Miss Tanakpur Hazir Ho (2015) Movie Script
1
Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
- Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
- Blessed be the land...
- where animals are respected
more than humans.
Our Gods and Goddesses are
incomplete without their animals.
For example,
Lord Krishna without the cow...
and Lord Yama without the bull.
Let's hear some cheers!
- And now without any further delay...
...l now welcome the Animal
Husbandry Minister...
...the Honourable Mr. Jhakar!
Let's clap for him!
Clap!
Now I'd like to welcome,
our Pradhanji (Village Chief)...
Mr. Sualal Gandaas!
Clap for him!
And the man who owns
315 acres and 21 wells...
...Mr. Bheem Singh Bagdhi.!
Clap for him!
- In a short while we'll be
starting the main event.
- The animal fashion show with
contestants from 12 villages!
Bheema, have you lost your hearing'?
Where's Maya'?
She was sitting right here...
Then where did she disappear?
Were you sleeping?
Don't take otherwise...
could you ask her
where Maya's gone?
Were you sleeping?
She just left with Laxmi.
How can she just leave?
How can it be possible?
And how did you people let her go'?
Our buffalo is about to
walk the ramp and she's gone!
Where are we going?
The show was about to start.
I'm getting you something to eat.
- This has the best elastic.
Can you give me the
red one in my size?
Give her the golf ball size.
- Here it is.
- How much is it for'?
- 50 Rupees.
The black one, please.
A football size one for her.
Arjun, l've finished all the food and you
are still figuring out measurements!
Indicate the size with your hands.
- Here you go.
- How much is it for'?
- 40 Rupees.
- Stop thinking so much, let's go!
- Let's go.
- Come on.
What'?
I...
Give me one in red...
this big...no...
...ok... this small.
Look, decide whether the size is as
small as a rose or as large as a lotus...
- or bring her here.
- I'm trying to tell you.
The younger lady who was here...
...and the lady who came
for the black one...
her size is midway.
The tennis ball size for him!
Look over there!
- What'?
- There...the...balloons.
Someone's husband
is looking for someone!
Oh God!
Why did you sneak out from the event'?
Don't take otherwise.
You couldn't wait for some
candy floss, Laxmi? Tell me'?
- No uncle...
- Shut up!
I had some personal work.
Do you have to ask me
in front of all these people?
Why'?
You think I'm scared of anyone?
You are my wife, answer me!
We can discuss this at home.
Why are you creating a scene?
I'm asking you right here, right now!
What was so urgent?
This was urgent!
Don't take otherwise.
Should I try it on in public too'?
Let's go.
Now what'?
Nothing, let's get back to the show.
(Miracle healer for all
sexual problems only 10 rupees)
Welcome, come sit down.
Where has Sualal gone off to now'?
Without even looking at your face
l've figured out your problem.
When you come to the pitch...
you're out even
before the game begins!
Have a teaspoon of
this potion every day.
And have a tea spoon of this powder...
...with milk on an empty
stomach every morning.
And this is...
my secret family oil.
- Massage with this oil for a month...
down there.
It will work right'?
Don't worry,
just have the medicine and...
...let your kite fly high.
And can you tell me...
...don't take otherwise.
I want to understand...
YeS,?
...do all these big bodybuilders...
...in all these photos...
have a sexual
problem just like me'?
Do they need special
help to get it up'?
The bigger the man...
...the bigger the sexual problem.
Ladies and gentlemen...
- Ladies and Gentlemen,
I present before you, Number 3!
- Look at her strut.
- Doesn't she just blow your mind'?
This is Number 3!
- Ladies and Gentlemen,
Who is this pretty girl at the fair?
She is Number 10.
Look at her amazing walk!
The apple of Sualal's eye!
The bulls go wild for her!
There goes our beauty!
- God save her from the evil eye!
Goddess...
drink something, accept their offering.
- Please drink 0 Goddess!
- At least eat something.
- Yes eat Goddess! Hello?
Hello?
- Here She isn't eating and you are
worried about your girlfriend.
Just hang up now!
Please drink...
At least bless the drink
for your followers.
Here...
We are truly blessed that...
...the Mother of Wealth and Prosperity
has descended to Tanakpur.
Praise Goddess Kali!
Jai ho!
She hasn't slept
or eaten since 9 days.
- Shastri, this is truly a miracle!
- Great miracle!
For 9 days She hasn't
eaten or drunk anything...
Not a grain of food
or a drop of water...
Then She musn't be taking a dump too!
What did you say'?
I think you should get
this Goddess checked by a doctor!
Aren't you Randhawa's son'?
Is this the way to speak about Her'?
Isn't that Sweety?
Does she look like Sweety to you'?
My brothers and sisters! Look at the
way he is talking about our Mother!
They want to bring the
doctor to the Goddess' temple!
You wear glasses, you must be
educated, who is your favourite God'?
Lord Shankar.
Has anyone ever seen
Lord Shankar's faeces?
Never! How can you
even think of such things!
Look Goddess!
- Hell has come to Earth!
People won't believe in
God until they see their taeces!
People like these should
be thrown out of society!
Beat them up!
- The results of the
fashion show are in!
- Without wasting any more time
I am going to announce them!
- The runner- up is...
- Village Chandra's Number 4!
Oh good, we still stand a chance.
- Congratulations to
Mr. Madhanlal Sodhi!
And now the winner.
- The winner is...
Say it...
heartiest congratulations to...
...Tanakpur's Mr. Sualal!
Cheers for Miss Tanakpur!
Cheers for Miss Tanakpur!
Pradhanji...
What is it'?
Move a bit to your left.
We piss on the same wall every day.
Why are you so worried about the wall?
I'm not worried about the wall.
It says "First child, not now"
written on the wall that worries me.
Why'?
This must be the last thing you think
of when you go to sleep at night.
When will I become an uncle?
- I also want to be an uncle.
- Listen to me.
Yes?
I'm the head of this village...
and if I don't
follow government orders...
what will the
villagers think of me'?
What will they...
Listen to what I'm saying,
Lord Ram was born...
only after King
Dashrath's hair turned white.
That's when he became Emperor Ram.
Amazing.
You are such a great thinker!
How has nobody else realized this yet'?
Brilliant! What a thought!
Now you must wait for all your hair
to turn white.
There isn't any harm in waiting...
...for that great son.
Now switch on your cell
phone light to drop me home.
I will light up the entire world,
when you have that great son.
My father got me married off thinking
I would get respect and honour...
also because I was considered bad
luck and nobody wanted to marry me.
My family chose to ignore how old
Sualal was once they saw the money.
And what did it get me'?
I'm living in hell.
What's the point of
crying when I'm with you'?
When I'm with you it feels like...
...my heart can sing again.
You lighten my soul.
I should leave now, Maya ma'am.
Arjun, I don't like
this "ma'am" business.
Can't you just call me Maya'?
No.
I like treating you with respect.
May l go now'?
We haven't spent enough time together.
It's really late.
I'm just worried that it
the Pradhan finds out about us...
I don't know what he'll do to you.
He scared me at the fair today.
Nothing will happen to me...
it's you I'm worried about.
He is worse than an animal,
you know...
What is this'?
You returned the money'?
But this is more than I spent.
Keep it to make me happy.
Once you join the police force,
I'll take it back with interest.
Yes Ma'am!
What happened?
Did he hit you again?
Arjun...
...I would have committed
suicide months back...
...if you hadn't come into my life.
Arjun, Pradhan's here, run!
Pradhanji, we have reached your house!
Who's there'?
Sorry, sorry.
- You go look there, I'll go look here.
- Who is it!
- Who is it!
Uh', move!
Turn that off!
Do you want to blind me'?
- What happened?
- Who was here?
Who ran away from here?
You are drunk,
you are imagining things!
No wonder you see
people running around.
Don't try to fool me.
I know you're upto
something in my absence.
What do you think I'm upto?
- Pradhanji!
Now what'?
- Come quickly!
- Coming!
- Where is he'?
- Who'?
Why did you call me
if you haven't found him'?
I wanted to ask...
it I can switch this light off'?
Idiot! Do you ask for my permission
when you want to take a dump'?
Sorry!
Get me a glass of water.
- Here.
Listen...
However smart you may think you are...
...one day I will find out the truth.
What truth'?
You get drunk and you imagine things.
Since 3 days, Ive been asking you
to take me to a doctor.
I have back pain and
you don't care!
It's not possible to
go right now in the night.
We'll see in the morning.
It's useless saying anything to you.
Go to sleep.
Don't turn away from me
and act coy like a new bride.
What's the point of bothering me'?
You won't be able to do anything.
Just go to sleep.
Here take this and go to sleep.
Let me sleep too.
Goodnight!
I think the second hand is spoilt.
I think it could be the machine.
- Has the clock stopped working?
- No!
Arjun has gone blind.
He needs to climb
up here to see the time.
- I see...
Stop meddling!
If your mother hadn't chanted
the prayers I gave her..
...you wouldn't even have been born.
Greetings!
Why don't you try to solve
your own problems with those prayers.
- Forget about him!
Arjun!
Good morning!
Good morning!
Arjun, can you come
fix my sewing machine?
Sorry that won't be possible.
If I don't get home soon...
Father will thrash me!
Lajjo!
Lajjo!
- Coming, ma!
- What are you upto?
- Wedding preparations.
What'?
It's Tulsi's wedding today,
I was making a garland for her.
Shouldn't you be preparing
for your own wedding?
It's only four days away.
Arjun! Wait a minute.
Aren't you bothered about your future?
What's wrong?
You're neither running
nor working out.
Listen carefully, son...
...you need to concentrate on your
application to the police academy.
I know I keep pestering
you about this...
...but you can't make a
living out of repairing things...
and I'm also retiring soon.
I need to show you something.
Look, I have collected
13,00,000 rupees for your job.
L've been collecting every penny.
I know nothing will happen
without bribing people.
- I don't care if I have to take
a loan for Lajjo's wedding.
But I won't touch this money.
- This is only for your
police education.
But even a small mistake by you...
and my entire life's
efforts will be wasted.
- Lajjo if we aren't done
before your aunt comes...
- she'll throw a fit.
- S-A-N-D-E.
That is Sunday.
- M-A-N-D-E...
That is Monday.
T-l-U-S-D-E.
That is Tuesday.
May I ask you something'?
What'?
Who is teaching you Angrezi (English)?
F-O-O-L, fool, this is English,
not Angrezi.
The school teacher
is teaching me English.
The other thing is...
that the state
elections are coming up...
Right.
And I am sure to be a candidate.
If I get elected...
...and can't speak a line of English...
...the village will have
to hang it's head in shame.
- Understand!
- Excuse me!
- What'?
- When are you taking me to the doctor'?
- Doctor?
Last night you said you'd take me.
Can't you see I'm dyeing my hair?
First, it'll dry,
then, I'll take a bath.
- After that I have an
important meeting to attend.
We'll go some other day.
- I'm never going to see that day.
You don't care about me.
Should I go to my father's place?
- He'll take me to the doctor.
- You aren't going to do anything!
Give me the hose.
- I'll have to do everything.
Are you looking for an excuse
to go back to your father's home?
Who will look after
me when you are gone?
And stop exposing yourself.
Who will do the housework?
Your buffalo?
If she could, shed do it.
She cares about me
more than you do.
Yes she does care.
But unlike you,
she's well- behaved and she's loyal.
Are you taking me
to the doctor or not'?
I'll see.
I know you aren't
going to do anything.
You can do as you please
but I'm going today.
My back has been hurting.
I'll take Laxmi along.
Laxmi!
- Yes!
- Get ready!
- We have to go the doctor.
Arjun, let's stop! It's already 3PM.
- I'll die if I cycle anymore.
- A little further.
I need to train for the police academy.
Nothing can stop me from getting in.
- Arjun stop!
- Oh our P.T.Usha!
This pain is getting unbearable.
How long will this bus take to arrive?
Where...'?
To a doctor in the city.
All alone?
He doesn't have the time.
Give me one minute...
Give me your shirt.
One minute.
Take it off.
I can arrange for an Englishwoman
with this imported whisky.
- Really?
- Just find out who that boy is.
Don't worry.
I promise I'll turn him
into a mad man and get him here.
Missiles might lose their way
but not my chants and magic.
But you need to perform
a tantric ritual.
I'm willing to perform a 100,
just find me a way.
Who will write it down'?
If it's in English I'll write it down
and he'll write it down if it's in Hindi.
I'll write it.
Ok take a pen and paper.
Ok, should I call Goswamiji's spirit?
I'm calling Goswamiji's spirit? Okay?
Oh Spirit! Please give
us a special chant for Pradhanji.
Om heem kreem,
kamle kamlale...
- He's responding, wait...
Shastriji, who is Kamla?
No that's not what I meant Pradhanji!
Don't joke with Goswami's spirit,
it's a chant, not a joke.
Hail Goddess Kali!
- There! The boy has come!
- This isn't the boy, it's Gopi.
- What's happened?
- You need to come with me.
- Come quickly.
Don't take otherwise.
Bheema come with me.
You scoundrel!
Don't hit him!
Why are you hitting me'?
What have I done'?
I had gone to pick up my aunt...
Come with me.
Get into the car!
Listen to me!
It wasn't his fault!
I haven't done anything!
You are suspicious.
That's not my problem.
You can make up as
many excuses as you want.
My sixth sense says
that you're up to no good.
Let me know when we reach Rasulpur.
Yes, you've already told me thrice.
I'm not as old as
you that I'll forget.
And where are you going, uncle?
Uncle? My dear little girl, I'm
going to find a suitable boy for you.
Speak for yourself!
Boys are queing up for me!
Tickets? Are all tickets done'?
Conductor...
Yes, I know, Rasulpur.
Just keep looking out the window.
No, I just wanted to know,
what time is it'?
Your time hasn't come as yet.
And, when you go you'll
take some of us along!
- Who hasn't bought their tickets?
- Tickets!
Have we reached Rasulpur?
Just sit down quietly!
- And if I hear one more word out of you
I won't stop the bus at Rasulpur.
Uncle, why don't you try wooing her?
I'm losing my mind!
- She's chewed my brains too!
- Do you even have one'?
- What'?
