Lost in America (1985) Movie Script
1
Hazy sunshine through Wednesday.
And that's the 2:00 a.m. report.
You're listening to KMPC 710 in LA.
The Mutual Broadcasting System presents
the Larry King Show...
...network radio's most listened-to
talk program. And now, Larry King!
We're with Rex Reed,
film critic of the New York Post.
Give me the modus operandi of Rex Reed.
Would you rather watch a movie
in a crowded theater...
...or in that special screening room?
I like to see movies in the daytime.
I don't like to see movies at night
because I like to be fresh.
I like 10:00 a.m. screenings if possible.
I like to be in a screening room preferably
all alone. Although that rarely happens.
I don't like to go to these
packed movie houses at night...
... where they fill the theater with
all the secretaries from the film company...
...and all the secretaries' second cousins...
...because they want the audience
to scream and yell.
They're like backers at an opening night.
But what about that which Mel Brooks
told me, always needs an audience:
The comedy?
If you're sitting alone at 10:00...
-... watching a comedy--
-If it's really funny, I'll laugh.
I don't need 40 other people laughing
to remind me I should be laughing.
I mean, I don't respond very well
to mass hysteria anyway.
With Rex Reed, we're ready to go
to your phone calls.
We start with Cincinnati. Hello.
Hi. Good morning, Larry.
Rex, I wanted to tell you
that I think your forth rightness...
...is refreshing and your dry wit
and your humor, it cracks me up.
I like your opinions.
You usually agree with me.
It gets me into a lot of trouble
sometimes, though.
But do you care?
-Well, I used to a lot.
-Really?
I go back to, like today, I can go and see....
I'll let myself see a "P" or a "PG"...
...because I don't like to be
uncomfortable or embarrassed.
I saw The Black Stallion twice,
so you know where I'm coming from.
What's the question?
Sex, to me, is not a spectator sport.
Are we going to see some good,
thoughtful, clean movies again?
You've had a few lately.
I agree with you. The imagination can do
so much more to build a scene...
...or to sustain an emotion.
I found a lot of the pictures
that I saw, growing up...
...much sexier than any of the things
I've seen today.
I remember The Fountainhead
with Gary Cooper and Patricia Neal....
Linda?
She just looked at him.
You saw lust written all over her face...
...and they didn't take
their clothes off at all.
Are you sleeping?
Maybe we shouldn't move.
Oh, God. What's the matter now?
Nothing. It's just time
to ask these questions.
We sold our house. We should have asked
these questions before.
All right, then I can't talk to you,
so good night.
Stop it!
You're just nervous about tomorrow.
You'll get the promotion. We'll move into
the new house and we'll be happy. Okay?
You should hear your voice.
It just fills this room with excitement.
I'm tired. Stop questioning.
We made a wise decision.
Let's feel good about it.
All right. Okay, good night.
Good night.
Why that house?
What?
It's too close.
Maybe we should have moved far away.
We needed more space,
and that house has more space.
The purpose of a house is more than space.
We could've rented a locker.
Also, we didn't get a tennis court.
We don't play tennis.
We don't have a court.
If you have a court, you learn.
Possibly some day we'll have a court
and we'll learn.
-Can I ask you something else?
-What?
How come we let the moving company
pack for us?
Shouldn't we have done it ourselves?
Maybe we're being irresponsible.
I don't believe you.
One minute it's a tennis court...
...then you're worried about
the moving company packing a box.
Sometimes I wish we were
a little more irresponsible.
What does that mean?
Nothing. Just get some sleep.
You'll feel better.
What do you mean, you wish we were
irresponsible? Are we too responsible?
Sometimes I think
we are a bit too controlled.
You do? We're too "controlled"?
How do you go out
and buy a $450,000 house...
...and get all the things you want
and not be controlled?
What are you talking about?
What difference does it make?
I'll go sleep in the garage.
-Don't do that!
-Why not?
I'm responsible.
I should be guarding the car.
You're insane!
I'm insane and responsible.
This is a potent combination.
I'm not sleeping in the garage.
What am I doing? I'm not an animal.
-What?
-I'm not an animal.
Come on, come to bed.
I apologize.
But don't call me names.
What names?
Calling me responsible is calling me what?
Old or stodgy or stuffed up?
I'm doing the best I can.
I don't know what else to do.
Also, you're not so irresponsible yourself.
Look at your job.
Personnel Director is like in a Nazi camp.
If you hire one person they don't like,
they fire you.
You're upset. I'm sorry I used that word.
After tomorrow, everything will be better.
I'm positive. Don't you think so?
You always say that.
Yeah, but for eight years it's been one way.
I've been this employee...
...and then tomorrow,
I'll get this promotion and that's it.
I'll have stock in this agency.
That makes me responsible.
Genuinely responsible.
Now I can be irresponsible.
I'm in a position of responsibility.
Do you know what I mean?
-Yeah, I guess so.
-Okay.
Good night.
How are you?
Well, I'm flattered.
That's more!
Come over to our new house
and we'll barbeque. Let's celebrate this.
Ribs, fish, I don't care. Anything.
Did you ever barbeque--
-What are you doing?
-Nothing.
I'm on my way to meet Mr. Taft.
Can you be there in 20 minutes?
I can't pick tile out this morning.
It's the biggest day of my life!
-We said we'd do this together.
-I can't do it.
You're in the kitchen more than me.
I don't think about anything in the kitchen.
It's your kitchen.
-Now we're angry.
-No, I'm not.
-Good luck and you'll get your promotion.
-Think about this.
-Good luck.
-Okay.
How are you?
-Good morning, Sylvia.
-Good morning.
Hi. Are you Bob?
-Bob? No.
-Sorry.
Well, I thought it was rude.
Got to go. 'Bye.
-Good morning.
-How are you?
-Your meeting is in 25 minutes.
-I'm very nervous.
-You look great.
-You do, too.
No calls at all. I really want to be alone.
Get me the Mercedes place.
-Hi.
-Hi.
So?
-Is it beautiful?
-What?
The kitchen. What does it look like?
I chose an orange tile.
-Orange.
-Yeah, burnt orange.
Sounds pretty.
Patty, would you close the door?
What's the matter?
I'm going to hate this house.
What are you talking about?
This morning, after the contractor left,
I was all alone.
I sat in the middle of the living room floor.
I got so sad.
A preview of the next ten years.
I just started shaking.
I don't like anything anymore.
I don't like my life, my house, anything.
What do you mean?
Nothing's changing. I'm not. David's not.
We've just stopped. Life's just going by.
He genuinely believes...
...that this promotion
will change everything. But...
...he believed that every single promotion
and it never does.
Things are always the same.
Maybe this time it will change.
-And if it won't?
-Then it won't.
Then you get divorced.
Do whatever you have to do.
This is Hans. Hold on, please.
I've been holding most of the morning.
This is Hans.
David Howard.
-How are you, David?
-Okay. Listen.
I'm closing in on a decision.
The beige is the best interior.
I think with the dark brown, that's...
-...the best combination.
-That's the most beautiful.
All right, so tell me again...
...everything: tax, license,
out the door, in my garage--
I don't know where your garage is,
but it's $44,420.
It's a lot of money for a car.
It's not a car. It's a Mercedes--
I know it's a Mercedes,
but it's still a lot of money.
Maybe you shouldn't buy the car.
Get a Nova.
There are no extras, right? At that price,
I shouldn't have to add anything.
You just have to add leather.
-lt doesn't come with leather?
-No, that's why I said you have to add it.
-What's in there?
-It's called "Mercedes leather."
What would that be?
It's a thick vinyl. Beautiful seat.
I'd prefer that.
-Let's call it "that" then.
-Beautiful, thick vinyl seat.
Wouldn't you think
there'd be leather in there?
If you buy the car, I'll put some shoes in it.
All right. Thank you.
I'll see you when? Tomorrow night?
I don't know. I'll think about it.
Talk with my wife. It's a big decision.
How about Friday morning?
I can't commit to any day right now.
Certainly not this week.
You'll lose the car. I have stars coming in.
Let me just call you back, all right?
Hold on a second. I'm being buzzed.
It's time for your meeting.
Hans is on the phone. He's coming in
for the kill. Want to help me out?
Oh, no!
He'll call you back.
-Good luck, you got it.
-This is it.
I understand, but it's really impossible
right now. I can call you....
-Good morning.
-Hi.
Go on in, he's expecting you.
-Good luck.
-Thank you.
Say hi to Brad Tooley.
Brad, David Howard.
Brad just joined the agency in the East.
One of the top men at Doyle Dane.
He's fantastic, we're lucky to get him.
I've got two of the best men
in modern advertising right here.
Brad was blown away by your stuff.
-Right, Brad?
-Very impressive.
The Knudsen campaign
was one of the best I've ever seen.
Thank you.
Brad has joined the agency
for a very special reason.
We're going to get Ford.
I can't believe it! Ford?
Trucks, too.
This makes us the biggest agency
in the world!
Puts us at the top of the heap.
I can't believe this.
What a week for us all! This is great!
-Now, David--
-Don't say it.
As Senior Vice President,
I'm here 24 hours a day. Don't worry.
I'm yours. I'll live on this floor.
You're much too valuable
to be Senior Vice President...
...but I do want you to move to New York
and work under Brad.
You two will be in charge of Ford.
You're going to have to hurry though,
you start in two weeks.
God, I'm sorry. I didn't hear....
You start in two weeks.
There was much too much information.
I'm Senior Vice President, then I got lost.
No, I've hired Phil Shubano
as Senior Vice President.
You couldn't. I don't understand.
I'm Senior Vice President.
No, Phil Shubano is.
Then what am l?
He's giving you quite a compliment.
I ask him for the best man he had
and he didn't hesitate for a moment.
He didn't? I don't want to go to New York.
I should get the position I deserve,
not be shifted to another account.
"Another account"?
This is not just "another account."
It's Ford.
I know it's Ford.
You have to keep your promise to me.
I didn't make you any promises.
We had lunches over and over for years...
...and you were grooming me
for Senior Vice President.
I've been here longer than Phil.
I've been here eight years!
Phil's been here less than two.
He's not as clever as you, he's more
of an executive type. I need you creatively.
That explains it, then.
By being clever and being here longer,
I get shifted to another account...
...and he, because of his low intelligence
and short tenure...
...gets this job
I've waited my whole life for!
You keep referring to this
as just another account. It's not. It's Ford.
Is somebody bursting in here
and saying "surprise"? You did this before.
I hate you for this.
Goddamn it, Paul. You caught me again.
Who is bursting in here? Who's doing it?
Nobody's bursting in.
I'm offering you something big.
I'm going to New York?
Maybe you should tell him
about the campaign. That'll help.
We have the rights to
New York, New York.
Don't. Not now.
Listen to this.
When I was on the plane,
I was thinking about this.
It should go something like:
"This little town car
"Will drive you away"
Killer stuff.
I don't want to hear this.
-"It's Ford"
-Brad, shut up! Would you, please?
Listen to me. I must get what I deserve.
This is unfair. I have been here too long.
Please, make me Senior Vice President,
then I'll do what you want.
You can't do this to me!
I thought you'd be thrilled.
"Thrilled"? If it's so thrilling,
you go to New York! I'll stay here.
I'll take you to the airport. I got a car.
Don't talk like that.
I come from New York.
Yes, I know, and you don't want to go back
because people steal everything.
I resent that. That's a clich.
New York is the greatest city there is.
Shut up, Brad.
Your song stunk,
I hate your suit and I could hurt you.
That's enough!
No, I haven't started yet.
Let's pretend a giant mistake was made.
I'll become Senior Vice President
and get what I deserve...
...and I'll work on Ford and do a great job.
Now, let's bring in Allen Funt and end this.
The position is filled.
Well, fuck you!
That's it! Get out and stay out.
I spent the week calling my friends,
asking if they thought I'd get this.
Everyone said I was the best man.
Everyone said, "Don't worry."
Nobody would listen when I said,
"I don't think so."
Obviously, they're right. I'm the best man.
Phil Shubano is the groom!
There I am, standing next to Phil,
watching his life come true.
I know you're upset...
