High Road (2011) Movie Script

So, just so you
know, I get high a lot.
Like a lot a lot.
Any three things
can be a triangle.
Any three things.
You, me, the car.
Any three things
without exception.
I send a message
at 3:00 a.m.
It's old news to you
That I've been
drinking again
In love with you
replacin' my old friends
So if you've got the time,
this is how my story begins
They told me
I was born to lose
I got a winner's heart
But a failure's shoes
There's not much
that I can do
But if I had the chance,
I'd try to marry you
Thanks for wasting time
With me again
Well, thanks
for wasting time
On me
Your friends think
they're better than me
And if I thought real hard,
I'd have to agree
I smoke cigarettes
and too much weed
And I cuss a lot
when I drink whiskey
I wanna give you
what you need
I got a lot of flowers
and no money
There's not much
that I can be
But I swear to God
I got devil in me
Thanks for wasting time
With me again
Well, thanks
for wasting time on me
Thanks for wasting time
With me again
Well, thanks
for wasting time on me
Any three things in the
world can be a triangle.
Okay. What's you, me and this joint?
How is that a triangle?
Because we're getting high,
and it's bringing us
closer together.
Okay. I like that.
I feel like moving.
Why are you going away from me?
Are you a backseat virgin?
Maybe.
Oh, my God, you're totally
a backseat virgin.
I'm not. Yeah, you are.
I got my shoelace caught
on my e-break.
Whoo!
Cheers. Cheers.
Abundant smokehouses there tonight,
of the people who were there.
Why don't you call girls girls?
Smokehouses?
Just call them girls.
It's this kind of insensitivity
that will prevent you
from ever getting premium trim.
God! Ew. What?
Oh, my God!
I'm sorry.
But you're like my brothers.
What does that mean?
Yeah. Why did you say "trim"?
"Trim"? "Premium trim"?
Okay, let's just clear
the air, okay?
I like a girl's sniz. "Sniz"?
I love having
a mouthful of smacker.
What's smacker?
The southern muscle.
What? The muscle.
Southern muscle? Ugh!
Below the equator
lives a muscle, and...
Oh, my God.
Put your hand down, please.
You talk like a car salesman
when you talk about girls.
I wanna talk to you.
I am getting bumped up the ladder at CCR.
All right!
Oh, that's great.
I am not gonna be able
to attend rehearsals
with the same amount
of frequency that we have...
I can't go to as many... I can't
go to as many rehearsals.
Okay.
I can go to no rehearsals.
And similarly, we're gonna have
to scale back shows on my end.
I cannot go to any shows.
So I'm going on a hiatus
for a while.
So you're quitting the band?
No, I'm not quitting the band,
but I am taking, again,
a hiatus that will last indefinitely
and probably permanent.
Actually, uh, um...
Uh...
Sheila and I got... We're gonna
headline the Roxy next Saturday night.
That's awesome. Oh, my God!
Everybody was saying their good news.
I wanted to say our good news.
I didn't wanna tell you, 'cause
I didn't want you to freak out.
We're doing better
than Tor Eagle.
Right now.
I am learning many instruments.
That's why you got that fife.
Mm-hmm.
I don't think that we...
I don't have time
for Tor Eagle anymore.
Are you quitting the band too?
I'm not quitting.
I just need
to maybe take a break,
'cause we're doing better.
Define "better."
We're getting paid to do shows.
It's like Michael Jackson was good in
the beginning, but then he sucked.
Now he sucks 'cause he's fucking
dead just like we're fucking dead.
You guys are the doctor
who killed Michael Jackson.
You guys are killing Tor Eagle.
He was doing the best he could.
That's so mean.
You're on the doctor's side.
You would be on the doctor's side.
I am on the doctor's side.
Fucking shit.
Malpractice suits are rampant.
I'm saying
this is not a bad thing.
This is out of the ashes
the phoenix will rise.
I wanna be in a band.
I've wanted to be in a band forever,
and now, all of a fucking
sudden, I'm not in a band.
And my best fucking friends
don't even give me any warning.
You give Starbucks
two weeks, assholes.
Oh, that... No, that's
an old wives' tale.
You don't. It's just one week.
I worked there.
Well, I got two minutes.
So I guess tonight
was our last gig.
Thanks for letting me know.
Ah...
Shit.
Shut... Shut up.
Jimmy!
Let's go! Get down here!
Jimmy! Here you go.
Listen, I want you going
to school today, okay?
I don't want you running around the
neighborhood doing whatever it is you do.
- Hey! You understand that?
- Yes or no? What?
Yes.
Look, I get it, okay? I get it.
Mom's not here anymore,
and it sucks.
But I'm dealing with it.
And you need to start dealing
with it, too, all right?
And go to school today.
Jesus Christ!
What's up, dude? Hey.
I'm gonna sit down.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm working in my office.
Baby-cakes, I'm leaving.
Oh.
Bye. Bye.
Mmm!
I made you lunch. You did?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Monica, this is Jimmy. Ohh!
Hello. Hi.
He's a neighborhood kid
I'm helping out.
Kind of mentoring him
or, like, whatever.
Oh. That's nice.
Jimmy, do you want a cookie?
Uh, yeah. Okay.
Hey. Yo, yo. Fitz man.
Hey, dude.
You're early.
You've met Uncle Creepy, right?
He's my buddy.
I don't think I have, no.
He's like a buddy
from old days.
It's Bob, okay?
Very nice to meet you.
Not Creepy.
All right. Awesome.
The rock opera is based
on the triangle theory.
It's like a triangle theory.
Like all things in the universe
are, like...
they come in threes,
so they're connected
in groups of three.
So, like, you and me would
be, like, you, me and weed.
I... No...
It's like Jimmy and me,
I guess.
It's like me and Jimmy
and the garage.
Right. Everything's a triangle.
Totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You get it. Yeah.
You get it. Okay.
Boom, kaboom. Cool.
Dude, thank you. Great. Yeah.
You wanna play some
PS3 or something?
- Let me tell you a story.
- Okay.
I was in Miami covering Haiti.
Did you then go to Haiti?
No. But turns out
there was a real story in Miami
about transportation to Haiti.
Oh, okay.
And Wolf Blitzer
came through the airport.
He did? Yeah.
And I was like, "Hey, Wolf."
He's like, "Barry."
Were you starstruck?
Well, I mean, we go back.
You do? Yeah.
You're friends? Well...
You used to be friends? Yeah.
Wow! I mean, we have...
We have... I had no...
That's awesome!
We're brothers in news.
So you used to, like,
hang out or what?
How does that work? Yeah.
I mean, you know...
He'll...
He'll watch a segment of mine,
and then, like, I'll see him
on the news that night,
and I'll just sort of be, like,
I can see it...
that he, like,
was inspired by my piece.
Anyway, he said to me,
"Barry, the news game...
it's a marathon, not a sprint."
And then he just went right through
airport security, straight to Haiti.
I want you to think
about two things. Okay.
Number one... Yeah.
What's my future look like...
Yeah.
With a rock opera guy?
Number two...
What's my future look like
in the news game?
And how to they interrelate?
Dear Glen,
life is dyn-o-mite.
Let's be friends again.
Hang soon?
Love, Dad. Uh, Arnie.
PS, thinking about
getting e-mail.
Worth it?
Nope.
Are you willing
to do anything for this?
I'll do anything. Literally?
Well, yeah. I mean...
I will... Crazy.
Well, I will train
and run the marathon.
Will you murder Richard? No.
What do we got, Richard?
How we doing?
This common coffeemaker could turn
itself on and start a house fire.
Kitchen sponge teeming
with E.coli bacteria.
It's good. It's scarier.
Yeah, it's a lot scarier. Yeah.
Ls your kitchen killing you?
Um, by the way,
a bunch of us are going out
to Banana Joe's for cocktails.
Oh, really? Tonight? Yeah.
You should come.
Normally, I would totally
be there slurping away.
But Fitz is not over
his band breaking up,
and I have to be
his support system right now.
You know, networking
is a big part of network news.
Right.
Oh, no, thank you.
I'm writing about this lady who has
a cookie jar museum in her garage.
I wanna go to that. I know.
It's cool, right?
It's really cool.
You look really cute.
You look cute in this hat. Yeah?
Mm-hmm. I feel like a sailor.
You look like you're in
the Perfect Storm.
Hey, it's late.
Okay, I'll tell you what.
I'm gonna set the alarm.
I'm gonna take a melatonin,
you're gonna brush your teeth,
and then we'll meet
in the bedroom.
Does that sound good? Okay.
