Dangerous When Wet (1953) Movie Script

I got out of bed on the right side
On the bright side
On the light side
I got out of bed on the right side
And I'm havin' a wonderful day
I sang a duet with the rooster
I'm a booster
Of the rooster
But he doesn't crow like he useter
Couldn't handle my yodel-ee-ay
Who cares if the sun ain't shinin'?
The eggs are beamin' sunny-side up
And as for a silver linin'
The coffee's steamin' money-side up
When day rolls around to the night side
If I still seem on the bright side
I don't wanna sound on the trite side
But I figure it happened this way
I got out of bed on the right side
And I'm havin' a wonderful day
One, two, three, four.
Two, two, three, four.
Three, two, three, four.
Four, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
Two, two, three, four.
Three, two, three, four.
Four, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
Two, two, three, four.
Three, two, three, four.
Four, two, three, go.
What's so interesting?
Clover and alfalfa diets
as opposed to non-legumes.
I'm not so sure I agree, though.
Katy, you can't learn dairy farming
out of books.
Anyway, what about doing your 10 laps?
Pa, do I have to?
Yesterday, you didn't swim a stroke,
nor the day before. You're getting unglued.
You're getting soft.
Remember the family motto.
"Take care of the body."
- Right.
- The brain will take care of itself.
I never said that.
I'm not getting soft, Pa.
Good girl. Katy.
Oh, all right.
Breakfast in 15 minutes.
I don't wanna sound on the trite side
But I figure it happened this way
I got out of bed on the right side
And I'm havin' a wonderful day
Hey, look out.
Hey, come on, bossy, mush.
Get out.
Come on, hay-burner,
let's get this show on the road here.
Come on, don't just stand there, move.
Ask her to move
like a gentleman.
That's no gentleman, it's a cow.
Joke over.
Come on, come on. Hurry up. This way.
- Farmer's daughter?
- Hey, come here.
And the traveling salesman.
Second joke over.
Come on, that's the way.
- That's pretty cute.
- Thank you.
- You too.
- And stay out of the road, girls.
Say, honey, we're gonna be in town
this afternoon. Maybe I'll be seeing you.
- I wouldn't count on it.
- Why? You gonna milk the cows?
No, they're very clever,
they milk themselves.
Hey, the farm girl's right with it.
- Yes, sirree.
- Look, why don't you change your mind?
We got a great little show whipped up,
courtesy of that boon to mankind, Liquapep.
Here, let me show you.
If you're weak, puny or undeveloped,
you take two tablespoons full...
Well, I guess you don't need this.
Come on to the show
anyway, will you?
We could have a nice chop suey dinner
afterward. What do you say?
- Well, I'll tell you what.
- Yeah?
There's a drugstore on the corner
of Main Street and Elm.
And you wait outside. And wear a white
carnation in your lapel so I'll know you.
Now, don't go away.
However, if I'm not there by Thursday,
you'll know something happened, huh?
Boy, she is with it.
- Junior, pass the blackstrap.
- Wheat germ, please.
- Hey, look, a double yolk.
- Find out who laid it.
We'll segregate her and study her diet.
Probably Becky.
She always puts her heart in her work.
Ma, can I have some more yogurt?
Now, that's what our cows need.
- Yogurt?
- No, an imported Jersey sire.
- Look, isn't he beautiful?
- You know what an imported sire costs?
I know what Sir John of Ralwyn costs.
He's worth every penny of it.
If we bred our girls with a prize package
like Sir John...
...we'd have the richest milk
in the country.
Where do you expect to get the money?
Well, I haven't worked that out yet.
I wonder how much the government
would pay us not to raise potatoes.
Oh, stop fretting, will you?
We got plenty to eat...
...lots of fresh air
and a good roof over our heads.
Well, a pretty good one.
Pa, let's face the facts.
The milk sales are way down,
the cheese is way off...
...the fences need mending,
the barn needs painting...
...and you know that milking machine
should be in a museum.
Now, just a minute. Who won first prize for
being the healthiest family in this county?
We did. And that's all we've got.
Look at my triceps, Pa.
Pa, we've gotta put this farm
on a scientific basis.
All right, all right.
From now on, we all knuckle down.
That goes for everybody.
We start today.
- Good.
- "Saturday afternoon.
- The Liquapep Health Show. Free."
- Health show? Where?
"Saturday afternoon." That's today.
If you are desirin' a new vitamin
To make you get fat
Or to make you get thin
To put the old energy back in your step
You'll get your kicker quicker
Drinkin' Liquapep
Thank you. Now, I'd like to present,
with your kind permission...
...the world's most perfectly-formed man,
the one and only, Hercules.
There he is.
Folks, would you believe
that just one year ago today...
...this magnificent specimen was weak,
scrawny, run-down?
Well, he was.
But then he made a wonderful discovery.
Tell them what it was, Hercules.
- Liquapep.
- Thank you very much.
Flex for the folks, Hercules.
Isn't that something, folks?
Okay, Herc, get with it.
Now, folks, while Hercules goes among you
passing out free samples of our product...
...I would like to read a free, unsolicited
testimonial from a satisfied customer.
"Dr. Colonel Cassius Carver,
New York City.
Dear sir, before taking Liquapep,
I was tired, run-down, irritable.
- After only one bottle...
- Just as I thought, muscle-bound.
I thought so too.
And now we come
to our big amateur contest.
All right, step up,
talented citizens of Arkansas.
The winner will receive, free,
a case of this wonderful elixir...
...Colonel Cassius Carver's Liquapep.
- Hello.
Who'll be the first contestant?
Step right up. Come on.
Come on, folks, step up.
Don't be bashful.
Hey, it's Suzie Higgins.
Oh, Miss Suzie Higgins.
Take it, kids.
I got all this stuff, Ma.
We can go home now.
- Where's Suzie?
- Up there.
My ma asked me and I told Ma
I like men
They don't have to look like Pa
But I like men
Since my birthday is coming due
I wouldn't dream of telling you
But in case you go shopping
Through the five-and-ten
Tell the lady at the counter I like men
Though my marmalade takes the prize
I like men
There ain't no flies in my mince pies
But I like men
I told Pa when I graduate
Don't want a bike or roller skates
Told him to line me up on dates
- Hi.
