Don's Party (1976) Movie Script
Could you put Richard in the car?
Why?
This is Macquarie News...
Terry Dear reporting.
The people of Australia go to the polls today,
to elect a new federal government
About six and a half million electors
are entitled to vote...
...and almost 500 candidates
are contesting 125 seats...
...in the House of Representatives.
The main parties contesting the poll,
are the Liberal-Country Party coalition
led by Mr John Gorton...
...and the Labor Party
headed by Mr Gough Whitlam.
Vietnam...A new attack on...
Oh, you've gotta be jokin'!
You gonna vote Liberal?
Vote Liberal, sir!
Channel 9, Mr Gorton...
Don't you think after 20 years
of Liberal government,
it's time the Australian voters
had a change?
They've got a chance
to have a change now...
...and I'm quite sure
they won't take it.
Mr Gorton, what do you have to say
about the opinion polls...
...showing a massive swing
against you?
The only polls worth taking any notice of,
are the polls taking place today.
From a woman's point of view...
...how do you think you'll appeal
to the Australian woman.
I think I'll appeal very well indeed.
Cooley's the name.
- Cooley,
- Henderson.
7 Wyndham Place...
Mrs Kath Henderson
Fill all the numbers in
and bring it back to the box.
...in Sydney this afternoon, and expressed
confidence over his party's showing
in today's election.
Commenting on adverse opinion polls,
Mr Gorton said...
"The only poll worth taking any notice of,
is the one taking place today."
A record 499 candidates
are contesting the 1 hundred...
Pittard send Burke away...
but he's sandwiched by Parker and Oven.
From dummy-half, Pittard attempts
to get South's backs moving...
...but coming up quickly, Balmain
continue holding the Rabbitohs...
...in their own territory.
The premiers are being pushed on
as the alert Tigers are ready
to capitalise on any errors.
Don!
Would you be good enough
to put crisps around please?!
I'm trying to tune the TV.
People 'll be arriving
any minute.
I'm tuning the TV.
- You can put some crisps around!
- Picture's rolling.
- It wasn't, last night.
- Well, it IS now.
- It's just the VERTICAL HOLD!
- I've been doing that!
Well, couldn't you come back to it?
Come on, darling!
The guests 'll be arriving any minute!
Well so what?!
G'day, yucky-bum!
They MIGHT like something to eat!
Good evening, James Dibble,
at the national election desk in Canberra,
Here tonight to report on
what promises to be
the most exciting election in decades.
Perhaps even the most exciting since 1949,
when the LCP coalition took office.
Our ABC news commentators
and journalists
agree so far that the figures
are far too small
to indicate any definite trend.
I'd 've done that!
But you didn't, DID you?!
There does seem to be some favourable indications
for the Labor Party in all 3 states...
It's early days yet...
Try and act like a host tonight,
will you?!
Since when have I ever
been rude to my guests?
It would help, if did a bit more than
point them in the direction of the fridge.
It's all most of them need.
Oh...I'd better have...
It doesn't matter.
A flagon of claret.
I can't see the point
of coming to a party...
...if the sole intention is
drinking yourself into a stupor!
Yes, well, that's not the intention...
We're celebrating the end
of 20 years of conservative rule.
Not that YOU'd give a stuff!
It's just an excuse for a booze-up!
You may not be...
But most of the people coming here tonight
are going to be very concerned
about what happens on THAT!
Very concerned indeed.
- Cooley?
- Yes!
Since when's Cooley
been interested in politics?
Do you know what he told me
the other day?
He said this election was the most important
in the country's history... Cooley!
Bullshit!
Yo-yo... you're SO romantic!
Shit, I forgot to vote.
Hey, Suzy... have YOU voted?
I don't have to...
I'm only 19.
Really?!
Simon... Jody!
What a coincidence...
Just talking about you!
- Nothing bad I hope?!
- No... on the contrary.
Kath and I were just saying you'd add
a touch of refinement at the party.
- Hi Kath.
- Hello, Jody.
Simon.
Yes, there'll be a few grotty types
here tonight I'm afraid!
Can I take your wrap?
I hope we didn't come too early.
Oh, no... we're running a bit behind!
Look, you two go and get dressed...
Simon and I can look after ourselves.
Dressed?!
We ARE dressed!
What did you think it was?
A fancy-dress ball?
Will you excuse me... ?
I've got a few things to finish out here.
Just put those in the laundry,
will you Simon.
In the marginal new NSW seat, Hume...
The ALP candidate, Mr Polly...
...has a lead of nearly 100 votes over
the sitting Country Party member, Mr Pettit...
...with a little over 900 votes counted.
In Victoria, the ALP has leads
in several seats held by the government.
Mr Child is leading the government whip,
Mr Fox...
...in Hendy, by about 80 votes...
...but only 700 votes
have been counted.
In Hollem, Mr Oldmeadow of the ALP
Cooking?
has a lead of 100
over the sitting member Mr Reid...
...with about 1100 votes counted already
I've over-dressed,
haven't I?...
Don't worry about that!
No one's gonna give a stuff!
I've got plenty of casual gear...
But I just didn't think.
What sort of people are coming?
- They're mainly friends of mine.
- Are they all Labor?!
Well they're all...
left-of-centre!
Should've worn my casual gear.
Where's Don going?
I don't know.
Did he get you a drink?
No!
Did Don get you a drink?
No... I don't think he did.
Don... will you pour your guests a drink?!
He's not here!
Well, where is he?
He's in there.
- It's alright, I'll pour them.
- Thanks, Simon.
Steve and Dawn down last time?
No, I don't think they could make it.
I think Dawn had something else on.
Oh, that's right, yeah...
It was just as well in a way,
because it rained all afternoon.
Oh, what a pity.
Well it was alright, because I put the barbecue
under canvas, just in case.
When it got cold, the guests just came inside.
Don would never think
of taking precautions like that...
He'd just look up at the rain and say...
"Well, that buggers that, doesn't it!"
Vermouth and dry, Jody?
Please!
Are you having trouble?
The dry?...
I TOLD Don to get dry.
- Don!
- What?
Did you get that dry ginger?
Oh, fuck!
I knew I forgot something.
It doesn't matter...
gin 'll be fine!
I wish Don 'd take lessons from YOU!
I regard the difference between those
two figures as very significant...
...because the Australia Party preferences
are recommended for Labor...
Well DLP preferences are recommended
for the government.
And whilst we don't know exactly
where those figures are coming from...
They are looking good...
What is THAT in aid of?
Just thought I'd embarrass everybody.
Take it off.
He just did it so I wouldn't feel
so overdressed.
Take it off!
Jesus, you're a humourless bitch!
Come in!
Must 've come to the wrong address!
If you're gonna look like a butler,
behave like one!
- Of course, m'lady!
- What's all this?!
Fuckin' penguin!
Bit of a joke!
- How're things?
- Better after tonight...
- D' you think we're gonna win?
- Win?!
You think so?
Listen, I had a few beers with Whitlam's
press secretary last Thursday...
He reckons they took a private poll
which gave Labor 52 percent.
Yeah, some of the big boys
are shittin' themselves.
- Hello Kath.
- Hello Mal.
- Have a look at that! No crap!
- Beautiful!
- Hello Jenny.
- Hello Kath.
Oh, sorry...
Mal and Jenny... this is Simon and Jody.
Yes, there'll be a new government by midnight...
make no mistake about that.
You got a beer?
- Vermouth and dry.
- Sorry, there's no dry.
I'll get you a gin.
I love your dress!
Jody, isn't it?
- That's right!
- Terrible with names.
I wish I'd worn something more casual.
No, it's fine.
Type of thing I'd like to wear...
if we could afford it!
...for the Liberal Party
by the Minister for the Navy, Dr Mackay.
They're early figures, but they do tend
to look good for the Labor party.
I take it, Mal, that you'll be happy
for a Labor victory tonight.
I take it we all will.
Oh, no... I'm pretty neutral.
I'd take it Casey was the litmus seat...
and I haven't seen anything for Petty yet.
What about YOU Jody.
- Are you neutral too?
- Oh, no... I vote Liberal!
- Oh that's very courageous!
- What? Voting Liberal?
No... admitting it...
Very courageous!
Bet you won't speak to me
again now!
On the contrary...
Makes you VERY interesting.
Ahoy, everyone!
Out to the kitchen!
I'm about to unwrap
me 'Pornographic Object'!
You better all laugh...
He spent all afternoon on it.
Did you pose for that, Jen?
He copied it from 'Playboy'!
Thank you very much, I was going to tell them
that I copied it from 'Playboy'. Right?!
- Hi Kath... g'day Jenny!
- Hello, Mack!
G'day, shithead!
Where's the dreaded Ruth?
I've left her.
I'm sorry mate... I didn't know.
Who's this gorgeous woman?
Jody... and Simon...
That's Mack.
- Sorry about the wife.
- Shit, I'm not!
Look!
Took it myself.
- Who IS this?!
- My wife!
You wouldn't pick HER for a librarian,
would you?
- You've really left her?
- When?
Three days ago.
Where are you living?
Oh... I'm still at home.
It was easier for HER to shift out,
than me.
Where's Cooley?
The DLP last year were talking
about switching preferences.
And Senator Gair
was behind that move.
But they switched back this year.
- I know what Gair's been saying in private...
- What?
Universities should stop
teaching courses in politics...
...because they're breeding grounds
for revolutionaries.
- You're joking!
- I'm not.
You must admit,
it's getting a bit much...
WHAT is?
When I went to the university,
I went there to learn...
Not to take over the place!
I don't want to sound offensive,
but you sound like a Young Liberal!
Jody is a self-confessed right-winger.
Really?...
How interesting!
I never met anyone who voted Liberal,
in my life!
Can't think how they keep winning.
They'll win this one, too!
Thanks, Don!
She needs a good, long, hard...
...talking to!
What do you do, Simon?
Oh, well, I work...
Simon's an accountant.
Well, actually,
I'm an INDUSTRIAL accountant.
Interesting?
Oh, yeah... it's not bad...
It DOES get a little humdrum at times.
Well, I suppose most jobs do,
don't they?
If there was a tiger between the sheets,
for instance...
What does your firm make, Simon?
Plastic pressings.
Well, have you ever noticed
a truck going round a corner...
You know how they make
their road signals
using a yellow plastic hand
on the end of a long lever...
Well, we make those yellow plastic hands.
What does YOUR husband do, Jenny?
He's a professional bullshit artist.
Well, that must be very int...
Mal's a management consultant...
He's doing very well at the moment.
No...
...but suck ONE cock!
Have you got a headache?
- Migraine.
- You want an aspirin?
No... doesn't help.
- But thanks for not ringing!
- Would you excuse me for a moment.
You think YOU've got troubles...
That's a bit unfortunate, isn't it?
Does Jenny often
get headaches like that?
Only at OUR parties!
Simon, old crump...
Do you mind if we tell your wife
a dirty story?
No... why not?...
She's used to it.
- He says you're used to it!
- What a bloody liar!
Now Jody...
Have you ever hunted ducks?
- No.
- Now I don't want to hear anything filthy!
Well, you wade through the shallows
with your rifle at the ready...
Duck-hunters use shotguns,
shit head!
I like to give the ducks a chance!
Here I am, the duck-hunter...
...wading through the shallows...
Wading... wading... wading... wading...!
Itching for a duck!
Wading... wading...
All of a sudden!...
Ooh!... Nature calls!
Are you sure
you want to hear this?
Oh, it leaves a nasty taste
in the mouth!
- Jody!
- What?
Would you mind giving the baby-sitter
a bit of a ring...
...just to make sure the children
went down alright.
Simon, ring her yourself!
Hey, that might be the old Cooley!
Hey everybody,
this is Evan and Kerry...
Mack, Mal, Jody, Simon...
Kerry!
How's the election going, Don?
It's a bit early to tell, yet, mate...
but it looks like a bit of a swing.
- Would you like a drink, Kerry?
- Thanks... scotch on the rocks.
Scotch on the rocks!
This is the first time you've been here
since we moved in... years!
- It's nowhere near as interesting...
- Scotch on the rocks... Kerry.
But we are starting to get it
into shape at last.
Oh, it's very tasteful.
Oh, this is all you, Kath.
- Can't see much of Don in it!
- He does the trees!
Women!
Yeah... houses and babies.
I knew a couple once who spent every second
of their spare time, renovating
Crazy!
Well I like renovating.
Oh, well... it's fair enough
if you like it, I suppose.
No, I like it.
You've done wonders
with that terrace, Evan... it's amazing.
Absolute wreck, when he started.
Did you finish that studio
for Kerry?
Yes... last week.
What do you do
when you're not renovating, Evan?
I'm a dentist.
Renovations of the mouth, eh?!
And what do YOU do?
- Plastic pressings.
- Mal...
Psychologist.
Private practice?
No... not really.
Management consultant!
Does Kerry renovate?
She paints.
Dabbles a bit in the oils?!
- Dabbles? She's had 3 major exhibitions!
- 4!
4... that's right...
There was one last month...
Couldn't get to that one.
Sorry about that.
Very good reviews, though, didn't it?!
Not really.
I thought somebody told me
it was very successful.
Well, she sold a lot of stuff...
but then...
Well, she's very fashionable...
at the moment.
Do you know a lot about art... Evan?