Okay. I'm gonna be a dining
room virgin forever.
What's up, dude?
Yeah, I have Kermit.
Uh, usually I don't,
uh, deal in that much
Kermit the Frog.
Did you read newest draft
of my thing?
It's a very incoherent
and very bad rock opera.
I'm gonna just tell it to you straight,
because that's what they teach me here.
Your rock opera
is really terrible.
It's a really terrible
piece of work.
It's not terrible. Look at me.
It's really terrible.
You didn't like the new character?
No, I didn't.
The traitor? The traitor, who
is based obviously on me.
Oh, get over yourself.
It's totally based on Snapes.
Snape? Yeah.
From Harry Potter? Yes.
I'm not a narcissist.
A faggy praying mantis
with a Bluetooth
walks onto the stage.
Yeah. And he used to be down.
Now he's not down.
Okay, you go take it to fucking
the Dumbledore in your life,
if I'm Snape, okay?
You don't come to the person you're
ridiculing to finance that project.
Look, I'll tell you something.
Everybody comes to me with favors.
Everybody wants favors.
Everyone wants me to grease wheels for them.
What about
when I was in Tor Eagle?
You guys would stonewall me.
You wanted my brains, you wanted me to book the gigs,
you wanted me to use my fucking Quicken
program to balance our checkbook,
but when it came time
for you to pony up
on a song that I wrote, oh, no.
You're stuff sounded
like reggaeton, dude.
That's my culture.
That is not your culture.
That's my culture.
Your parents are from Connecticut.
But my nanny is from Haiti.
I'm sorry. I didn't know
that you felt like that.
Yeah. So I apologize.
Apology accepted, "mon."
God, look at her.
I need the strongest stuff you have.
Give me the Jamaican Dank
or whatever the fuck,
because she's gonna need
a lot of coaxing.
You know what I mean?
Good Lord.
Yeah.
What do I owe you?
Nothing. I'm not a drug dealer.
You are a drug dealer.
I'm not a drug dealer.
You have a backpack
full of weed, right?
I like weed. And sometimes my
friends need me to hook them up.
You got a three-day beard, right?
Yeah.
Sort of directionless in your life?
Sort of.
Pissed off at your dad? Yeah.
You're a drug dealer.
No. I'm an artist.
Triangles, dude, everywhere.
Lakers, D-Fish, Kobe, Pau.
Phil Knight is a big supporter
of my triangle theory.
It's Phil Jackson, first of all,
and second... Phil Knight.
Who's Phil Knight? Nike guy.
He started Nike.
I'm thinking of Phil Jackson.
Okay, now we're just
getting way off topic.
Nike's swoosh is based on a triangle.
Did you know that?
It's, like, a check.
It's based off a check.
It's got a point on the back.
Not everything's triangles, dude.
You don't believe
in the triangle theory...
Because it doesn't make sense.
It does make sense.
Okay. All right.
Are you listening?
Yeah. I got a triangle for you.
It's you, a piece of dog shit
and another piece of dog shit.
That's not... That doesn't work?
No, 'cause me and the dog shit don't
have... There's three segments.
Fitz, why weren't you here
for the couch delivery? Ohh!
I don't understand.
Tommy and Richie both have real jobs.
They have shitty jobs.
Tommy's job is bullshit.
What about the five-year plan?
What five-year plan?
Our five-year plan.
I don't have a five-year plan.
I've never had an any plan.
Just gonna buy some stuff.
What's up?
Sorry I'm late.
My girlfriend was yelling at me.
Terrible, dude.
Happens all the time.
Sorry to hear that, bro.
She used to be so cool.
Yeah. I guess that's why
my policy is bros only.
Makes sense. You're lucky.
So, uh, you got it?
Yeah.
Hey, do you think
that your nephew
would like this
for his quinceaera, Ramn?
Shut up.
Don't say my name, dude.
Sorry. Sorry.
She used to be, like, so
fucking cool when we met.
She'd, like, come to my shows, and,
like, she'd sell merch and stuff.
Yeah. Now she's got this,
like, fucking news job.
That sucks, dude.
Listen, I gotta go.
I'm running late
for Bonnaroo, okay?
Do you have it or don't you?
Yes, I have it.
All right. I have the money.
Let's go.
I'm in a rush, too.
I have stuff to do as well.
Hey, we all got
something to do, right?
I know. It's busy.
I'm really busy right now.
I'm working on my rock opera.
It's all here.
What are you doing?
There's a fucking camera right there.
Maybe I should stop doing this.
Come on, man. You got it or you don't?
I gotta go.
We should figure out something
to do together.
Yeah, that'd be great.
I really gotta go.
Okay. I don't like selling this much.
All right?
Later, bro. Have fun.
Yeah.
Good one.
This is gonna be a great day.
Hang on a second.
Police officer.
Mind if we ask you a couple
questions here today?
Take your hands off. No, dude.
Oh, what's this?
That's not mine, man.
Oh. That's not mine.
That's the real shit.
No, no, no, dude.
Both hands on the car.
Spread your legs.
You guys are under arrest.
Spread your fucking legs.
Hey, why don't you
profile that guy?
Officer, right? Go check...
Yeah. Go check him out.
Hey, you, in the stripes!
- Hey! Police!
- It's not Arizona, man.
Come here!
Fuck it.
Ow! Hey, come on, man!
He's clean. I got him.
Okay. We're all good.
All right. Come on. Let's go.
This is bullshit.
All right. Unlock the door.
I can't. It's locked.
What the hell are you doing home?
Why aren't you at school?
They let us out early. Really?
They let you out early, huh?
Like the morning. Y'all came for one hour?
I just got a call from your
principal there, smart guy.
You know what he said?
That I'm a smart guy?
Hey. Hey.
Grab my weed. Grab all my weed.
Fitz... Grab all my weed!
Grab all my weed!
Fitz, you're sweating!
Oh, my God! All my weed.
I know. I've been running.
I sold Ramn
kind of a lot of weed,
and he just got arrested
by the cops.
And he's not a great guy, so...
Fitz, what are you talking about?
Where is it?
Everywhere.
Look everywhere. Everywhere?
I think I might
have to go to Oakland
for a while.
What are you talking about?
Oakland?
Yeah. I have some friends
that live there. For what?
Just to hide.
Hey, those are my sausage links.
No, this is hash.
You know what, Jimmy?
This is it. All right?
You're going to military school.
There it is.
Awesome. Thanks, Dad.
Finally. There it is. Done.
That's your solution for everything.
We talked about it.
You're bringing this
on yourself.
I'm not the one who couldn't play baseball.
It's all my fault.
I'm not the one who's out
there failing his classes
and skipping school.
You're going to military
school, and that's it.
Is this whole house
made of weed?
Fucking Ramn!
What are you doing?
I'm clearing away my stuff.
Hold this.
Help me! Shit!
Stop! Jesus!
How did I not see that before?
I don't know.
It's the fucking cops.
No, it's the couch guy.
Well, get rid of him!
We're gonna figure this out.
It's gonna be okay.
Okay. Fine.
Get the couch guy.
I'll meet you down there.
Okay. All right. Thank you.
I love you.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Why is the garage door closed?
I can't hang out today, man.
What's going on?
This creepy guy was following me.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah. I gotta go see
my friend in Oakland.
You're going to Oakland? Yeah.
Can I come? No, man. Take off.
Take me to Oakland!
My mom lives in Oakland. Please?
No. Jimmy, get the fuck outta here.
Hey, hey, hey.
This is the guy!
He's the molester!
Whoa, whoa, back up.
Get the fuck out!
You calm down.
And you back off!
This is my driveway.
Get the fuck outta here.
I'm gonna knock the shit outta you!
You're not gonna do shit!
Shut the fuck up, all right?
Okay.
Are you calm? Yeah.
I want you calm. I'm calm!
I'm gonna let you go.
You understand?
I don't want any trouble. Okay.
Where do you think
you're going, huh?
Hey...
Oh! Oh, God.
Dude, I just knocked
that fucking guy out!
That's my dad. What?
He is a fucking creep. He beats the shit out of me.
He's been on a bender lately.
You gotta take me with you.
Fuck, no, dude!
Get outta here! Take me to Oakland.
My mom lives in Oakland.
I gotta go to Oakland.
He's waking up!
No, you're not getting in the car!
Why?
No way! Please! Please!
Go! Come on! What is that?
Would you just... The honking!
No! No! Fuck you! What? What?
What are you doing?
Why did you do that? No. No. No. No.
Why would you do that?
You need to get your game face on, all right?
You need to not
tell me what to do!
