Here Is My Heart (1934) Movie Script
Here's my position, sir.
Very well, sir.
Here's my position, sir.
Very well.
Gentlemen,
our calculations
are practically the same.
This position
puts us in mid-ocean.
It's June
In January
Because I'm in love
It always is spring
in my heart
With you in my arms
The snow
is just white blossoms
That fall from above
And here is the reason,
my dear
Your magical charms
The night is cold
The trees are bare
But I can feel
The scent of roses
in the air
It's June
In January
Because I'm in love
But only because
I'm in love
With you
We're here, sir.
Oh, swell!
Let's see. Right...
Yeah, that looks like
the middle, all right.
Yes, sir. Right in the
center of the Atlantic.
Fine.
What's happened?
What's he
fishing for?
Got him.
Yeah. Pardon me.
Okay, Captain,
you can get under way.
Right, sir.
Bridge?
It's Captain Dodge.
Get under way.
Higgins!
Yes, sir?
Oh.
When we get ashore,
have this stuffed
and mounted.
Yes, sir. Sort of
a fighting pose, sir?
Yes. Yes,
that'll be all right.
Yes, sir.
Well, that's done.
Is this for men only?
What's all this fuss
about a fish?
Oh, it's just something
I promised to do.
Promised who?
Myself. You see, I...
Oh, you'll think
I'm nuts.
I think that anyway.
Go ahead.
Well, the point is,
I'm a fugitive
from a chain broadcast.
What? No more
Jones programs?
Mmm-mmm.
That is,
not until I've done
all the crazy things
that I always wanted
to do when I was a kid
and didn't have a thin dime.
I see.
Including fishing in
the middle of the ocean?
Mmm-hmm.
But I think that's swell.
What else have you done?
Oh, I...
You'll talk.
I won't. Tell me.
All right,
here's a list.
"Rescue damsel in distress."
Hey, wait.
Is that why you took
us aboard when the gang
went broke at Monte Carlo?
Right.
Well,
I'm a damsel in distress!
That's what you are,
yes, ma'am.
What is it, Sparks?
Beg pardon, sir.
Some radiograms
for you, sir.
Pardon me.
Oh, yes.
Now, how do you
like that?
I'm fresh
from fishing in the
middle of the ocean
and he wants me
to think about money.
Now, you radio that
Max Morris and tell him
if he sends me
one more offer,
I'm going
to get myself
another agent.
Yes, sir.
Oh, Sparks.
Yes, sir?
Here's a couple
of answers for you.
No.
Yes!
Sorry, but
that's all Mr. Jones told me.
Turn her around, Captain.
We're going back to
Monte Carlo.
Yes, sir.
What has happened?
We're going back.
Listen. "Have located
second Jones pistol
in Monte Carlo.
"Come at once. Jimmy Smith."
Second Jones pistol?
Mmm-hmm.
Meet the first one.
I read about these pistols
when I was a kid.
And I picked this one
up in Russia, last summer.
I've always wanted to
present these pistols
to the Naval Academy
at Annapolis.
You know, that's where
John Paul Jones is buried.
Where's
the other pistol?
Well, it's in Monte Carlo,
according to Jimmy Smith.
Smith?
He's that newshound
on the Paris Chronicle.
That's right.
Well, back we go.
John Paul Jones.
So, you're one
of his descendants?
Oh, no,
I'm just a coincidence.
That is all, but the "J."
Isn't that for John?
No. No, it isn't.
For James?
Let's go out on deck.
Jerome?
Mmm-mmm.
Jeremiah?
No.
Jupiter?
Mmm-mmm.
Well, what is it?
Fish might hear.
Not a fish in sight.
Well,
it's Jasper.
Jasper Jones!
Keep it shady.
All right. But you
better be nice to me
or I'll tell all
and ruin your career.
Oh, blackmail, eh?
Well, gal, what's your idea
of being nice?
Singing.
Beautiful miracle
Pardon my lyrical rhapsody
But can't you see
How you have captured me
Being so glamorous
Can't you be amorous
Just for me
Make it soon
Take a look at that moon
Love is just
around the corner
Any cozy little corner
Love is just
around the corner
When I'm around you
I'm a sentimental mourner
And I couldn't be forlorner
When you keep me
on the corner
Just waiting for you
Venus de Milo
Was noted
for her charms
Strictly between us
You're cuter than Venus
And what's more
you've got arms
Love is
just around the corner
Any cozy little corner
Love is just
around the corner
And I'm around you
Well, stranger.
Hi, Jimmy, hi.
How are all the Smiths?
Low, Paul, low.
And the Joneses?
High, Jimmy.
As I said before, high.
Any reason?
Wonderful.
But coming up,
she turned me down.
Who did?
I don't know.
Now, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
Let's begin all over again,
will you?
We were
coming up together.
Yeah, for the third time.
For the first time.
Oh, then
she wasn't
really drowning?
This was
in the elevator.
Oh.
Oh.
Yeah.
But she wouldn't
look at me.
And she kept right on
not looking at me,
with one of those looks,
you know?
Yeah, I know.
Distant, but devastating.
Exactly.
I know.
You know, Jimmy,
you ought to write.
Thanks. I'll suggest
that to the Chronicle.
Be a smart move.
But in the meantime,
get set for a sock.
You know her.
She's married?
No, no,
this is serious.
You can't have
the second Jones pistol.
Oh, no. Why not?
Because the little lady
won't sell it to anyone
who rates less
than a king, a queen, or
maybe an inside straight.
What lady?
Her high and mightiness,
the Princess Alexandra.
And who's she?
The Ritsky Russky
who owns the pistol.
She's right here
in this hotel.
Hmm.
Well, wait a minute,
I'll talk to her.
Hello. Get me...
What's her name?
Alexandra.
Get me the
Princess Alexandra.
Right.
Now, what did you
tell her?
The works.
I told her you sang
for Snap-a-lastic Garters.
She never heard of you.
She never heard of
Snap-a-lastic Garters.
I even told her I'd get her
on the front page with you.
With pictures.
Well, maybe
that wasn't so bright.
Oh, hello.
Hello, is this...
Oh. The Prince Nicholas?
Her cousin.
Hello.
This is Mr. Paul Jones.
No, just Mr. Jones.
Yeah.
No. But after she saw
Mr. Smith, Mr. Jones,
the doctor prescribed
absolute quiet.
Well, can't I even
make her an offer?
I'm willing to
pay a very good price.
No. I fear Her Highness
cannot sell it to you
at any price.
You're not in the market
for a good car, are you?
No, I'm not.
He's not.
You're right, Jimmy.
They're a couple of snobs.
I think
I'll stay over
and tell her so.
That's right. Stand outside
her door and yodel, "Snob."
Maybe if I do stay over,
I'll see her.
I've got to see her.
I've got to find out
if she remembers that
they brought us up together.
Brought you up?
Yeah.
You and the Princess?
Mmm-hmm.
No, no,
the girl in the elevator.
Oh, I see. My mistake.
Wrong floor.
It's June
In January
Because I'm in love
Oh, I'm in love
It always is spring
in my heart
With you in my arms
The snow is just
white blossoms
That fall from above
And here is the reason,
my dear
Your magical charms
The night is cold
Oh, the night is cold
The trees are bare
Oh, the trees are bare
But I can feel
Well, he made it.
The scent of roses
in the air
It's June
In January
Because I'm in love
But only because
I'm in love
With you
In love with you
Oh, it's June
In January
Because I'm in love
It always is spring
in my heart
With you in my arms
The snow
is just white blossoms
That fall from above
And here is the reason,
my dear
Your magical charms
The night is cold
Brrrr!
The trees are bare
But I can feel
The scent of roses
in the air
It's June
In January
Because I'm in love
But only because
I'm in love
With you
Come in.
Your dinner, sir.
I didn't order any dinner.
Is this your room?
Yes.
Well, is this you?
Mmm-hmm.
Then it must
be your dinner.
Whoa. Whoa, now.
What number do you want?
Well, what number you got?
Well, I got
a little 359.
You can't have it.
Is that so?
Tried to trip me, huh?
Try that again.
Waiter.
What are you
doing there?
Why don't you
bring in the dinner?
Well, are you stupid
or impertinent?
Stupid, madame.
And impertinent.
Hurry, please.
Idiot!
Come in, come in.
A fine mess.
A fine mess.
Oh, seven and eight
are 15, not 22.
Right?
Right, sir.
Thank you.
Beautiful,
Your Highness.
What's beautiful?
Your singing, Highness.
I wish I had a bomb.
A bomb?
Yes.
So something
would happen.
Anything!
Yes, yes, of course.
It must be very dull
for you here.
Dull? It's prison.
It's worse than prison.
In prison
at least I might
be whipped. Something!
Yes, yes. Of course.
Why don't you go somewhere?
Go somewhere? Go where?
Why, anywhere?
There's nowhere I want to go.
There's no one I want to see.
Nowhere to go
and I can't stay here.
I can't just sit here
and play this, can I?
Well, at last something
has really happened.
What a victory.
Come, darling. Shall we eat?
What a mess.
What a mess.
Who, me?
No.
The world.
The world.
All right.
Well, come on.
Stupid. Stupid.
Pobisohka, quiet.
Did you notice,
we have a new waiter?
It's about time.
The other one
was impossible.
A mess. A mess.
He certainly was.
Waiter.
Yes, sir?
What is that wine?
Why, this is
Rousseau 1911.
