Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986) Movie Script
It is a beautiful day in Chicago.
Temperatures in the upper 70's.
Right now, 75 at the lakefront,
74 at Midway, 73 at O'Hare.
Tom!
- What's the matter?
- It's Ferris. Look at him.
Ferris?
He doesn't have a fever, but his
stomach hurts and he's seeing spots.
- What's the matter, Ferris?
- Papa?
Feel his hands,
they're cold and clammy.
- I'm fine. I'll get up.
- No!
- I have a test today.
- No.
I must take it. I want to go to a good
college, so I can have a fruitful life.
Honey, you're not
going to school like this.
- What's his problem?
- He doesn't feel well.
Dry that one out,
you can fertilise the lawn.
Jeanie, is that you?
I can't see that far. Jeanie?
Jeanie, I...
- Bite the big one, junior.
- Jeanie, you get to school.
If I was bleeding out my eyes, you'd
make me go to school. It's so unfair.
Jeanie, don't be upset with me.
You have your health, be thankful.
That's it! I want out of this family.
I'm okay. I'll just sleep.
I'll have an aspirin around noon.
I'm showing some houses
to that family from Vermont today.
My office will know just where I am
if you need me.
- I'll check on you too, pal.
- I have such loving, caring parents.
You're both very special people.
- You get better, pumpkin.
- Okay, pumpkin.
I'll be home at six sharp.
If you need anything, call.
Ringy-dingy.
- We love you, sweetie.
- I love you, too.
Call if you need us.
They bought it.
Incredible! A terrible performance,
and they never doubted it for a second.
How could I be expected
to handle school on a day like this?
This is my ninth sick day. It's tough
coming up with new illnesses.
If I go for ten, I'll have to barf up a lung.
So I'd better make this one count.
The key to faking out the parents
is the clammy hands.
It's a good non-specific symptom.
I'm a big believer in it.
A lot of people will tell you
to go for a phoney fever.
But if you get a nervous mother, you
could wind up in a doctor's office.
You fake a stomach cramp.
When you're bent over wailing,
you lick your palms.
It's childish and stupid,
but then, so is high school.
Life moves pretty fast.
If you don't stop and look around
once in a while, you could miss it.
I do have a test today,
that wasn't bullshit.
It's on European socialism.
What's the point?
I'm not European, so who
gives a crap if they're socialists?
They could be fascist anarchists,
it still wouldn't buy me a car.
I recall Central Park in fall
how you tore your dress
what a mess, I confess...
It's not that I condone fascism,
or any "ism".
A person should not believe in an
"ism", he should believe in himself.
I quote John Lennon: "I don't believe
in Beatles. I just believe in me."
A good point there.
After all, he was the walrus.
I could be the walrus,
I'd still have to bum rides off people.
Adams.
Adamly.
- Here.
- Adamowlsky, Adamson.
- Adler.
- Here.
- Anderson. Anderson?
- Here.
Bueller.
Bueller.
Bueller. Bueller.
He's sick. My best friend's sister's
boyfriend's brother's girlfriend -
- saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavours
last night. I guess it's pretty serious.
- Thank you, Simone.
- No problem whatsoever.
Frye.
Frye. Frye.
- Hello?
- Cameron, what's happening?
- Very little.
- How do you feel?
- Shredded.
- Is your mother in the room?
She's in Decatur.
Unfortunately she's not staying.
- Where are you?
- I'm taking the day off, come on over.
- I can't, stupid, I'm sick.
- That's all in your head.
- Come on over.
- I feel like shit. I can't go anywhere.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Now come on over and pick me up.
I'm dying.
You're not dying. Youjust
can't think of anything good to do.
Cameron really needs a day off.
He has a lot of things to sort out
before he goes to college.
When Cameron was in Egypt's land
let my Cameron go.
Cameron is so tight -
- that a lump of coal stuck up his ass
would turn into a diamond.
- Katie Bueller.
- Edward Rooney, Dean of Students.
I'm so sorry.
I completely forgot to call.
- You know your son isn't in school?
- Yes. Ferris is home sick.
I had a meeting this morning.
I forgot to call. I'm very sorry.
Are you also aware -
- that Ferris does not have
an exemplary attendance record.
What?
He has missed an unacceptable
number of school days.
Ferris is not taking
his academic growth seriously.
I've spent my morning
examining his records.
If Ferris thinks he can coast through
to graduation, he is sorely mistaken.
I have no reservation whatsoever-
- about holding him back
another year.
- This is all news to me.
- It usually is.
- He has been absent nine times.
- Nine times?
- Nine times.
- He hasn't been sick nine times.
That's probably because he
wasn't sick, he was skipping school.
Wake up and smell the coffee.
It's a fool's paradise. He's leading
you down the primrose path.
- I can't believe lt.
- It's right here in front of me.
He has missed nine days...
I asked for a car. I got a computer.
How's that for being born unlucky?
Grace!
Mr Rooney, Ferris is home
and he is very ill.
- I debated even leaving him.
- Grace!
At this time of year, children
are prone to taking the day off.
But I can assure you
that Ferris is a very sick boy.
Never had one lesson.
In 1930 the House of Representatives,
in an effort to alleviate the effects of...
Anyone?
The Great Depression.
Passed the... anyone?
The Holly-Smoot Tariff Act.
Which raised or lowered?
Raised tariffs in an effort to collect
more government revenue.
Did it work?
Anyone know the effects?
It did not work and the United States
sank deeper into the Depression.
Today, we have a similar debate
over this. Anyone know what this is?
Anyone seen this before?
The Laffer curve.
Anyone know what this says?
It says that at this point
on the revenue curve -
- you will get exactly the same
amount of revenue as at this point.
Does anyone know
what Bush called this in 1980?
Anyone? Something-doo economics.
Voodoo economics.
Jeanie, I'm really sorry
about your brother.
What are you sorry for?
I have to live with him.
- I heard he's really sick.
- Who said he's sick?
A bunch of people
say he's close to death.
I heard that if Ferris dies, he's
giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder.
He's such a sweetie. Got to go.
- Hi, Jeanie.
- Shut up.
How desperate is the situation?
Did you see "Alien"?
When the creature
was in that guy's stomach?
It feels like that.
Freshman.
- Are you kidding?
- Do I sound like I'm kidding?
- It's Ferris Bueller.
- He got me out of summer school.
We appreciate you letting us
know how you're doing.
I hope he doesn't die.
I can't handle summer school.
- Give me somebody else.
- Sure, hold on.
- Did you see "Alien"?
- Yeah, why?
Hello? Hi, Ferris, how's your bod?
You're dying?
- Is it serious?
- I hope not.
- I may need a kidney transplant.
- Shit! Are you upset?
- Excuse me.
- Will you be alive this weekend?
- Yeah, I'd say so.
- Great. Maybe I'll see you.
I don't trust this kid
any further than I can throw him.
With your bad knee, Ed,
you shouldn't throw anybody. It's true.
What is so dangerous about him
is that he gives good kids bad ideas.
The last thing I need is 1,500 Bueller
disciples running around these halls.
He jeopardises my ability
to govern this student body.
- He makes you look like an ass.
- Thank you, but you're wrong.
He's very popular.
Sportoes, motorheads, geeks,
sluts, bloods, wasteoids, -
- dweebies, dickheads,
they all adore him.
That is why I have got to catch him.
To show these kids that his example
is a first-class ticket to nowhere.
Ed! You sounded
like Dirty Harry just then.
Really?
Thanks, Grace.
- You can't make me wait like this.
- Let me rot in peace.
It's my ninth sick day. If I get caught,
I won't graduate. I'm doing this for you.
- Do you know what my diastolic is?
- Take some Pepto Bismal.
- Get dressed and come on over.
- Shut up.
Hold your water for a second.
I've got another call... Hello?
- Ferris. You sound terrible.
- Darn, I thought I was improving.
- Were you sleeping?
- Dad, can you hang on for a second?
- Sure, pal.
- Hang on.
- Cameron, it's my dad.
- Great. Keep me out of it.
If you're not over here in 15 minutes,
you can find a new best friend.
Dad, all this talking has made me
kind of light-headed.
