Happily N'Ever After 2 (2009) Movie Script
Once upon a time,
long, long ago,
in a magical kingdom
far, far away
known as Fairy Tale Land,
there lived a princess
and a prince,
'cause there always is one
when you have the other.
Hold up!
That's not
what wizards wear, Mambo.
The clothes don't make
the wizard, Munk.
It's the other way around.
Now what up with all this
"once upon a time" bidness?
That's old school.
We gots to make
the story fresh, yo.
You know,
mix things up a bit.
D'oh!
Not the balance
of good and evil!
D'oh!
Mambo!
We're supposed to keep
good and evil in fairy tales
balanced right where they are.
Capiche?
But--
- Zaa!
Uh, but--
- Zzz!
But--
- Zaa!
Oh! Fine.
We'll do it your way.
Good.
Now, Fairy Tale Land was ruled
by the wise King Cole.
His wife, Queen Grace--
Who was big-time beautiful.
...and their
daughter Snow White.
Things were pretty cool
in the old kingdom.
Lots of joy and love
and all that good stuff
was just bursting out
everywhere.
And this was in no small part
due to Queen Grace.
Wave to the people,
Snow White.
Everyone in the kingdom
is our friend.
Yes, Mommy,
and they all love you.
Morning!
For no matter
what your problem...
Or what you looked like...
She would bring joy
into your world.
With a smile on her face
and love in her heart.
Yeah!
Yay!
Did you see that?
Mother, why does everyone
love the queen so much?
Because she is beautiful.
I want to be queen someday.
Am I beautiful?
Uh...
Wh-What do you think?
Mommy, I want to be
loved by everyone,
just like you are.
You will be, Snow White.
There. All done.
Whoa.
Just remember,
Snow White,
the mirror only tells
half the story.
True beauty comes
from helping others.
Yes, Mommy.
Mommy.
Are you okay?
Stop smiling.
This is a sad day
for the kingdom.
But doesn't this mean
someone else
gets to be queen?
Mommy.
Yes, someone else
will be queen.
Now poor Snow White
has to grow up
without the caring heart--
of her beloved mother.
# No, sugar,
I like the spice #
# I'll never get enough #
# No, never get enough #
# I'll show you how,
if you ask me nice #
# Just try to keep up #
# Try to keep up #
# Can you keep up
with me? #
# Can you really
keep up with me? #
# Do you think
I'm gonna let you get #
# Your friends tonight
and meet up with me? #
# No time
for sleepin', baby #
# Up in the V to the I-P #
# Can you keep up?
Can you keep up? #
# Can you really
keep up with me? #
Answer.
Holla!
- Hey, girls.
We're almost to your place.
You ready?
You know it.
Snow White?
Oh, my dad's coming.
Gotta go.
Later.
Snow, honey,
are you ready to go?
Hi, Daddy.
You like?
It's the hottest,
latest thing.
Well...
You don't like it?
No. It's nice.
I'm just not sure that's
what a young princess wears.
Now, your mother,
she always dressed
appropriately for a queen.
Daddy,
times have changed.
So has fashion.
You gotta keep up.
I take it from your dress
you've forgotten
we were visiting
the Ten Little Indians
Orphanage tonight?
But tonight's the opening
of Mamma Goose's Joust House.
They're expecting me
to be there.
Well, it would be nice
if you felt the orphanage
needed you, too.
Yeah, I know.
Snow, you've gone out
to some new opening
every night this summer.
So?
- So, honey,
there's more
to being a princess
than red carpets
and photo ops.
Honey, the children
always loved it
when your mother
visited them.
But they pick their noses.
It's so gross.
Your mother
never seemed to mind.
You just don't
understand.
Snow White!
Holla!
Holla!
So you ready to get
your joust on, girl?
Go ahead.
We can visit
with the children
another time.
Oh, thank you, Daddy!
Now, I don't want you
coming home late again.
Daddy, curfews are so lame.
Do you want me
to look like a loser?
Well, no, but--
Daddy.
Oh, well. Okay, okay.
But be home well before
the rooster crows,
unlike last time.
I'm serious now.
Before the rooster crows.
Got it.
Aw, the royal robe?
Your mother
wore this with pride.
I insist.
Fine.
And be safe.
I will be.
Mwah!
Love you.
Uh, you're not really gonna
wear that robe, are you?
What's wrong?
Girl, way too retro.
The Three Blind Mice
could see that.
Holla!
It'll be great.
Hi.
Mmm, who are they?
Dude, they're the Damsels.
Bo Peep, Goldilocks,
Little Red Riding Hood,
and Snow White.
They're the most popular girls
in Fairy Tale Land.
Thanks.
No cutting the line.
Bite me.
Sorry.
Whoo--
You're looking good
tonight, Snow White.
Everyone's staring at you.
Well, what can I say?
Designer clothes
with matching shoes,
perfect makeup,
and a killer do.
Holl-a!
The main event is starting!
Are they starting?
- There they are.
Young lads and lasses,
wizards and witches,
it's time to get
your joust on!
On the red side,
the man with the muscles,
the big bruiser
who's never been a loser--
Sir Simple Simon!
I love him! Whoo!
And on the blue side,
a newbie
to the jousting games--
Sir Peter!
Who's the new guy?
I haven't met him yet.
I wonder what he looks like.
He's probably an ogre.
And, as a special treat,
in attendance tonight
is the ever glamorous,
always fabulous,
Fairy Tale Land's
favorite gal--
Princess Snow White!
Thank you. Thank you.
Boo!
Line-cutters!
They obviously let in
too many peasants.
They shouldn't do that
on opening night.
This is gonna be good.
Knights, are you ready?
Then let's get your joust on!
Yah!
Hyah!
Hyah.
So, Damsels,
was that a joust,
or was that a joust?
- So awesome!
Sweet!
- It was the bomb!
Snow White, so, how
about that Sir Peter?
He's cute.
Mmm. Mm-hmm.
Hah. Whoo. Ah.
Mmm. Ooh.
Yeah!
All right, Petey.
Welcome to Fairy Tale Land.
Let's find you a girl.
I didn't come here
to find a girl.
Yeah, yeah.
You only want
to help people.
I know.
Always with the big heart.
You can save
the world tomorrow.
Uh!
- Oh!
Hey.
- Hey.
# Your shining armor #
# Your heart's safe harbor #
Uh, you were brilliant
tonight, Sir Peter.
I'm way honored
you asked me to dance.
Please.
The honor is all mine.
Really?
Yeah, really.
Your mother
was a hero of mine.
Huh? My mother?
I was raised
in one of her orphanages.
Heck, I probably
wouldn't be here
if it wasn't for her.
She's, like--
a legend.
That's Mom.
# Surrender #
Looks like we might have
a little love connection
between Snow White
and that new knight.
Hmm.
There's something
very odd
about that woman
over there.
Ya think?
The veil kinda
screams "creepy."
Yeah. Your mom was great.
She just had
something about her.
Her looks?
- Well, yeah, but--
Her fashion sense?
- I guess, but--
Oh, the way
she did her hair?
Huh?
Hey, you two.
We got the VIP room
to ourselves.
Oh, you have to come.
Well...
Please?
Yeah. Come on.
We can get away
from all the--
Riffraff?
Totally.
I mean, Snow White's
a princess, for goodness' sake.
I'll pass.
But why?
'Cause I'm one
of the riffraff.
Miss Muffet?
May I have this dance?
Roses red,
violets blue,
what I'm seeing,
it can't be true.
My Lord,
your curds and whey.
I understand the children
at the orphanage
were quite disappointed
Snow White wasn't there.
Yes. She's becoming
quite a handful, Grimm.
Indeed, My Lord.
Ruling a kingdom--
no problem.
Raising a daughter--
I'm lost.
Perhaps she needs
a mother, My Lord.
Someone like Queen Grace.
It has been some time.
Hmm.
Someone to help guide her
into womanhood.
Precisely.
And the people have been
longing for a queen.
Maybe you're right.
I will decide on such
things on the morrow,
after the rooster crows.
Hey, Peter.
My Lady.
Ugh!
Hey, Jack.
How's Mrs. Sprat?
Still keeping
the platter clean.
Thanks for asking, Peter.
We're going dancing, baby.
Huh?
Yeah. At the late night
dance party
down at the Hickory
Dickory Dock.
Oh, but I can't.
I told my father
I'd be home before--
Girl, you're Snow White,
not Cinderella.
Nothing's gonna
turn into a pumpkin.
And you have to make
an appearance.
Yeah. Please?
Damsels, let's dance!
Holla!
I just don't get it.
Snow White is nothing
like Queen Grace.
You didn't mess
with the balance, did you?
No. I didn't mess
with the balance.
Hmm!
Maybe there's a glitch
in the system.
Oh, well.
We'll figure it out
tomorrow.
