Preaching to the Perverted (1997) Movie Script
HOUSE OF THWAX
Direct from New York's underground !
former sex worker,,
performance artist, and lap dancer.
now undisputed queen of the scene:
Tanya Cheex!
Defying U.K. authorities by
appearing with her banned show.
- This woman
- Wom-on !
- What ?
- W-O-M- O-N!
I woo no man!.
Volunteers, approach the altar.
Tonight, we free
the erotic spirit.
Hundreds of thousands of people
now frequent these kinky clubs.
Fetishism is the name,
breaking the law the game.
What are the authorities
doing about it?
When will porno sickos like,
Tanya Cheex be banned and gagged?
Excuse me, excuse me...
Mr. Harding, I'm sorry to disturb you, but the
Press Association has been ringing constantly.
I'm not just a dial-a-quote.
Hello? Hello? Mr. Harding?
Have you got anything
to say about this?
Now what frightens normal folk
is the perversion is out the closet.
"Out of the closet..." Got a quote?
Yeah, the clubs may be underground,
but their beliefs are infecting the media.
Porn, wife swapping, paedophilia
it all links with these clubs!
Of course I'm going to
do something about it!
Come to my press conference.
Everyone is afraid to say
what needs to be said...
- Except for you, Mr. Harding.
- Oh, thank you, Esmeralda..
- Eh, how is your son these days?
- He's doing ever so well at Holy Hardware.
well, eh... I might need
some help in that regard..
- Is he a believer?
- Oh, every Sunday, Mr. Harding.
Peter's taken very good care of me
since my husband passed away.
Reverend Smyth-Osbourne...
Pentium Processor & Software Bundle... -
...and connection to our
Smut Free Internet Service.
Saint Hardware
Connectez vous au seigneur !
Not long ago, a number of perverts
were jailed -
for nailing their penises
to plaques and even sicker acts.
If it had been up to me,
I'd have cut their penises off !
I will cite that case
and other laws
to combat immoral acts or
material offensive to women.
Conservatives, Christians,
and feminists,
such as these ladies,
all agree that the degrading
of women has gone far enough.
Oh, come on, Mr. Harding!
The only degrading in "The House of Thwax".
was happening to hairy-arsed men!
"The House of Thwax" objectifies women;
females who present the
image males desire and
Oh come on !
You'll have to do better than that!
Britain must not allow even consenting
adults to harm each other.
- What about boxing?
- Manly pursuits are excluded..
Now once we amass evidence of
the filth flowing in these clubs, -
I'll be handing over to the
Director of Public Prosecutions.
I'd use the women's bell
if I was you, mate.
See what I mean?
NEUROLOGIE AVANCEE
Thank you, Mistress.
Thank you, Mistress.
I promise I won't disturb
your academic work again.
Morning, Mistress.
...AIDS, sex addiction ...
[...] and he promised that protested performers
who flout the law in these clubs
could soon be facing jail sentences.
Clear off back to New York
Tanya Cheex !
Shall I mail him a shit
sandwich, mistress?
or I'll be tanning your cheeks
to the British court.
Any bombs?
My son's got an appointment
with Mr. Henry Harding, M.P.!
'scuse me I've got an appointment with
Mr. Henry Harding.
Member of Parliament.
Excuse me, but...
Only Members are permitted to address
the keepers of the cubby holes..
Oh, sorry.
Is there anybody here to
see Mr. Henry Harding?
You may have heard about my campaign.
I need a helper who's committed,
who's a Christian, -
and who's brilliant with computers.
Well, I'm your man, Mr. Harding.
Mm, I see you attended Christ College
...Oxford, or Cambridge?
Christ Computer College in Wales.
Where do you see yourself in 20 years?
Oh, Peter will be a Member of Parliament
one day, Mr. Harding. I'm sure of it.
I haven't any firm plans, except to serve
the public good. if I can, Mr. Harding
Do you realise we have over
200 applicants for this post ?
some of them from the finest families
and colleges in this land.
I'll do mail shots, typing...
I'll tidy the office, fetch sandwiches,
the laundry, anything!.
and how many of your Oxbridge types
are willing to get their hands dirty, Miss W??
Can you start today?
Well, uh, there's my van...
and my job...
Eugenie, e-mail the whole list.
it's the next four venues.
Make sure it's all encrypted so that each
club owner only knows about his own gig,
and not the others.
Mistress, can I ask you why you're
deleting the venue details?
Watch where I send this e-mail.
- TAnd this is where we keep all of the.... Filth!
- Commander Cope.
Yes ?
She keeps on provoking us.
But we haven't any successful undercover men.t.
Commander, haven't you tried cracking her anon code,
or tracing her remailing box ?
Tracing drug peddlers,
and child pornographers on the internet
that's the Yard's priority.
Um now, Mr. Harding, do you really want
to look at this ladies stuff, I mean... -
This is filth, for filth's sake !
Do you think if I wanted porn
I'd come here to get my supplies?
I'm not one of those posh Tories,,
you know, with gas masks and women's knickers.
Can't you heroes do a better job of
breaking into these clubs and porn rings, eh ?
Henry, can you really see my boys
fitting into leather jodhpurs, mmmh?
Well, fat Fibbin Gibbins did quite
a good job in a skirt and blouse.
Yes well, this isn't tabloid journalism.
You need solid evidence to make a jury convict.
But there's actual bodily harm,
gross indecency,
even blasphemy.
Tanya Bum crucifies people
on a bloody stage.
No nails went in, Henry.
Now, let me warn you.
If you don't touch some collars
at the next event, -
I'm going to initiate
private prosecutions;
...and your own proverbials
will be on the line.
It would be easier
to bring a private case.
Why don't you get someone
to go undercover?
Look, him! He's bright and eager.
And his good looks would go far -
in a skin-deep world, eh?
I don't think I can. I wouldn't
be any good at it, Mr. Harding.
- I simply can't as a Christian..
- But this is a Christian cause, lad!
It's for the good of the public.
- You coming to evensong, Mr. H?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. You come too, Pete
What is your doctorate about, Madam?
The causal link between endorphins, -
stimulation of specific receptor sites,
and euphoria..
There are a lot of endorphins in here.
Natural painkillers.
And sufficient stimuli can cause a state
of euphoria akin to an adrenaline high.
Have you thought about what I said?
It's a God-given mission.
A private conviction would be a triumph
You'd be able to address
party conference, I promise...
Couldn't you have gone by a
Holy Hardware, saved me a few bob?
We're not logging on to the Lord, Mr Harding.
We're finding smut festivals
and tracing sources.
- Would you like some chocolate, Mister Harding?
- I'd like a sick bag...
Why don't you go home ?
It'll be dawn soon.
Himmler always got sick
visiting the camps,
but he always forced
himself to go on,
because he knew he couldn't afford
to show weakness.
But we're trying to stop crime,
Mr. Harding, not cause it.
Welcome to the House of Thwax
- I said good night, Peter.
- Good night, Mr. Harding.
Yes, this hour.
Are you club organiser?
Are you NIFOC ?
(Naked In Front of Computer)
NI-FOC? Ni-FOC?
Must be an acronym.
Guess the answer by the time
I've showered,
or else, game over.
Going for a shower.
Eureka!
Smart kid!
Yes, I am.
- Tanya.
- Tanya Cheex.
Who are you?
Peter who? Peter Rabbit?
You will be permitted to
enter my presence this Saturday.
After that, members have
to prove themselves
as instructed by me.
"A Very Happy Bunny Indeed."
Arriving early, or leaving late?
Tell Mr. Harding I've penetrated them...
the sexual underground!
Hey! What the fuck do you think
No. Penetration. Ever.
