Sweet Smell of Success (1957) Movie Script
- All right, fellas, here they come.
Come on, we haven't got all night!
Let's get goin'. Move it outta here. Move!
Come in here!
They're in trouble, folks. Get these
papers while they're hot. Latest paper!
- Come on!
- Keep your sweatshirt on, Sidney.
Latest paper here!
Want a hot item on Hunsecker's column?
Two rolls got fresh with the baker!
Hey, the late paper just came in!
Who wants the late paper?
Just a minute, Mr Welden. I think...
Uh-uh.
I'm sorry, I thought I heard Mr Falco.
Yes, I'll tell him when he returns.
I know. He's been trying to get in touch...
It's the third time he's called today.
- Probably wants me to break a leg.
- No, an arm, he said.
I told him the item would be in
Mr Hunsecker's column tomorrow.
- It isn't.
- But...
I saw the early edition.
- But, Sidney...
- But. But, but, but what?
That makes five days in a row
Mr Hunsecker's cut you out of his column.
May I rent you out as an adding machine?
Get me Joe Robard.
Anybody else call?
The renting agent and your tailor.
Pay the rent and tell the tailor to wait.
It won't leave much balance in the bank.
Hello, Mr Robard?
Could you locate him, please?
Here.
Watch me run a 50-yard dash
with my legs cut off.
Hey, Joe. It's Sidney.
How do you like this?
I'm running outta alibis.
Oh, no. I asked JJ to withhold the item
until he'd give you a fat paragraph.
- You're a liar, Sidney.
- What do mean, "a liar"?
Oh, it's a publicity man's nature to be
a liar. I wouldn't hire you if you wasn't.
I pay you a C and a half,
where you plant big lies
about me and the club all over the map.
- If that's the way you mean it...
- Yeah, I do.
But also in the sense
that you are a personal liar too,
because you don't do the work
I pay you for.
When I spoke to JJ last night...
I wish I could help in some way, Sidney.
You could help
with two minutes of silence.
I hate to see you like this.
If you feel nervous...
So what'll you do if I feel nervous?
Open your meaty, sympathetic arms?
Oh, Sidney, you got me so...
I don't know what.
Sally, you oughta know me by now.
- I know ya.
- No, you don't.
You think I'm a hero.
Well, I'm no hero. I'm nice to people
where it pays me to be nice.
I do it enough on the outside,
so don't expect me to do it in my office.
I'm in a bind right now with Hunsecker.
Maybe I'm dumb, but...
why does Mr Hunsecker wanna
squeeze your livelihood away?
Why do you stand for
that kind of treatment?
He's punishing me. His sister's
having a romance with a guitar player.
He asked me to break it up. I thought I did,
but maybe I didn't. Now I gotta go find out.
Hunsecker's the golden ladder
to the places I wanna get.
Sidney, you make a living.
Where do you wanna get?
Way up high, where it's always balmy.
Where no one says
"Hey, shrimp, rack the balls."
Or "Hey, mouse, go out
and buy me a pack of butts! "
I don't want tips from the kitty.
I'm in the big game with the big players.
My experience I can give you in a
nutshell, and I didn't dream it either:
dog eat dog. In brief, from now on, the
best of everything is good enough for me.
Sidney, I'm not trying
to tell you what to do.
It's just that it makes me feel bad
when Mr Hunsecker hurts you.
- Every dog will have his day.
If that's for me, tear it up.
Sidney Falco office.
- Take your topcoat.
- And leave a tip in every hatcheck room?
One, two, three, four.
Don't you get messages, eyelashes?
I called you twice.
Hey, man, I been up to here.
Look, you know
Susie Hunsecker? JJ's sister?
Has she been in? I mean lately,
in the last couple of days?
- I don't think so.
- Are you sure? Find out for me.
Sidney, can I talk to you a minute?
- You seen Frank D'Angelo around?
- At the bar.
Sidney, I'm in troub...
- Joe! Give my nephew a drink.
- Your nephew doesn't want a drink.
That's a lollipop, that boy.
The kid's only great.
With ten percent of his future,
you're great too, Frank.
Frank, I think maybe you lied to me.
Look, Sidney. You're my own sister's son,
but where does that give you
the right to call me a liar?
I thought you said your boy
was washed up with Susie Hunsecker?
It's the truth,
to the best of my knowledge.
Frankly, I'm glad.
For Steve's sake, not yours.
I handle these boys with
their best interests at heart.
Steve shouldn't get mixed up
with no bimbo at his age.
Listen, Frank.
You better be tellin' me the truth.
I don't like this threatening attitude.
I told you what I know.
And what business is it of yours
what they do, this boy and girl...
If you knew Hunsecker like I do, you
might understand why it is my business.
You're walking around blind,
Frank, without a cane.
And in case you didn't know it, Susie
Hunsecker's out the back right now.
Thank you very much
on behalf of the Quintet -
Chico Hamilton, Fred Katz,
Paul Horn, Carson Smith and myself.
- Hi, Susan.
- Hello, Chico.
Hey, Paul, cool this chick here
while I go get Steve.
It's an interesting fusion
of traditional and progressive.
- How did you come to form the group?
- We just sort of got together.
Why don't you ask Fred Katz?
He writes all the stuff.
Mr Katz, I'm very interested
in music, in jazz...
What's the answer?
Steve...
I'll try to make you a good wife.
- Where's the cat?
- Who?
Dallas. Is he around?
He's around somewhere. Upstairs, maybe.
Thank you.
Look, let's go out later.
Come on. I'll get the boys.
Steve, I'd rather you didn't say anything
to anybody until I tell my brother.
You haven't told him yet?
I'm telling him
in the morning at breakfast.
Susie, don't you want me
to be with you when you tell him?
My brother isn't as bad as
he's painted. He's not perfect...
But he isn't gonna like this.
And he makes you nervous, not me.
I take that back.
He makes me nervous too.
Steve, let's don't talk about my brother.
I've missed you the last few days.
I have a message for you.
I love you.
May I dedicate the next number
to you, and the next, and the next...
- Every Sunday I'll buy you a bonnet.
- If the stores are open.
On Monday, I'll take it off
and stroke your hair.
And on Tuesday, hasenpfeffer?
You know how
I realised I loved you?
I made you write a beautiful song?
You had me eating that Chinese food!
Hi. Can more than two enjoy this?
Where are those prints you promised me?
I can't place them after tonight.
Thanks very much just the same.
Let's forget about it.
Come on, Susie, it's cold out here.
I apologise for getting you a press spread!
It's been an honour serving you gratis.
Falco, I get the feeling
you're always snooping around.
- Boys, what are you fightin' about?
- Kill me. Push me through a window.
I walked into this hallowed
ground without knocking.
I feel too good to fight with you,
but that isn't what I said. I said you snoop.
What were you doing at
my hotel the other night?
- I haven't been in the Bowery in years.
- Come on, boys. Break it up.
When you want information,
don't scratch for it like a dog.
Just ask for it like a man.
If you're going home,
Susie, I'll drop you off.
Steve, it's time for us to hit it again.
- In a minute, Chico.
- OK.
- Headache?
- It's all the excitement.
I'll go home and go to bed early,
and you go to work.
OK. Just don't leave me in a minor key.
You haven't been playing
around with Leo Bartha?
No. That's what I mean.
I'm bein' fired for what I didn't do.
He came in last week
on a real dull, rainy night.
I knew who he was, but I didn't let on.
He kept starin' at me all night.
- Are you listening?
- Avidly.
- He was staring.
- Starin'.
So when he approached me
on his way out, I wasn't surprised.
- He was doing a Sunday piece on...
- Cigarette girls. Naturally...
You were thrilled
about being interviewed.
And were you "interviewed"?
In his apartment.
- Where was his wife?
- I don't know. It's a big apartment.
Only I wasn't interviewed. In fact, I was
totally unprepared for what happened.
Oh, come on, chickie.
We're friends from way back.
A columnist without his ball and chain,
you make like a delicatessen counter...
What did you expect
he'd do in his apartment!
But, Sidney, sweetheart.
The man must have been out of his mind.
It was only 1 1 o'clock in the morning.
I was so taken aback, I said anything
that popped into my sleepy head.
If I'm not mistaken, I think I even
ordered the man out of his own house.
He was furious. By the time I could've
been put in a tropical-island mood,
I was out on the street.
That night, Van Cleve
calls me into his office.
He's got nothin' against me, he says, only
he can't afford to antagonise columnists.
So I tell him how I still have Sonny
at the military academy...
- Could you do something?
- That's what I'm thinkin', Rita. Maybe.
Sidney, do you still keep
your key under the mat?
Can you be there at 2.30?
You're touchy, Sidney.
Don't be so touchy.
Do a guy a favour.
Well, live and learn.
- You want something to eat?
- No, no.
I wish you and Steve
could like each other.
We stick in each other's craw.
Yes, but why?
For one thing, he thinks
JJ is some kind of a monster.
Don't you?
Susie, JJ happens to be
one of my very best friends.
I know. But I'd like to look
into your clever little mind
and see what you really think of him.
- Why make that remark?
- Who could love a man
who makes you jump through
burning hoops like a trained poodle?
Do you think JJ really likes Steve?
Frankly, yes. Much to my surprise.
He thinks he's a big talent.
Those boys'll go a big mile, he thinks.
You feel pretty strong
about Dallas, don't you?
Yes.
- Wedding bells?
- I'm discussing it with JJ in the morning.
Makes me feel good to know that
some people want me for myself.
- Not just because I'm my brother's sister.
- I'm gonna have to laugh at that.
An attractive girl like you.
I hope JJ likes Steve,
that he isn't just putting on an act.
Why should he put on an act for him?
He's told presidents
where to go and what to do.
The act would be for my sake.
Not for Steve's.
Wait for me. I'll be back in a minute.
Susie.
I wanna talk to you a minute.
Susie, don't sell your brother short.
Talk this over with him.
You'll find him a real friend.
In case I see JJ, any message?
Tell him from me that Steve is the first
real man I've ever been in love with.
- Excuse me.
- Hey, wait... Jimmy, what a coincidence!
Yeah, a coincidence running into
the very man you been ducking all week.
- This is my press agent, Joan.
- I tried to call you twice, but...
What do ya do for that 100 a week?
Fall outta bed?
I was on my way
to talk to Hunsecker. I got...
- I'll have this kid arrested for larceny.
- When the band was at Roseland...
That was two months ago. Take
your hands outta my pocket, thief.
- Jimmy, now take it easy.
- Why?
It's a dirty job, but I pay
clean money for it.
No more, you don't. What is this,
showin' off for the girl?
He's clever.
He knows when he's bein' fired.
If you're funny, James,
I'm a pretzel. Drop dead.
- How are you tonight, Mr Falco?
- Fine. Is he here?
- Of course.
- Alone or surrounded?
A senator, an agent
and a thing with blonde, wavy hair.
Good evening.
- Honey, get me Mr Hunsecker.
- Oh, he's right inside.
So it isn't long-distance.
- Hello?
- JJ, it's Sidney.
- Could you come out for a minute?
- Could I come out? No.
I have to talk to you, JJ. That's why.
You had to do something for me.
You didn't do it.
- Could I come in for a minute?
- No. You're dead. Get yourself buried.
Just a moment. I'm ringing.
He doesn't answer.
Shall I take a message?
- Oh, uh, Sidney?
- Later.
I often wish I were deaf
and wore a hearing aid.
