Holy Matrimony (1994) Movie Script

[People Laughing, | Chattering]
[Roller Coaster Going By, | People Screaming]
[Barker] | Come on, step on up.
Two bucks a ball, three for five. | You might get lucky.
See something you haven't seen before. | Watch our Marilyn twirl.
[Man] | Come on, reach in.
[Barker] Give 'em a thrill, boys. | Give 'em a thrill.
When the weather's hot like this, | I keep my panties in the refrigerator.
[Men Howling]
- [Bell Ringing] | - [Barker] We have a winner.!
[Men Whistling, Howling]
[Barker] Come on, fella. | How 'bout you? Two bucks a ball.
That worth two bucks a ball? | Look at that skin up there.
Pretty fine, folks. You oughta | get in here, get some of this.
I am gonna be someone. | And this is step number one.
Yeah? | Step one to what?
I'm gonna go where | all the lights stay on.
Where all those little flashbulbs go off | like they do for Madonna and Cher.
My mama sat alone | in the dark.
Not me. Uh-uh.
You know... | Marilyn wasn't always Marilyn.
She had to do stuff | to get to be Marilyn.
And it wasn't always | stuff she liked.
She did it anyhow.
Eye on the ball.
Keep your eye | on the ball.
Sorry, Mr. Greeson. | Is my check ready?
What's the matter? | You been cryin'?
Ah, forget it.
You think just because | I'm the boss, I got no ears.
Come on. | Sit down here. Talk to me.
It's just... | [Sighs]
I don't want | anyone to hear.
Well, we can | go in my office.
Come on. | [Jangles Keys]
[Locks Safe Door]
Come on.
So, what is it, Havana? | You can tell me.
It's... Peter.
He said he really loved me...
and he started screwing | the cotton candy girl.
- [Crying] | - Oh, there, there, there.
There, there, there, now.
- [Crying Continues] | - Havana, honey.
- You'll be fine. Now just | have a good cry, yes. | - [Crying Continues]
Oh, that's right.
- That's right. Yeah. | - He broke my heart.
[Havana Mock Crying]
[Mr. Greeson] You'll be fine. | Don't worry about a thing.
[Mock Crying Continues]
Honey, that farm hand is | beneath a beautiful woman like you.
What you need is a man | mature enough to appreciate...
- what a lady like you has to offer. | - I do?
Hey, get your hands | off of my woman.!
Come on. Let's go. | Let's go. It's right here. I got it all.
[Radio Broadcast] | A Metro girl got a new lease on life...
thanks to surgery | at the hospital for sick children.
Tracy Hooper was given the liver | of an nine-year-old accident victim | in a four hour operation.
Hooper is in critical but stable condition, ; | normal after such an operation.
The forecast: ; mostly sunny | skies today with brisk winds.
Expected high near 52 degrees. | Clear tonight with a low...
Wake up, wake up!
- We gotta pack. Pack! | - What?
Come on. We gotta go, now. | Move it.
Jesus Christ! | We're screwed!
"PeterJakobson is being sought | for state fair robbery"! Some brilliant...
- I didn't see any goddamned camera. | Move! Let's pack. | - Where are we going?
[People Singing | In Hutterite German]
[Man] | "Now, therefore...
"if you will obey My voice and needs, | and keep My covenant...
"then you shall be | a peculiar treasure unto Me...
"above all people.
For all the earth is mine."
[Rock 'N'Roll]
I never know where | I'm going to
Kinda takin'it | day by day
Day by day
Day by day
Day by day | Day by day
I'm not hanging out | at some wacko commune...
like a '60s leftover | waiting to get brainwashed.
No phones, no TV, no newspapers; | nobody will find us.
And it's not a commune. | It's, it's a colony.
A religious colony. | One of 300.
Well, rethink it, Peter. | The answer is no.
I don't wear tie-dye. | I don't do chants.
- I don't do the singing nuns. | - Okay, you got a better idea | where we could hide out?
Yeah. Pull over, | give me my half of the money.
I'll go to Hollywood where | nobody knows me for sure. Pull over!
No. I don't feel safe with you | out there loose. I don't trust you!
Don't want you around
Thinks you should be free
Thinks you drive me insane
I'm on my way
Never know where | I'm going
Just kinda takin'it | day by day
Day by day
Day by day
Day by day
Day by day...
[Radio Stops]
- This place looks like | a goddamned penal colony. | - Hey, stop swearin'.
It's not allowed here.
Okay, | now you wait here.
Wait! Hey!
- I'm thirsty! | - You'll wait.
[Teacher Talking | In Hutterite German]
- [Peter] Ezekiel Jakobson.! | - Yes?
Is anybody looking | for an older brother in there?
Peter! | I told you he'd come back.
- Peter! | - [Laughing]
- You're back! | - Yes, of course I'm back.
- I prayed that you'd return | and you're finally back. | - Yes, of course.
- And they won't pick on me anymore. | - Who? Who won't?
- The kids are still. But they won't anymore. | - Those kids picking on you?
- Yeah, but they won't anymore, | because you're here. | - That's right.
- You're with me. | - Yeah, it's just me and you. Huh? Me and you.
- That's right. You and me. | - Mother! Mother!