- I think I ought to lie down.
- Wrap a hot towel round your head.
- Wrap a hot towel round my head?
- Make some soup, then get a nap.
- Ferris, I love you, pal.
- I love you, too.
I bet Cameron is sitting in his car
debating whether or not to go out.
He'll keep calling me until I come over.
He'll make me feel guilty.
This is ridiculous. I'll go. I'll go.
I'll go. Shit!
Goddammit!
Forget it. That's it.
In what way...
...does the author's
use of the prison...
...symbolise...
...the protagonist's struggle?
And how does this relate -
- to our discussion
of the uses of irony?
Mr Nolan, may I interrupt, please?
Sloane Peterson,
may I have a word with you, dear?
I'm afraid that I am the bearer
of bad tidings.
Your father called.
Your grandmother has just passed.
- No...
- Oh, darling! Honey...
- Dead grandmother?
- That's what Mr Peterson said.
I had Florence Sparrow
notify the poor little lamb.
- Who is this girl going out with?
- It's so hard to tell these days.
I do see her with Ferris Bueller
quite a bit.
Would you get me
Mr Peterson's daytime number?
- Ed Rooney's Office.
- This is George Peterson.
Please hold.
What do you know, it's Mr Peterson.
Do you still want
his daytime number?
- Ed Rooney.
- Ed, this is George Peterson.
- How are you today, sir?
- Well, we've had a blt of bad luck.
Yeah, I heard. I'm all broken up.
Boy, what a blow.
Yeah, It's been a tough morning.
We've got a lot of family business.
If you wouldn't mind excusing Sloane,
I'd appreciate lt.
Sure, I'd be happy to.
You just produce a corpse,
and I'll release Sloane.
I want to see this dead grandmother
first-hand.
It's all right, it's Ferris Bueller.
I'm setting a trap for him.
Ed, I'm sorry, did you say
you wanted to see a body?
Yeah, roll her old bones over here
and I'll dig up your daughter.
That's school policy.
Was this your mother?
No, my wife's mother.
- Ed Rooney's Office.
- This is Ferris Bueller for Mr Rooney.
Hold...
I'll tell you what, dipshit,
if you don't like my policies, -
- you can come down here
and smooch my big old white butt.
- Pucker up, Buttercup. What?
- Ferris Bueller is on line two.
Mr Rooney,
I'm not feeling very well today.
Could my sister bring home
any assignments from my classes?
Have a nice day.
Mr Peterson...
I think I owe you an apology.
- I should say you do.
- I...
I think you should be sorry,
for Christ's sake.
A family member dies and you
insult me! What's wrong with you?
Well... I really don't know.
I didn't think I was talking to you.
You know that I would never
deliberately insult you like that.
Pardon my French,
but you're an asshole! Asshole!
You're absolutely right, sir.
Find out where she is.
- This isn't over yet. Do you read me?
- Loud and clear, Mr Peterson.
- Call me sir, goddammit!
- Yes, sir.
That's better.
You mind your P's and Q's,
and remember who you're dealing with.
Bueller. Ferris Bueller.
I'm scared.
What if he recognises my voice?
Lmpossible. You're doing great.
Rooney!
Rooney, calm down.
- Just a moment.
- Just a little office difficulty.
I don't have all day to bark at you,
so I'm going to make this short.
I want my daughter out
in front of the school by herself.
- What?
- That's too suspicious.
- Talk.
- You!
- Talk!
- Rooney! Pay attention.
I want you out there with her.
I want a few words with you.
We don't have time to talk right now.
We'll get together over lunch.
- What's wrong with you?
- Wait!
- Where's your brain?
- Why did you kick me?
How can we pick up Sloane
if Rooney is there with her?
I said for her to be there alone
and you freaked.
I didn't hit you.
I lightly slapped you.
You hit me.
Don't ask me to participate in your crap
if you don't like the way I do it.
You make me get out of bed
and come here.
You make me make a phoney call
to Edward Rooney.
The man could squash my nuts.
- And you deliberately hurt my feelings.
- No.
I did not deliberately
hurt your feelings. I didn't.
- What are you doing?
- See you later. I'm going home.
- Have a nice life.
- Cameron, wait a minute.
I didn't mean to lose my temper.
I'm sorry, it was uncalled for.
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
You did screw up though, right?
- Not that it was completely your fault.
- Why?
To fix the situation, I'm going
to have to ask you for a favour.
The 1961 Ferrari 250 GT California.
Less than a hundred were made.
My father spent
three years restoring this car.
It is his love. It is his passion.
It is his fault
he didn't lock the garage.
Ferris, what are you talking about?
My father loves this car more than life.
A man with such priorities
doesn't deserve this fine automobile.
No.
Apparently you don't understand.
He never drives it.
He just rubs it with a diaper.
Remember how insane he went
when I broke my retainer?
That was a piece of plastic.
This is a Ferrari.
We can't pick up Sloane in your car.
Mr Rooney would never believe
Mr Peterson drives that piece of shit.
- It's not a piece of shit.
- It is.
Don't worry. I don't even have
a piece of shit. I have to envy yours.
I'm sorry...
There's nothing else we can do.
- He knows the mileage.
- He doesn't trust you?
- Never has, never will.
- This is real simple.
Whatever miles we put on,
we'll take off.
- We'll drive home backwards.
- No.
No, Ferris, forget it.
I'm putting my foot down.
How about we rent a nice Cadillac?
My treat.
We could call a limo.
A stretch job with a TV and a bar.
Come on, live a little.
Let me tell you how deeply saddened
I am by your loss.
I had a grandmother once...
Two, actually.
"Man hath but a short time to live
and is full of misery."
"He cometh up
and is cut down like a flower."
"He fleeth as if it were a shadow -
- and never continueth in one stay."
Oh, dear.
Between grief and nothing,
I'll take grief.
Great.
Sloane, dear, hurry along now.
I guess that's my dad.
I've got to go.
Mr Rooney... Ed...
- You're a beautiful man.
- Thank you.
I want to thank you
for your warmth and compassion.
Shit!
- Do you have a kiss for Daddy?
- Are you kidding?
So that's how it is in their family.
- Hi, Cameron, are you comfortable?
- Hi, Sloane. No.
- What are we going to do?
- What aren't we going to do?
Don't say
we're not going to take the car home.
If you had access to a car like this,
would you take it back right away?
Neither would I.
Ferris, don't go so fast.
Save Ferris.
God bless you. You're very generous.
Save Ferris Bueller.
- Save Ferris?
- What?
We're collecting money
to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney.
- Go piss up a flagpole.
- I'm sorry?
- You should be.
- Hey!
What if you need a favour someday
from Ferris Bueller?
Peterson home on line one.
Watch your mouth this time.
Go suck your hat.
We can't come to the phone now.
We've had a death in the family.
Ferris Bueller is behind this,
there is no doubt in my mind.
- Now Sloane Peterson is involved.
- Her grandmother, too.
You pinhead.
If you need to reach us,
we'll be at the following number.
I did not achieve my position by having
a punk leave my cheese in the wind.
You have reached
the Carlton Brothers Mortuary.
If you leave your name and number,
we'll get back to you.
Something is going on,
and I'm going to find out what it is.
I'm going to catch this kid
and put a dent in his future.
15 years from now, when he looks back
on the ruin his life has become, -
- he will remember Edward Rooney.
- Wrong.
- What?
Not here.
We're not leaving the car here.
- Why not?
- I want the car home where it belongs.
- Let's go.
- What can happen in a garage?
It could get wrecked, stolen,
scratched, breathed on wrong.
- A pigeon could shit on it.
- Calm down.
I'll give the guy a fiver to watch it.
What guy?
Hey, how are you doing?
You speak English?
What country do you think this is?
Okay, I want you to take
extra special care of this vehicle.
No problem. Trust me.
- Sir...
- Come on.
Relax.
You have nothing to worry about.
I'm a professional.
A professional what?
See what a finski
can do to a guy's attitude?
Come on.
Bless his little heart.
Nine times.
- You think the car's all right?
- Sure.
- This is the world's tallest building.
- I don't feel too good.
Here, climb up on this.
