Parent Trap 2 (1986) Movie Script
1
("Let's Keep What We've Got"
by Marilyn McCoo)
Let's keep what we've got
Let's not let it go
Let's hold what we have
What we have
is so very wonderful
It's like nothing else around
Think of what we've found
and let's not lose it
It's so beautiful
It's like sailboats
in the sun
Think of all the fun
And let's not lose it
Here we are
Looking at today
Feeling good inside
And as we face
the future years
Let's hope someday
We'll look back and say
All the dreams we dreamed
Were not denied
It's so wonderful
It's like nothing else around
Think of what we've found
and let's not lose it
It's so beautiful
It's like music in the air
Think of all we share
And let's not lose it
It's so wonderful
It's like nothing else around
Think of what we've found
And let's not lose it
(girl) Mom!
Nikki.
What on earth is wrong?
Mom, we can't move
to New York. We can't.
There was a thing on the news just
now about a woman in Manhattan
who got attacked
by a guy in a nun's suit!
Habit, Nikki.
I don't care why he did it.
Don't you just think that's the
creepiest thing in the whole world?
I mean a nun's suit
is called a habit, Nikki.
What are you doing
still in your nightdress?
You've got to be in school in ten minutes.
Now, will you please get it off?
Nikki, we can't let things
like this bother us.
Crime is a terrible problem
in every city these days.
Yeah, but the newsman
also said something
about another plane crash
up north.
It's obviously not safe for us to fly there,
so why don't we just stay put in Tampa?
We're driving to New York, Nicole.
That's even worse!
Don't you know more people die in car
wrecks than in plane crashes anyway?
I'm telling you, Mom,
this move is jinxed.
Come on, Nikki.
Now, just get on, please.
In fact, I'm not even sure
the streets are safe enough
for me to walk to summer school today.
Maybe I just better stay home.
Look, just do your shoes up
and stop talking so much.
But if I'm not going to New York,
then I don't need to get my grades up
to get into some stupid, snobby,
New York all-girls school.
So why waste my whole summer
in some dumb English class?
(sighs)
Here.
Oh, no.
I think I'm getting sick.
Well, is it any wonder?
You're working yourself up
into quite a state.
Oh, Nikki, darling.
I know this move
is a bit scary for you.
It's a bit scary for me too.
But I promise you it's for
the best for both of us.
Hm?
You'll see.
I doubt it.
(bell rings)
Hi, I'm Mary Grand.
I think I used to see you a lot
in the cafeteria last year.
Yeah. I'm Nikki Ferris.
Weren't you a Pop Warner
cheerleader?
Uh-huh. It was so neat.
One time we even got to go to
Tallahassee for the championships.
With all those cute
football players?
That's so cool.
You should be one for this season.
The tryout's at the end of August.
I'll be gone by then.
Where will you be?
Dead, probably. We're moving
to New York. Isn't that gross?
How come?
My mom got a job promotion.
Plus she thinks it'll be good for
me to live in more than one place.
What does your dad say?
Nothing. They're divorced.
That's how come she wants to
get out of here so bad,
so she doesn't have to worry about
seeing him out with his new wife.
My mom's dead. You don't have to
feel sorry for me or anything.
It happened when I was seven.
But there's some advantages
to it, I guess.
My dad basically lets me
do whatever I want.
So how come you're
in summer school?
I did what I wanted so much,
I flunked English.
What about you?
I've got to get my grades up
so I can get into this stupid,
snobby, New York all-girls school.
I'm not here
because I have to be.
I'm doing it
so I can accelerate.
So? Who asked you?
I'll probably skip sixth grade.
Does that make you
neat or something?
If you talk mean to me
I'll tell the teacher.
Go ahead.
See if we care.
(woman) All right, people.
Settle down.
I am Mrs. Blazey.
And like my name,
I start off in a blaze.
No monkey doodling around.
And the first order of business is
to get you seated alphabetically.
It makes it much easier for an
old lady to learn your names.
Alison Casey.
Susan Cooper.
Jessica Dintruff.
Ee-ew.
Isn't she gross?
She's sickening.
(Mrs. Blazey) Nikki Ferris.
Mary Grand.
Kevin Gray.
You're an F and I'm a G.
Isn't it perfect?
(Mrs. Blazey) Jonathan Maxwell.
(Mary) A book a week!
What is she? Crazy?
(Nikki) We'd have to be
reading every second.
(Mary) Like we don't have
anything better to do.
Wait a second.
I've got an idea.
Why don't we each read
half a book?
You can read the first part
and I'll read the second.
And then we can get together and
tell each other what happens.
That's perfect!
So it's a deal?
Deal.
Well, do you want to tell me
how school went today?
It was OK, I guess.
I met this really great girl
named Mary Grand.
We're gonna help each other
with the reading.
Is it OK if I invite her to
dinner one of these nights?
'Course. As long as she
clears it with her folks first.
She doesn't have any folks.
Just a dad and a housekeeper.
Her mom died when she was seven.
Oh. That's sad.
She's OK about it, though.
She says her dad lets her
get away with murder.
Isn't that so lucky?
Well, I don't know.
Doesn't make me feel too secure, hearing
you so envious of a motherless child.
Oh, come on, Mom.
That's not what I meant.
I love you like crazy.
It's just that...
Here's the spinach, Nicole.
All right, students.
By today I expect you all to have
read part one of Treasure Island.
Who would like to give us
a brief synopsis?
Mary Grand, how about you?
Mary?
Well, uh...
I think it's about this boy
and a pirate or something.
(laughter)
Children! Children!
Children, quiet.
Have you read
the assignment, Mary?
Well...
Well, you see, she couldn't
because she lent her book to me.
You see, I lost mine
and I had to borrow Mary's.
And I was supposed to get it
back to her last night...
You know, girls, if you plan
to read only half of every book,
you're really cheating
no one but yourselves.
(Mary) I'm telling you,
Chris Carter likes you.
No way.
Uh-huh,
'cause I saw him looking at you when
you were supposed to be reading today.
Plus, Tommy Hamburger's
his best friend
and he told my friend Gayle Sand
that he really likes you.
(woman) "He said, she said."
Why can't you kids
just talk directly?
When I was your age,
if I had a crush on a boy
I'd just march right up
and tell him.
Mostly then the boy would just
turn tail and head for the hills.
Oh, how they hated
aggressive women.
Finish your snacks and wash
your dishes when you're through.
I may be a housekeeper,
but I'm certainly not a slave.
You know, that
Jessica Dintruff is a goner
for telling on us
about that reading thing.
Yeah. Why couldn't she just keep her
pointy old nose out of our business?
The big baby.
Well, we'll get her.
(man) Who you gonna get?
Oh, this creepy girl at school.
Jessica Dintruff.
Oh, we hate her guts!
Come on, don't be too tough
on her. Who's the redhead?
This is my friend Nikki Ferris. The
girl I've been telling you about.
Hi, Nikki.
Hi.
I'm gonna be late tonight, honey.
Florence will cook dinner.
Well, can Nikki stay?
Ask Florence.
Florence, can Nikki stay?
I suppose so.
(door closes)
Your dad is gorgeous.
Thanks. I know.
Does he have a girlfriend?
Lots.
OK, you distract her
while I make the switch.
What should I say to her?
I don't know.
Tell her that there's a real cute boy
outside that wants to talk to her.
OK.
Jessica, there's a guy out in
the hall who wants to see you.
Who is it?
How should I know?
He told me to tell you to
come out so he can talk to you.
If he wants me, he can
come in and get me himself.
All right, but he's really cute.
For a minute I thought
he was Ralph Macchio.
There was no boy out there,
Nikki Ferris.
Well, maybe he saw your ugly
face and got scared away.
Oh, yeah? Well, at least
I'm not a big, fat freckle-face.
Jessica, would it be all right
with you if I began my class now?
Today I'd like to get into
part two by reading aloud.
Who cares to begin?
Jessica.
(ribbits)
(screaming)
All right, just remember, honey, when
you are on the horse, you're in charge.
Hold the reins loosely
as though you are the boss.
Keep your feet
in the stirrups and stay calm.
Remember, if you stay calm, Mister
Ed here will stay calm too, OK?
If you have any question at all,
you talk to Mary.
She's been riding
since she could walk.
My mom taught me how.
She sure did, honey.
All right, you two go on
outside. I'll catch up to you.
God, you're so lucky.
Does he do stuff like this
with you all the time?
Sure. He loves to. He still says
that I'm his favorite date.
I wish my dad was like him.
What is your dad like?
Who knows, really?
I don't see him much.
Even when they were married,
he was working all the time.
Before we get through with you, we're gonna
have you riding every pony in the county.
Come on.
It's not fair.
What's not?
You're the first best friend
I've had since second grade
and now I'm moving away.
It's for sure?
My mom's been on the phone all week
trying to get us an apartment there.
And there's no way you can talk
her out of it? I've tried.
But she thinks I'm being
ridiculous and immature.
Well, there's gotta be a way.
I'll die without you around.
You? What about me?
I'm losing my best friend and moving to
a city where even a nun could mug you.
This is all my father's fault.
How do you figure?
Do you think my mom would be acting
so irrational if she had a husband?
Uh-oh.
What? Tell me.
Listen, if we could get
our parents together,
and if they fall in love...
They'd get married.
And we'd be like sisters.
And it wouldn't make any
difference where we were living,
'cause we'd be together.
No! Absolutely not!
I don't care whose father he is.
I'm not about to be fixed up
by my 11-year-old daughter.
But, Mom, he's really handsome.
What could I possibly have in
common with a sportswriter?
I don't want you to
go to work with him, Mother,
just out to dinner.
Nikki, darling.
I appreciate what you're trying
to do, really I do,
but I'm perfectly capable
of getting my own dates.
Then how come you haven't gone out on
a single date since Daddy moved out?
(TV in background)
Because I just don't
feel ready yet.
It's been almost two years.
Have I been awfully hard to live with?
Are you kidding?
You've been great!
I'm not complaining, honest.
I only want to
see you happy again, Mom.
I am happy, darling.
Come here.
I've got you, haven't I? Yeah.
But just think how happy you'd
be if you had me and Mr. Grand.
And Mary.
Yeah, that's fine, yes.
(phone rings)
Bill Grand, sports.
She's stuck where?
This is not enough, is it?
(phone rings)
Krieger's,
Sharon Ferris speaking.
Mary! Calm down.
Nikki's where?
Mary?
Mary, you'll have to speak
slower. I can hardly...
Mary? Mary?
Oh, my heavens!
Here, Irene.
Sharon?
Sharon, what is it?
It's Nikki. She's
stuck up in a tree.
I have to go to her.
Irene... I'm sorry.
Oh, Irene, will you
do me a favor?
Just in... Call the paramedics
just in case. I, um...
Tell them Highland Park,
near the swings, OK?
OK.
Operator, get me the police!
Gosh, I wonder what's on fire.
(tires screech)
(sirens)
(Sharon) Nikki!
