Simon Sez (1999) Movie Script

Hey, Simon. Look at Freddy fly!
Interpol doesn't pay us to fly.
They pay us for surveillance.
Simon, why do European police
call themselves Interpol, anyway?
Why don't they just say "Europol"?
I had a Euro pulled once.
I couldn't sit for a week.
Cut the chatter. I'm in position.
Are you ready yet?
One second.
We're working out some bugs, man.
Got it.
If it isn't Ashton,
our favourite arms dealer.
Pull back so we can see
who he's waiting for.
I got it.
Lose them, you idiot!
Guys, will you just land
the damn thing?
There. Got it!
Who is the man? Who is the man?
I got static on the audio.
But that picture's better
than my cable at home.
You being a little critical,
don't you think?
Interpol doesn't just need pictures.
They need sound.
- That man has a point.
- He's the man.
- You the man.
- No, you.
No, guys.
This must be the man.
All right, guys.
It's game time.
Who do we have here?
Whoever he is, they're really
mad at his car.
Are you mad at me?
It's been three days.
You don't call. You don't E-mail.
You don't carrier pigeon.
What did I do?
The deal is cancelled.
The weapon isn't for sale.
I think you'd better run that
by me again, colonel.
What do you mean, "cancelled"?
I've changed my mind.
Can't you guys get closer?
Does the Pope wear a funny hat?
I hate people who renege on deals.
I hate cowards who act tough.
I hate colonels who think they're
generals. And I hate bugs!
- What happened?
- They killed the fly.
Freddy's dead?!
What?! What kind of man
kills another man's fly?
Enough of this silliness, colonel.
Let's talk family.
Don't bring my family into this.
Don't make me.
By the way, Colonel Telore...
...Mother taught me to always leave
a lasting impression.
You all right?
What business is it of yours?
Who are you?
The guy that saved your ass.
When did Interpol start hiring
sideshow freaks?
When did you start doing business
with arms dealers?
I haven't the faintest idea
what you're talking about.
Come on, colonel.
I see this all the time.
Guy gets greedy.
Guy meets Ashton.
Guy gets dead!
Call me...
...when you're ready to talk.
You okay?
What happened?
I scratched my bike, man.
The bike, I can fix. What happened
to the guy in uniform?
I called him a cab.
Could you I.D. him?
The guy's name is
Colonel Jacques Telore.
This file ended two years ago.
What's he doing now?
- Right now?
- He's getting ready for bed.
Nice warm glass of milk.
- Some flannel pj's.
- Hopefully a prayer.
And some sweet, sweet loving...
Guys, please.
His current assignment is classified.
Interpol doesn't have access.
- Why did I hire you guys, anyway?
- You hired us because we are cool.
And we bad!
And we can dance.
See, got you smiling.
Here, check this out.
Come on, man!
If we weren't monks, we'd be
on the road.
You think he mad?
- He's very moody.
- We still getting paid?
Vow of poverty,
but we're getting paid.
I'm hungry.
I thought you was on a diet?
Screw the diet.
Let's get Chinese food.
- How was that?
- That was great.
How's this?
Oh, God!
I'm sorry, Mr. Gabrielli.
That's all right, Claire.
Sometimes I scare myself.
Are you having fun?
Yes! Beaucoup de fun!
Let's go for a swim.
You can't!
Why not?
I mean, are you wearing sun block?
Stay where I can see you.
We're going to the raft.
Stay on the raft where
I can see you.
God, your father's being
so weird today.
It's your shot.
Make it and we win.
Simon says, "Go for it!"
What's up? What's this game called?
"Hit the Cat"?
Come on! Don't you remember?
Nick Miranda.
You believe this?
Yes! Come here!
Talk about a walk down memory lane!
Don't you remember?
Langley, '92? We sat across from
each other in ballistics.
I remember.
I used to play with your detonators.
What are you doing here?
Come on, man. I live here.
You're kidding. You still working
for the company?
You know, the CIA?
No. I retired.
Well, you picked a great place.
Do you believe it?
I get off a plane, go for a walk...
...and who do I run into?
Give your old buddy Nick a hug!
You have issues
about hugging another man?
This is France.
Men kiss each other here.
Give me a hug!