- Oh, hello.
- Pretty cute, huh?
- My sister.
Well, what do you know?
For cousin Ebenezer
A funny-looking geezer
I'm powderin' my beezer
When he comes to call
My neighbor, name of Hiram
A goat would not desire 'im
I'm tryin' to inspire 'im
With my folderol
Must be tetched in the head
'Cause I'd really rather drop dead
I can't explain it clearly
I reckon that it's merely
Mother Nature
Some gals say they like fancy clothes
I like men
Nylon hose and great big bows
But I like men
At the crack of dawn I'll be found
Milking the cows or tilling ground
But at night when I ain't around
The old pigpen
I like to do the things I like to do
And I like 'em
Big and ugly, small and snugly
Round and fat and dark and Latin
Strong and thrillin', weak and willin'
Tough and tender, I surrender
I like men
Well, folks, I guess...
I guess we all agree...
...that Suzie Higgins
and the boys win hands down.
Well, congratulations.
Get your prize.
Oh, the case is kind of heavy.
I'll bring it over tonight, myself, personally.
- Thank you. We'll leave the porch light on.
- Swell.
We will not. It attracts bugs.
So you see, this job
with Liquapep is only temporary.
I took it as a favor to Colonel Carver.
He's an old family friend.
Actually, I'm a promoter.
- This I've noticed.
- It's a...
It's a fascinating game, promotion.
Not everybody's got the brains for it.
But let's... Let's talk about you, honey.
- You married?
- No.
- You engaged?
- No.
- You going steady?
- No.
Well, do you think you could go
for a fellow like me?
Well, I look better in the dark.
- Do you mind if I turn off the light?
- I wouldn't do that.
The mosquitoes might change
their target.
Who's afraid of a few little mosquitoes
What's he doing now?
- He turned off the light.
- Well.
I don't trust him.
His ears are too far apart.
Oh, relax, Pa. If he starts getting fresh,
she'll put him flat on his back.
It's a wonderful night for romance.
It's spring. The mating season.
Youth calls to youth. Don't you hear it?
Oh, that's not spring.
That's our best milker.
She's got lump jaw.
There's one on your neck.
- She slapped him, huh?
- No, he slapped himself.
I told you he was peculiar.
Got it.
Wow, look at that wingspread.
- Good night, young fella.
- Hi, Pops.
Say, I brought your Liquapep.
Makes you strong.
- Great for what ails you.
- There's nothing ailing me.
I got my hair, all my teeth, I hear fine
and I don't need glasses.
All right, then, take it for laughs.
- Makes you strong, huh?
- Like a bull.
The cows will hear you.
No, I'm not kidding. Look, feel, go on.
My, what biceps. Feel, Pa.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Come on. Grab hold.
Oh, no, Pop, you're not
as young as you used to be.
- Come on, grab my arm.
- You're liable to sprain yourself.
No, no, go on, humor him, Mr. Webbe.
Go on.
All right, but I wish he wouldn't. Murder.
- You all set, Pop?
- Yeah.
- Morning.
- Morning, son. How's the arm?
Fine, what else? I soaked it in Liquapep.
Good morning.
- You ought to work on your pectoralis.
- I'll do that.
Say, isn't she coming out?
No, she hasn't been practicing lately.
Katy's got to make up the laps
she missed yesterday. Morning.
Morning. She's done maybe 40 already.
- How long does this go on?
- Oh, sometimes hours.
We're all pretty strong swimmers.
Say, maybe you saw the clipping about us
last year in the Pine Cone Bugle.
"Pine...?" No, I guess I missed that.
Tell him about it, Pa.
Well, we swam
the Winapoochet River lengthwise.
And a windy day too.
Winapoochet River, huh? Well, well.
Yep, was quite a swim.
Katy won, she's the best.
But we all finished.
We were sponsored
by the Feed and Grain Store.
They sold a lot of chicken mash
after that swim.
Yeah, she could sell anything.
Hey, how far was that?
Well, from Jepsons Corners...
How far would you say, Ma?
Oh, about 14 miles.
- Fourteen miles.
- Fourteen...
- Could she swim maybe 20 miles?
- She could if she was going someplace.
- Why?
- I was thinking. Could I use your telephone?
- Go ahead.
- Thank you.
Hey, Katy, you can come out now.
He's gone.
It'll be the biggest stunt
since Washington crossed the Delaware.
This Higgins girl's got everything and is she
built. I see her climbing out of the water...
...with Liquapep plastered on her bathing
suit in letters 36 inches arou... Across.
Of course she'll do it.
The kid's crazy about me.
She'll do anything I ask.
Oh, hello, Katy. Hold it, colonel.
What water do you see me
climbing out of?
- Why, the English Channel.
- The what?
That little ditch between
France and England.
I told you I was a promoter.
All you gotta do is swim 20 miles
for Liquapep.
- Be right with you, colonel.
- I'm in the milk business.
Honey, when you've seen one cow
you've seen them all.
Get out, see the world.
Find fame and fortune.
- I'm not interested, thank you.
- Wait a minute!
Wait a minute, colonel.
Honey, the London Daily Mail has a race
every year. There's a Women's Division.
And the one who comes in first
gets a big pile of dough. For everybody.
- What makes you think I could win?
- Maybe you won't.
But think of the publicity.
Endorsements, personal appearances.
A doll like you could make a fortune.
A small fortune, that is, colonel.
Somebody leave you some money?
- Her pa came in.
- The man's out of his mind.
- He wants me to swim the English Channel.
- Hey, that sounds like a good idea.
- He likes the idea.
- You must be joking.
You want to buy Sir John of Ralwyn,
don't you?
- Of course, I do, but not by...
- Wait a minute.
- Who is he?
- A bull.
- Think of the farm. Think of the butterfat.
- Now she's thinking of the butterfat.
You could do it, Katy.
Any one of us could do it.
- Do what?
- Swim the English Channel.
Sure, she could do it.
Any daughter of mine could do it.
- Hang up.
- Everybody except Pa. You're too old.
- I am not.
- Yes, you are.
- There's a lot of wind...
- That's her other sister too. What?
My wind is fine.
You'll have to speak louder.
The whole family is...