Who do you think I am?
- Sorry, Mistress.
- No penis. Get it?
My clit ring can give me more pleasure
in a few seconds -
than that can give me
in a million years.
Get out! Forever!
- Testing. Testing.
- What?
I need some more money.
No, you've got to.
- Dom or sub?
- Pardon?
You dominant, or submissive?
- About average.
- You can only be one or the other.
So which are you?
All right, now we come to lot n14
Experienced slave with a high pain threshold.
I have a Prince Albert piercing,
I'm into heavy cock and ball torture,
scarification including branding,
I really enjoy eating out of soiled
panties; uh, and heavy bull whipping.
- So what do they call you?
- Oh, Mr. Happy.
All right, what is he worth?
JE SOUFFRE POUR L'AR UNE LIVRE LE VOL - You on the list ?
- Yeah !
What list ?
Bye bye, cunt.
Tanya, it's me.
The happy bunny!
Let him in.
You'll have to stay back.
You haven't been initiated.
It's pretty tame, don't you think?
I want to rest. Let them go.
Piss off the pair of you.
"Dear Diary, today Mom bought me a
little dog in a pink party hat."
- A princess.
- Get lost.
I can see you got inside the place, boy.
I can't see any visual proof
that the law was broken.
But what about her backswing? That bloke
won't be able to sit down for a week !
Where are the marks, ey? Actual bodily harm
must cause bruising.
You've wasted all the money I've spent.
Well, what did you expect, Mr. Harding?
I'm not part of their inner circle.
Get inside it, get a conviction,
or get the sack.
But what you're asking could be
physically dangerous! And humiliating...
Young man, there's a connection between
debasing yourself and pursuing your career.
Forceps.
Speculum.
Try and get it right this time.
That's very cute.
What breed of dog is it?
A puppy.
Look at you with your little pink hat.
Move along now please, Madam.
"When I grow up, I'll be a princess in my own castle -
with slaves to do the housework
and princess knocking down on the door"
The goddess is ready for sacrifice!
In Sparta, the finest young male specimen -
would undergo whippings on the bare flesh -
to honour the goddess Artemis.
Whippings by her priestesses.
They were first bound hand and foot
over Artemis' column.
Stand for cue 7, Artemis' column.
- Excuse me! I don't want to be whipped.
- All right. We'll show your devotion in some other way.
Stripping naked is the decisive action.
When man or a woman become beast,
by revealing their furry parts.
In the rites and religions of the ancient world,
sex was sacred
and transgression
was licensed on public holidays.
Stripping naked is the decisive action.
Oh, Christ!
- You don't have to go naked if you don't want to..
- Right. I won't!.
- So what do you like?
- Er, nothing too painful.
Are you willing to wear
the goddess' ring?
To be admitted to her circle?
No. No.
Then this...
is as close to me as you'll ever get.
There's nothing on the tape.
- What do you mean there's nothing on it?
- Well, they stripped the jacket off.
All that money I spent.
Did you hand in your brains
at birth, eh? Right, you're sacked!
I'm bloody going anyway.
You pay less than Social Security!
Useless runt!
N-no, let's not get hasty.
Christ on a bike! What happened?
This is what I had done
to give me a chance next time.
- Chance of what?
- Getting in close, getting the evidence,
being part of their world.
I'm not some bloody zoo exhibit!
Peter.
Wait, son. Look, I'm sorry
about that what I said back there.
You're... You're invaluable to us,
you know, to our mission.
No more running errands for her.
I take my orders from you.
And no more starving on your measly allowance.
I want food vouchers for the Strangers' Canteen.
Plus, you're coming with us
to the Members' Restaurant.
It's a special occasion.
You dine on the left,
or on the right, sir?
Twenty years,
Miss W's been working with me.
Don't see why we have to share
this occasion.
If you don't mind,
I think I'll get back to work.
You're required to attend
Mistress Tanya tonight.
Hold still...
I said still!
You coming or not, slave?
Yes, I just have to, uh...
- Mum ?
- Peter, at last !
You've had me worried sick!
Now where on Earth are you?
I won't be home tonight. I have to...
um... work.
Again?
What was that?
It sounded like a scream!
Can you press a shirt for the morning ?
Funny.
Look, stop the car.
This is just bonkers!
Peter, nobody's going to make you do
anything you don't want to do.
Well, I don't want to be down here on
the floor like a lap dog for a start.
Well then come up here
and be like a lap dog.
You haven't done this before, have you?
What do you think?
To show that you're mine. But if you want it
off your neck at any time, I'll do it
and you can walk away.
- Don't be frightened.
- I'm shy... about my... furry parts.
I've never been with a woman.
Or a... "womon" come to think of it.
You're not going to lose your virginity.
Later on you're going to massage me,
pleasure me.
But first...
I'm going to bind you.
- A goddess..
- To be worshipped by all.
- Go on.
- I, er...
Pleasure me.
The new slave needs instructing.
Relax. Learn.
Then it's your turn.
A qualified muff diver!
Relax.
What you did was natural.
You wouldn't see it in a zoo,
or in the wild.
Fix me breakfast, Peter.
Morning, Mistress.
Is that the same Miss Cheex
that pays the bills, Dad?
No angst.
You're still a virgin.
I kept my promise.
Well, I'm quite speechless
and by the looks of you... -
it turned your stomach
even more than mine.
Went through a lot to get this, son.
Well done.
Hear, hear!
Maybe you'll be aiming for the
front bench one day, son.
It's all right, son!
We've got enough to prosecute now.
Now you have a good boke.
- You trying to finish me off ?
- What ?
I've seen it once.
I know what you've got.
CHOPHAM SCHOOL
I was their headmaster there for eight years.
And I was school secretary.
Kiitos! Kiitos!
- Potent stuff.
- Time for a private prosecution?
Skin has been broken
The law of the land has been broken.
Names and addresses...
of the perpetrators?
Great stuff. Here. That's it.
Well, I've only got the one. Tanya Cheex.
She was a doer. There need to be
both doers and receivers,
all clearly identifiable in a court.
Bring back traditional details:
faces, names, addresses.
Then I can be effective.
400 quid an hour,
you'd better be!
400 Guineas.
Hey, I want you to know all this is
coming out me own pocket.
- Oh.
- Triple "o".
Mr. Harding, should we really bother
making all this legal fuss?
Should we really bother about
making laws in Parliament, eh?
These people don't harm anyone else.
You told me what they did disgusts you.
I mean, you were physically sick
after a night in their clutches
Now find out where that hussy's
performing next and nail her!
You remembered my birthday, Mistress.
- Is it for an enema, Mistress ?
- No.
Shoot me.
Steam does you a power of good.
It took a lot of guts to do what you
did son. Take me hat off to you..
There was something I wanted to ask you,
actually. Um, I mean...
- If you don't mind
- No, no, go ahead.
Were you and Miss W ever...
- Did you ever...
- Fornicate? Answer's no.
- She loves you, though.
- Not in a carnal way.
Then why the seamed stockings?
She's worn those since I knew her.
That's what women wore then,
old-fashioned women.
Well, she would've had to have been
living in the Stone Age.
What?
Not to wear any knickers?
Now look, you know I'm not a hypocrite, Peter.
I've never been married, but
Miss W. was never going to be
spouse material.
We never had sex,
whatever filthy deeds
you suspect me of.
I'll hear no more about it.
- A Mistress never shops
- Well, Mistress might just be unhappy with your menus.
Cruel.
Sickening.
Muff diving...
Lord...
please protect me from these people.
Mistress, the slaves offering themselves
for tonight.
I knew you'd be back.
We're going to a
private play party tonight.
Somewhere very special.
