Did You Hear About The Morgans? (2009) Movie Script

Hi. You've reached Meryl Morgan.
I can't take your call right now,
so leave a message
and have a great day. Thanks.
Hello. It is me, your husband.
At least, legally still your husband,
as recognized by the state of New York.
And, in the end,
who are we to argue with the Governor?
I wanted to call and just say hello,
as it is approaching the three-month
anniversary of our being separated,
and I thought, perhaps it might be nice
to get together,
as, you know, occasions like this
only come around once in a lifetime.
And... Oh, yes! And I saw the cover
of New York Magazine's real estate issue,
and there you were.
And you looked lovely, frankly.
You are staring out from every newsstand
and bus and taxi.
And it is...
"It is genuinely incredible
how you have built your business
"into the premier boutique
real estate firm in the city."
I'm quoting here from the article.
I have five copies.
This way, if we ever get back together
and lose yours, we're covered.
Hi. You've reached Meryl Morgan.
I can't take your call right now,
so leave a message
and have a great day. Thanks.
Anyway, the point is that I am sad,
and I miss you,
and I bitterly regret what I did,
and it would be very, very nice if you called
or, in fact, if we could see each other.
I hope you're getting the gifts.
I know they're not all perfect.
The ice sculpture, I concede, was a disaster.
I did specify that they shouldn't leave it
if you weren't home,
and I will be suing.
Talking of which, I must get back to work.
I'm actually in court. I have a man...
Isn't this a beautiful view?
You could pay for this whole apartment
just by charging people
to come and look at this.
And if you like this,
you're going to love this,
what I call the ballroom or the grand salon.
It's the perfect combination
of classic architecture
and understated elegance.
You're pregnant?
I mean, if you're planning on having a baby,
this is the most magical place.
How many children do you have?
How many? Let me see, I have...
Well, I have zero.
My husband and I are separated.
I know what you're thinking,
the clock is ticking, right?
But I'm, you know...
I'm considering adoption,
and you gotta stay optimistic. You know?
Don't get down on yourself.
Mr. Morgan, I have the depositions
on the Anderson case for you.
Excellent. I hear it's a page-turner.
Now, where are we on the star front?
Well, you can buy and name a star "Meryl."
It's $75,
and you get a celestial map and a certificate.
Well, I was really looking for something
more impressive.
Can I buy a constellation?
I don't know. You can buy a black hole.
I'm not sure a black hole
sends exactly the right message
at this point in our relationship.
Somewhat redundant.
Thank you.
And thank you to everyone
at the National Breast Cancer Foundation.
I'm so honored to be here tonight
on behalf of Park Avenue Realty.
Thank you to Jimmy, my waiter,
at table number two. Yes, you.
I'm not done with my dessert yet.
This disease represents a crisis.
Are we going to use this crisis to come out
stronger, better and more powerful
than ever before?
You bet we are.
But what that means...
I'm sorry.
Well, I...
Basically, what I'm saying is,
we want your money right now.
- Great speech.
- Thank you.
- And you look fantastic tonight, by the way.
- Thank you.
I still don't entirely understand
what you're doing here.
Well, breast cancer. I'm against it.
Look, I just want to talk.
I'll talk now, I'll talk later, I'll talk tomorrow.
I'll talk at lunch, dinner, brunch, snack time.
Okay, okay. I get it.
You are available for talking.
Yes. Yes.
Hey, Jackie.
Jackie, how very nice. How are you?
Mr. Morgan.
What do I have tomorrow?
The PETA lunch.
Barbecue, I imagine.
What about after lunch?
Excuse me. Hello, Mrs. Morgan.
Hi, Adam.
After lunch,
you have the Farmer conference call.
Do I dare ask about dinner?
Meryl's doing a showing at 7:00
for Mr. Rabelais.
We've got Mr. Thompson for dinner at 7:00.
Hey, you know,
I think it would just be easier
if Jackie and Adam spoke to each other.
- Excellent idea.
- Excuse us.
What happens with Paul after lunch?
- Well, he's got...
- Don't mumble, Adam. Enunciate.
- How's the apartment?
- It's good.
- So much more space without the golf clubs.
- Yes.
- How's the hotel?
- It's nice. It's nice.
There's no one setting the snooze alarm
for 15 minutes
before they actually want to wake up,
so that's nice.
Yes, and I've really enjoyed not having
anyone walk into the master bedroom
wearing their shoes and trailing dirt
and germs from all over the city.
- That must be very, very nice.
- It is.
As is not stepping on discarded
Lady Gillettes in the shower,
which I have actually come to miss.
I can push Mr. Rabelais to 9:00
and Adam can reschedule
Mr. Morgan's dinner.
- I think I can if I...
- Just do it. Be a man.
Excellent. Then shall we say Daniel at 7:00?
- Great. Terrific.
- Great. Good night.
Good night.
Did you get the yucca?
I know you like plants.
And far, far away,
there is now a galaxy called Meryl.
You have to stop sending things.
It's just getting very awkward.
I understand. I will. I promise.
I just have one more little thing.
Okay, look, I know you always wanted us
to go and I procrastinated,
but I thought this might make up for it.
Dr. Tobin is apparently
the best marriage counselor in the city.
Oh, no, I know who she is.
I found her duplex on Madison.
Okay. And the Lerners recommended her.
- Eric and Fiona?
- Yes.
- They've been divorced a year.
- They have, they have.
But the one thing they do agree on
is how much they love Dr. Tobin.
Apparently, she wrote some book.
Yes. The Magic Marriage Myth.
You see? You are so well-read.
I really miss that.
It's all about people's expectations
that their spouse will be the answer
to all their problems when, in fact,
they should be facing reality
and not asking their partners
for more than they can give.
Brilliant. Brilliant.
I don't know. I find her theory
kind of depressing, don't you?
Yep. Yep, yeah, if you do.
Can you please stop being so agreeable?
Whatever you say.
- So.
- So.
So, you know,
I have to do a showing tonight,
and I'm gonna pick up my client
at his townhouse.
Do you wanna walk with me?
- Absolutely. Yes.
- Okay.
Adam, we are gonna walk.
- You're going to walk?
- Yes.
Is everything all right?
Did we do something wrong?
No. Everything's okay.
You did something wrong.
Here comes the rain.
You slept with someone else, Paul.
You are not good
at talking about the weather.
All right, it's...
It's overcast
with 100% chance of precipitation.
- You slept with someone else.
- I am sorry.
I was confused. I was an idiot. I was wrong.
I made a terrible mistake. I love you.
Do you still love me at all?
I don't know if I can sort of love you
or love you a little.
Well, I'm fine with it.
Honestly, I can get by with a little less love
for a while. Maybe years.
That's not me.
I have to go. I have the meeting.
Look, I just think
we should give Dr. Tobin a chance.
- You know...
- Hey, there's my client.
What is he doing in the rain
without an umbrella?
What are we doing in the rain
without an umbrella?
Mr. Rabelais?
- Run!
- Stop!
- Get in!
- What is your problem?
- I almost ran you over!
