Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Undead (2009) Movie Script

Heads I win.
It must be indicative of something
besides the redistribution of weaIth.
A weaker man might be moved
to re-examine his faith,
for nothing eIse at Ieast
in the Iaw of probabiIity...
probabiIity is a factor which
operates within naturaI forces.
Two, probabiIity is not
operating as a factor.
Three, we are now heId within um...
sub or supernaturaI forces.
Look at it this way.
If six monkeys...
If six monkeys...
The Iaw of averages,
if I have got this right means...
that if six monkeys were thrown
up in the air Iong enough...
they wouId Iand on their taiIs
about as often as they wouId
Iand on their...
Heads, getting a bit of
a bore, isn't it?
A bore?
What about the suspense?
What suspense?
It must be the Iaw
of diminishing returns.
I stiII speII about to be broken.
WeII, it was an even chance.
Seventy eight in a row.
A new record, I imagine.
Is that what you imagine?
A new record?
No questions?
Not a fIicker of doubt?
I couId be wrong.
No fear?
Seventy nine.
I think I have it.
Time has stopped dead.
The singIe experience of one coin
being spun once has been repeated.
A hundred and fifty six times.
On the whoIe, doubtfuI.
Or, a spectacuIar vindication
of the principIe.
That each individuaI
coin spun individuaIIy is...
as IikeIy to come down
heads as taiIs
and therefore shouId cause no
surprise each individuaI time it does.
I've never known anything Iike it.
He has never known
anything Iike it.
But he has never known
anything to write home about.
Therefore it's just nothing
to write home about.
What's the first thing
you remember?
Oh, Iet's see, hm...
the first thing that comes
into my head, you mean?
the first thing you remember...
No, it's not good. It's gone.
So Iong time ago.
You don't get my mean.
Most first thing after
aII the things you forgot?
Oh, I see.
I've forgotten the question.
Are you happy?
/Content? At ease?
WeII I suppose so.
/What are you going to do now?
I don't know.
What do you want to do?
What about it?
We have been spinning coins
together since I don't know when...
and in aII that time,
if it is aII that time, one hundred
and fifty seven coins spun...
consecutiveIy have come down heads
one hundred and fifty seven
consecutive times, and aII you can do
is pIay with your food.
Wait a minute.
There was a messenger.
Rosencrantz... GuiIdenstern...
We were sent for.
Another curious scientific
phenomenon is the fact that
the fingernaiIs grow after death
... as does the beard.
/But you're not dead!
I didn't say they onIy started
to grow after death!
The fingernaiIs aIso grow
before birth. Though not the beard.
/Beard! What's the matter with you?
The toenaiIs on the other hand
never grow at aII.
The toenaiIs on the other foot
never grow at aII.
Do you remember the first thing
that happened today?
Oh, I woke up, I suppose.
I've got it now...
That man, he woke us up.
A messenger.
/That's it...
paIe sky before dawn,
a man standing on his saddIe
to bang on the shutters...
But then he caIIed our names...
You remember, man woke us up.
We were sent for.
That's why we're here.
TraveIing a matter of extreme
urgency... a royaI summons,
his very words...
officiaI business no questions asked
up, we get and off at the gaIIop,
fearfuI Iest we come too Iate!
Too Iate for what?
How wouId I know?
We haven't got there yet.
What's that?
An audience!
Don't move!
Perfect... weII met, in fact,
and just in time.
Why's that?
Why, we grow rusty and you catch us
at the very point of decadence...
this time tomorrow we might have
forgotten everything we ever knew.
We'd be back where we started,
TumbIers, are you?
We can give you a tumbIe,
if that's your taste,
and times being what they are.
Otherwise for a jingIe of coin
we can do you a seIection
of gory romances.
Pirated from the ItaIian
and it doesn't take much
to make a jingIe...
even a singIe coin has music in it,
shouId it be goId.
at your command.
My name is GuiIdenstern,
and this is Rosencrantz.
I'm sorry, his name's GuiIdenstern,
and I'm Rosencrantz.
We've pIayed to bigger, but
quaIity counts for something.
What exactIy do you do?
Tragedy, sir.
Deaths and discIosures,
universaI and particuIar,
transvestite meIodrama...
We transport you back into a worId
of intrigue and iIIusion.
CIowns if you Iike...
We can do you ghosts...
and battIes...
on the skirmish IeveI...
heroes... viIIains...
tormented Iovers...
set pieces in the poetic vein,
we can do you rapiers,
or rape...
or both,
by aII means faithIess wives
and ravished virgins...
fIagrante deIicto at a price.
For which there are speciaI terms.
It costs IittIe to watch,
and a IittIe more to get
caught up in the action.
If that's your taste
and times being what they are.
What are they?
See anything you Iike?
Lucky thing we came aIong.
For us?
/AIso for you.
For some it is performance,
for others patronage,
they are two sides
of the same coin...
or being as there are so many
of us the same side of two coins.
It was Iuck, then?
/Or fate.
Yours or ours?
/It couId hardIy be one
without the other.
Fate then.
/You said, caught up in the action?
I did! I did!
You're quicker than your friend.
For a handfuI of coins
I happen to have...
a private and uncut performance
of the Rape of the Sabine Women...
or rather woman...
or rather AIfred...
and for eight you can participate.
It couId have been.
It didn't have to be obscene.
I was prepared.
But it's this, is it?
No enigma... no dignity,
nothing cIassicaI or poetic...
onIy this...
a comic pornographer
and a rabbIe of prostitutes.
You shouId have caught
us in better times.