Good night, Mambo.
Good night.
Why wait till tomorrow?
Gotcha. No, no.
No. Shh!
No, no, don't.
No, no, no.
No. You don't--
Don't-- Don't crow.
Shh, shh, shh.
Oh!
Daddy!
Why are you up so early?
Where was your robe?
Oh...
And it says
you cut in line.
Well...
Staying out all night is no way
for a princess to act.
Your mother didn't
raise you like this.
Daddy, I'm trying my best.
I go to all the events,
and I-- I wave and smile
to all the people,
just like Mom did.
But your mother went
to events to help people.
And I don't?
Sweetheart,
you're only interested
in having a good time.
But, Daddy,
that's so not fair!
Grimm.
Yes, My Lord?
Find me a queen.
As you wish, My Lord.
One more twist--
Whoa! Whoa!
Hey.
Whoa!
Aah! Whoa!
Huh? Oh.
Huh?
Ehh.
Ehh!
Mambo, what's all that noise?
Uh-oh.
Hmm.
Hmm?
Mmm.
Mmm.
Hmm.
I'm coming.
Oh...
Greetings!
And welcome to the Fairy
Godmother's Dating Service.
What does thou desire?
I have come
looking for a wife.
Then you've come
to the right place.
Just fill this out
and sign at the bottom.
Oh, it's not for me.
You want a wife,
but not for you?
I am here to find
a wife for the king.
The king?
- Yes.
Oh, my!
Oh, my!
The king wants a wife.
I'll make it my top priority.
And is there any
particular type of woman
the king wishes to marry?
Yes.
Someone just like this.
I want to look like this.
Uh?
Oh, and you shall.
I think we've found
your mirror.
Oh! Mambo!
Look what you've done!
What? I didn't
do nothing.
Oh, we have to fix it
before things get
really out of hand.
Hey, this is getting
kinda interesting.
Now I will be queen!
# It's a sign, it's a clue #
# Maybe this time
the sign will be true #
# You've waited in line,
paid your dues #
# With all the false alarms
and miscues #
A wife!
I hear "Well To Do"
is the king.
That's what I heard, too.
Sleeping Beauty!
That's me!
And tell me about
your best quality.
# It's a sign, it's a clue #
# You put it together,
and it hits you #
# The planets align #
# Is it true? #
# You finally find
someone that fits you #
# Like a charm #
# False alarm #
Oh, who is it now?
I'm sorry,
but we're closed.
I'm here about the proposal.
Oh, my.
Now, what would
Sir Peter like?
Damsels.
Holla!
Girls, I need some 911.
Subject?
- Clothing.
Situation?
- A boy.
Ooh!
Someone's crushing
on Sir Peter!
Hook it up.
Ooh!
Damsels, this is serious.
My Lady,
your father
wishes to see you.
Oh, sure thing.
I'll be there in a second.
So, what do you think?
Didn't you say
he liked helping people?
Yeah.
Then you should dress
like a peasant girl.
So not funny.
Snow White, your father
was quite insistent
that you come immediately.
Okay, I'm coming.
My dad's freaking.
I gotta go. Mwah!
Mwah!
Later!
15...
16...
17...
- Daddy?
What are you doing?
Exercising.
Gotta firm up the flab.
But--
- 20...
...you have bad knees.
Well--
Lady Vain says a little pain
should not keep me
from having a proper body.
Huh?
Who's Lady Vain?
Lady Vain is going to be
your new mother.
What? My new mother?
Excuse me. Since when?
Since I decided I wanted
to get remarried.
Lady Vain, I'd like you
to meet my daughter,
Snow White.
Mommy.
Snow White,
I knew you were pretty,
but now that I
see you up close,
you look just like
your mother.
And so do you.
She does have quite
a resemblance, doesn't she?
Daddy, what's going on?
I decided I wanted a wife
and you needed a mother.
And lo and behold,
in walks Lady Vain.
She's just perfect,
isn't she?
Too perfect. Oh!
This is, like,
totally crazy!
I mean, you don't
even know this woman!
What's happening?
Whoa! Snow White
is arguing with her father.
This is getting good.
What?
What's going on?
Oh, no!
Get up here and help me!
Snow White, I am going
to marry Lady Vain.
Our wedding
is already planned.
Already planned?
Yes. When the cow
jumps over the moon,
and that is final.
No, it isn't!
Oh, dear.
Don't worry, honey bunny.
Snow White and I just need
some girl time together.
Oh! Snow White has to go.
She'll
ruin everything.
Oh. What happened?
She whined like
a spoiled brat!
She was so...
And to think I spent
the entire day
listening to the king
go on and on
about Queen Grace.
Ugh! Oh...
Mirror, mirror
on the wall,
make me feel better
and tell me
who is the fairest
of them all?
Go on.
Say what you always say.
Em, well...
Well, what?
Am I not fairest
of them all?
Well, now that I've
seen Snow White,
I gotta say she's looking
pretty darn fantastic
on the old fairest-o-meter.
I mean...
have you ever seen
such a natural beauty?
And have you ever seen
a cracked mirror?
Aah!
And then what would
become of the new you?
My power sustains
your illusion.
I can't destroy you,
but you could spend the rest
of your happily ever after
in a closet!
Ahh.
The power of vanity.
Get over here
and help me with this!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Waa-ha-ha!
Oh, yeah!
Ow! Oh.
I'm here
to save the day.
Ugh. Just pull this rope.
So, how to deal with little
Miss Teen Queen Wannabe.
Whoa!
Hmm.
Uh-oh.
- Oh...
Now we're in
really big trouble.
I still don't understand
the purpose of this scheme.
Gossip.
If used properly,
it can ruin a reputation,
but not necessarily
about the person
being gossiped about.
Precisely.
And one bite
of this magic apple
will make Snow White
say the rudest things
she ever thought possible.
Really?
Ooh! Whoo!
You can be such a nag.
Lady Vain is rotten
to the core.
Apple joke.
Well, the apple works.
But-- But I don't know
anything about makeovers.
That's obvious.
Just poof and cream,
and you'll do fine.
It's all about attitude.
Poof and cream.
Okay.
Snow White, honey.
It's Lady Vain.
Go away!
Please?
I think we got off
on the wrong foot.
My friend Rumpy is the top
hair, nail, and face man
in the kingdom.
I've convinced him
to give you a makeover
as my little gift to you.
Makeover?
So, uh, let's take
a look at you, yes.
My! Uh...
what pretty hair
you have, yes.
Thanks.
- And, uh...
what-- what a beautiful
set of eyes you have.
Oh, that's so sweet.
Ooh! And what big teeth
you have, huh?
What?
Ooh!
Oh, yes. Uh...
So, uh, let's
get started, yes.
First, we will...
uh, poof the hair!
Give it some air.
Let it breathe
like fine wine, yes.
Breathe. Breathe.
Breathe. Yes.
Um, Rumpy, I think
that's enough poofing.
Oh, yes.
Well, of course.
Yeah. So, uh,
now, we will--
No. Uh...
Rumpy, don't you think
Snow White is looking
a little pale?
Really?
Well, I feel fine.
Don't you have something
you can give her?
Wh-What?
Oh, uh, yes!
Indeed, I do.
Uhh! What?
Where is it?
Oh! Oh! Ah.
Here.
- Oh.
Eat this.
An apple?
- Oh, yes.
It'll make you feel better
than pease-porridge pie.
But I feel fine.
It's good for the skin.
Oh. Oh!
No!
- No! Don't!
Don't do it!
Don't do it--
Well, she did it.
No! Come on!
That a girl.
Now, tell old Rumpy
about everything and everyone
that makes you mad,
sad, or had.
And don't leave out
any of the juicy details.
Well, let me
tell you about...
Replay messages.
Now, Bo Peep,
she's always braggin'
about her "junk in da trunk."
Junk's right.
It's called "too much
gingerbread," honey.
Maybe if she got
off her trunk--
...she'd find her sheep.
And Goldilocks?
Talk about a whiny
little airhead.
"The porridge isn't right.
It's too hot.
It's too cold."
Make a decision, girl!
And we can't forget
Little Red Riding Hood.
Honey, stop wearing red.
It's totally not your color.
Oh, no, she didn't just say that.
I think we all know
why Simon is called simple.
If the butcher only knew
what the baker
and the candlestick maker
were doing behind his back.
Now, Cinderella...
Let me tell you
about Prince Charming.
And Mistress Mary? Ew!
The ugly duckling.
And Sir Peter?
What's with the "nobler
than thou" 'tude?
Like, chill!
Hmm. He didn't
even cut my hair.
Oh, well.
Cute as ever.
Goldilocks.
Hey, girl.
Want to go shopping?
You got some nerve
calling me.
What
are you talking about?
Oh, like you don't know?
Whatever!
Huh!
What's her problem?
Go, Snow White, and meet
your adoring subjects.