I can tell you what I want to if
you have a joint in your mouth.
You're gonna be sober
for this entire trip.
I'm always high! I know.
I'm pretty much freaked out.
I don't do well not high.
Whatever. I don't want you
driving me while you're stoned.
Sorry. I don't want you under the influence.
You need to get your damn game face on.
I have my game face on.
No, you don't.
You had a joint in your mouth.
That's not what a game face consists of.
This is my game face.
My game face looks different than people's.
Our step one
should be switching cars.
We gotta get another vehicle, because
we're in, like, a hot ride right now.
It's like Running Away 101.
They're gonna be chasing us
down in your car.
Simple vice aid.
I'm not basing
my escape from the police
on some fucking video game.
It's a stupid idea.
How is it a stupid idea?
It makes perfect sense.
We can't be riding around
in the car that we left in.
You know what we should do?
Rich and Sheila are playing
a show in Bakersfield.
We should go switch cars
with them.
That way they can't track us.
Way to go, Fitz!
You're the best!
We're just gonna run through
some self-defense techniques.
We're gonna go
over knife attacks.
I want you to thrust at me.
One... block. Okay?
My hips are out
of the line of danger.
Two... slide up to the elbow.
Three... twist.
Okay. Let's try that again.
One, two, three. One... block.
Two... slide. Three... twist.
Adios, Anthony.
Okay? See how that goes?
Slide. Three... twist.
See you later, Steven.
Okay. And we're done, okay?
Hey.
Want to do it in full sweep?
Why don't you answer
your phone?
I got no pockets.
I don't have my phone. What's wrong?
Run some drills.
Cardio. Some interval training.
What happened to your head?
Yeah. I'll tell you
what happened to my head.
I went down to get Jimmy...
The kid has so much potential.
You don't have to tell me!
I know, man!
He's going off the rails!
Smart kid and...
I went to get him,
and I'm running his ass home,
because I'm sending him
to fucking military school!
What's gotta be done
is gotta be done.
But then I get out in the alley,
and this fucking drugger...
some drug-head
comes at me sideways.
Didn't see it.
Sucker punches me
with a fucking brick
in the head!
Oh, goddamn.
I went down like a sack of rocks.
I'm fucking embarrassed.
But as I came to,
I looked, and Jimmy is in the
fucking car with this guy...
What?
...and they're taking off.
So Jimmy's been kidnapped?
Well, I don't know that.
Definitely been kidnapped.
That's what I'm worried about.
Maybe he was.
He's abducted. Okay.
Do you have some detective
friends I can talk to?
I do, but I
could help you, Jim.
I graduated the academy.
I can help you. I don't know...
I have interrogation
techniques, forensics.
I can do this. You run the gym.
I need a detective. Yeah. Yeah.
Come on. Let's do this.
You have anything?
Any leads? Anything?
Yeah. I got the license plate.
You got the license plate?
Yeah.
We're way ahead of the game.
Let me sign out of Facebook.
Also, I got a description
of the guy, too.
See? Already.
You see it's going?
Why is it so slow?
It's DSL. It does what we
need it to do in the gym.
Rich is, like, really cool.
I mean that in a totally
not-gay way.
It didn't even sound gay.
You said he was a cool guy.
If you don't think that sounded
gay, then this will sound gay.
If I had to fuck one guy,
it would definitely be Rich.
That was really gay.
If I did, I...
Okay. So, in not a gay way.
You didn't have to say that just because
I said the other thing wasn't gay.
I was gonna say it anyway.
You just had to top your
gayness for no reason.
I did not. That's what you did.
You ever heard my EP?
No. Finally. It's awesome.
I made this when I was 19.
First song is about my mom.
I heard you sayin'
I don't like romance
Well, I love, well, I love
It's not bad.
And I'm up on love
I'm up on love
Yeah, yeah
Yeah
I gotta get on
the DMV Web site.
Uh...
DSL. We're almost there.
Okay. When did this happen?
About 45 minutes ago.
Two hours and 15 minutes.
Okay. It's great that you
came here immediately.
The first three hours of any abduction
is what they call the kill zone.
A very dangerous time. What?
It's a crucial time.
So we gotta find this person in this time...
I've never heard
of any kill zone.
What the fuck
are you talking about?
Well, it's the kill zone.
This is where people are stabbed, shot, murdered.
This is when the perpetrator
usually panics
and goes off his rocker...
All right. Shut up.
Don't talk about
the kill zone anymore.
That fucking bugs me.
I don't know what happened to him.
It's also 90%
of the sexual crimes happen...
Shut the fuck up, Fogerty!
I'm just trying to be honest.
That's my son!
Well, he's a good-looking kid.
Are you out
of your fucking mind?
Are you out of your fucking mind?
I'm not.
I don't mean to get
your feathers all riled up.
Well, you did, asshole!
I didn't mean to do that.
He's not getting raped,
and he's not getting killed!
We don't know what's happening
to him right now.
We don't know,
so quit saying it!
That's why it's crucial
that we find out.
What do you mean, he's a good-looking kid?
What are you talking about?
We got one more guy
that's gotta crash this party.
A guy by the name
of Boston Johnny.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I didn't think you were
allowed to carry that.
Not through the department.
But I do have this registered.
It's not the department.
It's a legal entity. It doesn't matter.
It's legal. I got a permit. Take this.
I don't have any pockets.
Okay. Great.
I don't wanna see that, by the way.
You won't see it
unless you have to see it,
unless he makes me
show him this.
Rico, I'm back in 20 minutes.
Gotta run an errand.
Whoa.
Are you okay? No.
Come on. Come on.
Come here.
Jeff, Maryanne,
can you guys give us a second?
Thank you.
I'm embarrassed. Why?
It's just emotions coming out.
It's okay. Yeah.
Talk to Barry.
Well, it's Fitz.
He's been dealing weed... Okay.
And it was all over our house.
And I don't know
where he is right now.
Where is he?
And I'm freaked out.
He left. He won't answer
any of my phone calls.
You should call him
And I don't know what to do.
I'm pregnant.
With his baby? Yeah.
Whoa. Wow.
I'm so fucked.
I'm so fucked, Barry.
I don't...
I fucked this up so bad.
I have no idea what to do.
There, there.
There, there.
I just feel like such a
fucking idiot. Just...
I fucked everything up.
Y-You didn't do anything.
I mean, do I even want this?
Do I even want a fucking baby?
I don't know. I...
Oh...
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Ew! Barry!
I... What...
Barry!
What the fuck? Wah!
What the crap? Aw, man.
What am I supposed to do?
Should I quit?
No. Why would you quit?
You're great at your job.
Oh! You're married!
Things are really bad
at home with my wife.
Ew! I don't need to hear that.
I don't.
You should fucking... I thought...
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
I thought you were
hitting on me.
I'm gonna take a sick day.
Leave, relax.
Totally come back.
Ew, ew, ew.
Aah! Aah! Ew! Ew!
It's funny. Weird. What...
It's ridiculous.
All the classic bands
like Zeppelin, The Who...
I mean,
how do you explain that?
Those are trios.
No, they're not.
Front man and guitar
count as one.
Your triangle totally
ruined the Godfather series,
because that was fine until
it added your third vertices.
Yeah. Of course,
there's bad triangles.
is covered in water.
They still call it Earth.
Hey, what's up?
You got an extra smoke, man?
I buy them at the store.
They come in packs of 20.
You should probably do
the same thing. Okay.
Uh, my friends are in there.
I'm just gonna run in and get them.
Yeah, it's closed.
There's a rehearsal going on.
Yeah, but the people
rehearsing are, like, my buds.
Yeah, I got a lot of friends,
too.
Okay.
What, are you doing a chaperone deal?
What's up?
No, this is my buddy.
We're friends from college.
College? Yeah.
Old college buds.
College of children?
No. Children...
I lost my wallet.
I don't have my I D.
Yeah, no I D, no go in.
I recognize you.
I've played here before.
I was in a band
called Tor Eagle.
What does that even mean?
The name of the band
is Tor Eagle.
It's, like, the first two
letters of everybody's name.
T-O... Tommy. R-I... Richie.
G-L... Glen. That's my name.
Did you guys vote on that?
We made it up when we were 16.
Sounds about right.
If you're not gonna let me in,
can you go get them?
Yeah.
Just yell out "Tor Eagle"?
I don't know.
His name's Rich. Okay.
Her name's Sheila. Don't move.
You want a bicycle
to hang around on or something?
All right. I get it. I'm a kid.
Yeah, you're a kid.
I'm not gonna go anywhere.
Clear out!