A little... why?!
You'd find it hard to communicate with your wife
if you didn't, I would imagine.
Evan's doing Fine Arts at the Uni...
part time.
I gave it up.
Yes, I heard it was a tough course.
Well it crapped ME!
The plumbing in old houses is terrible!
It certainly is a very convenient layout.
Yes, but your place is so much more attractive.
All that wrought iron!
But my kitchen's so tiny, Kath...
You should try cooking in it!
I'd cook in HER kitchen, any time!
Does she play around?
As long as you're in the top ten
of some branch of the arts.
Stick a paintbrush up your bum,
and see how you go!
- Have you had a go at her?
- What do you reckon?!
No luck, eh?
Depends what you mean.
Yes or no?
Yes...
...and then... no.
Where's that beer...
a cold beer...
This is the first summing up
of the counting trends to date.
The most significant trend to emerge
from the early counting
has been the marked swing to Labor...
...a swing of 12 percent... The biggest since
the present counting system came into operation.
If this trend continues to midnight...
Labor will form the new government.
On the present figures, Labor is ahead...
Fuckin' beauty! We're in!
You bastard you told me
and I wouldn't fuckin' believe you!
- You hear that?
- Super!
New government before midnight!
I hear you're very creative!
Thank you...
Are you interested in art?
Yes, very much...
I do a lot of photography.
Yes, I've seen your photography.
Is your husband te jealous type?
No... he's more the brooding type!
Why?
Well, to be frank...
Certain men at this party...
...are going to offer themselves
to you... tonight!
Really!
I'm afraid that 'certain men' are going
to be rather disappointed.
Which ones.
How's it going?
Oh, it's touch and go...
But I wouldn't mind having a few dollars
on a new government by midnight.
Labor have also taken Sturt!
Super! It looks like we've got Sturt.
...regarded as being a fairly safe Liberal seat
held by Mr Ian Wilson...
Funnily enough... I was only having
a few drinks with Whitlam last week...
"Mal," he said, "If we get Sturt,
we've got the whole deal."
You're in politics?
No, psychology...
Executive Selection.
Tell me, do you find you're always
analysing people?
It's an occupational hazard.
What can you tell about ME?
As a psychologist, I can't help feeling that
you're physical beauty could have its problems.
Such as?
Well, to put it quite brutally...
You have what is called
a 'sought-after' quality.
So?
So you'd have no shortage
of alternative offers...
which could place your marriage
under some strain.
And what if I refused these offers?
I don't think you would, really...
Not ALL of them.
What makes you say that?
It's a feeling and a professional hunch...
You see...
A new affair is like
an emotional rebirth...
And I don't think you'd deny yourself
that experience.
For instance, if I were to say to you...
that I found you very attractive...
...and I'd be delighted that if we arranged
to have an affair...
...you wouldn't dismiss it out of hand...
You'd consider it.
- Ye-es.
- Yes.
So, let's be frank...
I do find you very attractive,
and I'll be frank, and...
...say that I would like to have
an affair with you...
And how does that appeal to you?
It DOESN'T!
Can't win 'em all!
The night isn't over yet, boy!
G'day, cunt-features!
- G'day, Kath!
- Hello, Cooley.
This is the guy I was telling you about.
Here... catch!
What's with the dinner-suit?
Who are YOU tryin' to fool?
Watch it boy...
You're on the North Shore now!
Weak-lookin' bunch of poofters!
- Where's Mack?
- In there.
- Ruth with 'im?
- He's left 'er!
Hey... that's alright!
I might have a go at it, later.
Where's your 'Pornographic Object'?
Here!
Help yourself!
G'day Jenny, you old fishwife!
How you goin'?
- Getting stuck into it are ya?
- I'm gonna screw you, later on.
Back with another migraine?
I hope YOU get one, one day!
Yeah? I'll get you a drink.
Who's the poon
with a poker up his arse?!
Simon Berscombe.
That's his wife...
Jody.
She likes the look of the brooding monster!
Oh, my God...
It's Popeye the Sailor man!
How you goin'?!
None the better for seeing you,
you great turd!
There's a bullshit artist at every party,
and this one's no exception.
There isn't a foul-mouthed lout
at every party...
...but unfortunately this one
IS an exception.
Party? This is more like a morgue
than a party!
Let's hear it!
...and her lips so red
She's the only one can make me care
Now listen buddy, gonna let you know
She's my baby and I love her so
Because she's my baby,
Gonna keep her for my own
She's my baby and I love her so
She's my baby, never let her go
She's my baby, and I need her so
Lovin' little honey
won't you please be mine?
Take a trip to Paris, even go to Spain
Go the whole world over,
we'll go round again
There's nothing can compare with her,
I'm glad to say
She's my little baby and she's here to stay
Because she's my baby,
Gonna keep her for my own
She's my baby and I love her so
She's my baby, never let her go
She's my baby, and I need her so
Lovin' little honey
won't you please be mine?
Alright, I'm hot, I'm hot...!
At the present stage of counting,
the Liberal-Country Party Coalition
is certain to win 53 seats
and the Australian Labor Party, 54...
...with 18 of the 125 seats...
You really DO vote Liberal!?
Why?
Just an emotional thing...
I associate Labor
with coarse men in overalls.
I'm not a coarse man in overalls.
It's just an emotional thing!
Do you tend to follow your emotions?
Yes, I...
Would you mind taking your hand
off my bottom?!
-What would you do if I didn't?
- Knee you in the balls!
I don't think you would.
Ohh... shit!
it's about time somebody did that to HIM.
May I...?
Take it off!
It's very pleasant music, isn't it?
You saw what happened to HIM!
I think you should take things
into account.
What things?
Well... my wife!
What's that got to do
with YOUR hand on my bottom?
When you've had an emotional shock...
...you need something tangible
to hang onto!
Mind you, I suppose it had to come.
What?
The bust-up with my wife.
It was MY fault.
You're being very fair.
I'm being more than fair...
She's a bitch!
You said it was YOUR fault!
Yes... I'm a bit "off".
- OFF?!
- About sex.
I used to like taking photos
of my wife.
There's nothing wrong with that!
She should have felt flattered.
I used to hang them up
all round the house.
Those sort?!
And worse.
Worse?!
Yes, I'm "off"...
There's no doubt about it.
Do you know what
I wanted her to do?!
Seduce my friends, and I'd take photos
from the cupboard, without their knowing.
I am "off", aren't I?
No!
Did she do it?
Yes.
But she wouldn't let me
take the photos.
I'd be flattered if Simon wanted
to take some pictures of me!
Did you get along to the film festival
this year?
No.
Did YOU?
Yeah... good.
What counts, is Don isn't a handyman...
and there isn't much you can do about it.
I mean I've just got
to plan for it...
Apart from the satisfaction
that manual work gives you...
...the satisfaction of getting the job
done properly.
Yes, I suppose you're right...
Word of warning...
I'm not easily put off.
I wish I could say the same for myself.
How about introducing me, Malcolm?
Kerry, this Granger Cooley.
You've heard of me, no doubt?
I'm afraid I haven't.
YOU should have heard of Kerry.
Why, what do you do?
- I paint.
- Paint, eh?!
Yeah, she paints.
What sort of things
do you paint?
Actually, I'm becoming very interested
in texture.
Texture, eh?
Let's have a talk
about that later.
They tell me you've left your wife.
- SHE left ME.
- Yeah?
Well, you're better off without her.
With all due respect boy...
YOUR wife...
...is one of the great bourgeois
monsters of our time.
Bourgeois?!
She let herself be photographed in the nude
and hung up all round the house...
That's bourgeois?!
- You gotta get on to yourself.
- Let's not get nostalgic about the bitch!
- It's alright for you mate...
- What do you want to do...
...build her a shrine?!
- Bugger me, she was pretty tolerant.
- Tolerant?
- Tolerant!
- Look, I wouldn't tell you this
under normal circumstances...
- Well, don't tell me!
But it's about time
you knew the truth!
She was tolerant, alright!
I went round to your place
one afternoon...
She dragged me into bed a
nd screwed me!
Yeah?
Yeah... Digest THAT!
You digest this.
I've got a whole role of film
of that event...
...taken on a 35mm Nikon...
on Kodak XXX!
Using available light!
They come up a bit grainy
when they're enlarged...
...but you've got to expect that
from fast film.
You'd better be joking!
Jody... have you met Granger Cooley?
Pleased to meet you!
Did you really take those photographs?
Don't come on all pious with ME, mate...
You were screwing my wife!
A joke's a joke, but you don't
set a friend up like this!
You're in no position to get pious!
YOU were screwing my wife!
Fuck!
You known Cooley long?
No, not long.
What do YOU do?
I'm a teacher.
- What do YOU do?
- I'm a student.
- Are you in town long?
- I'm going back tomorrow.
Granger!
Have you met my husband, Evan?
No, I haven't.
How are ya?
I believe you're a lawyer.
Some of my clients don't!
I've been hearing
that your wife's very creative.
- I wish the critics thought so.
- Why? They been panning ya?
- No... faint praise.
- Moderate praise.
If I was a critic, you wouldn't
be getting faint praise...
What are they all?
Poofters?
Not exactly.
Do they ever proposition ya?
It's not really as corrupt
as all that.
I tell you what...
If I came to review some
hot young chick's etchings...
It'd be a case of
"No root... no review."
You must conduct a very interesting
law practice.
I'm taking a hammering tonight!
Hey, Jenny... you seen Suzy anywhere?
Man comes out after a barbecued chop...
and look what he finds!
How's Jenny?
Shithouse. What do you two
think you're doing?
Piss off, will ya!?
No... I want a bit of sausage.
Let's see you got
that I haven't got.
Sex appeal.
Kath 'll kill 'im.
You want another drink?
No thanks.
You should know enough
to come and speak to me.
You're lucky I came to speak to you at all.
Why's that?
I don't usually make a habit
of speaking to hostile bitches in corners.
I don't make a habit of speaking
to incorrigible lechers.
No... not here.
Not here!
- Where?
- In there.
- In there!
- Inside!
What about the wife?!
- Ask her!
- Ask her what?
- If she minds!
- She minds!
- She shouldn't.
I'll tell her there's some chemistry there.
It's purely physical.
Come on!
Jesus!
Hi!
I was just admiring your dcor.
Oh, it's a bit unadventurous.
The trouble with dcor is...
...if your tastes change after you've done it,
you're stuck with it.
Do YOU ever look at someone
and something clicks...
...and you say "Bang! I want him!"
- Physically!
- No!
Do you believe in honesty?
Yes.
Do you mind if I'm honest?
No.
I want to screw Don.
...seats in well-to-do
harbourside suburbs...
Mosman and Seaforth...
up to the northern beaches...
...like Manly... the sitting member
Mr Michael Mackellar...
...is very safe there, on 22,000 odd.
The seat of Wentworth
in the eastern suburbs...
...similar to Warringah...
Honest, Grange!...
Your taste in women is becoming
more adolescent as the years go by.
Just a minute!
Susan's very intelligent.
Fuck! Big tits, cow eyes...
vacuous chatter.
I think you've started your middle-age
virility fantasies already!
What happened to your receptionist?
SHE was nice!
She had a virgin brain!
No original thought
had ever penetrated!
- She WAS a bit...
- Dumb!
At least she was over 18!
You've got a prejudice
against older women!
No!
When I was 17, I stuffed a 50-year old barmaid
in the old man's pub.
She just kept saying...
"Thank you!"...
"I meant YOU!"
- How did she take it?
- She didn't say anything.
She's on anti-depressants?
She'd 've told me.
D'you think I should go and talk to her?
Yes, I think you should.
You see, I'm interstate quite often,
Canberra, and that sort of thing...
How's your old man treating YOU?
Oh... I'm a little bitch
to him sometimes.
- Bugger 'im!
- Oh, I'm neutral!
He's certainly been following
that Kerry woman round, like a puppy dog.
I wouldn't worry.
I'm not!
He's only ever made it with one other woman
since we've been married.
So surprised, he ran home to show me
the scratches on his back!
- Oh, sorry!
- No... on you go.
Do you know many
of the people here?
No... do you?
No...
I think they're mainly Don's friends.
Pretty extrovert lot,
aren't they?
I think they're a bunch of shits!
Yeah!
The most outstanding feature
of this election...
We've got 'em rooted, son!
We'll piss it in, mate!
Sorry to say this, love... but it looks
as if the Libs have had the Richard.
Oh, well I suppose a change
won't do all that much harm!
Might even do a bit of good, too...
you know...
In small ways... like health, education,
social welfare.
Shut up, shithead!
I'm having a serious political discussion...
If you don't want to participate,
piss off!
- How old IS your youngest?
Have you ever sat down...
...and really thought about
what you're doing in life?
We've got a very clear idea
of what we're doing.
Yeah... planted in your skull,
by some advertising copywriter.
Bosh!
Would it be true to say...
...that YOU are contemplating
selling your $40,000 house...
...and taking out a mortgage
on a $60,000 dwelling?
How did YOU know?
Never mind about that,
but what I would really like to know...
...is what are your motives
for this particular piece of insanity?
I'll hit you with my beer mug
in a minute.
- I'm thinking of having another baby.
- You don't have to answer him!
Oh, I'll answer him!