He's back! | Peter's back!
- Not a kiss from my own mother? | - Peter. It is really you?
Oh, Peter.
Not one word for almost three years, now | you stand before me as if you never left.
Mother, my body has returned | but my heart never left.
[Sighs] | Oh, welcome home, my child.
You must go | talk with elders.
[Man] What have you learned | in the outside world, Peter?
Of myself, Uncle.
What is that?
I've witnessed firsthand | the torrents of the soul.
I have felt the devil's tongue.
This is my home... Uncle.
I belong here.
I read from Proverbs: 22, 6.
"Train up a child in the way | he should go. And when he is old...
he will not depart from it."
Welcome home, Peter. | Welcome.
Thank you. Thank you. | It's good to be back.
Did you leave something in | the car like me for instance?
Hmm? Hi.
Uh... excuse me.
Uh, yes, um... | [Clears Throat]
Excuse me. | Excuse me.
Are you nuts?
I'm trying to help us here and you're | a hair away from blowing the deal.
- Put some clothes on. | - I have clothes on. | You wanna see me get naked?
Do you? | What I need is a drink.
You want a drink? | Okay, look. See there. That's a faucet.
Knock yourself out.
Peter... | who is that woman?
She's my, uh...
Uh, she's, uh... my wife.
What? Your wife?
Uh, um... | She's to be my wife.
You know, | we do not like to judge...
as our Lord, Jesus Christ | judged no one.
But that woman...
- hmph... | - [Continues]
Does not appear | to be of our sort.
Ja, ja, I agree.
And that is why | she's been sent to me...
to be a test of my, | of my patience...
and my generosity.
[Exhales] | She wants to learn our way.
And God has asked me... | to show her.
- Boo! | - [Dog Barking]
[Sighs] | No.
This is not happening!
That is Zeke's way. | When he gets nervous, he passes out.
Nothing to be concerned about. | Just give him a nudge.
- Wake up! | - [Dog Barking]
Well, my name's Havana. | And you're?
Oh, I get it, | you have no name.
Okay. All right. | Well... actually I'm fine.
- Thank you for asking. | - I presume you're Havana.
Then you presume | right on.
I'm Uncle Wilhelm. | I'm the head of the Colony.
- Welcome to our family, Havana. | - Thanks. It's...
Uncle Wilhelm, | I see you met Havana.
- Yes, we met, and it was | a beautiful moment had by all. | - Good.
[Chuckles] | Colony life will be difficult at first...
but it will be easier | if you live it for God's sake.
There is a lot for her to learn, | Uncle Wilhelm. It'll take a little time.
We are pleased that you | have decided to marry Peter...
- andjoin our simple way oflife. | - He is?
- She makes a fine breeder for us. | - Oh.
[Chuckles] | Thank you.
- Sorry, I... I have to work now. | - Okay.
You can breed this!
Havana, the rules of the Colony are | very strict. I had to think of something.
Some way that the elders would | let you stay 'til I think of a plan...
Plan? Is that what you call getting married; | figuring out a plan? What am I, a yo-yo?
- Shh. | - I'm getting whiplash. I have a plan.
And my plan is to go to Hollywood, | lose you forever. That is what I call a plan.
- Don't go screwing with my plan. | - We'd only be married a few weeks.
[Havana] | I'm not staying.! No, I'm not staying.
[Man] Yes, there's a problem. Aproblem | with your performance in New Orleans.
You're goin' out | to pick up a robbery suspect.
Would you do me the courtesy | of checking the manual?
Look under "appropriate use | of Bureau personnel" before | you send a 30-year veteran...
- to do the job of a green-ass kid. | - Markowski, listen to me.
Your credibility is suspect; you are not | in New Orleans; you are not undercover;
you are in Iowa | and you are working for me.
And the manual says that I...
get to tell you what to do.
Robbin'a state fair?
Man, I used to be proud | to be an American.
You're going to Canada to bring | back PeterJakobson, his accomplice...
and the money.
This is the job. | You wanna do it, fine.
You don't; | Pension and Welfare down the hall.
[Crickets Chirping]
Damn it!
Havana, come. It is our custom | to sew the dress for the wedding.
- We will take the measurements. | - All right, look.
If I'm gonna wear a little homemade number, | then at least I am designing it, okay?
This is what I want. I want a sweetheart | collar coming from a tight bodice.
- Two slits up the front. | - Oh, ja, ja.
- A long, long train coming | from a shiny satin bustle. | - Ja, ja.
- Can you guys do tassels? | - [All] Oh, ja.
- How 'bout ruffles? | - Ja, ja. Oh, ja.
- Yeah? | - Ja.
- What about pleats? | - Oh, ja.
Okay. | [Giggles]
[People Singing | In Hutterite German]
Begehrst du diese Schwester | gern anzunehmen...
[Wilhelm] | Als eine Gabe van den Hemm?
Do you accept this sister | as a gift from the Lord?
I do.
[Wilhelm] Begehrst du ihn inallen | goettinchen Dingen gehorsan zu sein...
Damit Eines den andern eine Ursach zum | Gutten und zur Gottseligkeit sine moechte?
Will you be obedient to your husband | in all spiritual matters...
and will you encourage | each other to lead godly lives?