Really, a very
middle class wine, sir.
Might I suggest Octave 1909?
Drunk in all the best places.
Who is?
The wine, cookooscka,
the wine.
Oh!
Well, send me a sample.
Say, a couple of cases.
Very good, sir.
We might
try some together.
Nicki!
Oh, sorry, dear.
She thinks
I'm too chummy
with the servants.
But I don't think I am,
do you?
Nicki!
Where is your tie?
He's undressed.
Ask him what is
the meaning of this?
What is the meaning
of this?
Why, I...
Revolting!
Disgusting!
Unspeakable!
Here, try mine.
Nicki!
Tell him to find a tie
and return here at once.
Find a tie
and return here.
At once.
At once.
At once! At once!
Well, are we
going to sit here
and wait for a necktie?
Vova! Call them up!
Do something!
Uh, yes, yes.
Pardon,
Your Highness.
But I hope Your Highness
will permit me to finish
serving you.
Evidently,
you are not aware
that you must address
Her Highness only
through me.
May I
address a remark
to Her Highness?
May he
address a remark
to Your Highness?
He may.
You may.
Well, permit me to say
that I forgot my tie
only because of
my great excitement
when I discovered
I was to have the honor
of waiting upon
Her lmperial Highness.
He forgot his tie only
because of his great
excitement
when he discovered that
he was to have the honor
of waiting upon
Your lmperial Highness.
You may
tell the young man
that we quite understand.
Her Highness
quite understands.
That's hot.
Yes, I know,
Your Highness.
I heated it.
Yeah.
By the way, that American
called up this afternoon
about the pistol.
I suppose he talked
through his nose?
I don't know.
I couldn't see
through the telephone.
It's nothing
to joke about.
These rich nobodies
come over here
and think
they can buy up our
most personal treasures.
I understand
this one made his money
in some fantastic activity
called crooning.
On the other hand,
take this waiter.
What a charming
apology he made for
appearing without a tie.
You can
see for yourselves
that he has instinctively
a thousand times the
breeding of this
Jones person.
Are your ears red!
Nicki!
Sorry, darling.
Well, even at the risk
of paying myself
a compliment,
I shouldn't dream
of contradicting
Her Highness.
You see?
Uh-huh!
Soup.
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Your Highness!
Your Highness, I must
apologize for the waiter.
Waiter?
Yes.
But we've never
been better served.
In fact,
I'd like this waiter
assigned to us regularly.
Yes, Your Highness.
Pepper! Pepper! Ah!
Let me explain to you in
a clear, cold, calm,
reasonable way.
I shall
tell them that you,
that you have disappeared.
Oh, that the police
is after you.
Oh, no, you won't.
I'm going to keep
right on being
their waiter.
She's a princess,
you know.
Yes, I know,
and it's too bad,
'cause there's really
a swell girl underneath
all that Highness stuff.
I'm going to
stick around.
Monsieur Jones.
It will cost me my job.
Oh.
All right,
I'll buy the hotel.
Buy the...
Yes, I'll take it over
tomorrow. Any objections?
Sold!
Waiter! Fish!
You see?
You're keeping
me from my work.
Now, what was
that amount again,
last week's unpaid bills?
Thank you.
400,030 francs, sir.
And this week's?
Come in.
Five hundred and
sixty-two thousand.
Oh, fine.
Bigger and better.
Ah, good morning,
Mr. Jones.
Oh, good morning.
I've just been auditing
the books of your,
I mean, my hotel.
Oh.
I seem to be
my only paying guest.
I'm very sorry,
monsieur, but...
You're sorry? Oh, yeah.
Don't people ever pay
their bills?
Oh, well,
the lower classes, sometimes.
The middle classes, always.
But the
upper classes,
monsieur, never!
Well, there are going
to be some slight changes.
From now on,
the richer, the quicker.
Make me out
an upper class list.
Including the Russians?
Yes, certainly.
Ah, monsieur,
but we must be careful.
You cannot offend royalty.
No, you probably can't. But...
Let's make an effort anyhow.
Send them a bill immediately.
As you wish, monsieur.
Everything is ready, sir.
Right.
Ah, yes,
maybe I'd better see
if I can do that, huh?
Let's see now.
It goes thus and so.
And ta-voom. How's that?
Very good, monsieur.
Thanks awfully.
Boy, oh, boy,
is this good.
What a story!
I can see it now.
"Warbling Waiter
Outwits Royalty."
Quiet,
they'll hear you.
What's this,
Rough On Rats?
Get out of there.
Ah. "Poisons Princess
Purloins Pistol."
Now, go away. Go on.
Okay, okay.
But when do we go to press?
As soon as
I can get that pistol.
That's a date.
Now, stay in character,
but give her the works,
Eighty-three hundred
ninety-two,
sixty-four hundred...
How can it be less
when it should be more?
Oh, good morning, Paul.
Good morning,
Your Highness.
Yes.
Excuse me just
a moment, will you?
Yes.
Something's wrong
with my figures,
as usual.
Well, this is a plus sign.
Yes, yes,
I realize that, yes.
This is a minus sign.
I know that.
I know that.
But you've
subtracted the plus
and you've added the minus.
Oh, you mean,
I should add the plus
and subtract the minus?
Well, they've been doing it
that way for years,
Your Highness.
Have they really?
Oh, yes.
Paul, you're uncanny.
Thank you, sir.
Not at all.
By the way, you're
not in the market for
a good car, I suppose?
Hmm, no,
I'm afraid not, sir.
Oh, too bad.
We could use some cash.
Really, sir?
Yeah.
Well, surely
the Princess...
Oh, she's just
as broke as I am.
We're down to
our last creditor.
Oh, you won't
tell the management?
Oh, no, sir.
I see.
Please go on.
In the past,
Your Highness has
been more than generous
to your exiled countrymen.
Your donation
last year was...
15,000 francs.
As you know, the need
this year is even greater.
Yes.
I know.
Put me down for 25,000.
Your Highness,
how can I ever thank you.
And now,
if you will excuse me?
Please, Your Highness.
Are you crazy?
Probably.
There's always been
a goofy streak in
our family.
Nicki!
Well, there has.
Wasn't it Uncle Philip
who lived for 20 years
under the impression
that he was
a chocolate souffl?
That's not true.
Oh!
It was vanilla.
But, really, Alexandra,
where are you going to
get this donation?
A few things
are still left.
I will sell them.
And when they are gone,
what will we do?
What did Soumatoff do?
What did Soumatoff do?
He shot himself.
Well, be that as it may,
I see certain
marked disadvantages.
Ah, food!
About this donation
of Alexandra's.
I suppose I could
contribute a little
out of the small amount
I earn.
What?
What?
You mean to say
you're working?
Oh,
I'm not exactly working.
You see, it's like this.
I buy
a car on credit and
sell it a little cheaper.
For cash.
It's really
quite profitable.
How did you ever get
such a wonderful idea?
Oh, I don't know.
It just came to me.
Why, Nicki,
you're uncanny.
Oh, thanks.
Nicki.
Yes, dear?
You can't do this.
Well, why not?
Business, Nicki?
Have you forgotten
who you are?
No, but I'd like to.
Nicki!
Pardon, Your Highness.
Yes, Suzette?
The manager is here.
Tell him we'll see him.
Yes, Your Highness.
Very good melon.
Yeah.
Good morning,
Your Highness.
Good morning.
Your Highness,
a most distressing
situation has arisen.
I should never
dream of bringing
up the subject myself,
but our hardhearted
proprietor...
Your bill.
I see.
I've tried my very best
to keep the amount as
low as possible,
but Your Highness
must remember that
aside from your apartment,
His Highness,
Prince Vladimir,
lives almost
exclusively on caviar.
Wrong way.
And His Highness,
Prince Nicholas,
drinks nothing
but vintage champagne.
Yes, by the way,
where is it?
Oh.
Hello. Hello.
What?
Our ex-manager,
he became disgustingly
drunk two days ago and
we had to discharge him.
Since then,
I understand
he's been trying
to collect money
in the name of the hotel.
Now, if you see him,
I hope you'll...
Yes, yes.
Thank you.
Believe me,
Your Highness,
I've tried my very best.
You drunken imposter!
Monsieur.
You imposter!
Oh, monsieur!
Please! Please!
Oh, please.
Oh, I meant to tell you.
Please don't annoy the
Princess with any bills.
Huh? But
you told me to...
I know, I know!
But I've found out
she hasn't got a dime.
And she's selling
everything she has
to help her
starving countrymen.
But what a madness.
Oh, but what a woman.
Waiter! Eggs!
Pardon me. Junior's eggs.
I think we have the
frame right this time,
Your Highness.
I hope so,
I hope so.
Yes, yes.
Excellent, really.
Thank you.
Pardon, Your Highness.
But I was told to
collect something
on account.
Yes. How much?
100 francs,
Your Highness.
Huh.
Just a moment.
Oh, Nicki.
Can you let me have
100 francs on account?
On account of what?
On account
I haven't got it.
I'm afraid I can't,
old fellow. I'm sorry.
You can
see for yourself
I'm down to my last...
Well, where did all
this money come from?
Thanks, old fellow.
Huh?
Merci, Your Highness.
Not at all.
Look!
I'm looking.
Vova!
Nicki.
Vova, who do you think
was in my bedroom?
I can't imagine.
Paul, the waiter.
He was stuffing money
into my purse.
But why?
