Hello Babies (2014) Movie Script

The guests are here, is the salad ready?
lt's all ready
lt's Chinese New Year,
so a red pocket for everyone!
Thank you! Kung Hei Fat Choi !
Kung Hei Fat Choi!
Mr. Lui , Kung Hei Fat Choi !
Good! Kung Hei Fat Choi !
- Wish you good health! Thank you very much!
- Good, good!
Happy New Year, Mr. Lui !
Wish you all the luck!
- Stay healthy!
- Thank you!
- Kung Hei Fat Choi!
- Thank you!
The only time you speak Chinese
is when you want money!
- These two are for your horses
- Thank you!
- l'll ask them if you keep it for yourself
- Yes
- Kung Hei Fat Choi!
- Kung Hei Fat Choi!
- Wish you good health!
- Thank you, Mr. Lui !
Cher, you are so kind
Shooting this charity commercial
on Chinese New Year
Chinese New Year is like any other day
people still needs our help
and being a celebrity,
l should do that much more to help!
Shot 8. Take 3!
Eggstasy formula has an excess of DHA & ARA
The baby will be smarter, more hyper
becomes a stoner and a sound sleeper
And it's delicious
How is it? Baby!
He's drooling!
Cut!Good Take!
He drooled all over me!
The baby is so cute!
Babies are opposite of cute!
Whenever l see a baby
they give me a sudden urge of anger
l would have beaten him
if the director didn't cut it.
Cher. . .
Thanks so much for shooting
this charity formula advert today
lt's alright
Why don't you hold the baby
and let us have a few photos together!
Want to take a photo with your mommy?
Kung Hei Fat Choi! The Salad's here!
Dato! Dato! Village Chief's here!
OK! Enjoy!
- Dato!
- Congratulations!
Hello! Hello!
Chief, welcome!
So glad you are here!
Flown all the way from Hong Kong to lpoh
You have to let me pour you a cup of
Agarwood tea, it'll keep you young!
Take a seat!
l'm fine
Just look at you!
Out of nowhere, our tiny village
has a Dato
You should take the seat
- You are the chief,
- Hello!
- you should take the seat
- l'm live at the Agarwood plantation
The TV is running your interview!
is the owner, Lui Ming
Mr. Lui Ming . Hello!
l know you are from Hong Kong
who have developed your business here
which has made great contribution to Malaysia
and has been given
the title of Dato. Congratulations!
How do you feel?
The title of Dato is a great honour
l've been working on
this Agarwood plantation for 20 years
And it is completely unique with
over 200 thousands Agarwood trees
Lui Ming!
How cool is it that you are a Dato!
We are from the same village
We looked the same
and almost the same height since we were young!
Yeung Wai?! (lmpotence)
it's Yeung Ah Wai !
l told you there's an "Ah" in the middle
Damn! Misprinted!
l'm the Wing Chun Grandmaster!
My schools are all over Malaysia
So l have a lot of students
and as a thank you for all the support
l'm having a discount week
lf a guy signs up
we teach their girlfriend for free
lf a kid signs up
we teach their mom for free
How good is that?
Hey! You call this promotion?
Stop messing around!
Messing around? Let me demonstrate for you!
l'm so proud of you
Hey, how come Wai isn't here yet?
Yeung Wai?
l didn't invite him!
- Ah Wai! Congratulations!
- Kung Hei Fat Choi!
Congratulations! l love Hong Kong!
This is Chinese New Year!
lt should be All's well, ends well
l'll leave, l understand!
Stop arguing, the both of you!
You two have been like brothers for years
why do you keep on fighting?
There's no fight
l always win, it's more like a beating!
You always win!
One for each of you, it's the new year!
Thank you!
- And these are for Cher and Scallop
- Thank you!
These are for Alex and San
You would have to give me one more next year
Alex and San is having a baby!
lt's a boy!
A boy!
Big show off! Where's the proof?
Yes, yes
l take it with me everywhere,
everyone wants a look
it is such a chore
Chief, take a look, right?
The ultrasound. Take a look!
Just like me, he's great!
Such a huge one being so young!
l'm so proud!
Wow! That's really something!
Chief, then l'll need an extra one next year too
Because Cher and Scallop will have a baby too!
Then they'll definitely get one!
He's talking bull!
Haven't you read the tabloid magazines?
Magazines say they
don't have the time to have child!
Are you sure they said baby and not Barbies?
l'm the uncle who's been providing for them
lf l want them to have a child,
they'll have a child!
That's crazy! l'm not having a kid!
What if the kid doesn't listen at all
or like that girl in "Orphan"
"l have a special surprise for you, Mommy!"
l don't know what to do!?
That would be some luck
l'm just saying, Vincent!
Do you know it's
a huge responsibility to bring up a kid?
That's why l admire you so much
You are so afraid of responsibility
that you choose not to take any
You are such a responsible person!
Wardrobe malfunction!
Why are you wearing a skirt today?
lt's new year!
So l thought l'll be a "true Scotsman"
Vincent, where are you?
Hey, where the hell are the others?
My model friends are all on the yacht waiting!
We'll be here soon, very soon
They're here!
What happened?
We said a yacht party
No wives, no kids!
l didn't want this
But my wife had to work
and couldn't find a baby-sitter, so l have to do it
Oh, gosh!
Stop smoking cigar!
lt's choking my baby!
This is a shame!
My model friends said they are going
Why don't you guys take care of the babies
Scallop, sorry, l have to go!
Hey, wait for me!
l'm just around the corner,
Hey, Vincent!
How about you play with my girl instead
Come on, let uncle hold you, alright?
You guys are so gutless, all of you
We made a pact not to
have kids after getting married
You don't understand!
Seeing them waving about
after work is so much fun!
Hey, Scallop!
Wow! Your wife's tummy
has gotten real big
l actually came to tell you something
l won't be able to go out with you anymore
We've been friends forever, what are you saying?
Are you drunk?
San is about to give birth
l want to be with her more
l'm going shopping with her now
Alright, go
Have fun!
Uncle Lui !
What's up?
What time is it? Have dinner yet?
ls there a time difference
between Malaysia and Hong Kong?
lf l had dinner?
Are you out of your mind!
Uncle Lui , what is it?
l know l'm not getting any younger
so l've made a decision
Excellent news!
You're getting married!
Congratulations, Uncle Lui !
What are you two on about?
What l want is you two to have a child
Being the last man in the family
lf you don't have a child
The family name dies with you!
That would never happen
you are still going strong
l bet you could still do it!
This is so funny! l'm wetting like a baby!
lt's not funny at all!
You two are not young anymore
What do you know apart from wasting money?
- Drinks, smoking cigar. . .
- Diet, make-up. . .
- messing around, buying cars. . .
- mani-pedi, shopping. . .
- buying houses, yachts. . .
- parties, holidays,
and gossiping!
and clothes. . .
Which of those are useful to the family?
Stop messing with us!
Our family is loaded!
lt can last us a few lifetime
- Why do we need to be useful?
- Yes!
l'm telling you
Within this year
You two must give us a boy
lf not, then l'll no longer provide for you two!
Don't stop providing for us!
You can't do that!
Does that mean l have to
set an alarm clock for work?
l am terrified of being sandwiched
in the underground!
l'm for real!
lf there are no child in a year
l'll go to the top of the Twin Towers
and toss out all the money from my bank account
for the people of Kuala Lumpur!
Don't give away my money!
l'm busy here in Malaysia
and will be back in Hong Kong soon
l've found "The Superstar Midwife"
Gong San
to help you guys out
You guys have to listen to her
lf not, then set your alarm clock
and be that sandwich in the underground!
