Mr. Popper's Penguins (2011) Movie Script
POPPER SR. ON RADlO:
Bald Eagle calling Tippytoe. Over.
Bald Eagle calling Tippytoe. Over.
Tippytoe, come in. Are you there?
This is Tippytoe. Over.
Did you receive the souvenir package?
Over.
Package received. Over.
ls it snowing there now, Dad?
I wouIdn't know, kiddo,
because l'm in Marrakech.
Whoa!
This is the big one, buddy.
A dream come true.
We have been compromised. Over.
Kiss her for me!
This is Mama Bird. Over and out.
You, get to sleep.
Guess where l am now, pal. Romania!
(HlSSlNG)
Papua New Guinea.
Makes the old Guinea look like nothing.
Bald Eagle calling Tippytoe. Over.
l can reach now.
Wow! How long have l been gone?
Two months and 1 7 days.
Well, don't worry, because Samoa
is what we've been looking for.
This one is going to be my legacy.
Yeahbsolutely.
(CRACKLlNG)
(GARBLED) Bald Eagle calling Tippytoe.
Over.
Bald Eagle calling Tippytoe. Over.
Tippytoe to Bald Eagle. Over.
Come in. Are you there?
Hey, kiddo. l'm right on the verge
of something big here.
But l'm not going to make it home
for your birthday.
l'm really sorry,
but opportunities like this
are hard to find, Son.
(STATlC)
Opportunities like this
are hard to find, Franklin.
l'm about to bag a rare species
on this little expedition.
Fifteen F.A. R. That's a million absolute.
And a landmark building.
Don't thank me,
just start building a statue.
-Morning, Pippi.
-Mr. Popper.
Contract.
(SNlFFlNG)
l love the smell of toner in the morning.
That's the pertinent printout.
And the person we are purchasing
the property from is present.
Let's do it.
Mr. Popper for Mr. Gremmins.
And you are?
Pippi Peponopolis.
l'm Mr. Popper's personal assistant.
l process his paperwork
and l procure his periodicals.
She doesn't even know she's doing it.
-Pardon?
-Nothing.
You can go in.
Mr. Popper, sorry to waste your time,
but l've changed my mind.
l'm not going to sell.
POPPER: l understand.
Second thoughts
are as valid as first thoughts.
They just come later.
lt's just that this building is my last holding
and if l sell, then. . .
Then you're free, and that's a scary thing.
Hey, l get it.
Doing any sailing this year?
(SCOFFS)
Who has the time?
Yeah. My father sailed
around the world solo.
-Yeah.
-Lucky man.
Yeah, pulled a Hemingway.
Just him and the sea.
You know,
that's always been a dream of mine.
Oh ! (CHUCKLES) He had some stories.
Like that storm off the Horn of Africa.
-The Horn of Africa?
-Oh, yeah.
The sea was calm, the sailing smooth.
When, out of nowhere. . .
(EXCLAlMS)
Twenty-foot swells,
like a hammer punch to the prow.
Dad was a heck of a sailor,
but he'd never seen waves like this.
(BLOWlNG) Gale force winds
straight from the Devil's nostrils
whipped his ship like a rubber ducky.
The salt spray in his face
felt like a thousand needles.
And suddenly, the wind ripped
the mainsail off the mast.
He was doomed.
What did he do?
-What did he do?
-Yes.
He spun the wheel.
Hoisted the jib,
threaded the needle backwards.
And when he came out the other side. . .
Oh, my God !
Oh, my God !
-What?
-lt can't be. But it is.
What is it?
A blue whale.
(lMlTATlNG WHALE CRY)
Like a gentle giant,
the most majestic creature on Earth.
lt's so beautiful.
Can you see it?
His skin glistening in the sun.
A rainbow
in the spray of his mighty blowhole.
Oh, well. You will get out there,
someday.
Mmm.
Wait.
-(MEN LAUGHlNG)
-FRANKLlN: Way to go, Popper.
POPPER: Hey, it's what l do.
Gentlemen, what is the future
of Franklin, Reader & Yates?
A long, slow decline,
getting older and weaker
till it has that funny smell
and starts driving around all day
with the left-turn signal on?
Franklin?
Or will it be reborn
with vim, vigor and Viagratality?
l say we meet the future head-on.
Sexy!
Come on, guys. lt's time to commit.
lt's time to go above and Beyonc,
and put a ring on it.
Beyonc is a singer, Franklin.
She's a singer.
Named Beyonc!
Can he hear me?
FRANKLlN: We had a feeling
this was coming, Popper.
We saw the marble slab in your office.
Oops.
Popper, there's no one more qualified
than you to take a seat at this table.
-FRANKLlN: Don't sit just yet.
-Okay.
There is one more prize
we would like you to get for us.
Name it, fellas.
Plaza Hotel? Empire State Building?
The Pentagon?
Tavern on the Green.
Tavern on the Green?
What's the matter, Popper?
Nothing. lt's just kind of a rundown place.
lt's the only privately held real estate
in Central Park.
We can build anything we want on it.
You mean, like,
wipe it off the face of the Earth?
Start over?
YATES: Mmm-hmm.
-lt would be like it never existed.
-READER: Exactly
But first you have got to get past
Selma Van Gundy.
She has gotten a thousand offers,
turned them all down.
FRANKLlN: You've got one shot.
You think you can close it?
l'm sorry, have we met? l'm Thom Popper.
l do deals like this in my sleep.
-AMANDA ON PHONE: HeIIo?
-POPPER: Hey, Amanda, we're pulling up.
-Can you make sure the kids are ready?
-Yeah.
Last time it took a while.
-Keep it running.
-Sure thing, Mr. Popper.
Thomas! Greetings.
Greetings, Rick,
and welcome to our planet.
Lately, we've been using the word, "Hi"
or a simple, "Sup?"
How are you?
l'm better now. Thank you.
No, really, Thomas, how are you?
Really, l'm good.
Please look away.
Okay, l will.
Hey, Popper!
l've been working on my power shot.
Let's see what you've got, tough guy.
Come on.
(GROANlNG)
Ooh ! Oh ! (LAUGHS)
Nice save.
-Hey, Popper.
-Greetings.
Did you say hi to Rick?
Yeah. Yeah, he hugged me three times.
l felt like an endangered sequoia.
Come on, we have only gone out
a couple of times.
He's a keeper.
There is nothing wrong
with a man who recycles.
l recycle. l turn decrepit old buildings
into shiny new ones.
Did l mention
he's also incredibly handsome?
Really?
Good to see your taste hasn't changed.
And thoughtful. And considerate.
-Where is your sister?
-She's having issues.
You know, Cooper Keegan?
(SOFTLY) Cooper Keegan.
(WHlSPERlNG) The love of her life!
Oh.
Hi ! Hey, look who's here.
Who's ready for a big weekend at Dad's?
(SlGHS)
She says she doesn't want to go
with you this weekend.
Maybe you should talk to her.
Yeahbsolutely.
What are we looking at?
95 pounds of C-4 explosives
on a hair trigger.
Make sure you clip
the right wire, otherwise. . .
Ba-boom !
You're in The Hurt Locker now, Popper.
Do you want to talk about it?
Come on.
What do you do if you like somebody,
but they don't like you back?
Janie,
you're a powerful woman,
you're an independent lady.
You don't even need a man, really.
Look at Martha Stewart.
She's rich and she sleeps with her dogs.
(SlGHS)
You are so warped !
l don't know why l thought
for one second l could talk to you.
-Janie. . .
-This is why l don't want to go.
He cut both wires.
Come on, it's our weekend.
(JANlE GROANS lN FRUSTRATlON)
-lt's going to be fun.
-(DOOR SLAMS)
Good talk.
(OVER PHONE) Mr. Popper? Pippi.
l've parlayed with the Tavern people
and persuaded them
to ponder your proposal.
POPPER: Great. l don't have
the kids this weekend,
so set a meeting with Van Gundy
and call me.
No little ones this weekend, Mr. P?
No, Daryl. They don't like me right now.
Well, l like you, sir.
Already working
on the Christmas bonus, huh?
Never start too early.
-Yeahbsolutely.
-You have a good one, Mr. P.
(EXHALES)
(SlGHS)
(CELL PHONE CHlMES)
Tommy, it's Reginald. Call me.
lt's about your father.
So where was he, Reginald?
Antarctica.
Selling ice to the Eskimos?
That's the Arctic.
Whatever.
(SlGHS)
Your father loved you, Tommy.
That's good to know. Do you want to read?
The last will and testament
of Thomas Popper Sr.
"To the good folks
at the Geographic Society,
"l leave my Slovenian zither recordings,
"the Tahoe yurt and the Uzbek yurt,
"as well as the rest
of my worldly possessions.
"To my little Tommy,
"l've sent you a souvenir.
"l'm sorry l couldn't deliver
this one to you in person.
"Bald Eagle, over and out."
(ALARM CLOCK BEEPlNG)
(SlGHS)
Monday! Thank God !
Ah !
My souvenir.
lt's too big for a snow globe,
too small for a yurt.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, wow!
A stuffed penguin,
for the man who has everything.
(CHUCKLES)
Thank you, Daddy.
(SlGHS)
(CELL PHONE RlNGlNG)
Sergeant Pipper.
Yeah, l know. l'm late.
Van Gundy's at the Tavern already?
Yes, l know how important she is.
Okay. Stall her.
l'll be there in 1 5 minutes.
l don't know. Tell her l was poisoned
by a porcupine or punched by a pedestrian.
What do l pay you for?
(PENGUlN HONKS)
(HONKS)
l'll call you back.
lt's a live penguin.
He sent me a live penguin.
(CHlRPlNG SOFTLY)
(SHUSHlNG)
(COOlNG)
-Hi, live penguin.
-(SQUAWKS)
(DEFECATlNG)
As soon as l get home,
you're going back where you came from.
See this? Made in ltaly. Not for pecking.
Frette towels, also not for penguins.
Other than that, don't touch anything.
Pippi, hang on.
Coming now!
(GROANS)
No time for pain.
Mr. Popper. Phew!
Punctuality is a priority
for this particular person.
Don't sweat it, Pip.
l'll start scratching this old gal
behind the ears,
pretty soon she will be curled up in my lap
purring like a kitty cat.
(PURRlNG)
Right behind me?
Mrs. Van Gundy.
Pleasure to meet you. Thom Popper.
Mr. Popper.
l'm afraid l can only offer you 1 0 minutes.
You're extremely late.
That's all l need.
-This is Tito and Freddy, our kitchen staff.
-Hi.
And Klaus, he's our handyman.
And this is our chef, Arnold.
His kind of cooking never goes out of style.
Do you like kidney pie?
Are you kidding me? l love it.
ln fact, l'm a donor.
(LAUGHlNG)
l filled out the card and. . .
No, l've never actually had that,
but l would love to try it.
Let's have a seat.
MAN: All right, guys. Back to work.
l wonder if we could sit
more in the center of the room.
l want to get a real sense of the space.
(COOlNG)
You have a very unusual name, Mr. Popper.
And l never forget one.
This restaurant has been in my family
for three generations.
My grandmother served coq au vin
for Winston Churchill.
And my father poured champagne
for Fred Astaire.
My mother made a BL for Kareem Abdul-Jabbar once.
She said he was
surprisingly down-to-earth,
which is ironic, considering how tall he is.
Fascinating.
But l can't sell this place to just anyone.
l mean,
l consider the staff to be family, too.
Nothing is more important
than family to me. Nothing.
Are you married?
Not presently.
Any children?
Two. And we have the most magical
alternate weekends together.
Tell me about your father.
My father?
Uh. . .
What can l say?
A father is a father.
And he was no different.
You were close?
Yes. Well, we're related.
But, Mrs. Van Gundy,
l want to talk about you
and your life beyond all of this.
Picture yourself in a boat on a river.
With tangerine trees
and kind of a marmalade sky.
l don't do drugs, Mr. Popper.
Let me tell you something.
l could sell this place
to any number of sharp-tongued
snake-oil salesmen like yourself.
But l'm not selling to anyone
until l know what they're worth.
You mean my net worth?
lf that's how you interpret it,
that tells me something.
Well, l'm afraid your time is up,
Mr. Popper.
The Tavern is not presently for sale.
l should have gone with Strawberry FieIds.
(COOlNG)
(PHONE LlNE RlNGlNG)
(MAN ON PHONE
GREETlNG lN FORElGN LANGUAGE)
Oh, good.
You sent me a package.
Uh. My name is Popper.
(lN FORElGN ACCENT) Popper?
You Captain Popper baby?
"Captain?"
Uh. . .
Yes, l'm Captain Popper baby.
My father, who is apparently your captain,
-had you send me a penguin.
-(PENGUlN SQUAWKlNG)
You like penguin? ls good, yes?
No, is bad.
Your captain was crazy.
(CHUCKLES) So crazy. I Iove.
Yeah. Well, l'm glad you had someone.
But listen,
l have to send this penguin back.
(STATlC)
What? Hello?
Hello? l have to send the penguin back.
Send penguin?
Yes! Send penguin. Send penguin.
l told you five times,
l have to send the penguin.
Five times. Send penguin. Okay.
Great. And the crate is damaged.
Can you send me another crate
so l can ship this thing?
(LlNE DlSCONNECTS)
Hello?
(SlGHS)
(GROANS lN FRUSTRATlON)
What am l going to do with you, bird?
(GASPlNG)
You !
You are so done.
(SQUAWKlNG)
No. No.
(SCREAMlNG)
(PHONE LlNE RlNGlNG)
(MAN ON PHONE
GREETlNG lN FORElGN LANGUAGE)
-POPPER: Hello.
-Sorry, cannot take your phone call.
We will be closing one month
for ice festival!
(DOORBELL RlNGS)
Hey. Animal Control.
Got a call about a bird.
l am very happy to see you.
-Um. . .
-(PENGUlN SQUAWKS)
Oh. That's the little fella.
-What the. . .
-Go ahead. He's friendly.
l didn't know it was a penguin, okay?
l'm going to have to check the manual.
lt's not in the book.
Can't we just call it a pigeon?
Big, fat pigeon?
l can't touch it if it's not in the manual.
lt's a union violation.
Try Fish and Game.
No. You need Marine and Waterfowl.
Sorry, bud. Try NYC Sanitation.
Yeah. l only pick up the dead ones.
(COOS)
(COOlNG)
-(HONKlNG LOUDLY)
-(YELLlNG)
This way.
Okay, get. Go.
Skedaddle.
Waddle on down the road.
South Pole is that way.
Exit the building, take a right
and keep going.
Okay. Need a little help. l get it.
Watch this.
There you go!
Yes! Bye-bye, birdie.
Hey, Mr. P.
Yeah.
l got your penguin for you.
What? What are you talking about?
That's not my penguin.
Oh, really?
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Why would l have a penguin?
That could be anybody.
Oh, yeah.
Just give me the stupid thing.