You'd better ask him.
Oh, no, don't do that.
Why not?
Well, he might stop.
Do you know?
Why is he doing it?
Because he's in love
with Alexandra.
Oh.
What?
The waiter in love
with Alexandra?
Ridiculous.
What's this?
Now, my dear,
it's nothing. Really.
Is this the truth?
Now, don't let it
disturb you.
A waiter loves me.
No.
All men love you.
Don't be upset.
A waiter!
How charming!
Huh?
But, I didn't know
a waiter knew what
love was.
I didn't know a waiter
ever thought about anything.
I thought
a waiter was like a table.
I thought a waiter...
But how does a waiter
make love?
Oh, I wouldn't know,
dear.
What does he do?
What does he say?
Oh, well,
I shall find out.
Oh, will I!
Well, at last,
there is really
something to do.
Send for tea
right away in my room.
I shall receive my lover
in my room.
Suzette. Tea.
How thrilling!
I hope
he behaves
like a table.
I think of you
with every breath I take
And every breath
becomes a sigh
Not a sigh of despair
But a sign
that I care for you
I hear your name
with every breath I take
On every breeze
that wanders by
And your name is a song
I'll remember
the long years through
Even though I walk alone
You guide me
In the darkness
you light my way
And all the while
inside me
Love seems to say
Come in.
Tea is ready,
Your Highness.
Thank you.
Waiter!
Yes, Your Highness.
Wasn't there
someone singing
outside as you came in?
Oh, I'm sorry,
Your Highness,
I didn't think
you could hear me.
Oh, waiter!
Yes, Your Highness.
What was it?
I Think Of You With
Every Breath I Take.
What?
Oh, that's the
name of the song.
Oh.
How old are you?
Twenty-eight.
Twenty-eight.
Married, I suppose?
Oh, no, no, no.
No?
No.
Really? Well, is it
about time you were?
I mean, um...
Well, what do I mean?
Well, you mean,
I guess...
What do you mean?
I mean, Your Highness.
I guess I don't know
what I mean, except...
Well, it's surprising.
What is?
That you're a waiter
and can sing like that.
Well, a man's got to
earn a living, you know.
And you can't earn
your living by singing?
Well, I...
Oh, that's ridiculous.
You have a lovely voice.
Oh, you're just saying that.
Well, at least, delightful.
Thank you,
Your Highness.
And thank you
for the pleasure
of listening to it.
Thank you again,
Your Highness.
And thank you.
I'll stop if you will.
Okay.
But don't stop singing,
Paul, ever.
I really mean that.
I want to hear you
sing again.
When, Your Highness?
What time is it?
It's nearly 7:00.
This evening,
after dinner.
That is,
unless you have
some other orders?
Well, if I have...
You'd let them wait?
I'd let them die.
You see,
these American songs,
they're really
not a bit classical.
You have to sort of...
Well, look.
I think of you
with every breath I take
And every breath
becomes a sigh
Not a sigh of despair
But a sign
that I care for you
I hear your name
with every breath I take
On every breeze
that wanders by
And your name is a song
I'll remember
the long years through
Even though I walk alone
You guide me
In the darkness,
you light my way
And all the while
inside me
Love seems to say
Someday
Someday.
And when I sleep,
you keep my heart awake
You keep it awake
But when I wake
from dreams divine
Dreams divine
Then every breath
that I take
Breath that I take
Is a prayer
that I'll make you mine
And when I sleep
you keep my heart awake
But when I wake
from dreams divine
Every breath that I take
Is a prayer
That I'll make you mine
How dare you?
What?
You kissed me.
Well, you kissed me.
Kissed you?
You, a waiter?
Sure you did.
I never did!
Don't tell me.
I'm gonna
tell you something.
Listen, I loved you.
But I don't
anymore, see?
You're nothing but
a swell-headed dame
and I wouldn't
take you for a gift.
Get out of here.
I'm getting.
Get out of this hotel.
Oh, well,
that's different.
You don't think
I can have you
discharged?
No, not you,
or all the Russians.
Get me the manager.
Stop laughing.
Ah, another kiss?
If you were
in my country now,
I'd send
you to Siberia,
to the salt mines.
Princess.
On your knees.
Get on your knees.
Princess.
Apologize.
What I was going to say...
Say it.
You're beautiful.
Beautiful.
Psst!
Where are you going?
To Siberia,
for some salt.
Just a moment.
I happened to overhear.
Now, did you
finally kiss her?
Oh, yes.
But not enough
to really cure her.
Oh, you mustn't be
too hard on her,
my dear fellow.
After all,
it's really our fault.
We've brought her up in
what used to be known
as the grand manner.
Now, she's our
first line of defense.
Defense?
Mmm-hmm.
Against bill collectors,
you know?
Oh, yes.
Yes.
Oh, it really wasn't
her fault, Mr. Jones.
Uh-huh?
Oh, yes,
I'm not supposed
to know that, am I?
How do you know it?
Well, sit down,
Mr. Jones, will you?
Cigarette?
Thanks.
Yes.
You see, when you
started giving tips
instead of taking them,
I investigated.
Oh, you mean you snooped?
Precisely.
Yeah.
Of course,
if Alexandra
should find out...
Well, she's not going to.
I'll win her
as a waiter,
or else.
Probably, else.
However, we may
think of something.
We? You mean...
You mean,
you're going to help me?
Oh, devotedly,
my dear fellow.
I'm definitely on your side.
Oh, yes.
I don't suppose
your finding out
that I have some money
had anything to do
with that?
Oh, yes, it had
everything to
do with it.
Well, you old chiseler.
I beg your pardon?
Oh, that's American.
Meaning what?
Meaning you.
Oh, you don't say.
Oh, how enchanting.
Here I've been a chiseler...
Mmm-hmm.
...all these years
and I never knew it.
Well, you know it now.
Yes.
But about the Princess?
You know,
I'm still in that
Siberian dog house.
Yes. Well,
the important thing
is to make her miss you.
Yes.
Then, when we get you back,
you will apologize.
Oh, no, no, no,
I won't do that.
Well, maybe it won't
be necessary.
In any event, let's put
our heads together,
separately,
and we'll
talk it over later.
Okay. Thanks.
Not at all.
You know,
you're a good egg.
A good what?
A good egg.
Well, I'd hate
to be a bad one.
Ah.
Oh, by the way...
Huh?
What is that
other thing I am?
Chiseler?
Chiseler.
Yes.
This new
waiter is impossible.
Kept us waiting 20 minutes.
That never happened
with Paul.
I've asked you
not to mention him.
Why? I never even heard
why you got rid of him.
Well, why did you?
Because I did.
And you were going to
have such an amusing time.
Mmm, it didn't
turn out that way.
Nothing ever does.
He was impertinent, perhaps?
That hardly describes it.
Yes.
My foot!
No.
Oh!
Really, if this keeps up,
I'll take a little
impertinence.
Make it two.
Can't all of you think of
something besides waiters?
If you don't mind, I would
like the whole matter dropped.
I think he overheard you.
Something must be done.
Yes. As a matter of fact,
I've done it.
Done what?
Talked to Paul.
He'd be delighted
to apologize.
I'm sorry, but
I refuse to see him.
Oh, but
he'll do anything,
absolutely anything.
The poor fellow's desperate.
His actual words to me were,
"I am devoted to
Her Highness with a loyalty
"and a passion that
mock the power of words.
"All I ask is to
serve Her Highness
"with the last
breath of my body,
"the last drop of
my soup... Blood."
Would he take care
of the parrots?
Why...
And the dogs?
He'd love to.
What's the matter
with him?
He had a close shave
with the soup.
Paul!
Holy jumping Jupiter
and young wild west!
Listen, how about
a picture just
like that?
No picture.
But my story!
And no story.
What, never?
Never.
You print one word
and I'll break your neck.
Oh! You're so heavy!
Why, I only weigh about...
A ton.
Three tons.
What are you
all so sad about?
Do you miss Paul so much?
Terribly.
Cruelly.
Horribly.
Well, you might as well
talk about him as think
about him.
We don't want
to upset you.
Upset me? It's like
whispering in a hospital.
Either shout or...
All right, I'll shout!
Well, shout!
All right.
We want Paul back!
Will you please tell me
what there is about him
that you want so much?
He's a good waiter.
He has a good face.
Mmm. A good waiter
and a good face!
And charm.
Well, if he'll apologize
and if he means so much,
go ahead and send for him.
Good!
Oh!
Now we can get some
decent hors d'oeuvres.
Well, Paul, it seems
you're missed here.
Yes, Your Highness.
Not by Your Highness.
No, Your Highness.
At any rate,
I've agreed that you may
continue to be our waiter.
Thank you,
Your Highness.
Or rather, their waiter.
Yes, Your Highness.
That is,
if you apologize.
I'm very sorry I kissed you,
Your Highness.
Imagine!
Because before the kiss,
you were interested in me.
Interested?
Well, in my career.
Hmm. A very
strange apology.
It's a very strange
relationship, Your Highness.
Well, anyway,
for their sake
you may continue.
And you may take care of
our dogs and parrots as well.
And as for
your career,
you may sing
when you're with them.
I'm sure they'll
appreciate it very much.
In other words,
I accept your apology.
You're quite welcome,
Your Highness.