You can't get pregnant in a $40,000 house...
It's too cheap and nasty, is it?
We need the space!
Bullshit! You've got 4 bedrooms already!
I'll tell you what it is!...
I'll tell you what it is...
It's status!
That's what it is...
the whole thing's status... S-T-A-T-U-S!
The government's been in power
for a long time...
It's begun to run out of ideas...
It's begun to get panicky.
The opposition's beginning to look
for the first time
like a really good alternative government.
How much has it cost the Labor Party
to fight this election in New South Wales alone?
About $200,000.
Are YOU particularly interested
in this election?
- Not enough.
- Me neither.
- Good.
Look, it doesn't make much difference
who gets in, does it?
Look, I'll still be able to take home
my 20,000 a year, clear...
That's not bad,
for extracting the odd molar!
Are you a socialist?
Yes... yes, aren't YOU?
Well, yes... in a way...
Well, I suppose all of us
are socialists, in a way.
Well I think it's the profit-motive
that keeps the old economy ticking...
I think we'd better stop discussing politics.
Otherwise I might end up
planting you one on the jaw!
Have a beer!
I think I'll let the fire die down a bit
before we put the meat on.
I built it up a bit too much.
You better hold the pizzas off for while,
until I get the meat cooked, eh?
S-T-A-T-U-S!
S-T-A-T-U-S!
Alright, you've convinced everyone you can spell...
Now piss off!
It's got nothing to do with it!
Like hell, it hasn't!
Are you usually as rude to people
as you're being at the moment?
What do you expect?
On trumpeting a property conservatism...
As if God should kiss your arse for it!
I didn't TRUMPET it!
At least SIMON...
Simon had the grace to lie
that he was neutral!
I wasn't lying!
Alright, OK, I'll take that back...
You weren't lying.
- I mean it! I wasn't lying!
- Alright! Alright!
When someone calls me a liar,
I believe I'm entitled to object!
- You are perfectly entitled to object!
- Right!
Now, shut up!... I'm having an argument
with your wife... alright?
Pea-brain!
I'm sorry, Don, but when the level of argument
degenerates into personal abuse...
It's time to leave!
"Personal abuse"?
What do you mean "personal abuse"?
What do you think
calling me a pea-brain is?!
- Accurate!
- Cut it out, Simon.
Well, he's a fuckin' pea-brain!
So... we'd no sooner landed
and ordered a drink...
...that HE announces that he's randy!
ME? The first words he said were
"Let's get ourselves a screw, Cool!
Absolute lie!
My success with women
affects this little runt.
Absolute fuckin' ratshit lie!
Anyway, to get on with the story...
There we are in the restaurant...
We gaze over the restaurant...
...and we see these two
magnificent-lookin' waitresses.
Absolute rat shit!...
The bottom of the barrel!
You seemed quite enthusiastic
at the time.
"You're my friend... you want something...
I get it for you!
- Isn't he sickening?!
- No.
So we sat down
and ordered this meal.
At this stage I did nothing more
than to throw in a few quick quips...
...to establish myself as a man
of refinement and wit!
Oh, yes... that jazz...
"Hi, gorgeous, care for a screw?"
No, the secret is to wait
for the right moment...
...and come in on the right question.
"Where are you from?"
asks one of them.
- "Why, South Africa," I replied.
- South Africa?!
Why would anyone want to say
they came from South fuckin' Africa?!
Oh, I never mix politics and sex.
Oh, the pizzas!...
Would anyone like a pizza?
Barbecue's ready!
- Excuse me!
- Okay, everyone, come on!
There are plates and salad
on the patio!
Well, Cooley got into HIS bird,
but mine was biologically indisposed.
Most disgusting thing I can remember,
is the night I met him, in this little bistro.
That bistro was number one!
From Wednesday night onwards
you couldn't get in there...
...for medium to good-quality
secretarial twat!
And no sooner had Malcolm arrived...
...than this great bird walked past!
"You want my body, don't you," I said.
Which is a pretty standard approach
of mine over the years.
Having salad?
Enter, the tooth-fairy!
Not hungry?
What's wrong?
This party shits me.
Do you want to go home?
Do you?
I promised I'd drop in and see Cam...
I told you.
You've been with him all afternoon!
He's nearly finished the work
for his exhibition...
And he wants me there
to comment.
It's exciting!
It's about time you concentrated
on your own work.
What's that supposed to mean?
Well, maybe the critics had a point.
I thought you said you couldn't
understand their jargon.
I can understand words
like "sloppy" and "self-indulgent"!
What time can I expect you home?
Jesus! I thought we discussed all this!
I'm not putting a curfew on you... it's...
I just want to know whether
it's worth my waiting up, that's all.
- I knew our marriage 'd be a disaster!
- It's NOT a disaster!
Then why don't you put a ball and chain on me?
That's what you want, isn't it?!
Now, may I have my pizza?!
There's your bloody pizza!
Holy Jesus!
It rained all afternoon.
I didn't notice, because I'd put the canvas out
all over the top, just in case it rained.
And when it got cold,
the guests were inside...
- I mean really..
- In certain ways...
Better move your car, mate...
Evan can't get out.
Troubles?
I'm supposed to forego
any meaningful involvement
with anyone but HIM!
No right!
So I'm involved with other men...
so what!?
He knows I don't do it to spite him.
He's just so bloody immature.
Been writing anything lately?
- I got a poem published last week.
- Marvellous! Where?
Newspaper.
- Marvellous!
- It's shit!
Hello, gorgeous!
Care for a screw?
He used to say "fuck"!
Any particular reason
for the change?
Yeah... I get more fucks
when I say "screw"!
Is he ALWAYS like this?
It's just his tough exterior.
Underneath is a sensitive, vulnerable man.
It's true! He once screwed a woman
with a tin leg, out of sheer pity.
She was very well adjusted...
except that the kneecap squeaked.
You would be the coarsest,
most sex-obsessed person I have ever met!
And a fine sexual technician, to boot!
- Who says?
- I says.
You COULD be overestimating yourself.
I COULD be.
It's the first piece of modesty
I've heard from you all night.
I just threw it in, to intrigue you!
I'm a little intrigued!
You're moe than a little intrigued.
How would you know?
I know a woman on heat,
when I see one!
- How?
- Their eyes moisten.
- Is this test conclusive?
-I have other tests.
Bennelong is a Liberal seat
and at the moment it doesn't look
quite as safe as it used to be.
It's a middle north-shore area...
sitting member Sir John Cremer...
of the Liberal Party...
Slut!
Another one counted as safe Liberal
in Sydney's more affluent suburbs
on the northern line to Hawkesbury...
...held in the previous parliament
by Mr T. Hughes...
The seat of Blaxland
in the south-western suburbs...
You might refill those empty glasses
out there.
Let them do it themselves...
they've got legs.
You're the one who throws
these bloody parties...
...and you won't even accept the responsibility
of looking after your guests!
It's funny... but...
this is the first time...
...I thought it 'd be all right to do this
with a man I've just met.
It's very flattering of you, my dear,
but I don't believe you.
Usually it's an organic part
of the whole relationship.
Well... ORGAN first!
Relationship later!
A very interesting philosophical point!
You made some sort of arrangement
with my husband?
No.
Doesn't actually grow on you,
does he?
I'm sorry... I guess I was a little bit naive.
I sometimes get strongly attracted
to someone.
Do YOU?
No... sometimes.
Have you ever felt yourself
strongly attracted to women?
No!
It's nothing to be ashamed of,
if you have.
Oh, but I haven't!
Kerry's very beautiful, isn't she?
Yes, she's very attractive.
She's really beautiful!
Now we're bonding a piece of metal
across the area where the arm
actually fits the hand...
Jesus!
Excuse me, Kath...
have you seen Kerry?
Isn't she outside?
Shit! Where's Cooley?
You know what their marriage is like!
- Well don't blame me!
- You must admit it's exciting!
I hope you're satisfied!
Go on... make a fool of yourself,
as usual... go on!
Get him off, will ya?!
Get outside... get out!
Just get out... go on!
Get outside!
You don't beat people up, just because
they take a liking to your wife!
Outside!
"Get outside"... what are you...
a fuckin' parrot?!
Look I don't care
what the circumstances are...
You don't go interrupting a man and a woman
at their most intimate moment!
Look... I'll tell you something...
I wouldn't like to be in your shoes
if you hit me...
I'll sue you for assault!
I'm a lawyer.
I'm gonna smash your bloody teeth in!
He's a dentist!
Stop this at once!
Stop acting like a sad adolescent!
And YOU stop acting
like a bloody nymphomaniac!
Look... if you're not prepared to allow me
some degree of emotional autonomy...
...then THAT is it!
"Emotional autonomy"?!
When you start screwing oafs like that...
it's emotional insanity!
Oafs? Hey, fella, get ya facts straight
before you start calling people names!
Let's face it...
We you start screwing boorish
loud-mouthed oafs...
What's so special about HER, anyway?
I scored the National Charity Queen...
two years in a row!
Get your things!
Get your things!
If you think this is giving you some sort
of moral leverage over me, you're wrong!
Look, are you coming, or aren't you?!
I am not your personal chattel!
And I am taking steps to make sure
that I am not YOURS!
...this election is different from the 1929 election...
Are you threatening me!?
Well, you just work that out
for yourself!
Are you coming?
No.
Look I will ask you once more...
You can ask me
as many time as you like.
That's your final answer?
Yes.
Well, right!
Don't show your face in here again,
you shit!
Talk about "coitus interruptus"!
I'm gonna shoot meself...
when those bastards get back in.
I'm gonna shoot meself.
I thought we were winning!?
They're stuffed!...
16 of the 18 doubtfuls are going to the Liberals.
Where did you hear that?
5 minutes ago.
Fuckin' bastards are getting back
on the DLP preferences.
We're stuffed!
My old man used to vote DLP.
Yeah... I had an argument
with him once...
Didn't like the "permissive society".
Wanted to return
to "Catholic moral purity".
He was the last of
the great Catholic shaggers!
He died "on the job", you know?
By the time they got him dressed,
they couldn't put his teeth back in.
Have you...
Have you got any
of those photos?
- What photos?
- Of me and your wife.
Oh... I carry a couple of dozen
around in my wallet!
Did they turn out alright?
Jesus, Cooley!...
Ruth and I have just separated...
Doesn't that...
Well look it's a bit disconcerting
for a man to realise...
...that there are pornographic photographs
of him, floating around.
Well, they're selling very well!
I'll get it.
Are you really selling those photos?
- Yep.
- What are they worth?
$8... set of 6.
Save us a couple, will you.
Matte or gloss?
Matte!
- Why did they do it, Cools?
- What?
Ask you to seduce my friends.
I think I was curious.
She didn't respond to me...
So I wanted to see if she did
with other men.
SHE didn't respond much to ME, mate.
Don't crap!
I was in the bloody cupboard.
Anyone for a swim?
Don... don't be ridiculous...
We can't use the Mitchell's pool!
If they're rich enough to take the whole family
for a trip to Japan...
...then they can bloody well
lend us their pool!
Liberal-voting turds!
YOU just need more experience.
Why don't you have a go at Jody?
Do you think she's interested?
Ya didn't see how she looked at ya?
- When?
- All night!
Mate... she's very impressed!
What about her husband?
That poofter?
I'll take care of HIM.
SHE wouldn't be interested in HIM!
He couldn't do any worse than YOU!
Crap!
Come on! You've been swingin' your dick
at everything available...
...and missin' by yards!
- As usual!
What's YOUR story?
What?
All YOU seem to be good for these days,
is planting native trees.
Do you know how I get 'em to grow so fast?
No.
Nitrogen balls.
It's true...
Nitrogen balls.
I've got a mahogany gum out there
grew 5 feet this spring.
Want to see it?
No!
My God!...
Time showed you two up, didn't it?
How long is it since I met you, now?
12... 13... 14 years?!
Some little prick was throwing a party.
Yeah... it was me!
And there they were...
Sutherland, the brilliant academic...
And Henderson...
his adoring young pupil!
Holding the floor...
...giving their celebrated imitation of 2 men
destined to leave their mark on the world.
Sorry if we disappointed you.
I remember how grateful I was
when you adopted me!
Poor little shit-kicker Cooley...
...refugee from a Catholic choir!
Buyer of the contraceptives...
For 5 years I let myself be patronised
by a pair of self-inflated bullshit-artists!
The 2 great minds...
Sutherland, plotting the right strategic moment
to enter politics...
...so he can make his way
to the prime ministership
with minimum delay.
Crap!
And Henderson here... Henderson...
giving lengthy debates...
...on whether it'd be better to have
his magnificent, but never-completed novel
published here, or in London!
You should 've gone into politics,
Mal, you know...
You should 've finished that novel, too.
Here we go again...
"Mutual Arse-Lickers Incorporated"!
Well, what've YOU done,
that's so bloody magnificent?
Bloody lawyer!
People who need 'em most
can't damn well afford 'em...
Deny that!
I don't HAVE to deny it.
I'm not posing as a champion
of the oppressed.
...with 2 thirds of the votes counted tonight,
it looks like a clean sweep...
...with the allocation of preferences, would suggest
that Mr Coates in fact would have...
How's the election going?
Fine, if you're a fascist.
Oh, well, sometimes I don't think
it matters who wins.
