Simon Birch (1998) Movie Script
Mr. Roberts.
I am doomed to
remember a boy with a wrecked voice.
Not because of his voice
or because he was...
the smallest person
I ever knew...
or even because he was
the instrument of my mother's death,
but because he is the reason
I believe in God.
What faith I have,
I owe to Simon Birch,
the boy I grew up with
in Gravestown, Maine.
It is Simon that
made me a believer.
Hi, Mr. Roberts!
- ...strengthen your heart all ye
that will hope in the Lord.
I'm gonna leave you alone
with your thoughts now.
And when I come back
we'll talk about...
what we've just read.
Silently and seriously,
that's how I want you to think.
Our Sunday school teacher
was an unhappy woman...
by the name of Miss Leavey.
Her name suited her perfectly,
as she was always leaving class.
He's so cute.
Simon Birch was so tiny
that we loved to pick him up.
Hey, put me down.
In truth, we couldn't resist
picking him up.
We thought it was a miracle
how little he weighed.
Cut it out,
you assholes.
Hey, no tickling.
I'm warning you.
Pass him to me!
Simon Birch?
Down!
I never understood
Miss Leavey's reaction.
Did she think Simon
climbed up there on his own?
Or that leaving us alone with our
thoughts had so empowered us that...
Simon was levitating up
to heaven?
But Simon was no rat.
As vividly as any story in the Bible,
Simon showed us what
a martyr was.
Simon Birch
was the smallest delivery...
every recorded in the history
of Gravestown Memorial Hospital.
Okay, Mrs. Birch...
the nurse is gonna give you
a shot here to help with the pain...
- and then we'll get started.
- Okay.
Gesundheit!
- Ooh!
- Ooh!
- Doctor!
Oh-Oh, dear.
Simon's father owned
the Birch Granite Company.
Mr. Birch was a big believer
in the rock.
And just about everything
in their house was made from granite,
including Mr. Birch.
Excuse us, please. Excuse us.
Excuse us, please.
Heh!
Along with
just about everything else...
Simon was born
with an undersized heart.
The prognosis wasn't good,
and Dr. Wells warned...
the Birches that Simon probably
wouldn't last through the night.
Fit-Fit right there
in the palm of my hand.
But he did.
Still, the complication seemed
too great, and Dr. Wells warned...
the Birches that Simon probably
wouldn't last through the week.
But he did.
The Birches didn't know what to make of
their peculiar, little disappointment.
So they made nothing
of it at all.
I'm going to work.
Weeks turned into months.
And months
turned into years.
Come on, we're late.
No, you're late.
I'm just riding with you.
The doctors proclaimed Simon a miracle.
And he was quick to remind any of us
if we forgot.
Not so fast. Slow down.
- I'm a miracle, you know.
- Yeah. Yeah.
But even miracles
can't go on forever.
And although we never talked about it,
it was never far from our minds.
Here they come,
the Wenteworth bastard
and his granite mouse.
Hey, Birch, nice
sidecar. What you use? A matchbox?
Have a nice day.
Goddamn kids got no respect
these days.
It's another beautiful...
autumn day friends,
and so sit back, relax...
and so let "Big Daddy"
Dave Barton do the driving...
as we cruise on down
the highway of hits here on WGV...
the sound of Gravestown.
Let's click on the turnstiles
of our wax files.
This one goes out
to our Gravestown Tigers.
Baseball is a lot
like life for a 12-year-old.
You spent most of your time
waiting for the excitement to begin...
only to discover later
that it's already past you by.
Think out there, boys.
Okay? When you're out there, think!
- I was just thinking.
- Yeah?
- Last year we played
in the squirt league, right?
- Uh-huh.
- And this year we're in the peewees.
- So?
Do they want us
to play baseball or urinate?
Anyway,
I was just thinking.
My mom got pregnant
during her senior year at high school.
The fact that she refused
to divulge my father's identity...
- upgraded it to a full-fledged scandal.
- Hi, Joe!
Hi, Miss Wenteworth.
Hi, Simon.
How's my little doll?
Your mother has the best breasts
of all the mothers.
- Yeah.
- And she smells the best too.
- I know.
- She's so sexy that...
sometimes I forget
she's someone's mother.
- Okay! Okay!
- I was just being honest.
Well, what if I said
the same thing about your mother?
I'd have you committed.
Nobody knew her secret. Not even me.
- And I wouldn't know it to this day,
if it wasn't for Simon Birch.
- Ooh!
Birch, on deck.
Go get 'em, Simon.
You go, Simon.
You'll be wonderful.
Simon loved baseball.
I'm not sure why.
He rarely got to play and when he did,
he was ordered not to swing.
His strike zone
was minuscule.
Holy shit!
Ha! Look at this kid.
- It's the friggin' hobbit.
- Nah, it's Thumbelina.
- You're both wrong.
It's a pinch-hitting munchkin.
- Okay, all right.
- Let's play ball.
Do your thing, Simon.
- Show 'em how it's done.
- Okay, Foster, he's yours.
- 0-1.
- Good eye, Birch.
- Good eye, son.
- Foster, easy.
- You don't need your fastball
on this guy.
- 0-2.
- All right. Lay it in easy, now.
I'm trying. Shit!
- Zero, three.
- That was great!
- Way to watch.
- Thank you, Miss Wenteworth.
All right. Let's go Foster,
buddy. Right in there, buddy.
- Ball four!
- Shit!
Take your base.
- Whoa!
- Take a look at that!
Be waiting for you next time.
Your head's bigger
than your strike zone, pal.
Pitchers always threatened
to hit Simon, but it rarely happened.
I think they were afraid
of killing him.
Hi! How's it going?
Six, seven,
- eight, nine, ten.
- Timber-r-r!
Race you to the quarry.
I'm gonna beat you. I know a shortcut.
- No, you don't.
One year good luck.
- One year good luck.
Told you I knew a shortcut.
- Oh, man, that's cold.
- It's freezing.
Oh, man, my balls
just turned into marbles.
My balls just turned
into BBs.
- Time me.
- Simon!
- Please!
- Why does it matter how long...
- you can hold your breath?
- I don't know. It just does.
One Mississippi.
Two Mississippi.
Three Mississippi.
Four Mississippi.
- Hi, Joe!
- Hi, Ann.
Hi, Marjorie!
What are you guys up to?
- No good.
- Where's Simon?
He's around.
- He's so adorable.
- Like a little doll.
Time! Time! Time!
- Thirty Mississippi.
- Thirty Mississippi?
Thirty Mississippi?
I counted 34 Mississippi.
You know, why do you have me count it
if you are just gonna count yourself?
I want a verification.
- Hi, Simon.
When did they get here?
- About 14 Mississippi.
- Marjorie's got breasts.
- Yeah.
- And soon they'll be boobs.
- I know.
Maybe she'll let us
touch them sometime,
- if we paid her.
- Why don't you ask her?
- Oh, uh, Marjorie?
- Stop it! Stop it!
Uh, Simon has a question
for you.
- What is it, Simon?
- Nothing. Good-bye.
He wants to know, uh,
maybe if he paid you...
could he touch your bre...
- He wants to know
if he could touch your bre...
- Quiet! Okay?
He wants to know if...
- He wants to know...
He just wants to know...
- I think Marjorie likes you.
- She likes you.
- She said you were cute.
- She means cute
like a baby turtle is cute.
- Girls don't kiss baby turtles.
- How do you know?
I just know.
If you were me,
you'd know too.
But things
will be different...
once God makes me
a hero.
You know, you shouldn't talk
about this hero stuff, Simon.
- Why not?
- Because it's weird.
- The other kids tease you
enough as it is.
- I don't care. It's the truth.
But you don't have
any proof.
I don't need proof.
I have faith.
Your problem is that
you have no faith.
I got faith.
I just want proof to back it up.
We lived
in my grandmother's house,
a monster of a place.
- It was frequently mistaken
for the Gravestown Inn.
- Shoo! Shoo!
- It's not an inn.
- The fact that never ceased...
to irritate my grandmother.
But then again, most everything
irritated my grandmother.
- Hi, Grandmother.
- Slow down.
Particularly Simon Birch.
- Hi, ladies!
- That creature.
But that's not to say
that she didn't have her kind side.
In fact, when our maid Hildie got cancer
and had to have her leg removed,
Grandmother hired
two more maids,
one just to look
after Hildie.
Hildie never worked
another day in her life.
And as the years went on, she even
began to look like my grandmother...
- and not like a maid at all.
- That child is positively...
- unnatural.
- Most peculiar.
- And his voice like...
- A mouse.
More than one.
Like mice.
- Strangled mice.
- Strangled mice.
Very good, Hildie.
Hello, everyone!
What's wrong with you?
- There's nothing wrong with me.
- Hi, Mom.
- Somethin's goin' on.
- Yes, something's going on.
You look all... shiny.
Well, I met a man
on the train.
- The good 'ol Boston and Maine.
- You're pregnant?
Mother, I just met him.
The last time you met a man
on the Boston and Maine,
- you came home pregnant.
- Mother.
- Am I gonna have a little brother?
- Everyone, please.
I've only spoken with him,
but I like him very much.
So, when do we get to meet
this Mr. Wonderful?
Good Lord.
Yolanda!
Hey, wait up! Wait for me!
I wanna see too.
Simon Birch, get away
from there. You'll scare him off.
I can't see.
I can't see.
- Hello, Ben.
- Hello, Rebecca.
- We were just talking about you.
- Really?
- Come on in.
- Thank you.
You must be Simon...
and that would make
you Joe?
Nice to meet ya. I heard all about you
from your mom on the train.
- What's in the bag?
- Joseph!
Oh, no, no, that's okay. Uh, as
a matter of fact, Joe, this is
something that I bought for you.
My mother's dates
were always bringing me presents...
in their feeble attempts to win me over,
but it never worked.
- So, Joseph, what do you say?
- Nice bag.
I tell you what.
Um, why don't I take this...
and just put it right over here
on this table.
And then you can take a look
at it if you feel like.
It's probably
some stupid Legos or something.
Oh, um, could you guys
do me a favor?
Uh, just keep an eye
on the bag for me.
And, uh, give me a holler
if it moves.
Okay?
Thanks.
You're a drama teacher?
- They teach that?
- Well, what I try and do,
Mrs. Wenteworth,
is-is use the theater to get students
to express themselves...
- in ways they normally couldn't.
- How do you do that?
Well, one way that I found
works well is by introducing props.
- Young people seem to respond to that.
- What kind of props?
Well, kind of like the one
I just left out there in the hall.
Matter of fact, there could be a little
drama unfolding just as we speak.
We'll soon see.
Oh, boy, that's a lot of peas.
Why don't I just put
a few of these back here?
I don't need that
many peas.
- Did you see that?
- What?
- I think it moved.
- You're imagining it.
- Maybe it's a puppy.
- Not unless it's a dead puppy.
Yeah. He wouldn't bring
a dead puppy on the first date.
It's something else.
I bet he's just putting us on.
I bet there's nothing even in there.
He's just playing a joke on us.
Go ahead and open it.
- I'm not opening it.
