Romy and Michele's High School Reunion (1997) Movie Script
Take this pink ribbon|off my eyes
I'm exposed|and it's no big surprise
Don't ya think I know|exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me|to hold your hand
'Cause I'm just a girl|Well, little old me
Well don't let me|out of your sight
Oh, I'm just a girl
All pretty and petite
So don't let me|have any rights
Oh I've had it|up to here
The moment that|I step outside
So many reasons|for me to run and hide
I can't do the little things|I hold so dear
'Cause it's all those|little things that I fear
'Cause I'm just a girl|I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me|drive late at night
Oh, I'm just a girl|Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit|and stare with their eyes
Oh, am I making myself clear
I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl in the world
- How much is this, Lori?|- It's very expensive.
It's very expensive.
Look, I got money|to spend in here.
I don't think we have anything for you.|You're obviously in the wrong place.
Please leave.
You know, even though we've watched|"Pretty Woman" like 36 times...
- I never get tired of making fun of it.|- Oh, I know.
Aww, poor thing. Look!|They won't let her shop.
Yeah, like those salesgirls in Beverly|Hills aren't bigger whores than she is.
I know!
Oh, my God, listen to that|sad, sad music as she leaves.
It's like, boo-hoo. Uhh.
But it is actually|kind of sad.
Anything you see here we can do, by the|way. Get ready to have some fun, okay?
- Okay.|- Mary Pat, Mary Kate, Mary Frances, Tovah.
- Let's see it, come on! Let's see the outfit.|- How divine!
Exactly how obscene-
I just get really happy|when they finally let her shop.
Okay, so I have|nothing to wear.
We don't even have time to make|anything new before we go out.
Well, what about this?
- Did you lose weight? - Actually, I have|been trying this new fat-free diet I invented.
All I've had to eat for the past six days|are Gummi Bears, jelly beans, and candy corns.
God, I wish I had|your discipline.
- This is it|- Work this
- Diddy-bum diddy-bum pow|- Here it is
I can't believe|how cute I look!
I know! You know what? This is like|the cutest we've ever looked.
Oh, it's definitely the cutest. Don't you|love how we can just say that to each other...
- and we know that we're not being conceited?|- Oh, I know.
No, we're just|being honest.
- Be my lover, Wanna be my lover|- Lover
Go ahead and take your time|Boy you gotta feel secure
Before I make you mine|Baby you have to be sure
You wanna be my lover|Wanna be my lover
God. I hope some cute guys get here|tonight. They were cute last night.
- Oh, they were cute.|- Really cute! - Oh!
- Hey, Michele! Romy!|- We'll take two Diet Cokes?
Right, with extra cherries.|Don't move. I'll be right back.
Okay. I have the yuckiest taste|in my mouth from those taquitos.
- Eeew.|- I hope I don't get indigestion.
Hey, remember that time I barfed|from bad Mexican food? It was so gross.
- Oh, my God, I hate throwing up in public.|- Me too! Ooh.
I can't believe it. There are|absolutely no guys here tonight.
I know. None.
Come on, Michele, let's just|go dance with ourselves.
Okay.
Put your hands in the air
'Cause there's a party over here|So grab yourself a beer
And we could|get on with the world
Swear to God.|Sometimes I wish I were a lesbian.
You wanna try and have sex sometime?|Just to see if we are?
What? Yeah, right, Michele. Just the thought|of having sex with another woman creeps me out.
But if we're not married by|the time we're 30, ask me again.
- Okay.|- Tell me can you feel the
Masked girls comin'|with the fever, fever, fever
Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh|Stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ahh-ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh|Stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ahh-ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh|Stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ahh-ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh|Stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh|Stayin' alive, stayin' alive
- Ahh-ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh|- Two-four-three.
- Stayin' alive|- Two-four-three.
Two-four-three.
Two, four, three.
Two, four, three.
Service.|Number 243.
It's beautiful.|Is that real wood?
During this century, boys.
Come on, Ramon. Quit jerking off|and bring the car around.
- It's about time.|- Mm. Romy!
You are looking hot today.
Yeah. That's because|I'm sweating like a pig in here.
Well, the air conditioning is|working in the service office.
You might wanna come by|and, uh, cool off later?
Yeah, Ramon.|That'll happen.
Sorry, ma'am.|He is such an asshole.
Mm.
- I'm in a hurry.|- Well-
I'm going as fast as I can,|Ms Mooney. Heather.
Heather Mooney?
From Sagebrush High|in Tucson?
- Yeah?|- It's Romy!
- Romy White!|- You're shittin' me.
No, this is so weird. I didn't|know you were living in L.A.
Well, now that you know, will|we be getting together a lot?
So, God!|You're driving a new Jaguar?
- What do you do?|- Ever hear of Lady Fair cigarettes?
- The ones that burn down real fast?|- "Twice the taste, in half the time, for the gal on the go"?
I invented the|quick-burning paper.
Wow!
- You goin' to the reunion?|- What reunion?
Our ten-year high school|reunion in Tucson?
You're kidding me. It's been|ten years since high school?
- God. Where have I been?|- I'm stumped. Where?
- Anyway, are you going?|- I'd rather put this out in my ass.
I wonder why we didn't|get an invitation.
I mean, I'm sure Michele would|have told me if she got one.
- Michele Weinberger?|- Mm-hmm.
- Do you live with Michele Weinberger?|- Yeah.
I just thought maybe she'd|be married to Sandy by now.
- Sandy Frink?|- Yes, Sandy Frink.
He could barely contain his erection|every time she was around.
Why do you think he always|carried that huge notebook?
The Frink-a-zoid|and Michele, I am sure.
Besides, didn't you have a thing|for Sandy in high school?
I did not have a "thing. " I did not have|a "thing. " I did not have a "thing. "
I was very much|in love with him.
Very much in love,|and there's a difference.
There's a difference.
There's a difference.
I have to go now.
Well! I guess I won't be|seeing you at the reunion.
- But I'll tell everyone you said "hi. "|- Why don't you tell everyone...
I said to go fuck themselves, for making|my teen years a living hell?
Oh, yeah, right!
Finally-
Michele. You will never guess|who I just ran into.
- God, I cannot believe it's already been ten years.|- I know.
- Oh. - You know...|- There she is.
Oh! God,|she was so weird.
- She still is.|- Why was she, like, always going behind that building?
It was long ago
Seems like yesterday
Saw you standin' in the rain
- Then I heard you say|- Got a light?
- I want your love But it comes out wrong|- Thank you.
- I want to live, but I don't belong|- Thank you! Thank you, I really appreciate that...
because I'm not a human being|or anything, you pathetic turd!
Blood and roses|Blood and roses
Blood and roses
- Roses, roses|- There should be a cigarette you could smoke all the way through between classes.
What a waste.
- Okay. - Find|us. - Oh. Okay.
Oh, my God, do you remember|what a big controversy it was...
for us to have our|picture taken together?
Yeah, well, Danny Weller, like,|"lodged the complaint," and, you know-
'Cause, "alphabetically,|he's supposed to be between us. "
And then we said, "Okay, Danny.|If you want to be between us...
you can come to Michele's house on|Friday night, and we'll be waiting. "
That's right. He came over and|we're like, "Danny, it was a joke. "
I know! And then we turned|the sprinklers on him!
Oh, my God.|Didn't he die?
- I think so.|- Yeah.
- Oh, my God. Michele. Look|at the "A" group. - Mm-hmm.
Christie Masters,|Kelly Possenger...
Lisa Luder|and Cheryl Quick.
So, who would you say|was in the "B" group?
Oh. The drama crowd. You know,|like Casey Degan and Mark Black.
- Uh-huh. God, I had the hugest|crush on Casey. 'Member? - Oh, yeah.
God, I wonder why|he never liked me.
Young man, there's|no need to feel down
I said, young man-
So, what group would|you say we were in?
Well, we definitely|weren't in the "A" group.
But you know what? We weren't|really in the "B" group, either.
Okay, we weren't in|the "C" group, were we?
What? Oh, no. Michele, come on. I mean, that|was like, all the honour students and like...
the rejects; you know, like|Sandy Frink and Heather Mooney.
- Eeew, look at them.|- We were definitely not in that group.
- Ecch.|- She blinded me with Science
Michele! Oh, Michele.|Over here!
Want me to get your|huge notebook for you?
Oh! Heather! I wanna take another picture|of you and Sandy for the yearbook and-
Oh! I wanna|interview you too...
because I think it would make a really|interesting article for the "Roundup. "
Ohh, Toby! Fuck off.
Okay. But can I take|a picture of you first?
So, Romy, what group|were we in?
Well, you know, I'm not sure that|we were really in any group.
I think maybe we were|more like loners.
- Oh, my God! There we are!|- Yeah, and alone. Look.
You know, even though I had to wear that|stupid back brace, and you were kinda fat...
we were still totally|cutting edge.
- I love it when it's hamburger day.|- Uh-huh.
Okay, smile! Great!|Thanks a lot!
- Can I take your picture?|- Oh, please. - Hello, girls.
Don't forget, you have|detention after school today.
- Oh, we won't, Mr Lish.|- Yeah, we're really looking forward to it.
- God!|- Can you believe he just got married?
- Like, how desperate is she?|- I know, it's like: "Hi. This is my husband.
He dissects crayfish, but he|has a really good personality. "
He's the kind of man|that I desire
Sets the summer sun|on fire
- I want candy|- Oh, my God.
- I want candy|- Michele. Billy Christianson.
- Oh, he's so cute. - He|is cute. - Really cute.
- Hey - Hi,|Billy. - Hey
Hey
Hey
- Hey|- Ow! Billy!
Oh, Billy, gosh,|you're so slimy.
I cannot believe he's|with Christie Masters.
I know. She is, like,|so transparent.
Did you hear her report|in Miss Weigatt's class?
She actually thinks she's gonna be a|TV anchorwoman. What a "deludanoid. "
Those weirdos are|staring at us again.
- They're obsessed with us.|- Look at what they're wearing.
Where do you even get|outfits that hideous?
They made them in Home Ec|from their own patterns.
Actually, I think|they're semi-interesting.
In a freakish, off-putting|sort of way. Never mind.
- Christie. - Uh. -|Come on, I'm hungry.
No, Billy. Wait.|I wanna have some fun.
Lisa, gimme the bag.
Here you go.|You are so bad.
- What? What?|- She is out of control.
Michele? Christie Masters|is coming over here.
- Wow. She never comes over.|- Okay, just act cool.
- Hi. - Hi. -|Hi, Christie.
- So. You girls gonna try out for the spring musical?|- Us?
Yeah, you should.|It'll be fun.
- Okay. Why not?|- Yeah. So, um, what musical are they doing?
- "The Music Man. "|- You're kidding!
Oh, the Wells Fargo wagon|Is a-comin' down the street
I love "The Music Man. "
Okay. Can I have|the rest of this?
Um, w-
Mm. It's good.
See ya!
She can be really nice|when she wants to be.
Michele!
- Uh-oh. Don't look now. Here come the|Frink-a-zoid. - Oh, God! He is such a geek!
Hi, Michele. Gee, Michele,|you're looking really lovely today.
Okay. See you in Biology.
I- I-I thought I ought|to tell you, Michele, that...
Christie Masters stuck|magnets on your back.
- What?|- She stuck-
Michele, you do have|magnets on your back!
Oh, my God.|Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.|Help me.
Oh, my God.
Oh, don't let them see you get upset.|That's what they want.
Oh, my God.
- Hey!|- I'm pretending you just did something hilarious.
Now, you laugh at me.|Come on, do it.
God, that was so rude. I mean, you|couldn't help it if you had scoliosis.
I know. And what a bitch, taking|your hamburger. I mean, what was that?
God, remember the prom?|You got so thin by then.
Oh, I know. I was so lucky, getting|mono. That was, like, the best diet ever.
I wonder, if I had gotten my brace off|sooner, if somebody would have invited me.
I mean, other|than Sandy Frink.
Well, nobody|invited me either.
Well, at least we looked fantastic,|and that is the most important thing.
- We were cool on craze|- Oh, gee. Nice outfits. Really.
- When I, you - Oh, look, it's the|Madonna twins. - And everyone we knew
Could believe, do, and share|in what was true, Oh, I said
Okay, this is so typical.|Of course, we're like the only ones...
who don't look like|we're going to a hoedown.
- Oh, I know. This town is like so unhip.|- Ecch.
- I can't wait till we move to L.A.|- Me too!
Everything's gonna happen for us there,|Michele, and we'll never look back.
- Okay.|- Dance hall days
- Dance hall days|- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
That hurt.|But it looked really good.
Dance hall days
Oh, everybody!
- Dance hall, dance hall days|- Okay, everyone.
Uh, it's the moment|we've all been waiting for.
It's time to announce|the king and queen of the prom.
- Ahh!|- And the winners are...
Billy Christianson|and Christie Masters!
Ohh! Ohh!
- Duh.|- Oh, it's me!
Boo-hoo!|I'm so surprised!
Thank you. Thank you.
God, Billy looks|cute in his tux.
- He does look cute.|- Really cute.
Do you think, since it's the last night of|school and I might never see him again...
that maybe he would|dance with me?
I bet he would.|I mean, it's senior prom.
Nobody's going to say "no"|to anyone tonight.
Michele, since this is the|last night of school and all...
would you care|to dance with me once?