- A brain!
(Rasulpur- 0 K.M.)
Stop the bus when we reach Rasulpur.
We passed it 10 mins ago.
- Turn the bus back around to Rasulpur.
- Turn around?
- Please I beg of you!
The old woman will kill me.
Here, this is Rasulpur. Get off!
I don't want to get off,
I want to go to Tanakpur.
Why did you keep
asking about Rasulpur?
You see, the doctor said, "When
you get to Rasulpur, take your pills."
So should I take them'?
Please have all of them.
Turn the bus around!
Did I ask you to stop'? Move on!
Should I carry you and
drop you inside the house?
You fool, take me to the door,
not inside the house.
If you wanted to be dropped till the door,
you should have come in a palanquin.
Why did you sit in this hand cart?
Don't talk so much, move on!
- No. What will you do'?
- What will I do!
- You idiot!
- Don't hit me Father!
What's happened?
What's going on'?
Shut up!
Greetings, sister.
I thought the wedding
preparations would have started...
but it's raining shoes here.
What do I say!
Your nephew was beaten up by the
Pradhan in front of the whole village.
Is that true'?
Don't be ashamed!
Now your aunt is here!
Nobody will have the guts
to look you in the eye.
Don't worry.
Ramprasad, take the rickshaw inside.
Ma, look aunt is here!
- Speak up Goswami's spirit.
In 48 hours that boy will be roaming
the streets naked, like a madman.
You will have to spend a lot of money.
Shastri, don't take otherwise.
I am 10 + 2 (high school pass).
Really?
Dont worry about money,
just give me a solution.
- Are you sure'?
- Yes
Give me a solution,
Goswamiji's spirit...
A monkey bone...
...or the left leg
bone of a black dog.
Bury the bones in an
urn filled with vermillion.
With a 100 rupee note.
The mud from your enemy's left leg...
...and his faeces.
Mix it together and make a paste.
- Wait...a dog's bone...
- Yes...
- ...the mud from the left foot...
- That's correct.
What happened?
- And his faeces?
- Yes.
Why don't you make
pilaf out of all of this!
Bheema, we are just wasting our time,
let's go!
- Pradhanji, just listen to him.
- Why should I listen to this'?
Shastri made Chavinder's son impotent.
He is a master of tantric rituals.
- Yes, you need to take me seriously.
- Then be serious!
Calling a spirit almost kills me,
should I call him or not'?
You need to talk less.
Goswamiji's spirit,
they are apologizing.
Okay, he forgives you.
You need to bury all these
objects in a foot- deep hole.
Then you sit on it and say,
Om- burambhu swat swaha...
Om khulat khu thang
thang thang phat swaha...
Don't you need to write that down'?
We'll just record it on the mobile.
- Om- burambhu swat swaha...
Om khulat khu thang thang thang
phat swaha... Did it get recorded?
Ma!
I'm not coming to pick you up.
Hey, tell mom that...
Oh drat! We dropped everything. Ma!
Oh damn!
He's not going to come back out now.
How are we going to get
the mud from his left leg'?
How can it possible?
Tell me.
Looks like we'll have
to wait till tomorrow morning.
What to do!
- Pradhanji.
- What do you think you are doing'?
I swear upon the
ground you walk upon...
...that tomorrow, your enemy...
...is going to take
the last dump of his life.
Who is this boy'?
Bheema got him.
I got him from Jadalpur
to collect the faeces.
I paid him 100 rupees
plus conveyance.
What have you told him'?
I told him that our Pradhanji
is a big scientist...
...he's researching
different kinds of faeces.
I am the Pradhan,
I can do what I want.
Arjun is here.
Why isn't he sitting down'?
His pajama strings
aren't getting untied.
Why'?
How would I know?
And if they don't open?
Then it will become a bigger problem.
It opened! Thank the Lord!
Congratulations!
Looks like he is leaving.
- Go, do what needs to be done
- Yes.
- You, boy, come with me.
- Pradhanji!
- What has happened now'?
There is a problem.
What is it'?
Somebody else has taken
a dump here as well.
Now how will we know
which one is his?
Which one is fresh?
Both look fresh.
Ok which one is fresher?
I can't tell you
by just looking at it.
Do you want to taste it then'? This
was your idea. Don't take otherwise!
Yesterday we spent the entire day
looking for mud and today it's this.
Give me 5 minutes and I promise
I'll pick up the right one.
Do me a favour.
Do you have his father's phone number?
Yes I do, why'?
Can you call him and ask him...
...did they have okra for dinner?
- No, I'm not doing this...
- Pradhanji!
We are so close to our goal, please.
Please!
Making friends with idiots
only puts you through hell.
Hello, Ramprasad,
this is the Pradhan speaking.
Ramprasad, what did your
son have for dinner last night'?
What did he say'?
Last night Arjun ate out.
Wasted my time you idiots!
Do you know what I am doing,
Pradhanji?
No.
I'm making the sound of a crying cow
in front of Arjun's house.
- How is that going to help?
- What'?
This will put the curse of
performing a cow sacrifice on him.
If you do it once...
...then the curse of
4000 cow slaughters will be on him.
And if you do this 25 times...
...then the curse of 1,00,000
cow slaughters will fall upon him.
- Will this destroy him'?
- Yes it will.
(Chanting)
Why do you sound so happy,
like a cow that has won the lottery.
It's not possible to
become a cow so quickly.
You don't have to become a cow,
just sound like one.
Do it with devotion.
(Chanting)
(Chanting)
Bheema, make the sound of a goat...
...then a goat sacrifice
curse will fall upon him.
(Chanting)
Quickly, otherwise we'll get caught.
(Chanting)
- Quickly before someone catches us.
(Chanting)
- Shastri!
- Shastri, what has happened?
- Look Bheema,
look at how he's jumping around.
Pradhanji, tell me what you can see.
The boy is acting like a mad man.
I told you! My mantras are working!
Now, give me 100 rupees.
Give me a 100 rupee note, go on.
This boy has been destroyed.
Yes and now his entire family
will be driven to insanity.
- Ramprasad!
- Welcome!
Hello. Please accept this.
Hello Pradhanji.
I'm so glad you could come. Thank you.
You didn't bring your wife along?
She is unwell.
Please come in.
You must eat dinner before leaving.
Don't worry about us.
Please look after your other guests.
Shastri, don't take otherwise.
What happened?
- Your mantras have failed.
- Why, what has happened?
He means that they
boy seems absolutely fine.
Neither crazy nor sick.
Just wait and watch.
We can't do anything but watch.
- Where are the drinks?
Where's dinner?
Is food all you think about?
I'm tense here and
you are looking for dinner!
What are you worried about?
I can see there is nothing
wrong with that boy.
Let's forget about
the past and just eat.
- Get out of my sight.
- What'?
Get out of my sight!
- Pradhanji you're making a big deal
out of nothing. - Can't you hear me'?
Pradhanji!
I will shove this inside you.
- Bheema, control him.
- I'll do that for you, just calm down.
- You too'?
- Get out of here!
L'm going...
Pradhanji you need...
- What are you doing Pradhanji?
What happened Pradhanji?
What is it'?
Where has that boy disappeared?
Wasn't he just here?
Arjun, you shouldn't
have left the wedding.
Then who would take care of you'?
Lajjo must be looking beautiful.
Yes, very pretty,
do you want to see a photograph?
Here you go.
Really, just like Aishwarya Rai.
Yes she does.
And me'?
Like Shahrukh Khan.
Shahrukh Khan?
- Please call the bride's brother.
Where's Arjun?
He's been gone since a while.
Narayan can you go and look for him'?
Drag the cad! - He's become
a threat to the women of this village.
Imagine doing something so despicable.
- You cad!
- Tie the Scoundrel up!
Sinner.
Uncle, did you get through?
Did you'll find him'?
No we didn't, go look there.
- What happened?
- I can't get through.
- If her brother isn't here,
call her cousin.
Narayan, you're like Lajjo's brother,
why don't you sit.
Yes, of course.
- His phone is ringing.
- Look for it. Give it to me.
- Take it out!
- Here Pradhanji.
He used these legs
to run away that night.
Get the motorcycle
and run it over him!
Break his legs!
Bring the motorcycle!
His legs are broken.
Sualal?
Sualal, there are
people gathering outside.
Let them! I'm not afraid of anyone.
Don't take otherwise.
I'm 10 + 2.
Yes, I agree but it the truth comes out
it will bring disgrace to the family.
Think about what
you will tell everyone.
Listen everybody!
Your heads will hang in shame
if you'll know what he has done.
This boy...
was being indecent with my
buffalo, in the middle of the night!
- I caught him red handed!
- What kind of indecent behaviour'?
- What did he do'?
- Hang on everyone.
What kind of indecent behaviour?
He was...
---raping my buffalo!
He raped a buffalo!
- What kind of upbringing
has he been given?
- Imagine raping a buffalo!
- No one is answering the phone.
- No one will in the police station.
- Call up 181- 181.
What's that'?
It's the government helpline number...
...for any crimes against women.
- But this is a buffalo.
- Pradhanji, how dense of you!
A 'buffalo' is female!
That makes sense!
Call them.
Sir, this is Bheem Singh speaking.
.Who'?
L've called on behalf of
Tanakpur's village head, Mr. Sualal.
- Tell me.
There's been a rape in our village.
- What'? A rape'?
- Yes, somebody's been raped.
- And who is the culprit?
We've tied the rascal
to a bullock cart.
- And where is the victim?
- She's lying down in front of me.
- What is she doing there'?
- She's lying down in the yard.
- Why is she lying down in the yard?
- To sun bathe.
- Who sunbathes after getting raped'?
Sualal asked us to put her there,
so we did.
- Is she properly covered'?
No, she's lying naked.
- Naked? Are you all crazy?
- Put some clothes on her.
- Okay sir.
Gopi! Get some bedsheets
from the house!
L've told them.
Can you please come quickly?
The whole village has gathered.
- We'll be there soon.
Meanwhile, cover the victim's face.
Her whole face'?
- Of course! Her identity
should be kept secret!
- The boy's father is here!
- If he'd gotten the
son married first...
...the boy wouldn't
have gone after a buffalo.
- Quiet! Don't judge him
without hearing the whole story.
Look at what your son has done!
This girl cannot
be my daughter- in- law!
Pack everything! Let's go!
Mother!
(Chanting)
Invoke Lord Shiva...
Say his name.
Are you all going to spend the day
canoodling here? What were you doing?
We were chanting for
this matter to get resolved.
To hell with your chants!
Neither have the cops come
nor has that helpline number worked.
Unless a man dies himself,
he'll never see heaven.
- He looks like the Police Station Chief.
- Why, is he wearing a sign?
He will know. Let me handle it.
Ask him!
Sir, are you bathing?
He's brushing his teeth.
No, I'm painting a picture
of me bathing. Why do you care'?
Where will we find the police chief?
He isn't here.
The toilet is there.
Read what's written.
Should I go find out'?
He isn't there.
- He's taking a dump.
- What!
Why'? Can't cops take a dump'?
No... cops take a dump all the time!
What he really means is that it's
a fundamental right to take a dump.
Sure, I get what you really mean.
- But when I start
getting really mean...
...then all the meanings
won't make a difference!
Sir, you're applying the
wrong meaning to my meanings...
Don't take otherwise.
- The police chief is
an old friend of mine.
- I'm the head of Tanakpur village.
- Give him your card.
- This is my visiting card...
- There is no water in the toilet.
Oh there he is!
Let's shake hands!
Wait Pradhan,
Let me at least wash my dirty hands!
My Guru's advice was...
'Always pay your respects
to the first person you meet..
...when you exit the toilet.'
- Ask me why...
- Ask him why.
- Why'?
Because you've just emptied your
tummy, but this next person will refill it!
What a thought!
It's not funny!
It's always been true for me.
Now l've met you outside,
let's see how you are going to do it.
Hope I am worthy enough!
Don't take me otherwise.
Let me decide who is worthy!
What was your Guruji's name?
Kantaprasad.
Come on, let's talk.
What are you saying Pradhan?
Don't just make up stories!
Is it possible to rape a buffalo?
Do you think the police are stupid?
No, no. Listen to us.
We aren't lying, I saw
it with my own eyes.
So you have an eyewitness as well.
Exactly! So please register the case.
And what if I don't'?
Don't take me otherwise.
The thing is, the police superintendent,
Mr. Trivedi is a good friend of mine and...
And Mr. Bidayak...
...and Bidayak, the local Councilor
is from my own community.
Otherwise...
...l've been in the police
force for 35 years.
Dropping names isn't
going to get your work done.
- What do you really want me to drop'?
- How can I tell you what to drop'?
How about I drop something
heavy in your lap!
There's a lot more coming your way.
Since time immemorial,
we've heard 'The cow is our mother'.
A young man, Arjun has been accused
of raping a 'mother' - this buffalo.
Right now, I'm at Ground Zero,
and this is the victim.
As you can see the buffalo
is feeling rather helpless and morose.
She is so ashamed that she can't even
look people in the eye.
What we need to worry about is
how low our society has fall...
Let society go to hell!
Get off the victim!
- Get out of here!
- Keep rolling!
Vultures!
Won't even spare this animal.
Pradhanji, it's a good
thing you covered her face...
...because now with the
slightest provocation women...
...go on candle light
marches to India Gate.
Poor thing... A victim of bad fate.
-It's so sad.
She's feeling so embarrassed.
Why is this vessel here?
Pick up that vessel, it's part
of the evidence.
Should I take the dung too'?
Why don't you do one thing...
...collect all the
dung from the village...
...add some of your own and
bring it to the police station.
You fool!
Give me that stick.
How did a scrawny fellow like you
climb such a big, black beast'?
Sir, my son is innocent.
So you are this fellow's father?
I know my son would never
do something so low and cheap.
Your son didn't do
anything low, my man.
In fact,
he climbed on top of the buffalo.
No sir, my son isn't like that at all.
In fact, he has applied
to the police force.
Oh! The buffalo cavalry unit!
Your bad behaviour has started even
before you've joined the police force'?
It's because of people like you that
the police force gets a bad name.
Will you continue this behaviour
when you're in the police force'?