- Don't you wanna see what's inside?
What I want to do and what I do
are two separate things.
If we all went around doing what we
wanted all the time, there'd be chaos.
You open it.
- The prop.
- What was that?
It's a monster!
- You're okay.
- Help!
Isn't he terrific?
- He's going to eat us.
- You're okay.
It's just an armadillo.
- A what?
- It's a stuffed armadillo. See?
I picked it up on my way
through San Antonio last week.
It's not that bad
once you get used to it.
What do you think, Joe?
- I don't want it.
- Can I have it?
Well, why don't you, uh,
uh, give it a chance!
Maybe it'll grow on you.
So Shirley Temple
says to Senator McCarthy...
- I didn't say, "commie,"
I said, "Moppie."
Uh, Mom?
Can Simon sleep over?
We wanna spend the night out
under the stars.
Sure, honey, as long as it's
all right with Simon's parents.
- They don't care.
- Will you do me a favor anyway
and call them?
- Yeah?
- Can I sleep over at Joe's tonight?
- I don't care.
- I'm ready for my good-night kisses.
- Oh, Mom.
- Me first! Me first!
Oh, don't you "oh, Mom" me.
Get up here. Mm-whaa!
Good night, honey.
Love you.
Simon, isn't it
a little cool outside?
Don't you think
you need a sweater?
It's hard to find sweaters
my size.
They have to make them special
and my dad says they're too expensive.
- How about that?
- Thank you, Miss Wenteworth.
- Mm. Love you.
- Good night, Ben Goodrich!
Bonsoir Monsieur Birch.
Buenas noches,
Senor Wenteworth.
You boys stay in the yard.
I like him.
I don't.
Maybe God sent him
to be your father.
God sent me a screwball
with an armadillo?
God has a plan for everyone,
including Ben Goodrich.
Well, he's not
my father.
My real father
is out there somewhere.
Mr. Hanson has your eyes.
- The shop teacher?
- And he's a lefty, like you.
That's 'cause he chopped off
his right thumb with the table saw.
I didn't say
he was a natural lefty.
Maybe he chopped off his thumb
on purpose to show your mother...
how much he loved her,
like Van Gogh with his ear.
I can't see my mom being attracted
to a metal shop teacher.
Art or English maybe,
but not metal shop.
I don't understand
why she doesn't just tell you.
You're already a bastard.
You might as well be an enlightened one.
- She said she'd tell me
when I'm old enough.
- When's that?
I don't know.
Soon, I hope.
Things were getting
serious between my mother...
and the armadillo-wielding
Ben Goodrich,
enough so that one Sunday
she brought him with us to church.
Hi, Joe! Hi, Miss Wenteworth!
Hi, Ben Goodrich!
Hi, Simon!
I have something
for you.
- You made that for me?
- I did indeed, my little doll.
I think it's gonna be getting cool
pretty soon and you need to have...
a beautiful sweater
just for you.
Hopefully, a good fit.
So, let's see?
Oops!
Oh, my goodness.
Well,
what a very long
piece of yarn.
- He looks like a hobo.
- It's perfect.
Just like you.
Come on.
Blessed is he
whose transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.
I said I will confess
my transgressions unto the Lord...
and Thou forgave us
the inequity of my sin.
- The Word of the Lord.
- Thanks be to God.
I'd like to take a few minutes
to discuss some...
of the upcoming activities
on the church calendar.
Here we go.
- What's wrong, Simon?
- Who knows what God thinks
about current events?
- Does someone have a question?
- Uh, no, sir.
Uh, Your Honor, no...
Father, thank you.
No, sir.
It's always nice to see
new faces in the congregation.
Uh, I'd like
to invite them...
to join my wife and children
and, uh, myself...
for coffee and donuts
downstairs after the service.
- What does coffee and donuts
have to do with God?
- Simon Birch, be quiet.
Simon, is there something you'd like
to share with the rest of us?
I said, "What does coffee and donuts
have to do with God?"
They're merely refreshments
so people can socialize and, uh,
discuss the upcoming activities.
Whoever said that church needs
a continental breakfast?
- Simon!
- I doubt that God is interested
in our church activities.
- Simon!
- If God has made the church
bake sale our priority,
then I'd say we're all
in a lot of trouble.
Simon, that is enough!
Children may be excused...
to go to Sunday school.
- Simon?
- Yes, ma'am?
Don't you feel that you owe
Reverend Russell an apology?
- Simon?
- I'm thinking.
Well, you can just sit there
and think...
until you apologize
to poor Reverend Russell.
Class dismissed.
Joe, dismissed.
- See you later, alligator.
- After a while, crocodile.
- Reverend Russell.
- Go on outside, Joe.
- He didn't mean anything.
- Stop making excuses for him.
If Simon is going to be
a member of our congregation,
he has to start behaving
like a normal person.
- He is a normal person.
- Simon Birch is not a normal person.
Just go on outside, Joe.
Well...
are we, uh, ready
to apologize?
He's thinking
about it.
Simon.
What do you think you're doing
sitting in a corner?
- Thinking about God.
- In a corner?
Faith is not
in a floor plan.
- Keep him here.
- But for how long?
As long as it takes.
- Mom.
- Hi, honey. Where's Simon?
Didn't your mother
ever teach you...
how to keep quiet
during mass?
Tsk. What am I saying?
Of course she didn't.
Your parents don't go to church,
do they, Simon?
See, that's because
they don't belong here.
And neither do you.
Speaking out of turn,
disrupting the class,
telling the other children that...
that God has a special plan for you.
What kind of nonsense is this?
And what kind of nonsense is this?
- Hello, Rebecca.
- Come on, Simon.
I was just... No, wait.
I was...
- Out.
- I was teaching him a lesson.
- And what lesson is that?
Humiliation?
- Oh, man, this is so boss.
- This is all my fault.
- Hey, don't take all the credit.
She's my mom.
Telling the children that he's
some kind of hero. That he's...
- That he's God's instrument.
- And who's to say he isn't?
- Who do you think would win
in a fight?
- Good question.
Miss Leavey is meaner, but she's
a smoker. Your mom could outlast her.
We can't have him
talking that way.
It frightens
the other children.
Oh, I think it's you
it frightens, Miss Leavey.
What? Why would I be frightened
of little Simon Birch?
Because that child has more faith
than you'll ever know.
- Ahh!
- Oh, goodness gracious.
Come on, you two.
Come on, boys.
Let's go find Ben.
- My jacket!
- Oh, that's okay, Simon.
I'll get it for you.
Thank you,
Miss Wenteworth.
You know what, Simon?
Thank you.
Strike three!
You're out, batter.
October 30, 1964.
Our team was getting beaten
badly by Horseshoe Bay.
This wasn't an altogether
uncommon occurrence,
but on this particular day,
for no particular reason,
Coach Higgins decided to pack it in,
so we could all go home.
It was a decision that would haunt
the poor man for the rest of his life.
Simon!
You're up.
Come on, Simon. Come on.
Just make contact with the ball.
Oh, no.
Simon, swing away.
- What?
- You heard me. Swing the bat.
- Yes, sir.
- All right, set 'em up
and knock 'em down.
You got it, Simon.
Pitch this one home.
Ball... one.
Simon.
- Swing the bat.
- It was too high.
Come on, Simon.
You can do it.
- Send it over the fence.
- Be sure to let go of the bat,
so you don't go with it.
All right. Let's go.
- Ball... two.
- Simon.
Swing the bat. Swing.
- I'm picking my pitch.
- Ah, for Christ's sakes.
Rebecca!
Sh-She's dead.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Lord, grant that I may seek more...
to comfort, than to be comforted,
to love, than be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting
that one finds...
Hear our prayers on behalf
of Thy servant, Rebecca.
And grant her entrance
into the land of light and joy,
in the fellowship
of Thy saints.
In sure and certain hope
of the resurrection to eternal life...
through our Lord, Jesus Christ,
we commend our sister, Rebecca.
And we commit her body
to the ground.
Earth to earth,
ashes to ashes.
And dust to dust.
The Lord bless her
and keep her.
Amen.
Mind if I join ya?
Whatcha got there?
Simon's baseball cards.
He gave 'em to me.
I don't get it.
Stupid baseball cards are...
Simon's favorite thing
in the world.
Maybe that's why
he gave them to you.
I don't want 'em.
That's a good thing because
I bet you he wants 'em back.
- I still don't get it.
- Maybe it's his way of saying, "Sorry."
That he still loves you.
I mean, he's trusting you
with them, right?
- So what should I do?
- I don't know.
Give him somethin'
in return?
Somethin' that he knows
you want back.
What's this?
It's for Simon.
Make sure he gets it.
My mother found
the armadillo.
- She fainted.
- For real?
Just like in the movies.
Screamed and dropped.
- Cool.
- It was pretty boss.
Here.
You know, when I first
saw the bag, I thought that
maybe the baseball was in it.
- What? Why?
- I don't know.
You did take it,
didn't you?
Why would I want to possess
that fated baseball?
Well, somebody took
the ball.
Who else would want it?
- Maybe he was there that day.
- Who?
Your father.
Maybe he took the ball.
I'm sorry, Joe.
- It was out of my hands.
- What do you mean?
I'm God's instrument.
I wish it was someone else.
- But he wanted it to be me.
- Simon, it was an accident.
There are no accidents.
God has a plan for all of us.
There's no plan, Simon.
Don't you understand that by now?
- But God...
- There is no God.
It's like believing
in Santa Claus or the Easter bunny.
- It's all bullshit, Simon.
- Don't say that.
My mom is dead because
she got hit by a baseball,
and you're small because
you were born a sick baby.
That's it. Just stop trying
to make sense of it all. You can't.
Joe.
Simon.
Into paradise...
may the angels...
lead you.
Simon. Simon.
I hear you.
What do you want?
What do you want from me?
Simon, it's me.
I thought you were...
someone else.
I'm sorry.
I know.
Come on. Let's go home.
Timber-r-r!
One year good luck.
One year good luck.
Oh! Oh, man, that's cold!
- It's freezing!
- My balls just turned into prunes.
My balls just turned
into raisins.
Look!
Come on.
I'll race you to the dock.
Nah, I don't think...
Ready, set, go.
Hey, cheater!
When someone you love dies,
you don't lose them
all at once.
You lose them in pieces,
over time.
Like how the mail
stops coming.
What I remember most to this day
was my mother's scent.
And how I hated it
when it began to disappear.
First from her closets
and drawers,
then from her dresses
she had sewed herself,
and finally, from her bed sheets
and pillowcases.
Simon and I never talked much
about that day on the baseball field.
It was too painful
for both of us.
For as much as I loved
my mother,
I knew that Simon loved her
just as much.
She was the only real mother
he ever had.
Hi, Grandmother.
Grandmother?
Joe.
Come here.
Sit down.
Your mother was very proud of you.
Do you know that?
She didn't want
any other children.
Just you.
I'm old, Joe.
I won't be around forever.
- Grandmother, don't say that.
- Shh.
And when I die,
there will be no one left
to look after you.
So, we have to decide
what's to become of you.
What about my father?