I'm a sentimental mourner
And I couldn't be forlorner
When you keep me
on the corner
Just waiting for you
Venus de Milo
Was noted for her charms
But strictly between us
You're cuter than Venus
And what's more
you've got arms
Oh, let's go cuddle
in a corner
Any cozy little corner
Love is just
around the corner
When I'm around you
Love is just
around the corner
Ho, ho, ho!
Any cozy little corner
Love is just
around the corner
When I'm around you
Oh, and I couldn't
be forlorner
When I'm around you
Now I'm ten times
as faithful
As all your other men
They all are true
to no one but you
But me, I'm true to ten
Oh, let's go cuddle
in a corner
Any cozy little corner
Love is just
around the corner
When I'm around you
Kiss papa!
Kiss papa!
There we are.
I think of you
with every breath I take
And every breath
becomes a sigh
Not a sigh of despair
But a sign
that I care for you
I hear your name
with every breath I take
On every breeze
that wanders by
And your name is a song
I'll remember
the long years through
Even though I walk alone
You guide me
In the darkness,
you light my way
And all the while
inside me
Love seems to say
Someday
Someday
And when I sleep,
you keep my heart awake
But when I wake
from dreams divine
Every breath that I take
Is a prayer that
I'll make you mine
Suzette!
But aren't you...
I thought
I was kissing
somebody else.
What?
You kissed me like that
and didn't mean a word
of it?
Well, I...
Who did you think
you were kissing?
Oh.
Oh.
Paul.
Yes, Your Highness.
Whom did you think
you were kissing?
I can't tell you.
Why not?
Because I...
'Cause I can't.
If you don't tell me,
you'll be discharged.
Well, if I do tell you...
Well, I might
as well be going.
Alexandra! It's Nicki!
They've gone to his room!
Who have?
The police!
The police?
What's happened?
Has there been
an accident?
What is it?
I don't know. Only come.
Nicki!
Hello, darling.
Look, they've arrested me
for my little car selling
experiment.
Isn't that silly?
Come along.
Won't take a minute.
I'll see you at dinner.
Would you
be interested
in a motorcycle?
We must pay back
the money at once.
With what?
Parrot's eggs?
We shall have
to sell the pistol.
Send for Cloche,
the jeweler.
Your Highness.
That is not
the original pistol.
It is an imitation.
What?
But that's impossible!
No, I have
examined it
most carefully.
What
could have happened?
I've heard of
this imitation.
It was made in 1909 by
Cartrouche for Prince Leopold.
But where is
the original?
I understand
the Prince sold it to
buy a necklace for a lady,
a dancer.
I can't believe it.
Oh, I don't know. Uncle Leo
was awfully fond of dancing.
But what are
we going to do?
Nicki will go to jail.
That hasn't happened
in our family since 1749.
Isn't the imitation
worth anything at all?
Oh, a few hundred francs,
perhaps.
Let me see.
Yes.
Yes.
I'm afraid I could not
possibly offer more than...
But this is
the real pistol!
Are you sure?
I'm positive.
And how much?
Oh, 50,000 francs?
100,000.
Sold.
Then if you will call
in my office tomorrow...
I'll go now.
Yes, do,
and please hurry.
I'll run!
Nicki!
You're loose!
Yes, I'm free,
if that's what you mean.
Thanks to Paul.
To Paul?
Yeah.
You see, he gave the police
a lot of reasons for
loosening me.
Ah! I'll still go
with Monsieur Cloche.
Yes.
There'll be other
things turning up.
Yes, very likely.
Paul.
Yes, Your Highness.
We owe you more
than we can say.
It's nothing to
what I owe to you.
Owe me?
Yes, Your Highness,
the privilege of
being your servant.
You stole the real one.
Yes, Your Highness.
From that Mr. Jones?
Yes, Your Highness.
Boy, it's a pip!
Thanks, Paul.
Good night, Princess.
See you in the papers.
Jimmy! You see...
How much
did Mr. Jones
pay you for this?
I am Mr. Jones.
Oh, I see.
That makes
the publicity story
even better, doesn't it?
But there won't be any story.
I told Jimmy I'd murder him
if he printed one word
and I will.
That's the truth.
You know it's the truth.
I don't know anything,
except that
Paul is gone
and I miss him.
But he isn't gone.
Oh, yes, he is.
Paul really loved me.
He gave us
his life's savings.
He even stole for me.
And so a princess found
herself in love with
a waiter.
But Mr. Jones,
quite different.
He was only having fun,
being amused
by some rather
childish people.
Beside my Paul, this
Mr. Jones is a little man.
Now, wait...
Goodbye, Mr. Jones.
The car is ready,
Your Highness.
Oh, Vova!
And very snappy, too.
Look at this machine
Paul lent me to
practice on.
You know,
it's practically human.
You don't even have to think.
Give me
a couple of numbers.
Three and four.
Right. Three, four.
Now, you just pull down
this crank and seven, right?
Right.
Nicki!
We're leaving immediately.
Go away now, darling.
We're busy.
Vova, what are you
doing in that uniform?
Mr. Jones gave it
to me for my new job.
Job?
Yes.
I'm the hotel's new doorman.
Vova!
Why not?
I've spent most of my life
helping women in and out
of cars.
Now, I'm going
to be paid for it.
But have you no pride?
Of course he has.
That's why he's
going to work.
That's why
I've taken a job, too,
me and my little machine.
So, you've sold out for
a toy and a soldier suit.
Uh-huh.
Ask me a couple of
hard ones this time.
13 and 14.
Thirteen.
Where's Prescovia?
She's down in the
tea room, rehearsing.
Fourteen.
Rehearsing?
Yes. She's going to
be the new hostess there.
Mr. Jones fixed that, too.
Twenty-seven.
You can't miss.
No.
For the last time,
are you coming with me or not?
No, dear. Give me
some real big ones
this time, over 20.
Let's see. Oh!
I didn't show you
my new whistle. Listen.
Isn't that splendid?
Gorgeous, old man.
Now, I'm going to ask
myself some numbers.
Three this time.
Now, 57.
That's a tricky one.
And 48.
And, oh, look, 99.
Now, let's see.
Oh, good girl!
You made it.
Hurray! Yay!
Of course
I won't cash it for you.
But my dear fellow...
Let me tell you, my good man,
that I am an expert on
bad checks.
The worse they are,
the better I am.
Do you realize
that you're trying to
commit a premeditated fraud?
But I assure you...
Read this.
Why, what is it?
The criminal code.
Good morning.
Trying to put something
over on me, eh?
Have you seen Alexandra?
No, not since yesterday.
Gone.
Gone, without a word.
Oh, I believe she
did say something
about leaving.
Yes?
Yes?
Well, I've forgotten what.
You don't suppose
Vladimir would
have an idea?
I doubt it.
He never has had.
However.
I know something
horrible has happened.
I spoke
to the manager.
Yes, and
he doesn't know
anything about it.
Where is she?
Who?
Alexandra.
Has she gone?
Yes. Perhaps
to kill herself.
Oh.
She may be
dead already.
Hello, desk,
this is Mr. Paul Jones.
Get me the best
private detective
bureau in the city.
I know she's dead.
Now, keep quiet!
Yes, detectives, yes.
I know she's dead.
And buried.
Listen, tell them
to get over here
as soon as possible.
Well, from this report,
it looks as though
she's still in
Monte Carlo.
But I can't
believe that, monsieur.
We have looked everywhere.
Well, keep on looking.
Hello. Yes, speaking.
We have
a message for you,
from Prince Nicholas.
Yes, what is it?
Well, His Highness was
a little difficult to
understand,
but he left the address of
a caf where he's waiting
for you.
Well, I'll be right down.
Captain,
you wait here.
The Prince may
have something.
I'll call you back in
10 minutes.
Well,
she's gone, Nicki.
All I've left
is just a memory.
And five francs.
Five francs
in three weeks.
At that rate
it'll take her exactly
113 years
to pay you back.
Well, I can wait.
Yeah.
In the interim, I'd better
get back to the boat.
Paul, take me with you,
will you?
No, I can't do that.
Why not?
I couldn't stand it,
old boy.
You mean
I'm repugnant to you?
Oh, no, no, no.
I mean,
you remind me of her.
Oh, you mean
we look alike?
Not the slightest
resemblance.
That's right.
Right.
Well, let's find out
what we owe here.
Yes.
You leave it to me.
Give me the numbers.
Five francs.
Five. Right.
And here seven francs.
Seven.
Five francs.
Oh, you said that before.
Oh, yes, I did.
Five, what?
They're all five francs.
Paul, what kept you?
I was just saying goodbye
to the best little pal
a man ever had.
Oh, pardon me,
this is Nicholas.
Prince of
all the Russias.
Miss Claire Hastings, princess
of all the five and ten cent
stores.
Oh, how do you do?
How do you do?
And now I know
I'm coming with you.
Oh, no, no.
No, alas, no, Nicki!
Oh.
Boatman, take her away.
Goodbye, Nicki.
Goodbye, Paul.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye, Nicki.
Goodbye.
A swell fellow,
that Nicki.
Where did that
thing come from?
I bought it for you.
For me? Why?
You wait and see.
Well, I won't wait
'cause I can't stand
the sight of a parrot.
Paul is a bad man.
Isn't that marvelous?
That's why I bought it.
But where?
Oh, it's a little shop
behind the cathedral.
Paul is a darling.
Sing it, darling.
And here
is the reason, my dear,
your millions of charms.
It's June
In January
Because I'm in love
I'm in love
But only because
'Cause I'm in love
I'm in love
With you
Very well, sir.
