Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical (2005) Movie Script
"Tell your children -
"Marijuana,
america's new drug menace.
"A trained medical technician
will be in attendance
"As certain scenes
May cause undue excitement
in the faint of heart. "
This had better not be
a stag film.
"Trained medical technician"
- What's in this movie?
I asked the fellow to let me
watch it ahead of time,
But he said it would spoil
the emotional impact.
A real showman, that one.
You haven't seen it?!
Well -
You're the principal, short!
You're showing the doggone thing
in your school.
What if he turns out
to be some kind of huckster?
Oh, no, mr. Mayor.
This guy's on the up-And-Up.
He works with some
federal agency.
He had a letter
and everything.
Federal, huh?
I guess it's okay, then.
E- Exactly what I thought.
Mah-Ree-Jew-Ee-Nah.
Mah-Ree-Jew -
Jew?
Mah-Ree - Oh!
Mah-Ree-Jew-A -
Excuse me, do you know
how to say this word?
I don't speak mexican.
Mary-Jew -
Good evening.
Good evening. Good evening.
I want to thank you all
for braving the weather
And coming out tonight.
Over the years, your
benjamin harrison high school
Has hosted numerous functions.
Graduations, for example...
Your annual
christmas pageants...
The drama club's recent and,
so i'm told,
Highly lauded presentation
of "green grow the lilacs. "
But no purpose this room
has ever served
Is more important
than that which brings myself
And my able assistant,
mr. Blumsack,
To your community tonight.
I assume worthy parents
like yourselves
Have photos of your kids
in your wallets, right?
Can you take them out now
and look at them?
Fine-Looking young lad.
My, she's the spitting image,
isn't she?
You all looking carefully?
Good...
For those pictures before you
Are the designated targets
of a deadly assassin.
An assassin of youth,
A new drug menace
Destroying our children in
alarmingly increasing numbers.
Marijuana is that drug.
A vile narcotic,
an unspeakable scourge,
The real public enemy
number-One.
creeping like a communist,
it's knocking at our doors
turning all our children
into hooligans and whores
voraciously devouring
the way things are today
savagely deflowering
the good old usa
it's reefer madness
reefer madness
reefer madness,
reefer madness
oh, so mad
see the kids
precious kids
yes, their heads
are on the chopping block
and someone's got to dare
to take a stand
can't ignore anymore
it could be
your son or daughter
with a deadly stick of reefer
in the hand
they're heading straight for
reefer madness,
reefer madness
save our kids
stealthy as a socialist,
it slithers up our shores
turning all our children
into hooligans and whores
this smoking bowl of evil
bears the choking stench
of sin
it burrows like a weevil
under tender christian skin
this
reefer madness,
reefer madness
oh, so mad
pull the wool
from your eyes
we're in need
of righteous soldiers
for this merry wonder
has to be destroyed
fight the urge
of this scourge
it's destructive
but seductive
so some drastic measures
have to be employed
to put an end to
reefer madness,
reefer madness
oh, so mad
deadly as the democrats
that empty out our stores
turning all our children
into hooligans and whores
teenagers across the land
are glazed and oversexed
if you fail to draw the line,
your babies will be next
oh
reefer madness,
reefer madness
oh, so mad
tell your children
reefer madness
fight the menace
reefer madness
kill the devil
reefer madness
save the country
reefer madness
madness, madness,
madness, madness
reefers made us
crazy, barking
mad
Some of you may think
i'm overreacting.
I'll say.
I think you've come
to the wrong town, pal.
That kind of thing
isn't a problem around here.
You don't know our kids.
You'd be surprised
how often I hear that.
What makes this particular drug
so dangerous
Is that there are no forbidding
needles or snorting powders.
Children smoke a reefer stick,
Thinking it to be an ordinary,
perfectly harmless cigarette.
The kind we all used to enjoy
as teenagers.
And before you can say
"jack robinson,"
They are enslaved!
But don't take
my word for it.
Here are the shocking,
sordid facts.
And judge for yourselves.
The filmed presentation
you are about to witness
Chronicles the harper affair,
A true story
exhaustively documented
In the fine newspapers
of mr. William randolph hearst.
A true story
That took place in a town
very much like your own.
Meet jimmy harper,
An upstanding young lad
of some 16 summers -
Well-Mannered, hard-Working,
An all-Around credit
to the community.
Right now,
jimmy's hurrying to school,
Hoping to run into
a very special young lady -
Mary lane.
Mary was a healthy young miss of
good, american breeding stock,
God-Fearing, civic-Minded,
and very much in love.
Just a harmless
old turtle.
See?
Off you go.
I thought it was a rat.
Can I carry your books?
Thanks.
Yes, mary and jimmy
Were destined to share a love
that would last a lifetime.
Tragically, it would be
the brief lifetime
Of a fruit fly.
It's sweet of you to help me
study "romeo and juliet," jimmy.
Without your help,
come exam time,
I would have been
on a trip for biscuits.
Well, it's my pleasure.
Where would you like
to start?
Probably the "proo-Low-Gwee. "
Proo-Low-Gwee?
Oh, I think you mean
"prologue. "
I keep getting that confused
with "mon-Tay-Gwee. "
That's not even a real word.
I looked it up in two different
dictionaries.
Montague -
It's romeo's last name.
You are so smart.
My mother says you're a boy
who's going places.
Uh... you don't talk about me
to your mother, do you?
I talk about you
to everybody.
Forsooth, fair juliet,
Wouldst thou likest
yon hot chocolate?
Oh, jimmy, wherever did you
learn to speak like that?
It's fancy talk
from "romeo and juliet,"
'Cause when a guy
wants to woo a girl,
He needs, you know,
the right language.
Are you trying to woo me,
jimmy harper?
I need words to tell you
about my pounding heart
$4 words that make a guy
sound smart
well, I guess that's why
they invented shakespeare
his articulations of a lover's
palpitations are so keen
my bounty is as boundless
as the sea
my love as deep,
the more I give to thee
oh, you sound so dreamy
when you talk like shakespeare
a big vocabulary
should be customary
when you fall in love
la-La-La la la-La,
you're a snowy dove
la la la,
prodigious birth of love
la-La-La la-La,
hip, hooray for shakespeare
sure as I am breathing
you can make
elizabethan language fun
we are just like
romeo and juliet
we're happy, young,
and bubbling with love
I can't wait
to read the ending
I can't, either, but i'm sure
it turns out real swell
I bet romeo
marries his juliet
they have a baby
and make lots of friends
that's probably the way
the play ends
you doth teach the torches
how to burn real bright
hanging like a jewel
upon the cheek of night
hark, what light through
yonder window breaks here?
we'll be future spouses
put a plague on both
our houses if we're wrong
shakespeare!
The sad truth is
that if our schools
Spent less time indoctrinating
our children
In the works
of bill shakespeare
And focused instead on the
work of a far superior author...
Well, things might have
turned out differently.
And the delicate heart
of young love
Might not have been stabbed.
Stabbed and pinned
to the shameful corkboard of...
The reefer den!
Come on, mae.
Get up off your duff.
What time is it,
jack?
Time to give this place
a going-Over.
It looks like the marines
have landed.
That bunch last night
was high enough
To take over the marines
and the navy.
Party's over, sally.
What a night -
I was in more laps
than a napkin.
Great,
now the damn baby's awake.
Hold your water!
Hold your water!
Mama's coming.
Hold your wa- Ooh!
Oh... oh...
Damn stairs.
Oh!
Yeah!
Look at all this weed!
Pastures of plenty!
Keep your ham hooks
off my product.
Just checking for bugs.
Aah! Aah!
Need a better class
of clientele.
At least they're old enough
to know what they're doing...
Not like some of those
young kids you bring up here.
Ah, stop squawking at me.
You got more static
than the radio.
I'm gonna press bricks
over to the five-And-Dime,
Bring back
a couple more kids.
You got a problem with that?
Well, maybe I do.
You better tune me in
and get my signal right.
Around here,
i call the shots.
Jack...
Oh, that's right...
Almost forgot.
You can't get through
the morning
Without a little toot,
can you?
See you in the funny papers.
I ought to leave him
but something makes me stay
it's the stuff
i'd try to kill him
but my guy gives me love
and the stuff
sometimes he's rough
he throws me down the stairs
but deep inside he cares
he buys me lingerie
and the stuff
oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh
I was a student
good grades and so naive
till the stuff
a handsome stranger
some empty promises
lots of stuff
but I don't get hooked
i'm not addicted, no
I just enjoy the glow
I like to have my fun
no harm to anyone
though the fun
sometimes escapes me
when jack gets stoned
and rapes me
nothing numbs me better
than the stuff
oh, oh, oh
than the stuff
In the latest issue
of scientific american,
The federal bureau of narcotics
Tells us that marijuana
possesses an addictive power
Beyond even that
of heroin or cocaine.
Yes?
Are you sure
about your facts there?
No, no.
Why do you ask, mr...
Kochinski.
My wife's cousin had himself
a problem with the heroin,
And I done some reading,
and let me tell you,
There's nothing more addictive
than that stuff.
Kochinski...
Russian name...
Isn't it?
It was polish.
Actually, it's polish.
Of course.
I certainly applaud
Your brave unwillingness
to believe something
Simply because it's printed
in a silly magazine
With the word "american"
in the title.
You stand as a shining example
to your comrades...
And the rest of us.
Well, my wife might have
mixed up the story.
I- I think it was marijuana
that her cousin was hooked on.
It's bad -
It's bad stuff.
Bad stuff, indeed.
Would that it had been
mere heroin...
For,
ladies and gentlemen,
Marijuana
is an insidious master
Seeking slaves not in
the dark jungles of africa,
But right here
in each of our 48 states.
after school has let out
we just like to get out
to the place where
jitterbugging's always in style
satchmo is a-Singing,
dorsey is a-Swinging
a syncopated wonderland
that brings on a smile
come and stretch
your dance abilities
nobody is feeling
ill at ease
when your toes are tapping,
anything can happen
down at the old
five-And-Dime
dancing, dancing
razzmatazz that always
has you sashaying, swaying
buy your gal some jujubes,
she'll be swooning
spooning down at the old
five-And-Dime
if you're feeling gloomy,
glide on over to me
try the finest cherry fizz
in all of the land
my after-School oasis
gets the hopeless cases
hopping and a-Bopping
to the five-And-Dime band
you can buy yourself
a pack of smokes
laugh at all my corny
knock-Knock jokes
gotta take the gang out
to the local hangout
where benny goodman is king
So, you really gonna give her
your school ring?
And how!
Boy, that mary lane is one
slinky piece of homework,
An e-Flat dillinger,
A hop and a skip
to tastytown!
I sure wouldn't mind taking
a bite out of that tomato!
Hands off, mickey!
I'm hep.
Here goes nothing.
dancing, dancing
then enjoy
some funny books
we get frisky, risky
cool off with
a malted milk
we're all bumping,
come jump in
down at the old
five-And-Dime
Mary, I got something
to ask you.
Did you hear the announcement
at school today?
Next week, president roosevelt
is coming to town.
Wow! You know, my pop says
He's a labor-Appeasing,
supreme-Court packing bolshevik.
Well, I don't know
about all that boy stuff.
But the important thing
Is there's going to be a big
dance contest in his honor.