Then why would he
do something like this'?
By then, he'll become
a big man just like you.
Why will he continue
fornicating with buffaloes?
He will sleep with humans...
...just like you do!
Oh really! Ramveer, quick!
File a report against the boy!
- Charged for raping a
buffalo under Crimes Act 377.
- Life imprisonment and
a minimum of 10 years in jail.
- Come Pradhanji and bring the eye
witness along. Let's write the report.
Long live the Indian Police!
Long live the Indian Police!
Sualalji, it's always a
pleasure to visit your village.
Let's file the complaint first.
Tell me the name.
Sualaal...Sualal Gandaas.
Don't take otherwise.
Sualal...
Let him write.
Not your name, the victim's name.
Victim's'?
- The victim.
- The victim is a buffalo.
Simple question,
what is the victim's name?
You must have named her something...
Rani, Rupa, Champa, Gulabo.
She won the animal fashion show,
she became Miss Tanakpur.
Excellent! So we have the
victim's name, Miss Tanakpur.
Miss Tanakpur.
Why don't you shove
your head further down.
- Shastri stop behaving like a kid!
- Age?
- She should be around 7 or 8 years old.
- 7 or 8 years old'?
Okay let's settle on something
in the middle, 7 and a halt.
- Does she give milk?
- Yes
- How much'?
- 20 litres
What'?
She gives 10 litres in the morning and
10 litres in the evening.
- Then this is going to hamper
your business. - Why'?
- The buffalo will be in police
custody from now on. - Why'?
- How is that possible?
- It's necessary.
Until the police investigation is complete
the victim must stay in police custody.
Complete the procedure and
get the buffalo to the police station.
- Yes sir.
- And don't take the veil off her face.
In the name of Lord Hanuman!
In the name of Lord Shankar!
In the name of Lord Krishna!
From strength to strength!
Giddyup!
With limb to limb!
Giddyup!
I think two people
should hold her horns...
...two people should lift her legs...
...and shift gears!
You can't ride her
in like your motorcycle!
- This way...
- That way... behind...
She's out of energy.
Give her a dose of Viagra.
Then she'll get on top of anything
a plane, a bus or a truck.
Old man, are you trying to
apply your formulas to a buffalo?
Quickly, let's get on with it.
There you go! She's climbing up!
She's UP!
- L've been married 7 years.
If I'd had a child I would
have devoted my life to it.
He couldn't perform his manly duty.
How could I have a child then'?
Then he comes home drunk
every night and beats me.
That's when Arjun, the electrician...
...felt sorry for me and
he started caring about me.
I began to like that feeling.
But...
...last night he left his sister's
wedding just to give me medicines.
He hasn't done anything wrong.
He has sacrificed everything for me.
For that,
these people are torturing him.
I don't know what to do...
Keep it straight and hold it here.
Tell me Doctor, what do we need to do'?
What do I say'? There is no evidence
that the boy has raped somebody.
How is that possible?
Shastri is our eyewitness.
I don't care who saw what...
...there isn't a single
piece of evidence proving rape.
How can I make a report
stating otherwise?
- You need evidence.
- Of course I need evidence.
What are you doing'?
Just keep it,
I'm going to go create some evidence.
- Rambeer! Below the udders,
there is a white spot.
A white spot'?
- How does this mark look'?
- It looks like the map of Sri Lanka.
OK fine.
- Going ahead...
- Not ahead, behind...
Red sprouts of hair,
red like our police chief's moustache.
Alright, next'?
What is going on here?
Sir, we were checking for evidence.
Half the day is over and
the report isn't ready yet'?
The vet isn't agreeing
to write the report Sir.
- To hell with the doctor! Where is he'?
- There he is.
This drought stricken
man is the doctor'?
You! Listen...
Come here!
Are you the veterinarian?
Yes Sir.
Why aren't you making
the report we've asked for'?
How can I make a report of
something that cannot actually happen?
- It is absolutely preposterous!
- Preposterous!
This is the problem with
these highly educated people!
The medicines are imported,
but the animals are local.
Clearly, you don't know
how the law works.
That is possible sir,
but I know a lot about animals...
...and that is why I'm telling you that
it's not possible to rape a buffalo.
But I insist she's been raped!
- But you are mistaken.
- Mistaken?
- Prove it!
- I'll prove it!
Even if you touch a buffalo
to apply medicine, she trembles.
Now watch.
You need 4- 5 people
just to hold her down.
But you insist the boy raped her.
It's preposterous!
Look Mr. Preposterous...
...it's because of people like you...
...that rape victims are
reluctant to complain to the cops.
You insist she trembles.
Now why does she tremble?
It's because she's
tomatized (traumatized).
Do you understand what 'tomatized' is'?
Just go look at your
face in the mirror.
The way your face looks like right now,
that's what is known as 'tomatized'.
After a woman is raped...
...do you know what she's
feeling deep inside her heart?
She's scared, even of her own family,
that somebody will attack her.
And this is just a mute buffalo.
So try and show some
humanity towards this animal.
I understand what
you are trying to say...
...but I can't put my job on the line
by making a false report.
Rambeer! File a report
against this man right now!
Find out how many animals
have died in his hospital.
File an inquiry into each animal's death
and bring him to the police station.
- But sir...
- And I'll file a report against you.
Doctor, why are you sacrificing
your career for a buffalo? - But...
But nothing. She's just a buffalo,
it's not like she is your wife.
Carefully...
She's restless.
Gently, gently-
Okay Cowboy!
There's only one way out for you now.
Sign this confession.
It's the only way you'll get
a reduced sentence.
Come on, sign it.
Take it!
Just do it!
Should I box your ears'?
Bring the milk here.
Distribute the rest to the others.
In just one day she has
brightened up the police station.
Everyone's smiling.
Let's celebrate!
Make some ghee, buttermilk, butter.
Lord Krishna's birthday is coming up.
Share this with the others...
Everybody quiet, it's the
Superintendent calling.
Jai Hind sir!
Matang, what is this
absurd case you've filed'?
Sir, the villagers came
to the station with a witness...
...and with them was Sualal,
the village head.
He's the one who has
gotten this report written.
But the case should make
some sort of sense.
- But sir, we become helpless
in some situations.
Last time, with the Case of Eaten
Goat Ears, I refused to file it...
but you got furious.
- Sualal was threatening
to call the Minister.
Each one's a scoundrel...
...but you should have thought
things through before filing the case.
Sir, you've always said...
...'File the case first, the
investigation will proceed on its own'.
And where is the buffalo?
The buffalo is here
at the police station.
- What is she doing there'?
She's giving us milk. 10 Itrs. in
the morning, 10 Itrs. in the evening.
- That much'?
- She is a special buffalo.
She won the 1st prize at the animal
fair. She was crowned Miss Tanakpur.
Really?
- Would you like me to send some
milk over'? Mornings and evenings?
No...
Ok sir, I'll send it.
Jai Hind, Sir!
- Is Sir asking us to send him milk?
- No, we're sending him the buffalo!
- What happens to us'?
- Nothing happens to us!
That's all we get!
- In a country where
even a buffalo isn't safe...
...how will a woman ever be safe here'?
- We swear upon the buffalo!
- We'll overthrow the government!
- We swear upon the buffalo!
- We'll overthrow the government!
- We swear upon the buffalo!
- We'll overthrow the government!
- We swear upon the buffalo!
- We'll overthrow the government!
- Miss Tanakpur is having a baby!
- And Arjun is the father!
- Miss Tanakpur is having a baby!
- And Arjun is the father!
- Miss Tanakpur has become a mother!
Don't pay attention to
these people and their commotion.
Why don't you eat something'?
Oh God!!
Pray here and you will win your case.
Bring us any disputes, any cases,
we'll help you.
- 50% discount on all disputes!
- You'd found out about him right'?
Then where is he'?
- Here. Pehelwan Uttan singh.
- Is he the one?
I'll get him freed.
You'll need to check your pockets.
It'll cost you 10,000/- rupees.
10,000! Isn't that a lot of money?
Are you hiring a lawyer
or buying vegetables?
Looks like nowadays, hiring 1 lawyer
is equal to rearing 10 elephants!
Aunt you need to learn
to control your tongue.
Sorry sir! She's a little cuckoo.
Little! She's completely crazy!
This is the man who'll get your
work done. He's a government lawyer.
Don't worry hes a government
employee on paper.
All his work is private.
Oh OK.
Sir...what about the court'? The judge?
Don't worry Pradhanji,
the law isn't blind, it's cross- eyed.
It'll see only what
you want it to see.
Understood!
- Look at him, Sir!
- He looks like an innocent man,
gentle like the Holy Cow.
- But he is not what he appears to be.
He is dangerous and devious, Sir!
Devious! He is the devious one here!
- Sitting here like a saint!
Be quiet...
- He has done nothing wrong!
Who is this lady?
She's Arjun's aunt.
Ma'am let them be... come here
and tell me what you have to say...
...but peacefully.
- Tell him.
- I'll tell you what I want later...
...tirst let me tell
you about the Pradhan.
He is misborn.
One second.
What do you mean?
Suppose say your father has died and
your mother has come to my father...
...and you come along,
completely unwanted...
...then you are considered misborn.
- What is she saying?
- Aunty, keep quiet.
- Sit down.
- Silence!
- Silence! Silence!
To freedom!
- What's going here!
Please behave in the court!
- Please proceed with your argument.
What I was saying was...
...we have taken the
buffalo into custody.
We conducted medical examinations
and this is the result.
It proves that the buffalo was raped.
- And the boy has also submitted
a written confession.
- A confession?
They forced him to sign it.
- What is the date today?
- It's the 2nd Sir.
- Quiet!
- He will remain in judicial
custody until 16th August.
That's the way!
Three cheers for right justice!
Three cheers for right justice!
So he'll get bail on the 16th.
You won't do anything,
you didn't open your mouth in there.
You uttered a total of 3 sentences...
...and for that,
you want 10,000 rupees!
- A movie star would ask for less!
- Keep quiet aunt!
Why don't you get a movie star to
fight your case, he'll be your lawyer.
Look, here's your 10,000 rupees.
I can't handle this case.
Why don't you tell this
old lady to fight the case'?
She'll lift the whole world
to high heaven.
Sir, listen to me!
Narayan be careful of him!
These lawyers are bigger
thieves than the police!
Sir, please listen to me.
Sir! Sir!
Sir, just tell me what I need to do.
What you need to do is...
...arrange an additional
20,000 rupees.
- 20,000 more!
- Yes.
Why'?
I need to shut the
prosecution lawyer's mouth.
- Please God, please do something.
Protect this house in these bad times.
Tomorow is Lord Krishna's birthday.
I vow to eat only once a day...
...if you solve all these problems.
Hail Lord Krishna!
Hail Lord Krishna!
Hail Lord Krishna!
Hail Lord Krishna!
The next time anybody
comes to this station...
first bring him to this temple,
give him the offering...
...and only then will we proceed
with his case. Hail Lord Krishna!
Sir, yesterday Arjun's
father jumped into the well.
He was in the water all night.
So get him out of the well.
- Hail Lord Krishna! - Everybody's
tried, but it hasn't worked.
Can't you people even get a corpse
out of the water'? Hail Lord Krishna!
He's not dead!
He was in the water all
night and he hasn't died'?
He's been standing at the
edge of the water, stuck to the wall.
Idiot! Because of you,
I'll get a heart attack one day.
He hasn't jumped into the well,
he has climbed down into it.
Switch the siren off!
Where is he'?
Get out of there!
Or should I come get you'?
You are ruining the festival mood!
- Only if you take back
that false statement.
- Otherwise I will kill myself.
Are you blackmailing me, you wimp?
I'll put your whole family in jail.
Police chief, who are you threatening?
Just try touching us...
Listen ma'am don't get upset,
try and understand.
I'm trying to convince
Ramprasad to come back up.
If he stays in there he will die.
How will that help?
Even if he dies,
the case will not be dismissed.
And if hes stubborn there
will be a death on a festive day.
- I don't have any faith
in the police system.
- Drop the case against
Arjun and I'll come back up.
Or I'll kill myself!
Are you Arjun's mother?
Why don't you try and
convince him to come out'?
Or then offer him
some food blessed by God.
What does he like?
- Rice pudding. - Quickly go and
get him some rice pudding then.
Go quickly or he'll die otherwise.
Go help her.
Hail Lord Krishna!
Hail Lord Krishna!
Hail Lord Krishna!
Hail Lord Krishna!
- That took long.
- Give it to me sir.
Send it down to him.
Eat the pudding and
God will make everything all right.
L've gotten the food
blessed by Lord Krishna.
- Have it and you will be blessed.
- Hail Lord Krishna!
- Hail Lord Krishna!
Hail Lord Krishna!
He's done, pull it up.
He's wiped the bowl clean.
Very good!
Now send down the thick rope.
Now tie this rope around your waist...
...and we'll pull you back up.
Your daughter, wife and sister
are all here waiting for you.
Come up and feed them some
rice pudding with your own hands.
Two, three men, come help.
Pull him up carefully!
The rope shouldn't snap!
- Hail Lord Krishna!
- Hail Lord Krishna!
- Hail Lord Krishna!
Pull him up!
We are ruined!
- Arjun. Get up!
We have to go to court!
- Stop staring at me! Come on!
- This boy has now been
in jail since two months.
The thing that baffles me is why
should a man who owns 3 buffaloes...
...become crazy enough...
...to leave his own
sister's wedding...
...jump a wall in the middle of the night,
and rape somebody else's buffalo?
What is the logic?
Sir,
I have an answer to this question.
Why does a man leave his own wife..
...to sleep with another
man's wife'? Tell me'?
What can I say'?
You were telling the story,
so tell me.
This is no ordinary buffalo,
this is Miss Tanakpur.
- Long live Miss Tanakpur!
Consider this.
However lovely
a man's wife might be...
...even it she is the most beautiful
and admirable woman in the world...
...if he gets a chance
to sleep with Ms.lndia...
...wouldn't he jump
at the opportunity?
- Of course he'll go!
How can I answer that'?
It's completely irrelevant to the case.
OK! This whole case rests
on the victim, the buffalo.
So please present
the buffalo at the next hearing.