Here's my position, sir.
Very well.
Gentlemen,
our calculations
are practically the same.
This position
puts us in mid-ocean.
It's June
In January
Because I'm in love
It always is spring
in my heart
With you in my arms
The snow
is just white blossoms
That fall from above
And here is the reason,
my dear
Your magical charms
The night is cold
The trees are bare
But I can feel
The scent of roses
in the air
It's June
In January
Because I'm in love
But only because
I'm in love
With you
We're here, sir.
Oh, swell!
Let's see. Right...
Yeah, that looks like
the middle, all right.
Yes, sir. Right in the
center of the Atlantic.
Fine.
What's happened?
What's he
fishing for?
Got him.
Yeah. Pardon me.
Okay, Captain,
you can get under way.
Right, sir.
Bridge?
It's Captain Dodge.
Get under way.
Higgins!
Yes, sir?
Oh.
When we get ashore,
have this stuffed
and mounted.
Yes, sir. Sort of
a fighting pose, sir?
Yes. Yes,
that'll be all right.
Yes, sir.
Well, that's done.
Is this for men only?
What's all this fuss
about a fish?
Oh, it's just something
I promised to do.
Promised who?
Myself. You see, I...
Oh, you'll think
I'm nuts.
I think that anyway.
Go ahead.
Well, the point is,
I'm a fugitive
from a chain broadcast.
What? No more
Jones programs?
Mmm-mmm.
That is,
not until I've done
all the crazy things
that I always wanted
to do when I was a kid
and didn't have a thin dime.
I see.
Including fishing in
the middle of the ocean?
Mmm-hmm.
But I think that's swell.
What else have you done?
Oh, I...
You'll talk.
I won't. Tell me.
All right,
here's a list.
"Rescue damsel in distress."
Hey, wait.
Is that why you took
us aboard when the gang
went broke at Monte Carlo?
Right.
Well,
I'm a damsel in distress!
That's what you are,
yes, ma'am.
What is it, Sparks?
Beg pardon, sir.
Some radiograms
for you, sir.
Pardon me.
Oh, yes.
Now, how do you
like that?
I'm fresh
from fishing in the
middle of the ocean
and he wants me
to think about money.
Now, you radio that
Max Morris and tell him
if he sends me
one more offer,
I'm going
to get myself
another agent.
Yes, sir.
Oh, Sparks.
Yes, sir?
Here's a couple
of answers for you.
No.
Yes!
Sorry, but
that's all Mr. Jones told me.
Turn her around, Captain.
We're going back to
Monte Carlo.
Yes, sir.
What has happened?
We're going back.
Listen. "Have located
second Jones pistol
in Monte Carlo.
"Come at once. Jimmy Smith."
Second Jones pistol?
Mmm-hmm.
Meet the first one.
I read about these pistols
when I was a kid.
And I picked this one
up in Russia, last summer.
I've always wanted to
present these pistols
to the Naval Academy
at Annapolis.
You know, that's where
John Paul Jones is buried.
Where's
the other pistol?
Well, it's in Monte Carlo,
according to Jimmy Smith.
Smith?
He's that newshound
on the Paris Chronicle.
That's right.
Well, back we go.
John Paul Jones.
So, you're one
of his descendants?
Oh, no,
I'm just a coincidence.
That is all, but the "J."
Isn't that for John?
No. No, it isn't.
For James?
Let's go out on deck.
Jerome?
Mmm-mmm.
Jeremiah?
No.
Jupiter?
Mmm-mmm.
Well, what is it?
Fish might hear.
Not a fish in sight.
Well,
it's Jasper.
Jasper Jones!
Keep it shady.
All right. But you
better be nice to me
or I'll tell all
and ruin your career.
Oh, blackmail, eh?
Well, gal, what's your idea
of being nice?
Singing.
Beautiful miracle
Pardon my lyrical rhapsody
But can't you see
How you have captured me
Being so glamorous
Can't you be amorous
Just for me
Make it soon
Take a look at that moon
Love is just
around the corner
Any cozy little corner
Love is just
around the corner
When I'm around you
I'm a sentimental mourner
And I couldn't be forlorner
When you keep me
on the corner
Just waiting for you
Venus de Milo
Was noted
for her charms
Strictly between us
You're cuter than Venus
And what's more
you've got arms
Love is
just around the corner
Any cozy little corner
Love is just
around the corner
And I'm around you
Well, stranger.
Hi, Jimmy, hi.
How are all the Smiths?
Low, Paul, low.
And the Joneses?
High, Jimmy.
As I said before, high.
Any reason?
Wonderful.
But coming up,
she turned me down.
Who did?
I don't know.
Now, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
Let's begin all over again,
will you?
We were
coming up together.
Yeah, for the third time.
For the first time.
Oh, then
she wasn't
really drowning?
This was
in the elevator.
Oh.
Oh.
Yeah.
But she wouldn't
look at me.
And she kept right on
not looking at me,
with one of those looks,
you know?
Yeah, I know.
Distant, but devastating.
Exactly.
I know.
You know, Jimmy,
you ought to write.
Thanks. I'll suggest
that to the Chronicle.
Be a smart move.
But in the meantime,
get set for a sock.
You know her.
She's married?
No, no,
this is serious.
You can't have
the second Jones pistol.
Oh, no. Why not?
Because the little lady
won't sell it to anyone
who rates less
than a king, a queen, or
maybe an inside straight.
What lady?
Her high and mightiness,
the Princess Alexandra.
And who's she?
The Ritsky Russky
who owns the pistol.
She's right here
in this hotel.
Hmm.
Well, wait a minute,
I'll talk to her.
Hello. Get me...
What's her name?
Alexandra.
Get me the
Princess Alexandra.
Right.
Now, what did you
tell her?
The works.
I told her you sang
for Snap-a-lastic Garters.
She never heard of you.
She never heard of
Snap-a-lastic Garters.
I even told her I'd get her
on the front page with you.
With pictures.
Well, maybe
that wasn't so bright.
Oh, hello.
Hello, is this...
Oh. The Prince Nicholas?
Her cousin.
Hello.
This is Mr. Paul Jones.
No, just Mr. Jones.
Yeah.
No. But after she saw
Mr. Smith, Mr. Jones,
the doctor prescribed
absolute quiet.
Well, can't I even
make her an offer?
I'm willing to
pay a very good price.
No. I fear Her Highness
cannot sell it to you
at any price.
You're not in the market
for a good car, are you?
No, I'm not.
He's not.
You're right, Jimmy.
They're a couple of snobs.
I think
I'll stay over
and tell her so.
That's right. Stand outside
her door and yodel, "Snob."
Maybe if I do stay over,
I'll see her.
I've got to see her.
I've got to find out
if she remembers that
they brought us up together.
Brought you up?
Yeah.
You and the Princess?
Mmm-hmm.
No, no,
the girl in the elevator.
Oh, I see. My mistake.
Wrong floor.
It's June
In January
Because I'm in love
Oh, I'm in love
It always is spring
in my heart
With you in my arms
The snow is just
white blossoms
That fall from above
And here is the reason,
my dear
Your magical charms
The night is cold
Oh, the night is cold
The trees are bare
Oh, the trees are bare
But I can feel
Well, he made it.
The scent of roses
in the air
It's June
In January
Because I'm in love
But only because
I'm in love
With you
In love with you
Oh, it's June
In January
Because I'm in love
It always is spring
in my heart
With you in my arms
The snow
is just white blossoms
That fall from above
And here is the reason,
my dear
Your magical charms
The night is cold
Brrrr!
The trees are bare
But I can feel
The scent of roses
in the air
It's June
In January
Because I'm in love
But only because
I'm in love
With you
Come in.
Your dinner, sir.
I didn't order any dinner.
Is this your room?
Yes.
Well, is this you?
Mmm-hmm.
Then it must
be your dinner.
Whoa. Whoa, now.
What number do you want?
Well, what number you got?
Well, I got
a little 359.
You can't have it.
Is that so?
Tried to trip me, huh?
Try that again.
Waiter.
What are you
doing there?
Why don't you
bring in the dinner?
Well, are you stupid
or impertinent?
Stupid, madame.
And impertinent.
Hurry, please.
Idiot!
Come in, come in.
A fine mess.
A fine mess.
Oh, seven and eight
are 15, not 22.
Right?
Right, sir.
Thank you.
Beautiful,
Your Highness.
What's beautiful?
Your singing, Highness.
I wish I had a bomb.
A bomb?
Yes.
So something
would happen.
Anything!
Yes, yes, of course.
It must be very dull
for you here.
Dull? It's prison.
It's worse than prison.
In prison
at least I might
be whipped. Something!
Yes, yes. Of course.
Why don't you go somewhere?
Go somewhere? Go where?
Why, anywhere?
There's nowhere I want to go.
There's no one I want to see.
Nowhere to go
and I can't stay here.
I can't just sit here
and play this, can I?
Well, at last something
has really happened.
What a victory.
Come, darling. Shall we eat?
What a mess.
What a mess.
Who, me?
No.
The world.
The world.
All right.
Well, come on.
Stupid. Stupid.
Pobisohka, quiet.
Did you notice,
we have a new waiter?
It's about time.
The other one
was impossible.
A mess. A mess.
He certainly was.
Waiter.
Yes, sir?
What is that wine?
Why, this is
Rousseau 1911.