Uncle, uncle!
Come on!
Don't you think you overacted there?
Come on!
When he say he's not going to provide for us,
l was really scared!
What do we do now?
Let's talk at home!
l've found this Gong San's info!
Shanghai's Gong San
Superstar Midwife
Blue blood
Helped celebrities to deal with fertility problems
She was behind
the birth of Prince George
Even Time magazine and CNN want to interview her
Obama and Kim Jong-un
are also giving her the highest regards!
Who the hell! ?
Mr & Mrs. Lui
My name is Gong San
You can just call me Gong
Your Uncle has paid a lot
for me to be here for a year
to get the Lui's a baby boy
Paid a lot!
l wonder how much has he been con this time!
Yeah! Baby doesn't just pops out
lf it's so easy,
l won't be the only boy in my generation
Normally, if the mom is beautiful,
the chance of a girl is higher
As Mrs. Lui is quite a beauty
the first two babies
would mostly probably be girls
You are spot on there
Girls like me doesn't have much patience
Like to buy clothes, make-up and do SPA
As for babies?
No way!
Of course no way!
These are your fertility reports!
Mr. Lui , you are just weak!
Semen is runny
Your sperms are lazy as hell!
Of course!
But my semen are not runny
You know that!
These are the sperms of a normal male!
How smart!
And now look at yours!
They look so much like you!
Your are not so much better
Dieting all the time
When was the last time you had it?
The last time she had what?
What's it to you?
She's on a "four season cycle"!
l know there are
spring, summer, autumn and winter
ls this what you are on about
or is it something else?
Shut up!
Very lmpotent Person!
Stop it!
lt just means she has
her period once every 4 months
To have a baby?
lt's easier to win the lottery!
lf we are really as bad as you're saying
Why don't you just tell Uncle
so this can be over with!
We can pay double whatever he's paying you!
Just save it!
lf you don't have a baby
Do you think your uncle will provide for you?
From today onward
l'll be in charge of every aspect of your lives
Mr. Lui , you need to work out more
Train your sperms!
Mrs. Lui ! You have to stop dieting!
l need to fix you up
To have normal period!
lt's late, l'm going to bed
Take my luggage!
lt's only 4 in the afternoon!
l'm telling you
lf you don't sort out your "brothers"
lt'll be useless even if l have eggs
So why are you still here?
Go and get fix up!
lf not, my brothers will have no eggs to pick up
Dr. Cheung & Dr. Fan
Please go to ER, get your scrubs on
My daughter-in-law is in labour
lt's a boy!
What about you , boy or girl?
l didn't ask
My wife said it'll be a surprise
lt's okay, have some faith
Normally after three girls, it'll be a boy
lt's okay, l'll love boy or girl equally
as long as it's mine!
Nurse, nurse!
How's my grandson?
ls he cute?
How much does he weight?
Please calm yourself down!
We'll tell you when he's born!
Sit down and wait!
lt's dilated 4cm
San, you chose vaginal delivery
lf you need to
we can use drugs to ease the pain
Yes. . . yes!
Give her some laughing gas
Yes, Dr. Yip!
- Dr. Yip, l've got an extra cap
- This hurts!
what should l do with it?
They are not for your head
they are for your shoes
Sweetie, how are you doing?
Doctor, how come my wife looks so hyper?
laughing yet screaming?
lf she's really in pain
l can give her an injection
which can take away 30% of the pain
Only 30% ? Can it be more?
Then epidural anesthesia, it is 70%
Then do both!
30% plus 70%
That's 1 00%!
Maximum is 70%
lt won't not hurt, idiot!
Have you two finished?
lt hurts! So much!
Get the syringe!
Yes, Dr. Yip!
Sweetie, l want to take a photo for daddy
to tell him the baby is nearly here!
Go away!
OK, What should l take?
What's with the photo?
Why show me a picture of the doctor?
Breathe in!
Hold it!
San, you are doing very well!
l can see the baby's head
What are you doing?
l'm cheering the baby on!
Don't look!
There's no going back!
We are mom and dad
l'm so proud of you!
Congratulations! The baby is healthy!
But looks like the baby played a joke on you guys
Son, are they alright?
That's good!
l'll take you to the maternity ward to see your. . .
Why is it a granddaughter?!
Doctor! Tell me why
You said it was a boy
How come it's now a girl?
Did you cut a little more than
just the umbilical cord?
Mr. Yeung
l'm San's doctor, Sally Yip
l didn't cut anything more. lt's a girl
l don't care for your name
When you had the ultrasound
and the other stuff, you said it was a boy
How come it's now a girl? Tell me!
The baby was naughty
When we had the ultrasound
She put her finger between the legs
Like this
lt actually happens quite often
You want to get rid of me like this?!
l'll report you to the hospital authority!
Be careful!
Daddy, stop it!
l'm sorry, Dr. Yip!
OK, l understand
Alex, let's finish the paperwork
Let your father calm down
Pretends to be a boy by
putting her finger between the legs?
My granddaughter played me?
Yeung Wai!
l've heard about you becoming a grandfather today
l've bought you a case of cigars for the occasion!
Such a shame being a granddaughter though!
Maybe l'll enjoy the cigars myself
l'm going to get some food
How about some baby cream pies
for you to celebrate with!
Why don't you go to hell!
l'm going to let you have it, it's your big day!
Baby cream pies, here l come!
How can he say baby cream pies!
You're an animal!
Baby cream pie. . .
Daughter is good too!
Piss off!
Hey, don't tell me to piss off!
l'm want my grandson!
Fantastic Choice! Mrs. Lui!
l'm delighted to dress you up for the party
l dare say, no women in this world
can carry this design as beautiful as you!
You want to scare me to death?
You are so sneaky!
Mrs. Lui , don't go to the party!
Look at this!
The hip is so tight
lt squeezes your uterus!
Look at your chest
lt's so flat!
How will you breast feed?
How wil you have a baby?
You are going to have a baby?!
Gosh, you just wasted my time!
No! No! No!
Let's pack up!
Come back! No! No!
Forget about it
Just have the baby
What do you want?
To have a boy
You need to have food
that's high in alkaline level
to increase the movement of your sperms!
This deep sea fish is very high in alkaline level
Don't these deep sea fishes
have ciguatera toxin?
lt doesn't drink or smoke
l don't think it'll have toxins
Eating it raw is the most effective!
Do you think frying it slightly will be better?
l said raw!
Hey, can you pass me a tissue, Vincent!
What did you call me?
l . . .
l didn't call you Vincent
l heard you called me Vincent
Never. . .
l just asked you for a tissue
lt's okay! Sorted!
Hey, new technology!
lron Man?
lt's for teeth whitening
Remember Uncle Lui was us to have a baby?
lron Man
Why don't we. . .
you know!
You are so nasty!
Let's sleep!
Don't you know how to knock?
Don't you know how to lock?
l have something important to ask
How often do you two consummate?
OK, so when was the last time you two did it?
Three. . .
Three weeks!
A month!
A month already?
How's your relationship?
Our relationship
has risen to another level that l called
Yes and he keeps calling me his friend's name!
Just slipped out
Any more detailed examples?
Examples. . .
Like that
Fart right under the duvet!
How can you take this?
That's why l won't this time!
How dare you!
Yours was louder than mine!
And stink more!
l'm going to retaliate!
You two are crazy!
No passion, no romance
Never mind a baby
Even sex is not possible
This will not do. . .
lt's meant to be a boy
Why did this happen?
Father, you are here?