Only your mother knew
who that was.
She never even told me.
Well, what if
I could find him?
I mean, if he could just meet me.
If he knew what I was like.
You can't think that way.
You have only yourself
to depend on now.
Understand?
You go wash up.
I knew then
that playing the guessing game...
with Simon wasn't going
to be enough anymore.
I no longer just wanted to know
just who my father was,
I had to know,
and I was running out of time.
Suspect at 2:00.
- Mr. Van Gundy?
- He taught your mother piano, right?
That was five years ago, Simon.
I'm 12, remember?
Oh, yeah. You're kind of small
for your age, aren't you?
Suspect sweeping.
- Mr. Prescott?
- He always saved the best cuts
of meat for my mom.
I don't see how pork chops
could lead to intercourse,
no matter how good they are.
- Hi, Ben.
- Hey.
- What are you guys doing?
- We were just...
- It's personal.
- Hey, Ben.
- Hey, Bob. How are you?
Hi, Mr. Baker.
Hey, guys. Hi, Joe.
You know, I didn't get a chance
to talk to you after the funeral.
There were a lot of people.
That's because your mother
was a very special person.
You need anything,
just call, okay?
- Okay.
- Okay.
Well, good luck
on your first day of school, guys.
Just give me a holler
if you need anything, Ben.
The office isn't usually
much help.
Okay, thanks.
I might try out for the swim team
this year, Mr. Baker.
That's great, Joe.
I'm a swimmer just like you.
I'm just like you.
Hey, either you guys
taking any drama courses this fall?
So, you know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna finish off my errands,
and, uh, if you guys feel like it,
uh, come say "hi" tomorrow.
Okay? All right.
Bye, Ben.
- He called my mom a special person.
- A "very" special person.
They did spend the night talking
at the parent-teacher conference.
Why didn't
you mention this before?
It's a parent-teacher conference,
they're supposed to talk.
Not all night.
Especially with a gym teacher.
What did you think
they were doing?
Discussing your future
in dodgeball?
Mr. Baker.
Yeah.
Let's go! Let's go!
Keep your legs kicking!
Keep your legs kicking
right to the end!
- Hey, that's great.
That's great. Good work.
Good work, you guys. That's pretty good
for a first day of practice.
Sean, good work.
Grab a towel.
Terrific!
We'll see you guys tomorrow.
- Fifty-four Mississippi.
- Shh. God, Simon.
- It's a new record.
- News flash. Nobody cares.
I care.
Did you hear that?
- What is it?
- Aah! It's a horse.
Nice dog.
Brutus! Brutus, where are you?
Come on.
It's locked.
- Well, I guess that's that.
Come on. Let's go.
- Wait!
Do you think if I gave you
a boost, you might be able...
to reach the mail slot
and unlock the door?
- No.
- Oh, come on!
You're always saying that God
has a special plan for you, right?
- That he made you
this size for a reason.
- I don't think God's plan...
includes breaking and entering.
We're not breaking anything!
Come on, please?
- Ow, ow, ow.
- Did you get it?
Ow! Got it! Oh!
It's locked!
Now, let's go!
- Are you crazy?
- I've got to know.
Well, go on.
Well, is it our ball?
Does it say "Tigers"?
Come on, Joe.
What's it say?
- It's-lt's not fair.
- Joe?
- Joe!
- It's not fair!
It's not fair.
What the hell's
the matter with you boys?
Baker fail you
in phys ed or something?
- Simon didn't do anything.
This is all my fault.
- I helped you break in.
- No, he didn't.
- You couldn't have done it without me.
- Shut up, will ya?
- Nice try, Joe.
Now, the way that
I figure this,
you can either do hard time
right here in prison,
or you can do
community service.
Community service.
That's what I thought.
And I've already
called the reverend,
and he'd be just delighted...
to have the two of you help him
with his Junior Lamb's Winter Retreat.
But that's over
Christmas break.
Yeah, we don't want to babysit the
stupid third graders at some dumb camp.
Fine! I'll just go out there in the
back room and get your prison uniforms.
- Okay, okay! We'll do it.
- Good.
Now, Joe. I'm gonna call your
grandmother to come and pick you up.
- Oh, she doesn't drive.
- Well, I've got to have
somebody pick you two up.
I've only got two men on tonight
and they're both out in the field.
- What about my parents?
- Joe, do you have any other relatives?
- No, sir.
- Did you call my parents?
Yes, I did.
What did they say?
They said that...
maybe that we should leave you
here for the night.
I guess they thought
it might teach you a lesson.
Anyhow, I gotta get
you guys outta here.
Do you know anybody that might come
down here at this hour of the night?
- Yeah.
- Who?
Yeah, who?
- Ben?
- Yeah?
- Are you mad?
- No.
Well, baffled,
but not mad.
I assume you had a good reason
for doing what you did.
- The reason is that Joe went psycho.
- Shut up, Simon.
That's a good reason as any.
- It is?
- Sure.
Everyone's got to reserve
the right to go a little nuts
every now and then.
- Life isn't always so easy.
- Or fair.
Oh, it's certainly not fair.
Hey, you guys want to go get,
uh, some pizza
or a hot dog or somethin'?
- You want to take us for pizza?
- Yeah, it's 9:00. Aren't you hungry?
It's not that.
It would be like...
rewarding us
for bad behavior.
- But if you really want to.
- No, Joe.
It wouldn't be right
to take advantage of Ben like that.
No pizza for us.
Okay.
Ice cream?
So, now I don't know
if I'll ever find out who my father is.
Maybe she figured
you weren't ready for the truth.
Ben?
Do you know the truth?
No. I guess your mom was just
gonna tell me when she was ready.
But if you did know,
would you tell me?
Yeah.
Yes, I would.
Ben?
Did Miss Wenteworth
ever talk about me?
All the time, Simon.
Everybody talks about you.
That's how we keep
from gettin' bored.
- Did she tell you about my destiny?
- Simon!
What do you mean?
- I'm going to be a hero.
- You are?
Pretty vague job description,
isn't it?
- How you gonna do that?
- I don't know.
I keep waiting for God
to show me a sign.
Like the burning bush
in the Ten Commandments.
But I guess he doesn't go in
for that kind of thing anymore.
Well, uh, you know,
you got to be a little patient.
I have been patient,
but I'm running out of time.
Simon, you're
12 years old!
You've got all the time
in the world!
I don't think so, Ben.
Time is a monster
that cannot be reasoned with.
It responds like
a snail to our impatience.
Then it races like a gazelle
when you can't catch your breath.
Simon and I were in such a hurry
to get to the answers at the end...
of the road that we never took time
to read the signs along the way.
How could we have known that everything
was working together for a reason?
And so I expect
each and every one of you...
will lend a hand
in making this...
the best Christmas
pageant ever.
So, now, are there
any volunteers for roles,
- or shall I just choose?
- Well, I'll play Joseph!
Good for you, Eddie.
- Looks like I got the lead.
- What lead?
It's the Virgin Mary, Eddie.
What does Joseph
have to do with anything?
All right, now.
Any volunteers for Mary?
Beautiful, beautiful
Mother Mary.
Mary, Mary, Mary.
Who will it be?
Marjorie?
Would you like to be
our Mary this year?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Good girl!
All right, now.
Which one of our...
future stars
would like to be the Three Wise Men?
Three Wise Men.
Who's it gonna be?
All right.
Gary, Allen, Matthew,
you will be the Wise Men.
Now let's see what we've got.
Ah, well, we've got
the shepherds,
but they don't have
a lot to do.
Miss Leavey
always tried to downplay...
the role of the shepherds,
but we weren't fooled.
We knew they were the plum roles
because all you had to do...
was stand around with a staff
and try not to laugh...
at the poor saps that got stuck
with the speaking parts.
All right.
Hands-Hands down. Hands down.
Uh, Joe, Melanie,
Ming, Tommy.
You will be
our shepherds.
All right.
Now, let's see what's next.
We've got...
Oh, the angel.
Yes, the angel.
The wonderful angel
of the Lord...
suspended high, high above
everyone else...
the wonderful, magnificent angel
of the Lord.
- I can't! I'm afraid of heights!
- Well, then, this will be...
the perfect chance
to face your fears.
- Can't I be a donkey or somethin'?
- You're an angel.
You have your own special pillar
of light for all the world to see.
- Well, I'll switch with Howard.
- No!
- Yeah!
- I could be Joseph. Joseph does nothing.
- Told ya.
You are going to make
a wonderful angel, Howard.
- But...
- Thank you.
- Psycho.
- What about me?
Well, Simon, you know what?
- You have the most important
role of all.
- No.
Without you,
there would be no play.
I'm not playing the baby Jesus,
so just forget it!
- You're the only one
who fits into the manger.
- I won't do it!
Come on, Simon.
It'll be fun.
Easy! It says swaddling clothes.
Swaddle it!
Simon, that is so cute!
I look like a burn victim.
- You made her laugh.
- She's laughing at me.
What's the difference?
She likes you.
Everyone likes
the swaddling baby Jesus.
- It's great!
- You really like it? Well, thank you.
Why does Ming get
all the girls?
But, uh, things
will be different...
once God makes you
a hero, right, Simon?
- Right?
- Huh?
Oh, yeah.
I guess.
You! You, you, you,
you, you, you! Okay, okay. Come on.
So, is everybody ready
for dress rehearsal?
- No.
- What now, Simon?
What are those?
- They're turtledoves.
- They look like
they're from outer space.
The audience won't know
what they are.
They're doves, Simon!
The audience knows what a dove is!
They're giant doves!
They're as big as half a donkey!
They're actually
kind of frightening!
Oh, look what I found
wandering off. A turtle.
Oh! A little turtledove! Look at that.
Oh, so how's
the rehearsal going?
Help. Please! I'm gonna strangle him.
I swear to God! I'm gonna strangle
that little granite mouse...
if it's the last thing I do,
with my bare hands!
- I'm gonna strangle him!
I'm a little fragile right now.
- Simon.
- Hey!
- You'll get these back
after the pageant.
If you can stop yourself
from ruining our play.
Understand?
Any questions?
Does God have
a plan for us?
I like to think he does.
Me too! I think God made me
the way I am for a reason.
Well, I'm glad that, um,
that your faith, uh...
helps you deal
with your, um,
you know,
your-your condition.
That's not what I mean.
I think I'm
God's instrument.
That He's gonna use me
to carry out His plan.
It's wonderful
to have faith, Simon,
but, uh,
let's not overdo it.
God's instrument.
Hey, kid. You okay?
- Hey, kid.
- Hi. What's wrong?
My dad's makin' me go
on a retreat tomorrow.
- Why are you crying?
- I'm scared of all the other kids.
They're a lot
bigger than me.
- Not all of them.
- Are you going too?
And I'll make sure
nothing happens to you. I promise.
Now get over there with those other
flying monkeys where you belong.
We're turtledoves.
- You're good with him.
- Little kids always listen to me...
because of the way I look.
- Too bad Marjorie isn't six years old.
- Not funny!
The star of Bethlehem
is not a pinata.
Marjorie! Marjorie!