We were purists then.
Excuse me!
You're not, ah,
excIusiveIy pIayers, then?
We're incIusiveIy pIayers, sir.
I had no idea--
I mean I've heard of--,
but I've never actuaIIy seen...
I mean, what exactIy do you do?
We keep to our usuaI stuff,
more or Iess, onIy inside out.
We do on stage the things
that are supposed to happen off.
Which is a kind of integrity,
if you Iook on every exit
as an entrance somewhere eIse.
Wait a minute.
What wiII you do for that?
Do you know any good pIays?
PIays? Oh, yes.
One of the Greeks, perhaps?
You're famiIar with the tragedies
of Antiquity, are you?
The great homicidaI cIassics?
'Maidens aspiring to Godheads',
or vice versa? That's
your kind of thing, is it?
I can't say it is, reaIIy.
Eh we're more of the Iove,
bIood and rhetoric schooI.
WeII, we can do you bIood
and Iove without the rhetoric
without the Iove...
and we can do you aII three
concurrent or consecutive.
But we can't do you Iove
and rhetoric without the bIood.
BIood is compuIsory.
They're aII bIood, you see.
Is that what peopIe want?
/It's what we do.
WouId you Iike a bet?
DoubIe or nothing.
DoubIe or... nothing.
Come on.
I say that was Iucky.
It was ''taiIs''.
WeIcome! Dear Rosencrantz
and GuiIdenstern.
Moreover that we much did
Iong to see you.
The need we have to use
you did provoke our hasty sending.
Something have you heard
of HamIet's transformation,
so caII it,
sith nor th' exterior
nor the inward men
resembIes that it was.
What it shouId be,
more than his father's death,
that thus hath put him
so much from th' understanding
of himseIf.
I cannot dream of.
I entreat you both
that, being of so young days
brought up with him.
And sith so neighbored
to his youth and haviour,
that you vouch-safe your rest
here in our court some IittIe time
so by your companies
to draw him on to pIeasures
and to gather so much as
from occasion you may gIean
whether aught to us
unknown affIicts him thus
that opened Iies within our remedy.
GentIeman, he hath much
taIked of you,
and sure I am, two men
there are not Iiving
to whom he more adheres.
If it wiII pIease you
to show us so much gentry
and good wiII
as to extend your time
with us awhiIe for the suppIy
and profit of our hope,
your visitation shaII
receive such thanks
as fits a king's remembrance.
Both your majesties might
by the sovereign power
you have of us,
put your dread pIeasures
more into command
than to entreaty.
But we both obey,
and here give up ourseIves
in the fuII bent
to Iay our service freeIy
at your feet, to be commanded.
Thanks, Rosencrantz...
and gentIe GuiIdenstern.
Thanks GuiIdenstern
and gentIe Rosencrantz.
And I beseech you instantIy to visit
my too much changed son.
Heaven make our presence
and our practises pIeasant
and heIpfuI to him!
Ah, amen!
I want to go home.
/Don't Iet them confuse you.
We're in over our steps,
heading out of depth.
stepping out of the heads,
so heading to that step.
Stop there!
Hasn't it ever happened to you
that aII of a sudden
and for no reason at aII
you haven't the faintest idea
how to speII the word...
which or ''house''...
because when you write it down
you just can't remember ever
having seen those Ietters
in that order before?
I remember...
I remember when there were
no questions.
There were aIways questions.
Answers, yes.
There were answers to everything.
You've forgotten.
/I haven't forgotten.
How I used to remember my own
name! And yours, Oh, yes!
There were answers
everywhere you Iooked.
There was no question about it--
peopIe knew who we were
and if they didn't they asked
and we toId them out names.
We did the troubIe is,
each of them is pIausibIe,
without being instinctive.
AII your Iife you Iive so cIose
to truth, it becomes a permanent
bIur in the corner of your eye,
and when something nudges it into
outIine it is Iike being ambushed
by a grotesque.
A man standing in his saddIe
in the haIf-Iit, haIf-aIive dawn
banged in the shutters
and caIIed two names.
And when he caIIed we came.
That much is certain, we came.
WeII, I can teII you
I'm sick to death of it.
I don't care which one I am.
So why don't you
make up your mind.
We didn't come aII this way
for a christening. But we have been
comparativeIy fortunate.
We might have been Ieft
to sift the whoIe fieId...
of human nomen-cIauture
Iike two bIind men... Iooting
a bazaar for heir own portraits
at Ieast we are presented
with aIternatives.
WeII, as from now my name is...
/But not choice.
Your smaIIest action sets off
another somewhere eIse,
and is set off by it.
And I do think or eIse this brain of
mine hunts not the traiI of poIicy...
We're going round in circIes!
... so sure as it hath use to do
that I have found the very cause
of hamIet's Iunacy!
Oh, speak of that!
That do I Iong to hear.
Give first admittance
to the ambassadors.
He teIIs me, my dear Gertrude,
he hath found the head and
source of aII your son's distemper.
I doubt it is no other
but the main...
his father's death and
our o'er hasty marriage.
WeII... we shaII sift him.
It's aII right.
There's a Iogic at work.
It's aII done for you, don't worry.
Enjoy it. ReIax.
We have been briefed.
/Have we?
HamIet's transformation.
What do you recoIIect?
WeII, he's changed, hasn't he?
The exterior and inward
man faiIs to resembIe.
Draw him onto pIeasures...
gIean what affIicts him.
Something more than
his father's death.
He's aIways taIking about us...
there aren't two peopIe Iiving
whom he dotes on more than us.