And I want you
to be my partner.
Dance contest?
Jeez, I don't know.
What's to know?
I've been working
on our routine.
Feast your peepers
on this.
feel the crazy rhythm
in your feet
everybody keep it
"reet petite"
blazing bright as neon,
maybe we could be on
"major bowes' amateur hour"
What's the wait, nate?
I got two left feet,
and they're on backwards.
If mary sees me dancing,
i'll lose her.
Oh, yeah.
Mickey!
I'm hep.
Well, I have to change into my
coveralls for 4-H club tonight.
I'll see you there.
Hey, kid, i'm jack.
I'm jimmy.
Pleased to meet you.
sometimes
men would come to call
who stank of sin
and barbasol
they'd ask kids
if they felt at all
like having themselves
a few kicks
Jimmy -
As in jimmy cagney?
Don't I wish.
Girl trouble, huh?
Yeah, I got
just the cure.
What say you and i
blow this popsicle stand
And find ourselves
a real party.
Gee, that's awfully nice,
mr. Jack,
But i'm meeting my girlfriend
at 4-H club later.
Come on,
we'll have some laughs -
Half-Hour, tops.
Gee...
I don't know.
Suit yourself.
Guess you're not the hep cat
i took you for.
Oh!
Wow!
You sure shake
a wicked calf.
Can you teach me
how to dance like that?
By the time I get through,
You'll make fred astaire
look like barney google.
Come on.
Well, if you're sure
it'll only be a half-Hour.
Kid, that's a promise
from me to you.
dancing, dancing
charleston
till your tootsies ache
we'll be grinning, spinning
romping to the savoy stomp
we're rug-Cutting, strutting
then as a coda
we drink ice-Cream soda
here down at the old
five-And-Dime, yeah!
Do your children enjoy
jazz music?
For I am here to tell you
that cab calloway,
Dizzy gillespie,
duke ellington,
And the whole weed-Blowing,
ginger-Colored lot
Are merely masquerading
as musicians
And are, in fact,
agents of evil.
Reefer slows down
the smoker's sense of time,
Allowing him to squeeze in
unnecessary grace notes,
Giving this voodoo music
The power to hypnotize
white women
Into indulging in acts
of unspeakable degradation.
Oh!
You will find
this profane music
Wherever you find marijuana.
Hear that?
It's the national anthem
of sodom and gomorrah.
Faster, sally!
Faster!
One of them...
That's it, sally!
That's it!
Ooh!
Man, i'm starving.
We got any eats?
Everybody,
take it on the heel!
Get the lead
out of your shorts!
Am-Scray, am-Scray!
Damn cowbell.
Damn baby.
Damn... stuff.
Come on in, kid.
Make yourself cozy.
Who's that?
Ralph - Used to be
a college boy.
Mae, this is jimmy harper.
He's okay.
Aw, jack, this kid can't be
more than 15.
Oh, 16, madam.
The name's mae...
And a madam runs a different
kind of house.
Shut up!
Good baby.
Oh, god.
Say, who's the new fish?
Oh, i'm j-J-Jimmy.
Sally, why don't you
and j-J-Jimmy
Get better acquainted?
Give him the usual.
If I can't turn him on,
he ain't got switches.
How tall are you,
anyway?
Uh, 5'9".
Let's forget the 5 feet and
concentrate on the 9 inches.
Whoopsie.
No harm done...
hero.
Ow!
I'm telling you, I want
that jimmy kid out of here.
He's too young -
I got hooked at that age,
And i'm not doing it
to anybody else.
Do I have water in my ear,
or you giving me guff?
This is my house,
and I say he goes!
Is everything okay?
Just fell,
that's all.
Oh, let me light your cigarette
for you, there, sally.
This isn't a cigarette.
It's a real smoke -
Reefer.
Let's share it.
Oh, no, I shouldn't.
Um... it's been great
meeting you folks,
But I ought to head over
to 4-H club.
I'm teaching some of the newbies
how to make a potato clock.
I didn't think you were
such a moldy fig.
Or maybe you're scared.
I'm not either!
Prove it.
come on, jimmy,
come on, jimmy
suck it down for sally
come on, jimmy,
come on, jimmy
suck it down for sally
Thank you, sally,
But I honestly don't think
it's such a good idea.
come on, jimmy,
come on, jimmy
suck it down for sally
come on, jimmy,
come on, jimmy
suck it down for sally
I gotta get out of here.
You've gotten me
all confused.
take a toke of tea stick,
take a toke of tea stick
smoke it, you may choke at
first, but then the worst is over
don't be a chicken
don't, jimmy, don't do it,
don't be a fool
No! No!
No! No!
smoke the marijuana
sail the sea of sin
reach a hot nirvana
tremble from within
serve your appetite
plan to stay the night
I am standing
at temptation's door
I have never
felt this way before
join the wonder dance
lose the underpants
No!
someone save me
there's no place to hide
from this hellacious
magic-Carpet ride
open up your mind,
let your body soar
arms and legs entwined,
cry, "more, more, more"
if a year goes by,
it might seem a day
if a day goes by,
it could take a year
space recedes
at blinding speeds
your lust is on the rise
moloch
tender virgin
fresh as morning dew
i've been eagerly
expecting you
live the greater life
live the satyr life
eros beckons
feel the need increase
every fiber
burns for sweet release
live a little dream
leave a little mess
everybody scream
"yes, yes, yes"
can't you feel the flush
of pulsing pagan fire?
come and feel the rush
fly higher and higher
dancing naked
as the sinful adam
voodoo jungle drums
coupled with a wicked madam
till the morning comes
yes, we're waiting
for your business
in this carnal carnivale
take a one-Way ticket
to the bacchanal
so come on, jimmy, come on,
give me reefer love
Sally:
smoke the marijuana
sail the sea of sin
and reach a hot nirvana
tremble from within
yes, we're waiting
for your business
in this carnal carnivale
take a one-Way ticket
to the bacchanal
so come on, jimmy, come on,
give me reefer love
Mary:
knock, knock.
Oh, therefore art
thou romeo.
I've been looking for you
everywhere.
Well, I haven't been
everywhere!
Well, what a thing to say.
I was wondering if we
could practice our steps
For the presidential dance.
It's only a few days away,
And with you being so
mysteriously busy all the time,
I wanted to make sure we could
get in enough rehearsal.
Jimmy, is something wrong?
Why?
Should something be wrong?
Stop hounding me.
Stop hounding me!
I didn't think I was.
I -
Oh.
It's me, isn't it?
You don't love me anymore.
You haven't even tried to kiss
me in almost a week.
Kiss?
Is that what you want?
Let me show you
a few new moves!
Aah!
That was your tongue!
Jimmy harper,
what's come over you?
Mercifully, mary had no idea
what had come over jimmy.
But she feared the worst.
the sermon today
was really exciting
yahweh was mad
and did plenty of smiting
with locusts and plagues
and little green froggies
all that and more
thundered down from the sky
I reached for your hand
like I always do
but beside me was just
an empty wooden pew
there's hymnals
and a rosary
but they don't
keep me company
the wafers now
don't taste so great
they won't transubstantiate
without you near
the gospel choir
sounds askew
jimmy, come back
and fill my lonely pew
a gloomy church
that you're not in
can lead a girl
to mortal sin
a lady asked,
"is this seat taken?"
I lied, I guess
I told her, "yes"
I pray a holy shining star
shining, twinkling star will
lead you home from where you are
where, oh, where you are
in a fog or lost at sea
or could it be
you're tired of me?
it's a line of thought
i'd rather not pursue
rather not pursue, mm-Ooh
jimmy, come back
and fill my lonely
pew
I've got the window open.
Give me a boost!
Ow!
Shh! Shh!
How much you think
is in there?
If jack don't get his green,
we don't get ours!
Cool your jets!
Hear that? We got more scratch
than a sandpaper factory.
This'll keep us in the straw
for at least a week!
That's good!
Frankincense - Wow!
Reefer...
Madness...
Welcome to club celestial.
I am your host,
joan of arc.
No christian martyr
works it harder.
The many voices in my head
Tell me that we have a special
guest in the house tonight,
James fenimore harper!
Tonight jimmy will be taught
the error of his ways
By the brightest star
in our heavenly firmament -
The lord of hosts,
the stranger from the manger,
The hardest-Working man
in the afterlife,
Give it up for jesus!
Aw, jesus...
I got a great high
cooking here.
Don't bring me down.
On the contrary, jimmy...
I'm here to bring you up
with dope.
No, not your brand
of dope,
But the straight dope.
You think those reefer fiends
are cool?
I don't think you realize
how cool god can be.
I floated down from heaven
when I heard a lamb
had strayed
look at you here
your brain has turned
to marmalade
i'm here to help you, jimmy
and return you to the fold
try filling your lungs
with god
and not jamaican gold
satan's bold
loves to lie
don't reply
do you want to make
the angels cry?
cry-Y-Y-Y
listen to jesus, jimmy
just say "no"
to the marijuana
listen to jesus, jimmy
this comes straight
from the madonna
listen to jesus, jimmy
i'm the face
on the shroud of turin
listen to jesus, jimmy
do I need to test
your urine?
satan went and conned you
he conned you, jimmy
mustn't touch his evil ganja
jimmy, don't turn
your back on god
dona eis requiem
numquam fumes cannabis
aut incendes ibi inferno
you'll burn in hell
i've cured a lot of lepers
and i've risen from the dead
how you doing?
is that what it's gonna take
to get this through your head?
You can touch.
if you insist on smoking
to indulge those teenage kicks
soon you'll be floating naked
in the river styx
what a fix
sulfur pools
torture tools
separation from your
family jewels
rama-Lama, they're gonna
cut your dingdong
listen to jesus, jimmy
gotta give it up
for lent, boy
listen to jesus, jimmy
or wind up
as satan's rent-Boy
listen to jesus, jimmy
don't let reefer
get your keister
listen to jesus, jimmy
i'm the poster boy
for easter
jimmy, let me see you
want to see you, jimmy
kick the sin and sinsemilla
jimmy, don't turn
your back on god
for the lord god omnipotent
hateth marijuana, marijuana
listen to jesus, jimmy
thou shalt heed
this holy omen
listen to jesus, jimmy
stop indulging like a roman
listen to jesus, jimmy
all the cherubim
say you gotta
you gotta
listen to jesus, jimmy
trust the man
with the stigmata
jimmy, don't you turn
your back on god
on god
You rock, jesus!
Jimmy...
Take a hit of god instead.
You think you can handle
the high?
I got a new god now.
Ooh... ooh...
Hey!
That's my mary jane!
Think so?
You don't own
the mary jane.
The mary jane
owns you.
Listen up, kid,
and listen good.
Get out now
and don't look back.
It's too late for us,
but you -
You're young.
You still got
a chance.
Why do you got
a steak on your eye?
Just fell,
that's all.
I'm serious, jimmy.
It's dangerous here.
These days,
i got me a taste for danger!
Back off!
You're heaped to the gills!
And you - Zip it!
You'll wake sally's baby.
That's okay, mae.
Don't worry about it.
Sally, how come I haven't heard
your baby crying tonight?
Um...
I don't know.
It is a matter
of public record
That the addict
will sell anything,
Anything at all,
To obtain the decadent rush
of that next fix.