You must be the Cutts Watsons?
Slaves to the chapel!
Go on!
Come on, you lot, hurry up.
Are you going to be, em,
conducting proceedings here?
No, it's Eugenie's day.
She's not only an SM dyke,
she's a Wicca witch.
Pagan ways & Eastern religions celebrate
body modification,
Body pleasure.
Women's power.
Cunt power.
I'm going to make you wish
I'd never been born.
One on the tip...
Higher! Ah! Ah!
Used in U.S. submarines
to keep the boys' muscles trim.
They had no idea in the 1940s,
what it could do for a clitoris.
So is is that all I am, then?
Keeper of the clitoral box?
You don't want to be my slave?
Why are you here?
- Why inflict pain?
- For the rush, the power.
Each stroke purifies the submissive.
I can only truly love someone,
once they're under my thumb.
So that's it, then. If I don't bend over
or something.
I didn't say that.
God, you're such a boy.
Is it true you were a prostitute?
A prostitute gets laid.
A dominatrix dominates.
Even my richest client wouldn't have
dared kiss my lips.
Much less screw me.
Sure you don't want
a little spanking ? Over my knee.
Come anywhere you like -
but not in me !
What are you doing?
Um, I couldn't help notice your
collar and tag.
- Very smart.
- Thank you.
Made them myself, actually.
They double as luggage tags.
Who are the owners of this house?
Does anyone know?
You'd think that they were ordinary
human beings !
Mrs. Anthea Cutts-Watson,
Governor of Scala Television.
Hello, is there anyone in there?
See you in the chapel.
- Morning.
- Would you like a cup of tea?
Are you Mrs. Cutts-Watson?
Would you like to give her
some truncheons?
The old pork sword.
Know what I mean? Interested?
- But is this Mrs. Cutts-Watson?
- She goes like a stoat.
See what else she'll take.
They call her "Madge the Fladge."
- Could I have another look?
- Well, if you want to abuse her, fine,
but if not, I don't see the point, frankly.
On your knees, Louise.
Did you want a Maori pattern
carved on your arm?
No
All scenes are based on consent.
Parameters must be clearly stated.
Do you agree?
I think you should go over to the bench.
Don't you?
Strap her down.
You broke the rules -
by not telling everything that you should.
Eugenie. Did you ask Peter where he works
before admitting him to our circle?
People are wondering.
He's a a computer technician, Mistress.
At the House of Commons.
Peter, you should have told us.
I'm just a volunteer.
I wanted to learn about Parliament.
Prove yourself
or leave us for good.
I won't inflict pain.
Well, if you won't inflict it...
Eugenie, -
Do you have a pony?
No, Mistress.
Are you willing to prove that you're not spying for
one of those 600 creeps in the House of Commons?
Bring on the butt plug!
There's something on your shoe, old boy.
Spotty!
Coming on just fine. A year or two of correction
should toughen your skin up like leather.
Fuck off!
Listen, I'm not very....
- Tell me what you do in your job.
- Oh, er, nothing.
Things that are, well, too humiliating
for anyone else to do.
Is it the Conservatives
you're working with ?
Can you find anything out about the
campaigns against the clubs? Against my show?
- Well, that won't be easy.
- Do it for me, please?
- Cute ass for a pony.
- Zebra, more like.
Well, now that the zebra's been broken in, -
I think it's entitled to a treat.
Has this little zebra ever been
gobbled before?
Relax.
Um... I keep thinking about that dog...
what happened to it...
- They've probably flayed her alive!
- When you last saw err... Flossy -
she was chasing a trap...
Driven by a bald woman...
Whipping a transvestite...
- Harnessed as a pony?
- Yes.
We'll have to bring in the Yard..
Scotland Yard? For my dog?
Public Morals Squad.
It's gone on long enough.
Oh yes. Absolutely.
Hey! This is vanilla.
This doesn't happen.
What?
Vanilla sex.
Things straight people do?
What, wake up together?
Don't give me that fucked you now look!
You're still a virgin.
Faces, names, addresses...
Faces, names, addresses, bruises...
Operation Yeoman, all clear.
Zero Oscar proceed to chapel.
Acts of perversion in progress.
Locate and free small white dog.
Small white dog known as Flossy.
May be used in the satanic rites.
Hello, Romeo.
Negative on suspects in chapel,
negative on dog just kinky props. Over.
A private collection of
medieval implements. Perfectly legal.
Your wife is a public figure.
Mind she doesn't end up
a public laughing stock
in a court of law ?
- Um, maybe you could drop me off
at the first station then I could...
Forget your job.
Come on the road with us.
Slaves get food and expenses.
I really can't.
I have responsibilitie, Mistress.
Stop the car, Eugenie.
Faces, names, addresses... bruises.
Excellent! Fireworks igniting against
human skin, even.
With this video, backed up by Peter's strong,
clear verification as witness,
the action will not fail.
- What're the likely costs?
- That's impossible to quantify.
- Then we can't proceed.
- If we lose, -
and the trial lasts three days,,
it could amount to 250 000.
I'd have to commit suicide.
We'll be billing you in advance.
What kind of security can anyone offer?
It's called a home.
Now, you're definitely prepared to go
into the witness box, son,
- with all the scrutiny that will come with it?
- Yes. Are you definitely going to prosecute?
We, son, we. Most definitely.
These are the kind of affidavits jurors
read with one hand when they get home, eh?
By the end of the week,
the writ will hit their fan.
Why so glum?
I'm making you permanent
if this comes off.
Big career opening up for you.
I came to warn you, basically.
You're next.
I'm sure it was Peter Emery
who tipped the Yard off.
Nasty neighbour did
the tipping off, actually.
I sent the bloody dog
back in a Woolworths bag.
Didn't deserve any better.
Look, I still think we should make
more inquiries about Peter.
Let's get ready for the show.
They tell me the police
may raid tonight.
Well, let'em come!
Is anyone here from Scotland Yard ?
Step right up !
Looking for my secret past?
Whatever happened to you as a child,
I feel I should know.
He looks like an abuser.
My mom's ashamed of me now,
but I grew up happy,
so she keeps sending me reminders.
Of a dull past,
if Mistress will permit me to say so.
I used to do straight sex,
go shopping, wear loose clothes.
Beurk.
Consigned to the dustbin of history?
Mistress, What you going
to do about the slave Peter?
- He's not a slave.
- Quite, Mistress.
So he's either after information,
or a vanilla relationship.
You're after a lesbian one.
I love you.
You're not permitted to say that.
You're here to serve me,
not complicate my life.
Neither you or the boy
are going to have me.
Eugenie! Stop electrocuting Peter.
We were out of line
leaving him in the road.
They're going to clamp down
with a private prosecution.
Fuck them. I'll be back
in the States by then.
No. There'll be an immediate attempt
to injunct your act.
- On what grounds?
- To prevent corruption of public morals, -
actual bodily harm,
keeping a disorderly house..
- Well, the last part's true.
- Don't laugh!
An 18th century law can send you to jail
just the same as a modern one.
And how come your information
is so good?
I can't go into that.
Can't you calm down?
Be a bit more like normal women?
- And woo men?
- Tanya, they'll get you.
Better to serve a few months,
than sacrifice my lifestyle.
Could be years, not months.
I'll bet your hot ass would love
some cold cream.
What's your darkest fantasy?
Just thinking about it makes me
wet with sweat.
I love you.
Is that all that's troubling you?
Why don't we both...
just go away for a while? On a holiday?
No sex of any description.
I'll lose my job, if necessary, and... -
you'll avoid prosecution.
Let's play for big stakes.
If it points at me,
I'll go on that holiday. No sex, right?