- There's a man up there with a gun!
The man who was murdered tonight,
Girard Rabelais,
was an international arms dealer.
The FBI was moving in to convict him,
so Rabelais was working with us
to capture this man,
Anton Forenski.
And we think that's why
Forenski had him killed.
We find the murderer,
maybe he leads us to Forenski.
And you're gonna be our star witnesses.
But right now, I just wanna concentrate
on keeping you safe.
What do you mean, "safe"?
- This guy's still out there.
- Yeah, but he doesn't know who we are.
I'm gonna give you 24-hour protection
at your apartment anyway.
Well, we don't live together.
He's at a hotel 'cause we're separated.
My wife and I see someone once a week.
It's not, by any chance, Dr. Tobin, is it?
I know it's been a rough night,
so get some rest,
and I'll talk to both of you tomorrow.
- Okay.
- Right.
- Mrs. Morgan.
- Yes?
This is Marshal Henderson.
He'll be taking care of you.
- Hello.
- Ma'am.
Do you want me to stay tonight?
No, no. I think I'm gonna be fine
with Marshal Henderson.
If you think he can handle it. Well...
Mrs. Morgan, I have your car right over here.
- Well, good night.
- Good night. Good... Yeah.
Mr. Morgan, Marshal Ferber.
- Evening, sir.
- Evening. Evening.
You're in good hands.
Yes. Yes, I'm sure. I'm sure.
Yeah, it's done.
That is good news, Vincent.
We'll meet tomorrow on the island.
No problem.
Hello? Hi, Marshal Lasky.
You're gonna send someone
to relieve Marshal Henderson.
That's good, because, you know,
he's been out there all night.
He must be...
Can you hold on just a second?
My intercom is ringing.
Okay, I'm just gonna put you on hold. Okay.
Hi, Mike.
Yep, okay. Thank you.
Thank you.
Hi. So I guess your guy's already here,
because the doorman said
they just sent a police officer up.
Hey, how you doing?
Okay, okay. Okay.
- Get back inside!
- What...
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
Stop pushing the buttons.
There's an emergency.
Well, I certainly hope so, Marshal.
Thank you. Do you mind? Do you mind?
Not at all.
We checked the building's security camera,
but he was pretty careful
about keeping his head down.
So is Marshal Henderson okay?
He was wearing his vest. He'll be all right.
But this guy is still out there.
I recommend you both enter
the Witness Relocation Program.
- What?
- What?
- Hang on. Hang on.
- Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait.
Do you mean where they send you out
into the middle of nowhere?
- Yeah? Oh, no.
- Okay, I'll tell you what.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Why don't we just look at all the options,
because I'm sure there are options.
And where? What? Where do we go?
- We can't reveal that until you're on the jet.
- There's a jet?
- So, it's out of the city?
- Here's what I think we should do.
Let's just stay logical
and examine all the parameters,
if that's possible.
I can't leave.
I can't leave. I have a company to run.
Well, we've both got companies to run,
- so that's important, but I think...
- Right.
Right. So, who runs my business?
All I'm saying is, I think
there are other things which should...
- And what about...
- For instance...
...all of our friends and our family?
What, we just up and disappear?
I mean, we'd leave? That's crazy.
That's nuts. Is that what you're suggesting?
Well, we don't know what he's suggesting
because you haven't actually
stopped talking yet, so...
- Well...
- Excuse me.
This isn't the first time we've done this.
We'll get a list of people to contact.
But first,
we've got to get you to a safe location.
And what happens
if you never find this man?
We'll find him.
In the meantime,
we put you in a temporary spot
until we can find a more permanent site.
What do you mean by "permanent"?
I don't mean permanent. I mean official site.
Yeah, but you said permanent.
So if you don't catch this guy,
then the official site
becomes the permanent site?
Right, so why don't we just let him
explain that bit.
Oh, no. No, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I can't do this.
Really, I can't. I'm, you know...
I'm a New Yorker. You know,
I was born here. This is my home.
I've had bagels in other parts of the country.
I don't even like Connecticut.
This man is a professional killer.
He found you in one night,
and he'll keep coming back.
Wouldn't you rather live someplace else
than die in New York?
I'm thinking.
There's nothing to think about.
If you want to live, you're out of options.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to drag
our personal problems into this,
but at this exact moment,
I can't commit to spending
the rest of my life with my husband.
I know exactly how you feel.
This is just a temporary location.
You'll be there a week at most.
We'll look into arranging
separate sites afterwards,
but first, we've got to get you out of the city.
You... I don't...
You won't tell me where I'm going,
so I don't know how to dress.
This, 'cause it's pretty?
Now that we're on the jet,
can you tell us where we're going?
Ray, Wyoming.
Is that anywhere near Phil, Wyoming?
Here are your temporary IDs.
You'll be in seclusion,
but just in case you run into anybody,
we don't want you using your real identities.
Meryl Foster?
You'll be under the care
of Marshal Clay Wheeler.
He's also the sheriff in town.
Meryl, you're Clay's cousin from Chicago.
You haven't seen him in five years,
since he visited you and Paul.
- Any questions?
- Do we get a movie?
We're here. It's time.
Marshal Wheeler will take good care of you.
You're not coming?
I'm going back to find this guy. Good luck.
Yeah, thank you, Marshal.
Thank you.
Thank you, Marshal. Thank you.
Is that him?
If it is, I feel safer already.
Oh, my God.
You're gonna love this.
Well, should we be writing this down?
Don't worry, they're all over town.
The posters, not the bears.
Hi, are you...
Glad to see you? You bet.
- Take your bag?
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
- Come with me.
Try to stay awake there, Tom.
Welcome to Wyoming.
I'm U. S. Marshal Clay Wheeler.
Thank you, hello.
Hello. I'm Meryl Morgan.
No, I don't think so, ma'am.
You mean I've been wrong all these years?
You're Meryl Foster.
I'm your cousin.
You cold?
We were just only allowed to bring one bag,
so I just packed a ton of underwear
and a strapless gown.
Same here.
Temperature really drops
around here at night.
Let's see about getting you something warm.
Thank you. I mean,
if there's, you know, any place that's open.
Sure, there's a Bargain Barn.
I've gotta swing by there anyway.
I've never been to a Bargain Barn.
Are you pulling my leg?
They don't have them in New York.
What's that got to do with anything?
Well, that's why I've never been to one.
I'm still not following you.
They don't have Bargain Barns in New York,
so that's why I've never been to one.
We've also never been to one in Chicago,
which is where we're from.
- I see.
- Oh, jeez.
It's huge.
- I had no idea.
- Astonishing.
It's all about bulk.
This can't be right.
A sweater for $9. 99?
It's not right. Look, it's two for one.
Come on.
Where is menswear?
Wait a minute.
Okay, look, you see that woman?
See that woman?
Guess what's in those bags?
- French bread?
- Guns. Big guns.
- Oh, Lord, she's coming.
- Oh, my God, it's Sarah Palin.
Actually, the name's Emma, Emma Wheeler,
but you can call me Deputy Wheeler.
- So... So you're married.