Hmm!
- Hah!
She's got some nerve showing up here.
She's showing her face in public.
Can you believe it?
What is their problem?
It's okay, girl.
- Yeah, it's okay.
Too much
gingerbread, huh?
Whiny airhead?
So, red isn't my color?
What are you talking about?
Don't play dumb.
We heard everything
you said.
And it wasn't very nice.
Come on, let's get her!
Yeah, go get her!
Get back here!
Say, there she is!
- There she is!
Go get her!
- Uh!
Tell me, Snow White.
Why do they call me simple?
Ooh!
There's Snow White!
- There she is!
An old fuddy-duddy, am I?
Daddy, I'm so glad
you're here.
Something horrible
has happened.
The entire kingdom
hates me.
And you're surprised,
after all the terrible things
you've been saying
about people?
Your mother would be ashamed.
Oh, Daddy!
Snow, come back!
Grimm, follow her.
Yes, Your Majesty.
Whoa!
Everybody hates me.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
You idiot!
Not while I'm cackling.
Will you stop
that primping
and get out of
that silly costume?
Sorry.
This story
is so out of control.
We have to do something.
But what?
The scale is toast.
Kaput! Finito.
Aah!
Let's go!
What? Where to?
We've gotta stop Lady Vain.
Come on, I'll drive.
No. I'll drive.
- Uh!
Rise. And away!
Whoa! Ho-ho!
Whoa ho ho! Yeah!
Whoa! Oh! Aah!
Pull over!
Pull over!
I think I can drive
a little better!
Aah! Come on, Munk,
let me drive.
No. I'm driving.
Please, please,
please, please?
Please, please?
- Agh!
Hey!
Oh, hey, aah!
As a control freak, you
need to let me drive!
Let go!
Next time,
you should drive.
Mmm.
Hello.
Anybody home?
I'm a princess, heh.
Not a thief.
Mmm.
This looks delicious.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Oh...
Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm!
Oh...
Aah!
Aaah!
What-- uh--
Wh-Who are you?
We be the dwarves
of the forest, My Lady.
Well,
it is so not cool
to freak out
a fair maiden,
especially
when she's sleeping.
Now don't be givin' us
none of that knick-knack
paddy-whack, missy.
You're the one who done
broke into our home,
ate our food,
and slept in our beds!
Oh, right.
Well, my father
will pay for whatever.
And who be your father?
The king?
Actually, yes.
Giants and wizards!
You're Queen Grace's
daughter, Snow White!
I can see the resemblance.
I see it now.
Yeah. And?
We were friends
with the queen.
My mother came here?
Here's us with Queen Grace
when we helped Mary
get her little lamb back.
The poor thing got
washed into the river.
Ooh! This is the day
we all cleaned out the spiders
from Miss Muffet's attic.
Oh, and this is when we helped
Old MacDonald plow his fields.
He was a little behind
on the harvest that year.
And this--
the day she took care of us.
She knitted them herself.
I didn't know
she did all these things.
Oh, sure.
- She did.
Bright and pretty.
Yes, it's true.
Yep, she did.
Your mother loved
to help people.
She was a beautiful woman.
Yeah.
So what be
bringing you down
to our neck of the woods,
Snow White?
Oh.
Well, I had a little situation
back at the kingdom.
What kind of situation?
Well, I guess it all started
when I went to
Mamma Goose's Joust House.
I was supposed to go
to the orphanage, but...
...so after I said
all those horrible things--
which I would never
usually say, really--
the Damsels, my dad,
and everyone,
like, totally freaked.
She may look
like her mother,
but she sure don't
act like her.
Hear, hear.
Come on, now.
Cut the girl some slack.
Her mother died
when she was young.
In fact, I'd say
it's our duty to fix her up
into the woman her mother
would have wanted her to be.
Oh, we should be doing
that for sure, yes!
For Queen Grace.
For Queen Grace.
Snow White,
we're gonna help you
win back your friends,
family, and home.
But you have
to do everything
we tell you to do,
no questions asked.
Well, okay.
Come again?
You want me to do what?
Shovel some sticks
and straw.
No way.
But why?
Hello!
I'm a princess.
I don't shovel.
Okay.
But there's wolves
in them woods.
Fine.
Happy now?
No! No! No! No! No!
No! Ooh!
Definitely no!
But, My Lady,
these are the finest
wedding dresses
in all the kingdom.
Sewn by peasants,
no doubt.
Pitiful, all of them.
I want only the finest dress
made by the finest hands.
Um, My Lady, there was
this cream-colored number
we saw over in Wonderland.
The cute little
strapless couture
with organza
and gold thread?
And the draped pickups
and cinched pleats.
Uh, it was to die for.
We could get it
on back order.
Ooh, but it might
take a little while.
Can we push
the wedding back,
say, um, a month?
Enough!
How dare you subject me
to these peasants.
Have you seen
Snow White?
Has she returned
to the castle yet?
No, but I'm sure
she'll be along soon.
You know
how young girls are.
I hope you're right.
Trust me, dear.
Hmph.
Now what?
Maybe it's time for a
little more direct approach.
So, my dear,
tomorrow's a big day.
Are you excited
to meet the kingdom?
Did Peter Piper
pick a pickled pepper?
Excellent.
Did someone
order bodyguards
from the employment service?
That's me.
Send them in.
Bodyguards?
Honey bunny, I'm not used
to being among the people.
It makes me nervous.
Oh. Well, I suppose.
Now run along.
We'll play some patty-cake
a little later.
Oh! I love patty-cake!
I'll make this simple.
No touching, no hugging,
no rubbing, no tugging,
no kissing babies,
no "let's take
a picture together
for my brother
who's a big fan,"
for I am royalty and
they are the commoners.
Can you handle that?
But, My Lady, you are going
to be the queen of the people.
Why would you want
to keep them away?
You are the first guard.
You are the alternate.
Ow! Ooh!
Sorry. Ohh!
Where are we going again?
Ohh!
We have some work
to do.
More work?
But I did that already!
The deal was "no questions asked."
Remember?
Whatever.
Just remember, my dear,
the job gets harder when you
only think of yourself.
# You're running
out of options #
# They must be
tryin' to test you #
# With such a big
bad problem #
# And such a tiny
little rescue #
The Three Little Pigs?
The Big Bad Wolf
went a bit crazy
and blew down
two of their houses.
So we're going to
help them rebuild.
# Try a little harder #
# Forget your reputation #
Whoo-- Whoa-- Whoop--
# You don't have
to be a martyr #
# You just need
a little inspiration #
# Little by little,
let a light in your heart #
# Take a step and stand up
if you fall #
# You can make it
to the finish #
# But you still
have to start #
# 'Cause little by little #
# Is a lot more
than nothing at all #
Oops.
# At all #
Aah! Oh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.
# Little by little #
I broke a nail.
Well, Wee Willie Winkie,
I'd say we did
a pretty good job.
Yeah.
# Our houses are rebuilt #
# Our houses are rebuilt #
# Hi-ho the merry-o #
# Our houses are rebuilt #
Our houses are rebuilt!
They're rebuilt!
- Yay! Hooray!
Oh, thank you.
Come one, come all!
Gather 'round to meet
your new queen-to-be!
They're really excited to meet you.
And me them.
Oh, and I have
a little present for you.
The royal robe!
Oh, pookums!
A queen's robe
for my queen-to-be.
Ha! King Cole, you don't
want to marry this woman!
She's a wolf
in sheep's clothing!
Guards!
Aah!
- Aah!
So much for
the direct approach.
A wolf
in sheep's clothing?
Well, it's all
I could think of.
So here she is--
Lady Vain!
Shall we?
Stick close to me.
Baby-sit?
But I don't know anything
about babysitting.
It's for a friend.
It'll be a breeze.
Well, okay.
You've gotta be kidding me.
Thank you again
for babysitting.
I really appreciate it.
How do I look?
Uh, why don't you
let me do a few things?
There. All done.
Oh, my goodness.
I'm-- I'm almost beautiful.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you very much!
Now, children,
you behave yourselves
and listen to Snow White.
She's in charge.
I won't be too late. Bye!
But I--
Just, eh, play with them.
It'll be easy as pie.
Easy as--
No, I don't think you--
Finally, some "me" time.
Ugh! Look at my hair.
What a mess.
Play with dolly?
Oh, honey,
I'll play with dolly
right after I finish
my hair, okay?
I promise.
Hey!
- Hey!
Aah!
We want you
to play catch with us.
In the backyard.
Guys, I'll be done
in a little while.
Then I promise
we can play catch.
Ugh. I'll just be
a second more, promise.
Oh! Hey!
Give that back!
Look at me!
Hey, come here.
I'm a princess!
You monsters!
Come here!
Here, catch.
Stop!
Got it!
Hey! Oh!
Aah!