You spit that gum out right now!
The Virgin Mary
does not chew gum.
Where are we going?
You get down from there!
Get down from there now!
It's not safe!
I've got half a donkey here.
What good is that gonna do me?
I need a cigarette.
Monsters.
Oh! Oh, hello, Agnes.
Hello, Reverend. Hi.
Ah, ready for tonight?
Absolutely.
# Miss Leavey's dead #
# They guillotined her head #
# We took it from her body #
# And flushed it
down the potty #
# And watched it go round and round #
# And watched it go round and round #
# And watched it go round and round
and never saw it go down #
# Joy to the world
Miss Leavey's gone #
- Oh, Agnes.
- Oh! Oh!
# She's buried
in the lawn #
Thank you.
Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas to you too.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
Go, go.
Be not afraid.
For I bring you great joy.
Be not afraid!
For... F...
- For...
- Simon.
Are you okay?
For I bring you great...
joy!
Oh, man! Oh, man!
Oh, oh, man!
Simon, what is it?
Boobs!
- Get her, Simon!
- Holy shit!
Oh, shit!
- Let go of me!
- I'm trying to help!
- I don't feel so good.
- If you vomit on this stage,
I swear I will leave you
up there...
- till next Christmas!
- Hold on!
Yeah, yeah! Get it!
I'm gonna kick your ass,
you little perv.
Hey, leave him alone.
Pick on someone your own size.
- Okay.
- Oh!
- I told you this was a bad idea.
- Fight! Fight!
Oh, shit!
I'm gonna honk!
- Oh, no.
- Simon!
Oh, no!
Can I get down now?
Congratulations, Simon.
You've just given us our first
full-contact Christmas pageant.
Well, do you have
anything to say?
- Can I have my baseball cards back?
- No you may not!
Oh, Simon.
- What happened tonight?
- I don't know.
Sex makes people crazy.
That may be, uh... That may be true.
But, uh, that is
no kind of answer.
Simon,
you spend more time sitting
alone in a corner downstairs...
than you do
with the other children.
You, uh, frighten them
with your stories...
- about being an-an instrument of God.
- They're not stories.
And you interrupt my sermons
and you refuse to apologize.
I'm out of ideas, Simon.
I can't speak
to your parents because,
well, they don't
attend church.
And I-I can't speak
to Rebecca because...
because, uh...
Simon, what I'm trying
to say is that...
all of us around here...
Well, we need a break from you.
So, once this all simmers down,
and Marjorie Albright's father
accepts your apology,
we'll talk about
you coming back.
- What about the retreat?
- Joe will go alone.
And it's about time
I had a talk with him too.
Simon, I'm sorry.
but, as the Bible says,
"There is severe discipline...
for him who forsakes the Way."
"To impose a fine
on a righteous man is not good.
To flog a noble man
is wrong."
Proverb 17, Verse 26. That's, uh,
very good, Simon.
But perhaps you know this one
as well: "Folly is bound up
in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline
drives it far from him."
- "Good sense makes a man slow to anger,
- Simon.
- and it is glory
to overlook the offense."
Simon... what do you
want me to do? Hmm?
What do you want me to say?
I want to know that
there's a reason for things.
I used to be certain,
but now I'm not so sure.
I want you to tell me
that God has a plan for me.
A plan for all of us.
Please.
Simon...
I can't.
Okay, you grabbed her boobs
and ya pulled her into the manger.
Big deal. It could have
happened to anybody.
Well, maybe not anybody.
Who cares what
Reverend Russell says, huh?
Him and his wife, they're the two
most miserable people we know.
- You okay?
- Yeah.
Where are ya goin'?
- Home.
- Why?
It's Christmas.
I could go get the bike.
I'll walk.
Simon?
Simon?
Simon!
Simon!
Simon's sick.
- How sick?
- He's just sick, all right?
But I've gotta see him
before I leave on the retreat.
You can see him
when you get back.
But can't I just come in
and see him for a couple seconds?
Go on, now.
Simon's sick.
- I know.
- So was I when I heard
what he did last night.
The whole town's
talkin' about it.
What a little screwup.
Hey! Your son is not a screwup.
He's a hero.
What the hell
are you talking about?
I said he's a hero.
And you don't deserve him.
I want you to know that.
... six, seven,
eight, nine,
- ten, eleven,
- Thank you. And God bless you.
twelve...
Uh, is that it?
- We're one short.
- Is that
supposed to be a joke?
Have fun. Okay?
- Please tell me you're coming.
- I just came to say good-bye.
But what are you
gonna do without me?
Well, first, I'm gonna sneak
into Reverend Russell's office
and get my baseball cards back.
Sounds like trouble.
Sorry I'm gonna miss it.
Well, I bet you boys are going
to be very sad to know that...
Miss Leavey has taken
a leave of absence.
She's going to spend some time
with her mother in Connecticut.
Okay, Joe. Let's go.
Simon, you should be home resting.
You better go.
Yeah.
- So, uh, I'll see ya
in a couple days, right?
- Sure.
- Get better, okay?
- Okay.
I wish I could
remember every detail of that weekend.
Even now, I'll sometimes sit
and try to remember the colors,
the sounds, the faces.
But it only comes back to me
in bits and pieces.
If only I had known,
I would have paid closer attention.
But you're never prepared for
the moment that changes your life.
Whoa. Hey. Hey, you okay?
Yeah.
- Take it slow.
- You're very good with them, Joe.
You should see Simon.
He's the one they really listen to.
Don't tell me you miss him
already. It's only been one day.
- He's my best friend.
- Yes, I know.
Gotcha!
- Miss Wenteworth.
And how did you end up...
with Simon Birch
as your best friend?
I don't know. Maybe it's because we both
know how it feels to be an outsider.
Teased or...
whispered about.
- They tease you?
- Yeah, you know, the Wenteworth bastard,
and stuff like that.
Well, people-people can be
very unforgiving at times, Joe, uh...
I'm sorry.
- Joe!
- Looks like somebody needs me.
Joe.
You can talk to me...
anytime.
God, no wonder
she kept it such a secret.
You're sure we're doin'
the right thing, huh, Simon?
We promised him, Ben.
You promised him too, remember?
You're right. I did.
Reverend Russell?
Reverend?
Uh... I need the keys...
to the kitchen.
Reverend?
A lefty.
Just like me.
What do you mean?
I met your mother 13 years ago.
I was coming to Gravestown
to interview at the church.
- No.
- She was going to the city to
buy a present for her mother.
Stop it.
I'd never seen anyone like her, Joe.
And I fell in love.
- Right there on
the Boston and Maine.
- Joe! Joe!
Simon.
Did you hear what he said?
He's lying, right?
Joe...
Joe!
Let him go, Reverend.
Joe.
Joe.
A bastard.
I wish I never knew.
I wish I'd never found out.
- I must sound like a baby, huh?
- No.
- Big goddamn baby.
- No, you don't.
- I wish I could go home again.
- I know.
Back to the way things were.
I know, pal.
I guess Simon's gonna ride
on the bus with Joe.
- He'll be all right.
- Ben, it was a mistake.
I wanted to take care of her,
but she said she didn't need that.
- Well, that sounds
a lot like Rebecca to me.
- Yeah.
Haunts me every day
of my life.
Wish I could take it back. I...
I just wish it never happened.
Well, there's a beautiful kid over there
who wouldn't be here if it hadn't.
Ben?
... eleven,
- twelve,
- and he ranks thirteen.
- Hey, you came.
- I told you I'd be here. Come on.
Up we go.
Thanks.
You okay?
You okay?
I was thinking.
Maybe this was
your destiny.
To help me find my father.
Yeah. Maybe.
- Come on. Give it back.
- You started it!
Calm down, guys.
Watch out!
Oh, God!
- I can't... I can't stop it!
I can't stop it!
- Oh, good Lord.
- Oh, no!
- Oh, my God!
Oh, good Lord!
Reverend Russell!
I can't sw- I can't swim!
Hey, where are you going?
Come back.
Okay, everybody, just stay calm.
Okay. We're going to get out of here.
Hey, come on. Calm down.
Just listen to me.
Stop it!
I'm not going to let anything
happen to any of you. Understand?
Now, the current is very strong.
So I'll take you to Joe... one at
a time, and Joe will help you on shore.
- Go!
- Okay.
You first, now you.
You're after him.
Don't worry. It'll be okay.
I got you.
Now, you. Come on.
Let's go. You're next.
Well, that's it. Come on.
Simon, let's go.
Wait. We're missing one.
Simon!
Joe!
My foot's stuck.
I'm scared.
Hang on.
- Aah!
- Come on. I got ya.
Come on, Stuart.
It's okay.
I got him.
- Where's Simon?
- He's inside. I'll get him.
- No, no! Let me.
- Simon!
Get him. Get him, Joe.
Pull him through the window.
Pull him out, Joe.
- Joe!
- Simon!
- No, no, no, Simon!
Simon!
Let me.
Simon!
Joe!
Simon!
Simon!
Okay, Joe.
Keep his head above the water.
- Get 'em up to the road.
- What about Joe?
We got him. Joe!
Come with me, boys.
Here. Down here.
Here. Hurry!
Come on.
Come here, children.
Come on. Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on, Joe.
Simon.
Don't leave me.
I want to see Simon.
Father Russell,
I'll see you on Sunday.
He's got a visitor.
Simon...
I heard what you did
for those kids.
The whole town's
talking about it.
I just wanted
you to know...
that I think what you did...
was really brave.
And you're a hero,
Simon Birch.
Jesus, Simon,
you look like shit.
Hey.
Hey.
Are the kids okay?
Yeah.
They all made it?
Even Stuart.
Did you see how
the children listened to me...
because of the way I looked?
Yeah.
That window
was just my size.
Extra small.
Extra, extra small.
That was
over 200 Mississippi.
Nobody likes a showoff.
Promise me.
Yeah.
- You'll take my baseball cards.
- No.
Take them and share them
with Ben. Please?
Okay. I promise.
Simon?
Yeah.
You're the best friend
I ever had.
I know that, stupid.
- Joe?
- Yeah.
I got to go now.
Okay.
See you later, alligator.
Timber-r-r!
One year good luck.
Winter left its icy chill behind.
And soon it was spring
and summer again.
Grandmother passed away
that June...
following a stroke.
And because Hildie was always
so content to just follow her lead,
she had a stroke of her own
and died in July.
We buried them
side by side.
It's the way
they would have wanted it.
Ben Goodrich legally
adopted me...
just two days
before my 13th birthday.
Not a day goes by that I don't
thank God for bringing him into my life.
With Simon's help,
I'd finally found my real father.
There is a prayer
I say for Simon Birch.
It's the same prayer
that he said at my mother's grave...
that night I found him
in the darkness.
Into paradise...
may the angels lead you.
Dad?
Dad! I'd love to stay here
in the graveyard all day,
but I've got a game, remember?
Okay, Simon.
I'm coming.
You know, I was just thinking
about that.
Last year, you played
in the squirt league, right?
- Yeah. So?
- This year you're a peewee.
So, what do they want you to do,
play soccer or urinate?