Come on, everybody. Cameron.
Okay, lean forward
against the glass like this.
- Oh, my God!
- Isn't that great?
The city looks so peaceful
from up here.
Anything is peaceful from 1,353 feet.
- I think I see my dad.
- We've got a lot to do. Let's go.
Shit! The son of a bitch
is down there somewhere.
- You want to get married?
- Sure.
Today? I'm serious.
- I'm not getting married.
- Why not?
- Think about it.
- Besides being too young...
Having no place to live...
You being the only cheerleader
with a husband...
- Give me one good reason why not?
- Look at my mother and father.
- They hate each other.
- So what?
It's like that car.
He loves the car, he hates his wife.
Thank you.
Can we please get out of here?
This place gives me the creeps.
Why didn't you tell me...?
- Hello, may I help you?
- You can sure as hell try.
I'm Abe Froman, party of three for 12.
- Is there a problem?
- You're Abe Froman?
- The sausage king of Chicago?
- Yeah, that's me.
I'm very busy. Why don't you kids
go back to the clubhouse?
Are you suggesting
I'm not who I say I am?
I'm suggesting that you leave
before I have to get snooty.
- Okay, Abe, let's go.
- I'm not going anywhere.
- No, we'd like to be seated.
- I'm going to have to call the police.
- You're going to call the police?
- Yes.
- Fine! I'll call them myself.
- Yes.
Call the police. This'll be a hoot.
Give me the phone.
I have another call.
You touch me, I yell rat.
Find another phone.
Wonderful.
I weep for the future.
- Ferris, let it go.
- Please, you've gone too far.
You're going to get busted.
You can never go too far,
and I won't be busted by a guy like that.
- Come on, Abe!
- Ask for Abe Froman.
- Chez Quis?
- May I speak to Abe Froman?
- The sausage king of Chicago.
- Let me check the restaurant.
- Could you describe him for me?
- Leatherjacket.
Whlte T-shirt, sweater vest.
Devastatingly handsome.
- Hold on one moment.
- Thank you.
Froman, this is Sergeant Peterson,
Chicago Police.
- I appreciate your understanding.
- Don't think twice.
Understanding allows people like us
to tolerate a person like yourself.
- Thank you.
- Don't mention it.
Enjoy your luncheon.
Darling, you were wonderful.
Cameron, you thought we wouldn't
have any fun. Shame on you.
Maybe I'm overreacting.
Maybe Ferris isn't such a bad guy.
After all, I got a car.
He got a computer.
Still, why should he get
to do whatever he wants?
Why should everything
work out for him?
What makes him
so goddam special?
Screw him.
I used to think that my family was
the only one with weirdness in it.
Then I saw Cameron's family.
His home life is really twisted.
That's why he's sick all the time.
It really bothers him.
He feels better when he's sick.
If I had to live in that house,
I'd pray for a disease, too.
The place is like a museum.
It's very beautiful and very cold.
You're not allowed to touch anything.
Can you appreciate what it must
have been like to be there as a baby?
I'm amazed that I got the car out.
I caught Cameron digging the ride.
It's good for him.
It teaches him to deal with his fear.
Plus, I must be honest here...
I love driving it. It is so choice.
If you have the means,
I highly recommend picking one up.
- Thank you.
- Yes, sir.
Jeanie, who's bothering you now?
- Is Mr Rooney in?
- No, can I help you?
- I doubt it. When is he back?
- I don't know.
- He's out on personal business.
- What's that supposed to mean?
I suppose it means
it's none of your business, young lady.
Nice attitude.
- Is Mrs Hagel expecting you in class?
- Probably.
What an asshole.
- Raise your advertising budget.
- We don't have the money.
If you want to sell, you have
to spend. It's as simple as that.
4,000 restaurants in the area.
I pick the one my father goes to.
We're pinched for sure.
Only the meek get pinched.
The bold survive. Let's go.
- Let's surrender.
- Never.
Dave, I'm telling you
that it's not the case.
- We don't have the money.
- Dave, you know what it takes.
We're going to go heavy on TV.
We'll lighten up on radio and print.
Come on back to my office.
We know you've got the money.
We just have to spend it... bonehead!
Bueller.
Lesjeux sont falts.
Translation: The game is up.
Your ass is mine.
Runner at first base, nobody out.
The first hlt since the fifth inning,
only the fourth hlt in the game.
0 and 2 the count. There's a drive.
Left field.
Twisting into foul terrltory.
I'm really surprised
they didn't go for It in that inning.
- What's the score?
- Nothing-nothing.
- Who's winning?
- The Bears.
- I think I broke my thumb.
- Hey, batter, batter. Swing, batter...
Do you realise that if we played by
the rules, right now we'd be in gym?
Come on, boys, let's go.
We'll never get out of here. Move!
I hate him.
Who is lt?
It's Ed Rooney, Ferris.
I'd like to have a word with you.
I'm sorry, I can't come to the door
right now. In my weakened condltion -
- I could take a spill down the stairs
and suffer further school absences.
- Save it, Ferris. Come down here.
- You can reach my parents at work.
Thank you for stopping by.
I appreciate your concern.
- Come down here and talk to me.
- Have a nice day.
You're in big trouble.
Ferris.
Ferris.
- Who is lt?
- You know damn well who it is.
I'm sorry, I can't come to the door
right now. In my weakened condltion -
- I could take a spill down the stairs
and suffer further school absences.
You can reach my parents at work.
Thank you for stopping by.
I appreciate your concern.
Have a nice day.
Mud...
Son of a bitch!
My shoe.
Hi, doggy.
Stay, boy.
Stay...
Stay!
Sit!
Sit! Heel! Stay!
- We'd better go and get the car.
- We have until six.
I know you don't care,
but it does mean my ass.
That hurts, Cameron.
- What have you seen today?
- Nothing good.
Nothing...!
What do you mean, nothing good?
We've seen everything good,
we've seen the whole city.
We went to a museum
and saw priceless works of art.
What? What's wrong?
Look over there.
- What's he doing?
- He's making obscene gestures.
What?
- He didn't leave.
- It really busts my hump.
- He didn't ditch us.
- He might be back at school.
- He would not go back to school.
- He'd do it just to make me sweat.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we'd like to play a little tune for you.
I dedicate It to a man who doesn't think
he's seen anything good today.
Cameron Frye, this one is for you.
- Get off the float!
- What are you doing?
As long as I've known him,
everything works for him.
There's nothing he can't handle.
I can't handle anything.
School, parents, the future.
Ferris can do anything.
- I don't know what I'm going to do.
- College.
Yeah, but to do what?
What are you interested in?
Nothing.
Me neither.
You're crazy!
What do you think
Ferris is going to do?
He's going to be a fry cook.
Christ...
Look what Uncle Ed has for you,
you little fucker.
Jesus!
Sleep tight, pooch.
I knew it!
Well, where is she?
This is her daughter.
Do you know where she is?
Do you know when she'll be back?
Do you know anything?
- Ferris.
- Bueller.
You're psychotic.
You're out of your mind.
I can't believe you went
on a goddam parade float!
Okay, wait...
"Yeah, this tune
is one of my personal favourites."
- A lot of people saw you.
- You are nailed.
Who'd believe I was in a parade?
Anybody who would nail me
wouldn't go to a parade.
That was so quick.
- This looks okay to me, Cameron.
- It looks great. Let's roll.
Here you go. Thank you.
You're a very generous individual.
Come back anytime.
- Watch the seat.
- Sorry.
See you later.
We've got to do this again.
This is not a phoney call.
There is an intruder, -
- male Caucasian,
possibly armed, in my kitchen.
My name's Bueller.
You hope my brother's feeling better?
I'm in danger!
I am very protective of my body.
I do not want it violated or killed.
I need help!
Speak any English? Dickhead.
Excuse me, if you're still in the
house, I'vejust called the police.
If you have any brains whatsoever,
you'll get out real quick.
I also have my father's gun
and a scorching case of herpes.
Wait, that's my car!
I'll move it.
He got my keys.
You shithead!
I feel pretty good. I feel real good.
Those guys at the garage were nice.
I was a little worried about them.
It turned out good.
Hey...