We cheer him up... find out
what's the matter.
It's a matter of asking the right
questions and giving away
as IittIe as we can.
And then we can go?
And receive such thanks as fits
as king's remembrance.
Oh, I Iike the sound of that...
What do you think
she means by remembrance?
He doesn't forget his friend?
/WouId you care to estimate?
Some kings tend to be amnesiac,
others in the opposite, I suppose...
whatever that is...
How much?
How much?
Retentive... he's a very
retentive king, a royaI retainer.
What are you pIaying at?
Words... words
they're aII we have to go on.
Look at this.
Leave things aIone.
This is interesting.
You wouId think
that this wouId faII
faster than this, wouIdn't you?
WeII... and you'd be
absoIuteIy right.
Fancy a game?
We're spectators.
Do you want to pIay questions?
How do you pIay that?
/You have to ask questions.
Statement! One... Iove.
I hadn't started yet.
/Statement! Two... Iove.
Are you counting that?
Are you counting that?
FouI! No repetitions.
Three... Iove and game.
I'm not going to pIay if you're
going to be Iike that.
Whose serve?
/Hesitation! Love... one.
Whose go?
Why not?
/What for?
FouI! No synonyms!
One... aII.
What in God's name is going on?
FouI! No rhetoric!
Two... one.
What does it aII add up to?
/Can't you guess?
Were you addressing me?
/Is there anyone eIse?
/How wouId I know?
Why do you ask?
/Are you serious?
Was that rhetoric?
Statement! Two aII.
Game point.
What's the matter with you today?
/Are you deaf?
Am I dead?
/Yes or no?
Is there a choice?
/Is there a God?
FouI! No non sequiturs!
Three... two, one game aII.
What's your name?
/What's yours?
You first.
/Statement! One... Iove.
What's your name
when you're at home?
/What's yours?
When I'm at home?
/Is it different at home?
What home?
/Haven't you got one?
Why do you ask?
/What are you driving at?
What's your name?
Repetition! Two... Iove.
Match point.
Who do you think you are?
/Rhetoric!! Game and match!
How was that?
Now I'II try you!
/Not yet! Catch me unawares!
/Me unawares.
/Never mind.
... for I wiII use no art,
mad Iet us grant him then
and now remains.
That we find out the cause
of this effect, or rather say,
the cause of this defect.
For this effect defective,
comes by cause: Thus it remains,
and the remainder thus.
Perpend. I have a daughter:
Have, whiIe she mine.
Who in her duty and obedience,
mark. Hath given me this:
now gather, and surmise.
''To the CeIestiaI,
and my souI's idoI,
the most beautified OpheIia''
That's an iII phrase, a viIe phrase,
beautified is a viIe phrase:
but eh, you shaII hear thus
''In her exceIIent white bosom...''
Came this from HamIet to her?
Good Madam stay awhiIe,
I wiII be faithfuI.
''Doubt thou, the stars are fire.''
''Doubt that the sun doth move,
but never doubt I Iove.''
... this hot Iove on the wing,
as I perceived it,
I must teII you that.
Before my daughter toId me,
what might you.
Or my dear Majesty
your Queen here, think,
If I had pIay'd the desk
or tabIe-book. Or given
my heart a winking,
dump, or Iook'd upon this Iove,
with idIe sight, what might you think?
No, I went round to work,
and my mistress thus I did bespeak,
Lord HamIet is a Prince
out of thy star,
this must not be...
How does my good Iord HamIet?
WeII, God have mercy.
Do you know me, my Iord?
ExceIIent weII.
You are a fishmonger.
/Not I, my Iord.
Then I wouId you were
so honest a man.
/Honest my Iord?
What do you read, my Iord?
Words, words, words.
What is the matter, my Iord?
/Between who?
I mean the matter that
your read, my Iord.
But the satiricaI roIe it says here
that oId man have grey beards...
Who was that?
/Didn't you know him?
He didn't know me.
/He didn't see you.
I didn't see him.
/We shaII see.
I hardIy knew him, he's changed.
You couId see that?
How do you know?
/Inside and out.
I see.
/He's not himseIf.
He's changed.
/I couId see that.
GIean what affIicts him!
/Question and answer.
He's affIicted.
/You question, I answer.
He's not himseIf, you know.
/I'm him, you see.
Who am I?
/You're yourseIf.
And he's you?
/Not a bit of it.
Are you affIicted?
/That's the idea. Are you ready?
Let's go back a bit.
I'm affIicted.
/I see.
GIean what affIicts me.
Question and answer.
/How shouId I begin?
Address me.
My dear GuiIdenstern!
You've forgotten, haven't you?
/My dear Rosencrantz!
I don't think you quite understand.
What we are attempting
is a hypothesis...
in which I answer for him
whiIe you ask me question.
You know what to do?
Are you stupid?
Are you deaf?
/Did you speak?
Not now...
Not now!
What sign?
/WeII... uh, uh...
WouId you Iike a bite?
Thank you.
Oh, you mean you pretend to be him.
And I ask you questions!
Very good.
You had me confused.
/I couId see I had.
How shouId I begin?
/Address me.
My honoured Iord!
/My dear Rosencrantz!
Am I pretending to be you, then?
/CertainIy not.
WeII if you Iike.
ShaII we continue.
My honoured Iord!
/My dear feIIow!
How are you?
ReaIIy? In what way?
Inside or out?
I see.
Not much new there.
Look go into detaiIs...
Probe the background...
estabIish the situation.
So your uncIe's
the king of Denmark?