Well the country's run by the Public Service,
anyway, isn't it?
Don't be such a bloody cretin!
'Course it matters!
We've got the worst health, education
and social services of any industrialised nation!
Well, why don't you go live in Russia?!
What a cunt!
You don't know what you're fuckin' talkin about!
You do realise, don't you...
..education, in any society...
You DO realise that, don't you?!
I just don't believe in socialism,
that's all.
Socialism... You don't even know
the fuckin' meaning of the word!
The Labor Party is just mildly reformist,
that's all!
- Mildly?! What about Jim Cairns?!
- Put your bloody clothes on!
Don't tell ME that Jim Cairns
is just mildly reformist!
You'd think they live for politics,
wouldn't you?!
All Don ever does is pass out
a few how-to-vote cards.
Mal doesn't even hand out cards.
Let's face it Jody...
We're married to a couple of...
Bullshit-artists?
What about the fuckin' pensioners, eh?
Starving THEM!
I think there's nothing wrong
with a discussion...
...but I don't think people should argue
with people they don't agree with!
- I don't want to talk about it!
- Because you know I'm bloody-well right!
We're having terrible trouble
with young Richard at the moment.
They're easy at Richard's age!...
Just wait till he's a bit older.
Hell, they're on babies!
You wait till you've had some yourself.
I'm not.
They don't turn me on, I'm afraid.
How can you tell what your real feelings
towards children are...
...until you've had some yourself?
That's like saying you ought to eat shit,
in case it tastes like watermelon.
All I can say is, having sex for its own sake,
is a rather hollow motive.
Oh, come on, Jenny!
Some people carry on,
as if it's the only thing in life!
Who... ME?
I wasn't referring to anyone in particular.
Look... if you think I enjoy being mauled
by your randy husbands...
...then you're wrong!
Men are pigs!
Yes... I must apologise for Evan.
Yes, he did sound a little upset!
Oh, Kath... He's always going off
about something or other!
If you ask ME...
he had good cause!
You're entitled to your opinion.
Well, I mean I like Cooley as a person...
I can't see what anyone
would see in him as a MAN!
A lot of women find him
very attractive.
Must have hidden talents!
Certainly isn't hiding them
at the moment!
What IS Cooley like, in bed?
Well, he's not all that big...
But he's energetic, for his age.
And inventive!
Don plods on for hours...
Bores me stupid.
Ah... the long slow grind!
What's Simon like, Jenny?
Well, he's not as BIG as my father...
I used to see him under the shower!
You can't always tell,
when they're on the slack.
I don't think anatomical details
are very important.
Surely it's the feeling between people,
that counts?
Yes, I've known some fine little pricks,
in MY time!
No... seriously! I mean, women
become attracted to other women.
The thought of touching another woman's body,
makes my flesh crawl!
Why? The female body is infinitely
more beautiful than the male.
How do women...
...do it?!
Well, they...
Righto, ladies... come on!
It's time to dance!
Righto, Simon, old cock!
Don't just stand there
like a stuffed dummy!
Get one of those lovely ladies up on her feet,
and giver a whirl!
'Plastic Lips'.
Yeah, why not?!
Would you like us
to dance together?
What?
We can dance till we're dead!
I don't like the sound of that!
Jenny!
No, I haven't danced for years.
Well, it's about time you did,
then, girl!
I'd rather not.
Come on, Jen, for Christ's sake...
Get up and have a dance!
All I did was ask her for a dance!
Why don't you give her a drink?
Sorry!
Hey!
Sorry!
Let's have a drink.
I just get SO depressed!
Oh, Jenny... look...
You've got 4 beautiful children...
and your husband's 2nd lieutenant to God,
and still rising!
Our marriage is a farce!
Whose isn't?!
Oh, really?!
Oh, we both used to love our kids.
Even make love, too.
Sick, isn't it?!
I just...
Christ, Jenny... you're attractive,
you're intelligent...
Let's face it, Don...
I've been out of the human race
for 10 bloody years!
I know you're not
the slightest bit interested!
You can sit there and listen.
I've lost it, Don!
All I can do is just sit in corners
and hate other people,
for being competent human beings!
It's getting so the only people I can take,
are shits!
Thanks a lot!
As soon as he's got enough money,
he'll clear out and he'll leave me...
You wait and see!
- Finish your degree.
- Oh, stuff my degree!
Have an affair.
Have an affair!
Try having an affair after 4 kids
have made your tits droop!
You're stomach looks like something
that got stuck into a soggy
steamed pudding, with a fucking whip!
I mean, let's face it...
If you had to choose between me and that
flat-stomached melon-breasted tart out there...
Who'd it be?
Yeah!
This looks a rather nice little drop...
Our Conservative friend
knows a good red when he sees one!
It's about time
you made your move, mate!
This is no time to get cold feet,
my boy!
Actually, I must get across
to the Barossa again, pretty soon...
- Our cellar's getting pretty depleted.
- When were you over there last?
About 3 years ago.
Brought back 14 dozen bottles...
mainly reds.
But there was the odd case of white.
That's a coincidence!
I was over there 3 years ago.
That's very interesting.
Actually, there's nothing like
a trip to the vineyards, is there?
Right!... Right!
Mind you... My trip wasn't all roses.
About half way round the circuit
I picked up this stomach wog...
...and started shitting like a camel!
Actually, to be more accurate...
it was more of a dribble.
Because I'd been tasting wine
and eating cheese for days...
...the old sphincter didn't have
anything solid to come to grips with.
Stung like a bastard, too!
But I was buggered if I was gonna let
any stomach wog get the better of me, so...
I stuffed a newspaper down me strides...
...and did a quick change
after every winery!
I find that if I have a good solid shit
at about 8 o'clock in the morning...
...the rest of the day
just falls into place!
Do YOU shit at a regular
time of the day, Simon?
- Look... do we really have to...?
- What about YOU, Suzie?
No!
You're not the constipated type,
I hope?
Do you really think that excretion
is an interesting topic of conversation?
We ALL have to do it!
We don't have to talk about it!
What ARE you?...
An anal prude?!
I just don't enjoy talking
about shitting!
You probably don't even enjoy shitting!
Excuse us, Kath...
It's getting pretty late.
Jody, I think it's about time
we went home.
I'm just starting to relax.
I hope I haven't offended you, old chap!
- I was just telling him about this terrible...
- I'm tired... I'm really feeling tired.
Oh, I'm not!
You go home and get some sleep, dear!
I'll get a taxi.
I'd prefer it if you came with me!
Why?!
I just would!
Are you worried about me DOING something?!
No.
Go home and get some sleep then!
What am I gonna tell the babysitter
when I get home without ya?
Stuff the babysitter!
Thanks Kath...
Jody's not feeling too tired,
so she'll be staying just a bit longer.
Oh... fine...
Sorry, Simon.
Don...
You going now, Simon?
I must say that I didn't realise
that university-educated people
could be so bloody uncouth!
The Prime Minister, Mr John Gorton...
...has claimed to have been returned to office
with a narrow majority...
...in today's federal election.
Thanks for the hospitality, Don!
- You going?
- Yeah.
- I'll drive you, eh?
- I called a cab, thanks.
Are you going home?
What are you going to do
about Evan?
I don't know...
Quite a problem, really.
I think it's one of those unfortunate situations...
...where one partner develops
and the other one doesn't.
Now be a good girl, and take this,
and catch a cab back to the hotel...
...and I'll see you a little later.
I want to stay!
You want to stay?
Why do you want to stay?
Why do YOU?
'Bye!
Hey... wait a minute!
Taxi's waiting... got to run!
You told me this was gonna be
a MORAL party!
Something didn't quite gel.
And everybody talks permissive.
When it comes to the crunch...
You put your hand on a woman's bum...
You can get crippled.
Shut your neck!
Well, look at YOU...
Itchin' to get into it!
Too gutless to try!
They'll hold hands...
'n look into each other's eyes.
The whole of Western society
stinks of hypocrisy!
You are so right!
You won't stop them now...
We're into the mutual admiration stage.
Yeah... 15 glasses!
- Suzy baby!...
- No!
What do you think I am? I'm not a thing
you can jump on, any time you feel the urge!
Come on baby... what is this...
I bring you down here for a holiday...
Well, tough luck!
You should 've gone for Kerry...
Coz as far as I'm concerned,
you've wasted your money!
Listen here, Susan...
You just better...
Piss off!
Why don't you lick each other's arses?!
Now, that is not very nice!
What is the most boring way
that any society could regulate sex?
Marriage.
Marriage.
You know what's wrong
with OUR marriage?!
- What?
- The size of your thing!
What's wrong with it?
Nothing... He's just got
an obsession about it.
Still?!
If it is just an obsession...
Then how come YOU can't have an orgasm?!
How can I have an orgasm...
...when I'm worrying about YOU worrying
about the size of your member?!
- Size isn't important!
- It's NOT small!
I just THINK it is!
The real problem, with OUR marriage,
is money.
Money?!
You earn TWICE what I do!
Why are you pointing at ME?
Extravagance!
Extravagance!
My son has a cashmere coat worth $60...
He's worn it twice!
Twice!
It's none of my business...
But I WAS surprised when Don told me
you'd spent over $400
on the kids' Christmas presents
last year.
And who told Don?!
I did.
I did!
She uses those kids as a status symbol...
Rip into the bitch!
And we weren't impressed to hear you'd thrown
a fully-catered-for dinner party...
...a week after we'd lent you the money.
30 dozen oysters
and French champagne.
Well, at least when I throw a party,
I don't feed my guests on chips and Twisties!
Couldn't stand te sight of them
a minute longer!
At least we live within our means.
I don't mind lending money to people,
if they really need it!
For God's sake, Mal...
Write them a cheque!
Right...
Don't be so ridiculous...
I won't take it!
Don't be so ridiculous!
There's absolutely no need!
Two dollars!
That's all there is in there.
Jenny just bought a swimming pool
for the kids.
Why all this stupid jealousy
and possessiveness...
I mean it should be
the most natural thing in the world...
...for me to say to you...
"Don, why don't you have Jenny for the night?"
I don't think we could fit 3 in the bed.
What happened to YOU?
He fell asleep.
It should be the most natural thing
in the world!
Of course it should.
Oh, it SHOULD, should it?!
Yes, it should!
It's funny how you never have the guts
to champion wife-swapping...
...until you've had a gutful of beer!
That's right!...
Sorry, Don...
I'm afraid that's one
of your natural failings...
...a lack of moral courage!
Is that so?
Now don't take this
as an insult, fella...
But you are a weak turd!
Now, 10 years ago...
you'd written me off.
No... now come on...
You'd written me off...
Thrown out of academia...
...just because it wouldn't take
a stupid PhD...
Now, let's not be modest...
Let's not be modest!
Let's NOT be modest!
But I dug in my toes!
And I fought back!
Because there's iron in my soul!
Now, just a minute!...
The day you were booted out of the uni...
I said "Mark my words"...
"That man is down,
but he's not out."
If anybody's going to make a million,
HE will!
I remember that...
and I was flattered.
It wasn't meant as flattery.
It was in recognition of your talents
for obsequiousness and bullshit!
I know how it was meant...
and I still took it as a compliment.
Those were great days, weren't they?
They were bloody great days.
Bloody great days.
Mal...
I'd like you to have Kath
for the night.
Don...
I would like you to have Jenny
for the night.
Kath...
I didn't MEAN it, you stupid prick!
They were great days, weren't they?
Great days!
Oh, yes... they were great days!
Great bloody days!
That's why I had to put YOU
on an invalid's diet!
But you couldn't cope with your job,
or anything else for that matter.
You had ulcers at 24!
Had to wash all your clothes...
Cook all your meals...
Because your little mummy
hadn't told you...
The world is a fucking big place!
And nobody gives a stuff
about little Donny Henderson!
Boy wonder! Adolescent genius...
and you're a full-grown bomb-out!
Family man, schoolteacher, gardener,
tree-surgeon, handyman, good provider...
I had to creep around our flat
for years...
I had to creep around, while Donny Genius here
tapped out his earth-shattering novel!
Which was to place him,
and I quote...
"among the all-time fucking greats"!
I've never said that!
- That's a lie... I've never said that!
- I had to wait 7 years...
7 years before I was ALLOWED
to have a child!
Jesus Christ!
I wasn't ALLOWED to do pottery until last year,
because you considered it so mundane!
You make me sick, Henderson!
You really shit me!
I'm going to bed.
Kath... I'd like to apologise...
You shit me even more!
Why?
What have I done?
You don't have to DO anything, Sutherland...
You're just a born shit!
You leave him alone!
YOU shit me, too!
The feeling is mutual!
And make sure we get the rest of the money
by the end of the week.
Your idiot of a husband
earns twice as much as mine does!
That just shows you what an idiot
your husband is!
I'm going to bed.
So you keep saying!
Listen...
We mustn't let this little argument
upset OUR relationship.
If YOU think that marriage
is so bloody boring...
...you can get out,
and you can take your kid with you!
It's not MY kid!
I think she might 've been talking to ME!
Jesus!
Where are they?!
Who?
Cooley...
We didn't do anything, Simon...
Simon! We didn't do anything!
She's not here,
you mad bastard!
I could kill you!
Stop it!
Just go home, the lot of you!