We were waiting for you at the hospital!
l don't dare to show my face
Baby, say hi to grandpa!
Don't, it might scare me!
Look at her, father!
She looks so much like Alex
That'd be a tragedy for her!
Girl looking like a man!
lt'll be hell for her to grow up like that!
Why don't you think up a name for her!
Family name is Yeung!
How about Ju
Yeung Ju? (Penis)
She's a girl. . .
Not right even for a boy!
You don't like it? How about. . .
Malbo-bro, Ram-bro, Place-bro, Tur-bro
Just something with "bro"?
lt will give us some hope
At least there's a "bro" in the name!
Daddy, she's your granddaughter
Why are you doing this to her?
She's done nothing wrong!
Nothing wrong?
She lied to me for 1 0 months!
lt meant to be a boy, how come it's now a girl?
She's a natural born liar,
imagine what she would be when grow up?
Daddy, can you be reasonable?
Ok, l will be reasonable
All my life l've been giving,
shouldn't l be given a grandson?
l don't mind if he is stupid,
a criminal or insane
l still want a boy!
But now he's a girl?
l don't mind if it's a boy or girl!
Of course you don't mind
l ask you to use chopsticks
and you like knife and forks
l ask you to learn Wing Chun, you went ahead
and learn Yoga!
Dad, l don't want to fight!
l need to calm down
Alright! Everytime when
you are losing an argument!
Okay, l'm going to go out and tell everyone
you won't have a boy if you learn Yoga!
You invited them here today
What are you conspiring?
Of course there is a conspiracy
l called these sexy girls here
To wake up those lazy brothers of yours
This is a big ask
l will have to give it my best shot, haha!
Got two mouthful of water
Excellent! Fun!
Mrs. Lui !
l've found you a world famous Yoga Guru
to teach you a very special sort of Yoga
You can call me Richard Billyham
l've heard you are lndian
How come you look so Chinese?
l've achieved the ultimate state of
Yoga called "Cocoon"
lt allows me to turn from an lndian to
a completely Chinese person
As the saying goes
Alone at the mountain, the highest is yet to come
Guru! Do not sing!
Let's start the class!
This is my very own
"Deep in Romance Couple's Yoga"
Practising this can
greatly enhance a couple's love
Very sweet
Shall we start?
We'll start with the basic missionary
Relax, OK!
Relax! Let's stretch
Very good!
Ever had a child?
Very good, excellent, OK!
Relax! Don't be tense!
Are you OK? Breathe in!
You're ready? Ok, let's start!
Well, we'll go deeper!
Why covering me up?
Just taking care of you!
OK? Alright, breathe!
One, two, three!
OK? Good!
l'm still here, bitch!
Your swim cap looks really nice on you!
Just look at how close
your wife is with another man
Don't that just make your blood boils?
l'm not as shallow as she is!
Help! Save me!
l need mouth to mouth from all of you!
Hey, are you alright?
Ouch, ouch, help!
- Save me!
- You okay?
Mr. Billyham
Something more passionate?
Of course
Ouch, ouch!
Downward facing dog
Ok! Very Good!
Hip up!
l think we can do something closer
- Closer!
- OK, come on!
- Closer! Closer!
- Say my name!
Closer! Closer!
Say my name!
Closer! Closer!
Louder! Come on!
Closer! Closer!
lt's not "Closer"!
- Closer!
- l'm not called Closer!
Very good!
l'm telling you to get closer!
OK! Thank you, it's done!
Take a rest, we'll pick up later
Thank you!
How dare you taking advantage of my wife. . .
You are so handsome and tall,
look just like a model
You must be Mr. Lui?
Hello! Long time no see!
Since you are here, want to give it a go?
Mr. & Mrs. Lui
Give each other more passion!
Give and take!
Give and take!
Completely wrong!
lf l may join in?
Come on!
Can you not blow on my neck?
l'll turn the other way!
Much better. . .
- l think
- Yes
My husband and l need to discuss. . .
lf you'll excuse us!
l need to take a breather too!
Say my name! Say my name!
So tight! So Tight!
Not "So Tight"!
Say Scallop! Scallop!
So Tight! So Tight!
Another 4 hours would be
the perfect time for a boy
Scallop! Scallop!
lt's okay, l'm ready!
Freeze, everybody!
Are both of you all heated up?
You want to. . . with her?
And you want to. . . with him?
Just look at me right now
Do l look like being shot by Mr. Freeze?
lf you can let your passion
explode somewhere else
lt'll be about twice as successful!
But l'm already experiencing some leakage!
Then put a cork in your passion
and hold your position
Let's move it!
Where are you taking us?
Kangxi's Baby Boy's Bed!
Please let Mr. & Mrs. Lui have a boy!
Ready yet? l'm getting a cramp!
Just a moment longer!
How much longer?
Yeah! lt's hot with loads of mosquitoes
Just get this over and done with!
Time is here!
That's sudden?!
Let me help with the foreplay
Now, look at each other
The boy brushes the girl's hair
The girl touches the boy's face
The boy sings to the girl's tummy
lt's a family lore
which says,
lf the husband sings to the wife's tummy
they'll have a baby very soon
What song?
As long as it's from the heart
Just think of one that will touch your wife
one, two, three, four
"One banana, two banana"
"three banana, four. . ."
Can you be more serious!
l am, it just took me by surprise
At least l remember the lyrics!
One. . .
Skip this step
Right to the point!
You think each other are gorgeous
and want to eat each other alive!
Then French Kiss!
Kiss her!
Get in there!
Stick your hand right in!
Kiss her!
Take off her clothes!
Wait. Can you. . .?
Don't kiss for too long
Then get it started !
Not too long
You couldn't eat this much,
share some with me!
This feels like. . .
Like what?
Like. . .
that l'm kissing Vincent
What the hell!?
You see me as your friend, Vincent?
No, it's just an example!
Like l'm kissing a very good friend!
No example, no example! No kisses, no kisses!
Why don't we just
finish this quickly, then eat! OK?
Just finish this?
Didn't we agree?
We'll have a kid!
lf not we can't live off Uncle Lui!
We agreed
but you can be romantic about it!
lt's romantic when there's air con
lt's hot with mosquitoes here
Come on!
Don't come!
What do you want?
l want you. . .
to kiss me, hug me, cherish me
give me a little love!
Didn't we just do all that?
And love?
We haven't start making that yet!
You didn't use to be like this!
You used to make me laugh
and would sing love songs to me!
And now nothing? Where are those days?
You want me to sing again?
"One banana, two banana, three banana. . ."
This is not what l want!
You don't love me!
You don't cherish me! You don't care about me!
So? Are we still going to do it?
- No! l don't want to!
- What happened? What happened?
- What're you doing?
- Who cares? l'm not doing it either!
Hey, what is it?
What about what? What're you doing?
You think we are studs?!
l'm telling you!
As long as you are here, we are not having a baby!
You want a kid so much, why don't you have one?!
l'm finished
What am l going to tell Master Lui?
Which is better
for a baby?
Yes, Mr. Lui
it's a difficult choice!
Master Lui !
You are right on time
l want something for this great nephew of mine
Master Lui , l'm here to resign
l don't think l can help Mr. & Mrs. Lui
l don't' think they can have a baby
Since Andy Lau wants to have a second baby
l'm going to help them
Am l not paying you enough?
lt's okay, l know what to do!
This diamond necklace should be
enough to change your mind!
Wow, so shiny!
This necklace is worth 1 billion!
Very reasonable, l'll take it!
Thank you, Mr. Lui.
lf you would carry on to help me
"The Star of Malaysia" is yours
Why have you signed "Andy Lau"?
l'm Andy Lau!