- Oh, yeah.
Just what you needed, hon.
A couple more guns.
I love them. Do you hunt, Meryl?
Just for bargains.
Actually, I'm a member of PETA.
"People for the Ethical Treatment
of Animals."
So am I. Except mine's
"People for Eating Tasty Animals."
You gotta know Emma
to appreciate her humor.
Sometimes that doesn't even help.
Hey, I just wanna say that I think
what you people are doing is very brave,
and it'll be an honor to protect you.
I hope you'll be real comfortable
here with us.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
I must say, I'd imagined Ray to be,
you know, less modern.
But this Bargain Barn is fantastic,
and I saw a movie theater down the road,
an Applebee's.
Well, this is Cody. Ray's 45 miles that way,
and there is no Bargain Barn there.
Here's Ray.
That was it.
Could we do it again? I think I missed it.
Well, if that's Ray, where are we going?
A few miles outside of town.
We like to get away
from the hustle and bustle.
Come on in. Watch your step, there.
This is it, home sweet home.
Well, it's lovely. It's very, very nice.
Yes, I love what you've done with
the heads.
Thanks. Yeah,
we killed all these animals ourselves.
That's great. I hate when you have
the decorator do it for you.
Well, I got a brother over in Cheyenne
who's a taxidermist, so...
That's handy.
Any word from New York?
- No, ma'am.
- So, you folks hungry? We got plenty to eat.
No, not me. I had my fill
on the forced-out-of-New-York flight.
- Chicago.
- Chicago.
Well, you probably wanna be getting
some shut-eye. I'll show you to your room.
- Okay.
- Hope you'll be comfortable here.
We fixed up the spare bedroom.
Not exactly the Ritz.
We usually only have one witness at a time.
The last one
was Vito "the Butcher" Emmanuel.
Murdered five people
before he turned state's evidence.
- So you actually do this all the time?
- Yeah.
About 10 years ago, the government asked
if we'd hide somebody for a week.
Ever since then, a couple of times a year,
they bring somebody by.
Been kind of interesting, actually.
Now they want me to retire.
So, you two are gonna be our last.
Well, it's an honor,
and it's a lovely witness room,
but Mr. Morgan...
Mr. Foster and I are separated.
We are thinking of seeing a therapist, yeah.
So how do you want to handle
the sleeping arrangements, then?
- Well, I can sleep on a couch.
- No, no, no, no, I'll sleep on the couch.
No, no,
'cause I'm a lousy sleeper anyway. Really.
I'd be fine on a couch.
And do you have cable?
We got an antenna. Got a bunch of DVDs.
John Wayne and Clint Eastwood, mostly.
That's great. That's great.
But I see you have a computer.
So that means that you have Internet?
You're online?
We do, but you would need a code.
Which you're not gonna give me.
No. Trying to contact somebody
back home's just too big a risk.
And I guess the same goes for the phone?
'Cause I just have a couple of things
I have to check on.
Yes, if I could make one quick call,
it would be...
Yeah, and you know,
you could supervise the calls.
There's no dial tone.
There's a code.
So I guess that is about it.
There's towels and soap in the bath.
Great. Terrific. Is there a code?
Sorry. Silly.
You sure you're going to be happy
on that thing?
Yeah, I'm good. I'm good.
All right.
Good night.
Night, night. Night, everyone.
Look, Paul, I know how hard you're trying.
Really, I do. I'm not completely oblivious.
And believe me, it would...
It would be so much easier
if I could just make myself forget.
when I look at you, I just feel regret
and sadness
and a deep desire
to see you suffer intense pain.
Listen, that's not a problem.
That is not a problem.
I am more than willing to hurt myself.
Or would you prefer to do it?
Whatever it takes.
Look, just tell me what to do. Tell me.
I don't know.
I don't know. I'm...
Yeah. Look, the thing is, Meryl,
I'm just trying to be realistic.
You know, I'm human, I made a mistake.
I'm not perfect.
No, I know you're not.
But I was so in love with you,
and now I'm just...
I'm just...
I'm so disappointed,
and I don't trust you anymore.
Good night.
Jackie, did you hear about the Morgans?
Of course I heard. I'm totally devastated.
- They're in protective custody.
- Adam, I heard.
- What are we going to do?
- What can we do? We can't...
- Yes?
- There's a client here for Mrs. Morgan.
Sure, send him back.
Can I help you?
If you're busy, I can come back later.
Not at all. He was just leaving.
Yeah, I'm in the market for a two-bedroom.
A friend referred me to Meryl Morgan.
- Would you have a seat?
- Yeah.
Excuse me.
Call me.
I'm Jackie, Mrs. Morgan's assistant.
She's not in today.
Can I get one of the other agents
to talk to you?
You know,
if she's as good as everyone says,
then I'm sure she's probably worth the wait.
She is.
All right. Well, I'm sorry
to have taken up your time, then.
Not at all.
That's a nice looking muffin, there.
Enjoy your breakfast.
Howdy. Hope I didn't wake you.
Oh, no. No. I didn't really sleep.
It's too quiet here.
You hungry?
It smells good.
Now, that's impressive.
I've never turned my oven on.
Wow, look at that,
fire comes out and everything.
Do you want sausage or bacon or both
with your eggs and pancakes?
Oh. No, no, thanks. I'm actually a vegetarian.
I got news for you, Sheriff.
Your cousin, here, is a vegetarian.
You never think it's gonna happen
in your own family.
- Howdy.
- Howdy.
Morning. Morning.
- Morning.
- How'd you sleep?
Not brilliantly. It's very, very quiet, isn't it?
I thought I could actually hear
my cells dividing.
Yeah, I know. I kept praying for a siren.
Yes, or a rumbling subway or something.
Speaking of New York,
have you heard anything?
No, ma'am. And you can ask every 5 minutes.
When they tell me, I'll tell you.
I saw a photo of a young man.
Is that your son?
That's our boy, Clay Jr.
Does he live in Ray, too?
No, he married a girl from Omaha
so he moved to the big city.
- The big city?
- Omaha.
Here you go.
Sunny-side eggs, sausage with bacon,
home fries, homemade biscuits
and country gravy.
- Can I get you anything else?
- No, thanks. Just an angiogram.
We're gonna make our rounds.
Probably best for you to stay put.
Fewer people see you, the safer you are.
Which is a shame,
'cause Ray is the friendliest place on Earth.
Help yourself to anything in the fridge
if you're hungry.
We'II be back in a couple of hours.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
I can't believe this is happening.
Well, at least you didn't have
the whole breakfast.
I feel my organs shutting down one by one.
I thought Disneyland
was the friendliest place on Earth.
No, no, no.
Disneyland is the happiest place on Earth.
Ray is the friendliest place.
People probably get them confused
all the time.
What if we never get out of here?
What if we never go to Lincoln Center again,
or see the Mets,
or see our friends, or sit on the Great Lawn
reading The New York Times,
or watch Shakespeare in the Park,
or go to Nobu, or order Chinese.
Oh, God. Do you know
how long it would take to order Chinese?
lt'd be weeks and it would be cold!