Hi, Mom.
Hi, Dad.
(meows)
(Nikki) Mary said a cat
was stuck in the tree, not me!
I'm really shocked...
that you could come up with
such an irresponsible stunt.
Didn't you think about
how worried I would be?
Well, you're gonna have plenty of
time to think now, young lady.
That I can promise you.
There will be no TV, no dessert and
no MTV for the next two weeks.
Is that clear?
Well, don't you have anything
you'd like to say?
I'm sorry I messed up, but...
doesn't Mr. Grand have the most
fantastic blue eyes you've ever seen?
(sighs)
I'm sorry, Dad, honest.
I never dreamed you guys would freak
out and call everybody like that.
We goofed.
What else can I say?
You can say you'll never
do anything that stupid again.
I won't.
Cross my heart.
And you can also say
that you're gonna do the dishes,
take out the trash, and do without
MTV for the rest of the month.
A whole month?
Hey, you're lucky it's not
for the rest of the year.
Well, Dad, aren't you at least gonna
tell me what you thought of her?
Who?
Nikki's mother.
That the one with the butterfly
net and the patch on her sleeves?
Dad, that was the dog catcher.
Nikki's mom was the pretty
blonde with the terrific body.
How'd I miss her?
(sighs)
What are you looking at?
Well, what do you think
it should say? Um...
"Love, Billy" or just "Your friend, Bill"?
What about "Sincerely"?
It's not a business letter.
"Fondly"?
A man would never say that.
I know!
"Passionately yours."
That's how Rob Lowe signs all
his letters in 16 Magazine.
Hot!
That will be $26.97, please.
Nikki!
Hi, Mom!
Nikki!
Sorry, Mom! Here, will
you take this pizza?
How was work?
Horrendous.
How was school?
Fine. You got flowers.
Flowers? From whom?
Dunno.
There's a card with them.
On the table.
Well, I haven't had any flowers
for a very long time.
"Dear Sharon, sorry we did not get the
chance to properly meet in the park.
"Let me make it up to you over
dinner. Tomorrow night, 8:00.
Passionately yours,
Billy Grand."
"Passionately yours"?
Ah! Roses.
Aren't they beautiful?
Oh!
So will you go to dinner with him?
Oh, I hardly know this man.
That's the whole point.
If you go to dinner,
you'll get to know him.
Oh, I do love roses.
Go for it, Mom.
I think I shall.
Dad, you have to stop by and see her,
or else Nikki can't spend the night,
and then the whole weekend
will be ruined.
Honey, I don't know why I can't just
call her up and tell her it's all right.
I don't know. Maybe she's
neurotic or something.
She said that she wanted
to interview you in person
so that she knew that Nikki
would be all right over here.
Well... all right.
I'll stop by there
on my way out.
Thanks, Dad.
I like the first earrings best.
Oh. What, the pearls?
No, the gold hearts
with the stone in the middle.
Oh, really? Hm.
You don't think
they're too juvenile?
Nah. They'll look great
with that dress.
Yeah. Mm-hm, you know,
I think maybe you're right.
I enjoyed meeting Florence today
when I picked you up.
She's quite a character.
(doorbell)
He's here.
Oh, God.
Oh, I look dreadful.
You look fabulous!
I look tired.
You look great.
Oh, well.
Maybe I should have
worn my red dress.
Come on, Mom. I swear, you look
really beautiful. Come on!
Mrs. Ferris.
Yes.
Hello, I'm Bill Grand,
Mary's father.
Did I catch you on the way out?
What?
You're all dressed up.
No, I wondered if you would like to
come in for a drink before we go out.
Go out?
Out for dinner.
Dinner?
Who's that? That's a... a friend.
Uh... Crystal.
Do I pass the test?
What test?
Well, I thought you wanted me to
come by so you could check me out
so that your daughter Nikki
could go to my house
and stay with Mary
tomorrow night.
Oh!
And that's why you sent me a...
a dozen red roses
and a dinner invitation?
Roses?
(clears throat)
Oh. Sorry.
"Passionately yours"?
I'm glad you find yourself so amusing.
Well, I-I...
I didn't write this.
It had to be the kids. Had to be the ki...
"Passionately yours"?
Oh, yes. Funny.
Of course.
Oh, I'm...
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry to have...
taken up your time.
Oh, no, no. Please...
This is very awkward.
And uh...
The kids went to all the
trouble, they sent the roses,
and you're obviously
dressed to go out to dinner.
You look beautiful, by the way.
Oh, God...
Why don't you come with Crystal
and I? We'd be glad to have you.
Oh, no, no, no, really.
I really don't want to intrude.
Please do. I insist.
Oh, no, no.
No, honestly, I couldn't.
I won't take no for an answer.
This whole situation
is so embarrassing, I...
No, no, no. I really don't
think it would work.
Why don't we take a rain check?
That's fine.
Yes, that would be...
You promise we'll do that?
Sure.
All right.
Enjoy the roses.
Enjoy your evening.
Thanks. Good night.
Nikki!
I can't believe he'd show up
with another woman.
Oh, well. Maybe I'll get to come
visit you in New York sometime.
Sure. In about ten,
15 years.
But you've got to admit
that we tried.
But the thing is I know they'd like each
other if they just gave it half a chance.
I need to find out how my mom did
it when she was a kid. Did what?
Got her parents back together
after they were divorced.
Her and my...
Aunt Susan!
She'd help us,
I just know she would.
She's my mom's twin sister,
and she'd hate it if I told her
how sad and alone Mom's been.
Where does she live?
California.
What are we waiting for?
Let's give her a call.
( "Stand Back"
by Phyllis St. James)
Telling me
what I shouldn't do
Shadowing my every move
I can't escape from you
Stand back
Baby, stop your movin'
If you want my time
Oh, you better
(phone rings)
Better keep your distance
(phone rings)
Stand back
Baby, stop your movin'
If you want my time
(music stops)
Hello?
(operator) Will you accept a
collect call from Nikki Ferris?
Yes, operator.
I'll accept the call.
Hi, Aunt Susan?
It's Nikki.
I'm sorry to call collect, but I'm flat
broke and I really needed to talk to you.
Hi, Nikki.
Well, is everything all right?
Fine, great.
Sort of.
You see, I was really hoping you
could come out here for a few days.
I really need your help.
Well, actually, Mom does.
She just doesn't know it yet.
What's the matter?
Is Sharon ill or something?
Oh, no. It's nothing like that.
It's...
Well...
You see there's this guy that's
absolutely perfect for her,
only she doesn't want to go out with him
because she's afraid of getting hurt again
so instead she doesn't see anybody
or do anything except work
and now we're supposed to be moving
to New York, only I don't want to go
and this whole thing's
turning into one big mess.
Nikki, you make everything
sound so desperate.
That's why you have to come out here
and help me straighten her out.
Well, you know, it's funny...
it's funny you should call,
because I was thinking about
coming and seeing you guys.
The kids are in camp and...
Then it's perfect.
But we can't tell her
you're coming, OK?
Why not? Because we need
this to be a surprise.
You know, like the surprise you
pulled on Grandma and Grandpap
when you and Mom
switched places?
What has that got to do
with anything?
Look, do you want it on your conscience if I
move to New York and get mugged by a nun?
Nikki, you haven't made one bit of
sense since you picked up the phone.
I'll explain everything in teeny-tincy
detail once you get here.
So please, will you come?
Pretty please?
"Pretty please"?
(Mary) See. This is my dad.
Isn't he cute?
Yes. Very handsome.
And funny, too.
Mom really needs someone
like him, Aunt Susan.
All she ever does these days
is read and work and worry.
Really?
Oh, I hate to hear that.
Sharon has so much to offer.
I know. That's why we figured if you got
together with Mr. Grand a few times,
and he fell in love with you -
thinking you were Mom, of course,
then the next time he saw Mom,
he'd be so in love and wonderful,
that she wouldn't be able to help
falling in love with him too.
And then they'd get married, and Nikki and
I could be together forever and ever.
Like sisters. I never
had a sister of my own.
Me neither. We weren't as lucky
as you, Aunt Susan.
Now, listen to me,
you little con artists.
Getting two people to fall
in love and be happy together
is hardly as easy as arranging
a few blind dates.
Anyway, I've been married to your
Uncle Brian for the last 14 years.
I wouldn't have the slightest idea how to
get this poor man to fall in love with me.
Just be yourself.
While pretending to be Sharon.
Exactly.
You see, there's this bar... Where Mr.
Grand goes every Monday night
to watch baseball
with his buddies.
And if you, dressed like Mom,
just happened to
show up there...
(Bill) OK!
Mets got this one in the bag.
Nah, don't count on it. I've seen them
blow surer things than this this year.
Not with Gooden... (commentator)
home run, as Dwight shot out early.
Now the Dodgers rally again.
They've got two on, two out.
Here's Valenzuela,
and a two-strike...
All right!
He did it! He did it!
Go Mets! I'm telling you that.
(man) You're telling me?
(commentator) And the Mets
continue to lead at two to one.
The Mets have an infield today
of Backman at second.
They've also used Howard
Johnson during the ball game.
Now Davey Johnson's
gonna make another change.
Hi there.
Why, hello there.
What a coincidence.
Hey, you're the hotshot sports...
Don't talk to me about that.
You betcha.
The guy cheats every time.
He knows they're higher-powered...
Hello, Mr. Grand.
Mrs. Ferris.
Sharon, please.
Bill, please.
Well, I-I'm meeting a girlfriend.
We're going to a movie nearby.
She suggested that we meet
here for a drink, but...
Oh, well...
You see her?
No, I can't.
Hey, Bill, don't you think we rate
an introduction or something?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Mrs. Ferris, this is Steve,
Bruce, Kris.
They're fellow scribes at
The Tribune, such as they are.
(man) Get out of the way!
(shouting)
Whoo! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo.
Would you like to sit
down and join us? No, no.
I make a point never to
interrupt male bonding rituals.
Bring another mug over here, will you?
I don't know if you should.
Well.
Mets and Dodgers?
Yeah, yeah.
Who are you all rooting for?
We're Mets fans right
down the line here. Oh.
Anybody care to make a little wager?
A wager.
Well, we can talk about that.
They'll walk him. You watch and see.
Nah. No way.
Davey Johnson will never
intentionally walk a guy, will he?
No. No way.
He'll tell you.
He will this time. He can't risk
Guerrero getting another home run.
(commentator) Yes, four wide
ones coming into Guerrero.
What did I tell you?
Care to apologize?
Let's go, Brock! Smash one out
of there and bring everybody in!
Some Mets fans.
(commentator)
the top of the seventh,
the Mets going into a two-to-one
lead over the Dodgers.
Another fine pitching duel
between Gooden and Valenzuela.
Gooden helped himself early
with an RBI single,
and then Mookie Wilson's sacrifice fly
gave New York a two-nothing lead.
Guerrero's home run
got the Dodgers on the board.