A lot of people want me to be the Chief Executive
But l have to say no
l'm too busy
lt's time to take your medicine, Mr. Lui
Yes, where were we?
l said l want to quit
Mr. & Mrs. Lui are not ready
They are still child themselves
Even if they have a baby, the baby won't be happy
Gong, l don't have much time!
Are you alright?
l don't want to talk too much
You can ask my doctor
l'll give them a call
and tell them to apologize!
How's Master Lui?
What he's got is Alzheimer's
ls it terminal?
At least there's no medicine to cure it!
So how long does he has?
l have seen some people with this
who live to be over a hundred years old
You said it's terminal
Well, there is no cure for it!
So how long left until he's completely gone?
l promise you in about a year!
Then what happens?
With Alzheimer's
People will begin to forget things
Then they'll remember them again
Then forgets them again
And wouldn't able to remember it ever again
The more acute patients
can have a change in personality
and seems like a completely different person!
Who are you?
What do you want?
l'm Mrs. Lui
Master Lui called me to come and apologize!
Mrs. Lui , please sit!
Take your time
You would really do anything!
Don't hit me!
l'm sorry!
l'll obey you from now on!
Another person now!
What can l do?
With him looking like this
l really want to beat him up!
l feel exactly the same
but l'd rather you not do that
lf he gets a shock now
and goes completely
we're not going to get pay
Mrs. Lui
Are you alright?
l'm Lui Ming!
How can you mistaken me?
Yes, how could you?
Let me get you your medicine!
Take a look at yourself!
God, it's happening again?
Don't you want to beat up yourself?
Gong, l beg you!
Please help me!
Before l'm completely taken over
l want to see a baby for the Lui's family!
Please don't beg me again!
l'll give in to you!
l beg you!
Give in to me!
"The Star of Malaysia" is yours!
Well, thank you, Mr. Lui!
Take care of it, don't lose it!
Spit it out!
You are a man, don't pussy around!
The yoga school has been very busy
Even San needs to come in to help out
So if it's not too much trouble
can you take care of the baby
You think l'll agree to this?
l told you, we've should
have just got a babysitter!
Alex doesn't trust a babysitter
and he think it'd be best if
her grandpa can take care of her
But l don't know how to take care of a baby
Sure you do?!
Alex said you brought him up alone, right?
Please help us, daddy!
Will she cry?
l hate children crying!
Baby won't cry at all
knowing it's her grandpa taking care of her
Ha, yeah!
That's not crying!
She's talking to me
What's the matter?
Smile! Smile! Smile!
Do l know you?
Remember our pact for taking you out
Don't cry or l'll leave you behind
You find that funny?
Look, a baby!
You are so cute!
Baby! ls the baby a boy or girl?
Do you want a look?
lt's alright!
The baby is yours?
Do l look like l have a baby so young?
She is my son's baby!
Can't tell you are a grandpa at all!
You're great!
l'm alright!
A shame that we have to get back to work
if not we can go and have coffee with you
l can go now
But we said we couldn't
Do you take the baby here everyday?
lf you girls are here
l can come by everyday
Don't lie to us!
Why would l lie?
Baby, we'll see you tomorrow!
Bye bye, baby!
Bye bye!
Bye bye, baby!
She said "Bye bye, baby" to me!
You are so great!
Remember, more hard work tomorrow
Dress you up cuter
This position would open up the pelvic cavity
Give the baby more room to swim
the mother tries to open up the shoulder
breathe deeply
and relax
Ok, and again, slowly
Still angry, are you?
Don't be so uptight!
l've forgiven you
lt's just l can't forget
Let it go!
l don't know!
Smile suits you better!
Why are you taking me to Alex's Yoga school?
This is just the first step of our plan! Come on!
Alright, that's all for today
Practice while you are at home,
see you next class!
Please stay behind!
Potential fathers and mothers, hello!
l'm Scallop Lui , filthy rich!
l have a problem that needs your help
We just need one couple
who's willing to lend us their baby
The old man of our family really
want us to have a baby
and right now we cannot fulfill his wish
What are you guys doing?
Uncle Lui has Alzheimer's
and only got one year left
before he's gone completely
that's why we are here to see
if anyone can help us
let us borrow a baby to bide more time
and after 1 0 months,
we'll tell him the baby is ours
and that would be it
Will it work?
As lonng as they are willing, right
lt'll be fine
The mission is over,
once you let me borrow the baby to see my Uncle
We'll give the baby a full scholarship
to become a somebody
The baby can be a doctor or lawyer
Can you exaggerate anymore?
Be a doctor or lawyer!
What should l have said?
When the baby grows up
he'll be a beggar or a convict?
Sir, are what you said for real?
Yes, yes, yes!
l'm just 2 months in.
lt's you!
We won't only be raising your kid
We can feed the both of you too!
We don't need you to feed us
But l just want to know,
why don't you two have your own baby?
Because we don't want to
have a baby just to have one
We are good people!
Very good people!
Alright, we can make this deal
but we have one condition!
Whatever it is, we'll do our best to meet it!
We've tried to book many famous gynecologist
but they are all fully booked
l want to give my baby the best
Then this will not be a problem
My old school mate is Sally Yip
one of the best gynecologist in Hong Kong
l'll give her a call, no problem at all!
That would be excellent!
Thank you very much!
Hey, the first step is done!
What's next?
The second step, of course!
This is a very sour pickled shallot
l've heard these are very good for pregnant women
l'm eating one now!
Uncle Lui , Cher's pregnant!
Yes, l am!
So don't worry about us over there
We'll send
you photos, postcards and reports
Yeah, you don't need to come and visit us!
Don't visit!
Don't even think about it! Alright?
Don't at all!
We are really a family!
We think so much alike!
How do you two know l'll come back to visit?
Yeah, how come you are here to see us?
Gong, l thought you quit?
Yes, l did
But Master Lui asked me to
stay with "The Star of Malaysia"
Let's talk business
lf you're pregnant
l would definitely know
lf that's the case
Mrs. Lui needs to see a doctor!
Why not?
Let me tell you,
my gynecologist is very famous!
A lot of women see her
So right now
she's busy!
lf she's busy
Let me!
Cher, get your bag
l'll give Dr. Yip a call to get an appointment!
Dr. Yip?
Will she help us?
What doctor wouldn't help?
lt's OK, l will take care of it
l'll make an appointment now
Get your bag!
Go on!
lf you make one step,
l'll know if you are really pregnant!
Gong, you are just so immature
Why would l pretend to be pregnant to lie to you?
Haha, who would pretend to be pregnant?
lt's so funny, l wetting like a baby!
Then walk!
Come here
Be. . . be careful!
That's the trouble with a big house!
Are they still looking at us?
Yes, yes!
Damn, our bedroom is on the 4th floor!
Gong, you don't need to keep staring
give us a break, would you?
Do you believe everything you hear?
lf l really can tell if a person
is pregnant or not by looking
why would we need ultrasound?
Slowly! Take it easy!
You two must be Mr. & Mrs. Lui?
Dr. Yip is ready for the two of you to go in
Let me inform her!
Thank you!
l'll let you go in alone!
l'll go with her!
Let her go with you or she won't believe us
- Go, go, go!
- Go on!
Uncle Lui
lt's better us men don't go in!
We'll just sit and wait here!
Hello, l'm Dr. Sally Yip
l thought Sally is a woman?
Marilyn Manson is a man
And he's called Marilyn
Marilyn is a stage name though
Please, sit!
So. . . how far along is Mrs. Lui?