Okay, stop, stop, stop. Now, listen to me.
Listen to me.
We are here,
and there's nothing we can do about it.
There's no phone calls to make,
there's no connections to work,
there's no favors to call in.
I think that you should treat it as a vacation,
a welcome break in your busy schedule.
- Okay.
- Good.
Okay, you're right. Okay.
There. Lovely.
Oh, God, I'm going mad! I can't take it!
Well, at least you gave it your best shot.
That's really all we can ask.
- They did say not to leave.
- Oh, come on.
Well, perhaps I should come with you,
to protect you.
And I'd really rather not be left here
on my own.
Oh, God, I can't breathe. The air is too clean.
Oh, my God.
Oh, God.
- All right, I'm gonna shower.
- Okay. I'm gonna...
- Paul, don't move.
- Sorry?
There's a bear behind you.
Yes. Yes, there is.
Oh, shit. Just, shit.
Wait! No, no, no, no! No, don't run!
Don't run. The poster said not to run.
Wait, hold on. I'm gonna go get it, okay?
Hold on.
What? Come back. Meryl! Meryl, come back.
Come back, please.
Meryl. Meryl. Meryl. Meryl.
Okay. Oh, God. Okay. Well, "Keep calm."
Okay. "Avoid direct eye contact,
and speak in a soft monotone. '"
Nice to meet you.
My wife is a member of PETA.
I have been meaning to join.
- "Don't shoot a bear..."
- I don't have a gun.
"...because the bear
almost always lives long enough
"to maul the shooter severely."
I don't have a gun!
Soothing. Soothing, soothing.
So sorry. Sorry. I don't have a gun. No gun.
- Wait. There's one last thing.
- What is it?
You know, you don't need to hear this.
- What is it?
- Okay.
"As a last resort,
assume a cannonball position
"covering your neck and your head
with your hands and your arms."
I didn't need to hear that.
Well, I know that! I told you that! See?
You never listen!
- This is exactly what you do...
- Could we not do this now?
...every single time.
- Jesus.
- Oh, my God, Paul! He's coming!
- Don't scream. Be soothing.
- Run!
- It says not to run.
Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run!
- Oh, my God. My eyes!
- Okay, he's going.
Yeah, he's going. We're gonna be okay.
- I'm blind! I can't see!
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, wow, that was close.
- I can't see.
My God.
Oh, Lord.
There you go.
Okay. Let's have a look-see here.
- You're from Chicago, Mrs. Foster?
- Yep, that's right.
I've always dreamed about Chicago.
Well, I'm sure one day you'll get there.
Oh, no, I don't wanna go.
I just always dream about it.
Is it gonna be much longer?
Because my husband is very uncomfortable.
- Oh, Lord in heaven.
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, look at him. He's a mess.
He should see a doctor.
Laughter really is the best medicine.
So, you sprayed yourself with bear spray,
Mr. Foster.
Oh, no. Actually, I sprayed him.
I mean, unintentionally, of course.
Anyway, do you think
maybe he should see a specialist?
Well, I'm the only doctor in town,
so I'm about as special as it gets.
Do everything from geriatrics to pediatrics.
Wow, well, don't wanna confuse those two.
No. No, you don't.
That is the great thing about being a doctor
in a small town. You see it all.
Anyway, physiologically it's all the same.
You know, the body is the body.
So, let's see if we can't take care
of that boo-boo in your eye, Mr. Foster.
You see, just calling it a boo-boo
makes me feel better already.
Let's go next door to the exam room.
Say, would you like to come along,
Mrs. Foster?
Oh, no, I'm fine. I'll wait here.
Let me help you there, Mr. Foster.
Say, do you like stickers?
Here, let's take a little visit
to the giraffe room.
You've reached Trish Pinger
at the Gotham Adoption Agency.
Please leave a message.
Hi, Trish. This is Meryl Foster...
I'm sorry, Meryl Morgan calling. I just...
I was just calling to thank you so much
for everything that you've done for me,
but I'm now sort of
in the middle of something.
I might be relocating,
I might be in New York,
I might be God knows where.
I bet I sound really stable right now, right?
Probably can't believe
you were gonna help me adopt a baby.
Very soothing before bed.
- Okay. Good night.
- Night.
I called the Gotham Adoption Agency.
I filed for adoption two months ago.
You did?
So I wanted to tell them
that I couldn't go through with it now.
Two months ago?
Must've been a big decision for you.
Well, I really thought about telling you,
but I didn't really know where we were at.
And to be honest,
you know, from the time that we started
having trouble getting pregnant,
you weren't exactly supportive.
Well, you know, I always find it almost
impossible to believe that you say that,
because between the fertility doctors
and the injections
and the woman
who chanted over my sperm...
Oh, man, come on.
I have apologized for that so many times.
...that I was pretty supportive.
Was I enjoying having sex on a schedule
timed exactly to your ovulations?
Maybe not as much as I should've done,
and I'm very sorry about that.
Or talking about reproducing
every second of every day.
It wasn't every second of every day.
I just wanted to be a mother.
Yes, and I wanted to be a father.
I was the one who suggested adoption
in the first place.
Then why did we never meet
with an adoption agency?
Because, by that time,
you had become so wired and so crazed
that they would not have let us raise
a goldfish, let alone a baby.
You know I was wired
from the hormone shots,
and I am not normally that crazy.
And instead of you staying home
and dealing with it,
you flew off to LA on a business meeting,
and then you...
- Oh, right.
- I know! I know. I know what I did.
I slept with someone else, and I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I don't know how many times
I'm supposed to say it.
I think you are being completely irrational.
These two are worse than Vito the Butcher.
I'd really prefer it if you'd not tell me
what I think.
- It's quite annoying.
- I kind of like them.
- Don't lawyer me.
- Fine!
I wish there was some way
we could help them.
Yeah. Muzzles.
- I think you are being unreasonable.
- Well, you're wrong.
Is that helpful? Is that constructive?
Is that mature?
It's mature. I don't know if it's "mature."
Oh, that is mature, yes. Mock my accent.
Mock my heritage.
We have got to get them out of the house.
I didn't know what to do.
There were all these meetings that were set,
- all these clients.
- You think you've got problems?
She's the president of the firm.
Nothing happens here without her,
and everyone is looking at me like,
"Where is she?"
I'm gonna lose my job.
Without him, I'm superfluous.
Well, I've got news for you. Even with him...
Meryl Morgan's office. She's not in today.
Hello, Miss Pinger.
Yes, from the adoption agency.
What? Meryl called you. Yesterday.
Do you happen to have that number?
Yes, if you could just hold.
Hold on, just one moment. Yes, go ahead.
Thank you so much, Miss Pinger. All right.
This is Mike, Clarence, Jackson and Windy.
This is the one
we're gonna put you on, Meryl.
No, sorry.
No offense, Windy, but I'm allergic to you.
And I had, once,
a very bad horse experience. I was thrown.
It was from the carousel in Central Park,
but still, you know.
You ride, Paul?
Well, I do a little bit, yes.