...and I can appreciate it.
I'm going to forget what you just said.
I'm sure you don't want to blow
eight years with this company.
Fuck you!
I don't think I can work with this man.
I'll go back to the hotel.
Brad, just relax. I can't either.
David, you're fired.
Fired? Oh, I'm fired!
This is great. How dare you?
I want my eight years back!
I've wasted my youth for you.
I'm wasted! I'm over.
Come on. I want it back!
I'm standing here until you give them back!
Better yet, I'll take things home. I want
your clock, behind you. Give it to me.
Get me Security, please.
He's calling the cops!
Right now, in my office.
-I can't believe it!
-I'm going to get a bite to eat.
I'll call you later.
You're making a big mistake.
You don't even know me,
you bald-headed fart!
That's enough! Damn it, David, sit down!
Listen to me.
I used to make fun of my friends
who went out to find themselves.
I took the business route.
So, I wind up here. I can't believe it.
What do I get? I get a transfer!
After all these years!
I can get that at a bus stop
without any qualifications.
By the way, our hairpiece secret is off.
Yes, sir?
Would you escort Mr. Howard out, please?
He does not have to escort me out.
I leave on my own, gratefully.
It's all right. I leave gratefully!
Before I do, I think the people in this office
ought to know what went on here today!
Don't have lunch with this man!
He'll want to take you to lunch. Don't go!
He'll tell you how good the future will be.
I've seen the future!
It's a bald-headed man from New York!
Maybe you should talk to Cindy about that.
She knows more about it than I do.
Maybe 3:15? Okay. Bye-bye.
-Quit. Quit your job.
-What?
-Quit my job?
-I did. You do it.
You quit your job?
I didn't really quit, I got fired.
But it was the same thing. You were right.
No more "responsible David." I'm free!
I was responsibly blind. I was a dead man.
I would never have used that word,
if I knew you'd have taken it so literally.
-I'm crediting you for saving my life!
-It was just a word!
They were jacking me off!
They were jacking me off.
I was on the road to nowhere.
Do you know the road?
It goes nowhere! You're on it!
It's a nowhere road.
It just goes around in a circle.
It's the carrot on the stick,
and the watch when you're 70.
Who was made senior vice president?
I don't care anymore
about school senior vice president.
I'm sick of being programmed like a robot.
-Phil Shubano!
-Why?
Phil Shubano,
the under-qualified son of a bitch!
Why? Because life isn't fair.
But it'll balance out.
He'll buy the boat I've had to look at
in that catalogue for three years.
He'll crash in Catalina
and die and seals will eat him!
-Come on, you like Phil.
-I'm just telling you what might be.
He won't die and won't be eaten,
but he'll never find his way back home.
-Quit. I'll wait right here.
-I can't quit now.
-Yes, you can.
-No, I can't.
Even if I wanted to, my boss isn't here.
There's no one I can quit to.
It's time to get out!
We have to touch lndians.
We have to see the mountains and prairies
and the whole rest of that song.
Let's make love right now.
I want to have sex with you right here.
There are people around.
We can do it later at home.
We'll do it later, okay?
We don't have any spontaneity.
You're right. Two responsible people.
Why can't we have sex here?
It's a room with a ceiling. Please.
Fine. Some people you fuck in front of,
others you don't.
We'll find the ones
and we'll fuck in front of them.
-We're free. Quit right now.
-I can't quit my job.
Quit right now.
Fine. I'll wait outside.
Look, my boss isn't here.
Let's talk about this tonight, later,
at home.
I'm hyper. I'm on this high, but it's real!
It's real!
I've got things to do. I'll talk to you
tonight. I love you so much.
One last chance for a quickie. Come on!
Here's a three-bedroom ranch
on two and a half acres.
"Immaculate condition with a hearth.
$55,000."
God, that's really pretty....
"Country living, next to the farmhouse.
$129,000.
"Four bedrooms.
Two and a half acres, a pond.
"$49,000." That's better looking
than this house!
"Five acres in Connecticut.
$80,000." How can that be?
Because it's there. If our new house
was there, it would be $200,000 tops.
We'd pay half of what we're paying.
Look at this.
"Two-family, Bay Village, barn. $55,000."
Look at that house. That's a usable attic.
When was the last time you've seen
a usable attic in California?
That's a usable attic. It's a room.
We have a fan up there and a mouse.
There's a lighthouse here.
An actual lighthouse.
"Two bedrooms, kitchen, playroom."
How does all that fit into a lighthouse?
I've no idea. Go there and ask them.
Listen. This is what I've been doing
all afternoon. Tell me what you think.
Here it is. This is everything we have.
We got a ride on the inflation train
that you would not believe.
In 1978, we bought this house for $150,000.
If we sell our house,
and don't put it back into a behemoth...
...we have a $140,000 profit.
It's money we would've never seen.
It would have gone into the other house.
If we pull out of the new house,
we'll lose $15,000 in escrow.
The best $15,000 we'll ever spend.
We'll have $125,000 left.
We liquidate everything.
Stocks, your father's bonds....
The minimum for both cars, $16,500.
I'm being very conservative.
Very conservative liquidation leaves us...
...$190,000 in cash.
We couldn't.
-$190,000 in cash!
-I don't believe it!
All we need is a motor home. A good one
because we'll be living there forever.
What does a motor home cost?
Guess who went motor-home shopping?
"Hi, friends. Motor homes for sale."
$45,000, complete, for a great one.
Thirty feet long, a bedroom, a bath...
...a kitchen, a microwave that browns,
a little TV.
Beautiful! Better than our new house.
It has wheels, too.
That leaves us $145,000 in cash!
Play devil's advocate.
Can't you live 20 years on $145,000...
...if you're living out of a motor home,
just eating and painting and writing books?
We talked about this when we were 19.
We kept saying, "Let's find ourselves," but
we didn't have money and so watched TV.
Linda, this is just like Easy Rider,
except now it's our turn.
We can drop out
and still have our nest egg!
That's unheard of!
And if we get as far as Connecticut,
and we like one of those farms...
...maybe we could put
a down payment on one.
We could buy the lighthouse
and the Cape Cod pond.
And still have money left over.
What's wrong? Why are you crying?
We really can do anything we want,
can't we?
Who's stopping us?
Nobody.
I'm getting Florida!
Ladies and gentlemen,
could I have your attention, please?
I'd like to make a toast.
To our beautiful friends,
David and Linda Howard. Good luck.
"Good luck"? He's a man of no words.
This is a real nice evening
to be here with...
...you folks.
I do have an announcement
I would like to make.
Although we have no destination and
we'll be roaming around the country...
...there is one place we're going to first,
and that's Las Vegas, Nevada.
Because I would like to,
if she will have me...
...remarry my lovely wife.
Does it fit?
We're both nervous.
I'm drunk, you might be nervous.
That's nice.
An 80-year-old woman
helped me pick this out.
But I couldn't tell
what she was pointing to.
I think it was that one. I hope so.
So, let me make a toast.
See if I can top Ray's toast.
To our wonderful friends...
...we will miss you.
Thanks for being our friends...
...and we'll think of you.
Thanks for giving us this party.
To you, thanks for remarrying me.
And good luck with me.
And to America...look out...
...here we come!
Come up front.
We're crossing the city line.
Hurry. This is historic.
This is a great kitchen.
Melted cheese.
-Microwave?
-Yeah.
-How long did this take?
-28 seconds.
Including the browning time?
Everything. Isn't that great?
Good browning element.
I've never really tasted melted cheese
until now. It tastes good.
I love our new kitchen.
The further we get from LA,
the better it tastes.
You know something? I'm nervous,
but I can't wait to marry you.
I just can't wait.
I'm just carried away by this.
Me, too.
Clara said the Silver Bell Chapel
is the cutest one.
I like that name.
We'll get there at 10:30...
...do it...
...then we're on our way.
Las Vegas, here we come!
-Bright enough for you?
-It's great.
Look at those bells. This is exciting.
I like it. Let's go!
-Aren't you tired?
-I'm excited!
I think we should do this tomorrow.
We're here. Let's do it now!
I think we should do it tomorrow.
We'll both be up and be fresh....
We should get married
at the crack of dawn.
Okay, great idea. We'll camp out
under the stars, we'll come back...
...we'll be the first couple of the new day.
Great. Let's do it.
Are you sure we want to camp out?
Yeah. Don't you want to camp out?
Why don't we make this
like a real old-fashioned honeymoon?
Let's go to the best hotel,
get a honeymoon suite and just celebrate.
We don't want to stay in Las Vegas.
It represents everything we left.
It's the worst money-grabbing place
in the world.
Just tonight. Wouldn't it be fun
to have room service...
...make love in a big bed
and watch porno movies?
Wouldn't that be fun?
Porno movies?
We want to touch lndians.
We will, but just tonight, then never again.
We can take a bath together
in one of those big tubs.
-You want to bathe together?
-Yeah.
We haven't taken a bath together
in a long time.
Will this make you happy?
It's yours.
-How are you?
-Good evening.
My wife and I have dropped out of society
and we were going to spend the night--
-Just ask him for the room.
-This is the way I do it.
We were going to camp out,
sleep under the stars...
...but we're getting remarried tomorrow,
so we wanted the best bridal suite.
Do you have a reservation?
I just dropped out of society.
I don't do reservation things anymore.
Well, we do. I'm sorry,
but the bridal suite is occupied.
It isn't occupied.
It isn't occupied. Give him some money.
We'll get the bridal suite.
-How much do I give him?
-$50.
Just give him the money.
I'll tell you what,
I've worked with computers in college...
...and I know that sometimes
they're complicated machines.
Why don't you run it through once more,
and who knows?
I think I know what you mean. I'll check.
No. It's occupied.
-Give him more money.
-I just gave him $50.
I can't. I'll give him all my money.
Just give him some more money.
Just give him some more money.
I'm not good at this.
I don't get good seats at good games...
...and I've never gotten a ringside table.
It's just something I don't know how to do.
So to save time, how much do you want?
$100.
Oh, my God. Wait a minute.
I think this is a mistake.
We paid for a suite, so does this open up?
-The junior bridal suite.
-What?
Junior bridal suite.
I paid $100 for the best bridal suite.
Is there a senior bridal suite?
I don't know.
I gave him $100.
I don't know.
Can I get into this room?
Is there a big living room that goes here?
I don't know.
Could we get one large heart mattress?
I don't think you can push them together.
I don't know.
Thanks for the help.
What do you think?
If Liberace had children
this would be their room.
I'll check out the bathroom.
Cute little hearts.
Nice bath?
There's no tub.
None?
There's just a tiny heart-shaped shower.
There goes the bath fantasy.
We've got porno movies and room service.
Why don't we go see a show
and have some dinner?
Let's stick to our plan.
We'll eat in this room and be out at dawn.
I'm going to take a nice, hot shower.
It's going to be fun.
Sweetie, let's get married.
Sweetheart?
Linda?
You can't come in here dressed like that.
I saw Electric Horseman. An animal
rode through here with lights on.
Come on back to me, 22.
Come on back to me.
Come on, 22. Come on back.
What are you doing?
Not now, go away.
-How long have you been here?
-We're going for 22.
Twelve.
-Shit!
-How much did you lose?
How much was that?
One more time. 22.
Why are you betting 22?
We got to talk.
She's been here all night.
She's not on a lucky streak.
-How much has she lost?
-Talk to her.
-How much?
-Talk.
-The man says you're--
-What man?
-He says you've lost--
-I was down earlier.
-You're up now?
-I'm still down, but I'll hit.
You're going to bring me bad luck.
Stop it! 22!
Twenty-two.
All right! I'm sorry!
-How much?
-$35.
-We're up!
-We're still down.
-How down?
-Down.
-How down is she?
-Down.
-How down are you?
-Down.
-How much have you lost?
-Everything.
Everything! Everything on 22,
and make it happen for me.
-Twenty-two, come on back to me.
-Where did you get that number?
Double zero.
-Shit!
-You lost. It's gone.
What do you mean "everything"?
There's no more money!
She really likes 22, huh?
Stop it. Come here.
I'm going to hit on 22.
