Moderns, The (1988) Movie Script

Merci, Julien.
Monsieur Stone, madame, bonjour.
- Hem!
- My gosh! Excuse me.
Buffy Buckley.
Hard at work, eh? My gosh!
Can I buy you a drink?
Must be awful trying to work
in a place as noisy as this.
Have a seat, Bunny.
Buffy, actually. Thank you.
You can call me Bunny if you like.
- What'll it be?
- Whiskey.
And this business of
227 pieces of shrapnel...
270 and still walking.
My God! It's a miracle.
You're all right, Bun.
Thanks, Hem. That's swell of you.
That's damn swell of ya.
Monsieur Stone? Monsieur Stone, bonjour.
Monsieur Stone. Frdric Chapelle.
Ernest Hemingway, tell me,
are things as they should be?
What's the name?
- Napier, Eve.
- Eve.
Eve, it seems that you have your hand
on my fly rod.
Really? How rude!
Merci. Bye-bye.
Stop it.
Very original, wouldn't you say?
Monsieur I'Oiseau.
Monsieur I'Oiseau, Frdric Chapelle.
- Among the throng, but not of the throng.
- Monsieur I'Oiseau.
Bonjour, monsieur I'Oiseau.
Who are all these people?
Seems like a new boatload of expatriates
gets dumped here every day.
You think we should change cafs?
Easier to change your mind
than your caf, Oisif.
Don't call me Oisif.
- You almost finished?
- Done.
Good thing they don't pay me
by the hour for this.
I may have to make up
my column this week.
- I can't find my notes.
- You'd make it up anyway.
It's what The Tribune expects.
It's what they deserve.
Did I tell you?
They won't let me out of my contract
and transfer to Hollywood.
They just don't see that Hollywood is
the city of the future.
You said the same thing about Paris
six years ago.
The future doesn't just
stand still, you know.
Don't forget me
in your column next week, chri.
You should come with me, Hart.
To Hollywood? Come on, Oisif.
I think it'll be more fun
to watch the movies than to make them.
Au revoir.
if she comes back here, I'm gonna hit her.
Listen, Hart, you're flat broke.
- It's time to move on.
- Send me a postcard.
Besides, it's okay to be broke in Paris.
In America, it's downright immoral.
I don't ever want to be
on the scrounge again in America. Never.
- Do you know what's wrong with you?
- No, but I'm sure you're gonna tell me.
You don't know what you want.
Luckily for you, I do.
I'll tell you what I want, Oiselle.
I want that woman over there.
I want to make love to her for five days.
Maybe in a cabin.
In a snowstorm. Yeah.
Then I want to paint her.
Then I don't care what happens.
Good. Then we'll go to Hollywood.
- Who's the big spender with her?
- That's Bertram Stone.
- Who's he?
- Self-made money.
Came here from New York in April.
In rubber, as I recall.
I read once that he apprenticed
with Houdini to be an escape artist.
- Escape artist?
- Yeah.
Now he's buying his way into culture.
Charming fellow. Totally ruthless.
It's rumored he killed a man.
- A killer? Tell me about her.
- You mean, his wife?
His wife.
It's well-known.
Not just another rumor?
If it had been rumor, you'd have read it
in my column a long time ago.
- Introduce me.
- Come on, Hart.
Stone's the kind of man you hate.
You don't want to meet him.
No. I want to meet her. Introduce me.
Now, Oisif.
Don't call me that
in front of them, all right?
Mais oui, monsieur I'Oiseau.
Hart, buy me a drink.
Yeah. Just a minute.
Scrounging for tidbits, Oisou?
You know how it is, Stone.
Everyone hates repeating gossip,
but what else is there to do with it?
That's funny.
- Isn't that funny, Bertie?
- Yes.
I think everything about Oisou is a joke.
For me...'s a triumph to entertain a man
who doesn't have a sense of humor.
You amuse yourself with minor triumphs.
I wouldn't say so.
Rachel Stone, Bertram Stone, Nick Hart.
Hart draws the weekly cartoon
for my column.
I see.
A serious cartoonist.
I've admired your work
in The Tribune, Mr. Hart.
You're very talented.
You're too kind.
- You're so beautiful today, Rachel.
- Yes.
Isn't she?
Like a perfect work of art.
No painter has ever captured her beauty.
Probably never will.
Don't you agree, Mr. Hart?
I suppose she's not a bad example
of her type.
Hart, do you know her?
I'm not sure that's possible.
I don't know what came over him.
Strangers sometimes upset him.
Sensitive type.
And my name is Oiseau.
He's funny.
Merci, ma chrie.
- Au revoir.
- Au revoir.
Madame Valentin.
As you can see, I'artiste uses color... beautiful people employ their wiles.
The more you see,
the more you want to see.
The more is revealed,
the more you yearn for greater revelation.
