. Hi, Maxie.
Careful, fellas, you might spoil
me with too much attention.
How are you doing, Turtle?
I don't know.
Well, you think about it.
Oh, wait! Ho! Hey, girl, wait a minute here!
Say, you a lot of trouble for me!
You never pay anyway.
It's the principle! You're just lucky
it's on blocks and hard to tow,
or it would have been gone by now.
You're finished! Do you mind?
[ Laughs, Jumps Two Checkers ]
[ Jumps Three Men ]
Mind? No, I don't mind. [ Jumps Three Men ]
I can win now, I can win later.
I don't mind.
Say, Mr. Fix-It, can't you
keep that bitch in line?
I told ya, don't call her a bitch.
Lighten up, Fix-It.
Now bitch don't mean nothing.
I call my old lady that.
Call 'em all that. Say, bitch! Oh, oh.
See? Boardwalk, are you here on business?
Yeah.
What, a baby carriage?
You want to sell a baby carriage?
Baby carriage?
Compare this to a baby carriage,
you talking Toyota to Cadillac.
I mean, you either got a
car, or you got a ride.
We're talking chrome wire
wheels, front disc brakes.
Sure. Ten dollars.
Man, this book from 1935. The
carriage is from 1932. Here.
Garvey, you don't understand,
This old shit's comin' back.
Look here, they got a
blanket, a little pillow.
Look at the tires, they're radials.
Never wear out.
Ten. Ten?
[ Phone Ringing ] Ten.
Did you move? Answer the phone.
[ Ringing Continues ]
Hello. Mama, how you doing?
Mama, I'll be there.
It's your 90th birthday.
[ Laughs ] Sure, Mama.
No, Jerry won't be there.
Because he's dead, Mama.
He's been dead for ten years.
That's right. That's why
he wasn't there last year.
[ Chuckles ] Anything I can bring you?
Huh?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
No, Mama, I can't bring that.
Why? Because the doctor has to prescribe it.
You know that.
Look, I got to go now, Mama.
Yeah. Yes, I'll be there.
I promise. All right? All right, Mama.
[ Hangs Up Phone ]
So what are you looking at? You never
saw a son talk to his mother before?
Yeah. Here.
[ Clock Chiming ]
[ Baby Crying ]
Damn!
Ooh, Tyrone.
[ Crying Continues ] Oh.
I wouldn't forget you. You know that. Here.
I'm just taking care of him for this
afternoon, 'til Slam Dunk's done.
Turtle!
You don't be robbin' no baby, man.
Jesus Christ!
My God, Turtle. What...
Move the carriage, huh?
[ Sighs ] How's your mother?
Ninety. Come on, it's your move.
It's gonna cost you more this time. What?
Me. Guarding the store
when you go see your mother.
We're gonna have to make it
25 bucks for the day.
Twen... What is this, a welfare office?
What do you mean "welfare"?
You know how much a real
security guard would cost ya?
Move. I'm not on welfare. I
don't believe in welfare.
You believe in eating?
It's a temporary layoff.
Temporary. Huh, six months? I
talked to Kurnitz yesterday.
He said things were picking up. He
said he'd have me back on the job.
Takes time. Hey, Garvino.
How's it going? Listen, McGarvey.
Hey, baby. You miss daddy?
Any dumb punkers been picking on ya?
[ Amplifier Feedback ]
Don't worry about it, baby,
'cause we are reunited.
How much?
Twenty bucks.
Twenty bucks?
That's a brand new BMW radio, man.
You know what those things go for?
Yeah. 326 bucks.
Then how come only $20?
Well, a piece as hot as this, they
could raise my fire insurance.
No, Garvey. My brother-in-law give it to me.
Your brother-in-law drives a BMW?
[ Chuckles ] Twenty bucks.
[ Continues ]
[ Sniffs ]
All right, all right.
That's enough with that noise, eh? Come on.
Hey, Garvey,
she's mine.
Have you read a newspaper lately?
Today's the 16th. She's
been mine for a week now.
I got the money. Clean green, pal.
Twenty-five dollars. It ain't 25.
It is. That's what you gave me for her.
That's what I gave you.
That's not what you give me.
I'm in business. I have to make a profit.
Capisce?
How much profit? Well, read the tag.
[ Clock Cuckooing ]
A hundred and fifty dollars!
Now, look, I know it ain't much,
but they don't want that kind anymore.
You scumbag!
You thievin', low-life, son of
a puke brain, bastard bitch!
She's mine! Wait a minute.
You want a guitar, I want a burglar alarm.
You put one in that works,
we'll figure something out.
You kidding me? You sleazy,
bloodsucking ditz!
I don't make deals with leeches!
[ Puts Guitar Down ]
Tomorrow for the morning, he does it.
Oh, the hell I will!
I ought to tear your head off
and shit down your neck!
Such a sweet kid.
All he needs is a chance.
Is that the way you're gonna go? Of course.
Dillard, you listen to me, okay?
I ain't helping that bastard!
I know. But you said I would.
No, I said you can fix the alarm. Well?
I bet you can fix it good. Que no?
You mean, fix it so's we can get in?
[ Baby Crying ]
You hear anything?
You talking to me? Yeah.
I didn't hear nothing. Baby's crying.
Besides, I don't talk Mexican.
[ Baby Cooing ]
I don't think it's a good
idea. I don't know.
Dillard, you not to worry, okay?
For a city boy lover
Stuck here 'til you come to
your senses You see that?
He don't want to mess with your old man.
Good afternoon.
Good afternoon.
How are you today?
I saw your sign out front.
I thought this might be a good
place to... Hock an adding machine?
Nah, I got three of them in last week.
Top of the line.
Kurnitz? Kurnitz!
[ Laughing ] Oh, boy, am I glad to see you.
Lou Garvey, Jack Kurnitz. My boss.
I told ya he was coming to see me.