The buffalo?
. ' Sir')
Very god!
The buffalo? In court'?
Is it so difficult to do that'?
Sir...
How will she come into the courtroom?
The victim has to be present.
And we can sit outside
for the proceedings.
What is the problem?
No problem Sir.
Keep the next hearing on the 30th...
OK Sir!
...and until then the defendant,
Arjun, is granted bail.
- Yayyy!
- We'll now break for lunch.
- Drive slowly!
- Relax Pradhan.
- Careful of the pot holes!
- Don't go so fast!
- Calm down Pradhan!
Gently'!
She's fallen!
- He knocked her down!
- Oh Lord!
What has he done!
Pradhan! Stop yelling!
What have you done!
You've ruined me!
G'Di!
Call Bheema!
I'm calling him.
Call the doctor!
Why isn't Miss Tanakpur here as yet'?
She definitely has
2- 3 broken bones...
- ...and it'll take minimum
15 days to heal. - 15 days!
- She will need a lot of care.
- Did you hear that'? - I did,
but you'll have to take care of her.
Me'? I'm not going to
sit at the station all day!
I'm 10 + 2.
Precisely, Mr. 10 + 2.
Please take her home.
Home'?
She's your buffalo,
she'll feel better at her own home.
Shastri, come here...
Sir, one minute.
Let's take her to the police station.
What are you going
to do with her there'?
Her leg is broken, she can't stand.
Look she's lying down.
So we can milk her
while she's lying down.
Shut up! Who'll take
care of her treatment?
We don't know how long
she'll take to get better.
Did you understand'?
Our work here is done.
Okay, we are going, take care of her.
We'll have to buy milk now.
In reality it's today that
she has been truly violated.
Push the hearing to the 10th.
Narayan, stop the bike.
Stop!
What happened?
Maya! Where is my soap?
The Inspector.
- Good morning, Inspector!
- Have you reached
the court with the buffalo?
I'm ready, I'm leaving in 5 mins.
Don't take otherwise.
- Be careful with her.
- Take the long route,
don't knock her down again.
I'll die but won't let
anything happen to that buffalo.
- OK fine.
- Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
- Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
We've done everything
you stipulated, Sir.
Come this way...
- What is this'? Why isn't her
face covered'? - Sorry sir.
And you've covered up the
person whose face should be seen.
Take that cloth off!
- How can you leave the victim's
face uncovered inspector?
- Sorry sir.
- Proceed with the hearing.
- The buffalo has been brought
here for your observation.
- Now you can study her.
- I have one request for you.
Please give this criminal
the harshest punishment.
- Sir, sir...
Sorry sir.
Just a minute, sorry to disturb you.
- There is a huge problem here.
- What are you saying?
This isn't the same buffalo,
it's a different one.
What'?
How can you say that'?
- She isn't Miss Tanakpur.
- A buffalo is a buffalo!
How can you say that'?
How is a buffalo a buffalo?
- This is a question of a rape victim.
- How do you know this'?
I am 100% sure, you can
check her identification marks.
- Is it true, Inspector?
- She is the same one sir.
With your permission
can I take off her veil...
...to show you the
identification marks?
- Of course. Please check.
- Take off the cloth.
Ramveer tell me her
identification marks. - Yes Sir.
Her right horn protrudes
out and then twists downward.
Out and then twists downward...
Here look at that sir.
This'?
. Yes?
- What do you mean by yes'?
You are looking at the left horn!
Sorry sir.
And her horn is just hanging,
it isn't twisting.
Hanging?
Ramveer?
Sorry sir. How did it start hanging?
It was fine until last night.
What have you done with the buffalo?
What have I done'?
How many times have I told
you not to meddle with her.
I say, just shut up!
- Move on...
Next one,
she has curly hair on her head.
- This one is bald!
How did the hair disappear suddenly?
Did you shave her?
- Will you be quiet'? - He has
dressed her up and brought her, Sir.
I say shut up! Read the next one.
There are crescent shaped
marks above her eyes.
Matang Singh, do you see a crescent?
- No sir, I can't see any crescent.
- Do you see any of the marks?
Do you think that I am a fool'?
Instead of the victim,
you are presenting an impostor!
Such a big fraud!
What has happened is wrong,
somebody has fooled us.
I say just shut up!
- Mr. Bhanwaringh, I want to see the real
victim, is that clear to you'? - Yes Sir.
- What yes Sir'?
- Sorry sir.
- Just shut up!
- Sorry sir.
Sorry sir!
Please listen to the whole story, Sir.
- Sir what is this'?
- I'll ask the Pradhan.
Pradhan, where is the real buffalo?
I'm 10 + 2.
She had become lame, so I sold her.
What are you saying?
You sold the victim?
Are you trying to fool the court'?
What difference would it make?
We thought we'd present
a better buffalo.
This one is more expensive.
- She gives 25 Itrs. of milk.
- What do I do with 25 Itrs. of milk?
Who did you sell her to'?
- Good afternoon sir!
- Forget the greetings.
- Are you Jogna?
- Yes sir!
Did you buy a buffalo from Sualal?
- Yes I did.
- Where is it'?
- Who'?
- The buffalo!
I sold her off.
Why did you buy her if
you were going to sell her'?
He tricked me and
sold me that buffalo.
First of all, she was injured. To
top it off she isn't producing milk.
- How would she produce
milk from the top'? - What'?
- How would she produce...
- Just stop it.
Who did you sell her to'?
See all those buffaloes in the water'?
One of them is your Miss Tanakpur!
How will we know which
one is Miss Tanakpur?
- You'll only know once they come out.
- And when will they come out'?
- They'll come out
once they are ready to.
Do you want us to wait here till then'?
Go get her out!
Once a buffalo enters the water...
...not even her father
can get her out!
Don't be stubborn!
Tell her the police is here!
Sir, you don't understand!
If a buffalo was that smart,
wouldn't she join the police force'?
Okay why don't you get into the water,
we'll give you some money.
No, I'm not going into that water.
Didn't you understand
what Sir is saying?
I did, but do you
know what's in the water'?
The sewage from the whole village!
- Forgive me I can't do this.
- Listen to me!
Listen!
Listen to us!
We'll pay you!
- Rambeer...
Rambeer...
Rambeer...
Yes.
Get into the water.
- Me'?
- Yes
In school didn't you eat the dirt
inside your nose over a 100 rupee bet'?
I was a kid then.
And now that you are older,
take 500 rupees.
Come...
Go jump in.
Quickly, take your clothes off.
But sir...
Don't think about it too much.
But sir, how will I identify her?
I'll shout out the
identification marks from here...
...and you just need to check them.
First her horns, then her chest...
...then her neck, her forehead...
...then her udders.
But sir, how will I identify
her udders under the water'?
I am sitting here to tell you!
I'll keep telling you.
Come on, go. Here, take off your hat.
Go confidently!
Go in, no problem!
- Go in!
Don't worry,
I'll get you some rum later.
Her horns protrude outwards
and then twist downwards.
Does she have hair on her head?
This one is bald!
Check the other one...
- Turn her around!
- It isn't this one!
Oh no! This one's a bull!
- You'll have to come in sir,
it's very difficult!
I would have come in but
I can feel a cold coming on.
- You have a cold and I will get one,
what do you want me to do'?
Why do I take so many bribes?
Here, tie her here.
She was so happy in the water.
She refused to come out of that lake.
Scrub her till she shines!
Scrub her!
What have you done ma'?
You're making these
garlands to offer God'?
What has God given you'?
He's sitting there deaf and blind,
damning us to hell.
I was making them so
that I could sell them.
At least I would make a few rupees.
- I'd put so much effort into them!
You've ruined everything!
How long can we last like this'?
I would prefer death
over this existence.
Hear all! Hear all!
- There is an announcement!
At tomorrow's village
council meeting...
- Arjun Kumar and family are asked
to present themselves!
- These are the Village Council's orders!
- Hear all!
None of the women from our village are
permitted to go to the Sunday market.
- No woman is allowed to wear jeans.
- No woman is allowed
to wear t- shirts.
No woman is to be seen in public
with her head uncovered...
...and if she does, she will
face the same punishment as her.
- If we don't protect
the modesty of our women...
...then who will'?
Long live India!
Hail the Motherland!
Hail the Motherland!
Hail the Motherland!
OK.
Friends!
And now the most important
decision of today.
Regarding the Arjun Ramprasad's
indecent behaviour...
...the police and the court are
conducting their own investigation...
...but this village council...
...will mete out its own punishment.
What are you doing'?
Settle down everyone!
Wait. . .wait.
Calm down.
- The village council has decided...
...that Arjun will
have to marry that buffalo.
What'?
What is this nonsense?
Quiet down boy!
- Quiet'?
- What are...
- Shut up!
It you disagree, then the village will
boycott you and cut off all your supplies!
Maya Ma'am'?
You're come here?
What have you done Arjun?
This is the Pradhan's plan
to humiliate you, to ruin your life.
You won'f be able to show your face
in society if you marry that buffalo.
Your job, your sister's marriage...
everything will be at a standstill.
Everything's at a standstill even now.
At least my family
won't die of starvation.
Okay...then I'll
tell everyone the truth.
No Maya ma'am.
Society is willing to turn a blind eye
to a man's indiscretions...
but not to a woman's.
Arjun!
No Arjun...
The wedding of Miss
Tanakpur and Arjun.
What is this'?
A buffalo marrying a man? Are
you crazy? This is against the law!
This can't happen!
This is the village council's decision
and it's decision...
...is higher than that of the law.
The highest is the Supreme Court...
...and the Supreme
Court won't allow this.
The Supreme Court also says that,
'In India, food and water...
...is everybody's fundamental
right.' Here this is for you.
Pradhanji your Bheema is amazing.
He always manages to make me happy.
So can we take Miss Tanakpur?
Take her. - We promise
to return her after the wedding.
- Take her!
Thank you.
Just remember one thing...
...if anything happens
to this buffalo...
...l'll first lose my job...
...and you'll all go to jail.
Don't worry, nothing is going
to happen to anybody.
Let me check her horn.
It's correct. Take her.
- Come along Miss Tanakpur!
- The tempo is parked there.
Congratulations Pradhanji!
Hope the wedding goes off well.
It will! Thank you!
Listen to me carefully...
...the right horn...
- Right.
- Right horn...
...goes out...
- and twists downwards...
- And twists behind...
Not behind! Again...
The right horn...
...goes out and then twists downwards.
Just pay attention to that...
...or they'll change the evidence and
we will be caught with our pants down.
Right Sir!
Come, let's have some sweetmeats!
Society only cares about
how beautiful a woman looks.
Nobody cares about
the ache in her heart.
Forgive me...
...there is nothing that I can do.
I wish I could break
the peg and run away.
But what can I do'?
I am as helpless as you are.
- The bridegroom is here!
- Let's watch the wedding from up here.
- Show us.
- Pradhanji, here is the buffalo!
- She has been dressed up beautifully.
Bheema...
...what is that on her leg?
It's to hide her wound.
Remove it!
It's ruining the entire look!
- Pradhanji you're
bothered about her look...
- but I'm thinking
about something else.
You are going to get her married.
- But I promise, you'll be at a loss.
- Why'?
I'll explain.
The boy is going to marry her,
keep the buffalo and get her milk...
What will you do then'?
Shastri...there you
go speaking like a child.
- How'?
- Listen to me...
...after the wedding
there has to be a send- off.
Only then will she go.
Listen to my plan.
The boy will go to jail...
...and I will sell the buffalo.
- Pradhanji say these things softly!
- Why'?
Even buffaloes have ears.
Buffaloes have ears!
- We have a poet here!
- He's right!
Pradhanji...
Are you a groom or a ghost?
Why are you sneaking up on us'?
You sent for me'?
Stop your questions!
Go hold the buttalo's tail
for the ritual.
The tail'?
Another question?
It's to purify, Pradhanji.
You are going to be handicapped
forever, you don't matter.
Look at the kind of
people God makes nowadays!
- Pick up her tail.
Bow down to the tail,
don't pull the tail up.
(Chanting).
- Say Jai Ma Kali!
Jai Ma Kali.
- Say I do!
- I do.
- Let go of the tail.
There he is ready now.
Now next'?
Mr. Bridegroom...
...are you turning her on already?
Bheema, let the boy spend a few
moments alone with his new bride.
- Now you may kiss the bride.
- What does that mean?
Don't take otherwise. Let's go.
Stay away from her behind, she's
been passing gas a lot these days.
- He's such a useless fellow.
Join your hands!
You're getting married now.
Not getting arrested!
Take those flowers and
throw them on the sweets.
This boy looks like a drug addict.
Throw some them here too.
- Bheema get the bride.
- Bheema bring her.
I'll just get her.
Feed her and make sure she takes
a dump before she comes here.
Come on, Miss Tanakpur.
Pradhanji!
Pradhanji!
- What has happened now'?
Pradhanji!
- Stop shouting!
- Come here!
Atleast tell me the problem!
What is it'?
The peg has been broken!
- Where is the buffalo?
The buffalo has disappeared!
Where...
Look...
She's gone! Look for her at the back!
Somebody go that side!
Shastri!
- She has run away, keep the boy here!
- Run away?
- Was she having an affair
with somebody else?
That buffalo.
She'll send us to jail.
- Look for her!
Where did such a
big buffalo disappear?
The buffalo is missing!
Pradhanji.
I don't know who could have done this.
I can't understand anything.
Gopi, you should have
kept an eye on her!
Look there!
- First check where your wife is.
- Where is Maya'?
Maya hasn't gone anywhere,
she is upstairs.
She's upstairs?
Then where the hell
has the buffalo gone?
- Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
- Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
- Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
- Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
- Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
The court kept summoning
Miss Tanakpur...
...but she never showed up.
The result: Inspector Matang Singh
was suspended.
He looked for her in the depths of
that lake, but he couldn't find her.
He did everything to
save himself and his job.
He testified against Sualal,
Bheema and Shastri.
We have heard that Shastri is chanting
the Mahamrityunjay for their freedom.
Arjun was saved by
the skin of his teeth...
...but many innocent people like Arjun
are still in jail.
Even today, Iakhs of false cases
are registered in the Indian courts.
Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
- Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
- Blessed be the land...
- where animals are respected
more than humans.
Our Gods and Goddesses are
incomplete without their animals.
For example,
Lord Krishna without the cow...
and Lord Yama without the bull.
Let's hear some cheers!
- And now without any further delay...
...l now welcome the Animal
Husbandry Minister...
...the Honourable Mr. Jhakar!
Let's clap for him!
Clap!
Now I'd like to welcome,
our Pradhanji (Village Chief)...
Mr. Sualal Gandaas!
Clap for him!
And the man who owns
315 acres and 21 wells...
...Mr. Bheem Singh Bagdhi.!
Clap for him!
- In a short while we'll be
starting the main event.
- The animal fashion show with
contestants from 12 villages!
Bheema, have you lost your hearing'?
Where's Maya'?
She was sitting right here...
Then where did she disappear?
Were you sleeping?
Don't take otherwise...
could you ask her
where Maya's gone?
Were you sleeping?
She just left with Laxmi.
How can she just leave?
How can it be possible?
And how did you people let her go'?
Our buffalo is about to
walk the ramp and she's gone!
Where are we going?
The show was about to start.
I'm getting you something to eat.
- This has the best elastic.
Can you give me the
red one in my size?
Give her the golf ball size.
- Here it is.
- How much is it for'?
- 50 Rupees.
The black one, please.
A football size one for her.
Arjun, l've finished all the food and you
are still figuring out measurements!
Indicate the size with your hands.
- Here you go.
- How much is it for'?
- 40 Rupees.
- Stop thinking so much, let's go!
- Let's go.
- Come on.
What'?
I...
Give me one in red...
this big...no...
...ok... this small.
Look, decide whether the size is as
small as a rose or as large as a lotus...
- or bring her here.
- I'm trying to tell you.
The younger lady who was here...
...and the lady who came
for the black one...
her size is midway.
The tennis ball size for him!
Look over there!
- What'?
- There...the...balloons.
Someone's husband
is looking for someone!
Oh God!
Why did you sneak out from the event'?
Don't take otherwise.
You couldn't wait for some
candy floss, Laxmi? Tell me'?
- No uncle...
- Shut up!
I had some personal work.
Do you have to ask me
in front of all these people?
Why'?
You think I'm scared of anyone?
You are my wife, answer me!
We can discuss this at home.
Why are you creating a scene?
I'm asking you right here, right now!
What was so urgent?
This was urgent!
Don't take otherwise.
Should I try it on in public too'?
Let's go.
Now what'?
Nothing, let's get back to the show.
(Miracle healer for all
sexual problems only 10 rupees)
Welcome, come sit down.
Where has Sualal gone off to now'?
Without even looking at your face
l've figured out your problem.
When you come to the pitch...
you're out even
before the game begins!
Have a teaspoon of
this potion every day.
And have a tea spoon of this powder...
...with milk on an empty
stomach every morning.
And this is...
my secret family oil.
- Massage with this oil for a month...
down there.
It will work right'?
Don't worry,
just have the medicine and...
...let your kite fly high.
And can you tell me...
...don't take otherwise.
I want to understand...
YeS,?
...do all these big bodybuilders...
...in all these photos...
have a sexual
problem just like me'?
Do they need special
help to get it up'?
The bigger the man...
...the bigger the sexual problem.
Ladies and gentlemen...
- Ladies and Gentlemen,
I present before you, Number 3!
- Look at her strut.
- Doesn't she just blow your mind'?
This is Number 3!
- Ladies and Gentlemen,
Who is this pretty girl at the fair?
She is Number 10.
Look at her amazing walk!
The apple of Sualal's eye!
The bulls go wild for her!
There goes our beauty!
- God save her from the evil eye!
Goddess...
drink something, accept their offering.
- Please drink 0 Goddess!
- At least eat something.
- Yes eat Goddess! Hello?
Hello?
- Here She isn't eating and you are
worried about your girlfriend.
Just hang up now!
Please drink...
At least bless the drink
for your followers.
Here...
We are truly blessed that...
...the Mother of Wealth and Prosperity
has descended to Tanakpur.
Praise Goddess Kali!
Jai ho!
She hasn't slept
or eaten since 9 days.
- Shastri, this is truly a miracle!
- Great miracle!
For 9 days She hasn't
eaten or drunk anything...
Not a grain of food
or a drop of water...
Then She musn't be taking a dump too!
What did you say'?
I think you should get
this Goddess checked by a doctor!
Aren't you Randhawa's son'?
Is this the way to speak about Her'?
Isn't that Sweety?
Does she look like Sweety to you'?
My brothers and sisters! Look at the
way he is talking about our Mother!
They want to bring the
doctor to the Goddess' temple!
You wear glasses, you must be
educated, who is your favourite God'?
Lord Shankar.
Has anyone ever seen
Lord Shankar's faeces?
Never! How can you
even think of such things!
Look Goddess!
- Hell has come to Earth!
People won't believe in
God until they see their taeces!
People like these should
be thrown out of society!
Beat them up!
- The results of the
fashion show are in!
- Without wasting any more time
I am going to announce them!
- The runner- up is...
- Village Chandra's Number 4!
Oh good, we still stand a chance.
- Congratulations to
Mr. Madhanlal Sodhi!
And now the winner.
- The winner is...
Say it...
heartiest congratulations to...
...Tanakpur's Mr. Sualal!
Cheers for Miss Tanakpur!
Cheers for Miss Tanakpur!
Pradhanji...
What is it'?
Move a bit to your left.
We piss on the same wall every day.
Why are you so worried about the wall?
I'm not worried about the wall.
It says "First child, not now"
written on the wall that worries me.
Why'?
This must be the last thing you think
of when you go to sleep at night.
When will I become an uncle?
- I also want to be an uncle.
- Listen to me.
Yes?
I'm the head of this village...
and if I don't
follow government orders...
what will the
villagers think of me'?
What will they...
Listen to what I'm saying,
Lord Ram was born...
only after King
Dashrath's hair turned white.
That's when he became Emperor Ram.
Amazing.
You are such a great thinker!
How has nobody else realized this yet'?
Brilliant! What a thought!
Now you must wait for all your hair
to turn white.
There isn't any harm in waiting...
...for that great son.
Now switch on your cell
phone light to drop me home.
I will light up the entire world,
when you have that great son.
My father got me married off thinking
I would get respect and honour...
also because I was considered bad
luck and nobody wanted to marry me.
My family chose to ignore how old
Sualal was once they saw the money.
And what did it get me'?
I'm living in hell.
What's the point of
crying when I'm with you'?
When I'm with you it feels like...
...my heart can sing again.
You lighten my soul.
I should leave now, Maya ma'am.
Arjun, I don't like
this "ma'am" business.
Can't you just call me Maya'?
No.
I like treating you with respect.
May l go now'?
We haven't spent enough time together.
It's really late.
I'm just worried that it
the Pradhan finds out about us...
I don't know what he'll do to you.
He scared me at the fair today.
Nothing will happen to me...
it's you I'm worried about.
He is worse than an animal,
you know...
What is this'?
You returned the money'?
But this is more than I spent.
Keep it to make me happy.
Once you join the police force,
I'll take it back with interest.
Yes Ma'am!
What happened?
Did he hit you again?
Arjun...
...I would have committed
suicide months back...
...if you hadn't come into my life.
Arjun, Pradhan's here, run!
Pradhanji, we have reached your house!
Who's there'?
Sorry, sorry.
- You go look there, I'll go look here.
- Who is it!
- Who is it!
Uh', move!
Turn that off!
Do you want to blind me'?
- What happened?
- Who was here?
Who ran away from here?
You are drunk,
you are imagining things!
No wonder you see
people running around.
Don't try to fool me.
I know you're upto
something in my absence.
What do you think I'm upto?
- Pradhanji!
Now what'?
- Come quickly!
- Coming!
- Where is he'?
- Who'?
Why did you call me
if you haven't found him'?
I wanted to ask...
it I can switch this light off'?
Idiot! Do you ask for my permission
when you want to take a dump'?
Sorry!
Get me a glass of water.
- Here.
Listen...
However smart you may think you are...
...one day I will find out the truth.
What truth'?
You get drunk and you imagine things.
Since 3 days, Ive been asking you
to take me to a doctor.
I have back pain and
you don't care!
It's not possible to
go right now in the night.
We'll see in the morning.
It's useless saying anything to you.
Go to sleep.
Don't turn away from me
and act coy like a new bride.
What's the point of bothering me'?
You won't be able to do anything.
Just go to sleep.
Here take this and go to sleep.
Let me sleep too.
Goodnight!
I think the second hand is spoilt.
I think it could be the machine.
- Has the clock stopped working?
- No!
Arjun has gone blind.
He needs to climb
up here to see the time.
- I see...
Stop meddling!
If your mother hadn't chanted
the prayers I gave her..
...you wouldn't even have been born.
Greetings!
Why don't you try to solve
your own problems with those prayers.
- Forget about him!
Arjun!
Good morning!
Good morning!
Arjun, can you come
fix my sewing machine?
Sorry that won't be possible.
If I don't get home soon...
Father will thrash me!
Lajjo!
Lajjo!
- Coming, ma!
- What are you upto?
- Wedding preparations.
What'?
It's Tulsi's wedding today,
I was making a garland for her.
Shouldn't you be preparing
for your own wedding?
It's only four days away.
Arjun! Wait a minute.
Aren't you bothered about your future?
What's wrong?
You're neither running
nor working out.
Listen carefully, son...
...you need to concentrate on your
application to the police academy.
I know I keep pestering
you about this...
...but you can't make a
living out of repairing things...
and I'm also retiring soon.
I need to show you something.
Look, I have collected
13,00,000 rupees for your job.
L've been collecting every penny.
I know nothing will happen
without bribing people.
- I don't care if I have to take
a loan for Lajjo's wedding.
But I won't touch this money.
- This is only for your
police education.
But even a small mistake by you...
and my entire life's
efforts will be wasted.
- Lajjo if we aren't done
before your aunt comes...
- she'll throw a fit.
- S-A-N-D-E.
That is Sunday.
- M-A-N-D-E...
That is Monday.
T-l-U-S-D-E.
That is Tuesday.
May I ask you something'?
What'?
Who is teaching you Angrezi (English)?
F-O-O-L, fool, this is English,
not Angrezi.
The school teacher
is teaching me English.
The other thing is...
that the state
elections are coming up...
Right.
And I am sure to be a candidate.
If I get elected...
...and can't speak a line of English...
...the village will have
to hang it's head in shame.
- Understand!
- Excuse me!
- What'?
- When are you taking me to the doctor'?
- Doctor?
Last night you said you'd take me.
Can't you see I'm dyeing my hair?
First, it'll dry,
then, I'll take a bath.
- After that I have an
important meeting to attend.
We'll go some other day.
- I'm never going to see that day.
You don't care about me.
Should I go to my father's place?
- He'll take me to the doctor.
- You aren't going to do anything!
Give me the hose.
- I'll have to do everything.
Are you looking for an excuse
to go back to your father's home?
Who will look after
me when you are gone?
And stop exposing yourself.
Who will do the housework?
Your buffalo?
If she could, shed do it.
She cares about me
more than you do.
Yes she does care.
But unlike you,
she's well- behaved and she's loyal.
Are you taking me
to the doctor or not'?
I'll see.
I know you aren't
going to do anything.
You can do as you please
but I'm going today.
My back has been hurting.
I'll take Laxmi along.
Laxmi!
- Yes!
- Get ready!
- We have to go the doctor.
Arjun, let's stop! It's already 3PM.
- I'll die if I cycle anymore.
- A little further.
I need to train for the police academy.
Nothing can stop me from getting in.
- Arjun stop!
- Oh our P.T.Usha!
This pain is getting unbearable.
How long will this bus take to arrive?
Where...'?
To a doctor in the city.
All alone?
He doesn't have the time.
Give me one minute...
Give me your shirt.
One minute.
Take it off.
I can arrange for an Englishwoman
with this imported whisky.
- Really?
- Just find out who that boy is.
Don't worry.
I promise I'll turn him
into a mad man and get him here.
Missiles might lose their way
but not my chants and magic.
But you need to perform
a tantric ritual.
I'm willing to perform a 100,
just find me a way.
Who will write it down'?
If it's in English I'll write it down
and he'll write it down if it's in Hindi.
I'll write it.
Ok take a pen and paper.
Ok, should I call Goswamiji's spirit?
I'm calling Goswamiji's spirit? Okay?
Oh Spirit! Please give
us a special chant for Pradhanji.
Om heem kreem,
kamle kamlale...
- He's responding, wait...
Shastriji, who is Kamla?
No that's not what I meant Pradhanji!
Don't joke with Goswami's spirit,
it's a chant, not a joke.
Hail Goddess Kali!
- There! The boy has come!
- This isn't the boy, it's Gopi.
- What's happened?
- You need to come with me.
- Come quickly.
Don't take otherwise.
Bheema come with me.
You scoundrel!
Don't hit him!
Why are you hitting me'?
What have I done'?
I had gone to pick up my aunt...
Come with me.
Get into the car!
Listen to me!
It wasn't his fault!
I haven't done anything!
You are suspicious.
That's not my problem.
You can make up as
many excuses as you want.
My sixth sense says
that you're up to no good.
Let me know when we reach Rasulpur.
Yes, you've already told me thrice.
I'm not as old as
you that I'll forget.
And where are you going, uncle?
Uncle? My dear little girl, I'm
going to find a suitable boy for you.
Speak for yourself!
Boys are queing up for me!
Tickets? Are all tickets done'?
Conductor...
Yes, I know, Rasulpur.
Just keep looking out the window.
No, I just wanted to know,
what time is it'?
Your time hasn't come as yet.
And, when you go you'll
take some of us along!
- Who hasn't bought their tickets?
- Tickets!
Have we reached Rasulpur?
Just sit down quietly!
- And if I hear one more word out of you
I won't stop the bus at Rasulpur.
Uncle, why don't you try wooing her?
I'm losing my mind!
- She's chewed my brains too!
- Do you even have one'?
- What'?
- A brain!
(Rasulpur- 0 K.M.)