If it points at you, you get
to play my darkest fantasy. Tonight.
Your bridal suite, please.
Yes, Miss. er...?
- Cheex.
- That's Cheex, with an 'x'.
Will you be needing an extra... pillow?
A husband, a dog, two kids...
- Your darkest fantasy.
- Take me!
I think you have to take me.
I'm the virgin, remember?
Promise to be gentle.
- Oh, Peter!
- Tanya.
Oh my God.
You fucked me.
You fucked me.
- Wasn't that the idea?
- Fuck no, it was a game.
Don't ever come near me
in your miserable life again!
Tanya!
Will sir be needing to borrow some clothes?
Hi. "Hell For Leather" dispatch?
Hug me, Eugenie.
Clark, the Bill of Parliament.
- What are you smirking at?
- A naughty pony.
You enjoy serving... Eugenie?
You think I enjoy buying supersize
for someone past her menopause?
I'm sorry.
Can I make it up to you?
How?
Peter is working for Henry Harding.
- How did you find out?
- I went through his briefcase.
Mistress didn't carry out
her usual diligent checks..
They have more than enough
evidence to jail us.
Get out.
Please don't do that.
I'm not a man trying
to possess you.
I want to honour you and love you!
Eugenie, you're the one
who runs this business.
It's your ideas
that make us a success
Take over.
I prefer to hand in my notice.
Eugenie, they need you!
I need you!
You expect me to eat these cold?
Go and bake some more
before I punish you!
And what are you all grinning at?
Back to work!
So, did this, er..
Tanya woman seduce you or not?
I think the answer's no.
I was so drunk.
No.
Then your testimony
can't be discredited.
I'm sorry Mr. Harding.
- For getting in so deep with her.
- Eh, devilish things, women.
I'm not sure she's that evil.
Isn't branding, beating, cutting
people's skins evil?
It's against Christian teaching, lad.
You and I know that.
This private criminal prosecution -
is the first step in reversing
the moral slide of the nation.
Mr. Harding, you and your body police
say that no one should endure pain in a sexual context.
- I don't want a slanging match with you on the pavement.
- You do every day in Parliament.
I aim to uphold the law of this land -
concerning bodily harm in a sexual context,
- gross indecency...
- Wouldn't you say that removal of clothing
indicates sexual context?
Absolutely, yes.
Then why, when you were a headmaster at Chopham
School did you punish boys with their trousers down?
- Is that true, Mister Harding?
- No, that's a pack of lies. it's typical of those people.
- Do you whip young boys?
- No, No, No, No comment.
Mrs. Cutts-Watkinson, why haven't you
resigned as head of television?
Now what did the children think about
it all? Mrs. Cutts-Watkinson?
"Cutts-Watson"
If the spectacle outside -
was intended to
advance your cause in the public eye,-
let me tell you that the slightest repetition
will result in an instant custodial sentence..
And if the defendant displays her bosom
in such a wanton manner tomorrow, -
I shall impose severe penalties
for contempt of court.
M'lud, in view of the disgusting nature
of the evidence the jury must soon face, -
might I suggest recess now for...
refreshments?
Five minutes.
Tanya.
Of all the men I've ever met, you're
the only one I was ever attracted to as a friend..
who I thought I could trust..
- I tried to warn you, believe me.
- What do you believe in, Peter? In God?
- Yes
- And is that who you're doing this for?
Or is it for your career?
The things you do at clubs are so bloody sick,
no one should be allowed
Preaching to the perverted now?
Your dick got pretty stiff some nights,
I remember.
Listen, I'm told
the only way you'll avoid jail, -
is by pleading guilty
and giving it all up.
Don't worry, son.
Mr. Emery, you're
to witness the video.
And this frame, -
You may observe what is known as
"penis torture".
See the spiked cage,
the weights attached,
attached by that woman there.
There are a further
37 instances of flagellation, -
piercing, branding, ritual cutting...
known as scarification.
Is that so?
Correct, M'lud.
And sandpapering of the genitals.
On each occasion,
actual bodily harm was occasioned.
Tomorrow our principal witness, -
who made this video
at great personal risk,, -
will testify.
Stop that!
Your name is Peter Emery,
and you are an assistant to
Henry Harding, Member of Parliament?
- Yes.
- And you recorded video images on this apparatus -
known as a "Sneaky Beaky" R-Z-7?
- Yes.
- And is this tape, Exhibit B, -
true and faithful record -
of 38 acts of sado-masochism
which you personally witnessed?
No, it is not.
I'm sorry, will you repeat that?
It is not accurate.
All the acts were simulated.
Was the camera lying,
or are you lying, Mr. Emery?
The whip blows were pulled,
the piercings are faked,
the electrical shock machines
were not connected.
- You have sworn upon the Holy Bible!
- Bear in mind that if you now declare -
that your first testimony was false, -
you thereby admit both perjury,
and contempt of court.
Both of which are punishable
by a prison sentence.
The accused are as innocent as... -
Miss Wilderspin, Mr. Harding's secretary,
or Mr. Harding, for all I know.
Mr. Emery is a foul-mouthed liar!
You liar! Liar!
Fibbin' Gibbins here,
live, from the perv trial...
Silence! I'm halting these proceedings!
The jury is dismissed.
Maybe Peter isn't such a
silly penis after all.
Did she help you to take their
trousers down, Mr. Harding?
How will you pay for the court costs,
Mr. Harding?
Arrest that man for contempt of court
and perjury.
- Then take him down.
- You are nicked!
Traitor! Traitor!
30 years moral campaigning
down the toilet.
I'll give you 10 grand
for your side of the story.
- Fuck off!
- Twenty.
- Fuck off again!
Look, you've got a criminal record
when you get out of here!
There's no chance of a job in Parliament
is there?
Fifty grand if you
confirm that video is real.
Nail Miss Wilderspin.
Find out if Harding is a pervert too.
- That's all I want to know.
- Look, don't you want to get out of this shit-hole?
Just admit the video is real!
I'd happily serve double my sentence
rather than see your face again.
Miss Wilderspin!
Come on out, you old bint!
- No! No! I'd rather make a run for it!
- Come on! Come on... Come on!
Come on!
Where's the light?
What's all this?
Perhaps that's why I never
popped the question.
What question?
I heard you listening at the door once,
after I swished a couple of the lads.
I'd never stand for anything -
the slightest bit risque, kinky...
- If what?
- If we... If we got married.
Bloody hell! There they are!
Ooh, did they rape you, luv?
Peter?
In mythology, even goddesses
ended up with unplanned pregnancies.
- Maybe the clit ring was responsible.
- The what ring?
Clit rings have made many women conceive.
It's a mystic fact.
So I decided not to abort it
I'm so pleased... as a Christian.
So am I... as a Pagan.
I have my beliefs too, you know.
The circle of life.
Would somebody mind telling me:
is this my future grandchild -
we're talking about?
Do lezzies produce milk, dad?
It's a natural response, -
if a wom-on sees
a baby and loves it.
Imagine if I started dribbling
right on stage.
That's what slaves are for.
One day,
I'm going to give you such a spanking!
Not in my lifetime, you won't.
Well then, don't get any ideas about
regular vanilla with me.
You're not talking to a slave. You're
talking to Tanya's manager, actually.
20K for one night,
but you've got to tone down your act.
Up his ass.
I'm sorry,
but Tanya has her integrity.
Coo-hee !
She's had a lovely time, haven't you?
So, what kind of wom-on
are you going to grow up to be?
Look at the snow.
I love little pussy
Her coat is so warm
And if I don't hurt her,
she'll do me no harm.
Meow! Meow! Meow!
I'll sit by the fire,
and give her some food
And pussy will love me
Because I am good.