Good morning. May I help you?
We just.... That's fine.
Sit here.
What happened?
At 2:30 this morning,
this man said I was up $100,000.
Why the hell did you start gambling
that kind of money?
It was more chips than I've ever seen.
They were everywhere.
You had no chips when I came downstairs.
But I can get them back.
Stop it.
-The cash in the room, you took that?
-Yes.
-You cashed your personal checks?
-Yes.
-You didn't touch the traveler's checks?
-Yes.
The core of the nest egg?
How much is left of the nest egg?
Nothing. Give or take $1,000.
-"Give or take $1,000"?
-Yeah.
Oh, God! I can't believe it.
It's like a Twilight Zone.
I've never had this feeling before.
There were people rooting and cheering.
It was like being on another planet.
I didn't care.
I didn't have any problems.
Do you know what that feels like?
Why didn't you tell me when we married
you were this gambling-diseased person?
Why didn't you tell me?
Isn't that fair? Then I could've decided.
It's like a venereal disease.
You tell someone.
I've only gambled twice.
This is the second time.
I can't believe it. What did I do?
Why did this happen? What did I do?
-You don't understand--
-Just a minute. I'm tracing my life.
Okay, we can do something.
There's something that can be done.
Let me think. Let me just think.
If you pick up a keno card, I'll kill you!
Listen to me. You stay right here.
I'll go talk to someone.
I think I can get our money back.
Just stay here.
Don't move. I'll be right back.
Stay here. Stay!
-Why are you treating me like an animal?
-I'll tell you later.
Just stay!
How are you feeling?
If it's okay, I need to talk to you
privately, somewhere.
Come on upstairs.
-How are you?
-I'm fine.
Thank you for seeing me.
I've heard a lot about you.
What do you mean?
Who are you talking to?
I meant nice things. You have
a good reputation. You run a great casino.
-Thanks. Is your wife feeling better?
-Much better.
I'm going to present you with an idea.
Before I do, I'll fill you in
on my credentials.
I was creative director
for Ross & McMahon.
-You know them?
-No.
One of the biggest advertising agencies
in the world.
I was creative director on the West Coast,
so when I say I have an idea...
...you know I'm not a jerk.
It's my business.
My wife and I
have dropped out of society...
...and we were going to roam
across the country and "find ourselves."
Just like they did in Easy Rider.
Easy what?
Easy Rider, the film.
I didn't see it.
Great movie. You got to see it.
It's historic.
Anyway, my wife and l, we liquidated.
We put everything into this nest egg...
...and we were going to roam the county,
finding ourselves. Just being.
We lost our nest egg here.
I realize you lost a lot of money.
Your room and your food, comped. Free.
No, I didn't mean that.
That's not what I meant.
I'm going to tell you this idea now...
...and please, be secretive.
If another hotel hears this, they'll take it.
This is my business.
As the boldest experiment in advertising
history, you give us our money back.
I beg your pardon?
Give us our money back.
Think of the publicity!
The Hilton Hotels have these billboards...
...where the faces of the winners of these
slot machine jackpots are all over LA.
I know that works. I've seen people
look up and say, "I'll go to the Hilton."
Well, you give us our money back.
I'm just coming off the top of my head,
but a visual where....
If we had a billboard and the Desert lnn
handed us our nest egg back.
This gives the Desert lnn really....
Vegas is not associated with feeling.
First of all, those people on those signs,
they won.
-You lost.
-But that's it!
That's the campaign.
What's the campaign?
You gave us our money back
because you reviewed our situation...
...and you realized
that we dropped out of society...
...and we weren't just gamblers,
and we made a mistake...
...and you gave our money back.
You would be booked for 10 years.
Then all the gamblers will say, "Go to
the Desert lnn and get our money back."
Not gamblers. You keep all the money.
It's just that my wife and I aren't gamblers.
That's the distinction.
We represent the few people....
There's probably no one else...
...that is going to come and have....
It happened. We're probably the only two.
We represent the people
who have taken the chance...
...and we made a mistake, and then
the Desert lnn corrects it and gives it back.
There is a warm feeling here.
But you don't think everyone
will want their money back?
No, in the campaign...
...you make a clear distinction
between the bold, my wife and l...
...and all the other schmucks
who come to see Wayne Newton.
I like Wayne Newton.
I said Wayne Newton?
I heard you say,
"Schmucks see Wayne Newton."
I like him. That makes me a schmuck?
I'm stupid to use him as a dividing point.
I just meant all the people
that come here carefree...
...on their way to see a show,
and my wife and I...
...who, if you knew us,
believe me, you would....
-You're bold.
-Yes.
So, what do you think?
I don't think the sign will work and--
The sign is wrong. A jingle.
A television campaign.
"The Desert lnn has heart"
That's enough.
The casino is our main means of income.
Not the coffee shop, not the show.
The casino pays all our bills.
If we give everybody's money back,
we can't pay our bills.
We can't change our policy.
Play a word game with me, this will do it.
-What is a hunting lodge for?
-To hunt.
-What do you do at a rest home?
-You rest.
We'll associate the Inn with something
lovely. You don't think of anything, huh?
Gambling. That's why people come here.
To gamble.
They want to hunt, they go to Wisconsin.
To rest, they go to New Orleans.
They want to gamble, they come to Vegas.
That's why it's "Las Vegas gambling."
You see signs around here with guys
with guns shooting ducks?
It's a gambling place. They don't shoot
ducks, raccoons, beavers.
They come to gamble.
That's what we do here.
You're a nice guy, you make me laugh...
...but our policy is:
we can't give your money back.
Say goodbye to your wife. I got to go.
What about Miracle on 34th Street?
-It's the Christmas movie.
-Yes, it was.
There was Gimbel's...
...who feared if they gave something up
they would lose.
They wound up benefiting. He was afraid
he'd lose business to Macy's, but he didn't.
It's the same situation.
This costs you nothing.
To give us back our money is nothing.
You would be the one to benefit.
Wrong.
In that movie,
Santa Claus took care of everything.
There was Macy's, Gimbel's,
but Santa Claus fixed the whole thing.
We don't have Santa Claus.
Then we get him.
Who?
Santa Claus! We get him!
That's the ad campaign. I have the chills.
Santa Claus is on the billboard
handing us our nest egg.
We associate, for the first time ever,
Christmas and Las Vegas.
Las Vegas, a Christmas place to be.
We're finished talking.
I can't take this any more.
Say something. Anything.
Yell, scream, drive off the road.
Anything. Just stop being so quiet.
I'm fine.
I feel horrible. I can't apologize enough.
You'll make yourself sick. I understand.
If I was you, I'd be furious.
But you just can't hold it in.
You've got to let it out.
I'm fine.
Obviously, I can't keep apologizing
for what I did, so...
...let's talk about what we'll do. Our dream
is the same. We just don't have money.
We should stop saying we don't have
any money because we do have some.
We have $802.
That's something.
Yes, that's something.
I think we should make the rest of the day
as pleasant as possible.
We're headed towards Hoover Dam...
...so why don't we make that
our destination?
We could take a walk, maybe have a picnic.
Get some fresh air. Wouldn't that be nice?
-Is that what you'd like?
-Yes.
Fine. Hoover Dam.
Nice dam, huh?
You want to go first or should I?
-Are you hungry?
-No.
I'm starving.
-You shouldn't eat right now.
-Why?
With the little money we have left,
let's not waste it on knick-knacks here.
If that's your attitude, why don't you
give me my half of the money...
...and you do whatever you want
with your half. That's the fair thing.
"The fair thing"?
I can't believe it! That's it!
I have been too controlled!
You took our nest egg and broke it
all over the Desert lnn!
You filled up the casino with yolk.
"The fair thing"! I was sleeping!
-Get it out. Fine.
-Don't treat me like I'm an insane patient!
Let's go back inside. You can yell at me.
But don't yell out here, okay?
Out here? Out where? We live here.
Get used to the cement, honey!
This is our house! Forever!
This is it! We found ourselves.
We found ourselves
in the middle of nowhere, with nothing!
Where are you going?
Please come inside.
What is it?
Sit down.
-What is it?
-Just sit down.
I apologize from the bottom of my heart.
I'll make it up to you.
I'll make you breakfast in bed for life.
Stay away from the food. You'll lose it.
I just want to know how this happened.
I can't understand it.
I just held things in so long I just burst.
What did you hold in?
Everything.
You weren't the only one
whose life wasn't satisfying.
I sat in that office for seven years
without a window.
Sometimes I felt like I was going crazy.
Why didn't you wake me up and say,
"l think I'm having this problem...
"...can I go down and lose everything?"
Then I could've helped and maybe said no.
I'm sure the Desert lnn has an all-night
shrink service, along with the spa.
Someone could've counseled us.
He would've said, "Look...
"...she's got to let it go. Spend $10,000
and rent the Goodyear blimp...
"...and have her fly around
and flash positive things.
"Much cheaper, same result."
Why didn't you wake me up?
We could've talked.
I didn't understand it until now.
I'm glad you understand everything.
Unfortunately, I'm still screwed up.
And we don't have the money to fix me.
You're fixed, and we have
a couple of hundred for me.
$100,000 for you, $100 for me.
I was sicker than you to begin with.
I guess it was my fault. Maybe I just didn't
explain the nest egg well enough.
If you had understood
that it's a very sacred thing.
If you'd understood the nest egg principle,
as we will now call it...
...in the first of many lectures
you will have to get.
If we are ever to acquire another nest egg,
we both have to understand it.
The egg is a protector like a god,
and we sit under the nest egg...
...and we are protected by it.
Without it, no protection.
It pours rain, the rain drops on the egg
and falls off the side.
Without the egg, wet. It's over.
But you didn't understand it,
that's why we're here.
I understood the nest egg.
Do me a favor. Don't use the word.
You may not use that word!
It's off-limits to you.
Only those who understand "nest egg"
may use it.
Don't use any part of it either!
Don't use "nest" or "egg."
If you're in the forest, you could say,
"That bird lives in a round stick."
And you have "things"
over easy with toast.
You know what I'd like to do?
I'd like to give you
a small punishment before lunch...
...and have you write 1,000 times
on the pavement:
"I lost the nest egg."
Come on, say it 500 times.
"I lost the nest egg. I lost the nest egg."
I'm starting it for you. Jump in anywhere!
"I lost the nest egg. I lost the nest egg!"
Shut up on nest egg!
Let me tell you,
that's not how you drop out.
If you're really going to drop out,
you do it with nothing.
Where did you read that,
in The Las Vegas Guide?
I didn't read it.
Friends told me. People who know.
You don't know anybody who knows.
You don't know any drop-outs except us!
In Easy Rider, the movie
on which you're basing your whole life...
...they had nothing. They had no nest egg!
Bullshit! They had a giant nest egg.
They had cocaine.
-That's not true.
-It is true.
Linda, they sold cocaine.
Okay, wait a second. Wait.
I'm not going to stand here
arguing about an old movie.
I'll go back inside. If you figure out a plan
to make $800 last a lifetime...
...knock on the door.
Forget it!
-Forget what?
-Forget everything!
The one good thing that came out of this
is that we forgot to remarry.
That's the one good thing,
and no one has mentioned that yet.
What does that mean?
It means if we'd remarried
it would've been harder to get a divorce.
Now it's easy. I'll stay in Nevada
for six weeks and we're through.
You don't mean that.
You bet your life I do.
'Cause you know what?
I know you'll never let me forget this.
For the rest of our lives, you'll blame me.
So goodbye. It' over. I'm sorry.
Don't hitchhike here in Nevada.
I don't blame you for anything.
You said get angry, and I got angry.
So it's over. Now stop it.
It's not over. You're still yelling.
I'm only yelling because you have
your hand out! Stop it!
I have my dreams and I'll find somebody
who understands them and start over.
I understand your dreams.
Will you take your arm back in?
-Linda, don't do this.
-Get in.
-Linda?
-Goodbye!
Don't get in that car, goddamn it!
Don't get in that car! Stop!
I've lost a woman.
A whole woman.
Just sit anywhere.
She doesn't want to talk to you.
It's my wife. It's between her and me.