Anyway...
I was just thinking.
I am doomed to
remember a boy with a wrecked voice.
Not because of his voice
or because he was...
the smallest person
I ever knew...
or even because he was
the instrument of my mother's death,
but because he is the reason
I believe in God.
What faith I have,
I owe to Simon Birch,
the boy I grew up with
in Gravestown, Maine.
It is Simon that
made me a believer.
Hi, Mr. Roberts!
- ...strengthen your heart all ye
that will hope in the Lord.
I'm gonna leave you alone
with your thoughts now.
And when I come back
we'll talk about...
what we've just read.
Silently and seriously,
that's how I want you to think.
Our Sunday school teacher
was an unhappy woman...
by the name of Miss Leavey.
Her name suited her perfectly,
as she was always leaving class.
He's so cute.
Simon Birch was so tiny
that we loved to pick him up.
Hey, put me down.
In truth, we couldn't resist
picking him up.
We thought it was a miracle
how little he weighed.
Cut it out,
you assholes.
Hey, no tickling.
I'm warning you.
Pass him to me!
Simon Birch?
Down!
I never understood
Miss Leavey's reaction.
Did she think Simon
climbed up there on his own?
Or that leaving us alone with our
thoughts had so empowered us that...
Simon was levitating up
to heaven?
But Simon was no rat.
As vividly as any story in the Bible,
Simon showed us what
a martyr was.
Simon Birch
was the smallest delivery...
every recorded in the history
of Gravestown Memorial Hospital.
Okay, Mrs. Birch...
the nurse is gonna give you
a shot here to help with the pain...
- and then we'll get started.
- Okay.
Gesundheit!
- Ooh!
- Ooh!
- Doctor!
Oh-Oh, dear.
Simon's father owned
the Birch Granite Company.
Mr. Birch was a big believer
in the rock.
And just about everything
in their house was made from granite,
including Mr. Birch.
Excuse us, please. Excuse us.
Excuse us, please.
Heh!
Along with
just about everything else...
Simon was born
with an undersized heart.
The prognosis wasn't good,
and Dr. Wells warned...
the Birches that Simon probably
wouldn't last through the night.
Fit-Fit right there
in the palm of my hand.
But he did.
Still, the complication seemed
too great, and Dr. Wells warned...
the Birches that Simon probably
wouldn't last through the week.
But he did.
The Birches didn't know what to make of
their peculiar, little disappointment.
So they made nothing
of it at all.
I'm going to work.
Weeks turned into months.
And months
turned into years.
Come on, we're late.
No, you're late.
I'm just riding with you.
The doctors proclaimed Simon a miracle.
And he was quick to remind any of us
if we forgot.
Not so fast. Slow down.
- I'm a miracle, you know.
- Yeah. Yeah.
But even miracles
can't go on forever.
And although we never talked about it,
it was never far from our minds.
Here they come,
the Wenteworth bastard
and his granite mouse.
Hey, Birch, nice
sidecar. What you use? A matchbox?
Have a nice day.
Goddamn kids got no respect
these days.
It's another beautiful...
autumn day friends,
and so sit back, relax...
and so let "Big Daddy"
Dave Barton do the driving...
as we cruise on down
the highway of hits here on WGV...
the sound of Gravestown.
Let's click on the turnstiles
of our wax files.
This one goes out
to our Gravestown Tigers.
Baseball is a lot
like life for a 12-year-old.
You spent most of your time
waiting for the excitement to begin...
only to discover later
that it's already past you by.
Think out there, boys.
Okay? When you're out there, think!
- I was just thinking.
- Yeah?
- Last year we played
in the squirt league, right?
- Uh-huh.
- And this year we're in the peewees.
- So?
Do they want us
to play baseball or urinate?
Anyway,
I was just thinking.
My mom got pregnant
during her senior year at high school.
The fact that she refused
to divulge my father's identity...
- upgraded it to a full-fledged scandal.
- Hi, Joe!
Hi, Miss Wenteworth.
Hi, Simon.
How's my little doll?
Your mother has the best breasts
of all the mothers.
- Yeah.
- And she smells the best too.
- I know.
- She's so sexy that...
sometimes I forget
she's someone's mother.
- Okay! Okay!
- I was just being honest.
Well, what if I said
the same thing about your mother?
I'd have you committed.
Nobody knew her secret. Not even me.
- And I wouldn't know it to this day,
if it wasn't for Simon Birch.
- Ooh!
Birch, on deck.
Go get 'em, Simon.
You go, Simon.
You'll be wonderful.
Simon loved baseball.
I'm not sure why.
He rarely got to play and when he did,
he was ordered not to swing.
His strike zone
was minuscule.
Holy shit!
Ha! Look at this kid.
- It's the friggin' hobbit.
- Nah, it's Thumbelina.
- You're both wrong.
It's a pinch-hitting munchkin.
- Okay, all right.
- Let's play ball.
Do your thing, Simon.
- Show 'em how it's done.
- Okay, Foster, he's yours.
- 0-1.
- Good eye, Birch.
- Good eye, son.
- Foster, easy.
- You don't need your fastball
on this guy.
- 0-2.
- All right. Lay it in easy, now.
I'm trying. Shit!
- Zero, three.
- That was great!
- Way to watch.
- Thank you, Miss Wenteworth.
All right. Let's go Foster,
buddy. Right in there, buddy.
- Ball four!
- Shit!
Take your base.
- Whoa!
- Take a look at that!
Be waiting for you next time.
Your head's bigger
than your strike zone, pal.
Pitchers always threatened
to hit Simon, but it rarely happened.
I think they were afraid
of killing him.
Hi! How's it going?
Six, seven,
- eight, nine, ten.
- Timber-r-r!
Race you to the quarry.
I'm gonna beat you. I know a shortcut.
- No, you don't.
One year good luck.
- One year good luck.
Told you I knew a shortcut.
- Oh, man, that's cold.
- It's freezing.
Oh, man, my balls
just turned into marbles.
My balls just turned
into BBs.
- Time me.
- Simon!
- Please!
- Why does it matter how long...
- you can hold your breath?
- I don't know. It just does.
One Mississippi.
Two Mississippi.
Three Mississippi.
Four Mississippi.
- Hi, Joe!
- Hi, Ann.
Hi, Marjorie!
What are you guys up to?
- No good.
- Where's Simon?
He's around.
- He's so adorable.
- Like a little doll.
Time! Time! Time!
- Thirty Mississippi.
- Thirty Mississippi?
Thirty Mississippi?
I counted 34 Mississippi.
You know, why do you have me count it
if you are just gonna count yourself?
I want a verification.
- Hi, Simon.
When did they get here?
- About 14 Mississippi.
- Marjorie's got breasts.
- Yeah.
- And soon they'll be boobs.
- I know.
Maybe she'll let us
touch them sometime,
- if we paid her.
- Why don't you ask her?
- Oh, uh, Marjorie?
- Stop it! Stop it!
Uh, Simon has a question
for you.
- What is it, Simon?
- Nothing. Good-bye.
He wants to know, uh,
maybe if he paid you...
could he touch your bre...
- He wants to know
if he could touch your bre...
- Quiet! Okay?
He wants to know if...
- He wants to know...
He just wants to know...
- I think Marjorie likes you.
- She likes you.
- She said you were cute.
- She means cute
like a baby turtle is cute.
- Girls don't kiss baby turtles.
- How do you know?
I just know.
If you were me,
you'd know too.
But things
will be different...
once God makes me
a hero.
You know, you shouldn't talk
about this hero stuff, Simon.
- Why not?
- Because it's weird.
- The other kids tease you
enough as it is.
- I don't care. It's the truth.
But you don't have
any proof.
I don't need proof.
I have faith.
Your problem is that
you have no faith.
I got faith.
I just want proof to back it up.
We lived
in my grandmother's house,
a monster of a place.
- It was frequently mistaken
for the Gravestown Inn.
- Shoo! Shoo!
- It's not an inn.
- The fact that never ceased...
to irritate my grandmother.
But then again, most everything
irritated my grandmother.
- Hi, Grandmother.
- Slow down.
Particularly Simon Birch.
- Hi, ladies!
- That creature.
But that's not to say
that she didn't have her kind side.
In fact, when our maid Hildie got cancer
and had to have her leg removed,
Grandmother hired
two more maids,
one just to look
after Hildie.
Hildie never worked
another day in her life.
And as the years went on, she even
began to look like my grandmother...
- and not like a maid at all.
- That child is positively...
- unnatural.
- Most peculiar.
- And his voice like...
- A mouse.
More than one.
Like mice.
- Strangled mice.
- Strangled mice.
Very good, Hildie.
Hello, everyone!
What's wrong with you?
- There's nothing wrong with me.
- Hi, Mom.
- Somethin's goin' on.
- Yes, something's going on.
You look all... shiny.
Well, I met a man
on the train.
- The good 'ol Boston and Maine.
- You're pregnant?
Mother, I just met him.
The last time you met a man
on the Boston and Maine,
- you came home pregnant.
- Mother.
- Am I gonna have a little brother?
- Everyone, please.
I've only spoken with him,
but I like him very much.
So, when do we get to meet
this Mr. Wonderful?
Good Lord.
Yolanda!
Hey, wait up! Wait for me!
I wanna see too.
Simon Birch, get away
from there. You'll scare him off.
I can't see.
I can't see.
- Hello, Ben.
- Hello, Rebecca.
- We were just talking about you.
- Really?
- Come on in.
- Thank you.
You must be Simon...
and that would make
you Joe?
Nice to meet ya. I heard all about you
from your mom on the train.
- What's in the bag?
- Joseph!
Oh, no, no, that's okay. Uh, as
a matter of fact, Joe, this is
something that I bought for you.
My mother's dates
were always bringing me presents...
in their feeble attempts to win me over,
but it never worked.
- So, Joseph, what do you say?
- Nice bag.
I tell you what.
Um, why don't I take this...
and just put it right over here
on this table.
And then you can take a look
at it if you feel like.
It's probably
some stupid Legos or something.
Oh, um, could you guys
do me a favor?
Uh, just keep an eye
on the bag for me.
And, uh, give me a holler
if it moves.
Okay?
Thanks.
You're a drama teacher?
- They teach that?
- Well, what I try and do,
Mrs. Wenteworth,
is-is use the theater to get students
to express themselves...
- in ways they normally couldn't.
- How do you do that?
Well, one way that I found
works well is by introducing props.
- Young people seem to respond to that.
- What kind of props?
Well, kind of like the one
I just left out there in the hall.
Matter of fact, there could be a little
drama unfolding just as we speak.
We'll soon see.
Oh, boy, that's a lot of peas.
Why don't I just put
a few of these back here?
I don't need that
many peas.
- Did you see that?
- What?
- I think it moved.
- You're imagining it.
- Maybe it's a puppy.
- Not unless it's a dead puppy.
Yeah. He wouldn't bring
a dead puppy on the first date.
It's something else.
I bet he's just putting us on.
I bet there's nothing even in there.
He's just playing a joke on us.
Go ahead and open it.
- I'm not opening it.
- Don't you wanna see what's inside?