The Dodgers got several threats against
Gooden in the middle inning...
Oh, my goodness,
I have to be going.
Oh, not to hurt your feelings, but it
looks like your friend stood you up.
What?
Your friend, the movie.
Gosh! I'd practically
forgotten all about it.
This was such fun. Really.
W-wait a minute. Aren't you gonna
stay, see the end of the game?
I'll read about it
in your paper tomorrow.
I've a really heavy day ahead of me.
I had no idea it was so late.
Can I call you?
Oh...
(shouting)
How about if I call you?
You promise?
Sure.
Bye.
Your dad say anything?
Just that he bumped into
your mom in the Press Box.
And how come that I didn't tell
him that she's into baseball.
Wow. Susan said she was there
for three whole innings.
Things are looking up.
Hey, what happens if my dad
falls in love with Susan?
Won't he know the difference?
Nah. We'll just get Aunt Susan
to see him one more time,
just to really get him hooked,
then we'll make the switch.
Right.
I think.
I just hope Mom doesn't find out
Aunt Susan's in town.
Ah! Oh...
Howdy, Mrs. Ferris.
Hello, Mrs. Ferris.
Nice to see you.
Hi, Florence.
Have a nice day.
(woman) Jake, do not run!
(man) Hey, take it easy, Jake.
$4500 a month?
I don't want a mansion,
I want an apartment.
That's a one-bedroom apartment?
Gosh, I don't believe this.
What? No, no.
No, keep looking.
I'll check back with you
at the end of the month. OK.
No, I mean at the end
of the week. I'm sorry.
OK. Bye.
Hello.
Well...
I must say, yours was about the last face
I expected to see come through that door.
Well, I'm sorry to barge in on you like
this, but I just had to talk to you.
Now what have they done?
It's not about them.
It's about us.
Us? There is no "us,"
Mr. Grand.
There is you and there is me,
but no us.
You really enjoyed yourself last
night at the Press Box, didn't you?
Press Box?
I had a lovely evening last night.
Me too.
But I can't for the life of me figure
out what that has to do with you.
You and I had a lot of laughs over
that baseball game, didn't we?
Didn't we?
I'm sorry, Mr. Grand,
I don't understand what...?
I played Monopoly
with Nikki last night.
Oh, right.
By the way, you owe me a buck.
The Mets won.
Who was that?
He's scrumptious.
Believe me, Irene, he's
too strange, even for you.
You can't quit now, Aunt Susan.
Mary said her dad said that he
really had fun with you last night.
Well, that's the problem, Nikki.
I'm a married woman.
I felt as guilty as a mass murderer in
that bar with those men last night.
Anyway, I'm not at all sure any of
this is very fair on your mother.
We'll tell her everything
just as soon as we possibly can.
All you have to do
is go out on one more date.
Please? For me.
And Mom.
Well, I don't know. I'm gonna have to
give it some very serious thought.
OK, but we are doing
the right thing, you know.
(Susan) All right.
I said I'd think about it.
(Nikki) I love you, Aunt Susan.
Thanks for the ride. Bye.
What in the world would possess
a grown man to behave that way?
Making up stories about me being
in some bar watching baseball.
I hate baseball.
Does he think I'm so dotty I don't
even know where I've been at night?
Honey, who cares what he thinks?
The man is very handsome.
Yes, well, there's no denying he's
attractive, but his behavior is...
Maybe he had you confused
with someone else.
I mean, there's no need to write off a
live prospect for one small mistake.
No, no. He couldn't be
that confused.
Anyway, things like that
only happen to me when...
When what?
So are you now willing to admit you had a
good time at the Press Box last night?
Of course. Why would I
ever want to deny it?
I don't know.
That's your business.
I'm sorry, Mr. Grand, I'm afraid
you're not making very much sense.
I'm not making any sense?
I'm not?
Grand residence.
Oh, Florence. Uh...
This is Mrs. Ferris.
By any chance,
is Mr. Grand there?
Actually, I do believe
I just heard his car roar in.
You wanna hang on
while I go check?
Would you mind?
You must have run every light.
Well, I think I must...
Mr. Grand!
Telephone, sir.
I'm talking with Mrs. Ferris
right now, Florence.
Would you please take a message?
Well, I see that, sir,
but it's...
I'll call back,
Florence. OK?
All right?
OK.
(Bill laughs)
Hello, who did you say
was calling?
Mrs. Ferris.
You know, Nikki's mom.
That's what I was afraid of.
I'm awful sorry, Mrs. Ferris, but Mr. Grand
can't come to the phone at the moment,
and it's on account
of the fact that...
he's outside
talking to you.
Thank you, Florence.
I knew it.
I knew it!
What is it?
What's going on?
My sister Susan's here in town.
She is?
Yes, it's the only
possible explanation.
It is?
Absolutely.
I'm absolutely convinced of it.
I think.
By the way, where'd you
get time to change?
I haven't changed.
I'm still the same sweet
sports fan I always was.
Your hair.
I took it down.
I like it.
Thanks.
I'm sorry. Now,
I really do have to go.
Excuse me.
But you just got here.
No, I... Would you like
to come in for a while?
I just dropped Nikki off.
Bye.
OK.
Twins!
Mrs. Ferris is twins.
That's the ticket. I'm not
going around-the-bend loony.
There's gotta be
more than one of her.
Are you talking about my mom?
She's not a twin.
No way. In fact,
she's an only child.
She doesn't even have a brother.
Well...
That can't be.
I seen 'em.
And then just now, one Mrs. Ferris
called your daddy on the phone,
and another one is sitting
outside talking with him.
Twins wouldn't both be
Mrs. Ferris, Florence.
They'd have to have
different married names.
Yeah. I bet you're
just confused.
With all Dad's girlfriends,
who wouldn't be?
( "Nothin' At All"
by Andrea Robinson)
And it was nothin' at all
Like I thought, no,
it's so much more
No one else has
ever made me feel
(knock at door)
(shouts) Come in!
Nikki!
Hi, Mom!
I thought you were supposed to
be doing your homework in here.
I am. See?
How can you possibly concentrate
with all this noise?
What... noise?
Nikki, I was wondering...
What would you think
if we both took Friday off
and flew to Los Angeles to
visit Aunt Susan this weekend?
What? What for?
I miss her.
Don't you?
Yeah, but gee, doesn't it seem
like we just saw her?
To you, maybe, but she hasn't
been here for nearly six months.
And you, uh...
really want to go Friday?
This Friday?
What about summer school?
Oh, I don't think it would hurt
for you to miss just one day.
Oh, I don't know
about that, Mom.
I might have to read out loud
that day or something.
Oh, I don't think
that's very important.
Oh, besides, I forgot
to tell you...
Aunt Susan called.
She did? When?
Before. She said she was going out
of town herself this weekend.
And you know, she's
probably already gone.
Yeah. She's gone all right.
Too bad. I guess you'll just have
to get in touch with her next week.
Oh.
What a shame. (sighs)
Don't you think it would have
been nice to surprise her?
Gee, I never thought you
were big on surprises, Mom.
Oh, are you kidding?
I love surprises.
Mom, can I...
Oh. Yeah.
I'm sorry, darling.
I won't disturb you
for another minute.
Come in and give me a kiss
before you go to sleep, OK?
OK.
You really think that
she suspects something?
She was sure acting like it.
Wanting to go see Aunt Susan out of the
blue, talking about surprises and stuff.
Well, what are we gonna do?
I think I better call Aunt Susan
and speed things up a bit.
Hold on.
Nikki! Nikki!
Will you slow down? I can't
understand a word you're saying.
You have to hurry up and go out with Mr.
Grand before Mom wrecks everything.
Nikki, don't you think maybe we
should just confess everything
and let your mom
take it from here?
Are you kidding?
She'd blow it, for sure.
(Mary) Nikki!
Hold on.
What?
What's going on?
I'm working on her.
Hold on.
So will you do it, Aunt Susan?
Ask him to dinner
for tomorrow night?
Something tells me
I'm gonna regret this.
All right.
Yahoo!
Thanks, Aunt Susan.
You're the greatest.
OK. Bye.
We're back on track.
Meet me at the schoolyard
before school tomorrow morning.
OK. See you then.
(door slams)
(sighs)
Hello?
Yes, I'm wondering if you can
help me reach my brother-in-law,
Captain Brian Carey.
He's one of your pilots.
I'll hold.
OK. So Aunt Susan is calling your
dad this morning for a date.
I told her he always
eats his breakfast at home.
You know what else
I found out last night?
My mom expects me to take the
subway to school in New York.
The subway!
Yikes.
Ride underground with
who-knows-what kind of monsters
just to get to
a school with no boys.
Jeez, why doesn't she just take me
out to a pistol range and shoot me?
Don't worry. After this date, there's
no way my dad'll let your mom leave.
You better be right. Mom came home
with packing boxes yesterday.
My dad's been going on about some new,
hot reporter that he wants to take out.
Boy, they sure aren't
making this easy on us.
You can say that again.
(bell rings)
It's so good to see you, Brian.
Thanks for coming.
Aw, you made it seem so
intriguing. How could I refuse?
How was your flight?
Oh, pilots make horrible passengers.
For one thing, I never touch the food.
Can we get something to eat?
Sure.
Well, now, how about
if I buy you breakfast?
Then I can fill you in
on all that's been happening.
Sounds great.
You still haven't seen
Susie yet, huh? No.
She's hiding from me
so she can pretend to be me.
That's why I needed you,
to help me teach her a lesson.
This is gonna be fun.
It's for you.
Mrs. Ferris.
Oh, thanks.
Good morning.
What can I do for you?
Hi. Um...
Well, I was wondering,
if you're not doing anything...
if we might have dinner tonight.
Dinner tonight?
Well, that is if
it's not inconvenient.
No, no. I'd love to.
Um...
There's a new place downtown called Mr.
Garrison's we might try.
Pick you up at your house 7:30?
My house?
Oh! Great.
I'll be looking forward to it.
So will I. Bye.
Bye.
My house?
Florence, let me ask you
something. You're a woman.
And ten points to you,
Mr. Grand, for noticing.
And women like to play games,
am I right?
Oh-ho-ho, I was the wickedest backgammon
player in all of South Miami.
And Parcheesi?
Nobody better.
I don't mean games,
Florence, I mean...
games.
Mixed signals,
hard to get,
drive the guy bonkers.
That kind of stuff, you know?
You know what I mean?
You've got the wrong person
to ask in me, Mr. G.
I always believed
in being much more direct.
(phone rings)
Grand residence.
Who's calling, please?
It's the Parcheesi champ.
Hello. You're not calling
to cancel, I hope.
Oh, no, no.
No, I was just wondering...
I know this is gonna
sound silly,
but I've forgotten
where it is, uh...
what time you're
picking me up tonight.
Your house, 7:30.
My house?
You wouldn't imagine that
would be so hard to remember.
Well, you probably have a lot on your mind.
Yes, how true.