Go home!
Don...
Come to bed!
Why?
This is Macquarie News...
Terry Dear reporting.
The people of Australia go to the polls today,
to elect a new federal government
About six and a half million electors
are entitled to vote...
...and almost 500 candidates
are contesting 125 seats...
...in the House of Representatives.
The main parties contesting the poll,
are the Liberal-Country Party coalition
led by Mr John Gorton...
...and the Labor Party
headed by Mr Gough Whitlam.
Vietnam...A new attack on...
Oh, you've gotta be jokin'!
You gonna vote Liberal?
Vote Liberal, sir!
Channel 9, Mr Gorton...
Don't you think after 20 years
of Liberal government,
it's time the Australian voters
had a change?
They've got a chance
to have a change now...
...and I'm quite sure
they won't take it.
Mr Gorton, what do you have to say
about the opinion polls...
...showing a massive swing
against you?
The only polls worth taking any notice of,
are the polls taking place today.
From a woman's point of view...
...how do you think you'll appeal
to the Australian woman.
I think I'll appeal very well indeed.
Cooley's the name.
- Cooley,
- Henderson.
7 Wyndham Place...
Mrs Kath Henderson
Fill all the numbers in
and bring it back to the box.
...in Sydney this afternoon, and expressed
confidence over his party's showing
in today's election.
Commenting on adverse opinion polls,
Mr Gorton said...
"The only poll worth taking any notice of,
is the one taking place today."
A record 499 candidates
are contesting the 1 hundred...
Pittard send Burke away...
but he's sandwiched by Parker and Oven.
From dummy-half, Pittard attempts
to get South's backs moving...
...but coming up quickly, Balmain
continue holding the Rabbitohs...
...in their own territory.
The premiers are being pushed on
as the alert Tigers are ready
to capitalise on any errors.
Don!
Would you be good enough
to put crisps around please?!
I'm trying to tune the TV.
People 'll be arriving
any minute.
I'm tuning the TV.
- You can put some crisps around!
- Picture's rolling.
- It wasn't, last night.
- Well, it IS now.
- It's just the VERTICAL HOLD!
- I've been doing that!
Well, couldn't you come back to it?
Come on, darling!
The guests 'll be arriving any minute!
Well so what?!
G'day, yucky-bum!
They MIGHT like something to eat!
Good evening, James Dibble,
at the national election desk in Canberra,
Here tonight to report on
what promises to be
the most exciting election in decades.
Perhaps even the most exciting since 1949,
when the LCP coalition took office.
Our ABC news commentators
and journalists
agree so far that the figures
are far too small
to indicate any definite trend.
I'd 've done that!
But you didn't, DID you?!
There does seem to be some favourable indications
for the Labor Party in all 3 states...
It's early days yet...
Try and act like a host tonight,
will you?!
Since when have I ever
been rude to my guests?
It would help, if did a bit more than
point them in the direction of the fridge.
It's all most of them need.
Oh...I'd better have...
It doesn't matter.
A flagon of claret.
I can't see the point
of coming to a party...
...if the sole intention is
drinking yourself into a stupor!
Yes, well, that's not the intention...
We're celebrating the end
of 20 years of conservative rule.
Not that YOU'd give a stuff!
It's just an excuse for a booze-up!
You may not be...
But most of the people coming here tonight
are going to be very concerned
about what happens on THAT!
Very concerned indeed.
- Cooley?
- Yes!
Since when's Cooley
been interested in politics?
Do you know what he told me
the other day?
He said this election was the most important
in the country's history... Cooley!
Bullshit!
Yo-yo... you're SO romantic!
Shit, I forgot to vote.
Hey, Suzy... have YOU voted?
I don't have to...
I'm only 19.
Really?!
Simon... Jody!
What a coincidence...
Just talking about you!
- Nothing bad I hope?!
- No... on the contrary.
Kath and I were just saying you'd add
a touch of refinement at the party.
- Hi Kath.
- Hello, Jody.
Simon.
Yes, there'll be a few grotty types
here tonight I'm afraid!
Can I take your wrap?
I hope we didn't come too early.
Oh, no... we're running a bit behind!
Look, you two go and get dressed...
Simon and I can look after ourselves.
Dressed?!
We ARE dressed!
What did you think it was?
A fancy-dress ball?
Will you excuse me... ?
I've got a few things to finish out here.
Just put those in the laundry,
will you Simon.
In the marginal new NSW seat, Hume...
The ALP candidate, Mr Polly...
...has a lead of nearly 100 votes over
the sitting Country Party member, Mr Pettit...
...with a little over 900 votes counted.
In Victoria, the ALP has leads
in several seats held by the government.
Mr Child is leading the government whip,
Mr Fox...
...in Hendy, by about 80 votes...
...but only 700 votes
have been counted.
In Hollem, Mr Oldmeadow of the ALP
Cooking?
has a lead of 100
over the sitting member Mr Reid...
...with about 1100 votes counted already
I've over-dressed,
haven't I?...
Don't worry about that!
No one's gonna give a stuff!
I've got plenty of casual gear...
But I just didn't think.
What sort of people are coming?
- They're mainly friends of mine.
- Are they all Labor?!
Well they're all...
left-of-centre!
Should've worn my casual gear.
Where's Don going?
I don't know.
Did he get you a drink?
No!
Did Don get you a drink?
No... I don't think he did.
Don... will you pour your guests a drink?!
He's not here!
Well, where is he?
He's in there.
- It's alright, I'll pour them.
- Thanks, Simon.
Steve and Dawn down last time?
No, I don't think they could make it.
I think Dawn had something else on.
Oh, that's right, yeah...
It was just as well in a way,
because it rained all afternoon.
Oh, what a pity.
Well it was alright, because I put the barbecue
under canvas, just in case.
When it got cold, the guests just came inside.
Don would never think
of taking precautions like that...
He'd just look up at the rain and say...
"Well, that buggers that, doesn't it!"
Vermouth and dry, Jody?
Please!
Are you having trouble?
The dry?...
I TOLD Don to get dry.
- Don!
- What?
Did you get that dry ginger?
Oh, fuck!
I knew I forgot something.
It doesn't matter...
gin 'll be fine!
I wish Don 'd take lessons from YOU!
I regard the difference between those
two figures as very significant...
...because the Australia Party preferences
are recommended for Labor...
Well DLP preferences are recommended
for the government.
And whilst we don't know exactly
where those figures are coming from...
They are looking good...
What is THAT in aid of?
Just thought I'd embarrass everybody.
Take it off.
He just did it so I wouldn't feel
so overdressed.
Take it off!
Jesus, you're a humourless bitch!
Come in!
Must 've come to the wrong address!
If you're gonna look like a butler,
behave like one!
- Of course, m'lady!
- What's all this?!
Fuckin' penguin!
Bit of a joke!
- How're things?
- Better after tonight...
- D' you think we're gonna win?
- Win?!
You think so?
Listen, I had a few beers with Whitlam's
press secretary last Thursday...
He reckons they took a private poll
which gave Labor 52 percent.
Yeah, some of the big boys
are shittin' themselves.
- Hello Kath.
- Hello Mal.
- Have a look at that! No crap!
- Beautiful!
- Hello Jenny.
- Hello Kath.
Oh, sorry...
Mal and Jenny... this is Simon and Jody.
Yes, there'll be a new government by midnight...
make no mistake about that.
You got a beer?
- Vermouth and dry.
- Sorry, there's no dry.
I'll get you a gin.
I love your dress!
Jody, isn't it?
- That's right!
- Terrible with names.
I wish I'd worn something more casual.
No, it's fine.
Type of thing I'd like to wear...
if we could afford it!
...for the Liberal Party
by the Minister for the Navy, Dr Mackay.
They're early figures, but they do tend
to look good for the Labor party.
I take it, Mal, that you'll be happy
for a Labor victory tonight.
I take it we all will.
Oh, no... I'm pretty neutral.
I'd take it Casey was the litmus seat...
and I haven't seen anything for Petty yet.
What about YOU Jody.
- Are you neutral too?
- Oh, no... I vote Liberal!
- Oh that's very courageous!
- What? Voting Liberal?
No... admitting it...
Very courageous!
Bet you won't speak to me
again now!
On the contrary...
Makes you VERY interesting.
Ahoy, everyone!
Out to the kitchen!
I'm about to unwrap
me 'Pornographic Object'!
You better all laugh...
He spent all afternoon on it.
Did you pose for that, Jen?
He copied it from 'Playboy'!
Thank you very much, I was going to tell them
that I copied it from 'Playboy'. Right?!
- Hi Kath... g'day Jenny!
- Hello, Mack!
G'day, shithead!
Where's the dreaded Ruth?
I've left her.
I'm sorry mate... I didn't know.
Who's this gorgeous woman?
Jody... and Simon...
That's Mack.
- Sorry about the wife.
- Shit, I'm not!
Look!
Took it myself.
- Who IS this?!
- My wife!
You wouldn't pick HER for a librarian,
would you?
- You've really left her?
- When?
Three days ago.
Where are you living?
Oh... I'm still at home.
It was easier for HER to shift out,
than me.
Where's Cooley?
The DLP last year were talking
about switching preferences.
And Senator Gair
was behind that move.
But they switched back this year.
- I know what Gair's been saying in private...
- What?
Universities should stop
teaching courses in politics...
...because they're breeding grounds
for revolutionaries.
- You're joking!
- I'm not.
You must admit,
it's getting a bit much...
WHAT is?
When I went to the university,
I went there to learn...
Not to take over the place!
I don't want to sound offensive,
but you sound like a Young Liberal!
Jody is a self-confessed right-winger.
Really?...
How interesting!
I never met anyone who voted Liberal,
in my life!
Can't think how they keep winning.
They'll win this one, too!
Thanks, Don!
She needs a good, long, hard...
...talking to!
What do you do, Simon?
Oh, well, I work...
Simon's an accountant.
Well, actually,
I'm an INDUSTRIAL accountant.
Interesting?
Oh, yeah... it's not bad...
It DOES get a little humdrum at times.
Well, I suppose most jobs do,
don't they?
If there was a tiger between the sheets,
for instance...
What does your firm make, Simon?
Plastic pressings.
Well, have you ever noticed
a truck going round a corner...
You know how they make
their road signals
using a yellow plastic hand
on the end of a long lever...
Well, we make those yellow plastic hands.
What does YOUR husband do, Jenny?
He's a professional bullshit artist.
Well, that must be very int...
Mal's a management consultant...
He's doing very well at the moment.
No...
...but suck ONE cock!
Have you got a headache?
- Migraine.
- You want an aspirin?
No... doesn't help.
- But thanks for not ringing!
- Would you excuse me for a moment.
You think YOU've got troubles...
That's a bit unfortunate, isn't it?
Does Jenny often
get headaches like that?
Only at OUR parties!
Simon, old crump...
Do you mind if we tell your wife
a dirty story?
No... why not?...
She's used to it.
- He says you're used to it!
- What a bloody liar!
Now Jody...
Have you ever hunted ducks?
- No.
- Now I don't want to hear anything filthy!
Well, you wade through the shallows
with your rifle at the ready...
Duck-hunters use shotguns,
shit head!
I like to give the ducks a chance!
Here I am, the duck-hunter...
...wading through the shallows...
Wading... wading... wading... wading...!
Itching for a duck!
Wading... wading...
All of a sudden!...
Ooh!... Nature calls!
Are you sure
you want to hear this?
Oh, it leaves a nasty taste
in the mouth!
- Jody!
- What?
Would you mind giving the baby-sitter
a bit of a ring...
...just to make sure the children
went down alright.
Simon, ring her yourself!
Hey, that might be the old Cooley!
Hey everybody,
this is Evan and Kerry...
Mack, Mal, Jody, Simon...
Kerry!
How's the election going, Don?
It's a bit early to tell, yet, mate...
but it looks like a bit of a swing.
- Would you like a drink, Kerry?
- Thanks... scotch on the rocks.
Scotch on the rocks!
This is the first time you've been here
since we moved in... years!
- It's nowhere near as interesting...
- Scotch on the rocks... Kerry.
But we are starting to get it
into shape at last.
Oh, it's very tasteful.
Oh, this is all you, Kath.
- Can't see much of Don in it!
- He does the trees!
Women!
Yeah... houses and babies.
I knew a couple once who spent every second
of their spare time, renovating
Crazy!
Well I like renovating.
Oh, well... it's fair enough
if you like it, I suppose.
No, I like it.
You've done wonders
with that terrace, Evan... it's amazing.
Absolute wreck, when he started.
Did you finish that studio
for Kerry?
Yes... last week.
What do you do
when you're not renovating, Evan?
I'm a dentist.
Renovations of the mouth, eh?!
And what do YOU do?
- Plastic pressings.
- Mal...
Psychologist.
Private practice?
No... not really.
Management consultant!
Does Kerry renovate?
She paints.
Dabbles a bit in the oils?!
- Dabbles? She's had 3 major exhibitions!
- 4!
4... that's right...
There was one last month...
Couldn't get to that one.
Sorry about that.
Very good reviews, though, didn't it?!
Not really.
I thought somebody told me
it was very successful.
Well, she sold a lot of stuff...
but then...
Well, she's very fashionable...
at the moment.
Do you know a lot about art... Evan?
A little... why?!