Well, when do I start? What do I do?
What are you doing with the adding machine?
[ Continues ]
You said things were gettin' better.
Yeah, well, uh, uh, they got worse. Worse?
What do you mean, worse? [ Garvey ] Worse!
You know, worse?
Come on, Turtle. I need a
little bit of fresh air.
See you tomorrow.
Shit. I got to figure out something to do.
I have an idea.
What? Why don't we go get something to eat?
Jesus Christ, Turtle!
You're just like my mother!
It's Thursday? Yeah.
What do we always do? Guacamole?
Well, baby, maybe Mr. Fix-It and I
talk a little business. Maybe? Hmm?
Hey, Slam Dunk, baby. Don't
baby me, you lazy fool.
What the hell am I paying you for?
You are worthless.
Pimps givin' you trouble? Nothing
I can't handle, no thanks to you!
You supposed to be walking
around. Look tough!
How the hell am I supposed to look
tough carrying Tyrone around?
Ow! [ Crying ] Damn right!
What you do that for? For doing nothing!
Gophers gonna be delivering
your mail, you keep that up!
You got that wrong, Slam Dunk! You my woman!
As usual, you got it wrong. You my pimp!
At least you was.
What's this "was" shit?
"Was" like in ain't no more!
There's your stuff.
Say, wait a minute here. Wait! Ain't you
forgetting a little something? Tyrone!
Yeah. I still can't figure
out how you managed that.
[ Tyrone Crying ]
Yeah, I know exactly what
you mean, Tyrone. Exactly.
[ Clicks Heels ]
[ Screams ]
Hey, you... [ Speaking
Yiddish ] [ Laughing ]
Huh? You bet.
Look, I got... Oh, shit.
I want to be your boyfriend
Somehow that seems hard to do
[ Whirring ]
You got work for me?
Que pasa, man?
Let's see some I.D., huh?
[ Whirring Continues ]
Well, if you ask me
What's the problema, Ramon? Immigration.
They took my mother last week.
Suzi Plastic, you won't get far
Your name is Plastic and that you are
Hi, David. Hi, Maria.
[ Ramon ] Maria, what you doing here?
I'm going to the market. Don't you
know La Migra's around? Let's go.
I can't stay home all the time!
Mientras yo mande, usted hace lo que diga.
But this is silly! Mama didn't say...
I' Maria! A mama se la llevo La Migra.
Yo soy responsable hasta que yo regrese.
Y mientras yo siga responsable,
usted no sale sola, punto.
[ Maria Shouting ]
i' Claro que no!
But you're gonna act like one.
Hey, what's going on? Who's this?
Dillard, you no butt in, okay?
Maria. His sister.
Nice to meet you. I didn't
know Ramon had a sister.
He didn't know he had a sister
'til last week.
Suddenly he's big brother.
Yeah, and if I catch anybody messing
with her, I cut his pescuezo.
Y usted, vamonos. Come on, Ramon.
You're a real pain.
[ Arguing ]
[ Maria ] I didn't do anything!
[ Arguing ]
[ Arguing Continues ]
[ Thunder Rumbling ]
[ Door Opens ]
You know, this is really for people over 21?
Oh, he is. He just forgot his I.D.
Well, it's the foreman, my main man.
Hey, don't worry, Turtle. I
come to deal, not to steal.
You mind if I sit down?
I, uh, got some information for Garvey.
Say somebody installs an alarm,
only he was gonna rig it so him and
his buddy could get around it.
Dillard and Ramon. [ Boardwalk ] Right.
What do ya think?
I think it's great. Serves Garvey right.
I'm serious! What do ya say?
[ Thunder Rumbling ]
It won't work. Gettin' inside is easy.
No way they're gonna crack that safe.
It's a Hauser.
The safe? Goddamn! Huh.
I thought they was breaking in
for some little shit.
That's good. That's good!
He's got to give us a reward!
Garvey? [ Laughs ]
[ Maxine ] Hi, Fernando.
Como esta, Maxine? Mucho caliente.
Oh. [ Clicks Heels ]
I know you two are friends, Weslake,
but I swear I don't understand it.
Maybe you'll get lucky. It
ain't happened so far today.
Well, there's always tomorrow, Papa.
[ Boardwalk ] I'll check you later, Mama.
Papa, Mama. I don't believe it.
Hey, relax, my dance card's already full.
I got to get back into the mainstream.
You already are. You're unemployed.
Ha, ha. Big joke.
Hey, come on, let's have a drink. Fernando.
Your place. I keep forgetting it's Thursday.
[ Laughs ] You're gonna pay
for that, Weslake. [ Gasps ]
[ Maxine Laughs Louder ]
Monday. Senor Weslake, it's been a month.
Catch you Friday, Ferdie. Bye, Turtle.
[ Thunder Rumbling, Door Closes ]
[ Grabs Chips ]
[ Thunder Continues ]
You pervert!
[ TV Chatter ] [ Inhaling, Exhaling ]
[ Thunder Continues ]
[ Inhaling, Exhaling ]
[ Maxine ] Hey, Weslake, guess what?
I'm free Saturday night. Garvey's
standing me up this week.
It's his mother's birthday. I know.
So I thought I might like to play in
the pawn shop with the security guard.
Remember last year, hmm? [ Giggles ]
Does he still have that thing with
the pulleys? Block and tackle? Yeah.
I'm not guarding the place this year.
You're not?
No, it's the age of electronics. What?
He's putting in a burglar alarm system.
[ Applause On TV ]
[ Sighs ] Enough Ping-Pong.
[ Shuts Off TV ]
They have the replay of the
Cleveland game on afterwards.
Oh, really? Hmm.
[ Sets Down Glass ]
"Dear Penthouse:"
"Being a librarian from Laramie,
Wyoming, may not sound very exciting,"
"but last night something happened that
I just thought I would share with you."