It's done. So, you | may kiss the bride.
[Clears Throat]
[Clears Throat]
[Bells Chiming]
[People Chattering]
[Men Chattering]
[Woman] | Eat well.
[Woman] | Eat well, father.
[Woman] | Eat well.
Eat well, | Father.
- Eat well and choke. | - [Woman] Oh.!
[Chuckles] | She's... funny.
[Clears Throat]
[Car Horn Honks]
[Brakes Squeaking]
This car's goin' to town. | Anybody going better jump in.
Peter, when you were gone, | what did you do?
- Stuff. | - What kind of stuff?
I saw things. | I saw the world.
Different things.
Different people.
And out of all the women | you saw, you decided on Havana?
[Chuckles] | Yeah.
Yeah, I decided | on Havana.
You know, the Bible says that | goodness, kindness...
purity and fullness of heart | are the qualities for a mate.
- Uh-huh. | - Does Havana have these qualities?
Or will we see them?
Maybe we better | keep an eye on her.
You got half an hour. | What do you want to do?
- Can I get ice cream? | - Yeah. Look. Here's money.
But don't go give it away. | It's the real thing in the real world.
- It's right down there. | - Thank you.
- [Children Shouting] | - [Bells On Bicycles Ringing]
- Let's go! | - All right, go!
[Shouting, Whooping]
[Woman On TV] | A record wheat harvest this year.
But only when the wheat's | in the bin and the money's in the bank...
can farmers breathe | a sigh of relief.
Here's a local twist on that | state fair robbery. Police are | certain that PeterJakobson...
who was identified in this video | taken with a hidden camera, | has made his way into Canada...
and with his accomplice will | be attempting to disappear...
into one of the local | Hutterite colonies.
Turning now to medical news, | scientists are encouraged with the way...
[Car Engine Roaring]
Are cars supposed to go | this fast?
Listen, I'm going | to have to go away.
You just came back. You said | you were back for good.
- Things change. | - But you promised we'd be together.
You and me, remember?
- Hey! I hate you! | - Come on. No, stop it!
Look out! | Slow down!
[People Singing | In Hutterite German]
[Thunder Rumbling]
[Glass Shattering]
Where is it? | [Grunts]
- [Grunts] | - [Wilhelm Gasps] Havana.
Havana, we do not want to disturb | your mourning time...
- but may we come in? | - [Sighs] Yeah, but...
Sorry about... | Sorry about the mess.
Oh, we understand. | We understand.
I don't. | She's messier than the turkeys.
Everybody mourns | their own style.
Havana, Ezekiel has a duty | that needs to be attended to.
You know, the Bible | represents our law.
We are very strict about | observing all aspects and all dictates.
Our society...
is based upon following | tradition to the letter.
Please read Deuteronomy: | 25, 5. Right there.
"Thou shalt not | muzzle the ox."
No, no, no, | next verse.
"If brethren dwell together, and one | of them die and have no child...
"the wife of the dead | shall not marry unto a stranger.
Her husband's brother shall go in | unto her and take her to him to wife."
- Wait. What? | - What did she say?
Yeah, what did I say? | "The wife of the dead shall not marry...
"unto a stranger.
Her husband's brother shall go in | unto her and take her to him to wife"?
What is this book? | Is this a comedy or something?
Uncle Wilhelm, I think maybe I should | read 'cause she must be getting this wrong.
No, no, no, no, she's not incorrect, | nor the word of our Lord.
Havana, Ezekiel has | an obligation by our law...
to ask you... | to marry him.
- [Chuckles] | - But there's no cause for alarm.
You will simply | refuse him and that will be that.
- What will be what? | - Well... you have to leave.
- What do you mean I have to leave? | - Here. $100.
- We'll drive you to the bus stop. | It'll take you to the city. | - You can't just kick me out.
Nobody wants to kick you out, | but we have no choice.
As an outsider, you are | not allowed to remain here.
I know this seems harsh, | but it is the best.
The Hutterite way of life, | Havana, is not for you.
So I have to leave now | with this $100?
I'm sorry.
EzekielJakobson, it falls to you to perform | the duty of the brother-in-law. Ask her.
Let us get this | done with.
But, Uncle Wilhelm, I'm only | 12 years old. I still hate girls.
- L-I'd much prefer a frog... | - Don't disgrace yourself in the eyes of God!
- Ask her, please. | - But I'd make a bad husband.
- Don't make me do this. | - You must, child!
It's the Lord's rules. | You must please Him.
Um... | [Sighs]
Uh... will you... | Will you, um...
- Do you wanna... | - Go ahead, Ezekiel.
- Go ahead. | - Do you wanna... [Panting]
Do you... wanna marry... | [Panting]
You-You know what I mean. | I can't... I can't breathe. I can't breathe!
[Chuckles] You guys have been out | in the sun for too long.
You marry... | [Gasping]
Do you wanna marry me | or not, you dumb pig?
[Chuckles] | Guys, I admit...
this is one goofy twist | on the whole boy-girl thing...
but let's not throw the baby out | with the bathwater, okay?
[Chuckles] If you would have told me | out on the street that the Bible...
is the happening book that I now think it is, | you could've knocked me over with a feather.