You'd find it hard to communicate with your wife
if you didn't, I would imagine.
Evan's doing Fine Arts at the Uni...
part time.
I gave it up.
Yes, I heard it was a tough course.
Well it crapped ME!
The plumbing in old houses is terrible!
It certainly is a very convenient layout.
Yes, but your place is so much more attractive.
All that wrought iron!
But my kitchen's so tiny, Kath...
You should try cooking in it!
I'd cook in HER kitchen, any time!
Does she play around?
As long as you're in the top ten
of some branch of the arts.
Stick a paintbrush up your bum,
and see how you go!
- Have you had a go at her?
- What do you reckon?!
No luck, eh?
Depends what you mean.
Yes or no?
Yes...
...and then... no.
Where's that beer...
a cold beer...
This is the first summing up
of the counting trends to date.
The most significant trend to emerge
from the early counting
has been the marked swing to Labor...
...a swing of 12 percent... The biggest since
the present counting system came into operation.
If this trend continues to midnight...
Labor will form the new government.
On the present figures, Labor is ahead...
Fuckin' beauty! We're in!
You bastard you told me
and I wouldn't fuckin' believe you!
- You hear that?
- Super!
New government before midnight!
I hear you're very creative!
Thank you...
Are you interested in art?
Yes, very much...
I do a lot of photography.
Yes, I've seen your photography.
Is your husband te jealous type?
No... he's more the brooding type!
Why?
Well, to be frank...
Certain men at this party...
...are going to offer themselves
to you... tonight!
Really!
I'm afraid that 'certain men' are going
to be rather disappointed.
Which ones.
How's it going?
Oh, it's touch and go...
But I wouldn't mind having a few dollars
on a new government by midnight.
Labor have also taken Sturt!
Super! It looks like we've got Sturt.
...regarded as being a fairly safe Liberal seat
held by Mr Ian Wilson...
Funnily enough... I was only having
a few drinks with Whitlam last week...
"Mal," he said, "If we get Sturt,
we've got the whole deal."
You're in politics?
No, psychology...
Executive Selection.
Tell me, do you find you're always
analysing people?
It's an occupational hazard.
What can you tell about ME?
As a psychologist, I can't help feeling that
you're physical beauty could have its problems.
Such as?
Well, to put it quite brutally...
You have what is called
a 'sought-after' quality.
So?
So you'd have no shortage
of alternative offers...
which could place your marriage
under some strain.
And what if I refused these offers?
I don't think you would, really...
Not ALL of them.
What makes you say that?
It's a feeling and a professional hunch...
You see...
A new affair is like
an emotional rebirth...
And I don't think you'd deny yourself
that experience.
For instance, if I were to say to you...
that I found you very attractive...
...and I'd be delighted that if we arranged
to have an affair...
...you wouldn't dismiss it out of hand...
You'd consider it.
- Ye-es.
- Yes.
So, let's be frank...
I do find you very attractive,
and I'll be frank, and...
...say that I would like to have
an affair with you...
And how does that appeal to you?
It DOESN'T!
Can't win 'em all!
The night isn't over yet, boy!
G'day, cunt-features!
- G'day, Kath!
- Hello, Cooley.
This is the guy I was telling you about.
Here... catch!
What's with the dinner-suit?
Who are YOU tryin' to fool?
Watch it boy...
You're on the North Shore now!
Weak-lookin' bunch of poofters!
- Where's Mack?
- In there.
- Ruth with 'im?
- He's left 'er!
Hey... that's alright!
I might have a go at it, later.
Where's your 'Pornographic Object'?
Here!
Help yourself!
G'day Jenny, you old fishwife!
How you goin'?
- Getting stuck into it are ya?
- I'm gonna screw you, later on.
Back with another migraine?
I hope YOU get one, one day!
Yeah? I'll get you a drink.
Who's the poon
with a poker up his arse?!
Simon Berscombe.
That's his wife...
Jody.
She likes the look of the brooding monster!
Oh, my God...
It's Popeye the Sailor man!
How you goin'?!
None the better for seeing you,
you great turd!
There's a bullshit artist at every party,
and this one's no exception.
There isn't a foul-mouthed lout
at every party...
...but unfortunately this one
IS an exception.
Party? This is more like a morgue
than a party!
Let's hear it!
...and her lips so red
She's the only one can make me care
Now listen buddy, gonna let you know
She's my baby and I love her so
Because she's my baby,
Gonna keep her for my own
She's my baby and I love her so
She's my baby, never let her go
She's my baby, and I need her so
Lovin' little honey
won't you please be mine?
Take a trip to Paris, even go to Spain
Go the whole world over,
we'll go round again
There's nothing can compare with her,
I'm glad to say
She's my little baby and she's here to stay
Because she's my baby,
Gonna keep her for my own
She's my baby and I love her so
She's my baby, never let her go
She's my baby, and I need her so
Lovin' little honey
won't you please be mine?
Alright, I'm hot, I'm hot...!
At the present stage of counting,
the Liberal-Country Party Coalition
is certain to win 53 seats
and the Australian Labor Party, 54...
...with 18 of the 125 seats...
You really DO vote Liberal!?
Why?
Just an emotional thing...
I associate Labor
with coarse men in overalls.
I'm not a coarse man in overalls.
It's just an emotional thing!
Do you tend to follow your emotions?
Yes, I...
Would you mind taking your hand
off my bottom?!
-What would you do if I didn't?
- Knee you in the balls!
I don't think you would.
Ohh... shit!
it's about time somebody did that to HIM.
May I...?
Take it off!
It's very pleasant music, isn't it?
You saw what happened to HIM!
I think you should take things
into account.
What things?
Well... my wife!
What's that got to do
with YOUR hand on my bottom?
When you've had an emotional shock...
...you need something tangible
to hang onto!
Mind you, I suppose it had to come.
What?
The bust-up with my wife.
It was MY fault.
You're being very fair.
I'm being more than fair...
She's a bitch!
You said it was YOUR fault!
Yes... I'm a bit "off".
- OFF?!
- About sex.
I used to like taking photos
of my wife.
There's nothing wrong with that!
She should have felt flattered.
I used to hang them up
all round the house.
Those sort?!
And worse.
Worse?!
Yes, I'm "off"...
There's no doubt about it.
Do you know what
I wanted her to do?!
Seduce my friends, and I'd take photos
from the cupboard, without their knowing.
I am "off", aren't I?
No!
Did she do it?
Yes.
But she wouldn't let me
take the photos.
I'd be flattered if Simon wanted
to take some pictures of me!
Did you get along to the film festival
this year?
No.
Did YOU?
Yeah... good.
What counts, is Don isn't a handyman...
and there isn't much you can do about it.
I mean I've just got
to plan for it...
Apart from the satisfaction
that manual work gives you...
...the satisfaction of getting the job
done properly.
Yes, I suppose you're right...
Word of warning...
I'm not easily put off.
I wish I could say the same for myself.
How about introducing me, Malcolm?
Kerry, this Granger Cooley.
You've heard of me, no doubt?
I'm afraid I haven't.
YOU should have heard of Kerry.
Why, what do you do?
- I paint.
- Paint, eh?!
Yeah, she paints.
What sort of things
do you paint?
Actually, I'm becoming very interested
in texture.
Texture, eh?
Let's have a talk
about that later.
They tell me you've left your wife.
- SHE left ME.
- Yeah?
Well, you're better off without her.
With all due respect boy...
YOUR wife...
...is one of the great bourgeois
monsters of our time.
Bourgeois?!
She let herself be photographed in the nude
and hung up all round the house...
That's bourgeois?!
- You gotta get on to yourself.
- Let's not get nostalgic about the bitch!
- It's alright for you mate...
- What do you want to do...
...build her a shrine?!
- Bugger me, she was pretty tolerant.
- Tolerant?
- Tolerant!
- Look, I wouldn't tell you this
under normal circumstances...
- Well, don't tell me!
But it's about time
you knew the truth!
She was tolerant, alright!
I went round to your place
one afternoon...
She dragged me into bed a
nd screwed me!
Yeah?
Yeah... Digest THAT!
You digest this.
I've got a whole role of film
of that event...
...taken on a 35mm Nikon...
on Kodak XXX!
Using available light!
They come up a bit grainy
when they're enlarged...
...but you've got to expect that
from fast film.
You'd better be joking!
Jody... have you met Granger Cooley?
Pleased to meet you!
Did you really take those photographs?
Don't come on all pious with ME, mate...
You were screwing my wife!
A joke's a joke, but you don't
set a friend up like this!
You're in no position to get pious!
YOU were screwing my wife!
Fuck!
You known Cooley long?
No, not long.
What do YOU do?
I'm a teacher.
- What do YOU do?
- I'm a student.
- Are you in town long?
- I'm going back tomorrow.
Granger!
Have you met my husband, Evan?
No, I haven't.
How are ya?
I believe you're a lawyer.
Some of my clients don't!
I've been hearing
that your wife's very creative.
- I wish the critics thought so.
- Why? They been panning ya?
- No... faint praise.
- Moderate praise.
If I was a critic, you wouldn't
be getting faint praise...
What are they all?
Poofters?
Not exactly.
Do they ever proposition ya?
It's not really as corrupt
as all that.
I tell you what...
If I came to review some
hot young chick's etchings...
It'd be a case of
"No root... no review."
You must conduct a very interesting
law practice.
I'm taking a hammering tonight!
Hey, Jenny... you seen Suzy anywhere?
Man comes out after a barbecued chop...
and look what he finds!
How's Jenny?
Shithouse. What do you two
think you're doing?
Piss off, will ya!?
No... I want a bit of sausage.
Let's see you got
that I haven't got.
Sex appeal.
Kath 'll kill 'im.
You want another drink?
No thanks.
You should know enough
to come and speak to me.
You're lucky I came to speak to you at all.
Why's that?
I don't usually make a habit
of speaking to hostile bitches in corners.
I don't make a habit of speaking
to incorrigible lechers.
No... not here.
Not here!
- Where?
- In there.
- In there!
- Inside!
What about the wife?!
- Ask her!
- Ask her what?
- If she minds!
- She minds!
- She shouldn't.
I'll tell her there's some chemistry there.
It's purely physical.
Come on!
Jesus!
Hi!
I was just admiring your dcor.
Oh, it's a bit unadventurous.
The trouble with dcor is...
...if your tastes change after you've done it,
you're stuck with it.
Do YOU ever look at someone
and something clicks...
...and you say "Bang! I want him!"
- Physically!
- No!
Do you believe in honesty?
Yes.
Do you mind if I'm honest?
No.
I want to screw Don.
...seats in well-to-do
harbourside suburbs...
Mosman and Seaforth...
up to the northern beaches...
...like Manly... the sitting member
Mr Michael Mackellar...
...is very safe there, on 22,000 odd.
The seat of Wentworth
in the eastern suburbs...
...similar to Warringah...
Honest, Grange!...
Your taste in women is becoming
more adolescent as the years go by.
Just a minute!
Susan's very intelligent.
Fuck! Big tits, cow eyes...
vacuous chatter.
I think you've started your middle-age
virility fantasies already!
What happened to your receptionist?
SHE was nice!
She had a virgin brain!
No original thought
had ever penetrated!
- She WAS a bit...
- Dumb!
At least she was over 18!
You've got a prejudice
against older women!
No!
When I was 17, I stuffed a 50-year old barmaid
in the old man's pub.
She just kept saying...
"Thank you!"...
"I meant YOU!"
- How did she take it?
- She didn't say anything.
She's on anti-depressants?
She'd 've told me.
D'you think I should go and talk to her?
Yes, I think you should.
You see, I'm interstate quite often,
Canberra, and that sort of thing...
How's your old man treating YOU?
Oh... I'm a little bitch
to him sometimes.
- Bugger 'im!
- Oh, I'm neutral!
He's certainly been following
that Kerry woman round, like a puppy dog.
I wouldn't worry.
I'm not!
He's only ever made it with one other woman
since we've been married.
So surprised, he ran home to show me
the scratches on his back!
- Oh, sorry!
- No... on you go.
Do you know many
of the people here?
No... do you?
No...
I think they're mainly Don's friends.
Pretty extrovert lot,
aren't they?
I think they're a bunch of shits!
Yeah!
The most outstanding feature
of this election...
We've got 'em rooted, son!
We'll piss it in, mate!
Sorry to say this, love... but it looks
as if the Libs have had the Richard.
Oh, well I suppose a change
won't do all that much harm!
Might even do a bit of good, too...
you know...
In small ways... like health, education,
social welfare.
Shut up, shithead!
I'm having a serious political discussion...
If you don't want to participate,
piss off!
- How old IS your youngest?
Have you ever sat down...
...and really thought about
what you're doing in life?
We've got a very clear idea
of what we're doing.
Yeah... planted in your skull,
by some advertising copywriter.
Bosh!
Would it be true to say...
...that YOU are contemplating
selling your $40,000 house...
...and taking out a mortgage
on a $60,000 dwelling?
How did YOU know?
Never mind about that,
but what I would really like to know...
...is what are your motives
for this particular piece of insanity?
I'll hit you with my beer mug
in a minute.
- I'm thinking of having another baby.
- You don't have to answer him!
Oh, I'll answer him!
You can't get pregnant in a $40,000 house...