I had some lessons when I was a child.
You had riding lessons?
Well, I never knew that.
Yeah, well, I don't tell you everything, so...
Yeah. I knew that.
Go get her.
Hey! Hey! I'm not on my horse!
I'm not on my horse!
Get back on,
'cause we got target practice next.
- Annie Oakley.
- Very good.
All right. Come on, Meryl, your turn.
All right, let's just get this over with.
All right. This is a loaded gun,
so you don't point it at another person
or your own foot.
- Okay?
- Okay.
And are you left-handed or right-handed?
Well, you know, I write with my left hand,
but I play tennis and I play badminton
with my right hand.
I text with my right hand. I cut, right?
I cut cake with my left hand.
Okay, we're gonna do it like this.
Line it up through the sights to the can.
Now, when that gun goes off,
it's gonna kick back
- into your shoulder, okay?
- Okay. Yeah.
Don't put your finger on the trigger
till you're ready to shoot.
All right.
This is nothing. You should see
how long it takes her to order dinner.
There you go.
- Blew its head off.
- That was good.
- Wow, it's very, very loud.
- Yeah. Yeah.
No, no, no. 'Cause I got two more cans.
I'm just gonna cock the gun for you.
Fascinating. A week ago,
she was basically Amish.
- All right. It's loaded and ready to go.
- Okay. Yeah, I know. Okay.
Keep your finger off the trigger
till you're ready.
- I think it's my turn now, isn't it?
- No, no, no, I'm not done yet.
I think you'll find it's my turn.
- I'm not done. I'm on a roll.
- You've had two bullets, now it's my turn.
This thing is loaded.
I'm gonna have to give you two
an NRA class.
- Paul's turn.
- Thank you.
You're rude. Selfish.
- Just do like your wife did.
- Right, thank you.
Get a hold of it, relax.
Just relax. Find your target.
Take a deep breath. Squeeze easy.
Bollocks. God in heaven, that hurt. Agony.
- Missed.
- Absolute agony.
Could you take that for me just a second?
I think I've really done some damage.
- Meryl, I think I have a welt.
- What?
Quite a big welt.
Look at that. Do you see that?
- Yes, it's quite big.
- Purple. Ugly. Like a little map of Ireland.
Yeah, real easy to hurt your shoulder
shooting a rifle.
I didn't.
Could you just wait outside?
Play with a toy? Thank you.
You ever shoot before, Meryl?
Nope. Never held a gun before in my life.
Although I could've used one
during some tense negotiations at work.
I'm a real estate broker.
- You kidding?
- No.
My mom is getting on
and she's moving in with me.
I can't get any bites on her house.
Well, it's lovely.
But, you know, when the market's like this,
you really need to focus more
on presentation.
I mean, just, you know,
just off of the top of my head,
I think maybe the chair
that's sitting on the front lawn,
it looks very, very comfortable,
but have you ever considered
moving it inside the house?
Well, just think about it. It's...
- I will.
- Okay.
Would you mind coming out
and taking a look at the place?
Not at all.
Can you spare her, Paul?
Yeah, absolutely.
Yes, I'm used to being separated.
The shoulder, I mean. Shoulder.
That's not separated.
It's a tiny little bruise.
Wouldn't hurt a schoolgirl.
- Hi there. Hey.
- Hey.
How's your arm feeling?
It's nothing. It's nothing. I just went
to the doc 'cause Meryl was so worried.
Can I give you a hand, there?
- If you're up to it.
- Yeah, no problem.
So, I really just wanted to apologize
for any trouble we may have caused you.
You know, I know there's been
a certain amount of screaming and shouting
and so on.
That's okay. I know what it's like.
Me and Clay had a few humdingers.
You see, that's quite comforting to hear,
'cause you two seem so happy.
We are. But it doesn't mean we haven't
almost called it quits a few times.
How did you two patch things up,
if I might ask?
he bought me a Remington. 270 with
a night scope and "Emma" engraved on it.
And he gave me some cows. I love cows.
Brilliant. Brilliant.
I wish I had thought of the cows thing.
That's good.
Yeah, there was this one time,
we were really butting heads.
Something about his brother.
It's not important.
But, anyway, it got to where
we weren't even hardly talking,
and he asked me out on a date.
A date?
Yeah. Just like two kids in high school.
He asked me out, we went out to dinner,
we talked and it worked like magic.
Very interesting.
Well, speaking of work,
I think we're probably
pretty much done here,
so I'll talk to you later.
Thanks for coming.
Just while we're standing here,
I just want to point out a few things.
This whole railing is brand-new,
and, actually, Doc built it himself.
Fresh coat of paint.
So I don't know if you guys wanna
go inside, kind of get a lay of the land.
- I'm staying with you.
- You're staying with me?
- I'm taking my boots off and climbing.
- Listen, before you take those boots off,
do you want to go look around
and see how big this yard is?
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna be right back,
'cause I'm gonna have
a very quick conversation with him.
Oh, and you know that kitchen wall?
Show them, it's not bearing,
so you can take it down.
You can build
a gorgeous playroom for them.
What's up?
This may sound strange,
but would you like to go on a date with me?
You know, that does sound strange.
It's been a while since we dined together.
And I hope...
Well, we just had dinner in New York.
And I thought that went well
until the murder.
- Hey, Meryl, you coming?
- Oh, yeah. Just one minute. I'll be in. Sorry.
Shall we say 7:30?
It's a place called Annette's.
I am told it is the only place
to eat in town. Literally.
And it'll just be a chance to sit and talk
like we used to, before the infertility.
And the infidelity. And the separation.
I will pay.
Well, I mean, if you're gonna pay.
Luckily, I called ahead
and got a table near the mayonnaise.
You must know someone.
And I know you said no more presents,
but I went online,
under Emma's supervision,
and downloaded a CD of New York noises
to help you sleep.
Car horns, subways,
women fighting in Bloomingdale's.
I think you might actually be on here.
- Well, thank you.
- Very welcome.
- Two salads.
- Thanks, Kelly.
Actually, I had asked for mine
with the dressing on the side.
I thought you were kidding.
Yeah, I know, that always gets a laugh.
Have you been a waitress a long time, Kelly?
I can't get by on nursing.
There's just not enough sick people in town.
That's so unfair.
It's not so bad. Most people in Ray
have two jobs. Some have three.
- I'm also Assistant Fire Chief.
- Oh, really?
Then could you ask the gentleman
behind us to please put out his cigarette?
Yeah, I can't do that.
That's Earl. He owns the place.
- Well, why's it called Annette's?
- Annette was his wife.
She divorced him about 10 years ago.
He doesn't want to repaint.
Excuse me?
Hi. I'm Meryl Foster. I'm Clay's cousin.
And this is my husband, Paul.
We're visiting from Chicago.
Howdy-do? I'm Earl Granger.
My granddaughter, Lucy.
- Howdy.
- Howdy.
I was just wondering,
would you mind terribly
blowing the smoke in another direction?
Thank you.
I don't know how you do things in Chicago,
I never been there,
but this is God-fearing American country.