Ohh!
Ha ha!
Ohh!
Run!
Hey!
I'm a princess!
Whoop! Ohh!
Oh.
Why are you crying?
I'm the disaster.
'Cause you don't like us.
No, it's not you.
It's-- It's me.
It's just, I can't seem
to do anything right.
Try singing.
That's what Mom does.
# Hush, little baby #
# Don't say a word #
# Mama's gonna buy you
a mockingbird #
# And if that mockingbird
don't sing #
# Mama's gonna buy you
a diamond ring #
# And if that diamond ring #
# Turns brass #
# Mama's gonna buy you
a looking glass #
# And if that looking
glass gets broke #
# Mama's gonna buy you
a billy goat #
# And if that billy goat won't pull #
# Mama's gonna buy you
a cart and bull #
# And if that cart
and bull turn over #
# Mama's gonna buy you
a dog named Rover #
# And if that dog
named Rover won't bark #
# Mama's gonna buy you
a horse and cart #
# And if that horse
and cart fall down #
# You'll still be #
# The sweetest girl
in town #
Snow White,
that was beautiful.
Just remember,
Snow White,
the mirror only tells
half the story.
True beauty comes
from helping others.
Guys, I get it now.
I want to help others,
like my mom.
Uh, time
to change the guard.
Awesome.
It's good
to get out of here.
My Lady complains louder
than Little Boy Blue blowing his horn.
She sure is different
than Queen Grace.
No fooling.
The wedding is upon us, My Lady.
Our plan
is almost complete.
Our plan?
I-- I mean your plan,
of course!
If only Mother
could see me now.
Becoming Queen is going
to be even easier
than getting rid
of Snow White.
Ooh, terrific. Poofarama. Poof, poof--
Will you stop that!
What's this?
All right, Pinocchio,
good as new.
Thanks, Snow White.
You're welcome.
And no more lying, okay?
Okay.
Peter.
Snow White?
What are you doing here?
I came looking for you.
You want me to go
back to the castle?
Yes.
But why? Hold this.
To stop the wedding!
Here. If it makes my father
happy to marry Lady Vain,
who am I to stop him?
But he doesn't know what
he's getting himself into.
He doesn't know
who the real Lady Vain is.
Hmm. I know
something about that.
There.
How do you feel, Humpty?
I feel fantastic!
Whoa!
Thanks, buddy.
And thanks a million,
Snow White.
You're welcome.
And stay off
the high walls.
You got it.
Hey, it's Snow White!
Holla!
- Holla!
Holla!
Thanks again!
Hee-ya!
Toodle-oo!
I'd like to help,
Peter, I would,
but I'm not exactly welcome
back in the kingdom.
And besides,
this is where I belong--
helping others.
They need me.
But your kingdom
needs you.
Your father needs you.
Please.
What is wrong
with you?
Weddings
always make me cry.
We have gathered here today
to join this man
and this woman
in holy matrimony.
The drawbridge is up!
I have an idea.
Can't we use the back door?
No time.
Ohhh!
We've got to stop the wedding.
But how?
Whoa!
Snow White!
Oh, it's good
to see you, My Lady.
Am I too late?
You couldn't cut it
any closer.
Come on.
Do you, Lady Vain,
take this man
to be your lawful
wedded husband,
to have and to hold through--
Uh-oh.
This might be trouble.
...good times and bad--
Psst!
Pssst!
Psst. Poof.
Yoo-hoo. Look.
...from this day forward?
Yes, yes, I do.
- Hmm?
Can we hurry
this along?
Ahem. Oh, yes.
Of course.
And do you, King Cole--
Hello,
Fashion Police.
Oh.
Snow White.
You're back.
Now is not the best time
for reunions, honey bunny.
Dad, if you truly love
Lady Vain,
then marry her.
I won't try to stop you.
But if you're doing this
because I've been a brat,
then, well...
I've changed.
I found my way.
Why must you ruin
my wedding?
She hasn't changed at all.
I mean, what has she
ever done for anybody?
She fixed my nose.
And she put me back together
after I fell down.
She helped
rebuild our home.
And helped me look prettier
than I've ever looked.
And she sang to me when I was sad.
And tucked us into bed.
Wow. Girl really has changed.
She did all the things
a queen is supposed to do.
Except one.
I want to apologize
to everyone I've ever hurt.
Especially you, Dad.
Everything you loved
about my mother,
I hope you can love
about me.
I just want
my daughter back.
Maybe breaking the balance
was not so bad after all.
No! No! No! No!
This isn't
how the story ends!
You may have spoken
too soon.
Mother always told me that
if I was beautiful enough,
I would be queen!
And if I can't be queen,
then, mirror mirror
in the hall,
kill the fairest of them all!
Kill Snow White!
Ha-ha!
Get me out of here!
Aah!
Uh!
Hmm?
- Huh?
Aah!
Peter! No!
I have you now.
Oh!
- Whoa!
No!
Oh!
Aah!
No! No! No!
Oh! My magic mirror!
Now I'll never be beautiful.
Please. Wait.
Dad, may I?
You don't need a magic
mirror to be beautiful.
Really?
Really.
Come on, lassie,
we've got some work to do.
My little prom queen has
now become a real queen.
All right, everybody.
Let's party!
You don't mind dancing
with the riffraff?
I wouldn't have it
any other way.
Now let's give
this party some snap!
No, don't!
# Uh-oh-oh-ah #
# Uh-uh oh-oh-ah #
Yeah!
Woo-hoo! Come on!
Let's party!
Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
Gotta shake that thing!
Go! Yeah, go! Ha ha!
Now under! Now under!
That's the way!
Come on! Woo-hoo!
Let's get down!
# Holla, yeah #
# We up in the party #
# Like that #
# Will it make me
stop pretending #
# Like that #
# Will it make me
stop pretending #
# Like that #
# Let's just dance
this dance #
# 'Cause we're takin'
the night back #
# Holla, yeah #
# We up in the party #
# Like that #
# Uh-oh-oh-oh #
# Uh-uh oh-oh-oh #
# Uh-oh-oh-oh #
# Uh-uh oh-oh-oh #
# No sugar,
I like the spice #
# I'll never get enough #
# No, never get enough #
# I'll show you how,
if you ask me nice #
# Just try to keep up #
# Try to keep up #
# Can you keep up
with me? #
# Can you really
keep up with me? #
# Do you think
I'm gonna let you get #
# Your friends tonight
and meet up with me? #
# No time
for sleepin', baby #
# Hop in the V to the I-P #
# Can you keep up?
Can you keep up? #
# Can you really
keep up with me? #
# Can you keep up with me? #
# All the ladies
want to be like me #
# They want to make the cut #
# You know the fellas
like what they see #
# So try to keep up #
# Try to keep up #
# Can you keep up with me? #
# Can you really
keep up with me?
# Do you think
I'm gonna let you get #
# Your friends tonight
and meet up with me? #
# No time
for sleepin', baby #
# Up in the V to the I-P #
# Can you keep up?
Can you keep up? #
# Can you really
keep up with me? #
# I'm swift on the strip
like a Velcro fly #
# Chicks start to trip,
throwin' elbows high #
# Tryin' to get seen
by a real swell guy #
# But it's kinda hard to see
with a swelled-up eye #
# Haters out of line
as I break to the front #
# How I tip into the club,
well, let me be blunt #
# I'm pick of the litter, kid,
you're just a little runt #
# I'm rippin' ribbons at the finish
but you're lost from my dust #
# Hit the floor with the honey
like mumsie beekeepers #
# A missile with the hotties,
they call me the Heat Seeker #
# Whispered to her, she didn't hear
like a deep sleeper #
# She needed repeatin',
too much thump in these speakers #
# Oh, you drank
a Red Bull, girl #
# We already
off-schedule, girl #
# She want to see
what the fuss be #
# Trust, it's lovely #
# But she huff,
she puff, keep up #
# Can you keep up with me? #
# Can you really
keep up with me? #
# Do you think
I'm gonna let you get #
# Your friends tonight
and meet up with me? #
# No time
for sleepin', baby #
# Up in the V to the I-P #
# Can you keep up?
Can you keep up? #
# Can you really
keep up with me? #
# Oh-oh #
# Can you keep up with me? #
# Can you really
keep up with me? #
# Do you think
I'm gonna let you get #
# Your friends tonight
and meet up with me? #
# No time
for sleepin', baby #
# Up in the V to the I-P #
# Can you keep up?
Can you keep up? #
# Can you really
keep up with me? #
# Can you keep up with me? #
# You're running
out of options #
# They must be
tryin' to test you #
# With such
a big bad problem #
# And such a tiny
little rescue #
# Little by little #
# Let a light in your heart #
# Take a step and stand up
if you fall #
# You can make it
to the finish #
# But you still
have to start #
# 'Cause little by little #
# Is a lot more
than nothing at all #
# At all #
long, long ago,
in a magical kingdom
far, far away
known as Fairy Tale Land,
there lived a princess
and a prince,
'cause there always is one
when you have the other.