Being beautiful, you know as much
about these things as anyone.
Madame Valentin, but I'm afraid
it won't look right in our lounge.
You see, our walls are blue.
Come and see...
...Nicholas Hart.
- Nicholas Hart?
- The rage.
Le Tout-Paris is talking about it.
But that is horrible.
No. Give yourself time.
It's the shock of the new.
Shock? Shock's not the word.
- It's disgusting.
- Goes with blue.
- Mr. Brown.
- Madame Valentin.
How can I sell your work
if you insult my customers?
You're a lousy salesman.
It's the rainy season.
It's been raining for six years.
Have I been tried and found wanting?
You're talented.
Every bit as good of a peintre... your father.
- My father was a forger.
- That's blasphemy.
I never liked Caravaggio, myself.
But your father's Caravaggio I loved.
Your father is a master.
And you've inherited all his skills.
You know anything about Bertram Stone?
He's got lots of money.
He's just not worth a damn.
Maybe we should sell him
a couple of Harts.
That would be completely inacceptable.
I wouldn't sell him a sketch of yours,
not even a doodle.
And he owes me 10,000 francs
from another deal.
You know, Libby,
sometimes I get the feeling... don't want anyone
to own anything of mine.
You vex me.
I did sell one.
Yeah. Three years ago.
You never would tell me who to.
What I told you was...
...that the collector
wished to remain anonyme.
Anonyme, mon cul.
You probably lost it.
Dear boy...
...the first principle of artistic survival is... parlay...
...talent, talent, into cash.
Le cash.
Have you heard of...
Do you know madame Nathalie de Ville?
- No.
- Non?
A special woman.
Very beautiful, very vulnerable.
Very wealthy.
Her husband's just run off with...
...une danseuse apache.
And now, of course,
she wants to go to America without him.
She still has her pride.
- Why...
- I'm not in the travel business, Libby.
She has three wonderful paintings...
...she would rather like to take with her.
If she takes the originals with her,
there should be copies...
...left behind.
Her husband must never know.
It's a very delicate situation...
...requiring the utmost discrtion.
Quite naturally, she confided in me.
- It's forgery.
- Forgery? Forgerie, forgery is... No.
Forgery is criminel. These are copies.
Consider it a public service.
I mean, the lady has been
publicly disgraced.
I mean, the original works...
...they should remain with her
as rcompense.
- Oui.
- No. Not me.
You've done it before.
That was a favor to the old man,
and you know it.
Just concentrate on selling those.
You vex me. You vex me terribly.
- We're from Ohio.
- What'd you tell him that for?
Do you see that man over there?
- Yeah.
- He's a writer.
He wrote a book called The Sun Also Rises.
I read it.
- That's Fitzgerald.
- Yes. Fitzgerald.
All, Coco.
Do you want me to leave?
You're good at it.
Je veux un whisky, s'il vous plat.
Do you remember that time
when it snowed on the lake...
...and we couldn't get back to the cabin,
so we hid in a cave?
You said that if something
happened to us... wouldn't be all that bad because
they would find our skeletons embracing...
...and that had to be worth something.
Do you remember, Nicky?
Yeah. I was wrong about that.
I was wrong about a lot of things.
In fact, there's something
I never understood until just now.
What's that?
I don't trust you, Rachel.
All the trust is gone.
You hate me.
How can I hate someone
I don't even know?
You know me, Nicky.
- I don't have any cash.
- I don't want your money.
But I'll take it.
Rose, I want to settle up.
That ought to cover what I owe you, what
I'm going to owe, and drinks for everybody.
Give me a bottle of cognac.
No, the good stuff.
There's someone waiting to see you
in the garden.
Yeah, yeah.
Filthy bastards say they'll sue me if I break
my contract, and it's got a year to run.
I'd rather slit my throat.
- Are you listening to me?
- Yeah. What?
I'm seriously thinking about suicide.
Oiseau, you haven't been serious
since 1919.
I picked up a lot of bad habits in my day,
but suicide was never one of them.
Don't worry.
It's not a habit you'll keep for very long.
- L'Oiseau.
- Good evening, Alice.
You're looking dashing.
You remember my friend Nick Hart.
I've come to the conclusion
that I dislike the abnormal.
It's so obvious.
The normal is so much more simply
complicated and interesting, n'est-ce pas?
Does Hedley like his new friends?
The pilot fish.
Charming lot.
Not terribly interesting, but I like their tea.
- Do me a favor, pal, tell me a good joke.
- You're standing in one.
Oiseau, my little birdy!
I've brought my friend Nick Hart,
the wonderful painter.
Merci, monsieur.
Yes, the scribbler.
You know, Hart...
...there's only two things
that can really kill a man.
Suicide and gonorrhea.
- You been talking to Oiseau?
- You!
Young man. Come.
Go get her, champ.
I have a very important question
regarding your work.