We don't take kindly to outsiders
trying to tell us how to live.
Well, people in Chicago are just as American
and God-fearing as people in Wyoming.
I mean, not me, specifically. I'm an agnostic.
Next thing you'll be telling us
you're Democrats.
Well, I mean,
there's gotta be a few of us in town.
Fourteen. And we know who they are.
Thirteen, honey.
Bill Herr died a month ago.
Of natural causes, or is he...
You're not getting smart with me,
are you, tea-drinker?
You know what I did to the last man
who called me that?
I stole his crumpet.
Howdy, Fosters. How are you tonight?
Good. We just had
a lovely meal at Annette's.
- Must be Earl's night off.
- Yeah.
You okay?
Well, we just need to call Clay and Emma.
They said they'd pick us up.
They're playing poker
with the Millers and the Caseys.
Here, just take my truck.
It's that one right there.
We couldn't possibly.
I don't need it till tomorrow.
Door's open, key's inside.
Yeah, around here, everybody leaves
their keys in case someone needs a ride.
You don't do that in the city?
Well, people do take each other's cars, but...
Yes, yeah, but the return policy's a bit fuzzy.
- Well, you be sure to return mine, all right?
- Okay, Doc, thanks.
- Thank you.
- Good night, y'all.
- Yeah.
- Night.
- Which one was it?
- I don't know. They're all exactly the same.
Are we lost?
Certainly not.
I turned right at the broken fence.
And left at the second big rock?
Second big rock?
Oh, no, then we are lost.
All right, I'm going to turn right up here.
No, I'm not. I'm gonna go 'round. Hang on.
- Can I ask you something?
- Yeah.
Why her?
You want to discuss this now?
In the middle of absolutely nowhere?
Yeah, I know it's probably
not the time, but...
But why her?
I mean, you meet lots of women.
You're always at lunches and meetings, so,
why her?
I mean, was it just that she was pretty?
Who said she was pretty?
She was quite hideous, actually.
A leper, really. I mean,
if the Elephant Man had a sister, she...
I googled her.
Yeah, I just looked under
"loose legal ladies."
She's pretty.
So, what's she like?
She's reserved. I don't know, a bit cynical.
You know.
Yeah, no, I can see that. That makes sense.
It was probably like, you know,
going to a spa, you know, very quiet
and cool and laid back,
and nobody nagging you
or asking you questions
like some crazy, neurotic woodpecker
who won't let go of an issue
until it's been pecked to death. I know.
It was nothing. It was nothing.
It was really nothing. It was...
You know, I was stupid.
I'd had a few drinks.
I was upset about us.
And it just happened, and I did not enjoy it.
I was feeling guilty the whole time,
and her perfume smelled a bit like a burrito.
And you are, easily,
the sexiest, most exciting woman
I have ever been with
or ever wish to be with.
I sort of believe you.
Maybe it wasn't the fragrance.
Maybe she just smells like a burrito.
Very possible.
- Hi, Kelly.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Morning, Lucy.
- Doc.
- Hey, Doc.
Howdy, Fosters.
It's a store. It's a real store.
Of course they haven't got cashmere.
And when they say they haven't,
don't just say, "Go and look. '"
Sorry. You never know.
I mean, you just have...
So you're a lawyer.
Sort of.
Well, this is about my granddaughter, Lucy.
She's gonna be the next American Idol.
Is she? Well, that's great.
That's lovely. Good.
See, her dad's sick,
and her mother's off to the Army.
So that leaves it up to old Grandpa
to look after her.
Truth is, I need a will.
Okay, well, the problem is,
I don't really practice that kind of law.
- What do you practice?
- No, no. He can do it. He can do it.
Hey, listen, I gotta go.
I told Doc that I would help him
with his house today, you know.
So I'm just gonna go and shower,
and I'll see you later, and have fun.
I've got my financials clear back to 1953.
Good, great. That sounds fun.
Okay. Okay. Well, you know what?
Despite our cultural differences,
I think you and I could be good friends.
Or not. It's completely up to you.
I 18.
- Do we have it?
- Yes. Yes. Yes.
- Window shut.
- Excellent. Well done.
We got N 3-2.
N. N 32.
- N 3-2.
- Hey, how'd it go today with Earl?
Really well. Yes. I made him such a beautiful
will, he asked me to kill him.
Well, look at you, country lawyer.
Well, look at you.
Country real estate person.
Word is that Doc had an offer
on his mum's house.
Yeah. She's incredible, right out the gate.
Well, it was just past the second big rock,
and you know what they say,
location, location, location.
Next up is B 4. B 4.
That's so funny. "B 4," like "before."
Like "B dash 4 and after."
Never a fire when you need one.
G 46. That's G 4-6.
Oh, my God. Bingo!
- Bingo, bingo! Bingo!
- Oh, my God! Bingo!
Yes. Yes!
Come here.
Why are we so happy?
- We just won $15! That's three sweaters!
- Yes! Yes!
Please listen to me.
You cannot call that number.
We've been over this, Jackie.
You heard what the marshal said.
We could be endangering their safety.
There are rules here.
My God, you're a scared little man.
Haven't you ever done anything
to break the rules?
Hello. It's Jackie Drake,
Mrs. Morgan's assistant.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I am so sorry.
It was a reflex.
I took a self-defense course.
I got an A in Tasering.
Would you like to go to a movie
with me tomorrow?
- I don't know...
- Couldn't have enjoyed it more.
- An exciting game.
- It was surprising. I was really surprised.
- Congratulations.
- It was a great night.
See you tomorrow.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- Okay. I... Good night.
- Night.
Come in.
Hi. Are you asleep?
Very much so, yes.
I hate to interrupt that,
but you have to see this.
Good God.
Is that right?
I don't know.
I've never seen anything like it in New York
outside the Planetarium.
"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments
"L ove is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds
"Or bends with the remover to remove
"O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark
"That looks on tempests
and is never shaken"
It's Shakespeare, from our wedding.
Was he there? We never got his gift.
- It was my vows to you.
- I know. I know.
Although, at the time,
I thought you'd written them.
I was so disappointed when I found out.
Do you remember your vows to me?
"There was once a girl from Nantucket"
- No, that's not it. That's not it. That's not it.
- No, it's all right. It was a long time ago.
My God, it's amazing how many stars.
"I promise never to take you for granted
"Or utter a word unkind
"Never allow my affections to be recanted
"Or stop marveling at your behind
"To also marvel at your warmth, your wit
"Your refusal to condone animal slaughter
"Your wisdom, your laugh
"Your inability to boil water
"To be your best friend for the rest of my life
"And to thank the God you're not sure about
"For fooling you into being my wife"
And the next thing I heard was,
"Do you, Meryl Judith Becker, take this man
to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
And I said, "I do."
You did, and then I heard,
"Do you, Paul Michael Morgan, take this
woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
And your mother said, "He doesn't! '"
But I ignored her, and then I heard,
"I now pronounce you man and wife."
And then I don't remember.
- "You may kiss the bride."
- Right, right. Right.