With a flick of the switch, I could
shut out the greedy murmur of little men.
- JJ, I need your ear for two minutes.
- Mac, I don't want this man at my table.
I've got a message from your sister.
- Forgive me. We were interrupted.
- The Supreme Court story. Justice Black.
Oh, yes. Justice Black.
- I believe I had it in my column.
- Last July. The lead item.
I believe that's where I read it too.
See where I get my reputation for being
the best-informed man in Washington?
Now don't kid a kidder.
I don't think we caught
your name, young man.
Sidney Falco, sir. But everybody
knows and admires you, Senator Walker.
Every six years
I become less convinced of that.
This young lady is Miss Linda James.
She's managed by Manny Davis.
- I know Manny Davis.
- Everyone knows Manny Davis.
Except Mrs Manny Davis.
Go ahead, Billy. Shoot.
Sports cars are getting
smaller and smaller in California.
You were crossing Hollywood Boulevard
and you got hit by one.
And you had to go
to the hospital to get it removed.
Billy, you're not following
the column. I had it last week.
Senator, do you believe
in capital punishment?
- Why?
- A man has just been sentenced to death.
Manny, tell me,
what exactly are the unseen gifts of
this lovely young thing that you manage?
Well, she sings a little.
You know, she sings and...
Manny's faith in me is simply
awe-inspiring, Mr Hunsecker.
- Actually, I'm still studying.
- What subject?
Singing, of course. Straight concert and...
Why "of course"? You might,
for instance, be studying politics.
- Uh, me?
- Well, you see, JJ...
I mean, I? You must be
kidding, Mr Hunsecker.
Me, with my Jersey City brains?
The brains may be Jersey City,
but the clothes are Traina Norell.
Are you an actor, Mr Falco?
That's what I was thinking.
Are you, Mr Falco?
How did you guess it, Miss James?
He's so pretty, that's how.
Mr Falco, let it be said at once,
is a man of 40 faces, not one.
None too pretty, and all deceptive.
You see that grin? That's the, uh...
That's the "charming street urchin" face.
It's part of his helpless act.
He throws himself upon your mercy.
He's got a half dozen faces for the ladies.
But the one I like, the really cute one,
is the "quick, dependable chap".
Nothing he won't do for you in a pinch.
So he says.
Mr Falco, whom I did not invite to sit at
this table tonight, is a hungry press agent
and fully up to all the tricks
of his very slimy trade.
Match me, Sidney.
Not right this minute, JJ.
I know, your wonder boy
is opening at the Latin Quarter.
- JJ...
- Say goodbye, Lester.
May I ask you a naive question, Mr Falco?
Exactly how does a press agent work?
Uh...
Answer the man, Sidney.
He's trying to take you off the hook.
You just saw a good
example of it, Senator.
A press agent eats a columnist's dirt
and is expected to call it manna.
Don't you help columnists
by furnishing them with items?
Sure. The columnists can't do without us,
except our friend JJ
forgets to mention that.
You see, we furnish him with items.
- Want some cheap, gruesome gags?
- You print 'em.
Yes, with your clients' names attached.
That's the only reason the poor slobs pay
you, to see their names in my column.
Now I make it out
you're doing me a favour?
The day I can't get along
without a press agent's handouts,
I'll close up shop and move
to Alaska, lock, stock and barrel.
Sweep out my igloo, here I come.
You rode in on the Senator's
shirt-tails, so shut your mouth.
Now, come, JJ. That's a little too harsh.
Anyone seems fair game for you tonight.
This man is not for you, Harvey. And you
shouldn't be seen in public with him.
Because that's another part
of a press agent's life.
They dig up scandal about prominent
people and spread it among columnists.
There seems to be some allusion
here that escapes me.
We're friends, Harvey. We go back to
when you were a fresh-kid congressman.
Why is it that everything
you say sounds like a threat?
Maybe it's a mannerism.
I don't threaten friends.
But why furnish your
enemies with ammunition?
You're a family man, Harvey. Some day,
God willing, you may wanna be president.
And here you are, out in the open,
where any hep person knows
that this one...
is toting that one around for you.
Are we kids or what?
Next time you come up,
you might join me on my TV show.
Thanks, JJ, for what
I consider sound advice.
Go, thou, and sin no more.
- Senator.
- Goodbye, Mr Falco.
- Don't let the Senator pay that check.
- I'll take care of it.
President! My big toe
would make a better president.
- Mr Hunsecker's coat, Joe.
- Pick me a good one, Joe.
Thanks, Al.
Anyone calls, Dan, I'll be at El Morocco.
Where's your coat, Sidney? Saving tips?
My curiosity's killing me, but what
are you so rambunctious about tonight?
There's your fat friend.
Police car, 16th precinct. Attention.
- Hello, Harry.
- Buona sera. Come sta?
Italian, Sidney. That shows
Lieutenant Kello likes your people.
It's my Brooklyn background, JJ.
Good with Yiddish, too.
Harry! Am I supposed to say "Uncle"?
- Hello, Phil. How's the kids?
- Just great, Mr Hunsecker.
- Anything fit for me to print tonight?
- Nah.
I just checked downtown.
It's quiet everywhere.
What happened to that doll?
She still alive?
Yeah. She's hanging on.
We still don't know if she was pushed.
- Maybe she jumped? Love suicide.
- Could be.
Check that, will ya, Phil?
It's a real heartthrob.
Harry, say hello to Sidney Falco.
Tickle him. He's been a bad boy tonight.
He called you my "fat friend."
- I don't believe it.
- I know! The strongest cop in town.
I call him "the boy
with the ice-cream face".
That's good. In fact, it's apt, Harry.
Yeah, I got eyes. I put things together.
I remember once when you didn't
quite put things together.
Boy, was the mayor mad.
Citizens' committee.
I didn't mean to hit the boy so hard.
That's when a fella needed a friend.
I won't forget his initials, JJ.
Mr Hunsecker!
She died 20 minutes ago.
That's show business. Thanks, Phil.
See you, Harry.
See ya, Kello.
Hasta la vista, JJ.
Hasta luego.
Spanish. That shows
he likes the spics, too, huh?
I like Harry, but I can't
deny he sweats a little.
Don't try to come back!
Just a minute!
My hat's in there and I paid you.
Leave him alone!
I love this dirty town.
Sidney. Conjugate me a verb.
For instance, "to promise".
You promised to break up
that romance. When?
- I doubt if you know what it involves.
- I'm a schoolboy. Teach me.
You break it up. You know
you can do it in two minutes.
At this late date you need explanations?
Susie's all I've got. Now she's growing up,
I want my relationship with her
to remain at least at par.
I don't intend to do anything
to antagonise her if I don't have to.
Be warned, son. I'll have to blitz you.
Frankly, I don't think
you got the cards to blitz me.
- I don't?
- I don't think so.
I'll listen for one more minute.
A year ago, I did you a certain favour.
It was a thing... I never did
such a dirty thing in my life.
All right, it's forgotten.
Which brings us up to five weeks ago.
"Sidney, I got a nasty problem.
Do so-and-so and I'll appreciate it."
Did I say no? I'm the first to admit
it didn't jell as fast as we'd like.
But why, all of a sudden,
can't I get you on the phone?
And why am I frozen out of the column?
- You finished?
- No. Let me finish.
I don't like this job.
That boy is dumb on matine days only.
Otherwise he's got a head.
Susan is growing up-two heads.
We got a slippery,
dangerous problem here.
- Not "we", Sidney. You.
- Correct me if I'm wrong. We.
If I'm gonna go out on a limb for you,
you gotta know what's involved.
My right hand hasn't seen
my left hand in 30 years.
I'll do it, JJ. Don't get me wrong.
I'll go through with it.
But stop beating me on the head.
Let me make a living!
Sidney, what you promised, do it.
Don't finagle around.
It's later than you think.
Excuse me, JJ. It's later than you think.
That boy proposed to her.
Susie told you that?
Uh-huh.
- What was her answer?
- She'll discuss it with you at breakfast.
That means you've got a plan.
Can you deliver?
Tonight. Before you go to bed.
Cat's in the bag and the bag's in the river.
Don't be a two-time loser, Sidney.
The penalty could be severe.
Good evening, Mr Falco.
- Hi, Harry. You seen Bartha?
- Yeah, he's around here someplace.
- Hiya, Sid. Want a table?
- No. Leo Bartha been in?
Yeah. He's having' supper with the Mrs.
She's over there and he's...
Oh. I see him. Thanks.
Hello, Leo. How goes
the Sunday piece on cigarette girls?
- Who told you about it?
- The cigarette girl. Rita.
And she took out all her hairpins, too.
I never had the pleasure of meeting
your wife. You know what I wonder, Leo?
Maybe you can use a hot item
for tomorrow's column?
What is this? Blackmail?
Beat it.
Leo, I've never had the pleasure
of meeting your wife.
- Sidney Falco, Loretta.
- How do you do, Mr Falco?
If you know about the horses, sit down.
Have a glass of this
New York State champagne.
- That's what my husband buys me.
- Imported wines aren't that great.
Who's side are you on? His or mine?
Frankly, I'm a neutral observer
for the United Nations.
- What's your first name?
- Sidney.
- No horse running by that name.
- Why don't you stop these $2 bets?
It's compensation, Leo,
for the marginal life we lead.
Sidney, did you hear
about the cloak-and...
You tell him and I read it
in Hunsecker's column first.
Oh, are you a spy for the other side?
No. I actually sat down
to give Leo an item.
Leo, he wants to give you
an item. Don't be sullen.
- Would you mind your own business?
- Hitler.
In case you wanna use it,
it's a blind. No names mentioned.
For your private information,
the guy's name is Dallas.
There's not a single name here
that gives off vibrations.
Is there anything with a name
like Cigarette Girl?
Cigarette Girl. No.
There's no name here like that.
- I don't print blind items.
- What is this? Chess or checkers?
Neither does Hunsecker.
He likes to use the real names.
- Waiter, the check!
- Why are we running?
This man is trying
to hold a gun to my head.
That's the horse. Shotgun, in the fifth.
You wanna tell my wife something?
What, Sidney?
- That you spilled champagne over me.
- Go on, tell her.
What are ya gettin' excited
about? Calm down.
Sorry, Lorrie. I can't let
this man blackmail me.
Blackmail?
He wants me to print
a dirty little smear item,
in exchange for keeping his mouth shut.
About what?
Foolishly, Lorrie...
I hope you'll understand...
This cigarette girl. I was kidding
around. With the girl, I mean.
I was kidding, she took it seriously.
A case of bad judgment. Bad taste.
I'm just sorry. That's all.
Your friend, Hunsecker.
You tell him for me
he's a disgrace to his profession.
Never mind about my bilious private life.
I run a decent, responsible column.
That's the way it stays.
Your man prints anything! Use any
spice to pepper up his daily garbage.
You tell him I said so.
Tell him that, like yourself,
he's got the scruples of a guinea pig
and the morals of a gangster.
What do I do now?
Whistle "Stars and Stripes Forever"?
What you do now, Mr Falco,
is crow like a hen.
You have just laid an egg.
Leo, this is the first clean thing
I've seen you do in years.
Mr Elwell wants to see you, Mr Falco.
I see Bartha gave you
cold tongue for supper.
- I got a date with a dame.
- Hey!
Look, Otis, if you're trying to blow this
into an item for your column, forget it.