He's a fucking asshole. I know.
You wanna take a break?
What's up?
Hi.
You guys look cool.
Thank you. Oh, yeah.
We're in a White Stripes
cover band.
Awesome.
We're called 8th Nation Army.
Get it?
'Cause of the song. Yeah. Yeah.
Can I talk to you? Sure.
Oh, this is Sheila.
Rich, Jimmy.
Hi. Is that a kid or something?
This is the gig
that Tommy got you guys?
Yes. And it pays way better
than you think it does.
You're in a tribute band? Yes.
And it's actually really fun.
Sheila's good.
Are you feeling a little sad?
I know we just met, but I sort of
have a sense about these things.
Some of my friends
consider me kind of a healer.
Uh-huh. I'm not certified,
but I usually am
pretty spot-on about them.
Um...
Uh, I guess.
You are sad.
Yeah, I can feel it. Sure.
What do you want?
I need to borrow your van
for a few days.
No. I can't let you
use my van, man.
It's only a couple days.
I wouldn't ask you if I didn't need it.
I didn't know
I was giving off a sad vibe.
You're confused. Okay.
Things are changing
in your body.
People find that confusing.
Yeah.
I remember being scared to death
when that happened to me.
You look at yourself
in the mirror,
and you don't
necessarily recognize
who's looking back at you.
Facial hair.
You know what else.
Can I offer you some advice?
So I'm taking him to Oakland
to hang out with his mom,
and I'm gonna chill
with Arnie for a little bit.
Your dad Arnie? Yeah.
You're gonna go
hang out with your dad?
I mean, if that's any indication
about how desperate I am...
Jesus.
Just don't mess up my car.
Okay. I won't.
You don't have
any smokes, do you?
No. I've got
nicotine gum in the car,
but it tastes like shit.
You have any weed? No. I quit.
I'm just kidding.
Jesus, I was about
to disown you.
I don't have it here with me.
It's at the hotel.
That sucks. Yeah.
Wanna come to Oakland?
I can't, man.
Trust me,
if you eat these things,
you'll grow six inches
in six months.
Really?
Nuts. Nuts.
Yeah. Really good for you.
Buzz Aldrin... when he landed on the moon,
you know what he had in his pocket?
A picture of his family
and nuts.
A picture of his family and nuts.
Mm-hmm.
Speaking of hydration,
that's the ticket.
Coconut water. That's right.
It hydrates you 75 times
faster than normal water.
Really? Mm-hmm.
It says right there.
What does that even mean?
It means if you drink that,
it's like drinking
eight bottles of water.
Just in this? Yeah.
Why is it called Coconut?
It's from a coconut.
Good luck, man. Thanks.
Say hi to your dad.
I know, right?
Maybe you can play some
milky-milky cakey-cake.
That shit's so weird.
I know. I can't believe it.
Okay, listen.
Just follow my lead.
The most important thing
is to have a calm demeanor.
You wanna establish
some trust with the, uh...
with the, uh, witness here.
Hey, just don't fuck this up,
all right?
Okay.
You don't have to
knock that hard.
Hi. My name's Peter Fogerty.
I'm with
the sheriff's department.
This is my partner
Deputy Malone.
We're here investigating
a missing person's report.
We've traced some license
plates to this residence.
It's the LKA
of a Glen Fitzgerald.
Oh, yeah. I know Glen.
What's LKA?
Last known address.
How do you know Glen?
Glen's my boyfriend. Terrific.
All right. We're on our way.
Where is Glen now?
Oh, I couldn't tell you that.
I have no idea.
Really? Well, it's very important
that we find him, because...
Look, really, you don't know
where your boyfriend is?
Really?
That's what we're figuring out now.
Come on.
Are there places of business
that he frequents often
that maybe we might
be able to find him?
No. Maybe he's shopping...
I find that very suspicious that you
wouldn't know where your boyfriend goes.
I'm wondering if we can just step inside
real quick and take a look around.
No. I'm sorry.
I have to go to work.
Well, there may be an I PP
going on as we speak.
What's an... It doesn't
matter what it means.
No. I'm sorry. If you give me a
business card, I can call you.
Sure. I'd be happy for you to
take a look at my business card.
Hold on a second. If we have to come
back, we're coming back with a warrant.
And we'll see everything!
Including the drugs and the pornography!
Hey, calm down.
Did you notice there was
a gun in there? Yeah.
I'm pretty sure John Wayne Gacy
had a gun.
He's gone, and he's out
of our lives, right?
And that's for the best,
trust me.
I feel like I disappointed you.
You disappointed us?
Of course not.
Fitz?
You don't have anything
to say to him.
Hang up. Who cares where he is.
Tell him you're done, good-bye.
Hang up the phone.
Just give him the phone.
Give me the phone.
I'd like to have a word with him.
Tell him that
he's a piece of shit!
Why should I call you?
You're the one that left.
Well, I'm kind of busy
running from the cops.
I'm on the lam.
You're on the lam?
What does that mean,
you're on the lam?
It means I'm running
from the cops.
Jimmy's dad and some fucking maniac
named Fogerty came over today.
They say you're a pervert.
I'm not a pervert.
He's the pervert.
What's going on?
I'm alone here.
Where are you?
I'm, like, halfway to Oakland.
Come home! I don't understand.
You tell him he's human garbage.
He belongs in a garbage pail.
And he can take that to the bank.
He doesn't do a goddamn thing.
Stop!
Get the fuck in the house!
All right.
Fitz, I don't know
what's going on.
I'm really freaked out.
I don't know where you are.
I fucking made out with Barry.
You made out with Barry?
Yeah. I mean, yeah.
I'm gone for six hours, and you
make out with your fucking boss?
Fuck.
It's a nightclub.
What happened?
My girlfriend made out
with some dick named Barry,
who just so happens to be her
fucking boss and really rich!
So the next hour, we just
sit here and not talk!
They're probably
gonna catch us if we don't...
Good note.
That sucks
about your girlfriend.
Yeah, it sucks. Life sucks.
Bingo bango!
We got a text from Rico.
Interesting.
Looks like our plates
popped up in Bakersfield.
All right! All right.
Let's hit the highway.
Let's get there quick.
Bakersfield just got...
It was in the headlines.
They just had a porn sting
in Bakersfield.
Everything you say upsets me.
You guys... You have good
health insurance, right?
Why would you ask that?
I know the circumstances
could be better,
but it's kind of great
that we can spend
some time together finally,
you know?
Are you fucking kidding me?
No, I'm not. How many times
do we say we wanna go out
and take a road trip or go out
and just get to know each other?
It's been a while.
You think maybe we can hit the
PCH highway on the way back?
Beautiful drive.
Don't worry about
the PCH fucking highway.
Worry about Jimmy!
I'm getting
better at this now.
Maybe I can play something
besides just quarter notes.
I mean, if you wanna
try something new,
we could, you know, work on it.
Do you think we should
send Tommy something?
Like a basket?
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Maybe just get him...
Whoa. Out of the car.
Piece of shit!
No! I don't know you!
Get outta the car!
What the fuck?
You fuck... Get out of there.
Come here. Jesus Christ!
Is that him?
No, that's not him.
Jesus. Peter Fogerty,
sheriff's department.
This is my partner Deputy Malone.
You guys are cops?
That's right. We're cops.
I didn't do shit!
We wanna know
if you know a Glen Fitzgerald?
Hands! Hands!
Up! What?
Hey, she's cool.
I'll put them 10:00 and 2:00.
The clock.
Like the clock. Good.
- Do you know a Glen Fitzgerald?
- Glen Fitzgerald...
You know,
it's not a brainteaser.
Yes-or-no question.
Do you know the man or not?
Yes, I know him. Yes.
All right.
Now, where is Glen Fitzgerald?
I don't know.
I haven't seen him. Come on.
You're in his car, the same one he
was in this morning, you asshole.
Now, where is he?
Yeah. I don't know, man.
He's got my kid, you douche bag!
Speak words.
Hey! Oh, my God!
Kicking my...
We switched cars with him!
He's going to Oakland to see
Arnie Fitzgerald, his father.
Are you okay?
Why are you telling them that?
Because he kicked you in the stomach!
He didn't kick me.
He kicked the shitty car.
He can't do anything.
He's in sweatpants.
He is in sweatpants. Ma'am...
What? You shut up, and
you please keep talking.
And what kind of car
was he driving?
Um... Talk!
A yellow car.
That was a Duster.
A yellow Duster.
A yellow Duster. Good. Great.
Now we're getting somewhere.
And the plates?
Samantha.