You'll take good care of him,
right?
I mean, it's not true
what they say
About you people
eating babies, is it?
Care to stay for dinner?
You're just kidding,
right?
You didn't sell your baby
for reefer money, did you?
It's okay.
I got another one
on the way.
Light?
'Cause that kind
of joke ain't...
So where'd you get
this packard?
Oh, I boosted it
from my girlfriend.
Girlfriend?
You expect me to believe
Some bobby-Soxer's
got what it takes
To chop your suey?
Sally, you're getting me
steamed up like a pants presser!
That's the idea, baby.
Tonight, you and me are gonna
break out like the measles!
Sally?
Sally!
Sally!
Keep your eyes
on the road, sally!
Serves him right for trying to
jump over the car like that.
Hey, mister,
are you okay?
We didn't see you there.
I- I...
I think he's dead.
I was never here.
Okay.
Damn lamppost.
I'm so sorry.
there's blood on my hands
and mud on my name
my id threw a party,
and everyone came
my innocence ravaged,
my virtue devoured
I can't count the strangers
with whom I have showered
i've taken a life
been stripped to my essence
and to think all I wanted
was swing-Dance lessons
Police! Freeze!
Local police are on the lookout
for a late model packard
Spotted leaving the scene
of a hit-And-Run homicide!
Mae was right
about the mary jane.
It owns me.
mary jane,
oh, mary jane
you crumpled me
like cellophane
you stir me up
like beef chow mein
you wreck me, mary jane
mary jane,
oh, mary jane
you've conquered me
like charlemagne
pleasure intertwined
with pain
you wreck me, mary jane
your toxic kisses
make my heart race
faster than a cheetah
i've been stapled
and spindled
my willpower's dwindled
you melt resistance down
like hot velveeta
mary jane,
oh, mary jane
you flushed my future
down the drain
smeared me like
a ketchup stain
but I need you
I love you
and i'm loved by mary
loved by mary, loved
by mary lane
loved by mary lane
loved by mary,
loved by mary
loved by mary lane
loved by mary,
loved by mary
loved by mary lane
i'm loved by mary lane
There's only room for one mary
in my life -
Mary lane -
With an "I," for "love. "
I love mary lane!
loved by mary,
loved by mary
loved by mary lane
Jimmy, what are you
doing here
In the middle
of the night?
It's almost 9:00 p. M.
mary lane,
oh, mary lane
two words that fall
like gentle rain
Did you take my car?
you touch my hand
and kill my pain
I love you,
mary lane
Jimmy,
i'm in my nightgown.
you flood my world
with all the colors
of the sunday funnies
the innocent splendor
of kisses so tender
softer than a pillow
stuffed with bunnies
Bunnies?!
I don't know
what you're talking about,
But I like the sound
of it!
mary lane,
oh, mary lane
will help you sing
a new refrain
with you beside,
we'll start again
just me and mary
you and mary
you and mary lane
me and mary lane
when life becomes
a roller coaster
and I can't keep
my footing
i'll love you
completely
steady me sweetly
you're sweet as shirley temple
dipped in pudding
sweet as shirley temple
pudding
Yeah, yeah,
mary lane yeah, yeah!
oh! Mary lane
our hearts pound
like a diesel train
the world may crumble,
we'll remain
just me and mary
you and mary
loved by mary
loved by mary lane
loved by mary
loved by mary lane
loved by mary
loved by mary lane
loved by mary
love mary magdalene
by lane
loved by mary
loved by mary
loved by mary lane
loved by mary
loved by mary
yeah, I love you
loved by mary lane
you got to - Got to -
got to love me
loved by mary
hoo!
loved by mary lane
I love you, jimmy, yeah
loved by mary
loved by mary la-A-A-A-Ne
we'll sing to the rafters
of happily afters
I love you
you're loved by
mary la-A-A-A-Ane
Who can name for me the one,
all-Abiding,
All-Powerful force
in the world?
Hmm?
Principal short?
What is the human condition
so powerful
It can stave off all
that is black and evil
In these confusing times?
Love?
Oh!
In a time in which our children
are subjected
To a daily diet
of depravity
In their film
and popular music?
Ha ha!
In a time in which
the entire world
Is aligned against
the american way of life,
A time when our economy is
in a state of total collapse
And a reckless lunatic sits
in the white house,
I am relieved to hear
Our fatuous friend
is so confident
That love will carry
the day.
The correct answer is,
of course, "vigilance. "
Sirens.
There's been something
i've been meaning to give you,
And I may not get
another chance.
Oh, jimmy.
Your school ring?
Is your finger swollen?
Are you putting on weight?
Maybe.
Lately, I seem to be hungry
all the time.
A moment on the lips,
forever on the hips.
Wait.
What you do mean,
you may not get another chance?
I have to run away -
Far away.
Well, then, i'm coming with you. No!
It'll only ruin your life.
You have no idea what i've done.
It doesn't matter.
I'm wearing
your school ring now...
Or at least I will be, as soon
as you get it off your finger.
And if romeo has to run away,
then so does juliet.
Okay.
Go put on some clothes,
pack a bag - I'll wait.
That's more like it.
I believe in you,
jimmy harper!
Even if you do have
pudgy fingers.
Goodbye, mary.
You deserve better.
Hey, kid.
How's tricks?
How'd you find me?
It's all over the radio.
Cops are looking for you
and the packard.
I drove around your neighborhood
till I found it.
I can't have you telling
the cops
Where you get
your stagger-Leaf.
So, what's say we head
back to mae's,
Where it's safe and cozy?
This will calm you down
for the ride.
You're talkin'
on a dead phone.
I'm through with reefer,
and i'm through with you.
Don't think you can pull any
tricks, 'cause it won't work.
I see.
Well, then, I guess there's
only one thing left to do.
You like brownies?
Baked them myself.
Well, I am kind of hungry.
Thank you.
this brownie is yummy
it's the greatest brownie
known to man
it's chewy, it's nutty
this brownie's really good
don't offer me a macaroon
my brownie suits me fine
there's frosting on the top
and best of all it's mine
eat the brownie,
eat the brownie
Let's go home.
Okay.
I shimmer electric
i'm a one-Man marching
brownie band
I love it - My brownie
and my brownie loves me, too
it's smooth, it's sweet,
it's chocolaty
it forms a perfect square
and the bestest part of all
is I don't have to share
doesn't have to share and the bestest
part of all is I don't have to share
eat the bro eat the brownie
eat the brownie
eat the brownie
yeah yeah
yeah yeah
Come on, kid.
Get in the car.
Where we going, jack?
Back where you belong.
You're one of us now.
That's nice.
Jimmy...
Wait.
Careful, jimmy.
Not too fast.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah!
This weed is a triple scream
and one big yell.
Aaah!
I need more, I tell you.
More!
Always happy to oblige
a customer.
Whoa!
Make that a paying customer.
Pony up, kid.
I'm busted flat, jack.
You bled me dry.
Not quite.
It doesn't come off,
so don't waste your - Ow!
I was saving that ring
for mary.
Where else you gonna get
your fix -
From the coloreds
down the jazz quarter?
Those chow-Chows
over at madame ling's?
They'd bounce you
like a lead dime.
Real gold.
Smoke up, pip-Squeak.
This will get you
through the entire weekend.
See you
in the funny papers.
He's really a nice guy,
once you get to know him.
Oh, jimmy.
What have you gotten
yourself into?
Good boy.
Ha-Tcha!
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, diddle-Diddle,
a cat for my fiddle.
One moment, please.
I need the room!
I got company.
You mind taking it upstairs?
Don't mind
taking it anywhere.
Oh, yes.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, there.
I'm ralph.
Hello.
My name's mary lane.
I followed my boyfriend here -
Jimmy harper.
Have you seen him?
Um, well,
he just stepped out...
To, uh, pick up some bibles
for our prayer breakfast.
That's my jimmy.
Say, is this
a fraternity sweater?
Is jimmy hanging out
with college boys?
Why, yes.
Yes, he is.
We at phi beta... cannabis
Were so taken with jimmy
That we decided
to pledge him early,
While he's still
in high school -
Avoid the rush.
That's the bee's knees.
Wait till that susie mayberry
hears about this.
Let's celebrate...
with a smoke.
Hold on.
This isn't that reefer
i've read about, is it?
Oh, no.
Of course not.
This is
a special cigarette,
All the rage
with the college girls...
In paris.
P- Paris?
Oh, yes.
Well...
If i'm going
to be dating
A fraternity man...
little mary sunshine
with her hem cut
so low
little mary sunshine
with her ducks
in a row
It burns my lungs.
little mary sunshine
needs a change in her life
My head feels funny,
ralph.
little mary sunshine
needs a man
Oh!
now, come on,
mary sunshine
it's time that you learned
to be bad
you make
a charming armful
so snuggle up,
my buttercup
'cause you've been had
Ralph,
i think you tricked me.
now smoke it,
mary sunshine
dissolve in the sweet,
burning glow
come lose yourself
in pleasure
when the bambalacha's
gotcha
you'll forget
the word "no"
Oh, I can't.
What about... jimmy?
jimmy's a rube
provincial and dull
don't be tricked,
he's strictly quadrilateral
jimmy's a boy
i'm ready for men
let's go up and down
and up and down
and down again
Mary sunshine,
you are ultra-Ultra!
I feel a little naughty
baby, i'll help you relax
i'll tie you up
with phone cord
we'll play with whips
and nipple clips
and candle wax
now, hold on,
mary sunshine
let's not
get carried away
just call me
"mary wanna"
and mary got some scary
little games to play
i'll lather you up
who, me?
and give you a shave
shave!?
a paddling while straddling
my little slave
Hey, now!
down on your knees
it's pointless to fight
save your strength
it's gonna be
a lengthy night
Help!
This crazy tomato's
rapin' me!
goodbye to mary sunshine
reefer has blown out
her mind
she's now a hot-Hay hussy
don't you run,
i'm not done
Can't you tell
we've just begun?
What's your rush?
You're not having fun?
No, i'm really not!
mary, mary sunshine
burns for, yearns for
dirty lo-O-O-O-Ove
Shut up, bitch!
Ugh!
I'm not buying
any of this.
You ask me, this guy's
getting his jollies
Showing us blue movies.
I'm sorry, mr. Kochinski,
Do you have something to share
with the group?
Uh, no.
We're very interested to hear
what you have to say.
Look, it's just -
One puff,
and the girl goes wacky?
It's kind of far-Fetched.
That's all i'm saying.
Not according to
mr. William randolph hearst.
A recent edition of
his san francisco examiner
Tells us that "3/4
of the crimes of violence
In this country today
are committed by dope slaves. "
That is a matter
of cold record.
Well, you can't believe
everything you read.
And that don't make me
a commie!
Mr. Hearst is
a very wealthy man
Who attended
harvard university.
Where did you matriculate?
"Ma-Tric-U-Late"?
It means,
where did you go to college?
I didn't.
I see.
Well, regardless,
mr. Kochinski,
I'm sure everyone here
takes your opinions
Very seriously.
Given the extremity
of your views,
It would be
unpatriotic not to.
Mary?!
Jimmy.
Kid, it's not
what it looks like.
Ohh. Oh!
Holy socks!
Billy, don't go.
Don't you want to learn
to dance?