Hold up!
That's not
what wizards wear, Mambo.
The clothes don't make
the wizard, Munk.
It's the other way around.
Now what up with all this
"once upon a time" bidness?
That's old school.
We gots to make
the story fresh, yo.
You know,
mix things up a bit.
D'oh!
Not the balance
of good and evil!
D'oh!
Mambo!
We're supposed to keep
good and evil in fairy tales
balanced right where they are.
Capiche?
But--
- Zaa!
Uh, but--
- Zzz!
But--
- Zaa!
Oh! Fine.
We'll do it your way.
Good.
Now, Fairy Tale Land was ruled
by the wise King Cole.
His wife, Queen Grace--
Who was big-time beautiful.
...and their
daughter Snow White.
Things were pretty cool
in the old kingdom.
Lots of joy and love
and all that good stuff
was just bursting out
everywhere.
And this was in no small part
due to Queen Grace.
Wave to the people,
Snow White.
Everyone in the kingdom
is our friend.
Yes, Mommy,
and they all love you.
Morning!
For no matter
what your problem...
Or what you looked like...
She would bring joy
into your world.
With a smile on her face
and love in her heart.
Yeah!
Yay!
Did you see that?
Mother, why does everyone
love the queen so much?
Because she is beautiful.
I want to be queen someday.
Am I beautiful?
Uh...
Wh-What do you think?
Mommy, I want to be
loved by everyone,
just like you are.
You will be, Snow White.
There. All done.
Whoa.
Just remember,
Snow White,
the mirror only tells
half the story.
True beauty comes
from helping others.
Yes, Mommy.
Mommy.
Are you okay?
Stop smiling.
This is a sad day
for the kingdom.
But doesn't this mean
someone else
gets to be queen?
Mommy.
Yes, someone else
will be queen.
Now poor Snow White
has to grow up
without the caring heart--
of her beloved mother.
# No, sugar,
I like the spice #
# I'll never get enough #
# No, never get enough #
# I'll show you how,
if you ask me nice #
# Just try to keep up #
# Try to keep up #
# Can you keep up
with me? #
# Can you really
keep up with me? #
# Do you think
I'm gonna let you get #
# Your friends tonight
and meet up with me? #
# No time
for sleepin', baby #
# Up in the V to the I-P #
# Can you keep up?
Can you keep up? #
# Can you really
keep up with me? #
Answer.
Holla!
- Hey, girls.
We're almost to your place.
You ready?
You know it.
Snow White?
Oh, my dad's coming.
Gotta go.
Later.
Snow, honey,
are you ready to go?
Hi, Daddy.
You like?
It's the hottest,
latest thing.
Well...
You don't like it?
No. It's nice.
I'm just not sure that's
what a young princess wears.
Now, your mother,
she always dressed
appropriately for a queen.
Daddy,
times have changed.
So has fashion.
You gotta keep up.
I take it from your dress
you've forgotten
we were visiting
the Ten Little Indians
Orphanage tonight?
But tonight's the opening
of Mamma Goose's Joust House.
They're expecting me
to be there.
Well, it would be nice
if you felt the orphanage
needed you, too.
Yeah, I know.
Snow, you've gone out
to some new opening
every night this summer.
So?
- So, honey,
there's more
to being a princess
than red carpets
and photo ops.
Honey, the children
always loved it
when your mother
visited them.
But they pick their noses.
It's so gross.
Your mother
never seemed to mind.
You just don't
understand.
Snow White!
Holla!
Holla!
So you ready to get
your joust on, girl?
Go ahead.
We can visit
with the children
another time.
Oh, thank you, Daddy!
Now, I don't want you
coming home late again.
Daddy, curfews are so lame.
Do you want me
to look like a loser?
Well, no, but--
Daddy.
Oh, well. Okay, okay.
But be home well before
the rooster crows,
unlike last time.
I'm serious now.
Before the rooster crows.
Got it.
Aw, the royal robe?
Your mother
wore this with pride.
I insist.
Fine.
And be safe.
I will be.
Mwah!
Love you.
Uh, you're not really gonna
wear that robe, are you?
What's wrong?
Girl, way too retro.
The Three Blind Mice
could see that.
Holla!
It'll be great.
Hi.
Mmm, who are they?
Dude, they're the Damsels.
Bo Peep, Goldilocks,
Little Red Riding Hood,
and Snow White.
They're the most popular girls
in Fairy Tale Land.
Thanks.
No cutting the line.
Bite me.
Sorry.
Whoo--
You're looking good
tonight, Snow White.
Everyone's staring at you.
Well, what can I say?
Designer clothes
with matching shoes,
perfect makeup,
and a killer do.
Holl-a!
The main event is starting!
Are they starting?
- There they are.
Young lads and lasses,
wizards and witches,
it's time to get
your joust on!
On the red side,
the man with the muscles,
the big bruiser
who's never been a loser--
Sir Simple Simon!
I love him! Whoo!
And on the blue side,
a newbie
to the jousting games--
Sir Peter!
Who's the new guy?
I haven't met him yet.
I wonder what he looks like.
He's probably an ogre.
And, as a special treat,
in attendance tonight
is the ever glamorous,
always fabulous,
Fairy Tale Land's
favorite gal--
Princess Snow White!
Thank you. Thank you.
Boo!
Line-cutters!
They obviously let in
too many peasants.
They shouldn't do that
on opening night.
This is gonna be good.
Knights, are you ready?
Then let's get your joust on!
Yah!
Hyah!
Hyah.
So, Damsels,
was that a joust,
or was that a joust?
- So awesome!
Sweet!
- It was the bomb!
Snow White, so, how
about that Sir Peter?
He's cute.
Mmm. Mm-hmm.
Hah. Whoo. Ah.
Mmm. Ooh.
Yeah!
All right, Petey.
Welcome to Fairy Tale Land.
Let's find you a girl.
I didn't come here
to find a girl.
Yeah, yeah.
You only want
to help people.
I know.
Always with the big heart.
You can save
the world tomorrow.
Uh!
- Oh!
Hey.
- Hey.
# Your shining armor #
# Your heart's safe harbor #
Uh, you were brilliant
tonight, Sir Peter.
I'm way honored
you asked me to dance.
Please.
The honor is all mine.
Really?
Yeah, really.
Your mother
was a hero of mine.
Huh? My mother?
I was raised
in one of her orphanages.
Heck, I probably
wouldn't be here
if it wasn't for her.
She's, like--
a legend.
That's Mom.
# Surrender #
Looks like we might have
a little love connection
between Snow White
and that new knight.
Hmm.
There's something
very odd
about that woman
over there.
Ya think?
The veil kinda
screams "creepy."
Yeah. Your mom was great.
She just had
something about her.
Her looks?
- Well, yeah, but--
Her fashion sense?
- I guess, but--
Oh, the way
she did her hair?
Huh?
Hey, you two.
We got the VIP room
to ourselves.
Oh, you have to come.
Well...
Please?
Yeah. Come on.
We can get away
from all the--
Riffraff?
Totally.
I mean, Snow White's
a princess, for goodness' sake.
I'll pass.
But why?
'Cause I'm one
of the riffraff.
Miss Muffet?
May I have this dance?
Roses red,
violets blue,
what I'm seeing,
it can't be true.
My Lord,
your curds and whey.
I understand the children
at the orphanage
were quite disappointed
Snow White wasn't there.
Yes. She's becoming
quite a handful, Grimm.
Indeed, My Lord.
Ruling a kingdom--
no problem.
Raising a daughter--
I'm lost.
Perhaps she needs
a mother, My Lord.
Someone like Queen Grace.
It has been some time.
Hmm.
Someone to help guide her
into womanhood.
Precisely.
And the people have been
longing for a queen.
Maybe you're right.
I will decide on such
things on the morrow,
after the rooster crows.
Hey, Peter.
My Lady.
Ugh!
Hey, Jack.
How's Mrs. Sprat?
Still keeping
the platter clean.
Thanks for asking, Peter.
We're going dancing, baby.
Huh?
Yeah. At the late night
dance party
down at the Hickory
Dickory Dock.
Oh, but I can't.
I told my father
I'd be home before--
Girl, you're Snow White,
not Cinderella.
Nothing's gonna
turn into a pumpkin.
And you have to make
an appearance.
Yeah. Please?
Damsels, let's dance!
Holla!
I just don't get it.
Snow White is nothing
like Queen Grace.
You didn't mess
with the balance, did you?
No. I didn't mess
with the balance.
Hmm!
Maybe there's a glitch
in the system.
Oh, well.
We'll figure it out
tomorrow.
Good night, Mambo.
Good night.