Midnight cowgirl? [ Chuckles ]
"Just before closing there
was a knock at the back door.
It was Jim, a local cowboy and a real hunk."
We can't do that one.
We don't have a saddle.
Look in the closet. [ Crowd Cheering On TV ]
You're outrageous.
Well, if you don't want to, I
could always try it with Garvey.
You got to be kidding. You'd
need paramedics standing by.
Oh, yeah? You'd be surprised.
He may be a little short of breath, but
at least he doesn't watch Ping-Pong.
Go on. "Jim, a local
cowboy and a real hunk."
[ Cheering Continues ]
"I should have said no to him. I was
breaking all the library rules.
"But he just laughed, locked the door...
and pushed me into the Rare Book Room."
[ Cheering Continues ]
[ Thunder Rumbling, Crickets Chirping ]
[ Rock Music Playing ]
[ Thunder Continues ]
[ Squeaks ]
[ Rat Squeaking Loudly ]
[ Music Playing Loudly ]
[ Harmonica ]
[ Tyrone Gurgling ]
Mmm.
Ever been in a sensory
deprivation tank, Weslake? What?
It's a great change of pace.
I have a friend, he has one of those clubs.
I got to go, hot stuff. [ Doorbell Buzzing ]
That must be Turtle. Turtle can
wait, cowgirl. [ Drops Brush ]
I got some range to ride,
front pasture to plow.
Weslake, I am late for work.
I'll see you Saturday. We could
try that skydiving next time.
We could hang that parachute
harness up in here.
I'll be the Red Baron!
Mr. Weslake?
[ Turns Up Volume ]
[ Approaching Footsteps ]
I can just see your bare ass
swingin' in that harness.
[ Clears Throat ] Mr. Weslake? Yes?
Sorry to bother you, but, uh, I
have to get your block converter.
My what? The little box on your TV.
My cable? Why? It works terrific. [ Laughs ]
You're a little behind on your
subscription payments. Me?
Six months. No, no, no. That's gotta be
some kind of computer foul-up at the bank.
It's okay. I'll make it all right.
Look, you can't take it. I've been waiting
for ages for that Nakajima-Cuellas fight.
You can't take it now. Sorry, Mr.
Weslake, but don't worry about the fight.
Nakajima, he's gonna tear him apart.
Won't be much to see.
[ Static ]
[ Humming ]
[ Kids Chattering ]
That's awful. What?
If you're gonna do it, do it right.
Tack it in the joint there. Keeps it
out of sight, doesn't look so messy.
[ Clock Cuckooing ]
Come here.
Huh? What? Take a look.
Ohh. You wanna sell your father's watch?
No. Are you telling me what time it is?
No, I was just wondering what
something like that might be worth.
To me?
It's real gold. Plate.
[ Clock Chiming ] Gold! Solid gold.
It runs great.
It's running a little slow.
[ Groans ] Six bucks.
Six bucks! It's an antique!
We're talkin' about a time when men
made things by hand. That was then.
These days, you buy a watch,
you wanna see what time it is.
Look, Weslake, you don't wanna hock this.
Here, here. Come on.
You know, it's a good thing
I don't need the money,
because if I was serious about pawning
that watch, you would have made me angry.
Very angry! Listen, business is business.
Yeah. Yeah, business is business.
Well, here's a nickel.
I'm gonna use the john.
Oh, the best things in life are free.
[ Chuckling ]
[ Humming ]
[ Humming Continues ]
[ Humming ]
[ Singing ]
Turtle! I'll meet you
in Garvey's in ten minutes.
Good morning, Mrs. O'Malley.
Aye. Good morning.
Jasmine, we're going now. Hi.
And don't be creative. Just move the
furniture exactly the way we told you.
Oh, and Jasmine?
Huh? Don't use my cast iron pan.
It's only for omelettes.
Worry me about a pot and a pan!
[ Door Slams ]
Nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen...
Weren't you just doin' that?
He don't want me to forget,
so he keeps me practicin'.
Remember what you were talkin'
about yesterday? Yeah.
I think we may be able
to work somethin' out.
There's a girl cleaning the apartment
on the second floor right behind us.
Entrance is on 23rd Street.
Go in there and find out who lives
there, what their hours are;
Make a little drawing of the
apartment, where everything is. Okay?
What's that got to do with
Dillard, Ramon and Garvey?
If you and me are going to be
working together, I'm in charge.
Got it? Meet me at my
place, up there, at 3:00.
3119. Just up the street.
Okay? Wait, wait.
What do I get? Rich... maybe.
Depends on what she says.
And, Boardwalk... keep your mouth shut.
You're talkin' to the right man. [ Fussing ]
Come on, Tyrone.
[ Grunts ] Give me the key.
What for? You gotta trust him, Garvey.
He's installing it.
[ Garvey ] All right. Now
let's see if it works.
[ Button Clicks ] Let's see.
Nobody broke in yet. We have to wait?
Jesus. I'm gonna lock the
door from the outside,
and you open the door without the key.
That's somebody breakin' in.
It's all wired to the key.
All right. All wired to the key.
[ Player Piano Playing ]
[ Electric Fan Whirring ]
[ Cymbals Clanging, Chittering ]
[ Cuckooing, Chiming ]
[ Car Horn Honking,
Cymbal Clanging, TV Static ]
[ Gadgets Continue Clamoring ]
[ Screaming, Frankenstein Growls ]
[ Horn Blaring ]
Yippee! Let her blow!
[ Garvey ] Shut it off already!
No, here, I'll do it!
Disturb the whole neighborhood.
Shut it off! Whoa!
[ Clamoring Continues ] Shut it off, huh?
[ Clamoring Continues, Loud Explosion ]
[ Garvey ] It doesn't work! The
stupid switch doesn't work!
Dillard, come on, do something!
[ Din Continues ]
[ Sirens, Gadgets Winding Down ]
Power main.