Really, a very
middle class wine, sir.
Might I suggest Octave 1909?
Drunk in all the best places.
Who is?
The wine, cookooscka,
the wine.
Oh!
Well, send me a sample.
Say, a couple of cases.
Very good, sir.
We might
try some together.
Nicki!
Oh, sorry, dear.
She thinks
I'm too chummy
with the servants.
But I don't think I am,
do you?
Nicki!
Where is your tie?
He's undressed.
Ask him what is
the meaning of this?
What is the meaning
of this?
Why, I...
Revolting!
Disgusting!
Unspeakable!
Here, try mine.
Nicki!
Tell him to find a tie
and return here at once.
Find a tie
and return here.
At once.
At once.
At once! At once!
Well, are we
going to sit here
and wait for a necktie?
Vova! Call them up!
Do something!
Uh, yes, yes.
Pardon,
Your Highness.
But I hope Your Highness
will permit me to finish
serving you.
Evidently,
you are not aware
that you must address
Her Highness only
through me.
May I
address a remark
to Her Highness?
May he
address a remark
to Your Highness?
He may.
You may.
Well, permit me to say
that I forgot my tie
only because of
my great excitement
when I discovered
I was to have the honor
of waiting upon
Her lmperial Highness.
He forgot his tie only
because of his great
excitement
when he discovered that
he was to have the honor
of waiting upon
Your lmperial Highness.
You may
tell the young man
that we quite understand.
Her Highness
quite understands.
That's hot.
Yes, I know,
Your Highness.
I heated it.
Yeah.
By the way, that American
called up this afternoon
about the pistol.
I suppose he talked
through his nose?
I don't know.
I couldn't see
through the telephone.
It's nothing
to joke about.
These rich nobodies
come over here
and think
they can buy up our
most personal treasures.
I understand
this one made his money
in some fantastic activity
called crooning.
On the other hand,
take this waiter.
What a charming
apology he made for
appearing without a tie.
You can
see for yourselves
that he has instinctively
a thousand times the
breeding of this
Jones person.
Are your ears red!
Nicki!
Sorry, darling.
Well, even at the risk
of paying myself
a compliment,
I shouldn't dream
of contradicting
Her Highness.
You see?
Uh-huh!
Soup.
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Your Highness!
Your Highness, I must
apologize for the waiter.
Waiter?
Yes.
But we've never
been better served.
In fact,
I'd like this waiter
assigned to us regularly.
Yes, Your Highness.
Pepper! Pepper! Ah!
Let me explain to you in
a clear, cold, calm,
reasonable way.
I shall
tell them that you,
that you have disappeared.
Oh, that the police
is after you.
Oh, no, you won't.
I'm going to keep
right on being
their waiter.
She's a princess,
you know.
Yes, I know,
and it's too bad,
'cause there's really
a swell girl underneath
all that Highness stuff.
I'm going to
stick around.
Monsieur Jones.
It will cost me my job.
Oh.
All right,
I'll buy the hotel.
Buy the...
Yes, I'll take it over
tomorrow. Any objections?
Sold!
Waiter! Fish!
You see?
You're keeping
me from my work.
Now, what was
that amount again,
last week's unpaid bills?
Thank you.
400,030 francs, sir.
And this week's?
Come in.
Five hundred and
sixty-two thousand.
Oh, fine.
Bigger and better.
Ah, good morning,
Mr. Jones.
Oh, good morning.
I've just been auditing
the books of your,
I mean, my hotel.
Oh.
I seem to be
my only paying guest.
I'm very sorry,
monsieur, but...
You're sorry? Oh, yeah.
Don't people ever pay
their bills?
Oh, well,
the lower classes, sometimes.
The middle classes, always.
But the
upper classes,
monsieur, never!
Well, there are going
to be some slight changes.
From now on,
the richer, the quicker.
Make me out
an upper class list.
Including the Russians?
Yes, certainly.
Ah, monsieur,
but we must be careful.
You cannot offend royalty.
No, you probably can't. But...
Let's make an effort anyhow.
Send them a bill immediately.
As you wish, monsieur.
Everything is ready, sir.
Right.
Ah, yes,
maybe I'd better see
if I can do that, huh?
Let's see now.
It goes thus and so.
And ta-voom. How's that?
Very good, monsieur.
Thanks awfully.
Boy, oh, boy,
is this good.
What a story!
I can see it now.
"Warbling Waiter
Outwits Royalty."
Quiet,
they'll hear you.
What's this,
Rough On Rats?
Get out of there.
Ah. "Poisons Princess
Purloins Pistol."
Now, go away. Go on.
Okay, okay.
But when do we go to press?
As soon as
I can get that pistol.
That's a date.
Now, stay in character,
but give her the works,
Eighty-three hundred
ninety-two,
sixty-four hundred...
How can it be less
when it should be more?
Oh, good morning, Paul.
Good morning,
Your Highness.
Yes.
Excuse me just
a moment, will you?
Yes.
Something's wrong
with my figures,
as usual.
Well, this is a plus sign.
Yes, yes,
I realize that, yes.
This is a minus sign.
I know that.
I know that.
But you've
subtracted the plus
and you've added the minus.
Oh, you mean,
I should add the plus
and subtract the minus?
Well, they've been doing it
that way for years,
Your Highness.
Have they really?
Oh, yes.
Paul, you're uncanny.
Thank you, sir.
Not at all.
By the way, you're
not in the market for
a good car, I suppose?
Hmm, no,
I'm afraid not, sir.
Oh, too bad.
We could use some cash.
Really, sir?
Yeah.
Well, surely
the Princess...
Oh, she's just
as broke as I am.
We're down to
our last creditor.
Oh, you won't
tell the management?
Oh, no, sir.
I see.
Please go on.
In the past,
Your Highness has
been more than generous
to your exiled countrymen.
Your donation
last year was...
15,000 francs.
As you know, the need
this year is even greater.
Yes.
I know.
Put me down for 25,000.
Your Highness,
how can I ever thank you.
And now,
if you will excuse me?
Please, Your Highness.
Are you crazy?
Probably.
There's always been
a goofy streak in
our family.
Nicki!
Well, there has.
Wasn't it Uncle Philip
who lived for 20 years
under the impression
that he was
a chocolate souffl?
That's not true.
Oh!
It was vanilla.
But, really, Alexandra,
where are you going to
get this donation?
A few things
are still left.
I will sell them.
And when they are gone,
what will we do?
What did Soumatoff do?
What did Soumatoff do?
He shot himself.
Well, be that as it may,
I see certain
marked disadvantages.
Ah, food!
About this donation
of Alexandra's.
I suppose I could
contribute a little
out of the small amount
I earn.
What?
What?
You mean to say
you're working?
Oh,
I'm not exactly working.
You see, it's like this.
I buy
a car on credit and
sell it a little cheaper.
For cash.
It's really
quite profitable.
How did you ever get
such a wonderful idea?
Oh, I don't know.
It just came to me.
Why, Nicki,
you're uncanny.
Oh, thanks.
Nicki.
Yes, dear?
You can't do this.
Well, why not?
Business, Nicki?
Have you forgotten
who you are?
No, but I'd like to.
Nicki!
Pardon, Your Highness.
Yes, Suzette?
The manager is here.
Tell him we'll see him.
Yes, Your Highness.
Very good melon.
Yeah.
Good morning,
Your Highness.
Good morning.
Your Highness,
a most distressing
situation has arisen.
I should never
dream of bringing
up the subject myself,
but our hardhearted
proprietor...
Your bill.
I see.
I've tried my very best
to keep the amount as
low as possible,
but Your Highness
must remember that
aside from your apartment,
His Highness,
Prince Vladimir,
lives almost
exclusively on caviar.
Wrong way.
And His Highness,
Prince Nicholas,
drinks nothing
but vintage champagne.
Yes, by the way,
where is it?
Oh.
Hello. Hello.
What?
Our ex-manager,
he became disgustingly
drunk two days ago and
we had to discharge him.
Since then,
I understand
he's been trying
to collect money
in the name of the hotel.
Now, if you see him,
I hope you'll...
Yes, yes.
Thank you.
Believe me,
Your Highness,
I've tried my very best.
You drunken imposter!
Monsieur.
You imposter!
Oh, monsieur!
Please! Please!
Oh, please.
Oh, I meant to tell you.
Please don't annoy the
Princess with any bills.
Huh? But
you told me to...
I know, I know!
But I've found out
she hasn't got a dime.
And she's selling
everything she has
to help her
starving countrymen.
But what a madness.
Oh, but what a woman.
Waiter! Eggs!
Pardon me. Junior's eggs.
I think we have the
frame right this time,
Your Highness.
I hope so,
I hope so.
Yes, yes.
Excellent, really.
Thank you.
Pardon, Your Highness.
But I was told to
collect something
on account.
Yes. How much?
100 francs,
Your Highness.
Huh.
Just a moment.
Oh, Nicki.
Can you let me have
100 francs on account?
On account of what?
On account
I haven't got it.
I'm afraid I can't,
old fellow. I'm sorry.
You can
see for yourself
I'm down to my last...
Well, where did all
this money come from?
Thanks, old fellow.
Huh?
Merci, Your Highness.
Not at all.
Look!
I'm looking.
Vova!
Nicki.
Vova, who do you think
was in my bedroom?
I can't imagine.
Paul, the waiter.
He was stuffing money
into my purse.
But why?
You'd better ask him.