[Giggles] | But, guys, I have seen the light.
I have been saved. So, if the only way | I could stick around here...
and soak up more of this religion stuff | is to get hitched to the little midget...
then count me in, honey.
My answer is yes.
- [Crashes] | - [Havana Chuckles] | I'll marry the little brat...
but that little fainting trick | has got to go.
- How can we allow this? | - It's not our place to challenge the Lord!
We do not believe that our brother colonies | would be so literal to the written word.
- We will be ridiculed! | - This is correct!
- None of them will believe us! | - No one will.
- There must be something. | - The Bible doesn't say | anything about children!
- We must not do this! | - [Everyone Talking At Once]
My people! | My people!
If we begin to question | the wisdom of the Bible now...
where do we start | and when do we stop?
Stop it!
[Crowd Muttering]
[Wilhelm] Begehrst di diese | Schwester gern anzunehmen as | eine Gabe van dem Hemm?
- Do you accept this sister | as a gift from the Lord? | - I do.
[Crowd Muttering]
Begehrst du ihn in allen goetilchen Dingen | gehorsan zu sein, Damit Eines den andern...
eine Ursach zum Gutten | und zur Gottseligkeit sine moechte?
Will you be obedient to your husband | in all spiritual matters...
and will you encourage | each other to live godly lives?
Ja, I do.
It's done. | You may kiss the bride.
I'd rather kiss a goat.
Ezekiel, you may | kiss the bride... now!
- Do it for me! | - Ezekiel.!
Ezek... Eze...
[Children Giggling]
- Do you know what to do, big guy? | - [Laughing]
- Don't get her too excited. | - [Laughing]
- If you need any help, let me know. | - Do a good job, lover boy.
Lover boy.
- [Laughing] | - Lover boy.
Shh, shh, shh.
[Boy's Voices] | Nighty-night, lover boy.
- Oh, yeah. | - [Chuckling]
[Ezekiel] Take off your garments, | o'woman of mine.!
Let me show you | what a real man is.!
[Mattress Moving, | Ezekiel Moaning]
Havana, stop it, | you're breaking the bed.!
[Moaning Continues]
Oh, Havana, | stop it, stop it.
[Moaning Continues]
- Shh. | - [Moaning Continues]
- Honey, I'm home. | - [Boy] I'm home, lover boy.
[Boys Laughing]
Leave me alone!
6:00 in the | goddamn morning.
Stop swearing! We have to go | to church. We awaken with the Lord.
- Well, I sleep later than He does. | - [Knocking Continues]
Get away from my door!
We have to go. | You're going to get me in trouble.
- Let's go. I'm ready. | - [Screaming]
Well, don't do that | again then!
[Door Closes]
[People Singing | In Hutterite German]
[Wilhelm] | Love one another as God loves you.
- May peace be with you. | - [All] Amen.
[People Chattering]
[Boy] I can't right now. | I have to finish homework.
Ezekiel. | Ezekiel.
Perhaps your wife is not present this morning | because she doesn't enjoy my sermons.
Oh, no, Uncle Wilhelm, | I tried to make her attend...
- but she is more stubborn than our animals. | - Uh-huh.
You know when a man is married, | a woman becomes his responsibility.
You must teach her our ways. You have | taken the vows of holy matrimony.
You are her husband.
You are her comforter, her example, | her faith, her friend, her protector...
her ally.
Her joy is your joy.
And her failings | are your failings.
Yes, but... | she's bigger than me.
Oh. Yeah, but... | God will provide.
And like all of us, | she has duties.
You will see that she attends | to your lawn; it needs cutting.
The flower bed | needs weeding.
Etcetera, | etcetera.
Yes... Uncle Wilhelm.
[People Chattering]
[Banging Continues]
- Havana! | - What?
Uncle Wilhelm says you have to | mow the lawn and weed the flower bed.
Tell him I need a manicure | and a pedicure!
You have duties to attend to! | You're my wife!
And cover your head. Your hair's | not supposed to be showing.
- What are you looking for? | - Nothing.
Then what were you | doing in there?
Looking for a rope to hang myself with. | Now leave me alone.
Will you at least | weed the flower bed, please?
I like weeds.
Look, I'm sorry | about these mood swings.
I'm working on it, | okay?
It's just that I would feel a lot better | if I had a cigarette.
We don't have any.
I know, but... Peter hid mine somewhere. | Do you have any idea where he could | have hid them?
Don't you guys have | a secret hiding place or something?
You should be doing this. | This is your work.
Getting an even tan is hard work too, | so don't knock it.
I don't think | our marriage is working.
Well, then we got something in common | with every married couple in America.
How do you stand | the heat in those clothes?
We sweat.
I, uh... I found this | in the flower bed.
Looks American.
I guess Peter | must've dropped it.
Hey, this isn't fair, | you doing all my chores.
Why don't you come inside and | take a rest and I'll take over.
- Are you sure? | - Positive.
[Panting] | I see it.
[Gasps, | Groans]
Don't screw with me, kid! Peter was | giving the rest of that money to me!
Where's the rest of it? | I want my money and I want it now!
I'm your husband. Uncle Wilhelm | said you are to do as I tell you!
Who's gonna make me? You? | You're gonna make me, all 60 pounds of you?