Ah, eh, ah, oh!
He's... killing... me!
Oh!
Jeez, that stupid
little weed freak.
Is everybody okay?!
I think i've been shot.
She fell down!
Mae, get me
some smelling salts.
All right, you two blow.
Don't talk to nobody.
I will handle this.
Go!
Give me that.
Mary?
Mary.
What - What happened?
You shot her dead, kid.
Jack, no.
Jimmy,
i don't feel so good.
Shh. It's -
It's gonna be okay.
I promise.
I feel so cold.
Give me the ring.
Well, looky here.
Casper milky-Toast
is givin' me orders.
I shot mary.
What makes you think
i won't shoot you?
Oh, jimmy -
Your school ring.
Oh, it glitters,
like a star.
we are just like
romeo and juliet
we're happy, young,
and -
hemorrhaging blood
did you get to read
the ending?
was it perfect?
did they love
until they got old?
It was beautiful.
They grew up,
And everyone they knew
came to the wedding.
Did they have babies?
Yeah... six of them.
That's good.
I love babies.
it makes me happy
knowing that we loved
like romeo and -
Juliet.
Mary,
how could I have shot you?
Coppers.
Jimmy, out the back.
Hurry!
No, mae,
i pulled the trigger.
I have to face
my punishment.
Don't you get it?
Jack was holding the gun.
He's planning
to frame you.
Nobody move!
Officer, thank god.
This kid burst in here
with a gun
And started shooting -
Shooting and laughing!
I think he might have been
smoking that... reefer!
Just like you read about
in the papers.
No, that's a lie!
Tell them what
really happened, mae.
Ma'am, do you have anything
to say?
Well, I -
Jimmy, I -
Oh.
Officer, I -
Mae, please!
No.
The kid burst in
shooting...
Just like the man said.
Mae... no!
Kid's gonna burn
for this.
Pity -
Attractive girl.
After a swift trial,
James fenimore harper
was found guilty
Of the murder of mary lane
And sentenced
to death row.
In his
thought-Provoking book,
"Marijuana,
weed of madness,"
Earle albert rowell
explains
How marijuana
"causes prison inmates
"To fall desperately in love
with each other...
Just as they would with women
outside prison walls. "
Hello, mr. And mrs. America
and all the ships at sea.
Let's go to press.
Flash -
Tonight, jimmy
"the cannabis killer" harper
Walks the last mile
to the electric chair,
Convicted of murder
while under the influence
Of the new drug menace,
marijuana.
Shut up.
Shut up!
We can't just
let jimmy die.
Shut up!
Shut up!
Look, the kid's
yesterday's headlines,
And there's nothing
we can do about it.
When's jack bringing
some new boys home?
Shut up!
Shut up!
You shut up!
What are you, nuts?
I'm... fine.
Perfectly in control.
remember me, ralph?
I'm about to fry
Shut up!
while you and your friends
stand idly by
my life is now a
ticking bomb shut up!
i'm gonna miss
my senior prom
Shut up! Shut up!
you murdered me, ralph
Shut up!
murdered me
murdered you
murdered me
murdered him
Everything okay up there?
It's the kid!
He's in the toilet!
Just flush him, ralph.
Aaah!
Whoa.
You better cool off
on the muggles, there.
Just a little hungry.
That's all.
remember me, ralph?
I've been sent to hell
a pubescent edition
of jezebel
it hurts a lot to bend
but at least
i've made a friend
Shut up!
you murdered her,
ralph
murdered me
murdered you?
murdered me
murdered them
What's eating him?
Jack, I saw satan!
And the kid!
And satan! And the girl!
And satan!
That mug's wound up
like an 8-Day clock.
One too many
giggle sticks.
You'd better put your flaps down
before you take off.
Go get some air.
No, jack!
Not out there, jack!
No! No!
Jack! Jack!
Just a little too much weed.
That's all.
Just an ordinary scarecrow.
Aaaah!
Aaah!
Aaah!
open the gate
and abandon hope
with the ghosts of the kids
that got hooked on dope
way down where it's hot
they are saving us
a spot
you murdered them, ralph
murdered them,
murdered them
Bad zombies!
Shoo! Yah! Yah!
he's losing it, jack
gee,
you don't suppose
he's liable to crack
and spill all he knows
he's really he's really
acting weird acting weird
perhaps it's time
he disappeared
he'd never be missed
I could
murder him,
murder him
Jack, no! You fire
that bean-Shooter,
You'll have the police
right back here.
All right, we'll play it
your way... for now.
Aah!
He bit me!
Jack, I got me
the munchies real bad.
He's giving me
the creepin' heebie-Jeebies!
Come on, let's go
get ralph a bite.
He's liable to wake the
neighbors with that racket.
You stay.
Keep an eye on him.
I don't like the way
he's looking at me.
Shake a leg
with that grub!
Leg...
grub...
Aaaah!
Yoo-Hoo, ralph!
We have take-Away
from dim foo's!
Sally? Ralph?
Where'd they go?
They'd best not
have skipped town.
Sally. Ralph!
Yah!
Aah! Aaah!
Blumsack.
Aww.
I found me a snack,
it was nice and fresh
the weed made him hungry
for human flesh
step away, you mug
'cause that's a brand-New
persian rug
he's not gonna stop
murder him, murder him
murder him, murder him
Hah!
Yah!
Oh!
Jack: ralph...
Ha ha!
Oh, god.
Oh, god.
Mae! Don't get queer
on me, now.
Ow.
Damn body.
open the gate
and abandon hope
with the ghosts of the kids
that got hooked on dope
now I see them, jack
and they all want
their childhoods back
we murdered them, jack
murdered them,
murdered them
open the gate
and abandon hope
with the ghosts of the kids that
got hooked on dope pull it together.
now I see them, jack
don't flip your skirt
you do the things
you gotta do
in this dog-Eat-Dog-Eat-Dog world
they all want their childhoods back
we murdered them, jack!
so you murder them
survival of the fittest
before they murder you
murdered them
murder, murder, murder
murdered t the winner is
murder, murder, murder
the last one left
aahhhhh
ali-I-I-Ive!
Well,
on the bright side,
It looks like we finally got
the place to ourselves.
Ralph and sally
And little... what's-Her-Name
are dead.
Jimmy's on his way
to the electric chair,
And you couldn't care less!
I may be a monster,
but you, jack -
You're the devil!
So long as i'm
the number-One guy.
the kid's a goner
they're gonna make
him pay
for the stuff
Here.
Simmer down, will ya?
i've seen my honor
rolled up and burnt away
with the stuff
well, it's gotta stop
Let go of me!
What? I'm trying
to comfort you here.
I said, let go!
I should show him
the door
he treats me
like a whore
I don't need jack
no more
or the stuff
You dumb slut!
That was half a jay of good
mooter you just wasted.
I know.
Hey, what do you think
you're doing
With that garden hoe?
Taking care
of a big, fat weed.
Oh, that's it.
Say "goodnight," gracie.
Goodnight, gracie.
Oh!
so, this is it, jack
last night
of ballyhoo
for the stuff
Get away from me,
you crazy skirt!
this one's for ralph,
jack
here's one for sally,
too
had enough?
yeah,
you're not so tough
you once had all
the brains
now they're just
carpet stains
you're in no shape
to fight
my bid
to make things right
'cause there's blood
upon your necktie
your corpus is delecti
and I have been delivered
from the
stu-U-U-U-U-Uff
Ohh.
Good lord, man.
You've sent thelma into shock!
Your wife's lack
of fortitude
Is no fault
of this presentation.
I daresay our hardy
pioneer women
Would have shared a good laugh
at her expense.
So, what of mae coleman?
With jack out of the picture,
Mae was determined to rescue
the seemingly doomed jimmy.
But fate was about to intervene
in a most dramatic fashion.
Man: and from my vantage point,
I see the
presidential motorcade
Turning onto halford street.
The crowd is going wild!
Mr. President!
Mr. President!
Mr. President!
I need to talk with you.
Step back, ma'am.
But - But -
Hyah!
It is a known scientific fact
That when under the influence
of marijuana,
The user becomes
insatiably violent.
And capable of staggering feats
of strength.
Unfortunately for mae coleman...
She was no longer
under the influence.
Ugh!
Oop - Aah. Mmmph.
Oh.
I'm... so terribly sorry.
I don't know
what came over me.
Please, help me up.
Hyah!
Mr. President!
An innocent boy
is about to be executed!
Listen to me, please!
Hold on, boys!
I, for one,
would like to hear
What the blood-Spattered
young lady has to say.
James fenimore harper,
You have been convicted
of the murder of mary lane
And sentenced to death
by electrocution
In accordance with the laws
of this great state.
Any last words?
Um...
Well-Put.
Pull the switch.
Stop the execution!
We have
a presidential pardon!
Mae, am I ever glad
to see you!
And you, too,
mr. President.
Ha ha ha!
I knew you wouldn't
let me die!
Though I was kind of hoping
You wouldn't cut it
quite so close.
I'm sorry, kid.
But now
we're gonna be okay!
So, jimmy,
i've heard a lot about you.
Oh, and we've read about you
in school, mr. President.
Thank you so much
for coming!
I promise never to touch
the reefer again.
Oh, that is simply grand.
You know, a little orphan girl
once told me
That the sun would come out
tomorrow.
Her adopted father was
a powerful billionaire,
So I suppressed the urge
to laugh in her face.
I think she might have
been on to something!
they were ready
to cook my goose
at long, long last
let the truth be heard
from sea to shining sea
from sea to shining sea
you have been set
our children teeter
on the brink
spread the word
'cross the hemisphere
Ha ha!
Not to worry, jimmy!
with catchy slogans
we've all rehearsed
george washington
gonna tell them
the truth, truth, truth
everybody gotta know,
oh, oh
what politics to despise
get wise!
gonna tell them
the truth, truth, truth
everybody gotta know,
oh, oh
and turning your
neighbors in or kin!
george washington
would never lie
everybody gotta know,
oh, oh
that famous finger
set to point
gonna tell them
the truth, truth, truth
give me your tired
everybody gotta know, oh, oh
give me your poor
we're saving every youth
give me your huddled masses
from denver to duluth
Oh! Yeah!
please wait for me,
juliet
one day i'll get cancer
or hit by a train okay.
and we'll be reunited
in heaven
it's time for parents
to take a stand
for the preservation
of this great land
and once the reefer
has been destroyed
and communists
and queens
when danger's near,
exploit their fear
creeping
like a communist
it's reefer madness,
reefer madness
see the kids,
precious kids
they're heading
straight for...
reefer madness,
reefer madness
it slithers
up our shores
reefer madness,
reefer madness
pull the wool
from your eyes
fight the urge
of this scourge
that empty out
our stores
turning all our children
into hooligans and whores
teenagers
across the land
if you fail to draw the line,
your babies will be next
madness, madness
reefer madness
when life becomes
a roller coaster
you're sweet as shirley temple
dipped in pudding
oh! Mary lane
our hearts pound
like a diesel train
the world may crumble,
we'll remain
loved by mary
loved by mary lane
loved by mary
loved by mary lane
loved by mary
loved by mary lane
loved by mary
loved by mary
yeah, I love you
loved by mary lane
loved by mary you
got to - Got to - Got to -
loved by mary la-A-A-A-Ne
I love you
"Marijuana,
america's new drug menace.