Stop the bus when we reach Rasulpur.
We passed it 10 mins ago.
- Turn the bus back around to Rasulpur.
- Turn around?
- Please I beg of you!
The old woman will kill me.
Here, this is Rasulpur. Get off!
I don't want to get off,
I want to go to Tanakpur.
Why did you keep
asking about Rasulpur?
You see, the doctor said, "When
you get to Rasulpur, take your pills."
So should I take them'?
Please have all of them.
Turn the bus around!
Did I ask you to stop'? Move on!
Should I carry you and
drop you inside the house?
You fool, take me to the door,
not inside the house.
If you wanted to be dropped till the door,
you should have come in a palanquin.
Why did you sit in this hand cart?
Don't talk so much, move on!
- No. What will you do'?
- What will I do!
- You idiot!
- Don't hit me Father!
What's happened?
What's going on'?
Shut up!
Greetings, sister.
I thought the wedding
preparations would have started...
but it's raining shoes here.
What do I say!
Your nephew was beaten up by the
Pradhan in front of the whole village.
Is that true'?
Don't be ashamed!
Now your aunt is here!
Nobody will have the guts
to look you in the eye.
Don't worry.
Ramprasad, take the rickshaw inside.
Ma, look aunt is here!
- Speak up Goswami's spirit.
In 48 hours that boy will be roaming
the streets naked, like a madman.
You will have to spend a lot of money.
Shastri, don't take otherwise.
I am 10 + 2 (high school pass).
Really?
Dont worry about money,
just give me a solution.
- Are you sure'?
- Yes
Give me a solution,
Goswamiji's spirit...
A monkey bone...
...or the left leg
bone of a black dog.
Bury the bones in an
urn filled with vermillion.
With a 100 rupee note.
The mud from your enemy's left leg...
...and his faeces.
Mix it together and make a paste.
- Wait...a dog's bone...
- Yes...
- ...the mud from the left foot...
- That's correct.
What happened?
- And his faeces?
- Yes.
Why don't you make
pilaf out of all of this!
Bheema, we are just wasting our time,
let's go!
- Pradhanji, just listen to him.
- Why should I listen to this'?
Shastri made Chavinder's son impotent.
He is a master of tantric rituals.
- Yes, you need to take me seriously.
- Then be serious!
Calling a spirit almost kills me,
should I call him or not'?
You need to talk less.
Goswamiji's spirit,
they are apologizing.
Okay, he forgives you.
You need to bury all these
objects in a foot- deep hole.
Then you sit on it and say,
Om- burambhu swat swaha...
Om khulat khu thang
thang thang phat swaha...
Don't you need to write that down'?
We'll just record it on the mobile.
- Om- burambhu swat swaha...
Om khulat khu thang thang thang
phat swaha... Did it get recorded?
Ma!
I'm not coming to pick you up.
Hey, tell mom that...
Oh drat! We dropped everything. Ma!
Oh damn!
He's not going to come back out now.
How are we going to get
the mud from his left leg'?
How can it possible?
Tell me.
Looks like we'll have
to wait till tomorrow morning.
What to do!
- Pradhanji.
- What do you think you are doing'?
I swear upon the
ground you walk upon...
...that tomorrow, your enemy...
...is going to take
the last dump of his life.
Who is this boy'?
Bheema got him.
I got him from Jadalpur
to collect the faeces.
I paid him 100 rupees
plus conveyance.
What have you told him'?
I told him that our Pradhanji
is a big scientist...
...he's researching
different kinds of faeces.
I am the Pradhan,
I can do what I want.
Arjun is here.
Why isn't he sitting down'?
His pajama strings
aren't getting untied.
Why'?
How would I know?
And if they don't open?
Then it will become a bigger problem.
It opened! Thank the Lord!
Congratulations!
Looks like he is leaving.
- Go, do what needs to be done
- Yes.
- You, boy, come with me.
- Pradhanji!
- What has happened now'?
There is a problem.
What is it'?
Somebody else has taken
a dump here as well.
Now how will we know
which one is his?
Which one is fresh?
Both look fresh.
Ok which one is fresher?
I can't tell you
by just looking at it.
Do you want to taste it then'? This
was your idea. Don't take otherwise!
Yesterday we spent the entire day
looking for mud and today it's this.
Give me 5 minutes and I promise
I'll pick up the right one.
Do me a favour.
Do you have his father's phone number?
Yes I do, why'?
Can you call him and ask him...
...did they have okra for dinner?
- No, I'm not doing this...
- Pradhanji!
We are so close to our goal, please.
Please!
Making friends with idiots
only puts you through hell.
Hello, Ramprasad,
this is the Pradhan speaking.
Ramprasad, what did your
son have for dinner last night'?
What did he say'?
Last night Arjun ate out.
Wasted my time you idiots!
Do you know what I am doing,
Pradhanji?
No.
I'm making the sound of a crying cow
in front of Arjun's house.
- How is that going to help?
- What'?
This will put the curse of
performing a cow sacrifice on him.
If you do it once...
...then the curse of
4000 cow slaughters will be on him.
And if you do this 25 times...
...then the curse of 1,00,000
cow slaughters will fall upon him.
- Will this destroy him'?
- Yes it will.
(Chanting)
Why do you sound so happy,
like a cow that has won the lottery.
It's not possible to
become a cow so quickly.
You don't have to become a cow,
just sound like one.
Do it with devotion.
(Chanting)
(Chanting)
Bheema, make the sound of a goat...
...then a goat sacrifice
curse will fall upon him.
(Chanting)
Quickly, otherwise we'll get caught.
(Chanting)
- Quickly before someone catches us.
(Chanting)
- Shastri!
- Shastri, what has happened?
- Look Bheema,
look at how he's jumping around.
Pradhanji, tell me what you can see.
The boy is acting like a mad man.
I told you! My mantras are working!
Now, give me 100 rupees.
Give me a 100 rupee note, go on.
This boy has been destroyed.
Yes and now his entire family
will be driven to insanity.
- Ramprasad!
- Welcome!
Hello. Please accept this.
Hello Pradhanji.
I'm so glad you could come. Thank you.
You didn't bring your wife along?
She is unwell.
Please come in.
You must eat dinner before leaving.
Don't worry about us.
Please look after your other guests.
Shastri, don't take otherwise.
What happened?
- Your mantras have failed.
- Why, what has happened?
He means that they
boy seems absolutely fine.
Neither crazy nor sick.
Just wait and watch.
We can't do anything but watch.
- Where are the drinks?
Where's dinner?
Is food all you think about?
I'm tense here and
you are looking for dinner!
What are you worried about?
I can see there is nothing
wrong with that boy.
Let's forget about
the past and just eat.
- Get out of my sight.
- What'?
Get out of my sight!
- Pradhanji you're making a big deal
out of nothing. - Can't you hear me'?
Pradhanji!
I will shove this inside you.
- Bheema, control him.
- I'll do that for you, just calm down.
- You too'?
- Get out of here!
L'm going...
Pradhanji you need...
- What are you doing Pradhanji?
What happened Pradhanji?
What is it'?
Where has that boy disappeared?
Wasn't he just here?
Arjun, you shouldn't
have left the wedding.
Then who would take care of you'?
Lajjo must be looking beautiful.
Yes, very pretty,
do you want to see a photograph?
Here you go.
Really, just like Aishwarya Rai.
Yes she does.
And me'?
Like Shahrukh Khan.
Shahrukh Khan?
- Please call the bride's brother.
Where's Arjun?
He's been gone since a while.
Narayan can you go and look for him'?
Drag the cad! - He's become
a threat to the women of this village.
Imagine doing something so despicable.
- You cad!
- Tie the Scoundrel up!
Sinner.
Uncle, did you get through?
Did you'll find him'?
No we didn't, go look there.
- What happened?
- I can't get through.
- If her brother isn't here,
call her cousin.
Narayan, you're like Lajjo's brother,
why don't you sit.
Yes, of course.
- His phone is ringing.
- Look for it. Give it to me.
- Take it out!
- Here Pradhanji.
He used these legs
to run away that night.
Get the motorcycle
and run it over him!
Break his legs!
Bring the motorcycle!
His legs are broken.
Sualal?
Sualal, there are
people gathering outside.
Let them! I'm not afraid of anyone.
Don't take otherwise.
I'm 10 + 2.
Yes, I agree but it the truth comes out
it will bring disgrace to the family.
Think about what
you will tell everyone.
Listen everybody!
Your heads will hang in shame
if you'll know what he has done.
This boy...
was being indecent with my
buffalo, in the middle of the night!
- I caught him red handed!
- What kind of indecent behaviour'?
- What did he do'?
- Hang on everyone.
What kind of indecent behaviour?
He was...
---raping my buffalo!
He raped a buffalo!
- What kind of upbringing
has he been given?
- Imagine raping a buffalo!
- No one is answering the phone.
- No one will in the police station.
- Call up 181- 181.
What's that'?
It's the government helpline number...
...for any crimes against women.
- But this is a buffalo.
- Pradhanji, how dense of you!
A 'buffalo' is female!
That makes sense!
Call them.
Sir, this is Bheem Singh speaking.
.Who'?
L've called on behalf of
Tanakpur's village head, Mr. Sualal.
- Tell me.
There's been a rape in our village.
- What'? A rape'?
- Yes, somebody's been raped.
- And who is the culprit?
We've tied the rascal
to a bullock cart.
- And where is the victim?
- She's lying down in front of me.
- What is she doing there'?
- She's lying down in the yard.
- Why is she lying down in the yard?
- To sun bathe.
- Who sunbathes after getting raped'?
Sualal asked us to put her there,
so we did.
- Is she properly covered'?
No, she's lying naked.
- Naked? Are you all crazy?
- Put some clothes on her.
- Okay sir.
Gopi! Get some bedsheets
from the house!
L've told them.
Can you please come quickly?
The whole village has gathered.
- We'll be there soon.
Meanwhile, cover the victim's face.
Her whole face'?
- Of course! Her identity
should be kept secret!
- The boy's father is here!
- If he'd gotten the
son married first...
...the boy wouldn't
have gone after a buffalo.
- Quiet! Don't judge him
without hearing the whole story.
Look at what your son has done!
This girl cannot
be my daughter- in- law!
Pack everything! Let's go!
Mother!
(Chanting)
Invoke Lord Shiva...
Say his name.
Are you all going to spend the day
canoodling here? What were you doing?
We were chanting for
this matter to get resolved.
To hell with your chants!
Neither have the cops come
nor has that helpline number worked.
Unless a man dies himself,
he'll never see heaven.
- He looks like the Police Station Chief.
- Why, is he wearing a sign?
He will know. Let me handle it.
Ask him!
Sir, are you bathing?
He's brushing his teeth.
No, I'm painting a picture
of me bathing. Why do you care'?
Where will we find the police chief?
He isn't here.
The toilet is there.
Read what's written.
Should I go find out'?
He isn't there.
- He's taking a dump.
- What!
Why'? Can't cops take a dump'?
No... cops take a dump all the time!
What he really means is that it's
a fundamental right to take a dump.
Sure, I get what you really mean.
- But when I start
getting really mean...
...then all the meanings
won't make a difference!
Sir, you're applying the
wrong meaning to my meanings...
Don't take otherwise.
- The police chief is
an old friend of mine.
- I'm the head of Tanakpur village.
- Give him your card.
- This is my visiting card...
- There is no water in the toilet.
Oh there he is!
Let's shake hands!
Wait Pradhan,
Let me at least wash my dirty hands!
My Guru's advice was...
'Always pay your respects
to the first person you meet..
...when you exit the toilet.'
- Ask me why...
- Ask him why.
- Why'?
Because you've just emptied your
tummy, but this next person will refill it!
What a thought!
It's not funny!
It's always been true for me.
Now l've met you outside,
let's see how you are going to do it.
Hope I am worthy enough!
Don't take me otherwise.
Let me decide who is worthy!
What was your Guruji's name?
Kantaprasad.
Come on, let's talk.
What are you saying Pradhan?
Don't just make up stories!
Is it possible to rape a buffalo?
Do you think the police are stupid?
No, no. Listen to us.
We aren't lying, I saw
it with my own eyes.
So you have an eyewitness as well.
Exactly! So please register the case.
And what if I don't'?
Don't take me otherwise.
The thing is, the police superintendent,
Mr. Trivedi is a good friend of mine and...
And Mr. Bidayak...
...and Bidayak, the local Councilor
is from my own community.
Otherwise...
...l've been in the police
force for 35 years.
Dropping names isn't
going to get your work done.
- What do you really want me to drop'?
- How can I tell you what to drop'?
How about I drop something
heavy in your lap!
There's a lot more coming your way.
Since time immemorial,
we've heard 'The cow is our mother'.
A young man, Arjun has been accused
of raping a 'mother' - this buffalo.
Right now, I'm at Ground Zero,
and this is the victim.
As you can see the buffalo
is feeling rather helpless and morose.
She is so ashamed that she can't even
look people in the eye.
What we need to worry about is
how low our society has fall...
Let society go to hell!
Get off the victim!
- Get out of here!
- Keep rolling!
Vultures!
Won't even spare this animal.
Pradhanji, it's a good
thing you covered her face...
...because now with the
slightest provocation women...
...go on candle light
marches to India Gate.
Poor thing... A victim of bad fate.
-It's so sad.
She's feeling so embarrassed.
Why is this vessel here?
Pick up that vessel, it's part
of the evidence.
Should I take the dung too'?
Why don't you do one thing...
...collect all the
dung from the village...
...add some of your own and
bring it to the police station.
You fool!
Give me that stick.
How did a scrawny fellow like you
climb such a big, black beast'?
Sir, my son is innocent.
So you are this fellow's father?
I know my son would never
do something so low and cheap.
Your son didn't do
anything low, my man.
In fact,
he climbed on top of the buffalo.
No sir, my son isn't like that at all.
In fact, he has applied
to the police force.
Oh! The buffalo cavalry unit!
Your bad behaviour has started even
before you've joined the police force'?
It's because of people like you that
the police force gets a bad name.
Will you continue this behaviour
when you're in the police force'?
Then why would he
do something like this'?
By then, he'll become
a big man just like you.