It's too cheap and nasty, is it?
We need the space!
Bullshit! You've got 4 bedrooms already!
I'll tell you what it is!...
I'll tell you what it is...
It's status!
That's what it is...
the whole thing's status... S-T-A-T-U-S!
The government's been in power
for a long time...
It's begun to run out of ideas...
It's begun to get panicky.
The opposition's beginning to look
for the first time
like a really good alternative government.
How much has it cost the Labor Party
to fight this election in New South Wales alone?
About $200,000.
Are YOU particularly interested
in this election?
- Not enough.
- Me neither.
- Good.
Look, it doesn't make much difference
who gets in, does it?
Look, I'll still be able to take home
my 20,000 a year, clear...
That's not bad,
for extracting the odd molar!
Are you a socialist?
Yes... yes, aren't YOU?
Well, yes... in a way...
Well, I suppose all of us
are socialists, in a way.
Well I think it's the profit-motive
that keeps the old economy ticking...
I think we'd better stop discussing politics.
Otherwise I might end up
planting you one on the jaw!
Have a beer!
I think I'll let the fire die down a bit
before we put the meat on.
I built it up a bit too much.
You better hold the pizzas off for while,
until I get the meat cooked, eh?
S-T-A-T-U-S!
S-T-A-T-U-S!
Alright, you've convinced everyone you can spell...
Now piss off!
It's got nothing to do with it!
Like hell, it hasn't!
Are you usually as rude to people
as you're being at the moment?
What do you expect?
On trumpeting a property conservatism...
As if God should kiss your arse for it!
I didn't TRUMPET it!
At least SIMON...
Simon had the grace to lie
that he was neutral!
I wasn't lying!
Alright, OK, I'll take that back...
You weren't lying.
- I mean it! I wasn't lying!
- Alright! Alright!
When someone calls me a liar,
I believe I'm entitled to object!
- You are perfectly entitled to object!
- Right!
Now, shut up!... I'm having an argument
with your wife... alright?
Pea-brain!
I'm sorry, Don, but when the level of argument
degenerates into personal abuse...
It's time to leave!
"Personal abuse"?
What do you mean "personal abuse"?
What do you think
calling me a pea-brain is?!
- Accurate!
- Cut it out, Simon.
Well, he's a fuckin' pea-brain!
So... we'd no sooner landed
and ordered a drink...
...that HE announces that he's randy!
ME? The first words he said were
"Let's get ourselves a screw, Cool!
Absolute lie!
My success with women
affects this little runt.
Absolute fuckin' ratshit lie!
Anyway, to get on with the story...
There we are in the restaurant...
We gaze over the restaurant...
...and we see these two
magnificent-lookin' waitresses.
Absolute rat shit!...
The bottom of the barrel!
You seemed quite enthusiastic
at the time.
"You're my friend... you want something...
I get it for you!
- Isn't he sickening?!
- No.
So we sat down
and ordered this meal.
At this stage I did nothing more
than to throw in a few quick quips...
...to establish myself as a man
of refinement and wit!
Oh, yes... that jazz...
"Hi, gorgeous, care for a screw?"
No, the secret is to wait
for the right moment...
...and come in on the right question.
"Where are you from?"
asks one of them.
- "Why, South Africa," I replied.
- South Africa?!
Why would anyone want to say
they came from South fuckin' Africa?!
Oh, I never mix politics and sex.
Oh, the pizzas!...
Would anyone like a pizza?
Barbecue's ready!
- Excuse me!
- Okay, everyone, come on!
There are plates and salad
on the patio!
Well, Cooley got into HIS bird,
but mine was biologically indisposed.
Most disgusting thing I can remember,
is the night I met him, in this little bistro.
That bistro was number one!
From Wednesday night onwards
you couldn't get in there...
...for medium to good-quality
secretarial twat!
And no sooner had Malcolm arrived...
...than this great bird walked past!
"You want my body, don't you," I said.
Which is a pretty standard approach
of mine over the years.
Having salad?
Enter, the tooth-fairy!
Not hungry?
What's wrong?
This party shits me.
Do you want to go home?
Do you?
I promised I'd drop in and see Cam...
I told you.
You've been with him all afternoon!
He's nearly finished the work
for his exhibition...
And he wants me there
to comment.
It's exciting!
It's about time you concentrated
on your own work.
What's that supposed to mean?
Well, maybe the critics had a point.
I thought you said you couldn't
understand their jargon.
I can understand words
like "sloppy" and "self-indulgent"!
What time can I expect you home?
Jesus! I thought we discussed all this!
I'm not putting a curfew on you... it's...
I just want to know whether
it's worth my waiting up, that's all.
- I knew our marriage 'd be a disaster!
- It's NOT a disaster!
Then why don't you put a ball and chain on me?
That's what you want, isn't it?!
Now, may I have my pizza?!
There's your bloody pizza!
Holy Jesus!
It rained all afternoon.
I didn't notice, because I'd put the canvas out
all over the top, just in case it rained.
And when it got cold,
the guests were inside...
- I mean really..
- In certain ways...
Better move your car, mate...
Evan can't get out.
Troubles?
I'm supposed to forego
any meaningful involvement
with anyone but HIM!
No right!
So I'm involved with other men...
so what!?
He knows I don't do it to spite him.
He's just so bloody immature.
Been writing anything lately?
- I got a poem published last week.
- Marvellous! Where?
Newspaper.
- Marvellous!
- It's shit!
Hello, gorgeous!
Care for a screw?
He used to say "fuck"!
Any particular reason
for the change?
Yeah... I get more fucks
when I say "screw"!
Is he ALWAYS like this?
It's just his tough exterior.
Underneath is a sensitive, vulnerable man.
It's true! He once screwed a woman
with a tin leg, out of sheer pity.
She was very well adjusted...
except that the kneecap squeaked.
You would be the coarsest,
most sex-obsessed person I have ever met!
And a fine sexual technician, to boot!
- Who says?
- I says.
You COULD be overestimating yourself.
I COULD be.
It's the first piece of modesty
I've heard from you all night.
I just threw it in, to intrigue you!
I'm a little intrigued!
You're moe than a little intrigued.
How would you know?
I know a woman on heat,
when I see one!
- How?
- Their eyes moisten.
- Is this test conclusive?
-I have other tests.
Bennelong is a Liberal seat
and at the moment it doesn't look
quite as safe as it used to be.
It's a middle north-shore area...
sitting member Sir John Cremer...
of the Liberal Party...
Slut!
Another one counted as safe Liberal
in Sydney's more affluent suburbs
on the northern line to Hawkesbury...
...held in the previous parliament
by Mr T. Hughes...
The seat of Blaxland
in the south-western suburbs...
You might refill those empty glasses
out there.
Let them do it themselves...
they've got legs.
You're the one who throws
these bloody parties...
...and you won't even accept the responsibility
of looking after your guests!
It's funny... but...
this is the first time...
...I thought it 'd be all right to do this
with a man I've just met.
It's very flattering of you, my dear,
but I don't believe you.
Usually it's an organic part
of the whole relationship.
Well... ORGAN first!
Relationship later!
A very interesting philosophical point!
You made some sort of arrangement
with my husband?
No.
Doesn't actually grow on you,
does he?
I'm sorry... I guess I was a little bit naive.
I sometimes get strongly attracted
to someone.
Do YOU?
No... sometimes.
Have you ever felt yourself
strongly attracted to women?
No!
It's nothing to be ashamed of,
if you have.
Oh, but I haven't!
Kerry's very beautiful, isn't she?
Yes, she's very attractive.
She's really beautiful!
Now we're bonding a piece of metal
across the area where the arm
actually fits the hand...
Jesus!
Excuse me, Kath...
have you seen Kerry?
Isn't she outside?
Shit! Where's Cooley?
You know what their marriage is like!
- Well don't blame me!
- You must admit it's exciting!
I hope you're satisfied!
Go on... make a fool of yourself,
as usual... go on!
Get him off, will ya?!
Get outside... get out!
Just get out... go on!
Get outside!
You don't beat people up, just because
they take a liking to your wife!
Outside!
"Get outside"... what are you...
a fuckin' parrot?!
Look I don't care
what the circumstances are...
You don't go interrupting a man and a woman
at their most intimate moment!
Look... I'll tell you something...
I wouldn't like to be in your shoes
if you hit me...
I'll sue you for assault!
I'm a lawyer.
I'm gonna smash your bloody teeth in!
He's a dentist!
Stop this at once!
Stop acting like a sad adolescent!
And YOU stop acting
like a bloody nymphomaniac!
Look... if you're not prepared to allow me
some degree of emotional autonomy...
...then THAT is it!
"Emotional autonomy"?!
When you start screwing oafs like that...
it's emotional insanity!
Oafs? Hey, fella, get ya facts straight
before you start calling people names!
Let's face it...
We you start screwing boorish
loud-mouthed oafs...
What's so special about HER, anyway?
I scored the National Charity Queen...
two years in a row!
Get your things!
Get your things!
If you think this is giving you some sort
of moral leverage over me, you're wrong!
Look, are you coming, or aren't you?!
I am not your personal chattel!
And I am taking steps to make sure
that I am not YOURS!
...this election is different from the 1929 election...
Are you threatening me!?
Well, you just work that out
for yourself!
Are you coming?
No.
Look I will ask you once more...
You can ask me
as many time as you like.
That's your final answer?
Yes.
Well, right!
Don't show your face in here again,
you shit!
Talk about "coitus interruptus"!
I'm gonna shoot meself...
when those bastards get back in.
I'm gonna shoot meself.
I thought we were winning!?
They're stuffed!...
16 of the 18 doubtfuls are going to the Liberals.
Where did you hear that?
5 minutes ago.
Fuckin' bastards are getting back
on the DLP preferences.
We're stuffed!
My old man used to vote DLP.
Yeah... I had an argument
with him once...
Didn't like the "permissive society".
Wanted to return
to "Catholic moral purity".
He was the last of
the great Catholic shaggers!
He died "on the job", you know?
By the time they got him dressed,
they couldn't put his teeth back in.
Have you...
Have you got any
of those photos?
- What photos?
- Of me and your wife.
Oh... I carry a couple of dozen
around in my wallet!
Did they turn out alright?
Jesus, Cooley!...
Ruth and I have just separated...
Doesn't that...
Well look it's a bit disconcerting
for a man to realise...
...that there are pornographic photographs
of him, floating around.
Well, they're selling very well!
I'll get it.
Are you really selling those photos?
- Yep.
- What are they worth?
$8... set of 6.
Save us a couple, will you.
Matte or gloss?
Matte!
- Why did they do it, Cools?
- What?
Ask you to seduce my friends.
I think I was curious.
She didn't respond to me...
So I wanted to see if she did
with other men.
SHE didn't respond much to ME, mate.
Don't crap!
I was in the bloody cupboard.
Anyone for a swim?
Don... don't be ridiculous...
We can't use the Mitchell's pool!
If they're rich enough to take the whole family
for a trip to Japan...
...then they can bloody well
lend us their pool!
Liberal-voting turds!
YOU just need more experience.
Why don't you have a go at Jody?
Do you think she's interested?
Ya didn't see how she looked at ya?
- When?
- All night!
Mate... she's very impressed!
What about her husband?
That poofter?
I'll take care of HIM.
SHE wouldn't be interested in HIM!
He couldn't do any worse than YOU!
Crap!
Come on! You've been swingin' your dick
at everything available...
...and missin' by yards!
- As usual!
What's YOUR story?
What?
All YOU seem to be good for these days,
is planting native trees.
Do you know how I get 'em to grow so fast?
No.
Nitrogen balls.
It's true...
Nitrogen balls.
I've got a mahogany gum out there
grew 5 feet this spring.
Want to see it?
No!
My God!...
Time showed you two up, didn't it?
How long is it since I met you, now?
12... 13... 14 years?!
Some little prick was throwing a party.
Yeah... it was me!
And there they were...
Sutherland, the brilliant academic...
And Henderson...
his adoring young pupil!
Holding the floor...
...giving their celebrated imitation of 2 men
destined to leave their mark on the world.
Sorry if we disappointed you.
I remember how grateful I was
when you adopted me!
Poor little shit-kicker Cooley...
...refugee from a Catholic choir!
Buyer of the contraceptives...
For 5 years I let myself be patronised
by a pair of self-inflated bullshit-artists!
The 2 great minds...
Sutherland, plotting the right strategic moment
to enter politics...
...so he can make his way
to the prime ministership
with minimum delay.
Crap!
And Henderson here... Henderson...
giving lengthy debates...
...on whether it'd be better to have
his magnificent, but never-completed novel
published here, or in London!
You should 've gone into politics,
Mal, you know...
You should 've finished that novel, too.
Here we go again...
"Mutual Arse-Lickers Incorporated"!
Well, what've YOU done,
that's so bloody magnificent?
Bloody lawyer!
People who need 'em most
can't damn well afford 'em...
Deny that!
I don't HAVE to deny it.
I'm not posing as a champion
of the oppressed.
...with 2 thirds of the votes counted tonight,
it looks like a clean sweep...
...with the allocation of preferences, would suggest
that Mr Coates in fact would have...
How's the election going?
Fine, if you're a fascist.
Oh, well, sometimes I don't think
it matters who wins.