Why wait till tomorrow?
Gotcha. No, no.
No. Shh!
No, no, don't.
No, no, no.
No. You don't--
Don't-- Don't crow.
Shh, shh, shh.
Oh!
Daddy!
Why are you up so early?
Where was your robe?
Oh...
And it says
you cut in line.
Well...
Staying out all night is no way
for a princess to act.
Your mother didn't
raise you like this.
Daddy, I'm trying my best.
I go to all the events,
and I-- I wave and smile
to all the people,
just like Mom did.
But your mother went
to events to help people.
And I don't?
Sweetheart,
you're only interested
in having a good time.
But, Daddy,
that's so not fair!
Grimm.
Yes, My Lord?
Find me a queen.
As you wish, My Lord.
One more twist--
Whoa! Whoa!
Hey.
Whoa!
Aah! Whoa!
Huh? Oh.
Huh?
Ehh.
Ehh!
Mambo, what's all that noise?
Uh-oh.
Hmm.
Hmm?
Mmm.
Mmm.
Hmm.
I'm coming.
Oh...
Greetings!
And welcome to the Fairy
Godmother's Dating Service.
What does thou desire?
I have come
looking for a wife.
Then you've come
to the right place.
Just fill this out
and sign at the bottom.
Oh, it's not for me.
You want a wife,
but not for you?
I am here to find
a wife for the king.
The king?
- Yes.
Oh, my!
Oh, my!
The king wants a wife.
I'll make it my top priority.
And is there any
particular type of woman
the king wishes to marry?
Yes.
Someone just like this.
I want to look like this.
Uh?
Oh, and you shall.
I think we've found
your mirror.
Oh! Mambo!
Look what you've done!
What? I didn't
do nothing.
Oh, we have to fix it
before things get
really out of hand.
Hey, this is getting
kinda interesting.
Now I will be queen!
# It's a sign, it's a clue #
# Maybe this time
the sign will be true #
# You've waited in line,
paid your dues #
# With all the false alarms
and miscues #
A wife!
I hear "Well To Do"
is the king.
That's what I heard, too.
Sleeping Beauty!
That's me!
And tell me about
your best quality.
# It's a sign, it's a clue #
# You put it together,
and it hits you #
# The planets align #
# Is it true? #
# You finally find
someone that fits you #
# Like a charm #
# False alarm #
Oh, who is it now?
I'm sorry,
but we're closed.
I'm here about the proposal.
Oh, my.
Now, what would
Sir Peter like?
Damsels.
Holla!
Girls, I need some 911.
Subject?
- Clothing.
Situation?
- A boy.
Ooh!
Someone's crushing
on Sir Peter!
Hook it up.
Ooh!
Damsels, this is serious.
My Lady,
your father
wishes to see you.
Oh, sure thing.
I'll be there in a second.
So, what do you think?
Didn't you say
he liked helping people?
Yeah.
Then you should dress
like a peasant girl.
So not funny.
Snow White, your father
was quite insistent
that you come immediately.
Okay, I'm coming.
My dad's freaking.
I gotta go. Mwah!
Mwah!
Later!
15...
16...
17...
- Daddy?
What are you doing?
Exercising.
Gotta firm up the flab.
But--
- 20...
...you have bad knees.
Well--
Lady Vain says a little pain
should not keep me
from having a proper body.
Huh?
Who's Lady Vain?
Lady Vain is going to be
your new mother.
What? My new mother?
Excuse me. Since when?
Since I decided I wanted
to get remarried.
Lady Vain, I'd like you
to meet my daughter,
Snow White.
Mommy.
Snow White,
I knew you were pretty,
but now that I
see you up close,
you look just like
your mother.
And so do you.
She does have quite
a resemblance, doesn't she?
Daddy, what's going on?
I decided I wanted a wife
and you needed a mother.
And lo and behold,
in walks Lady Vain.
She's just perfect,
isn't she?
Too perfect. Oh!
This is, like,
totally crazy!
I mean, you don't
even know this woman!
What's happening?
Whoa! Snow White
is arguing with her father.
This is getting good.
What?
What's going on?
Oh, no!
Get up here and help me!
Snow White, I am going
to marry Lady Vain.
Our wedding
is already planned.
Already planned?
Yes. When the cow
jumps over the moon,
and that is final.
No, it isn't!
Oh, dear.
Don't worry, honey bunny.
Snow White and I just need
some girl time together.
Oh! Snow White has to go.
She'll
ruin everything.
Oh. What happened?
She whined like
a spoiled brat!
She was so...
And to think I spent
the entire day
listening to the king
go on and on
about Queen Grace.
Ugh! Oh...
Mirror, mirror
on the wall,
make me feel better
and tell me
who is the fairest
of them all?
Go on.
Say what you always say.
Em, well...
Well, what?
Am I not fairest
of them all?
Well, now that I've
seen Snow White,
I gotta say she's looking
pretty darn fantastic
on the old fairest-o-meter.
I mean...
have you ever seen
such a natural beauty?
And have you ever seen
a cracked mirror?
Aah!
And then what would
become of the new you?
My power sustains
your illusion.
I can't destroy you,
but you could spend the rest
of your happily ever after
in a closet!
Ahh.
The power of vanity.
Get over here
and help me with this!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Waa-ha-ha!
Oh, yeah!
Ow! Oh.
I'm here
to save the day.
Ugh. Just pull this rope.
So, how to deal with little
Miss Teen Queen Wannabe.
Whoa!
Hmm.
Uh-oh.
- Oh...
Now we're in
really big trouble.
I still don't understand
the purpose of this scheme.
Gossip.
If used properly,
it can ruin a reputation,
but not necessarily
about the person
being gossiped about.
Precisely.
And one bite
of this magic apple
will make Snow White
say the rudest things
she ever thought possible.
Really?
Ooh! Whoo!
You can be such a nag.
Lady Vain is rotten
to the core.
Apple joke.
Well, the apple works.
But-- But I don't know
anything about makeovers.
That's obvious.
Just poof and cream,
and you'll do fine.
It's all about attitude.
Poof and cream.
Okay.
Snow White, honey.
It's Lady Vain.
Go away!
Please?
I think we got off
on the wrong foot.
My friend Rumpy is the top
hair, nail, and face man
in the kingdom.
I've convinced him
to give you a makeover
as my little gift to you.
Makeover?
So, uh, let's take
a look at you, yes.
My! Uh...
what pretty hair
you have, yes.
Thanks.
- And, uh...
what-- what a beautiful
set of eyes you have.
Oh, that's so sweet.
Ooh! And what big teeth
you have, huh?
What?
Ooh!
Oh, yes. Uh...
So, uh, let's
get started, yes.
First, we will...
uh, poof the hair!
Give it some air.
Let it breathe
like fine wine, yes.
Breathe. Breathe.
Breathe. Yes.
Um, Rumpy, I think
that's enough poofing.
Oh, yes.
Well, of course.
Yeah. So, uh,
now, we will--
No. Uh...
Rumpy, don't you think
Snow White is looking
a little pale?
Really?
Well, I feel fine.
Don't you have something
you can give her?
Wh-What?
Oh, uh, yes!
Indeed, I do.
Uhh! What?
Where is it?
Oh! Oh! Ah.
Here.
- Oh.
Eat this.
An apple?
- Oh, yes.
It'll make you feel better
than pease-porridge pie.
But I feel fine.
It's good for the skin.
Oh. Oh!
No!
- No! Don't!
Don't do it!
Don't do it--
Well, she did it.
No! Come on!
That a girl.
Now, tell old Rumpy
about everything and everyone
that makes you mad,
sad, or had.
And don't leave out
any of the juicy details.
Well, let me
tell you about...
Replay messages.
Now, Bo Peep,
she's always braggin'
about her "junk in da trunk."
Junk's right.
It's called "too much
gingerbread," honey.
Maybe if she got
off her trunk--
...she'd find her sheep.
And Goldilocks?
Talk about a whiny
little airhead.
"The porridge isn't right.
It's too hot.
It's too cold."
Make a decision, girl!
And we can't forget
Little Red Riding Hood.
Honey, stop wearing red.
It's totally not your color.
Oh, no, she didn't just say that.
I think we all know
why Simon is called simple.
If the butcher only knew
what the baker
and the candlestick maker
were doing behind his back.
Now, Cinderella...
Let me tell you
about Prince Charming.
And Mistress Mary? Ew!
The ugly duckling.
And Sir Peter?
What's with the "nobler
than thou" 'tude?
Like, chill!
Hmm. He didn't
even cut my hair.
Oh, well.
Cute as ever.
Goldilocks.
Hey, girl.
Want to go shopping?
You got some nerve
calling me.
What
are you talking about?
Oh, like you don't know?
Whatever!
Huh!
What's her problem?
Go, Snow White, and meet
your adoring subjects.
Hmm!