- You may kiss the bride.
- Yes.
And then we had the buffet, beginning
with the meatless pigs in blankets.
You may kiss the bride.
May I?
You sure?
I'm wavering, honestly.
- Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
- It's okay.
Sorry, a bit out of practice.
What do you mean, "Ow"?
That was foreplay.
Hey, Marshal Lasky.
Yes, sir.
Right. All right.
Take care.
They got your separate sites ready,
and they want you to leave
tomorrow evening.
- Tomorrow?
- Yep.
Wow. That soon, eh?
Well, the good news
is you still get to go to the rodeo.
And the rodeo dance.
Yes, yes.
Dr. Simmons' office.
Yeah, is this the Dr. Simmons
in Columbus, Ohio?
No, this is the Dr. Simmons
in Ray, Wyoming.
Sorry, my mistake.
There's someone using your name
in Columbus, Ohio.
You know what?
I think that's about it for me.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Well, I probably did tire you out
a bit last night.
God, I was amazing.
Yeah, I'm really glad I was there to see it.
- All right.
- Wait, listen.
With regard to the whole adoption thing,
it is possible
that I did drag my feet a little bit.
You would be a terrific mother,
caring, supportive
and completely smothering.
I know! I'm so looking forward to that.
But I am not sure that I would be good at it.
Really? That's what you're worried about?
A bit, yes, yes.
What makes you think
I would be a good father?
Well, if I had to pick one thing,
I would say it was the mouse.
What are you talking about?
Don't you remember? You know,
we had a mouse in our apartment,
and then all of a sudden,
the cereal box started moving?
- Yes, yes. The shaky granola. Yes.
- Yeah. And it ran out to our balcony,
and, you know, you could have just
taken a broom and swept it off,
but instead, you stood there for hours
trying to coax that little guy into a shoebox,
using Jarlsberg from Zabar's.
Yeah, a terrible waste of cheese, seeing
as it eventually leapt to its death, but...
And when I saw that, I just...
I knew you'd be a great father.
Especially if we adopt a rodent.
Thank you for being honest.
Listen, while I am speaking honestly,
I wondered if we might also discuss
the whole business of separate sites.
- I don't want to pressure you...
- No, no.
Actually, no, I've been thinking about it, too.
You know, why don't you finish your jog,
and we'll talk about it
when you come back, okay?
- Take the bear spray.
- Okay.
- Take the bear flyer.
- Okay. Thank you.
Come on in.
- Hey, Clay?
- Yeah?
Hey, I was just looking for Emma
in the house.
Is she around? I just wanted to talk to her.
She's gone into Cody for supplies.
She'll be back in about an hour.
It's just...
As you can probably see, things are going
much better between me and Paul,
but, you know, some very big decisions
need to be made in regards to our future,
and the possibility
that we're not going back to New York,
and the fact is that,
well, I slept with someone else
while Paul and I were separated.
Emma will be back in about an hour.
Well, I kind of don't know what to do.
Grab a bucket.
So which of these are skim?
Put your bucket under there. Get that stool.
Grab a hold of a teat.
Good luck.
Well, you know,
there's the school of thought that says
what Paul doesn't know won't hurt him,
and on some level, I guess
it's almost narcissistic if I do tell him.
But how can I expect complete honesty
from him if I'm asking any less of myself?
I mean,
isn't that just the height of hypocrisy?
Could be.
I don't hear much helping going on
over there.
Oh, God!
- Does this hurt them?
- Not if you're gentle about it.
I get it.
Yeah, I get it.
You're telling me to be honest
but to be gentle.
I was telling you to ease up on her teat.
But I guess it works both ways.
- That's very wise.
- I doubt that.
That stuff you're talking about isn't easy.
It's like that book, Men Are From Mars,
and Women Are From Venus.
You read that book?
I read the cover.
That pretty much summed it up.
I give up, Clay. You're too good.
Well, hello there. I'm glad you came.
Thank you, Ray!
Keep your dancing shoes on
'cause now we're gonna kick it.
- Come on, you're dancing.
- Really?
- I wanna tell you something.
- I know,
- I'm very light on my feet.
- No. Well, yes.
But something else.
I think we should go
to the official site together.
You do?
- Well, that is so great.
- Good.
- That is so great!
- I know. I know.
And one other thing.
While we were separated,
I slept with someone else.
Switch partners!
It just happened once.
Really, and it was just because I was just...
I was feeling, you know,
just hurt and rejected.
- You're upset.
- No, no, no.
I'm... What am I?
I'm a little bit surprised, I suppose.
If you're gonna be mad, be mad,
but please, please don't stop talking to me.
Yell, scream, I don't care.
You know, honestly, whatever you want.
There is nothing to scream about.
We were separated. You're an adult.
These things happen, so there it is.
- Hey, Paul.
- Howdy.
- Do you wanna ask me something?
- No.
- Do you mind?
- No, no, no, no.
Do you wanna talk?
No, no. Unless you do.
I always wanna talk.
Go ahead.
It's okay. Never mind.
Hey, folks, come on down to Ray Rodeo.
Calf ropin', bull ridin',
pie-eating contest, great barbecue.
Hey, excuse me.
- How you doing?
- Howdy.
I'm looking for two friends of mine,
Paul and Meryl.
Oh, the Fosters.
They're probably on their way to the rodeo,
but they're staying with the Wheelers.
Wheelers. And where's that?
Okay, so go down this road, and when
you see the broken fence, make a right.
And then, when you come
to the second big rock...
Better shake a leg if you want to eat.
Do you know where Paul is?
Thank you.
Hey, can I ask you a question?
Who do you think this is fooling?
Isn't this...
I mean, isn't this what screwed us up
in the first place, not talking?
Is it? Is it really? Sorry, it was stupid of me.
I thought it was sleeping with other people,
but maybe you're right. Yes.
All right, you know what? Never mind.
All right. What would you like me to do?
Would you like me to beg for information?
Then I will.
- What was his name?
- Larry.
Larry? Are you serious?
You know, he's recently divorced.
He just asked me to dinner.
It's fine, it's fine, I think I got the picture.
And then you probably had a few drinks,
and you moaned
about your horrible husband,
and then you went back to his apartment.
I got it. I got it.
Well, no, no.
Went back to our apartment.
Right, we're selling the place.
Thanks so much for telling me.
- Probably...
- You're upset.
Look, we both made mistakes.
I made a mistake, yours seems
just a little bit more like revenge.
Are you serious?
I mean, do you... Do you not know me at all?
You think that I would sleep with someone
for revenge. I would...
I would sleep with someone to hurt you?
Well, at this point,
I don't really know what I think of you.
- Oh, my God. Screw you.
- Can I just say this?
- Meryl. Can I just... Can I speak?
- No. You know what? No.
- No. Not to me.
- Wait, Meryl, I'm not finished. Meryl!
Ready to go?
I think I'm gonna pass on the rodeo. Sorry.
Yeah. Sorry, me, too.
I have a lot of packing to do.
Okay, then.
Hold on.
I know it's none of my business,
but I've watched you two
over the past four days,
laughing together
over your little inside New York jokes.