By the way, what's this I hear about
JJ giving you the flit-gun treatment?
He shut you out of his column.
Why?
You don't know that lunatic yet?
Whims, whims. Egotistic whims.
He's like the gag-you got him for
a friend, you don't need an enemy.
That's what my beef with Leo Bartha was
about. "Leo," I says, "JJ froze me out."
"So I'm eating humble pie this month.
Please, please print me an item."
Instead he printed his heel
on your face, huh?
- You're full of human feelings.
- Turn the record over.
Like most of the human race, I'm bored.
I'd go a mile for a... chuckle.
Or two miles for a pretty girl.
Three.
Then you're really washed up
with Hunsecker, huh?
This is how much
I'm washed up with Hunsecker.
Look, Otis. I make no brief
about my bilious private life,
but he's got the morals of a guinea pig
and the scruples of a gangster.
A fine, fat, dirty item.
Who's it about?
Um, a kid named Dallas.
He runs a dinky jazz quintet.
But he happens to be keeping
company with JJ's screwball sister.
It's a real goody, if, like me,
you wanna clobber JJ.
He's got his TV tomorrow.
He'd read it before rehearsals.
I want to clobber JJ.
But I can't think of a good reason why
I should print anything you give me.
I can't even think of a bad reason.
Suppose I introduce you
to a... lovely reason?
It's both good and bad...
and available.
I'm not an unreasonable man.
Hi.
Rita, say hello to Otis Elwell.
- Hello.
- Hello!
My friends call me Otis.
Sometimes Tricky Otis.
Otis was outraged when I told him
Van Cleve was gonna fire you.
- He... He was?
- Mm-hm.
- Don't I know you from somewhere?
- Otis.
Saratoga. Last summer?
Relax, relax. Come on, take
the weight off those lovely gams, huh?
Look, I fixed you a drink.
Sure, relax, Rita.
When you look at me,
you look at a friend in disguise.
Miami Beach?
Haven't been to Florida
since I was a little girl.
Well, here's to the time when we played
with dolls and dreamed of better things.
Here, Otis.
- A cosy place you've got here, Sidney.
- Make yourself at home.
Nice, nice.
And snug.
Otis carries a lot
of weight with your boss.
He's gonna tell him to ignore anything
you-know-who says
about you-know what.
- Right, Otis?
- Right.
Why don't you two
talk it over until I get back?
- Back?
- These business meetings.
Always coming up
in the middle of the night.
Hold on! You can drop me off
on your way.
- Consternation reigns.
- Now, Otis...
I hate JJ, but not that much
at this moment.
Look, give me a chance, huh?
- Don't you know who that man is?
- Yeah!
- Otis Elwell, the columnist.
- Yeah.
And he's a perfect stranger to me.
So take five minutes.
Get acquainted.
He's an important man.
He's lonely. Don't be dumb.
What do you want all of a sudden?
Lady Godiva?
Where's my other shoe?
- What kind of an act is this?
- Don't you think I have any feelings?
What am I? A bowl of fruit?
A tangerine that peels in a minute?
I beg your pardon.
How do you like this!
I turn myself inside out
to do you a favour, now I'm the heavy!
Here's your shoe. There's your coat.
And there's the door.
Sidney, I don't do this sorta thing.
- What sorta thing?
- This sorta thing!
You need him for a favour, don't you?
Well, so do I. I need his column tonight.
Didn't you ask me
to do something about your job?
Don't you have a kid in military school?
You're a snake, Falco.
You're a louse. A real louse.
Honey, he's gonna help you!
Huh?
How many drinks does it take...
to put you in that tropical-island mood?
Havana, that's where we met.
Here's mud in your column.
Blessings on thee, the both.
Well, gotta run. See you kids later.
Hurry back.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
And that gives you a lotta leeway.
Palm Springs.
Two years ago.
Don't tell Sidney.
Hello, JJ? Sidney.
JJ?
Yes, Sidney?
You sound happy, Sidney.
Why should you be happy when I'm not?
How do you spell "Picasso"?
One s or two?
Two.
- An item. He dates three-eyed girls.
- It'd be nice if you'd mention R-o-b-a-r-d.
Robard's jazz joint.
It's his 20th anniversary.
Don't begrudge it to me, JJ.
I owe him a lot of favours.
I think you understand
that the Dallas skull is badly dented.
Oh, yeah. Very bad.
Starting today, you can play
marbles with his eyeballs.
Now don't begrudge it to me, JJ.
Mention Robard...
We shall see what we shall see, Sidney.
And, Sidney, don't use
this phone any more.
I have a nervous sister.
Get your paper here!
- Record.
- Thank you.
Get your paper here! Read all about it!
I have no power to retract, Mr Cummings.
I'm only Mr Hunsecker's secretary.
No. Nor do I agree that any retraction
is necessary. Thank you for calling.
I fail to see what's amusing
about these papers.
- I'll get the boss to sign them.
- They're important.
You've said that six times.
That's why I'm smiling.
Hello, Mary, my darling.
What are you up to today?
That's a question I usually like to ask you.
- Your secretary phoned.
- About what?
Something about a Frank D'Angelo
trying to reach you.
Is, um... that the man
who manages Susie's boyfriend?
- Mm-hm.
- Have you seen this?
Otis Elwell's column today?
"The dreamy marijuana smoke of a lad
who heads a highbrow jazz quintet
is giving an inelegant odour to that
elegant East Side club where he works."
"That's no way for
a card-holding party member to act."
"Moscow won't like it,
you naughty boy."
- Sidney Falco office.
- Hello, Sally. I got your message.
If D'Angelo calls, tell him
I'll be at the office around noon. Bye.
- Could this be that boy?
- Dallas? Could be.
- Doesn't look like a flier to me.
- If it's true, JJ's gonna hit the ceiling.
Can it be news to you that JJ's ceiling
needs a new plaster job every six weeks?
Sidney.
JJ doesn't like people to look
at the column proof in advance.
Mary, I'm not people. There's Falco
blood, sweat and tears in that column.
How about dinner tonight?
Bribing me again?
Why should I bribe the woman
that holds most of my heart?
You're a real rascal, Sidney.
An amusing boy, but you haven't got
a drop of respect in you for anything alive.
You're so immersed in
a theology of making a fast buck.
Not that I don't sometimes feel
that you yearn for something better.
Don't try and sell me the Brooklyn Bridge.
I know it belongs to the Dodgers.
Oh, I don't mind you seeing the column
in advance, so long as JJ doesn't know.
But don't do it like a little boy
stealing gum from a slot machine.
Who put this item in about the comic?
"If there's a more hilarious man
than Herbie Temple at the Palace,
pardon us for not catching the name.
We were too busy screaming."
- Does this Temple have a press agent?
- No.
It's one of JJ's occasional beaux gestes.
Evidently the fellow's funny,
so he gave him a plug.
What's your favourite ribbon
for your favourite chocolate?
Let's wait till Christmas.
It's more legitimate then.
- Hey!
- Herbie Temple on stage yet?
Yeah, but you can't go in there now.
I said "Figo, I'm not
selling ya a dozen eggs."
"I'm selling ya Herbie Temple,
so don't gimme any of your lip."
- Hi, Al.
- Since when did you two get acquainted?
- How do you do, Mr Temple?
- D-d-delighted.
- I'm Sidney Falco.
- Oh, d-d-d I'm glad to know you.
Watch out for this guy.
He's a press agent.
You watch out for him, Al. I stutter.
- I caught your act the other night...
- On the first or the second bounce?
- I thought you were great.
- Well, that's fine.
What time is it, Al?
You got ten minutes yet.
I hate to bother you, but we're kinda busy.
It's all right. A little busy myself.
I'm busy, too. Don't call us, we'll call you.
May I ask an impertinent question,
with no criticism intended?
but how can you let a sock act like Herbie
tiptoe along without a publicity build?
We're not buyin' it, Falco.
No fish today.
I'm not selling any. I'm just curious.
Answer his question fast
before he asks you five more.
Mr Temple don't believe in press agents.
Does that answer ya something?
Take your hands off me, lump.
Look, nobody believes
in a press agent, Temple,
if he makes claims he can't produce.
I'm not here to sell anything
and I'm not gonna peddle anything.
But when I tell a client I can
get him space in Hunsecker's column,
it's not talk.
Excuse me.
- Listen, you bull artist, if you think...
- Let him alone, Al.
- Hello, Sidney...
- Hello, Mary. Could I talk to JJ?
Now, look. Nobody hired you.
We didn't talk any deal.
Relax, lump. I told you,
I wasn't peddling any fish today.
JJ, hi. Sidney Falco.
How are you, sweetheart?
Fine. Just fine, thanks.
Look, I know it's late, but is it too late
to add something to your column?
No, no. No relative, but very important.
If you got some paper and a pencil,
I can suggest a word or two. Good.
"If there's a more hilarious man around
than, uh... Herbie Temple at the Palace,
you'll, uh... pardon us for not catching
his name. We were too busy laughing."
No, make that "We were
too busy screaming."
Right. Thanks, JJ.
Probably see ya at 21 later.
No, supper. Right.
Goodbye and thanks again.
Speak to the man, Al.
Wait a minute. Hold it, will ya?
Al, speak to Mr Falco.
- See me in my office.
- Al makes all the deals, doc.
I don't like a fella so quick with his hands.
Temple, you've been three
passes behind for the last 20 years.
This could start you off real big.
TV, movies... anywhere.
- Probably cost us a pretty penny, too?
- You tell him. I st-st-stutter.
Look, why don't we wait until tomorrow?
Wait as long as you like.
You know where my office is.
Take it easy, Steve.
Hi.
What is here? A wake?
- You read as you run, don't you?
- It's a habit with me.
So now I'm briefed. So what?
- Frank thought I shouldn't come...
- Excuse me.
I said you shouldn't go around wild,
blaming people without justification.
I thought you might have
a faint idea how that item originated.
- Why me?
- Why not you?
Wha... Oh, that's your idea of logic, huh?
I say to the judge
"I didn't murder the man",
but the judge says to me "Why not you? "
There's only two men who
could be responsible for that smear:
you or Hunsecker, or both.
Hunsecker and Elwell
are enemies to the knife.
- How do you get him doing JJ a favour?
- It is a favour, isn't it?
Dallas, your mouth is as big
as a basket and twice as empty.
I don't like you, period.
But neither do I agree with the column,
that you smoke marijuana
and belong with the Reds.
Also, since we're talking repulsive,
JJ won't like this for two cents.
Don't gimme that look, Dallas.
JJ believes in fair play.
And this could splatter his sister
with rotten egg by implication.
- You're the boyfriend.
- You're talking very fast.
I'll tell you what! Excuse me for breathing.
How do you like this two-bit banjo player!
- He comes into my office...
- Look!
- Wise guys...
- Boys, boys. This gets nobody nowhere.
- You're overexcited.
- Don't apologise for me.
And with good reason, I wanted to say.
This endangers the future of the Quintet.
- Should I cry?
- People catch on quick to such an item.
Van Cleve already called me.
He's firing the Quintet.
So why are you here?
Go over there and fight.
Look, if Van Cleve fires your boy,
that'll give that lie a ring of truth.
I wanna speak
to Miss Hunsecker, please.
- Hello?
- Susie, this is Steve.
Don't be alarmed, but I want you to look
at Elwell's column in the Record. Today.
No, it's about me. A smear.
A smear? What kind of a smear?