But thank you for the ride.
I said, she doesn't want to talk to you.
Thank him for the ride,
tell him it was a family squabble.
You don't listen real good, do you?
By the time I count to three,
I want you out of here.
I don't want you to count.
We'll both go. Honey, let's go.
One, two...
-...three.
-Here we go.
Come on. We've got some fighting to do.
I don't want to fight. He's going to kill me.
Understand that this was my wife.
You remind me of everything I hate.
I believe you. I understand.
-Call the police!
-Somebody call the police!
Call him off! I beg you! Help, police!
-Call the police!
-Somebody call the police!
Call the police, huh? If I wasn't wanted,
I'd stay here and kick your ass.
When things cool down, I'll be back.
You're dead. You're history.
You're dead, pal.
I'm dead, pal.
-This is all of it?
-Yeah. Are you okay?
I'm all right.
Next time, get a ride with a small woman.
Everything will be okay.
Weren't you scared?
What were you talking about?
He was telling me his whole life story.
He was divorced, kicked out of the army,
couldn't keep a job....
-He escaped from prison.
-What did he do?
According to him, those two guys
were dead when he got there.
Well, I showed him, huh?
Pity the man who chases me.
That's not funny.
-You'll laugh soon.
-No, I won't laugh soon.
An adult is not supposed to get
a bloody nose. That's for children.
-Don't make fun of me.
-Okay. I'm sorry.
It's beautiful here, don't you think?
-Where do you want to go?
-I don't know.
-Where are we?
-I don't know. We're in Arizona.
Want to go to Canada?
-Canada?
-Yeah! Let's live in Canada.
-The country?
-Yeah!
Do you know how much
it is to fill up a Winnebago?
It's Arizona or New Mexico,
that's about all we can do right now.
Preferably downhill from here.
I like Arizona.
We'll drive till we find someplace we like.
I think this whole thing
is a blessing in disguise.
Don't start that. It's not.
-Well, I do.
-It's not a blessing in disguise.
I don't know what it is, but it's not that.
Fine. You'll see.
Oh, Linda!
-What's wrong?
-Look.
We're in hell. We entered hell. When?
Maybe he doesn't mean us.
He'll pull me over
to tell me who it really is.
Us?
It's us.
I'm stopping.
I'm driving a whale here.
-What's he look like?
-Bad.
I hate the walkup the worst. I hate it.
Can I see your license and registration?
-What was I doing?
-83 miles per hour.
83? My speedometer--
Could I see your license and registration?
I just bought this and I know
that driving it out of LA--
Just your license, please. Thank you.
-Can I ask a question?
-Wait in the home, please.
Wait in the home, please.
Can I ask you a question, please?
Maybe I was going 70 or 75...
...but I don't think it's possible
I could go 83.
-We have good radar.
-Radar?
You can't use radar on this.
There's a metal ladder here.
It's like an antenna.
We get cable, we don't even want it.
We have a microwave oven.
Wouldn't that do something?
Wouldn't that screw it up?
The dealer told me this would happen.
He said I'd get a ticket for no reason.
Hey, buddy.
Can I ask how much this will cost?
$140 or $150.
We can't pay that. That is too high.
It's too much money. We don't have it.
This isn't a swap meet.
Did you see Easy Rider?
It doesn't work.
You know, the movie Easy Rider?
I can't believe you asked me that.
That's my favorite movie.
I started riding motorcycles because of it.
Why'd you ask me that?
My husband has based his whole life
on that movie.
Not my whole life.
Just the last couple of weeks.
Remember the ending,
when they got blown away?
Great ending.
It made my day.
Remember Jack Nicholson
with the football helmet?
Yes. Nicholson wasn't supposed
to get that part.
-Really?
-No. He lucked into it.
-Remember the scene in the commune?
-With the mimes?
-Yeah.
-Great scene.
Since we all have this in common,
couldn't you maybe let us go this time?
That would be great.
This is like a club, isn't it?
Get out of here.
Dennis Hopper wouldn't give
Peter Fonda a ticket.
Dennis Hopper couldn't find Peter Fonda.
You were real nice. I appreciate it.
That's terrific.
Did you see The Terminator?
No, I didn't. Heard about it, though.
You should see it. You look like him.
Thank you.
You're up $140.
Where are we now?
What does that sign say?
Safford, Arizona.
My legs are asleep. Let's live here.
Kind of nice having young people here.
I like it.
Four more, three more....
Head looks right and left and bend.
Honey! Come on. Breakfast is ready.
-You look nice.
-Good morning.
Last night was amazing.
-Where did we get this?
-We brought it with us.
Here's your coffee. Some eggs?
Cereal?
Let's save the rest of the food.
What time did you get up?
I've been up for hours.
I've been all over this place.
At the end of the road,
there's this sweet little creek.
The people, three doors down,
have this little garden--
Doctor says I'm losing the sight
in my right eye.
I can't hear you.
-I said, I'm losing my sight in my right eye!
-I can't hear you!
-I was thinking we could get a puppy.
-Puppy?
We have to get jobs today.
We'll get jobs today.
It'll be great. This is the beginning.
But for real. We need money.
We will. Great jobs. Today.
We have no plan of attack.
-I'm ready to go.
-What about me?
-Maybe we should go together?
-No, we should go separately.
That way we can cover more territory.
Be very careful. And get a very good job.
Today.
I challenge you. I bet I get one first.
Loser sleeps under the home.
-Try to be back before dark.
-I will.
Good luck.
Buy a cheap lunch.
Okay, bye-bye!
Excuse me.
You scared me. Good morning.
I'm interested in the delivery job.
-For your son?
-For myself.
For you?
-You have your own car?
-No.
It's a delivery job. You would need a car.
I have a motor home.
A motor home?
You couldn't buy gas
with what I'd pay you.
I thought maybe you'd provide the truck.
No, we don't do that. I was going
to get a high-school kid with a Rabbit.
I don't believe an older man
with a motor home would work out.
Well, thank you very much.
You know, I should change that sign...
...from "man" to "boy."
Delivery boy is more correct.
Leave the sign alone. It's fine.
Any high-paying jobs
in the immediate area?
Let me think.
Not in the immediate area.
In the outlying area?
I don't know of any high-paying jobs
in the whole country. Do you?
I used to, not now, though.
A little down on your luck?
-You don't want to hear.
-I sure would.
There's the employment office
down the street, about a half mile.
It's a small building, but you can't miss it.
Maybe they can help you.
All right. Thanks.
So, what can we do for you?
I need work.
What has been
your previous work experience?
For the last eight years,
I was with Ross & McMahon.
The last four of those as creative director.
You know them?
-No
-Advertising agency.
One of the biggest in the world.
Before that I worked
in and out of advertising...
...nothing to speak of, for about five years.
I worked in a catering truck for...
...seven months in Pittsburgh,
and made food.
I worked at a crisis center
for three months.
Not dealing directly with crises,
more just answering the phone.
The regular phone, not the crisis phone.
In high school,
I worked at a stuffed-fruit place.
We don't have to go back that far.
More recent.
Advertising. Eight years,
Ross & McMahon.
What was your previous salary?
$80,000 was the base salary,
and then I was on a bonus situation...
...which would give me
between $15,000 and $25,000...
...depending on the year we had.
Generally, $100,000.
$100,000?
Over what period of time
are we talking about?
-A year.
-A year?
-What's so funny?
-Nothing.
What brings you here?
Trying to double up on that income?
I've come here to live.
I'm trying to change my life.
You couldn't change your life on $100,000?
Have you got any jobs for me?
I don't have anything right now
that you'd be interested in.
Check back with me in a month.
I'm very interested. What do you have?
Coming from your position and salary,
you wouldn't be interested in it.
You don't know me.
I might love it. What is it?
A crossing guard.
-What is that?
-A crossing guard.
-At a school?
-Where else have you seen them work?
I didn't know if there were different kinds.
What does that pay?
$100,000.
What does it really pay?
It pays $5.50 an hour, plus benefits.
The benefits meaning?
You get a ride to and from school
if you need it.
Do you have anything at all?
Something in the executive file?
Or maybe you have
a white-collar box or something?
What sort of box would that be?
Just a box of higher paying jobs.
I know! You mean the $100,000 box!
I'm glad I could be your entertainment.
But I want to tell you something.
I made a statement.
-A statement?
-Yes.
Did you see Easy Rider?
No. I saw Easy Money.
Rodney Dangerfield, I like him.
That "no respect" bit is funny.
Hi, honey.
-Guess what.
-A job?
-I won't know for sure until tomorrow.
-Doing what?
I don't want to say anything but--
-Give me a hint.
-Assistant manager.
The manager's going to sleep on it tonight.
I won't say more. I'm superstitious.
I don't want to jinx it.
-I can't believe it.
-What about you?
I had some good leads.
Give me a hint.
I don't want to jinx mine either.
I understand.
Are you paid to sit on your ass? Let's go.
Get us across the street, retardo!
Don't call me "retardo."
Come on, retardo!
Right now, sucker. Let's go, now!
Across the street, now!
We ain't got time to wait.
We're already late.
You're goint to get hurt.
Just cross the street.
Get off your bike and walk it
across the street.
Walk your bike! I'm warning you!
Walk your bike!
Do you come from the dump?
I take no responsibility for your safety.
Just die for us and save us the problem.
Brillo pad, fathead!
I was a kid once. Get out of here, you--
Come on, fast! Fast!
Here we go, hey! Kill the child!
Hey, mister? Where am l?
Safford, Arizona.
Oh, my God! How do I get to LA?
-Do you know where 70 is?
-No.
Go about three and a half blocks.
You see that "Stop" sign?
Turn left, go all the way down
until you hit 70.
Get on 70. That turns into 60
and it takes you to Phoenix.
Let me understand that.
The "Stop" sign, turn left to 60--
What are you smelling?
Is this interior leather?
Yeah, it comes with the car.
-It's nice.
-It's lovely.
I go down to the "Stop" sign, turn left...
...go to 70. 70 takes me to 60,
then to Phoenix. Is that correct?
-Do you like this car?
-What's not to like?
What are you?
A crossing guard. What are you?
I'm the assistant manager
at the Der Wienerschnitzel.
The what?
The Der Wienerschnitzel.
The manager wanted to sleep on it.
He said right after I left, I got it.
He didn't know how to contact me.
That's the job you were waiting for?
-You sell hot dogs?
-Yeah.
This place is great!
When you flush the toilet,
where does it go?
Who is this?
This is Skip, the manager.
This is David, my husband.
You're the manager?
You slept on it?
He slept on it?
How you doing?
Call me Skippy.
Linda told me what you did.
The drop-out thing.
I really admire you.
When I'm old, I might do it.
Did she say what happened today?
He's tired. I'll tell him later.
No, I want to hear Skip talk.
Hello?
We have this frying machine.
We didn't really know how to use it...
...but the funny thing is we used it anyway.
We put the oil in, read the instructions,
threw the fries in....
They were done. Serve them.
She comes up to me and says:
"Skip, these fries are frozen."
So we look at them in the light
and we see they're frozen.
A little bit of ice.
You were eating them frozen?
What do you want me to do?
The point is, she saw this minor detail
on the first day.
Do you believe it? You've got a good wife.
That's why I married her.
That's why I hired her!
I want to talk to her.
Don't get me wrong.
I've had a lot of fun these last two weeks.
Things didn't go like we hoped...
...but if we're still together now,
after what happened, we won't split up.
That makes me feel great,
and I'm real happy.
Isn't that wonderful?
I told you this would be a blessing.
Right.
Given our age and these jobs,
we won't see another nest egg for....
Ever. We'll never see anything.
I think that there has to be
some better way to rebuild than this.
I thought of a plan
that might speed things up.
Maybe I should sound it out with you.
Really? I was kind of thinking
the same thing, too.
-You were?
-I was.
-What is it?
-What was your plan?
My plan is not a plan, just a back-up.
What's your plan?
I was thinking that we go to New York
as fast as we can.
-And I eat shit?
-Yeah.
My plan, too!
Skippy. Out.
Brad!
How are you?
Oh, my God! Stay away from me!