- Cameron.
- Yeah?
How many miles did you say
this thing had on it when we left?
126 and halfway
between three and four tenths.
Why? How many miles are on it now?
Here's where Cameron goes berserk.
Cameron, are you okay?
Cut that out.
Who is lt?
I'm sorry, I can't come to the door
right now. In my weakened condltion -
- I could take a spill
down the stairs...
God bless the police.
I'm saved. Thank you, God.
- Thank...
- I heard that you were feeling ill
headache, fever and a chill
I came to help restore your pluck
'cause I'm the nurse who likes to...
This may very well be for real.
He might have blown
a microchip or two.
He's always been a little keyed up.
I just wanted to give him a good day.
We're going to graduate soon.
We'll have the summer.
He'll work and I'll work.
We'll see each other at night
and on the weekends.
Then he'll go to one school
and I'll go to another.
Basically that will be it.
Sloane's as big a problem.
She has another year of high school.
How do I deal with that?
I was serious
when I said I'd marry her. I would.
Cameron?
Can you hear me?
Cameron, blink if you understand me.
Cameron has never been in love.
Well, nobody has been in love with him.
If things don't change for him, he's
going to marry the first girl he lays.
And she's going to treat him like shit,
because she will have given him -
- what he has built up in his mind as
the end all, be all of our existence.
She won't respect him.
You can't respect somebody who
kisses your ass. It just doesn't work.
Ferris, we'd better try something else.
This isn't working.
Are you feeling better, Cameron?
Why don't you come in here?
It's really nice.
Cameron, I can flip out real easy, too.
It's okay.
Sooner or later,
everybody goes to the zoo.
Maybe he's really sick.
Maybe he isn't just torturing himself.
Hey! Hey, Cameron!
Cameron, wake up.
Come on, Cameron. Wake up!
- What is that?
- Ferris Bueller, you're my hero.
- That was pretty impressive, man.
- You son of a bitch.
It's not funny.
Drugs?
Thank you, no. I'm straight.
I meant, are you in here for drugs?
- Why are you here?
- Drugs.
- I don't know why I'm here.
- Why don't you go home?
Why don't you
put your thumb up your butt?
You wear too much eye make-up.
My sister wears too much.
People think she's a whore.
- You don't want to talk about it?
- With you? Are you serious?
- I'm serious.
- Blow yourself.
All right,
you want to know what's wrong?
I know what's wrong.
I just want to hear you say it.
In a nutshell, I hate my brother.
How's that?
That's cool. Did you
blow him away or something?
No, not yet.
He was ditching school. When I went
home to check, some guy was there.
The cops picked me up
for making a phoney call.
What do you care
if your brother ditches school?
- Everybody else has to go.
- You could ditch.
- I'd get caught.
- Yes.
You're pissed off because he ditches
and doesn't get caught, is that it?
- Basically.
- Basically.
- Your problem is you.
- Excuse me?
Worry about yourself,
not about what your brother does.
- That's just an opinion.
- What are you, a psychiatrist?
Keep your opinions to yourself.
There's somebody you should talk to.
If you say Ferris Bueller,
you lose a testicle.
Oh, you know him.
That whole time
I was just thinking things over.
I was like... meditating.
Then I sort of watched myself
from inside.
I realised it was ridiculous...
being afraid.
Worrying about everything.
Wishing I was dead.
All that shit. I'm tired of it.
It was the best day of my life.
I'm going to miss you guys next year.
Cameron, can I ask you a question?
Yeah.
Did you see me change
out of my clothes by the jacuzzi?
Did you?
You saw me?
I thought you were catatonic.
That's okay. I'm not embarrassed.
I better check on the car.
Hey, Ferris!
Yeah?
The miles aren't coming off
going in reverse.
No...
I thought that might be a problem.
We have to open the odometer,
roll it back by hand.
No, forget it.
Forget it.
I've got to take a stand.
I'm bullshit.
I put up with everything.
My old man pushes me around.
I never say anything.
He's not the problem.
I'm the problem.
I've got to take a stand.
I've got to take a stand against him.
I am not going to sit on my ass -
- as the events that affect me unfold
to determine the course of my life.
I'm going to take a stand and defend it.
Right or wrong,
I'm going to defend it.
I'm so sick of this shit.
I can't stand him
and I hate this goddam car.
Who do you love? You love a car.
You son of a bitch.
Shit...
I dented the shit out of it.
Good.
My father will see what I did.
I can't hide this.
He'll come home
and he'll have to deal with me.
I don't care. I really don't.
I'm just tired of being afraid.
The hell with him.
I can't wait to see the look
on his face.
What did I do?
- What did I do?
- You killed the car.
Whoa!
Holy shit!
It's my fault.
I'll take the heat for it.
When he comes home, we'll tell him
that I did it. He hates me anyway.
No, I'll take it.
- I'll take it.
- No, you don't want this much heat.
If I didn't want it,
I wouldn't have let you take the car.
- I made you take that car.
- I could have stopped you.
I want it.
I'm going to take it, that's it.
When Morris comes home,
he and I will just have a little chat.
It's cool.
No, it's going to be good.
Thanks anyway.
This is a shock to me.
I don't know why she left school.
And why would she come up
with a story about an intruder?
For whatever reason she did it,
she's had a scare.
I appreciate you calling. We'll have
a long talk with her at home.
Thank you.
- I hope your son is feeling better.
- Pardon?
Tell him all the guys at the station
are pulling for him.
Right.
- Hi.
- Don't "hi" me, young lady.
I want to get out of here now.
Now.
Okay... Fine!
- She's a little hyper.
- Yeah.
Let's not ruin this
with a lot of talk, okay?
- You didn't tell me your name.
- It's Jean.
But a lot of guys call me Shauna.
- Okay, Jean.
- Cool.
That's great.
I'll see you, okay?
Jeanie, now!
- Now!
- Okay.
- I had a great time today.
- Yeah, it was pretty cool.
Will Cameron be okay?
Yeah, sure,
for the first time in his life.
He's going to be just fine.
You knew what you were doing
when you woke up this morning.
Me? No...
Oh, shit!
I have to go.
- I'll call you tonight.
- Okay.
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
He's going to marry me.
Do you know what it's like to pick up
your daughter at the police station?
I was about to close the deal
with the Vermont people.
I was going to take my commission
and buy Ferris a car.
What the hell are you doing?
Are you trying to kill us?
Look at this mess. I'll never
get these papers back in order.
- Slow down.
- I can't drive with you yelling at me!
Hi, I'm Ferris Bueller.
No, don't get up.
That smells delicious.
- Dinner's ready.
- What? Who was that?
What's wrong?
Everything. I just picked up Jeanie
at the police station.
She got a speeding ticket and I lost
the Vermont deal because of her.
Looking for this?
I got you, Ferris.
How's Ferris?
Let's go in and check on him.
I have dreamed about this.
And this time...
...you little bastard,
I've got you right where I want you.
Ferris, we're home.
How would you feel
about another year at high school?
Under my close,
personal supervision?
Hi.
Thank God you're all right.
We've been worried sick about you.
Thank you, Mr Rooney,
for driving him home.
Go upstairs and get in bed.
Scoot!
Can you imagine someone that sick
trying to walk home from hospital?
Kids!
By the way, you left your wallet
on the kitchen floor.
Honey.
- He's still awfully warm.
- How do you feel?
150% better, thank you.
Don't make me stay home again.
I want to go to school.
I have to graduate in June,
and I...
Ferris, you're sick. Don't push it
and make yourself worse.
- Maybe you're right, Dad.
- I know I'm right, pal.
- How did you get to be so sweet?
- From years of practice.
Blanket...
Get well.
I'm going to get myself settled,
then I'll bring you a hot cup of soup.
I've said it before and I'll say
it again: Life moves pretty fast.
If you don't stop and look around
once in a while, you could miss it.
Four years I've been chasing this kid.
Four years he's been
making a fool of me.
Hey, Mr Rooney, what's going on?
Did you get in a fight?
Do you want a lift?
I bet you never smelled
a real school bus before.
Gummi bear?
They've been in my pocket.
They're real warm and soft.
You're still here?