Where are you?
On our way to the Elysian to dicker
with Van Cleve. He's fired us already.
Look, I'll call you later, dear.
Goodbye.
Come on, Frank.
If I told Steve what I really think,
he'd tear your head off.
- Tell him.
- No.
I'm interested in his future.
- What's the matter with you?
- Nothing.
Sally, I sometimes get the impression
you think you live in Star Bright Park.
This is life. Get used to it.
- Yes.
- JJ, I presume you saw the Elwell smear.
No. No medals. Not yet.
It's a lot worse than that.
Aunty Van Cleve is firing 'em.
I got it from the horse's mouth.
They were just here in a panic.
They're already traced the smear to you?
Then what are you so smug about?
Susie isn't dumb.
If she puts two and two together,
I'm a chicken in a pot.
JJ, peace on earth and goodwill to men.
Everything's working out
just how I planned.
I guarantee the bomb'll
pop right on schedule.
"Get him back his..."
You said "Get him back his job".
For what?
Sidney, this is travelling in the dark. You
better get over here as fast as you can.
Wait a minute. Susie's up and about.
I'll have to do a fine song and dance.
Meet me at the TV about three o'clock.
Susie. Come in a minute, dear.
Susie, you're very much
in my thoughts today.
Why?
"Why? " What a question, dear,
with that newspaper in your hand.
Did Sidney tell you about it?
Yes, he phoned.
Susie, I don't know this boy too well.
Anything in these charges?
- You're not being partial, are you?
- No, I'm not. I'm not.
Now, take it easy. You don't
have to protest with me.
I'll trust your judgment.
Come into camp, you poor kid.
You look so nervous.
You're trembling, dear.
Sidney didn't take long
to phone you, did he?
Naturally. Anything that
touches you touches me.
Doesn't it?
You know, dear, we're
drifting apart, you and I.
And I don't like it.
A year ago, would you have
walked past that door
without coming in to take
up the situation with me?
- Today I had to call you in!
- I'm taking up the situation with you now.
Let me finish. You've had
your say. Let me have mine.
But I haven't said anything, JJ.
Susie, I wanna help you.
You're all I've got
in this whole wide world.
There's nothing I wouldn't do for you.
What do you want me to do? Name it.
Because I don't like
that troubled look on your face.
If you really wanna help me, JJ,
get Steve back his job.
He means that much to you?
Yes.
With your prestige,
it'll only take a minute.
- You're picking up my lingo, honey.
- I read your column every day.
I like this crisp, new attitude of yours.
You're growing up, and I like it.
I don't like it when you're limp
and dependent, or odd and wayward.
This Dallas boy must be good for you.
Bring him around today, before the show.
I'll clean my glasses for a better look.
Let me have Billy Van Cleve.
Don't ever tell anyone
how I'm tied to your apron strings.
Billy? JJ Hunsecker.
Now what about this Dallas boy?
"A man has a right to face his accuser.
That's the American way. The man said."
Don't hang around. If I run over,
I'll cut some items off the tail.
"From Washington through Jefferson,
from Lincoln and FDR,
right up to today,
the democratic way of life."
"That's what the man said.
Nowadays, it doesn't export too well."
"But you know and I know that our best
secret weapon is d-e-m-o-c-r-a-c-y."
That's grand. Just grand, JJ.
- Is my make-up all right? Despite the...
- It's fine, it's fine.
Mary, take care of Miss Tam. Anything
she wants. She's our star today.
I got that boy coming here today.
If I can trust my eyes, and I think I can,
Susie knows all about your dirty work.
Can't hurt.
"Can't hurt"? I had to get
that boy his job back.
Look, JJ. We can tie this off
into one neat bundle.
Address it to the dumps, to oblivion.
We're doing great,
but please do it my way.
I've cased this kid.
I know his ins and outs.
He's full of juice and vinegar, waiting for
a big shot like you to put on the squeeze.
You got the boy's job back.
But he's not gonna accept your favour.
The manager, yeah, but not that boy.
- What has this boy got that Susie likes?
- Integrity. Acute, like indigestion.
What does this mean, "integrity"?
A pocketful of firecrackers...
waitin' for a match.
You know, it's a new wrinkle.
I never thought I'd make a killing
on some guy's integrity.
I'd hate to take a bite out of you.
You're a cookie full of arsenic.
I still think he's behind the smears.
Not that I'm convinced, but you'll
never prove it in a 1,000 years.
Steve,
you'll do what you want, but it can't hurt.
If he offers you an olive branch,
so today like olives.
Excuse me.
Steve, before we go in, could I...
Hi! Just in time.
JJ just finished up his rehearsal.
Looks like a wedding.
You look lovely, dear.
- Steve, you've met my brother?
- Of course.
Frank.
Looks like you went out and got
a packet of trouble for yourself.
You've been very kind about it.
Give Susie credit for that.
She said there was nothing to the smear.
As a matter of fact, I'll have plenty
to say about smears on my show today.
And that's why I'd...
Well, I'd like your personal assurance too.
Mr Hunsecker, there is nothing to
this smear. You have my sincere word.
I'll buy that. Now you do me a favour.
- Be good to my kid sister.
- Yeah. She's had a lotta trouble for a kid.
Susie has her girlish secrets,
but in her heart of hearts,
I imagine she fancies you
in an uncommon way.
Now how about you? Not just, uh...
Well, not just tomcatting around, I hope?
- JJ, Steve is not...
- Take it easy, Susie.
Steve wouldn't be much of a man
if he didn't understand my concern.
No, I wouldn't.
Serious as a deacon.
I like it. I like it fine.
In a world of old rags and bones, I like it.
Now, you take Sidney here.
If Sidney ever got anywhere near Susie,
I'd take a baseball bat
and break it over his head.
Sidney lives so much in moral twilight,
that when I said you were
coming here, he predicted disaster.
Said you wouldn't take my favour.
He said you'd chew up the job
and spit it back in my face.
- Any truth in that?
- Since you bring it up...
No, Mr Hunsecker. If I can amplify...
Don't amplify.
Steve would like
to thank you for this favour.
You don't listen very good, do you?
JJ said to keep your mouth shut.
Isn't it time you shut yours? Who are
you to tell Frank D'Angelo to shut up?
Steve, this isn't important.
Does he have to be here?
Why? Has he bothered you before?
- Is it news to you?
- People tell me I'm a very gifted man,
but I still can't see around corners.
Just what exactly are you so hot about?
I know it's difficult to be an artist
in this crudest of all possible worlds...
Look, I'm not here as an artist.
I'm here as an average Joe
who happens to love your sister.
Well, just be careful
you don't knock her off her feet, hm?
Frankly, son, I lost you on that last hill.
Just give us the punch line.
Steve.
There's no punch line.
Maybe I was admiring your
know-how. Yours and Falco's.
Why do you keep
coupling me with Falco?
Why is he here?
Tell me, sir, when he dies do you think
he'll go to the dog and cat heaven?
Let's forget about dogs and cats
and all that pseudo-literary junk.
I'll lay it on the line. What about
that ruckus in my office today?
You were there, Frank. According to
St Dallas, JJ was behind the Elwell smear.
- Don't go wild, Sidney.
- Look at them and tell me who's wild.
- Steve was overexcited. He didn't mean...
- How did you mean it?
Quiet! All of you.
Susie, sit down.
This requires investigation.
How did you mean it?
Come on, I'm waiting.
I don't take kindly to you
and Falco teaching me ethics.
Who's the injured party here? You?
You have no right to ask questions.
And your snide...
Wait a minute. I haven't handed over
punishing privileges to you yet.
Lay the whip down.
I might respect what you say.
- Steve...
- Shut up.
Susie, did you know
about this accusation?
No.
Before you leave, son,
I'll answer your question.
Susan Hunsecker's the injured party.
Or perhaps you'll be telling me
I don't have my sister's welfare at heart.
You've got more twists
than a barrel of pretzels.
Did you hear that, Susie?
- Continue, please.
- I can't cope with them.
You're too shrewd for me,
so I'll just be honest.
Susie and I are in love.
We wanna get married.
Give him credit.
The boy's gall is gorgeous.
Why don't we hear what Susie has to say?
That's stout of you, but perhaps Susie
may not care to air her views in public.
Susie?
Susie, as always, is free
to say anything she wants.
Go on, dear.
Say exactly what's on your mind, dear.
Those "dears" sound like daggers.
- What are you trying to do?
- Get her to stand up to you,
but you make her afraid to speak!
- Son, you raise your voice once more...
- Steve, please, please stop.
- JJ...
- I'm sorry, Susie.
Well, son, it looks like we may have
to call this game on account of darkness.
If looks could kill, I'd be dead.
No, I don't care about you. My whole
interest, if it's not too late, is in Susie.
And how to undo what you've done to her.
What have I done to her, except
not buy her a new fur coat lately?
You were right, Sidney. This boy is a dilly.
Why? Because I don't like the way you toy
with people? Your contempt and malice?
Sorry, Frank. You think
about yourself and your column.
To you, you're some kind
of a national glory,
but to me, and a lot of people like me,
your slimy scandal
and your phoney patriotics...
To me, Mr Hunsecker,
you're a national disgrace.
Son, I don't relish shooting
mosquitoes with elephant guns.
Suppose you just shuffle
along and call it a day?
My day with Susie isn't over yet.
Here's your head. What's your hurry?
You did it, JJ. You did it good.
Susie, I'd have to take it very much
amiss if you ever saw that boy again.
I'll never see him again.
Mary, call Van Cleve at this number.
Tell him I said he was right. Those
Dallas boys are not worthy of his club.
Taxi!
Susie. Susie!
Ouch!
Mr Hunsecker, this was to be
delivered to you personally.
- This is warm.
- You wanted them at the table.
Are you a critic?
- I'll change them.
- Forget it, forget it.
We're on the verge of a farce. A real farce.
As I see it, if Susie had stood behind him
today, he might have proved a threat.
But since primarily he's wedded to his
work, he's not gonna be able to take it.
Stop tinkering. That horseradish is fine.
It's all over, because any hour now
that boy will give her up.
Now, is it a farce, or is it?
Sidney, this syrup you're giving out,
you pour over waffles, not JJ Hunsecker.
What do you mean,
this lousy kid'll give up my sister?
How does it matter whose sister?
The main thing is that they're through.
Am I supposed to forget
how that kid talked to me today?
JJ, is he worthy of a second glance
from a man like you?
- I mean that...
- Bite on this.
- Steamship tickets.
- The next sailing. Susie's run down.
That's good. Now that louse
is outta Susie's hair for good.
I want that boy taken apart.
JJ, why do something that's gonna drive
them right back into each other's arms?
I know how to handle Susie. You just...
You just handle the boy.
Preferably tonight.
What's tomorrow? A holiday?
Your fat cop friend.
I think I'm going home. Maybe I left
my sense of humour in my other suit.
You've got a god-given brain,
Sidney. Use it.
You think this is
a personal thing with me?
Are you telling me I think of this
in terms of personal pique?
Today that boy wiped
his feet on the choice,
on the predilections of 60 million people
in the greatest country in the world.
If you had any morals, you'd understand
the immorality of that boy's stand today.
It wasn't me he criticised.
It was my readers.
Don't remove the gangplank, Sidney.
You may wanna get back on board.
JJ, it's one thing to wear your dog collar.
When it turns into a noose,
I'd rather have my freedom.
The man in jail is always for freedom.