Meow! Meow! Meow!
Direct from New York's underground !
former sex worker,,
performance artist, and lap dancer.
now undisputed queen of the scene:
Tanya Cheex!
Defying U.K. authorities by
appearing with her banned show.
- This woman
- Wom-on !
- What ?
- W-O-M- O-N!
I woo no man!.
Volunteers, approach the altar.
Tonight, we free
the erotic spirit.
Hundreds of thousands of people
now frequent these kinky clubs.
Fetishism is the name,
breaking the law the game.
What are the authorities
doing about it?
When will porno sickos like,
Tanya Cheex be banned and gagged?
Excuse me, excuse me...
Mr. Harding, I'm sorry to disturb you, but the
Press Association has been ringing constantly.
I'm not just a dial-a-quote.
Hello? Hello? Mr. Harding?
Have you got anything
to say about this?
Now what frightens normal folk
is the perversion is out the closet.
"Out of the closet..." Got a quote?
Yeah, the clubs may be underground,
but their beliefs are infecting the media.
Porn, wife swapping, paedophilia
it all links with these clubs!
Of course I'm going to
do something about it!
Come to my press conference.
Everyone is afraid to say
what needs to be said...
- Except for you, Mr. Harding.
- Oh, thank you, Esmeralda..
- Eh, how is your son these days?
- He's doing ever so well at Holy Hardware.
well, eh... I might need
some help in that regard..
- Is he a believer?
- Oh, every Sunday, Mr. Harding.
Peter's taken very good care of me
since my husband passed away.
Reverend Smyth-Osbourne...
Pentium Processor & Software Bundle... -
...and connection to our
Smut Free Internet Service.
Saint Hardware
Connectez vous au seigneur !
Not long ago, a number of perverts
were jailed -
for nailing their penises
to plaques and even sicker acts.
If it had been up to me,
I'd have cut their penises off !
I will cite that case
and other laws
to combat immoral acts or
material offensive to women.
Conservatives, Christians,
and feminists,
such as these ladies,
all agree that the degrading
of women has gone far enough.
Oh, come on, Mr. Harding!
The only degrading in "The House of Thwax".
was happening to hairy-arsed men!
"The House of Thwax" objectifies women;
females who present the
image males desire and
Oh come on !
You'll have to do better than that!
Britain must not allow even consenting
adults to harm each other.
- What about boxing?
- Manly pursuits are excluded..
Now once we amass evidence of
the filth flowing in these clubs, -
I'll be handing over to the
Director of Public Prosecutions.
I'd use the women's bell
if I was you, mate.
See what I mean?
NEUROLOGIE AVANCEE
Thank you, Mistress.
Thank you, Mistress.
I promise I won't disturb
your academic work again.
Morning, Mistress.
...AIDS, sex addiction ...
[...] and he promised that protested performers
who flout the law in these clubs
could soon be facing jail sentences.
Clear off back to New York
Tanya Cheex !
Shall I mail him a shit
sandwich, mistress?
or I'll be tanning your cheeks
to the British court.
Any bombs?
My son's got an appointment
with Mr. Henry Harding, M.P.!
'scuse me I've got an appointment with
Mr. Henry Harding.
Member of Parliament.
Excuse me, but...
Only Members are permitted to address
the keepers of the cubby holes..
Oh, sorry.
Is there anybody here to
see Mr. Henry Harding?
You may have heard about my campaign.
I need a helper who's committed,
who's a Christian, -
and who's brilliant with computers.
Well, I'm your man, Mr. Harding.
Mm, I see you attended Christ College
...Oxford, or Cambridge?
Christ Computer College in Wales.
Where do you see yourself in 20 years?
Oh, Peter will be a Member of Parliament
one day, Mr. Harding. I'm sure of it.
I haven't any firm plans, except to serve
the public good. if I can, Mr. Harding
Do you realise we have over
200 applicants for this post ?
some of them from the finest families
and colleges in this land.
I'll do mail shots, typing...
I'll tidy the office, fetch sandwiches,
the laundry, anything!.
and how many of your Oxbridge types
are willing to get their hands dirty, Miss W??
Can you start today?
Well, uh, there's my van...
and my job...
Eugenie, e-mail the whole list.
it's the next four venues.
Make sure it's all encrypted so that each
club owner only knows about his own gig,
and not the others.
Mistress, can I ask you why you're
deleting the venue details?
Watch where I send this e-mail.
- TAnd this is where we keep all of the.... Filth!
- Commander Cope.
Yes ?
She keeps on provoking us.
But we haven't any successful undercover men.t.
Commander, haven't you tried cracking her anon code,
or tracing her remailing box ?
Tracing drug peddlers,
and child pornographers on the internet
that's the Yard's priority.
Um now, Mr. Harding, do you really want
to look at this ladies stuff, I mean... -
This is filth, for filth's sake !
Do you think if I wanted porn
I'd come here to get my supplies?
I'm not one of those posh Tories,,
you know, with gas masks and women's knickers.
Can't you heroes do a better job of
breaking into these clubs and porn rings, eh ?
Henry, can you really see my boys
fitting into leather jodhpurs, mmmh?
Well, fat Fibbin Gibbins did quite
a good job in a skirt and blouse.
Yes well, this isn't tabloid journalism.
You need solid evidence to make a jury convict.
But there's actual bodily harm,
gross indecency,
even blasphemy.
Tanya Bum crucifies people
on a bloody stage.
No nails went in, Henry.
Now, let me warn you.
If you don't touch some collars
at the next event, -
I'm going to initiate
private prosecutions;
...and your own proverbials
will be on the line.
It would be easier
to bring a private case.
Why don't you get someone
to go undercover?
Look, him! He's bright and eager.
And his good looks would go far -
in a skin-deep world, eh?
I don't think I can. I wouldn't
be any good at it, Mr. Harding.
- I simply can't as a Christian..
- But this is a Christian cause, lad!
It's for the good of the public.
- You coming to evensong, Mr. H?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. You come too, Pete
What is your doctorate about, Madam?
The causal link between endorphins, -
stimulation of specific receptor sites,
and euphoria..
There are a lot of endorphins in here.
Natural painkillers.
And sufficient stimuli can cause a state
of euphoria akin to an adrenaline high.
Have you thought about what I said?
It's a God-given mission.
A private conviction would be a triumph
You'd be able to address
party conference, I promise...
Couldn't you have gone by a
Holy Hardware, saved me a few bob?
We're not logging on to the Lord, Mr Harding.
We're finding smut festivals
and tracing sources.
- Would you like some chocolate, Mister Harding?
- I'd like a sick bag...
Why don't you go home ?
It'll be dawn soon.
Himmler always got sick
visiting the camps,
but he always forced
himself to go on,
because he knew he couldn't afford
to show weakness.
But we're trying to stop crime,
Mr. Harding, not cause it.
Welcome to the House of Thwax
- I said good night, Peter.
- Good night, Mr. Harding.
Yes, this hour.
Are you club organiser?
Are you NIFOC ?
(Naked In Front of Computer)
NI-FOC? Ni-FOC?
Must be an acronym.
Guess the answer by the time
I've showered,
or else, game over.
Going for a shower.
Eureka!
Smart kid!
Yes, I am.
- Tanya.
- Tanya Cheex.
Who are you?
Peter who? Peter Rabbit?
You will be permitted to
enter my presence this Saturday.
After that, members have
to prove themselves
as instructed by me.
"A Very Happy Bunny Indeed."
Arriving early, or leaving late?
Tell Mr. Harding I've penetrated them...
the sexual underground!
Hey! What the fuck do you think
No. Penetration. Ever.
Who do you think I am?
- Sorry, Mistress.