He has a plate named Samantha?
Without the vowels.
Smnth? Okay.
Smnth, yellow Duster,
all right?
Hold on. Wait.
What the fuck is with the outfits?
Is this some sort of cult? No.
We're in a White Stripes
cover band.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. The White Stripes.
Sure. The rock duo.
They're brother and sister that
were possibly fucking each other.
Some people think they were
husband-wife, husband-ex-wife.
But there was definitely
some kinky shit going on.
Yeah, they're not...
I think it's rock mystique.
Gray area.
They got a raw simplicity.
Their composition and
arrangements are really raw.
There's two of them.
Who gives a shit about this stuff, all right?
Did you see my boy? Yes.
What is it? Did you see him
or didn't you? Yes. Yes!
I don't think you understand
what you're dealing with.
Oh, my... I don't think you do
understand what you're dealing with.
Do you have a gun in
your sweatpants? Oh!
Oh, the powers of observation
are unbelievable, sir.
I'm just saying, there's no
Gary Glitter shit going on.
There better not be
any Gary Glitter shit going on.
Oh. Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's Gary Glitter shit?
Gary Glitter was a glam rocker
in the '70s
that got convicted of possessing
child pornography. Yeah.
Many, many magazines.
Many videos.
He ended up going to Vietnam
so he can diddle young boys.
Ended up in a Vietnam prison.
Then he got out of there,
went to Thailand,
got arrested there.
They put him in jail there.
He got released, and then he
was in Cambodia for a while.
Got booted outta that country.
Had to go back to the U K, but
they confiscated his computer.
You know, at the arenas.
That's the fucking guy?
That's the guy.
She should have opened
a Pavilion,
even in a Town Square,
she would do.
Yeah.
Okay,
I've got to call you back.
Okay.
I love you, too.
I feel like...
I don't want to ask you this,
but can I borrow your car?
I have to go find him.
I have to go figure out...
You want to borrow my beamer?
Yeah, if that's okay, just...
I just need it for...
to go up and just figure out what's
going on and to go see him...
Let's get you a drink.
I think you need a drink.
Okay, thank you.
You want something
with maraschino cherries?
Um...
I've been balling this girl
who works at Costco.
My dad was always
kind of crazy.
You know, like kind of
a weird drug guy.
When my mom died,
he just went, like,
fucking nuts.
Really?
I feel like baseball
is just my dad's thing.
Yeah. You know?
He just, like, tries
to force it on me.
Dads suck.
Everybody would be
a lot better off
if dads didn't exist.
I could deal with two moms.
Dude, I fucking
would love two moms.
Two moms would be a dream.
Sandwiches all the time.
Oh, there's no shortage
of sandwiches with my dad.
Really?
Yeah. He has this thing...
like, sandwich diplomacy.
That's what I called it when I was younger.
We'd get in a huge argument,
and then, like, 30 minutes
later, he'd knock on my door
and be like,
"Hey, you want a sandwich?"
No, I don't want a fucking sandwich.
I think it's cute, actually.
It's not cute.
I think it's cute.
I'm pregnant.
You're pregnant?
I just found out.
With Fitz's baby?
In there? In your ass?
In your vagina there's a baby?
In my uterus.
Hi, Cole? You know what I was thinking about?
Here. Take it.
Get off the phone.
I was thinking about malls.
Honestly, we need to use malls,
because that is where people
congregate when they wanna buy.
Tommy, I just told you
I'm pregnant.
They don't do concerts
at the Smithsonian.
What is your fixation
with museums?
Tommy, I just told you I'm pregnant.
Yeah. Okay.
Can you please... Thank you.
You're right. It's done.
Okay. Thank you. Okay.
It's off? You're pregnant. Yes.
Have you considered the A-bomb?
"The A-bomb"? The A-bomb.
"A-bomb"? "The A-bomb"?
You know what I'm talking about.
The A-bomb.
Abortion bomb. A-bomb?
I guess I don't have to say
"bomb" if I just say "abortion."
I haven't thought about that.
No, Cole,
I wasn't talking to you.
I agree with you...
what you were describing.
Me?
Yeah. Or Cole?
Tommy, what the fuck?
Cole isn't even in the room. Don't hang up.
You can't play
in a movie theater.
People are there to see movies.
You're getting your media mixed up.
That's where people
fly off the rails.
- A-bomb.
- Right?
So where the
fuck... Where are we?
I don't know.
In, like, the desert.
Or we're in California.
I don't see anything.
Fuck, where are we?
Let's think long
and hard about this.
Fitz can sire a child,
but can he father a child?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I don't...
You're a career woman, right?
Yeah.
You are. There's other options.
Lesbian women
who are desperate for a baby
but don't wanna get sperm
in them, you know?
I can see ambition
in your eyes.
I recognize it, because
it lives in here, too.
Right? You're on an ascent.
Do you think J .P. Morgan
took breaks
to go to fucking buy
a BABY BJRN?
No. 'Cause he was too busy
shaping the steel industry.
Okay? You know what?
I'm gonna be honest with you.
People told me not to hire you.
Can you say good-bye to Cole?
Please say good-bye to Cole.
They said...
Don't get off the phone.
Did you just tell him
not to get off the phone?
I just hope...
You did... I know you
are, but what am I?
You think you're like Jerry Maguire.
I am like Jerry Maguire.
You are nothing
like Jerry Maguire.
I am just like Jerry Maguire.
No, you're not.
Cole, I'll call you back.
You're not like Jerry Maguire at all.
Jerry Maguire has heart.
He sticks up for Cuba.
You're Jay Mohr's character.
You're Bob Sugar.
Oh, you're out of your fucking mind.
Are you kidding me?
I'm Bob Sugar?
Yeah, you are Bob Sugar.
No, I'm not. If anything,
I'm Rene Zellweger.
You're Jay Mohr's character.
I know who Bob Sugar is.
You don't have to tell me
who plays him.
Okay, Monica.
I'm gonna do something
that I have not done
for anybody before.
Monica, I'm gonna give you
the keys to my Beamer.
Thank you, Tommy.
Thank you.
Just do not touch the presets.
I will fucking...
Namaste.
We gotta stop at this diner
up ahead... Cadillac Jack's.
No way, dude. Please? Why?
No. We're going
straight through.
I used to go there with
my parents all the time.
It was my favorite place.
There. Yeah?
Yeah. Okay.
Best fucking turkey sandwiches.
Get them to go.
I'll be two seconds.
Hey. Hey.
Do you have a lighter?
Yes, I have a lighter.
Thanks. Mm-hmm.
So, uh, you window shopping,
or are you looking to buy?
Oh. No. I'm fine.
Thanks.
You're a faggot?
Excuse me?
Are you a faggot?
No, I'm not a faggot.
I actually had a girlfriend, so...
But she broke up with you
'cause you're such a faggot?
No, I broke up with her, because
she made out with Barry.
Barry sounds like a faggot.
Barry kind of is a faggot.
I have no idea why Monica
made out with him.
Monica? Yeah.
Monica sounds like a whore.
What... What... What...
You got a whore and a faggot
making out. That's funny.
Close your eyes and I'll give you a hand job.
Why would I close my eyes?
So you can picture a dude.
You're a faggot.
I'm not gay.
Want a blow job?
No, I don't want a blow job.
You want a blow job.
Who doesn't want a blow job?
Only faggots don't want blow jobs.
I want a blow job.
He does not want a blow job.
What is this? She's a hooker.
Really?
I'm not a hooker. You are.
I'm not a hooker.
I'll give you a hand job.
A hand job?
Get in the car, Jimmy.
What... I'm talking...
He said he wants a hand job.
He doesn't want a hand job.
Do you want a hand job?
Yeah. No, he doesn't.
You don't want a hand job.
He doesn't want one. Yeah, I do.
I want a hand job.
Do you have money?
No, you don't.
Yeah, I have money.
Jimmy, get in the van. Van!
All right.
You're bossy.
You are a rude hooker.
So thank you very much.
Okay. See you later.
Why are you
running around with him?
'Cause we're, like,
friends or whatever.
Like butt friends?
No, we're not butt friends.
Next door, room 20.
Room 20. Got it.
Enjoy your fucking chili dog.
It's a turkey sandwich,
thank you.
Only faggots eat turkey sandwiches.
That's not true at all.
Everybody eats turkey sandwiches.
You're right. I'm sorry.
Unless you're a vegetarian.
Right. Faggot food.
It's not faggot food.
Why is that faggot food?
Fucking rude hooker.
That hooker liked me, man.
She likes everybody.
She's a fucking hooker.