Except, if you'll excuse me,
I'm not in jail.
You're in jail. You're a prisoner of your
own fears, your own greed and ambition.
You're blind, Mr Magoo.
This is the crossroads for me.
I won't get Kello. Not for
a lifetime pass to the Polo Grounds.
Not if you served me Cleopatra on a plate.
- Sidney, I told you...
- I swear on my mother's life,
I wouldn't do that. Not if you gave me
a column would I do a thing...
Who do you think writes the column while
Susie and I are away for three months?
The man in the moon?
Thank you, Sidney.
And, Sidney, I'll have
that piece of paper back.
Two cups of coffee.
Steve, I love the way
you stood up to my brother.
Nobody ever did that before.
But it frightened me.
Is that why you walked out?
Yes.
What you say to me, it's true.
I'm weak. I can't change.
I gather... you're trying to say goodbye.
Yes.
I came here with half
an idea of saying goodbye.
But I guess I'll hang around...
to plead.
Susie, is this really what you want?
Yes.
My brother's capable of doing you
very great harm. I can't let that happen.
- I won't give you up.
- We can't see each other again.
Susie, that's fish four day's old.
I won't buy it.
Outta that mouth I love,
like a ventriloquist's dummy,
- Your brother is saying goodbye.
- No, Steve.
Please don't.
Please don't.
At least this way I'll know that...
you'll be somewhere in the world,
alive and happy, working.
I won't give you up.
You've got to go.
This coat is your brother.
I've always hated this coat.
Goodbye, Mr D'Angelo.
Take care of Steve.
Say something funny, Mr Hasenpfeffer.
Look back and see
if she's still standing there.
She's still standing there.
I'll have a straight coke.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Excuse me, Joe.
- Steve don't feel too good.
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
So, if you don't mind,
he'd like to leave after this set.
I like that boy, Frank.
Anything he wants to do is OK with me.
Hey, Mr Falco!
I hate to give you the satisfaction,
but they broke it off tonight for good.
Tell that to Hunsecker.
Tell him we agree, he's a big man.
He wins all the marbles.
What's all the rush?
I thought you said three o'clock.
He's leaving early, right after this set.
It's nice, Sidney, you giving me this tip.
- He's got 'em on him.
- And he's got 'em on him.
I appreciate a thing like this.
And I appreciate where you're
lookin' out for the virtue of the city.
- What's ya hurry?
- Let go of me, Kello.
Hey, Murph! Do you like this face?
Well, I'll be doggoned, it's melting.
Something got you scared, Sidney?
Listen. Rectify me a certain thing.
Weren't you kiddin', snooks,
when you told JJ I was fat?
Rest in peace, Kello, you're skinny.
But JJ says you sweat.
Is that a fact?
He's a dilly, ain't he?
I get the distinct impression, snooks,
that you don't like me. Could I be wrong?
You could be right, ya fat slob!
Come back, Sidney! I wanna chastise you.
Thank you very much.
Hey, fella.
Three Scotches,
one vodka and orange juice...
- Sidney, there's a phone call for you.
- Lou, I told you I'm not takin' any calls.
I don't care who calls. No calls.
- I still wanna make a toast.
- I'm buyin' the booze, so I make the toast.
Here's to the thing we dream about.
It makes you cool in the summertime...
Hey, how ya been?
- Sidney.
- Hello, Charlie.
I'm Herbie, remember?
The funniest man in town.
Gentlemen, I'm toasting
my favourite new perfume.
Success.
Sorry, kid. It's important.
The operator at 21 took the message.
I'm not takin' messages
unless it's JJ Hunsecker.
It is. He wants you
to come over to his house.
Gentlemen, duty calls,
and the best of friends must part.
Sidney, Al and I talked it over
and we want you to handle our account.
One of you guys want
a bread-and-butter account?
Sidney, why don't you take me along?
Maybe I'll rub his back for ya.
JJ?
JJ?
Susie?
Susie?
What...
What are you doing out there
this time of the night?
The door was open.
- Where's JJ?
- He isn't here.
- I got a message to come over.
- Did you?
- Well, if he isn't here, I...
- Mr D'Angelo phoned.
- Yeah?
- About Steve.
I went down...
I went down to the hospital,
but they wouldn't let me in.
It's all over town about Dallas.
How is he?
They wouldn't let me in.
But I gave Steve up.
Why'd you and JJ do it?
What are you talking about?
Who gives you the right to talk like that?
Don't bother to lie, Sidney.
I don't care any more.
Look, Susie, you're very upset,
so I'm not gonna argue with you.
Feeling sorry for yourself won't help.
Why don't you go to bed
and get a good night's sleep?
I'm sorry about Steve, not myself.
I'm sorry about my brother.
And I'm sorry about you too,
because you're going down with the ship.
- What ship?
- This ship.
Don't you know how my brother's
gonna see you after tonight?
You're gonna be the man who...
drove his beloved little sister to suicide.
You know, I've heard
this woman-talk before.
Why don't you start growin' up, huh?
Start thinking with your head
instead of your hips.
I got nothing against women thinking
with their hips. That's their nature.
Just like it's a man's nature to go out
and hustle and get the things he wants.
Susie, look at yourself.
You're 1 9 years old. Just a kid,
and you're falling apart at the seams.
You tiptoe around on those bird legs
of yours, nervous and incompetent,
with a fatality for
doing wrong, picking wrong,
and giving up even
before you start a fight.
Wait a minute.
It's the truth and the truth hurts.
Visit me when I'm not
writing your brother's column
and I'll revise that delicate outlook of life.
To give credit where credit is due,
that body of yours deserves a better
fate than tumbling off some terrace.
Susie?
A bed is the best friend a girl ever had.
Pleasant dreams.
Hey, now, don't be no square.
Don't do anything stupid.
Susie?
Susie!
Su... Susie!
Susie!
Are you crazy? Are you outta your mind?
What would your brother say
if I told him you tried a thing like that?
- I'll get you a drink.
- No! Go away!
Susie, look, I'm sorry.
If I did anything to hurt you...
Get out of here!
I did it for you.
It's all right, Susie. I'm here.
Take it easy, dear.
- JJ, Susie wasn't...
- Calm yourself, dear. Don't worry.
Put this on, Susie.
It's lucky I came over
after I got your message.
- I got here as quickly as I could, but...
- What message?
What message?
Well, be that as it may,
someone called me.
It's just lucky I came over here in time.
Why?
JJ, Susie was so depressed
she tried to kill herself.
Depressed?
- About what?
- She heard the news about Dallas.
What news about Dallas?
Oh, uh...
I took it for granted
that you heard about it around town.
You're not gonna like this, but they
picked him up on a marijuana rap.
And is that why
you put your hands on my sister?
JJ, please.
Susie tried to throw herself
off the terrace.
Susie, tell him the truth!
Tell him!
JJ, please. Look, I can explain.
JJ...
Stop!
You're defending your sister, ya phoney?!
Didn't you tell me
to get Kello? Didn't you...
Susie, just as I know he's lying
about your attempted suicide,
you know he's lying about me.
We can't leave it like this, can we?
I suggest you go to bed, dear.
You're growing up.
Cute!
Sergeant? This is JJ Hunsecker.
Let me talk to Lieutenant Kello.
Harry? Sorry to bother you,
but a bad mistake has been made.
JJ, you've got such contempt
for people, it makes you stupid.
You didn't beat those kids.
You've lost her. You'll never get her back.
Harry, Sidney Falco
planted that stuff on Dallas.
Jealousy. Behind my back,
he was tryin' to make my sister.
That fat cop can break my bones, but he'll
never stop me from telling what I know.
He's leavin' right now.
Where do you think you're going?
I'm leaving. I'm going to Steve.
No. You're going to the hands
of a good psychoanalyst.
You tried to kill yourself tonight.
Yes.
I'd rather be dead than living with you.
For all the things you've done,
JJ, I know I should hate you.
But I don't. I pity you.
Come on, we haven't got all night!
Let's get goin'. Move it outta here. Move!
Come in here!
They're in trouble, folks. Get these
papers while they're hot. Latest paper!
- Come on!
- Keep your sweatshirt on, Sidney.
Latest paper here!
Want a hot item on Hunsecker's column?
Two rolls got fresh with the baker!
Hey, the late paper just came in!
Who wants the late paper?
Just a minute, Mr Welden. I think...
Uh-uh.
I'm sorry, I thought I heard Mr Falco.
Yes, I'll tell him when he returns.
I know. He's been trying to get in touch...
It's the third time he's called today.
- Probably wants me to break a leg.
- No, an arm, he said.
I told him the item would be in
Mr Hunsecker's column tomorrow.
- It isn't.
- But...
I saw the early edition.
- But, Sidney...
- But. But, but, but what?
That makes five days in a row
Mr Hunsecker's cut you out of his column.
May I rent you out as an adding machine?
Get me Joe Robard.
Anybody else call?
The renting agent and your tailor.
Pay the rent and tell the tailor to wait.
It won't leave much balance in the bank.
Hello, Mr Robard?
Could you locate him, please?
Here.
Watch me run a 50-yard dash
with my legs cut off.
Hey, Joe. It's Sidney.
How do you like this?
I'm running outta alibis.
Oh, no. I asked JJ to withhold the item
until he'd give you a fat paragraph.
- You're a liar, Sidney.
- What do mean, "a liar"?
Oh, it's a publicity man's nature to be
a liar. I wouldn't hire you if you wasn't.
I pay you a C and a half,
where you plant big lies
about me and the club all over the map.
- If that's the way you mean it...
- Yeah, I do.
But also in the sense
that you are a personal liar too,
because you don't do the work
I pay you for.
When I spoke to JJ last night...
I wish I could help in some way, Sidney.
You could help
with two minutes of silence.
I hate to see you like this.
If you feel nervous...
So what'll you do if I feel nervous?
Open your meaty, sympathetic arms?
Oh, Sidney, you got me so...
I don't know what.
Sally, you oughta know me by now.
- I know ya.
- No, you don't.
You think I'm a hero.
Well, I'm no hero. I'm nice to people
where it pays me to be nice.
I do it enough on the outside,
so don't expect me to do it in my office.
I'm in a bind right now with Hunsecker.
Maybe I'm dumb, but...
why does Mr Hunsecker wanna
squeeze your livelihood away?
Why do you stand for
that kind of treatment?
He's punishing me. His sister's
having a romance with a guitar player.
He asked me to break it up. I thought I did,
but maybe I didn't. Now I gotta go find out.
Hunsecker's the golden ladder
to the places I wanna get.
Sidney, you make a living.
Where do you wanna get?
Way up high, where it's always balmy.
Where no one says
"Hey, shrimp, rack the balls."
Or "Hey, mouse, go out
and buy me a pack of butts! "
I don't want tips from the kitty.
I'm in the big game with the big players.
My experience I can give you in a
nutshell, and I didn't dream it either:
dog eat dog. In brief, from now on, the
best of everything is good enough for me.
Sidney, I'm not trying
to tell you what to do.
It's just that it makes me feel bad
when Mr Hunsecker hurts you.
- Every dog will have his day.
If that's for me, tear it up.
Sidney Falco office.
- Take your topcoat.
- And leave a tip in every hatcheck room?
One, two, three, four.
Don't you get messages, eyelashes?
I called you twice.
Hey, man, I been up to here.
Look, you know
Susie Hunsecker? JJ's sister?