Easy! You're killing me here!
I'm going to the beach to meet
this guy. Come with me.
We could catch up on old times.
I'll buy lunch.
No, thanks. I'm full.
Buddy, relax. It's a figure of speech.
Come on, hang out with me!
lt'll be fun! lt'll take two hours
out of your day.
What's the big deal?
All right.
What's your name again?
Nick Miranda!
So after that, I did two years
in San Antonio...
...working the smuggling rings for DEA.
So you worked for Sanders?
What a ball-buster he was!
Sanders was a woman.
You didn't know?
- Know what?
- About the operation.
Almost killed him...
Her. Him, her, whatever.
The hormones, the mood swings.
It was like working for Chewbacca:
Morning, boss...!
I couldn't hang. I got bored
with it, so here I am...
...head of security for
a software firm. Not bad, huh?
We're talking here!
- For wife!
- No, no. We're talking here.
I collect wooden cows.
Let's cut the bullshit. Okay, Nick?
- Tell me all about the guy.
- What guy?
The guy you came to meet.
Just a five-minutes-and-we're-
out-of-here kind of guy.
I don't see what
you're testy about.
This must be the guy.
This is Nick.
Who's the tall one?
You're supposed to be alone.
He's here to make
sure everything goes smooth.
You were supposed to come alone.
Step out where I can see you.
We do things my way.
Give my man the briefcase.
You don't get the ransom
until I see Claire.
What's going on?
My friend wants to know
what's going on.
Give my man the briefcase!
When we know you've delivered,
we'll give you the girl.
You show me the girl,
I show you the case!
All right! She's on the raft
in the water.
Is this a joke? She's not there!
Who do you think you're messing with?
Look, guys, guys...
Chill out.
Chill out.
Give them the briefcase.
No way!
Man! My cardio's for shit!
I gotta get back on the StairMaster.
Tell me what's going on,
before I rearrange your face!
My boss's daughter was kidnapped.
I need your help to get her back.
What's inside?
Shit! Incoming!
Hey, baby. Long time, no see.
Give me the briefcase
and we'll keep it that way.
You know this chick?
I called, but
your number's disconnected.
I moved. Get over it.
Give me the briefcase!
I gotta keep it, but I'd love to
know why everybody wants it.
- That's not gonna happen.
- Which part?
Easy, Flashdance! Game over!
You got moves?
I got moves! Don't let me
get all Jurassic on your ass.
Come on, come on.
Can we just hook up later
and talk about this?
I've got nothing to say!
You okay...?
How about we go out for a drink?
Well, then, how about a swim?
Suit yourself.
Why did you wake me? I was dreaming
I was with Drew Barrymore.
We were having
a mad game of Monopoly.
What's this?
Puff Daddy?
Where's the money?
There was nothing there.
Bullshit! There was $2 million!
What'd you do with it?!
Do you think I'd bring your
skinny ass back to my place...
...if I stole $2 million from you?
Then where is it?
Did you see the money?
No, but it was a whole
hell of a lot heavier than one CD.
I wonder why.
My dear Mr. Gabrielli,
do you have the disk?
They didn't bring the disk.
Maybe I should send help!
No! I don't need your help.
I'll handle it my way with my people.
I'll get you the disk.
All right, but just hurry up.
We have to set up a second exchange.
Tell him you can't go through with it.
She's only a child.
I have to go through with it.
It's Claire or Michael.
You don't have Claire?
It's not my fault.
They didn't bring her.
That's actually a good thing...
...because the case only had
a CD and bricks in it.
I told you not to open it!
I didn't open it. I didn't open it.
I dropped it.
Give them the briefcase
and bring me back my daughter!
- Now do you understand me?
- Yes, sir.
He wants me to give them the CD.
Of course he does.
Stay here.
No way!
Hold on. I need that!
I gotta take it to Fence.
I'm talking here! I need the disk!
I said stay here!
"Stay here." What am I,
like your dog now?
Man, this is some
serious classified shit.
Where'd you get it from?
From him.
Well, "him" has some
explaining to do!
We need to get him down here now.
Please, God,
I need to get that disk.
If you help me out...
...I swear I will straighten out
my act. No more lying.
No more... No more nothing!
I swear to God... To you!