No.
I'll dance with you.
Nah. It's no fun unless|you really love the person.
Thanks, anyway.
Okay. Who can name the capitals|of all the 50 states?
Okay, Toby. Fuck off.
Heather! Can't you be|a little bit more sensitive?
Me? Me? Me be|more sensitive?
You are a jerk-off!
Another kiss|is what it takes
- Albuquerque.|- You can't sleep
- You can't eat|- Albany.
There's no doubt
You're in deep
Your throat is tight|You can't breathe
Another kiss is all you need|Whoa-oh-ohh
- Why are you tormenting me?|- You like to think you're immune to the stuff
- Why don't you go fuck a sheep or your sister or yourself?|- Oh, yeah
Brain-dead|redneck asshole!
Can't get enough|You know you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to love|You see the signs
But you can't read
You're runnin' at|a different speed
Your heart beats|in double time
- Another kiss|- Um, Billy?
- And you'll be mine|- Hi.
- A one-track mind, you can't be saved|- Do you wanna dance?
- Oblivion is all you crave|- I mean, it's just 'cause...
this song is,|like, so great.
Mm. Never mind.
Unless, you know,|you want to.
- Whoa, you like to think|- Yeah. I mean-
- That you're immune to this stuff|- Y-Y- Sure. Why not?
- Oh, yeah -|Really? - Wh- Um-
- It's closer to the truth|- Could you wait here?
- To say you can't get enough -|I-I-I'll be right back. - Okay.
- Okay.|- You know, you're gonna have to face it You're addicted to love
Might as well face it|You're addicted to love
- Might as well face it|- Hey, Christie.
- You're addicted to love|- That Romy girl just asked me to dance with her.
- Might as well face it|- Oh, you're kidding me! Oh, that's pathetic!
- Might as well face it|- W-W-W-What should I do?
Let me take care of this.
- Michele?|- Oh, God. Okay, so what did he say?
- "Sure. Why not?"|- Oh, my God!
- Thanks a lot, Romy.|- What?
Thanks for stealing|my boyfriend.
- What are you talking about?|- Billy just broke up with me.
Apparently he's had a crush on|you since Mr Roswell's class.
And now that he knows that you like him, he|doesn't want to "pretend" with me any more.
My life was perfect|and you've ruined it.
Go for it|Groove ahead
I swear to God, Christie,|I didn't even think he'd dance with me.
- To whip it, Whip it good|- Wow. She is really P.O.'d.
- This is so cool!|- Oh, I know.
You know what is so weird? I had this|dream, where Billy was like, in love with me.
And I mean, he was in a wheelchair, but|still, it's like it's coming true or something!
- Uh-huh.|- How's my hair?
Perfect. Okay, Romy, you look so|good with blonde hair and black roots.
- It's like, not even funny.|- I have to say...
this is turning out to be one of|the very best nights of my entire life.
Yay, yay!
Lyin' in my bed I hear|the clock tick
And think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new
Flashback to warm nights
Almost left behind
- Suitcase of memories|- You know, maybe he's, like, passed out in the bathroom.
- You want me to go check?|- Time after, Sometimes
- You picture me|- He's not in the bathroom, Michele.
I'm walkin' too far ahead
- I'll dance with you, Romy.|- You're callin' to me
- I can't hear what|you've said - Okay. - Okay.
Then you say "Go slow"
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds
If you're lost you can look|and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you|I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost, you can look|and you will find me
Time after time
- If you fall, I will catch you I'll be waiting|- I will be waiting
Time after time
Time after time
We just waited and waited.
- God, I was such an idiot.|- But wait till he sees you now.
You are so much cuter|than you were in high school.
- I guess I'm cuter.|- Yeah!
And look at the way we live.|I mean, just our lifestyle.
You know, I mean, we live in L.A,|and they are still stuck in Tucson.
You know what, Michele?|You're right.
We are gonna go back there|and blow them away.
Boy, there's a lot of questions to|answer. Why do we have to fill these out?
They wanna know what we've been|doing for the past ten years.
- Oh!|- Okay. Here we go.
- Ahh!|- "Name. "
- Ah! We're having so much fun already.|- Oh, I know!
- I cannot wait for this reunion.|- Me too!
"Occupation. "|Cashier.
- Unemployed.|- No. Don't write that.
Um, okay, so your last job|was as a salesgirl?
- So say you're a freelance fashion consultant.|- Ooh! Clever.
"Relationship Status. "|Married.
- Nope. -|Engaged? - No.
- Living with someone?|- Should I say you?
- I guess so.|- Okay.
- You know, Michele?|- Yeah?
- Now that I'm looking at this...|- Uh-huh?
our lives don't seem as|impressive as I thought.
- They don't?|- Well, do you think it's impressive...
that we're still single, and we've|been living together for ten years...
and I'm a cashier|and you're unemployed?
Well, not super impressive.
Well, then, what's the point of going|if we're not going to impress people?
Well- Uh.
Romy, I still really,|really, really want to go.
- I know. Me too.|- Well then, can't we just, like, think of something?
- Okay. Well, the reunion is still like two weeks away, right?|- Right.
And all we really need is maybe some,|like, better jobs and boyfriends. Right?
Yeah!
But, okay. If those things were so easy|to get, wouldn't we already have them?
Well, I mean, we never|really tried before.
I mean, we never really had a good enough|reason, like going to a reunion, to motivate us.
That's true.
Okay. So we're just gonna have to make|ourselves more impressive, that's all.
So I'm gonna go out and bag us some boyfriends,|while you can look for a cool new job.
- Okay.|- Plus, I hate to say it...
but I really think that|we should lose some weight.
Oh.
Oh. Unh.
Okay. I don't think that, like,|one chip makes a difference.
It wasn't even|a whole chip.
All right. According to this chart,|if we want to lose a pound a day...
we have to burn twice|as many calories as we eat.
So, that means, if we want|to burn 4,000 calories...
we only have to run|20 miles a day!
Oh! Hey, Romy, remember|Mrs Chivas' class?
There was, like,|always a word problem.
Like, there's a guy in|a rowboat going "X" miles...
and the current is going, like,|you know, some... other miles...
and, how long does it take him|to get to town?
It was like, who cares? Who wants to go|to town with a guy who drives a rowboat?
Okay, guys, let's jump.
- Hey, Michele? - Yeah? -|What does this remind you of?
Well, I know.|This lady is totally sick.
Uh, lemme just|say that, um...
I am, like, really familiar with the entire|Versace line, and if you would just...
give me a chance, I know I could,|like, sell the shit out of the stuff.
And, uh, to me,|fashion is just, it's like...
everything. It's-
By the way, that blouse- Hi.|That blouse looks great on you.
- Oh! Thank you!|- And see, I make a great salesperson...
'cause I just have this,|like, really believable way...
of telling people that they look really|good, even though I'm just, like, you know-
I think|she heard me.
Thank you so much|for coming.
- That's okay, you're welcome.|- I don't think we'll be requiring any new staff.
- You aren't taking on any what?|- Staff. Employees.
Ohh! Oh, "staff. "
Okay, I didn't understand|with your big accent.
I couldn't|figure it out. Okay.
Fine. You know, you really shouldn't|let people fill out applications...
if you don't want them to|actually try to get a job here.
- It's a compli- - No, no. That's|all I have to say. - Goodbye.
If there ain't no love|then there ain't no use
Ooh, better walk on by|Better walk on through
Hi. Hey, um, great suit.|Is that an Armani?
- Yes. Yes, it is.|- I thought so. So, what do you do?
- I'm a suit salesman.|- Oh, uh-oh
Would you excuse me? I cut my foot before,|and my shoe is filling up with blood.
Ooh, if there ain't no love|then there ain't no use
Ooh, better walk on by|Better walk on through
Hey, hey, there's a woman in the world|that you can't use
Ain't no love, Ain't no use|Ain't no love
Yeah, well, my first choice was to work at a|boutique on Rodeo Drive, but this would be okay.
Well, thank you. Unfortunately, we|don't have any openings here right now.
- Are you serious?|- Mm.
Although we might have|an opening at our discount outlet.
Okay, well, what street|would that be on?
Come on, Michele. At this point,|any job is better than no job at all.
A discount outlet? Me?
Fine.
So, any boyfriends yet?
No. All the guys with good jobs|must be going to some other club.
Oh, you know where Dana met her new|boyfriend? He's a William Morris agent.
Oh! Showbiz!|Good job! Where?
Hi. My name is Romy,|and I'm an alcoholic.
- Hi, Romy!|- Hey.
And you also get a five-percent|employee discount...
over and above our|everyday low prices.
You could make curtains|for the motorhome with this.
- I got this tie for a dollar.|- You paid a whole dollar for that?
- You betcha.|- Ah!
She's one|of our regulars.
So, what do you think?
I- I'd like to go away.
I know I'm supposed to wait|in that line, but listen.
I wouldn't even be here if this|weren't, like, a dating emergency.
Our cutoff is 25.|Try VH-1.
The reunion's less than a week away. I mean,|I just can't believe you turned down a job.
Well, I thought the idea|was to impress people.
I mean, how am I going to impress anyone|by selling Ban-Lon smocks at Bargain Mart?
I'm sick of this.|I'm gonna go weigh myself.
Oh, God! I've been killing myself|for eight days and I gained a pound.
That's impossible! Did you|deduct 16 pounds for your shoes?
Just forget it.|I'm not going.
- What?|- Come on. Get real, Michele. We're idiots.
We can't get jobs and boyfriends,|and lose weight, in two weeks.
But I thought|you said we could.
Wow. God, the top female|executives are all so pretty.
Those aren't the actual executives,|Michele. Those are models.
Oh, I thought|they looked familiar.
God, they really look like|executives, don't they?
That's only because they're|wearing those stupid suits...
and phoney glasses,|and carrying briefcases.
- Huh!|- Oh, my God, Michele, that's it!
We can go to the reunion, and|just pretend to be successful!
I mean, who's gonna know?|They're in Tucson, we're here.
We could just show up|looking like businesswomen.
Oh, my God!|Oh!
Wait. Ohh. But if the people at the|reunion see us drive up in a Nova...
won't they know we're not|really businesswomen?
If you can make us|the clothes...
I can get us the car.
Clear out, boys.|I need to talk to Ramon.
Go!
Yes, cara mia?
Michele and I have this|high school reunion to go to...
and we need to show up|in a really cool car.
- Yeah?|- Todd told me that he gave you a really great deal...
- on an XJS convertible and that you're fixing it up.|- Yeah?
So...
can I borrow your car?
Well, if I loan|you my car...
what do I get?
- Uh, what do you want?|- Ohh, Romy...
you know what I want.
Oh, forget it. I'm not going to have sex|with you just to borrow your stupid car!
I gotta get something.
Okay.
Close the blinds,|and we'll work something out.
Ohh! Ohh! Ohh, Ramon!
- Ohh, Ramon, ohh! Ohh!|- Check this out.
- Oh, yes. Ohh.|- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, man!|- Ohh! Ohh!
Ohh, Ramon!|Ohh, Ramon!
Ohh! Oh, yes.
You are Columbus,|and I am America.
Discover me, Ramon!|Just discover me.
Hey, uh- Explosions.|The earth is moving.
Explosions!|The earth is moving!
Ah, ooh- is that an earthquake?|No, it's Ramon.
Is that an earthquake?|No, it's Ramon!
Ahh! It's Ramon!
Man stallion, fill me|with your giant love wand!
What? No, I'm sorry.|I don't think so.
Well, say something nice|about my penis!
Oh, Ramon, your penis|is so powerful. I'm coming!
- Okay, thanks. Get off me now.|- Aw, come on, wh-
- You wanted it to be believable.|- Aww.
I'm just a girl|in the world
That's all that|you'll let me be
Oh, I'm just a girl|living in captivity
Oh, my God!|You did it!
Yeah, I did.|All right, let's get going.
Oh, this is gonna|be so much fun.
- So, what'd you have to do to get it?|- I had to give all the guys...
in the service department|hand jobs.
Well, while you were doing that,|I taped all the nostalgic songs...
from high school,|to get us in the mood.
- Michele? - Huh?|- I was kidding.
- What?|- You actually think I would do something like that?
For a car?
- Okay, just get in.|- Okay.
Hey, look what else|I got us, little lady.
- Oh, my God. It's a flip phone!|- Uh-huh.
- How'd you get this?|- I bought it.
Okay.
- Are ya ready?|- Ready.
Let's do it.
Tonight|I gotta cut loose
- Footloose -|Footloose! - Footloose!
- Kick off my Sunday shoes|- Kick off my Sunday knees?
- Oowhee, Louise|- I have no idea what the rest of the lyrics are.
- Me neither. Whoo!|- Jack, get back
- Watch out, Tucson, here we come!|- Come on before we crack
- Shit!|- Aww.
- Loose your blues - Watch out, Tucson,|here we come! - Everybody cut footloose
Footloose, footloose|Kick off your Sunday shoes
- Shit!|- Aww.
- Footloose|- Whoo!
- You're playin' so|cool - Whoo! - Whoo!