If you don't start behaving like a proper wife, | I'm feeding all that money to the hogs!
Over my... | dead body!
You're only | making it sound better.
Come here! | Come back here!
If you do as you're told, | maybe I will give you the money.
Fine. | What do you want me to do?
[Havana] | How come I never see guys do this work?
My husband says he can't find a hoe | that fits a man's hand.
Just like a man. We do all the work, | while he plays with his hose.
[Women Laughing]
I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm trying | really hard to be a good wife | and it's difficult.
But I know that you're going to help me | and Uncle Wilhelm will be very proud of you.
[Women Chattering]
[Woman] | Eat well, father.
Eat well, | husband.
- [Woman] Eat well, son. | - Eat well, brother.
[Singing In | Hutterite German]
I was going to leave | all of these lunatics
And go off and have | a rich and happy life
[Women | Continue Singing]
Cannot stand it | All this housework
I feel likeJulie Andrews
[Tractor Engine]
Ezekiel! | Ezekiel!
[Havana] | You eat good, Zeke.
You know, | I'm having the best day.
It's like I've never felt | such peace before.
[Sighs] I wanna thank you for | marrying me, Zeke. Thank you.
Oh, that-that's okay.
- Well, I have to get back to work. | - Ja. Me too.
I'm not gonna be | needing that.
You take such good | care of me.
What do I need money for | when I have you, so...
just put it back with the rest | of the money, okay.
Hey, come here, you little runt! | Come here!
- If I catch you, you're dead meat.! | - Shoo, shoo, shoo!
[Chickens Squawking]
[Havana] | Hey.! Where are you?
- [Squawking] | - [Screams]
You want this?
You've been tryin' to trick me, | just pretending to be a good wife.
But let me tell you something. | You're never going to get this...
- Yes! | - Money!
You little, fainting, | geeky creep!
I am this close to putting you | over my knee and giving you a spanking!
I hate being married to you. | I hate it! Any man would.
Then do something about it. | Gimme the money and I'm outta here.
One quick divorce and I'm | Havana What-Was-Her-Name.
- That sounds good but what's a divorce? | - It is a ticket out of hell.
- No, we can't have divorce. | - No, you sit!
Listen, you let me take the heat | on this one from Uncle Wilhelm, okay?
If I tell him I am a lousy wife | with lousy wifely skills...
and an overbearing sexual appetite, | he will cut us both a little slack.
Then you give me my money, | and I am gone. Deal?
Is it?
No, you got | to spit first.
Set it in.
[Whispers] | Inside. Come on. Inside.
Come on.
Come inside. | Come inside.
Load it up.
Zeke, if I can be | a little bit critical here...
Ooh. Um, I think you should | lighten up a little bit.
Have some fun.
Stop being so serious | all the time.
Be happy.
Quit letting all those little kids | get the best of you all the time, you know.
[Mock Crying] | No, this can't be.
I can't believe that a man I actually | loved and married could be a thief.
[Mock Crying Continues] | I thought I could trust Peter.
I thought he believed | in the things I believed in.
He spoke all the time | of honesty and virtues and God.
What does God think? | [Sobbing]
I thought who | could think anymore?
I feel so... tawdry...
so... soiled.
Disgraced by the shame | of greed and lust.
The money should | be burned.
- It certainly should be. | - We must all agree.
Excuse me.
I agree the money is tainted, but tainted | or not, it is not ours to burn.
Yeah. Yes.
Leviticus says that | we must restore...
that which was | deceitfully gotten.
Of all of'em...
[Chuckles] | I love Leviticus the most.
[Men Whispering]
Since Peter was my brother and he | carried both my name and my blood...
I think that I should be the one | to return the money.
But, Ezekiel, you are not | your brother's keeper.
Yes, but I am the keeper of the shame | that Peter brings to my family...
and to the entire Colony | with his sinful thievery.
But, Ezekiel, a job like this | is... is for a man.
How can I be a husband | without first being a man?
Yes. | This I cannot argue.
And as your wife, | I'll help you in every way I can.
I'll make sure you get there. | [Sniffles]
God be with you, | Ezekiel.
Inside are your birth certificate, | farmer's driving permit...
marriage license | for the border crossing...
and $300.
- That's a lot of money, Uncle Wilhelm. | - We'll bring back any extra.
Listen to God.
- And return with God. | - I will, Mother.
Okay, now, when they ask you | why we're going to the States...
- what are you gonna say? | - We're going to return stolen money.
- That's an excellent answer. | - Thank you. I thought so too.
- It's excellent if you want to go to jail. | - What?
You say that, they're gonna figure you | were in on the robbery.
The first thing that they're gonna do | is burn your little hat.
And the second thing they're gonna do | is take your Bible away.
And the third thing | is the worst thing.
- What? | - Rats.
Rats in your face.
Rats all night long, | back and forth.
They seem to like faces more | than anything. They're bred that way.
They're called... face rats.
- Face rats? | - Mm-hmm.
So we're gonna have to lie | a little teeny bit.
Oh, I don't like to lie.
You like your face | to be eaten by rats?
[Sighs] | Okay. What do I have to say?
Repeat after me. We are going to | visit family in Montana for the day.