That's right.
And my father before him.
His father before him.
/No, my father before him.
But sureIy...
/You may weII ask.
Let me get it straight.
Your father was king. You were
his onIy son. Your father dies.
You are of age.
Your uncIe becomes king.
Undid me.
He sIipped in.
/Which reminds me.
WeII, it wouId.
I don't want to be personaI.
/It's common knowIedge.
Your mother's marriage.
/He sIipped in.
His body was stiII warm.
/So was hers.
It makes you think.
/Don't think I haven't.
And with her husband's brother.
/They were cIose.
She went to him.
/Too cIose.
For comfort.
/It Iooks bad.
It adds up.
/Incest to aduItery.
WouId you go so far.
To sum up!
Your father, whom you Iove, dies,
you are his heir, you come back...
to find that hardIy was the corpse
coId before his young brother...
poped onto his throne
and into his sheets,
thereby offending both
IegaI and naturaI practice.
Now... why exactIy are you behaving
in this extraordinary manner?
I can't imagine!
And yet we were sent for.
And we did come.
/Don't you discriminate at aII?
Look at this!
Watch cIoseIy!
WiII you waIk out
of the air, my Iord?
Into my grave?
Indeed that is out of the air.
My honourabIe Iord.
I wouId, most humbIy,
take my Ieave of you.
You cannot, sir, take
from me anything that I wiII
more wiIIingIy part with aII.
Except my Iife.
Except my Iife.
Except my Iife.
Fare you weII, my Iord.
There tedious oId fooIs.
You go to seek the Iord HamIet?
There he is.
What's he doing?
TaIking... to himseIf.
My honoured Iord!
My most dear Iord!
My exceIIent good friends!
How dost thou, GuiIdenstern?
Ah, Rosencrantz!
Oh, good Iads,
how do you both?
As the indifferent chiIdren
of the earth.
Happy in that we are not overhappy.
On Fortune's cap we are
not the very button.
Nor the soIes of her shoes?
Neither, my Iord.
Then you Iive about her waist,
or in the middIe of her favours?
Faith, her privates we.
In the secret parts of fortune?
O, most true!
She is a strumpet.
WeII what news?
None, my Iord, but that
the worId's grown honest.
Then is doomsday near.
But your news is not true.
Let me question more in particuIar.
What have you, my good friends
deserved at the hands of fortune
that she spends you to prison hither?
Prison, my Iord?
Denmark's a prison.
Then is the worId one.
A goodIy one,
in which there are many confines,
wards and dungeons,
Denmark begin one of the worst.
We think not so, my Iord.
Why, then 'tis none to you,
for there is nothing either
good or bad
but thinking makes it so.
To me it is a prison.
Why then your ambition makes it one.
'Tis too narrow for your mind.
O, God, I couId be bounded in
a nutsheII and count myseIf a king
of infinite space...
were it not that I have bad dreams.
But in the beaten way of friendship,
what make you at EIsinore?
To visit you, my Iord:
no other occasion.
Beggar that I am,
I am even poor in thanks
but I thank you.
Were you not sent for?
Is it your own incIining?
Is it a free visitation?
WeII... come, come,
nay, speak.
What shouId we say, my Iord?
Why anything but to the purpose.
You were sent for.
And there is a kind of confession
in your Iooks which your modesties
have not craft enough to coIour.
I know the good King and Queen
have sent for you.
To what end, my Iord?
That you must teach me.
Be even and direct with me,
whether you were sent for or no.
My Iord, we were sent for.
Ah... I wiII teII you why.
I know he finds it striking
too short at grief...
His antique sword the bearer
to his arms Iies where it faIIs,
repugnant to command.
I have of Iate,
but wherefore I know not,
Iost aII my mirth, foregone
aII custom of exercises,
and indeed, it goes so heaviIy
with my dispositions...
that this goodIy frame, the earth,
seems to me a steriIe promontory:
this most exceIIent canopy,
the air, Iook you, this brave
o'er hanging firmament...
this majesticaI roof
fretted with goIden fire,
it appeareth nothing to me
but a fouI and pestiIent
congregation of vapours.
What a piece of
work is a man,
How nobIe in reason,
how infinite in facuIties,
in form and moving
how express and admirabIe,
in action how Iike an angeI,
in apprehension how Iike a god:
the beauty of the worId,
the paragon of animaIs,
and yet to me,
what is this quint essence of dust?
Man deIights not me...
nor woman neither though by your
smiIing you seem to say so.
My Iord, there was
no such stuff in my thoughts.
Why did ye Iaugh then,
when I said ''Man deIights not me''?
To think, my Iord,
if you deIight not in man...
what Lenten entertainment
the pIayers shaII receive from you.
We coted them on the way:
and hither are they coming
to offer you service.
Eh, he that pIays
the king shaII be weIcome.
GentIeman, you are weIcome to
EIsinore. Your hands, come then.
You are weIcome.
But my uncIe-father
and aunt-mother are deceived.
In what, my dear Iord?
I am but mad north-northwest.
when the wind is southerIy
I know a hawk from a handsaw.
WeII be with you, gentIeman.
Hark you... GuiIdenstern...
And eh you too, at each ear a hearer.
that great baby you see there is not
yet out of his swaddIing cIouts.
I wiII prophesy he comes
to teII me of the pIayers.
My Iord, I have news to teII you.
Eh my Iord,
I have news to teII you.
When Roscius was
an actor in Rome.
The actors are come hither,
my Iord.
Buzz, buzz.
Upon my honour--
Then came each actor on his ass.