In fact, I'm so overworked that I've
also forgotten where it is you're...
we're going tonight.
Uh-huh.
Mr. Garrison's.
Ah. Who's he?
No, it's not a "he,"
it's a restaurant.
Where I made reservations
for dinner tonight?
Oh! I see.
I'm glad one of us does.
Right, right. So that's my house,
7:30, and dinner at Mr. Garrison's.
You got it.
Wonderful. Bye.
Goodbye.
Boy, this is weird.
The stranger that woman behaves,
the more I like her.
I don't say a word.
I know we've got to get her out of here.
What do you think I'm trying to do?
Your aunt is gonna
be here any second.
What do you think my dad's gonna say
if he gets here and finds two of them?
Mom! You promised to take us
for cheeseburgers!
Down in a second, Nikki.
Hurry!
Well? How do I look?
Ah...
A little overdressed
for cheeseburgers.
Oh, Nikki, didn't I tell you?
I'm going out later.
A lovely young man from work
is taking me out for drinks.
A place called...
Garrison's, I believe.
(both) No!
What on earth's wrong?
My father went there and he
says that it's really gross.
Rats in the kitchen. Yeah,
big, mean, ugly, fat ones.
Honestly?
How can these places
stay in business?
Who knows? Why should you
have to find out?
Since when were you interested
in going on dates, anyway?
Besides, if we don't go for food right now,
I'm gonna faint dead away from starvation.
Me too. I've got
hunger pangs. Major ones.
Well, come on, then.
What are we waiting for?
Nicole Louise, slow down!
Thanks.
(driver) Thank you.
(Susan) Act natural.
What's that cab doing there?
I don't know. Maybe it's
for one of the neighbors.
Come on, girls, get in.
Oh!
Hope you're coming, not going.
Hi. Hello there.
My car broke down at the market.
That's why I had to call a cab.
Where are the kids?
What kids?
Our kids. I thought they were
gonna spend the night here.
Oh, they were.
They are. They're inside.
Snug as a pair of little bugs.
OK. All right.
Do you mind if I go
and say good night to Mary?
Oh, no!
No, you can't.
They were here and they're
gonna be back here,
but at the moment they're gone,
out getting a bite to eat.
By themselves?
You mean alone?
Oh, no, no, of course not.
No, my girlfriend's taken them in my car.
That's why I had to call a cab.
I thought you said your car
broke down at the market.
I did?
Oh, no, no, no.
What I meant was that my girlfriend
has taken them to dinner
and then to the market...
Oh, forget it.
You know what I mean.
Shouldn't we be going? Didn't you
say the reservation was for 8:00?
Well...
Well, what are you waiting for?
You first. I told you,
I'm not getting out.
I'm meeting my friend from work.
But Mom, think about how uncomfortable
first dates always are.
Yeah, like what if
this guy has dog breath?
Yeah. Don't you think you'd have
more fun staying home with us?
Good night, girls.
It's stuck.
We can't get out.
Well, not unless you unlock it.
Wait! We forgot
to get dessert.
Mom, you can't go off
and leave us with no dessert.
You were gonna
make cookies, remember?
Oh.
I think we're out of
chocolate chips.
There's a bag in the pantry.
What about walnuts?
In the cupboard with the cereal,
Nicole. Now, goodbye, girls.
Have fun, Mrs. Ferris.
Yeah, Mom.
Hope it's great.
Be good.
Bye.
Well, I never really think
about being a single parent.
It's not something I planned on,
but when it happened,
we dealt with it.
There are some times I...
I wonder whether I spend
enough time with Mary,
or whether I should have a woman
around for her to relate to.
And then I stand back
and I watch her and I think:
"Hey, that's a pretty neat
kid there.
Must have done
something right."
She is a pretty neat kid.
You should be very proud.
I am. Nikki and I are
real fond of her.
Gosh, even with
two parents around,
it takes nothing short of
a miracle to raise happy kids.
I'll drink to that.
You know, I was really
surprised the other night
at how much you knew
about baseball.
Well, actually, I learned
everything I know from my husband.
Are you all right?
What? Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Is it your husband?
Is what my husband?
That upsets you.
The minute I mentioned baseball
you became completely unnerved.
Oh, no, no, no.
No, I'm...
I'm nerved.
I...
I just don't like talking
about it much, you know.
Since the divorce...
It was that painful?
No.
Not really, no.
I'm...
I'm over it now.
I bet they're having
the best time right now.
Yeah, that is if Mom didn't
show up and wreck everything.
Well, we've just gotta pray that she took
our suggestion and went someplace else.
I'd say we're ready for the M&M's.
Vector me in.
I'd say they're probably
on the top shelf.
That's where Mom hides
all the Halloween leftovers.
And bring the mini
marshmallows, if you find any.
Are you sure you're OK?
I'm sorry.
I wish I could explain.
It's all right.
Sorry.
No, please.
It's not your fault.
None of this is.
Oh, gosh, this is a nightmare.
I thought we were
enjoying ourselves.
We were. We are.
It's not you, it's me.
Honest.
Does this have anything to do
with that guy sitting over there?
You have not taken your eyes off
of him since he came in here.
Oh! Look, Bill, dinner!
Mm! Doesn't that look lovely?
Ooh, lovely, lovely, lovely!
You know, if their date is
half as good as these cookies,
we'll be sisters in no time.
You really love this place,
don't you?
Oh, no.
I love it.
Really, I love it.
I'm just not very hungry.
Uh...
That man over there
is my husband.
You mean ex-husband?
No!
I mean my husband.
My current, sleazy,
out-with-another-woman husband!
Susie!
Susie?
Susan.
Sharon!
Sharon!
Two?
Brian.
Sharon!
Susan.
Oh, Sharon!
Billy, I'm Brian.
Bill.
Wow.
(Sharon) Imagine. Brian,
you're not listening to me.
So that's when I called Brian
and asked him to help me give you
a taste of your own medicine.
When I saw you walk into
that restaurant, I about died.
And there I was
with another man.
Who thought you
were another woman.
Well, there was nothing I could do without
the whole thing just blowing up in my face.
Well, we should be getting
back to the hotel, hon.
I'm getting kinda tired.
You know, I never would have imagined
I could still feel so jealous.
I'm glad.
Come here!
Come on.
Good night, darling.
Good night.
I'll call you.
OK.
Bye.
Good night.
Quite a night.
Well, I...
don't know where to start.
I mean, I know you're Sharon and
not Susan, but I don't know...
which of you
it was that I was with
when I started having
this feeling.
Anyway, if we could just
start fresh.
Bill, I really like you.
I really do, but...
And I would have liked you even if
the kids hadn't tried to fix us up.
Thanks a lot.
And you've been a really great
sport about all this too.
It wasn't fair.
But...
As far as you and I...
I really think it's impossible.
Why?
How do you know that?
We haven't really even
spent any time together.
Have we?
Well...
You know, I'm gonna
take that job in New York.
Nikki and I are leaving
in a couple of weeks.
14 days. Who knows
what can happen in 14 days?
Yes, then what?
Relationships are hard enough without
putting 1500 miles between us.
And Mary and Nikki will stay in touch. And
I'm sure we'll be back here for visits.
I think it would be better for
everybody if we just stayed friends.
OK.
That's a pretty good
place to start.
So you're really going, huh?
My mom's already
got half the house packed.
And you won't believe how
grouchy Dad's been all week
since your mom brushed him off.
Is your Aunt Susan still in town?
She's helping Mom pack.
I guess she's gonna
stick around to see us off.
Gosh, I just can't believe
we blew it.
Do you think our lives
could possibly be any worse?
Ah, there you are, ladies.
Right in time
for a surprise pop quiz.
Hi! How are you?
I...
I...
I don't say a word.
I don't say a word.
Sharon, remember this?
Seems like a hundred years ago.
More like 200.
I'm going to the kitchen to get
a soda. Do you want anything?
Yes. An iced tea
would be fabulous.
Good idea.
I'll be right back.
You know, I'm really quite
proud of you girls.
You are?
How come?
Well, you tried real hard to get your parents
together and when it didn't work out,
I think you handled
your defeat very graciously.
Well, we tried.
What else could we do?
Besides, I guess we're
getting old enough
to know that things aren't always gonna
work out the way we want them to.
That's life.
That's right.
That reminds me. Did you get a chance
to change your dad's invitation?
Yeah, did you change your mom's?
This one's gotta work.
It's just gotta.
Come on, Mom, you don't want to
be late for your own party.
Oh!
Oh, look.
Isn't that sweet?
I guess Mr. Elias
is really gonna miss you.
Oh, I'm gonna miss him. He's been
my boss for the last 15 years.
It's not too late
to decide to stay, you know.
Nikki...
Could we be
the only people here?
Hello?
Maybe the Eliases are down below.
Hm.
Oh! I just remembered something I
left in the car. I'll be right back.
Nikki!
Hello?
Anyone here?
Hello? Mr. Elias?
Anybody?
Where are you going?
Gotta get something out
of the car. Come on with me.
You can go on ahead.
My mom's already in the boat.
Right over there.
Hello?
(Sharon) Hello?
Sharon?
Yes. Down here.
Hi.
Hi.
Well, where's the party?
Well, so far, we're it.
I can't imagine where
Mr. and Mrs. Elias are.
We are on time, aren't we?
Well, yeah. 6:00,
the invitation said.
Actually, you know, it was odd,
when I first looked at it
I would have sworn
it said seven.
That's funny.
I had the same feeling.
But Mary said
it was 6:00, so...
here we are.
Yeah.
Are we moving?
No, it always feels that way.
You get that sensation on boats.
Well, looks like we've
been deserted. Yeah.
Would you like me to mix you a drink?
Good idea.
OK.
You should come
and try these. Really.
Don't mind if I do.
These ones, not these ones.
They're very unusual.
These, eh?
What do you mean,
it just got loose?
How in the world could a thing
like that happen?
Well.
Here we are.
I wonder where everybody is.
We seem to have been here
for an awfully long time.
I mean, I'm having
a great time, but...
either we're very early
or they're very late.
Does your father
know how to sail?
I don't think so.
Cheers.
Ah, cheers.
Perhaps we ought to
call the Coast Guard.
Yeah. Probably the sooner
the better.
This is a wonderful party.
I'm having a wonderful time.
It's very hot in here,
though, isn't it?
It's getting a little stuffy.
Do you want me to open a window?
I'm sorry.
I need some air.
Will you excuse me?
Oh.
I'll take one of those with me.
They're gonna kill us
for this one for sure.
Oh, my gosh!
What?
Now what do we do?