Hey, aren't you supposed to be her doctor
and you don't know how far along she is?
Because l have so many patients, l just forgot
Why don't you get her records?
Yes, nurse!
Give me Mrs. Lui's report!
What report?
Where is it?
How do l know?
lt. . . it's where we normally put it!
lt's lunch time!
You are such an asshole!
lf it weren't for the soda you gave me
when we were kids
l wouldn't let you borrow my surgery
Don't get me into trouble!
l'll try my best!
Have a nice lunch and come back in an hour
like nothing has ever happened!
Be punctual!
Hey, what's taking so long?
Do you need me to take a look?
Put on the ear piece
l'm going to setup
Follow my instructions, okay?
DiDi, l can see you
Bo, try putting the ultrasound on DiDi's tummy
l'm still missing a picture here
Alex, hold it off for a little longer
Hold off longer?
Why hold off longer?
Our ultrasound machine is like a tube amplifier
lt needs to be warmed up before use,
so we need to wait
So low tech here?
You're going to do it through her tummy?
ls there another way?
She's only two months in
shouldn't you probe something inside
that would be more clear, right?
l don't think that's necessary
No it's not necessary
Doing it this way
will just be as clear on our machine
Mrs. Lui , l'm going to locate the area first
lt's plugged in wrong!
Do it all over again!
Dr. Yip, isn't it ready yet?
How long does it take for the machine to warm up?
is a type of sound wave
The position needs to be
spot on for an accurate result
Look how clumsy you are
Let me!
Mrs. Lui !
This is the baby inside of you!
You are really pregnant!
You can also hear its heartbeat
l'm suddenly welling up!
Me too!
Damn, DiDi's brother is here!
What the damn?
The baby's heartbeat is strong as a damn!
l'm going to tell Uncle Lui!
You are here, brother!
lt's DiDi's first time at the doctor
of course l would come
Come in!
What are you doing?
l'm your wife's geniecologist
No, l meant
Of course l'm checking up on her
And she's fine, no problem at all
just a little heated,
a few drinks of herbal tea would be fine
You are one of the best gynecologists in Hong Kong,
Dr. Yip?
Yes, l'm Dr. Yip!
Hello, my name is Barbie!
Hello, Barbie!
Do you know my little sister
is very scare of pain!
l know there is an epidural method for childbirth
How does that work exactly?
Epidural for childbirth?
Ah, yes!
Did you see that movie, it's called
Prom. . .something. . .us? (Prometheus)
The female character
she did it with an alien
so she stick some analgesia to herself
rip her stomach open
got the baby alien out
lt looks so disgusting!
Then she stapled herself back together
and it did not hurt one bit
she jumped right out of bed and fought the aliens
Just like that!
l'll leave my sister in your hand
Maybe mine too in the future
Not a problem!
Don't let me keep you
Scallop, why are you wearing a white coat?
Are things taken care of?
This is my Uncle!
He's got Alzheimer's
and keeps forgetting that l'm a doctor
Let me introduce them
This is Mr. Ding
These two are Mr. & Mrs. Yu
Hello, l'm DiDi's brother, Barbie
l'm from Beijing
Hello, l'm Scallop's uncle Lui Ming
l'm with Alzheimer's
You're so funny!
Your nephew is funny too!
He's so irresponsible
His wife is doing checkups
and he's gone missing again
Be careful
Cher is out,
didn't you want to see how it went?
l'm going over there, don't chat for too long
Of course!
Let me show you out
ls the baby healthy?
Mr. Lui , don't worry, it's very healthy!
Now with a baby
you have to listen to me, okay?
Thank you, Dr. Yip!
Dr. Yip
You look so familiar, have we met?
No, we've never met!
Uncle Lui
Your Alzheimer's is kicking in again
Did you take your medicines?
Who cares if l've forgotten!
You guys can take the ultrasound with you
OK, thank you!
Let me. You stay here, let me take care of it!
Wait, it's time for my medicines
Alright, l'll go with you
Where are your medicines?
Oh my God!
We actually lied through it!
You're lucky l still remember
how Dr. Yip did my check-ups
Hey, don't ever ask me
do something like this again
l nearly pee my pants
Never again!
We're going!
Bye bye!
Why didn't you tell me earlier?
You can't act
lf you knew earlier, it'll blow up in our face
Who's the one that can't act?
Ouch! l'm not saying it's you!
- Ouch. . .
- Who?
Hey, it hurts!
l'm sorry!
l'm hungry, let's eat
What you want?
Look how cute!
Look at those big eyes, how handsome!
Didn't l promise you
when there is air con,
l'll be more romantic with you
Today's air con. . .
is very cold!
Why don't we romance a bit?
lt's okay, l don't mind
Get it over with!
l don't mind, l don't care
What are you two doing?
lsn't it obvious?
lt's coitus in Latin
More commonly known as doing it
So can you not get in the way of us doing it?
Mrs. Lui is just pregnant
You two can't be doing it!
Then coitus!
l can do it old fashion way
Be good and listen to me
You can always come to me!
Are you kidding?
l love my wife!
Take a dump!
l've got books for you to read
on how to become a better father!
l've got it!
Let's play some games
l've just downloaded a racing game,
it's great fun!
l'll race you!
There are lots of radiation
it's bad for the mother and the baby
so NO!
l don't want you two to be like hamsters
doing it once my back is turned
so you two sleeps in separate rooms!
l'll keep watch of Mrs. Lui 24
You have to sleep in the sitting room! Go!
Leave! Go. . . ! Now!
H. . . Honey. . .
Go! Now! Go. . . !
l wonder what he is doing?
Over! Over! Can you hear me?
l'm Scallop!
Have you had dinner yet? What time is it?
Asking me for the time, you're so funny
l couldn't sleep
l'm used to fighting for the duvet with you
and your farting
l'm not use to living without you
l couldn't sleep alone either!
You know?
l couldn't hear your snoring
l don't feel comfortable
The room is so quiet
l miss you, honey!
l miss you too
Why don't we see each other while Gong is asleep
l said we see each other while Gong is asleep!
Are you trying to have a date with me?
Yes! Would you like to go on a date?
Why are you wearing your underpants?
The maid forgot to iron my trousers,
and l don't know how to iron
So what's there to eat, l'm so hungry
l can eat two horses!
There's nothing here
How about some cream!
No, it's fat!
lt's only once in a while!
What are you thinking?
l just remember
we've got a new Seahorse mattress,
still wrapped up in the garage
Let's try it out!
Try it!
How is it?
lt looks very comfortable
Yeah, the advert says
once you lie on it, you won't want to get back up
Really? Let me try!
Not bad!
How come we've got so many cars
but you never seem to drive them?
Yeah, l've never driven them because. . .
l don't have a license!
l won't back down just
because you pretend to sleep
Get up!
Slept really well last night!
But it blows that we did nothing at all
What's the plan?
Oh my gosh!
Can't l just get a break from the two of them !
Good thing l've got GPS
Motel 1 88?!
l've booked room 1 06
You're Mr. Lui?
Shh . . .
Why shush?
A lot of big shot actors and directors come here
They fight to take their pictures and autograph with me
Raymond Wong and Wong Jing were here too?
This way please!
Wait. . .
l know! Say your name, right?
Scallop! Scallop!