Obeyin' every rule
- Dig way down in your heart|- Down in your art-
- You're yearnin', burnin'|- You're flurnin', burnin', earnin'
- Somebody to tell you|- Somebody better tell you
- That life ain't passin' you by|- You have one hell of an eye
- Everybody cut, everybody cut|- Everybody cut, everybody cut
- Everybody cut, everybody cut|- Everybody cut, everybody cut
- Everybody cut, everybody cut|- Everybody cut, everybody cut
- Everybody, everybody cut footloose|- Footloose
I got your picture|I got your picture
I'd like a million of ya|all to myself
I want a doctor|to take a picture
So I can look at you|from inside as well
- You got me turning up and turning down|- Okay, I give up. What are you doing?
Pass this car.|This kid is so obnoxious.
- Turning Japanese|- Oh, my God. What is with that kid?
I don't know.|He is sick!
Turning Japanese I think I'm|turning Japanese I really think so
Turning Japanese I think I'm|turning Japanese I really think so
Turning Japanese I think I'm|turning Japanese I really think so
Oh, I'm sorry. No.
No, not you. No. I was trying|to scare your little boy.
Oh, my God.|Are my lips that big?
Woke up this mornin'|happy as can be
- Some more of that?|- Yeah.
All right. Now, just remember,|from this point on...
we are sophisticated, educated,|successful career women.
Right. Okay.
God, this underwear is totally|riding up my butt crack.
Yeah. Hello.|Um, we need something to go.
- Okay.|- Do you have some sort of businesswoman's special?
- Come again?|- Well, we're businesswomen.
- Yeah. From L.A.|- And you know some places have, like, a lunch special.
For businesswomen.
We don't have|anything like that.
Well, then why don't you just give us,|um, two burgers and fries and Diet Cokes...
- 'cause we're in a hurry.|- Mm. We're due in Tucson later.
For a business thing.|You know.
What kind|of business you in?
I can't believe we never thought|of what to say we did for a living.
Oh. Which one|of these guys...
will I have sex with|at the reunion?
Ooh!|Casey Degan!
- Aaah!|- Come on! Now, we're running out of time.
I know. Why don't we say|that we own our own company?
Ooh, good.|Like what?
- Like, what if we invented something?|- Like what?
Well, okay, I-I think it should be like|something that-that everybody has heard about...
but-but nobody really|knows who invented it.
Oh, my God! I've got it!|Post-Its!
- Everybody knows what Post-Its are!|- Yeah!
They're the little yellow things|with the stickum on the back, right?
Okay.
Okay, we're-we're working in this|advertising agency after college.
- Ooh, college! Good one!|- Yeah.
And we have, like, this big,|like, presentation...
to make to,|like, a client.
- Hmm!|- So-so-so we're, like, brainstorming...
and all of the sudden|we're out of paper clips!
- Good!|- And so, okay- So then I, I, like-
Okay, I say-|I say- Okay-
"Wouldn't it be great if there was, like,|this, like, stickum on the back of this paper...
"so, like, it-it would just- if I laid it on|top of that other paper it would just stay...
you know, like,|without a paper clip?"
- Yes!|- Ahh!
So then you've got, like, this|grandfather or this uncle...
that, like, has, like, a- like a-|like a paper company or a paper mill...
and-and he's, like, really into it,|and the rest is history!
Oh, my God!|It is perfect!
Wow!|Don't you think?
Well, yeah, but-
- "Well, yeah, but" what?|- I don't know.
I mean, it just sounds like you invented|Post-Its all by yourself, you know.
- I mean, what did I do?|- Well, it was your grandfather or uncle.
Yeah?
Okay, you know,|so we could say that...
you were,|like, the designer.
Like, I thought of them, but you|thought of making them yellow.
Well, no, but it's like|most of these people...
have, like, known us|since elementary school.
I just think that you're|more believable as a designer...
rather than|as an inventor, you know?
- Uh-huh.|- You're my lover
Not my rival
- What are you doing?|- Look.
You're obviously|pissed at me.
No. Uh-uh. Why should|I be pissed at you?
Just because now I know|how you really feel about me.
Oh, my God,|I knew this would happen.
I mean, I try, for once,|to be honest with you...
and it blows up|in my face.
God!|You wanna be honest?
Okay, good!|Let's be honest!
I let you|have the ideas!
- What?|- Yeah, I let you have the ideas...
so you won't feel so bad|that I'm cuter.
- You are not cuter, Michele.|- I am so cuter.
It's, like, common knowledge, Romy.|Everybody thinks so.
I'm the Mary|and you're the Rhoda.
That's ridiculous. You're the Rhoda.|You're the Jewish one.
Oh, my God. I'm talking|cuteness-wise, Romy, okay?
And cuteness-wise,|I'm the Mary.
That's crazy! You have absolutely|no proof that you're cuter!
Oh, proof? You want proof?|Okay, fine.
- Who lost their virginity first?|- Oh, big wow!
With your cousin Barry.|I wouldn't brag about it.
Okay, so who always gets asked to|dance first when we go to clubs, huh?
No wonder you couldn't|find us boyfriends, Romy.
Well, so what?|You can't even get a job!
- I carry you, Michele! Without me, you'd be lost!|- That is such a lie!
Oh, yeah? Well, let's just see.|Let's split up and see what happens.
W- What do you mean,|split up?
When we get to Tucson,|we're going our own separate ways.
Okay. Good.
Fine.|I don't care.
- Fine!|- Fine.
As of Tucson,|we're finished.
Well, drive fast!
Always something there|to remind me
Wow.|Billy Christianson?
Romy. Romy White.
No. No way.
My God, you-|you look fantastic.
I mean, I- I never would have|recognized you in a million years.
Thanks.
So, what have you been doin'|since high school?
Well,|believe it or not...
I invented Post-Its.
So I told Prescott...
"You can either pay me the 150|or I am out of here. Bye-bye. "
I mean, there are at least 12 other major|markets that would put me on the air tomorrow.
Wow. So you did it?|You're an anchorwoman?
No.|I'm a weather girl.
On the highest-rated|5:00 news in Tucson.
- Oh.|- So...
Michele,|what are you up to?
Uh, okay.|Um, I invented Post-Its.
- You're kidding!|- You must've made a fortune!
Well, yeah.
No offence, Michele...
but how in the world|did you think of Post-Its?
Um... well...
uh...
And I invented them|totally by myself.
I mean, all Michele did was say,|"What about making them yellow?"
Really?
- Actually, I invented a special kind of glue.|- Oh, really?
Well, then I'm sure you wouldn't|mind giving us a detailed account...
of exactly how you concocted|this miracle glue, would you?
No. Um-
Well, ordinarily|when you make glue...
first you need to|thermoset your resin...
and then after it cools|you mix in a, um, epoxide.
Which is really just|a fancy-schmancy name...
for any simple,|oxygenated adhesive, right?
But then I thought maybe- just maybe-|you could raise the viscosity...
by adding a complex glucose derivative|during the emulsification process.
And it turns out,|I was right.
Huh?|I don't believe it.
You must be the most successful|person in our graduating class.
Uh-huh.|And you're not. Bye.
Always something there|to remind me
This is so great.
Romy?
Can I ask you|something?
Romy! You will not believe|what just happened!
Michele, can't you see|that I am busy?
Fine.|Okay, just forget it.
Whoa! Oh. Oww.
Oww. Oww. Oww.
Oh!
Oh! Come on!
Oh, God!|Are you all right?
- What do you think?|- I am so sorry.
My-My-My driver|didn't see you.
Please. Come.
I have boxes of Kleenex|in my limo.
Let me make it up|to you.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
- Here. Help yourself, Michele.|- Thanks.
Wait. How do you|know my name?
It's me, Michele.|Sandy.
- Sandy Frink?|- Uh-huh.
But you're so dreamy.
Well, when I made|my first million...
my present to myself|was a new face.
Okay, I'm not|just saying this...
but you really picked|a good one.
Thanks.
I had this notebook...
with "Mrs Romy Christianson" written|on it, like, about a thousand times.
Now you think|I'm some sort of geek.
No. No.
No, not at all.
I'm flattered.
Hi, Billy.
I've been lookin'|all over for you.
You wanna dance once?
You know,|for old times' sake.
No, thanks.
I owe this one to Romy.
Hey, you guys, they're about|to announce the winners of the vote.
- Come on!|- Vote? What vote?
- Let's go. We gotta get in there.|- Okay.
Wait, I can't|find my top.
Where are you?
Hey, how you guys|doin' tonight?
I bet, uh, everyone|is as anxious...
as I am to hear|the results of the vote.
What vote?
The person voted Most Changed|for the Better Since High School is-
It's a tie.|It's a tie.
The Most Changed for the Better|Since High School are...
Romy White|and Michele Weinberger.
Honey, go on up there|and get your medal.
Okay.
How weird. I didn't|even know we were voting.
Get me another daiquiri.
Here you go.
Um, I'm sorry.|I couldn't find my top.
Honey,|that is beautiful.
May I take that|for you, sir?
No, no, no.|You leave me alone.
Looking at your medal|from the reunion again, dear?
You miss her,|don't you?
Duh.
Michele...
have you been terribly unhappy|with me all these years?
Oh, no.|No, Sandy.
Oh, good.
I've just been lonely|with no one to talk to.
Why don't you call her?
- Okay.|- Yeah.
- Hello?|- Billy Christianson?
Oh, no, no,|I'm-I'm Billy Junior.
Oh, Billy, honey,|is your mommy home?
Well, yeah.
Yeah, but, uh, she can't come|to the phone right now.
She-She's on|her deathbed.
- Romy.|- Oh, dear.
Billy, honey...
tell your mommy that|Michele Weinberger-Frink...
is on the phone...
and would very much|like to speak with her.
No.
Not until you admit...
that I'm the Mary,|and you're the Rhoda.
I'm the Mary.
I'm the Mary!
I'm the- You're a pasty hag|on a deathbed.
I'm the Mary.|Everybody knows.
Way to go, honey.
Oh, God.
Oh, we're really here.
- Oh, God.|- Good evening, sir.
Thanks for not|waking me up, Romy.
God, what a bitch.
Don't get me wrong
If I'm looking|kind of dazzled
I see neon lights
Whenever you walk by
Don't get me wrong
- Hey, Romy White.|- Hey.
- Where's Michele?|- I don't know.
Um, anybody see|Billy Christianson?
- Try the bar.|- Thanks, man.
Don't get me wrong
Oh, excuse me, excuse me.|You-you can't go in without a name tag.
- Oh, okay.|- Okay.
Uh, Michele Weinberger.
Oh, my God, Michele Weinberger!|My God, you look great!
It's me, Toby.|Oh, Toby Walters.
- Uh-huh.|- Okay.
Um, oh, here it is.|Here is your name tag.
And, um, Romy|is already inside.
- I could care less. I am not here with Romy.|- You're kidding me.
No, we're not|even friends any more.
We had this big falling out|over Post-Its.
- Post-Its?|- It's a long story.
- See ya.|- W-W-
I'm only off to wander
Across a moonlit night
Once in a while
Two people meet
Seemingly, for no reason|they just pass on the street
Suddenly thundershowers|everywhere
Who can explain|the thunder and rain
But there's somethin'|in the air
Ooh, excuse me.
Hi, Romy.|How are you?
- Lisa Luder?|- Yes.
So, where's the rest|of the "A" group?
Oh, they're around here|someplace.
We sort of lost touch|over the years.
Wow. Isn't it weird when you're|not friends with your friends any more?
I mean, Michele and I just fell|out of touch about two hours ago.
Because she's selfish...
and she always,|like, devalues me.
And I'm sick of it,|you know?
God, you guys are easy|to talk to.
I invented Post-Its.
- You know, the yellow things with the stickum on the back?|- Yes, I know what they are.
So, uh,|what are you up to?
I'm an associate fashion editor|for Vogue.
Wow! Wh-|Good job!
Boy, I must have, like,|every single issue of Vogue...
for the past ten years.
Okay, well, it was|very nice talking with you.
Nice talking to you too.
Okay, Romy.
It might just be|fantastic
Don't get me wrong
It was so cute.
My mom gave us|a new car seat for the baby.
And when the box arrived, little|Jake looks up at me and says...
"Mommy,|is that the baby?"
- Oh.|- I wish.
Hey, everyone.
- And so we meet again.|- Oh, hi.
Romy White.
You're the chubby girl.
Oh, well, I was, but I haven't|been for a really long time.
So, what are|all of you up to?
Christie, in the yearbook you said|that you wanted Jane Pauley's job.
Are you a big TV news|anchorwoman now?
Oh, no, I don't even|watch TV any more.
My priorities have changed|since I became a mommy.
Can you believe|this is number three?
Wow, three kids.
God, you must feel|really tied down.
Not at all.|I feel very fulfilled.
Besides, Billy always|wanted a big family.
- Billy Christianson?|- Mm-hmm.
- You married Billy Christianson?|- Mm-hmm.
For almost ten years now.
Billy's in|real estate development.
So, how about you?|Any kids?
Oh, uh, no.
I just haven't had time, you know, what|with running my own business and all.
Your own business?
Yeah.|I invented Post-Its.
No, really.|What do you do?
That's what I do.|I invented Post-Its.
Oh. You're kidding me.
Well, I've made|a lot of money.
Oh, you know who they say|has made a ton of money? Sandy Frink.
- The Frink-a-zoid?|- Yeah.
He invented some special kind of rubber that's|used in every tennis shoe in North America.
Hey, if anybody|needs to make a call...
I've got a phone.