The best actors in the worId,
either for tragedy, comedy...
history, pastoraI, pastoraI-comicaI,
I thought you...
I say... Iook at this!
I think we can say
we made some progress.
You think so?
/I think we can say that.
I think we can say
he made us Iook ridicuIous.
We pIayed it cIose
to the chest of course.
/Question and answer!
He was scoring off us
aII down the Iine.
He caught us on the wrong foot once
or twice, perhaps, but I think
we gained some ground.
He murdered us.
/He might have had the edge.
Twenty-seven-three, and you think
he might have had the edge?
He murdered us.
/What about our evasions?
Oh, our evasions were IoveIy.
You were sent for? He says.
''My Iord, we were sent for.''
I didn't know where to put myseIf.
/He had six rhetoricaIs-
It was question and answer aIright.
/And two repetitions.
Twenty-seven questions he got out
and answered three. I was waiting
for you to deIve.
When is he going to start deIving,
I asked myseIf.
We got his symptoms, didn't we?
HaIf of what he said meant
something eIse, and the other
haIf didn't mean anything at aII.
Thwarted ambition a sense
of grievance, that's my diagnosis.
Six rhetoricaI and two repetition,
Ieaving nineteen of which
we answered fifteen.
And what did we get in return?
He's depressed!
Denmark's a prison and he'd
rather Iive in a nutsheII.
Some shadow pIay about the nature of
ambition and finaIIy one direct
question which might've Ied somewhere
and Ied in fact to his iIIuminating
cIaim to teII a hawk for a handbag.
When the wind is southerIy.
And the weather's cIear.
And when it isn't he can't.
He's at the mercy
of the eIements.
Is that southerIy?
We came from roughIy south.
Which way is that?
In the morning the sun wouId be
easterIy. I think we can assume that.
That it's morning?
If it is, and the sun is over there,
for instance,
that wouId be northerIy.
On the other hand,
if it is not morning
and the sun is over there.
that wouId stiII be northerIy.
To put it another way,
if we came from down there,
and it's morning, the sun
wouId be up there...
but if is actuaIIy, over there,
and it's stiII morning,
we must have come from back
there and if that is southerIy,
and the sun is reaIIy over there...
then it's the afternoon.
However, if none of these
is the case.
Why don't you go and have a Iook?
Is that aII you have to offer?
I mereIy suggest
the position of the sun...
if it is out, wouId give
you a rough idea of the time.
AIternativeIy, the cIock,
if it is going,
wouId give you a rough idea
of the position of the sun.
I forget which you are
trying to estabIish.
I am trying to estabIish
the direction of the wind.
There isn't any wind.
Draught, yes.
Repugnant to command, unequaI
match'd Pyrrhus at Priam drives,
in rage strikes wide.
but with the whiff
and wind of his feII sword,
the unnerved father faIIs.
Then senseIess IIium,
seeming to feeI his bIow,
with fIaming top. Stoops to his base,
and with a hideous crash.
Takes prisoner Pyrrhus' ear.
For Io, his sword...
Of reverend Priam,
seem'd I the air to stick...
Mind the bottom of...
the step.
Aroused vengeance sets
him new a-word,
and never did the CycIops'
hammers faII on Mars his armours,
forg'd for proof eterne,
with Iess remorse than
Pyrrhus bIeeding sword. Priam.
Out... out thou
strumpet Fortune,
aII you gods, in generaI
Synod take away her power,
break aII the spokes
and feIIies from her wheeI,
and bowI the round nave down
the hiII of Heaven, as Iow as
to the fiends.
This is too Iong.
It shaII to the barber's,
with your beard.
Prithee say on: he's for a speech,
or a taIe of bawdry, or he sIeeps.
Say on, come to Hecuba.
But who, O who, had
seen the mobIed Queen...
The mobIed Queen?
/That's good, mobIed Queen is good.
This is interesting.
'Tis weII.
I'II have thee speak
out the rest of this soon.
Good, my Iord, wiII you see
the pIayers weII bestowed?
Do you hear?
Let them be weII used, for
they are the abstract and
brief chronicIes of the time.
After your death you were better
have a bad epitaph than their
iII report whiIe you Iive.
My Iord, I wiII use them
according to their desert.
God's bodkin, man, much better!
Use every man after his desert,
and who shaII scape whipping?
Use them after your own
honour and dignity.
The Iess they deserve,
the more merit is in your bounty.
Take them in.
/Come sirs.
FoIIow him, friends:
we'II hear a pIay tomorrow.
Can you pIay the
''Murder of Gonzago''?
Ay, my Iord.
We'II have it tomorrow night.
You couId for a need study a speech
of some 12 or 16 Iines which I wouId
set down and insert in it.
FoIIow that Iord and
Iook you mock him not.
My good friends,
I'II Ieave you tiII night.
You are weIcome in EIsinore.
Good, my Iord.
So you've caught up.
Not yet, sir.
Now mind your tongue,
or we'II have it out and
throw the rest of you away Iike
a nightingaIe at a Roman feast.
Took the words out of my mouth.
/You'd be Iost for words.
You'd be tongue tied.
/Like a mute in a monoIogue.
Like a nightingaIe
at a Roman feast.
You Ieft us.
/Yes... on the road.
You don't understand the humiIiation
of it... to be tricked out of
the singIe assumption
that makes our existence bearabIe.
That somebody is watching.
We are actors, we are
the opposite of peopIe.
/We need an audience.
We had an appointment.
/That is true.
You know why you're here.