"A trained medical technician
will be in attendance
"As certain scenes
May cause undue excitement
in the faint of heart. "
This had better not be
a stag film.
"Trained medical technician"
- What's in this movie?
I asked the fellow to let me
watch it ahead of time,
But he said it would spoil
the emotional impact.
A real showman, that one.
You haven't seen it?!
Well -
You're the principal, short!
You're showing the doggone thing
in your school.
What if he turns out
to be some kind of huckster?
Oh, no, mr. Mayor.
This guy's on the up-And-Up.
He works with some
federal agency.
He had a letter
and everything.
Federal, huh?
I guess it's okay, then.
E- Exactly what I thought.
Mah-Ree-Jew-Ee-Nah.
Mah-Ree-Jew -
Jew?
Mah-Ree - Oh!
Mah-Ree-Jew-A -
Excuse me, do you know
how to say this word?
I don't speak mexican.
Mary-Jew -
Good evening.
Good evening. Good evening.
I want to thank you all
for braving the weather
And coming out tonight.
Over the years, your
benjamin harrison high school
Has hosted numerous functions.
Graduations, for example...
Your annual
christmas pageants...
The drama club's recent and,
so i'm told,
Highly lauded presentation
of "green grow the lilacs. "
But no purpose this room
has ever served
Is more important
than that which brings myself
And my able assistant,
mr. Blumsack,
To your community tonight.
I assume worthy parents
like yourselves
Have photos of your kids
in your wallets, right?
Can you take them out now
and look at them?
Fine-Looking young lad.
My, she's the spitting image,
isn't she?
You all looking carefully?
Good...
For those pictures before you
Are the designated targets
of a deadly assassin.
An assassin of youth,
A new drug menace
Destroying our children in
alarmingly increasing numbers.
Marijuana is that drug.
A vile narcotic,
an unspeakable scourge,
The real public enemy
number-One.
creeping like a communist,
it's knocking at our doors
turning all our children
into hooligans and whores
voraciously devouring
the way things are today
savagely deflowering
the good old usa
it's reefer madness
reefer madness
reefer madness,
reefer madness
oh, so mad
see the kids
precious kids
yes, their heads
are on the chopping block
and someone's got to dare
to take a stand
can't ignore anymore
it could be
your son or daughter
with a deadly stick of reefer
in the hand
they're heading straight for
reefer madness,
reefer madness
save our kids
stealthy as a socialist,
it slithers up our shores
turning all our children
into hooligans and whores
this smoking bowl of evil
bears the choking stench
of sin
it burrows like a weevil
under tender christian skin
this
reefer madness,
reefer madness
oh, so mad
pull the wool
from your eyes
we're in need
of righteous soldiers
for this merry wonder
has to be destroyed
fight the urge
of this scourge
it's destructive
but seductive
so some drastic measures
have to be employed
to put an end to
reefer madness,
reefer madness
oh, so mad
deadly as the democrats
that empty out our stores
turning all our children
into hooligans and whores
teenagers across the land
are glazed and oversexed
if you fail to draw the line,
your babies will be next
oh
reefer madness,
reefer madness
oh, so mad
tell your children
reefer madness
fight the menace
reefer madness
kill the devil
reefer madness
save the country
reefer madness
madness, madness,
madness, madness
reefers made us
crazy, barking
mad
Some of you may think
i'm overreacting.
I'll say.
I think you've come
to the wrong town, pal.
That kind of thing
isn't a problem around here.
You don't know our kids.
You'd be surprised
how often I hear that.
What makes this particular drug
so dangerous
Is that there are no forbidding
needles or snorting powders.
Children smoke a reefer stick,
Thinking it to be an ordinary,
perfectly harmless cigarette.
The kind we all used to enjoy
as teenagers.
And before you can say
"jack robinson,"
They are enslaved!
But don't take
my word for it.
Here are the shocking,
sordid facts.
And judge for yourselves.
The filmed presentation
you are about to witness
Chronicles the harper affair,
A true story
exhaustively documented
In the fine newspapers
of mr. William randolph hearst.
A true story
That took place in a town
very much like your own.
Meet jimmy harper,
An upstanding young lad
of some 16 summers -
Well-Mannered, hard-Working,
An all-Around credit
to the community.
Right now,
jimmy's hurrying to school,
Hoping to run into
a very special young lady -
Mary lane.
Mary was a healthy young miss of
good, american breeding stock,
God-Fearing, civic-Minded,
and very much in love.
Just a harmless
old turtle.
See?
Off you go.
I thought it was a rat.
Can I carry your books?
Thanks.
Yes, mary and jimmy
Were destined to share a love
that would last a lifetime.
Tragically, it would be
the brief lifetime
Of a fruit fly.
It's sweet of you to help me
study "romeo and juliet," jimmy.
Without your help,
come exam time,
I would have been
on a trip for biscuits.
Well, it's my pleasure.
Where would you like
to start?
Probably the "proo-Low-Gwee. "
Proo-Low-Gwee?
Oh, I think you mean
"prologue. "
I keep getting that confused
with "mon-Tay-Gwee. "
That's not even a real word.
I looked it up in two different
dictionaries.
Montague -
It's romeo's last name.
You are so smart.
My mother says you're a boy
who's going places.
Uh... you don't talk about me
to your mother, do you?
I talk about you
to everybody.
Forsooth, fair juliet,
Wouldst thou likest
yon hot chocolate?
Oh, jimmy, wherever did you
learn to speak like that?
It's fancy talk
from "romeo and juliet,"
'Cause when a guy
wants to woo a girl,
He needs, you know,
the right language.
Are you trying to woo me,
jimmy harper?
I need words to tell you
about my pounding heart
$4 words that make a guy
sound smart
well, I guess that's why
they invented shakespeare
his articulations of a lover's
palpitations are so keen
my bounty is as boundless
as the sea
my love as deep,
the more I give to thee
oh, you sound so dreamy
when you talk like shakespeare
a big vocabulary
should be customary
when you fall in love
la-La-La la la-La,
you're a snowy dove
la la la,
prodigious birth of love
la-La-La la-La,
hip, hooray for shakespeare
sure as I am breathing
you can make
elizabethan language fun
we are just like
romeo and juliet
we're happy, young,
and bubbling with love
I can't wait
to read the ending
I can't, either, but i'm sure
it turns out real swell
I bet romeo
marries his juliet
they have a baby
and make lots of friends
that's probably the way
the play ends
you doth teach the torches
how to burn real bright
hanging like a jewel
upon the cheek of night
hark, what light through
yonder window breaks here?
we'll be future spouses
put a plague on both
our houses if we're wrong
shakespeare!
The sad truth is
that if our schools
Spent less time indoctrinating
our children
In the works
of bill shakespeare
And focused instead on the
work of a far superior author...
Well, things might have
turned out differently.
And the delicate heart
of young love
Might not have been stabbed.
Stabbed and pinned
to the shameful corkboard of...
The reefer den!
Come on, mae.
Get up off your duff.
What time is it,
jack?
Time to give this place
a going-Over.
It looks like the marines
have landed.
That bunch last night
was high enough
To take over the marines
and the navy.
Party's over, sally.
What a night -
I was in more laps
than a napkin.
Great,
now the damn baby's awake.
Hold your water!
Hold your water!
Mama's coming.
Hold your wa- Ooh!
Oh... oh...
Damn stairs.
Oh!
Yeah!
Look at all this weed!
Pastures of plenty!
Keep your ham hooks
off my product.
Just checking for bugs.
Aah! Aah!
Need a better class
of clientele.
At least they're old enough
to know what they're doing...
Not like some of those
young kids you bring up here.
Ah, stop squawking at me.
You got more static
than the radio.
I'm gonna press bricks
over to the five-And-Dime,
Bring back
a couple more kids.
You got a problem with that?
Well, maybe I do.
You better tune me in
and get my signal right.
Around here,
i call the shots.
Jack...
Oh, that's right...
Almost forgot.
You can't get through
the morning
Without a little toot,
can you?
See you in the funny papers.
I ought to leave him
but something makes me stay
it's the stuff
i'd try to kill him
but my guy gives me love
and the stuff
sometimes he's rough
he throws me down the stairs
but deep inside he cares
he buys me lingerie
and the stuff
oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh
I was a student
good grades and so naive
till the stuff
a handsome stranger
some empty promises
lots of stuff
but I don't get hooked
i'm not addicted, no
I just enjoy the glow
I like to have my fun
no harm to anyone
though the fun
sometimes escapes me
when jack gets stoned
and rapes me
nothing numbs me better
than the stuff
oh, oh, oh
than the stuff
In the latest issue
of scientific american,
The federal bureau of narcotics
Tells us that marijuana
possesses an addictive power
Beyond even that
of heroin or cocaine.
Yes?
Are you sure
about your facts there?
No, no.
Why do you ask, mr...
Kochinski.
My wife's cousin had himself
a problem with the heroin,
And I done some reading,
and let me tell you,
There's nothing more addictive
than that stuff.
Kochinski...
Russian name...
Isn't it?
It was polish.
Actually, it's polish.
Of course.
I certainly applaud
Your brave unwillingness
to believe something
Simply because it's printed
in a silly magazine
With the word "american"
in the title.
You stand as a shining example
to your comrades...
And the rest of us.
Well, my wife might have
mixed up the story.
I- I think it was marijuana
that her cousin was hooked on.
It's bad -
It's bad stuff.
Bad stuff, indeed.
Would that it had been
mere heroin...
For,
ladies and gentlemen,
Marijuana
is an insidious master
Seeking slaves not in
the dark jungles of africa,
But right here
in each of our 48 states.
after school has let out
we just like to get out
to the place where
jitterbugging's always in style
satchmo is a-Singing,
dorsey is a-Swinging
a syncopated wonderland
that brings on a smile
come and stretch
your dance abilities
nobody is feeling
ill at ease
when your toes are tapping,
anything can happen
down at the old
five-And-Dime
dancing, dancing
razzmatazz that always
has you sashaying, swaying
buy your gal some jujubes,
she'll be swooning
spooning down at the old
five-And-Dime
if you're feeling gloomy,
glide on over to me
try the finest cherry fizz
in all of the land
my after-School oasis
gets the hopeless cases
hopping and a-Bopping
to the five-And-Dime band
you can buy yourself
a pack of smokes
laugh at all my corny
knock-Knock jokes
gotta take the gang out
to the local hangout
where benny goodman is king
So, you really gonna give her
your school ring?
And how!
Boy, that mary lane is one
slinky piece of homework,
An e-Flat dillinger,
A hop and a skip
to tastytown!
I sure wouldn't mind taking
a bite out of that tomato!
Hands off, mickey!
I'm hep.
Here goes nothing.
dancing, dancing
then enjoy
some funny books
we get frisky, risky
cool off with
a malted milk
we're all bumping,
come jump in
down at the old
five-And-Dime
Mary, I got something
to ask you.
Did you hear the announcement
at school today?
Next week, president roosevelt
is coming to town.
Wow! You know, my pop says
He's a labor-Appeasing,
supreme-Court packing bolshevik.
Well, I don't know
about all that boy stuff.
But the important thing
Is there's going to be a big
dance contest in his honor.
And I want you
to be my partner.