- No penis. Get it?
My clit ring can give me more pleasure
in a few seconds -
than that can give me
in a million years.
Get out! Forever!
- Testing. Testing.
- What?
I need some more money.
No, you've got to.
- Dom or sub?
- Pardon?
You dominant, or submissive?
- About average.
- You can only be one or the other.
So which are you?
All right, now we come to lot n14
Experienced slave with a high pain threshold.
I have a Prince Albert piercing,
I'm into heavy cock and ball torture,
scarification including branding,
I really enjoy eating out of soiled
panties; uh, and heavy bull whipping.
- So what do they call you?
- Oh, Mr. Happy.
All right, what is he worth?
JE SOUFFRE POUR L'AR UNE LIVRE LE VOL - You on the list ?
- Yeah !
What list ?
Bye bye, cunt.
Tanya, it's me.
The happy bunny!
Let him in.
You'll have to stay back.
You haven't been initiated.
It's pretty tame, don't you think?
I want to rest. Let them go.
Piss off the pair of you.
"Dear Diary, today Mom bought me a
little dog in a pink party hat."
- A princess.
- Get lost.
I can see you got inside the place, boy.
I can't see any visual proof
that the law was broken.
But what about her backswing? That bloke
won't be able to sit down for a week !
Where are the marks, ey? Actual bodily harm
must cause bruising.
You've wasted all the money I've spent.
Well, what did you expect, Mr. Harding?
I'm not part of their inner circle.
Get inside it, get a conviction,
or get the sack.
But what you're asking could be
physically dangerous! And humiliating...
Young man, there's a connection between
debasing yourself and pursuing your career.
Forceps.
Speculum.
Try and get it right this time.
That's very cute.
What breed of dog is it?
A puppy.
Look at you with your little pink hat.
Move along now please, Madam.
"When I grow up, I'll be a princess in my own castle -
with slaves to do the housework
and princess knocking down on the door"
The goddess is ready for sacrifice!
In Sparta, the finest young male specimen -
would undergo whippings on the bare flesh -
to honour the goddess Artemis.
Whippings by her priestesses.
They were first bound hand and foot
over Artemis' column.
Stand for cue 7, Artemis' column.
- Excuse me! I don't want to be whipped.
- All right. We'll show your devotion in some other way.
Stripping naked is the decisive action.
When man or a woman become beast,
by revealing their furry parts.
In the rites and religions of the ancient world,
sex was sacred
and transgression
was licensed on public holidays.
Stripping naked is the decisive action.
Oh, Christ!
- You don't have to go naked if you don't want to..
- Right. I won't!.
- So what do you like?
- Er, nothing too painful.
Are you willing to wear
the goddess' ring?
To be admitted to her circle?
No. No.
Then this...
is as close to me as you'll ever get.
There's nothing on the tape.
- What do you mean there's nothing on it?
- Well, they stripped the jacket off.
All that money I spent.
Did you hand in your brains
at birth, eh? Right, you're sacked!
I'm bloody going anyway.
You pay less than Social Security!
Useless runt!
N-no, let's not get hasty.
Christ on a bike! What happened?
This is what I had done
to give me a chance next time.
- Chance of what?
- Getting in close, getting the evidence,
being part of their world.
I'm not some bloody zoo exhibit!
Peter.
Wait, son. Look, I'm sorry
about that what I said back there.
You're... You're invaluable to us,
you know, to our mission.
No more running errands for her.
I take my orders from you.
And no more starving on your measly allowance.
I want food vouchers for the Strangers' Canteen.
Plus, you're coming with us
to the Members' Restaurant.
It's a special occasion.
You dine on the left,
or on the right, sir?
Twenty years,
Miss W's been working with me.
Don't see why we have to share
this occasion.
If you don't mind,
I think I'll get back to work.
You're required to attend
Mistress Tanya tonight.
Hold still...
I said still!
You coming or not, slave?
Yes, I just have to, uh...
- Mum ?
- Peter, at last !
You've had me worried sick!
Now where on Earth are you?
I won't be home tonight. I have to...
um... work.
Again?
What was that?
It sounded like a scream!
Can you press a shirt for the morning ?
Funny.
Look, stop the car.
This is just bonkers!
Peter, nobody's going to make you do
anything you don't want to do.
Well, I don't want to be down here on
the floor like a lap dog for a start.
Well then come up here
and be like a lap dog.
You haven't done this before, have you?
What do you think?
To show that you're mine. But if you want it
off your neck at any time, I'll do it
and you can walk away.
- Don't be frightened.
- I'm shy... about my... furry parts.
I've never been with a woman.
Or a... "womon" come to think of it.
You're not going to lose your virginity.
Later on you're going to massage me,
pleasure me.
But first...
I'm going to bind you.
- A goddess..
- To be worshipped by all.
- Go on.
- I, er...
Pleasure me.
The new slave needs instructing.
Relax. Learn.
Then it's your turn.
A qualified muff diver!
Relax.
What you did was natural.
You wouldn't see it in a zoo,
or in the wild.
Fix me breakfast, Peter.
Morning, Mistress.
Is that the same Miss Cheex
that pays the bills, Dad?
No angst.
You're still a virgin.
I kept my promise.
Well, I'm quite speechless
and by the looks of you... -
it turned your stomach
even more than mine.
Went through a lot to get this, son.
Well done.
Hear, hear!
Maybe you'll be aiming for the
front bench one day, son.
It's all right, son!
We've got enough to prosecute now.
Now you have a good boke.
- You trying to finish me off ?
- What ?
I've seen it once.
I know what you've got.
CHOPHAM SCHOOL
I was their headmaster there for eight years.
And I was school secretary.
Kiitos! Kiitos!
- Potent stuff.
- Time for a private prosecution?
Skin has been broken
The law of the land has been broken.
Names and addresses...
of the perpetrators?
Great stuff. Here. That's it.
Well, I've only got the one. Tanya Cheex.
She was a doer. There need to be
both doers and receivers,
all clearly identifiable in a court.
Bring back traditional details:
faces, names, addresses.
Then I can be effective.
400 quid an hour,
you'd better be!
400 Guineas.
Hey, I want you to know all this is
coming out me own pocket.
- Oh.
- Triple "o".
Mr. Harding, should we really bother
making all this legal fuss?
Should we really bother about
making laws in Parliament, eh?
These people don't harm anyone else.
You told me what they did disgusts you.
I mean, you were physically sick
after a night in their clutches
Now find out where that hussy's
performing next and nail her!
You remembered my birthday, Mistress.
- Is it for an enema, Mistress ?
- No.
Shoot me.
Steam does you a power of good.
It took a lot of guts to do what you
did son. Take me hat off to you..
There was something I wanted to ask you,
actually. Um, I mean...
- If you don't mind
- No, no, go ahead.
Were you and Miss W ever...
- Did you ever...
- Fornicate? Answer's no.
- She loves you, though.
- Not in a carnal way.
Then why the seamed stockings?
She's worn those since I knew her.
That's what women wore then,
old-fashioned women.
Well, she would've had to have been
living in the Stone Age.
What?
Not to wear any knickers?
Now look, you know I'm not a hypocrite, Peter.
I've never been married, but
Miss W. was never going to be
spouse material.
We never had sex,
whatever filthy deeds
you suspect me of.
I'll hear no more about it.
- A Mistress never shops
- Well, Mistress might just be unhappy with your menus.
Cruel.
Sickening.
Muff diving...
Lord...
please protect me from these people.
Mistress, the slaves offering themselves
for tonight.
I knew you'd be back.
We're going to a
private play party tonight.
Somewhere very special.
You must be the Cutts Watsons?
Slaves to the chapel!