Brad, I was joking with you!
Hazy sunshine through Wednesday.
And that's the 2:00 a.m. report.
You're listening to KMPC 710 in LA.
The Mutual Broadcasting System presents
the Larry King Show...
...network radio's most listened-to
talk program. And now, Larry King!
We're with Rex Reed,
film critic of the New York Post.
Give me the modus operandi of Rex Reed.
Would you rather watch a movie
in a crowded theater...
...or in that special screening room?
I like to see movies in the daytime.
I don't like to see movies at night
because I like to be fresh.
I like 10:00 a.m. screenings if possible.
I like to be in a screening room preferably
all alone. Although that rarely happens.
I don't like to go to these
packed movie houses at night...
... where they fill the theater with
all the secretaries from the film company...
...and all the secretaries' second cousins...
...because they want the audience
to scream and yell.
They're like backers at an opening night.
But what about that which Mel Brooks
told me, always needs an audience:
The comedy?
If you're sitting alone at 10:00...
-... watching a comedy--
-If it's really funny, I'll laugh.
I don't need 40 other people laughing
to remind me I should be laughing.
I mean, I don't respond very well
to mass hysteria anyway.
With Rex Reed, we're ready to go
to your phone calls.
We start with Cincinnati. Hello.
Hi. Good morning, Larry.
Rex, I wanted to tell you
that I think your forth rightness...
...is refreshing and your dry wit
and your humor, it cracks me up.
I like your opinions.
You usually agree with me.
It gets me into a lot of trouble
sometimes, though.
But do you care?
-Well, I used to a lot.
-Really?
I go back to, like today, I can go and see....
I'll let myself see a "P" or a "PG"...
...because I don't like to be
uncomfortable or embarrassed.
I saw The Black Stallion twice,
so you know where I'm coming from.
What's the question?
Sex, to me, is not a spectator sport.
Are we going to see some good,
thoughtful, clean movies again?
You've had a few lately.
I agree with you. The imagination can do
so much more to build a scene...
...or to sustain an emotion.
I found a lot of the pictures
that I saw, growing up...
...much sexier than any of the things
I've seen today.
I remember The Fountainhead
with Gary Cooper and Patricia Neal....
Linda?
She just looked at him.
You saw lust written all over her face...
...and they didn't take
their clothes off at all.
Are you sleeping?
Maybe we shouldn't move.
Oh, God. What's the matter now?
Nothing. It's just time
to ask these questions.
We sold our house. We should have asked
these questions before.
All right, then I can't talk to you,
so good night.
Stop it!
You're just nervous about tomorrow.
You'll get the promotion. We'll move into
the new house and we'll be happy. Okay?
You should hear your voice.
It just fills this room with excitement.
I'm tired. Stop questioning.
We made a wise decision.
Let's feel good about it.
All right. Okay, good night.
Good night.
Why that house?
What?
It's too close.
Maybe we should have moved far away.
We needed more space,
and that house has more space.
The purpose of a house is more than space.
We could've rented a locker.
Also, we didn't get a tennis court.
We don't play tennis.
We don't have a court.
If you have a court, you learn.
Possibly some day we'll have a court
and we'll learn.
-Can I ask you something else?
-What?
How come we let the moving company
pack for us?
Shouldn't we have done it ourselves?
Maybe we're being irresponsible.
I don't believe you.
One minute it's a tennis court...
...then you're worried about
the moving company packing a box.
Sometimes I wish we were
a little more irresponsible.
What does that mean?
Nothing. Just get some sleep.
You'll feel better.
What do you mean, you wish we were
irresponsible? Are we too responsible?
Sometimes I think
we are a bit too controlled.
You do? We're too "controlled"?
How do you go out
and buy a $450,000 house...
...and get all the things you want
and not be controlled?
What are you talking about?
What difference does it make?
I'll go sleep in the garage.
-Don't do that!
-Why not?
I'm responsible.
I should be guarding the car.
You're insane!
I'm insane and responsible.
This is a potent combination.
I'm not sleeping in the garage.
What am I doing? I'm not an animal.
-What?
-I'm not an animal.
Come on, come to bed.
I apologize.
But don't call me names.
What names?
Calling me responsible is calling me what?
Old or stodgy or stuffed up?
I'm doing the best I can.
I don't know what else to do.
Also, you're not so irresponsible yourself.
Look at your job.
Personnel Director is like in a Nazi camp.
If you hire one person they don't like,
they fire you.
You're upset. I'm sorry I used that word.
After tomorrow, everything will be better.
I'm positive. Don't you think so?
You always say that.
Yeah, but for eight years it's been one way.
I've been this employee...
...and then tomorrow,
I'll get this promotion and that's it.
I'll have stock in this agency.
That makes me responsible.
Genuinely responsible.
Now I can be irresponsible.
I'm in a position of responsibility.
Do you know what I mean?
-Yeah, I guess so.
-Okay.
Good night.
How are you?
Well, I'm flattered.
That's more!
Come over to our new house
and we'll barbeque. Let's celebrate this.
Ribs, fish, I don't care. Anything.
Did you ever barbeque--
-What are you doing?
-Nothing.
I'm on my way to meet Mr. Taft.
Can you be there in 20 minutes?
I can't pick tile out this morning.
It's the biggest day of my life!
-We said we'd do this together.
-I can't do it.
You're in the kitchen more than me.
I don't think about anything in the kitchen.
It's your kitchen.
-Now we're angry.
-No, I'm not.
-Good luck and you'll get your promotion.
-Think about this.
-Good luck.
-Okay.
How are you?
-Good morning, Sylvia.
-Good morning.
Hi. Are you Bob?
-Bob? No.
-Sorry.
Well, I thought it was rude.
Got to go. 'Bye.
-Good morning.
-How are you?
-Your meeting is in 25 minutes.
-I'm very nervous.
-You look great.
-You do, too.
No calls at all. I really want to be alone.
Get me the Mercedes place.
-Hi.
-Hi.
So?
-Is it beautiful?
-What?
The kitchen. What does it look like?
I chose an orange tile.
-Orange.
-Yeah, burnt orange.
Sounds pretty.
Patty, would you close the door?
What's the matter?
I'm going to hate this house.
What are you talking about?
This morning, after the contractor left,
I was all alone.
I sat in the middle of the living room floor.
I got so sad.
A preview of the next ten years.
I just started shaking.
I don't like anything anymore.
I don't like my life, my house, anything.
What do you mean?
Nothing's changing. I'm not. David's not.
We've just stopped. Life's just going by.
He genuinely believes...
...that this promotion
will change everything. But...
...he believed that every single promotion
and it never does.
Things are always the same.
Maybe this time it will change.
-And if it won't?
-Then it won't.
Then you get divorced.
Do whatever you have to do.
This is Hans. Hold on, please.
I've been holding most of the morning.
This is Hans.
David Howard.
-How are you, David?
-Okay. Listen.
I'm closing in on a decision.
The beige is the best interior.
I think with the dark brown, that's...
-...the best combination.
-That's the most beautiful.
All right, so tell me again...
...everything: tax, license,
out the door, in my garage--
I don't know where your garage is,
but it's $44,420.
It's a lot of money for a car.
It's not a car. It's a Mercedes--
I know it's a Mercedes,
but it's still a lot of money.
Maybe you shouldn't buy the car.
Get a Nova.
There are no extras, right? At that price,
I shouldn't have to add anything.
You just have to add leather.
-lt doesn't come with leather?
-No, that's why I said you have to add it.
-What's in there?
-It's called "Mercedes leather."
What would that be?
It's a thick vinyl. Beautiful seat.
I'd prefer that.
-Let's call it "that" then.
-Beautiful, thick vinyl seat.
Wouldn't you think
there'd be leather in there?
If you buy the car, I'll put some shoes in it.
All right. Thank you.
I'll see you when? Tomorrow night?
I don't know. I'll think about it.
Talk with my wife. It's a big decision.
How about Friday morning?
I can't commit to any day right now.
Certainly not this week.
You'll lose the car. I have stars coming in.
Let me just call you back, all right?
Hold on a second. I'm being buzzed.
It's time for your meeting.
Hans is on the phone. He's coming in
for the kill. Want to help me out?
Oh, no!
He'll call you back.
-Good luck, you got it.
-This is it.
I understand, but it's really impossible
right now. I can call you....
-Good morning.
-Hi.
Go on in, he's expecting you.
-Good luck.
-Thank you.
Say hi to Brad Tooley.
Brad, David Howard.
Brad just joined the agency in the East.
One of the top men at Doyle Dane.
He's fantastic, we're lucky to get him.
I've got two of the best men
in modern advertising right here.
Brad was blown away by your stuff.
-Right, Brad?
-Very impressive.
The Knudsen campaign
was one of the best I've ever seen.
Thank you.
Brad has joined the agency
for a very special reason.
We're going to get Ford.
I can't believe it! Ford?
Trucks, too.
This makes us the biggest agency
in the world!
Puts us at the top of the heap.
I can't believe this.
What a week for us all! This is great!
-Now, David--
-Don't say it.
As Senior Vice President,
I'm here 24 hours a day. Don't worry.
I'm yours. I'll live on this floor.
You're much too valuable
to be Senior Vice President...
...but I do want you to move to New York
and work under Brad.
You two will be in charge of Ford.
You're going to have to hurry though,
you start in two weeks.
God, I'm sorry. I didn't hear....
You start in two weeks.
There was much too much information.
I'm Senior Vice President, then I got lost.
No, I've hired Phil Shubano
as Senior Vice President.
You couldn't. I don't understand.
I'm Senior Vice President.
No, Phil Shubano is.
Then what am l?
He's giving you quite a compliment.
I ask him for the best man he had
and he didn't hesitate for a moment.
He didn't? I don't want to go to New York.
I should get the position I deserve,
not be shifted to another account.
"Another account"?
This is not just "another account."
It's Ford.
I know it's Ford.
You have to keep your promise to me.
I didn't make you any promises.
We had lunches over and over for years...
...and you were grooming me
for Senior Vice President.
I've been here longer than Phil.
I've been here eight years!
Phil's been here less than two.
He's not as clever as you, he's more
of an executive type. I need you creatively.
That explains it, then.
By being clever and being here longer,
I get shifted to another account...
...and he, because of his low intelligence
and short tenure...
...gets this job
I've waited my whole life for!
You keep referring to this
as just another account. It's not. It's Ford.
Is somebody bursting in here
and saying "surprise"? You did this before.
I hate you for this.
Goddamn it, Paul. You caught me again.
Who is bursting in here? Who's doing it?
Nobody's bursting in.
I'm offering you something big.
I'm going to New York?
Maybe you should tell him
about the campaign. That'll help.
We have the rights to
New York, New York.
Don't. Not now.
Listen to this.
When I was on the plane,
I was thinking about this.
It should go something like:
"This little town car
"Will drive you away"
Killer stuff.
I don't want to hear this.
-"It's Ford"
-Brad, shut up! Would you, please?
Listen to me. I must get what I deserve.
This is unfair. I have been here too long.
Please, make me Senior Vice President,
then I'll do what you want.
You can't do this to me!
I thought you'd be thrilled.
"Thrilled"? If it's so thrilling,
you go to New York! I'll stay here.
I'll take you to the airport. I got a car.
Don't talk like that.
I come from New York.
Yes, I know, and you don't want to go back
because people steal everything.
I resent that. That's a clich.
New York is the greatest city there is.
Shut up, Brad.
Your song stunk,
I hate your suit and I could hurt you.
That's enough!
No, I haven't started yet.
Let's pretend a giant mistake was made.
I'll become Senior Vice President
and get what I deserve...
...and I'll work on Ford and do a great job.
Now, let's bring in Allen Funt and end this.
The position is filled.
Well, fuck you!
That's it! Get out and stay out.
I spent the week calling my friends,
asking if they thought I'd get this.
Everyone said I was the best man.
Everyone said, "Don't worry."
Nobody would listen when I said,
"I don't think so."
Obviously, they're right. I'm the best man.
Phil Shubano is the groom!
There I am, standing next to Phil,
watching his life come true.
I know you're upset...
...and I can appreciate it.