It's over.
Go home.
Go.
Temperatures in the upper 70's.
Right now, 75 at the lakefront,
74 at Midway, 73 at O'Hare.
Tom!
- What's the matter?
- It's Ferris. Look at him.
Ferris?
He doesn't have a fever, but his
stomach hurts and he's seeing spots.
- What's the matter, Ferris?
- Papa?
Feel his hands,
they're cold and clammy.
- I'm fine. I'll get up.
- No!
- I have a test today.
- No.
I must take it. I want to go to a good
college, so I can have a fruitful life.
Honey, you're not
going to school like this.
- What's his problem?
- He doesn't feel well.
Dry that one out,
you can fertilise the lawn.
Jeanie, is that you?
I can't see that far. Jeanie?
Jeanie, I...
- Bite the big one, junior.
- Jeanie, you get to school.
If I was bleeding out my eyes, you'd
make me go to school. It's so unfair.
Jeanie, don't be upset with me.
You have your health, be thankful.
That's it! I want out of this family.
I'm okay. I'll just sleep.
I'll have an aspirin around noon.
I'm showing some houses
to that family from Vermont today.
My office will know just where I am
if you need me.
- I'll check on you too, pal.
- I have such loving, caring parents.
You're both very special people.
- You get better, pumpkin.
- Okay, pumpkin.
I'll be home at six sharp.
If you need anything, call.
Ringy-dingy.
- We love you, sweetie.
- I love you, too.
Call if you need us.
They bought it.
Incredible! A terrible performance,
and they never doubted it for a second.
How could I be expected
to handle school on a day like this?
This is my ninth sick day. It's tough
coming up with new illnesses.
If I go for ten, I'll have to barf up a lung.
So I'd better make this one count.
The key to faking out the parents
is the clammy hands.
It's a good non-specific symptom.
I'm a big believer in it.
A lot of people will tell you
to go for a phoney fever.
But if you get a nervous mother, you
could wind up in a doctor's office.
You fake a stomach cramp.
When you're bent over wailing,
you lick your palms.
It's childish and stupid,
but then, so is high school.
Life moves pretty fast.
If you don't stop and look around
once in a while, you could miss it.
I do have a test today,
that wasn't bullshit.
It's on European socialism.
What's the point?
I'm not European, so who
gives a crap if they're socialists?
They could be fascist anarchists,
it still wouldn't buy me a car.
I recall Central Park in fall
how you tore your dress
what a mess, I confess...
It's not that I condone fascism,
or any "ism".
A person should not believe in an
"ism", he should believe in himself.
I quote John Lennon: "I don't believe
in Beatles. I just believe in me."
A good point there.
After all, he was the walrus.
I could be the walrus,
I'd still have to bum rides off people.
Adams.
Adamly.
- Here.
- Adamowlsky, Adamson.
- Adler.
- Here.
- Anderson. Anderson?
- Here.
Bueller.
Bueller.
Bueller. Bueller.
He's sick. My best friend's sister's
boyfriend's brother's girlfriend -
- saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavours
last night. I guess it's pretty serious.
- Thank you, Simone.
- No problem whatsoever.
Frye.
Frye. Frye.
- Hello?
- Cameron, what's happening?
- Very little.
- How do you feel?
- Shredded.
- Is your mother in the room?
She's in Decatur.
Unfortunately she's not staying.
- Where are you?
- I'm taking the day off, come on over.
- I can't, stupid, I'm sick.
- That's all in your head.
- Come on over.
- I feel like shit. I can't go anywhere.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Now come on over and pick me up.
I'm dying.
You're not dying. Youjust
can't think of anything good to do.
Cameron really needs a day off.
He has a lot of things to sort out
before he goes to college.
When Cameron was in Egypt's land
let my Cameron go.
Cameron is so tight -
- that a lump of coal stuck up his ass
would turn into a diamond.
- Katie Bueller.
- Edward Rooney, Dean of Students.
I'm so sorry.
I completely forgot to call.
- You know your son isn't in school?
- Yes. Ferris is home sick.
I had a meeting this morning.
I forgot to call. I'm very sorry.
Are you also aware -
- that Ferris does not have
an exemplary attendance record.
What?
He has missed an unacceptable
number of school days.
Ferris is not taking
his academic growth seriously.
I've spent my morning
examining his records.
If Ferris thinks he can coast through
to graduation, he is sorely mistaken.
I have no reservation whatsoever-
- about holding him back
another year.
- This is all news to me.
- It usually is.
- He has been absent nine times.
- Nine times?
- Nine times.
- He hasn't been sick nine times.
That's probably because he
wasn't sick, he was skipping school.
Wake up and smell the coffee.
It's a fool's paradise. He's leading
you down the primrose path.
- I can't believe lt.
- It's right here in front of me.
He has missed nine days...
I asked for a car. I got a computer.
How's that for being born unlucky?
Grace!
Mr Rooney, Ferris is home
and he is very ill.
- I debated even leaving him.
- Grace!
At this time of year, children
are prone to taking the day off.
But I can assure you
that Ferris is a very sick boy.
Never had one lesson.
In 1930 the House of Representatives,
in an effort to alleviate the effects of...
Anyone?
The Great Depression.
Passed the... anyone?
The Holly-Smoot Tariff Act.
Which raised or lowered?
Raised tariffs in an effort to collect
more government revenue.
Did it work?
Anyone know the effects?
It did not work and the United States
sank deeper into the Depression.
Today, we have a similar debate
over this. Anyone know what this is?
Anyone seen this before?
The Laffer curve.
Anyone know what this says?
It says that at this point
on the revenue curve -
- you will get exactly the same
amount of revenue as at this point.
Does anyone know
what Bush called this in 1980?
Anyone? Something-doo economics.
Voodoo economics.
Jeanie, I'm really sorry
about your brother.
What are you sorry for?
I have to live with him.
- I heard he's really sick.
- Who said he's sick?
A bunch of people
say he's close to death.
I heard that if Ferris dies, he's
giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder.
He's such a sweetie. Got to go.
- Hi, Jeanie.
- Shut up.
How desperate is the situation?
Did you see "Alien"?
When the creature
was in that guy's stomach?
It feels like that.
Freshman.
- Are you kidding?
- Do I sound like I'm kidding?
- It's Ferris Bueller.
- He got me out of summer school.
We appreciate you letting us
know how you're doing.
I hope he doesn't die.
I can't handle summer school.
- Give me somebody else.
- Sure, hold on.
- Did you see "Alien"?
- Yeah, why?
Hello? Hi, Ferris, how's your bod?
You're dying?
- Is it serious?
- I hope not.
- I may need a kidney transplant.
- Shit! Are you upset?
- Excuse me.
- Will you be alive this weekend?
- Yeah, I'd say so.
- Great. Maybe I'll see you.
I don't trust this kid
any further than I can throw him.
With your bad knee, Ed,
you shouldn't throw anybody. It's true.
What is so dangerous about him
is that he gives good kids bad ideas.
The last thing I need is 1,500 Bueller
disciples running around these halls.
He jeopardises my ability
to govern this student body.
- He makes you look like an ass.
- Thank you, but you're wrong.
He's very popular.
Sportoes, motorheads, geeks,
sluts, bloods, wasteoids, -
- dweebies, dickheads,
they all adore him.
That is why I have got to catch him.
To show these kids that his example
is a first-class ticket to nowhere.
Ed! You sounded
like Dirty Harry just then.
Really?
Thanks, Grace.
- You can't make me wait like this.
- Let me rot in peace.
It's my ninth sick day. If I get caught,
I won't graduate. I'm doing this for you.
- Do you know what my diastolic is?
- Take some Pepto Bismal.
- Get dressed and come on over.
- Shut up.
Hold your water for a second.
I've got another call... Hello?
- Ferris. You sound terrible.
- Darn, I thought I was improving.
- Were you sleeping?
- Dad, can you hang on for a second?
- Sure, pal.
- Hang on.
- Cameron, it's my dad.
- Great. Keep me out of it.
If you're not over here in 15 minutes,
you can find a new best friend.
Dad, all this talking has made me
kind of light-headed.
- I think I ought to lie down.