- Is Sandy Frink here?|- Uh, no.
- Uh, you can't go in without a name tag.|- Fuck off!
Heather Mooney? Oh, my God,|you're exactly the same.
Oh, my God.|Heather Mooney is here?
This ought to be so good.
Oh, God, don't look now.|It's Heather Mooney.
- What?|- Hello, Romy.
Uh- E- Uh- You-
Oh, uh- Heather,|you said you weren't coming.
Yeah, well, since Sandy|and Michele aren't married-
What a waste|of a tank of gas, huh?
Okay, well, come on.|I'll help you go find him.
Uh, he's not here. I already asked Toby|Dumbfuck. Obviously, I've interrupted.
Why don't you just go back to ignoring|me like you did in high school?
No, you can stay.
We're just discussing our class|success stories. So, what are you up to?
Ever hear of Lady Fair cigarettes?|I invented the quick-burning paper.
- Wow, we have a whole class full of inventors.|- Meaning?
Oh, you know, Sandy Frink|invented something too.
- Hey, isn't that Sandy over there now?|- What did Sandy invent?
- Some kind of rubber. - Romy here|invented Post-Its. - You did not.
- Yeah, I did.|- You did not.
- Yeah, I did.|- You did not.
Yeah, I-|Well, who did then?
A guy named Art Fry|from the 3M Corp.
We studied it|in business school.
You're kidding me.
You just|made all that up?
Oh, God,|you are so weird.
- Why don't you just leave her alone?|- Michele.
Oh, it's|the back brace girl.
- Hi, back brace girl.|- Hi, back brace girl.
Oh, shut up.
And what are you|picking on us for anyway?
We are not the ones|who got fat.
We're pregnant,|you half-wit.
Oh, yeah, well...
I hope your babies|look like monkeys.
Come on, Romy.
- Oh, Romy.|- Oh, please, go away. Just leave me alone.
Why did I even|come back here?
Well, you know what? There are worse|things than telling some dumb story...
and having everybody|laugh at you.
- Like what?|- Like losing your best friend.
You know? I mean,|I had the worst dream, Romy.
I dreamt that we weren't friends|and we were really, really old.
But I mean, like, we were, like,|really, really old.
And-And we weren't friends.
I can't stand that|we're mad at each other.
Okay, I'm sorry|I said all those things.
You're as cute as me.|You are.
And-And in some cultures,|maybe cuter.
I'm sorry too.
I shouldn't have said that you weren't|smart enough to invent Post-Its.
Well, I mean,|maybe I'm not.
Although in my dream,|I did know the formula for glue.
So, are we friends again?
Well, duh.
Okay.
And you know what,|it doesn't even matter...
that we told, like, what,|four people some dumb lie.
Who cares?
Hi, everybody.
Settle down. Hi.
I'm Christie|Masters-Christianson.
I have been asked|to formally welcome you all...
to Sagebrush High's|ten-year reunion.
We have come a long way|in the past ten years.
Our own Lisa Luder is helping|set the style for the country...
as a fashion editor|for "Vogue" magazine.
And Travis McKinney|is in his fifth year...
as a member of the|Dallas Cowboys football team.
And...
Romy and Michele claimed...
they invented Post-Its.
All I ever wanted was|for people to think...
that we were better|than we were in high school.
And now we're just a stupid joke,|just like we always were.
No, Romy.
Can I tell you the truth?
I never knew that we weren't|that great in high school.
I mean, we always had|so much fun together.
I thought high school|was a blast.
And until you told me that|our lives weren't good enough...
I thought everything|since high school was a blast.
I think we should go back|out there as ourselves...
and just have fun|like we always do.
The hell with|everyone else.
I don't think I can.
Well, do you think you can|stop being such a baby?
God, I feel like|I've been, like...
chasing you all over|this reunion.
We have come|all this way.
Now we are going to enjoy ourselves|whether you like it or not.
God, Michele, I've never seen this side|of your personality before.
You're so bossy|and domineering.
- I like it.|- Me too.
She's got it
Yeah, baby|she's got it
- I don't believe it.|- What?
They're ba-ack.
Well, I'm your Venus
- Nice outfits.|- I'm your fire
Post-Its must be|really lucrative.
- Are you sure you want to do this?|- Oh, yeah, Michele, I am so sure.
What the hell is|your problem, Christie?
Why are you always|such a nasty bitch?
Do you get some kind of sick pleasure|from torturing other people?
I mean, yeah, okay, so Michele and I|did make up some lame story.
We only did it because we wanted you|to treat us like human beings.
But you know what|I finally realized?
I don't care if you like us|'cause we don't like you.
You're a bad person|with an ugly heart...
and we don't give a flying fuck|what you think.
- Come on, Michele.|- Okay.
And, yeah.
It's unbelievable.|They're as deluded about their lives...
as they are about|those hideous clothes.
Actually, Christie,|they've got nice lines...
a fun,|frisky use of colour.
All in all, I'd have to say|they're really not bad.
Well, we still think|they're ridiculous.
Don't we, girls?
Why don't you just let them|think for themselves for once?
You're just jealous...
because unlike a certain ball-busting,|dried-up career woman I might mention...
we're all happily married.
That's right, Christie.
Keep telling|yourself that.
- I do love those outfits.|- Yeah, sure do.
- Oh, great.|- Thanks.
Michele made them.
Well, I just sewed them.|We both designed them.
- Fifty-fifty.|- Wow. - Yeah.
That's so cool.
Well, it's been really|terrific seeing all of you.
- Come on, Michele.|- Oh, okay, bye.
Hi.
I am sorry that I blew|your big lie for you.
Hey, that's okay.|It was better this way anyway.
It's ironic, isn't it? I really thought|you guys had it made in high school.
- Us?|- Yes, you.
With your long hair|and your long legs...
walkin' on your legs,|flippin' your hair.
I can't compete with that.|You made Sandy crazy.
And the whole time|you were makin' my life hell...
the "A" group was making|your life hell; I didn't know.
You know what? I bet in high school|everybody made somebody's life hell.
Mm-mmm, not me. Never had the|opportunity to make anyone's life hell.
You know what? I bet that's not true.|You were really unpleasant.
- You think?|- Oh, yeah. God.
Heather?|Oh, I'm off duty.
Um, since you never|got around to it in high school...
I was wondering|if you could sign my yearbook.
And, uh, please don't|tell me to fuck off...
because it really hurts|my feelings.
- I hurt your feelings?|- Yeah, all the time.
Tremendous!|That's tremendous!
Go get your stupid yearbook.|I would be happy to sign it.
Okay, great.|I'll-I'll be right back, okay?
Michele, I think maybe|we should leave.
There is no way this reunion|is gonna get any better.
Hey, everybody, Sandy Frink|just landed in a helicopter!
Sandy Frink|has a helicopter?
Yeah. Apparently he's worth,|like, millions.
He invented some kind of|special rubber or something.
Like for condoms?
Whoa-ohh-ohh
The hot summer night
Fell like a net
I've gotta find|my baby yet
You think I'm cute
A little bit shy
Mama, I ain't|that kind of guy
That's Sandy Frink?|What the hell was I thinking?
Whoa-ohh-ohh
Sandy, hi.
- Doctor, Doctor, give me the news|- You look so rich.
- I got a bad case of lovin' you|- I mean, great.
No pill's gonna|cure my ill
I got a bad case|of lovin' you
Michele.
- After all these years, you still take my breath away.|- Thanks.
So you must be, like,|the most successful person...
in our entire|graduating class.
Well, I guess that depends|on how you define "success. "
If, to you, success means|having a house in Aspen...
one in Acapulco, a penthouse in|New York, a mansion in Malibu...
a 60-foot yacht,|an eight-seat Windstar...
a Bell Jet Ranger, a Bentley,|a personal trainer, a full-time chef...
a live-in masseuse|and a staff of 24...
then, yeah...
I guess I am successful.
But no matter|how much I accumulate...
there's still one thing|I just don't have.
Your own country?
I don't have you,|Michele.
Will you dance with me?
Only if Romy|can dance with us.
Sure.
Lying in my bed
I hear the clock tick|and think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new
Flashback|Warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcase of memories
Time after|Sometimes you picture me
I'm walkin'|too far ahead
You're callin' to me
I can't hear|what you've said
Then you say "Go slow"
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds
If you're lost, you can look|and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you|I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost, you can look|and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall|I will catch you
- I'll be waiting|- I will be waiting
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
See, I told you|it would pay off...
to go to those clubs|every night.
Come on.
Oh, Jesus,|Mary and Joseph.
What do you want?
You were right. I was|a brain-dead, redneck asshole.
Although I never screwed|a sheep or my sister.
Why not?|Couldn't catch 'em?
I guess I deserve that.|I was a jerk.
But I was so miserable|in high school...
I don't think I spoke more than|two words the entire time.
I just couldn't|breathe there, you know?
Plus, I had this|really bad stutter.
Listen, you, uh,|wanna go somewhere quiet?
Somewhere|where we can talk?
- You-You wanna talk to me?|- Yeah.
Okay, cowboy, I don't know|what your trip is...
- but if this is some kind|of a sick game- - What? No.
If you fuck with me|in any way, I will rip...
each and every appendage from your body,|starting with your dick, capisce?
Look, I j-just|w- wanted to talk.
Okay.
What the hell.
What is your name?
- Clarence.|- I like your hat, Clarence.
- Thank you.|- Pick up the pace.
You wait here.|I'll prep my chopper.
- Okay.|- All right.
Oh, my God, somebody's|puking in the bushes.
Eeewww!
Hey, how you guys doin'?
Billy?
- Chubbo?|- The name is Romy.
Romy and Michele.
So, weren't you guys, like,|totally in love with me in high school?
She was.
You wanna get a room?
But you're married.
- To Christie.|- Yeah, but you've got children...
and you're a successful|real estate developer.
I do drywall for her old man's|construction company.
And-And you know this new kid?|Don't even know if he's mine.
So-
How about that room?
Okay.
Why don't you go|and get that room?
Go and wash your face|and take off all your clothes...
and I'll be up there|in five minutes.
All right!
Your fantasy|is gonna come true...
tonight.
- See you later.|- Ugh- Okay.
- God.|- Now he's gonna see what it feels like to wait.
- That's such a good one.|- Ladies.
- God, can you believe we're going home in a helicopter?|- I know. It's so cool.
I just wish everybody inside the reunion|would come out and see us lift off.
Ohh!
Thank you.
Oh.
Oh, my God! I'm so glad you didn't|bring your big notebook with you.
Michele.
Ooh, baby, do you know|what that's worth
Ooh, heaven is|a place on earth
They say in heaven|love comes first
We'll make heaven|a place on earth
Ooh, heaven is|a place on earth
Billy. Billy!
Billy, where are you?
Billy. Damn it.|Damn it!
Oh, my God.|Is that Heather?
Go for it, Heather!
Ooh, baby, do you know|what that's worth
Ooh, heaven is|a place on earth
They say in heaven|love comes first
Thanks for stopping by.
Yeah. Enjoy your fashions.
Have a Romy and Michele day.
- That was a good one.|- Thanks.
I cannot believe|how busy we've been.
I know. Hey, maybe we can|pay back Sandy this week.
Um, I think we're about, like,|two years away from that.
Oh. Okay.
Heather, um, has anyone ever told you|that smoking can kill you?
No. No one. Thank you.
Okay, but if you burn it,|you bought it.
Like I give a shit.|I look like an asshole.
What? Nuh-uh.|You look totally cute.
This dress exacerbates the genetic|betrayal that is my legacy.
Okay, I don't even know what you're|talking about because of those words...
but come here.
- Ow!|- God, that has been bugging me.
- Stay away from my bikini area.|- Um, okay.
- I'm in a rush. Ring it up if you must.|- Okay.
Let me have the tag, please.
Thank you.
You really do look cute.
- You know what?|- Huh?
Despite that surly demeanour, I think|we've just given her a big gift.
Okay, I mean,|to give someone...
like Heather Mooney the chance|to express herself through fashion-
We could've really|changed her life.
Yeah. For me though,|it's like...
I've given birth to|my own baby girl, you know?
Only she's, like,|a big giant girl...
who smokes|and says "shit" a lot.
- You know?|- Yeah.
- Yeah. Let's fold scarves!|- Okay.
- You know what, Michele?|- Huh?
I think you are, like,|the funnest person I know.
Me too.|With you.
See the people|walkin' down the street
Fall in line|Just watchin' all the feet
They don't know|where everyone can go
But they're walkin'|in time
They got the beat|They got the beat
They got the beat|Yeah, they got the beat
All the kids|just gettin' out of school
They can't wait|to hang out and be cool
Hang around|till quarter after twelve
That's when|they fall in line
They got the beat|They got the beat
Kids got the beat|Yeah, kids got the beat
Go Go music|really makes us dance
In the crowd|it puts us in a trance
We want to|So just give us a chance
That's when|we fall in line
'Cause we got the beat|We got the beat
We got the beat|Yeah, we got it
We got the beat
- We got the beat|- Everybody get out your feet
- We got the beat|- We know you can dance to the beat
- We got the beat|- Jump back, kick 'round
- We got the beat|- 'Round and 'round and 'round
- Whoo!|- We got the beat
- We got the beat|- We got the beat
- We got the beat|- We got the beat
- We got the beat, We got the beat|- We got the beat
- We got the beat|- We got the beat
I'm exposed|and it's no big surprise
Don't ya think I know|exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me|to hold your hand
'Cause I'm just a girl|Well, little old me
Well don't let me|out of your sight
Oh, I'm just a girl
All pretty and petite
So don't let me|have any rights
Oh I've had it|up to here
The moment that|I step outside
So many reasons|for me to run and hide
I can't do the little things|I hold so dear
'Cause it's all those|little things that I fear
'Cause I'm just a girl|I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me|drive late at night
Oh, I'm just a girl|Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit|and stare with their eyes
Oh, am I making myself clear
I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl in the world
- How much is this, Lori?|- It's very expensive.