So, the board must have given you
a free pass
on the whole "no pets" thing.
That is mighty nice of them.
How much till you don't see a penguin?
l can still see him.
lt's getting blurry.
lf l decided to squint,
it could look like a puppy.
How's that?
ls that you, Mr. P?
The light's going dim.
-Yeah, Pippi.
-PlPPl: Mr. Popper!
Yeah. l'm not coming
into work again today.
Oh. (SPEAKS FRENCH)
l have a pest problem.
What particular pest is the problem?
-lt's a penguin.
-A penguin?
Yeah. Starts with "P."
You ought to be able to handle it.
Hey there, Popper.
Kent.
ls that. . . ls that a pet l hear, Popper?
Pet? No. What? Of course not.
Okay. l mean, l can't say l blame you.
lf l had your 3,200 square feet,
l'd find someone to share it with, too.
lt's not a pet, Kent.
l left the television on. l'll take care of it.
-(CLATTERlNG)
-(FOOTSTEPS PATTERlNG)
(CRASHlNG)
Digital surround.
lt's like a real animal in there
busting stuff.
lt's amazing.
Bye, Kent.
NARRATOR ON TV: The goIden eagIe is
North America's largest bird of prey.
With a wingspan of 1 85
to 220 centimeters,
these extremely swift creatures
can dive upon their quarry
at speeds of more than 241 kilometers
per hour.
You like that, huh?
Too bad.
(PENGUlN HONKS)
l was listening to your commentary,
in The Economist,
reviewing these numbers,
and obviously the job number on Friday
wasn't a bad number.
We've got, what, three months now
averaging about 1 50,000 jobs...
That's not cute. You're not cute.
-l don't know what people see in you.
-(DOORBELL RlNGlNG)
Yes! Now you're talking.
Hey, Chilly Willy. Your ride is here.
(HONKS)
Someone is going on a little trip today.
No big deal, right?
All right, penguin.
No long goodbyes. Let's go.
Come here.
Gotcha. Game is over. You lose.
Let me just seal you in. No!
Where do you think you're going?
My kid's birthday is in 1 0 minutes. Okay?
That's right. l make the rules.
Because l have the brains.
(CLATTERlNG)
Wait. How did you. . .
(TOlLET FLUSHlNG)
What the. . .
(HONKlNG LOUDLY)
(HONKlNG)
Hey!
lt's an infestation.
How did you even get up there?
Your legs are, like, four inches long.
(DOORBELL RlNGS)
Obviously, a little miscommunication.
All right. Who is hungry?
Come on, you little snow rats.
(EXCLAlMS)
Ooh ! Hey! Gosh, thought you guys
would never get here.
That's great.
You ready for the big birthday
celebration fiesta?
Here we go.
But here's the thing,
l'm not quite ready yet.
So, can you just hang out for a bit
while l get Billy's gift all set?
Translation, "l forgot as usual,
"and l need to call Pippi
to go get something."
-Janie.
-Not true. Bad translation.
l got the gift,
and it's right in here.
(SQUAWKS)
Yeah ! A penguin !
No, Billy. l actually. . .
BlLLY: He's awesome!
(SlGHS) Oh ! Great.
Hold on.
You got him an actual live penguin?
-Uh. . .
-(SQUAWKlNG)
Six penguins?
Yes! Best birthday ever!
That's good counting, Billy.
Do they have names?
Yeah, course.
This one is Captain.
(HONKS)
Captain Popper.
(HONKlNG LOUDLY)
And that's Loudy.
Hey! Hey!
And that one's Bitey.
-(FARTlNG)
-(GROANS) Oh !
Stinky.
AMANDA: Aw! He loves me.
That's Lovey.
-(REPLlES lN FRENCH)
-Yeah.
(THUDDlNG)
And that's Nimrod.
Let's make a fort.
-Oh ! Fort! Cool.
-Go.
Billy, the cushions. . .
That's a great idea for fort building.
AMANDA: l've got to tell you,
you have officially raised the
birthday present bar to a whole new level.
-l know!
-How did you find them, anyway?
Some sort of, l don't know,
birthday-penguin rental company?
Um. . .
No. Actually, Thom Sr.
-Your dad?
-Yeah.
Wait. You saw him? How is he?
He passed away.
As in, he's dead?
Yeah. He broke on through
to the other side.
Oh, my God. l'm. . .
l'm so sorry.
-Are you okay?
-Yeah, l'm fine.
You're fine.
Fine. l'm good.
-(EXHALES)
-And he left me those.
Hey, where're you going? Come back here.
-Got you !
-Hey! (LAUGHS)
You look great.
-Thanks. l should get the cake in the. . .
-That's a nice cake.
-(CLATTERlNG)
-Oh !
What?
Oh, my God !
How cute.
lt looks like they're nesting.
Finally, you have something in your fridge.
(DOORBELL RlNGlNG)
-Yeah?
-Thomas Popper?
Uh-huh.
Nat Jones, New York Zoo.
Flightless Bird Division.
Your assistant called,
the one with the "P" problem.
l'm here for the penguin.
Wow.
She didn't tell me they were Gentoos.
How many do you have?
-Five?
-Six.
Six! Oh, God. Even better.
-What's going on?
-lt's nothing.
l'll take care of it.
Hey, save me a piece of that. Mmm !
l've got my team downstairs,
and a fully equipped retrieval van.
Yeah, that's great.
But listen, you can't actually take
the penguins right now.
-What are you talking about?
-Believe me, l'd love to give them to you.
But it's my kid's birthday,
and he's crazy about them.
You know kids.
l don't know kids. l know penguins.
They like ice, snow and fish.
Put them in a New York apartment,
they're gonna get beak rash
and wing mange
faster than you can
blow out your birthday candles.
-Wing mange?
-lt's not pretty.
Those animals belong in a zoo.
Hey, l get it.
l just have to take care of the politics.
Mr. Popper, don't postpone the inevitable.
Give me the birds.
Yeahbsolutely. They're yours.
Just not right now.
-l'll call you. Okay.
-Yeah. Soon.
Hey, it's me.
He's got six of them. And they're Gentoos.
Not yet, but l'll get them.
BlLLY: What was that?
What did that man mean,
"l'm here for the penguins"?
Oh, that guy?
He's here for their baths.
He's the bather. Trust me,
you're going to want them bathed.
l just told him to come back later,
because we're in the middle of a part-ay!
They're mine, right? l can keep them?
You kidding me?
What kind of question is that?
l don't know, Billy.
l'd make him promise if l were you.
Do you promise me, Popper?
Yes.
JANlE: Say the words.
You don't want to disappoint them.
When did l ever disappoint anybody?
-Father-son picnic.
-My birthday.
Our last anniversary.
l promise.
BlLLY: Can we come over again
tomorrow night?
-Really?
-Please?
Yeah. What about you, Janie? You, too?
Yeah, l guess it wouldn't be too bad.
What do you think, buzz kill?
A night to myself? l think l'll survive.
Thanks, Dad. l'll see you tomorrow.
-lt was a nice night.
-Yeah.
-My kids want to come over.
-Who gives a rat's butt?
Fair enough. Have a good one.
(PENGUlNS SQUAWKlNG)
People love the sounds of nature.
Helps them sleep. lt's beautiful. lt's natural.
(GRUNTS)
Excuse me. Excuse me! Hey!
(SQUAWKlNG STOPS)
Yeah. Good.
Now shut up and go to sleep.
Or l'll give you something to honk about.
(ALL SQUAWKlNG)
(BEEPlNG)
(SlGHS)
All right, back off.
Spread out. Seriously.
l'm used to living alone.
No! Expensive.
Oh ! Ah !
Hey, that's my remote, Pecky Peckerton.
(TV SWlTCHES ON)
(SOUNDTRACK MUSlC PLAYlNG ON TV)
Huh.
You like that, huh?
He's funny, right? Kind of like a penguin.
Good. That'll loop all day.
-l suppose it's a formal event.
-Precisely.
Popper, where have you been?
Hey, guys.
We talked to Van Gundy's people.
They say she turned you down flat.
Fellas, calm down. Life's too short,
especially for Franklin.
We thought we could trust you with this.
Hey, Taming of the Shrew
is not a one-act play.
You know that she's
the chair of several charitable foundations.
One of those foundations
is having a benefit
at the Guggenheim Saturday.
And Mr. Popper will be present.
POPPER: l figured it out.
She's looking for somebody
with integrity and character.
Somebody like Jimmy Stewart.
(lMlTATlNG JlMMY STEWART)
And, doggone it,
that's exactly what l'm going to be.
l'll use my own voice, though.
Although, that was uncanny.
Come on, give it to me.
We expect some results, Popper.
And until we get them, you can keep
your name off my marble slab.
A man your age shouldn't be
talking about marble slabs.
l got this.
Penguins, Pippi. Talk to me.
Per your predicament,
l printed a pertinent page from Wikipedia.
"Gentoo penguins
may periodically imprint
"on a particular person
as if they were a penguin.
"Once imprinted, they remain permanently
proximate to their parental proxy."
ls it actually written that way?
l'm paraphrasing.
They're imprinting, all right.
"Uncanny tracking ability.
Can locate each other at great distance."
-What about keeping them in line?
-Next paragraph.
"Are more docile
when kept at lower temperatures."
Hmm.
Cold enough for you?
Glad you're comfortable. Ow!
Hey! This is a finger, this is a fish.
Learn to tell the difference.
Hey, kids.
lt's nice, huh? A little fresh air.
lt's not bad if you keep moving.
Captain, Bitey, Stinky!
Penguins need it cold,
otherwise they get wing mange.
Dad, are you okay?
Yeah. Never better.
Let's take the penguins to the park.
Billy, no. What if they run off?
Ah.
You know, maybe they are
a little cooped-up in here.
Boy! Look at all this space.
Makes you want to spread out and explore.
Get lost for a while. (EXCLAlMS)
(PlGEON COOlNG)
Flight envy? Really?
(LAUGHS) That's hilarious.
l hate to break it to you, Captain,
but those are fins.
l think you might be more fish than fowl.
BlLLY: Hey, Dad, heads-up!
Oh ! l see how it's going to be.
All right. Let's see what you got, Billy.
Come on, Janie. Come on.
Let's get a game going.
Thanks, but no thanks.
-POPPER: Aw! Come on.
-BlLLY: Let's go.
Little Popper over to Big Popper.
Looking for the flick-on.
Pass it. Pass it.
Back to Little. . . Nimrod blocks it.
Over to Loudy, who dribbles it.
-(FARTS)
-Ah !
Flagrant flatulation.
Could be a yellow card.
Lovey controls, beaks it over to Billy,
who bends it like Bitey.
Uh-oh. Better pick it up. Come on, Janie.
What are you afraid of?
Can't beat an old man?
"O-M-G, l'm too A-D-D to play with D-A-D.
"Frowny face."
(SlGHS) Fine.
(CHUCKLES) All right!
You know,
l heard that girls are the weaker sex.
Didn't you hear that, Billy?
-Yeah.
-(GROANS)
BlLLY: Are you okay?
JANlE: Sorry, Dad.
lt really was an accident.
Yeah, l get it. You both have power shots.
Mr. Popper.
Hey, guess what? l got new contact lenses,
i.e. , l can see more now,
i.e. , l can still see your six illegal pets.
POPPER: Are we cool now, Hawkeye?
Let's go, kids.
(BlLLY AND JANlE LAUGHlNG)
Hey, everybody. l found him in the lobby.
Oh, oops.
l figured it was like
that time you lost Janie at Macy's.
You lost me?
You were never lost.
l simply failed to maintain visual contact.
lt was less than an hour.
(JANlE LAUGHS)
They are liking it here.
-Do you want to keep them overnight?
-Really?
-Yeah.
-Cool.
And Rick and l are celebrating.
-You got the grant.
-Yes.
Wow. l'm really happy for you.
-Thank you.
-(CHUCKLES)
You know, l was planning on having them
stay at Mom's when we're in Ghana.
You're actually going to Ghana, then.
Just for three weeks.
Maybe they could spend
a few nights with you.
Hey, kids. Do you want
to stay the night with your dad?
-Yeah.
-Sweet.
-Okay.
-All right.
-Good night.
-Good night, Mom.
Good night, Mommy.
Good night.
(HONKlNG)
You, too, Loudy.
-Bye.
-Bye.
You like Mom.
l do not.
l mean, l like her.
l don't know if she likes me.
Does she talk about me?
You're acting weird.
Look, this is my favorite part, right here.
(SNORlNG)
PlPPl ON PHONE: Mr. Popper, I purchased
the special champagne per your request.
Good. Everything needs to be clockwork
at the Guggenheim.
This could be our last chance
with Van Gundy.
And should l be procuring a babysitter?
Yeahbsolutely.
So we're talking standard hours.
A little light housekeeping.
And you might want to do that coat up,
you'll catch your death in there.
But as far as the. . .
When you're taking care of. . .
Just plunk them in front of the TV.
-Perfect.
-Yeah.
So, should we meet the kids?
Sure. Yeah. Come on over.
Here they are.
So you will be home by 1 0:00?
At the latest.
Just keep the Chaplin movies going,
they'll zone right out.
NANNY: Hello, Mr. Popper.
How are they doing?
You are worried like a new mother.
lt is adorable.
Yeah, l know. Okay, turning my phone off.
Okay. Good night.
(ALL SQUAWKlNG)
(SCREAMlNG)
l'm hearing shrieking, cackling
and trumpeting sounds
coming from that apartment.
Now, either Mr. Popper
is hanging out with my mother,
or l'm losing my mind.
No, you're definitely. . .
l am telling you
that man is up to something.
l hear the pitter-patter of floppy feet
coming from inside that apartment.
l feel like l can hear them now.
Sorry, Kent.
As far as l'm concerned,
Mr. Popper is an ideal tenant.
(SNlFFlNG)
Bubbly. Where is the target?
Up there,
proximate to the Pissarro painting.
You look pretty.
(HONKS)
-So, she never did see the flowers. . .
-Mrs. Van Gundy. . .
What a pleasant surprise.
Mr. Popper. l wish l could say the same.
You're dry. l like that. Oh, please.
Mrs. Van Gundy only drinks Krug.
-(POPPlNG)
-Oh, yeah !
(YAWNlNG)
May l?
1 992? lt's a ghastly vintage.
l'll take the free stuff.
-TERRENCE: Selma!
-Oh, Terrence.
TERRENCE: Congratulations, Selma.
Everything is impeccable.
MRS. VAN GUNDY: Oh, thank you.
(MOCKlNGLY) "1 992. Ghastly vintage."
"l'll take the free stuff."
"Terrence!"
Stay in the game.
(SNlFFlNG)
(HONKS)
POPPER: Mmm. l bet there's a giant
sentence somewhere,
looking for an ending.
Mr. Popper, if you're trying to convince me
to sell you the Tavern,
l'm afraid you're wasting your time.
Let's not talk about the Tavern,
because that's not why l'm here.