Wait a minute. I got a better idea.
This thing is the biggest thing ever.
Not only one person will swim, but five.
Yeah, count them.
One, two, three, four, five.
An entire family.
The Liquapep family.
There you are.
All set, boys?
All right, family, move in close.
Hold up your bottles.
Hey, Pa, hold up your bottle.
That's it.
- Everybody, fill your cups.
- Is that the only diet you're on?
Boys, this is the Liquapep family
sampling their sponsor's product.
All right, now, drink.
Hold it.
That's it.
Two, three, four, five, six.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
One, two three, four, five, six.
Let's not dog it. Keep it going, folks.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
Wait till you see the welcome I've rigged up.
Mayor, flags, band, everything.
- Where's Katy?
- Here I am.
I'm coming, I'm coming.
You gotta give back
the money on that girdle endorsement.
I can't wear it. I'm sorry.
Fine thing I get to endorse seasick pills.
I like them.
Listen, you can hear the band now.
I pay good dollars
for the best band in Southampton...
...you can't see them.
- Let's get closer.
I know they're there. I can hear them.
Grab my hand, I'll blaze a trail.
Take it easy, now.
- We're here.
- All together. Don't get lost. Come on.
Hold hands, now,
we're in a strange country.
Now, listen, listen, all of you.
Remember, you're homespun, wholesome,
and you love Liquapep. Remember that.
Now, will the band
kindly stop playing, please?
Will the band kindly stop playing, please?
Thank you.
Mayor Fitzwilliams-Peckham...
...it gives me great pleasure
to introduce the Higgins family.
How do you do?
It gives me great pleasure to welcome you
to England.
Thank you.
Thank you. And now, America's own...
...Miss Kathryn Higgins has a few
words to say.
- A few words? I don't know have anything...
- I wrote a speech for you.
- Why didn't you tell me?
- You can read it. There it is.
"Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen..."
I can't read it.
Here, here. There.
"It is indeed a privilege
to stand here before you...
...and see your smiling faces.
You have no idea...
...how thrilled we were at our first glimpse
of your sparkling shores..."
Folks, wherever you are,
we're very happy to be here...
...and we'll do our best
to swim your channel. Thank you.
After all, it's only water.
That's pretty funny.
Well, like I said, it's only water.
But there's so much of it.
Oh, dig those crazy waves.
Hey, look, Ma.
Which one of you is gonna
make the attempt?
The whole family, Mac.
The Liquapep family.
I wish you good luck.
Thirty miles, a fine swim for anyone.
Thirty miles?
You said it was only 20 miles.
Well, it is only 20. I read it.
I can prove it to you on a map.
That's as the sea gull flies.
The average swim is 30.
Sometimes a wee bit more.
You cannot swim in a straight line.
You have to zigzag with the currents.
I've seen them come and I've seen them go
and there's many I've helped drag out...
...more dead than alive.
But, as I say, good luck to you.
The Egyptian entrant.
...Canadian, Argentinean, Brazilian.
English, Norwegian, Finnish, French.
Hey, bonjour, kid.
"Belle Blanche."
One, two, three, four, five.
Hey, four more letters than Liquapep.
Excuse me, sir.
Just one more question, please.
What is the longest channel swim
on record?
42 miles.
You mean I have to row 42 miles?
Well, we conquered the Winapoochet.
We'll conquer the channel.
We start training tomorrow.
I got out of bed on the right side
On the bright side
On the light side
I got out of bed on the right side
And I'm havin' a wonderful day
I sang a duet with the rooster
I'm a booster
Of the rooster
But he doesn't crow like he useter
Couldn't handle my yodel-ee-ay
One, two, three, four, five, six.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
Katy, Katy, wait a minute. Not so fast.
- What's the matter?
- You're getting ahead of me.
Well, I mean, after all,
I haven't rowed for quite a while.
Oh, I know, I know.
Come on, let me give you a head start.
You just want me to help you.
Go on, row.
All right, let's go.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
One, two, three, four...
- Katy.
- Windy.
Windy, where are you?
- Katy.
- Windy?
Hey, hey, here I am. Wait a minute.
Well, stop rowing.
Oh, where did you disappear to?
Here, give me your hand.
I'm so tired I could die.
Been in the water for...
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
- Oh, excuse me.
- Oh, thank you.
Now, hang on now.
- All right, I will.
- Easy now. That's it.
Oh, these boats are so hard to get into.
You out for a swim?
Yes. I got lost.
- Where were you going?
- No place in particular.
Just a stroll, huh?
You out for a row?
May I drop you someplace?
No, I wouldn't want to take you
out of your way.
Oh, no trouble. No, I live here.
- Well...
- Sorry.
Here we are.
- Where?
- Home.
Oh, you live on a boat.
Sloop. Now come, give me your hand.
All right, thank you.
- Be careful now.
- Thank you.
That's it.
Well, you must be very cold.
We'll go below where it is warmer.
Oh, no, no, I'm just as warm as toast,
thank you. I think I'll just sit right here.
Well, as you wish.
If you'll excuse me, I'd like to
get out of my working clothes.
You just be very comfortable.
I will bring you something to wear.
Thank you.
Tres magnifique is Fifi
A word that leaves me awake is Fifi
I merely look at her
And my heart has wings
And now it sings
Do, si, la, sol, fa, mi, re
Beaucoup okay is Fifi
Katy! Katy, where are you?
If anything happened to her,
I'll kill myself.
Katy! Katy?
You had me scared stiff. I thought we'd
easily be lost in all this fog, you know.
We gotta get out of here.
Come on, Katy, grab my hand.
- I'll get you into the boat.
- Bonjour, kid.
- Oh, It's you.
- You give me a lift, no?
I am pooped.
Yeah, come on, here.
You haven't seen a channel swimmer
No, just me.
Yeah, certainly.
Katy! Katy!
Do not worry. She's a good swimmer.
She will tread the water.
Yeah, I wish I knew
where she was treading.
Excuse me, what do those letters mean?
Oh, Belle Blanche.
Oh, good stuff, huh?
Oui, very good.
Do they drink a lot of it in France?
Drink it?
We wash the laundry with it. Soap chips.
Oh, soap ch...
This is what we need. Hot coffee.