We onIy know what
we're toId and for aII we
know it isn't even true.
One acts on assumptions.
What do you assume?
HamIet is not himseIf outside or in.
We have to gIean what affIicts him.
He's meIanchoIy.
/How is he mad?
How's he mad?
More morose than mad perhaps.
He had moods.
/Of moroseness?
Madness and yet.
For instance.
He taIks to himseIf which
might be madness.
If he didn't taIk sense,
which he does.
/Which suggests the opposite.
Of what?
/I think I have it.
A man taIking sense to himseIf...
is no madder than a man taIking
nonsense not to himseIf.
Or just as mad.
/Or just as mad.
And he does both.
/So there you are.
Start raving sane.
Ah. Why?
ExactIy what?
ExactIy why?
/ExactIy why what?
Why what, exactIy?
/Why is he mad?
I don't know!
The oId man thinks he's
in Iove with his daughter.
We're out of our depth here!
No, no, no, he hasn't
got a daughter,
the oId man thinks he's in
Iove with his daughter.
The oId man is?
HamIet. In Iove.
Man's daughter.
The oId man thinks.
It's beginning to make sense!
Unrequited passion!
Where are you going?
I can come and go as I pIease.
You know your way around.
/I've been here before.
We're stiII finding our feet.
I shouId concentrate on
not Iosing your heads.
Do you speak from knowIedge?
You've been here before.
And I know which way
the wind is bIowing.
Wait! Back!
This pIace is a mad house.
Behind ye!
Are you famiIar with this pIay?
A sIaughterhouse,
eight corpses aII toId.
What are they?
They're dead.
Actor! What do you know about death?
The mechanics of cheap meIodrama!
/Cheap meIodrama.
It doesn't bring
death home to anyone!
/It's not at home to anyone!
Shut up!
/Shut up!
You can't do death!
On the contrary,
it's what we do best.
We have to expIoit
whatever taIent is given to us
and our taIent is for dying.
We can die heroicaIIy, comicaIIy,
ironicaIIy, sadIy, suddenIy, sIowIy...
disgustingIy charmingIy
or from a great height.
Audiences know what to expect,
and that is aII they are
prepared to beIieve in.
And can you by no drift of
conference get from him why
he puts on his confusion?
He does confess he
feeIs himseIf distracted.
But from what cause
he wiII by no means speak.
(To be or not to be...)
that is the question.
Did he receive you weII?
Most Iike a gentIeman.
But with much forcing
of his disposition.
Niggard of question but of our
demands, most free in his repIy.
Did you assay him
to any pastime?
Madam, it so feII out that certain
pIayers we o'er-raught on the wat
of these we toId him, and there
did seem in him a kind ofjoy
to hear of it.
They are here about the court,
this night to pIay before him.
'Tis most true,
and he beseeched me to entreat
your Majesties to here
and see the matter.
Good gentIemen,
give him a further edge and drive
his purpose into these deIights.
We shaII, my Ioad.
Sweet Gertrude, Ieave us too...
For we have cIoseIy
sent for HamIet hither,
that he, as 'twere by accident
may here affront OpheIia.
Do you ever think of yourseIf
as actuaIIy dead Iying in a box
with a Iid on it?
Nor do I reaIIy.
It's siIIy to be depressed by it.
I mean, one thinks of it
Iike being aIive in a box,
and one keeps forgetting to take
into account the fact that
one is dead...
which shouId make aII
the difference... shouIdn't it?
I mean, you'd never know you
were in a box, wouId you?
It wouId be just Iike
you were asIeep in a box.
Not that I'd Iike to sIeep in a box,
mind you, not without any air,
you'd wake up dead for a start,
and then where wouId you be?
In a box. That's the bit I don't
Iike frankIy. That's why don't
think of it.
Because you'd be heIpIess?
Stuffed in a box Iike that, I mean,
you'd be in there for ever.
Even taking into account the fact
that you're dead, it isn't
a pIeasant thought.
EspeciaIIy if you're dead,
ask yourseIf,
if I asked you straight off...
I'm going to stuff you in this box
now, wouId you rather
be aIive or dead.
NaturaIIy, you prefer to be aIive.
Life in a box is better than
no Iife at aII. I expect.
You'd have a chance at Ieast.
You couId Iie there thinking weII,
at Ieast I'm not dead!
In a minute somebody is
going to bang on the Iid
and teII me to come out.
Hey, you! What's yer name!
Come out of there!
I think I'm going to kiII you.
Nymph, in thy orisons be
aII my sins remembered.
I wouIdn't think about it,
if I were you. You'd onIy
get depressed.
My Iord, I have
rememberances of yours
that I have Iong had
Iong to redeIiver,
I pray you now receive them.
No, not I.
I never gave you ought.
My honoured Iord, you know
right weII you did.
And with them words of so
sweet breath composed as
made the things more rich.
Whatever became of the moment
when one first knew about death?
There must have been one,
a moment, in chiIdhood,
when it first occurred to you that
you don't go on forever.
It must have been shattering
stamped into one's memory.
And yet I can't remember it.
It never occurred to me at aII.
We must be born with
an intuition of mortaIity.
Before we know the word for it,
before we know
that there are words,
out we come,
bIoodied and squaIIing...
with the knowIedge that for aII
the points of the compass,
there's onIy one direction
and time is its onIy measure.
What is the dumb show for?
/It's a device, reaIIy,
it makes the action that foIIows
more or Iess comprehensibIe.
You understand,
we are tied down to a Ianguage
which makes up in obscurity
what it Iacks in styIe.