Dance contest?
Jeez, I don't know.
What's to know?
I've been working
on our routine.
Feast your peepers
on this.
feel the crazy rhythm
in your feet
everybody keep it
"reet petite"
blazing bright as neon,
maybe we could be on
"major bowes' amateur hour"
What's the wait, nate?
I got two left feet,
and they're on backwards.
If mary sees me dancing,
i'll lose her.
Oh, yeah.
Mickey!
I'm hep.
Well, I have to change into my
coveralls for 4-H club tonight.
I'll see you there.
Hey, kid, i'm jack.
I'm jimmy.
Pleased to meet you.
sometimes
men would come to call
who stank of sin
and barbasol
they'd ask kids
if they felt at all
like having themselves
a few kicks
Jimmy -
As in jimmy cagney?
Don't I wish.
Girl trouble, huh?
Yeah, I got
just the cure.
What say you and i
blow this popsicle stand
And find ourselves
a real party.
Gee, that's awfully nice,
mr. Jack,
But i'm meeting my girlfriend
at 4-H club later.
Come on,
we'll have some laughs -
Half-Hour, tops.
Gee...
I don't know.
Suit yourself.
Guess you're not the hep cat
i took you for.
Oh!
Wow!
You sure shake
a wicked calf.
Can you teach me
how to dance like that?
By the time I get through,
You'll make fred astaire
look like barney google.
Come on.
Well, if you're sure
it'll only be a half-Hour.
Kid, that's a promise
from me to you.
dancing, dancing
charleston
till your tootsies ache
we'll be grinning, spinning
romping to the savoy stomp
we're rug-Cutting, strutting
then as a coda
we drink ice-Cream soda
here down at the old
five-And-Dime, yeah!
Do your children enjoy
jazz music?
For I am here to tell you
that cab calloway,
Dizzy gillespie,
duke ellington,
And the whole weed-Blowing,
ginger-Colored lot
Are merely masquerading
as musicians
And are, in fact,
agents of evil.
Reefer slows down
the smoker's sense of time,
Allowing him to squeeze in
unnecessary grace notes,
Giving this voodoo music
The power to hypnotize
white women
Into indulging in acts
of unspeakable degradation.
Oh!
You will find
this profane music
Wherever you find marijuana.
Hear that?
It's the national anthem
of sodom and gomorrah.
Faster, sally!
Faster!
One of them...
That's it, sally!
That's it!
Ooh!
Man, i'm starving.
We got any eats?
Everybody,
take it on the heel!
Get the lead
out of your shorts!
Am-Scray, am-Scray!
Damn cowbell.
Damn baby.
Damn... stuff.
Come on in, kid.
Make yourself cozy.
Who's that?
Ralph - Used to be
a college boy.
Mae, this is jimmy harper.
He's okay.
Aw, jack, this kid can't be
more than 15.
Oh, 16, madam.
The name's mae...
And a madam runs a different
kind of house.
Shut up!
Good baby.
Oh, god.
Say, who's the new fish?
Oh, i'm j-J-Jimmy.
Sally, why don't you
and j-J-Jimmy
Get better acquainted?
Give him the usual.
If I can't turn him on,
he ain't got switches.
How tall are you,
anyway?
Uh, 5'9".
Let's forget the 5 feet and
concentrate on the 9 inches.
Whoopsie.
No harm done...
hero.
Ow!
I'm telling you, I want
that jimmy kid out of here.
He's too young -
I got hooked at that age,
And i'm not doing it
to anybody else.
Do I have water in my ear,
or you giving me guff?
This is my house,
and I say he goes!
Is everything okay?
Just fell,
that's all.
Oh, let me light your cigarette
for you, there, sally.
This isn't a cigarette.
It's a real smoke -
Reefer.
Let's share it.
Oh, no, I shouldn't.
Um... it's been great
meeting you folks,
But I ought to head over
to 4-H club.
I'm teaching some of the newbies
how to make a potato clock.
I didn't think you were
such a moldy fig.
Or maybe you're scared.
I'm not either!
Prove it.
come on, jimmy,
come on, jimmy
suck it down for sally
come on, jimmy,
come on, jimmy
suck it down for sally
Thank you, sally,
But I honestly don't think
it's such a good idea.
come on, jimmy,
come on, jimmy
suck it down for sally
come on, jimmy,
come on, jimmy
suck it down for sally
I gotta get out of here.
You've gotten me
all confused.
take a toke of tea stick,
take a toke of tea stick
smoke it, you may choke at
first, but then the worst is over
don't be a chicken
don't, jimmy, don't do it,
don't be a fool
No! No!
No! No!
smoke the marijuana
sail the sea of sin
reach a hot nirvana
tremble from within
serve your appetite
plan to stay the night
I am standing
at temptation's door
I have never
felt this way before
join the wonder dance
lose the underpants
No!
someone save me
there's no place to hide
from this hellacious
magic-Carpet ride
open up your mind,
let your body soar
arms and legs entwined,
cry, "more, more, more"
if a year goes by,
it might seem a day
if a day goes by,
it could take a year
space recedes
at blinding speeds
your lust is on the rise
moloch
tender virgin
fresh as morning dew
i've been eagerly
expecting you
live the greater life
live the satyr life
eros beckons
feel the need increase
every fiber
burns for sweet release
live a little dream
leave a little mess
everybody scream
"yes, yes, yes"
can't you feel the flush
of pulsing pagan fire?
come and feel the rush
fly higher and higher
dancing naked
as the sinful adam
voodoo jungle drums
coupled with a wicked madam
till the morning comes
yes, we're waiting
for your business
in this carnal carnivale
take a one-Way ticket
to the bacchanal
so come on, jimmy, come on,
give me reefer love
Sally:
smoke the marijuana
sail the sea of sin
and reach a hot nirvana
tremble from within
yes, we're waiting
for your business
in this carnal carnivale
take a one-Way ticket
to the bacchanal
so come on, jimmy, come on,
give me reefer love
Mary:
knock, knock.
Oh, therefore art
thou romeo.
I've been looking for you
everywhere.
Well, I haven't been
everywhere!
Well, what a thing to say.
I was wondering if we
could practice our steps
For the presidential dance.
It's only a few days away,
And with you being so
mysteriously busy all the time,
I wanted to make sure we could
get in enough rehearsal.
Jimmy, is something wrong?
Why?
Should something be wrong?
Stop hounding me.
Stop hounding me!
I didn't think I was.
I -
Oh.
It's me, isn't it?
You don't love me anymore.
You haven't even tried to kiss
me in almost a week.
Kiss?
Is that what you want?
Let me show you
a few new moves!
Aah!
That was your tongue!
Jimmy harper,
what's come over you?
Mercifully, mary had no idea
what had come over jimmy.
But she feared the worst.
the sermon today
was really exciting
yahweh was mad
and did plenty of smiting
with locusts and plagues
and little green froggies
all that and more
thundered down from the sky
I reached for your hand
like I always do
but beside me was just
an empty wooden pew
there's hymnals
and a rosary
but they don't
keep me company
the wafers now
don't taste so great
they won't transubstantiate
without you near
the gospel choir
sounds askew
jimmy, come back
and fill my lonely pew
a gloomy church
that you're not in
can lead a girl
to mortal sin
a lady asked,
"is this seat taken?"
I lied, I guess
I told her, "yes"
I pray a holy shining star
shining, twinkling star will
lead you home from where you are
where, oh, where you are
in a fog or lost at sea
or could it be
you're tired of me?
it's a line of thought
i'd rather not pursue
rather not pursue, mm-Ooh
jimmy, come back
and fill my lonely
pew
I've got the window open.
Give me a boost!
Ow!
Shh! Shh!
How much you think
is in there?
If jack don't get his green,
we don't get ours!
Cool your jets!
Hear that? We got more scratch
than a sandpaper factory.
This'll keep us in the straw
for at least a week!
That's good!
Frankincense - Wow!
Reefer...
Madness...
Welcome to club celestial.
I am your host,
joan of arc.
No christian martyr
works it harder.
The many voices in my head
Tell me that we have a special
guest in the house tonight,
James fenimore harper!
Tonight jimmy will be taught
the error of his ways
By the brightest star
in our heavenly firmament -
The lord of hosts,
the stranger from the manger,
The hardest-Working man
in the afterlife,
Give it up for jesus!
Aw, jesus...
I got a great high
cooking here.
Don't bring me down.
On the contrary, jimmy...
I'm here to bring you up
with dope.
No, not your brand
of dope,
But the straight dope.
You think those reefer fiends
are cool?
I don't think you realize
how cool god can be.
I floated down from heaven
when I heard a lamb
had strayed
look at you here
your brain has turned
to marmalade
i'm here to help you, jimmy
and return you to the fold
try filling your lungs
with god
and not jamaican gold
satan's bold
loves to lie
don't reply
do you want to make
the angels cry?
cry-Y-Y-Y
listen to jesus, jimmy
just say "no"
to the marijuana
listen to jesus, jimmy
this comes straight
from the madonna
listen to jesus, jimmy
i'm the face
on the shroud of turin
listen to jesus, jimmy
do I need to test
your urine?
satan went and conned you
he conned you, jimmy
mustn't touch his evil ganja
jimmy, don't turn
your back on god
dona eis requiem
numquam fumes cannabis
aut incendes ibi inferno
you'll burn in hell
i've cured a lot of lepers
and i've risen from the dead
how you doing?
is that what it's gonna take
to get this through your head?
You can touch.
if you insist on smoking
to indulge those teenage kicks
soon you'll be floating naked
in the river styx
what a fix
sulfur pools
torture tools
separation from your
family jewels
rama-Lama, they're gonna
cut your dingdong
listen to jesus, jimmy
gotta give it up
for lent, boy
listen to jesus, jimmy
or wind up
as satan's rent-Boy
listen to jesus, jimmy
don't let reefer
get your keister
listen to jesus, jimmy
i'm the poster boy
for easter
jimmy, let me see you
want to see you, jimmy
kick the sin and sinsemilla
jimmy, don't turn
your back on god
for the lord god omnipotent
hateth marijuana, marijuana
listen to jesus, jimmy
thou shalt heed
this holy omen
listen to jesus, jimmy
stop indulging like a roman
listen to jesus, jimmy
all the cherubim
say you gotta
you gotta
listen to jesus, jimmy
trust the man
with the stigmata
jimmy, don't you turn
your back on god
on god
You rock, jesus!
Jimmy...
Take a hit of god instead.
You think you can handle
the high?
I got a new god now.
Ooh... ooh...
Hey!
That's my mary jane!
Think so?
You don't own
the mary jane.
The mary jane
owns you.
Listen up, kid,
and listen good.
Get out now
and don't look back.
It's too late for us,
but you -
You're young.
You still got
a chance.
Why do you got
a steak on your eye?
Just fell,
that's all.
I'm serious, jimmy.
It's dangerous here.
These days,
i got me a taste for danger!
Back off!
You're heaped to the gills!
And you - Zip it!
You'll wake sally's baby.
That's okay, mae.
Don't worry about it.
Sally, how come I haven't heard
your baby crying tonight?
Um...
I don't know.
It is a matter
of public record
That the addict
will sell anything,
Anything at all,
To obtain the decadent rush
of that next fix.
You'll take good care of him,
right?