( "Wedding March"
by Mendelssohn)
( "Let's Keep What We've Got"
by Marilyn McCoo)
It's so wonderful
It's like nothing else around
Think of what we've found
and let's not lose it
It's so beautiful
It's like music in the air
Think of all we share
And let's not lose it
It's so wonderful
It's like nothing else around
Think of what we've found
And let's not lose it
Encoded by dw817 August 24th 2015
("Let's Keep What We've Got"
by Marilyn McCoo)
Let's keep what we've got
Let's not let it go
Let's hold what we have
What we have
is so very wonderful
It's like nothing else around
Think of what we've found
and let's not lose it
It's so beautiful
It's like sailboats
in the sun
Think of all the fun
And let's not lose it
Here we are
Looking at today
Feeling good inside
And as we face
the future years
Let's hope someday
We'll look back and say
All the dreams we dreamed
Were not denied
It's so wonderful
It's like nothing else around
Think of what we've found
and let's not lose it
It's so beautiful
It's like music in the air
Think of all we share
And let's not lose it
It's so wonderful
It's like nothing else around
Think of what we've found
And let's not lose it
(girl) Mom!
Nikki.
What on earth is wrong?
Mom, we can't move
to New York. We can't.
There was a thing on the news just
now about a woman in Manhattan
who got attacked
by a guy in a nun's suit!
Habit, Nikki.
I don't care why he did it.
Don't you just think that's the
creepiest thing in the whole world?
I mean a nun's suit
is called a habit, Nikki.
What are you doing
still in your nightdress?
You've got to be in school in ten minutes.
Now, will you please get it off?
Nikki, we can't let things
like this bother us.
Crime is a terrible problem
in every city these days.
Yeah, but the newsman
also said something
about another plane crash
up north.
It's obviously not safe for us to fly there,
so why don't we just stay put in Tampa?
We're driving to New York, Nicole.
That's even worse!
Don't you know more people die in car
wrecks than in plane crashes anyway?
I'm telling you, Mom,
this move is jinxed.
Come on, Nikki.
Now, just get on, please.
In fact, I'm not even sure
the streets are safe enough
for me to walk to summer school today.
Maybe I just better stay home.
Look, just do your shoes up
and stop talking so much.
But if I'm not going to New York,
then I don't need to get my grades up
to get into some stupid, snobby,
New York all-girls school.
So why waste my whole summer
in some dumb English class?
(sighs)
Here.
Oh, no.
I think I'm getting sick.
Well, is it any wonder?
You're working yourself up
into quite a state.
Oh, Nikki, darling.
I know this move
is a bit scary for you.
It's a bit scary for me too.
But I promise you it's for
the best for both of us.
Hm?
You'll see.
I doubt it.
(bell rings)
Hi, I'm Mary Grand.
I think I used to see you a lot
in the cafeteria last year.
Yeah. I'm Nikki Ferris.
Weren't you a Pop Warner
cheerleader?
Uh-huh. It was so neat.
One time we even got to go to
Tallahassee for the championships.
With all those cute
football players?
That's so cool.
You should be one for this season.
The tryout's at the end of August.
I'll be gone by then.
Where will you be?
Dead, probably. We're moving
to New York. Isn't that gross?
How come?
My mom got a job promotion.
Plus she thinks it'll be good for
me to live in more than one place.
What does your dad say?
Nothing. They're divorced.
That's how come she wants to
get out of here so bad,
so she doesn't have to worry about
seeing him out with his new wife.
My mom's dead. You don't have to
feel sorry for me or anything.
It happened when I was seven.
But there's some advantages
to it, I guess.
My dad basically lets me
do whatever I want.
So how come you're
in summer school?
I did what I wanted so much,
I flunked English.
What about you?
I've got to get my grades up
so I can get into this stupid,
snobby, New York all-girls school.
I'm not here
because I have to be.
I'm doing it
so I can accelerate.
So? Who asked you?
I'll probably skip sixth grade.
Does that make you
neat or something?
If you talk mean to me
I'll tell the teacher.
Go ahead.
See if we care.
(woman) All right, people.
Settle down.
I am Mrs. Blazey.
And like my name,
I start off in a blaze.
No monkey doodling around.
And the first order of business is
to get you seated alphabetically.
It makes it much easier for an
old lady to learn your names.
Alison Casey.
Susan Cooper.
Jessica Dintruff.
Ee-ew.
Isn't she gross?
She's sickening.
(Mrs. Blazey) Nikki Ferris.
Mary Grand.
Kevin Gray.
You're an F and I'm a G.
Isn't it perfect?
(Mrs. Blazey) Jonathan Maxwell.
(Mary) A book a week!
What is she? Crazy?
(Nikki) We'd have to be
reading every second.
(Mary) Like we don't have
anything better to do.
Wait a second.
I've got an idea.
Why don't we each read
half a book?
You can read the first part
and I'll read the second.
And then we can get together and
tell each other what happens.
That's perfect!
So it's a deal?
Deal.
Well, do you want to tell me
how school went today?
It was OK, I guess.
I met this really great girl
named Mary Grand.
We're gonna help each other
with the reading.
Is it OK if I invite her to
dinner one of these nights?
'Course. As long as she
clears it with her folks first.
She doesn't have any folks.
Just a dad and a housekeeper.
Her mom died when she was seven.
Oh. That's sad.
She's OK about it, though.
She says her dad lets her
get away with murder.
Isn't that so lucky?
Well, I don't know.
Doesn't make me feel too secure, hearing
you so envious of a motherless child.
Oh, come on, Mom.
That's not what I meant.
I love you like crazy.
It's just that...
Here's the spinach, Nicole.
All right, students.
By today I expect you all to have
read part one of Treasure Island.
Who would like to give us
a brief synopsis?
Mary Grand, how about you?
Mary?
Well, uh...
I think it's about this boy
and a pirate or something.
(laughter)
Children! Children!
Children, quiet.
Have you read
the assignment, Mary?
Well...
Well, you see, she couldn't
because she lent her book to me.
You see, I lost mine
and I had to borrow Mary's.
And I was supposed to get it
back to her last night...
You know, girls, if you plan
to read only half of every book,
you're really cheating
no one but yourselves.
(Mary) I'm telling you,
Chris Carter likes you.
No way.
Uh-huh,
'cause I saw him looking at you when
you were supposed to be reading today.
Plus, Tommy Hamburger's
his best friend
and he told my friend Gayle Sand
that he really likes you.
(woman) "He said, she said."
Why can't you kids
just talk directly?
When I was your age,
if I had a crush on a boy
I'd just march right up
and tell him.
Mostly then the boy would just
turn tail and head for the hills.
Oh, how they hated
aggressive women.
Finish your snacks and wash
your dishes when you're through.
I may be a housekeeper,
but I'm certainly not a slave.
You know, that
Jessica Dintruff is a goner
for telling on us
about that reading thing.
Yeah. Why couldn't she just keep her
pointy old nose out of our business?
The big baby.
Well, we'll get her.
(man) Who you gonna get?
Oh, this creepy girl at school.
Jessica Dintruff.
Oh, we hate her guts!
Come on, don't be too tough
on her. Who's the redhead?
This is my friend Nikki Ferris. The
girl I've been telling you about.
Hi, Nikki.
Hi.
I'm gonna be late tonight, honey.
Florence will cook dinner.
Well, can Nikki stay?
Ask Florence.
Florence, can Nikki stay?
I suppose so.
(door closes)
Your dad is gorgeous.
Thanks. I know.
Does he have a girlfriend?
Lots.
OK, you distract her
while I make the switch.
What should I say to her?
I don't know.
Tell her that there's a real cute boy
outside that wants to talk to her.
OK.
Jessica, there's a guy out in
the hall who wants to see you.
Who is it?
How should I know?
He told me to tell you to
come out so he can talk to you.
If he wants me, he can
come in and get me himself.
All right, but he's really cute.
For a minute I thought
he was Ralph Macchio.
There was no boy out there,
Nikki Ferris.
Well, maybe he saw your ugly
face and got scared away.
Oh, yeah? Well, at least
I'm not a big, fat freckle-face.
Jessica, would it be all right
with you if I began my class now?
Today I'd like to get into
part two by reading aloud.
Who cares to begin?
Jessica.
(ribbits)
(screaming)
All right, just remember, honey, when
you are on the horse, you're in charge.
Hold the reins loosely
as though you are the boss.
Keep your feet
in the stirrups and stay calm.
Remember, if you stay calm, Mister
Ed here will stay calm too, OK?
If you have any question at all,
you talk to Mary.
She's been riding
since she could walk.
My mom taught me how.
She sure did, honey.
All right, you two go on
outside. I'll catch up to you.
God, you're so lucky.
Does he do stuff like this
with you all the time?
Sure. He loves to. He still says
that I'm his favorite date.
I wish my dad was like him.
What is your dad like?
Who knows, really?
I don't see him much.
Even when they were married,
he was working all the time.
Before we get through with you, we're gonna
have you riding every pony in the county.
Come on.
It's not fair.
What's not?
You're the first best friend
I've had since second grade
and now I'm moving away.
It's for sure?
My mom's been on the phone all week
trying to get us an apartment there.
And there's no way you can talk
her out of it? I've tried.
But she thinks I'm being
ridiculous and immature.
Well, there's gotta be a way.
I'll die without you around.
You? What about me?
I'm losing my best friend and moving to
a city where even a nun could mug you.
This is all my father's fault.
How do you figure?
Do you think my mom would be acting
so irrational if she had a husband?
Uh-oh.
What? Tell me.
Listen, if we could get
our parents together,
and if they fall in love...
They'd get married.
And we'd be like sisters.
And it wouldn't make any
difference where we were living,
'cause we'd be together.
No! Absolutely not!
I don't care whose father he is.
I'm not about to be fixed up
by my 11-year-old daughter.
But, Mom, he's really handsome.
What could I possibly have in
common with a sportswriter?
I don't want you to
go to work with him, Mother,
just out to dinner.
Nikki, darling.
I appreciate what you're trying
to do, really I do,
but I'm perfectly capable
of getting my own dates.
Then how come you haven't gone out on
a single date since Daddy moved out?
(TV in background)
Because I just don't
feel ready yet.
It's been almost two years.
Have I been awfully hard to live with?
Are you kidding?
You've been great!
I'm not complaining, honest.
I only want to
see you happy again, Mom.
I am happy, darling.
Come here.
I've got you, haven't I? Yeah.
But just think how happy you'd
be if you had me and Mr. Grand.
And Mary.
Yeah, that's fine, yes.
(phone rings)
Bill Grand, sports.
She's stuck where?
This is not enough, is it?
(phone rings)
Krieger's,
Sharon Ferris speaking.
Mary! Calm down.
Nikki's where?
Mary?
Mary, you'll have to speak
slower. I can hardly...
Mary? Mary?
Oh, my heavens!
Here, Irene.
Sharon?
Sharon, what is it?
It's Nikki. She's
stuck up in a tree.
I have to go to her.
Irene... I'm sorry.
Oh, Irene, will you
do me a favor?
Just in... Call the paramedics
just in case. I, um...
Tell them Highland Park,
near the swings, OK?
OK.
Operator, get me the police!
Gosh, I wonder what's on fire.
(tires screech)
(sirens)
(Sharon) Nikki!