- Wrap a hot towel round your head.
- Wrap a hot towel round my head?
- Make some soup, then get a nap.
- Ferris, I love you, pal.
- I love you, too.
I bet Cameron is sitting in his car
debating whether or not to go out.
He'll keep calling me until I come over.
He'll make me feel guilty.
This is ridiculous. I'll go. I'll go.
I'll go. Shit!
Goddammit!
Forget it. That's it.
In what way...
...does the author's
use of the prison...
...symbolise...
...the protagonist's struggle?
And how does this relate -
- to our discussion
of the uses of irony?
Mr Nolan, may I interrupt, please?
Sloane Peterson,
may I have a word with you, dear?
I'm afraid that I am the bearer
of bad tidings.
Your father called.
Your grandmother has just passed.
- No...
- Oh, darling! Honey...
- Dead grandmother?
- That's what Mr Peterson said.
I had Florence Sparrow
notify the poor little lamb.
- Who is this girl going out with?
- It's so hard to tell these days.
I do see her with Ferris Bueller
quite a bit.
Would you get me
Mr Peterson's daytime number?
- Ed Rooney's Office.
- This is George Peterson.
Please hold.
What do you know, it's Mr Peterson.
Do you still want
his daytime number?
- Ed Rooney.
- Ed, this is George Peterson.
- How are you today, sir?
- Well, we've had a blt of bad luck.
Yeah, I heard. I'm all broken up.
Boy, what a blow.
Yeah, It's been a tough morning.
We've got a lot of family business.
If you wouldn't mind excusing Sloane,
I'd appreciate lt.
Sure, I'd be happy to.
You just produce a corpse,
and I'll release Sloane.
I want to see this dead grandmother
first-hand.
It's all right, it's Ferris Bueller.
I'm setting a trap for him.
Ed, I'm sorry, did you say
you wanted to see a body?
Yeah, roll her old bones over here
and I'll dig up your daughter.
That's school policy.
Was this your mother?
No, my wife's mother.
- Ed Rooney's Office.
- This is Ferris Bueller for Mr Rooney.
Hold...
I'll tell you what, dipshit,
if you don't like my policies, -
- you can come down here
and smooch my big old white butt.
- Pucker up, Buttercup. What?
- Ferris Bueller is on line two.
Mr Rooney,
I'm not feeling very well today.
Could my sister bring home
any assignments from my classes?
Have a nice day.
Mr Peterson...
I think I owe you an apology.
- I should say you do.
- I...
I think you should be sorry,
for Christ's sake.
A family member dies and you
insult me! What's wrong with you?
Well... I really don't know.
I didn't think I was talking to you.
You know that I would never
deliberately insult you like that.
Pardon my French,
but you're an asshole! Asshole!
You're absolutely right, sir.
Find out where she is.
- This isn't over yet. Do you read me?
- Loud and clear, Mr Peterson.
- Call me sir, goddammit!
- Yes, sir.
That's better.
You mind your P's and Q's,
and remember who you're dealing with.
Bueller. Ferris Bueller.
I'm scared.
What if he recognises my voice?
Lmpossible. You're doing great.
Rooney!
Rooney, calm down.
- Just a moment.
- Just a little office difficulty.
I don't have all day to bark at you,
so I'm going to make this short.
I want my daughter out
in front of the school by herself.
- What?
- That's too suspicious.
- Talk.
- You!
- Talk!
- Rooney! Pay attention.
I want you out there with her.
I want a few words with you.
We don't have time to talk right now.
We'll get together over lunch.
- What's wrong with you?
- Wait!
- Where's your brain?
- Why did you kick me?
How can we pick up Sloane
if Rooney is there with her?
I said for her to be there alone
and you freaked.
I didn't hit you.
I lightly slapped you.
You hit me.
Don't ask me to participate in your crap
if you don't like the way I do it.
You make me get out of bed
and come here.
You make me make a phoney call
to Edward Rooney.
The man could squash my nuts.
- And you deliberately hurt my feelings.
- No.
I did not deliberately
hurt your feelings. I didn't.
- What are you doing?
- See you later. I'm going home.
- Have a nice life.
- Cameron, wait a minute.
I didn't mean to lose my temper.
I'm sorry, it was uncalled for.
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
You did screw up though, right?
- Not that it was completely your fault.
- Why?
To fix the situation, I'm going
to have to ask you for a favour.
The 1961 Ferrari 250 GT California.
Less than a hundred were made.
My father spent
three years restoring this car.
It is his love. It is his passion.
It is his fault
he didn't lock the garage.
Ferris, what are you talking about?
My father loves this car more than life.
A man with such priorities
doesn't deserve this fine automobile.
No.
Apparently you don't understand.
He never drives it.
He just rubs it with a diaper.
Remember how insane he went
when I broke my retainer?
That was a piece of plastic.
This is a Ferrari.
We can't pick up Sloane in your car.
Mr Rooney would never believe
Mr Peterson drives that piece of shit.
- It's not a piece of shit.
- It is.
Don't worry. I don't even have
a piece of shit. I have to envy yours.
I'm sorry...
There's nothing else we can do.
- He knows the mileage.
- He doesn't trust you?
- Never has, never will.
- This is real simple.
Whatever miles we put on,
we'll take off.
- We'll drive home backwards.
- No.
No, Ferris, forget it.
I'm putting my foot down.
How about we rent a nice Cadillac?
My treat.
We could call a limo.
A stretch job with a TV and a bar.
Come on, live a little.
Let me tell you how deeply saddened
I am by your loss.
I had a grandmother once...
Two, actually.
"Man hath but a short time to live
and is full of misery."
"He cometh up
and is cut down like a flower."
"He fleeth as if it were a shadow -
- and never continueth in one stay."
Oh, dear.
Between grief and nothing,
I'll take grief.
Great.
Sloane, dear, hurry along now.
I guess that's my dad.
I've got to go.
Mr Rooney... Ed...
- You're a beautiful man.
- Thank you.
I want to thank you
for your warmth and compassion.
Shit!
- Do you have a kiss for Daddy?
- Are you kidding?
So that's how it is in their family.
- Hi, Cameron, are you comfortable?
- Hi, Sloane. No.
- What are we going to do?
- What aren't we going to do?
Don't say
we're not going to take the car home.
If you had access to a car like this,
would you take it back right away?
Neither would I.
Ferris, don't go so fast.
Save Ferris.
God bless you. You're very generous.
Save Ferris Bueller.
- Save Ferris?
- What?
We're collecting money
to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney.
- Go piss up a flagpole.
- I'm sorry?
- You should be.
- Hey!
What if you need a favour someday
from Ferris Bueller?
Peterson home on line one.
Watch your mouth this time.
Go suck your hat.
We can't come to the phone now.
We've had a death in the family.
Ferris Bueller is behind this,
there is no doubt in my mind.
- Now Sloane Peterson is involved.
- Her grandmother, too.
You pinhead.
If you need to reach us,
we'll be at the following number.
I did not achieve my position by having
a punk leave my cheese in the wind.
You have reached
the Carlton Brothers Mortuary.
If you leave your name and number,
we'll get back to you.
Something is going on,
and I'm going to find out what it is.
I'm going to catch this kid
and put a dent in his future.
15 years from now, when he looks back
on the ruin his life has become, -
- he will remember Edward Rooney.
- Wrong.
- What?
Not here.
We're not leaving the car here.
- Why not?
- I want the car home where it belongs.
- Let's go.
- What can happen in a garage?
It could get wrecked, stolen,
scratched, breathed on wrong.
- A pigeon could shit on it.
- Calm down.
I'll give the guy a fiver to watch it.
What guy?
Hey, how are you doing?
You speak English?
What country do you think this is?
Okay, I want you to take
extra special care of this vehicle.
No problem. Trust me.
- Sir...
- Come on.
Relax.
You have nothing to worry about.
I'm a professional.
A professional what?
See what a finski
can do to a guy's attitude?
Come on.
Bless his little heart.
Nine times.
- You think the car's all right?
- Sure.
- This is the world's tallest building.
- I don't feel too good.
Here, climb up on this.
Come on, everybody. Cameron.