Mrs. Van Gundy,
you want to know what l'm worth.
l get that.
Mr. Popper, this is the
premier cultural event of the season.
l've organized this evening very precisely
and l can't have anything disrupting it,
especially you.
Now, one might think
you would have realized that by now.
-(PENGUlN SQUAWKS)
-Oh !
Wow! What a beautiful piece of music
they're playing down there.
May l have this dance, down there?
You're tenacious, Popper. l'll give you that.
l hope you can keep up with me.
Yeah, well, let's hurry. We're missing it.
-Here you go.
-Thank you.
-WOMAN: Are those penguins?
-MAN: Hmm. Must be part of the exhibit.
(HONKlNG)
(MAN EXCLAlMS)
(GUESTS SCREAMlNG)
(SCREAMS)
What is that noise?
-Popper!
-lt's nothing. Stay focused.
(GASPS)
(HONKlNG)
-Get it off me!
-(FARTS)
Who is responsible for this?
My money is on her.
ls this some kind
of environmentalist protest?
This is disgraceful ! Don't lie to me.
Huh?
(ALL SQUAWKlNG)
Ah.
POPPER: l don't like you, l don't need you,
l don't want you in my life!
Come on.
This guy is a complete amateur.
l just got to pick my moment,
then make my move.
POPPER: Pippi,
the Guggenheim was a fiasco.
Get me another meeting with Van Gundy.
Pronto.
l was going to say that.
Hey, Dad, come play hide and seek.
Captain's "it."
l'm still not speaking to them.
What? What happened?
Nothing. l'm fine. Billy, it's time to go.
-Janie, what happened?
-l said l'm fine.
Hey, l know l kind of blew it before,
but l'm actually pretty good
at giving advice.
Mom is here. We've got to go.
Janie, come on. l want to help.
Really? Fine. Here it is.
Madison broke up with Cooper Keegan
to go out with Brandon Yee.
-Brandy.
-So Cooper texted Brittany to see
if l was going to the Snowball Dance.
And she is all, "No, she's not going,"
so now l look all desperate and dumb.
So, great, right?
Cooper is gonna ask me
to the Snowball Dance, but he never calls.
And now Brittany's telling everybody that
Madison kissed him in the third period.
But then l hear that Brittany likes him, too,
so l don't know what to think!
So there it is. What do you got, Dad?
Well, who is Brittany again?
(GROANS lN FRUSTRATlON)
Brittany is Madison's BFF.
Madison's Big Fat Friend. Got it.
Janie! Hold on, hold on. Janie.
Look, sweetheart.
Maybe this just wasn't meant to be.
Don't waste your tears.
There's going to be a lot of other guys.
l mean, you're going to go through this
over and over.
By the time you're my age,
you're not even going to remember
Keaven Coover.
Coover Keeven?
Kee. . . Coover. . .
Keiver Coover?
So just forget about it and move on?
Exactly.
Great, thanks. l feel much better.
(CLEARS THROAT)
lt's good advice.
You know what,
maybe she doesn't want advice.
Maybe she just wants you
to be her dad and listen.
But what if my advice is amazing?
Good night, Popper.
lt's a shame to waste it.
Madison kissed Keeper Coogan.
No, Cooper. Cooper!
-(HONKlNG)
-Kissed Cooper. . .
What? l can't get 30 seconds
of privacy around here?
What do you want? Fish? Chaplin?
l'm not supposed to guess,
l'm just supposed to listen.
All right, l'm listening.
Come on, smart guy, what is it?
What do you wonk?
(HONKlNG lNSlSTENTLY)
(COOlNG)
Not fair.
Come on.
Oh !
Did l do that? Hey!
-(DEFECATlNG)
-Hey!
(LAUGHlNG)
ls that what you were trying to tell me?
Hey, anybody else want to try? Come on.
(ALL HONKlNG)
You look full. Open the bomb bay doors!
Whoa!
That is some good. . .
(HONKlNG LOUDLY)
Stay! Stay!
Or come.
(CHlLDREN EXCLAlMlNG EXClTEDLY)
Dear Lord, thank you for
the food we are about to eat.
Please use your mighty power
to stop the melting of the polar ice caps.
Amen.
Could you pass the salt? l'll get it.
Hey, kids. Check this out.
Everybody ready?
And, shuffle, ball, step. Shuffle, ball, lunge.
Step, ball, change. Step, ball, change.
Step, ball, change.
Word !
And the Tony goes to Mamma Mia!
because somebody didn't show up
for rehearsals.
Not mentioning names.
(SOFTLY) Nimrod.
That's awesome.
-Pretty cool, huh?
-Yeah.
BlLLY: Good job, you guys.
Whatever it is, l'm here for you, sweetie.
Relax, it's no big deal.
But Cooper Keegan just asked me
to the Snowball Dance.
Cooper Keegan !
Oh, my gosh. l need a dress.
OMG. LGB1 .
-What?
-Oh, my God. Let's go buy one.
You mean you?
Yeahbsolutely.
Okay.
(SNORlNG)
JANlE: Dad, l look terrible in all of these.
Well, l would love to see one of them.
l tell you what,
whatever you've got on right now,
just bring it on out to the viewing area
so we can view it.
JANlE: Fine.
Wow. You actually look beautiful.
Yeah, right.
Dad?
You're an angel.
Shut up.
l made that.
What?
l'll tell you about it later.
-Hi, birds.
-Hi, birds.
Let me get you a snack.
JANlE: OMG.
Dad !
No.
(CHUCKLlNG) No!
Lovey.
(COOS)
Eggs?
So, baby penguins?
Baby penguins!
Or a three-penguin omelet.
-BlLLY: Dad !
-POPPER: Mmm !
-Amanda.
-Hello?
You got to come over.
(DOORBELL RlNGlNG)
-Hey.
-Oh. You brought Rick.
Yeah, we were on a date. Be nice.
Hey. Wow. Greetings, little friend.
Hey. What's your name?
Ow!
Rick, Bitey. Bitey, Rick.
Hey.
-Who's this fella?
-(FARTS)
Stinky.
-That's his way of saying "Greetings."
-Yeah.
(HONKlNG LOUDLY)
Hey, you know what?
l'll meet you in the car.
Come on, you got to see this. Come on.
What. . . What am l looking at? What. . .
Just a miracle, that's all.
-AMANDA: Hold on, is that. . .
-POPPER: Eggs. Three of them.
-Wow.
-Yeah.
Amazing.
Hey, look who is a new dad again. Huh?
lt's really kind of cool.
They use those stones to make their nest.
Really?
Nimrod hasn't quite figured it out yet.
Yeah, but look. He's so attentive.
They have to separate
for long periods of time
just to find fish.
Hmm.
lt must be kind of hard on them. Huh?
They always get back together, though.
That's nice.
lt's natural.
Mom, Dad wants to know
if you'll have dinner with him.
-What?
-Billy, l don't know if that's. . .
Mom, just do it.
What do you think of this shirt?
-Does it make me look pale?
-(SQUAWKlNG)
l know they are. lt's a little cold in here.
(HONKS)
How dare you?
Oh.
Nice. You were going to let me
go out like that. Some friend you are.
l got a reservation at Jean-Georges,
which is almost impossible
unless you're dating The Donald.
Which l am not willing to do.
Are you guys going to be okay?
Not that l don't trust you.
l just worry, that's all.
(CELL PHONE RlNGlNG)
Pipperoni.
PIPPI: Mr. Popper, Van Gundy phoned
requesting your presence
at the property in the park.
-Now?
-Please be punctual.
Okay, tell her l'll be there.
-l guess l'll kill two birds with one stone.
-(HONKS)
lt's a metaphor.
Uh. . .
Yeah, we'd prefer to sit over here. Yeah.
Thank you.
Oh, thanks.
Are you looking for someone?
No. Just taking in
the ambience of the room.
lt hasn't changed in 30 years.
lt's got sort of a decaying charm.
-Okay, what is it with that table?
-What?
You look like you've seen a ghost.
No, l'm fine.
Thom, it's me.
My dad used to bring me here
whenever he was home.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
That was our table.
He used to give me these souvenirs
he'd bring
from his incredible adventures on the road.
lt was about the only time
l ever got to see him.
Thanks, Dad.
lt's actually a good memory.
Sometimes they're the worst.
We were married for 1 5 years,
and you have never told me that.
Hmm.
You are a complicated man, Mr. Popper.
(LAUGHlNG)
l don't know.
l think this old place has still got it.
Where are we going?
That's for me to know
and you to find adorable.
Oh, really?
Yes.
(AMANDA LAUGHlNG)
POPPER: Right, left. Right, left. Right.
Well, we're out of the medals.
But we had a good time.
Nice trick.
l can't believe we're doing this.
l brought a girl here once, a long time ago.
lt was closed,
so we broke in and stole skates.
She sounds amazing.
l thought so.
Then she got on the ice,
and she was kind of a clutz.
l think she was just trying to impress you.
You remember the boathouse?
Oh, the boathouse.
-Yeah, it was surprisingly warm in there.
-Yes, it was.
-Yeah.
-Yep.
-Mmm-hmm.
-Mmm-hmm.
(BOTH EXCLAlMlNG)
(LAUGHlNG)
l don't know what happened there.
l think we just hit a rough patch.
l'll race you.
That's good, you got it.
Want some more? Want some more?
-You let him in?
-He had a badge.
-A badge from the zoo.
-JONES: Look at this.
Hey! Step away from the penguins.
These birds have eggs, Mr. Popper.
They need a full veterinary workup.
Yeah? Well, if l get worked up,
you're going to need a workup of your face.
Really?
You've got some interesting ideas
about animal care, Mr. Popper.
You stick them in front of the TV?
Yeah. Chaplin. A classic.
You've got one nesting
in the produce bin of your refrigerator.
(SCOFFS)
Just shows what you know.
That's a cheese drawer.
Fish fillet sandwich with tartar sauce?
ls this your idea of a healthy animal diet?
Ooh ! Evidence! Call CSI.
You planted this.
You have no idea
what you're doing with these birds.
Like you're some kind of penguin expert.
l am a penguin expert.
Yeah, but. . . Yeah, okay.
lt's time for me to take these birds
and put them in a proper home.
You aren't giving them what they need.
l am giving them exactly what they need.
What? What are you giving them?
l am giving them love.
Love?
Well, it sounds weird
when you make me say it.
These aren't children, Mr. Popper.
They're animals.
They need food. They need snow.
And every once in a while,
one of them needs to be eaten by a whale.
-(HONKS)
-Hey!
You want to know who they love?
l'll tell you who they love.
Whoever is holding the fish.
Traitors.
Wake up, Popper.
These penguins can only survive
in the zoo or Antarctica.
So, sooner or later,
l will take these penguins.
POPPER: Omega-3s, Pip.
Penguins are way ahead of us on this.
Mr. Popper, l'm perplexed.
How does this pertain
to the Van Gundy problem?
Van Gundy? Lots of that. Lots of that.
Please tell me you have a plan.
l always have a plan, Pippi.
They're fresh.
Oh, really? Why do l smell bleach?
Mr. Popper,
we're being pressed for progress.
Perhaps l could pamper the penguins
for you.
You need to procure your promotion.
No, Pippi.
What we need is squid, and plenty of them.
The weather outside is frightful
The fire is so delightful
Since there's no place to go
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!
Oh ! Good morning, kids.
Babies on the way.
Got to get ready.
Young Gentoos need an ice shelf
at 28 degrees. A little powder on top.
That's right. l'm kind of a penguin expert.
Oh !
Hey, not in the house, young lady.
Besides, when you pack this stuff down,
you could really hurt somebody.
JANlE: Come on, let's get him, Billy!
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
(EXCLAlMS)
You're begging for it.
Here, hold on.
Look how much can go in this hat!
Look how much can go in this hat!
Ah !
Uh-oh !
Grab a pen, Popper.
l'm going to hook you up with the number
of a very good moving company.
Ow!
-Hey.
-POPPER: Wow.
l think l hear your mama calling.
(GURGLlNG) Kent! Kent!
You're only delaying the inevitable, Popper.
l'll be telling the board about this.
(FARTlNG)
POPPER: Kids, wake up.
You don't want to miss this.
JANlE: What are we doing?
Shh !
JANlE: Wow. Cool.
POPPER: Here it comes.
-BlLLY: lt's coming.
-POPPER: Look at that.
(CHlRPlNG)
-JANlE: Dad, look.
-Yeah.
-BlLLY: Holy cow, another one.
-POPPER: Look, look, look.
lt's another one.
POPPER: Reminds me of you guys.
Rangers on a breakaway!
They're out in the open ice.
Crosby! There's nothing but daylight!
-No way.
-Can Crosby back-check? Back-check!
-Oh ! Sorry.
-Hey, Dad.
-l got your number, okay?
-JANlE: Ooh ! l'm so scared.
POPPER: Mom.
The place is coming together, huh?
Or apart.
Captain's still waiting to be a dad, huh?
Mom. Yeah, that's right.
A woman can be a captain.
We don't tolerate gender bias in this house.
-Really?
-Cross-checking is okay, though.
(GROANlNG DRAMATlCALLY)
-Five minutes for fighting.
-Oh, man.
You promise to call me when it hatches.
Promise. Any day now.
Don't worry, Captain.
The little fella is just taking his time.
And l bet he'll be a great flyer.
You're falling asleep.
No, l'm not.
Hmm. lt must be me.
You really should go to bed.
Uh-uh.
l'm not leaving him. He's a Popper.
(AMANDA CHUCKLES)
Good night.
(DOORBELL RlNGlNG)
Oh ! Hey, guys.
We've left seven messages.
You look terrible, Popper.
We haven't heard anything
about the Tavern.
-What have you been doing?
-Uh. Well. . . Um. . .
l'm sure Pippi told you,
l've been kind of fighting a cold.
Pneumonia.
(COUGHS)
Move!
What the. . .
POPPER: lf l'd have known you guys were
coming, l'd have cleaned this place up,
fired up the old Zamboni. (CHUCKLES)
The maid comes on Wednesdays.
He's gone insane.
FRANKLlN: l've seen this before.
This is exactly what happened
with Howard Hughes.
Because you're old.
YATES: Popper.
The Tavern?
Oh ! The Tavern.
The Tavern is an interesting project.
l have lots of ideas about the Tavern.
For God's sakes, man !
Pull yourself together.
Your house is full of penguins.
l know. l know.
l know how it looks.
But it's just one more egg.
And as soon as it hatches, l'm there.
Franklin, how long have l worked for you?
You know how many soccer games
l've skipped?
And dance recitals?
What are we doing this for, anyway?
There are just some things
you can't afford to miss.
lt's too late, we've lost him.
Popper, you're fired.
Okay.
Best of luck
in your future endeavors, Popper.
Appreciate it.
POPPER: (SHlVERlNG)
Hatch, hatch, hatch, hatch !
Hatch, hatch, hatch !