- Oh, yes.
- Put this on.
My mother's.
- Cream?
- Yes, a little, please.
Oh, it's awfully chalky.
You ought to speak to your milkman.
- Yeah. Here.
- Thank you.
...until the fog clears,
we cannot proceed.
We may be forced to stay together
for hours.
- So let us be frank, huh?
- All right.
Now, tell me...
...what are you doing strolling in the water
on a day like this?
Practicing to swim the channel.
A channel swimmer. But of course.
That explains everything.
- It does?
- Yes.
Well, now, would you tell me something?
What were you doing rowing around
in a dinner jacket?
Very simple. I'm a seller of champagne.
My family, the Lanets, have many
wineries in France...
...and many accounts here.
I service them.
Where does one drink champagne?
At festive gatherings.
I was returning from one.
Very festive.
That should be a lesson to both of us.
Never to judge by the first impression.
- Oh, that's so true.
- A little more coffee?
Yes, it's awfully good. Thank you.
You know, there is something else
I would like to ask you.
All right. Thank you.
Why does a beautiful girl like you
wish to swim the channel?
I want to buy a bull.
What was that?
Sounds like a sea gull.
Windy. Windy! Where are you?
In a rowboat. Where are you?
On a yacht. With a Frenchman.
On a yacht with a French... Oh, no!
Oh, monsieur, be calm. You mustn't believe
everything about the French people.
- He's not different from you.
- One thing's different.
He's got a yacht. Katy!
- Where? I can't find you.
- Keep talking. We'll throw you a line.
Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, Liquapep
contains every vitamin from A to Z.
It has a generous supply of sodium, cal...
I rowed 10 miles, and I don't like...
What did you say?
All right, you can tie up now.
- Aye, aye.
- You wait for me.
You take that thing off.
It's his mother's.
Where did she work?
At a burlesque show?
I think it's very pretty.
Windy. Windy.
- What now?
- I will be frank. I like Americans.
That's very interesting.
How would you like to take me
to dinner some time? Tonight?
Gigi, in America, the men do the chasing.
The women just sit around and get caught.
Okay, I will be shy. Tomorrow night.
Anyway, we'll be good friends, no?
Yes, we could be good friends, no.
My blisters.
- Hi.
- Oh, here, thanks.
- Your mother might get cold.
- Yeah.
Oh, and thank you very much
for the rescue.
I don't know what I would have done.
- Bye.
- Hey, now, now, wait.
- Wait a minute.
- What?
I don't think you know anything
about this channel.
What's there to know?
- It's just a long swim.
- That's what you think.
Look, for years I have crossed these waters
twice a week.
I know every current, every tide,
every trick of the wind.
- You do?
- Yes, I do, and you should know it too.
I'll tell you what.
Tonight at dinner I'll tell you about it.
I know a charming little place.
- Oh, well, I'm in training, you know.
- Yes.
- I have to get to bed early.
- That's okay.
- Diet and everything.
- Yes.
- We'd love to.
- "We"?
Windy has to know about the currents
and the winds.
Yes, yes, of course, yes.
- Well, thank you. That's very nice of you.
- You're welcome.
- Is 6:00 all right?
- Yes, yes.
- Fine. See you then. Bye.
- Okay. Bye.
This is your car?
- Yes.
- Oh, this is cute.
- Get in.
- I've never seen one like it.
I'd be delighted.
- Where will I sit? On the running board?
- Running board? I don't think I have that.
- Are you sure you got a motor?
- I've only had the car three days.
Salesman didn't tell you
much about the car?
He did say something about something.
Let me see. Yeah.
He said it was a two-seater.
Honest salesman.
I'll tell you what.
You will follow us in a cab.
Tell the driver the Cheshire Cat.
- Follow that car.
- Yes, sir.
Cabbie. Katy!
...you will leave the coast of France...
...at about this point, see?
- I see.
Now, if the tide is very high,
then you will see that...
Shouldn't we wait for Windy?
Why? He's not coming. We both know it.
What do you mean?
- Didn't you tell him the Cheshire Cat?
- Yes.
- Miss.
- Yes, ma'am?
- What's the name of this restaurant?
- Trimble's.
Thank you, I'll recommend it
to my friends.
- Thank you, ma'am.
- Now...
Are you...? Are you angry with me?
No, I'm not angry. I'm flattered.
All this trouble, just to have dinner
alone with me. Why?
Shall I answer that?
Maybe you'd better not.
Please forgive me.
Here. I brought you a gift.
- What?
- A present.
You can't do that.
Yes, I can. When a man admires a
woman he is supposed to make gifts.
Christmas maybe, or a birthday, but...
Many, many happy returns.
Obviously, I can't accept it.
Yes you can. At least you can look at it.
It was meant for you.
You should wear it. Go ahead, open it.
Come on.
Well, I must admit I'm a little curious.
- What is it?
- A bathing suit?
- That?
- Yeah.
Why, that wouldn't even cover...
Why, I might just as well wear a
Band-Aid as a thing like that.
- What's the matter with you?
- Nothing is the matter with me.
- You are a swimmer and...
- Of course I'm a swimmer.
- More coffee, sir?
- No, no, no.
French girls wear them all the time.
I don't happen to be French.
My sister had one. Wore it to Brighton,
she did. Oh, she looked beautiful.
You see?
Of course, she was arrested.
That... That...
The check, please.
Yeah, l... Yeah, but, colonel, l...
Colonel, it costs money
to feed six people.
What do you mean, padding my expense
account? They got big appetites.
Oh, that. That was a suit of
tweeds I picked up in Bond Street.
You don't want me to look like a tramp,
do you?
Let's not get personal, colonel.
What? Katy? Oh, she's fine.
She's been asleep for hours.
Hey. What happened? Where you been?
- Nothing happened.
- Not so loud.
It's the colonel from New York.
I'll be right with you.
Fine thing, leaving me to cover for you
while you and...
- What was that Cheshire Cat routine?
- Come on.
- Good night, Andre.
- Good night.
- Good night, Windy.
- Good night.
Good night, colonel.
Yes? Colonel, I know I told you
she was in bed, l...
- Can I help it if she walks in her sleep?
- Good night.