She said I was cute.
She says that to everybody, dude.
No, she didn't say it to you.
Yeah, she did.
Before you came out.
I don't think so.
What the fuck?
What are you doing?
Uh... Wha...
Ohh! Fuck!
What time is it? I don't know.
Why the fuck...
The clock's broken.
I had a... You made me
eat all that turkey,
and the tryptophan
made me have nightmares,
you fucking asshole.
Jesus!
I have to go to the bathroom.
We should leave real soon.
All right.
Just hang out.
Yeah. I'm gonna stay here.
What the fuck?
I mean, this is a
very dangerous-looking place.
Have you seen
the color of this place?
Pink activates
the violent tendencies
of these perpetrators.
This whole thing is pink.
It's the color thing... it
activates... All right, all right.
Speaking of colors,
look for a yellow Duster.
Are you even looking? Not here.
I was looking as we came in the driveway.
I knew it wasn't here.
But I'm hungry, and this guy
might be in here anyway.
You never know.
Hey, man, I'm, uh,
sorry about this.
I was going off a hunch,
you know?
Hey, hey, hey.
That's all you got sometimes.
Some of the greatest cases
have been broken on hunches.
The Zodiac Killer.
Did they ever catch
the Zodiac Killer?
I can't talk.
Let's just get back
on the road.
Let's go. Hey, uh, actually,
I'm gonna take a shit.
Okay.
Hey, uh, sorry to bug you.
You gonna be a while or...
Uh, yeah, I'm almost, uh...
I'm almost done... pooping.
Let's roll!
Aah!
Hey!
I heard you sayin'
that I can't dance
Come on, man!
I know! Oh!
Get outta the way!
Stop!
Hey!
Come on! Come on! Shit!
Aw, come on! My new radials!
Come on! This way! Come on!
Come on! My radials!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Aw, shit!
What are you doing?
Trying to go for the tires!
It's a fucking gun!
I hate you, Jimmy!
I hate you, Jimmy!
You're gonna get me fucking killed!
Are you out of your mind?
Jimmy's in there!
I was going for the tires!
Just shut up.
That's an '89 Dodge Ram van.
Midnight black, I would say.
Quit saying numbers.
tread on the Firestone tires.
Just remember 1 -2-4-2, would you?
Midnight black.
Fuck, man.
I cut my fucking hand
on my knife.
You're totally fucking up
my exit strategy.
Yeah, you're a liability to me.
I was gonna sneak out of town,
hide out for a little while,
wait till things cooled off,
go back and live my life
with my fucking girlfriend!
And now I got two bounty
hunters chasing me
'cause I kidnapped
a fucking minor!
You're just pissed
'cause Monica made out
with her fucking boss
yesterday.
Fuck you, Jimmy.
...and you're taking it out on me.
Watch it, dude.
I got it, didn't I?
That's the last fucking straw.
You're out of this van.
I'm pulling over on the
side of the road. Good.
I'm kicking your ass out.
Thanks, Dad.
Don't call me your dad.
Fucking...
You can drive yourself
to Oakland.
Fucking stupid brat.
Girlfriend making out
with everybody.
Fuck Barry.
Tommy, too. Have a nice life.
Assholes don't wanna be
in my band anymore.
Fat idiot. Damn it. Damn it!
Hey! Go away, Jimmy!
What the fuck, man? I'm 16!
I don't even have
my fucking permit!
Figure it out!
You're so fucking smart all the time!
I can't drive.
You're supposed to be my guardian.
I'm not your guardian, okay?
I never agreed to any of this.
I have to go get reconstructive
fucking facial surgery
in South America!
I'm no good in the States anymore!
You get that?
I am a big-time drug dealer!
A drug dealer, Jimmy!
I'm going to jail
if people catch up with me!
I'm like the Hulk...
whatever the Hulk guy's name
was when he wasn't the Hulk,
except I don't get
to turn into the Hulk!
My girlfriend's making out
with everybody,
and everybody's
fucking looking for me!
I'm off the grid now! I'm done!
I am John fucking Doe!
What...
Was that your phone?
My whole life is...
Oh, my God, dude.
You just threw up everywhere.
Oh, God.
You should probably
stop chewing the nicotine gum.
Oh, my God.
The nicotine can't be
too good for you.
You shoved, like,
six pieces in your mouth.
Oh, my God.
Fuck, I threw my phone. Yeah.
You should've at least taken
your SIM card out.
Fuck!
Yeah, foolish thinking, man.
It didn't even do any good.
Ow! Oh, my God.
So much just came out
of your back.
Give me that sock.
This is so humiliating.
So much stuff came out.
Is that Tommy's car?
What?
Hey, guys.
Hi. Hey.
I'm so glad to see you.
How are you?
Hey! Ohh!
This space.
I found out that Fitz
has been dealing a lot of weed.
What do you mean you found out?
I ...
I found out that Fitz
has been dealing...
Okay. You know, okay.
You didn't know
that Fitz deals weed?
Everybody knows
that Fitz deals weed.
Yeah.
He's everybody's weed dealer.
How did you... It's all over the... Okay.
Let's just...
Fitz fucking farts weed.
He doesn't fart weed,
but he does sell it.
Okay. Thank you.
You didn't see it land?
Well, I mean, I did.
Like this area.
This region, you know?
We're in the right place.
I just don't know...
Should I call your phone?
I turned it off.
What do you mean? You threw it spontaneously.
How did you turn it off?
I turned it off 'cause Monica kept calling
me, and I didn't wanna talk to her.
And plus...
It was actually your idea for me to
turn my phone off. Yeah, I know.
It practically was. Okay. Sure.
This is shared responsibility
right now.
Fuck.
If it's in a fucking rat hole,
dude, I'm not gonna...
Oh, shit!
Oh, fuck! Wait! Hey! Wait!
Stop!
Wait!
Stop! Wait!
Oh, fuck! Oh, shit!
I haven't told him
that I'm pregnant.
Why would you tell him
that you're...
Whoa. 'Cause I'm pregnant.
You're really pregnant?
Really? I'm really pregnant.
Really pregnant? So fucked up.
You guys are gonna be
the best parents ever.
Your child
is gonna go to Harvard, law.
See, I'm just not sure that Fitz
is gonna be the best parent ever.
Why? I don't know where he is.
I don't know why the fuck
he's going to Oakland.
He's going to Oakland
to see his dad. Dad.
His own dad.
His dad Arnie.
But Fitz said that he doesn't
have a relationship with him.
Well, 'cause he's embarrassed, and
he didn't know he was gonna do,
and I guess he does now.
Apparently his dad's sober and
trying to get his shit together.
And he just didn't
fucking tell me about this.
Who the fuck am I living
with, Jason Bourne?
Let me look at it. I'm gonna lift your sleeve.
It's probably gonna hurt.
Keep your head up.
Keep your head up.
All right?
Ohh, gross! What? What?
Is it okay? Gross! Yeah.
Ohhhh! Fuck!
Keep your arm straight.
All right?
I'm kind of jealous.
Why the fuck are you jealous?
Dude, that's rad! It's awesome!
That fucking hurt.
Hon, can I come in?
Yeah, you can come in.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
I've been better.
Well, you know that Jason Bourne
isn't a real person, right?
Yeah.
They just made him up
for a movie.
Yeah, I know.
I have something here for you.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah. It's called Airborne. Oh.
It was invented by a teacher...
a teacher of children.
I know when I'm feeling kind of
down, I like to make myself up one.
It makes me feel a lot better.
Here you go. Oh, thank you.
Just don't drink it until
it's finished fizzing. Okay.
I don't know.
Maybe I'm the crazy one.
I just think that maybe lying
in a relationship
is not necessarily
the worst thing in the world.
I mean, even people
that maybe you look up to
have lied before in the past.
You know, like Richard Nixon,
for example.
I mean, was there a better
President than Richard Nixon?
I don't think so.
And he is known
for being a liar.
Think about it.
Didn't you kind of lie
right back to him
when you didn't tell him
that you were pregnant?
Some people may consider that a lie.
I guess that's true.
You're just a couple
of liars in love.
Maybe that's what makes you
guys so perfect for each other.
Okay, so, Arnie,
Fitz's dad... Yeah?
Like, when we were kids,
he used to play this game.
It was called
milky-milky cakey-cake.
It was awesome. What is that?
Okay. He would take a sheet cake
and a gallon of milk. Okay.
Then he would eat out a hole,
and then he'd fill it with
milk, and then he'd eat that.
And they eat out another hole,
fill it with milk and eat that.
And he would do it until...