It's very expensive.
Look, I got money|to spend in here.
I don't think we have anything for you.|You're obviously in the wrong place.
Please leave.
You know, even though we've watched|"Pretty Woman" like 36 times...
- I never get tired of making fun of it.|- Oh, I know.
Aww, poor thing. Look!|They won't let her shop.
Yeah, like those salesgirls in Beverly|Hills aren't bigger whores than she is.
I know!
Oh, my God, listen to that|sad, sad music as she leaves.
It's like, boo-hoo. Uhh.
But it is actually|kind of sad.
Anything you see here we can do, by the|way. Get ready to have some fun, okay?
- Okay.|- Mary Pat, Mary Kate, Mary Frances, Tovah.
- Let's see it, come on! Let's see the outfit.|- How divine!
Exactly how obscene-
I just get really happy|when they finally let her shop.
Okay, so I have|nothing to wear.
We don't even have time to make|anything new before we go out.
Well, what about this?
- Did you lose weight? - Actually, I have|been trying this new fat-free diet I invented.
All I've had to eat for the past six days|are Gummi Bears, jelly beans, and candy corns.
God, I wish I had|your discipline.
- This is it|- Work this
- Diddy-bum diddy-bum pow|- Here it is
I can't believe|how cute I look!
I know! You know what? This is like|the cutest we've ever looked.
Oh, it's definitely the cutest. Don't you|love how we can just say that to each other...
- and we know that we're not being conceited?|- Oh, I know.
No, we're just|being honest.
- Be my lover, Wanna be my lover|- Lover
Go ahead and take your time|Boy you gotta feel secure
Before I make you mine|Baby you have to be sure
You wanna be my lover|Wanna be my lover
God. I hope some cute guys get here|tonight. They were cute last night.
- Oh, they were cute.|- Really cute! - Oh!
- Hey, Michele! Romy!|- We'll take two Diet Cokes?
Right, with extra cherries.|Don't move. I'll be right back.
Okay. I have the yuckiest taste|in my mouth from those taquitos.
- Eeew.|- I hope I don't get indigestion.
Hey, remember that time I barfed|from bad Mexican food? It was so gross.
- Oh, my God, I hate throwing up in public.|- Me too! Ooh.
I can't believe it. There are|absolutely no guys here tonight.
I know. None.
Come on, Michele, let's just|go dance with ourselves.
Okay.
Put your hands in the air
'Cause there's a party over here|So grab yourself a beer
And we could|get on with the world
Swear to God.|Sometimes I wish I were a lesbian.
You wanna try and have sex sometime?|Just to see if we are?
What? Yeah, right, Michele. Just the thought|of having sex with another woman creeps me out.
But if we're not married by|the time we're 30, ask me again.
- Okay.|- Tell me can you feel the
Masked girls comin'|with the fever, fever, fever
Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh|Stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ahh-ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh|Stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ahh-ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh|Stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ahh-ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh|Stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh|Stayin' alive, stayin' alive
- Ahh-ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh|- Two-four-three.
- Stayin' alive|- Two-four-three.
Two-four-three.
Two, four, three.
Two, four, three.
Service.|Number 243.
It's beautiful.|Is that real wood?
During this century, boys.
Come on, Ramon. Quit jerking off|and bring the car around.
- It's about time.|- Mm. Romy!
You are looking hot today.
Yeah. That's because|I'm sweating like a pig in here.
Well, the air conditioning is|working in the service office.
You might wanna come by|and, uh, cool off later?
Yeah, Ramon.|That'll happen.
Sorry, ma'am.|He is such an asshole.
Mm.
- I'm in a hurry.|- Well-
I'm going as fast as I can,|Ms Mooney. Heather.
Heather Mooney?
From Sagebrush High|in Tucson?
- Yeah?|- It's Romy!
- Romy White!|- You're shittin' me.
No, this is so weird. I didn't|know you were living in L.A.
Well, now that you know, will|we be getting together a lot?
So, God!|You're driving a new Jaguar?
- What do you do?|- Ever hear of Lady Fair cigarettes?
- The ones that burn down real fast?|- "Twice the taste, in half the time, for the gal on the go"?
I invented the|quick-burning paper.
Wow!
- You goin' to the reunion?|- What reunion?
Our ten-year high school|reunion in Tucson?
You're kidding me. It's been|ten years since high school?
- God. Where have I been?|- I'm stumped. Where?
- Anyway, are you going?|- I'd rather put this out in my ass.
I wonder why we didn't|get an invitation.
I mean, I'm sure Michele would|have told me if she got one.
- Michele Weinberger?|- Mm-hmm.
- Do you live with Michele Weinberger?|- Yeah.
I just thought maybe she'd|be married to Sandy by now.
- Sandy Frink?|- Yes, Sandy Frink.
He could barely contain his erection|every time she was around.
Why do you think he always|carried that huge notebook?
The Frink-a-zoid|and Michele, I am sure.
Besides, didn't you have a thing|for Sandy in high school?
I did not have a "thing. " I did not have|a "thing. " I did not have a "thing. "
I was very much|in love with him.
Very much in love,|and there's a difference.
There's a difference.
There's a difference.
I have to go now.
Well! I guess I won't be|seeing you at the reunion.
- But I'll tell everyone you said "hi. "|- Why don't you tell everyone...
I said to go fuck themselves, for making|my teen years a living hell?
Oh, yeah, right!
Finally-
Michele. You will never guess|who I just ran into.
- God, I cannot believe it's already been ten years.|- I know.
- Oh. - You know...|- There she is.
Oh! God,|she was so weird.
- She still is.|- Why was she, like, always going behind that building?
It was long ago
Seems like yesterday
Saw you standin' in the rain
- Then I heard you say|- Got a light?
- I want your love But it comes out wrong|- Thank you.
- I want to live, but I don't belong|- Thank you! Thank you, I really appreciate that...
because I'm not a human being|or anything, you pathetic turd!
Blood and roses|Blood and roses
Blood and roses
- Roses, roses|- There should be a cigarette you could smoke all the way through between classes.
What a waste.
- Okay. - Find|us. - Oh. Okay.
Oh, my God, do you remember|what a big controversy it was...
for us to have our|picture taken together?
Yeah, well, Danny Weller, like,|"lodged the complaint," and, you know-
'Cause, "alphabetically,|he's supposed to be between us. "
And then we said, "Okay, Danny.|If you want to be between us...
you can come to Michele's house on|Friday night, and we'll be waiting. "
That's right. He came over and|we're like, "Danny, it was a joke. "
I know! And then we turned|the sprinklers on him!
Oh, my God.|Didn't he die?
- I think so.|- Yeah.
- Oh, my God. Michele. Look|at the "A" group. - Mm-hmm.
Christie Masters,|Kelly Possenger...
Lisa Luder|and Cheryl Quick.
So, who would you say|was in the "B" group?
Oh. The drama crowd. You know,|like Casey Degan and Mark Black.
- Uh-huh. God, I had the hugest|crush on Casey. 'Member? - Oh, yeah.
God, I wonder why|he never liked me.
Young man, there's|no need to feel down
I said, young man-
So, what group would|you say we were in?
Well, we definitely|weren't in the "A" group.
But you know what? We weren't|really in the "B" group, either.
Okay, we weren't in|the "C" group, were we?
What? Oh, no. Michele, come on. I mean, that|was like, all the honour students and like...
the rejects; you know, like|Sandy Frink and Heather Mooney.
- Eeew, look at them.|- We were definitely not in that group.
- Ecch.|- She blinded me with Science
Michele! Oh, Michele.|Over here!
Want me to get your|huge notebook for you?
Oh! Heather! I wanna take another picture|of you and Sandy for the yearbook and-
Oh! I wanna|interview you too...
because I think it would make a really|interesting article for the "Roundup. "
Ohh, Toby! Fuck off.
Okay. But can I take|a picture of you first?
So, Romy, what group|were we in?
Well, you know, I'm not sure that|we were really in any group.
I think maybe we were|more like loners.
- Oh, my God! There we are!|- Yeah, and alone. Look.
You know, even though I had to wear that|stupid back brace, and you were kinda fat...
we were still totally|cutting edge.
- I love it when it's hamburger day.|- Uh-huh.
Okay, smile! Great!|Thanks a lot!
- Can I take your picture?|- Oh, please. - Hello, girls.
Don't forget, you have|detention after school today.
- Oh, we won't, Mr Lish.|- Yeah, we're really looking forward to it.
- God!|- Can you believe he just got married?
- Like, how desperate is she?|- I know, it's like: "Hi. This is my husband.
He dissects crayfish, but he|has a really good personality. "
He's the kind of man|that I desire
Sets the summer sun|on fire
- I want candy|- Oh, my God.
- I want candy|- Michele. Billy Christianson.
- Oh, he's so cute. - He|is cute. - Really cute.
- Hey - Hi,|Billy. - Hey
Hey
Hey
- Hey|- Ow! Billy!
Oh, Billy, gosh,|you're so slimy.
I cannot believe he's|with Christie Masters.
I know. She is, like,|so transparent.
Did you hear her report|in Miss Weigatt's class?
She actually thinks she's gonna be a|TV anchorwoman. What a "deludanoid. "
Those weirdos are|staring at us again.
- They're obsessed with us.|- Look at what they're wearing.
Where do you even get|outfits that hideous?
They made them in Home Ec|from their own patterns.
Actually, I think|they're semi-interesting.
In a freakish, off-putting|sort of way. Never mind.
- Christie. - Uh. -|Come on, I'm hungry.
No, Billy. Wait.|I wanna have some fun.
Lisa, gimme the bag.
Here you go.|You are so bad.
- What? What?|- She is out of control.
Michele? Christie Masters|is coming over here.
- Wow. She never comes over.|- Okay, just act cool.
- Hi. - Hi. -|Hi, Christie.
- So. You girls gonna try out for the spring musical?|- Us?
Yeah, you should.|It'll be fun.
- Okay. Why not?|- Yeah. So, um, what musical are they doing?
- "The Music Man. "|- You're kidding!
Oh, the Wells Fargo wagon|Is a-comin' down the street
I love "The Music Man. "
Okay. Can I have|the rest of this?
Um, w-
Mm. It's good.
See ya!
She can be really nice|when she wants to be.
Michele!
- Uh-oh. Don't look now. Here come the|Frink-a-zoid. - Oh, God! He is such a geek!
Hi, Michele. Gee, Michele,|you're looking really lovely today.
Okay. See you in Biology.
I- I-I thought I ought|to tell you, Michele, that...
Christie Masters stuck|magnets on your back.
- What?|- She stuck-
Michele, you do have|magnets on your back!
Oh, my God.|Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.|Help me.
Oh, my God.
Oh, don't let them see you get upset.|That's what they want.
Oh, my God.
- Hey!|- I'm pretending you just did something hilarious.
Now, you laugh at me.|Come on, do it.
God, that was so rude. I mean, you|couldn't help it if you had scoliosis.
I know. And what a bitch, taking|your hamburger. I mean, what was that?
God, remember the prom?|You got so thin by then.
Oh, I know. I was so lucky, getting|mono. That was, like, the best diet ever.
I wonder, if I had gotten my brace off|sooner, if somebody would have invited me.
I mean, other|than Sandy Frink.
Well, nobody|invited me either.
Well, at least we looked fantastic,|and that is the most important thing.
- We were cool on craze|- Oh, gee. Nice outfits. Really.
- When I, you - Oh, look, it's the|Madonna twins. - And everyone we knew
Could believe, do, and share|in what was true, Oh, I said
Okay, this is so typical.|Of course, we're like the only ones...
who don't look like|we're going to a hoedown.
- Oh, I know. This town is like so unhip.|- Ecch.
- I can't wait till we move to L.A.|- Me too!
Everything's gonna happen for us there,|Michele, and we'll never look back.
- Okay.|- Dance hall days
- Dance hall days|- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
That hurt.|But it looked really good.
Dance hall days
Oh, everybody!
- Dance hall, dance hall days|- Okay, everyone.
Uh, it's the moment|we've all been waiting for.
It's time to announce|the king and queen of the prom.
- Ahh!|- And the winners are...
Billy Christianson|and Christie Masters!
Ohh! Ohh!
- Duh.|- Oh, it's me!
Boo-hoo!|I'm so surprised!
Thank you. Thank you.
God, Billy looks|cute in his tux.
- He does look cute.|- Really cute.
Do you think, since it's the last night of|school and I might never see him again...
that maybe he would|dance with me?
I bet he would.|I mean, it's senior prom.
Nobody's going to say "no"|to anyone tonight.
Michele, since this is the|last night of school and all...
would you care|to dance with me once?
No.
I'll dance with you.