Oh, no, don't do that.
Why not?
Well, he might stop.
Do you know?
Why is he doing it?
Because he's in love
with Alexandra.
Oh.
What?
The waiter in love
with Alexandra?
Ridiculous.
What's this?
Now, my dear,
it's nothing. Really.
Is this the truth?
Now, don't let it
disturb you.
A waiter loves me.
No.
All men love you.
Don't be upset.
A waiter!
How charming!
Huh?
But, I didn't know
a waiter knew what
love was.
I didn't know a waiter
ever thought about anything.
I thought
a waiter was like a table.
I thought a waiter...
But how does a waiter
make love?
Oh, I wouldn't know,
dear.
What does he do?
What does he say?
Oh, well,
I shall find out.
Oh, will I!
Well, at last,
there is really
something to do.
Send for tea
right away in my room.
I shall receive my lover
in my room.
Suzette. Tea.
How thrilling!
I hope
he behaves
like a table.
I think of you
with every breath I take
And every breath
becomes a sigh
Not a sigh of despair
But a sign
that I care for you
I hear your name
with every breath I take
On every breeze
that wanders by
And your name is a song
I'll remember
the long years through
Even though I walk alone
You guide me
In the darkness
you light my way
And all the while
inside me
Love seems to say
Come in.
Tea is ready,
Your Highness.
Thank you.
Waiter!
Yes, Your Highness.
Wasn't there
someone singing
outside as you came in?
Oh, I'm sorry,
Your Highness,
I didn't think
you could hear me.
Oh, waiter!
Yes, Your Highness.
What was it?
I Think Of You With
Every Breath I Take.
What?
Oh, that's the
name of the song.
Oh.
How old are you?
Twenty-eight.
Twenty-eight.
Married, I suppose?
Oh, no, no, no.
No?
No.
Really? Well, is it
about time you were?
I mean, um...
Well, what do I mean?
Well, you mean,
I guess...
What do you mean?
I mean, Your Highness.
I guess I don't know
what I mean, except...
Well, it's surprising.
What is?
That you're a waiter
and can sing like that.
Well, a man's got to
earn a living, you know.
And you can't earn
your living by singing?
Well, I...
Oh, that's ridiculous.
You have a lovely voice.
Oh, you're just saying that.
Well, at least, delightful.
Thank you,
Your Highness.
And thank you
for the pleasure
of listening to it.
Thank you again,
Your Highness.
And thank you.
I'll stop if you will.
Okay.
But don't stop singing,
Paul, ever.
I really mean that.
I want to hear you
sing again.
When, Your Highness?
What time is it?
It's nearly 7:00.
This evening,
after dinner.
That is,
unless you have
some other orders?
Well, if I have...
You'd let them wait?
I'd let them die.
You see,
these American songs,
they're really
not a bit classical.
You have to sort of...
Well, look.
I think of you
with every breath I take
And every breath
becomes a sigh
Not a sigh of despair
But a sign
that I care for you
I hear your name
with every breath I take
On every breeze
that wanders by
And your name is a song
I'll remember
the long years through
Even though I walk alone
You guide me
In the darkness,
you light my way
And all the while
inside me
Love seems to say
Someday
Someday.
And when I sleep,
you keep my heart awake
You keep it awake
But when I wake
from dreams divine
Dreams divine
Then every breath
that I take
Breath that I take
Is a prayer
that I'll make you mine
And when I sleep
you keep my heart awake
But when I wake
from dreams divine
Every breath that I take
Is a prayer
That I'll make you mine
How dare you?
What?
You kissed me.
Well, you kissed me.
Kissed you?
You, a waiter?
Sure you did.
I never did!
Don't tell me.
I'm gonna
tell you something.
Listen, I loved you.
But I don't
anymore, see?
You're nothing but
a swell-headed dame
and I wouldn't
take you for a gift.
Get out of here.
I'm getting.
Get out of this hotel.
Oh, well,
that's different.
You don't think
I can have you
discharged?
No, not you,
or all the Russians.
Get me the manager.
Stop laughing.
Ah, another kiss?
If you were
in my country now,
I'd send
you to Siberia,
to the salt mines.
Princess.
On your knees.
Get on your knees.
Princess.
Apologize.
What I was going to say...
Say it.
You're beautiful.
Beautiful.
Psst!
Where are you going?
To Siberia,
for some salt.
Just a moment.
I happened to overhear.
Now, did you
finally kiss her?
Oh, yes.
But not enough
to really cure her.
Oh, you mustn't be
too hard on her,
my dear fellow.
After all,
it's really our fault.
We've brought her up in
what used to be known
as the grand manner.
Now, she's our
first line of defense.
Defense?
Mmm-hmm.
Against bill collectors,
you know?
Oh, yes.
Yes.
Oh, it really wasn't
her fault, Mr. Jones.
Uh-huh?
Oh, yes,
I'm not supposed
to know that, am I?
How do you know it?
Well, sit down,
Mr. Jones, will you?
Cigarette?
Thanks.
Yes.
You see, when you
started giving tips
instead of taking them,
I investigated.
Oh, you mean you snooped?
Precisely.
Yeah.
Of course,
if Alexandra
should find out...
Well, she's not going to.
I'll win her
as a waiter,
or else.
Probably, else.
However, we may
think of something.
We? You mean...
You mean,
you're going to help me?
Oh, devotedly,
my dear fellow.
I'm definitely on your side.
Oh, yes.
I don't suppose
your finding out
that I have some money
had anything to do
with that?
Oh, yes, it had
everything to
do with it.
Well, you old chiseler.
I beg your pardon?
Oh, that's American.
Meaning what?
Meaning you.
Oh, you don't say.
Oh, how enchanting.
Here I've been a chiseler...
Mmm-hmm.
...all these years
and I never knew it.
Well, you know it now.
Yes.
But about the Princess?
You know,
I'm still in that
Siberian dog house.
Yes. Well,
the important thing
is to make her miss you.
Yes.
Then, when we get you back,
you will apologize.
Oh, no, no, no,
I won't do that.
Well, maybe it won't
be necessary.
In any event, let's put
our heads together,
separately,
and we'll
talk it over later.
Okay. Thanks.
Not at all.
You know,
you're a good egg.
A good what?
A good egg.
Well, I'd hate
to be a bad one.
Ah.
Oh, by the way...
Huh?
What is that
other thing I am?
Chiseler?
Chiseler.
Yes.
This new
waiter is impossible.
Kept us waiting 20 minutes.
That never happened
with Paul.
I've asked you
not to mention him.
Why? I never even heard
why you got rid of him.
Well, why did you?
Because I did.
And you were going to
have such an amusing time.
Mmm, it didn't
turn out that way.
Nothing ever does.
He was impertinent, perhaps?
That hardly describes it.
Yes.
My foot!
No.
Oh!
Really, if this keeps up,
I'll take a little
impertinence.
Make it two.
Can't all of you think of
something besides waiters?
If you don't mind, I would
like the whole matter dropped.
I think he overheard you.
Something must be done.
Yes. As a matter of fact,
I've done it.
Done what?
Talked to Paul.
He'd be delighted
to apologize.
I'm sorry, but
I refuse to see him.
Oh, but
he'll do anything,
absolutely anything.
The poor fellow's desperate.
His actual words to me were,
"I am devoted to
Her Highness with a loyalty
"and a passion that
mock the power of words.
"All I ask is to
serve Her Highness
"with the last
breath of my body,
"the last drop of
my soup... Blood."
Would he take care
of the parrots?
Why...
And the dogs?
He'd love to.
What's the matter
with him?
He had a close shave
with the soup.
Paul!
Holy jumping Jupiter
and young wild west!
Listen, how about
a picture just
like that?
No picture.
But my story!
And no story.
What, never?
Never.
You print one word
and I'll break your neck.
Oh! You're so heavy!
Why, I only weigh about...
A ton.
Three tons.
What are you
all so sad about?
Do you miss Paul so much?
Terribly.
Cruelly.
Horribly.
Well, you might as well
talk about him as think
about him.
We don't want
to upset you.
Upset me? It's like
whispering in a hospital.
Either shout or...
All right, I'll shout!
Well, shout!
All right.
We want Paul back!
Will you please tell me
what there is about him
that you want so much?
He's a good waiter.
He has a good face.
Mmm. A good waiter
and a good face!
And charm.
Well, if he'll apologize
and if he means so much,
go ahead and send for him.
Good!
Oh!
Now we can get some
decent hors d'oeuvres.
Well, Paul, it seems
you're missed here.
Yes, Your Highness.
Not by Your Highness.
No, Your Highness.
At any rate,
I've agreed that you may
continue to be our waiter.
Thank you,
Your Highness.
Or rather, their waiter.
Yes, Your Highness.
That is,
if you apologize.
I'm very sorry I kissed you,
Your Highness.
Imagine!
Because before the kiss,
you were interested in me.
Interested?
Well, in my career.
Hmm. A very
strange apology.
It's a very strange
relationship, Your Highness.
Well, anyway,
for their sake
you may continue.
And you may take care of
our dogs and parrots as well.
And as for
your career,
you may sing
when you're with them.
I'm sure they'll
appreciate it very much.
In other words,
I accept your apology.
You're quite welcome,
Your Highness.