I mean, it's not true
what they say
About you people
eating babies, is it?
Care to stay for dinner?
You're just kidding,
right?
You didn't sell your baby
for reefer money, did you?
It's okay.
I got another one
on the way.
Light?
'Cause that kind
of joke ain't...
So where'd you get
this packard?
Oh, I boosted it
from my girlfriend.
Girlfriend?
You expect me to believe
Some bobby-Soxer's
got what it takes
To chop your suey?
Sally, you're getting me
steamed up like a pants presser!
That's the idea, baby.
Tonight, you and me are gonna
break out like the measles!
Sally?
Sally!
Sally!
Keep your eyes
on the road, sally!
Serves him right for trying to
jump over the car like that.
Hey, mister,
are you okay?
We didn't see you there.
I- I...
I think he's dead.
I was never here.
Okay.
Damn lamppost.
I'm so sorry.
there's blood on my hands
and mud on my name
my id threw a party,
and everyone came
my innocence ravaged,
my virtue devoured
I can't count the strangers
with whom I have showered
i've taken a life
been stripped to my essence
and to think all I wanted
was swing-Dance lessons
Police! Freeze!
Local police are on the lookout
for a late model packard
Spotted leaving the scene
of a hit-And-Run homicide!
Mae was right
about the mary jane.
It owns me.
mary jane,
oh, mary jane
you crumpled me
like cellophane
you stir me up
like beef chow mein
you wreck me, mary jane
mary jane,
oh, mary jane
you've conquered me
like charlemagne
pleasure intertwined
with pain
you wreck me, mary jane
your toxic kisses
make my heart race
faster than a cheetah
i've been stapled
and spindled
my willpower's dwindled
you melt resistance down
like hot velveeta
mary jane,
oh, mary jane
you flushed my future
down the drain
smeared me like
a ketchup stain
but I need you
I love you
and i'm loved by mary
loved by mary, loved
by mary lane
loved by mary lane
loved by mary,
loved by mary
loved by mary lane
loved by mary,
loved by mary
loved by mary lane
i'm loved by mary lane
There's only room for one mary
in my life -
Mary lane -
With an "I," for "love. "
I love mary lane!
loved by mary,
loved by mary
loved by mary lane
Jimmy, what are you
doing here
In the middle
of the night?
It's almost 9:00 p. M.
mary lane,
oh, mary lane
two words that fall
like gentle rain
Did you take my car?
you touch my hand
and kill my pain
I love you,
mary lane
Jimmy,
i'm in my nightgown.
you flood my world
with all the colors
of the sunday funnies
the innocent splendor
of kisses so tender
softer than a pillow
stuffed with bunnies
Bunnies?!
I don't know
what you're talking about,
But I like the sound
of it!
mary lane,
oh, mary lane
will help you sing
a new refrain
with you beside,
we'll start again
just me and mary
you and mary
you and mary lane
me and mary lane
when life becomes
a roller coaster
and I can't keep
my footing
i'll love you
completely
steady me sweetly
you're sweet as shirley temple
dipped in pudding
sweet as shirley temple
pudding
Yeah, yeah,
mary lane yeah, yeah!
oh! Mary lane
our hearts pound
like a diesel train
the world may crumble,
we'll remain
just me and mary
you and mary
loved by mary
loved by mary lane
loved by mary
loved by mary lane
loved by mary
loved by mary lane
loved by mary
love mary magdalene
by lane
loved by mary
loved by mary
loved by mary lane
loved by mary
loved by mary
yeah, I love you
loved by mary lane
you got to - Got to -
got to love me
loved by mary
hoo!
loved by mary lane
I love you, jimmy, yeah
loved by mary
loved by mary la-A-A-A-Ne
we'll sing to the rafters
of happily afters
I love you
you're loved by
mary la-A-A-A-Ane
Who can name for me the one,
all-Abiding,
All-Powerful force
in the world?
Hmm?
Principal short?
What is the human condition
so powerful
It can stave off all
that is black and evil
In these confusing times?
Love?
Oh!
In a time in which our children
are subjected
To a daily diet
of depravity
In their film
and popular music?
Ha ha!
In a time in which
the entire world
Is aligned against
the american way of life,
A time when our economy is
in a state of total collapse
And a reckless lunatic sits
in the white house,
I am relieved to hear
Our fatuous friend
is so confident
That love will carry
the day.
The correct answer is,
of course, "vigilance. "
Sirens.
There's been something
i've been meaning to give you,
And I may not get
another chance.
Oh, jimmy.
Your school ring?
Is your finger swollen?
Are you putting on weight?
Maybe.
Lately, I seem to be hungry
all the time.
A moment on the lips,
forever on the hips.
Wait.
What you do mean,
you may not get another chance?
I have to run away -
Far away.
Well, then, i'm coming with you. No!
It'll only ruin your life.
You have no idea what i've done.
It doesn't matter.
I'm wearing
your school ring now...
Or at least I will be, as soon
as you get it off your finger.
And if romeo has to run away,
then so does juliet.
Okay.
Go put on some clothes,
pack a bag - I'll wait.
That's more like it.
I believe in you,
jimmy harper!
Even if you do have
pudgy fingers.
Goodbye, mary.
You deserve better.
Hey, kid.
How's tricks?
How'd you find me?
It's all over the radio.
Cops are looking for you
and the packard.
I drove around your neighborhood
till I found it.
I can't have you telling
the cops
Where you get
your stagger-Leaf.
So, what's say we head
back to mae's,
Where it's safe and cozy?
This will calm you down
for the ride.
You're talkin'
on a dead phone.
I'm through with reefer,
and i'm through with you.
Don't think you can pull any
tricks, 'cause it won't work.
I see.
Well, then, I guess there's
only one thing left to do.
You like brownies?
Baked them myself.
Well, I am kind of hungry.
Thank you.
this brownie is yummy
it's the greatest brownie
known to man
it's chewy, it's nutty
this brownie's really good
don't offer me a macaroon
my brownie suits me fine
there's frosting on the top
and best of all it's mine
eat the brownie,
eat the brownie
Let's go home.
Okay.
I shimmer electric
i'm a one-Man marching
brownie band
I love it - My brownie
and my brownie loves me, too
it's smooth, it's sweet,
it's chocolaty
it forms a perfect square
and the bestest part of all
is I don't have to share
doesn't have to share and the bestest
part of all is I don't have to share
eat the bro eat the brownie
eat the brownie
eat the brownie
yeah yeah
yeah yeah
Come on, kid.
Get in the car.
Where we going, jack?
Back where you belong.
You're one of us now.
That's nice.
Jimmy...
Wait.
Careful, jimmy.
Not too fast.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah!
This weed is a triple scream
and one big yell.
Aaah!
I need more, I tell you.
More!
Always happy to oblige
a customer.
Whoa!
Make that a paying customer.
Pony up, kid.
I'm busted flat, jack.
You bled me dry.
Not quite.
It doesn't come off,
so don't waste your - Ow!
I was saving that ring
for mary.
Where else you gonna get
your fix -
From the coloreds
down the jazz quarter?
Those chow-Chows
over at madame ling's?
They'd bounce you
like a lead dime.
Real gold.
Smoke up, pip-Squeak.
This will get you
through the entire weekend.
See you
in the funny papers.
He's really a nice guy,
once you get to know him.
Oh, jimmy.
What have you gotten
yourself into?
Good boy.
Ha-Tcha!
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, diddle-Diddle,
a cat for my fiddle.
One moment, please.
I need the room!
I got company.
You mind taking it upstairs?
Don't mind
taking it anywhere.
Oh, yes.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, there.
I'm ralph.
Hello.
My name's mary lane.
I followed my boyfriend here -
Jimmy harper.
Have you seen him?
Um, well,
he just stepped out...
To, uh, pick up some bibles
for our prayer breakfast.
That's my jimmy.
Say, is this
a fraternity sweater?
Is jimmy hanging out
with college boys?
Why, yes.
Yes, he is.
We at phi beta... cannabis
Were so taken with jimmy
That we decided
to pledge him early,
While he's still
in high school -
Avoid the rush.
That's the bee's knees.
Wait till that susie mayberry
hears about this.
Let's celebrate...
with a smoke.
Hold on.
This isn't that reefer
i've read about, is it?
Oh, no.
Of course not.
This is
a special cigarette,
All the rage
with the college girls...
In paris.
P- Paris?
Oh, yes.
Well...
If i'm going
to be dating
A fraternity man...
little mary sunshine
with her hem cut
so low
little mary sunshine
with her ducks
in a row
It burns my lungs.
little mary sunshine
needs a change in her life
My head feels funny,
ralph.
little mary sunshine
needs a man
Oh!
now, come on,
mary sunshine
it's time that you learned
to be bad
you make
a charming armful
so snuggle up,
my buttercup
'cause you've been had
Ralph,
i think you tricked me.
now smoke it,
mary sunshine
dissolve in the sweet,
burning glow
come lose yourself
in pleasure
when the bambalacha's
gotcha
you'll forget
the word "no"
Oh, I can't.
What about... jimmy?
jimmy's a rube
provincial and dull
don't be tricked,
he's strictly quadrilateral
jimmy's a boy
i'm ready for men
let's go up and down
and up and down
and down again
Mary sunshine,
you are ultra-Ultra!
I feel a little naughty
baby, i'll help you relax
i'll tie you up
with phone cord
we'll play with whips
and nipple clips
and candle wax
now, hold on,
mary sunshine
let's not
get carried away
just call me
"mary wanna"
and mary got some scary
little games to play
i'll lather you up
who, me?
and give you a shave
shave!?
a paddling while straddling
my little slave
Hey, now!
down on your knees
it's pointless to fight
save your strength
it's gonna be
a lengthy night
Help!
This crazy tomato's
rapin' me!
goodbye to mary sunshine
reefer has blown out
her mind
she's now a hot-Hay hussy
don't you run,
i'm not done
Can't you tell
we've just begun?
What's your rush?
You're not having fun?
No, i'm really not!
mary, mary sunshine
burns for, yearns for
dirty lo-O-O-O-Ove
Shut up, bitch!
Ugh!
I'm not buying
any of this.
You ask me, this guy's
getting his jollies
Showing us blue movies.
I'm sorry, mr. Kochinski,
Do you have something to share
with the group?
Uh, no.
We're very interested to hear
what you have to say.
Look, it's just -
One puff,
and the girl goes wacky?
It's kind of far-Fetched.
That's all i'm saying.
Not according to
mr. William randolph hearst.
A recent edition of
his san francisco examiner
Tells us that "3/4
of the crimes of violence
In this country today
are committed by dope slaves. "
That is a matter
of cold record.
Well, you can't believe
everything you read.
And that don't make me
a commie!
Mr. Hearst is
a very wealthy man
Who attended
harvard university.
Where did you matriculate?
"Ma-Tric-U-Late"?
It means,
where did you go to college?
I didn't.
I see.
Well, regardless,
mr. Kochinski,
I'm sure everyone here
takes your opinions
Very seriously.
Given the extremity
of your views,
It would be
unpatriotic not to.
Mary?!
Jimmy.
Kid, it's not
what it looks like.
Ohh. Oh!
Holy socks!
Billy, don't go.
Don't you want to learn
to dance?
Ah, eh, ah, oh!