Nah. It's no fun unless|you really love the person.
Thanks, anyway.
Okay. Who can name the capitals|of all the 50 states?
Okay, Toby. Fuck off.
Heather! Can't you be|a little bit more sensitive?
Me? Me? Me be|more sensitive?
You are a jerk-off!
Another kiss|is what it takes
- Albuquerque.|- You can't sleep
- You can't eat|- Albany.
There's no doubt
You're in deep
Your throat is tight|You can't breathe
Another kiss is all you need|Whoa-oh-ohh
- Why are you tormenting me?|- You like to think you're immune to the stuff
- Why don't you go fuck a sheep or your sister or yourself?|- Oh, yeah
Brain-dead|redneck asshole!
Can't get enough|You know you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to love|You see the signs
But you can't read
You're runnin' at|a different speed
Your heart beats|in double time
- Another kiss|- Um, Billy?
- And you'll be mine|- Hi.
- A one-track mind, you can't be saved|- Do you wanna dance?
- Oblivion is all you crave|- I mean, it's just 'cause...
this song is,|like, so great.
Mm. Never mind.
Unless, you know,|you want to.
- Whoa, you like to think|- Yeah. I mean-
- That you're immune to this stuff|- Y-Y- Sure. Why not?
- Oh, yeah -|Really? - Wh- Um-
- It's closer to the truth|- Could you wait here?
- To say you can't get enough -|I-I-I'll be right back. - Okay.
- Okay.|- You know, you're gonna have to face it You're addicted to love
Might as well face it|You're addicted to love
- Might as well face it|- Hey, Christie.
- You're addicted to love|- That Romy girl just asked me to dance with her.
- Might as well face it|- Oh, you're kidding me! Oh, that's pathetic!
- Might as well face it|- W-W-W-What should I do?
Let me take care of this.
- Michele?|- Oh, God. Okay, so what did he say?
- "Sure. Why not?"|- Oh, my God!
- Thanks a lot, Romy.|- What?
Thanks for stealing|my boyfriend.
- What are you talking about?|- Billy just broke up with me.
Apparently he's had a crush on|you since Mr Roswell's class.
And now that he knows that you like him, he|doesn't want to "pretend" with me any more.
My life was perfect|and you've ruined it.
Go for it|Groove ahead
I swear to God, Christie,|I didn't even think he'd dance with me.
- To whip it, Whip it good|- Wow. She is really P.O.'d.
- This is so cool!|- Oh, I know.
You know what is so weird? I had this|dream, where Billy was like, in love with me.
And I mean, he was in a wheelchair, but|still, it's like it's coming true or something!
- Uh-huh.|- How's my hair?
Perfect. Okay, Romy, you look so|good with blonde hair and black roots.
- It's like, not even funny.|- I have to say...
this is turning out to be one of|the very best nights of my entire life.
Yay, yay!
Lyin' in my bed I hear|the clock tick
And think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new
Flashback to warm nights
Almost left behind
- Suitcase of memories|- You know, maybe he's, like, passed out in the bathroom.
- You want me to go check?|- Time after, Sometimes
- You picture me|- He's not in the bathroom, Michele.
I'm walkin' too far ahead
- I'll dance with you, Romy.|- You're callin' to me
- I can't hear what|you've said - Okay. - Okay.
Then you say "Go slow"
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds
If you're lost you can look|and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you|I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost, you can look|and you will find me
Time after time
- If you fall, I will catch you I'll be waiting|- I will be waiting
Time after time
Time after time
We just waited and waited.
- God, I was such an idiot.|- But wait till he sees you now.
You are so much cuter|than you were in high school.
- I guess I'm cuter.|- Yeah!
And look at the way we live.|I mean, just our lifestyle.
You know, I mean, we live in L.A,|and they are still stuck in Tucson.
You know what, Michele?|You're right.
We are gonna go back there|and blow them away.
Boy, there's a lot of questions to|answer. Why do we have to fill these out?
They wanna know what we've been|doing for the past ten years.
- Oh!|- Okay. Here we go.
- Ahh!|- "Name. "
- Ah! We're having so much fun already.|- Oh, I know!
- I cannot wait for this reunion.|- Me too!
"Occupation. "|Cashier.
- Unemployed.|- No. Don't write that.
Um, okay, so your last job|was as a salesgirl?
- So say you're a freelance fashion consultant.|- Ooh! Clever.
"Relationship Status. "|Married.
- Nope. -|Engaged? - No.
- Living with someone?|- Should I say you?
- I guess so.|- Okay.
- You know, Michele?|- Yeah?
- Now that I'm looking at this...|- Uh-huh?
our lives don't seem as|impressive as I thought.
- They don't?|- Well, do you think it's impressive...
that we're still single, and we've|been living together for ten years...
and I'm a cashier|and you're unemployed?
Well, not super impressive.
Well, then, what's the point of going|if we're not going to impress people?
Well- Uh.
Romy, I still really,|really, really want to go.
- I know. Me too.|- Well then, can't we just, like, think of something?
- Okay. Well, the reunion is still like two weeks away, right?|- Right.
And all we really need is maybe some,|like, better jobs and boyfriends. Right?
Yeah!
But, okay. If those things were so easy|to get, wouldn't we already have them?
Well, I mean, we never|really tried before.
I mean, we never really had a good enough|reason, like going to a reunion, to motivate us.
That's true.
Okay. So we're just gonna have to make|ourselves more impressive, that's all.
So I'm gonna go out and bag us some boyfriends,|while you can look for a cool new job.
- Okay.|- Plus, I hate to say it...
but I really think that|we should lose some weight.
Oh.
Oh. Unh.
Okay. I don't think that, like,|one chip makes a difference.
It wasn't even|a whole chip.
All right. According to this chart,|if we want to lose a pound a day...
we have to burn twice|as many calories as we eat.
So, that means, if we want|to burn 4,000 calories...
we only have to run|20 miles a day!
Oh! Hey, Romy, remember|Mrs Chivas' class?
There was, like,|always a word problem.
Like, there's a guy in|a rowboat going "X" miles...
and the current is going, like,|you know, some... other miles...
and, how long does it take him|to get to town?
It was like, who cares? Who wants to go|to town with a guy who drives a rowboat?
Okay, guys, let's jump.
- Hey, Michele? - Yeah? -|What does this remind you of?
Well, I know.|This lady is totally sick.
Uh, lemme just|say that, um...
I am, like, really familiar with the entire|Versace line, and if you would just...
give me a chance, I know I could,|like, sell the shit out of the stuff.
And, uh, to me,|fashion is just, it's like...
everything. It's-
By the way, that blouse- Hi.|That blouse looks great on you.
- Oh! Thank you!|- And see, I make a great salesperson...
'cause I just have this,|like, really believable way...
of telling people that they look really|good, even though I'm just, like, you know-
I think|she heard me.
Thank you so much|for coming.
- That's okay, you're welcome.|- I don't think we'll be requiring any new staff.
- You aren't taking on any what?|- Staff. Employees.
Ohh! Oh, "staff. "
Okay, I didn't understand|with your big accent.
I couldn't|figure it out. Okay.
Fine. You know, you really shouldn't|let people fill out applications...
if you don't want them to|actually try to get a job here.
- It's a compli- - No, no. That's|all I have to say. - Goodbye.
If there ain't no love|then there ain't no use
Ooh, better walk on by|Better walk on through
Hi. Hey, um, great suit.|Is that an Armani?
- Yes. Yes, it is.|- I thought so. So, what do you do?
- I'm a suit salesman.|- Oh, uh-oh
Would you excuse me? I cut my foot before,|and my shoe is filling up with blood.
Ooh, if there ain't no love|then there ain't no use
Ooh, better walk on by|Better walk on through
Hey, hey, there's a woman in the world|that you can't use
Ain't no love, Ain't no use|Ain't no love
Yeah, well, my first choice was to work at a|boutique on Rodeo Drive, but this would be okay.
Well, thank you. Unfortunately, we|don't have any openings here right now.
- Are you serious?|- Mm.
Although we might have|an opening at our discount outlet.
Okay, well, what street|would that be on?
Come on, Michele. At this point,|any job is better than no job at all.
A discount outlet? Me?
Fine.
So, any boyfriends yet?
No. All the guys with good jobs|must be going to some other club.
Oh, you know where Dana met her new|boyfriend? He's a William Morris agent.
Oh! Showbiz!|Good job! Where?
Hi. My name is Romy,|and I'm an alcoholic.
- Hi, Romy!|- Hey.
And you also get a five-percent|employee discount...
over and above our|everyday low prices.
You could make curtains|for the motorhome with this.
- I got this tie for a dollar.|- You paid a whole dollar for that?
- You betcha.|- Ah!
She's one|of our regulars.
So, what do you think?
I- I'd like to go away.
I know I'm supposed to wait|in that line, but listen.
I wouldn't even be here if this|weren't, like, a dating emergency.
Our cutoff is 25.|Try VH-1.
The reunion's less than a week away. I mean,|I just can't believe you turned down a job.
Well, I thought the idea|was to impress people.
I mean, how am I going to impress anyone|by selling Ban-Lon smocks at Bargain Mart?
I'm sick of this.|I'm gonna go weigh myself.
Oh, God! I've been killing myself|for eight days and I gained a pound.
That's impossible! Did you|deduct 16 pounds for your shoes?
Just forget it.|I'm not going.
- What?|- Come on. Get real, Michele. We're idiots.
We can't get jobs and boyfriends,|and lose weight, in two weeks.
But I thought|you said we could.
Wow. God, the top female|executives are all so pretty.
Those aren't the actual executives,|Michele. Those are models.
Oh, I thought|they looked familiar.
God, they really look like|executives, don't they?
That's only because they're|wearing those stupid suits...
and phoney glasses,|and carrying briefcases.
- Huh!|- Oh, my God, Michele, that's it!
We can go to the reunion, and|just pretend to be successful!
I mean, who's gonna know?|They're in Tucson, we're here.
We could just show up|looking like businesswomen.
Oh, my God!|Oh!
Wait. Ohh. But if the people at the|reunion see us drive up in a Nova...
won't they know we're not|really businesswomen?
If you can make us|the clothes...
I can get us the car.
Clear out, boys.|I need to talk to Ramon.
Go!
Yes, cara mia?
Michele and I have this|high school reunion to go to...
and we need to show up|in a really cool car.
- Yeah?|- Todd told me that he gave you a really great deal...
- on an XJS convertible and that you're fixing it up.|- Yeah?
So...
can I borrow your car?
Well, if I loan|you my car...
what do I get?
- Uh, what do you want?|- Ohh, Romy...
you know what I want.
Oh, forget it. I'm not going to have sex|with you just to borrow your stupid car!
I gotta get something.
Okay.
Close the blinds,|and we'll work something out.
Ohh! Ohh! Ohh, Ramon!
- Ohh, Ramon, ohh! Ohh!|- Check this out.
- Oh, yes. Ohh.|- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, man!|- Ohh! Ohh!
Ohh, Ramon!|Ohh, Ramon!
Ohh! Oh, yes.
You are Columbus,|and I am America.
Discover me, Ramon!|Just discover me.
Hey, uh- Explosions.|The earth is moving.
Explosions!|The earth is moving!
Ah, ooh- is that an earthquake?|No, it's Ramon.
Is that an earthquake?|No, it's Ramon!
Ahh! It's Ramon!
Man stallion, fill me|with your giant love wand!
What? No, I'm sorry.|I don't think so.
Well, say something nice|about my penis!
Oh, Ramon, your penis|is so powerful. I'm coming!
- Okay, thanks. Get off me now.|- Aw, come on, wh-
- You wanted it to be believable.|- Aww.
I'm just a girl|in the world
That's all that|you'll let me be
Oh, I'm just a girl|living in captivity
Oh, my God!|You did it!
Yeah, I did.|All right, let's get going.
Oh, this is gonna|be so much fun.
- So, what'd you have to do to get it?|- I had to give all the guys...
in the service department|hand jobs.
Well, while you were doing that,|I taped all the nostalgic songs...
from high school,|to get us in the mood.
- Michele? - Huh?|- I was kidding.
- What?|- You actually think I would do something like that?
For a car?
- Okay, just get in.|- Okay.
Hey, look what else|I got us, little lady.
- Oh, my God. It's a flip phone!|- Uh-huh.
- How'd you get this?|- I bought it.
Okay.
- Are ya ready?|- Ready.
Let's do it.
Tonight|I gotta cut loose
- Footloose -|Footloose! - Footloose!
- Kick off my Sunday shoes|- Kick off my Sunday knees?
- Oowhee, Louise|- I have no idea what the rest of the lyrics are.
- Me neither. Whoo!|- Jack, get back
- Watch out, Tucson, here we come!|- Come on before we crack
- Shit!|- Aww.
- Loose your blues - Watch out, Tucson,|here we come! - Everybody cut footloose
Footloose, footloose|Kick off your Sunday shoes
- Shit!|- Aww.
- Footloose|- Whoo!
- You're playin' so|cool - Whoo! - Whoo!