What I want to do and what I do
are two separate things.
If we all went around doing what we
wanted all the time, there'd be chaos.
You open it.
- The prop.
- What was that?
It's a monster!
- You're okay.
- Help!
Isn't he terrific?
- He's going to eat us.
- You're okay.
It's just an armadillo.
- A what?
- It's a stuffed armadillo. See?
I picked it up on my way
through San Antonio last week.
It's not that bad
once you get used to it.
What do you think, Joe?
- I don't want it.
- Can I have it?
Well, why don't you, uh,
uh, give it a chance!
Maybe it'll grow on you.
So Shirley Temple
says to Senator McCarthy...
- I didn't say, "commie,"
I said, "Moppie."
Uh, Mom?
Can Simon sleep over?
We wanna spend the night out
under the stars.
Sure, honey, as long as it's
all right with Simon's parents.
- They don't care.
- Will you do me a favor anyway
and call them?
- Yeah?
- Can I sleep over at Joe's tonight?
- I don't care.
- I'm ready for my good-night kisses.
- Oh, Mom.
- Me first! Me first!
Oh, don't you "oh, Mom" me.
Get up here. Mm-whaa!
Good night, honey.
Love you.
Simon, isn't it
a little cool outside?
Don't you think
you need a sweater?
It's hard to find sweaters
my size.
They have to make them special
and my dad says they're too expensive.
- How about that?
- Thank you, Miss Wenteworth.
- Mm. Love you.
- Good night, Ben Goodrich!
Bonsoir Monsieur Birch.
Buenas noches,
Senor Wenteworth.
You boys stay in the yard.
I like him.
I don't.
Maybe God sent him
to be your father.
God sent me a screwball
with an armadillo?
God has a plan for everyone,
including Ben Goodrich.
Well, he's not
my father.
My real father
is out there somewhere.
Mr. Hanson has your eyes.
- The shop teacher?
- And he's a lefty, like you.
That's 'cause he chopped off
his right thumb with the table saw.
I didn't say
he was a natural lefty.
Maybe he chopped off his thumb
on purpose to show your mother...
how much he loved her,
like Van Gogh with his ear.
I can't see my mom being attracted
to a metal shop teacher.
Art or English maybe,
but not metal shop.
I don't understand
why she doesn't just tell you.
You're already a bastard.
You might as well be an enlightened one.
- She said she'd tell me
when I'm old enough.
- When's that?
I don't know.
Soon, I hope.
Things were getting
serious between my mother...
and the armadillo-wielding
Ben Goodrich,
enough so that one Sunday
she brought him with us to church.
Hi, Joe! Hi, Miss Wenteworth!
Hi, Ben Goodrich!
Hi, Simon!
I have something
for you.
- You made that for me?
- I did indeed, my little doll.
I think it's gonna be getting cool
pretty soon and you need to have...
a beautiful sweater
just for you.
Hopefully, a good fit.
So, let's see?
Oops!
Oh, my goodness.
Well,
what a very long
piece of yarn.
- He looks like a hobo.
- It's perfect.
Just like you.
Come on.
Blessed is he
whose transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.
I said I will confess
my transgressions unto the Lord...
and Thou forgave us
the inequity of my sin.
- The Word of the Lord.
- Thanks be to God.
I'd like to take a few minutes
to discuss some...
of the upcoming activities
on the church calendar.
Here we go.
- What's wrong, Simon?
- Who knows what God thinks
about current events?
- Does someone have a question?
- Uh, no, sir.
Uh, Your Honor, no...
Father, thank you.
No, sir.
It's always nice to see
new faces in the congregation.
Uh, I'd like
to invite them...
to join my wife and children
and, uh, myself...
for coffee and donuts
downstairs after the service.
- What does coffee and donuts
have to do with God?
- Simon Birch, be quiet.
Simon, is there something you'd like
to share with the rest of us?
I said, "What does coffee and donuts
have to do with God?"
They're merely refreshments
so people can socialize and, uh,
discuss the upcoming activities.
Whoever said that church needs
a continental breakfast?
- Simon!
- I doubt that God is interested
in our church activities.
- Simon!
- If God has made the church
bake sale our priority,
then I'd say we're all
in a lot of trouble.
Simon, that is enough!
Children may be excused...
to go to Sunday school.
- Simon?
- Yes, ma'am?
Don't you feel that you owe
Reverend Russell an apology?
- Simon?
- I'm thinking.
Well, you can just sit there
and think...
until you apologize
to poor Reverend Russell.
Class dismissed.
Joe, dismissed.
- See you later, alligator.
- After a while, crocodile.
- Reverend Russell.
- Go on outside, Joe.
- He didn't mean anything.
- Stop making excuses for him.
If Simon is going to be
a member of our congregation,
he has to start behaving
like a normal person.
- He is a normal person.
- Simon Birch is not a normal person.
Just go on outside, Joe.
Well...
are we, uh, ready
to apologize?
He's thinking
about it.
Simon.
What do you think you're doing
sitting in a corner?
- Thinking about God.
- In a corner?
Faith is not
in a floor plan.
- Keep him here.
- But for how long?
As long as it takes.
- Mom.
- Hi, honey. Where's Simon?
Didn't your mother
ever teach you...
how to keep quiet
during mass?
Tsk. What am I saying?
Of course she didn't.
Your parents don't go to church,
do they, Simon?
See, that's because
they don't belong here.
And neither do you.
Speaking out of turn,
disrupting the class,
telling the other children that...
that God has a special plan for you.
What kind of nonsense is this?
And what kind of nonsense is this?
- Hello, Rebecca.
- Come on, Simon.
I was just... No, wait.
I was...
- Out.
- I was teaching him a lesson.
- And what lesson is that?
Humiliation?
- Oh, man, this is so boss.
- This is all my fault.
- Hey, don't take all the credit.
She's my mom.
Telling the children that he's
some kind of hero. That he's...
- That he's God's instrument.
- And who's to say he isn't?
- Who do you think would win
in a fight?
- Good question.
Miss Leavey is meaner, but she's
a smoker. Your mom could outlast her.
We can't have him
talking that way.
It frightens
the other children.
Oh, I think it's you
it frightens, Miss Leavey.
What? Why would I be frightened
of little Simon Birch?
Because that child has more faith
than you'll ever know.
- Ahh!
- Oh, goodness gracious.
Come on, you two.
Come on, boys.
Let's go find Ben.
- My jacket!
- Oh, that's okay, Simon.
I'll get it for you.
Thank you,
Miss Wenteworth.
You know what, Simon?
Thank you.
Strike three!
You're out, batter.
October 30, 1964.
Our team was getting beaten
badly by Horseshoe Bay.
This wasn't an altogether
uncommon occurrence,
but on this particular day,
for no particular reason,
Coach Higgins decided to pack it in,
so we could all go home.
It was a decision that would haunt
the poor man for the rest of his life.
Simon!
You're up.
Come on, Simon. Come on.
Just make contact with the ball.
Oh, no.
Simon, swing away.
- What?
- You heard me. Swing the bat.
- Yes, sir.
- All right, set 'em up
and knock 'em down.
You got it, Simon.
Pitch this one home.
Ball... one.
Simon.
- Swing the bat.
- It was too high.
Come on, Simon.
You can do it.
- Send it over the fence.
- Be sure to let go of the bat,
so you don't go with it.
All right. Let's go.
- Ball... two.
- Simon.
Swing the bat. Swing.
- I'm picking my pitch.
- Ah, for Christ's sakes.
Rebecca!
Sh-She's dead.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Lord, grant that I may seek more...
to comfort, than to be comforted,
to love, than be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting
that one finds...
Hear our prayers on behalf
of Thy servant, Rebecca.
And grant her entrance
into the land of light and joy,
in the fellowship
of Thy saints.
In sure and certain hope
of the resurrection to eternal life...
through our Lord, Jesus Christ,
we commend our sister, Rebecca.
And we commit her body
to the ground.
Earth to earth,
ashes to ashes.
And dust to dust.
The Lord bless her
and keep her.
Amen.
Mind if I join ya?
Whatcha got there?
Simon's baseball cards.
He gave 'em to me.
I don't get it.
Stupid baseball cards are...
Simon's favorite thing
in the world.
Maybe that's why
he gave them to you.
I don't want 'em.
That's a good thing because
I bet you he wants 'em back.
- I still don't get it.
- Maybe it's his way of saying, "Sorry."
That he still loves you.
I mean, he's trusting you
with them, right?
- So what should I do?
- I don't know.
Give him somethin'
in return?
Somethin' that he knows
you want back.
What's this?
It's for Simon.
Make sure he gets it.
My mother found
the armadillo.
- She fainted.
- For real?
Just like in the movies.
Screamed and dropped.
- Cool.
- It was pretty boss.
Here.
You know, when I first
saw the bag, I thought that
maybe the baseball was in it.
- What? Why?
- I don't know.
You did take it,
didn't you?
Why would I want to possess
that fated baseball?
Well, somebody took
the ball.
Who else would want it?
- Maybe he was there that day.
- Who?
Your father.
Maybe he took the ball.
I'm sorry, Joe.
- It was out of my hands.
- What do you mean?
I'm God's instrument.
I wish it was someone else.
- But he wanted it to be me.
- Simon, it was an accident.
There are no accidents.
God has a plan for all of us.
There's no plan, Simon.
Don't you understand that by now?
- But God...
- There is no God.
It's like believing
in Santa Claus or the Easter bunny.
- It's all bullshit, Simon.
- Don't say that.
My mom is dead because
she got hit by a baseball,
and you're small because
you were born a sick baby.
That's it. Just stop trying
to make sense of it all. You can't.
Joe.
Simon.
Into paradise...
may the angels...
lead you.
Simon. Simon.
I hear you.
What do you want?
What do you want from me?
Simon, it's me.
I thought you were...
someone else.
I'm sorry.
I know.
Come on. Let's go home.
Timber-r-r!
One year good luck.
One year good luck.
Oh! Oh, man, that's cold!
- It's freezing!
- My balls just turned into prunes.
My balls just turned
into raisins.
Look!
Come on.
I'll race you to the dock.
Nah, I don't think...
Ready, set, go.
Hey, cheater!
When someone you love dies,
you don't lose them
all at once.
You lose them in pieces,
over time.
Like how the mail
stops coming.
What I remember most to this day
was my mother's scent.
And how I hated it
when it began to disappear.
First from her closets
and drawers,
then from her dresses
she had sewed herself,
and finally, from her bed sheets
and pillowcases.
Simon and I never talked much
about that day on the baseball field.
It was too painful
for both of us.
For as much as I loved
my mother,
I knew that Simon loved her
just as much.
She was the only real mother
he ever had.
Hi, Grandmother.
Grandmother?
Joe.
Come here.
Sit down.
Your mother was very proud of you.
Do you know that?
She didn't want
any other children.
Just you.
I'm old, Joe.
I won't be around forever.
- Grandmother, don't say that.
- Shh.
And when I die,
there will be no one left
to look after you.
So, we have to decide
what's to become of you.
What about my father?
Only your mother knew
who that was.