I'm going to forget what you just said.
I'm sure you don't want to blow
eight years with this company.
Fuck you!
I don't think I can work with this man.
I'll go back to the hotel.
Brad, just relax. I can't either.
David, you're fired.
Fired? Oh, I'm fired!
This is great. How dare you?
I want my eight years back!
I've wasted my youth for you.
I'm wasted! I'm over.
Come on. I want it back!
I'm standing here until you give them back!
Better yet, I'll take things home. I want
your clock, behind you. Give it to me.
Get me Security, please.
He's calling the cops!
Right now, in my office.
-I can't believe it!
-I'm going to get a bite to eat.
I'll call you later.
You're making a big mistake.
You don't even know me,
you bald-headed fart!
That's enough! Damn it, David, sit down!
Listen to me.
I used to make fun of my friends
who went out to find themselves.
I took the business route.
So, I wind up here. I can't believe it.
What do I get? I get a transfer!
After all these years!
I can get that at a bus stop
without any qualifications.
By the way, our hairpiece secret is off.
Yes, sir?
Would you escort Mr. Howard out, please?
He does not have to escort me out.
I leave on my own, gratefully.
It's all right. I leave gratefully!
Before I do, I think the people in this office
ought to know what went on here today!
Don't have lunch with this man!
He'll want to take you to lunch. Don't go!
He'll tell you how good the future will be.
I've seen the future!
It's a bald-headed man from New York!
Maybe you should talk to Cindy about that.
She knows more about it than I do.
Maybe 3:15? Okay. Bye-bye.
-Quit. Quit your job.
-What?
-Quit my job?
-I did. You do it.
You quit your job?
I didn't really quit, I got fired.
But it was the same thing. You were right.
No more "responsible David." I'm free!
I was responsibly blind. I was a dead man.
I would never have used that word,
if I knew you'd have taken it so literally.
-I'm crediting you for saving my life!
-It was just a word!
They were jacking me off!
They were jacking me off.
I was on the road to nowhere.
Do you know the road?
It goes nowhere! You're on it!
It's a nowhere road.
It just goes around in a circle.
It's the carrot on the stick,
and the watch when you're 70.
Who was made senior vice president?
I don't care anymore
about school senior vice president.
I'm sick of being programmed like a robot.
-Phil Shubano!
-Why?
Phil Shubano,
the under-qualified son of a bitch!
Why? Because life isn't fair.
But it'll balance out.
He'll buy the boat I've had to look at
in that catalogue for three years.
He'll crash in Catalina
and die and seals will eat him!
-Come on, you like Phil.
-I'm just telling you what might be.
He won't die and won't be eaten,
but he'll never find his way back home.
-Quit. I'll wait right here.
-I can't quit now.
-Yes, you can.
-No, I can't.
Even if I wanted to, my boss isn't here.
There's no one I can quit to.
It's time to get out!
We have to touch lndians.
We have to see the mountains and prairies
and the whole rest of that song.
Let's make love right now.
I want to have sex with you right here.
There are people around.
We can do it later at home.
We'll do it later, okay?
We don't have any spontaneity.
You're right. Two responsible people.
Why can't we have sex here?
It's a room with a ceiling. Please.
Fine. Some people you fuck in front of,
others you don't.
We'll find the ones
and we'll fuck in front of them.
-We're free. Quit right now.
-I can't quit my job.
Quit right now.
Fine. I'll wait outside.
Look, my boss isn't here.
Let's talk about this tonight, later,
at home.
I'm hyper. I'm on this high, but it's real!
It's real!
I've got things to do. I'll talk to you
tonight. I love you so much.
One last chance for a quickie. Come on!
Here's a three-bedroom ranch
on two and a half acres.
"Immaculate condition with a hearth.
$55,000."
God, that's really pretty....
"Country living, next to the farmhouse.
$129,000.
"Four bedrooms.
Two and a half acres, a pond.
"$49,000." That's better looking
than this house!
"Five acres in Connecticut.
$80,000." How can that be?
Because it's there. If our new house
was there, it would be $200,000 tops.
We'd pay half of what we're paying.
Look at this.
"Two-family, Bay Village, barn. $55,000."
Look at that house. That's a usable attic.
When was the last time you've seen
a usable attic in California?
That's a usable attic. It's a room.
We have a fan up there and a mouse.
There's a lighthouse here.
An actual lighthouse.
"Two bedrooms, kitchen, playroom."
How does all that fit into a lighthouse?
I've no idea. Go there and ask them.
Listen. This is what I've been doing
all afternoon. Tell me what you think.
Here it is. This is everything we have.
We got a ride on the inflation train
that you would not believe.
In 1978, we bought this house for $150,000.
If we sell our house,
and don't put it back into a behemoth...
...we have a $140,000 profit.
It's money we would've never seen.
It would have gone into the other house.
If we pull out of the new house,
we'll lose $15,000 in escrow.
The best $15,000 we'll ever spend.
We'll have $125,000 left.
We liquidate everything.
Stocks, your father's bonds....
The minimum for both cars, $16,500.
I'm being very conservative.
Very conservative liquidation leaves us...
...$190,000 in cash.
We couldn't.
-$190,000 in cash!
-I don't believe it!
All we need is a motor home. A good one
because we'll be living there forever.
What does a motor home cost?
Guess who went motor-home shopping?
"Hi, friends. Motor homes for sale."
$45,000, complete, for a great one.
Thirty feet long, a bedroom, a bath...
...a kitchen, a microwave that browns,
a little TV.
Beautiful! Better than our new house.
It has wheels, too.
That leaves us $145,000 in cash!
Play devil's advocate.
Can't you live 20 years on $145,000...
...if you're living out of a motor home,
just eating and painting and writing books?
We talked about this when we were 19.
We kept saying, "Let's find ourselves," but
we didn't have money and so watched TV.
Linda, this is just like Easy Rider,
except now it's our turn.
We can drop out
and still have our nest egg!
That's unheard of!
And if we get as far as Connecticut,
and we like one of those farms...
...maybe we could put
a down payment on one.
We could buy the lighthouse
and the Cape Cod pond.
And still have money left over.
What's wrong? Why are you crying?
We really can do anything we want,
can't we?
Who's stopping us?
Nobody.
I'm getting Florida!
Ladies and gentlemen,
could I have your attention, please?
I'd like to make a toast.
To our beautiful friends,
David and Linda Howard. Good luck.
"Good luck"? He's a man of no words.
This is a real nice evening
to be here with...
...you folks.
I do have an announcement
I would like to make.
Although we have no destination and
we'll be roaming around the country...
...there is one place we're going to first,
and that's Las Vegas, Nevada.
Because I would like to,
if she will have me...
...remarry my lovely wife.
Does it fit?
We're both nervous.
I'm drunk, you might be nervous.
That's nice.
An 80-year-old woman
helped me pick this out.
But I couldn't tell
what she was pointing to.
I think it was that one. I hope so.
So, let me make a toast.
See if I can top Ray's toast.
To our wonderful friends...
...we will miss you.
Thanks for being our friends...
...and we'll think of you.
Thanks for giving us this party.
To you, thanks for remarrying me.
And good luck with me.
And to America...look out...
...here we come!
Come up front.
We're crossing the city line.
Hurry. This is historic.
This is a great kitchen.
Melted cheese.
-Microwave?
-Yeah.
-How long did this take?
-28 seconds.
Including the browning time?
Everything. Isn't that great?
Good browning element.
I've never really tasted melted cheese
until now. It tastes good.
I love our new kitchen.
The further we get from LA,
the better it tastes.
You know something? I'm nervous,
but I can't wait to marry you.
I just can't wait.
I'm just carried away by this.
Me, too.
Clara said the Silver Bell Chapel
is the cutest one.
I like that name.
We'll get there at 10:30...
...do it...
...then we're on our way.
Las Vegas, here we come!
-Bright enough for you?
-It's great.
Look at those bells. This is exciting.
I like it. Let's go!
-Aren't you tired?
-I'm excited!
I think we should do this tomorrow.
We're here. Let's do it now!
I think we should do it tomorrow.
We'll both be up and be fresh....
We should get married
at the crack of dawn.
Okay, great idea. We'll camp out
under the stars, we'll come back...
...we'll be the first couple of the new day.
Great. Let's do it.
Are you sure we want to camp out?
Yeah. Don't you want to camp out?
Why don't we make this
like a real old-fashioned honeymoon?
Let's go to the best hotel,
get a honeymoon suite and just celebrate.
We don't want to stay in Las Vegas.
It represents everything we left.
It's the worst money-grabbing place
in the world.
Just tonight. Wouldn't it be fun
to have room service...
...make love in a big bed
and watch porno movies?
Wouldn't that be fun?
Porno movies?
We want to touch lndians.
We will, but just tonight, then never again.
We can take a bath together
in one of those big tubs.
-You want to bathe together?
-Yeah.
We haven't taken a bath together
in a long time.
Will this make you happy?
It's yours.
-How are you?
-Good evening.
My wife and I have dropped out of society
and we were going to spend the night--
-Just ask him for the room.
-This is the way I do it.
We were going to camp out,
sleep under the stars...
...but we're getting remarried tomorrow,
so we wanted the best bridal suite.
Do you have a reservation?
I just dropped out of society.
I don't do reservation things anymore.
Well, we do. I'm sorry,
but the bridal suite is occupied.
It isn't occupied.
It isn't occupied. Give him some money.
We'll get the bridal suite.
-How much do I give him?
-$50.
Just give him the money.
I'll tell you what,
I've worked with computers in college...
...and I know that sometimes
they're complicated machines.
Why don't you run it through once more,
and who knows?
I think I know what you mean. I'll check.
No. It's occupied.
-Give him more money.
-I just gave him $50.
I can't. I'll give him all my money.
Just give him some more money.
Just give him some more money.
I'm not good at this.
I don't get good seats at good games...
...and I've never gotten a ringside table.
It's just something I don't know how to do.
So to save time, how much do you want?
$100.
Oh, my God. Wait a minute.
I think this is a mistake.
We paid for a suite, so does this open up?
-The junior bridal suite.
-What?
Junior bridal suite.
I paid $100 for the best bridal suite.
Is there a senior bridal suite?
I don't know.
I gave him $100.
I don't know.
Can I get into this room?
Is there a big living room that goes here?
I don't know.
Could we get one large heart mattress?
I don't think you can push them together.
I don't know.
Thanks for the help.
What do you think?
If Liberace had children
this would be their room.
I'll check out the bathroom.
Cute little hearts.
Nice bath?
There's no tub.
None?
There's just a tiny heart-shaped shower.
There goes the bath fantasy.
We've got porno movies and room service.
Why don't we go see a show
and have some dinner?
Let's stick to our plan.
We'll eat in this room and be out at dawn.
I'm going to take a nice, hot shower.
It's going to be fun.
Sweetie, let's get married.
Sweetheart?
Linda?
You can't come in here dressed like that.
I saw Electric Horseman. An animal
rode through here with lights on.
Come on back to me, 22.
Come on back to me.
Come on, 22. Come on back.
What are you doing?
Not now, go away.
-How long have you been here?
-We're going for 22.
Twelve.
-Shit!
-How much did you lose?
How much was that?
One more time. 22.
Why are you betting 22?
We got to talk.
She's been here all night.
She's not on a lucky streak.
-How much has she lost?
-Talk to her.
-How much?
-Talk.
-The man says you're--
-What man?
-He says you've lost--
-I was down earlier.
-You're up now?
-I'm still down, but I'll hit.
You're going to bring me bad luck.
Stop it! 22!
Twenty-two.
All right! I'm sorry!
-How much?
-$35.
-We're up!
-We're still down.
-How down?
-Down.
-How down is she?
-Down.
-How down are you?
-Down.
-How much have you lost?
-Everything.
Everything! Everything on 22,
and make it happen for me.
-Twenty-two, come on back to me.
-Where did you get that number?
Double zero.
-Shit!
-You lost. It's gone.
What do you mean "everything"?
There's no more money!
She really likes 22, huh?
Stop it. Come here.
I'm going to hit on 22.
Good morning. May I help you?