I'm a sentimental mourner
And I couldn't be forlorner
When you keep me
on the corner
Just waiting for you
Venus de Milo
Was noted for her charms
But strictly between us
You're cuter than Venus
And what's more
you've got arms
Oh, let's go cuddle
in a corner
Any cozy little corner
Love is just
around the corner
When I'm around you
Love is just
around the corner
Ho, ho, ho!
Any cozy little corner
Love is just
around the corner
When I'm around you
Oh, and I couldn't
be forlorner
When I'm around you
Now I'm ten times
as faithful
As all your other men
They all are true
to no one but you
But me, I'm true to ten
Oh, let's go cuddle
in a corner
Any cozy little corner
Love is just
around the corner
When I'm around you
Kiss papa!
Kiss papa!
There we are.
I think of you
with every breath I take
And every breath
becomes a sigh
Not a sigh of despair
But a sign
that I care for you
I hear your name
with every breath I take
On every breeze
that wanders by
And your name is a song
I'll remember
the long years through
Even though I walk alone
You guide me
In the darkness,
you light my way
And all the while
inside me
Love seems to say
Someday
Someday
And when I sleep,
you keep my heart awake
But when I wake
from dreams divine
Every breath that I take
Is a prayer that
I'll make you mine
Suzette!
But aren't you...
I thought
I was kissing
somebody else.
What?
You kissed me like that
and didn't mean a word
of it?
Well, I...
Who did you think
you were kissing?
Oh.
Oh.
Paul.
Yes, Your Highness.
Whom did you think
you were kissing?
I can't tell you.
Why not?
Because I...
'Cause I can't.
If you don't tell me,
you'll be discharged.
Well, if I do tell you...
Well, I might
as well be going.
Alexandra! It's Nicki!
They've gone to his room!
Who have?
The police!
The police?
What's happened?
Has there been
an accident?
What is it?
I don't know. Only come.
Nicki!
Hello, darling.
Look, they've arrested me
for my little car selling
experiment.
Isn't that silly?
Come along.
Won't take a minute.
I'll see you at dinner.
Would you
be interested
in a motorcycle?
We must pay back
the money at once.
With what?
Parrot's eggs?
We shall have
to sell the pistol.
Send for Cloche,
the jeweler.
Your Highness.
That is not
the original pistol.
It is an imitation.
What?
But that's impossible!
No, I have
examined it
most carefully.
What
could have happened?
I've heard of
this imitation.
It was made in 1909 by
Cartrouche for Prince Leopold.
But where is
the original?
I understand
the Prince sold it to
buy a necklace for a lady,
a dancer.
I can't believe it.
Oh, I don't know. Uncle Leo
was awfully fond of dancing.
But what are
we going to do?
Nicki will go to jail.
That hasn't happened
in our family since 1749.
Isn't the imitation
worth anything at all?
Oh, a few hundred francs,
perhaps.
Let me see.
Yes.
Yes.
I'm afraid I could not
possibly offer more than...
But this is
the real pistol!
Are you sure?
I'm positive.
And how much?
Oh, 50,000 francs?
100,000.
Sold.
Then if you will call
in my office tomorrow...
I'll go now.
Yes, do,
and please hurry.
I'll run!
Nicki!
You're loose!
Yes, I'm free,
if that's what you mean.
Thanks to Paul.
To Paul?
Yeah.
You see, he gave the police
a lot of reasons for
loosening me.
Ah! I'll still go
with Monsieur Cloche.
Yes.
There'll be other
things turning up.
Yes, very likely.
Paul.
Yes, Your Highness.
We owe you more
than we can say.
It's nothing to
what I owe to you.
Owe me?
Yes, Your Highness,
the privilege of
being your servant.
You stole the real one.
Yes, Your Highness.
From that Mr. Jones?
Yes, Your Highness.
Boy, it's a pip!
Thanks, Paul.
Good night, Princess.
See you in the papers.
Jimmy! You see...
How much
did Mr. Jones
pay you for this?
I am Mr. Jones.
Oh, I see.
That makes
the publicity story
even better, doesn't it?
But there won't be any story.
I told Jimmy I'd murder him
if he printed one word
and I will.
That's the truth.
You know it's the truth.
I don't know anything,
except that
Paul is gone
and I miss him.
But he isn't gone.
Oh, yes, he is.
Paul really loved me.
He gave us
his life's savings.
He even stole for me.
And so a princess found
herself in love with
a waiter.
But Mr. Jones,
quite different.
He was only having fun,
being amused
by some rather
childish people.
Beside my Paul, this
Mr. Jones is a little man.
Now, wait...
Goodbye, Mr. Jones.
The car is ready,
Your Highness.
Oh, Vova!
And very snappy, too.
Look at this machine
Paul lent me to
practice on.
You know,
it's practically human.
You don't even have to think.
Give me
a couple of numbers.
Three and four.
Right. Three, four.
Now, you just pull down
this crank and seven, right?
Right.
Nicki!
We're leaving immediately.
Go away now, darling.
We're busy.
Vova, what are you
doing in that uniform?
Mr. Jones gave it
to me for my new job.
Job?
Yes.
I'm the hotel's new doorman.
Vova!
Why not?
I've spent most of my life
helping women in and out
of cars.
Now, I'm going
to be paid for it.
But have you no pride?
Of course he has.
That's why he's
going to work.
That's why
I've taken a job, too,
me and my little machine.
So, you've sold out for
a toy and a soldier suit.
Uh-huh.
Ask me a couple of
hard ones this time.
13 and 14.
Thirteen.
Where's Prescovia?
She's down in the
tea room, rehearsing.
Fourteen.
Rehearsing?
Yes. She's going to
be the new hostess there.
Mr. Jones fixed that, too.
Twenty-seven.
You can't miss.
No.
For the last time,
are you coming with me or not?
No, dear. Give me
some real big ones
this time, over 20.
Let's see. Oh!
I didn't show you
my new whistle. Listen.
Isn't that splendid?
Gorgeous, old man.
Now, I'm going to ask
myself some numbers.
Three this time.
Now, 57.
That's a tricky one.
And 48.
And, oh, look, 99.
Now, let's see.
Oh, good girl!
You made it.
Hurray! Yay!
Of course
I won't cash it for you.
But my dear fellow...
Let me tell you, my good man,
that I am an expert on
bad checks.
The worse they are,
the better I am.
Do you realize
that you're trying to
commit a premeditated fraud?
But I assure you...
Read this.
Why, what is it?
The criminal code.
Good morning.
Trying to put something
over on me, eh?
Have you seen Alexandra?
No, not since yesterday.
Gone.
Gone, without a word.
Oh, I believe she
did say something
about leaving.
Yes?
Yes?
Well, I've forgotten what.
You don't suppose
Vladimir would
have an idea?
I doubt it.
He never has had.
However.
I know something
horrible has happened.
I spoke
to the manager.
Yes, and
he doesn't know
anything about it.
Where is she?
Who?
Alexandra.
Has she gone?
Yes. Perhaps
to kill herself.
Oh.
She may be
dead already.
Hello, desk,
this is Mr. Paul Jones.
Get me the best
private detective
bureau in the city.
I know she's dead.
Now, keep quiet!
Yes, detectives, yes.
I know she's dead.
And buried.
Listen, tell them
to get over here
as soon as possible.
Well, from this report,
it looks as though
she's still in
Monte Carlo.
But I can't
believe that, monsieur.
We have looked everywhere.
Well, keep on looking.
Hello. Yes, speaking.
We have
a message for you,
from Prince Nicholas.
Yes, what is it?
Well, His Highness was
a little difficult to
understand,
but he left the address of
a caf where he's waiting
for you.
Well, I'll be right down.
Captain,
you wait here.
The Prince may
have something.
I'll call you back in
10 minutes.
Well,
she's gone, Nicki.
All I've left
is just a memory.
And five francs.
Five francs
in three weeks.
At that rate
it'll take her exactly
113 years
to pay you back.
Well, I can wait.
Yeah.
In the interim, I'd better
get back to the boat.
Paul, take me with you,
will you?
No, I can't do that.
Why not?
I couldn't stand it,
old boy.
You mean
I'm repugnant to you?
Oh, no, no, no.
I mean,
you remind me of her.
Oh, you mean
we look alike?
Not the slightest
resemblance.
That's right.
Right.
Well, let's find out
what we owe here.
Yes.
You leave it to me.
Give me the numbers.
Five francs.
Five. Right.
And here seven francs.
Seven.
Five francs.
Oh, you said that before.
Oh, yes, I did.
Five, what?
They're all five francs.
Paul, what kept you?
I was just saying goodbye
to the best little pal
a man ever had.
Oh, pardon me,
this is Nicholas.
Prince of
all the Russias.
Miss Claire Hastings, princess
of all the five and ten cent
stores.
Oh, how do you do?
How do you do?
And now I know
I'm coming with you.
Oh, no, no.
No, alas, no, Nicki!
Oh.
Boatman, take her away.
Goodbye, Nicki.
Goodbye, Paul.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye, Nicki.
Goodbye.
A swell fellow,
that Nicki.
Where did that
thing come from?
I bought it for you.
For me? Why?
You wait and see.
Well, I won't wait
'cause I can't stand
the sight of a parrot.
Paul is a bad man.
Isn't that marvelous?
That's why I bought it.
But where?
Oh, it's a little shop
behind the cathedral.
Paul is a darling.
Sing it, darling.
And here
is the reason, my dear,
your millions of charms.
It's June
In January
Because I'm in love
I'm in love
But only because
'Cause I'm in love
I'm in love
With you