I swear to you.
What's up, Nick?
It's me, God!
I'm chilling up in heaven.
God wants you to roll over to
the confessional booth.
I've done nothing wrong.
I've got nothing to confess.
Come on, Nick. You and I
both know that that's not true.
Now roll over
to the confessional booth.
- But first...
- Make him jump.
God wants you to jump!
Are you questioning God?
Jump higher!
God wants you to jump higher!
There you go.
Now raise the roof.
Now God wants you to dance, Nick.
Do the Running Man, Nick.
Do the Running Man.
No, that's the Cabbage Patch!
You watch Soul Train.
Do the Running Man! Say, "Go Jesus!"
Go Jesus, go.
Go Jesus, go Jesus, go!
Now breakdown! Go, Nick!
Say, "oy, oy!"
God wants you to kneel
and crawl to the confessional booth.
Crawl, Nick. There you go.
There you go!
I'm here!
What do you want me to do now?
Now you die!
That hurt!
Oh, God!
- Who are you guys?
- We're monks.
Monks of death!
I don't wanna die!
I think he's ready to talk.
You think?
They're shooting! Shooting at me!
This is classified U.S.
military software.
Why do you have this?
Who knew I had it? I was supposed
to have $2 million!
Who are you guys?
My name is Brother Macro,
a.k.a. "Big Mac."
And I'm Brother Micro,
a.k.a. "Free Willy."
They work for me.
And you're in my office.
Why didn't you tell me?
You could've told me!
Could you figure out what this does?
Nick's boss must've developed it
for the Department of Defence.
His database is encrypted.
It'll take me a day to crack it.
I need that disk
to get my boss's daughter back!
The disk stays here!
She dies if I don't make
the exchange!
She lives because
we are going to get her back.
Did you say "we"?
Like me and you, "we"?
Did I stutter?
All we have to do
is come up with a plan.
No, I will work on the plan.
You will set up the second meet.
No, thanks. I'm not hungry.
- You know what today is?
- What?
Six days before we never
see each other again.
Come on, Claire. I will ask him.
- I promise you.
- When?
Soon. When it's the right time.
What if I ask him?
If he says no, then we'll run away.
It's not that simple.
It's important to me that he approves.
I know it's a big deal.
But isn't the point
of an exchange program... go to a new school
for a semester... the girl of your dreams
and transfer permanently?
I had to beg him all year
to let me go for three months.
I like it when you beg.
Then I beg you to be patient.
We will always be together.
I promise you.
He will understand.
Who will understand?
You will. You'll understand what
an incredible time I've been having.
And you shall continue
to have an incredible time.
I've set up a private tasting
at the winery tomorrow.
We're on.
It goes down outside a wine-tasting
room in Gourdon. You know it?
I know it. Let's go.
It's a little too retro for me,
but it's cherry. Where'd you get it?
The brothers hooked me up.
Those boys are whacked.
Wait a minute. We're going into battle.
We need a theme.
- A theme?
- Yeah, something to get us pumped!
That's good.
I like that.
I am in position. You cool?
I'm cool. Do you see anybody?
I see your ex.
You wanna tell me about her?
Can we talk about this
some other time?
This is a big deal.
You got what we call "low self-esteem."
You got to pick yourself up!
Live a little.
You're a good-looking guy!
Just stick to the plan, okay?
Can you handle that?
Are you kidding?
I am bad to the bone, bubba!
I got it. I got it.
Lookie! For your wife.
Make the call.
I'm all over it.
It's me. I'm early.
Let's do the deal.
Who's "me"?
The guy you mixed it up with
at the beach.
Your voice got higher.
It did?
Not Simon.
The other one. Nick.
Time to sleep!
All right, Nick.
Let's get down to business.
Bring Claire where I can see her.
Can't do that. But I can let you
see her through a window.
What window?
The window of the cellar.
So she's in the cellar.
She's in the cellar?
Good. Keep stalling.
What do you think of my friend Simon?
Not much.
I happen to know that
Simon's got a crush on you.
Can we talk about this later?
When? Me and Simon are talking about
it later. Maybe we can talk together.
I'm losing my patience.
Stop playing games.
First, get her away from the building.
How do I do that?
How do you do what?