How old are you?
- 33.
- Won't do at all.
American painters are 26 this year.
I'm not.
Precisely my point.
Then you won't fit in at all.
- You won't approve of that, either.
- Pardon?
I could always move towards the theater.
I'll introduce you to Jean Cocteau.
Hemingway! Remember, the sun also sets.
Yeah, right on your big...
Hey, Bunny.
I don't think we speak
to Miss Stein that way.
She never listens anyway.
She's joking. She's just being funny.
Nathalie de Ville, Nick Hart.
I'm surprised you don't
already know each other.
I've long wished
to make your acquaintance, Mr. Hart.
I've followed your career with interest
and concern.
Yes. I always believed that you'd be
so much more successful by now.
But then I also believe
that a good woman...
...can inspire a man
to do truly great things.
Or prevent the poor bastard
from doing anything at all.
Why are you reluctant
to receive a woman's sincere compliment?
It's because there's so few sincere women
in Paris lately, it's a shock to his system.
Bonsoir, Nathalie.
See what I mean?
- Why were you flirting with Nathalie?
- She excites me.
I used to excite you, Nicky.
- Does your husband know that?
- I don't know. Does he?
Is there something happening here
that I don't know about?
She's exquisite.
What do you want from me, Rachel?
I don't know.
There you are.
You remember Mr. Hart, don't you, Bertie?
My husband is in the art business here.
It's a pleasure to meet a businessman
in Paris these days.
Indeed. I much prefer them.
Haven't I seen your work
in a window display somewhere?
- I don't know, have you?
- I didn't like them at all.
I thought they were
cheap and meretricious...
...rather like your suit.
I would suggest you find
another occupation and a new tailor.
Sit down.
Duels are terribly old-fashioned.
Too bad. I'm very good with a gun.
You may suggest an alternative.
Drink this slow, but don't stop.
The American gym in Montparnasse.
Three rounds?
That's good.
I like that.
It's very American.
Let's see.
Would a week from Wednesday
be convenient?
Say, noon? No, 12:30.
Much better.
I'll be there.
Of course you will.
Yeah, much better.
- Ever been in battle?
- No.
When you don't know
what you're up against...'ve got to walk
with two pumpkins between your legs.
Come, my dear.
I want you to get rid of Oiseau
and that friend of his.
I'll take care of it.
Say whatever you want,
just get rid of them.
Maybe we shouldn't have
come here tonight, I don't know.
Gertrude Stein is not the least amused
by your Mr. Hart.
I'm going to ask you to leave.
Come on, Alice, now, we're artists,
temperamental people!
Hart, marriage is absolutely bitched.
Monsieur Hart?
Thank you.
Mrs. Stone seems to have
an alarming effect on you, Mr. Hart.
My advice is to have
nothing to do with her.
She's a romantic thug.
Either you do things Rachel's way,
or you pay the consequences.
Do you fancy her?
Or is it a little bit more than that?
If I didn't need the ride,
I'd say it's none of your business.
Don't confuse sex and love, Mr. Hart.
It'll spoil both of them for you.
Have you ever been in love?
I understand Stone made his money
in the rubber trade.
Bertie? I guess you could call it that.
Bertie invented the first
really effective prophylactic...
...but now he's obsessed with buying
the best collection of modern art in Europe.
There's to be an exhibit of his latest
purchases in about two weeks' time.
I wouldn't fight with him if I were you.
I like your face the way it is.
Do you like mine?
A man would have to be
either blind or a fool not to.
I guess I'm in need of
a little flattery these days.
Why do you paint, Hart?
Because I'm completely unemployable.
No, I mean, seriously, why painting?
It's guaranteed to last a lifetime,
it's impervious to mildew and rot.
Besides that, I'm good at it,
and it gives me pleasure.
Then why don't your paintings sell?
- The critics given you a bad time?
- I don't pay attention to critics.
If they don't respond,
that means I'm on the right track.
They have given you a bad time.
Never mind.
Perhaps when you're gone,
they'll recognize your worth.
I'm not posthumous yet, Nathalie,
or hadn't you noticed?
I've noticed little else all evening.
You never answered my question.
- I told you, I can't keep a steady job.
- No, Hart, about being in love.
I've been there.
Then you know the loss one feels
when it leaves.
Been there, too.
We might have a lot in common.
Don't you think?
Look at that painting.
And the other two there.
Of all the works my husband owns,
those are my favorites.
- Do you like them?
- Of course.
Why "of course"?
I was about 12 years old
the first time I saw Czanne.
I was with my father.
Broke into a cold sweat.
Thought I was coming down with malaria.
I see. And that was the moment
you realized you had to become an artist?
Nope. Seems I had pneumonia.
Spent four weeks in bed,
bored out of my mind.
That's when I started drawing.
That part was Czanne's fault.
Then you could copy him?