We are going... | to visit family...
in Montana for the day.
- Welcome to U.S. Of A. | - Thank you. [Laughs]
- Anything to declare? | - Uh, we are visiting family in Montana.
We're visiting family | in Montana.
All right. I ain't deaf. I heard you | the first time. Anything to declare?
[Clears Throat]
Family... in Montana... | for the day.
Do you have anything | to declare?
Anything you wanna | tell me about?
- All right, all right. | My brother robbed the fair. | - Shh.
- [Panting] Rats! | Rats on my face all night long! | - Please.
I don't wanna go to jail! | I hate face rats!
[Horn Honking]
[Horn Stops]
It is our honeymoon. | He's just nervous.
Pickin' 'em kind of green, | aren't ya?
They're still trainable | that way.
This farm permit isn't legal | in the United States, so you'll have to drive.
- He can try again when he starts to shave. | - [Laughs]
[Whispers] | Okay.
[Engine Starts, Stalls, | Gears Grind]
[Engine Starts]
[Gears Grinding]
[Pops Into Gear]
[Gears Grind]
Welcome to the U.S. Of A.
- Why didn't you tell me you can't drive? | - I can't drive stick!
What is so hard? | Come on, it's simple!
- If it was so simple, I could do it! | - Look, okay.
You step on the clutch | and move the gears.
Then you let up on the clutch | and you step on the gas.!
- I'm doing that. | - No, you're not!
- [Engine Stalls] | - Aw! Why you stall so much?
A little faster. | Do it a little faster.
No, easily. Not so fast like that, | okay? Okay...
- Okay, shift now. | - I think you got it now.
This is where | our son died.
[Markowski] | Where's the girl?
She's gone | with her new husband.
New husband? She | didn't waste any time.
Ezekiel was Peter's brother. | That's our way.
Ah. True love. | It's a beautiful thing.
Where'd the lovebirds go?
They've gone into America | to return the money.
The money?
- It didn't burn? | - No, it's safe.
Have the Mounties | been here?
Should I contact them?
Definitely not, padre. | Hell, I'm the man you're looking for.
The final man.
The final man is good... | very, very good.
Why can't we just sleep | in the truck?
I'm through sleeping | in things with wheels.
[People Chattering]
I've never seen anything | like this before.
There are people swimming | in the fishing pond.
It's a pool. And if you like it so much, | you can sleep in it, okay.
But go get me | my room first.
Can't we share? | It'd be cheaper if we shared.
Fine, we'll share. | Make sure it has soft beds.
Good-bye. | See you later. Good-bye.
[Woman Over P.A.] | Mr. Stevens to the office, please.
Mr. Stevens, please come | to the office.
- Hello. | - What do you want?
We'd like to | share your room.
- Say that again. | - My wife and I, we'd like | to share your room, please.
- Our what? | - She said as long as there was | a soft bed it'd be all right.
- Oh, my Lord! | - This seems fine, I guess.
Get out of here, | you little weirdo!
- Out! Out! | - But...
- [Door Closes] | - [Whistling]
[Whistling Continues] | Hey, yoo-hoo.
Here's the key.
There's our room. | Good-bye.
Where are you going?
Well, I'm going to meet | an old friend of mine.
Jack... Daniels.! | Whoo-hoo!
[Laughing] | Leave the door unlocked.
I do love her outfit.
- If you want to do it, go and do it! | - Okay.
- You're going to do it anyway, right? | - Yeah.
So go, go on! | Go on and do it.
You don't have to yell, Harry.
Women. Hmph.
Let me give you some advice, | never get married.
I know exactly | what you mean.
Beforehand, | they treat you like a king.
After you make that big mistake, | they treat you like a dog.
All the time, | they're just interested in one thing.
You know what that | one thing is, don't you?
- The money. | - Damn straight!
My new husband... | we just don't fit.
I mean, every time I find a man, | it's the wrong one...
and this latest one, well, | he just comes up pretty short.
About four feet tall.
Am I too short too?
No! Uh-uh!
- You look about right. Mm-hmm. | - Really?
My name's Link.
- And it would be, wouldn't it? | - [Chuckling]
Well, my name... is Marilyn.
Can I buy you a drink... | Marilyn?
Havana, we took vows!
Zeke, go back to the room. | We'll discuss this later.
- Who's the half-pint? | - I'm this woman's husband!
Whoa. What's | going on here?
"Walk in the spirit, and ye shall | not fulfill the lust of the flesh."
You may be my husband...
but I am still your elder, | so go back to our room.
Maybe you didn't marry me, | Havana, but I married you!
Remember that!
- So you're baby-sittin' | or somethin', is that it? | - Or something.
- I gotta go. | - What?
Come on now, hold on, gorgeous. | We're not done yet.
- Yes, I am. | - Wait. Now, come...
[Ezekiel] Next to murder, you have | committed the worst sin there is.!
And I'm married to it.
What does he have | that I don't?
Nothing... | but 20 hard years.
Strong arms. | Kisses great.
It was the usual | bar pickup stuff.
But what about the real husband stuff? | What about that?
What is that?
Can you trust him?
Does he pray?
Is he kind to plants | and animals?
Is his word golden?