Hatch, hatch, hatch !
Okay, it's going to happen.
l feel it. lt's happening.
lt's happening right now.
lt's happening right now.
l'm going to give it the touch.
Total belief. Total faith.
Come on.
(GROANS)
Wow.
Mmm.
l tried to warn you, Mr. Popper.
You're just not equipped for this.
Maybe you should let me
take care of them for a while.
What if the Statue of Liberty
had a friend?
POPPER: Okay, people!
No more loafing around.
What's the matter, folks?
You've never seen a zombie before?
That's right, it's the Dawn of the Dead.
l'm eating brains and taking names.
Marshall, get Zoning on the phone,
l want to know
how soon we can break ground.
Remind them of our donation
to the Mayor's re-election fund.
Boy, l never get tired
of looking at New York from here.
l love what you've done with the place.
Popper, what are you doing here?
l'm on a mission of mercy, Franklin.
l decided to take you back.
You're taking us back? We fired you.
All is forgiven then, don't worry about it.
Let me bring you up to speed.
l've been playing hardball with Van Gundy.
l told her kids
we were offering $1 00 million.
l suggested they make her life difficult
until she accepts,
so they've all moved back home.
Mrs. Van Gundy has planned
a press conference for tomorrow.
She wants us all present.
lf you'll excuse us,
we have to unpack.
Popper's back!
POPPER: Oh, hey, guys!
-Hey, Dad.
-Hi.
Hey, how are you feeling?
Yeah, Dad, are you okay?
Yeah, l'm fine.
Before you go in there,
l think l should tell you,
there has been a couple of changes.
BlLLY: Where are they?
They're okay, they're fine.
They're at the zoo.
And you know what?
lt's really the best place for them.
They're probably in an icy pool right now.
All the fish they can eat.
Full-time penguin masseuse.
The whole thing's being narrated
by Morgan Freeman.
You sent them away to some cage?
Billy, they're birds.
They don't feel things the way we do.
-Thom, l don't think. . .
-Don't bother, Mom.
Come on, guys.
We had fun,
but it's time to get back to reality.
We got soccer.
We got the Snowball Dance.
l'm not going
to the stupid Snowball Dance.
Cooper Keegan asked somebody else.
Janie,
sometimes boys are gonna disappoint you.
l'm not disappointed in him.
BlLLY: Janie!
What was l supposed to do?
How about feel something?
Oh !
Please.
l feel great.
l saw you with that egg. l saw you !
That wasn't me.
That was a dream
where people live with penguins.
And their kids love them.
And all the eggs hatch.
So wake up!
Wow.
l think l just did.
And Rick wanted to extend the Ghana trip,
turn it into a vacation.
Are you okay with that, Popper?
Yeahbsolutely.
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
POPPER: Pipsi-CoIa.
Mr. Popper, we're pulling up presently.
(SlGHS) Okay.
Come on.
POPPER SR. : My dearest Tommy,
in all my travels
I've never encountered
a creature quite so wise as this.
You see, once it loves you,
it never leaves your side.
l'm sorry, Son, that it took me so long
to Iearn that Iesson.
But l hope there's still time for you.
Give your little ones a hug from Grandpa.
And hold them as close as you can
for as long as you can.
Bald Eagle, over and out.
All right, everybody in. Let's go.
We don't want to go
to your stupid press conference.
-We're not going to the press conference.
-Pardon?
-Driver, take us to the zoo.
-JANlE: What?
We're getting our penguins back.
-Yes!
-Yes!
Mr. Popper,
late as usual.
Call him.
Who?
Cooper-freaking-Keegan.
But, Dad. . .
Sweetie, you've got to put
your heart out there.
And it might get broken,
but that's how you know you have one.
Call him.
Dad, l don't even really like him anymore.
l just got the name down.
But thanks.
-Call her.
-Who?
Mom-freaking-Mom.
l don't really like her anymore.
l'm kidding. Give me that.
-(EXHALES)
-(PHONE RlNGlNG)
(CELL PHONE RlNGlNG)
(CLEARS THROAT) Hold on. Sorry.
Hey, Janie. What's up?
Amanda, hi. Look,
l know this is a total Hail Mary,
but please don't go to Ghana.
Thom, are you kidding me right now?
lf you go there with him,
then it becomes a relationship, and. . .
l'm not asking for you
to just jump right back in with me.
l just want one more date.
Just stay
and go on one more date with me.
Please.
Long pauses are good, right?
lt means she's thinking.
Where are you going to take me
this time, Popper?
Another landmark
you're planning to tear down?
No.
The kids and l are going
to visit some old friends.
Two children, one adult.
Make that two adults.
Mom ! Yes!
Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
lt's just a second date.
And it better be a good one.
POPPER: Yeahbsolutely.
Okay, here we go.
Okay, guys, we're here to get you
out.
JANlE: They're not here.
These aren't our guys.
No, they're not.
-Where are my penguins?
-l'm going to call you back.
Mr. Popper, they're not your penguins.
Don't give us the runaround, slick.
Why aren't they out there?
Because we already have penguins.
What we don't have is an emu.
Or a Komodo dragon.
Or a Bengal tiger.
-What are you talking about?
-Trading, Mr. Popper.
Zoos do it all the time.
Same as sports teams.
How do you think the Yankees won
27 championships?
lt sure wasn't their farm system.
Where are you sending them?
Three to Washington, three to Tokyo.
And the two chicks are going to Dubai.
But you can't split them up.
They're a family.
God's sake! They're just birds.
Just birds?
And what about the American eagle?
-ls that just a bird?
-Yes.
Okay, what about. . .
Big Bird is a Muppet.
Look, can they just see them?
My family is torn up about it.
My kids are distraught. Right, Billy?
Please, sir, can we just say goodbye?
-No.
-POPPER: Children,
this is what a liar looks like.
Take a mental picture.
Look, Popper, l couldn't even if l wanted to.
They're already gone.
(HONKlNG)
-Loudy!
-Loudy!
You are a liar.
Popper! Popper!
-There you are!
-Guys!
Get back in there. Ow!
Bitey! Good job.
Mr. Popper,
those penguins are going back in the tank.
No, they're not.
What do we have here?
Anybody want some fish?
That's right. Come on in.
Come on, come on, come on. Hey!
-Not this time.
-(BANGlNG ON DOOR)
Do you have some kind of a plan?
l'm sorry, have we met?
Come on.
-(BANGlNG ON DOOR)
-Let me out!
-What took you so long?
-MAN: Sorry, sir.
Sir, what do the suspects look like?
Hmm, uh, let me think.
They're the ones with the eight penguins.
Now seal all the exits!
AMANDA: You guys have the babies, right?
JANlE: Yeah, Mom, we got them.
Excuse us!
Avian infectious disease containment!
-AMANDA: Antarctic bird flu !
-Very bad !
-Diarrhea! Vomiting !
-Vomiting ! Diarrhea!
You might want to hold your breath.
Thank you for your co-operation.
This way.
-Oh, no!
-Or that way.
BlLLY: Come on, guys.
Follow me. Follow me.
Okay, try to act normal.
-(SQUAWKlNG)
-Go! Go!
l'll get him on this side. This way!
Get him ! Don't let him in the elevator.
He's heading to the roof.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Sorry, ma'am, you can't take this exit.
No, not this way.
lt's the north side exit,
you can't go this way.
Thank you. Sorry for the inconvenience.
(YELPS)
Hey, miss? Miss!
All right.
Nice and neat formation.
Okay, stay in formation.
Remain calm.
-What happened?
-l was pricked by a porcupine.
-Where were you pricked?
-ln my posterior!
l don't know where that is.
There's the limo. Just stay in formation.
JONES: l'm at the rear door, he's not there!
-Hey!
-Break formation !
-JONES: Popper!
-POPPER: Break formation !
Halt!
Ha-ha! You lose, slave trader!
l don't think so, Popper.
Aren't you forgetting something?
No, l don't think l'm forgetting something.
Thom, we forgot to do a head count.
Okay, one thing l forgot.
GUARD ON RADlO: We got him on the roof!
Captain !
(HONKS)
Captain ! No!
(YELLS)
She's doing it.
Captain is flying !
(EXCLAlMlNG)
Whoa!
Can you believe that?
Hey! (LAUGHS)
Why are you hitting yourself? Huh?
Why are you hitting yourself?
That's not attractive for a zoo official. Huh?
l'll tell you what.
Now you're trapped like an animal.
lt's ironic.
Hey! Don't. . .
Come back here!
Did you see that?
-Pretty good date so far.
-We're just getting started.
Driver, Tavern on the Green.
Hold on, boss. Hold on, l got it.
Hey, hey! Stop!
MRS. VAN GUNDY: There have been
a lot of rumors floating around lately,
and l'm here to clear them up.
l have always said
that l would only sell the Tavern
if l found the right person.
And that's why l'm here to announce...
(SLOWLY) Wait!
Don't
do
it!
Did you like that? The slow motion effect.
l just wanted to get your attention.
Mrs. Van Gundy, you can't sell this place.
-l know.
-lf you sell it to me, l'll just tear it down.
And then Freddy and Tito and Klaus,
and the guy that looks like Chef Boyardee
will be out on the street.
-l know.
-This place is a part of New York history.
lt's a part of my history.
l came here with my father.
The other day l had the best
second first date a man could ever have.
And l would rather cut my hands off
and stick knives in my eyes than. . .
Wait, l'd have to do the eyes first
and then the hands,
and l'd have to have somebody
help me cut the right hand off
-because the left hand would be gone.
-Mr. Popper, stop talking.
-Okay.
-l'm not selling.
You're not?
Mmm-mmm.
Glad we got dressed up.
There he is.
Excuse me, folks.
Nat Jones, New York Zoo.
This man has been trafficking
in stolen penguins.
(SCOFFlNG) What are you even talking
about from left field?
Penguins?
lt's absurd.
No, no, no! Penguins, please!
Hi, Pip.
l thought you were going to stay in the car.
They pecked the power locks.
He has been keeping
these defenseless creatures
locked away in his apartment.
When l tried to save them,
he broke into the zoo and kidnapped them.
l've seen these penguins before.
ls it true, Mr. Popper?
Yes, l'm afraid so.
Why did you do it?
Knowing you,
it must be for some sort of personal gain.
Yes, the kind no amount of money can buy.
For Pete's sake.
Mr. Popper and his equally crazy family
believe that these penguins love him.
They are wrong.
lf they have to choose between love
and a nice juicy sardine,
they will choose the fish every time.
-l don't think so.
-Let's find out.
He's got a fish.
l got this.
Come on, guys.
Come on.
JONES: Come on. Yeah.
That's right.
Captain, come on.
Come to Popper.
(HONKlNG)
Hey! That's my guys.
(CROWD APPLAUDlNG)
No! That doesn't prove anything.
Come on, aren't you going to arrest him?
For what? Winning?
ls that what we do in this country?
ls that what America is all about?
l don't think so! l don't think so!
America!
Have you people lost your mind?
He's breaking the law.
Come on, guy, have a heart.
Have a heart?
l'm going to call the Chief of Police.
l'm going to call the Mayor.
MRS. VAN GUNDY: Oh, allow me.
Michael.
-What?
-How are you, dear?
l've got a small matter
-that needs your attention.
-Come on.
That's not good.
The penguins will be provided for.
Mr. Popper always has a plan.
-This is insane!
-Quiet, you. Quit your quarrelling.
-Pippi.
-Quint.
Pleasure.
Quite.
Well, l guess we have custody.
l guess we do.
MRS. VAN GUNDY: Mr. Popper.
Mrs. Van Gundy.
Congratulations. The Tavern is yours.
l told you.
l never forget a name.
l just needed to be sure
that that little boy
hadn't gotten lost somewhere.
Nice work, Popper.
Hey, Franklin.
When do we break ground
on the new building?
We're not.
Hmm?
What are you talking about?
-lt's really beautiful, Thom.
-Thank you.
You did a great job, Dad.
l appreciate that, Billy.
But it wasn't just me.
l'm just the mastermind.
So, l brought you here today
because l want to tell you something.
l'm going on a trip, very far away.
And l could be gone for a very long time.
So, l'm going to need you
to come with me.
BOTH: Nice!
Where are we going?
l hope it's someplace warm.
lt's not, is it?
(WlND GUSHlNG)
(HONKlNG)
Warm enough?
Perfect.
(ALL SQUAWKlNG)
Whoa!
Hey!
Will you look at that?
AMANDA: lt's a family reunion.
BlLLY: Hey, look, it's the Loveys.
And the Loudys.
POPPER: And the Nimrods.
Hey, Dad. l don't think Captain likes it here.
lt's okay, girl.
You just got to get used to it, that's all.
Oh, my. (CHUCKLES)
l think she's going to be just fine.
What should we name him?
Well, he's going to be an amazing flyer.
So, how about
Bald Eagle?
Hey! He's a good reason to come back.
Yeah !
You hear that, Captain?
We're coming back.
Thank you, Captain.
You're the coolest gift l ever got.
(COOlNG)
See you soon.
BlLLY: Way to go, Captain.
You're going to be a great mom.
Not bad, Popper. Not bad.
Yeahbsolutely.
Hmm.
(ICE ICE BABY PLAYlNG)
Yo, VIP, let's kick it
All right, stop, collaborate, and listen
lce is back with my brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Flow like a harpoon, daily and nightly
Will it ever stop? Yo, l don't know
Turn off the lights and l'll glow
To the extreme I rock a mic Iike a vandaI
Light up a stage
and wax a chump like a candle
Dance, go rush the speaker that booms
l'm killing your brain
like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly when l play a dope melody
Anything less than the best is a felony
Love it or leave it, you better gang way
You better hit bull's eye, the kid don't play
lf there was a problem, yo, l'll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it
lce, lce, baby
Vanilla lce, lce, baby
VaniIIa
Now that the party is jumping
With the bass kicked in
and the Vega's are pumpin'
Quick to the point, to the point, no faking
Cooking MC's like a pound of bacon
Burning 'em, if you ain't quick and nimble
l go crazy when l hear a cymbal
And a high hat with a souped up tempo
l'm on a roll, it's time to go solo
lce, lce, baby
Vanilla lce, lce, baby
VaniIIa
Take heed 'cause l'm a lyrical poet
Miami's on the scene
just in case you didn't know it
My town that created all the bass sound
Enough to shake
and kick holes in the ground
'Cause my style's like a chemical spill
Feasible rhymes you can vision and feel
Conducted and formed,
this is a hell of a concept
We make it hype and you want to step
With this, Shay plays on the fade
Slice like a ninja, cut like a razor blade
So fast other DJ's say, "Damn!"
lf my rhyme was a drug
l'd sell it by the gram
Keep my composure
when it's time to get loose
Magnetized by the mic while l kick my juice
lf there was a problem, yo, l'll solve it
Check out the hook
while D-Shay revolves it
lce, lce, baby
Vanilla lce, lce, baby
Yo, man, let's get out of here
English - US - SDH
Bald Eagle calling Tippytoe. Over.