How do I stop playing games?
Tell her to move
up the alley to her left.
I want you to move
up the alley to your left.
To meet on neutral ground
where she can't screw with you.
To meet on neutral ground
where I can screw you!
Where you can screw me!
I mean, where you can't screw with...!
Move up the alley to the left,
or the deal is off!
That's right. That's right.
Now move to your right!
To your right!
Not to her right!
Do something!
She's right on top of me!
Up here! Up here!
Up here!
Claire is outside!
She is outside!
- I'm on it.
- I'm coming to you.
What are you doing here?
Making sure you get job done.
Job this!
I get jealous
when you fight other guys.
I'm immune to the sweet talk!
I give you this and I walk away.
Just give me the disk!
- I'm here to help!
- Let me go!
Just doing my job, man.
Jump, Claire!
Claire, come here!
Let's go!
She's on the other side
of the car!
We gotta call the cops!
I wouldn't have to gag you
if you'd stop fighting me!
Watch your head.
- They're right on our ass!
- I know! Just get down!
Stay down! They're firing!
Why did you gag her?
She wouldn't shut up!
A potato! A damn potato?!
I tried grapes,
but she kept eating them!
Thank God she's
not in the trunk!
Excuse us! Major gun battle
coming through here!
Do you see that freaking bus?!
I see it! Lean left!
I love this car, man!
They're like my college loan officers!
They keep coming!
Maybe he wants some Grey Poupon!
Just shut up and lean right!
You got the bulletproof bottom
option on there?
Enough tilting! You got
a cloaking device on this?
Nice talking to you!
Put your seat belt on!
Now you're worried about safety?
It doesn't work!
You see that cliff?
I see it!
- Which way should I lean?
- Don't lean. Hold on!
Oh, my God!
This is not happening!
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Can't you get a ticket for this?
Don't move!
Don't shake the car!
I'm afraid of heights!
I can see my house.
The red one?!
I work for your dad.
We've rescued you.
You what?!
From your kidnappers.
We've rescued you!
What are you talking about?
The people holding you for ransom.
What people?!
I don't know!
The woman at the winery!
Are you insane? She works for my
boyfriend's father, you idiot!
- What's his name?
- Who?
Your boyfriend's father.
Bernard Gabrielli.
Who the hell are you?
What's she talking about?
She was kidnapped! You were there!
You're right. I was kidnapped.
- There, you see!
- By you two freaks!
Everything is under control.
She's safe. She's right here.
Thank God. Put her on.
Honey, it's okay.
You're safe now.
You're amazing!
What are you talking about?
I know you don't approve of Michael,
but I love him!
What's this got to do with Michael?
I can't believe you'd go this far
to keep us from being together!
She's suffering from what we like
to call "post-traumatic stress."
- What should I do with her?
- Just take her to the hotel.
I'll be there in the morning.
He wants me to bring her
to the hotel.
Good. Do you think you
can handle that?
I'll need the disk to take to Fence.
It stays here. If Gabrielli would
trade her life for it...
...I want to know why.
Michael's father was going
to kill me over computer software?
Here's everything you wanted to know
about Bernard Gabrielli.
The guy's sort of a populist hero.
He's an old-style don who leads
a bunch of fanatics...
...trying to get France out of Corsica.
Cute. Pictures of Chelsea Clinton.
Give me that!
Why would a guy like Gabrielli
need guidance software?
- Ashton's man was at the winery.
- Sampling Beaujolais?
Ashton and Gabrielli
have to be doing a deal.
If Ashton is doing a deal,
we'll know about it.
We're all over that guy!
He won't cough
without us giving him a cough drop!
Or sneeze
without us handing him a Kleenex!
Because we're
the doctors of surveillance!
And the doctors are in the house!
- We in the house!
- Yes, doctor!
Doctor, check my pulse.
I've had a lot of anxiety at work.
I don't feel appreciated.
Take a pizza
and call me in the morning.
You have the cure. Yes, you do.
The doctor's in the house.
Colonel, do us all a favour
and turn that frown upside down.
You're about to become
a very rich man.
And by the looks of your overhead,
you'll need it.
Let's get this over with!
What's the rush?
You act like this is your first time.
Relax. Enjoy.