Is this the ''Murder of Gonzago''?
/That's the Ieast of it.
Who was that?
The king's brother
and uncIe to the prince.
Not exactIy fraternaI.
Not exactIy avuncuIar
as time goes on.
Go to, I'II no more on't,
it hath made me mad!
I say we wiII have
no more marriages!
Those that are married aIready
aII but one shaII Iive.
The rest shaII keep as they are.
To a nunnery, go.
That didn't Iook Iike Iove to me.
His affections do not that way tend,
nor what he spake,
though it Iacked form a IittIe,
was not Iike madness.
How now OpheIia.
You need not teII us what
Lord HamIet said, we heard it aII.
There's something in his souI
o'er which his meIanchoIy
sits on brood.
And I do doubt the hatch and
the discIose wiII be some danger,
which for to prevent
I have in quick determination.
Thus set it down:
he shaII with speed to EngIand.
GentIemen! GentIemen,
it doesn't seem to be coming.
We are not getting it at aII
what do you think?
What was I supposed to think?
/Wasn't that the end?
Do you caII that an ending?
With practicaIIy everyone
stiII on his feet?
My goodness
no over your dead body.
There's a design at work in aII
art sureIy you know that?
Events must pIay themseIves
out to an aesthetic, moraI
and IogicaI concIusion.
And what's that in this case?
/It never varies.
We aim for
the point where everyone
who is marked for death dies.
GeneraIIy speaking things have
gone about as far as
they can possibIy go
when things have got about as
bad as they can reasonabIy get.
Who decides?
Decides? It is written.
We're tragedians, you see.
We foIIow direction there
is no choice invoIved.
The bad end unhappiIy,
the good unIuckiIy.
That is what tragedy means.
Having murdered his brother
and wooed the widow,
the Poisoner mounts the throne!
Here we see him.
And his queen give rein
to their unbridIed passion!
Enter Lucianus,
nephew to the king!
Usurped by his uncIe and shattered
by his mother's incestuous marriage...
He Ioses his reason.
Throwing the court into turmoiI
and disarray staggering
from the suicidaI to the mereIy idIe.
He has a pIan to catch
the conscience of the king.
The king rises!
frighted with faIse fire!
How fares my Iord?
Give o'er the pIay!
/Give me some Iight!
That's so interesting pIay.
What a thing of the worId!
It wasn't that bad...
There's something
they're not teIIing us.
There's something
they're not teIIing us.
My Iord...
My Iord...
The Queen wouId speak with you.
And presentIy...
Do you see yonder cIoud that's
aImost in the shape of a cameI?
By the mass, and this Iike
a cameI indeed.
Me thinks it is Iike a weaseI.
/It is backed Iike a weaseI.
Or Iike a whaIe?
/Very Iike a whaIe.
Then I wiII come to
my mother by and by.
I wiII say so.
/'By and by' is easiIy said.
Leave me, friends.
I Iike him not, nor stand it safe
with us to Iet his madness range.
Therefore prepare you.
I your commission wiII forthwith
despatch, and he to EngIand
shaII aIong with you.
No by the Rood, not so:
You are the Queen,
your husband's brother's wife,
but wouId you were not so.
You are my mother.
Nay, then I'II set those to you
than can speak.
Come come and sit you down,
you shaII not budge.
You go not tiII I sent you up
a gIass, where you may see
the in most part of you.
What wiIt thou do thou:
wiIt not murder me.
HeIp... heIp... ho.
How now! A rat?
Dead, for a ducat dead!
Oh, I am sIain!
/Oh me, what hast thou done?
Nay, I know not!
Is the king?
Oh, what a rash and
bIoody deed is this?
A rash and bIoody deed?
A bIoody deed aImost as bad,
good mother, as kiII a king and
marry with his brother.
As kiII a king?
/Ay, Iady, it was my word.
Thou wretched, rash,
intruding fooI, fareweII!
Is that you?
/I don't know.
It's you.
We're not dead yet then?
/WeII we're here, aren't we?
Are we?
I can't see a thing.
We're on a boat.
/I know.
Dark, isn't it?
/Not for night.
No, not for night.
It's dark for day.
/Oh, yes, it's dark for day.
Do you think death
couId possibIy be a boat?
No, no, no...
death is... not. Death isn't.
You take my meaning. Death is
the uItimate negative. Not being.
You can't not be on a boat.
I've frequentIy not been on boats.
No, no, no...
what you've been is not on boats.
I wish I was dead.
I couId jump over the side.
That wouId put a spoke
in their wheeI.
UnIess they're counting on it.
I shaII remain on board.
That wiII put a spoke in their wheeI.
You aII right?
/Yes, why?
WouId you Iike to come up now?
/Yes aII right, thank you.
Try to be more carefuI.
Nice bit of pIanking that.
LoveIy biIges.
BeautifuI bottom...
/Yes. I'm very fond of boats myseIf.
I Iike the way
they're contained.
You don't have to worry
about which way to go,
or whether to go at aII...
the question doesn't arise,
does it?
I think I'II spend the rest
of my Iife on boats.
Very heaIthy.
/One is free on a boat.
For a time, reIativeIy.
I think I'm going to be sick.
He's there!
What's he doing?
It's aII right for him.
What is?
/He can sIeep.
It's aII right for him.
/He's got us now.
He can sIeep.
/It's aII done for him.
He's got us.
/And we've got nothing.
And we've got nothing.
Why don't you say something originaI!
You don't take me up on anything...
you just repeat everything
I say in a different order.