Why will he continue
fornicating with buffaloes?
He will sleep with humans...
...just like you do!
Oh really! Ramveer, quick!
File a report against the boy!
- Charged for raping a
buffalo under Crimes Act 377.
- Life imprisonment and
a minimum of 10 years in jail.
- Come Pradhanji and bring the eye
witness along. Let's write the report.
Long live the Indian Police!
Long live the Indian Police!
Sualalji, it's always a
pleasure to visit your village.
Let's file the complaint first.
Tell me the name.
Sualaal...Sualal Gandaas.
Don't take otherwise.
Sualal...
Let him write.
Not your name, the victim's name.
Victim's'?
- The victim.
- The victim is a buffalo.
Simple question,
what is the victim's name?
You must have named her something...
Rani, Rupa, Champa, Gulabo.
She won the animal fashion show,
she became Miss Tanakpur.
Excellent! So we have the
victim's name, Miss Tanakpur.
Miss Tanakpur.
Why don't you shove
your head further down.
- Shastri stop behaving like a kid!
- Age?
- She should be around 7 or 8 years old.
- 7 or 8 years old'?
Okay let's settle on something
in the middle, 7 and a halt.
- Does she give milk?
- Yes
- How much'?
- 20 litres
What'?
She gives 10 litres in the morning and
10 litres in the evening.
- Then this is going to hamper
your business. - Why'?
- The buffalo will be in police
custody from now on. - Why'?
- How is that possible?
- It's necessary.
Until the police investigation is complete
the victim must stay in police custody.
Complete the procedure and
get the buffalo to the police station.
- Yes sir.
- And don't take the veil off her face.
In the name of Lord Hanuman!
In the name of Lord Shankar!
In the name of Lord Krishna!
From strength to strength!
Giddyup!
With limb to limb!
Giddyup!
I think two people
should hold her horns...
...two people should lift her legs...
...and shift gears!
You can't ride her
in like your motorcycle!
- This way...
- That way... behind...
She's out of energy.
Give her a dose of Viagra.
Then she'll get on top of anything
a plane, a bus or a truck.
Old man, are you trying to
apply your formulas to a buffalo?
Quickly, let's get on with it.
There you go! She's climbing up!
She's UP!
- L've been married 7 years.
If I'd had a child I would
have devoted my life to it.
He couldn't perform his manly duty.
How could I have a child then'?
Then he comes home drunk
every night and beats me.
That's when Arjun, the electrician...
...felt sorry for me and
he started caring about me.
I began to like that feeling.
But...
...last night he left his sister's
wedding just to give me medicines.
He hasn't done anything wrong.
He has sacrificed everything for me.
For that,
these people are torturing him.
I don't know what to do...
Keep it straight and hold it here.
Tell me Doctor, what do we need to do'?
What do I say'? There is no evidence
that the boy has raped somebody.
How is that possible?
Shastri is our eyewitness.
I don't care who saw what...
...there isn't a single
piece of evidence proving rape.
How can I make a report
stating otherwise?
- You need evidence.
- Of course I need evidence.
What are you doing'?
Just keep it,
I'm going to go create some evidence.
- Rambeer! Below the udders,
there is a white spot.
A white spot'?
- How does this mark look'?
- It looks like the map of Sri Lanka.
OK fine.
- Going ahead...
- Not ahead, behind...
Red sprouts of hair,
red like our police chief's moustache.
Alright, next'?
What is going on here?
Sir, we were checking for evidence.
Half the day is over and
the report isn't ready yet'?
The vet isn't agreeing
to write the report Sir.
- To hell with the doctor! Where is he'?
- There he is.
This drought stricken
man is the doctor'?
You! Listen...
Come here!
Are you the veterinarian?
Yes Sir.
Why aren't you making
the report we've asked for'?
How can I make a report of
something that cannot actually happen?
- It is absolutely preposterous!
- Preposterous!
This is the problem with
these highly educated people!
The medicines are imported,
but the animals are local.
Clearly, you don't know
how the law works.
That is possible sir,
but I know a lot about animals...
...and that is why I'm telling you that
it's not possible to rape a buffalo.
But I insist she's been raped!
- But you are mistaken.
- Mistaken?
- Prove it!
- I'll prove it!
Even if you touch a buffalo
to apply medicine, she trembles.
Now watch.
You need 4- 5 people
just to hold her down.
But you insist the boy raped her.
It's preposterous!
Look Mr. Preposterous...
...it's because of people like you...
...that rape victims are
reluctant to complain to the cops.
You insist she trembles.
Now why does she tremble?
It's because she's
tomatized (traumatized).
Do you understand what 'tomatized' is'?
Just go look at your
face in the mirror.
The way your face looks like right now,
that's what is known as 'tomatized'.
After a woman is raped...
...do you know what she's
feeling deep inside her heart?
She's scared, even of her own family,
that somebody will attack her.
And this is just a mute buffalo.
So try and show some
humanity towards this animal.
I understand what
you are trying to say...
...but I can't put my job on the line
by making a false report.
Rambeer! File a report
against this man right now!
Find out how many animals
have died in his hospital.
File an inquiry into each animal's death
and bring him to the police station.
- But sir...
- And I'll file a report against you.
Doctor, why are you sacrificing
your career for a buffalo? - But...
But nothing. She's just a buffalo,
it's not like she is your wife.
Carefully...
She's restless.
Gently, gently-
Okay Cowboy!
There's only one way out for you now.
Sign this confession.
It's the only way you'll get
a reduced sentence.
Come on, sign it.
Take it!
Just do it!
Should I box your ears'?
Bring the milk here.
Distribute the rest to the others.
In just one day she has
brightened up the police station.
Everyone's smiling.
Let's celebrate!
Make some ghee, buttermilk, butter.
Lord Krishna's birthday is coming up.
Share this with the others...
Everybody quiet, it's the
Superintendent calling.
Jai Hind sir!
Matang, what is this
absurd case you've filed'?
Sir, the villagers came
to the station with a witness...
...and with them was Sualal,
the village head.
He's the one who has
gotten this report written.
But the case should make
some sort of sense.
- But sir, we become helpless
in some situations.
Last time, with the Case of Eaten
Goat Ears, I refused to file it...
but you got furious.
- Sualal was threatening
to call the Minister.
Each one's a scoundrel...
...but you should have thought
things through before filing the case.
Sir, you've always said...
...'File the case first, the
investigation will proceed on its own'.
And where is the buffalo?
The buffalo is here
at the police station.
- What is she doing there'?
She's giving us milk. 10 Itrs. in
the morning, 10 Itrs. in the evening.
- That much'?
- She is a special buffalo.
She won the 1st prize at the animal
fair. She was crowned Miss Tanakpur.
Really?
- Would you like me to send some
milk over'? Mornings and evenings?
No...
Ok sir, I'll send it.
Jai Hind, Sir!
- Is Sir asking us to send him milk?
- No, we're sending him the buffalo!
- What happens to us'?
- Nothing happens to us!
That's all we get!
- In a country where
even a buffalo isn't safe...
...how will a woman ever be safe here'?
- We swear upon the buffalo!
- We'll overthrow the government!
- We swear upon the buffalo!
- We'll overthrow the government!
- We swear upon the buffalo!
- We'll overthrow the government!
- We swear upon the buffalo!
- We'll overthrow the government!
- Miss Tanakpur is having a baby!
- And Arjun is the father!
- Miss Tanakpur is having a baby!
- And Arjun is the father!
- Miss Tanakpur has become a mother!
Don't pay attention to
these people and their commotion.
Why don't you eat something'?
Oh God!!
Pray here and you will win your case.
Bring us any disputes, any cases,
we'll help you.
- 50% discount on all disputes!
- You'd found out about him right'?
Then where is he'?
- Here. Pehelwan Uttan singh.
- Is he the one?
I'll get him freed.
You'll need to check your pockets.
It'll cost you 10,000/- rupees.
10,000! Isn't that a lot of money?
Are you hiring a lawyer
or buying vegetables?
Looks like nowadays, hiring 1 lawyer
is equal to rearing 10 elephants!
Aunt you need to learn
to control your tongue.
Sorry sir! She's a little cuckoo.
Little! She's completely crazy!
This is the man who'll get your
work done. He's a government lawyer.
Don't worry hes a government
employee on paper.
All his work is private.
Oh OK.
Sir...what about the court'? The judge?
Don't worry Pradhanji,
the law isn't blind, it's cross- eyed.
It'll see only what
you want it to see.
Understood!
- Look at him, Sir!
- He looks like an innocent man,
gentle like the Holy Cow.
- But he is not what he appears to be.
He is dangerous and devious, Sir!
Devious! He is the devious one here!
- Sitting here like a saint!
Be quiet...
- He has done nothing wrong!
Who is this lady?
She's Arjun's aunt.
Ma'am let them be... come here
and tell me what you have to say...
...but peacefully.
- Tell him.
- I'll tell you what I want later...
...tirst let me tell
you about the Pradhan.
He is misborn.
One second.
What do you mean?
Suppose say your father has died and
your mother has come to my father...
...and you come along,
completely unwanted...
...then you are considered misborn.
- What is she saying?
- Aunty, keep quiet.
- Sit down.
- Silence!
- Silence! Silence!
To freedom!
- What's going here!
Please behave in the court!
- Please proceed with your argument.
What I was saying was...
...we have taken the
buffalo into custody.
We conducted medical examinations
and this is the result.
It proves that the buffalo was raped.
- And the boy has also submitted
a written confession.
- A confession?
They forced him to sign it.
- What is the date today?
- It's the 2nd Sir.
- Quiet!
- He will remain in judicial
custody until 16th August.
That's the way!
Three cheers for right justice!
Three cheers for right justice!
So he'll get bail on the 16th.
You won't do anything,
you didn't open your mouth in there.
You uttered a total of 3 sentences...
...and for that,
you want 10,000 rupees!
- A movie star would ask for less!
- Keep quiet aunt!
Why don't you get a movie star to
fight your case, he'll be your lawyer.
Look, here's your 10,000 rupees.
I can't handle this case.
Why don't you tell this
old lady to fight the case'?
She'll lift the whole world
to high heaven.
Sir, listen to me!
Narayan be careful of him!
These lawyers are bigger
thieves than the police!
Sir, please listen to me.
Sir! Sir!
Sir, just tell me what I need to do.
What you need to do is...
...arrange an additional
20,000 rupees.
- 20,000 more!
- Yes.
Why'?
I need to shut the
prosecution lawyer's mouth.
- Please God, please do something.
Protect this house in these bad times.
Tomorow is Lord Krishna's birthday.
I vow to eat only once a day...
...if you solve all these problems.
Hail Lord Krishna!
Hail Lord Krishna!
Hail Lord Krishna!
Hail Lord Krishna!
The next time anybody
comes to this station...
first bring him to this temple,
give him the offering...
...and only then will we proceed
with his case. Hail Lord Krishna!
Sir, yesterday Arjun's
father jumped into the well.
He was in the water all night.
So get him out of the well.
- Hail Lord Krishna! - Everybody's
tried, but it hasn't worked.
Can't you people even get a corpse
out of the water'? Hail Lord Krishna!
He's not dead!
He was in the water all
night and he hasn't died'?
He's been standing at the
edge of the water, stuck to the wall.
Idiot! Because of you,
I'll get a heart attack one day.
He hasn't jumped into the well,
he has climbed down into it.
Switch the siren off!
Where is he'?
Get out of there!
Or should I come get you'?
You are ruining the festival mood!
- Only if you take back
that false statement.
- Otherwise I will kill myself.
Are you blackmailing me, you wimp?
I'll put your whole family in jail.
Police chief, who are you threatening?
Just try touching us...
Listen ma'am don't get upset,
try and understand.
I'm trying to convince
Ramprasad to come back up.
If he stays in there he will die.
How will that help?
Even if he dies,
the case will not be dismissed.
And if hes stubborn there
will be a death on a festive day.
- I don't have any faith
in the police system.
- Drop the case against
Arjun and I'll come back up.
Or I'll kill myself!
Are you Arjun's mother?
Why don't you try and
convince him to come out'?
Or then offer him
some food blessed by God.
What does he like?
- Rice pudding. - Quickly go and
get him some rice pudding then.
Go quickly or he'll die otherwise.
Go help her.
Hail Lord Krishna!
Hail Lord Krishna!
Hail Lord Krishna!
Hail Lord Krishna!
- That took long.
- Give it to me sir.
Send it down to him.
Eat the pudding and
God will make everything all right.
L've gotten the food
blessed by Lord Krishna.
- Have it and you will be blessed.
- Hail Lord Krishna!
- Hail Lord Krishna!
Hail Lord Krishna!
He's done, pull it up.
He's wiped the bowl clean.
Very good!
Now send down the thick rope.
Now tie this rope around your waist...
...and we'll pull you back up.
Your daughter, wife and sister
are all here waiting for you.
Come up and feed them some
rice pudding with your own hands.
Two, three men, come help.
Pull him up carefully!
The rope shouldn't snap!
- Hail Lord Krishna!
- Hail Lord Krishna!
- Hail Lord Krishna!
Pull him up!
We are ruined!
- Arjun. Get up!
We have to go to court!
- Stop staring at me! Come on!
- This boy has now been
in jail since two months.
The thing that baffles me is why
should a man who owns 3 buffaloes...
...become crazy enough...
...to leave his own
sister's wedding...
...jump a wall in the middle of the night,
and rape somebody else's buffalo?
What is the logic?
Sir,
I have an answer to this question.
Why does a man leave his own wife..
...to sleep with another
man's wife'? Tell me'?
What can I say'?
You were telling the story,
so tell me.
This is no ordinary buffalo,
this is Miss Tanakpur.
- Long live Miss Tanakpur!
Consider this.
However lovely
a man's wife might be...
...even it she is the most beautiful
and admirable woman in the world...
...if he gets a chance
to sleep with Ms.lndia...
...wouldn't he jump
at the opportunity?
- Of course he'll go!
How can I answer that'?
It's completely irrelevant to the case.
OK! This whole case rests
on the victim, the buffalo.
So please present
the buffalo at the next hearing.
The buffalo?