Hi, Mom.
Hi, Dad.
(meows)
(Nikki) Mary said a cat
was stuck in the tree, not me!
I'm really shocked...
that you could come up with
such an irresponsible stunt.
Didn't you think about
how worried I would be?
Well, you're gonna have plenty of
time to think now, young lady.
That I can promise you.
There will be no TV, no dessert and
no MTV for the next two weeks.
Is that clear?
Well, don't you have anything
you'd like to say?
I'm sorry I messed up, but...
doesn't Mr. Grand have the most
fantastic blue eyes you've ever seen?
(sighs)
I'm sorry, Dad, honest.
I never dreamed you guys would freak
out and call everybody like that.
We goofed.
What else can I say?
You can say you'll never
do anything that stupid again.
I won't.
Cross my heart.
And you can also say
that you're gonna do the dishes,
take out the trash, and do without
MTV for the rest of the month.
A whole month?
Hey, you're lucky it's not
for the rest of the year.
Well, Dad, aren't you at least gonna
tell me what you thought of her?
Who?
Nikki's mother.
That the one with the butterfly
net and the patch on her sleeves?
Dad, that was the dog catcher.
Nikki's mom was the pretty
blonde with the terrific body.
How'd I miss her?
(sighs)
What are you looking at?
Well, what do you think
it should say? Um...
"Love, Billy" or just "Your friend, Bill"?
What about "Sincerely"?
It's not a business letter.
"Fondly"?
A man would never say that.
I know!
"Passionately yours."
That's how Rob Lowe signs all
his letters in 16 Magazine.
Hot!
That will be $26.97, please.
Nikki!
Hi, Mom!
Nikki!
Sorry, Mom! Here, will
you take this pizza?
How was work?
Horrendous.
How was school?
Fine. You got flowers.
Flowers? From whom?
Dunno.
There's a card with them.
On the table.
Well, I haven't had any flowers
for a very long time.
"Dear Sharon, sorry we did not get the
chance to properly meet in the park.
"Let me make it up to you over
dinner. Tomorrow night, 8:00.
Passionately yours,
Billy Grand."
"Passionately yours"?
Ah! Roses.
Aren't they beautiful?
Oh!
So will you go to dinner with him?
Oh, I hardly know this man.
That's the whole point.
If you go to dinner,
you'll get to know him.
Oh, I do love roses.
Go for it, Mom.
I think I shall.
Dad, you have to stop by and see her,
or else Nikki can't spend the night,
and then the whole weekend
will be ruined.
Honey, I don't know why I can't just
call her up and tell her it's all right.
I don't know. Maybe she's
neurotic or something.
She said that she wanted
to interview you in person
so that she knew that Nikki
would be all right over here.
Well... all right.
I'll stop by there
on my way out.
Thanks, Dad.
I like the first earrings best.
Oh. What, the pearls?
No, the gold hearts
with the stone in the middle.
Oh, really? Hm.
You don't think
they're too juvenile?
Nah. They'll look great
with that dress.
Yeah. Mm-hm, you know,
I think maybe you're right.
I enjoyed meeting Florence today
when I picked you up.
She's quite a character.
(doorbell)
He's here.
Oh, God.
Oh, I look dreadful.
You look fabulous!
I look tired.
You look great.
Oh, well.
Maybe I should have
worn my red dress.
Come on, Mom. I swear, you look
really beautiful. Come on!
Mrs. Ferris.
Yes.
Hello, I'm Bill Grand,
Mary's father.
Did I catch you on the way out?
What?
You're all dressed up.
No, I wondered if you would like to
come in for a drink before we go out.
Go out?
Out for dinner.
Dinner?
Who's that? That's a... a friend.
Uh... Crystal.
Do I pass the test?
What test?
Well, I thought you wanted me to
come by so you could check me out
so that your daughter Nikki
could go to my house
and stay with Mary
tomorrow night.
Oh!
And that's why you sent me a...
a dozen red roses
and a dinner invitation?
Roses?
(clears throat)
Oh. Sorry.
"Passionately yours"?
I'm glad you find yourself so amusing.
Well, I-I...
I didn't write this.
It had to be the kids. Had to be the ki...
"Passionately yours"?
Oh, yes. Funny.
Of course.
Oh, I'm...
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry to have...
taken up your time.
Oh, no, no. Please...
This is very awkward.
And uh...
The kids went to all the
trouble, they sent the roses,
and you're obviously
dressed to go out to dinner.
You look beautiful, by the way.
Oh, God...
Why don't you come with Crystal
and I? We'd be glad to have you.
Oh, no, no, no, really.
I really don't want to intrude.
Please do. I insist.
Oh, no, no.
No, honestly, I couldn't.
I won't take no for an answer.
This whole situation
is so embarrassing, I...
No, no, no. I really don't
think it would work.
Why don't we take a rain check?
That's fine.
Yes, that would be...
You promise we'll do that?
Sure.
All right.
Enjoy the roses.
Enjoy your evening.
Thanks. Good night.
Nikki!
I can't believe he'd show up
with another woman.
Oh, well. Maybe I'll get to come
visit you in New York sometime.
Sure. In about ten,
15 years.
But you've got to admit
that we tried.
But the thing is I know they'd like each
other if they just gave it half a chance.
I need to find out how my mom did
it when she was a kid. Did what?
Got her parents back together
after they were divorced.
Her and my...
Aunt Susan!
She'd help us,
I just know she would.
She's my mom's twin sister,
and she'd hate it if I told her
how sad and alone Mom's been.
Where does she live?
California.
What are we waiting for?
Let's give her a call.
( "Stand Back"
by Phyllis St. James)
Telling me
what I shouldn't do
Shadowing my every move
I can't escape from you
Stand back
Baby, stop your movin'
If you want my time
Oh, you better
(phone rings)
Better keep your distance
(phone rings)
Stand back
Baby, stop your movin'
If you want my time
(music stops)
Hello?
(operator) Will you accept a
collect call from Nikki Ferris?
Yes, operator.
I'll accept the call.
Hi, Aunt Susan?
It's Nikki.
I'm sorry to call collect, but I'm flat
broke and I really needed to talk to you.
Hi, Nikki.
Well, is everything all right?
Fine, great.
Sort of.
You see, I was really hoping you
could come out here for a few days.
I really need your help.
Well, actually, Mom does.
She just doesn't know it yet.
What's the matter?
Is Sharon ill or something?
Oh, no. It's nothing like that.
It's...
Well...
You see there's this guy that's
absolutely perfect for her,
only she doesn't want to go out with him
because she's afraid of getting hurt again
so instead she doesn't see anybody
or do anything except work
and now we're supposed to be moving
to New York, only I don't want to go
and this whole thing's
turning into one big mess.
Nikki, you make everything
sound so desperate.
That's why you have to come out here
and help me straighten her out.
Well, you know, it's funny...
it's funny you should call,
because I was thinking about
coming and seeing you guys.
The kids are in camp and...
Then it's perfect.
But we can't tell her
you're coming, OK?
Why not? Because we need
this to be a surprise.
You know, like the surprise you
pulled on Grandma and Grandpap
when you and Mom
switched places?
What has that got to do
with anything?
Look, do you want it on your conscience if I
move to New York and get mugged by a nun?
Nikki, you haven't made one bit of
sense since you picked up the phone.
I'll explain everything in teeny-tincy
detail once you get here.
So please, will you come?
Pretty please?
"Pretty please"?
(Mary) See. This is my dad.
Isn't he cute?
Yes. Very handsome.
And funny, too.
Mom really needs someone
like him, Aunt Susan.
All she ever does these days
is read and work and worry.
Really?
Oh, I hate to hear that.
Sharon has so much to offer.
I know. That's why we figured if you got
together with Mr. Grand a few times,
and he fell in love with you -
thinking you were Mom, of course,
then the next time he saw Mom,
he'd be so in love and wonderful,
that she wouldn't be able to help
falling in love with him too.
And then they'd get married, and Nikki and
I could be together forever and ever.
Like sisters. I never
had a sister of my own.
Me neither. We weren't as lucky
as you, Aunt Susan.
Now, listen to me,
you little con artists.
Getting two people to fall
in love and be happy together
is hardly as easy as arranging
a few blind dates.
Anyway, I've been married to your
Uncle Brian for the last 14 years.
I wouldn't have the slightest idea how to
get this poor man to fall in love with me.
Just be yourself.
While pretending to be Sharon.
Exactly.
You see, there's this bar... Where Mr.
Grand goes every Monday night
to watch baseball
with his buddies.
And if you, dressed like Mom,
just happened to
show up there...
(Bill) OK!
Mets got this one in the bag.
Nah, don't count on it. I've seen them
blow surer things than this this year.
Not with Gooden... (commentator)
home run, as Dwight shot out early.
Now the Dodgers rally again.
They've got two on, two out.
Here's Valenzuela,
and a two-strike...
All right!
He did it! He did it!
Go Mets! I'm telling you that.
(man) You're telling me?
(commentator) And the Mets
continue to lead at two to one.
The Mets have an infield today
of Backman at second.
They've also used Howard
Johnson during the ball game.
Now Davey Johnson's
gonna make another change.
Hi there.
Why, hello there.
What a coincidence.
Hey, you're the hotshot sports...
Don't talk to me about that.
You betcha.
The guy cheats every time.
He knows they're higher-powered...
Hello, Mr. Grand.
Mrs. Ferris.
Sharon, please.
Bill, please.
Well, I-I'm meeting a girlfriend.
We're going to a movie nearby.
She suggested that we meet
here for a drink, but...
Oh, well...
You see her?
No, I can't.
Hey, Bill, don't you think we rate
an introduction or something?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Mrs. Ferris, this is Steve,
Bruce, Kris.
They're fellow scribes at
The Tribune, such as they are.
(man) Get out of the way!
(shouting)
Whoo! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo.
Would you like to sit
down and join us? No, no.
I make a point never to
interrupt male bonding rituals.
Bring another mug over here, will you?
I don't know if you should.
Well.
Mets and Dodgers?
Yeah, yeah.
Who are you all rooting for?
We're Mets fans right
down the line here. Oh.
Anybody care to make a little wager?
A wager.
Well, we can talk about that.
They'll walk him. You watch and see.
Nah. No way.
Davey Johnson will never
intentionally walk a guy, will he?
No. No way.
He'll tell you.
He will this time. He can't risk
Guerrero getting another home run.
(commentator) Yes, four wide
ones coming into Guerrero.
What did I tell you?
Care to apologize?
Let's go, Brock! Smash one out
of there and bring everybody in!
Some Mets fans.
(commentator)
the top of the seventh,
the Mets going into a two-to-one
lead over the Dodgers.
Another fine pitching duel
between Gooden and Valenzuela.
Gooden helped himself early
with an RBI single,
and then Mookie Wilson's sacrifice fly
gave New York a two-nothing lead.
Guerrero's home run
got the Dodgers on the board.