Well the country's run by the Public Service,
anyway, isn't it?
Don't be such a bloody cretin!
'Course it matters!
We've got the worst health, education
and social services of any industrialised nation!
Well, why don't you go live in Russia?!
What a cunt!
You don't know what you're fuckin' talkin about!
You do realise, don't you...
..education, in any society...
You DO realise that, don't you?!
I just don't believe in socialism,
that's all.
Socialism... You don't even know
the fuckin' meaning of the word!
The Labor Party is just mildly reformist,
that's all!
- Mildly?! What about Jim Cairns?!
- Put your bloody clothes on!
Don't tell ME that Jim Cairns
is just mildly reformist!
You'd think they live for politics,
wouldn't you?!
All Don ever does is pass out
a few how-to-vote cards.
Mal doesn't even hand out cards.
Let's face it Jody...
We're married to a couple of...
Bullshit-artists?
What about the fuckin' pensioners, eh?
Starving THEM!
I think there's nothing wrong
with a discussion...
...but I don't think people should argue
with people they don't agree with!
- I don't want to talk about it!
- Because you know I'm bloody-well right!
We're having terrible trouble
with young Richard at the moment.
They're easy at Richard's age!...
Just wait till he's a bit older.
Hell, they're on babies!
You wait till you've had some yourself.
I'm not.
They don't turn me on, I'm afraid.
How can you tell what your real feelings
towards children are...
...until you've had some yourself?
That's like saying you ought to eat shit,
in case it tastes like watermelon.
All I can say is, having sex for its own sake,
is a rather hollow motive.
Oh, come on, Jenny!
Some people carry on,
as if it's the only thing in life!
Who... ME?
I wasn't referring to anyone in particular.
Look... if you think I enjoy being mauled
by your randy husbands...
...then you're wrong!
Men are pigs!
Yes... I must apologise for Evan.
Yes, he did sound a little upset!
Oh, Kath... He's always going off
about something or other!
If you ask ME...
he had good cause!
You're entitled to your opinion.
Well, I mean I like Cooley as a person...
I can't see what anyone
would see in him as a MAN!
A lot of women find him
very attractive.
Must have hidden talents!
Certainly isn't hiding them
at the moment!
What IS Cooley like, in bed?
Well, he's not all that big...
But he's energetic, for his age.
And inventive!
Don plods on for hours...
Bores me stupid.
Ah... the long slow grind!
What's Simon like, Jenny?
Well, he's not as BIG as my father...
I used to see him under the shower!
You can't always tell,
when they're on the slack.
I don't think anatomical details
are very important.
Surely it's the feeling between people,
that counts?
Yes, I've known some fine little pricks,
in MY time!
No... seriously! I mean, women
become attracted to other women.
The thought of touching another woman's body,
makes my flesh crawl!
Why? The female body is infinitely
more beautiful than the male.
How do women...
...do it?!
Well, they...
Righto, ladies... come on!
It's time to dance!
Righto, Simon, old cock!
Don't just stand there
like a stuffed dummy!
Get one of those lovely ladies up on her feet,
and giver a whirl!
'Plastic Lips'.
Yeah, why not?!
Would you like us
to dance together?
What?
We can dance till we're dead!
I don't like the sound of that!
Jenny!
No, I haven't danced for years.
Well, it's about time you did,
then, girl!
I'd rather not.
Come on, Jen, for Christ's sake...
Get up and have a dance!
All I did was ask her for a dance!
Why don't you give her a drink?
Sorry!
Hey!
Sorry!
Let's have a drink.
I just get SO depressed!
Oh, Jenny... look...
You've got 4 beautiful children...
and your husband's 2nd lieutenant to God,
and still rising!
Our marriage is a farce!
Whose isn't?!
Oh, really?!
Oh, we both used to love our kids.
Even make love, too.
Sick, isn't it?!
I just...
Christ, Jenny... you're attractive,
you're intelligent...
Let's face it, Don...
I've been out of the human race
for 10 bloody years!
I know you're not
the slightest bit interested!
You can sit there and listen.
I've lost it, Don!
All I can do is just sit in corners
and hate other people,
for being competent human beings!
It's getting so the only people I can take,
are shits!
Thanks a lot!
As soon as he's got enough money,
he'll clear out and he'll leave me...
You wait and see!
- Finish your degree.
- Oh, stuff my degree!
Have an affair.
Have an affair!
Try having an affair after 4 kids
have made your tits droop!
You're stomach looks like something
that got stuck into a soggy
steamed pudding, with a fucking whip!
I mean, let's face it...
If you had to choose between me and that
flat-stomached melon-breasted tart out there...
Who'd it be?
Yeah!
This looks a rather nice little drop...
Our Conservative friend
knows a good red when he sees one!
It's about time
you made your move, mate!
This is no time to get cold feet,
my boy!
Actually, I must get across
to the Barossa again, pretty soon...
- Our cellar's getting pretty depleted.
- When were you over there last?
About 3 years ago.
Brought back 14 dozen bottles...
mainly reds.
But there was the odd case of white.
That's a coincidence!
I was over there 3 years ago.
That's very interesting.
Actually, there's nothing like
a trip to the vineyards, is there?
Right!... Right!
Mind you... My trip wasn't all roses.
About half way round the circuit
I picked up this stomach wog...
...and started shitting like a camel!
Actually, to be more accurate...
it was more of a dribble.
Because I'd been tasting wine
and eating cheese for days...
...the old sphincter didn't have
anything solid to come to grips with.
Stung like a bastard, too!
But I was buggered if I was gonna let
any stomach wog get the better of me, so...
I stuffed a newspaper down me strides...
...and did a quick change
after every winery!
I find that if I have a good solid shit
at about 8 o'clock in the morning...
...the rest of the day
just falls into place!
Do YOU shit at a regular
time of the day, Simon?
- Look... do we really have to...?
- What about YOU, Suzie?
No!
You're not the constipated type,
I hope?
Do you really think that excretion
is an interesting topic of conversation?
We ALL have to do it!
We don't have to talk about it!
What ARE you?...
An anal prude?!
I just don't enjoy talking
about shitting!
You probably don't even enjoy shitting!
Excuse us, Kath...
It's getting pretty late.
Jody, I think it's about time
we went home.
I'm just starting to relax.
I hope I haven't offended you, old chap!
- I was just telling him about this terrible...
- I'm tired... I'm really feeling tired.
Oh, I'm not!
You go home and get some sleep, dear!
I'll get a taxi.
I'd prefer it if you came with me!
Why?!
I just would!
Are you worried about me DOING something?!
No.
Go home and get some sleep then!
What am I gonna tell the babysitter
when I get home without ya?
Stuff the babysitter!
Thanks Kath...
Jody's not feeling too tired,
so she'll be staying just a bit longer.
Oh... fine...
Sorry, Simon.
Don...
You going now, Simon?
I must say that I didn't realise
that university-educated people
could be so bloody uncouth!
The Prime Minister, Mr John Gorton...
...has claimed to have been returned to office
with a narrow majority...
...in today's federal election.
Thanks for the hospitality, Don!
- You going?
- Yeah.
- I'll drive you, eh?
- I called a cab, thanks.
Are you going home?
What are you going to do
about Evan?
I don't know...
Quite a problem, really.
I think it's one of those unfortunate situations...
...where one partner develops
and the other one doesn't.
Now be a good girl, and take this,
and catch a cab back to the hotel...
...and I'll see you a little later.
I want to stay!
You want to stay?
Why do you want to stay?
Why do YOU?
'Bye!
Hey... wait a minute!
Taxi's waiting... got to run!
You told me this was gonna be
a MORAL party!
Something didn't quite gel.
And everybody talks permissive.
When it comes to the crunch...
You put your hand on a woman's bum...
You can get crippled.
Shut your neck!
Well, look at YOU...
Itchin' to get into it!
Too gutless to try!
They'll hold hands...
'n look into each other's eyes.
The whole of Western society
stinks of hypocrisy!
You are so right!
You won't stop them now...
We're into the mutual admiration stage.
Yeah... 15 glasses!
- Suzy baby!...
- No!
What do you think I am? I'm not a thing
you can jump on, any time you feel the urge!
Come on baby... what is this...
I bring you down here for a holiday...
Well, tough luck!
You should 've gone for Kerry...
Coz as far as I'm concerned,
you've wasted your money!
Listen here, Susan...
You just better...
Piss off!
Why don't you lick each other's arses?!
Now, that is not very nice!
What is the most boring way
that any society could regulate sex?
Marriage.
Marriage.
You know what's wrong
with OUR marriage?!
- What?
- The size of your thing!
What's wrong with it?
Nothing... He's just got
an obsession about it.
Still?!
If it is just an obsession...
Then how come YOU can't have an orgasm?!
How can I have an orgasm...
...when I'm worrying about YOU worrying
about the size of your member?!
- Size isn't important!
- It's NOT small!
I just THINK it is!
The real problem, with OUR marriage,
is money.
Money?!
You earn TWICE what I do!
Why are you pointing at ME?
Extravagance!
Extravagance!
My son has a cashmere coat worth $60...
He's worn it twice!
Twice!
It's none of my business...
But I WAS surprised when Don told me
you'd spent over $400
on the kids' Christmas presents
last year.
And who told Don?!
I did.
I did!
She uses those kids as a status symbol...
Rip into the bitch!
And we weren't impressed to hear you'd thrown
a fully-catered-for dinner party...
...a week after we'd lent you the money.
30 dozen oysters
and French champagne.
Well, at least when I throw a party,
I don't feed my guests on chips and Twisties!
Couldn't stand te sight of them
a minute longer!
At least we live within our means.
I don't mind lending money to people,
if they really need it!
For God's sake, Mal...
Write them a cheque!
Right...
Don't be so ridiculous...
I won't take it!
Don't be so ridiculous!
There's absolutely no need!
Two dollars!
That's all there is in there.
Jenny just bought a swimming pool
for the kids.
Why all this stupid jealousy
and possessiveness...
I mean it should be
the most natural thing in the world...
...for me to say to you...
"Don, why don't you have Jenny for the night?"
I don't think we could fit 3 in the bed.
What happened to YOU?
He fell asleep.
It should be the most natural thing
in the world!
Of course it should.
Oh, it SHOULD, should it?!
Yes, it should!
It's funny how you never have the guts
to champion wife-swapping...
...until you've had a gutful of beer!
That's right!...
Sorry, Don...
I'm afraid that's one
of your natural failings...
...a lack of moral courage!
Is that so?
Now don't take this
as an insult, fella...
But you are a weak turd!
Now, 10 years ago...
you'd written me off.
No... now come on...
You'd written me off...
Thrown out of academia...
...just because it wouldn't take
a stupid PhD...
Now, let's not be modest...
Let's not be modest!
Let's NOT be modest!
But I dug in my toes!
And I fought back!
Because there's iron in my soul!
Now, just a minute!...
The day you were booted out of the uni...
I said "Mark my words"...
"That man is down,
but he's not out."
If anybody's going to make a million,
HE will!
I remember that...
and I was flattered.
It wasn't meant as flattery.
It was in recognition of your talents
for obsequiousness and bullshit!
I know how it was meant...
and I still took it as a compliment.
Those were great days, weren't they?
They were bloody great days.
Bloody great days.
Mal...
I'd like you to have Kath
for the night.
Don...
I would like you to have Jenny
for the night.
Kath...
I didn't MEAN it, you stupid prick!
They were great days, weren't they?
Great days!
Oh, yes... they were great days!
Great bloody days!
That's why I had to put YOU
on an invalid's diet!
But you couldn't cope with your job,
or anything else for that matter.
You had ulcers at 24!
Had to wash all your clothes...
Cook all your meals...
Because your little mummy
hadn't told you...
The world is a fucking big place!
And nobody gives a stuff
about little Donny Henderson!
Boy wonder! Adolescent genius...
and you're a full-grown bomb-out!
Family man, schoolteacher, gardener,
tree-surgeon, handyman, good provider...
I had to creep around our flat
for years...
I had to creep around, while Donny Genius here
tapped out his earth-shattering novel!
Which was to place him,
and I quote...
"among the all-time fucking greats"!
I've never said that!
- That's a lie... I've never said that!
- I had to wait 7 years...
7 years before I was ALLOWED
to have a child!
Jesus Christ!
I wasn't ALLOWED to do pottery until last year,
because you considered it so mundane!
You make me sick, Henderson!
You really shit me!
I'm going to bed.
Kath... I'd like to apologise...
You shit me even more!
Why?
What have I done?
You don't have to DO anything, Sutherland...
You're just a born shit!
You leave him alone!
YOU shit me, too!
The feeling is mutual!
And make sure we get the rest of the money
by the end of the week.
Your idiot of a husband
earns twice as much as mine does!
That just shows you what an idiot
your husband is!
I'm going to bed.
So you keep saying!
Listen...
We mustn't let this little argument
upset OUR relationship.
If YOU think that marriage
is so bloody boring...
...you can get out,
and you can take your kid with you!
It's not MY kid!
I think she might 've been talking to ME!
Jesus!
Where are they?!
Who?
Cooley...
We didn't do anything, Simon...
Simon! We didn't do anything!
She's not here,
you mad bastard!
I could kill you!
Stop it!
Just go home, the lot of you!
Go home!
Don...
Come to bed!