We just.... That's fine.
Sit here.
What happened?
At 2:30 this morning,
this man said I was up $100,000.
Why the hell did you start gambling
that kind of money?
It was more chips than I've ever seen.
They were everywhere.
You had no chips when I came downstairs.
But I can get them back.
Stop it.
-The cash in the room, you took that?
-Yes.
-You cashed your personal checks?
-Yes.
-You didn't touch the traveler's checks?
-Yes.
The core of the nest egg?
How much is left of the nest egg?
Nothing. Give or take $1,000.
-"Give or take $1,000"?
-Yeah.
Oh, God! I can't believe it.
It's like a Twilight Zone.
I've never had this feeling before.
There were people rooting and cheering.
It was like being on another planet.
I didn't care.
I didn't have any problems.
Do you know what that feels like?
Why didn't you tell me when we married
you were this gambling-diseased person?
Why didn't you tell me?
Isn't that fair? Then I could've decided.
It's like a venereal disease.
You tell someone.
I've only gambled twice.
This is the second time.
I can't believe it. What did I do?
Why did this happen? What did I do?
-You don't understand--
-Just a minute. I'm tracing my life.
Okay, we can do something.
There's something that can be done.
Let me think. Let me just think.
If you pick up a keno card, I'll kill you!
Listen to me. You stay right here.
I'll go talk to someone.
I think I can get our money back.
Just stay here.
Don't move. I'll be right back.
Stay here. Stay!
-Why are you treating me like an animal?
-I'll tell you later.
Just stay!
How are you feeling?
If it's okay, I need to talk to you
privately, somewhere.
Come on upstairs.
-How are you?
-I'm fine.
Thank you for seeing me.
I've heard a lot about you.
What do you mean?
Who are you talking to?
I meant nice things. You have
a good reputation. You run a great casino.
-Thanks. Is your wife feeling better?
-Much better.
I'm going to present you with an idea.
Before I do, I'll fill you in
on my credentials.
I was creative director
for Ross & McMahon.
-You know them?
-No.
One of the biggest advertising agencies
in the world.
I was creative director on the West Coast,
so when I say I have an idea...
...you know I'm not a jerk.
It's my business.
My wife and I
have dropped out of society...
...and we were going to roam
across the country and "find ourselves."
Just like they did in Easy Rider.
Easy what?
Easy Rider, the film.
I didn't see it.
Great movie. You got to see it.
It's historic.
Anyway, my wife and l, we liquidated.
We put everything into this nest egg...
...and we were going to roam the county,
finding ourselves. Just being.
We lost our nest egg here.
I realize you lost a lot of money.
Your room and your food, comped. Free.
No, I didn't mean that.
That's not what I meant.
I'm going to tell you this idea now...
...and please, be secretive.
If another hotel hears this, they'll take it.
This is my business.
As the boldest experiment in advertising
history, you give us our money back.
I beg your pardon?
Give us our money back.
Think of the publicity!
The Hilton Hotels have these billboards...
...where the faces of the winners of these
slot machine jackpots are all over LA.
I know that works. I've seen people
look up and say, "I'll go to the Hilton."
Well, you give us our money back.
I'm just coming off the top of my head,
but a visual where....
If we had a billboard and the Desert lnn
handed us our nest egg back.
This gives the Desert lnn really....
Vegas is not associated with feeling.
First of all, those people on those signs,
they won.
-You lost.
-But that's it!
That's the campaign.
What's the campaign?
You gave us our money back
because you reviewed our situation...
...and you realized
that we dropped out of society...
...and we weren't just gamblers,
and we made a mistake...
...and you gave our money back.
You would be booked for 10 years.
Then all the gamblers will say, "Go to
the Desert lnn and get our money back."
Not gamblers. You keep all the money.
It's just that my wife and I aren't gamblers.
That's the distinction.
We represent the few people....
There's probably no one else...
...that is going to come and have....
It happened. We're probably the only two.
We represent the people
who have taken the chance...
...and we made a mistake, and then
the Desert lnn corrects it and gives it back.
There is a warm feeling here.
But you don't think everyone
will want their money back?
No, in the campaign...
...you make a clear distinction
between the bold, my wife and l...
...and all the other schmucks
who come to see Wayne Newton.
I like Wayne Newton.
I said Wayne Newton?
I heard you say,
"Schmucks see Wayne Newton."
I like him. That makes me a schmuck?
I'm stupid to use him as a dividing point.
I just meant all the people
that come here carefree...
...on their way to see a show,
and my wife and I...
...who, if you knew us,
believe me, you would....
-You're bold.
-Yes.
So, what do you think?
I don't think the sign will work and--
The sign is wrong. A jingle.
A television campaign.
"The Desert lnn has heart"
That's enough.
The casino is our main means of income.
Not the coffee shop, not the show.
The casino pays all our bills.
If we give everybody's money back,
we can't pay our bills.
We can't change our policy.
Play a word game with me, this will do it.
-What is a hunting lodge for?
-To hunt.
-What do you do at a rest home?
-You rest.
We'll associate the Inn with something
lovely. You don't think of anything, huh?
Gambling. That's why people come here.
To gamble.
They want to hunt, they go to Wisconsin.
To rest, they go to New Orleans.
They want to gamble, they come to Vegas.
That's why it's "Las Vegas gambling."
You see signs around here with guys
with guns shooting ducks?
It's a gambling place. They don't shoot
ducks, raccoons, beavers.
They come to gamble.
That's what we do here.
You're a nice guy, you make me laugh...
...but our policy is:
we can't give your money back.
Say goodbye to your wife. I got to go.
What about Miracle on 34th Street?
-It's the Christmas movie.
-Yes, it was.
There was Gimbel's...
...who feared if they gave something up
they would lose.
They wound up benefiting. He was afraid
he'd lose business to Macy's, but he didn't.
It's the same situation.
This costs you nothing.
To give us back our money is nothing.
You would be the one to benefit.
Wrong.
In that movie,
Santa Claus took care of everything.
There was Macy's, Gimbel's,
but Santa Claus fixed the whole thing.
We don't have Santa Claus.
Then we get him.
Who?
Santa Claus! We get him!
That's the ad campaign. I have the chills.
Santa Claus is on the billboard
handing us our nest egg.
We associate, for the first time ever,
Christmas and Las Vegas.
Las Vegas, a Christmas place to be.
We're finished talking.
I can't take this any more.
Say something. Anything.
Yell, scream, drive off the road.
Anything. Just stop being so quiet.
I'm fine.
I feel horrible. I can't apologize enough.
You'll make yourself sick. I understand.
If I was you, I'd be furious.
But you just can't hold it in.
You've got to let it out.
I'm fine.
Obviously, I can't keep apologizing
for what I did, so...
...let's talk about what we'll do. Our dream
is the same. We just don't have money.
We should stop saying we don't have
any money because we do have some.
We have $802.
That's something.
Yes, that's something.
I think we should make the rest of the day
as pleasant as possible.
We're headed towards Hoover Dam...
...so why don't we make that
our destination?
We could take a walk, maybe have a picnic.
Get some fresh air. Wouldn't that be nice?
-Is that what you'd like?
-Yes.
Fine. Hoover Dam.
Nice dam, huh?
You want to go first or should I?
-Are you hungry?
-No.
I'm starving.
-You shouldn't eat right now.
-Why?
With the little money we have left,
let's not waste it on knick-knacks here.
If that's your attitude, why don't you
give me my half of the money...
...and you do whatever you want
with your half. That's the fair thing.
"The fair thing"?
I can't believe it! That's it!
I have been too controlled!
You took our nest egg and broke it
all over the Desert lnn!
You filled up the casino with yolk.
"The fair thing"! I was sleeping!
-Get it out. Fine.
-Don't treat me like I'm an insane patient!
Let's go back inside. You can yell at me.
But don't yell out here, okay?
Out here? Out where? We live here.
Get used to the cement, honey!
This is our house! Forever!
This is it! We found ourselves.
We found ourselves
in the middle of nowhere, with nothing!
Where are you going?
Please come inside.
What is it?
Sit down.
-What is it?
-Just sit down.
I apologize from the bottom of my heart.
I'll make it up to you.
I'll make you breakfast in bed for life.
Stay away from the food. You'll lose it.
I just want to know how this happened.
I can't understand it.
I just held things in so long I just burst.
What did you hold in?
Everything.
You weren't the only one
whose life wasn't satisfying.
I sat in that office for seven years
without a window.
Sometimes I felt like I was going crazy.
Why didn't you wake me up and say,
"l think I'm having this problem...
"...can I go down and lose everything?"
Then I could've helped and maybe said no.
I'm sure the Desert lnn has an all-night
shrink service, along with the spa.
Someone could've counseled us.
He would've said, "Look...
"...she's got to let it go. Spend $10,000
and rent the Goodyear blimp...
"...and have her fly around
and flash positive things.
"Much cheaper, same result."
Why didn't you wake me up?
We could've talked.
I didn't understand it until now.
I'm glad you understand everything.
Unfortunately, I'm still screwed up.
And we don't have the money to fix me.
You're fixed, and we have
a couple of hundred for me.
$100,000 for you, $100 for me.
I was sicker than you to begin with.
I guess it was my fault. Maybe I just didn't
explain the nest egg well enough.
If you had understood
that it's a very sacred thing.
If you'd understood the nest egg principle,
as we will now call it...
...in the first of many lectures
you will have to get.
If we are ever to acquire another nest egg,
we both have to understand it.
The egg is a protector like a god,
and we sit under the nest egg...
...and we are protected by it.
Without it, no protection.
It pours rain, the rain drops on the egg
and falls off the side.
Without the egg, wet. It's over.
But you didn't understand it,
that's why we're here.
I understood the nest egg.
Do me a favor. Don't use the word.
You may not use that word!
It's off-limits to you.
Only those who understand "nest egg"
may use it.
Don't use any part of it either!
Don't use "nest" or "egg."
If you're in the forest, you could say,
"That bird lives in a round stick."
And you have "things"
over easy with toast.
You know what I'd like to do?
I'd like to give you
a small punishment before lunch...
...and have you write 1,000 times
on the pavement:
"I lost the nest egg."
Come on, say it 500 times.
"I lost the nest egg. I lost the nest egg."
I'm starting it for you. Jump in anywhere!
"I lost the nest egg. I lost the nest egg!"
Shut up on nest egg!
Let me tell you,
that's not how you drop out.
If you're really going to drop out,
you do it with nothing.
Where did you read that,
in The Las Vegas Guide?
I didn't read it.
Friends told me. People who know.
You don't know anybody who knows.
You don't know any drop-outs except us!
In Easy Rider, the movie
on which you're basing your whole life...
...they had nothing. They had no nest egg!
Bullshit! They had a giant nest egg.
They had cocaine.
-That's not true.
-It is true.
Linda, they sold cocaine.
Okay, wait a second. Wait.
I'm not going to stand here
arguing about an old movie.
I'll go back inside. If you figure out a plan
to make $800 last a lifetime...
...knock on the door.
Forget it!
-Forget what?
-Forget everything!
The one good thing that came out of this
is that we forgot to remarry.
That's the one good thing,
and no one has mentioned that yet.
What does that mean?
It means if we'd remarried
it would've been harder to get a divorce.
Now it's easy. I'll stay in Nevada
for six weeks and we're through.
You don't mean that.
You bet your life I do.
'Cause you know what?
I know you'll never let me forget this.
For the rest of our lives, you'll blame me.
So goodbye. It' over. I'm sorry.
Don't hitchhike here in Nevada.
I don't blame you for anything.
You said get angry, and I got angry.
So it's over. Now stop it.
It's not over. You're still yelling.
I'm only yelling because you have
your hand out! Stop it!
I have my dreams and I'll find somebody
who understands them and start over.
I understand your dreams.
Will you take your arm back in?
-Linda, don't do this.
-Get in.
-Linda?
-Goodbye!
Don't get in that car, goddamn it!
Don't get in that car! Stop!
I've lost a woman.
A whole woman.
Just sit anywhere.
She doesn't want to talk to you.
It's my wife. It's between her and me.
But thank you for the ride.