Bald Eagle calling Tippytoe. Over.
Tippytoe, come in. Are you there?
This is Tippytoe. Over.
Did you receive the souvenir package?
Over.
Package received. Over.
ls it snowing there now, Dad?
I wouIdn't know, kiddo,
because l'm in Marrakech.
Whoa!
This is the big one, buddy.
A dream come true.
We have been compromised. Over.
Kiss her for me!
This is Mama Bird. Over and out.
You, get to sleep.
Guess where l am now, pal. Romania!
(HlSSlNG)
Papua New Guinea.
Makes the old Guinea look like nothing.
Bald Eagle calling Tippytoe. Over.
l can reach now.
Wow! How long have l been gone?
Two months and 1 7 days.
Well, don't worry, because Samoa
is what we've been looking for.
This one is going to be my legacy.
Yeahbsolutely.
(CRACKLlNG)
(GARBLED) Bald Eagle calling Tippytoe.
Over.
Bald Eagle calling Tippytoe. Over.
Tippytoe to Bald Eagle. Over.
Come in. Are you there?
Hey, kiddo. l'm right on the verge
of something big here.
But l'm not going to make it home
for your birthday.
l'm really sorry,
but opportunities like this
are hard to find, Son.
(STATlC)
Opportunities like this
are hard to find, Franklin.
l'm about to bag a rare species
on this little expedition.
Fifteen F.A. R. That's a million absolute.
And a landmark building.
Don't thank me,
just start building a statue.
-Morning, Pippi.
-Mr. Popper.
Contract.
(SNlFFlNG)
l love the smell of toner in the morning.
That's the pertinent printout.
And the person we are purchasing
the property from is present.
Let's do it.
Mr. Popper for Mr. Gremmins.
And you are?
Pippi Peponopolis.
l'm Mr. Popper's personal assistant.
l process his paperwork
and l procure his periodicals.
She doesn't even know she's doing it.
-Pardon?
-Nothing.
You can go in.
Mr. Popper, sorry to waste your time,
but l've changed my mind.
l'm not going to sell.
POPPER: l understand.
Second thoughts
are as valid as first thoughts.
They just come later.
lt's just that this building is my last holding
and if l sell, then. . .
Then you're free, and that's a scary thing.
Hey, l get it.
Doing any sailing this year?
(SCOFFS)
Who has the time?
Yeah. My father sailed
around the world solo.
-Yeah.
-Lucky man.
Yeah, pulled a Hemingway.
Just him and the sea.
You know,
that's always been a dream of mine.
Oh ! (CHUCKLES) He had some stories.
Like that storm off the Horn of Africa.
-The Horn of Africa?
-Oh, yeah.
The sea was calm, the sailing smooth.
When, out of nowhere. . .
(EXCLAlMS)
Twenty-foot swells,
like a hammer punch to the prow.
Dad was a heck of a sailor,
but he'd never seen waves like this.
(BLOWlNG) Gale force winds
straight from the Devil's nostrils
whipped his ship like a rubber ducky.
The salt spray in his face
felt like a thousand needles.
And suddenly, the wind ripped
the mainsail off the mast.
He was doomed.
What did he do?
-What did he do?
-Yes.
He spun the wheel.
Hoisted the jib,
threaded the needle backwards.
And when he came out the other side. . .
Oh, my God !
Oh, my God !
-What?
-lt can't be. But it is.
What is it?
A blue whale.
(lMlTATlNG WHALE CRY)
Like a gentle giant,
the most majestic creature on Earth.
lt's so beautiful.
Can you see it?
His skin glistening in the sun.
A rainbow
in the spray of his mighty blowhole.
Oh, well. You will get out there,
someday.
Mmm.
Wait.
-(MEN LAUGHlNG)
-FRANKLlN: Way to go, Popper.
POPPER: Hey, it's what l do.
Gentlemen, what is the future
of Franklin, Reader & Yates?
A long, slow decline,
getting older and weaker
till it has that funny smell
and starts driving around all day
with the left-turn signal on?
Franklin?
Or will it be reborn
with vim, vigor and Viagratality?
l say we meet the future head-on.
Sexy!
Come on, guys. lt's time to commit.
lt's time to go above and Beyonc,
and put a ring on it.
Beyonc is a singer, Franklin.
She's a singer.
Named Beyonc!
Can he hear me?
FRANKLlN: We had a feeling
this was coming, Popper.
We saw the marble slab in your office.
Oops.
Popper, there's no one more qualified
than you to take a seat at this table.
-FRANKLlN: Don't sit just yet.
-Okay.
There is one more prize
we would like you to get for us.
Name it, fellas.
Plaza Hotel? Empire State Building?
The Pentagon?
Tavern on the Green.
Tavern on the Green?
What's the matter, Popper?
Nothing. lt's just kind of a rundown place.
lt's the only privately held real estate
in Central Park.
We can build anything we want on it.
You mean, like,
wipe it off the face of the Earth?
Start over?
YATES: Mmm-hmm.
-lt would be like it never existed.
-READER: Exactly
But first you have got to get past
Selma Van Gundy.
She has gotten a thousand offers,
turned them all down.
FRANKLlN: You've got one shot.
You think you can close it?
l'm sorry, have we met? l'm Thom Popper.
l do deals like this in my sleep.
-AMANDA ON PHONE: HeIIo?
-POPPER: Hey, Amanda, we're pulling up.
-Can you make sure the kids are ready?
-Yeah.
Last time it took a while.
-Keep it running.
-Sure thing, Mr. Popper.
Thomas! Greetings.
Greetings, Rick,
and welcome to our planet.
Lately, we've been using the word, "Hi"
or a simple, "Sup?"
How are you?
l'm better now. Thank you.
No, really, Thomas, how are you?
Really, l'm good.
Please look away.
Okay, l will.
Hey, Popper!
l've been working on my power shot.
Let's see what you've got, tough guy.
Come on.
(GROANlNG)
Ooh ! Oh ! (LAUGHS)
Nice save.
-Hey, Popper.
-Greetings.
Did you say hi to Rick?
Yeah. Yeah, he hugged me three times.
l felt like an endangered sequoia.
Come on, we have only gone out
a couple of times.
He's a keeper.
There is nothing wrong
with a man who recycles.
l recycle. l turn decrepit old buildings
into shiny new ones.
Did l mention
he's also incredibly handsome?
Really?
Good to see your taste hasn't changed.
And thoughtful. And considerate.
-Where is your sister?
-She's having issues.
You know, Cooper Keegan?
(SOFTLY) Cooper Keegan.
(WHlSPERlNG) The love of her life!
Oh.
Hi ! Hey, look who's here.
Who's ready for a big weekend at Dad's?
(SlGHS)
She says she doesn't want to go
with you this weekend.
Maybe you should talk to her.
Yeahbsolutely.
What are we looking at?
95 pounds of C-4 explosives
on a hair trigger.
Make sure you clip
the right wire, otherwise. . .
Ba-boom !
You're in The Hurt Locker now, Popper.
Do you want to talk about it?
Come on.
What do you do if you like somebody,
but they don't like you back?
Janie,
you're a powerful woman,
you're an independent lady.
You don't even need a man, really.
Look at Martha Stewart.
She's rich and she sleeps with her dogs.
(SlGHS)
You are so warped !
l don't know why l thought
for one second l could talk to you.
-Janie. . .
-This is why l don't want to go.
He cut both wires.
Come on, it's our weekend.
(JANlE GROANS lN FRUSTRATlON)
-lt's going to be fun.
-(DOOR SLAMS)
Good talk.
(OVER PHONE) Mr. Popper? Pippi.
l've parlayed with the Tavern people
and persuaded them
to ponder your proposal.
POPPER: Great. l don't have
the kids this weekend,
so set a meeting with Van Gundy
and call me.
No little ones this weekend, Mr. P?
No, Daryl. They don't like me right now.
Well, l like you, sir.
Already working
on the Christmas bonus, huh?
Never start too early.
-Yeahbsolutely.
-You have a good one, Mr. P.
(EXHALES)
(SlGHS)
(CELL PHONE CHlMES)
Tommy, it's Reginald. Call me.
lt's about your father.
So where was he, Reginald?
Antarctica.
Selling ice to the Eskimos?
That's the Arctic.
Whatever.
(SlGHS)
Your father loved you, Tommy.
That's good to know. Do you want to read?
The last will and testament
of Thomas Popper Sr.
"To the good folks
at the Geographic Society,
"l leave my Slovenian zither recordings,
"the Tahoe yurt and the Uzbek yurt,
"as well as the rest
of my worldly possessions.
"To my little Tommy,
"l've sent you a souvenir.
"l'm sorry l couldn't deliver
this one to you in person.
"Bald Eagle, over and out."
(ALARM CLOCK BEEPlNG)
(SlGHS)
Monday! Thank God !
Ah !
My souvenir.
lt's too big for a snow globe,
too small for a yurt.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, wow!
A stuffed penguin,
for the man who has everything.
(CHUCKLES)
Thank you, Daddy.
(SlGHS)
(CELL PHONE RlNGlNG)
Sergeant Pipper.
Yeah, l know. l'm late.
Van Gundy's at the Tavern already?
Yes, l know how important she is.
Okay. Stall her.
l'll be there in 1 5 minutes.
l don't know. Tell her l was poisoned
by a porcupine or punched by a pedestrian.
What do l pay you for?
(PENGUlN HONKS)
(HONKS)
l'll call you back.
lt's a live penguin.
He sent me a live penguin.
(CHlRPlNG SOFTLY)
(SHUSHlNG)
(COOlNG)
-Hi, live penguin.
-(SQUAWKS)
(DEFECATlNG)
As soon as l get home,
you're going back where you came from.
See this? Made in ltaly. Not for pecking.
Frette towels, also not for penguins.
Other than that, don't touch anything.
Pippi, hang on.
Coming now!
(GROANS)
No time for pain.
Mr. Popper. Phew!
Punctuality is a priority
for this particular person.
Don't sweat it, Pip.
l'll start scratching this old gal
behind the ears,
pretty soon she will be curled up in my lap
purring like a kitty cat.
(PURRlNG)
Right behind me?
Mrs. Van Gundy.
Pleasure to meet you. Thom Popper.
Mr. Popper.
l'm afraid l can only offer you 1 0 minutes.
You're extremely late.
That's all l need.
-This is Tito and Freddy, our kitchen staff.
-Hi.
And Klaus, he's our handyman.
And this is our chef, Arnold.
His kind of cooking never goes out of style.
Do you like kidney pie?
Are you kidding me? l love it.
ln fact, l'm a donor.
(LAUGHlNG)
l filled out the card and. . .
No, l've never actually had that,
but l would love to try it.
Let's have a seat.
MAN: All right, guys. Back to work.
l wonder if we could sit
more in the center of the room.
l want to get a real sense of the space.
(COOlNG)
You have a very unusual name, Mr. Popper.
And l never forget one.
This restaurant has been in my family
for three generations.
My grandmother served coq au vin
for Winston Churchill.
And my father poured champagne
for Fred Astaire.
My mother made a BL for Kareem Abdul-Jabbar once.
She said he was
surprisingly down-to-earth,
which is ironic, considering how tall he is.
Fascinating.
But l can't sell this place to just anyone.
l mean,
l consider the staff to be family, too.
Nothing is more important
than family to me. Nothing.
Are you married?
Not presently.
Any children?
Two. And we have the most magical
alternate weekends together.
Tell me about your father.
My father?
Uh. . .
What can l say?
A father is a father.
And he was no different.
You were close?
Yes. Well, we're related.
But, Mrs. Van Gundy,
l want to talk about you
and your life beyond all of this.
Picture yourself in a boat on a river.
With tangerine trees
and kind of a marmalade sky.
l don't do drugs, Mr. Popper.
Let me tell you something.
l could sell this place
to any number of sharp-tongued
snake-oil salesmen like yourself.
But l'm not selling to anyone
until l know what they're worth.
You mean my net worth?
lf that's how you interpret it,
that tells me something.
Well, l'm afraid your time is up,
Mr. Popper.
The Tavern is not presently for sale.
l should have gone with Strawberry FieIds.
(COOlNG)
(PHONE LlNE RlNGlNG)
(MAN ON PHONE
GREETlNG lN FORElGN LANGUAGE)
Oh, good.
You sent me a package.
Uh. My name is Popper.
(lN FORElGN ACCENT) Popper?
You Captain Popper baby?
"Captain?"
Uh. . .
Yes, l'm Captain Popper baby.
My father, who is apparently your captain,
-had you send me a penguin.
-(PENGUlN SQUAWKlNG)
You like penguin? ls good, yes?
No, is bad.
Your captain was crazy.
(CHUCKLES) So crazy. I Iove.
Yeah. Well, l'm glad you had someone.
But listen,
l have to send this penguin back.
(STATlC)
What? Hello?
Hello? l have to send the penguin back.
Send penguin?
Yes! Send penguin. Send penguin.
l told you five times,
l have to send the penguin.
Five times. Send penguin. Okay.
Great. And the crate is damaged.
Can you send me another crate
so l can ship this thing?
(LlNE DlSCONNECTS)
Hello?
(SlGHS)
(GROANS lN FRUSTRATlON)
What am l going to do with you, bird?
(GASPlNG)
You !
You are so done.
(SQUAWKlNG)
No. No.
(SCREAMlNG)
(PHONE LlNE RlNGlNG)
(MAN ON PHONE
GREETlNG lN FORElGN LANGUAGE)
-POPPER: Hello.
-Sorry, cannot take your phone call.
We will be closing one month
for ice festival!
(DOORBELL RlNGS)
Hey. Animal Control.
Got a call about a bird.
l am very happy to see you.
-Um. . .
-(PENGUlN SQUAWKS)
Oh. That's the little fella.
-What the. . .
-Go ahead. He's friendly.
l didn't know it was a penguin, okay?
l'm going to have to check the manual.
lt's not in the book.
Can't we just call it a pigeon?
Big, fat pigeon?
l can't touch it if it's not in the manual.
lt's a union violation.
Try Fish and Game.
No. You need Marine and Waterfowl.
Sorry, bud. Try NYC Sanitation.
Yeah. l only pick up the dead ones.
(COOS)
(COOlNG)
-(HONKlNG LOUDLY)
-(YELLlNG)
This way.
Okay, get. Go.
Skedaddle.
Waddle on down the road.
South Pole is that way.
Exit the building, take a right
and keep going.
Okay. Need a little help. l get it.
Watch this.
There you go!
Yes! Bye-bye, birdie.
Hey, Mr. P.
Yeah.
l got your penguin for you.
What? What are you talking about?
That's not my penguin.
Oh, really?
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Why would l have a penguin?
That could be anybody.
Oh, yeah.
Just give me the stupid thing.
So, the board must have given you
a free pass
on the whole "no pets" thing.