Isn't this what a real | husband's supposed to be?
I think I'm gonna be sick.
[Toilet Flushes]
Come here.
Have you ever done...
anything really rotten?
Anything that | you're really ashamed of?
Sure. A lot.
Like what? | [Chuckles]
Well, when I first met you...
I wanted you to die.
Oh, that's not so bad.
I've wanted to die myself... | more times than not.
But I don't want you... | to die now.
Really! Really, really.
Why are you crying?
It's just...
a husband like you | doesn't come along every day.
Is that good or bad?
Oh, Zeke...
any woman's gonna be lucky | to nab you.
I'm not that good.
What about...
What about | the mating part?
Oh, well...
that's not all | that it's cracked up to be.
So... we don't have | to do that part?
You just wait...
until you're with somebody you can | love with all your heart.
[Car Horn Honking]
Do you see this line?
Do you see this badge?
Any Hutterites crossed here | in the last 12 hours?
- Yeah. A kid and his wife. | - Name of EzekielJakobson by any chance?
- Something like that. | - Well, I'll be damned! She married a kid!
Yeah. | It takes all kinds.
Okay, here you go.
Wir batten Dich, Herr Gott Himmlischer | vater segne diese deine Gaben.
Die wir von Deiner | reichen milden Hand.
Zu nus nehum und empfagen wereden Durch. | Jesum Christem. Amen
- Amen. | - [Woman] Amen.
[Whispering] I was thinking. | We could split the money.
What would I do | with money?
Just think about this. | Okay?
We could go away somewhere for a week | just like two pals hanging out.
Then, after that, I'd make sure | you'd get home safe and sound.
- But what about returning the money? | - Zeke!
The fair doesn't need that money. They | make more money than that every day.
Nobody will ever know.
It'll be like | our little secret.
- Deal? | - We cannot do that.
- Zeke! | - "Lead me not into temptation."
- Don't you want more? | - More ice cream?
More everything!
I have everything.
Don't you want to do something | that would make you important, famous?
Wouldn't you want the whole | world to know who you are?
Well, God knows who I am.
And I know who God is.
And God knows the world.
So it's kinda like | I know the world, right?
And that's enough for you?
Ja... with a lot left over.
Fine. I'm going | to the bathroom.
Look! It's a helicopter.
Excuse me. Miss?
You know that little boy? Can you | make sure he gets to the bus station?
Give him a piece of pie and in here | are exact directions where he's going.
If he faints, give him a little nudge. | He'll pop up like a turnover.
Don't screw it up.
Keep your eyes | on the damn ball!
[Radio] | I'm on my way
Never know where I'm goin' | Just takin'it day by day
Day by day
[Radio Off]
[Speaking | Hutterite German]
Hey, kid...
any chance | you're EzekielJakobson?
I am.
[Chuckles] | Well, how you doin'?
- Who are you? | - I'm an old friend of Havana's. Where is she?
- She deserted me. | - Oh.
That's a nasty habit. | Why don't we go find her?
Have you ever been left by a wife?
[Chuckles] | That's your first mistake, son.
You put a ring | around a woman's finger...
she'll put a tighter one | around your ba... Around your nose.
There she is!
Okay, kid, | what do you wanna do?
"Now the wicked must eat | the fruit of their own way."
All right, kid, | let me show you America.
Oh, for chrissakes!
- [Markowski] Pull over. | - Zeke, you shouldn't have told him.
You shouldn't be without me. | You're my wife!
Watch it!
Don't hurt her!
Zeke, hold on!
All right, hand over the money or get | to know the color of the kid's brains.
F.B.I., my ass!
Oh, I'm F.B.I. All right. I'm just not | stupid F.B.I. Hand it over or I get ugly.
Take it!
All right, kid... | get out.
Your tour is over.
Zeke, get back over here!
No! You make me sick.
- Get in the truck. | - I am not going anywhere with you!
I'm not going to sit around here | and argue with you about this.
Just go away!
- Come here. | - What are you... Hey!
- You put me down! | - Do what I tell you.
You're trying | to get us killed. Get in.
- I'm your husband! You have to... | - Get in the truck!
- Get in. Get down! Get down. | - What? What are you doing?
Go get the money.
Come on!
Come on!
Where are | you taking me?
To the state fair. To get you and this money | out of my life once and for all.
Been nothing but a nightmare. | First we ditch this truck.
- Why? | - Because the F.B.I. Is on us. | We don't have time to drive.
- We're gonna have to fly. | - Doesn't it cost a lot of money?
Who cares? | We've got it.
That is not our money! | We will take a bus.
You are so cheap!
I do not do buses.
I do not do planes!
[Train Whistle Blowing]
[Ezekiel] | It's cold out here.
Do you think that my brother | was a bad person?
- I just think that he | didn't know how to listen. | - To what?
To that little voice inside that | tells you what's okay and what's not.
Do you hear it?
It's getting pretty hazy.
It better start coming clearer | 'cause this deal is getting tiring.
- You want to go to sleep? | - No, I don't mean tired like that.
I mean, tired like I'm sick | of pretending all the time.
Here, put this on.
What do | you pretend about?
Well, for one thing, | my name isn't really Havana.
It's not? No?