Not me. I already told Valentin.
Come on, Hart.
It's not as though I was asking you
to commit extortion or murder.
Don't you want to do me a favor
for all the right reasons?
Which are?
Which are life.
Life always presents its best opportunities
in such secret ways...
...that most of us are too busy looking for
something better to even notice.
My husband's like that.
Czanne is the most difficult.
There are only a few decent copies
of his work.
His lines have a life all their own.
- And he was never tempted.
- To do what?
I guess the time it takes
for the paint to dry is our main problem.
There are no problems, Nathalie,
only opportunities.
You see, both Czanne and Modigliani
drew directly on the canvas.
They thinned their paint with turpentine.
The paint dries quicker that way.
- A few weeks, tops.
- Good. Then use the same technique.
I don't have to be in New York for a month.
It takes that long
to institute divorce proceedings.
Do you know what I'm going to do
when I get to New York?
I'm going to donate the originals
to a museum.
I think I missed the part
where I said I was interested, Nathalie.
Hart, you're interested.
If you're in love with something, someone,
you have to surrender to it, you know that.
You know you can do it, Hart.
You know how good you are.
And I think I know how good you can be.
Will you show me, Hart?
I suppose you want to discuss money now?
- $750 American.
- Not enough.
You want more?
This job...
...calls for skill and passion.
A smooth and delicate touch.
Mere expertise is not enough.
You were right about it requiring
a lover's devotion.
After all...
...we both want to be completely satisfied.
How much more?
Just a little.
I won't allow you
to hurt me with this, Hart.
I won't ever allow anyone
to hurt me again.
I don't want to hurt you, Nathalie.
- Quite the opposite.
- Good.
It's a matter of trust.
Trust... Yes.
- Bonjour.
- Bonjour, Laurette.
Bonjour, Babette.
Salut, Hart.
Who is this painter Hart?
I was thinking, Bertie,
maybe we should go away this weekend.
That little hotel in Mougins, maybe.
You know,
the one with all the great desserts?
- You think of nothing but your appetites.
- What else should I think about?
Who is he?
He seems quite taken with you.
Taken with me?
Bertie, he slapped me in the face.
He wants you.
It's not unusual.
No, it's more than that.
How could anything be more than that?
I guess you're right.
If you can't trust your wife,
who can you trust?
Here we go.
I'm not laughing!
What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
- Research.
Hart, she wants you to paint her.
Then she wants you to bang her.
And then she wants you to love her.
It's easy to be hard-boiled
in the daytime, Hart.
But at night...
... is only an impression.
... is only an infection.
Some people get it. Some people don't.
Art is only a rumor.
Do you know what "verisimilitude" is?
Where are you going?
C'est la vie.
I don't want to be alone tonight.
Don't eat too much chocolate.
You are getting fat.
Do you have anything to drink?
A lot's happened since Chicago, Nicky.
Jesus, Rachel,
you didn't even say good-bye.
We were just kids, Nicky. Just kids.
You were working two jobs, and when
you weren't working, you were painting.
You always had your work, Nicky.
It was like being buried alive.
I wanted more than that.
Did you get it?
For what it's worth.
Worth quite a bit, it looks like.
I got to New York and I realized
I didn't know how to do anything.
Bertie took care of me.
What about love, Rachel?
There's a big difference
between love and passion.
- You know, legally, we're still married.
- I know.
- Does he?
- No.
I never told him.
What should I do?
You could leave him.
- Is that why you think I came here tonight?
- I don't know.
Why did you come here?
I don't know.
What do you want?
Do you know what you want?
Do you?
Nobody knows anything.
- I just wanted to be with you, that's all.
- For how long, Rachel?
You owe me that much. How long?
A night? A couple of nights? A week?
What difference does it make?
You don't own me.
- Nobody owns me.
- I never said I owned you, Rachel.
Christ, I can't even afford you.
That never counted with us, did it?
Did it?
If we start this, we finish on my terms.
Come on.
Rachel, I mean it.
You can't walk in and out of people's lives
like a stray cat.
I need more than that.
- You want me to leave Bertie.
- That's a start.
Nicky, he's crazy. He'll kill us.
Let him try.
We've gone too far to go back now.
This has nothing to do with him.
You haven't gone far enough.
The door's over there.
I guess this wasn't a good idea.
Here. I brought you something.
Maybe you could pay your rent with it.
How about some first-round happiness?
- I'll see you after.
- Don't worry. I'm on the bell.
- Go get 'em, champ.
- Damn it!
You're late.
Bonjour Oiseau, Blackie.
- Hello, Nick.
- Do you have to do this?
Are you kidding?
Wouldn't miss this for anything. Almost.
At least you've given him a chance
to exercise his ego.
I'll go silence the tumultuous throngs.
- How you feeling?
- Like $100.
Listen, I got a plan.