The game was over when all the
cake and the milk was gone.
Milky-milky cakey-cake.
That's fucking awesome.
Yum. For kids? Yeah.
I wanna play it
kind of, though,
even though I'm a grown-up.
Okay, so, um,
Arnie's not the kind of guy
that's listed, right?
Right.
So, I remember Fitz telling me
that he does this thing...
Yeah?
...this performance thing,
and I found it online.
He does a character called Eleanor.
Okay.
How fun.
He's creative.
Okay, Rafael, just put your
arm through the sling.
Try to keep it
as immobile as possible.
Can you explain to me how
you broke your hand again?
That's a pretty
serious fracture.
It's a compound fracture.
Batting practice.
Rafael, you can answer.
Batting practice.
Batting pract...
That's a pretty serious injury.
It was pretty serious
batting practice.
I'm gonna call your parents, see
if they can come pick you up.
I wish that you could release him
to his parents, but they're dead.
Train accident.
Mmm.
Conductor was texting.
Oh, yeah. I heard about that.
I'm very sorry.
It was in the news.
May I ask who you are here?
Nice to meet you.
I'm Dr. Janis.
Paul. Paul.
Very nice to meet you.
Paul Furcal?
Yep.
Okay.
Would you mind if I check your Id?
Just a precaution.
I left it in the dugout,
'cause I was in such a rush
after he broke his...
Great. I'm gonna go
check and see if I can
release him to you
without your I D.
So you guys...
What are you implying here?
You seem rather suspicious.
All right. Listen.
This is what I'm getting.
This is a very attractive
cute boy.
Whoa. Who's the weirdo now?
Listen, I'm not weird.
That was way weirder than...
That was way weirder.
No. I've seen many
naked young boys.
That's... Topped yourself again.
That's way weirder.
No, it's not weird.
It seems like
you might be molesting
this child.
You're the one
who called him pretty.
I didn't say he was pretty.
I said he's an attractive young boy.
Can we get another doctor?
Listen, I'm not a...
That's not strange.
I've seen thousands
of young men naked.
What? Because I'm a doctor.
That's why.
Maybe hundreds of thousands.
I've done charity work in Haiti.
Oh.
It's terrible
what's going on down there.
We're gonna have someone
from security coming in here.
So you guys
just stay right here.
Sure. We will.
Why is he calling you Rafael?
I told him my name
is Rafael Furcal.
Who's that?
The shortstop for the Dodgers.
That's your alias? Yeah.
It doesn't matter. He's a doctor.
He doesn't watch baseball.
We gotta get the fuck outta here.
Really? Doctors definitely
watch baseball.
Can you walk? Yeah.
Can you run? Yeah.
Run. Why are we always
fucking running?
We got a little
text from Rico at the gym.
Looks like
Mr. Fitzgerald's plates.
We've got a lead. Boo-yah.
My name is Pete Fogerty.
I'm with
the LA Sheriff's Department.
My I D there. It says "Sheriff's
Department Gymnasium" on it.
It does not matter.
I went through the academy.
I don't understand
what the problem is.
If I give out a registered vehicle
to the non-registered owner,
I could lose my license to tow.
So just forget it. Ain't gonna happen.
We don't want the vehicle.
We just wanna look in the vehicle.
Someone could lose their life or lose
their virginity. We don't know that.
We just wanna look at the vehicle.
A good chance that can happen.
All right. I'll tell you what.
Why don't the two of you
go back to your sheriff's gym,
work up a hot lather
pumping weights or whatever,
hit the showers
and fuck each other?
Give us the fucking keys to that
van, you piece of shit! Forget it!
Everybody just calm down.
Look, you like to swim?
Hey, put that down!
Put that down!
I will tear
this fucking garage down!
I will turn this shit-hole into a bigger shit-hole!
You're a fucking psycho!
Give me the fucking keys
to the van, asshole!
Fine! Take it easy!
Here.
Should've given them to me
in the fucking first place!
We didn't have to go through this
shit, you dumb piece of shit!
Ow! God!
Oakland. Let's go!
Dude, why did you just
break up with Monica like that?
Because you don't make out with other
people when you live together.
Amen to that.
This guy knows what's up.
Nasty.
She just made out. She didn't fuck him.
She didn't have sex with him.
As far as I know. So far.
Doesn't matter.
Once an animal
tastes another animal's blood,
it always wants
the same blood again.
What does that...
It means now that
she's made out with Barry,
she's always gonna want
to make out with Barry,
'cause she knows what it's
like to make out with Barry.
Whoever this Barry is, she
got that taste in her mouth,
and she always
gonna crave Barry.
I get it. He's just
looking out for his job,
but, you know,
he's being a real jerk.
Ohh. Oh, boy.
This doesn't look good, James.
Lots of signs
of struggle in here.
Why do you say that?
I don't know.
This could be claw marks here.
You know, escape attempts.
That could be anything.
Shut up and just see what you can find.
I don't wanna hear
what you think.
I got a knapsack back here.
I think it's Jimmy's clothes.
What? I got a notebook.
Tor Eagle.
Could be some neo-Nazi
sex trade group maybe, or...
Why does there have to be sex
involved with everything?
It could be just a notebook.
There's a lot of sonnets in here.
It bothers me that he doesn't have
his clothes with him right now.
That's my point.
This looks like a piss stain.
He was scared, man.
Whatever was going on,
he was scared.
Is it a piss stain or not?
I don't have my DNA kit.
Again, these are not
great things
to find in a van where
no one can hear him scream.
Whoa. Hey. Look at this.
What is this?
Okay.
Berlin.
I'm looking for a Fitzgerald.
My buddy Fitzgerald.
He's not here right now.
Do you know if he's gonna
be coming in tonight, or...
Yeah, about 8:00.
Thanks very much.
We're going to Berlin.
The bar, not the place.
What the hell's that?
Now, you start out here
with a drummer
Yeah, I know it's
a bit of a bummer
But when you got
his hairy ass in your face
You're not very far
from the bass
And you're backstage
humpin' the bassist
Yeah, I know he's
a bit of a racist
But when he's drawing
swastikas on your bra
You're not very far
from guitar
Bassist, lead guitar,
singer, drummer
Bassist, lead guitar,
singer
Touch, feel, kiss, suck
This is the evolution
of fuck
And when your bung-hole's
filled with his finger
You're not very far
from the singer
Now you've fornicated
up the ladder
And you lie there
while he empties his bladder
Your mouth filling up
with his hot golden stream
Finally, you've reached
the man of your dream
Bassist, lead
guitar, singer, drummer
Bassist, lead guitar,
singer, drummer
Bassist, lead guitar,
singer
Singer, singer
Dad? Glen.
Fitz?
So, like, what are you,
like, a drag queen?
Glen, I'm so much more
than that, okay?
I wanna tell you I'm sober.
I run a whole bar, okay?
I host a Lady Gaga night
on Wednesday.
I'm a performer.
I own a radio-controlled
airplane, okay?
I'm doing all these things.
That's why I wanna talk to you.
That's why I want
to make you a sandwich.
I don't want
a fucking sandwich.
Sandwich diplomacy
didn't work when I was a kid,
and it doesn't work now.
Half a sandwich. No sandwiches!
All right. Okay. You're obviously
freaked out by the way I look.
No, I'm thrown by the fact
that you're the shittiest
dad I've ever heard of.
For what it's worth, he talks
about you all the time.
Who are you? I'm Dirty Carl.
I'm your dad's sponsor.
I am performing
on Lady Gaga nights
so I can displace
my alcoholic tendencies
Through performance
What are we gonna do
about the fact
that you're
dealing drugs, Fitz?
I'm dealing drugs.
You kidnapped Jimmy.
I didn't kidnap Jimmy.
Jimmy's dad
is an abusive father,
and I'm taking Jimmy
to his mom's house.
This is a great time for Jimmy
and I to make our exit.
Fuck. Wait. All right...
My mom doesn't actually
live in Oakland.
Where does she live? She...
died, like, a year ago.
She's not even alive.
Jimmy...
Do you realize that I'm
gonna go to jail now, Jimmy?
All right. Calm down.
It's not even that...
Fuck you, man!
Don't yell at him.
Why did you come here?
You drove six hours.
Why are you even here?
I'm pregnant.
That's why I'm here.
Congratulations.
Uhh...
And no one that I talked to thinks
that you're gonna be a good father.
Well, who have you talked to?
Tommy and Richie and my parents.
Oh, great. So I'm the last person
to know that I have a fucking kid.
And I'm the last person to know that you have
a dad that's been trying to contact you.