Has she been in? I mean lately,
in the last couple of days?
- I don't think so.
- Are you sure? Find out for me.
Sidney, can I talk to you a minute?
- You seen Frank D'Angelo around?
- At the bar.
Sidney, I'm in troub...
- Joe! Give my nephew a drink.
- Your nephew doesn't want a drink.
That's a lollipop, that boy.
The kid's only great.
With ten percent of his future,
you're great too, Frank.
Frank, I think maybe you lied to me.
Look, Sidney. You're my own sister's son,
but where does that give you
the right to call me a liar?
I thought you said your boy
was washed up with Susie Hunsecker?
It's the truth,
to the best of my knowledge.
Frankly, I'm glad.
For Steve's sake, not yours.
I handle these boys with
their best interests at heart.
Steve shouldn't get mixed up
with no bimbo at his age.
Listen, Frank.
You better be tellin' me the truth.
I don't like this threatening attitude.
I told you what I know.
And what business is it of yours
what they do, this boy and girl...
If you knew Hunsecker like I do, you
might understand why it is my business.
You're walking around blind,
Frank, without a cane.
And in case you didn't know it, Susie
Hunsecker's out the back right now.
Thank you very much
on behalf of the Quintet -
Chico Hamilton, Fred Katz,
Paul Horn, Carson Smith and myself.
- Hi, Susan.
- Hello, Chico.
Hey, Paul, cool this chick here
while I go get Steve.
It's an interesting fusion
of traditional and progressive.
- How did you come to form the group?
- We just sort of got together.
Why don't you ask Fred Katz?
He writes all the stuff.
Mr Katz, I'm very interested
in music, in jazz...
What's the answer?
Steve...
I'll try to make you a good wife.
- Where's the cat?
- Who?
Dallas. Is he around?
He's around somewhere. Upstairs, maybe.
Thank you.
Look, let's go out later.
Come on. I'll get the boys.
Steve, I'd rather you didn't say anything
to anybody until I tell my brother.
You haven't told him yet?
I'm telling him
in the morning at breakfast.
Susie, don't you want me
to be with you when you tell him?
My brother isn't as bad as
he's painted. He's not perfect...
But he isn't gonna like this.
And he makes you nervous, not me.
I take that back.
He makes me nervous too.
Steve, let's don't talk about my brother.
I've missed you the last few days.
I have a message for you.
I love you.
May I dedicate the next number
to you, and the next, and the next...
- Every Sunday I'll buy you a bonnet.
- If the stores are open.
On Monday, I'll take it off
and stroke your hair.
And on Tuesday, hasenpfeffer?
You know how
I realised I loved you?
I made you write a beautiful song?
You had me eating that Chinese food!
Hi. Can more than two enjoy this?
Where are those prints you promised me?
I can't place them after tonight.
Thanks very much just the same.
Let's forget about it.
Come on, Susie, it's cold out here.
I apologise for getting you a press spread!
It's been an honour serving you gratis.
Falco, I get the feeling
you're always snooping around.
- Boys, what are you fightin' about?
- Kill me. Push me through a window.
I walked into this hallowed
ground without knocking.
I feel too good to fight with you,
but that isn't what I said. I said you snoop.
What were you doing at
my hotel the other night?
- I haven't been in the Bowery in years.
- Come on, boys. Break it up.
When you want information,
don't scratch for it like a dog.
Just ask for it like a man.
If you're going home,
Susie, I'll drop you off.
Steve, it's time for us to hit it again.
- In a minute, Chico.
- OK.
- Headache?
- It's all the excitement.
I'll go home and go to bed early,
and you go to work.
OK. Just don't leave me in a minor key.
You haven't been playing
around with Leo Bartha?
No. That's what I mean.
I'm bein' fired for what I didn't do.
He came in last week
on a real dull, rainy night.
I knew who he was, but I didn't let on.
He kept starin' at me all night.
- Are you listening?
- Avidly.
- He was staring.
- Starin'.
So when he approached me
on his way out, I wasn't surprised.
- He was doing a Sunday piece on...
- Cigarette girls. Naturally...
You were thrilled
about being interviewed.
And were you "interviewed"?
In his apartment.
- Where was his wife?
- I don't know. It's a big apartment.
Only I wasn't interviewed. In fact, I was
totally unprepared for what happened.
Oh, come on, chickie.
We're friends from way back.
A columnist without his ball and chain,
you make like a delicatessen counter...
What did you expect
he'd do in his apartment!
But, Sidney, sweetheart.
The man must have been out of his mind.
It was only 1 1 o'clock in the morning.
I was so taken aback, I said anything
that popped into my sleepy head.
If I'm not mistaken, I think I even
ordered the man out of his own house.
He was furious. By the time I could've
been put in a tropical-island mood,
I was out on the street.
That night, Van Cleve
calls me into his office.
He's got nothin' against me, he says, only
he can't afford to antagonise columnists.
So I tell him how I still have Sonny
at the military academy...
- Could you do something?
- That's what I'm thinkin', Rita. Maybe.
Sidney, do you still keep
your key under the mat?
Can you be there at 2.30?
You're touchy, Sidney.
Don't be so touchy.
Do a guy a favour.
Well, live and learn.
- You want something to eat?
- No, no.
I wish you and Steve
could like each other.
We stick in each other's craw.
Yes, but why?
For one thing, he thinks
JJ is some kind of a monster.
Don't you?
Susie, JJ happens to be
one of my very best friends.
I know. But I'd like to look
into your clever little mind
and see what you really think of him.
- Why make that remark?
- Who could love a man
who makes you jump through
burning hoops like a trained poodle?
Do you think JJ really likes Steve?
Frankly, yes. Much to my surprise.
He thinks he's a big talent.
Those boys'll go a big mile, he thinks.
You feel pretty strong
about Dallas, don't you?
Yes.
- Wedding bells?
- I'm discussing it with JJ in the morning.
Makes me feel good to know that
some people want me for myself.
- Not just because I'm my brother's sister.
- I'm gonna have to laugh at that.
An attractive girl like you.
I hope JJ likes Steve,
that he isn't just putting on an act.
Why should he put on an act for him?
He's told presidents
where to go and what to do.
The act would be for my sake.
Not for Steve's.
Wait for me. I'll be back in a minute.
Susie.
I wanna talk to you a minute.
Susie, don't sell your brother short.
Talk this over with him.
You'll find him a real friend.
In case I see JJ, any message?
Tell him from me that Steve is the first
real man I've ever been in love with.
- Excuse me.
- Hey, wait... Jimmy, what a coincidence!
Yeah, a coincidence running into
the very man you been ducking all week.
- This is my press agent, Joan.
- I tried to call you twice, but...
What do ya do for that 100 a week?
Fall outta bed?
I was on my way
to talk to Hunsecker. I got...
- I'll have this kid arrested for larceny.
- When the band was at Roseland...
That was two months ago. Take
your hands outta my pocket, thief.
- Jimmy, now take it easy.
- Why?
It's a dirty job, but I pay
clean money for it.
No more, you don't. What is this,
showin' off for the girl?
He's clever.
He knows when he's bein' fired.
If you're funny, James,
I'm a pretzel. Drop dead.
- How are you tonight, Mr Falco?
- Fine. Is he here?
- Of course.
- Alone or surrounded?
A senator, an agent
and a thing with blonde, wavy hair.
Good evening.
- Honey, get me Mr Hunsecker.
- Oh, he's right inside.
So it isn't long-distance.
- Hello?
- JJ, it's Sidney.
- Could you come out for a minute?
- Could I come out? No.
I have to talk to you, JJ. That's why.
You had to do something for me.
You didn't do it.
- Could I come in for a minute?
- No. You're dead. Get yourself buried.
Just a moment. I'm ringing.
He doesn't answer.
Shall I take a message?
- Oh, uh, Sidney?
- Later.
I often wish I were deaf
and wore a hearing aid.
With a flick of the switch, I could
shut out the greedy murmur of little men.
- JJ, I need your ear for two minutes.
- Mac, I don't want this man at my table.
I've got a message from your sister.
- Forgive me. We were interrupted.
- The Supreme Court story. Justice Black.
Oh, yes. Justice Black.
- I believe I had it in my column.
- Last July. The lead item.
I believe that's where I read it too.
See where I get my reputation for being
the best-informed man in Washington?
Now don't kid a kidder.
I don't think we caught
your name, young man.
Sidney Falco, sir. But everybody
knows and admires you, Senator Walker.
Every six years
I become less convinced of that.
This young lady is Miss Linda James.
She's managed by Manny Davis.
- I know Manny Davis.
- Everyone knows Manny Davis.
Except Mrs Manny Davis.
Go ahead, Billy. Shoot.
Sports cars are getting
smaller and smaller in California.
You were crossing Hollywood Boulevard
and you got hit by one.
And you had to go
to the hospital to get it removed.
Billy, you're not following
the column. I had it last week.
Senator, do you believe
in capital punishment?
- Why?
- A man has just been sentenced to death.
Manny, tell me,
what exactly are the unseen gifts of
this lovely young thing that you manage?
Well, she sings a little.
You know, she sings and...
Manny's faith in me is simply
awe-inspiring, Mr Hunsecker.
- Actually, I'm still studying.
- What subject?
Singing, of course. Straight concert and...
Why "of course"? You might,
for instance, be studying politics.
- Uh, me?
- Well, you see, JJ...
I mean, I? You must be
kidding, Mr Hunsecker.
Me, with my Jersey City brains?
The brains may be Jersey City,
but the clothes are Traina Norell.
Are you an actor, Mr Falco?
That's what I was thinking.
Are you, Mr Falco?
How did you guess it, Miss James?
He's so pretty, that's how.
Mr Falco, let it be said at once,
is a man of 40 faces, not one.
None too pretty, and all deceptive.
You see that grin? That's the, uh...
That's the "charming street urchin" face.
It's part of his helpless act.
He throws himself upon your mercy.
He's got a half dozen faces for the ladies.
But the one I like, the really cute one,
is the "quick, dependable chap".
Nothing he won't do for you in a pinch.
So he says.
Mr Falco, whom I did not invite to sit at
this table tonight, is a hungry press agent
and fully up to all the tricks
of his very slimy trade.
Match me, Sidney.
Not right this minute, JJ.
I know, your wonder boy
is opening at the Latin Quarter.
- JJ...
- Say goodbye, Lester.
May I ask you a naive question, Mr Falco?
Exactly how does a press agent work?
Uh...
Answer the man, Sidney.
He's trying to take you off the hook.
You just saw a good
example of it, Senator.
A press agent eats a columnist's dirt
and is expected to call it manna.
Don't you help columnists
by furnishing them with items?
Sure. The columnists can't do without us,
except our friend JJ
forgets to mention that.
You see, we furnish him with items.
- Want some cheap, gruesome gags?
- You print 'em.
Yes, with your clients' names attached.
That's the only reason the poor slobs pay
you, to see their names in my column.
Now I make it out
you're doing me a favour?
The day I can't get along
without a press agent's handouts,
I'll close up shop and move
to Alaska, lock, stock and barrel.
Sweep out my igloo, here I come.
You rode in on the Senator's
shirt-tails, so shut your mouth.
Now, come, JJ. That's a little too harsh.
Anyone seems fair game for you tonight.
This man is not for you, Harvey. And you
shouldn't be seen in public with him.
Because that's another part
of a press agent's life.
They dig up scandal about prominent
people and spread it among columnists.