. ' Sir')
Very god!
The buffalo? In court'?
Is it so difficult to do that'?
Sir...
How will she come into the courtroom?
The victim has to be present.
And we can sit outside
for the proceedings.
What is the problem?
No problem Sir.
Keep the next hearing on the 30th...
OK Sir!
...and until then the defendant,
Arjun, is granted bail.
- Yayyy!
- We'll now break for lunch.
- Drive slowly!
- Relax Pradhan.
- Careful of the pot holes!
- Don't go so fast!
- Calm down Pradhan!
Gently'!
She's fallen!
- He knocked her down!
- Oh Lord!
What has he done!
Pradhan! Stop yelling!
What have you done!
You've ruined me!
G'Di!
Call Bheema!
I'm calling him.
Call the doctor!
Why isn't Miss Tanakpur here as yet'?
She definitely has
2- 3 broken bones...
- ...and it'll take minimum
15 days to heal. - 15 days!
- She will need a lot of care.
- Did you hear that'? - I did,
but you'll have to take care of her.
Me'? I'm not going to
sit at the station all day!
I'm 10 + 2.
Precisely, Mr. 10 + 2.
Please take her home.
Home'?
She's your buffalo,
she'll feel better at her own home.
Shastri, come here...
Sir, one minute.
Let's take her to the police station.
What are you going
to do with her there'?
Her leg is broken, she can't stand.
Look she's lying down.
So we can milk her
while she's lying down.
Shut up! Who'll take
care of her treatment?
We don't know how long
she'll take to get better.
Did you understand'?
Our work here is done.
Okay, we are going, take care of her.
We'll have to buy milk now.
In reality it's today that
she has been truly violated.
Push the hearing to the 10th.
Narayan, stop the bike.
Stop!
What happened?
Maya! Where is my soap?
The Inspector.
- Good morning, Inspector!
- Have you reached
the court with the buffalo?
I'm ready, I'm leaving in 5 mins.
Don't take otherwise.
- Be careful with her.
- Take the long route,
don't knock her down again.
I'll die but won't let
anything happen to that buffalo.
- OK fine.
- Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
- Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
We've done everything
you stipulated, Sir.
Come this way...
- What is this'? Why isn't her
face covered'? - Sorry sir.
And you've covered up the
person whose face should be seen.
Take that cloth off!
- How can you leave the victim's
face uncovered inspector?
- Sorry sir.
- Proceed with the hearing.
- The buffalo has been brought
here for your observation.
- Now you can study her.
- I have one request for you.
Please give this criminal
the harshest punishment.
- Sir, sir...
Sorry sir.
Just a minute, sorry to disturb you.
- There is a huge problem here.
- What are you saying?
This isn't the same buffalo,
it's a different one.
What'?
How can you say that'?
- She isn't Miss Tanakpur.
- A buffalo is a buffalo!
How can you say that'?
How is a buffalo a buffalo?
- This is a question of a rape victim.
- How do you know this'?
I am 100% sure, you can
check her identification marks.
- Is it true, Inspector?
- She is the same one sir.
With your permission
can I take off her veil...
...to show you the
identification marks?
- Of course. Please check.
- Take off the cloth.
Ramveer tell me her
identification marks. - Yes Sir.
Her right horn protrudes
out and then twists downward.
Out and then twists downward...
Here look at that sir.
This'?
. Yes?
- What do you mean by yes'?
You are looking at the left horn!
Sorry sir.
And her horn is just hanging,
it isn't twisting.
Hanging?
Ramveer?
Sorry sir. How did it start hanging?
It was fine until last night.
What have you done with the buffalo?
What have I done'?
How many times have I told
you not to meddle with her.
I say, just shut up!
- Move on...
Next one,
she has curly hair on her head.
- This one is bald!
How did the hair disappear suddenly?
Did you shave her?
- Will you be quiet'? - He has
dressed her up and brought her, Sir.
I say shut up! Read the next one.
There are crescent shaped
marks above her eyes.
Matang Singh, do you see a crescent?
- No sir, I can't see any crescent.
- Do you see any of the marks?
Do you think that I am a fool'?
Instead of the victim,
you are presenting an impostor!
Such a big fraud!
What has happened is wrong,
somebody has fooled us.
I say just shut up!
- Mr. Bhanwaringh, I want to see the real
victim, is that clear to you'? - Yes Sir.
- What yes Sir'?
- Sorry sir.
- Just shut up!
- Sorry sir.
Sorry sir!
Please listen to the whole story, Sir.
- Sir what is this'?
- I'll ask the Pradhan.
Pradhan, where is the real buffalo?
I'm 10 + 2.
She had become lame, so I sold her.
What are you saying?
You sold the victim?
Are you trying to fool the court'?
What difference would it make?
We thought we'd present
a better buffalo.
This one is more expensive.
- She gives 25 Itrs. of milk.
- What do I do with 25 Itrs. of milk?
Who did you sell her to'?
- Good afternoon sir!
- Forget the greetings.
- Are you Jogna?
- Yes sir!
Did you buy a buffalo from Sualal?
- Yes I did.
- Where is it'?
- Who'?
- The buffalo!
I sold her off.
Why did you buy her if
you were going to sell her'?
He tricked me and
sold me that buffalo.
First of all, she was injured. To
top it off she isn't producing milk.
- How would she produce
milk from the top'? - What'?
- How would she produce...
- Just stop it.
Who did you sell her to'?
See all those buffaloes in the water'?
One of them is your Miss Tanakpur!
How will we know which
one is Miss Tanakpur?
- You'll only know once they come out.
- And when will they come out'?
- They'll come out
once they are ready to.
Do you want us to wait here till then'?
Go get her out!
Once a buffalo enters the water...
...not even her father
can get her out!
Don't be stubborn!
Tell her the police is here!
Sir, you don't understand!
If a buffalo was that smart,
wouldn't she join the police force'?
Okay why don't you get into the water,
we'll give you some money.
No, I'm not going into that water.
Didn't you understand
what Sir is saying?
I did, but do you
know what's in the water'?
The sewage from the whole village!
- Forgive me I can't do this.
- Listen to me!
Listen!
Listen to us!
We'll pay you!
- Rambeer...
Rambeer...
Rambeer...
Yes.
Get into the water.
- Me'?
- Yes
In school didn't you eat the dirt
inside your nose over a 100 rupee bet'?
I was a kid then.
And now that you are older,
take 500 rupees.
Come...
Go jump in.
Quickly, take your clothes off.
But sir...
Don't think about it too much.
But sir, how will I identify her?
I'll shout out the
identification marks from here...
...and you just need to check them.
First her horns, then her chest...
...then her neck, her forehead...
...then her udders.
But sir, how will I identify
her udders under the water'?
I am sitting here to tell you!
I'll keep telling you.
Come on, go. Here, take off your hat.
Go confidently!
Go in, no problem!
- Go in!
Don't worry,
I'll get you some rum later.
Her horns protrude outwards
and then twist downwards.
Does she have hair on her head?
This one is bald!
Check the other one...
- Turn her around!
- It isn't this one!
Oh no! This one's a bull!
- You'll have to come in sir,
it's very difficult!
I would have come in but
I can feel a cold coming on.
- You have a cold and I will get one,
what do you want me to do'?
Why do I take so many bribes?
Here, tie her here.
She was so happy in the water.
She refused to come out of that lake.
Scrub her till she shines!
Scrub her!
What have you done ma'?
You're making these
garlands to offer God'?
What has God given you'?
He's sitting there deaf and blind,
damning us to hell.
I was making them so
that I could sell them.
At least I would make a few rupees.
- I'd put so much effort into them!
You've ruined everything!
How long can we last like this'?
I would prefer death
over this existence.
Hear all! Hear all!
- There is an announcement!
At tomorrow's village
council meeting...
- Arjun Kumar and family are asked
to present themselves!
- These are the Village Council's orders!
- Hear all!
None of the women from our village are
permitted to go to the Sunday market.
- No woman is allowed to wear jeans.
- No woman is allowed
to wear t- shirts.
No woman is to be seen in public
with her head uncovered...
...and if she does, she will
face the same punishment as her.
- If we don't protect
the modesty of our women...
...then who will'?
Long live India!
Hail the Motherland!
Hail the Motherland!
Hail the Motherland!
OK.
Friends!
And now the most important
decision of today.
Regarding the Arjun Ramprasad's
indecent behaviour...
...the police and the court are
conducting their own investigation...
...but this village council...
...will mete out its own punishment.
What are you doing'?
Settle down everyone!
Wait. . .wait.
Calm down.
- The village council has decided...
...that Arjun will
have to marry that buffalo.
What'?
What is this nonsense?
Quiet down boy!
- Quiet'?
- What are...
- Shut up!
It you disagree, then the village will
boycott you and cut off all your supplies!
Maya Ma'am'?
You're come here?
What have you done Arjun?
This is the Pradhan's plan
to humiliate you, to ruin your life.
You won'f be able to show your face
in society if you marry that buffalo.
Your job, your sister's marriage...
everything will be at a standstill.
Everything's at a standstill even now.
At least my family
won't die of starvation.
Okay...then I'll
tell everyone the truth.
No Maya ma'am.
Society is willing to turn a blind eye
to a man's indiscretions...
but not to a woman's.
Arjun!
No Arjun...
The wedding of Miss
Tanakpur and Arjun.
What is this'?
A buffalo marrying a man? Are
you crazy? This is against the law!
This can't happen!
This is the village council's decision
and it's decision...
...is higher than that of the law.
The highest is the Supreme Court...
...and the Supreme
Court won't allow this.
The Supreme Court also says that,
'In India, food and water...
...is everybody's fundamental
right.' Here this is for you.
Pradhanji your Bheema is amazing.
He always manages to make me happy.
So can we take Miss Tanakpur?
Take her. - We promise
to return her after the wedding.
- Take her!
Thank you.
Just remember one thing...
...if anything happens
to this buffalo...
...l'll first lose my job...
...and you'll all go to jail.
Don't worry, nothing is going
to happen to anybody.
Let me check her horn.
It's correct. Take her.
- Come along Miss Tanakpur!
- The tempo is parked there.
Congratulations Pradhanji!
Hope the wedding goes off well.
It will! Thank you!
Listen to me carefully...
...the right horn...
- Right.
- Right horn...
...goes out...
- and twists downwards...
- And twists behind...
Not behind! Again...
The right horn...
...goes out and then twists downwards.
Just pay attention to that...
...or they'll change the evidence and
we will be caught with our pants down.
Right Sir!
Come, let's have some sweetmeats!
Society only cares about
how beautiful a woman looks.
Nobody cares about
the ache in her heart.
Forgive me...
...there is nothing that I can do.
I wish I could break
the peg and run away.
But what can I do'?
I am as helpless as you are.
- The bridegroom is here!
- Let's watch the wedding from up here.
- Show us.
- Pradhanji, here is the buffalo!
- She has been dressed up beautifully.
Bheema...
...what is that on her leg?
It's to hide her wound.
Remove it!
It's ruining the entire look!
- Pradhanji you're
bothered about her look...
- but I'm thinking
about something else.
You are going to get her married.
- But I promise, you'll be at a loss.
- Why'?
I'll explain.
The boy is going to marry her,
keep the buffalo and get her milk...
What will you do then'?
Shastri...there you
go speaking like a child.
- How'?
- Listen to me...
...after the wedding
there has to be a send- off.
Only then will she go.
Listen to my plan.
The boy will go to jail...
...and I will sell the buffalo.
- Pradhanji say these things softly!
- Why'?
Even buffaloes have ears.
Buffaloes have ears!
- We have a poet here!
- He's right!
Pradhanji...
Are you a groom or a ghost?
Why are you sneaking up on us'?
You sent for me'?
Stop your questions!
Go hold the buttalo's tail
for the ritual.
The tail'?
Another question?
It's to purify, Pradhanji.
You are going to be handicapped
forever, you don't matter.
Look at the kind of
people God makes nowadays!
- Pick up her tail.
Bow down to the tail,
don't pull the tail up.
(Chanting).
- Say Jai Ma Kali!
Jai Ma Kali.
- Say I do!
- I do.
- Let go of the tail.
There he is ready now.
Now next'?
Mr. Bridegroom...
...are you turning her on already?
Bheema, let the boy spend a few
moments alone with his new bride.
- Now you may kiss the bride.
- What does that mean?
Don't take otherwise. Let's go.
Stay away from her behind, she's
been passing gas a lot these days.
- He's such a useless fellow.
Join your hands!
You're getting married now.
Not getting arrested!
Take those flowers and
throw them on the sweets.
This boy looks like a drug addict.
Throw some them here too.
- Bheema get the bride.
- Bheema bring her.
I'll just get her.
Feed her and make sure she takes
a dump before she comes here.
Come on, Miss Tanakpur.
Pradhanji!
Pradhanji!
- What has happened now'?
Pradhanji!
- Stop shouting!
- Come here!
Atleast tell me the problem!
What is it'?
The peg has been broken!
- Where is the buffalo?
The buffalo has disappeared!
Where...
Look...
She's gone! Look for her at the back!
Somebody go that side!
Shastri!
- She has run away, keep the boy here!
- Run away?
- Was she having an affair
with somebody else?
That buffalo.
She'll send us to jail.
- Look for her!
Where did such a
big buffalo disappear?
The buffalo is missing!
Pradhanji.
I don't know who could have done this.
I can't understand anything.
Gopi, you should have
kept an eye on her!
Look there!
- First check where your wife is.
- Where is Maya'?
Maya hasn't gone anywhere,
she is upstairs.
She's upstairs?
Then where the hell
has the buffalo gone?
- Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
- Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
- Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
- Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
- Summons for Miss Tanakpur!
The court kept summoning
Miss Tanakpur...
...but she never showed up.
The result: Inspector Matang Singh
was suspended.
He looked for her in the depths of
that lake, but he couldn't find her.
He did everything to
save himself and his job.
He testified against Sualal,
Bheema and Shastri.
We have heard that Shastri is chanting
the Mahamrityunjay for their freedom.
Arjun was saved by
the skin of his teeth...
...but many innocent people like Arjun
are still in jail.
Even today, Iakhs of false cases
are registered in the Indian courts.