- Hah!
She's got some nerve showing up here.
She's showing her face in public.
Can you believe it?
What is their problem?
It's okay, girl.
- Yeah, it's okay.
Too much
gingerbread, huh?
Whiny airhead?
So, red isn't my color?
What are you talking about?
Don't play dumb.
We heard everything
you said.
And it wasn't very nice.
Come on, let's get her!
Yeah, go get her!
Get back here!
Say, there she is!
- There she is!
Go get her!
- Uh!
Tell me, Snow White.
Why do they call me simple?
Ooh!
There's Snow White!
- There she is!
An old fuddy-duddy, am I?
Daddy, I'm so glad
you're here.
Something horrible
has happened.
The entire kingdom
hates me.
And you're surprised,
after all the terrible things
you've been saying
about people?
Your mother would be ashamed.
Oh, Daddy!
Snow, come back!
Grimm, follow her.
Yes, Your Majesty.
Whoa!
Everybody hates me.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
You idiot!
Not while I'm cackling.
Will you stop
that primping
and get out of
that silly costume?
Sorry.
This story
is so out of control.
We have to do something.
But what?
The scale is toast.
Kaput! Finito.
Aah!
Let's go!
What? Where to?
We've gotta stop Lady Vain.
Come on, I'll drive.
No. I'll drive.
- Uh!
Rise. And away!
Whoa! Ho-ho!
Whoa ho ho! Yeah!
Whoa! Oh! Aah!
Pull over!
Pull over!
I think I can drive
a little better!
Aah! Come on, Munk,
let me drive.
No. I'm driving.
Please, please,
please, please?
Please, please?
- Agh!
Hey!
Oh, hey, aah!
As a control freak, you
need to let me drive!
Let go!
Next time,
you should drive.
Mmm.
Hello.
Anybody home?
I'm a princess, heh.
Not a thief.
Mmm.
This looks delicious.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Oh...
Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm!
Oh...
Aah!
Aaah!
What-- uh--
Wh-Who are you?
We be the dwarves
of the forest, My Lady.
Well,
it is so not cool
to freak out
a fair maiden,
especially
when she's sleeping.
Now don't be givin' us
none of that knick-knack
paddy-whack, missy.
You're the one who done
broke into our home,
ate our food,
and slept in our beds!
Oh, right.
Well, my father
will pay for whatever.
And who be your father?
The king?
Actually, yes.
Giants and wizards!
You're Queen Grace's
daughter, Snow White!
I can see the resemblance.
I see it now.
Yeah. And?
We were friends
with the queen.
My mother came here?
Here's us with Queen Grace
when we helped Mary
get her little lamb back.
The poor thing got
washed into the river.
Ooh! This is the day
we all cleaned out the spiders
from Miss Muffet's attic.
Oh, and this is when we helped
Old MacDonald plow his fields.
He was a little behind
on the harvest that year.
And this--
the day she took care of us.
She knitted them herself.
I didn't know
she did all these things.
Oh, sure.
- She did.
Bright and pretty.
Yes, it's true.
Yep, she did.
Your mother loved
to help people.
She was a beautiful woman.
Yeah.
So what be
bringing you down
to our neck of the woods,
Snow White?
Oh.
Well, I had a little situation
back at the kingdom.
What kind of situation?
Well, I guess it all started
when I went to
Mamma Goose's Joust House.
I was supposed to go
to the orphanage, but...
...so after I said
all those horrible things--
which I would never
usually say, really--
the Damsels, my dad,
and everyone,
like, totally freaked.
She may look
like her mother,
but she sure don't
act like her.
Hear, hear.
Come on, now.
Cut the girl some slack.
Her mother died
when she was young.
In fact, I'd say
it's our duty to fix her up
into the woman her mother
would have wanted her to be.
Oh, we should be doing
that for sure, yes!
For Queen Grace.
For Queen Grace.
Snow White,
we're gonna help you
win back your friends,
family, and home.
But you have
to do everything
we tell you to do,
no questions asked.
Well, okay.
Come again?
You want me to do what?
Shovel some sticks
and straw.
No way.
But why?
Hello!
I'm a princess.
I don't shovel.
Okay.
But there's wolves
in them woods.
Fine.
Happy now?
No! No! No! No! No!
No! Ooh!
Definitely no!
But, My Lady,
these are the finest
wedding dresses
in all the kingdom.
Sewn by peasants,
no doubt.
Pitiful, all of them.
I want only the finest dress
made by the finest hands.
Um, My Lady, there was
this cream-colored number
we saw over in Wonderland.
The cute little
strapless couture
with organza
and gold thread?
And the draped pickups
and cinched pleats.
Uh, it was to die for.
We could get it
on back order.
Ooh, but it might
take a little while.
Can we push
the wedding back,
say, um, a month?
Enough!
How dare you subject me
to these peasants.
Have you seen
Snow White?
Has she returned
to the castle yet?
No, but I'm sure
she'll be along soon.
You know
how young girls are.
I hope you're right.
Trust me, dear.
Hmph.
Now what?
Maybe it's time for a
little more direct approach.
So, my dear,
tomorrow's a big day.
Are you excited
to meet the kingdom?
Did Peter Piper
pick a pickled pepper?
Excellent.
Did someone
order bodyguards
from the employment service?
That's me.
Send them in.
Bodyguards?
Honey bunny, I'm not used
to being among the people.
It makes me nervous.
Oh. Well, I suppose.
Now run along.
We'll play some patty-cake
a little later.
Oh! I love patty-cake!
I'll make this simple.
No touching, no hugging,
no rubbing, no tugging,
no kissing babies,
no "let's take
a picture together
for my brother
who's a big fan,"
for I am royalty and
they are the commoners.
Can you handle that?
But, My Lady, you are going
to be the queen of the people.
Why would you want
to keep them away?
You are the first guard.
You are the alternate.
Ow! Ooh!
Sorry. Ohh!
Where are we going again?
Ohh!
We have some work
to do.
More work?
But I did that already!
The deal was "no questions asked."
Remember?
Whatever.
Just remember, my dear,
the job gets harder when you
only think of yourself.
# You're running
out of options #
# They must be
tryin' to test you #
# With such a big
bad problem #
# And such a tiny
little rescue #
The Three Little Pigs?
The Big Bad Wolf
went a bit crazy
and blew down
two of their houses.
So we're going to
help them rebuild.
# Try a little harder #
# Forget your reputation #
Whoo-- Whoa-- Whoop--
# You don't have
to be a martyr #
# You just need
a little inspiration #
# Little by little,
let a light in your heart #
# Take a step and stand up
if you fall #
# You can make it
to the finish #
# But you still
have to start #
# 'Cause little by little #
# Is a lot more
than nothing at all #
Oops.
# At all #
Aah! Oh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.
# Little by little #
I broke a nail.
Well, Wee Willie Winkie,
I'd say we did
a pretty good job.
Yeah.
# Our houses are rebuilt #
# Our houses are rebuilt #
# Hi-ho the merry-o #
# Our houses are rebuilt #
Our houses are rebuilt!
They're rebuilt!
- Yay! Hooray!
Oh, thank you.
Come one, come all!
Gather 'round to meet
your new queen-to-be!
They're really excited to meet you.
And me them.
Oh, and I have
a little present for you.
The royal robe!
Oh, pookums!
A queen's robe
for my queen-to-be.
Ha! King Cole, you don't
want to marry this woman!
She's a wolf
in sheep's clothing!
Guards!
Aah!
- Aah!
So much for
the direct approach.
A wolf
in sheep's clothing?
Well, it's all
I could think of.
So here she is--
Lady Vain!
Shall we?
Stick close to me.
Baby-sit?
But I don't know anything
about babysitting.
It's for a friend.
It'll be a breeze.
Well, okay.
You've gotta be kidding me.
Thank you again
for babysitting.
I really appreciate it.
How do I look?
Uh, why don't you
let me do a few things?
There. All done.
Oh, my goodness.
I'm-- I'm almost beautiful.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you very much!
Now, children,
you behave yourselves
and listen to Snow White.
She's in charge.
I won't be too late. Bye!
But I--
Just, eh, play with them.
It'll be easy as pie.
Easy as--
No, I don't think you--
Finally, some "me" time.
Ugh! Look at my hair.
What a mess.
Play with dolly?
Oh, honey,
I'll play with dolly
right after I finish
my hair, okay?
I promise.
Hey!
- Hey!
Aah!
We want you
to play catch with us.
In the backyard.
Guys, I'll be done
in a little while.
Then I promise
we can play catch.
Ugh. I'll just be
a second more, promise.
Oh! Hey!
Give that back!
Look at me!
Hey, come here.
I'm a princess!
You monsters!
Come here!
Here, catch.
Stop!
Got it!
Hey! Oh!
Aah!
Ohh!
Ha ha!