She never even told me.
Well, what if
I could find him?
I mean, if he could just meet me.
If he knew what I was like.
You can't think that way.
You have only yourself
to depend on now.
Understand?
You go wash up.
I knew then
that playing the guessing game...
with Simon wasn't going
to be enough anymore.
I no longer just wanted to know
just who my father was,
I had to know,
and I was running out of time.
Suspect at 2:00.
- Mr. Van Gundy?
- He taught your mother piano, right?
That was five years ago, Simon.
I'm 12, remember?
Oh, yeah. You're kind of small
for your age, aren't you?
Suspect sweeping.
- Mr. Prescott?
- He always saved the best cuts
of meat for my mom.
I don't see how pork chops
could lead to intercourse,
no matter how good they are.
- Hi, Ben.
- Hey.
- What are you guys doing?
- We were just...
- It's personal.
- Hey, Ben.
- Hey, Bob. How are you?
Hi, Mr. Baker.
Hey, guys. Hi, Joe.
You know, I didn't get a chance
to talk to you after the funeral.
There were a lot of people.
That's because your mother
was a very special person.
You need anything,
just call, okay?
- Okay.
- Okay.
Well, good luck
on your first day of school, guys.
Just give me a holler
if you need anything, Ben.
The office isn't usually
much help.
Okay, thanks.
I might try out for the swim team
this year, Mr. Baker.
That's great, Joe.
I'm a swimmer just like you.
I'm just like you.
Hey, either you guys
taking any drama courses this fall?
So, you know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna finish off my errands,
and, uh, if you guys feel like it,
uh, come say "hi" tomorrow.
Okay? All right.
Bye, Ben.
- He called my mom a special person.
- A "very" special person.
They did spend the night talking
at the parent-teacher conference.
Why didn't
you mention this before?
It's a parent-teacher conference,
they're supposed to talk.
Not all night.
Especially with a gym teacher.
What did you think
they were doing?
Discussing your future
in dodgeball?
Mr. Baker.
Yeah.
Let's go! Let's go!
Keep your legs kicking!
Keep your legs kicking
right to the end!
- Hey, that's great.
That's great. Good work.
Good work, you guys. That's pretty good
for a first day of practice.
Sean, good work.
Grab a towel.
Terrific!
We'll see you guys tomorrow.
- Fifty-four Mississippi.
- Shh. God, Simon.
- It's a new record.
- News flash. Nobody cares.
I care.
Did you hear that?
- What is it?
- Aah! It's a horse.
Nice dog.
Brutus! Brutus, where are you?
Come on.
It's locked.
- Well, I guess that's that.
Come on. Let's go.
- Wait!
Do you think if I gave you
a boost, you might be able...
to reach the mail slot
and unlock the door?
- No.
- Oh, come on!
You're always saying that God
has a special plan for you, right?
- That he made you
this size for a reason.
- I don't think God's plan...
includes breaking and entering.
We're not breaking anything!
Come on, please?
- Ow, ow, ow.
- Did you get it?
Ow! Got it! Oh!
It's locked!
Now, let's go!
- Are you crazy?
- I've got to know.
Well, go on.
Well, is it our ball?
Does it say "Tigers"?
Come on, Joe.
What's it say?
- It's-lt's not fair.
- Joe?
- Joe!
- It's not fair!
It's not fair.
What the hell's
the matter with you boys?
Baker fail you
in phys ed or something?
- Simon didn't do anything.
This is all my fault.
- I helped you break in.
- No, he didn't.
- You couldn't have done it without me.
- Shut up, will ya?
- Nice try, Joe.
Now, the way that
I figure this,
you can either do hard time
right here in prison,
or you can do
community service.
Community service.
That's what I thought.
And I've already
called the reverend,
and he'd be just delighted...
to have the two of you help him
with his Junior Lamb's Winter Retreat.
But that's over
Christmas break.
Yeah, we don't want to babysit the
stupid third graders at some dumb camp.
Fine! I'll just go out there in the
back room and get your prison uniforms.
- Okay, okay! We'll do it.
- Good.
Now, Joe. I'm gonna call your
grandmother to come and pick you up.
- Oh, she doesn't drive.
- Well, I've got to have
somebody pick you two up.
I've only got two men on tonight
and they're both out in the field.
- What about my parents?
- Joe, do you have any other relatives?
- No, sir.
- Did you call my parents?
Yes, I did.
What did they say?
They said that...
maybe that we should leave you
here for the night.
I guess they thought
it might teach you a lesson.
Anyhow, I gotta get
you guys outta here.
Do you know anybody that might come
down here at this hour of the night?
- Yeah.
- Who?
Yeah, who?
- Ben?
- Yeah?
- Are you mad?
- No.
Well, baffled,
but not mad.
I assume you had a good reason
for doing what you did.
- The reason is that Joe went psycho.
- Shut up, Simon.
That's a good reason as any.
- It is?
- Sure.
Everyone's got to reserve
the right to go a little nuts
every now and then.
- Life isn't always so easy.
- Or fair.
Oh, it's certainly not fair.
Hey, you guys want to go get,
uh, some pizza
or a hot dog or somethin'?
- You want to take us for pizza?
- Yeah, it's 9:00. Aren't you hungry?
It's not that.
It would be like...
rewarding us
for bad behavior.
- But if you really want to.
- No, Joe.
It wouldn't be right
to take advantage of Ben like that.
No pizza for us.
Okay.
Ice cream?
So, now I don't know
if I'll ever find out who my father is.
Maybe she figured
you weren't ready for the truth.
Ben?
Do you know the truth?
No. I guess your mom was just
gonna tell me when she was ready.
But if you did know,
would you tell me?
Yeah.
Yes, I would.
Ben?
Did Miss Wenteworth
ever talk about me?
All the time, Simon.
Everybody talks about you.
That's how we keep
from gettin' bored.
- Did she tell you about my destiny?
- Simon!
What do you mean?
- I'm going to be a hero.
- You are?
Pretty vague job description,
isn't it?
- How you gonna do that?
- I don't know.
I keep waiting for God
to show me a sign.
Like the burning bush
in the Ten Commandments.
But I guess he doesn't go in
for that kind of thing anymore.
Well, uh, you know,
you got to be a little patient.
I have been patient,
but I'm running out of time.
Simon, you're
12 years old!
You've got all the time
in the world!
I don't think so, Ben.
Time is a monster
that cannot be reasoned with.
It responds like
a snail to our impatience.
Then it races like a gazelle
when you can't catch your breath.
Simon and I were in such a hurry
to get to the answers at the end...
of the road that we never took time
to read the signs along the way.
How could we have known that everything
was working together for a reason?
And so I expect
each and every one of you...
will lend a hand
in making this...
the best Christmas
pageant ever.
So, now, are there
any volunteers for roles,
- or shall I just choose?
- Well, I'll play Joseph!
Good for you, Eddie.
- Looks like I got the lead.
- What lead?
It's the Virgin Mary, Eddie.
What does Joseph
have to do with anything?
All right, now.
Any volunteers for Mary?
Beautiful, beautiful
Mother Mary.
Mary, Mary, Mary.
Who will it be?
Marjorie?
Would you like to be
our Mary this year?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Good girl!
All right, now.
Which one of our...
future stars
would like to be the Three Wise Men?
Three Wise Men.
Who's it gonna be?
All right.
Gary, Allen, Matthew,
you will be the Wise Men.
Now let's see what we've got.
Ah, well, we've got
the shepherds,
but they don't have
a lot to do.
Miss Leavey
always tried to downplay...
the role of the shepherds,
but we weren't fooled.
We knew they were the plum roles
because all you had to do...
was stand around with a staff
and try not to laugh...
at the poor saps that got stuck
with the speaking parts.
All right.
Hands-Hands down. Hands down.
Uh, Joe, Melanie,
Ming, Tommy.
You will be
our shepherds.
All right.
Now, let's see what's next.
We've got...
Oh, the angel.
Yes, the angel.
The wonderful angel
of the Lord...
suspended high, high above
everyone else...
the wonderful, magnificent angel
of the Lord.
- I can't! I'm afraid of heights!
- Well, then, this will be...
the perfect chance
to face your fears.
- Can't I be a donkey or somethin'?
- You're an angel.
You have your own special pillar
of light for all the world to see.
- Well, I'll switch with Howard.
- No!
- Yeah!
- I could be Joseph. Joseph does nothing.
- Told ya.
You are going to make
a wonderful angel, Howard.
- But...
- Thank you.
- Psycho.
- What about me?
Well, Simon, you know what?
- You have the most important
role of all.
- No.
Without you,
there would be no play.
I'm not playing the baby Jesus,
so just forget it!
- You're the only one
who fits into the manger.
- I won't do it!
Come on, Simon.
It'll be fun.
Easy! It says swaddling clothes.
Swaddle it!
Simon, that is so cute!
I look like a burn victim.
- You made her laugh.
- She's laughing at me.
What's the difference?
She likes you.
Everyone likes
the swaddling baby Jesus.
- It's great!
- You really like it? Well, thank you.
Why does Ming get
all the girls?
But, uh, things
will be different...
once God makes you
a hero, right, Simon?
- Right?
- Huh?
Oh, yeah.
I guess.
You! You, you, you,
you, you, you! Okay, okay. Come on.
So, is everybody ready
for dress rehearsal?
- No.
- What now, Simon?
What are those?
- They're turtledoves.
- They look like
they're from outer space.
The audience won't know
what they are.
They're doves, Simon!
The audience knows what a dove is!
They're giant doves!
They're as big as half a donkey!
They're actually
kind of frightening!
Oh, look what I found
wandering off. A turtle.
Oh! A little turtledove! Look at that.
Oh, so how's
the rehearsal going?
Help. Please! I'm gonna strangle him.
I swear to God! I'm gonna strangle
that little granite mouse...
if it's the last thing I do,
with my bare hands!
- I'm gonna strangle him!
I'm a little fragile right now.
- Simon.
- Hey!
- You'll get these back
after the pageant.
If you can stop yourself
from ruining our play.
Understand?
Any questions?
Does God have
a plan for us?
I like to think he does.
Me too! I think God made me
the way I am for a reason.
Well, I'm glad that, um,
that your faith, uh...
helps you deal
with your, um,
you know,
your-your condition.
That's not what I mean.
I think I'm
God's instrument.
That He's gonna use me
to carry out His plan.
It's wonderful
to have faith, Simon,
but, uh,
let's not overdo it.
God's instrument.
Hey, kid. You okay?
- Hey, kid.
- Hi. What's wrong?
My dad's makin' me go
on a retreat tomorrow.
- Why are you crying?
- I'm scared of all the other kids.
They're a lot
bigger than me.
- Not all of them.
- Are you going too?
And I'll make sure
nothing happens to you. I promise.
Now get over there with those other
flying monkeys where you belong.
We're turtledoves.
- You're good with him.
- Little kids always listen to me...
because of the way I look.
- Too bad Marjorie isn't six years old.
- Not funny!
The star of Bethlehem
is not a pinata.
Marjorie! Marjorie!
You spit that gum out right now!