Okay, hold it! Right there!
Nobody moves! Put your gun away, Ronnie.
Garvey's just testing his new burglar alarm.
Weslake, what's going on?
You're telling me Garvey paid for an alarm?
[ Laughing ]
[ Mocking Laughter ] That's right, wise guy.
You hear it this Saturday, you come
in blasting. You got my permission.
Good morning, madam.
I'm with the gas company.
[ Tyrone Cooing ]
Say, babe, I'm your gas man.
[ Sniffing ]
Tyrone! No, no! Not now!
[ Continues Cooing ]
Look, I know it's the only
thing you do real good,
but there is a time and a place for
everything, and this ain't that, okay?
Good morning, sugar.
I'm with the gas... company.
What? [ Sniffing ]
It's not gas. [ Sniffing ]
[ Tyrone Cooing ] Let me take the baby.
And watch how I do it. I'm
only gonna show you one time.
Right on, Tyrone.
What's your name?
Jasmine. And I'm busy.
Hey, hey, that's what I
came to talk to you about.
I can make you very busy.
Don't let these work clothes fool you none.
You're looking at a highly-respected
interior decorator...
who just happen to believe in doing
the important work her own self.
You did all this? I'm doing it.
So, if you'd kindly be about your
business, I'll be about mine.
Hey, lady, cool out!
Look, I just thought we might be able
to help each other a little bit.
You are a fine looking woman, you know.
Help each other?
Yeah. You're smart too. I can see that now.
You think you can help me?
You name the place.
Wonderful.
Now, we'll move the dining
room over there in the bay...
and we'll make this the den.
Uh, you'll move the couch
perpendicular to the fireplace.
Oh, and of course, this china closet...
will go in the bay as well.
Where you goin'? I gotta see Ramon.
Yeah? Why? He copy keys?
I gave him back the key.
Yeah, but you can do pretty good with
wax if you know what you're doin'.
Come on.
That was Ramon's idea. I
didn't like it from the start.
What are you gonna do? I'm
gonna think about it.
You and him meet me at my place
this afternoon at 4:00, 3119, okay?
Dillard, tell your pal
that was a really dumb idea.
The guys that rig alarms are
the first ones they check.
Turtle!
Nobody move!
- Get your hands up.
- [ Giggling ]
- Keep 'em up.
- [ Maria Giggling ]
Gonna put cuffs on.
[ Both Laughing ]
If he catches you here alone with me...
Little Ramon? Mi amigo Ramoncito?
That's no problem.
You like to live dangerously or what?
It's only the good die young.
Are you a mechanic too?
No, I'm a musician. Oh, yeah, sure.
That's what everybody says. Oh, no, listen.
[ Harmonica ]
[ Men's Voices ]
[ Stops Playing ] Oh, my God, it's Ramon!
Oh, good, I gotta talk to him.
No, no, no, you've got to hide.
You know what he'll do if he see you? Hide?
Pasele, Don Garrido.
Venga, Maria.
Le presento a Don Fernando
Pablo Jesus y de la Vaca.
My sister Maria Elena Mercedes.
Hi, Fernando. Hi, Maria.
It's a pleasure to see you.
Sientese, Don Fernando.
Un cafecito?
Traigale un cafe.
How's your family, Don Fernando?
They're fine. How is your mother, Maria?
Oh, uh, she's away, on family business.
Oh, I thought Immigration
sent her back to Mexico.
[ Stammers ] Uh, but of course,
I never pay any attention to the
malicious gossip of the neighborhood.
No. Y es mejor asi.
Sugar? Ahorita se la traigo.
[ Gasps, Coffee Splashing ]
Maria, por poco se me queman las entranas.
I'm so terribly sorry!
No, don't worry.
Forgive me! It was my fault...
Voy por una toalla. [ Knocking ]
Hey, Ramon.
Oh, Senor Dillard. Nice to see you.
I want you to meet my friend Don
Fernando Pablo Jesus de la Vaca...
who has kindly come
to call on my sister, Maria.
Jesus, Ramon. You pimpin' family now?
You want something? I'm busy.
Weslake's hip to the plan.
He wants us to be at his place at 4:00.
What the hell you talk about?
Weslake, he knows!
He's got the key and the wax both. Shit!
No, no, over there in the corner.
Hmm.
I guess I was wrong. It was better before.
Oh, no! No!
Everything looks just fine just like this.
Wouldn't change a thing. [ Laughing ]
You know, I had you figured
for some lazy pimp.
[ Panting ] Who me? Lazy? Mm-hmm.
I ain't no lowlife.
Anyway, thanks.
Thanks?
That's it?
You got something special in mind?
[ Dishes Clatter ]
Ham hocks and red beans?
Mm-hmm. Ooh.
[ Laughs ] Mmm!
Not bad for a second choice.
[ Chuckles ]
Take your time, man.
The food won't run away. [ Laughs ]
Time.
I gotta go.
[ Tyrone Gurgling ]
Where you going? Uh, gotta take
care of a little business.
Right? [ Tyrone Cooing ]
How about dinner tomorrow night?
[ Weslake ] This is 24th Street? Right.
She works for two guys who live together.
They go up to the Russian
River every weekend.
And upstairs? Upstairs, another
guy who's also pretty.
An artiste. He's usually out for the night.
Cruises North Beach all weekend.
First floor?
First floor. Landlady, Mrs. O'Malley.
Deaf as a stone.
[ Sniffing ] What is it?
[ Doorbell Buzzing ] I think
it's ham hocks and red beans.
Open the door.
This is the front room?
Yeah. Let me see.
Yeah, right. Well, you see this is the den.
This used to be the dining
room. We switched them around.
[ Weslake ] But this is 24th Street?
[ Boardwalk ] Yeah, of course.
[ Purring ]
[ Weslake ] Good afternoon, gentlemen.
You? What you doin' here?