Go on!
Come on, you lot, hurry up.
Are you going to be, em,
conducting proceedings here?
No, it's Eugenie's day.
She's not only an SM dyke,
she's a Wicca witch.
Pagan ways & Eastern religions celebrate
body modification,
Body pleasure.
Women's power.
Cunt power.
I'm going to make you wish
I'd never been born.
One on the tip...
Higher! Ah! Ah!
Used in U.S. submarines
to keep the boys' muscles trim.
They had no idea in the 1940s,
what it could do for a clitoris.
So is is that all I am, then?
Keeper of the clitoral box?
You don't want to be my slave?
Why are you here?
- Why inflict pain?
- For the rush, the power.
Each stroke purifies the submissive.
I can only truly love someone,
once they're under my thumb.
So that's it, then. If I don't bend over
or something.
I didn't say that.
God, you're such a boy.
Is it true you were a prostitute?
A prostitute gets laid.
A dominatrix dominates.
Even my richest client wouldn't have
dared kiss my lips.
Much less screw me.
Sure you don't want
a little spanking ? Over my knee.
Come anywhere you like -
but not in me !
What are you doing?
Um, I couldn't help notice your
collar and tag.
- Very smart.
- Thank you.
Made them myself, actually.
They double as luggage tags.
Who are the owners of this house?
Does anyone know?
You'd think that they were ordinary
human beings !
Mrs. Anthea Cutts-Watson,
Governor of Scala Television.
Hello, is there anyone in there?
See you in the chapel.
- Morning.
- Would you like a cup of tea?
Are you Mrs. Cutts-Watson?
Would you like to give her
some truncheons?
The old pork sword.
Know what I mean? Interested?
- But is this Mrs. Cutts-Watson?
- She goes like a stoat.
See what else she'll take.
They call her "Madge the Fladge."
- Could I have another look?
- Well, if you want to abuse her, fine,
but if not, I don't see the point, frankly.
On your knees, Louise.
Did you want a Maori pattern
carved on your arm?
No
All scenes are based on consent.
Parameters must be clearly stated.
Do you agree?
I think you should go over to the bench.
Don't you?
Strap her down.
You broke the rules -
by not telling everything that you should.
Eugenie. Did you ask Peter where he works
before admitting him to our circle?
People are wondering.
He's a a computer technician, Mistress.
At the House of Commons.
Peter, you should have told us.
I'm just a volunteer.
I wanted to learn about Parliament.
Prove yourself
or leave us for good.
I won't inflict pain.
Well, if you won't inflict it...
Eugenie, -
Do you have a pony?
No, Mistress.
Are you willing to prove that you're not spying for
one of those 600 creeps in the House of Commons?
Bring on the butt plug!
There's something on your shoe, old boy.
Spotty!
Coming on just fine. A year or two of correction
should toughen your skin up like leather.
Fuck off!
Listen, I'm not very....
- Tell me what you do in your job.
- Oh, er, nothing.
Things that are, well, too humiliating
for anyone else to do.
Is it the Conservatives
you're working with ?
Can you find anything out about the
campaigns against the clubs? Against my show?
- Well, that won't be easy.
- Do it for me, please?
- Cute ass for a pony.
- Zebra, more like.
Well, now that the zebra's been broken in, -
I think it's entitled to a treat.
Has this little zebra ever been
gobbled before?
Relax.
Um... I keep thinking about that dog...
what happened to it...
- They've probably flayed her alive!
- When you last saw err... Flossy -
she was chasing a trap...
Driven by a bald woman...
Whipping a transvestite...
- Harnessed as a pony?
- Yes.
We'll have to bring in the Yard..
Scotland Yard? For my dog?
Public Morals Squad.
It's gone on long enough.
Oh yes. Absolutely.
Hey! This is vanilla.
This doesn't happen.
What?
Vanilla sex.
Things straight people do?
What, wake up together?
Don't give me that fucked you now look!
You're still a virgin.
Faces, names, addresses...
Faces, names, addresses, bruises...
Operation Yeoman, all clear.
Zero Oscar proceed to chapel.
Acts of perversion in progress.
Locate and free small white dog.
Small white dog known as Flossy.
May be used in the satanic rites.
Hello, Romeo.
Negative on suspects in chapel,
negative on dog just kinky props. Over.
A private collection of
medieval implements. Perfectly legal.
Your wife is a public figure.
Mind she doesn't end up
a public laughing stock
in a court of law ?
- Um, maybe you could drop me off
at the first station then I could...
Forget your job.
Come on the road with us.
Slaves get food and expenses.
I really can't.
I have responsibilitie, Mistress.
Stop the car, Eugenie.
Faces, names, addresses... bruises.
Excellent! Fireworks igniting against
human skin, even.
With this video, backed up by Peter's strong,
clear verification as witness,
the action will not fail.
- What're the likely costs?
- That's impossible to quantify.
- Then we can't proceed.
- If we lose, -
and the trial lasts three days,,
it could amount to 250 000.
I'd have to commit suicide.
We'll be billing you in advance.
What kind of security can anyone offer?
It's called a home.
Now, you're definitely prepared to go
into the witness box, son,
- with all the scrutiny that will come with it?
- Yes. Are you definitely going to prosecute?
We, son, we. Most definitely.
These are the kind of affidavits jurors
read with one hand when they get home, eh?
By the end of the week,
the writ will hit their fan.
Why so glum?
I'm making you permanent
if this comes off.
Big career opening up for you.
I came to warn you, basically.
You're next.
I'm sure it was Peter Emery
who tipped the Yard off.
Nasty neighbour did
the tipping off, actually.
I sent the bloody dog
back in a Woolworths bag.
Didn't deserve any better.
Look, I still think we should make
more inquiries about Peter.
Let's get ready for the show.
They tell me the police
may raid tonight.
Well, let'em come!
Is anyone here from Scotland Yard ?
Step right up !
Looking for my secret past?
Whatever happened to you as a child,
I feel I should know.
He looks like an abuser.
My mom's ashamed of me now,
but I grew up happy,
so she keeps sending me reminders.
Of a dull past,
if Mistress will permit me to say so.
I used to do straight sex,
go shopping, wear loose clothes.
Beurk.
Consigned to the dustbin of history?
Mistress, What you going
to do about the slave Peter?
- He's not a slave.
- Quite, Mistress.
So he's either after information,
or a vanilla relationship.
You're after a lesbian one.
I love you.
You're not permitted to say that.
You're here to serve me,
not complicate my life.
Neither you or the boy
are going to have me.
Eugenie! Stop electrocuting Peter.
We were out of line
leaving him in the road.
They're going to clamp down
with a private prosecution.
Fuck them. I'll be back
in the States by then.
No. There'll be an immediate attempt
to injunct your act.
- On what grounds?
- To prevent corruption of public morals, -
actual bodily harm,
keeping a disorderly house..
- Well, the last part's true.
- Don't laugh!
An 18th century law can send you to jail
just the same as a modern one.
And how come your information
is so good?
I can't go into that.
Can't you calm down?
Be a bit more like normal women?
- And woo men?
- Tanya, they'll get you.
Better to serve a few months,
than sacrifice my lifestyle.
Could be years, not months.
I'll bet your hot ass would love
some cold cream.
What's your darkest fantasy?
Just thinking about it makes me
wet with sweat.
I love you.
Is that all that's troubling you?
Why don't we both...
just go away for a while? On a holiday?
No sex of any description.
I'll lose my job, if necessary, and... -
you'll avoid prosecution.
Let's play for big stakes.
If it points at me,
I'll go on that holiday. No sex, right?
If it points at you, you get
to play my darkest fantasy. Tonight.