No. . . No. . . !
l've got something serious to talk to you
when we were going out
l always sang for you
l know you like to listen
But since we're married
l began to take everything for granted
becoming more and more lazy
l've gotten so lazy,
l've even forgotten my promise
to always sing for you
and make you happy everyday
Gong said
lf l sang to your tummy,
you'll have a baby very soon
l want to sing this song for you
and for the baby we'll have
"Just look at the little baby"
"Look as sweet as a melon"
"Face round like a melon"
"with round mouth and eyes"
"You want a rocket in the sky"
"May your wish come true"
"Rocking basket is a carnival of dreams"
"Seeing you smile is a gift"
Do you know what l really want to do?
A baby with you, you alright?
That's great!
How come l feel like you've took advantage of me?
Don't be so paranoid .
Are you ready to go again?
l'm always ready!
Then let's go again!
Come on, Tiger!
Are you full yet?
But it's okay, l can wait till you finish
You're asking for it!
Come on!
l am Tiger!
l'm dressing up like Tony Leung today
And you are so cute
let's get to work, partner!
Come here and have a hug!
My baby is so cute!
You can feed him, that's right
Come on, take a picture!
What the hell, stealing my thunder?!
That's just way too much
French kissing here?
Damn, l'm too late
You can stop being cute
We're out!
Let's get some lunch!
Alright, get the sun screen up
Food for you
Wow, the baby stroller is so beautiful!
My daughter-in-law chose it
This baby is not my daughter
She's my niece
l'm off today, so l'm helping to take care of her
l'm single!
You're such a good aunt!
A lot of people said so
l love kids
lt's a shame
l haven't found my other half yet
l would like him to be more mature
shorter than me by a few inches
and sounds a bit like Mickey Mouse
That would be perfect!
Looks like you're talking about me!
lce cream!
Why don't we talk over ice cream!
Let's go!
We better be quick, or it'll drive away!
Come on!
l want to ask
How come you know
they have a whale tail shaped bath in room 1 06?
lt's so special, l love it!
Are you trying to catch me out?
What am l supposed to tell you?
lt's what l've read from some online forum
Look, honey!
How come there's a baby here?
ls it an abandoned baby?
Maybe someone left it here by mistake?
Thank you!
We are so connected
l love ice cream , you love ice cream!
Yeah, can you give me your phone number?
Do you think we are moving too fast?
You don't even know my name yet
Come on, l'm in a hurry
ln a hurry?
What's your name?
lt's Lawrence, a English name l rarely use
Whatever, can l have your number now?
The thing is
l'm not such an easy guy
l know
You know?
We're connected
Can you just give me your number?
lf l give it to you ,
will you really give me a call?
Hey, enough!
Just give it to me!
Stop being such a big pussy!
How are you going to score?
Give me a call
Hey, hey!
l've got his number, come out! Come out!
Hello, Master!
l'm the host to the reality show "Cougar Love Match"
Stop shooting!
We have so got you here!
Our show is live online worldwide right now
Why don't you say a hello!
Stop shooting!
She is one of our contestant, Cherry
You really dare to give your number to a girl?
She asked, so l gave it to her!
Hey! Stop shooting, what're you doing?!
You seemed so connected with Cherry
Talked nonstop walking here
And kept looking at her
without a blink of an eye!
She's talking with me,
of course l'm looking at her
lt's called manners!
l've asked you to stop shooting!
But as an old man your age
and still manage to get a girl
you must be quite happy?
She's still a girl?
l think she's too old to be a cougar!
Hey, what did you say?!
lf l'm not a girl, then what am l?
l dare you say that to the world again!
Cougar! Cougar!
Too old to be a Cougar!
Go to hell!
What? You want a fight?
lf l don't want to be famous
l don't have to dress up like a glow stick
to be on a stupid reality TV show!
So disgusting! l want to puke!
Asking a hobbit for a phone number?
You are asking for it?
Come on, l'm not scared!
Stop it!
lf l were you l'll find the baby first
What baby?
The one you left behind to chat me up!
Baby! You didn't tell me l left the baby behind?
You guys are animals!
To get the ratings, we're beyond animals!
How else will we kill the other channel?
Oh, poo! lt looks like a stew!
Be quick, we need to change the diaper
before she catches the cold
Baby, be good! You're smelly
Baby! l've found you!
Thank you! She is my granddaughter,
please give her back to me
lt's your baby?
You are so careless
Yes! l took my eyes off her for a second!
Baby, you are. . .
Hey! You're talking as
if she walked away and got lost?
Yes, l walked away for a moment
And she got lost!
Sorry for troubling you two!
Hey, wait a minute!
Look at how he's dressed in the middle of the day?
He might be a kidnapper!
So friend, how's the baby related to you?
Hey, friend!
Didn't you understand a word l said?
The baby is my granddaughter, l'm her grandpa!
Yes, he said that!
Very simple!
l'll tell the baby to tell you two
Baby, tell these two you are my granddaughter!
Call me grandpa! Grand. . . pa!
She's ignoring you!
She's always like this,
ignore me when l call for her, stupid!
Why are you always messing with your grandpa!
Look at him!
Just because the baby didn't answer to him,
he called her stupid
lf we let him take her, he'll beat her to death!
No, l won't!
lf she's naughty, l'll beat her here!
Don't need to take her home, right?
Okay, okay!
l'll ask you three questions
lf you answer them right, l'll believe you!
Go for it!
Question 1
What's the baby's name?
Of course l know the baby's name!
But l haven't named her yet
You are such a bad liar!
Question 2
What formula does the baby eat? Know this one?
Normally her mom feeds her
l really don't know
Hey, you're just making it difficult
Ask something l actually know, okay?
Alright, the last one!
lf you can't answer this, l'll call the police!
And have them send the SDU to pick you up!
Go on!
Let me ask this one!
Which side is her dimple on?
Which side?
lt's either left of right, genius!
Don't be silly, it's on both sides!
No! She doesn't have dimples!
Stop talking, give me the baby!
Honey, you take the baby and go!
- l'll hold him off!
- OK!
l'll kick your ass!
Do you give up? Give up now!
l give up!
How disgusting are you ,
playing with dirty nappies!
l saw the live broadcast
Did you leave our baby behind to
chat up some girl?
l've found her!
Help! Help me!
Where are you?!
We. . . we're. . .
Sound so familiar?
Hey, Alex is that you?
Hey, Alex, it's Scallop! Save me!
Scallop? Why are you with my daddy?
Your dad?
So you are Uncle Yeung?
You are Lui Ming's nephew, Scallop?
You should have said!
Come on, you calm my son down!
l'll look for my granddaughter!
Mrs Lui!
- Mrs Lui . . . are you alright?
- ls the baby alright?
Mrs. Lui , are you okay?
l'm fine, and the baby?
The baby should be okay
You're pregnant, are you okay?
l'm fine, you take a look at the baby first!
Baby's okay, and you?
The kidnapper is here!
Give me back my granddaughter!
lt's okay, leave it to me!
l've practice the 64 hands of
Gong's Bagua for many years
And you should see the labour of my hard work!
Bagua, Gong San!
Wing Chun, Yeung Wai! (lmpotence)
No. . . it's Yeung Ah Wai !
Are they going to fight?
Stop it!
lt's a misunderstanding!
lt's my friends' baby!
This is his dad, Uncle Yeung, he's not a kidnapper
Old friends!
Mr. Lui , how are you?
Can't you tell that l'm fine?
But my jaw is dislocated
Let me!
Wow, l'm fine!
But my vision is kind of fuzzy,
maybe my cornea is. . .
Wow, that feels good!
All clear now?
lt's very clear now!
How're you feeling?
l'm fine!
Please give me my granddaughter, thank you!
This is Uncle Yeung
Yes, we are old friends!
He's really her grandpa!
Are you sure you are alright?
Can you stand up?