You hit him, and don't let him hit you back.
Jesus, what did you do, get hit by a train?
Listen, if he does hit you back,
don't let him know it hurt you.
Hart doesn't stand a chance.
All right now, remember what I told you.
Come on, Hart. Hit him!
Watch his feet!
I am the only one that rings this bell!
Let him do all the work, Hart.
Let him do it all.
Hit him, Hart!
Look what he's doing there.
- That's not fair!
- Ring the bell, buddy.
- What?
- That bell!
- It's not time.
- It's been 10 minutes!
I ring it when it is time to ring it!
Ring that bell!
You're going to have to hurt him.
You hear what I'm telling you?
You're gonna have to hurt him.
Round two.
Use your left.
That's not fair!
That's enough!
A fight is just a fight.
And when it's fought...'s something else.
That's horse liniment.
Under the circumstances... did majestically, dear boy.
Oiseau will report it as a Pyrrhic victory.
- Pyrrhic?
- Greek to me.
Thanks for the workout, Hart.
Bring something of yours around
for me to look at.
I'm in a buying mood.
Excuse me.
May I introduce Armand?
An exceptional painter.
- Very modern.
- I'm leaving.
I never thought you could be such a brute.
That fight!
You were so unbridled.
You were so violent.
Would you people excuse Hart and I
a few minutes?
We have an urgent matter to discuss.
Very modern.
No, Armand can stay.
Armand speaks no English.
Indeed, le petit coquin rarely speaks at all.
The other night with you was wonderful.
But there's a complication.
My husband died unexpectedly
over the weekend.
As you can imagine,
it was a terrible shock.
- We were very close.
- Right.
A perfect couple.
I'm sorry.
You won't have to copy
those paintings now.
I see.
I knew you'd understand.
There is one hitch, Nathalie.
You and I had an arrangement.
I expect you to fulfill it.
But I intend to.
I intend to.
What would you like most?
A suit, or a watch?
A weekend together by the sea?
Because that was
part of the arrangement, too.
Enjoying opportunities
as they present themselves...
...and not losing
what's most important to us.
Which is why you're going to pay, Nathalie.
In full. In cash.
Or you'll never see your pictures again.
Don't you threaten me, Hart.
I will never be threatened again by anyone!
You're behaving like a cheap whore from
the rue Saint-Denis, and not like an artist.
I'm ashamed of you.
So who is this Libby Valentin?
I mean, is she French or what?
She's "or what."
Is she really a nun?
You know, I think it was Gustave Flaubert
who said there are only four reasons...
...for getting involved with women.
- Sex!
- One.
- Money!
- Two.
- Publicity!
- Three.
Goddamn it, what was the fourth one?
- Drunkenness.
- Drunkenness.
Buddy, Rachel's not for you.
She's not gonna make you happy.
I mean, in Hollywood...
...the women are gonna be tall.
- There's a reason.
- They're blonde.
- There's another reason.
Promiscuity is just a religion with them.
Oiseau, you know, you are absolutely right.
- No permanent attachments.
- That's right, buddy.
Do you realize...
...that drink...
...and permanent attachments
have been the undoing of virtually...
...all of our friends?
- That's right.
- Hit it.
"She's got a Sunday school face
"She's got..."
She's got a what?
"She's got a...
"She's got a Sunday school face"
- Wonderful song.
- I know that car.
Get some sleep.
Monsieur Hart.
I disclaim all responsibility.
Come here.
I want to show you something.
- Lf I didn't know they were copies...
- What makes you think they're copies?
Because I've seen the originals.
Nathalie asked me to ship them
to New York.
I suppose you put my fee in your pocket.
Sur mon honneur, as a woman of God.
These are the originals.
Nathalie took my copies by mistake.
She did?
A little bit like stabbing yourself
in the back, isn't it?
So what are we supposed to do
with these?
I'll cut you in for 30 percent.
It's a crackerjack scheme, dear boy.
But now leave everything to me.
When it comes to artifice..., Valentin, am a master.
Stone will pay through his nose
to get these in his salon.
Should have heard him on the telephone.
Beside himself.
I'll get the money he owes me,
you'll get the money I owe you...
...and when Nathalie de Ville sees
these new beauties... Stone's exhibition,
the Pope himself would blush with shame.
Perhaps this one, then,
which again is in keeping...
...with the whole anticipation
concept we discussed.
I particularly like this one with, as you see,
the focus on the lady...
No, I don't like any of these.
I need an ad that, when you look at it,
would jump at you.
Something simple but dramatic.
Jump. Yes.
- Oui.
- Et madame?
Entrez, entrez.
- Libby, I changed my mind.
- About what?
- I don't want to show anything of mine.
- Okay.
I'll just pick it up when we go.
I don't want you... participate in this.
- May I call you on Friday?
- Yes.
- Thank you again.