That is mighty nice of them.
How much till you don't see a penguin?
l can still see him.
lt's getting blurry.
lf l decided to squint,
it could look like a puppy.
How's that?
ls that you, Mr. P?
The light's going dim.
-Yeah, Pippi.
-PlPPl: Mr. Popper!
Yeah. l'm not coming
into work again today.
Oh. (SPEAKS FRENCH)
l have a pest problem.
What particular pest is the problem?
-lt's a penguin.
-A penguin?
Yeah. Starts with "P."
You ought to be able to handle it.
Hey there, Popper.
Kent.
ls that. . . ls that a pet l hear, Popper?
Pet? No. What? Of course not.
Okay. l mean, l can't say l blame you.
lf l had your 3,200 square feet,
l'd find someone to share it with, too.
lt's not a pet, Kent.
l left the television on. l'll take care of it.
-(CLATTERlNG)
-(FOOTSTEPS PATTERlNG)
(CRASHlNG)
Digital surround.
lt's like a real animal in there
busting stuff.
lt's amazing.
Bye, Kent.
NARRATOR ON TV: The goIden eagIe is
North America's largest bird of prey.
With a wingspan of 1 85
to 220 centimeters,
these extremely swift creatures
can dive upon their quarry
at speeds of more than 241 kilometers
per hour.
You like that, huh?
Too bad.
(PENGUlN HONKS)
l was listening to your commentary,
in The Economist,
reviewing these numbers,
and obviously the job number on Friday
wasn't a bad number.
We've got, what, three months now
averaging about 1 50,000 jobs...
That's not cute. You're not cute.
-l don't know what people see in you.
-(DOORBELL RlNGlNG)
Yes! Now you're talking.
Hey, Chilly Willy. Your ride is here.
(HONKS)
Someone is going on a little trip today.
No big deal, right?
All right, penguin.
No long goodbyes. Let's go.
Come here.
Gotcha. Game is over. You lose.
Let me just seal you in. No!
Where do you think you're going?
My kid's birthday is in 1 0 minutes. Okay?
That's right. l make the rules.
Because l have the brains.
(CLATTERlNG)
Wait. How did you. . .
(TOlLET FLUSHlNG)
What the. . .
(HONKlNG LOUDLY)
(HONKlNG)
Hey!
lt's an infestation.
How did you even get up there?
Your legs are, like, four inches long.
(DOORBELL RlNGS)
Obviously, a little miscommunication.
All right. Who is hungry?
Come on, you little snow rats.
(EXCLAlMS)
Ooh ! Hey! Gosh, thought you guys
would never get here.
That's great.
You ready for the big birthday
celebration fiesta?
Here we go.
But here's the thing,
l'm not quite ready yet.
So, can you just hang out for a bit
while l get Billy's gift all set?
Translation, "l forgot as usual,
"and l need to call Pippi
to go get something."
-Janie.
-Not true. Bad translation.
l got the gift,
and it's right in here.
(SQUAWKS)
Yeah ! A penguin !
No, Billy. l actually. . .
BlLLY: He's awesome!
(SlGHS) Oh ! Great.
Hold on.
You got him an actual live penguin?
-Uh. . .
-(SQUAWKlNG)
Six penguins?
Yes! Best birthday ever!
That's good counting, Billy.
Do they have names?
Yeah, course.
This one is Captain.
(HONKS)
Captain Popper.
(HONKlNG LOUDLY)
And that's Loudy.
Hey! Hey!
And that one's Bitey.
-(FARTlNG)
-(GROANS) Oh !
Stinky.
AMANDA: Aw! He loves me.
That's Lovey.
-(REPLlES lN FRENCH)
-Yeah.
(THUDDlNG)
And that's Nimrod.
Let's make a fort.
-Oh ! Fort! Cool.
-Go.
Billy, the cushions. . .
That's a great idea for fort building.
AMANDA: l've got to tell you,
you have officially raised the
birthday present bar to a whole new level.
-l know!
-How did you find them, anyway?
Some sort of, l don't know,
birthday-penguin rental company?
Um. . .
No. Actually, Thom Sr.
-Your dad?
-Yeah.
Wait. You saw him? How is he?
He passed away.
As in, he's dead?
Yeah. He broke on through
to the other side.
Oh, my God. l'm. . .
l'm so sorry.
-Are you okay?
-Yeah, l'm fine.
You're fine.
Fine. l'm good.
-(EXHALES)
-And he left me those.
Hey, where're you going? Come back here.
-Got you !
-Hey! (LAUGHS)
You look great.
-Thanks. l should get the cake in the. . .
-That's a nice cake.
-(CLATTERlNG)
-Oh !
What?
Oh, my God !
How cute.
lt looks like they're nesting.
Finally, you have something in your fridge.
(DOORBELL RlNGlNG)
-Yeah?
-Thomas Popper?
Uh-huh.
Nat Jones, New York Zoo.
Flightless Bird Division.
Your assistant called,
the one with the "P" problem.
l'm here for the penguin.
Wow.
She didn't tell me they were Gentoos.
How many do you have?
-Five?
-Six.
Six! Oh, God. Even better.
-What's going on?
-lt's nothing.
l'll take care of it.
Hey, save me a piece of that. Mmm !
l've got my team downstairs,
and a fully equipped retrieval van.
Yeah, that's great.
But listen, you can't actually take
the penguins right now.
-What are you talking about?
-Believe me, l'd love to give them to you.
But it's my kid's birthday,
and he's crazy about them.
You know kids.
l don't know kids. l know penguins.
They like ice, snow and fish.
Put them in a New York apartment,
they're gonna get beak rash
and wing mange
faster than you can
blow out your birthday candles.
-Wing mange?
-lt's not pretty.
Those animals belong in a zoo.
Hey, l get it.
l just have to take care of the politics.
Mr. Popper, don't postpone the inevitable.
Give me the birds.
Yeahbsolutely. They're yours.
Just not right now.
-l'll call you. Okay.
-Yeah. Soon.
Hey, it's me.
He's got six of them. And they're Gentoos.
Not yet, but l'll get them.
BlLLY: What was that?
What did that man mean,
"l'm here for the penguins"?
Oh, that guy?
He's here for their baths.
He's the bather. Trust me,
you're going to want them bathed.
l just told him to come back later,
because we're in the middle of a part-ay!
They're mine, right? l can keep them?
You kidding me?
What kind of question is that?
l don't know, Billy.
l'd make him promise if l were you.
Do you promise me, Popper?
Yes.
JANlE: Say the words.
You don't want to disappoint them.
When did l ever disappoint anybody?
-Father-son picnic.
-My birthday.
Our last anniversary.
l promise.
BlLLY: Can we come over again
tomorrow night?
-Really?
-Please?
Yeah. What about you, Janie? You, too?
Yeah, l guess it wouldn't be too bad.
What do you think, buzz kill?
A night to myself? l think l'll survive.
Thanks, Dad. l'll see you tomorrow.
-lt was a nice night.
-Yeah.
-My kids want to come over.
-Who gives a rat's butt?
Fair enough. Have a good one.
(PENGUlNS SQUAWKlNG)
People love the sounds of nature.
Helps them sleep. lt's beautiful. lt's natural.
(GRUNTS)
Excuse me. Excuse me! Hey!
(SQUAWKlNG STOPS)
Yeah. Good.
Now shut up and go to sleep.
Or l'll give you something to honk about.
(ALL SQUAWKlNG)
(BEEPlNG)
(SlGHS)
All right, back off.
Spread out. Seriously.
l'm used to living alone.
No! Expensive.
Oh ! Ah !
Hey, that's my remote, Pecky Peckerton.
(TV SWlTCHES ON)
(SOUNDTRACK MUSlC PLAYlNG ON TV)
Huh.
You like that, huh?
He's funny, right? Kind of like a penguin.
Good. That'll loop all day.
-l suppose it's a formal event.
-Precisely.
Popper, where have you been?
Hey, guys.
We talked to Van Gundy's people.
They say she turned you down flat.
Fellas, calm down. Life's too short,
especially for Franklin.
We thought we could trust you with this.
Hey, Taming of the Shrew
is not a one-act play.
You know that she's
the chair of several charitable foundations.
One of those foundations
is having a benefit
at the Guggenheim Saturday.
And Mr. Popper will be present.
POPPER: l figured it out.
She's looking for somebody
with integrity and character.
Somebody like Jimmy Stewart.
(lMlTATlNG JlMMY STEWART)
And, doggone it,
that's exactly what l'm going to be.
l'll use my own voice, though.
Although, that was uncanny.
Come on, give it to me.
We expect some results, Popper.
And until we get them, you can keep
your name off my marble slab.
A man your age shouldn't be
talking about marble slabs.
l got this.
Penguins, Pippi. Talk to me.
Per your predicament,
l printed a pertinent page from Wikipedia.
"Gentoo penguins
may periodically imprint
"on a particular person
as if they were a penguin.
"Once imprinted, they remain permanently
proximate to their parental proxy."
ls it actually written that way?
l'm paraphrasing.
They're imprinting, all right.
"Uncanny tracking ability.
Can locate each other at great distance."
-What about keeping them in line?
-Next paragraph.
"Are more docile
when kept at lower temperatures."
Hmm.
Cold enough for you?
Glad you're comfortable. Ow!
Hey! This is a finger, this is a fish.
Learn to tell the difference.
Hey, kids.
lt's nice, huh? A little fresh air.
lt's not bad if you keep moving.
Captain, Bitey, Stinky!
Penguins need it cold,
otherwise they get wing mange.
Dad, are you okay?
Yeah. Never better.
Let's take the penguins to the park.
Billy, no. What if they run off?
Ah.
You know, maybe they are
a little cooped-up in here.
Boy! Look at all this space.
Makes you want to spread out and explore.
Get lost for a while. (EXCLAlMS)
(PlGEON COOlNG)
Flight envy? Really?
(LAUGHS) That's hilarious.
l hate to break it to you, Captain,
but those are fins.
l think you might be more fish than fowl.
BlLLY: Hey, Dad, heads-up!
Oh ! l see how it's going to be.
All right. Let's see what you got, Billy.
Come on, Janie. Come on.
Let's get a game going.
Thanks, but no thanks.
-POPPER: Aw! Come on.
-BlLLY: Let's go.
Little Popper over to Big Popper.
Looking for the flick-on.
Pass it. Pass it.
Back to Little. . . Nimrod blocks it.
Over to Loudy, who dribbles it.
-(FARTS)
-Ah !
Flagrant flatulation.
Could be a yellow card.
Lovey controls, beaks it over to Billy,
who bends it like Bitey.
Uh-oh. Better pick it up. Come on, Janie.
What are you afraid of?
Can't beat an old man?
"O-M-G, l'm too A-D-D to play with D-A-D.
"Frowny face."
(SlGHS) Fine.
(CHUCKLES) All right!
You know,
l heard that girls are the weaker sex.
Didn't you hear that, Billy?
-Yeah.
-(GROANS)
BlLLY: Are you okay?
JANlE: Sorry, Dad.
lt really was an accident.
Yeah, l get it. You both have power shots.
Mr. Popper.
Hey, guess what? l got new contact lenses,
i.e. , l can see more now,
i.e. , l can still see your six illegal pets.
POPPER: Are we cool now, Hawkeye?
Let's go, kids.
(BlLLY AND JANlE LAUGHlNG)
Hey, everybody. l found him in the lobby.
Oh, oops.
l figured it was like
that time you lost Janie at Macy's.
You lost me?
You were never lost.
l simply failed to maintain visual contact.
lt was less than an hour.
(JANlE LAUGHS)
They are liking it here.
-Do you want to keep them overnight?
-Really?
-Yeah.
-Cool.
And Rick and l are celebrating.
-You got the grant.
-Yes.
Wow. l'm really happy for you.
-Thank you.
-(CHUCKLES)
You know, l was planning on having them
stay at Mom's when we're in Ghana.
You're actually going to Ghana, then.
Just for three weeks.
Maybe they could spend
a few nights with you.
Hey, kids. Do you want
to stay the night with your dad?
-Yeah.
-Sweet.
-Okay.
-All right.
-Good night.
-Good night, Mom.
Good night, Mommy.
Good night.
(HONKlNG)
You, too, Loudy.
-Bye.
-Bye.
You like Mom.
l do not.
l mean, l like her.
l don't know if she likes me.
Does she talk about me?
You're acting weird.
Look, this is my favorite part, right here.
(SNORlNG)
PlPPl ON PHONE: Mr. Popper, I purchased
the special champagne per your request.
Good. Everything needs to be clockwork
at the Guggenheim.
This could be our last chance
with Van Gundy.
And should l be procuring a babysitter?
Yeahbsolutely.
So we're talking standard hours.
A little light housekeeping.
And you might want to do that coat up,
you'll catch your death in there.
But as far as the. . .
When you're taking care of. . .
Just plunk them in front of the TV.
-Perfect.
-Yeah.
So, should we meet the kids?
Sure. Yeah. Come on over.
Here they are.
So you will be home by 1 0:00?
At the latest.
Just keep the Chaplin movies going,
they'll zone right out.
NANNY: Hello, Mr. Popper.
How are they doing?
You are worried like a new mother.
lt is adorable.
Yeah, l know. Okay, turning my phone off.
Okay. Good night.
(ALL SQUAWKlNG)
(SCREAMlNG)
l'm hearing shrieking, cackling
and trumpeting sounds
coming from that apartment.
Now, either Mr. Popper
is hanging out with my mother,
or l'm losing my mind.
No, you're definitely. . .
l am telling you
that man is up to something.
l hear the pitter-patter of floppy feet
coming from inside that apartment.
l feel like l can hear them now.
Sorry, Kent.
As far as l'm concerned,
Mr. Popper is an ideal tenant.
(SNlFFlNG)
Bubbly. Where is the target?
Up there,
proximate to the Pissarro painting.
You look pretty.
(HONKS)
-So, she never did see the flowers. . .
-Mrs. Van Gundy. . .
What a pleasant surprise.
Mr. Popper. l wish l could say the same.
You're dry. l like that. Oh, please.
Mrs. Van Gundy only drinks Krug.
-(POPPlNG)
-Oh, yeah !
(YAWNlNG)
May l?
1 992? lt's a ghastly vintage.
l'll take the free stuff.
-TERRENCE: Selma!
-Oh, Terrence.
TERRENCE: Congratulations, Selma.
Everything is impeccable.
MRS. VAN GUNDY: Oh, thank you.
(MOCKlNGLY) "1 992. Ghastly vintage."
"l'll take the free stuff."
"Terrence!"
Stay in the game.
(SNlFFlNG)
(HONKS)
POPPER: Mmm. l bet there's a giant
sentence somewhere,
looking for an ending.
Mr. Popper, if you're trying to convince me
to sell you the Tavern,
l'm afraid you're wasting your time.
Let's not talk about the Tavern,
because that's not why l'm here.