Hey, man, I ain't said nothin'.
He didn't say anything.
I saw Dillard palm the key myself. So?
So, I figured if you start out that dumb,
you need all the help you can get.
You got a better idea? You
bet your ass, Pancho.
Come here. My name is Ramon. What is it?
[ Weslake ] Sit down. You in or you out?
[ Cat Purring ]
[ Ramon ] How I know until I hear a plan?
[ Cat Yowls ]
The only thing you gotta know
is your plan sucks...
and my plan takes us to Hawaii... the safe.
I'm listening. Okay.
I'll accept that.
My plan is simplicity itself.
We break in, and we hit the safe.
[ Dillard ] How do we do that?
We use an expert. Who?
Old friend of mine. A locksmith...
with an interesting sideline in old safes,
if you get my meaning.
Gentlemen?
[ Weslake ] What the hell do you
mean, you won't, you can't?
[ Man ] Absolutely not! But on the phone...
I'm only out of the joint a month!
They catch me again, they throw
the key away! Forget it!
I shouldn't even be
consorting with you guys!
But you... Do you know they'll
look for any excuse...
to revoke parole?
The cops don't like short people.
But I said I could help and I will.
[ Birds Squawking ]
[ Dog Howling, Barking ]
Ah! I'll show you how to open a safe!
[ Tyrone Cries ]
Voila!
Now, the secret of cracking
boxes... opening safes to you...
Is based on the presumption that what
is on the inside can be outside.
And what is on the outside...
Stop eating! We'll have intermission later!
That is, you desire what is on
the outside to be on the inside.
Hey, can you show us how to get in?
And what is on the inside...
Sure!
[ Cracking Knuckles ]
[ Birds Squawking ]
[ Squawking Continues ]
[ Dial Clicking ]
[ Clicking Continues ]
Jesus, that's fantastic.
Thank you. Looks easy.
I know, but it isn't. Yeah,
but you can teach us.
I doubt it. Besides, it takes years.
How we gonna do it then? Patience.
The secret for safes is patience.
Especially when we use
the historically important...
circular saw.
Oh, Weslake, you turn and you oil.
[ Tyrone Cooing ]
Lazzarelli, this is gonna take forever.
Precisely!
That's why it's only of a
passing interest. Lazzarelli!
How do we get into the safe?
- Soup!
- Soup?
Soup! Soup?
Soup. A nitroglycerin compound,
only not quite so dangerous.
How does it work? Two
wires, electrical outlet,
a drop of soup on the hinges or
in the lock, and "open sesame!"
Try it on this. Lift that sawhorse
up for me, will you, Ramon?
Okay.
Watch it with that stuff, Dillard!
He said it was safe.
Yeah, well, it is. You just
gotta be a little careful.
That battery work? Yeah.
Okay, come on. Try it on here.
No, you do it. You're the electrician.
Hey, Weslake, what's that
shit supposed to do?
Just watch and see.
You got it live for God's sakes!
Soup!
A nitroglycerin compound,
two wires,
an electrical outlet,
one drop of soup...
and... "open sesame."
[ Electrical Sparking, Loud
Explosion ] - [ Dillard Screaming ]
[ Cruisers Hooting ]
[ Mexican ]
He's so mean
Don't you get him mad now
Once you get him pounding
You let your love shine
There ain't a star in the sky
doesn't understand why
You got me crashin' in your eyes tonight
[ Cruisers Laughing, Hooting ] Yo, fellas!
Que pasa, hombre? [ Turtle ] Hey, Maxine!
[ Laughing ] We're out for a
little bounce, right, Fernando?
Whoo! [ Laughing ]
That's all I wanted! Buenas noches.
Don Ramon, que tal?
How is my future in-law? I...
Como esta su beautiful sister Maria?
Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria
Hey, we don't want to throw off
our schedule, right, Friday?
[ Laughing ] I mean, Ferdie!
[ Both Laughing ]
[ Cruisers' Radios Blaring ]
Oh! Man, you dropped my foot!
[ Continues ]
Dillard, you need a doctor.
No, doctors. They have
to talk to the police.
Yeah, they give you downers.
I can't get behind downers.
Well, Maria can fix it.
Yeah, Maria can fix it!
Okay, I'll walk you home.
[ Groans ]
I don't know if I can make it home.
I think I better sleep here tonight.
[ Rooster Crowing ]
[ Harmonica ]
[ Footsteps ]
Jasmine is no longer in our employ.
When she was, she wasn't a decorator.
Well, she moved all that stuff. Oh, that.
Just a whim. But if you do
windows, we could use...
Nah, nah. I don't do anything
you want, man. Nothin'!
Non gustibus disputandum est.
Say, man, why don't you just watch
your mouth! Now, where is she?
No idea.
But if you find her, tell her we'd
love to have our silver back.
What silver? Just mention it if you see her!
She didn't take your damn silver, man!
All right.
Hey, what is this? What
are you all doin' here?
We just wanted to make
sure you got off okay.
I'll get off okay if you get out of my way.
Come on, move, huh?
She'll kill me if I'm late.
Let's go.
Here, lock it.
Oh, Turtle. Here, look.
First of the season.
[ Sniffs ] Incredible!
Incredible.
[ Garvey ] What's so incredible?
It's only a salmon.
[ Starts Engine ]
We have to approach this as if
it was a military exercise.
Timing, precision, coordination,
teamwork, skill, courage.
That's hip, that John Wayne shit.
You're not gonna bring that
with you, are you? [ Gurgling ]
We can't get through there.
I got that front all wired.
You didn't wire the back, did you?
The back's just a solid wall. Precisely.
We are gonna go through that
wall from the apartment...
on the second floor of the building
next to the O'Malley building.
That's how we get to the safe.
We get into that building...
from the coal chute on 23rd Street...
and that's where we meet this
morning at 0200. Okay? [ Groans ]
0200. Okay. Okay.
Okay. 0201: Bolt cutter
cuts the coal chute lock.