Breathe in the mountain air.
Did you bring the money?
Of course I did. Didn't I just say
you're about to become very rich?
What do you think is in the bag?
Don't you trust me?
I'm so excited!
This is like Christmas mornings
back at the orphanage.
I think I'm going to cry.
Colonel, you're the tops
of the pops.
Don't ever contact me again.
Don't turn your back on me.
Of course I'd never
do anything like this to you.
We're buddies.
Isn't that right, buddy?
- Yes.
- Good.
Now I want you to feel free to jump in
if I get any of this wrong.
You don't have the disk
and you don't have the girl.
Shame. I was so hoping
you'd jump in.
I did everything I could
to get you the disk.
Neither of us counted on
the Interpol agent.
Let me take care of Simon.
You just tell me where Michael is.
Why do you keep
threatening me with Michael?
I'm only interested in Michael
because he'll lead me to the girl.
Hear me. And hear me well.
If you dare harm him...
He won't be harmed unless you
insist upon making me find him myself!
An accidental explosion at this
abandoned army complex killed 12 men.
Possibly connected to the incident
is a missing weapon...
...and the man who developed
that weapon, Colonel Jacques Telore.
- Find out what weapon is missing.
- Where are you going?
Give it a rest, Julius.
My neck's getting tired.
What the hell are you doing here?
I bought you flowers, baby.
You look great.
Really? Want to come in?
- Can I?
- No.
Oh, shit!
I thought we'd get some dinner.
Bullshit! It's 3 in the morning.
What do you want?
We can talk about your boss.
Ex-boss. He fired me
after you gave me that phony CD.
Puff Daddy? That was low.
Even for you.
I was just doing my job.
And I was just doing mine!
That was a $2000 gown!
You look better without it.
I'm done.
You wanna keep fighting?
Go ahead.
You really mean that?
I see.
You want to kill me?
First, tell me why
Gabrielli wants military software.
I really miss this.
I miss it too.
- Tell me about Gabrielli.
- Later.
Right now, I want to work out.
Lord, we beseech Thine forgiveness
for being wretched sinners.
We want to go
on the straight and narrow.
Straight and narrow.
Know that the proceeds from today will
go straight to the orphanage.
And which orphanage would that be?
The one on 678910 Avenue.
That's a very poor orphanage.
Very poor.
God bless us. I call.
I call too.
Straight! Ten high.
Where's your Messiah now, boys?
Judas, before you get too happy,
I think you better look at this. Bam!
Shouldn't you be
caring for the girl?
This is true.
Go, go, go!
Shame you're out of chips.
- She's still in the bathroom.
- Go check on her.
Enough fooling. Come out.
You been in there for two hours.
Nice enough fellow, but a real sucker.
Come on! Damn it, Claire!
Open the damn door!
Oh, shit!
This whole thing's my father's fault.
What do you mean?
He doesn't want us to be together.
He told a lie
about your father kidnapping me...
My father?
Let's get out of here!
Stop! Let go of me!
Want some?
Tell me about Gabrielli.
I was wondering when
you'd get to that.
You must have
bigger fish to fry.
Whatever you think,
he's a guy with a good heart...
...who's trying
to protect his son.
Who's he trying to get
the software for? Ashton?
If you know the answers, why are you
asking me the questions?
Because I don't have the proof.
You want the good news
or the bad news?
The bad news.
The weapon?
We found out what it does.
- I'm listening.
- It's like a little portable laser.
It has a 300-mile range.
Fence's software targets it.
I was just getting to that.
How'd you know?
Forget it.
Give me the good news.
- The colonel called.
- So he lives.
And he speaks.
He called to say he's ready to talk.
- When?
- Now, at his office.
I'm on my way.
- I have to go.
- Save it.
What was that for?
For coming over here
thinking you'd get what you got!
Is Simon here?
- Can I come in?
- I don't know. Can you?
- May I come in?
- All you had to do is ask.
- What happened?
- Don't ask.
- Ask what?
- What happened.
- To us? Nothing. Why do you ask?
- I'm not.
- Not what?
- Asking.
- You told us not to.
- Not to what?
- Not to ask.
- Not to ask what?
- What happened?
- To you?
- No, to you.