Okay, lean forward
against the glass like this.
- Oh, my God!
- Isn't that great?
The city looks so peaceful
from up here.
Anything is peaceful from 1,353 feet.
- I think I see my dad.
- We've got a lot to do. Let's go.
Shit! The son of a bitch
is down there somewhere.
- You want to get married?
- Sure.
Today? I'm serious.
- I'm not getting married.
- Why not?
- Think about it.
- Besides being too young...
Having no place to live...
You being the only cheerleader
with a husband...
- Give me one good reason why not?
- Look at my mother and father.
- They hate each other.
- So what?
It's like that car.
He loves the car, he hates his wife.
Thank you.
Can we please get out of here?
This place gives me the creeps.
Why didn't you tell me...?
- Hello, may I help you?
- You can sure as hell try.
I'm Abe Froman, party of three for 12.
- Is there a problem?
- You're Abe Froman?
- The sausage king of Chicago?
- Yeah, that's me.
I'm very busy. Why don't you kids
go back to the clubhouse?
Are you suggesting
I'm not who I say I am?
I'm suggesting that you leave
before I have to get snooty.
- Okay, Abe, let's go.
- I'm not going anywhere.
- No, we'd like to be seated.
- I'm going to have to call the police.
- You're going to call the police?
- Yes.
- Fine! I'll call them myself.
- Yes.
Call the police. This'll be a hoot.
Give me the phone.
I have another call.
You touch me, I yell rat.
Find another phone.
Wonderful.
I weep for the future.
- Ferris, let it go.
- Please, you've gone too far.
You're going to get busted.
You can never go too far,
and I won't be busted by a guy like that.
- Come on, Abe!
- Ask for Abe Froman.
- Chez Quis?
- May I speak to Abe Froman?
- The sausage king of Chicago.
- Let me check the restaurant.
- Could you describe him for me?
- Leatherjacket.
Whlte T-shirt, sweater vest.
Devastatingly handsome.
- Hold on one moment.
- Thank you.
Froman, this is Sergeant Peterson,
Chicago Police.
- I appreciate your understanding.
- Don't think twice.
Understanding allows people like us
to tolerate a person like yourself.
- Thank you.
- Don't mention it.
Enjoy your luncheon.
Darling, you were wonderful.
Cameron, you thought we wouldn't
have any fun. Shame on you.
Maybe I'm overreacting.
Maybe Ferris isn't such a bad guy.
After all, I got a car.
He got a computer.
Still, why should he get
to do whatever he wants?
Why should everything
work out for him?
What makes him
so goddam special?
Screw him.
I used to think that my family was
the only one with weirdness in it.
Then I saw Cameron's family.
His home life is really twisted.
That's why he's sick all the time.
It really bothers him.
He feels better when he's sick.
If I had to live in that house,
I'd pray for a disease, too.
The place is like a museum.
It's very beautiful and very cold.
You're not allowed to touch anything.
Can you appreciate what it must
have been like to be there as a baby?
I'm amazed that I got the car out.
I caught Cameron digging the ride.
It's good for him.
It teaches him to deal with his fear.
Plus, I must be honest here...
I love driving it. It is so choice.
If you have the means,
I highly recommend picking one up.
- Thank you.
- Yes, sir.
Jeanie, who's bothering you now?
- Is Mr Rooney in?
- No, can I help you?
- I doubt it. When is he back?
- I don't know.
- He's out on personal business.
- What's that supposed to mean?
I suppose it means
it's none of your business, young lady.
Nice attitude.
- Is Mrs Hagel expecting you in class?
- Probably.
What an asshole.
- Raise your advertising budget.
- We don't have the money.
If you want to sell, you have
to spend. It's as simple as that.
4,000 restaurants in the area.
I pick the one my father goes to.
We're pinched for sure.
Only the meek get pinched.
The bold survive. Let's go.
- Let's surrender.
- Never.
Dave, I'm telling you
that it's not the case.
- We don't have the money.
- Dave, you know what it takes.
We're going to go heavy on TV.
We'll lighten up on radio and print.
Come on back to my office.
We know you've got the money.
We just have to spend it... bonehead!
Bueller.
Lesjeux sont falts.
Translation: The game is up.
Your ass is mine.
Runner at first base, nobody out.
The first hlt since the fifth inning,
only the fourth hlt in the game.
0 and 2 the count. There's a drive.
Left field.
Twisting into foul terrltory.
I'm really surprised
they didn't go for It in that inning.
- What's the score?
- Nothing-nothing.
- Who's winning?
- The Bears.
- I think I broke my thumb.
- Hey, batter, batter. Swing, batter...
Do you realise that if we played by
the rules, right now we'd be in gym?
Come on, boys, let's go.
We'll never get out of here. Move!
I hate him.
Who is lt?
It's Ed Rooney, Ferris.
I'd like to have a word with you.
I'm sorry, I can't come to the door
right now. In my weakened condltion -
- I could take a spill down the stairs
and suffer further school absences.
- Save it, Ferris. Come down here.
- You can reach my parents at work.
Thank you for stopping by.
I appreciate your concern.
- Come down here and talk to me.
- Have a nice day.
You're in big trouble.
Ferris.
Ferris.
- Who is lt?
- You know damn well who it is.
I'm sorry, I can't come to the door
right now. In my weakened condltion -
- I could take a spill down the stairs
and suffer further school absences.
You can reach my parents at work.
Thank you for stopping by.
I appreciate your concern.
Have a nice day.
Mud...
Son of a bitch!
My shoe.
Hi, doggy.
Stay, boy.
Stay...
Stay!
Sit!
Sit! Heel! Stay!
- We'd better go and get the car.
- We have until six.
I know you don't care,
but it does mean my ass.
That hurts, Cameron.
- What have you seen today?
- Nothing good.
Nothing...!
What do you mean, nothing good?
We've seen everything good,
we've seen the whole city.
We went to a museum
and saw priceless works of art.
What? What's wrong?
Look over there.
- What's he doing?
- He's making obscene gestures.
What?
- He didn't leave.
- It really busts my hump.
- He didn't ditch us.
- He might be back at school.
- He would not go back to school.
- He'd do it just to make me sweat.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we'd like to play a little tune for you.
I dedicate It to a man who doesn't think
he's seen anything good today.
Cameron Frye, this one is for you.
- Get off the float!
- What are you doing?
As long as I've known him,
everything works for him.
There's nothing he can't handle.
I can't handle anything.
School, parents, the future.
Ferris can do anything.
- I don't know what I'm going to do.
- College.
Yeah, but to do what?
What are you interested in?
Nothing.
Me neither.
You're crazy!
What do you think
Ferris is going to do?
He's going to be a fry cook.
Christ...
Look what Uncle Ed has for you,
you little fucker.
Jesus!
Sleep tight, pooch.
I knew it!
Well, where is she?
This is her daughter.
Do you know where she is?
Do you know when she'll be back?
Do you know anything?
- Ferris.
- Bueller.
You're psychotic.
You're out of your mind.
I can't believe you went
on a goddam parade float!
Okay, wait...
"Yeah, this tune
is one of my personal favourites."
- A lot of people saw you.
- You are nailed.
Who'd believe I was in a parade?
Anybody who would nail me
wouldn't go to a parade.
That was so quick.
- This looks okay to me, Cameron.
- It looks great. Let's roll.
Here you go. Thank you.
You're a very generous individual.
Come back anytime.
- Watch the seat.
- Sorry.
See you later.
We've got to do this again.
This is not a phoney call.
There is an intruder, -
- male Caucasian,
possibly armed, in my kitchen.
My name's Bueller.
You hope my brother's feeling better?
I'm in danger!
I am very protective of my body.
I do not want it violated or killed.
I need help!
Speak any English? Dickhead.
Excuse me, if you're still in the
house, I'vejust called the police.
If you have any brains whatsoever,
you'll get out real quick.
I also have my father's gun
and a scorching case of herpes.
Wait, that's my car!
I'll move it.
He got my keys.
You shithead!
I feel pretty good. I feel real good.
Those guys at the garage were nice.
I was a little worried about them.
It turned out good.
Hey...
- Cameron.
- Yeah?