Yeah, okay, colonel. Right, colonel.
Goodbye, colonel.
Are you in the Army?
Yeah, the Liquapep army.
- You waiting for something?
- Yeah, yeah.
It will only be a minute.
- Hey, try our product. Liquapep.
- It's a little cloudy, isn't it?
Yeah, well, we didn't strain
the last batch.
Obviously a very, very poor year.
- Excuse me.
- Poor year?
We sold 50,000 cases.
Miss Higgins' room, please.
Yeah, it is a little cloudy.
- Hello?
- Hello? Miss Higgins?
- Yes.
- How does it look?
What? How did...?
Good night, chrie.
Three, four, five, six.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
One, two, three, four...
...five, six.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
- One, two, three...
- Hey, bonjour, kid.
Oh, hi.
- How are tricks?
- Fine, fine.
Hey, she swims pretty good, huh?
Yeah, she... She's great.
Hey, you are stuck with her.
- What do you mean "stuck with her"?
- You like her.
Oh, stuck on her.
It's too bad she is not stuck on you.
I happen to be Miss Higgins' coach
and that's all.
Oh, that's Pierre.
He happens to be my coach.
He should drop dead.
Why don't you come
and see me some night?
I will stay very still so you can catch me,
So long.
- What are you watching?
- What you think I'm looking...? A porpoise.
I can see that porpoise
is wearing a bathing cap.
Look, go away, will you?
Hey, right over there
is a beautiful young lady...
...and she's lonesome. And she's French.
She can talk to you
in your native tongue.
Now, look, the porpoise is landing.
What'd I do?
- Four hours, eight and a half minutes.
- Good morning.
Oh, good morning.
Bring me any more presents?
Now, look, I'm awfully sorry about
the other night. I mean, the phone call.
I just couldn't resist it.
And neither could you, huh?
How did you now I'd try that thing on?
You told me you were very curious.
- I certainly was. Oh, you should've seen it.
- Well?
- Was awful.
- I bet it looked wonderful.
- Nobody will ever know, that's for sure.
- No?
- Bet that's a scream, if I knew what it was.
- Why?
Now, I'll tell you,
I'd like to make up for it.
Tell you what I'll do.
I'll put my boat at your disposal today.
We'll have lunch, we'll study the currents,
the tides, the whole thing. All right?
- Well, l...
- Oh, Windy you are invited too.
You try to keep me away.
- Hey, you're sure this isn't a two-seater?
- Oh, come on.
You know, it's most becoming,
the wind blowing through your hair.
- It is?
- It does nothing for me.
Now, what's the matter with you,
- You're not getting seasick, are you?
- Who me?
- Have another piece of fried chicken.
- Don't, don't.
Now, what is it? You look green.
My mother was Irish.
- Why don't you go down below?
- I will for a few minutes.
- I'm tired. If I lie down...
- Don't do that.
- That's the worst thing he can do.
- I know. I hate myself.
- I think we'd better get the charts out.
- The charts?
Well, yes. We came out hero to study
the wind, the currents, the rip tides and...
- Yeah.
- Well, didn't we?
Andre, aren't you interested
in my problems?
No, I have problems of my own.
What problems could you possibly have?
Really, now.
In my wildest dreams
I never thought we'd meet
I never knew how sweet
You'd be
Believe me
In my wildest dreams
If I combined them all
I never dreamed you'd fall
For me
How could I know
That I could love someone so?
Someone so meant
For me alone
Oh, no, my poor old heart
Never was more beguiled
Never in all my
- I'll call Windy.
- Go ahead.
- Too bad you got sick like that, Windy.
- Watch it now, watch it.
- Come on.
- You all right, Windy?
- You'll be all right.
- Soon as you're on solid ground...
...you'll be fine, Windy.
I'll be right there.
- Goodbye, Andre.
- See you tonight.
- No.
- What do you mean "no"?
- Andre, I'm in training.
- Yes.
And I just don't think you have any idea
what that means.
- Oh, yes, I do.
- No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
I've got lot of things to do,
swimming and everything.
And, well, it's just that you distract me.
- I mean to.
- I know you do and it's nice of you, but...
- Well, distract me some other time, huh?
- Okay, tomorrow we'll go on a picnic.
We don't go on a picnic tomorrow.
I've got to swim all day tomorrow.
- You swim beautifully.
- I don't.
- I'm having trouble with my breathing...
- Me too.
Andre, will you stop?
- Sit down.
- All right, all right.
But what is it? What? What?
Now, take today.
We came out here to study the charts.
I was supposed to learn about the currents.
- Didn't you learn anything?
- The wind, the rip tides...
Didn't you learn anything?
Well, not about the currents and rip tides.
But there is so much time.
No, no, there isn't.
There isn't any time at all.
I'm gonna be going to France
in a few days and...
Well, you know how busy I'm gonna be.
It's like I said before.
You distract me.
Andre, I just think we better not
see each other anymore.
Okay. If you don't want us
to see each other, we won't see each other.
Well, I...
Well, what?
Well, I...
I just thought you might
fight me a little on it.
Oh, no, no, no. No fighting.
We'll have it your way.
Maybe it's just as well, huh?
Goodbye, Katy.
Oh, thank you, fellas.
Aren't you sweet? Cute too.
I'll see you later.
Now, America's own Miss Kathryn Higgins
would like to say a few words.
- I don't have any words, Windy.
- The speech...
Why do I always have to make a speech?
"Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen...
...you have no idea how thrilled we were
at our first glimpse...
...of your sparkling shores.
When I look around
and see all your smiling face..."
We'll try very hard to swim your channel.
Thank you.
After all, it's only water.
I asked for it.
- Gigi, it is so cold.
- Is it? Oh, Katy, why we do this?
Oh, I don't know. I had a crazy notion
I wanted to buy a bull.
What's your excuse?
Me? I see a little flower shop.
I want to make a down payment.
I'm good with flowers, you know.
I have green fingers.
It's "green thumb."
In England, I always see you with Andre.
In France, nothing. Why?
He's a nice kid.
He is handsome and rich too.
You do not like this combination?
I like it all right, but, well,
I talked myself out of it.
- You should not have listened to yourself.
- I've got to swim the channel.
Oh, a man is much more important.