The Virgin Mary
does not chew gum.
Where are we going?
You get down from there!
Get down from there now!
It's not safe!
I've got half a donkey here.
What good is that gonna do me?
I need a cigarette.
Monsters.
Oh! Oh, hello, Agnes.
Hello, Reverend. Hi.
Ah, ready for tonight?
Absolutely.
# Miss Leavey's dead #
# They guillotined her head #
# We took it from her body #
# And flushed it
down the potty #
# And watched it go round and round #
# And watched it go round and round #
# And watched it go round and round
and never saw it go down #
# Joy to the world
Miss Leavey's gone #
- Oh, Agnes.
- Oh! Oh!
# She's buried
in the lawn #
Thank you.
Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas to you too.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
Go, go.
Be not afraid.
For I bring you great joy.
Be not afraid!
For... F...
- For...
- Simon.
Are you okay?
For I bring you great...
joy!
Oh, man! Oh, man!
Oh, oh, man!
Simon, what is it?
Boobs!
- Get her, Simon!
- Holy shit!
Oh, shit!
- Let go of me!
- I'm trying to help!
- I don't feel so good.
- If you vomit on this stage,
I swear I will leave you
up there...
- till next Christmas!
- Hold on!
Yeah, yeah! Get it!
I'm gonna kick your ass,
you little perv.
Hey, leave him alone.
Pick on someone your own size.
- Okay.
- Oh!
- I told you this was a bad idea.
- Fight! Fight!
Oh, shit!
I'm gonna honk!
- Oh, no.
- Simon!
Oh, no!
Can I get down now?
Congratulations, Simon.
You've just given us our first
full-contact Christmas pageant.
Well, do you have
anything to say?
- Can I have my baseball cards back?
- No you may not!
Oh, Simon.
- What happened tonight?
- I don't know.
Sex makes people crazy.
That may be, uh... That may be true.
But, uh, that is
no kind of answer.
Simon,
you spend more time sitting
alone in a corner downstairs...
than you do
with the other children.
You, uh, frighten them
with your stories...
- about being an-an instrument of God.
- They're not stories.
And you interrupt my sermons
and you refuse to apologize.
I'm out of ideas, Simon.
I can't speak
to your parents because,
well, they don't
attend church.
And I-I can't speak
to Rebecca because...
because, uh...
Simon, what I'm trying
to say is that...
all of us around here...
Well, we need a break from you.
So, once this all simmers down,
and Marjorie Albright's father
accepts your apology,
we'll talk about
you coming back.
- What about the retreat?
- Joe will go alone.
And it's about time
I had a talk with him too.
Simon, I'm sorry.
but, as the Bible says,
"There is severe discipline...
for him who forsakes the Way."
"To impose a fine
on a righteous man is not good.
To flog a noble man
is wrong."
Proverb 17, Verse 26. That's, uh,
very good, Simon.
But perhaps you know this one
as well: "Folly is bound up
in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline
drives it far from him."
- "Good sense makes a man slow to anger,
- Simon.
- and it is glory
to overlook the offense."
Simon... what do you
want me to do? Hmm?
What do you want me to say?
I want to know that
there's a reason for things.
I used to be certain,
but now I'm not so sure.
I want you to tell me
that God has a plan for me.
A plan for all of us.
Please.
Simon...
I can't.
Okay, you grabbed her boobs
and ya pulled her into the manger.
Big deal. It could have
happened to anybody.
Well, maybe not anybody.
Who cares what
Reverend Russell says, huh?
Him and his wife, they're the two
most miserable people we know.
- You okay?
- Yeah.
Where are ya goin'?
- Home.
- Why?
It's Christmas.
I could go get the bike.
I'll walk.
Simon?
Simon?
Simon!
Simon!
Simon's sick.
- How sick?
- He's just sick, all right?
But I've gotta see him
before I leave on the retreat.
You can see him
when you get back.
But can't I just come in
and see him for a couple seconds?
Go on, now.
Simon's sick.
- I know.
- So was I when I heard
what he did last night.
The whole town's
talkin' about it.
What a little screwup.
Hey! Your son is not a screwup.
He's a hero.
What the hell
are you talking about?
I said he's a hero.
And you don't deserve him.
I want you to know that.
... six, seven,
eight, nine,
- ten, eleven,
- Thank you. And God bless you.
twelve...
Uh, is that it?
- We're one short.
- Is that
supposed to be a joke?
Have fun. Okay?
- Please tell me you're coming.
- I just came to say good-bye.
But what are you
gonna do without me?
Well, first, I'm gonna sneak
into Reverend Russell's office
and get my baseball cards back.
Sounds like trouble.
Sorry I'm gonna miss it.
Well, I bet you boys are going
to be very sad to know that...
Miss Leavey has taken
a leave of absence.
She's going to spend some time
with her mother in Connecticut.
Okay, Joe. Let's go.
Simon, you should be home resting.
You better go.
Yeah.
- So, uh, I'll see ya
in a couple days, right?
- Sure.
- Get better, okay?
- Okay.
I wish I could
remember every detail of that weekend.
Even now, I'll sometimes sit
and try to remember the colors,
the sounds, the faces.
But it only comes back to me
in bits and pieces.
If only I had known,
I would have paid closer attention.
But you're never prepared for
the moment that changes your life.
Whoa. Hey. Hey, you okay?
Yeah.
- Take it slow.
- You're very good with them, Joe.
You should see Simon.
He's the one they really listen to.
Don't tell me you miss him
already. It's only been one day.
- He's my best friend.
- Yes, I know.
Gotcha!
- Miss Wenteworth.
And how did you end up...
with Simon Birch
as your best friend?
I don't know. Maybe it's because we both
know how it feels to be an outsider.
Teased or...
whispered about.
- They tease you?
- Yeah, you know, the Wenteworth bastard,
and stuff like that.
Well, people-people can be
very unforgiving at times, Joe, uh...
I'm sorry.
- Joe!
- Looks like somebody needs me.
Joe.
You can talk to me...
anytime.
God, no wonder
she kept it such a secret.
You're sure we're doin'
the right thing, huh, Simon?
We promised him, Ben.
You promised him too, remember?
You're right. I did.
Reverend Russell?
Reverend?
Uh... I need the keys...
to the kitchen.
Reverend?
A lefty.
Just like me.
What do you mean?
I met your mother 13 years ago.
I was coming to Gravestown
to interview at the church.
- No.
- She was going to the city to
buy a present for her mother.
Stop it.
I'd never seen anyone like her, Joe.
And I fell in love.
- Right there on
the Boston and Maine.
- Joe! Joe!
Simon.
Did you hear what he said?
He's lying, right?
Joe...
Joe!
Let him go, Reverend.
Joe.
Joe.
A bastard.
I wish I never knew.
I wish I'd never found out.
- I must sound like a baby, huh?
- No.
- Big goddamn baby.
- No, you don't.
- I wish I could go home again.
- I know.
Back to the way things were.
I know, pal.
I guess Simon's gonna ride
on the bus with Joe.
- He'll be all right.
- Ben, it was a mistake.
I wanted to take care of her,
but she said she didn't need that.
- Well, that sounds
a lot like Rebecca to me.
- Yeah.
Haunts me every day
of my life.
Wish I could take it back. I...
I just wish it never happened.
Well, there's a beautiful kid over there
who wouldn't be here if it hadn't.
Ben?
... eleven,
- twelve,
- and he ranks thirteen.
- Hey, you came.
- I told you I'd be here. Come on.
Up we go.
Thanks.
You okay?
You okay?
I was thinking.
Maybe this was
your destiny.
To help me find my father.
Yeah. Maybe.
- Come on. Give it back.
- You started it!
Calm down, guys.
Watch out!
Oh, God!
- I can't... I can't stop it!
I can't stop it!
- Oh, good Lord.
- Oh, no!
- Oh, my God!
Oh, good Lord!
Reverend Russell!
I can't sw- I can't swim!
Hey, where are you going?
Come back.
Okay, everybody, just stay calm.
Okay. We're going to get out of here.
Hey, come on. Calm down.
Just listen to me.
Stop it!
I'm not going to let anything
happen to any of you. Understand?
Now, the current is very strong.
So I'll take you to Joe... one at
a time, and Joe will help you on shore.
- Go!
- Okay.
You first, now you.
You're after him.
Don't worry. It'll be okay.
I got you.
Now, you. Come on.
Let's go. You're next.
Well, that's it. Come on.
Simon, let's go.
Wait. We're missing one.
Simon!
Joe!
My foot's stuck.
I'm scared.
Hang on.
- Aah!
- Come on. I got ya.
Come on, Stuart.
It's okay.
I got him.
- Where's Simon?
- He's inside. I'll get him.
- No, no! Let me.
- Simon!
Get him. Get him, Joe.
Pull him through the window.
Pull him out, Joe.
- Joe!
- Simon!
- No, no, no, Simon!
Simon!
Let me.
Simon!
Joe!
Simon!
Simon!
Okay, Joe.
Keep his head above the water.
- Get 'em up to the road.
- What about Joe?
We got him. Joe!
Come with me, boys.
Here. Down here.
Here. Hurry!
Come on.
Come here, children.
Come on. Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on, Joe.
Simon.
Don't leave me.
I want to see Simon.
Father Russell,
I'll see you on Sunday.
He's got a visitor.
Simon...
I heard what you did
for those kids.
The whole town's
talking about it.
I just wanted
you to know...
that I think what you did...
was really brave.
And you're a hero,
Simon Birch.
Jesus, Simon,
you look like shit.
Hey.
Hey.
Are the kids okay?
Yeah.
They all made it?
Even Stuart.
Did you see how
the children listened to me...
because of the way I looked?
Yeah.
That window
was just my size.
Extra small.
Extra, extra small.
That was
over 200 Mississippi.
Nobody likes a showoff.
Promise me.
Yeah.
- You'll take my baseball cards.
- No.
Take them and share them
with Ben. Please?
Okay. I promise.
Simon?
Yeah.
You're the best friend
I ever had.
I know that, stupid.
- Joe?
- Yeah.
I got to go now.
Okay.
See you later, alligator.
Timber-r-r!
One year good luck.
Winter left its icy chill behind.
And soon it was spring
and summer again.
Grandmother passed away
that June...
following a stroke.
And because Hildie was always
so content to just follow her lead,
she had a stroke of her own
and died in July.
We buried them
side by side.
It's the way
they would have wanted it.
Ben Goodrich legally
adopted me...
just two days
before my 13th birthday.
Not a day goes by that I don't
thank God for bringing him into my life.
With Simon's help,
I'd finally found my real father.
There is a prayer
I say for Simon Birch.
It's the same prayer
that he said at my mother's grave...
that night I found him
in the darkness.
Into paradise...
may the angels lead you.
Dad?
Dad! I'd love to stay here
in the graveyard all day,
but I've got a game, remember?
Okay, Simon.
I'm coming.
You know, I was just thinking
about that.
Last year, you played
in the squirt league, right?
- Yeah. So?
- This year you're a peewee.
So, what do they want you to do,
play soccer or urinate?
Anyway...
I was just thinking.