- What about me?
- What happened?
- I lost the girl.
You what?
How does one go about losing
an entire girl?
Don't ask.
You hear that?
Move, move, move! It's gonna be
a tight squeeze!
Hold on! Wait for me!
I'm not a good runner!
I told you to learn
to run in these shoes!
Come on! Come on!
I have to exercise more!
Come on, keep up!
If I knew I'd get my ass shot,
I'd have started training!
I don't want to run anymore!
Thank you for coming.
For God's sake, old boy,
drop your weapon.
Guns make me nervous.
Come on...
Good. Now kick it away like
the little footballer that you are.
Where's the disk?
I don't have it.
My boys checked your office.
It isn't there either.
Don't worry.
I'll keep your friends alive
until I get what I want!
As for the colonel, he dies if you
don't give me the disk.
I said I don't have it.
What a pity.
Keep running! Just up this way!
This way! Come on!
Get in here!
Why are we going in here?
What's so funny?
Well, it's really not that funny.
But that tunnel's
filled with quicksand.
That one leads to the beach.
What are we waiting for?
Let's hit the beach.
You go. We'll see
what happened to the Cyberlair.
Don't worry about us.
- I can't.
- Why not?
- Because I'm sinking!
- What?
I knew it was a damn right!
You tell me go left!
I was wrong! I'm sorry!
You always damn wrong!
You'll never forgive me!
You damn right!
Stop moving around!
You're making it worse!
This way, my man!
Where are you?
In the quicksand!
Look for three floating heads
in the smoke!
Big man sinking fast!
There's things in here, man!
Didn't we talk about this
the last time?
Put up a sign and you'll know
where the quicksand is.
Then it wouldn't be a trap.
They don't teach this
in spy school.
- Stop talking.
- Why?
You'll sink faster.
Why didn't you tell me that before?
Talking sinks faster!
What are you doing here?
Where's Claire?
He wants Claire, okay?
- What time is it?
- It's morning time.
Shit! I gotta call my boss!
Big guy next!
- You ain't gonna save a brother?
- Big guy next!
Call Greenpeace!
I see. You'll save
the white man, but not me?
Where is Claire?
I don't understand
what you're talking about.
You're lying!
I saw them take her!
I'm sorry.
Things got out of hand.
Tell me where she is!
Looks like Ashton's been busy.
We'll try and find a first-aid kit.
Get you fixed up.
Forget it.
Only one thing will fix me up.
Look, they didn't get the disk!
Cheer up.
It's not that bad.
I'll do my Buddha for you.
Claire's been kidnapped again!
- By who?
- Some guy named Ashton.
Why doesn't that surprise me?
Fence fired me. He's giving Ashton
the software himself.
If he gets the software,
Ashton'll kill them both.
Yeah, I know, Simon.
It's over. It's all over.
It ain't over.
I don't know what your feelings are
about your father, but I love him.
He's about to make me
a very rich and powerful man.
Does he give you lots of presents?
Oh, you've been crying.
There you go.
Now you're all pretty again.
How do I look?
Wish me luck.
I have a date with your father!
I wanna help,
but I'd be in your way!
Don't worry about it.
Just go home.
Chill out. I got work to do.
Because of me.
You wanna know why?
Hold this.
You got work to do
because this is all my fault.
I said I was in the CIA.
I was never in the CIA.
I got kicked out of
that class at Langley.
That's why you barely remembered me.
I'm a liar!
Me getting out of here is
Claire's only chance.
You have personal issues, don't you?
Tell me.
Don't you think I want to help?
Don't you think I know how much
you need my help?
I'm just no good!
Don't just stand there.
Get the door!
All right, nobody move!
I'm Michael Gabrielli.
I'm Simon. This is Nick.
I know who you are.
If you really work for Claire's father
you'll help me get her back.
Don't move!
What are you doing, man?
You can't trust this guy!
He's trouble!
You're signing your death warrant.
He's bad news!
It's written all over his face.
It's in French, but I can read it.
Let's go.
I cannot believe you are
dragging me into this.
I thought you had
somewhere to go, like home.
And leave you alone with
this psychopath? I don't think so.
I got my eye on you,
so no funny stuff.
You're late!
Mr. Fence, I presume?