You swim the channel, and what?
You get the money, you win the medal...
...but when the cold night comes,
it doesn't keep you warm, you know.
Look, isn't it time
you started knocking yourself out?
Oh, yeah, I know.
Ladies and gentlemen...
...as you know, we were scheduled
to start tomorrow morning.
Obviously, the weather makes
this impossible...
...and the latest reports indicate that
there may be a delay of several days.
Well, if there are no further questions,
will the swimmers please form a line...
...and draw for starting positions?
Thank you.
All right, just through here.
Thank you very much.
That's fine. Would you mind
going through there? Thank you.
You find a place?
All right.
Seven. It is a lucky number, yes?
- Thirteen.
- It's a lucky number, no.
Oh, Mr. Higgins,
didn't Mr. Webbe speak to you?
No. What about?
Yeah, Pop, come on outside,
will you, Pop?
Family, I got something to tell you.
I didn't get a chance.
- What's the matter?
- I'll tell you outside, Ma. Come on.
I still want to know why. Why?
Pop, I don't make the rules.
All I know is that they disqualified
the whole family.
- All except Katy.
- They can't do that.
Haven't they watched me train?
Yeah, that's when they disqualified you.
- Well, I won't take it.
- Sit down, Pop.
Look, the Daily Mail decides who will swim
and who won't.
They just don't want to take a chance,
that's all.
I don't blame them.
What are you talking about?
We'd never make it, Pa.
You know that and so do they.
I'm in perfect shape. Perfect!
Pa, why are you making such a fuss?
Gee, I'm delighted.
They got no right.
Telling a man that he can't swim.
What's come over him anyway?
You'd think it was the end of the world.
- I'd better go talk to him.
- That's good, Katy.
Why don't you go on? I'll see you later.
Come on, kids.
- Katy, you know l...
- Oh, oh, I know, it's all right.
I'll talk to him.
Pa, oh, come on. Don't take it so hard.
I could do it.
At least, I have a right to try.
What difference does it make?
Look, it isn't as though
we're swimming for a living.
- What's the matter?
- Nothing.
Look, in a few days
it's gonna be all over...
...and in a couple of weeks,
we'll be on our way to the farm.
Yeah, the farm.
Hey, hey, there is something the matter.
Well, come on, Pa, what is it?
Katy, I should have told you before.
I made some changes on the farm.
What kind of changes, Pa?
Well, you were always saying
how we needed a new roof.
- New paint job.
- Yes?
And fences mended
and a new milking machine...
...and a pasteurizer
and a bottling machine and so, well...
- So?
- I did it. I did it all.
Well, how did you do it, Pa?
Well, I just told them
to go ahead and do it.
- On credit?
- Yes.
You bought all those things on...
Without paying?
Yeah, I even tried to buy Sir John
of Ralwyn, but they wouldn't sell.
Thank heaven for that, Pa.
So I bought his brother.
You bought a prize sire?
Look, Pa, darling, you know
that if we can't pay for these things...
...we've just lost everything,
the farm.
Pa, would you please tell me
what you were thinking of?
I don't know.
Swimming the channel, I guess.
I just wanted things to be nice
when we got back.
Maybe they could, too,
if they'd let me swim.
Oh, no, no, sweetie, that's out.
Does Ma know about this?
I just wanted to surprise her.
Oh, Pa.
Well, at least I'm still in the race.
...maybe I'll win.
Maybe I'd better.
"And then Tom chases Jerry
all around a big corral reef..."
Coral reef.
Oh, coral reef.
"And right through the porthole
of a sunken ship."
Gee, Jerry stays under water
for six pages.
Mice are very strong swimmers.
...isn't it time you went to bed?
Don't you want to find out
how the story ends?
Do that tomorrow.
I gotta get my nine hours.
Gee, you don't have very much fun
anymore, do you, Katy?
Mind your business.
Give me a hug. Come on.
Good night, peanut.
- Go on, good night.
- Good night.
Oh, I forgot.
I have to swim the channel.
Are you coming with me?
In my wildest dreams
I never thought we'd meet
I never knew how sweet
You'd be
Believe me
In my wildest dreams
If I combined them all
I never dreamed you'd fall
For me
I got out of bed on the right side
On the bright side
On the light side
I got out of bed on the right side
And I'm havin' a wonderful day
I sang a duet with the rooster
I'm a booster
Of the rooster
But he doesn't crow like he useter
Couldn't handle my yodel-ee-ay
Bonjour, kids. Which way is it to Dover?
Thanks, kids.
In my wildest dreams
I never thought we'd meet
I never knew how sweet
You'd be
Believe me
Katy, what's the matter? Katy.
I must have been dreaming.
Yeah, colonel, colonel,
we couldn't take off yesterday.
It was pouring.
Well, four or five days.
You see, it stopped raining,
but the swells are 9 feet high, and l...
No, I don't think he could...
Well, okay, I'll talk to Churchill.
Who? Katy?
Oh, she's fine, great, happy as a lark.
What are you doing today, honey?
Same thing I do every day.
Swim, swim, swim.
Come on, come on, come on.
Watch your breathing,
time your stroke, time your kick.
If you ask me, you're getting waterlogged.
Hey, sis, can I borrow these?
- Yeah, I don't need them.
- Thanks.
Maybe Suzie's right.
Maybe you've gone stale.
You can't take it out on the pillow.
You need a day off, honey.
Relax. It'll do you good.
- I can't take a day off, Ma.
- Yes, you can.
I'll pack you a picnic lunch...
...and you get Windy to take you
for a nice long ride.
Go on, now. Relax.
Do you think I could?
Well, you should. Go on.
Hey, Suzie's got my nylons.
This is a lovely place, Andre.
How did you ever find it?
Look at that wonderful old house.
Isn't it beautiful?
- Very.
- I wonder who lives there.
I do.
- Why didn't you tell me?
- You wouldn't have come.
Well, I certainly wouldn't.
Now, wait. I want you to see the house.
Oh, no. No, no. I'm just not budging.
I want you to meet my mother.
No use, I'm not going.
Might as well forget about it.
You will love my mother.
Mama, it is Andre.
- This way. Mademoiselle Higgins.
- Mademoiselle.