- Thank you.
Excuse me.
What is he doing here?
It was Hart who put me in touch...
...with the owner de ces ouvres.
He wanted to come along.
Did you bring me
some samples of your work?
I've decided I prefer not to be collected.
Makes me feel like a manufacturer.
You're in the wrong business, then.
- Got anything to drink?
- No.
My wife is an alcoholic.
- How is your wife?
- What do you mean by that?
Not much.
- Do you want to see them?
- Yes! Let's see it!
Look at the skin tone.
The shape.
So sensual.
Did you know that Modigliani's
models were tarts?
All women are tarts.
That's why I love them.
I think... could easily say...
...that these three works capture...
...the true spirit, I'essence de modernit.
- I'm prepared to give you a bargain price.
- Yes.
I'm informed that
you specialize in bargains.
I have a certain talent in that area, yes.
But am I to assume
that money is an object?
Don't be daft.
Money is always an object.
For myself, I'm only interested in price.
See that Picabia?
I could burn it tomorrow,
and it wouldn't mean a thing to me.
But I did pay 7,000 francs for it... I am not as impulsive
as I ordinarily might be.
In fact, if I'd paid less... would be less beautiful.
Stone, I've changed my mind.
I think it would be an honor
for you to own some of my work.
I'll just run over to the gallery
and pick something up.
"It rained today.
"Even the rain seems like a lie here.
"I detest the verisimilitude of Parisian life."
- Bertie's downstairs.
- Rachel.
I decided to go to Hollywood with Oiseau.
- Yes?
- Yes. You're coming with me.
Am I?
You are.
Not in the tub.
- Why not?
- Trust me.
I don't know.
I think I need
more of a commitment from you.
Yeah? How long?
Are these genuine?
Est-ce que le ciel est bleu?
Ordinarily, I wouldn't care.
If a picture sells for a big price...
...and it's praised to the teeth
by the experts... it really worthless, then...
...when it's discovered
the signature is forged?
Depends on whether
you're the buyer or the seller.
All the critics and art snobs will be
at my salon.
- I want to make an impression.
- Yes.
- Not a reputation.
- No.
I already have that.
The interesting part.
How much?
Une chanson...
... 5,000...
... amricains.
I'll take them.
- You will?
- But not at that price.
I've already given you
the dealer's discount.
I'll give you $3,000.
You insult me, Mr. Stone.
Not you.
- Take it or leave it.
- I'll take it.
I thought you might.
- Good.
- Good.
Perfect timing.
What have we here?
- I'm sorry, Bertie. I didn't know...
- Rachel, come here.
- All, Rachel.
- Hello, Libby.
What do you think of Hart's painting?
Yeah. I'd like to know.
- Hello.
- Afternoon.
It's nice.
Should I buy it?
If you like it, Bertie.
Yes, I think I have just the right spot for it.
- I'll give you $100.
- Done.
I did it.
Did it, dear boy.
We started at $2,500,
and I suckered him up to $3,000.
- Let's go to the bank.
- No, let's go to the bar.
We have to talk about something.
I'm not interested.
What are you interested in,
besides yourself?
Not much.
But I'm looking.
Writing about yourself can be very lonely.
- What are you writing?
- It's my obituary.
It's too important a job to leave
to those hacks in the obituary department.
Why don't you just quit
the goddamn paper?
This'll interest you. I've decided on poison.
Drowning was my second choice.
I mean, it's better than asphyxiation.
I saw a man once who'd been hung.
He looked a bit disappointed.
You can't kill yourself, Oiseau.
We're going to Hollywood.
I'm gonna tell you why Carlos beat you
in the ring a couple days ago.
- Who?
- Carlos. Stone.
I'm working on something.
It doesn't matter.
- Right, let's have it.
- Scruples.
- Scruples?
- You can't win Andrea with scruples.
- Who?
- Andrea.
Rachel. Forget it.
I'm sitting there, watching him
waltz around you like he owns you.
He doesn't own me. He does not own me.
He thinks because he buys something,
he owns it.
It's the same to him.
A piece of ass, property.
It's about ownership.
He doesn't own me, he doesn't own Rachel,
and he never will.
Guys like that are bad for all of us, Clark.
- Nick.
- Nick.
You know,
writing about yourself can be very lonely.
- What are you writing?
- It's my obituary.
It's too important a job to leave
to those hacks in the obituary department.
Why don't you quit that goddamn paper
like I did?
This'll interest you. I've decided on pills.
He doesn't own me.
- Who?
- Stone.
- Carlos.
- Who?
Sex is all about power.
Champagne, monsieur?
You can't help but make a mess.
- What do you mean?
- Take Nathalie de Ville, for instance.
She's as cool as
somebody else's cucumber.
Les critiques.
You look stunning tonight, my dear.
I look stunning every night, Bertie.
Have you had a chance
to look over my collection?