The Dodgers got several threats against
Gooden in the middle inning...
Oh, my goodness,
I have to be going.
Oh, not to hurt your feelings, but it
looks like your friend stood you up.
What?
Your friend, the movie.
Gosh! I'd practically
forgotten all about it.
This was such fun. Really.
W-wait a minute. Aren't you gonna
stay, see the end of the game?
I'll read about it
in your paper tomorrow.
I've a really heavy day ahead of me.
I had no idea it was so late.
Can I call you?
Oh...
(shouting)
How about if I call you?
You promise?
Sure.
Bye.
Your dad say anything?
Just that he bumped into
your mom in the Press Box.
And how come that I didn't tell
him that she's into baseball.
Wow. Susan said she was there
for three whole innings.
Things are looking up.
Hey, what happens if my dad
falls in love with Susan?
Won't he know the difference?
Nah. We'll just get Aunt Susan
to see him one more time,
just to really get him hooked,
then we'll make the switch.
Right.
I think.
I just hope Mom doesn't find out
Aunt Susan's in town.
Ah! Oh...
Howdy, Mrs. Ferris.
Hello, Mrs. Ferris.
Nice to see you.
Hi, Florence.
Have a nice day.
(woman) Jake, do not run!
(man) Hey, take it easy, Jake.
$4500 a month?
I don't want a mansion,
I want an apartment.
That's a one-bedroom apartment?
Gosh, I don't believe this.
What? No, no.
No, keep looking.
I'll check back with you
at the end of the month. OK.
No, I mean at the end
of the week. I'm sorry.
OK. Bye.
Hello.
Well...
I must say, yours was about the last face
I expected to see come through that door.
Well, I'm sorry to barge in on you like
this, but I just had to talk to you.
Now what have they done?
It's not about them.
It's about us.
Us? There is no "us,"
Mr. Grand.
There is you and there is me,
but no us.
You really enjoyed yourself last
night at the Press Box, didn't you?
Press Box?
I had a lovely evening last night.
Me too.
But I can't for the life of me figure
out what that has to do with you.
You and I had a lot of laughs over
that baseball game, didn't we?
Didn't we?
I'm sorry, Mr. Grand,
I don't understand what...?
I played Monopoly
with Nikki last night.
Oh, right.
By the way, you owe me a buck.
The Mets won.
Who was that?
He's scrumptious.
Believe me, Irene, he's
too strange, even for you.
You can't quit now, Aunt Susan.
Mary said her dad said that he
really had fun with you last night.
Well, that's the problem, Nikki.
I'm a married woman.
I felt as guilty as a mass murderer in
that bar with those men last night.
Anyway, I'm not at all sure any of
this is very fair on your mother.
We'll tell her everything
just as soon as we possibly can.
All you have to do
is go out on one more date.
Please? For me.
And Mom.
Well, I don't know. I'm gonna have to
give it some very serious thought.
OK, but we are doing
the right thing, you know.
(Susan) All right.
I said I'd think about it.
(Nikki) I love you, Aunt Susan.
Thanks for the ride. Bye.
What in the world would possess
a grown man to behave that way?
Making up stories about me being
in some bar watching baseball.
I hate baseball.
Does he think I'm so dotty I don't
even know where I've been at night?
Honey, who cares what he thinks?
The man is very handsome.
Yes, well, there's no denying he's
attractive, but his behavior is...
Maybe he had you confused
with someone else.
I mean, there's no need to write off a
live prospect for one small mistake.
No, no. He couldn't be
that confused.
Anyway, things like that
only happen to me when...
When what?
So are you now willing to admit you had a
good time at the Press Box last night?
Of course. Why would I
ever want to deny it?
I don't know.
That's your business.
I'm sorry, Mr. Grand, I'm afraid
you're not making very much sense.
I'm not making any sense?
I'm not?
Grand residence.
Oh, Florence. Uh...
This is Mrs. Ferris.
By any chance,
is Mr. Grand there?
Actually, I do believe
I just heard his car roar in.
You wanna hang on
while I go check?
Would you mind?
You must have run every light.
Well, I think I must...
Mr. Grand!
Telephone, sir.
I'm talking with Mrs. Ferris
right now, Florence.
Would you please take a message?
Well, I see that, sir,
but it's...
I'll call back,
Florence. OK?
All right?
OK.
(Bill laughs)
Hello, who did you say
was calling?
Mrs. Ferris.
You know, Nikki's mom.
That's what I was afraid of.
I'm awful sorry, Mrs. Ferris, but Mr. Grand
can't come to the phone at the moment,
and it's on account
of the fact that...
he's outside
talking to you.
Thank you, Florence.
I knew it.
I knew it!
What is it?
What's going on?
My sister Susan's here in town.
She is?
Yes, it's the only
possible explanation.
It is?
Absolutely.
I'm absolutely convinced of it.
I think.
By the way, where'd you
get time to change?
I haven't changed.
I'm still the same sweet
sports fan I always was.
Your hair.
I took it down.
I like it.
Thanks.
I'm sorry. Now,
I really do have to go.
Excuse me.
But you just got here.
No, I... Would you like
to come in for a while?
I just dropped Nikki off.
Bye.
OK.
Twins!
Mrs. Ferris is twins.
That's the ticket. I'm not
going around-the-bend loony.
There's gotta be
more than one of her.
Are you talking about my mom?
She's not a twin.
No way. In fact,
she's an only child.
She doesn't even have a brother.
Well...
That can't be.
I seen 'em.
And then just now, one Mrs. Ferris
called your daddy on the phone,
and another one is sitting
outside talking with him.
Twins wouldn't both be
Mrs. Ferris, Florence.
They'd have to have
different married names.
Yeah. I bet you're
just confused.
With all Dad's girlfriends,
who wouldn't be?
( "Nothin' At All"
by Andrea Robinson)
And it was nothin' at all
Like I thought, no,
it's so much more
No one else has
ever made me feel
(knock at door)
(shouts) Come in!
Nikki!
Hi, Mom!
I thought you were supposed to
be doing your homework in here.
I am. See?
How can you possibly concentrate
with all this noise?
What... noise?
Nikki, I was wondering...
What would you think
if we both took Friday off
and flew to Los Angeles to
visit Aunt Susan this weekend?
What? What for?
I miss her.
Don't you?
Yeah, but gee, doesn't it seem
like we just saw her?
To you, maybe, but she hasn't
been here for nearly six months.
And you, uh...
really want to go Friday?
This Friday?
What about summer school?
Oh, I don't think it would hurt
for you to miss just one day.
Oh, I don't know
about that, Mom.
I might have to read out loud
that day or something.
Oh, I don't think
that's very important.
Oh, besides, I forgot
to tell you...
Aunt Susan called.
She did? When?
Before. She said she was going out
of town herself this weekend.
And you know, she's
probably already gone.
Yeah. She's gone all right.
Too bad. I guess you'll just have
to get in touch with her next week.
Oh.
What a shame. (sighs)
Don't you think it would have
been nice to surprise her?
Gee, I never thought you
were big on surprises, Mom.
Oh, are you kidding?
I love surprises.
Mom, can I...
Oh. Yeah.
I'm sorry, darling.
I won't disturb you
for another minute.
Come in and give me a kiss
before you go to sleep, OK?
OK.
You really think that
she suspects something?
She was sure acting like it.
Wanting to go see Aunt Susan out of the
blue, talking about surprises and stuff.
Well, what are we gonna do?
I think I better call Aunt Susan
and speed things up a bit.
Hold on.
Nikki! Nikki!
Will you slow down? I can't
understand a word you're saying.
You have to hurry up and go out with Mr.
Grand before Mom wrecks everything.
Nikki, don't you think maybe we
should just confess everything
and let your mom
take it from here?
Are you kidding?
She'd blow it, for sure.
(Mary) Nikki!
Hold on.
What?
What's going on?
I'm working on her.
Hold on.
So will you do it, Aunt Susan?
Ask him to dinner
for tomorrow night?
Something tells me
I'm gonna regret this.
All right.
Yahoo!
Thanks, Aunt Susan.
You're the greatest.
OK. Bye.
We're back on track.
Meet me at the schoolyard
before school tomorrow morning.
OK. See you then.
(door slams)
(sighs)
Hello?
Yes, I'm wondering if you can
help me reach my brother-in-law,
Captain Brian Carey.
He's one of your pilots.
I'll hold.
OK. So Aunt Susan is calling your
dad this morning for a date.
I told her he always
eats his breakfast at home.
You know what else
I found out last night?
My mom expects me to take the
subway to school in New York.
The subway!
Yikes.
Ride underground with
who-knows-what kind of monsters
just to get to
a school with no boys.
Jeez, why doesn't she just take me
out to a pistol range and shoot me?
Don't worry. After this date, there's
no way my dad'll let your mom leave.
You better be right. Mom came home
with packing boxes yesterday.
My dad's been going on about some new,
hot reporter that he wants to take out.
Boy, they sure aren't
making this easy on us.
You can say that again.
(bell rings)
It's so good to see you, Brian.
Thanks for coming.
Aw, you made it seem so
intriguing. How could I refuse?
How was your flight?
Oh, pilots make horrible passengers.
For one thing, I never touch the food.
Can we get something to eat?
Sure.
Well, now, how about
if I buy you breakfast?
Then I can fill you in
on all that's been happening.
Sounds great.
You still haven't seen
Susie yet, huh? No.
She's hiding from me
so she can pretend to be me.
That's why I needed you,
to help me teach her a lesson.
This is gonna be fun.
It's for you.
Mrs. Ferris.
Oh, thanks.
Good morning.
What can I do for you?
Hi. Um...
Well, I was wondering,
if you're not doing anything...
if we might have dinner tonight.
Dinner tonight?
Well, that is if
it's not inconvenient.
No, no. I'd love to.
Um...
There's a new place downtown called Mr.
Garrison's we might try.
Pick you up at your house 7:30?
My house?
Oh! Great.
I'll be looking forward to it.
So will I. Bye.
Bye.
My house?
Florence, let me ask you
something. You're a woman.
And ten points to you,
Mr. Grand, for noticing.
And women like to play games,
am I right?
Oh-ho-ho, I was the wickedest backgammon
player in all of South Miami.
And Parcheesi?
Nobody better.
I don't mean games,
Florence, I mean...
games.
Mixed signals,
hard to get,
drive the guy bonkers.
That kind of stuff, you know?
You know what I mean?
You've got the wrong person
to ask in me, Mr. G.
I always believed
in being much more direct.
(phone rings)
Grand residence.
Who's calling, please?
It's the Parcheesi champ.
Hello. You're not calling
to cancel, I hope.
Oh, no, no.
No, I was just wondering...
I know this is gonna
sound silly,
but I've forgotten
where it is, uh...
what time you're
picking me up tonight.
Your house, 7:30.
My house?
You wouldn't imagine that
would be so hard to remember.
Well, you probably have a lot on your mind.
Yes, how true.