There seems to be some allusion
here that escapes me.
We're friends, Harvey. We go back to
when you were a fresh-kid congressman.
Why is it that everything
you say sounds like a threat?
Maybe it's a mannerism.
I don't threaten friends.
But why furnish your
enemies with ammunition?
You're a family man, Harvey. Some day,
God willing, you may wanna be president.
And here you are, out in the open,
where any hep person knows
that this one...
is toting that one around for you.
Are we kids or what?
Next time you come up,
you might join me on my TV show.
Thanks, JJ, for what
I consider sound advice.
Go, thou, and sin no more.
- Senator.
- Goodbye, Mr Falco.
- Don't let the Senator pay that check.
- I'll take care of it.
President! My big toe
would make a better president.
- Mr Hunsecker's coat, Joe.
- Pick me a good one, Joe.
Thanks, Al.
Anyone calls, Dan, I'll be at El Morocco.
Where's your coat, Sidney? Saving tips?
My curiosity's killing me, but what
are you so rambunctious about tonight?
There's your fat friend.
Police car, 16th precinct. Attention.
- Hello, Harry.
- Buona sera. Come sta?
Italian, Sidney. That shows
Lieutenant Kello likes your people.
It's my Brooklyn background, JJ.
Good with Yiddish, too.
Harry! Am I supposed to say "Uncle"?
- Hello, Phil. How's the kids?
- Just great, Mr Hunsecker.
- Anything fit for me to print tonight?
- Nah.
I just checked downtown.
It's quiet everywhere.
What happened to that doll?
She still alive?
Yeah. She's hanging on.
We still don't know if she was pushed.
- Maybe she jumped? Love suicide.
- Could be.
Check that, will ya, Phil?
It's a real heartthrob.
Harry, say hello to Sidney Falco.
Tickle him. He's been a bad boy tonight.
He called you my "fat friend."
- I don't believe it.
- I know! The strongest cop in town.
I call him "the boy
with the ice-cream face".
That's good. In fact, it's apt, Harry.
Yeah, I got eyes. I put things together.
I remember once when you didn't
quite put things together.
Boy, was the mayor mad.
Citizens' committee.
I didn't mean to hit the boy so hard.
That's when a fella needed a friend.
I won't forget his initials, JJ.
Mr Hunsecker!
She died 20 minutes ago.
That's show business. Thanks, Phil.
See you, Harry.
See ya, Kello.
Hasta la vista, JJ.
Hasta luego.
Spanish. That shows
he likes the spics, too, huh?
I like Harry, but I can't
deny he sweats a little.
Don't try to come back!
Just a minute!
My hat's in there and I paid you.
Leave him alone!
I love this dirty town.
Sidney. Conjugate me a verb.
For instance, "to promise".
You promised to break up
that romance. When?
- I doubt if you know what it involves.
- I'm a schoolboy. Teach me.
You break it up. You know
you can do it in two minutes.
At this late date you need explanations?
Susie's all I've got. Now she's growing up,
I want my relationship with her
to remain at least at par.
I don't intend to do anything
to antagonise her if I don't have to.
Be warned, son. I'll have to blitz you.
Frankly, I don't think
you got the cards to blitz me.
- I don't?
- I don't think so.
I'll listen for one more minute.
A year ago, I did you a certain favour.
It was a thing... I never did
such a dirty thing in my life.
All right, it's forgotten.
Which brings us up to five weeks ago.
"Sidney, I got a nasty problem.
Do so-and-so and I'll appreciate it."
Did I say no? I'm the first to admit
it didn't jell as fast as we'd like.
But why, all of a sudden,
can't I get you on the phone?
And why am I frozen out of the column?
- You finished?
- No. Let me finish.
I don't like this job.
That boy is dumb on matine days only.
Otherwise he's got a head.
Susan is growing up-two heads.
We got a slippery,
dangerous problem here.
- Not "we", Sidney. You.
- Correct me if I'm wrong. We.
If I'm gonna go out on a limb for you,
you gotta know what's involved.
My right hand hasn't seen
my left hand in 30 years.
I'll do it, JJ. Don't get me wrong.
I'll go through with it.
But stop beating me on the head.
Let me make a living!
Sidney, what you promised, do it.
Don't finagle around.
It's later than you think.
Excuse me, JJ. It's later than you think.
That boy proposed to her.
Susie told you that?
Uh-huh.
- What was her answer?
- She'll discuss it with you at breakfast.
That means you've got a plan.
Can you deliver?
Tonight. Before you go to bed.
Cat's in the bag and the bag's in the river.
Don't be a two-time loser, Sidney.
The penalty could be severe.
Good evening, Mr Falco.
- Hi, Harry. You seen Bartha?
- Yeah, he's around here someplace.
- Hiya, Sid. Want a table?
- No. Leo Bartha been in?
Yeah. He's having' supper with the Mrs.
She's over there and he's...
Oh. I see him. Thanks.
Hello, Leo. How goes
the Sunday piece on cigarette girls?
- Who told you about it?
- The cigarette girl. Rita.
And she took out all her hairpins, too.
I never had the pleasure of meeting
your wife. You know what I wonder, Leo?
Maybe you can use a hot item
for tomorrow's column?
What is this? Blackmail?
Beat it.
Leo, I've never had the pleasure
of meeting your wife.
- Sidney Falco, Loretta.
- How do you do, Mr Falco?
If you know about the horses, sit down.
Have a glass of this
New York State champagne.
- That's what my husband buys me.
- Imported wines aren't that great.
Who's side are you on? His or mine?
Frankly, I'm a neutral observer
for the United Nations.
- What's your first name?
- Sidney.
- No horse running by that name.
- Why don't you stop these $2 bets?
It's compensation, Leo,
for the marginal life we lead.
Sidney, did you hear
about the cloak-and...
You tell him and I read it
in Hunsecker's column first.
Oh, are you a spy for the other side?
No. I actually sat down
to give Leo an item.
Leo, he wants to give you
an item. Don't be sullen.
- Would you mind your own business?
- Hitler.
In case you wanna use it,
it's a blind. No names mentioned.
For your private information,
the guy's name is Dallas.
There's not a single name here
that gives off vibrations.
Is there anything with a name
like Cigarette Girl?
Cigarette Girl. No.
There's no name here like that.
- I don't print blind items.
- What is this? Chess or checkers?
Neither does Hunsecker.
He likes to use the real names.
- Waiter, the check!
- Why are we running?
This man is trying
to hold a gun to my head.
That's the horse. Shotgun, in the fifth.
You wanna tell my wife something?
What, Sidney?
- That you spilled champagne over me.
- Go on, tell her.
What are ya gettin' excited
about? Calm down.
Sorry, Lorrie. I can't let
this man blackmail me.
Blackmail?
He wants me to print
a dirty little smear item,
in exchange for keeping his mouth shut.
About what?
Foolishly, Lorrie...
I hope you'll understand...
This cigarette girl. I was kidding
around. With the girl, I mean.
I was kidding, she took it seriously.
A case of bad judgment. Bad taste.
I'm just sorry. That's all.
Your friend, Hunsecker.
You tell him for me
he's a disgrace to his profession.
Never mind about my bilious private life.
I run a decent, responsible column.
That's the way it stays.
Your man prints anything! Use any
spice to pepper up his daily garbage.
You tell him I said so.
Tell him that, like yourself,
he's got the scruples of a guinea pig
and the morals of a gangster.
What do I do now?
Whistle "Stars and Stripes Forever"?
What you do now, Mr Falco,
is crow like a hen.
You have just laid an egg.
Leo, this is the first clean thing
I've seen you do in years.
Mr Elwell wants to see you, Mr Falco.
I see Bartha gave you
cold tongue for supper.
- I got a date with a dame.
- Hey!
Look, Otis, if you're trying to blow this
into an item for your column, forget it.
By the way, what's this I hear about
JJ giving you the flit-gun treatment?
He shut you out of his column.
Why?
You don't know that lunatic yet?
Whims, whims. Egotistic whims.
He's like the gag-you got him for
a friend, you don't need an enemy.
That's what my beef with Leo Bartha was
about. "Leo," I says, "JJ froze me out."
"So I'm eating humble pie this month.
Please, please print me an item."
Instead he printed his heel
on your face, huh?
- You're full of human feelings.
- Turn the record over.
Like most of the human race, I'm bored.
I'd go a mile for a... chuckle.
Or two miles for a pretty girl.
Three.
Then you're really washed up
with Hunsecker, huh?
This is how much
I'm washed up with Hunsecker.
Look, Otis. I make no brief
about my bilious private life,
but he's got the morals of a guinea pig
and the scruples of a gangster.
A fine, fat, dirty item.
Who's it about?
Um, a kid named Dallas.
He runs a dinky jazz quintet.
But he happens to be keeping
company with JJ's screwball sister.
It's a real goody, if, like me,
you wanna clobber JJ.
He's got his TV tomorrow.
He'd read it before rehearsals.
I want to clobber JJ.
But I can't think of a good reason why
I should print anything you give me.
I can't even think of a bad reason.
Suppose I introduce you
to a... lovely reason?
It's both good and bad...
and available.
I'm not an unreasonable man.
Hi.
Rita, say hello to Otis Elwell.
- Hello.
- Hello!
My friends call me Otis.
Sometimes Tricky Otis.
Otis was outraged when I told him
Van Cleve was gonna fire you.
- He... He was?
- Mm-hm.
- Don't I know you from somewhere?
- Otis.
Saratoga. Last summer?
Relax, relax. Come on, take
the weight off those lovely gams, huh?
Look, I fixed you a drink.
Sure, relax, Rita.
When you look at me,
you look at a friend in disguise.
Miami Beach?
Haven't been to Florida
since I was a little girl.
Well, here's to the time when we played
with dolls and dreamed of better things.
Here, Otis.
- A cosy place you've got here, Sidney.
- Make yourself at home.
Nice, nice.
And snug.
Otis carries a lot
of weight with your boss.
He's gonna tell him to ignore anything
you-know-who says
about you-know what.
- Right, Otis?
- Right.
Why don't you two
talk it over until I get back?
- Back?
- These business meetings.
Always coming up
in the middle of the night.
Hold on! You can drop me off
on your way.
- Consternation reigns.
- Now, Otis...
I hate JJ, but not that much
at this moment.
Look, give me a chance, huh?
- Don't you know who that man is?
- Yeah!
- Otis Elwell, the columnist.
- Yeah.
And he's a perfect stranger to me.
So take five minutes.
Get acquainted.
He's an important man.
He's lonely. Don't be dumb.
What do you want all of a sudden?
Lady Godiva?
Where's my other shoe?
- What kind of an act is this?
- Don't you think I have any feelings?
What am I? A bowl of fruit?
A tangerine that peels in a minute?
I beg your pardon.
How do you like this!
I turn myself inside out
to do you a favour, now I'm the heavy!
Here's your shoe. There's your coat.
And there's the door.
Sidney, I don't do this sorta thing.
- What sorta thing?
- This sorta thing!
You need him for a favour, don't you?
Well, so do I. I need his column tonight.
Didn't you ask me
to do something about your job?
Don't you have a kid in military school?
You're a snake, Falco.
You're a louse. A real louse.
Honey, he's gonna help you!
Huh?
How many drinks does it take...
to put you in that tropical-island mood?
Havana, that's where we met.
Here's mud in your column.
Blessings on thee, the both.