Come, I'll give you a tour.
My latest acquisition...
...should impress even someone
as formidable as you.
Bertie. You really did it.
Outside of a museum, I've never seen
such a fascinating collection of pictures.
A museum?
- Oh, l...
- It doesn't matter.
What do you think?
Get a hold of yourself. It's only a painting.
These are forgeries, Bertie.
They simply have to be.
Nonsense. I bought them from the estate
of the late Comte de Polignac.
Then you bought forgeries.
I own the originals
of these three paintings.
In fact, I shipped them to America
only the other day.
And Bertie,
my papers have been authenticated.
You've been had.
That painting is no more of a fake
than you are.
Look at the nipples in the Matisse.
Henri would have never painted nipples
in that manner.
They look like cones...
...or warts.
Perhaps I should have framed
the money I spent on them instead.
- Bertie, I'm afraid you've been had.
- Shut up!
Monsieur Stone, I think we've had enough.
No! I've had enough.
I don't give a tuppenny damn for
your silly opinions on the value of art.
There is no value,
except what I choose to put on it.
This is art...
...because I paid hard cash for it.
Don't you understand?
Your precious painters
mean nothing to me.
I could have Nathalie's mutt
shit on a canvas.
And if I paid $5,000 for it... critics would call it a masterpiece.
I'm afraid not, monsieur Stone.
I'm afraid you have missed the entire point.
- Have I?
- Yes.
Fakes is what we have called them...
...and fakes is what they are,
fit only for the fire.
The fire?
I see what you mean about the nipple.
Au revoir.
- Laloux?
- Oui, monsieur.
- Take that picture down.
- Bien, monsieur.
- Look at this nipple.
- This one is not so bad.
It's worse.
- The shape, the form...
- The shape is...
- It's all wrong.
- But the color...
The masterpiece.
I should throw all of you in as well.
- Looking for the toilet, Hem?
- Art is never the whole story.
It's upstairs.
There's more to you than meets the eye.
Piss off, or I'll barbecue your dog.
What happened, Bertie?
Didn't anybody like your paintings?
You're drunk.
Did you really think
you could buy your way in?
I feel so sorry for you, Bertie.
Clean up the mess.
All of it.
I'm going out.
- Bonjour.
- Merci.
The son of a bitch actually did it.
You know,
he kept telling me he was gonna do it.
I thought he was just...
I didn't believe him.
I believed him.
It makes me feel like a coward, you know?
But we're not the cowards, are we, Hart?
The dead are the real cowards, right?
I don't know.
The dead are not the cowards.
Rachel, is that you?
It's me.
- You son of a bitch!
- It was the only thing I could do.
I'm dead, and I'll soon be gone.
And now I can be anybody I want to be.
Jesus! I need a drink.
Did you see my obituaries?
They're all raves.
And I'm gonna be buried tomorrow
afternoon at Pere-Lachaise.
Racine has made me
the most charming coffin.
- I think we ought to look in.
- Naturally.
We've got plenty of time.
The train doesn't leave till 4:00.
Aprs vous, madame.
Could I lean on you?
These heels are just killing me.
Yeah, sure.
We'll have a beautiful boat ride
to New York.
And then Hollywood!
- I'm just dying to get there.
- I ought to kill you myself.
Really, we can't go in there.
I'll be recognized.
Why don't we go
and have a tasse de verveine?
- No, I need a drink.
- All right. I'll come by at 1:00 tomorrow.
- I'll pick you up in a taxi.
- All right. Don't talk to strangers.
Since we're living in Paris,
does that make us Parisian?
Pal. How you doing?
I think I miss the little bastard.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
You know what time it is?
Time? Too late. That's the time.
He loved you.
I didn't even like him, but he loved you.
"I love you, I swear I do
"Even if I can't find the right words
"Believe me, it is true
"I love you
"Believe me, it is true
"I love you
"Believe me, it is true
"I love you"
Rachel. Where the hell have you...
Don't worry, Nicky.
At least, when they find us,
our skeletons will be embracing.
I forgot to tell you. Oiseau is still alive.
I didn't know he was dead.
He's gonna meet us at the boat train
tomorrow at 4:00, right after his funeral.
- I thought you said he was alive.
- Ain't it great?
- Libby, what are you doing here?
- I shadowed you here.
Stone's men came into the gallery,
slashed all the paintings.
Not just your paintings,
but valuable ones as well.
I never expected violence.
I'm leaving town.
He's gonna kill me.
Can't they take a joke?
This place, completely uncivilized.
Cannes. Rapidement.
- Told you he was crazy.
- I don't want to talk about him.
- Let's go upstairs.
- We can't stay here.
- Why not?
- It's the first place he'll look.
- I don't give a damn.
- Come on, we'll get a hotel.
Get in the car, Rachel.
She's staying with me.
You had your fun.