Claire has told me so much about you.
Do you have the disk?
Yes. Where's my daughter?
She's shopping at Gucci's.
Oh, no.
That's right.
She's tied up in my library.
Now give me the disk!
All right.
Now take me to her.
Sorry. No can do.
You just wait here while I go
and check this little puppy out.
If there's anything wrong with this,
I'll be back...
...with her hands.
How much to save them from the
slaughterhouse, my son?
Forty pieces of gold!
- I'll give you 30.
- Forty pieces of gold!
- Thirty pieces...!
- Forty pieces of gold!
It's an awfully high price
to pay for salvation!
Give me the staff and I'll...
I got the sheep!
I need a staff for the sheep!
For 40 pieces of gold,
it should come with a stick!
Give me this!
Hello, my flock!
Have I got a mission for you!
Come on.
We're going to get Ashton.
Where are you going?
Do I look like I can run a marathon?!
Get over here!
Hold on! Hold on!
Wait for me!
Wait for me! Wait!
Over here!
Talk to me, guys!
What is this Silence of the Lambs?
I got you. I got you.
When I kiss your lips
It's like I just touched fire
Oh, naughty boy
Can you be true?
Come on, fellas!
Remember, the Lord is my shepherd.
And I'm yours!
Stick together! Closely now.
You, back there! Hurry up!
Get up near me!
I want you to be brave sheep.
Every sheep dies,
but not every sheep really lives!
Follow me!
Don't be afraid.
Come on.
That's it!
I look into your eyes
Fills me with this mad desire
I'm not going to let them hurt you!
Just block the way and
I'll do the rest!
What the devil
are they doing, Xin Xin?
Remove them! It's a bridge,
not a petting zoo!
Over here, fellas!
Not too close,
I'm allergic to wool.
Stay with me!
I won't let the bad men hurt you!
Make me proud.
- Got a problem, brother?
- The sheep. Move them!
The sheep are meek!
Blessed are the meek,
for they shall inherit the earth!
I'd be lying if I said
this didn't look like trouble.
Tell them to move that truck!
Get back!
Get back!
Oh, my God!
Out of the car!
Have you seen my staff?
There you go!
And now for you!
I'll say a Hail Mary for him.
This is for you!
Oh, God!
Get us the dickens out of here!
I fear no evil,
for He is at my side.
Come back here and fight,
you cowards!
You were supposed to drop off the sheep
and go back to the lab!
I know, but I was only
trying to help...
...and you always say I should
get more exercise.
Get back to the lab!
Nick, can you hear me?
Hey, buddy, what's up?
Are you inside the castle yet?
I'm on my way. I'm almost there.
What are you doing here?
What's it look like I'm doing?
I'm having a conversation!
What happened, clown-face?
A bird shit on your eye?
There you are.
If you're not too busy, I'm having
a spot of trouble on my way in.
Be a dear and send help.
Look! We did it! We won!
These guys are running away!
You see it?!
They're running away!
Nobody's got the balls
to fight with Nick Miranda!
- Need some help?
- I can always use help.
Go get Ashton!
I'll help out with Claire!
Congratulations, boss!
You finally got the software.
I know where Claire is.
I got a secret!
Nice talking to you.
- Are you all right?
- Now I am!
Hold it!
It's cool, Nick.
I'm on your side.
Let's get out of here.
Tracking coordinates.
Subsystems activated.
Ready to accept targeting input.
How fabulous of you
to pay us a visit.
You're just in time to see my new toy!
I call it
"Ashton's Super Weapon of Death."
- Catchy, don't you think?
- Not really.
What do you know?
You're just an Interpol agent.
Guess what we're
blowing up first?
Your ego?
No, but nice try, sailor.
The Eiffel Tower!
Because it's big and it's delicious
and I'm tired of looking at it.
When I dazzle them
with my toy's abilities...
...people will pay me lots of money
to destroy things for them!
I've never been an employee before.
I think I might like it.
Last call for all tourists to look
at the E iffel Tower.
Can you hear me? It's the bee!
Yes! Ashton!
At the keyboard!
I got it. I got it.
Go on, stupid insect!
Target is acquired.
Stupid bee!
You're just a fly
with a stinger on your ass!