Ohh!
Run!
Hey!
I'm a princess!
Whoop! Ohh!
Oh.
Why are you crying?
I'm the disaster.
'Cause you don't like us.
No, it's not you.
It's-- It's me.
It's just, I can't seem
to do anything right.
Try singing.
That's what Mom does.
# Hush, little baby #
# Don't say a word #
# Mama's gonna buy you
a mockingbird #
# And if that mockingbird
don't sing #
# Mama's gonna buy you
a diamond ring #
# And if that diamond ring #
# Turns brass #
# Mama's gonna buy you
a looking glass #
# And if that looking
glass gets broke #
# Mama's gonna buy you
a billy goat #
# And if that billy goat won't pull #
# Mama's gonna buy you
a cart and bull #
# And if that cart
and bull turn over #
# Mama's gonna buy you
a dog named Rover #
# And if that dog
named Rover won't bark #
# Mama's gonna buy you
a horse and cart #
# And if that horse
and cart fall down #
# You'll still be #
# The sweetest girl
in town #
Snow White,
that was beautiful.
Just remember,
Snow White,
the mirror only tells
half the story.
True beauty comes
from helping others.
Guys, I get it now.
I want to help others,
like my mom.
Uh, time
to change the guard.
Awesome.
It's good
to get out of here.
My Lady complains louder
than Little Boy Blue blowing his horn.
She sure is different
than Queen Grace.
No fooling.
The wedding is upon us, My Lady.
Our plan
is almost complete.
Our plan?
I-- I mean your plan,
of course!
If only Mother
could see me now.
Becoming Queen is going
to be even easier
than getting rid
of Snow White.
Ooh, terrific. Poofarama. Poof, poof--
Will you stop that!
What's this?
All right, Pinocchio,
good as new.
Thanks, Snow White.
You're welcome.
And no more lying, okay?
Okay.
Peter.
Snow White?
What are you doing here?
I came looking for you.
You want me to go
back to the castle?
Yes.
But why? Hold this.
To stop the wedding!
Here. If it makes my father
happy to marry Lady Vain,
who am I to stop him?
But he doesn't know what
he's getting himself into.
He doesn't know
who the real Lady Vain is.
Hmm. I know
something about that.
There.
How do you feel, Humpty?
I feel fantastic!
Whoa!
Thanks, buddy.
And thanks a million,
Snow White.
You're welcome.
And stay off
the high walls.
You got it.
Hey, it's Snow White!
Holla!
- Holla!
Holla!
Thanks again!
Hee-ya!
Toodle-oo!
I'd like to help,
Peter, I would,
but I'm not exactly welcome
back in the kingdom.
And besides,
this is where I belong--
helping others.
They need me.
But your kingdom
needs you.
Your father needs you.
Please.
What is wrong
with you?
Weddings
always make me cry.
We have gathered here today
to join this man
and this woman
in holy matrimony.
The drawbridge is up!
I have an idea.
Can't we use the back door?
No time.
Ohhh!
We've got to stop the wedding.
But how?
Whoa!
Snow White!
Oh, it's good
to see you, My Lady.
Am I too late?
You couldn't cut it
any closer.
Come on.
Do you, Lady Vain,
take this man
to be your lawful
wedded husband,
to have and to hold through--
Uh-oh.
This might be trouble.
...good times and bad--
Psst!
Pssst!
Psst. Poof.
Yoo-hoo. Look.
...from this day forward?
Yes, yes, I do.
- Hmm?
Can we hurry
this along?
Ahem. Oh, yes.
Of course.
And do you, King Cole--
Hello,
Fashion Police.
Oh.
Snow White.
You're back.
Now is not the best time
for reunions, honey bunny.
Dad, if you truly love
Lady Vain,
then marry her.
I won't try to stop you.
But if you're doing this
because I've been a brat,
then, well...
I've changed.
I found my way.
Why must you ruin
my wedding?
She hasn't changed at all.
I mean, what has she
ever done for anybody?
She fixed my nose.
And she put me back together
after I fell down.
She helped
rebuild our home.
And helped me look prettier
than I've ever looked.
And she sang to me when I was sad.
And tucked us into bed.
Wow. Girl really has changed.
She did all the things
a queen is supposed to do.
Except one.
I want to apologize
to everyone I've ever hurt.
Especially you, Dad.
Everything you loved
about my mother,
I hope you can love
about me.
I just want
my daughter back.
Maybe breaking the balance
was not so bad after all.
No! No! No! No!
This isn't
how the story ends!
You may have spoken
too soon.
Mother always told me that
if I was beautiful enough,
I would be queen!
And if I can't be queen,
then, mirror mirror
in the hall,
kill the fairest of them all!
Kill Snow White!
Ha-ha!
Get me out of here!
Aah!
Uh!
Hmm?
- Huh?
Aah!
Peter! No!
I have you now.
Oh!
- Whoa!
No!
Oh!
Aah!
No! No! No!
Oh! My magic mirror!
Now I'll never be beautiful.
Please. Wait.
Dad, may I?
You don't need a magic
mirror to be beautiful.
Really?
Really.
Come on, lassie,
we've got some work to do.
My little prom queen has
now become a real queen.
All right, everybody.
Let's party!
You don't mind dancing
with the riffraff?
I wouldn't have it
any other way.
Now let's give
this party some snap!
No, don't!
# Uh-oh-oh-ah #
# Uh-uh oh-oh-ah #
Yeah!
Woo-hoo! Come on!
Let's party!
Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
Gotta shake that thing!
Go! Yeah, go! Ha ha!
Now under! Now under!
That's the way!
Come on! Woo-hoo!
Let's get down!
# Holla, yeah #
# We up in the party #
# Like that #
# Will it make me
stop pretending #
# Like that #
# Will it make me
stop pretending #
# Like that #
# Let's just dance
this dance #
# 'Cause we're takin'
the night back #
# Holla, yeah #
# We up in the party #
# Like that #
# Uh-oh-oh-oh #
# Uh-uh oh-oh-oh #
# Uh-oh-oh-oh #
# Uh-uh oh-oh-oh #
# No sugar,
I like the spice #
# I'll never get enough #
# No, never get enough #
# I'll show you how,
if you ask me nice #
# Just try to keep up #
# Try to keep up #
# Can you keep up
with me? #
# Can you really
keep up with me? #
# Do you think
I'm gonna let you get #
# Your friends tonight
and meet up with me? #
# No time
for sleepin', baby #
# Hop in the V to the I-P #
# Can you keep up?
Can you keep up? #
# Can you really
keep up with me? #
# Can you keep up with me? #
# All the ladies
want to be like me #
# They want to make the cut #
# You know the fellas
like what they see #
# So try to keep up #
# Try to keep up #
# Can you keep up with me? #
# Can you really
keep up with me?
# Do you think
I'm gonna let you get #
# Your friends tonight
and meet up with me? #
# No time
for sleepin', baby #
# Up in the V to the I-P #
# Can you keep up?
Can you keep up? #
# Can you really
keep up with me? #
# I'm swift on the strip
like a Velcro fly #
# Chicks start to trip,
throwin' elbows high #
# Tryin' to get seen
by a real swell guy #
# But it's kinda hard to see
with a swelled-up eye #
# Haters out of line
as I break to the front #
# How I tip into the club,
well, let me be blunt #
# I'm pick of the litter, kid,
you're just a little runt #
# I'm rippin' ribbons at the finish
but you're lost from my dust #
# Hit the floor with the honey
like mumsie beekeepers #
# A missile with the hotties,
they call me the Heat Seeker #
# Whispered to her, she didn't hear
like a deep sleeper #
# She needed repeatin',
too much thump in these speakers #
# Oh, you drank
a Red Bull, girl #
# We already
off-schedule, girl #
# She want to see
what the fuss be #
# Trust, it's lovely #
# But she huff,
she puff, keep up #
# Can you keep up with me? #
# Can you really
keep up with me? #
# Do you think
I'm gonna let you get #
# Your friends tonight
and meet up with me? #
# No time
for sleepin', baby #
# Up in the V to the I-P #
# Can you keep up?
Can you keep up? #
# Can you really
keep up with me? #
# Oh-oh #
# Can you keep up with me? #
# Can you really
keep up with me? #
# Do you think
I'm gonna let you get #
# Your friends tonight
and meet up with me? #
# No time
for sleepin', baby #
# Up in the V to the I-P #
# Can you keep up?
Can you keep up? #
# Can you really
keep up with me? #
# Can you keep up with me? #
# You're running
out of options #
# They must be
tryin' to test you #
# With such
a big bad problem #
# And such a tiny
little rescue #
# Little by little #
# Let a light in your heart #
# Take a step and stand up
if you fall #
# You can make it
to the finish #
# But you still
have to start #
# 'Cause little by little #
# Is a lot more
than nothing at all #
# At all #