Now let's go home.
- It's not that simple, Bertie.
- Come on.
I need you, Rachel.
You don't need anybody, Bertie.
I'm going back to America with Nicky.
- Don't be stupid.
- I'm not stupid.
She's my wife.
Nicky and I were married a long time ago,
before you and me.
We were never divorced.
Sorry, Bertie.
I knew that!
I know everything about you.
You don't know anything about me.
What are you laughing at? Get in the car!
What are you gonna do? Kill me?
Then kill her.
- Go ahead, kill me.
- You slut.
- Go ahead. I want you to.
- Maybe I should.
- You want me to kill you?
- Come on, do it.
- You want me to kill you?
- Do it!
You get in the car!
You coward.
I don't want you, Bertie.
I don't want your jewelry.
I don't want your chocolates.
I don't want your money.
I don't want your rubbers. I don't want...
- Fucking bitch! Get in the car!
- I'm sick of it! I hate you!
I can make up my own mind,
what's left of it.
Between the two of you,
I don't have one thought left in my head.
Could you stop it, please?
This has nothing to do with you. Stop it!
I'll decide what happens to me.
What's the matter?
Can't you live without me?
Rachel. Wait a minute. Wait!
Where are you gonna go?
I don't know.
He can't swim.
He can't swim?
That figures.
Non, non, non...
Vive Dada!
Jesus, I didn't know it would be so sad.
Vive Oiseau!
Look at them.
If it weren't for me, people would've
thought "surreal" was a breakfast food.
The dead are the most brave.
They take their love with them.
Can you imagine the courage
to love someone...
...who loves you...
...when there's nothing
you can do about it?
Let's go.
I just didn't know it would be so sad.
We did appreciate him,
but did we tell him so... he was secure in his mind,
knowing that we did?
We did not, and he was not.
And so,
with his sweet smile and gentle concerns...
...Oiseau is not still with us.
He is not.
Driver, Gare Saint-Lazare, s'il vous plat.
Jesus, I just ran into Maurice Ravel
in the men's room.
He didn't recognize me.
You know, Paris has been taken over
by people who are just imitators...
...of people who were
imitators themselves.
It's become a parody.
It's finished. It's over.
Believe me, Hollywood is gonna be
like a breath of fresh air.
Hart, let's face it.
Rachel, she's not coming.
- Yeah, I know.
- So let's go.
Paris is...
...a traveling picnic.
Paris is a portable banquet.
You should work on that.
This whole experience gives me
a great idea for a movie I could write.
And it would be perfect for von Stroheim.
You can get a very good meal on this train.
And they actually have
an excellent wine list.
This is gonna be the best thing
that ever happened to you.
Yeah, the hell with it.
Au revoir, Paris.
"Au revoir, Paris"
"Au revoir, Paris"
- We're just gonna be a few minutes.
- Yes, sir, I'll be here.
The train to Hollywood leaves in an hour.
We'll make the train.
I just want to see what they have in here.
- It's gonna rain.
- You're so morose, it's monotonous.
Babe Ruth hit three home runs today,
and we're going to Hollywood...
...where the sky's always blue,
the sun always shines...
...and we're gonna be rich!
This, of course, is Modigliani.
A short, but fruitful life.
His work is evidenced
by the plasticity he employed... his nudes and portraiture as well.
Always the oval face,
the elongated trunk, arms.
Yes, Henri Matisse.
Study, if you will, the face.
It's the most realized of all of his works.
In my mind, the best.
No. Look at this. Can you imagine this?
Boy, Nathalie certainly gets around.
Aren't you Irving Fegelman?
I'm Ada Fuoco.
We grew up together on Flatbush Avenue.
Je ne connais pas I'anglais.
But you look just like Irving.
Jesse, he looks exactly like Irving.
Let's proceed to Paul Czanne,
considered to be the father of modern art.
This is a work of rare emotional delicacy.
This revelation cannot be taught...
...nor can it be duplicated.
Only the greatest artists can achieve
what has happened here...
...and only then,
in that rare moment in time.
So let's silently observe this.
Come on, I'm bored with these pictures.
I want to go where the pictures move.
I like your stuff better anyway.
Just a minute.
This might help me appreciate my work.
Gentlemen. Did it touch you?
Did you sense the mystery?
Do you know now
why this is a masterpiece?
Why we praise it?
Why we genuflect before it?
Why it will live through the ages
for all humanity?
My God, I hope you understand that.
Why is it, you are never
where you're supposed to be?
I am now.
Looks like rain.
No, not now.
Maybe tomorrow?
I was thinking, Nicky,
maybe we should move to Hollywood.
- Ever thought about it?
- You been talking to Oiseau?
John, if you were lucky enough
to have lived in Paris...
...lucky enough to have been young,
it didn't matter who you were...
...because it was always worth it,
and it was good.