0202: Turtle goes into the
coal chute and up the stairs.
0203: You open the front
door of the building.
0204: We force open the door of the apartment
upstairs. Did you get the crowbar?
You got a tire iron in the
trunk of that pink thing?
No sweat. [ Exhaling ]
We then use the jack...
to go through the wall
into Garvey's upstairs.
- Jack, Ramon?
- Crank type, right?
Right. [ Exhales ]
Drill? Not to worry. [ Exhales ]
Okay, I figure all that
should take about 17 minutes.
So, at 0221 we are
downstairs and at the safe.
[ Tyrone Fusses ] [ All ] Hawaii!
Shut up. 0222:
We use the plasticene
and Dillard wires the hinges.
Two drops of soup, electrical outlet and...
Open sesame!
Okay. Alibis. Ramon?
I don't need one. I don't even
supposed to be in this country.
[ Laughing ] A black man don't need one.
Law don't believe him anyway.
- Dillard?
- I figured I'd say I was with you.
I have an alibi.
I forgot.
[ Boardwalk ] I'll check
you out later on, okay?
Okay.
Come with me. We'll get the jack.
I gotta get some wire for the soup.
Okay, we'll do that on the way.
Well, special wire.
Okay.
[ Harmonica ]
Mami, estoy muy cansada.
Andale, ya.
- [ Stops Playing ]
- [ Maria ] Mama!
Took control over my mind
Made me want him every day
Say, what the hell you think you doin'?
Getting ready for work. What kind
of work you dressed for like that?
Well, you know. Girl, you crazy.
I didn't like being an interior decorator.
The customer's never satisfied.
What you doing?
Gettin' you off the street. Certain people
are real protective of their territory,
and we're on it.
You're standing me up, aren't you?
It's not standing you up if I tell
you I can't make it beforehand.
[ Man ] You can't do this to me.
There's no reason to do it.
With all the crime in this city,
you're giving out tickets!
Why don't you do something
about real criminals?
Weslake, I expected better from you.
This is awfully short notice, you know, and
it's not easy in San Francisco these days.
Maxie, it's just one night.
It was just two minutes! Come on!
Maxie, I will make it up to you, I swear!
I can't make up a lost Saturday night.
But next Thursday you might
be on your back in Paris.
France!
Come on, Weslake, you know you'll
never have to deliver on that one.
Why? Because I have to be
back here on Friday...
for Don Fernando.
Well, we could have dinner
at Chez Panisse. Yes?
Just don't ever let this happen again.
Do you understand?
Yes, sir.
[ Motorist ] Okay, I'll move the car.
I hate the car. I'll move the car.
Hey, fella.
You busy tonight?
What are you doin', honey?
[ Ripping Ticket ]
Ramon, you gotta let me
explain about last night.
I was only taking Maxine home.
I certainly didn't mean to be disrespectful
to your lovely sister Maria.
In fact, I have a small
token of my affection.
I come to wash up. [ Jasmine
] Why you won't let me?
You ain't gonna whore for two reasons.
One: It's skilled labor.
You gotta learn before you earn.
Nobody gonna be payin' you $500 a
night just because you look good.
Five hundred dollars.
What's a $500-a-night whore do?
See? There ain't no such
thing as a $500 whore,
just $500 johns.
There's tricks to walkin'.
There's tricks to talkin'.
You could teach me.
Now that brings us to the second
reason why you can't whore.
Which is?
You're too smart. You're too pretty.
[ Laughs ]
[ Tyrone Gurgling ]
Damn it.
The keys to the apartment.
Here, let me take care of that for you.
How come? Oh, let's just say,
I give them the keys, show them how
honest you are, we split the silver.
What silver? [ Laughs ] Come on, now.
This is Boardwalk you're talkin' to.
The silver you took when you was decoratin'.
They say that I took their silver?
Oh, it's cool.
We won't take it to Garvey. We'll go
uptown and get some real money for it.
Damn it to hell, Boardwalk!
You're just like 'em!
Any time they lose something with
all their damn furniture movin',
they have to blame the nigger maid.
The same damn thing
happen at the last place.
The old lady say I broke her Cuisinart.
I can't even run a damn
Cuisinart, but she fired me!
And it's gonna happen again and again and...
[ Sighing ]
[ Inhales, Exhales ]
Mm-hmm, that's right.
I ain't no decorator.
I'm a maid, and I was a good one too.
But now I ain't got a job, and I
wish I had taken their damn silver!
[ Sobbing ] It's okay. It's okay.
I knew you wasn't no decorator.
Didn't make no difference to me.
[ Sniffling ] 'Cause you got a pretty face.
You got a pretty name. Jasmine.
[ Crying ] What?
[ Crying ] My name is Betty.
I made up "Jasmine."
[ Continues Crying ] [ Laughing ]
Come on, come on, it's okay.
It's all right. [ Laughing ]
You think my mama named me "Boardwalk"?
Hmm? [ Laughing ]
Now, don't... Don't you worry.
I got something goin'.
After tonight you gonna be workin' for me.
But you said I didn't know how.
No, not that.
I'm gonna be needin' a personal secretary.
Maybe you can start tonight.
Take care of Tyrone for me.
I mean, if it's cool.
[ Sniffs ]
I wouldn't mind you teachin'
me some of that stuff.
What stuff?
Oh, that stuff.
[ Mexican ]
[ Woman Laughing ]
[ Continues ]
[ People Chattering ]
Mama!
I' Ramoncito, mi hijo!
I' Oh, mi hijo!
Oh, gracias, mi hijo. Gracias.
I want you to meet Don Dillard.
He's been so good
to take care of la Maria...
while I was away and you were so busy.
Nice to meet you.
I' Ramon! I' Con respeto!
Nice to meet you, Don Dillard.