My spine is really painful!
l'll call an ambulance!
Mrs. Lui is pregnant, the fall could be serious
l know a shortcut to the hospital
Let me carry her! Come on!
Hey, don't. . . Hey!
Hold on tight!
She never listens to me
That is not the way to the hospital
Yeah! l think it's the graveyard there!
Yeah! So, Uncle Yeung
l think my wife's vision is fuzzy too
Can you teach me what you just did?
Oh. . . it's a secret
But seeing she's your wife
Alright, l'll help her myself!
lt's okay, l've never asked
Don't be shy, we know each other so well
lt's just you won't be able to find it
Damn! lt's blocked
Put me down, l'm fine!
No! l must get you to a hospital for a check-up
Hold on!
Ouch! Are you alright?
Enough! l beg you!
Alright? Please?
l'm not pregnant!
lt's not that we don't want a baby
We are still young
Time is still on our side
You young people
always think that because you are young
there's load of time, right?
One moment, there's too much responsibility
Next moment, you want some private time
Do you know how much harder it gets
to have a baby as you are older?
How come your Cantonese are so proper?
l'm a descendant from Shanghai
that's borned in Hong Kong
Someone who understand
and can only speak with
an accent sounds more professional, right?
And Gong San?
ls that fake too?
Oh, that's real!
Three spots?
Gong San!
This is the mark of our family
Our family edict states that
each member is to help 49 couples to have a child
Once we complete this
then we can plan our own future
So how many left for you?
You would be the last couple!
l suddenly realize you are such a great person
l shouldn't have shouted at you
"You want a kid so much, why don't you have one"
l'm sorry!
lt's okay!
NNow the truth is ou
l'm done here
l'm going to Andy Lau's
l don't know if you like to be lazy
and do nothing
Just help us through this next half year
Let Uncle Lui be happy before
Alzheimer's completely take him over
Then l'll have to double my wage!
That's quick?
Did l start at too low a price?
Treble! Would that be ok?
2 and a half!
Hey, hello!
Why aren't you asleep yet?
Wow, genetics really work!
You allready know Wing Chun so youn
When you grow up,
l'll teach you more
Baby, l'm sorry
l shouldn't have left you behind for a girl
l'm really sorry!
Sorry, sorry!
Grandpa promise you, l'll never do that again
Will you forgive your grandpa?
You're laughing? Then l'm forgiven!
Baby knows you love her!
Go on!
Daddy, l'm sorry too!
We don't have to apologize to each other
lt's all in the past now.
Daddy. Why don't you give her a name?
Alright, l've thought of some already
l think she'll be famous
and will become a star
So if she's an action star, she'll be called Michelle
lf's she's a pop star then Miriam
lf she's a beauty queen, we'll name her Shirley!
l've got one too!
what is it?
Happy Yeung!
Happy Yeung?
Yeung Foon Hei? (Goat's Vagina)
You weren't happy
when l named her Yeung Gui? (Penis)
You can take Yeung Foon Hei? (Goat's Vigina)
Just happy!
Happy Yeung! Yeung Foon Hei !
You like it, baby?
Yeung Foon Hei, baby! Yeung Foon Hei !
Honey, are you starving?
Stuffing down so much?
Yes, l'm pregnant
l have to eat for my baby too, good boy!
Stop it, you're just faking it!
What are you saying?! l'm pregnant!
l'll eat what's yours too, if you stop!
Master Lui , why are you so headstrong!
How can a triangle fit inside a circle?
Look at him, so senile
Why do we still have to pretend?
Yeah, l'm telling you
this fake tummy is so heavy!
Yeah, it's big up here too!
Hey, stop messing around!
What if he's not completely gone yet?
Be professional, do it till the end!
We're a family,
we want him to be senile and happy!
Be good!
Hey, it's Bo!
What's the matter?
DiDi is in labor!
Hey, honey, that means you are in labor too!
Hey, what's this?
Your water broke, your water broke!
Oh! You're in labor, you're in labor!
- Excellent! We'll have a baby!
- Come on. . . get a cab!
- OK! Call a cab!
- The water broke, the water broke!
Water broke, let's go!
Excellent, the baby's coming!
This hurts!
Doctor, can you give me epidural?
You've dilated 8cm, that's no longer an option!
What should l do?
Slowly, breathe!
ln through the nose, out through the mouth!
Right! Daddy's here to help
ln the nose, out the mouth
Can you look more painful?
Who give birth so comfortably?
Hey, it's not cancer!
Too much, hold it back a little!
Right, right! That's perfect!
Selfie, selfie!
How come it's all dark, is it broken?
Master Lui , you have it upside down
l can see the picture!
Baby's coming, it's coming!
Alright, let's begin
Breathe deeply
Hold it
Mommy's really good!
Push out the baby like a sneeze!
Baby is a very healthy boy!
Thank you, Dr. Yip!
lt's my job. The baby is beautiful!
l'll write the room number 208
onto the baby's tag
lt won't come off until he leaves the hospital
so there won't be any mix up!
- OK, thank you!
- Thank you!
- Take a rest!
- Yes!
Having hotpot in the hospital
is a totally different experience
Really Delicious!
DiDi just had a boy, both of them are okay!
Honey, that means you just have a boy too!
We are okay!
ls everyone here?
They all know the story behind
Uncle Lui is not here
Just speak normally!
Master Lui thinks that you are Dr. Yip
So you need to carry on pretending
But DiDi's brother thinks that l'm Dr. Yip
So l need to pretend too
The balcony to Rm. 207 and Rm. 208 is connected
So when the "real" Dr. Yip has finished checkup
with Di Di in Room 208
We'll swap rooms with Bo and DiDi
Gong will bring Uncle Lui to come see Cher
Meanwhile, l'll pretend to be a nurse in the lobby
and will inform Gong once Barbie turns up
Once l get the info,
l'll take Uncle Lui out to see the baby
You swap rooms again
When Barbie leaves, we'll swap back!
When Uncle Lui and Barbie see the baby
They'll see the baby with the tag numbered 208
That means we've done it!
Honey, this is like the best plan ever
with such good actors as ourselves
l know we can do it!
ls everyone clear?
Actors, are you ready?
How's my baby?
He's very healthy.
You ccan feed him yourself tomorro
Thank you, Dr. Yip!
Take a rest! l'll see you tomorrow
Master Lui is coming, move quick!
Be careful! careful!
Quick! Quick!
lnto the bed!
Hey, l've given birth
Dump the fake tummy!
Uncle Lui !
Dr. Yip!
- Hello!
- How's the baby?
He's very healthy, yeah!
How's Cher?
Cher's fine too, you don't need to worry
Cher, l'll see you tomorrow!
l'll go now!
Oh, it's this way!
Cher, good girl!
As a gift for your hard work for the family
Uncle is giving you "The Star of Malaysia"!
Hey, be careful!
Last time it was a tissue
it might be a bogey this time!
No way?
Do you like it?
lt's expensive!
So pretty!
We did it! We'll share it!
lnto thirds!
None for you!
l'll blow this over!
What's this?
lt's so weird?
Oh, yes!
This is for the prenatal classes
The instructor asked me to wear it,
to feel what it's like to be pregnant
Gosh, the breasts are swollen
and the tummy is heavy!
They swollen and get heavy,
when they're heavy, they swollen
l can't tell you how hard it is to be pregnant!
That's more like it!
You've really grown up!
Knows how to take care of your wife!
Of course!
Master Lui , you look so much brighter today!
l felt so much better knowing the baby is born!
Dr. Ching, please come to the reception
your take away has arrived
Calling Gong
DiDi's brother is coming up!