- Joubert. My valet and my friend.
- How do you do?
- Sit down, please.
- Thank you.
- Oh, yes.
- What'd he say?
Oh, he agrees with me.
What'd he say?
Mama has been detained.
- That was quick. Who was he expecting?
- No one. He likes you.
I think he's on your side.
He's so sentimental.
He wants us to drink a toast.
To what?
- Success.
- Yours or mine?
He says I will toast with champagne
and you will toast with Liquapep.
Oh, no, I'm really not very thirsty.
Thank you, anyhow.
You mean you don't like it?
I don't blame you.
No, I didn't say that.
It's very good for you.
It's full of vitamins and...
- All right. To our heart's desire.
- Heart's desire.
How can you do it?
It's very refreshing.
Will you have some more?
Oh, oh, no, thank you, I...
You know, it sort of grows on you.
I think you've had enough.
You know what I think?
I think you don't have a mama.
That is not so. She'll be here any minute.
Well, I give Mama exactly 10 minutes.
Heart's desire?
And then, just beyond the farmhouse...
Which is painted, oh, I guess you'd call it
sort of an off-white, you know?
- there's a very rustic swimming hole
and it's very nice.
"Rustic"? I don't know the word.
And then, beyond the swimming hole...
How'd it get so dark?
The sun went down.
Well... Who drank all my vitamins?
You've had enough.
I'm gonna take you home now.
Oh, no, no, we've got to wait for Mama.
We don't have to wait for her...
How about some dinner?
We just had lunch.
Come on, sit down.
No, wait.
How about some nice, nice coffee?
Coffee? Oh, my, no.
Coffee's a stimulant.
Well, you don't need that.
- Come on, sit down.
- All right.
I'm warm. Wish I could cool off.
Are you warm?
- Yes, let's go for a swim. To cool off.
- Where?
Oh, I, too, have a swimming hole.
Let's go. Come on.
No nighttime swimming. No, no, no.
Besides, I haven't got a bathing suit.
Give me your hand.
Give me your hand.
- Do I feel warm to you?
- Yes, very.
- Maybe I have a fever.
- Maybe.
- I do have a fever, don't I?
- Yes, yes.
I think I should take you home.
I need some vitamins.
I think you've had enough.
- Oh, you do?
- Yes.
Well, I think you can't have
too many vitamins. So there.
- Well...
- My mother's.
How do you say "stop" in French?
My, my, well...
- What's that?
- For your hair.
Which way?
Good. Come on, come on.
A lot warmer than the channel.
It is cool enough.
It will be good for your fever.
- Did you say something?
- No.
Have you everything you need?
Hope so.
- I beg your pardon
- I didn't say anything.
They made a girl and gave her charms
Ain't nature grand?
Ain't nature grand?
They made a boy and gave him arms
How grand can nature be?
They made a great big moon above
Ain't nature grand?
The things she planned
And then they gave me you to love
Ain't nature grand to me?
They made a man with dreamy eyes
Ain't nature grand?
Ain't nature grand?
A fellow almost twice my size
How grand can nature be?
A man who's sweet and tender too
Ain't nature grand?
The things she planned
And then they gave me all of you
Ain't nature grand to me?
When Mother Nature planned her charms
The birds and bees, yeah
And all that stuff
The little flowers were off the cuff
She gave a girl two luscious arms
She lost the formula
Or she hid it
Because when she made yours
She overdid it
She said go out and find your mate
Who knows?
Old Mother Nature may be right
You know, this could be a losing fight
You'll find it never is too late
Too late, too late
- Ain't nature simply great
- Ain't nature simply great
In spite of lines and double chins
Ain't nature grand?
Ain't nature grand?
Down yonder, where the best begins
How grand can nature be?
- Although our hair is turning gray
- Although our hair is turning gray
We understand
Ain't nature grand?
- We're growing younger every day
- We're growing younger every day
- Ain't nature grand to me?
- Ain't nature grand to me?
Ladies and gentlemen,
may I have your attention, please?
We've just received the all-clear signal
from the English coast.
Everything seems to be right.
The weather, the water and the visibility.
You'd better get ready to move off
because we start at approximately 4 a.m.
- Suzie. Suzie, come here quick.
- Pierre.
- Pierre.
- Go upstairs.
- lf Katy's awake, tell her to go to sleep.
- Sleep? She isn't even home yet.
- What do you mean? Where'd she go?
- How should I know? On a picnic.
- A picnic at night?
- With Andre.
And... A picnic, picnic, picnic.
Where would a Frenchman go on a picnic?
- Try his house.
- His what?
His house, the Chateau Lanet.
Do you have any idea what time it is?
No. I'm not interested.
Don't you think your family will worry?
They know I can take care of myself.
Andre, Andre.
- Katy.
- What are you doing here?
- What are you doing?
- Now, just a minute.
You better go get our clothes on.
And don't tell me that's his mother's.
- Don't force me to throw you.
- You and what army?
- Andre, Windy, stop it.
- Katy!
- What?
- You've been drinking.
- Vitamins.
- Why, you no...
- Filling her with a lot of champagne.
- Liquapep!
Liqua... That's poison.
- Look here, you're obviously excited.
- I'm hysterical.
She's gotta swim
at 4:00 tomorrow morning.
All right, so I have to swim the channel
tomorrow mo... Tomorrow morning?
- You can't do it. You're in no condition.
- I can't.
- Whose fault is that?
- Listen to me.
- Take me home.
- Come on, honey.
- But, Katy.
- Andre.
- Andre.
- Oh, Mama.
Katy, Katy, it is Mama.
Oh, I'm so sorry...
It is now two minutes to 4.
Attention, all swimmers.
Attention, please. For your information,
the press boat is waiting offshore...
...and will follow your progress
to the other side.
May we once again caution
all trainers...
... to stay as close as possible
to their swimmers.
It is very dark beyond the breakwater and
will be for the first two hours of the swim.
Au revoir, everybody.
Good luck to you.
- Good luck, Gigi.
- I see you in Dover.
- Good luck.
- It is now one minute to 4.
Please take up your starting positions
on the beach.
At the starting gun, all swimmers
will enter the water.
I repeat, do not touch your rowboat or
your trainer, or you will be disqualified.