I said, she doesn't want to talk to you.
Thank him for the ride,
tell him it was a family squabble.
You don't listen real good, do you?
By the time I count to three,
I want you out of here.
I don't want you to count.
We'll both go. Honey, let's go.
One, two...
-...three.
-Here we go.
Come on. We've got some fighting to do.
I don't want to fight. He's going to kill me.
Understand that this was my wife.
You remind me of everything I hate.
I believe you. I understand.
-Call the police!
-Somebody call the police!
Call him off! I beg you! Help, police!
-Call the police!
-Somebody call the police!
Call the police, huh? If I wasn't wanted,
I'd stay here and kick your ass.
When things cool down, I'll be back.
You're dead. You're history.
You're dead, pal.
I'm dead, pal.
-This is all of it?
-Yeah. Are you okay?
I'm all right.
Next time, get a ride with a small woman.
Everything will be okay.
Weren't you scared?
What were you talking about?
He was telling me his whole life story.
He was divorced, kicked out of the army,
couldn't keep a job....
-He escaped from prison.
-What did he do?
According to him, those two guys
were dead when he got there.
Well, I showed him, huh?
Pity the man who chases me.
That's not funny.
-You'll laugh soon.
-No, I won't laugh soon.
An adult is not supposed to get
a bloody nose. That's for children.
-Don't make fun of me.
-Okay. I'm sorry.
It's beautiful here, don't you think?
-Where do you want to go?
-I don't know.
-Where are we?
-I don't know. We're in Arizona.
Want to go to Canada?
-Canada?
-Yeah! Let's live in Canada.
-The country?
-Yeah!
Do you know how much
it is to fill up a Winnebago?
It's Arizona or New Mexico,
that's about all we can do right now.
Preferably downhill from here.
I like Arizona.
We'll drive till we find someplace we like.
I think this whole thing
is a blessing in disguise.
Don't start that. It's not.
-Well, I do.
-It's not a blessing in disguise.
I don't know what it is, but it's not that.
Fine. You'll see.
Oh, Linda!
-What's wrong?
-Look.
We're in hell. We entered hell. When?
Maybe he doesn't mean us.
He'll pull me over
to tell me who it really is.
Us?
It's us.
I'm stopping.
I'm driving a whale here.
-What's he look like?
-Bad.
I hate the walkup the worst. I hate it.
Can I see your license and registration?
-What was I doing?
-83 miles per hour.
83? My speedometer--
Could I see your license and registration?
I just bought this and I know
that driving it out of LA--
Just your license, please. Thank you.
-Can I ask a question?
-Wait in the home, please.
Wait in the home, please.
Can I ask you a question, please?
Maybe I was going 70 or 75...
...but I don't think it's possible
I could go 83.
-We have good radar.
-Radar?
You can't use radar on this.
There's a metal ladder here.
It's like an antenna.
We get cable, we don't even want it.
We have a microwave oven.
Wouldn't that do something?
Wouldn't that screw it up?
The dealer told me this would happen.
He said I'd get a ticket for no reason.
Hey, buddy.
Can I ask how much this will cost?
$140 or $150.
We can't pay that. That is too high.
It's too much money. We don't have it.
This isn't a swap meet.
Did you see Easy Rider?
It doesn't work.
You know, the movie Easy Rider?
I can't believe you asked me that.
That's my favorite movie.
I started riding motorcycles because of it.
Why'd you ask me that?
My husband has based his whole life
on that movie.
Not my whole life.
Just the last couple of weeks.
Remember the ending,
when they got blown away?
Great ending.
It made my day.
Remember Jack Nicholson
with the football helmet?
Yes. Nicholson wasn't supposed
to get that part.
-Really?
-No. He lucked into it.
-Remember the scene in the commune?
-With the mimes?
-Yeah.
-Great scene.
Since we all have this in common,
couldn't you maybe let us go this time?
That would be great.
This is like a club, isn't it?
Get out of here.
Dennis Hopper wouldn't give
Peter Fonda a ticket.
Dennis Hopper couldn't find Peter Fonda.
You were real nice. I appreciate it.
That's terrific.
Did you see The Terminator?
No, I didn't. Heard about it, though.
You should see it. You look like him.
Thank you.
You're up $140.
Where are we now?
What does that sign say?
Safford, Arizona.
My legs are asleep. Let's live here.
Kind of nice having young people here.
I like it.
Four more, three more....
Head looks right and left and bend.
Honey! Come on. Breakfast is ready.
-You look nice.
-Good morning.
Last night was amazing.
-Where did we get this?
-We brought it with us.
Here's your coffee. Some eggs?
Cereal?
Let's save the rest of the food.
What time did you get up?
I've been up for hours.
I've been all over this place.
At the end of the road,
there's this sweet little creek.
The people, three doors down,
have this little garden--
Doctor says I'm losing the sight
in my right eye.
I can't hear you.
-I said, I'm losing my sight in my right eye!
-I can't hear you!
-I was thinking we could get a puppy.
-Puppy?
We have to get jobs today.
We'll get jobs today.
It'll be great. This is the beginning.
But for real. We need money.
We will. Great jobs. Today.
We have no plan of attack.
-I'm ready to go.
-What about me?
-Maybe we should go together?
-No, we should go separately.
That way we can cover more territory.
Be very careful. And get a very good job.
Today.
I challenge you. I bet I get one first.
Loser sleeps under the home.
-Try to be back before dark.
-I will.
Good luck.
Buy a cheap lunch.
Okay, bye-bye!
Excuse me.
You scared me. Good morning.
I'm interested in the delivery job.
-For your son?
-For myself.
For you?
-You have your own car?
-No.
It's a delivery job. You would need a car.
I have a motor home.
A motor home?
You couldn't buy gas
with what I'd pay you.
I thought maybe you'd provide the truck.
No, we don't do that. I was going
to get a high-school kid with a Rabbit.
I don't believe an older man
with a motor home would work out.
Well, thank you very much.
You know, I should change that sign...
...from "man" to "boy."
Delivery boy is more correct.
Leave the sign alone. It's fine.
Any high-paying jobs
in the immediate area?
Let me think.
Not in the immediate area.
In the outlying area?
I don't know of any high-paying jobs
in the whole country. Do you?
I used to, not now, though.
A little down on your luck?
-You don't want to hear.
-I sure would.
There's the employment office
down the street, about a half mile.
It's a small building, but you can't miss it.
Maybe they can help you.
All right. Thanks.
So, what can we do for you?
I need work.
What has been
your previous work experience?
For the last eight years,
I was with Ross & McMahon.
The last four of those as creative director.
You know them?
-No
-Advertising agency.
One of the biggest in the world.
Before that I worked
in and out of advertising...
...nothing to speak of, for about five years.
I worked in a catering truck for...
...seven months in Pittsburgh,
and made food.
I worked at a crisis center
for three months.
Not dealing directly with crises,
more just answering the phone.
The regular phone, not the crisis phone.
In high school,
I worked at a stuffed-fruit place.
We don't have to go back that far.
More recent.
Advertising. Eight years,
Ross & McMahon.
What was your previous salary?
$80,000 was the base salary,
and then I was on a bonus situation...
...which would give me
between $15,000 and $25,000...
...depending on the year we had.
Generally, $100,000.
$100,000?
Over what period of time
are we talking about?
-A year.
-A year?
-What's so funny?
-Nothing.
What brings you here?
Trying to double up on that income?
I've come here to live.
I'm trying to change my life.
You couldn't change your life on $100,000?
Have you got any jobs for me?
I don't have anything right now
that you'd be interested in.
Check back with me in a month.
I'm very interested. What do you have?
Coming from your position and salary,
you wouldn't be interested in it.
You don't know me.
I might love it. What is it?
A crossing guard.
-What is that?
-A crossing guard.
-At a school?
-Where else have you seen them work?
I didn't know if there were different kinds.
What does that pay?
$100,000.
What does it really pay?
It pays $5.50 an hour, plus benefits.
The benefits meaning?
You get a ride to and from school
if you need it.
Do you have anything at all?
Something in the executive file?
Or maybe you have
a white-collar box or something?
What sort of box would that be?
Just a box of higher paying jobs.
I know! You mean the $100,000 box!
I'm glad I could be your entertainment.
But I want to tell you something.
I made a statement.
-A statement?
-Yes.
Did you see Easy Rider?
No. I saw Easy Money.
Rodney Dangerfield, I like him.
That "no respect" bit is funny.
Hi, honey.
-Guess what.
-A job?
-I won't know for sure until tomorrow.
-Doing what?
I don't want to say anything but--
-Give me a hint.
-Assistant manager.
The manager's going to sleep on it tonight.
I won't say more. I'm superstitious.
I don't want to jinx it.
-I can't believe it.
-What about you?
I had some good leads.
Give me a hint.
I don't want to jinx mine either.
I understand.
Are you paid to sit on your ass? Let's go.
Get us across the street, retardo!
Don't call me "retardo."
Come on, retardo!
Right now, sucker. Let's go, now!
Across the street, now!
We ain't got time to wait.
We're already late.
You're goint to get hurt.
Just cross the street.
Get off your bike and walk it
across the street.
Walk your bike! I'm warning you!
Walk your bike!
Do you come from the dump?
I take no responsibility for your safety.
Just die for us and save us the problem.
Brillo pad, fathead!
I was a kid once. Get out of here, you--
Come on, fast! Fast!
Here we go, hey! Kill the child!
Hey, mister? Where am l?
Safford, Arizona.
Oh, my God! How do I get to LA?
-Do you know where 70 is?
-No.
Go about three and a half blocks.
You see that "Stop" sign?
Turn left, go all the way down
until you hit 70.
Get on 70. That turns into 60
and it takes you to Phoenix.
Let me understand that.
The "Stop" sign, turn left to 60--
What are you smelling?
Is this interior leather?
Yeah, it comes with the car.
-It's nice.
-It's lovely.
I go down to the "Stop" sign, turn left...
...go to 70. 70 takes me to 60,
then to Phoenix. Is that correct?
-Do you like this car?
-What's not to like?
What are you?
A crossing guard. What are you?
I'm the assistant manager
at the Der Wienerschnitzel.
The what?
The Der Wienerschnitzel.
The manager wanted to sleep on it.
He said right after I left, I got it.
He didn't know how to contact me.
That's the job you were waiting for?
-You sell hot dogs?
-Yeah.
This place is great!
When you flush the toilet,
where does it go?
Who is this?
This is Skip, the manager.
This is David, my husband.
You're the manager?
You slept on it?
He slept on it?
How you doing?
Call me Skippy.
Linda told me what you did.
The drop-out thing.
I really admire you.
When I'm old, I might do it.
Did she say what happened today?
He's tired. I'll tell him later.
No, I want to hear Skip talk.
Hello?
We have this frying machine.
We didn't really know how to use it...
...but the funny thing is we used it anyway.
We put the oil in, read the instructions,
threw the fries in....
They were done. Serve them.
She comes up to me and says:
"Skip, these fries are frozen."
So we look at them in the light
and we see they're frozen.
A little bit of ice.
You were eating them frozen?
What do you want me to do?
The point is, she saw this minor detail
on the first day.
Do you believe it? You've got a good wife.
That's why I married her.
That's why I hired her!
I want to talk to her.
Don't get me wrong.
I've had a lot of fun these last two weeks.
Things didn't go like we hoped...
...but if we're still together now,
after what happened, we won't split up.
That makes me feel great,
and I'm real happy.
Isn't that wonderful?
I told you this would be a blessing.
Right.
Given our age and these jobs,
we won't see another nest egg for....
Ever. We'll never see anything.
I think that there has to be
some better way to rebuild than this.
I thought of a plan
that might speed things up.
Maybe I should sound it out with you.
Really? I was kind of thinking
the same thing, too.
-You were?
-I was.
-What is it?
-What was your plan?
My plan is not a plan, just a back-up.
What's your plan?
I was thinking that we go to New York
as fast as we can.
-And I eat shit?
-Yeah.
My plan, too!
Skippy. Out.
Brad!
How are you?
Oh, my God! Stay away from me!
Brad, I was joking with you!