I don't find them funny,
but I think that you can always tell a lot
about a couple
by the fact that they still laugh together.
Thanks, I appreciate that.
And, I think... Yeah, I think he's funny.
He makes me laugh.
But if we're gonna stay together, then,
you know, I guess
we have to scale back our expectations,
and I won't expect everything from him,
and he won't expect everything
from me and...
You should expect everything
from each other!
Marriage doesn't make any sense!
You gotta stop thinking about it,
and just get over
all the bullshit and make it work.
Look, I figured if she said something,
I was gonna...
Oh, God. Come on, honey, let's just go.
We'll pick you up
and take you to the airport.
I declare.
I have not heard you talk that much in...
Well, I had to offer my two bits' worth.
- What was that?
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God, it's him!
- We gotta call Clay and Emma.
- No, no. The phone has a code.
- Christ!
Excuse me.
What are you, kidding?
Oh, my God. I'm out of bullets.
Something I never expected to hear you say.
We'll go out the back. Scuttle!
Come on. Up, up.
- Come on, come on, come on.
- I'm trying.
Okay, Windy, go.
Oh, my God.
Okay, we gotta find Clay.
Should be easy. He's wearing a cowboy hat.
Nice try, cowboy.
Been a while since anybody rode this bull
to the eight-second mark.
Looks like old Buster won another round.
Dumped him
like a blushing bride at the altar.
Doc Simmons and the boys
have a dangerous job,
protecting these bull-riding cowboys.
That's a lot of bull,
and that ain't no bull.
Hey, that's Clay.
He's in the box. Go, go, go.
Folks, let's have a big hand
for our bull-fighting clowns.
Folks, we got a little treat for you today
before our next bull.
Here's hometown trick-rider Carly Ames.
Oh, my God.
Just sit. Just sit.
Nice riding, Carly. Thank you.
Folks, let's give her a big hand.
Next up is Tom willet.
Tom's riding the aptly-named bull, Killer.
The last three cowboys to get on this bull
got dumped right out of the gate.
Let's see if Tom can break that streak.
There he goes.
Go get him, boys.
Let's go, come on!
Old Killer's living up to his name today.
What's happening? I can't see.
Oh, my God.
- What's that noise?
- Oh, God. Just run!
- Just run!
- I'm running! I don't have a choice!
- Meryl, you all right?
- No.
- I really think I hurt my leg.
- Oh, God.
I don't think I can walk.
Oh, my God.
We're never gonna get away from him.
What? Where is he?
Oh, God.
All right. Wait there. Wait there.
I'll be back in a minute.
Wait, what, what? Wait, what are you doing?
Where are you going?
- Please, don't leave me. Paul!
- Just keep your head down.
Hey. I got plenty of room on my wall
for another head.
Drop it, son. Step back away from my lawyer.
I should just point out that
even if you kill me,
you now have two more witnesses
who will testify against you.
- Three.
- Four.
- Five.
- Five.
- You're six, Kell.
- Six.
Oh, my God.
You all right?
Are you crazy? You could have been killed.
I am just very touched
that that would've bothered you.
Well, of course it would have.
Oh, God, I had this...
This horrible moment where I pictured
what life would be like without you.
That's exactly what I had.
When you were lying here,
sprawled in the dust,
all I wanted to do was protect you.
I lost all physical fear.
It's coming back now, though.
What in God's name was I thinking?
I know exactly what you were thinking.
You were thinking
that we're meant to be together,
because look what you did.
You risked your life for me.
That's so nice.
- No.
- Sorry.
No, no. I am sorry.
I am so sorry
for nearly curing an incurable romantic.
I want you to expect everything from me.
You're not gonna get it,
but I promise to try and give it.
I love you, Meryl.
If you are in fact Meryl.
I can't really see, I'm sorry.
I'm Meryl, trust me.
'Cause I trust you all over again.
Watch your head, please.
Goodbye, Lucy.
I hope I get to hear you on the radio soon.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Earl.
- Lucy.
- Eat some meat.
- Eat some meat. Okay.
- Okay, good. Good.
- Take care.
Earl, I think we've become good friends.
- Think what you want.
- Or not. Whatever.
- So...
- I don't know what to say, except
we are really, truly sorry about...
- About everything.
- Yeah.
Don't be.
The Feds are so happy with us,
they're letting Clay keep his job.
Is that right? That's great news.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
Mr. and Mrs. Morgan, we're ready for you.
Okay. Well, I suppose this is it.
If we're ever attacked by a bear
in Central Park,
we will be the only ones
who know what to do.
You just take good care
of my favorite cousin, okay?
- Emma.
- Goodbye, Paul.
Really, thank you for everything,
and remember my wood-chopping tips.
- I'll never forget your wood-chopping.
- It's mainly wrist, it's less arm.
Clay, I'm gonna hug you.
You won't like it, but I'm gonna hug you.
Thank you.
And listen, if you're ever in New York...
Something has gone terribly wrong.
Okay. Well, let's go home.
- All right.
- Come on.
How's your foot?
Sheriff, your life just got a whole lot simpler.
So did yours, babe.
Isn't it amazing
that she slept the whole flight?
Is that amazing?
- Are they not meant to do that?
- Yes.
- Is she faulty?
- Faulty?
No, she's perfect.
Perfect, but nameless.
Well, perhaps we'll finally come up
with a name on the road home.
She could be Midtown Tunnel Morgan.
59th Street Bridge Morgan.
Hey, there's Adam and Jackie. Hi.
Get their bags.
- Should I get a cart?
- You are the cart. Go.
- Thank you, honey.
- You're my girl.
Hurry, get that. Get the phone.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Oh, hello, Adam, I've missed you.
No, no, no, I'm taking the day off tomorrow,
so you do not need to come in.
Yes, I'm sure.
Well, in that case,
have fun moving Jackie's mother's furniture.
I see many happy years ahead of you.
Okay, bye.
You know what I wish?
I wish that as an older, wiser couple,
we could give them some advice
like Clay and Emma gave us.
Or we could just send them
to Ray for the weekend.
We'll call her Rae. R-A-E. Rae.
I quite like that. I quite like that.
- Do you like that?
- Yes.
No, no, not you. You.
What are your thoughts?
- Rae?
- Rae Morgan.
Hey, this is our new apartment, Rae.
It's the one we had to get
because I didn't want to stay in the old one
after Mummy slept there with Larry.
She doesn't need to hear this.
Now, listen.
Come here, little girl. It's got...
Come on.
...3,000 square feet.
And a very spacious master bedroom.
And come see this view.
Come look at this view, little lady.
Right here, look at that.
Can you believe?
Is that something?
It is, it is.
That is quite a beautiful view.
What? What?
- How are you feeling, by the way?
- Good.
- Everything all right?
- Very good.
It'll be funny if this one
comes out Chinese, as well.
Hi. You've reached Meryl Morgan.
I can't take your call right now,
so leave a message
and have a great day. Thanks.
Meryl? Meryl? Meryl?
Meryl? Meryl?