[ Tapping ]
[ Weslake ] Testing, one, two, three, four.
[ Static, People Laughing, Chattering ]
What's so funny over there?
You havin' a good time? Huh?
[ Crunching Chips ]
[ Woman's Voice ] Oh, Weslake, I this
is just the most wonderful party.
Do you think I could have a little
more champagne? - [ Cork Pops ]
Oh, you're so generous. What time is it?
[ Man's Voice ] It's 2:30 by my
watch, but I think I'm a little slow.
Is it 2:35 over there?
[ Party Music, Chattering Continues ]
[ Ringing Bell ] Telephone!
Boardwalk, for you.
[ Muffled Voice ] Hey, kids!
[ Crunching ]
[ Slurping ]
[ Man On Record ] Aw, man, wait a minute.
[ Inhaling ]
[ High-Pitched Voice ] You contractors all
have such a wonderful time at parties.
I'm amazed. This is terribly
well-organized, the way you've done it.
[ Man On Record ] Man, come on, let's go.
[ Weslake ] Wait a minute!
Dillard's gonna play the guitar.
Hang on and listen. Shut up, everybody,
and let Dillard play the guitar.
[ Static, Flamenco Guitar Strumming ]
Shut up, I said!
Hey, Dillard, you're terrific.
The best, man...
[ Guitar Continues ]
[ Boardwalk Sighs ] Where the hell is he?
[ Sighing ]
Everybody here? Yeah!
Okay, synchronize watches.
Fifty-three.
Fifty-four.
Fif...
[ Clock Striking 2:00 ]
Sixty.
Okay, let's go. The coal chute.
Hey, Boardwalk. What?
The keys. I ain't got no keys.
Ramon says he saw you
at La Rondall with the scrub.
He said she gave 'em to you.
She changed her mind.
The keys are not part of the plan.
We stick to the plan.
[ Bangs Cans ] Shh!
[ Dog Barking ] Bolt cutter.
[ Rattling ]
Bolt cutter!
[ Snickering ]
[ Wheezing Laughter ]
Good.
Ready? Yeah.
When you get to the bottom, go up the
stairs and let us in the front door, okay?
Okay. I'll help you down.
Good.
[ Turtle Screams, Crashing ]
[ Clattering ]
Turtle?
[ Banging, Cat Meows ]
[ Turtle Screams, Cat Meows ] Turtle?
[ Meowing Continues, Groaning
] Are you all right?
[ Groaning ] What are you doin'?
The door is stuck.
All right. Get him out of there.
[ Dog Barking ]
Okay. Plan "B."
Piece of cake. Fire escape.
We go around and up, over the skylight,
down the shaft, in through the window.
Simple. Come on.
Get down!
Piece of cake.
Dillard?
Okay, I got it. [ Yells ]
[ Dogs Barking ]
Okay, go on up.
Turtle, go ahead.
Boardwalk, go!
Ramon... go!
What's the matter? The tool bag.
I'll take the goddamn tool bag.
Come on.
Now what? I don't like ladders.
This is a hell of a time to mention it!
Nobody asked me before.
[ Tires Screeching, Dogs Barking ]
Where's Ramon?
He wouldn't climb the ladder.
That's cool. Just more for us.
[ Dillard ] No way, man.
He's part of the team.
He is, huh? That's funny,
'cause I don't see him.
We're already four minutes and
28 seconds behind schedule.
Come on, let's go.
[ Boardwalk ] Say, man, you sure
this thing's gonna hold us up?
Yeah, it's plate. Just
don't walk on the glass.
Just go on carefully and brace yourself
against the edge of it, like this.
Careful.
Easy, Turtle.
Freeze! Shit! [ Dillard Gasps ]
[ Artiste ] Welcome to my little atelier.
So this is the, uh, thing
you were talking about.
[ Laughing ]
Ooh! It's so big.
What I'm trying to do with it...
I-I-I'm trying to explore the
interplay of light and shadow...
as it moves through space. Hmm.
It's very sexy.
Ah, Maxine, you promised me.
Maybe I lied.
You're gonna tell me
everything about your mother.
Now put the music on.
[ Classical ]
Oh, Maxine, what are you doing?
Helping you relax.
I'm very relaxed. [ Maxine Giggles
] Your toes are clenched.
[ Maxine Giggling ]
[ Indistinct Talking ]
[ Bottle Clanks ]
Psst, here.
[ "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" ]
This is one of my favorite
pieces of music. What is it?
The Nutcracker.
Really? Mm-hmm. "Dance of
the Sugar Plum Fairy."
Oh, how sweet.
Well, it just makes me
feel like moving in space.
[ Continues ]
She's a wonderful dancer.
Maxine. Wha... No.
What are you doing? Stop. We
already talked about this.
I know, honey. I just had another thought.
Maxine! Don't worry. That's the good part.
I get to show you. Maxine!
Relax. I'll do the hard part.
[ Gasps ] Atta boy, tiger!
[ Artiste ] Jesus, you're
kinkier than I thought.
[ Maxine Giggling ]
Come on! I got all stiff.
In the leg, man.
That's the window over there.
[ Turtle ] Do we have to do this?
Turtle! Come on.
[ Dillard Groaning ] The soup!
Dillard. Boardwalk stepped on my damn hand.
Glass cutter.
It's got no cutter! Shit!
[ Boardwalk ] That's the way I would
have done it in the first place.
Just shut up and show us the way.
[ Stumbling On Glass ]
We are one hour and 23
minutes behind schedule.
Where are we? You're in the dining room.
No, no, that's the den. W-Wait a minute.
[ Weslake ] One, two, three,
That used to be the living room.
Four, five, six,
seven, eight... Ohh!
What took you so much? Ramon?
How'd you get in?
Okay, I saw the meter maidcome
in the front with this guy,
so I put my foot on the door. Good, huh?