Obeyin' every rule
- Dig way down in your heart|- Down in your art-
- You're yearnin', burnin'|- You're flurnin', burnin', earnin'
- Somebody to tell you|- Somebody better tell you
- That life ain't passin' you by|- You have one hell of an eye
- Everybody cut, everybody cut|- Everybody cut, everybody cut
- Everybody cut, everybody cut|- Everybody cut, everybody cut
- Everybody cut, everybody cut|- Everybody cut, everybody cut
- Everybody, everybody cut footloose|- Footloose
I got your picture|I got your picture
I'd like a million of ya|all to myself
I want a doctor|to take a picture
So I can look at you|from inside as well
- You got me turning up and turning down|- Okay, I give up. What are you doing?
Pass this car.|This kid is so obnoxious.
- Turning Japanese|- Oh, my God. What is with that kid?
I don't know.|He is sick!
Turning Japanese I think I'm|turning Japanese I really think so
Turning Japanese I think I'm|turning Japanese I really think so
Turning Japanese I think I'm|turning Japanese I really think so
Oh, I'm sorry. No.
No, not you. No. I was trying|to scare your little boy.
Oh, my God.|Are my lips that big?
Woke up this mornin'|happy as can be
- Some more of that?|- Yeah.
All right. Now, just remember,|from this point on...
we are sophisticated, educated,|successful career women.
Right. Okay.
God, this underwear is totally|riding up my butt crack.
Yeah. Hello.|Um, we need something to go.
- Okay.|- Do you have some sort of businesswoman's special?
- Come again?|- Well, we're businesswomen.
- Yeah. From L.A.|- And you know some places have, like, a lunch special.
For businesswomen.
We don't have|anything like that.
Well, then why don't you just give us,|um, two burgers and fries and Diet Cokes...
- 'cause we're in a hurry.|- Mm. We're due in Tucson later.
For a business thing.|You know.
What kind|of business you in?
I can't believe we never thought|of what to say we did for a living.
Oh. Which one|of these guys...
will I have sex with|at the reunion?
Ooh!|Casey Degan!
- Aaah!|- Come on! Now, we're running out of time.
I know. Why don't we say|that we own our own company?
Ooh, good.|Like what?
- Like, what if we invented something?|- Like what?
Well, okay, I-I think it should be like|something that-that everybody has heard about...
but-but nobody really|knows who invented it.
Oh, my God! I've got it!|Post-Its!
- Everybody knows what Post-Its are!|- Yeah!
They're the little yellow things|with the stickum on the back, right?
Okay.
Okay, we're-we're working in this|advertising agency after college.
- Ooh, college! Good one!|- Yeah.
And we have, like, this big,|like, presentation...
to make to,|like, a client.
- Hmm!|- So-so-so we're, like, brainstorming...
and all of the sudden|we're out of paper clips!
- Good!|- And so, okay- So then I, I, like-
Okay, I say-|I say- Okay-
"Wouldn't it be great if there was, like,|this, like, stickum on the back of this paper...
"so, like, it-it would just- if I laid it on|top of that other paper it would just stay...
you know, like,|without a paper clip?"
- Yes!|- Ahh!
So then you've got, like, this|grandfather or this uncle...
that, like, has, like, a- like a-|like a paper company or a paper mill...
and-and he's, like, really into it,|and the rest is history!
Oh, my God!|It is perfect!
Wow!|Don't you think?
Well, yeah, but-
- "Well, yeah, but" what?|- I don't know.
I mean, it just sounds like you invented|Post-Its all by yourself, you know.
- I mean, what did I do?|- Well, it was your grandfather or uncle.
Yeah?
Okay, you know,|so we could say that...
you were,|like, the designer.
Like, I thought of them, but you|thought of making them yellow.
Well, no, but it's like|most of these people...
have, like, known us|since elementary school.
I just think that you're|more believable as a designer...
rather than|as an inventor, you know?
- Uh-huh.|- You're my lover
Not my rival
- What are you doing?|- Look.
You're obviously|pissed at me.
No. Uh-uh. Why should|I be pissed at you?
Just because now I know|how you really feel about me.
Oh, my God,|I knew this would happen.
I mean, I try, for once,|to be honest with you...
and it blows up|in my face.
God!|You wanna be honest?
Okay, good!|Let's be honest!
I let you|have the ideas!
- What?|- Yeah, I let you have the ideas...
so you won't feel so bad|that I'm cuter.
- You are not cuter, Michele.|- I am so cuter.
It's, like, common knowledge, Romy.|Everybody thinks so.
I'm the Mary|and you're the Rhoda.
That's ridiculous. You're the Rhoda.|You're the Jewish one.
Oh, my God. I'm talking|cuteness-wise, Romy, okay?
And cuteness-wise,|I'm the Mary.
That's crazy! You have absolutely|no proof that you're cuter!
Oh, proof? You want proof?|Okay, fine.
- Who lost their virginity first?|- Oh, big wow!
With your cousin Barry.|I wouldn't brag about it.
Okay, so who always gets asked to|dance first when we go to clubs, huh?
No wonder you couldn't|find us boyfriends, Romy.
Well, so what?|You can't even get a job!
- I carry you, Michele! Without me, you'd be lost!|- That is such a lie!
Oh, yeah? Well, let's just see.|Let's split up and see what happens.
W- What do you mean,|split up?
When we get to Tucson,|we're going our own separate ways.
Okay. Good.
Fine.|I don't care.
- Fine!|- Fine.
As of Tucson,|we're finished.
Well, drive fast!
Always something there|to remind me
Wow.|Billy Christianson?
Romy. Romy White.
No. No way.
My God, you-|you look fantastic.
I mean, I- I never would have|recognized you in a million years.
Thanks.
So, what have you been doin'|since high school?
Well,|believe it or not...
I invented Post-Its.
So I told Prescott...
"You can either pay me the 150|or I am out of here. Bye-bye. "
I mean, there are at least 12 other major|markets that would put me on the air tomorrow.
Wow. So you did it?|You're an anchorwoman?
No.|I'm a weather girl.
On the highest-rated|5:00 news in Tucson.
- Oh.|- So...
Michele,|what are you up to?
Uh, okay.|Um, I invented Post-Its.
- You're kidding!|- You must've made a fortune!
Well, yeah.
No offence, Michele...
but how in the world|did you think of Post-Its?
Um... well...
uh...
And I invented them|totally by myself.
I mean, all Michele did was say,|"What about making them yellow?"
Really?
- Actually, I invented a special kind of glue.|- Oh, really?
Well, then I'm sure you wouldn't|mind giving us a detailed account...
of exactly how you concocted|this miracle glue, would you?
No. Um-
Well, ordinarily|when you make glue...
first you need to|thermoset your resin...
and then after it cools|you mix in a, um, epoxide.
Which is really just|a fancy-schmancy name...
for any simple,|oxygenated adhesive, right?
But then I thought maybe- just maybe-|you could raise the viscosity...
by adding a complex glucose derivative|during the emulsification process.
And it turns out,|I was right.
Huh?|I don't believe it.
You must be the most successful|person in our graduating class.
Uh-huh.|And you're not. Bye.
Always something there|to remind me
This is so great.
Romy?
Can I ask you|something?
Romy! You will not believe|what just happened!
Michele, can't you see|that I am busy?
Fine.|Okay, just forget it.
Whoa! Oh. Oww.
Oww. Oww. Oww.
Oh!
Oh! Come on!
Oh, God!|Are you all right?
- What do you think?|- I am so sorry.
My-My-My driver|didn't see you.
Please. Come.
I have boxes of Kleenex|in my limo.
Let me make it up|to you.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
- Here. Help yourself, Michele.|- Thanks.
Wait. How do you|know my name?
It's me, Michele.|Sandy.
- Sandy Frink?|- Uh-huh.
But you're so dreamy.
Well, when I made|my first million...
my present to myself|was a new face.
Okay, I'm not|just saying this...
but you really picked|a good one.
Thanks.
I had this notebook...
with "Mrs Romy Christianson" written|on it, like, about a thousand times.
Now you think|I'm some sort of geek.
No. No.
No, not at all.
I'm flattered.
Hi, Billy.
I've been lookin'|all over for you.
You wanna dance once?
You know,|for old times' sake.
No, thanks.
I owe this one to Romy.
Hey, you guys, they're about|to announce the winners of the vote.
- Come on!|- Vote? What vote?
- Let's go. We gotta get in there.|- Okay.
Wait, I can't|find my top.
Where are you?
Hey, how you guys|doin' tonight?
I bet, uh, everyone|is as anxious...
as I am to hear|the results of the vote.
What vote?
The person voted Most Changed|for the Better Since High School is-
It's a tie.|It's a tie.
The Most Changed for the Better|Since High School are...
Romy White|and Michele Weinberger.
Honey, go on up there|and get your medal.
Okay.
How weird. I didn't|even know we were voting.
Get me another daiquiri.
Here you go.
Um, I'm sorry.|I couldn't find my top.
Honey,|that is beautiful.
May I take that|for you, sir?
No, no, no.|You leave me alone.
Looking at your medal|from the reunion again, dear?
You miss her,|don't you?
Duh.
Michele...
have you been terribly unhappy|with me all these years?
Oh, no.|No, Sandy.
Oh, good.
I've just been lonely|with no one to talk to.
Why don't you call her?
- Okay.|- Yeah.
- Hello?|- Billy Christianson?
Oh, no, no,|I'm-I'm Billy Junior.
Oh, Billy, honey,|is your mommy home?
Well, yeah.
Yeah, but, uh, she can't come|to the phone right now.
She-She's on|her deathbed.
- Romy.|- Oh, dear.
Billy, honey...
tell your mommy that|Michele Weinberger-Frink...
is on the phone...
and would very much|like to speak with her.
No.
Not until you admit...
that I'm the Mary,|and you're the Rhoda.
I'm the Mary.
I'm the Mary!
I'm the- You're a pasty hag|on a deathbed.
I'm the Mary.|Everybody knows.
Way to go, honey.
Oh, God.
Oh, we're really here.
- Oh, God.|- Good evening, sir.
Thanks for not|waking me up, Romy.
God, what a bitch.
Don't get me wrong
If I'm looking|kind of dazzled
I see neon lights
Whenever you walk by
Don't get me wrong
- Hey, Romy White.|- Hey.
- Where's Michele?|- I don't know.
Um, anybody see|Billy Christianson?
- Try the bar.|- Thanks, man.
Don't get me wrong
Oh, excuse me, excuse me.|You-you can't go in without a name tag.
- Oh, okay.|- Okay.
Uh, Michele Weinberger.
Oh, my God, Michele Weinberger!|My God, you look great!
It's me, Toby.|Oh, Toby Walters.
- Uh-huh.|- Okay.
Um, oh, here it is.|Here is your name tag.
And, um, Romy|is already inside.
- I could care less. I am not here with Romy.|- You're kidding me.
No, we're not|even friends any more.
We had this big falling out|over Post-Its.
- Post-Its?|- It's a long story.
- See ya.|- W-W-
I'm only off to wander
Across a moonlit night
Once in a while
Two people meet
Seemingly, for no reason|they just pass on the street
Suddenly thundershowers|everywhere
Who can explain|the thunder and rain
But there's somethin'|in the air
Ooh, excuse me.
Hi, Romy.|How are you?
- Lisa Luder?|- Yes.
So, where's the rest|of the "A" group?
Oh, they're around here|someplace.
We sort of lost touch|over the years.
Wow. Isn't it weird when you're|not friends with your friends any more?
I mean, Michele and I just fell|out of touch about two hours ago.
Because she's selfish...
and she always,|like, devalues me.
And I'm sick of it,|you know?
God, you guys are easy|to talk to.
I invented Post-Its.
- You know, the yellow things with the stickum on the back?|- Yes, I know what they are.
So, uh,|what are you up to?
I'm an associate fashion editor|for Vogue.
Wow! Wh-|Good job!
Boy, I must have, like,|every single issue of Vogue...
for the past ten years.
Okay, well, it was|very nice talking with you.
Nice talking to you too.
Okay, Romy.
It might just be|fantastic
Don't get me wrong
It was so cute.
My mom gave us|a new car seat for the baby.
And when the box arrived, little|Jake looks up at me and says...
"Mommy,|is that the baby?"
- Oh.|- I wish.
Hey, everyone.
- And so we meet again.|- Oh, hi.
Romy White.
You're the chubby girl.
Oh, well, I was, but I haven't|been for a really long time.
So, what are|all of you up to?
Christie, in the yearbook you said|that you wanted Jane Pauley's job.
Are you a big TV news|anchorwoman now?
Oh, no, I don't even|watch TV any more.
My priorities have changed|since I became a mommy.
Can you believe|this is number three?
Wow, three kids.
God, you must feel|really tied down.
Not at all.|I feel very fulfilled.
Besides, Billy always|wanted a big family.
- Billy Christianson?|- Mm-hmm.
- You married Billy Christianson?|- Mm-hmm.
For almost ten years now.
Billy's in|real estate development.
So, how about you?|Any kids?
Oh, uh, no.
I just haven't had time, you know, what|with running my own business and all.
Your own business?
Yeah.|I invented Post-Its.
No, really.|What do you do?
That's what I do.|I invented Post-Its.
Oh. You're kidding me.
Well, I've made|a lot of money.
Oh, you know who they say|has made a ton of money? Sandy Frink.
- The Frink-a-zoid?|- Yeah.
He invented some special kind of rubber that's|used in every tennis shoe in North America.
Hey, if anybody|needs to make a call...
I've got a phone.
- Is Sandy Frink here?|- Uh, no.