How many miles did you say
this thing had on it when we left?
126 and halfway
between three and four tenths.
Why? How many miles are on it now?
Here's where Cameron goes berserk.
Cameron, are you okay?
Cut that out.
Who is lt?
I'm sorry, I can't come to the door
right now. In my weakened condltion -
- I could take a spill
down the stairs...
God bless the police.
I'm saved. Thank you, God.
- Thank...
- I heard that you were feeling ill
headache, fever and a chill
I came to help restore your pluck
'cause I'm the nurse who likes to...
This may very well be for real.
He might have blown
a microchip or two.
He's always been a little keyed up.
I just wanted to give him a good day.
We're going to graduate soon.
We'll have the summer.
He'll work and I'll work.
We'll see each other at night
and on the weekends.
Then he'll go to one school
and I'll go to another.
Basically that will be it.
Sloane's as big a problem.
She has another year of high school.
How do I deal with that?
I was serious
when I said I'd marry her. I would.
Cameron?
Can you hear me?
Cameron, blink if you understand me.
Cameron has never been in love.
Well, nobody has been in love with him.
If things don't change for him, he's
going to marry the first girl he lays.
And she's going to treat him like shit,
because she will have given him -
- what he has built up in his mind as
the end all, be all of our existence.
She won't respect him.
You can't respect somebody who
kisses your ass. It just doesn't work.
Ferris, we'd better try something else.
This isn't working.
Are you feeling better, Cameron?
Why don't you come in here?
It's really nice.
Cameron, I can flip out real easy, too.
It's okay.
Sooner or later,
everybody goes to the zoo.
Maybe he's really sick.
Maybe he isn't just torturing himself.
Hey! Hey, Cameron!
Cameron, wake up.
Come on, Cameron. Wake up!
- What is that?
- Ferris Bueller, you're my hero.
- That was pretty impressive, man.
- You son of a bitch.
It's not funny.
Drugs?
Thank you, no. I'm straight.
I meant, are you in here for drugs?
- Why are you here?
- Drugs.
- I don't know why I'm here.
- Why don't you go home?
Why don't you
put your thumb up your butt?
You wear too much eye make-up.
My sister wears too much.
People think she's a whore.
- You don't want to talk about it?
- With you? Are you serious?
- I'm serious.
- Blow yourself.
All right,
you want to know what's wrong?
I know what's wrong.
I just want to hear you say it.
In a nutshell, I hate my brother.
How's that?
That's cool. Did you
blow him away or something?
No, not yet.
He was ditching school. When I went
home to check, some guy was there.
The cops picked me up
for making a phoney call.
What do you care
if your brother ditches school?
- Everybody else has to go.
- You could ditch.
- I'd get caught.
- Yes.
You're pissed off because he ditches
and doesn't get caught, is that it?
- Basically.
- Basically.
- Your problem is you.
- Excuse me?
Worry about yourself,
not about what your brother does.
- That's just an opinion.
- What are you, a psychiatrist?
Keep your opinions to yourself.
There's somebody you should talk to.
If you say Ferris Bueller,
you lose a testicle.
Oh, you know him.
That whole time
I was just thinking things over.
I was like... meditating.
Then I sort of watched myself
from inside.
I realised it was ridiculous...
being afraid.
Worrying about everything.
Wishing I was dead.
All that shit. I'm tired of it.
It was the best day of my life.
I'm going to miss you guys next year.
Cameron, can I ask you a question?
Yeah.
Did you see me change
out of my clothes by the jacuzzi?
Did you?
You saw me?
I thought you were catatonic.
That's okay. I'm not embarrassed.
I better check on the car.
Hey, Ferris!
Yeah?
The miles aren't coming off
going in reverse.
No...
I thought that might be a problem.
We have to open the odometer,
roll it back by hand.
No, forget it.
Forget it.
I've got to take a stand.
I'm bullshit.
I put up with everything.
My old man pushes me around.
I never say anything.
He's not the problem.
I'm the problem.
I've got to take a stand.
I've got to take a stand against him.
I am not going to sit on my ass -
- as the events that affect me unfold
to determine the course of my life.
I'm going to take a stand and defend it.
Right or wrong,
I'm going to defend it.
I'm so sick of this shit.
I can't stand him
and I hate this goddam car.
Who do you love? You love a car.
You son of a bitch.
Shit...
I dented the shit out of it.
Good.
My father will see what I did.
I can't hide this.
He'll come home
and he'll have to deal with me.
I don't care. I really don't.
I'm just tired of being afraid.
The hell with him.
I can't wait to see the look
on his face.
What did I do?
- What did I do?
- You killed the car.
Whoa!
Holy shit!
It's my fault.
I'll take the heat for it.
When he comes home, we'll tell him
that I did it. He hates me anyway.
No, I'll take it.
- I'll take it.
- No, you don't want this much heat.
If I didn't want it,
I wouldn't have let you take the car.
- I made you take that car.
- I could have stopped you.
I want it.
I'm going to take it, that's it.
When Morris comes home,
he and I will just have a little chat.
It's cool.
No, it's going to be good.
Thanks anyway.
This is a shock to me.
I don't know why she left school.
And why would she come up
with a story about an intruder?
For whatever reason she did it,
she's had a scare.
I appreciate you calling. We'll have
a long talk with her at home.
Thank you.
- I hope your son is feeling better.
- Pardon?
Tell him all the guys at the station
are pulling for him.
Right.
- Hi.
- Don't "hi" me, young lady.
I want to get out of here now.
Now.
Okay... Fine!
- She's a little hyper.
- Yeah.
Let's not ruin this
with a lot of talk, okay?
- You didn't tell me your name.
- It's Jean.
But a lot of guys call me Shauna.
- Okay, Jean.
- Cool.
That's great.
I'll see you, okay?
Jeanie, now!
- Now!
- Okay.
- I had a great time today.
- Yeah, it was pretty cool.
Will Cameron be okay?
Yeah, sure,
for the first time in his life.
He's going to be just fine.
You knew what you were doing
when you woke up this morning.
Me? No...
Oh, shit!
I have to go.
- I'll call you tonight.
- Okay.
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
He's going to marry me.
Do you know what it's like to pick up
your daughter at the police station?
I was about to close the deal
with the Vermont people.
I was going to take my commission
and buy Ferris a car.
What the hell are you doing?
Are you trying to kill us?
Look at this mess. I'll never
get these papers back in order.
- Slow down.
- I can't drive with you yelling at me!
Hi, I'm Ferris Bueller.
No, don't get up.
That smells delicious.
- Dinner's ready.
- What? Who was that?
What's wrong?
Everything. I just picked up Jeanie
at the police station.
She got a speeding ticket and I lost
the Vermont deal because of her.
Looking for this?
I got you, Ferris.
How's Ferris?
Let's go in and check on him.
I have dreamed about this.
And this time...
...you little bastard,
I've got you right where I want you.
Ferris, we're home.
How would you feel
about another year at high school?
Under my close,
personal supervision?
Hi.
Thank God you're all right.
We've been worried sick about you.
Thank you, Mr Rooney,
for driving him home.
Go upstairs and get in bed.
Scoot!
Can you imagine someone that sick
trying to walk home from hospital?
Kids!
By the way, you left your wallet
on the kitchen floor.
Honey.
- He's still awfully warm.
- How do you feel?
150% better, thank you.
Don't make me stay home again.
I want to go to school.
I have to graduate in June,
and I...
Ferris, you're sick. Don't push it
and make yourself worse.
- Maybe you're right, Dad.
- I know I'm right, pal.
- How did you get to be so sweet?
- From years of practice.
Blanket...
Get well.
I'm going to get myself settled,
then I'll bring you a hot cup of soup.
I've said it before and I'll say
it again: Life moves pretty fast.
If you don't stop and look around
once in a while, you could miss it.
Four years I've been chasing this kid.
Four years he's been
making a fool of me.
Hey, Mr Rooney, what's going on?
Did you get in a fight?
Do you want a lift?
I bet you never smelled
a real school bus before.
Gummi bear?
They've been in my pocket.
They're real warm and soft.
You're still here?
It's over.
Go home.
Go.