In fact, I'm so overworked that I've
also forgotten where it is you're...
we're going tonight.
Uh-huh.
Mr. Garrison's.
Ah. Who's he?
No, it's not a "he,"
it's a restaurant.
Where I made reservations
for dinner tonight?
Oh! I see.
I'm glad one of us does.
Right, right. So that's my house,
7:30, and dinner at Mr. Garrison's.
You got it.
Wonderful. Bye.
Goodbye.
Boy, this is weird.
The stranger that woman behaves,
the more I like her.
I don't say a word.
I know we've got to get her out of here.
What do you think I'm trying to do?
Your aunt is gonna
be here any second.
What do you think my dad's gonna say
if he gets here and finds two of them?
Mom! You promised to take us
for cheeseburgers!
Down in a second, Nikki.
Hurry!
Well? How do I look?
Ah...
A little overdressed
for cheeseburgers.
Oh, Nikki, didn't I tell you?
I'm going out later.
A lovely young man from work
is taking me out for drinks.
A place called...
Garrison's, I believe.
(both) No!
What on earth's wrong?
My father went there and he
says that it's really gross.
Rats in the kitchen. Yeah,
big, mean, ugly, fat ones.
Honestly?
How can these places
stay in business?
Who knows? Why should you
have to find out?
Since when were you interested
in going on dates, anyway?
Besides, if we don't go for food right now,
I'm gonna faint dead away from starvation.
Me too. I've got
hunger pangs. Major ones.
Well, come on, then.
What are we waiting for?
Nicole Louise, slow down!
Thanks.
(driver) Thank you.
(Susan) Act natural.
What's that cab doing there?
I don't know. Maybe it's
for one of the neighbors.
Come on, girls, get in.
Oh!
Hope you're coming, not going.
Hi. Hello there.
My car broke down at the market.
That's why I had to call a cab.
Where are the kids?
What kids?
Our kids. I thought they were
gonna spend the night here.
Oh, they were.
They are. They're inside.
Snug as a pair of little bugs.
OK. All right.
Do you mind if I go
and say good night to Mary?
Oh, no!
No, you can't.
They were here and they're
gonna be back here,
but at the moment they're gone,
out getting a bite to eat.
By themselves?
You mean alone?
Oh, no, no, of course not.
No, my girlfriend's taken them in my car.
That's why I had to call a cab.
I thought you said your car
broke down at the market.
I did?
Oh, no, no, no.
What I meant was that my girlfriend
has taken them to dinner
and then to the market...
Oh, forget it.
You know what I mean.
Shouldn't we be going? Didn't you
say the reservation was for 8:00?
Well...
Well, what are you waiting for?
You first. I told you,
I'm not getting out.
I'm meeting my friend from work.
But Mom, think about how uncomfortable
first dates always are.
Yeah, like what if
this guy has dog breath?
Yeah. Don't you think you'd have
more fun staying home with us?
Good night, girls.
It's stuck.
We can't get out.
Well, not unless you unlock it.
Wait! We forgot
to get dessert.
Mom, you can't go off
and leave us with no dessert.
You were gonna
make cookies, remember?
Oh.
I think we're out of
chocolate chips.
There's a bag in the pantry.
What about walnuts?
In the cupboard with the cereal,
Nicole. Now, goodbye, girls.
Have fun, Mrs. Ferris.
Yeah, Mom.
Hope it's great.
Be good.
Bye.
Well, I never really think
about being a single parent.
It's not something I planned on,
but when it happened,
we dealt with it.
There are some times I...
I wonder whether I spend
enough time with Mary,
or whether I should have a woman
around for her to relate to.
And then I stand back
and I watch her and I think:
"Hey, that's a pretty neat
kid there.
Must have done
something right."
She is a pretty neat kid.
You should be very proud.
I am. Nikki and I are
real fond of her.
Gosh, even with
two parents around,
it takes nothing short of
a miracle to raise happy kids.
I'll drink to that.
You know, I was really
surprised the other night
at how much you knew
about baseball.
Well, actually, I learned
everything I know from my husband.
Are you all right?
What? Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Is it your husband?
Is what my husband?
That upsets you.
The minute I mentioned baseball
you became completely unnerved.
Oh, no, no, no.
No, I'm...
I'm nerved.
I...
I just don't like talking
about it much, you know.
Since the divorce...
It was that painful?
No.
Not really, no.
I'm...
I'm over it now.
I bet they're having
the best time right now.
Yeah, that is if Mom didn't
show up and wreck everything.
Well, we've just gotta pray that she took
our suggestion and went someplace else.
I'd say we're ready for the M&M's.
Vector me in.
I'd say they're probably
on the top shelf.
That's where Mom hides
all the Halloween leftovers.
And bring the mini
marshmallows, if you find any.
Are you sure you're OK?
I'm sorry.
I wish I could explain.
It's all right.
Sorry.
No, please.
It's not your fault.
None of this is.
Oh, gosh, this is a nightmare.
I thought we were
enjoying ourselves.
We were. We are.
It's not you, it's me.
Honest.
Does this have anything to do
with that guy sitting over there?
You have not taken your eyes off
of him since he came in here.
Oh! Look, Bill, dinner!
Mm! Doesn't that look lovely?
Ooh, lovely, lovely, lovely!
You know, if their date is
half as good as these cookies,
we'll be sisters in no time.
You really love this place,
don't you?
Oh, no.
I love it.
Really, I love it.
I'm just not very hungry.
Uh...
That man over there
is my husband.
You mean ex-husband?
No!
I mean my husband.
My current, sleazy,
out-with-another-woman husband!
Susie!
Susie?
Susan.
Sharon!
Sharon!
Two?
Brian.
Sharon!
Susan.
Oh, Sharon!
Billy, I'm Brian.
Bill.
Wow.
(Sharon) Imagine. Brian,
you're not listening to me.
So that's when I called Brian
and asked him to help me give you
a taste of your own medicine.
When I saw you walk into
that restaurant, I about died.
And there I was
with another man.
Who thought you
were another woman.
Well, there was nothing I could do without
the whole thing just blowing up in my face.
Well, we should be getting
back to the hotel, hon.
I'm getting kinda tired.
You know, I never would have imagined
I could still feel so jealous.
I'm glad.
Come here!
Come on.
Good night, darling.
Good night.
I'll call you.
OK.
Bye.
Good night.
Quite a night.
Well, I...
don't know where to start.
I mean, I know you're Sharon and
not Susan, but I don't know...
which of you
it was that I was with
when I started having
this feeling.
Anyway, if we could just
start fresh.
Bill, I really like you.
I really do, but...
And I would have liked you even if
the kids hadn't tried to fix us up.
Thanks a lot.
And you've been a really great
sport about all this too.
It wasn't fair.
But...
As far as you and I...
I really think it's impossible.
Why?
How do you know that?
We haven't really even
spent any time together.
Have we?
Well...
You know, I'm gonna
take that job in New York.
Nikki and I are leaving
in a couple of weeks.
14 days. Who knows
what can happen in 14 days?
Yes, then what?
Relationships are hard enough without
putting 1500 miles between us.
And Mary and Nikki will stay in touch. And
I'm sure we'll be back here for visits.
I think it would be better for
everybody if we just stayed friends.
OK.
That's a pretty good
place to start.
So you're really going, huh?
My mom's already
got half the house packed.
And you won't believe how
grouchy Dad's been all week
since your mom brushed him off.
Is your Aunt Susan still in town?
She's helping Mom pack.
I guess she's gonna
stick around to see us off.
Gosh, I just can't believe
we blew it.
Do you think our lives
could possibly be any worse?
Ah, there you are, ladies.
Right in time
for a surprise pop quiz.
Hi! How are you?
I...
I...
I don't say a word.
I don't say a word.
Sharon, remember this?
Seems like a hundred years ago.
More like 200.
I'm going to the kitchen to get
a soda. Do you want anything?
Yes. An iced tea
would be fabulous.
Good idea.
I'll be right back.
You know, I'm really quite
proud of you girls.
You are?
How come?
Well, you tried real hard to get your parents
together and when it didn't work out,
I think you handled
your defeat very graciously.
Well, we tried.
What else could we do?
Besides, I guess we're
getting old enough
to know that things aren't always gonna
work out the way we want them to.
That's life.
That's right.
That reminds me. Did you get a chance
to change your dad's invitation?
Yeah, did you change your mom's?
This one's gotta work.
It's just gotta.
Come on, Mom, you don't want to
be late for your own party.
Oh!
Oh, look.
Isn't that sweet?
I guess Mr. Elias
is really gonna miss you.
Oh, I'm gonna miss him. He's been
my boss for the last 15 years.
It's not too late
to decide to stay, you know.
Nikki...
Could we be
the only people here?
Hello?
Maybe the Eliases are down below.
Hm.
Oh! I just remembered something I
left in the car. I'll be right back.
Nikki!
Hello?
Anyone here?
Hello? Mr. Elias?
Anybody?
Where are you going?
Gotta get something out
of the car. Come on with me.
You can go on ahead.
My mom's already in the boat.
Right over there.
Hello?
(Sharon) Hello?
Sharon?
Yes. Down here.
Hi.
Hi.
Well, where's the party?
Well, so far, we're it.
I can't imagine where
Mr. and Mrs. Elias are.
We are on time, aren't we?
Well, yeah. 6:00,
the invitation said.
Actually, you know, it was odd,
when I first looked at it
I would have sworn
it said seven.
That's funny.
I had the same feeling.
But Mary said
it was 6:00, so...
here we are.
Yeah.
Are we moving?
No, it always feels that way.
You get that sensation on boats.
Well, looks like we've
been deserted. Yeah.
Would you like me to mix you a drink?
Good idea.
OK.
You should come
and try these. Really.
Don't mind if I do.
These ones, not these ones.
They're very unusual.
These, eh?
What do you mean,
it just got loose?
How in the world could a thing
like that happen?
Well.
Here we are.
I wonder where everybody is.
We seem to have been here
for an awfully long time.
I mean, I'm having
a great time, but...
either we're very early
or they're very late.
Does your father
know how to sail?
I don't think so.
Cheers.
Ah, cheers.
Perhaps we ought to
call the Coast Guard.
Yeah. Probably the sooner
the better.
This is a wonderful party.
I'm having a wonderful time.
It's very hot in here,
though, isn't it?
It's getting a little stuffy.
Do you want me to open a window?
I'm sorry.
I need some air.
Will you excuse me?
Oh.
I'll take one of those with me.
They're gonna kill us
for this one for sure.
Oh, my gosh!
What?
Now what do we do?
( "Wedding March"
by Mendelssohn)
( "Let's Keep What We've Got"
by Marilyn McCoo)
It's so wonderful
It's like nothing else around
Think of what we've found
and let's not lose it
It's so beautiful
It's like music in the air
Think of all we share
And let's not lose it
It's so wonderful
It's like nothing else around
Think of what we've found
And let's not lose it
Encoded by dw817 August 24th 2015