Your bridal suite, please.
Yes, Miss. er...?
- Cheex.
- That's Cheex, with an 'x'.
Will you be needing an extra... pillow?
A husband, a dog, two kids...
- Your darkest fantasy.
- Take me!
I think you have to take me.
I'm the virgin, remember?
Promise to be gentle.
- Oh, Peter!
- Tanya.
Oh my God.
You fucked me.
You fucked me.
- Wasn't that the idea?
- Fuck no, it was a game.
Don't ever come near me
in your miserable life again!
Tanya!
Will sir be needing to borrow some clothes?
Hi. "Hell For Leather" dispatch?
Hug me, Eugenie.
Clark, the Bill of Parliament.
- What are you smirking at?
- A naughty pony.
You enjoy serving... Eugenie?
You think I enjoy buying supersize
for someone past her menopause?
I'm sorry.
Can I make it up to you?
How?
Peter is working for Henry Harding.
- How did you find out?
- I went through his briefcase.
Mistress didn't carry out
her usual diligent checks..
They have more than enough
evidence to jail us.
Get out.
Please don't do that.
I'm not a man trying
to possess you.
I want to honour you and love you!
Eugenie, you're the one
who runs this business.
It's your ideas
that make us a success
Take over.
I prefer to hand in my notice.
Eugenie, they need you!
I need you!
You expect me to eat these cold?
Go and bake some more
before I punish you!
And what are you all grinning at?
Back to work!
So, did this, er..
Tanya woman seduce you or not?
I think the answer's no.
I was so drunk.
No.
Then your testimony
can't be discredited.
I'm sorry Mr. Harding.
- For getting in so deep with her.
- Eh, devilish things, women.
I'm not sure she's that evil.
Isn't branding, beating, cutting
people's skins evil?
It's against Christian teaching, lad.
You and I know that.
This private criminal prosecution -
is the first step in reversing
the moral slide of the nation.
Mr. Harding, you and your body police
say that no one should endure pain in a sexual context.
- I don't want a slanging match with you on the pavement.
- You do every day in Parliament.
I aim to uphold the law of this land -
concerning bodily harm in a sexual context,
- gross indecency...
- Wouldn't you say that removal of clothing
indicates sexual context?
Absolutely, yes.
Then why, when you were a headmaster at Chopham
School did you punish boys with their trousers down?
- Is that true, Mister Harding?
- No, that's a pack of lies. it's typical of those people.
- Do you whip young boys?
- No, No, No, No comment.
Mrs. Cutts-Watkinson, why haven't you
resigned as head of television?
Now what did the children think about
it all? Mrs. Cutts-Watkinson?
"Cutts-Watson"
If the spectacle outside -
was intended to
advance your cause in the public eye,-
let me tell you that the slightest repetition
will result in an instant custodial sentence..
And if the defendant displays her bosom
in such a wanton manner tomorrow, -
I shall impose severe penalties
for contempt of court.
M'lud, in view of the disgusting nature
of the evidence the jury must soon face, -
might I suggest recess now for...
refreshments?
Five minutes.
Tanya.
Of all the men I've ever met, you're
the only one I was ever attracted to as a friend..
who I thought I could trust..
- I tried to warn you, believe me.
- What do you believe in, Peter? In God?
- Yes
- And is that who you're doing this for?
Or is it for your career?
The things you do at clubs are so bloody sick,
no one should be allowed
Preaching to the perverted now?
Your dick got pretty stiff some nights,
I remember.
Listen, I'm told
the only way you'll avoid jail, -
is by pleading guilty
and giving it all up.
Don't worry, son.
Mr. Emery, you're
to witness the video.
And this frame, -
You may observe what is known as
"penis torture".
See the spiked cage,
the weights attached,
attached by that woman there.
There are a further
37 instances of flagellation, -
piercing, branding, ritual cutting...
known as scarification.
Is that so?
Correct, M'lud.
And sandpapering of the genitals.
On each occasion,
actual bodily harm was occasioned.
Tomorrow our principal witness, -
who made this video
at great personal risk,, -
will testify.
Stop that!
Your name is Peter Emery,
and you are an assistant to
Henry Harding, Member of Parliament?
- Yes.
- And you recorded video images on this apparatus -
known as a "Sneaky Beaky" R-Z-7?
- Yes.
- And is this tape, Exhibit B, -
true and faithful record -
of 38 acts of sado-masochism
which you personally witnessed?
No, it is not.
I'm sorry, will you repeat that?
It is not accurate.
All the acts were simulated.
Was the camera lying,
or are you lying, Mr. Emery?
The whip blows were pulled,
the piercings are faked,
the electrical shock machines
were not connected.
- You have sworn upon the Holy Bible!
- Bear in mind that if you now declare -
that your first testimony was false, -
you thereby admit both perjury,
and contempt of court.
Both of which are punishable
by a prison sentence.
The accused are as innocent as... -
Miss Wilderspin, Mr. Harding's secretary,
or Mr. Harding, for all I know.
Mr. Emery is a foul-mouthed liar!
You liar! Liar!
Fibbin' Gibbins here,
live, from the perv trial...
Silence! I'm halting these proceedings!
The jury is dismissed.
Maybe Peter isn't such a
silly penis after all.
Did she help you to take their
trousers down, Mr. Harding?
How will you pay for the court costs,
Mr. Harding?
Arrest that man for contempt of court
and perjury.
- Then take him down.
- You are nicked!
Traitor! Traitor!
30 years moral campaigning
down the toilet.
I'll give you 10 grand
for your side of the story.
- Fuck off!
- Twenty.
- Fuck off again!
Look, you've got a criminal record
when you get out of here!
There's no chance of a job in Parliament
is there?
Fifty grand if you
confirm that video is real.
Nail Miss Wilderspin.
Find out if Harding is a pervert too.
- That's all I want to know.
- Look, don't you want to get out of this shit-hole?
Just admit the video is real!
I'd happily serve double my sentence
rather than see your face again.
Miss Wilderspin!
Come on out, you old bint!
- No! No! I'd rather make a run for it!
- Come on! Come on... Come on!
Come on!
Where's the light?
What's all this?
Perhaps that's why I never
popped the question.
What question?
I heard you listening at the door once,
after I swished a couple of the lads.
I'd never stand for anything -
the slightest bit risque, kinky...
- If what?
- If we... If we got married.
Bloody hell! There they are!
Ooh, did they rape you, luv?
Peter?
In mythology, even goddesses
ended up with unplanned pregnancies.
- Maybe the clit ring was responsible.
- The what ring?
Clit rings have made many women conceive.
It's a mystic fact.
So I decided not to abort it
I'm so pleased... as a Christian.
So am I... as a Pagan.
I have my beliefs too, you know.
The circle of life.
Would somebody mind telling me:
is this my future grandchild -
we're talking about?
Do lezzies produce milk, dad?
It's a natural response, -
if a wom-on sees
a baby and loves it.
Imagine if I started dribbling
right on stage.
That's what slaves are for.
One day,
I'm going to give you such a spanking!
Not in my lifetime, you won't.
Well then, don't get any ideas about
regular vanilla with me.
You're not talking to a slave. You're
talking to Tanya's manager, actually.
20K for one night,
but you've got to tone down your act.
Up his ass.
I'm sorry,
but Tanya has her integrity.
Coo-hee !
She's had a lovely time, haven't you?
So, what kind of wom-on
are you going to grow up to be?
Look at the snow.
I love little pussy
Her coat is so warm
And if I don't hurt her,
she'll do me no harm.
Meow! Meow! Meow!
I'll sit by the fire,
and give her some food
And pussy will love me
Because I am good.
Meow! Meow! Meow!