When you reach Dover,
you must wade ashore unaided.
If you are in trouble, signal for help
and you will be rescued.
There's a hospital boat standing by.
There is now 21 seconds left, 20...
- You all set, honey?
- All set.
We'll see you out there.
Here, Ma, take this.
Come on, Pa, to the boat.
- 15, 14...
Goodbye, Katy.
- Good luck, sis.
- Don't worry.
- 11, 10...
... nine, eight, seven...
... six, five, four, three, two.
The swimmers
are now entering the water.
Some of them are wading in reluctantly.
Others are striking out
boldly towards their waiting rowboats.
All of them anxious to cross
that chill, bleak 20 miles of water...
... that lies between them and their goal.
This is gonna be a very long, slow pull.
We'd better get aboard the charter boat.
Wouldn't you like to come with me?
I'm following the race too.
- Why, you're so kind. Please.
- Let's go.
I can see the French girl now,
Gigi Mignon.
She's starting out with a nice, steady,
even stroke.
And there's the American entry,
Katy Higgins.
She's moving very quickly in there.
They're all in now,
picking up their rowboats...
... and heading for the open sea.
Two full hours of darkness lie ahead.
That's it.
The sun's coming up,
we're getting our first look.
They've been in the water two and a half
hours and have covered four miles.
Still a bit chilly here
but the sea's calm.
Thank you very much.
I can't tell you who's who.
One of the swimmers is right out in front.
- Do you know who that is?
- No.
Let's see.
Apparently, it's the Norwegian entrant.
I don't see any of the women swimmers.
Oh, wait, look. It's the...
Yes, it's the French girl.
In the lead in the Women's Division,
with the English girl, 2nd...
...the American girl, 3rd.
How do you feel, honey?
- What?
- How are you feeling?
I'm cold.
Do you want something to eat?
Oh, no, not yet. What have we done?
Four miles.
Only 16 more to go.
- You're doing fine, honey.
- Come on, let's go.
Take it easier.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
One, two, three...
Well, we're in mid-channel now,
halfway to the coast of England...
...at a little after 12 noon.
I notice quite a few of the swimmers
are stopping to take on nourishment.
I suppose you might call it luncheon.
Not so fast. Drink it slowly.
We've just received a rather nasty report
from the weather bureau.
A fog bank is forming off the Dover coast,
moving east.
It's expected we'll meet it
in about two hours.
We've seen very little of these swimmers
for the last hour or so.
But we just had a report
that the plucky little English girl...
... has been taken out of the water.
However, here's one bright note...
... we seem to be getting a breeze again.
Hope it clears things up.
Keep contact with your swimmers.
We'll be out of this soon.
That gentle breeze is turning
into a blow out here.
At least we can see again
which is some comfort.
The American girl is now
leading the French girl.
They've been in the water
more than 14 hours.
It looks from here
as if the French girl's tiring very badly.
What's the matter?
Good luck.
Come on.
- No, I can't.
- Sure you can.
You will do it for me.
They're signaling
for the hospital ship now.
Oh, what a pity, what a shame.
She put up such a magnificent show,
really grand show.
Don't... Don't look, Katy.
She'll be all right. Don't look.
Katy, come on. She'll be all right,
I tell you.
She needs something warm to drink.
Come here. Take over.
Get as close as you can.
Here's the hot broth.
Katy. Katy.
How do you feel?
Not so good.
Okay, wait a minute.
Oh, yes, good.
I would like to stay with you
the rest of the day. All right?
Oh, I'd like that.
Okay, get going.
Let's go.
These swimmers aren't getting much help
from the weatherman today.
The sun's going down now,
the sea keeps rising.
It's over 16 hours now,
uphill all the way.
I see the American girl out there.
Katy Higgins.
She's swimming steadily but obviously
feeling the effects of the heavy sea.
There's very little daylight left now.
We started in the dark...
...and it looks as if we'll finish
in the dark.
The pilot boat informs us that we're just
one mile off the Dover coast now.
One mile.
It may turn out to be the longest
of the race.
The weather has turned very bad.
The worst we've had all day.
We can see the shore now.
Can you hear me, Katy?
Just a little way more.
It's getting colder.
The wind's blowing harder every moment.
The remaining swimmers
are having a terribly rough go.
The American girl,
she's the lone woman entrant now.
She's getting weaker every stroke.
We're almost there, Katy.
Almost there.
Keep swimming, honey.
Almost there.
She seems to be faltering
very badly now.
Those waves are really giving her
some terrible punishment.
I think she's asking to be taken out.
It's hard to tell but she's certainly
a very, very tired girl.
She ought to stop.
She ought to stop.
Take her out.
Take her out.
Wait, wait. Stand by.
Katy Higgins, she's changed her mind.
She was asking to be taken out...
...now she's changed her mind.
She's swimming again. She's carrying on.
Are you all right? Are you all right?
- Yes, but don't touch me, Andre.
- I won't.
Okay, we'll swim together now.
We swim good together, don't we?
Let's go.
Come on.
Attagirl, Katy. Come on, baby.
Somebody's pacing now.
Somebody's in there with her.
I can't see who but we'll try to find out.
Find out who.
This is terrific. She's swimming again.
She's going on.
Katy. What is it? Come on.
- I can't make it.
- Yes, you can.
Just a few more yards.
She'll never make it.
Look. Katy, look ahead of you.
Look at the lights.
Let's go.
She's coming in now.
Just past that bunch of rocks.
Katy, come on, you're almost there.
You can make it. Come on.
Look, it's so close. Katy, come on.
She's coming in. There she is.
Put your feet down, Katy.
You can walk now.
She's almost across the line now.
- A few more steps and she'll finish unaided.
- Don't touch her yet.
- Just three more steps.
- Don't touch her.
Get up, Katy. Get up.
Get up.
- Let me help you.
- No.
- Let me help you.
- Don't touch me, please.
Come on.
She made it. She's made it.
Katy, darling, you made it.
I got out of bed on the right side
On the bright side
On the light side
I got out of bed on the...
I got out of bed on the right side
On the bright side
On the light side
I got out of bed on the right side
And I'm havin' a wonderful day
I got out of bed on the right side
And I'm havin' a wonderful day