He's... killing... me!
Oh!
Jeez, that stupid
little weed freak.
Is everybody okay?!
I think i've been shot.
She fell down!
Mae, get me
some smelling salts.
All right, you two blow.
Don't talk to nobody.
I will handle this.
Go!
Give me that.
Mary?
Mary.
What - What happened?
You shot her dead, kid.
Jack, no.
Jimmy,
i don't feel so good.
Shh. It's -
It's gonna be okay.
I promise.
I feel so cold.
Give me the ring.
Well, looky here.
Casper milky-Toast
is givin' me orders.
I shot mary.
What makes you think
i won't shoot you?
Oh, jimmy -
Your school ring.
Oh, it glitters,
like a star.
we are just like
romeo and juliet
we're happy, young,
and -
hemorrhaging blood
did you get to read
the ending?
was it perfect?
did they love
until they got old?
It was beautiful.
They grew up,
And everyone they knew
came to the wedding.
Did they have babies?
Yeah... six of them.
That's good.
I love babies.
it makes me happy
knowing that we loved
like romeo and -
Juliet.
Mary,
how could I have shot you?
Coppers.
Jimmy, out the back.
Hurry!
No, mae,
i pulled the trigger.
I have to face
my punishment.
Don't you get it?
Jack was holding the gun.
He's planning
to frame you.
Nobody move!
Officer, thank god.
This kid burst in here
with a gun
And started shooting -
Shooting and laughing!
I think he might have been
smoking that... reefer!
Just like you read about
in the papers.
No, that's a lie!
Tell them what
really happened, mae.
Ma'am, do you have anything
to say?
Well, I -
Jimmy, I -
Oh.
Officer, I -
Mae, please!
No.
The kid burst in
shooting...
Just like the man said.
Mae... no!
Kid's gonna burn
for this.
Pity -
Attractive girl.
After a swift trial,
James fenimore harper
was found guilty
Of the murder of mary lane
And sentenced
to death row.
In his
thought-Provoking book,
"Marijuana,
weed of madness,"
Earle albert rowell
explains
How marijuana
"causes prison inmates
"To fall desperately in love
with each other...
Just as they would with women
outside prison walls. "
Hello, mr. And mrs. America
and all the ships at sea.
Let's go to press.
Flash -
Tonight, jimmy
"the cannabis killer" harper
Walks the last mile
to the electric chair,
Convicted of murder
while under the influence
Of the new drug menace,
marijuana.
Shut up.
Shut up!
We can't just
let jimmy die.
Shut up!
Shut up!
Look, the kid's
yesterday's headlines,
And there's nothing
we can do about it.
When's jack bringing
some new boys home?
Shut up!
Shut up!
You shut up!
What are you, nuts?
I'm... fine.
Perfectly in control.
remember me, ralph?
I'm about to fry
Shut up!
while you and your friends
stand idly by
my life is now a
ticking bomb shut up!
i'm gonna miss
my senior prom
Shut up! Shut up!
you murdered me, ralph
Shut up!
murdered me
murdered you
murdered me
murdered him
Everything okay up there?
It's the kid!
He's in the toilet!
Just flush him, ralph.
Aaah!
Whoa.
You better cool off
on the muggles, there.
Just a little hungry.
That's all.
remember me, ralph?
I've been sent to hell
a pubescent edition
of jezebel
it hurts a lot to bend
but at least
i've made a friend
Shut up!
you murdered her,
ralph
murdered me
murdered you?
murdered me
murdered them
What's eating him?
Jack, I saw satan!
And the kid!
And satan! And the girl!
And satan!
That mug's wound up
like an 8-Day clock.
One too many
giggle sticks.
You'd better put your flaps down
before you take off.
Go get some air.
No, jack!
Not out there, jack!
No! No!
Jack! Jack!
Just a little too much weed.
That's all.
Just an ordinary scarecrow.
Aaaah!
Aaah!
Aaah!
open the gate
and abandon hope
with the ghosts of the kids
that got hooked on dope
way down where it's hot
they are saving us
a spot
you murdered them, ralph
murdered them,
murdered them
Bad zombies!
Shoo! Yah! Yah!
he's losing it, jack
gee,
you don't suppose
he's liable to crack
and spill all he knows
he's really he's really
acting weird acting weird
perhaps it's time
he disappeared
he'd never be missed
I could
murder him,
murder him
Jack, no! You fire
that bean-Shooter,
You'll have the police
right back here.
All right, we'll play it
your way... for now.
Aah!
He bit me!
Jack, I got me
the munchies real bad.
He's giving me
the creepin' heebie-Jeebies!
Come on, let's go
get ralph a bite.
He's liable to wake the
neighbors with that racket.
You stay.
Keep an eye on him.
I don't like the way
he's looking at me.
Shake a leg
with that grub!
Leg...
grub...
Aaaah!
Yoo-Hoo, ralph!
We have take-Away
from dim foo's!
Sally? Ralph?
Where'd they go?
They'd best not
have skipped town.
Sally. Ralph!
Yah!
Aah! Aaah!
Blumsack.
Aww.
I found me a snack,
it was nice and fresh
the weed made him hungry
for human flesh
step away, you mug
'cause that's a brand-New
persian rug
he's not gonna stop
murder him, murder him
murder him, murder him
Hah!
Yah!
Oh!
Jack: ralph...
Ha ha!
Oh, god.
Oh, god.
Mae! Don't get queer
on me, now.
Ow.
Damn body.
open the gate
and abandon hope
with the ghosts of the kids
that got hooked on dope
now I see them, jack
and they all want
their childhoods back
we murdered them, jack
murdered them,
murdered them
open the gate
and abandon hope
with the ghosts of the kids that
got hooked on dope pull it together.
now I see them, jack
don't flip your skirt
you do the things
you gotta do
in this dog-Eat-Dog-Eat-Dog world
they all want their childhoods back
we murdered them, jack!
so you murder them
survival of the fittest
before they murder you
murdered them
murder, murder, murder
murdered t the winner is
murder, murder, murder
the last one left
aahhhhh
ali-I-I-Ive!
Well,
on the bright side,
It looks like we finally got
the place to ourselves.
Ralph and sally
And little... what's-Her-Name
are dead.
Jimmy's on his way
to the electric chair,
And you couldn't care less!
I may be a monster,
but you, jack -
You're the devil!
So long as i'm
the number-One guy.
the kid's a goner
they're gonna make
him pay
for the stuff
Here.
Simmer down, will ya?
i've seen my honor
rolled up and burnt away
with the stuff
well, it's gotta stop
Let go of me!
What? I'm trying
to comfort you here.
I said, let go!
I should show him
the door
he treats me
like a whore
I don't need jack
no more
or the stuff
You dumb slut!
That was half a jay of good
mooter you just wasted.
I know.
Hey, what do you think
you're doing
With that garden hoe?
Taking care
of a big, fat weed.
Oh, that's it.
Say "goodnight," gracie.
Goodnight, gracie.
Oh!
so, this is it, jack
last night
of ballyhoo
for the stuff
Get away from me,
you crazy skirt!
this one's for ralph,
jack
here's one for sally,
too
had enough?
yeah,
you're not so tough
you once had all
the brains
now they're just
carpet stains
you're in no shape
to fight
my bid
to make things right
'cause there's blood
upon your necktie
your corpus is delecti
and I have been delivered
from the
stu-U-U-U-U-Uff
Ohh.
Good lord, man.
You've sent thelma into shock!
Your wife's lack
of fortitude
Is no fault
of this presentation.
I daresay our hardy
pioneer women
Would have shared a good laugh
at her expense.
So, what of mae coleman?
With jack out of the picture,
Mae was determined to rescue
the seemingly doomed jimmy.
But fate was about to intervene
in a most dramatic fashion.
Man: and from my vantage point,
I see the
presidential motorcade
Turning onto halford street.
The crowd is going wild!
Mr. President!
Mr. President!
Mr. President!
I need to talk with you.
Step back, ma'am.
But - But -
Hyah!
It is a known scientific fact
That when under the influence
of marijuana,
The user becomes
insatiably violent.
And capable of staggering feats
of strength.
Unfortunately for mae coleman...
She was no longer
under the influence.
Ugh!
Oop - Aah. Mmmph.
Oh.
I'm... so terribly sorry.
I don't know
what came over me.
Please, help me up.
Hyah!
Mr. President!
An innocent boy
is about to be executed!
Listen to me, please!
Hold on, boys!
I, for one,
would like to hear
What the blood-Spattered
young lady has to say.
James fenimore harper,
You have been convicted
of the murder of mary lane
And sentenced to death
by electrocution
In accordance with the laws
of this great state.
Any last words?
Um...
Well-Put.
Pull the switch.
Stop the execution!
We have
a presidential pardon!
Mae, am I ever glad
to see you!
And you, too,
mr. President.
Ha ha ha!
I knew you wouldn't
let me die!
Though I was kind of hoping
You wouldn't cut it
quite so close.
I'm sorry, kid.
But now
we're gonna be okay!
So, jimmy,
i've heard a lot about you.
Oh, and we've read about you
in school, mr. President.
Thank you so much
for coming!
I promise never to touch
the reefer again.
Oh, that is simply grand.
You know, a little orphan girl
once told me
That the sun would come out
tomorrow.
Her adopted father was
a powerful billionaire,
So I suppressed the urge
to laugh in her face.
I think she might have
been on to something!
they were ready
to cook my goose
at long, long last
let the truth be heard
from sea to shining sea
from sea to shining sea
you have been set
our children teeter
on the brink
spread the word
'cross the hemisphere
Ha ha!
Not to worry, jimmy!
with catchy slogans
we've all rehearsed
george washington
gonna tell them
the truth, truth, truth
everybody gotta know,
oh, oh
what politics to despise
get wise!
gonna tell them
the truth, truth, truth
everybody gotta know,
oh, oh
and turning your
neighbors in or kin!
george washington
would never lie
everybody gotta know,
oh, oh
that famous finger
set to point
gonna tell them
the truth, truth, truth
give me your tired
everybody gotta know, oh, oh
give me your poor
we're saving every youth
give me your huddled masses
from denver to duluth
Oh! Yeah!
please wait for me,
juliet
one day i'll get cancer
or hit by a train okay.
and we'll be reunited
in heaven
it's time for parents
to take a stand
for the preservation
of this great land
and once the reefer
has been destroyed
and communists
and queens
when danger's near,
exploit their fear
creeping
like a communist
it's reefer madness,
reefer madness
see the kids,
precious kids
they're heading
straight for...
reefer madness,
reefer madness
it slithers
up our shores
reefer madness,
reefer madness
pull the wool
from your eyes
fight the urge
of this scourge
that empty out
our stores
turning all our children
into hooligans and whores
teenagers
across the land
if you fail to draw the line,
your babies will be next
madness, madness
reefer madness
when life becomes
a roller coaster
you're sweet as shirley temple
dipped in pudding
oh! Mary lane
our hearts pound
like a diesel train
the world may crumble,
we'll remain
loved by mary
loved by mary lane
loved by mary
loved by mary lane
loved by mary
loved by mary lane
loved by mary
loved by mary
yeah, I love you
loved by mary lane
loved by mary you
got to - Got to - Got to -
loved by mary la-A-A-A-Ne
I love you