Mrs. Van Gundy,
you want to know what l'm worth.
l get that.
Mr. Popper, this is the
premier cultural event of the season.
l've organized this evening very precisely
and l can't have anything disrupting it,
especially you.
Now, one might think
you would have realized that by now.
-(PENGUlN SQUAWKS)
-Oh !
Wow! What a beautiful piece of music
they're playing down there.
May l have this dance, down there?
You're tenacious, Popper. l'll give you that.
l hope you can keep up with me.
Yeah, well, let's hurry. We're missing it.
-Here you go.
-Thank you.
-WOMAN: Are those penguins?
-MAN: Hmm. Must be part of the exhibit.
(HONKlNG)
(MAN EXCLAlMS)
(GUESTS SCREAMlNG)
(SCREAMS)
What is that noise?
-Popper!
-lt's nothing. Stay focused.
(GASPS)
(HONKlNG)
-Get it off me!
-(FARTS)
Who is responsible for this?
My money is on her.
ls this some kind
of environmentalist protest?
This is disgraceful ! Don't lie to me.
Huh?
(ALL SQUAWKlNG)
Ah.
POPPER: l don't like you, l don't need you,
l don't want you in my life!
Come on.
This guy is a complete amateur.
l just got to pick my moment,
then make my move.
POPPER: Pippi,
the Guggenheim was a fiasco.
Get me another meeting with Van Gundy.
Pronto.
l was going to say that.
Hey, Dad, come play hide and seek.
Captain's "it."
l'm still not speaking to them.
What? What happened?
Nothing. l'm fine. Billy, it's time to go.
-Janie, what happened?
-l said l'm fine.
Hey, l know l kind of blew it before,
but l'm actually pretty good
at giving advice.
Mom is here. We've got to go.
Janie, come on. l want to help.
Really? Fine. Here it is.
Madison broke up with Cooper Keegan
to go out with Brandon Yee.
-Brandy.
-So Cooper texted Brittany to see
if l was going to the Snowball Dance.
And she is all, "No, she's not going,"
so now l look all desperate and dumb.
So, great, right?
Cooper is gonna ask me
to the Snowball Dance, but he never calls.
And now Brittany's telling everybody that
Madison kissed him in the third period.
But then l hear that Brittany likes him, too,
so l don't know what to think!
So there it is. What do you got, Dad?
Well, who is Brittany again?
(GROANS lN FRUSTRATlON)
Brittany is Madison's BFF.
Madison's Big Fat Friend. Got it.
Janie! Hold on, hold on. Janie.
Look, sweetheart.
Maybe this just wasn't meant to be.
Don't waste your tears.
There's going to be a lot of other guys.
l mean, you're going to go through this
over and over.
By the time you're my age,
you're not even going to remember
Keaven Coover.
Coover Keeven?
Kee. . . Coover. . .
Keiver Coover?
So just forget about it and move on?
Exactly.
Great, thanks. l feel much better.
(CLEARS THROAT)
lt's good advice.
You know what,
maybe she doesn't want advice.
Maybe she just wants you
to be her dad and listen.
But what if my advice is amazing?
Good night, Popper.
lt's a shame to waste it.
Madison kissed Keeper Coogan.
No, Cooper. Cooper!
-(HONKlNG)
-Kissed Cooper. . .
What? l can't get 30 seconds
of privacy around here?
What do you want? Fish? Chaplin?
l'm not supposed to guess,
l'm just supposed to listen.
All right, l'm listening.
Come on, smart guy, what is it?
What do you wonk?
(HONKlNG lNSlSTENTLY)
(COOlNG)
Not fair.
Come on.
Oh !
Did l do that? Hey!
-(DEFECATlNG)
-Hey!
(LAUGHlNG)
ls that what you were trying to tell me?
Hey, anybody else want to try? Come on.
(ALL HONKlNG)
You look full. Open the bomb bay doors!
Whoa!
That is some good. . .
(HONKlNG LOUDLY)
Stay! Stay!
Or come.
(CHlLDREN EXCLAlMlNG EXClTEDLY)
Dear Lord, thank you for
the food we are about to eat.
Please use your mighty power
to stop the melting of the polar ice caps.
Amen.
Could you pass the salt? l'll get it.
Hey, kids. Check this out.
Everybody ready?
And, shuffle, ball, step. Shuffle, ball, lunge.
Step, ball, change. Step, ball, change.
Step, ball, change.
Word !
And the Tony goes to Mamma Mia!
because somebody didn't show up
for rehearsals.
Not mentioning names.
(SOFTLY) Nimrod.
That's awesome.
-Pretty cool, huh?
-Yeah.
BlLLY: Good job, you guys.
Whatever it is, l'm here for you, sweetie.
Relax, it's no big deal.
But Cooper Keegan just asked me
to the Snowball Dance.
Cooper Keegan !
Oh, my gosh. l need a dress.
OMG. LGB1 .
-What?
-Oh, my God. Let's go buy one.
You mean you?
Yeahbsolutely.
Okay.
(SNORlNG)
JANlE: Dad, l look terrible in all of these.
Well, l would love to see one of them.
l tell you what,
whatever you've got on right now,
just bring it on out to the viewing area
so we can view it.
JANlE: Fine.
Wow. You actually look beautiful.
Yeah, right.
Dad?
You're an angel.
Shut up.
l made that.
What?
l'll tell you about it later.
-Hi, birds.
-Hi, birds.
Let me get you a snack.
JANlE: OMG.
Dad !
No.
(CHUCKLlNG) No!
Lovey.
(COOS)
Eggs?
So, baby penguins?
Baby penguins!
Or a three-penguin omelet.
-BlLLY: Dad !
-POPPER: Mmm !
-Amanda.
-Hello?
You got to come over.
(DOORBELL RlNGlNG)
-Hey.
-Oh. You brought Rick.
Yeah, we were on a date. Be nice.
Hey. Wow. Greetings, little friend.
Hey. What's your name?
Ow!
Rick, Bitey. Bitey, Rick.
Hey.
-Who's this fella?
-(FARTS)
Stinky.
-That's his way of saying "Greetings."
-Yeah.
(HONKlNG LOUDLY)
Hey, you know what?
l'll meet you in the car.
Come on, you got to see this. Come on.
What. . . What am l looking at? What. . .
Just a miracle, that's all.
-AMANDA: Hold on, is that. . .
-POPPER: Eggs. Three of them.
-Wow.
-Yeah.
Amazing.
Hey, look who is a new dad again. Huh?
lt's really kind of cool.
They use those stones to make their nest.
Really?
Nimrod hasn't quite figured it out yet.
Yeah, but look. He's so attentive.
They have to separate
for long periods of time
just to find fish.
Hmm.
lt must be kind of hard on them. Huh?
They always get back together, though.
That's nice.
lt's natural.
Mom, Dad wants to know
if you'll have dinner with him.
-What?
-Billy, l don't know if that's. . .
Mom, just do it.
What do you think of this shirt?
-Does it make me look pale?
-(SQUAWKlNG)
l know they are. lt's a little cold in here.
(HONKS)
How dare you?
Oh.
Nice. You were going to let me
go out like that. Some friend you are.
l got a reservation at Jean-Georges,
which is almost impossible
unless you're dating The Donald.
Which l am not willing to do.
Are you guys going to be okay?
Not that l don't trust you.
l just worry, that's all.
(CELL PHONE RlNGlNG)
Pipperoni.
PIPPI: Mr. Popper, Van Gundy phoned
requesting your presence
at the property in the park.
-Now?
-Please be punctual.
Okay, tell her l'll be there.
-l guess l'll kill two birds with one stone.
-(HONKS)
lt's a metaphor.
Uh. . .
Yeah, we'd prefer to sit over here. Yeah.
Thank you.
Oh, thanks.
Are you looking for someone?
No. Just taking in
the ambience of the room.
lt hasn't changed in 30 years.
lt's got sort of a decaying charm.
-Okay, what is it with that table?
-What?
You look like you've seen a ghost.
No, l'm fine.
Thom, it's me.
My dad used to bring me here
whenever he was home.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
That was our table.
He used to give me these souvenirs
he'd bring
from his incredible adventures on the road.
lt was about the only time
l ever got to see him.
Thanks, Dad.
lt's actually a good memory.
Sometimes they're the worst.
We were married for 1 5 years,
and you have never told me that.
Hmm.
You are a complicated man, Mr. Popper.
(LAUGHlNG)
l don't know.
l think this old place has still got it.
Where are we going?
That's for me to know
and you to find adorable.
Oh, really?
Yes.
(AMANDA LAUGHlNG)
POPPER: Right, left. Right, left. Right.
Well, we're out of the medals.
But we had a good time.
Nice trick.
l can't believe we're doing this.
l brought a girl here once, a long time ago.
lt was closed,
so we broke in and stole skates.
She sounds amazing.
l thought so.
Then she got on the ice,
and she was kind of a clutz.
l think she was just trying to impress you.
You remember the boathouse?
Oh, the boathouse.
-Yeah, it was surprisingly warm in there.
-Yes, it was.
-Yeah.
-Yep.
-Mmm-hmm.
-Mmm-hmm.
(BOTH EXCLAlMlNG)
(LAUGHlNG)
l don't know what happened there.
l think we just hit a rough patch.
l'll race you.
That's good, you got it.
Want some more? Want some more?
-You let him in?
-He had a badge.
-A badge from the zoo.
-JONES: Look at this.
Hey! Step away from the penguins.
These birds have eggs, Mr. Popper.
They need a full veterinary workup.
Yeah? Well, if l get worked up,
you're going to need a workup of your face.
Really?
You've got some interesting ideas
about animal care, Mr. Popper.
You stick them in front of the TV?
Yeah. Chaplin. A classic.
You've got one nesting
in the produce bin of your refrigerator.
(SCOFFS)
Just shows what you know.
That's a cheese drawer.
Fish fillet sandwich with tartar sauce?
ls this your idea of a healthy animal diet?
Ooh ! Evidence! Call CSI.
You planted this.
You have no idea
what you're doing with these birds.
Like you're some kind of penguin expert.
l am a penguin expert.
Yeah, but. . . Yeah, okay.
lt's time for me to take these birds
and put them in a proper home.
You aren't giving them what they need.
l am giving them exactly what they need.
What? What are you giving them?
l am giving them love.
Love?
Well, it sounds weird
when you make me say it.
These aren't children, Mr. Popper.
They're animals.
They need food. They need snow.
And every once in a while,
one of them needs to be eaten by a whale.
-(HONKS)
-Hey!
You want to know who they love?
l'll tell you who they love.
Whoever is holding the fish.
Traitors.
Wake up, Popper.
These penguins can only survive
in the zoo or Antarctica.
So, sooner or later,
l will take these penguins.
POPPER: Omega-3s, Pip.
Penguins are way ahead of us on this.
Mr. Popper, l'm perplexed.
How does this pertain
to the Van Gundy problem?
Van Gundy? Lots of that. Lots of that.
Please tell me you have a plan.
l always have a plan, Pippi.
They're fresh.
Oh, really? Why do l smell bleach?
Mr. Popper,
we're being pressed for progress.
Perhaps l could pamper the penguins
for you.
You need to procure your promotion.
No, Pippi.
What we need is squid, and plenty of them.
The weather outside is frightful
The fire is so delightful
Since there's no place to go
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!
Oh ! Good morning, kids.
Babies on the way.
Got to get ready.
Young Gentoos need an ice shelf
at 28 degrees. A little powder on top.
That's right. l'm kind of a penguin expert.
Oh !
Hey, not in the house, young lady.
Besides, when you pack this stuff down,
you could really hurt somebody.
JANlE: Come on, let's get him, Billy!
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
(EXCLAlMS)
You're begging for it.
Here, hold on.
Look how much can go in this hat!
Look how much can go in this hat!
Ah !
Uh-oh !
Grab a pen, Popper.
l'm going to hook you up with the number
of a very good moving company.
Ow!
-Hey.
-POPPER: Wow.
l think l hear your mama calling.
(GURGLlNG) Kent! Kent!
You're only delaying the inevitable, Popper.
l'll be telling the board about this.
(FARTlNG)
POPPER: Kids, wake up.
You don't want to miss this.
JANlE: What are we doing?
Shh !
JANlE: Wow. Cool.
POPPER: Here it comes.
-BlLLY: lt's coming.
-POPPER: Look at that.
(CHlRPlNG)
-JANlE: Dad, look.
-Yeah.
-BlLLY: Holy cow, another one.
-POPPER: Look, look, look.
lt's another one.
POPPER: Reminds me of you guys.
Rangers on a breakaway!
They're out in the open ice.
Crosby! There's nothing but daylight!
-No way.
-Can Crosby back-check? Back-check!
-Oh ! Sorry.
-Hey, Dad.
-l got your number, okay?
-JANlE: Ooh ! l'm so scared.
POPPER: Mom.
The place is coming together, huh?
Or apart.
Captain's still waiting to be a dad, huh?
Mom. Yeah, that's right.
A woman can be a captain.
We don't tolerate gender bias in this house.
-Really?
-Cross-checking is okay, though.
(GROANlNG DRAMATlCALLY)
-Five minutes for fighting.
-Oh, man.
You promise to call me when it hatches.
Promise. Any day now.
Don't worry, Captain.
The little fella is just taking his time.
And l bet he'll be a great flyer.
You're falling asleep.
No, l'm not.
Hmm. lt must be me.
You really should go to bed.
Uh-uh.
l'm not leaving him. He's a Popper.
(AMANDA CHUCKLES)
Good night.
(DOORBELL RlNGlNG)
Oh ! Hey, guys.
We've left seven messages.
You look terrible, Popper.
We haven't heard anything
about the Tavern.
-What have you been doing?
-Uh. Well. . . Um. . .
l'm sure Pippi told you,
l've been kind of fighting a cold.
Pneumonia.
(COUGHS)
Move!
What the. . .
POPPER: lf l'd have known you guys were
coming, l'd have cleaned this place up,
fired up the old Zamboni. (CHUCKLES)
The maid comes on Wednesdays.
He's gone insane.
FRANKLlN: l've seen this before.
This is exactly what happened
with Howard Hughes.
Because you're old.
YATES: Popper.
The Tavern?
Oh ! The Tavern.
The Tavern is an interesting project.
l have lots of ideas about the Tavern.
For God's sakes, man !
Pull yourself together.
Your house is full of penguins.
l know. l know.
l know how it looks.
But it's just one more egg.
And as soon as it hatches, l'm there.
Franklin, how long have l worked for you?
You know how many soccer games
l've skipped?
And dance recitals?
What are we doing this for, anyway?
There are just some things
you can't afford to miss.
lt's too late, we've lost him.
Popper, you're fired.
Okay.
Best of luck
in your future endeavors, Popper.
Appreciate it.
POPPER: (SHlVERlNG)
Hatch, hatch, hatch, hatch !
Hatch, hatch, hatch !
Hatch, hatch, hatch !