Good. Did you know she was in here?
Yeah, yeah, we knew. But how
did you get in this place?
Did you break in to this apartment? No.
The door, it was open.
Yeah. All right, all right.
Let's go. Ten, eleven...
Boardwalk, drill right there.
[ Banging ] What are you doin'?
I gotta find a spot. Just drill there.
All right. You're the boss.
[ Drill Revving ]
You hit the water pipe! You
told me to drill here!
[ Mrs. O'Malley ] Oh, he'll
be so happy to see you.
You're such a little gypsy.
[ Cat Meowing ] I'll turn on the light.
There you go.
Now, there, you're home.
[ Water Gurgling ]
Hello? Mr. Monicelli?
This is Vera O'Malley, your neighbor.
I just wanted you to know
that my idea worked.
I left the door open
and the kitty came back.
What? You wanted her out? How come?
Well, never mind.
I know why you wanted her out.
Just a second. I'll get her.
- Naughty kitty.
- Get the cat.
Naughty kitty.
[ Meowing ]
[ Sighs ]
Okay. I put the kitty out again.
But I'm afraid you're going to have a
little cleanup to do when you get home.
Huh? Yes, I got the key.
No, it wasn't Jasmine who brought it.
A friend of hers. A nice colored gentleman.
A real fancy dresser, I'll tell you.
Bye-bye.
[ Hangs Up Phone, Footsteps ]
[ Meows ]
[ Door Closes ] Okay. Over here.
Move the furniture.
"Nice colored gentleman," eh? What?
I get it. You have the hard-on for the maid.
You talkin' to me, man? I don't care about
no maid. Besides, she's a decorator.
You had the key! It doesn't
make any difference.
If he had used the key, they could have
traced it to him and nailed all of us.
Now, get to work! Exactly!
Dillard, Ramon, bring that couch.
Turn.
[ Weslake ] We're nearly there.
[ Indistinct Muttering ]
[ Groaning ]
Damn! This shit's harder than workin'!
[ Debris Falling ]
We are four hours and 17
minutes behind schedule.
Now, let's do it, and let's
do it right this time.
[ Weslake ] Aw, shit. Wrong wire.
Perfect.
Frijoles.
[ Boardwalk ] Mm-mm. Red
beans and ham hocks.
[ Clock Cuckooing ]
It's good.
Yeah. Jasmine's all right.
She can cook.
It needs chilies.
It don't need nothin'.
It's great just the way it is.
Soup. Okay. Soup.
Careful. Right in there.
There.
Don't let that loose wire
touch the terminal yet.
We're gonna blow it.
If you wanna help, get out of the way.
Ramon, give me some light.
Everybody set?
Here we go to Hawaii.
[ Rattling ]
[ Rattling Continues ]
[ Rooster Crowing ]
The fish was too much for her.
She just looked at it and...
smiled...
and closed her eyes forever.
Your mother?
You know her last word?
Lox.
Yeah, she loved salmon.
She used to cure it herself;
A little dill, a little brandy.
Hmm.
Come on.
Feel better.
Sit down.
I'm real sorry, Garvey.
That's a tough one, man.
Mis pesames, Garvey.
Yeah, that mother stuff's a
heavy gig, man. I'm sorry.
[ Sighs ] Well, I'm glad you're all here.
I don't know what I would have done.
Would you like some... [ Groans ]
Hmm. Oh! Here, have some salmon.
Hmm?
You'll like that. Have a drink.
Salud. Salud.
Piece of fish?
[ Meowing ]
[ Player Piano Playing,
Toy Chimp Chittering ]
- [ Chittering, Clanging ]
- [ Sirens Blaring ]
[ Gadgets Clamoring ]
The key! The key! The key!
The key, where is it?
[ Clamoring Continues ]
[ Gadgets Winding Down, Clock Cuckoos ]
Okay, buster! Hold it, right there!
I got him, I got him!
[ Chimp Buzzes, Bangs
Piano Keys ] Move! Move!
Get your hands on the counter! Move!
[ Garvey Groans ]
What are you doin'? What do you want?
We heard your alarm.
We caught this guy red-handed.
[ Garvey ] Caught this guy?
We just gave him the key to turn it off.
It was an accident. Forget it.
Looks like they came in
from the apartment behind,
came down the stairs.
[ Sighs ]
Where were you two?
If it weren't for my friends
here, I'd have nothing.
Here you are arresting the heroes.
Heroes?
Did any of you heroes get a description?
They were black. They was Mexican.
They had ski masks.
Right! It was ski masks.
Black Mexicans wearin' ski masks.
Come on, Ronnie.
[ Boardwalk ] You should
have been here, Garvey.
I really scared one of them big suckers.
Oh, I appreciate that.
They do any damage? Uh, a little.
But I'm sure we'll be able
to put it back together.
Oh. That'll be nice.
Well, you guys are friends indeed.
This salmon won't keep.
You know, Weslake, those
robbers were pretty dumb.
I wouldn't say that.
I thought it was a pretty professional job.
The safe, I only had it for the picture.
There hasn't been anything in it for years.
Wasn't even locked.
[ Clock Cuckooing ]
[ Garvey ] Ah, what's the difference.
Friendship, that's what's important.
But, in the meantime, you'll have to do.
We got more than we need
But we don't even notice
Right before our eyes
Our dreams just up and fade away
We keep givin' up more tears
And losin' hope for something better
Of pain and disappointment
We got more than we need
We got more than we need
Enough fear and confusion
To keep us busy running
Reaching out so desperately
We keep wasting our faith on illusion
Risking it all on a roll of the dice
If our past is the dreams of tomorrow
Then we're travelin' together
We got more than we need
Of old lies and deception
Hiding in the shadows
Wondering who we should believe
We keep thinking the path of resistance
Is too steep to climb on our own
We are finding the truth in our sorrow
And we're travelin' together
We got more than we need