I'm not even sure it's my kid.
Why don't you go tell Barry
that he knocked you up?
Really? Yeah.
You know what? Fuck you.
Fucking asshole.
Get your shit out of my house!
And that includes your gong.
Are you...
Holy shit, dude. What...
Monica, please.
He didn't mean to call you a bitch.
I know. It's okay.
He's not a bad person, huh?
I know.
He's just scared
about being a dad.
I was scared about being a dad.
I punched Joan Jett
in the tit once.
I once set fire to a lake.
But you know what?
He's just trying, you know?
I wanna... Listen, please.
I wanna be a good grandpa
to your son.
I wanna take him
to baseball games
and teach him about trains
and fine wines
and how to sell bottles
on the Internet.
Yeah. It's okay. It's over.
No. Please don't say that.
Don't give up
on the Fitzgeralds.
'Cause let me tell you something
about the Fitzgeralds.
They may be fucked up when
they're young, okay? Okay.
But we come on strong
in the end,
like a fine wine
or a map, something...
No. Please?
Fitzgeralds forever!
Fight, Fitzgeralds, fight
Fitzgeralds, fight
Sorry I yelled at you. Oh...
My mom's dead too, so...
Yeah, I know. I know.
I don't know.
Maybe you were just scared
that you might
fuck up your kid.
That's pretty insightful
for a teenager.
It's a normal thing
to be afraid of.
You smoke all fucking day.
All day?
Yeah. I star
Whatever. It doesn't matter.
You smoke 24-7.
That's gotta stop.
I'm gonna quit smoking weed.
Really? Yeah.
You're gonna take my advice?
Yeah.
I do want a cigarette, though.
Hey, Carl. Yeah?
You got any smokes?
Yeah, I got a little goody box
behind the bar there.
Thanks, man.
Sorry I was rude before.
Hey, we're all in this
together, bro.
Peace.
Hey, pothead!
God. Dad.
Dad, please... Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Dad...
What the hell happened to you?
No. I swear to God,
he didn't even touch me.
What happened to your arm?
What did that pervert...
Shit!
Dad, please, stop.
Get off him, Dad.
Go for the bridge!
Hit him in the bridge!
Stand down, big guy! Come on!
Back up. Back up now. Whoa.
Everybody just stay back,
all right?
I am immortal!
Hey, stop, stop!
Cool it! Just stop, Dad!
Put it... Put it down.
Shut up, you abusive asshole.
Abusive? I've never abused
anybody in my entire...
Bullshit!
You hit him all the time!
No. I do not hit him.
He's not fucking abusive, okay?
He's just a dick.
He wants to send me to military school
instead of just talking to me
about my problems.
Okay, okay. Jimmy, calm down.
Dads are weird.
Like, look at my dad.
I haven't seen him in ten years.
He thinks his sandwiches
are gonna fix everything.
The sandwiches
do fix everything.
Okay. Not now.
I know you guys
just miss your mom.
And it's hard for dudes to
talk to each other, you know?
But you're just both gonna have
to find your third vertices.
Dad's suck,
but it's better
having a shitty one
than not having one,
believe me.
Fuck.
That's a major breakthrough,
you guys.
Thanks, Dirty Carl.
I'm sorry I misjudged you.
I'm sorry I knocked you out in the alley,
and then pushed you into the
mirror in the bathroom.
I'm sorry
I jacked you in the face
with everything I had.
Okay...
You guys know
he's a brother Mason?
And I'm gonna get a dog.
All right.
We're gonna hit it. Yeah.
Stop by the house,
though, all right?
We'll have a cookout or something.
For sure.
Hey, you ready? Yeah. Let's go.
Cairo. Abiff.
I'll see you out there.
Yeah. Uh...
We're both kind of fucked up.
Yeah.
Everybody is, I think. Yeah.
You... Um...
I'll stop by the garage or
something, yeah? Sure, man.
See you soon? Yeah.
Fuck. Come here.
Take care of yourself.
Later, bud.
Arnie, good to meet you.
Yeah. I'm gonna...
See ya.
Son, with these sandwiches,
I officially make amends
to you.
I know I've been
a deadbeat dad,
but as a grandpa,
I'm gonna be live-beat.
I like that.
You're really weird,
but I love you a lot.
Come on.
You even hug weird.
Come on. You've gotta
go after Monica.
She's such a lovely girl.
She reminds me
a lot of your mom.
Now go get her.
Do you want your apartment key?
No, no. That's okay.
Okay.
Don't worry about it.
Dear Glen, you're an angel.
Arnie. Dad.
I wanna give you
guys some good news.
The good news is that
Monica here... okay...
through her hard work,
grit, and determination,
has been promoted
to segment producer.
So let that be an example to you guys.
Oh, wow.
Thank you.
Hard work, grit, and determination,
all right here.
I hope that makes you
very happy.
So it's just, like...
I feel great, Barry.
Thank you. Yeah.
Good. Good. All right.
You should.
Summer fires. This is gonna
be our sweeps story.
We need chopper footage
of forest fires.
I'm not saying start a fire,
but I'm not saying...
Okay. I'm ready to be a dad.
Okay. Whoa.
This is a closed meeting.
Shut up, Barry.
Uh, you shut up.
Not now, Barry? Oh, not now?
Yeah, not now.
How about not right now?
How about not right now, Bar?
How about not now?
Not now, Barry. Get out.
Not now. You get out. Get...
I see that you're still upset.
Understandable.
I've been kind of an asshole.
I left you alone
when you needed me.
But, honestly,
kidnapping that kid
was, like, the best thing
that I've ever done.
Let's go.
I realize that I've been
a fucking asshole recently.
I've been lying to you.
I've been selling drugs.
I'm a loser.
I wanna be in
my kid's life, though.
I'm a loser
'cause I didn't have a dad,
and I don't want my kid
to be anything like me.
I never, ever want
to make him sandwiches.
That doesn't make sense.
Parents make sandwiches
for their kids all the time.
Dude, I've been in, like,
three fights this weekend.
Yeah?
I'm getting pretty good at it.
Wanna make it four? Yeah!
Do you? Fine! Catch me then!
I haven't even smoked weed
in two days,
and I can go a couple more
without any problem.
So, two days at a time
eventually.
Come on, man.
I'm gonna be there all the time for him.
I bought that car seat.
If you don't like it, we can go back
to the thrift store and get a new one.
They have, like, five different ones.
Get out!
How about I call your wife
and tell her that you
were making out
with my sad, pregnant
girlfriend, you fucking dick?
That would be weird.
I wanna be in my kid's life.
I wanna be in your life
as much as you'll let me.
And I'm gonna love you forever.
Yeah. I get that
you love me, Fitz.
I can't count on you, though.
Whatever.
Later, loser!
Nothing like
a little comic relief.
Um, go to your worksheets
for a second.
Listen, don't let
that loser get... Ugh!
Okay. You know what?
You are so disgusting.
You can keep your promotion.
Okay?
Keep it. I don't need it.
Fitz!
"I don't need
to be segment producer."
Fitz! Fitz, wait up!
Fitz.
What are you doing here?
So you like the car seat.
Sure.
You're pregnant now,
so we shouldn't...
What, do you wanna die
an elevator virgin?
I miss you, too, Mom.
Wish you were still here.
I love you.
Hey, guys.
Guys, can we go
back to L.A. Soon?
I'm sorry.
Cemeteries really freak me out.
Okay. Just try to relax, all right?
We're going.
Sorry, Katie.
Fogerty's here,
and cemeteries creep him out.
Please? Please?
Fogerty, please.
We gotta cut this visit short.
See you soon, Mom.
Fuck. What the fuck...
You couldn't wait two seconds?
Hey.
Are we, like, a triangle now?
Sure. Yeah.
Why not?
That's weird.
l send a message
at 3:00 a.m.
It's old news to you
That I've been
drinking again
ln love with you
and missin' my old friends
So if you've got the time,
this is where my story begins
They told me
l was born to lose
l got a winner's heart
but a failure's shoes
There's not much
that l can do
But if l had the chance,
I'd try to marry you
Well, thanks
for wasting time
With me again
Well, thanks
for wasting time
On me
Your friends think
they're better than me
And if l thought real hard,
I'd have to agree
l smoke cigarettes
and too much weed
And l cuss a lot
when l drink whiskey
l wanna give you
what you need
l got a lot of flowers
and no money
There's not much
that l can be
But l swear to God
l got devil in me
Thanks for wasting time
With me again
Well, thanks
for wasting time
On me
Thanks for wasting time
With me again
Well, thanks
for wasting time
On me