It's Betsy... | Betsy Iggits.
I thought Havana sounded better: | More glam, more with it.
Kinda one of those | one-name things...
like Madonna and Cher... | Marilyn.
Who's Marilyn?
Who's Marilyn? | Marilyn Monroe?
- Only my hero. | - Why?
Zeke, she was beautiful.
She had fabulous houses | and boats and men...
and cars and furs | and jewels and clothes.
- And everything a girl could want. | - She had a nice family too?
Well, that part | didn't work out so good.
But you said that | she had everything.
And if she didn't have | a nice family...
it sounds like | she had nothing.
It does kinda sound | like that, huh?
I have a nice family. Do you?
I don't know. I guess they're nice. | I don't really think about them.
You don't think about | your family all the time?
No! That's why | I left home.
That's why I left Milwaukee, so I wouldn't | have to think about them or Milwaukee.
Is that what | that Marilyn girl told you to do?
'Cause if so, she's wrong | and you should tell her...
that she should go back home and see | her family before she doesn't have any left.
Okay, Zeke, I told you I'd get you to | the state fair and I have.
- So, if they catch me | they're gonna arrest me. | - No, they won't.
You don't understand. | I helped Peter with that robbery.
You did?
It's a crime. | I'll go to jail.
Remember... face rats? | Not my idea of a good time, either.
No! Not a face rat | will touch you.
I promise, I won't let | anybody take you to jail.
Zeke, this is | where I get off.
Go down that street and at the very end | there's a white building.
Go in there, ask for | the manager's office.
Tell them you want | to return the money.
Will you wait here?
I think we should say good-bye now.
I'll pray for you.
Thanks. I think I'll need it.
Wait a second, okay. | I'm going to be right back.
I just wanna make sure he's okay.
[P.A. System] | Ladies and gentlemen, just a reminder...
thoroughbred racing | starts at 2:;00 p.m.
We've got some great horses | running here today.
You're not going | to want to miss it.
Post time is 2:;00 p.m.
Eye on the ball. | Keep your eye on the ball.
Betsy, you've gotta get outta here. | They're looking for ya.
Thanks, Rusty.
- Gotcha! Gimme the bag, kid! | - [Screaming]
Hey! Hey!
Come on!
Stop him! Hey!
- Help me! Help me! | - F.B.I.
- Call security! | - Gimme the bag!
Get the hell outta here! Ow!
Run, Zeke!
Roger, I heard it. Someone calling | for security in area seven.
- It may be Havana. | If you see her, lock her up. | - Copy that.
Kid, come on, slow down!
Come on, somebody help me.
- Who the heck are you? | - F.B.I. F.B.I.
I don't care who you are. You better | get out from under that bull.
[Markowski] | Stop that kid.!
Yah! Yah!
- Get going! Get going! Yah! Yah! | - Come on, slow down.
You son of a...
[Clown] | Balloons! Here's a green one.
Thank you.
No. No, | I won't faint.
I won't faint!
- You jerk! | - What do you think you're doing?
Back off, fellas. F.B.I.
[Havana] | Zeke? Zeke?
F.B.I. Okay?
- Stop him, stop him! | - It's over, everybody. Relax.
- She's got an air conditioned cab. | - [Tractor Motor Starts]
Hey, wait! Hey!
Get off of me, you bitch!
No, no. Put me down.
Put me down.! I'm F.B. I...!
Put me down. | Put me down!
[Zeke] | You have to let her go!
She helped me! You can't | take her to jail. She's my wife!
Your wife.
He's my husband. If you have a problem | with me, then just deal with me.
Leave him out of it. | He's a good man.
- A man. | - He's the biggest man I know. | So, he's not the tallest.
You're the F.B.I. | What do I do?
It's up to you, sir. | You want to press charges?
She was wrong to help | my brother, but she's changed!
I couldn't have | returned it without her.
We had to spend some of it | on the way, but...
But whatever's missing, I'll work to | pay it back. I'll do whatever you want.
Just don't take her to jail.
Well, I don't know. | She sure did make some fool outta me.
Um, could you | come here please, sir?
Chapter 26, verse 6.
"To forgive a woman with stain | in her hands, but health in her heart...
"makes a higher man | ofhe who forgiveth.
"And God | shall such remember...
"when such a day of final | reckoning comes forth.
For he shall be coveted | as a man among men."
Sir, I think thatJob | was speaking to you.
Look, son...
the state fair has offered a $25,000 reward | for the return of this money.
That's for you!
No, I don't want | any reward.
I just want my wife.
I don't know if you're crazy, | orjust crazy for this woman.
But you got a deal!
[Men Laughing]
- Welcome home, Ezekiel. | - Thanks.
Sorry about that.
I deserved it.
Thanks for saving me back there | at the fair.
You saved me back with | that quote from the Bible.
I'm gonna have | to thankJob one day.
No. Thank me. | I made it up.
But I don't thinkJob would be mad. | It was for a good cause.
You actually think I could turn out | to be a good cause, hmm?
You already are!
Friends forever?
Forever and a day.
Ah, where are you going | to go to now?
Home to see my family.
Havana, | will I ever see you again?
No... | but you'll see Betsy.
We're doing that again | in ten years!
If you don't, I will!