- Uh, you can't go in without a name tag.|- Fuck off!
Heather Mooney? Oh, my God,|you're exactly the same.
Oh, my God.|Heather Mooney is here?
This ought to be so good.
Oh, God, don't look now.|It's Heather Mooney.
- What?|- Hello, Romy.
Uh- E- Uh- You-
Oh, uh- Heather,|you said you weren't coming.
Yeah, well, since Sandy|and Michele aren't married-
What a waste|of a tank of gas, huh?
Okay, well, come on.|I'll help you go find him.
Uh, he's not here. I already asked Toby|Dumbfuck. Obviously, I've interrupted.
Why don't you just go back to ignoring|me like you did in high school?
No, you can stay.
We're just discussing our class|success stories. So, what are you up to?
Ever hear of Lady Fair cigarettes?|I invented the quick-burning paper.
- Wow, we have a whole class full of inventors.|- Meaning?
Oh, you know, Sandy Frink|invented something too.
- Hey, isn't that Sandy over there now?|- What did Sandy invent?
- Some kind of rubber. - Romy here|invented Post-Its. - You did not.
- Yeah, I did.|- You did not.
- Yeah, I did.|- You did not.
Yeah, I-|Well, who did then?
A guy named Art Fry|from the 3M Corp.
We studied it|in business school.
You're kidding me.
You just|made all that up?
Oh, God,|you are so weird.
- Why don't you just leave her alone?|- Michele.
Oh, it's|the back brace girl.
- Hi, back brace girl.|- Hi, back brace girl.
Oh, shut up.
And what are you|picking on us for anyway?
We are not the ones|who got fat.
We're pregnant,|you half-wit.
Oh, yeah, well...
I hope your babies|look like monkeys.
Come on, Romy.
- Oh, Romy.|- Oh, please, go away. Just leave me alone.
Why did I even|come back here?
Well, you know what? There are worse|things than telling some dumb story...
and having everybody|laugh at you.
- Like what?|- Like losing your best friend.
You know? I mean,|I had the worst dream, Romy.
I dreamt that we weren't friends|and we were really, really old.
But I mean, like, we were, like,|really, really old.
And-And we weren't friends.
I can't stand that|we're mad at each other.
Okay, I'm sorry|I said all those things.
You're as cute as me.|You are.
And-And in some cultures,|maybe cuter.
I'm sorry too.
I shouldn't have said that you weren't|smart enough to invent Post-Its.
Well, I mean,|maybe I'm not.
Although in my dream,|I did know the formula for glue.
So, are we friends again?
Well, duh.
Okay.
And you know what,|it doesn't even matter...
that we told, like, what,|four people some dumb lie.
Who cares?
Hi, everybody.
Settle down. Hi.
I'm Christie|Masters-Christianson.
I have been asked|to formally welcome you all...
to Sagebrush High's|ten-year reunion.
We have come a long way|in the past ten years.
Our own Lisa Luder is helping|set the style for the country...
as a fashion editor|for "Vogue" magazine.
And Travis McKinney|is in his fifth year...
as a member of the|Dallas Cowboys football team.
And...
Romy and Michele claimed...
they invented Post-Its.
All I ever wanted was|for people to think...
that we were better|than we were in high school.
And now we're just a stupid joke,|just like we always were.
No, Romy.
Can I tell you the truth?
I never knew that we weren't|that great in high school.
I mean, we always had|so much fun together.
I thought high school|was a blast.
And until you told me that|our lives weren't good enough...
I thought everything|since high school was a blast.
I think we should go back|out there as ourselves...
and just have fun|like we always do.
The hell with|everyone else.
I don't think I can.
Well, do you think you can|stop being such a baby?
God, I feel like|I've been, like...
chasing you all over|this reunion.
We have come|all this way.
Now we are going to enjoy ourselves|whether you like it or not.
God, Michele, I've never seen this side|of your personality before.
You're so bossy|and domineering.
- I like it.|- Me too.
She's got it
Yeah, baby|she's got it
- I don't believe it.|- What?
They're ba-ack.
Well, I'm your Venus
- Nice outfits.|- I'm your fire
Post-Its must be|really lucrative.
- Are you sure you want to do this?|- Oh, yeah, Michele, I am so sure.
What the hell is|your problem, Christie?
Why are you always|such a nasty bitch?
Do you get some kind of sick pleasure|from torturing other people?
I mean, yeah, okay, so Michele and I|did make up some lame story.
We only did it because we wanted you|to treat us like human beings.
But you know what|I finally realized?
I don't care if you like us|'cause we don't like you.
You're a bad person|with an ugly heart...
and we don't give a flying fuck|what you think.
- Come on, Michele.|- Okay.
And, yeah.
It's unbelievable.|They're as deluded about their lives...
as they are about|those hideous clothes.
Actually, Christie,|they've got nice lines...
a fun,|frisky use of colour.
All in all, I'd have to say|they're really not bad.
Well, we still think|they're ridiculous.
Don't we, girls?
Why don't you just let them|think for themselves for once?
You're just jealous...
because unlike a certain ball-busting,|dried-up career woman I might mention...
we're all happily married.
That's right, Christie.
Keep telling|yourself that.
- I do love those outfits.|- Yeah, sure do.
- Oh, great.|- Thanks.
Michele made them.
Well, I just sewed them.|We both designed them.
- Fifty-fifty.|- Wow. - Yeah.
That's so cool.
Well, it's been really|terrific seeing all of you.
- Come on, Michele.|- Oh, okay, bye.
Hi.
I am sorry that I blew|your big lie for you.
Hey, that's okay.|It was better this way anyway.
It's ironic, isn't it? I really thought|you guys had it made in high school.
- Us?|- Yes, you.
With your long hair|and your long legs...
walkin' on your legs,|flippin' your hair.
I can't compete with that.|You made Sandy crazy.
And the whole time|you were makin' my life hell...
the "A" group was making|your life hell; I didn't know.
You know what? I bet in high school|everybody made somebody's life hell.
Mm-mmm, not me. Never had the|opportunity to make anyone's life hell.
You know what? I bet that's not true.|You were really unpleasant.
- You think?|- Oh, yeah. God.
Heather?|Oh, I'm off duty.
Um, since you never|got around to it in high school...
I was wondering|if you could sign my yearbook.
And, uh, please don't|tell me to fuck off...
because it really hurts|my feelings.
- I hurt your feelings?|- Yeah, all the time.
Tremendous!|That's tremendous!
Go get your stupid yearbook.|I would be happy to sign it.
Okay, great.|I'll-I'll be right back, okay?
Michele, I think maybe|we should leave.
There is no way this reunion|is gonna get any better.
Hey, everybody, Sandy Frink|just landed in a helicopter!
Sandy Frink|has a helicopter?
Yeah. Apparently he's worth,|like, millions.
He invented some kind of|special rubber or something.
Like for condoms?
Whoa-ohh-ohh
The hot summer night
Fell like a net
I've gotta find|my baby yet
You think I'm cute
A little bit shy
Mama, I ain't|that kind of guy
That's Sandy Frink?|What the hell was I thinking?
Whoa-ohh-ohh
Sandy, hi.
- Doctor, Doctor, give me the news|- You look so rich.
- I got a bad case of lovin' you|- I mean, great.
No pill's gonna|cure my ill
I got a bad case|of lovin' you
Michele.
- After all these years, you still take my breath away.|- Thanks.
So you must be, like,|the most successful person...
in our entire|graduating class.
Well, I guess that depends|on how you define "success. "
If, to you, success means|having a house in Aspen...
one in Acapulco, a penthouse in|New York, a mansion in Malibu...
a 60-foot yacht,|an eight-seat Windstar...
a Bell Jet Ranger, a Bentley,|a personal trainer, a full-time chef...
a live-in masseuse|and a staff of 24...
then, yeah...
I guess I am successful.
But no matter|how much I accumulate...
there's still one thing|I just don't have.
Your own country?
I don't have you,|Michele.
Will you dance with me?
Only if Romy|can dance with us.
Sure.
Lying in my bed
I hear the clock tick|and think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new
Flashback|Warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcase of memories
Time after|Sometimes you picture me
I'm walkin'|too far ahead
You're callin' to me
I can't hear|what you've said
Then you say "Go slow"
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds
If you're lost, you can look|and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you|I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost, you can look|and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall|I will catch you
- I'll be waiting|- I will be waiting
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
See, I told you|it would pay off...
to go to those clubs|every night.
Come on.
Oh, Jesus,|Mary and Joseph.
What do you want?
You were right. I was|a brain-dead, redneck asshole.
Although I never screwed|a sheep or my sister.
Why not?|Couldn't catch 'em?
I guess I deserve that.|I was a jerk.
But I was so miserable|in high school...
I don't think I spoke more than|two words the entire time.
I just couldn't|breathe there, you know?
Plus, I had this|really bad stutter.
Listen, you, uh,|wanna go somewhere quiet?
Somewhere|where we can talk?
- You-You wanna talk to me?|- Yeah.
Okay, cowboy, I don't know|what your trip is...
- but if this is some kind|of a sick game- - What? No.
If you fuck with me|in any way, I will rip...
each and every appendage from your body,|starting with your dick, capisce?
Look, I j-just|w- wanted to talk.
Okay.
What the hell.
What is your name?
- Clarence.|- I like your hat, Clarence.
- Thank you.|- Pick up the pace.
You wait here.|I'll prep my chopper.
- Okay.|- All right.
Oh, my God, somebody's|puking in the bushes.
Eeewww!
Hey, how you guys doin'?
Billy?
- Chubbo?|- The name is Romy.
Romy and Michele.
So, weren't you guys, like,|totally in love with me in high school?
She was.
You wanna get a room?
But you're married.
- To Christie.|- Yeah, but you've got children...
and you're a successful|real estate developer.
I do drywall for her old man's|construction company.
And-And you know this new kid?|Don't even know if he's mine.
So-
How about that room?
Okay.
Why don't you go|and get that room?
Go and wash your face|and take off all your clothes...
and I'll be up there|in five minutes.
All right!
Your fantasy|is gonna come true...
tonight.
- See you later.|- Ugh- Okay.
- God.|- Now he's gonna see what it feels like to wait.
- That's such a good one.|- Ladies.
- God, can you believe we're going home in a helicopter?|- I know. It's so cool.
I just wish everybody inside the reunion|would come out and see us lift off.
Ohh!
Thank you.
Oh.
Oh, my God! I'm so glad you didn't|bring your big notebook with you.
Michele.
Ooh, baby, do you know|what that's worth
Ooh, heaven is|a place on earth
They say in heaven|love comes first
We'll make heaven|a place on earth
Ooh, heaven is|a place on earth
Billy. Billy!
Billy, where are you?
Billy. Damn it.|Damn it!
Oh, my God.|Is that Heather?
Go for it, Heather!
Ooh, baby, do you know|what that's worth
Ooh, heaven is|a place on earth
They say in heaven|love comes first
Thanks for stopping by.
Yeah. Enjoy your fashions.
Have a Romy and Michele day.
- That was a good one.|- Thanks.
I cannot believe|how busy we've been.
I know. Hey, maybe we can|pay back Sandy this week.
Um, I think we're about, like,|two years away from that.
Oh. Okay.
Heather, um, has anyone ever told you|that smoking can kill you?
No. No one. Thank you.
Okay, but if you burn it,|you bought it.
Like I give a shit.|I look like an asshole.
What? Nuh-uh.|You look totally cute.
This dress exacerbates the genetic|betrayal that is my legacy.
Okay, I don't even know what you're|talking about because of those words...
but come here.
- Ow!|- God, that has been bugging me.
- Stay away from my bikini area.|- Um, okay.
- I'm in a rush. Ring it up if you must.|- Okay.
Let me have the tag, please.
Thank you.
You really do look cute.
- You know what?|- Huh?
Despite that surly demeanour, I think|we've just given her a big gift.
Okay, I mean,|to give someone...
like Heather Mooney the chance|to express herself through fashion-
We could've really|changed her life.
Yeah. For me though,|it's like...
I've given birth to|my own baby girl, you know?
Only she's, like,|a big giant girl...
who smokes|and says "shit" a lot.
- You know?|- Yeah.
- Yeah. Let's fold scarves!|- Okay.
- You know what, Michele?|- Huh?
I think you are, like,|the funnest person I know.
Me too.|With you.
See the people|walkin' down the street
Fall in line|Just watchin' all the feet
They don't know|where everyone can go
But they're walkin'|in time
They got the beat|They got the beat
They got the beat|Yeah, they got the beat
All the kids|just gettin' out of school
They can't wait|to hang out and be cool
Hang around|till quarter after twelve
That's when|they fall in line
They got the beat|They got the beat
Kids got the beat|Yeah, kids got the beat
Go Go music|really makes us dance
In the crowd|it puts us in a trance
We want to|So just give us a chance
That's when|we fall in line
'Cause we got the beat|We got the beat
We got the beat|Yeah, we got it
We got the beat
- We got the beat|- Everybody get out your feet
- We got the beat|- We know you can dance to the beat
- We got the beat|- Jump back, kick 'round
- We got the beat|- 'Round and 'round and 'round
- Whoo!|- We got the beat
- We got the beat|- We got the beat
- We got the beat|- We got the beat
- We got the beat, We got the beat|- We got the beat
- We got the beat|- We got the beat