We've chatted for so long
how come l don't see the baby anywhere?
Lucky that you are asking
Master Lui , let me take you to the baby!
Come on!
Come on! Swap rooms!
Barbie is coming up!
Go, go, go!
Come quick!
Hey, wait!
You need to stay and pretend to be Dr. Yip!
Honey, you are so clever!
You go, go!
Come here!
No, no. . .
Excuse me!
Brother, you're here
- The doctor was just checking up on DiDi
- Barbie
You are now a mom
l am just so happy!
How are you feeling?
l'm fine, the doctor said
l can be off the bed tomorrow!
Dr. Yip, how's my nephew?
He's OK!
What do you mean "He's OK"?
Oh, when us doctors
say ok, it means good and strong
Lots of muscles!
Why don't l take you to see the baby!
Shut up! Someone is already seeing the baby!
Who is seeing the baby?
Excuse me, l'm the Superintendent here
ls Dr. Yip here?
Hello, Dr. Yip is right here!
Dr. Yip, the Superintendent is calling for you!
Hello, Superintendent!
You are Dr. Yip?
Dr. Yip is a woman!
Yes, l've got this!
l remember you!
You don't remember me, right?!
We were classmates
Graduated at the same time, and work here
l . . .
You think because now you are with
the hospital board and is my boss
so you can boss me around?
Do you know how much hard work
we put in in the front line?
The female nurses are all old and wrinkly!
The female doctors are all stuck ups and ugly!
The salary is pitiful, only 1 00 thousands a month!
l . . .
l've had enough!
l'm quitting right now, happy now?!
l'm going!
Don't come after me!
l wouldn't if l were you!
Can l have your phone number?
The more l look at the baby, the cuter he looks
Looks so much like me!
Master Lui , don't get too excited
You'll have a stroke
l'm fine, l'm just happy!
Old hag!
Who are you?
When did you become a nurse?
l've got myself some extra work to help out!
Don't lie to me!
The cover's been blown!
Father is coming up!
Alright, let me deal with this!
You go back to Room 207 to standby!
Master Lui is busy, doesn't have time. . .
Master Lui is busy,
doesn't have time to see you! (Shanghainese accent)
l know everything
You just pretend to be from China!
Don't block my way!
Hey, don't!
l am so happy, baby!
Lui Ming!
We've been fighting for so long
and now you've
l've won?
Don't go senile on me!
l'm still waiting for your baby to
chase after my granddaughter!
l've won?
Come here!
l've won?
- Why aren't you busting us?
- Come on, what is it?
l've fought with him for so many years
Look at how crazy he is now?
lf l can make him happy with
a few words, then why not?
l didn't know you are so kind
l am quite kind
Would you like to have ice cream?
lce cream?! You're so cheap!
l've watched the show
Master Lui !
You look so good!
lt's amazing!
l've heard some sort of popping sound
lt all went black
like a blackout
l felt a head rush
Cells seems to expand
and now l'm all fine!
You think you're fine?
How could he?
lt's just a last hurrah!
Yeung Wai, let me
show you the baby, he's very cute!
All babies are cute.
lt's okay, don't need to see him!
lf you are really fine,
let's go and find some girls
l know you love that!
Stop talking so much!
Don't be such a sissy, come on!
Just take a look at the baby
Does he look as clever as me?
Hey, aren't you Barbie?
Master Lui
Why are you taking photos of our baby?
Your baby?
You must be mistaken, it's my sister's baby
He's my nephew
No! You must be mistaken!
This is bad !
We can go upstairs and ask
Go on, let's go upstairs!
Calling Scallop, cover's blown!
Master Lui is coming up with Barbie, improvise!
Hey, leave!
- Go and hide, quick!
- What should we do?!
Let's go and have some fun!
Barbie is coming up!
Father knows we lied!
My brother is coming!
Honey, what should we do?
Uncle Lui is also on his way up!
Calm down and listen!
Honey, you've got a plan?
l've got nothing at all!
Tell me!
Whose baby is the baby in 208?
The baby in 208
is the baby to the mother in 208!
Bo, you tell me!
The baby. . .
The baby is our son!
Excellent! l told you he's my nephew!
Absolutely ridiculous!
Whose idea is this?
lf you say it's your idea
lt'll be my treat for the ice cream
Never mind! He'll die if l say it was mine
Anyway, l look so much like Tony Leung
But apart from your flat chest
you look nothing like
Zhang Ziyi
lt's my idea to pretend to be pregnant
l'm sorry, Uncle Lui !
The one who should be responsible. . .
Let me finish!
lt is your fault pretending to be pregnant!
But the switch
was Gong's idea!
You're such a jerk!
You were in this too!
l am a jerk!
but you are the mastermind!
You . . .You . . .
lt's true
l'm. . .
Uncle! Uncle!
Call an ambulance!
lt's downstairs!
So quick?
This is an hospital!
Let's take him downstairs
while he's still breathing
The ER is to the right
lf he stops breathing, the left is the morgue
He only just got better
l will miss him!
Kung Hei Fat Choi! Congratulations, Chief!
Congratulations! This is for your granddaughter!
Thank you! Hold on to it!
Good girl!
Wai, didn't you say grandson is better?
Look at you! So happy with a granddaughter now!
Granddaughter is way better,
she knows how to make this old man happy!
The grandson who lives next door
- keeps slapping his granddad,
- Really?
but she wouldn't
She just keeps kissing her grandpa!
Give me a kiss, here!
Brother, after becoming a mother myself,
l've realised
it's not easy taking care of a kid
Thank you for taking care of me all these times!
You two still have a lot to learn!
We know! Thank you!
Kung Hei Fat Choi! Kung Hei Fat Choi!
Kung Hei Fat Choi! Congratulations!
Hey, Scallop, you are so great!
You had no kids, and now you've got triplets!
Dr. Yip, you are excellent!
l'm only responsible for the birth,
Gong did all the hard work!
Yes, it was all down to Gong's planning
and dieting
That l was able to perform so well
Hey, where is Gong?
- Yes, where is she?
- Gong San, Gong!
l'm here!
Wow! You. . . you two. . .
Hey, look at you , Ming!
You still got it at your age!
lt's not his!
Then who is it?
You can tell he's impotence. . .
sorry. . . l meant impossible
Of course it's mine!
l had a round with her 64 hands of Gong's Bagua
it was just a one time friendly
then she became pregnant!
Yeah! Even her marks came to my neck!
- lt's joint together
- And became a hickie
And became a hickie
Thank you, thank you!
Gong is so open,
she will bear children till she's 49!
Hey, she's not 49!
l'm 56, and you are older than me
You're 59!
Yeah, do you still help people?
With what?
Because my friend Louis Koo wants a baby child too
Louis Koo?
- Louis Koo!
- Stop lying!
l'm not!
- Gong!
- lt's true!
lt's really Louis Koo?
Wow, he's so, so handsome!
Louis Koo!
Hey, l really want a baby
Do you have someone in mind?
No, but l want to make a booking first!
Oh, relax!
l'll have one with you after this one!
l'll hold you to it!
Hey, don't touch her!
Or l'll beat you up!
Wait. . . Let me count how many babies we've got
One, two, three, four, five. . .
That's a lot of babies!
lt's new year, a piece of
jewellery for each of you!
Take your pick and take them home!
Go on, it's behind you!
May everyone be healthy!
Be ahead in life!
Be strong!
Be lucky!
Be casual!
Why do you always mess around?
May everyone be. . .
May all the luck be with you!
All's well, ends well!
Lucky in the year of Horse!