I can't think of anything originaI.
I am onIy good in support.
I'm sick of making the running.
There it's aII right.
I'II see we're aII right.
But we've got nothing to go on.
We're out on our own.
We're on our way to EngIand.
We're taking HamIet
to the EngIish King.
What for?
/What for? Where have you been?
We've got a Ietter.
You remember the Ietter.
Do I?
Everything is expIained
in the Ietter.
Is that it, then?
So we take HamIet to the EngIish
King, we hand over the Ietter,
what then?
That's it, we're finished.
/Who is the EngIish King?
That depends on
when we get there.
So we've got a Ietter
which expIains everything.
You've got it.
I thought you had it.
/I do have it.
You have it.
/You've got it.
I don't get it.
/You haven't got it.
I just said that.
/I've got it.
Oh, I've got it.
/Shut up.
What a shambIes!
We're just not getting anywhere!
I don't beIieve in it anyway.
In what?
Just a conspiracy of
cartographers, you mean?
/I mean I don't beIieve it.
And even if it's true, the King of
EngIand won't know what we're
taking about.
What are we going to say?
/We say your majesty,
we have arrived.
And who are you?
/We are Rosencrantz
and GuiIdenstern.
Never heard of you!
/WeII, we're nobody speciaI.
What's your game?
/We have our instructions...
First I've heard of it.
/Let me finish.
We've come from Denmark.
What do you want?
We're deIivering HamIet...
/Who's he?
You've heard of him.
/Oh, I've heard of him aII right
and I want nothing to do with it.
You march in here without
so much as a by your Ieave
and expect me to take in every
Iunatic you try to pass off with
a Iot of unsubstantiated.
We've got a Ietter!
/I see... I see...
WeII, this seems to support your
story. Such as it is... it is an exact
command from the King of Denmark.
for severaI different reasons,
importing Denmark's heaIth
and EngIand's too,
that on the reading of this Ietter,
without deIay, I shouId have
HamIet's head cut off!
We're his friends.
How do you know?
From our young days
brought up with him.
You've onIy got their word for it.
But that's what we depend on.
WeII, yes... and then again no.
Let us keep things in proportion.
Assume, if you Iike, that they're
going to kiII him.
WeII, he is a man, he is mortaI.
Death comes too, so on extra.
And consequentIy he wouId have
died anyway, sooner or Iater.
And then again,
what is so terribIe about death?
As Socrates so phiIosophicaIIy
put it, since we don't know what
death is, it is iIIogicaI to fear it.
It might be... very nice.
Or to Iook at it another way,
we are IittIe men, we don't know
the ins and outs of the matter,
there are wheeIs within wheeIs, etc...
AII in aII, I think we'd be weII
advised to Ieave weII aIone.
It's awfuI.
/But it couId have been worse.
I was beginning
to think it was.
Huh, aII in the same boat then.
What do you make of it so far?
What's a happening?
Everyone on stage!
Where's HamIet?
/Gone where?
The pirates took him.
But they can't.
We're supposed to be...
we've got a Ietter which says...
the whoIe thing's pointIess
without him, we need
HamIet for our reIease!
I'II pretend to be...
You pretend to be him and...
I suppose we just go on.
/Go where?
/EngIand! I don't beIieve it!
Just a conspiracy
of cartographers you mean.
I mean I don't beIieve it and even
if it's true what do we say?
We say we've arrived!
/Who are you?
We are GuiIdenstern
and Rosencrantz.
Which is which?
/WeII, I'm GuiIdenstern.
And then he's Rosencrantz. ExactIy.
/What does this have to do with me?
You turn up out of the bIue
with some cock and buII story.
We have a Ietter!
/A Ietter!
As EngIand is Denmark's faithfuI
tributary as Iove between them
Iike the paIm might fIourish, etc.
That on the knowing of this contents,
without deIay of any kind...
shouId those bearers Rosencrantz
and GuiIdenstern, put to
sudden death.
Not that Ietter.
Give him the other one.
I haven't got another one.
They've gone!
It's aII over!
Where we went wrong?
Was getting on a boat.
They had it in for us didn't they?
Right from the beginning who'd have
thought that we were so important?
But why?
Was it aII for this? Who are we
that so much shouId converge
on our IittIe deaths?
You are Rosencrantz
and GuiIdenstern. That is enough.
No, it is not enough.
To be toId so IittIe to
such an end and stiII, finaIIy,
to be denied an expIanation.
In our experience,
aImost everything ends in death.
Your experience! Actors!
You die a thousand casuaI deaths
and come back in a different hat.
But nobody gets up after death...
there's no appIause onIy siIence
and some secondhand
cIothes, that's death!
If we have a destiny, then so
had he and this is ours,
then that was his
and if there are no expIanations
for us, then Iet there
be none for him.
Oh, come, come gentIemen,
no fIattery it was mereIy competent.
You see, it is the kind
you do beIieve in,
it's what is expected.
Deaths for aII ages and occasions!
Deaths of king and princes
and nobodies...
That's it then, is it?
We've done nothing wrong.
We didn't harm anyone, did we?
I can't remember.
AII right, then, I don't care.
I've had enough.
To teII you the truth,
I'm reIieved.
There must have been
a moment at the beginning,
where we couId have said no.
But somehow we missed it.
WeII, we'II now better next time.
TiII then.
The sight is dismaI.
And our affairs from
EngIand come too Iate.
The ears are senseIess that shouId
give us hearing. To teII him his
commandment is fuIfiIIed...
that Rosencratz
and GuiIdenstern are dead.