Okay, it's going to happen.
l feel it. lt's happening.
lt's happening right now.
lt's happening right now.
l'm going to give it the touch.
Total belief. Total faith.
Come on.
(GROANS)
Wow.
Mmm.
l tried to warn you, Mr. Popper.
You're just not equipped for this.
Maybe you should let me
take care of them for a while.
What if the Statue of Liberty
had a friend?
POPPER: Okay, people!
No more loafing around.
What's the matter, folks?
You've never seen a zombie before?
That's right, it's the Dawn of the Dead.
l'm eating brains and taking names.
Marshall, get Zoning on the phone,
l want to know
how soon we can break ground.
Remind them of our donation
to the Mayor's re-election fund.
Boy, l never get tired
of looking at New York from here.
l love what you've done with the place.
Popper, what are you doing here?
l'm on a mission of mercy, Franklin.
l decided to take you back.
You're taking us back? We fired you.
All is forgiven then, don't worry about it.
Let me bring you up to speed.
l've been playing hardball with Van Gundy.
l told her kids
we were offering $1 00 million.
l suggested they make her life difficult
until she accepts,
so they've all moved back home.
Mrs. Van Gundy has planned
a press conference for tomorrow.
She wants us all present.
lf you'll excuse us,
we have to unpack.
Popper's back!
POPPER: Oh, hey, guys!
-Hey, Dad.
-Hi.
Hey, how are you feeling?
Yeah, Dad, are you okay?
Yeah, l'm fine.
Before you go in there,
l think l should tell you,
there has been a couple of changes.
BlLLY: Where are they?
They're okay, they're fine.
They're at the zoo.
And you know what?
lt's really the best place for them.
They're probably in an icy pool right now.
All the fish they can eat.
Full-time penguin masseuse.
The whole thing's being narrated
by Morgan Freeman.
You sent them away to some cage?
Billy, they're birds.
They don't feel things the way we do.
-Thom, l don't think. . .
-Don't bother, Mom.
Come on, guys.
We had fun,
but it's time to get back to reality.
We got soccer.
We got the Snowball Dance.
l'm not going
to the stupid Snowball Dance.
Cooper Keegan asked somebody else.
Janie,
sometimes boys are gonna disappoint you.
l'm not disappointed in him.
BlLLY: Janie!
What was l supposed to do?
How about feel something?
Oh !
Please.
l feel great.
l saw you with that egg. l saw you !
That wasn't me.
That was a dream
where people live with penguins.
And their kids love them.
And all the eggs hatch.
So wake up!
Wow.
l think l just did.
And Rick wanted to extend the Ghana trip,
turn it into a vacation.
Are you okay with that, Popper?
Yeahbsolutely.
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
POPPER: Pipsi-CoIa.
Mr. Popper, we're pulling up presently.
(SlGHS) Okay.
Come on.
POPPER SR. : My dearest Tommy,
in all my travels
I've never encountered
a creature quite so wise as this.
You see, once it loves you,
it never leaves your side.
l'm sorry, Son, that it took me so long
to Iearn that Iesson.
But l hope there's still time for you.
Give your little ones a hug from Grandpa.
And hold them as close as you can
for as long as you can.
Bald Eagle, over and out.
All right, everybody in. Let's go.
We don't want to go
to your stupid press conference.
-We're not going to the press conference.
-Pardon?
-Driver, take us to the zoo.
-JANlE: What?
We're getting our penguins back.
-Yes!
-Yes!
Mr. Popper,
late as usual.
Call him.
Who?
Cooper-freaking-Keegan.
But, Dad. . .
Sweetie, you've got to put
your heart out there.
And it might get broken,
but that's how you know you have one.
Call him.
Dad, l don't even really like him anymore.
l just got the name down.
But thanks.
-Call her.
-Who?
Mom-freaking-Mom.
l don't really like her anymore.
l'm kidding. Give me that.
-(EXHALES)
-(PHONE RlNGlNG)
(CELL PHONE RlNGlNG)
(CLEARS THROAT) Hold on. Sorry.
Hey, Janie. What's up?
Amanda, hi. Look,
l know this is a total Hail Mary,
but please don't go to Ghana.
Thom, are you kidding me right now?
lf you go there with him,
then it becomes a relationship, and. . .
l'm not asking for you
to just jump right back in with me.
l just want one more date.
Just stay
and go on one more date with me.
Please.
Long pauses are good, right?
lt means she's thinking.
Where are you going to take me
this time, Popper?
Another landmark
you're planning to tear down?
No.
The kids and l are going
to visit some old friends.
Two children, one adult.
Make that two adults.
Mom ! Yes!
Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
lt's just a second date.
And it better be a good one.
POPPER: Yeahbsolutely.
Okay, here we go.
Okay, guys, we're here to get you
out.
JANlE: They're not here.
These aren't our guys.
No, they're not.
-Where are my penguins?
-l'm going to call you back.
Mr. Popper, they're not your penguins.
Don't give us the runaround, slick.
Why aren't they out there?
Because we already have penguins.
What we don't have is an emu.
Or a Komodo dragon.
Or a Bengal tiger.
-What are you talking about?
-Trading, Mr. Popper.
Zoos do it all the time.
Same as sports teams.
How do you think the Yankees won
27 championships?
lt sure wasn't their farm system.
Where are you sending them?
Three to Washington, three to Tokyo.
And the two chicks are going to Dubai.
But you can't split them up.
They're a family.
God's sake! They're just birds.
Just birds?
And what about the American eagle?
-ls that just a bird?
-Yes.
Okay, what about. . .
Big Bird is a Muppet.
Look, can they just see them?
My family is torn up about it.
My kids are distraught. Right, Billy?
Please, sir, can we just say goodbye?
-No.
-POPPER: Children,
this is what a liar looks like.
Take a mental picture.
Look, Popper, l couldn't even if l wanted to.
They're already gone.
(HONKlNG)
-Loudy!
-Loudy!
You are a liar.
Popper! Popper!
-There you are!
-Guys!
Get back in there. Ow!
Bitey! Good job.
Mr. Popper,
those penguins are going back in the tank.
No, they're not.
What do we have here?
Anybody want some fish?
That's right. Come on in.
Come on, come on, come on. Hey!
-Not this time.
-(BANGlNG ON DOOR)
Do you have some kind of a plan?
l'm sorry, have we met?
Come on.
-(BANGlNG ON DOOR)
-Let me out!
-What took you so long?
-MAN: Sorry, sir.
Sir, what do the suspects look like?
Hmm, uh, let me think.
They're the ones with the eight penguins.
Now seal all the exits!
AMANDA: You guys have the babies, right?
JANlE: Yeah, Mom, we got them.
Excuse us!
Avian infectious disease containment!
-AMANDA: Antarctic bird flu !
-Very bad !
-Diarrhea! Vomiting !
-Vomiting ! Diarrhea!
You might want to hold your breath.
Thank you for your co-operation.
This way.
-Oh, no!
-Or that way.
BlLLY: Come on, guys.
Follow me. Follow me.
Okay, try to act normal.
-(SQUAWKlNG)
-Go! Go!
l'll get him on this side. This way!
Get him ! Don't let him in the elevator.
He's heading to the roof.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Sorry, ma'am, you can't take this exit.
No, not this way.
lt's the north side exit,
you can't go this way.
Thank you. Sorry for the inconvenience.
(YELPS)
Hey, miss? Miss!
All right.
Nice and neat formation.
Okay, stay in formation.
Remain calm.
-What happened?
-l was pricked by a porcupine.
-Where were you pricked?
-ln my posterior!
l don't know where that is.
There's the limo. Just stay in formation.
JONES: l'm at the rear door, he's not there!
-Hey!
-Break formation !
-JONES: Popper!
-POPPER: Break formation !
Halt!
Ha-ha! You lose, slave trader!
l don't think so, Popper.
Aren't you forgetting something?
No, l don't think l'm forgetting something.
Thom, we forgot to do a head count.
Okay, one thing l forgot.
GUARD ON RADlO: We got him on the roof!
Captain !
(HONKS)
Captain ! No!
(YELLS)
She's doing it.
Captain is flying !
(EXCLAlMlNG)
Whoa!
Can you believe that?
Hey! (LAUGHS)
Why are you hitting yourself? Huh?
Why are you hitting yourself?
That's not attractive for a zoo official. Huh?
l'll tell you what.
Now you're trapped like an animal.
lt's ironic.
Hey! Don't. . .
Come back here!
Did you see that?
-Pretty good date so far.
-We're just getting started.
Driver, Tavern on the Green.
Hold on, boss. Hold on, l got it.
Hey, hey! Stop!
MRS. VAN GUNDY: There have been
a lot of rumors floating around lately,
and l'm here to clear them up.
l have always said
that l would only sell the Tavern
if l found the right person.
And that's why l'm here to announce...
(SLOWLY) Wait!
Don't
do
it!
Did you like that? The slow motion effect.
l just wanted to get your attention.
Mrs. Van Gundy, you can't sell this place.
-l know.
-lf you sell it to me, l'll just tear it down.
And then Freddy and Tito and Klaus,
and the guy that looks like Chef Boyardee
will be out on the street.
-l know.
-This place is a part of New York history.
lt's a part of my history.
l came here with my father.
The other day l had the best
second first date a man could ever have.
And l would rather cut my hands off
and stick knives in my eyes than. . .
Wait, l'd have to do the eyes first
and then the hands,
and l'd have to have somebody
help me cut the right hand off
-because the left hand would be gone.
-Mr. Popper, stop talking.
-Okay.
-l'm not selling.
You're not?
Mmm-mmm.
Glad we got dressed up.
There he is.
Excuse me, folks.
Nat Jones, New York Zoo.
This man has been trafficking
in stolen penguins.
(SCOFFlNG) What are you even talking
about from left field?
Penguins?
lt's absurd.
No, no, no! Penguins, please!
Hi, Pip.
l thought you were going to stay in the car.
They pecked the power locks.
He has been keeping
these defenseless creatures
locked away in his apartment.
When l tried to save them,
he broke into the zoo and kidnapped them.
l've seen these penguins before.
ls it true, Mr. Popper?
Yes, l'm afraid so.
Why did you do it?
Knowing you,
it must be for some sort of personal gain.
Yes, the kind no amount of money can buy.
For Pete's sake.
Mr. Popper and his equally crazy family
believe that these penguins love him.
They are wrong.
lf they have to choose between love
and a nice juicy sardine,
they will choose the fish every time.
-l don't think so.
-Let's find out.
He's got a fish.
l got this.
Come on, guys.
Come on.
JONES: Come on. Yeah.
That's right.
Captain, come on.
Come to Popper.
(HONKlNG)
Hey! That's my guys.
(CROWD APPLAUDlNG)
No! That doesn't prove anything.
Come on, aren't you going to arrest him?
For what? Winning?
ls that what we do in this country?
ls that what America is all about?
l don't think so! l don't think so!
America!
Have you people lost your mind?
He's breaking the law.
Come on, guy, have a heart.
Have a heart?
l'm going to call the Chief of Police.
l'm going to call the Mayor.
MRS. VAN GUNDY: Oh, allow me.
Michael.
-What?
-How are you, dear?
l've got a small matter
-that needs your attention.
-Come on.
That's not good.
The penguins will be provided for.
Mr. Popper always has a plan.
-This is insane!
-Quiet, you. Quit your quarrelling.
-Pippi.
-Quint.
Pleasure.
Quite.
Well, l guess we have custody.
l guess we do.
MRS. VAN GUNDY: Mr. Popper.
Mrs. Van Gundy.
Congratulations. The Tavern is yours.
l told you.
l never forget a name.
l just needed to be sure
that that little boy
hadn't gotten lost somewhere.
Nice work, Popper.
Hey, Franklin.
When do we break ground
on the new building?
We're not.
Hmm?
What are you talking about?
-lt's really beautiful, Thom.
-Thank you.
You did a great job, Dad.
l appreciate that, Billy.
But it wasn't just me.
l'm just the mastermind.
So, l brought you here today
because l want to tell you something.
l'm going on a trip, very far away.
And l could be gone for a very long time.
So, l'm going to need you
to come with me.
BOTH: Nice!
Where are we going?
l hope it's someplace warm.
lt's not, is it?
(WlND GUSHlNG)
(HONKlNG)
Warm enough?
Perfect.
(ALL SQUAWKlNG)
Whoa!
Hey!
Will you look at that?
AMANDA: lt's a family reunion.
BlLLY: Hey, look, it's the Loveys.
And the Loudys.
POPPER: And the Nimrods.
Hey, Dad. l don't think Captain likes it here.
lt's okay, girl.
You just got to get used to it, that's all.
Oh, my. (CHUCKLES)
l think she's going to be just fine.
What should we name him?
Well, he's going to be an amazing flyer.
So, how about
Bald Eagle?
Hey! He's a good reason to come back.
Yeah !
You hear that, Captain?
We're coming back.
Thank you, Captain.
You're the coolest gift l ever got.
(COOlNG)
See you soon.
BlLLY: Way to go, Captain.
You're going to be a great mom.
Not bad, Popper. Not bad.
Yeahbsolutely.
Hmm.
(ICE ICE BABY PLAYlNG)
Yo, VIP, let's kick it
All right, stop, collaborate, and listen
lce is back with my brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Flow like a harpoon, daily and nightly
Will it ever stop? Yo, l don't know
Turn off the lights and l'll glow
To the extreme I rock a mic Iike a vandaI
Light up a stage
and wax a chump like a candle
Dance, go rush the speaker that booms
l'm killing your brain
like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly when l play a dope melody
Anything less than the best is a felony
Love it or leave it, you better gang way
You better hit bull's eye, the kid don't play
lf there was a problem, yo, l'll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it
lce, lce, baby
Vanilla lce, lce, baby
VaniIIa
Now that the party is jumping
With the bass kicked in
and the Vega's are pumpin'
Quick to the point, to the point, no faking
Cooking MC's like a pound of bacon
Burning 'em, if you ain't quick and nimble
l go crazy when l hear a cymbal
And a high hat with a souped up tempo
l'm on a roll, it's time to go solo
lce, lce, baby
Vanilla lce, lce, baby
VaniIIa
Take heed 'cause l'm a lyrical poet
Miami's on the scene
just in case you didn't know it
My town that created all the bass sound
Enough to shake
and kick holes in the ground
'Cause my style's like a chemical spill
Feasible rhymes you can vision and feel
Conducted and formed,
this is a hell of a concept
We make it hype and you want to step
With this, Shay plays on the fade
Slice like a ninja, cut like a razor blade
So fast other DJ's say, "Damn!"
lf my rhyme was a drug
l'd sell it by the gram
Keep my composure
when it's time to get loose
Magnetized by the mic while l kick my juice
lf there was a problem, yo, l'll solve it
Check out the hook
while D-Shay revolves it
lce, lce, baby
Vanilla lce, lce, baby
Yo, man, let's get out of here
English - US - SDH