Well, gotta run. See you kids later.
Hurry back.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
And that gives you a lotta leeway.
Palm Springs.
Two years ago.
Don't tell Sidney.
Hello, JJ? Sidney.
JJ?
Yes, Sidney?
You sound happy, Sidney.
Why should you be happy when I'm not?
How do you spell "Picasso"?
One s or two?
Two.
- An item. He dates three-eyed girls.
- It'd be nice if you'd mention R-o-b-a-r-d.
Robard's jazz joint.
It's his 20th anniversary.
Don't begrudge it to me, JJ.
I owe him a lot of favours.
I think you understand
that the Dallas skull is badly dented.
Oh, yeah. Very bad.
Starting today, you can play
marbles with his eyeballs.
Now don't begrudge it to me, JJ.
Mention Robard...
We shall see what we shall see, Sidney.
And, Sidney, don't use
this phone any more.
I have a nervous sister.
Get your paper here!
- Record.
- Thank you.
Get your paper here! Read all about it!
I have no power to retract, Mr Cummings.
I'm only Mr Hunsecker's secretary.
No. Nor do I agree that any retraction
is necessary. Thank you for calling.
I fail to see what's amusing
about these papers.
- I'll get the boss to sign them.
- They're important.
You've said that six times.
That's why I'm smiling.
Hello, Mary, my darling.
What are you up to today?
That's a question I usually like to ask you.
- Your secretary phoned.
- About what?
Something about a Frank D'Angelo
trying to reach you.
Is, um... that the man
who manages Susie's boyfriend?
- Mm-hm.
- Have you seen this?
Otis Elwell's column today?
"The dreamy marijuana smoke of a lad
who heads a highbrow jazz quintet
is giving an inelegant odour to that
elegant East Side club where he works."
"That's no way for
a card-holding party member to act."
"Moscow won't like it,
you naughty boy."
- Sidney Falco office.
- Hello, Sally. I got your message.
If D'Angelo calls, tell him
I'll be at the office around noon. Bye.
- Could this be that boy?
- Dallas? Could be.
- Doesn't look like a flier to me.
- If it's true, JJ's gonna hit the ceiling.
Can it be news to you that JJ's ceiling
needs a new plaster job every six weeks?
Sidney.
JJ doesn't like people to look
at the column proof in advance.
Mary, I'm not people. There's Falco
blood, sweat and tears in that column.
How about dinner tonight?
Bribing me again?
Why should I bribe the woman
that holds most of my heart?
You're a real rascal, Sidney.
An amusing boy, but you haven't got
a drop of respect in you for anything alive.
You're so immersed in
a theology of making a fast buck.
Not that I don't sometimes feel
that you yearn for something better.
Don't try and sell me the Brooklyn Bridge.
I know it belongs to the Dodgers.
Oh, I don't mind you seeing the column
in advance, so long as JJ doesn't know.
But don't do it like a little boy
stealing gum from a slot machine.
Who put this item in about the comic?
"If there's a more hilarious man
than Herbie Temple at the Palace,
pardon us for not catching the name.
We were too busy screaming."
- Does this Temple have a press agent?
- No.
It's one of JJ's occasional beaux gestes.
Evidently the fellow's funny,
so he gave him a plug.
What's your favourite ribbon
for your favourite chocolate?
Let's wait till Christmas.
It's more legitimate then.
- Hey!
- Herbie Temple on stage yet?
Yeah, but you can't go in there now.
I said "Figo, I'm not
selling ya a dozen eggs."
"I'm selling ya Herbie Temple,
so don't gimme any of your lip."
- Hi, Al.
- Since when did you two get acquainted?
- How do you do, Mr Temple?
- D-d-delighted.
- I'm Sidney Falco.
- Oh, d-d-d I'm glad to know you.
Watch out for this guy.
He's a press agent.
You watch out for him, Al. I stutter.
- I caught your act the other night...
- On the first or the second bounce?
- I thought you were great.
- Well, that's fine.
What time is it, Al?
You got ten minutes yet.
I hate to bother you, but we're kinda busy.
It's all right. A little busy myself.
I'm busy, too. Don't call us, we'll call you.
May I ask an impertinent question,
with no criticism intended?
but how can you let a sock act like Herbie
tiptoe along without a publicity build?
We're not buyin' it, Falco.
No fish today.
I'm not selling any. I'm just curious.
Answer his question fast
before he asks you five more.
Mr Temple don't believe in press agents.
Does that answer ya something?
Take your hands off me, lump.
Look, nobody believes
in a press agent, Temple,
if he makes claims he can't produce.
I'm not here to sell anything
and I'm not gonna peddle anything.
But when I tell a client I can
get him space in Hunsecker's column,
it's not talk.
Excuse me.
- Listen, you bull artist, if you think...
- Let him alone, Al.
- Hello, Sidney...
- Hello, Mary. Could I talk to JJ?
Now, look. Nobody hired you.
We didn't talk any deal.
Relax, lump. I told you,
I wasn't peddling any fish today.
JJ, hi. Sidney Falco.
How are you, sweetheart?
Fine. Just fine, thanks.
Look, I know it's late, but is it too late
to add something to your column?
No, no. No relative, but very important.
If you got some paper and a pencil,
I can suggest a word or two. Good.
"If there's a more hilarious man around
than, uh... Herbie Temple at the Palace,
you'll, uh... pardon us for not catching
his name. We were too busy laughing."
No, make that "We were
too busy screaming."
Right. Thanks, JJ.
Probably see ya at 21 later.
No, supper. Right.
Goodbye and thanks again.
Speak to the man, Al.
Wait a minute. Hold it, will ya?
Al, speak to Mr Falco.
- See me in my office.
- Al makes all the deals, doc.
I don't like a fella so quick with his hands.
Temple, you've been three
passes behind for the last 20 years.
This could start you off real big.
TV, movies... anywhere.
- Probably cost us a pretty penny, too?
- You tell him. I st-st-stutter.
Look, why don't we wait until tomorrow?
Wait as long as you like.
You know where my office is.
Take it easy, Steve.
Hi.
What is here? A wake?
- You read as you run, don't you?
- It's a habit with me.
So now I'm briefed. So what?
- Frank thought I shouldn't come...
- Excuse me.
I said you shouldn't go around wild,
blaming people without justification.
I thought you might have
a faint idea how that item originated.
- Why me?
- Why not you?
Wha... Oh, that's your idea of logic, huh?
I say to the judge
"I didn't murder the man",
but the judge says to me "Why not you? "
There's only two men who
could be responsible for that smear:
you or Hunsecker, or both.
Hunsecker and Elwell
are enemies to the knife.
- How do you get him doing JJ a favour?
- It is a favour, isn't it?
Dallas, your mouth is as big
as a basket and twice as empty.
I don't like you, period.
But neither do I agree with the column,
that you smoke marijuana
and belong with the Reds.
Also, since we're talking repulsive,
JJ won't like this for two cents.
Don't gimme that look, Dallas.
JJ believes in fair play.
And this could splatter his sister
with rotten egg by implication.
- You're the boyfriend.
- You're talking very fast.
I'll tell you what! Excuse me for breathing.
How do you like this two-bit banjo player!
- He comes into my office...
- Look!
- Wise guys...
- Boys, boys. This gets nobody nowhere.
- You're overexcited.
- Don't apologise for me.
And with good reason, I wanted to say.
This endangers the future of the Quintet.
- Should I cry?
- People catch on quick to such an item.
Van Cleve already called me.
He's firing the Quintet.
So why are you here?
Go over there and fight.
Look, if Van Cleve fires your boy,
that'll give that lie a ring of truth.
I wanna speak
to Miss Hunsecker, please.
- Hello?
- Susie, this is Steve.
Don't be alarmed, but I want you to look
at Elwell's column in the Record. Today.
No, it's about me. A smear.
A smear? What kind of a smear?
Where are you?
On our way to the Elysian to dicker
with Van Cleve. He's fired us already.
Look, I'll call you later, dear.
Goodbye.
Come on, Frank.
If I told Steve what I really think,
he'd tear your head off.
- Tell him.
- No.
I'm interested in his future.
- What's the matter with you?
- Nothing.
Sally, I sometimes get the impression
you think you live in Star Bright Park.
This is life. Get used to it.
- Yes.
- JJ, I presume you saw the Elwell smear.
No. No medals. Not yet.
It's a lot worse than that.
Aunty Van Cleve is firing 'em.
I got it from the horse's mouth.
They were just here in a panic.
They're already traced the smear to you?
Then what are you so smug about?
Susie isn't dumb.
If she puts two and two together,
I'm a chicken in a pot.
JJ, peace on earth and goodwill to men.
Everything's working out
just how I planned.
I guarantee the bomb'll
pop right on schedule.
"Get him back his..."
You said "Get him back his job".
For what?
Sidney, this is travelling in the dark. You
better get over here as fast as you can.
Wait a minute. Susie's up and about.
I'll have to do a fine song and dance.
Meet me at the TV about three o'clock.
Susie. Come in a minute, dear.
Susie, you're very much
in my thoughts today.
Why?
"Why? " What a question, dear,
with that newspaper in your hand.
Did Sidney tell you about it?
Yes, he phoned.
Susie, I don't know this boy too well.
Anything in these charges?
- You're not being partial, are you?
- No, I'm not. I'm not.
Now, take it easy. You don't
have to protest with me.
I'll trust your judgment.
Come into camp, you poor kid.
You look so nervous.
You're trembling, dear.
Sidney didn't take long
to phone you, did he?
Naturally. Anything that
touches you touches me.
Doesn't it?
You know, dear, we're
drifting apart, you and I.
And I don't like it.
A year ago, would you have
walked past that door
without coming in to take
up the situation with me?
- Today I had to call you in!
- I'm taking up the situation with you now.
Let me finish. You've had
your say. Let me have mine.
But I haven't said anything, JJ.
Susie, I wanna help you.
You're all I've got
in this whole wide world.
There's nothing I wouldn't do for you.
What do you want me to do? Name it.
Because I don't like
that troubled look on your face.
If you really wanna help me, JJ,
get Steve back his job.
He means that much to you?
Yes.
With your prestige,
it'll only take a minute.
- You're picking up my lingo, honey.
- I read your column every day.
I like this crisp, new attitude of yours.
You're growing up, and I like it.
I don't like it when you're limp
and dependent, or odd and wayward.
This Dallas boy must be good for you.
Bring him around today, before the show.
I'll clean my glasses for a better look.
Let me have Billy Van Cleve.
Don't ever tell anyone
how I'm tied to your apron strings.
Billy? JJ Hunsecker.
Now what about this Dallas boy?
"A man has a right to face his accuser.
That's the American way. The man said."
Don't hang around. If I run over,
I'll cut some items off the tail.
"From Washington through Jefferson,
from Lincoln and FDR,
right up to today,
the democratic way of life."
"That's what the man said.
Nowadays, it doesn't export too well."
"But you know and I know that our best
secret weapon is d-e-m-o-c-r-a-c-y."
That's grand. Just grand, JJ.
- Is my make-up all right? Despite the...
- It's fine, it's fine.
Mary, take care of Miss Tam. Anything
she wants. She's our star today.
I got that boy coming here today.
If I can trust my eyes, and I think I can,
Susie knows all about your dirty work.
Can't hurt.
"Can't hurt"? I had to get
that boy his job back.
Look, JJ. We can tie this off
into one neat bundle.
Address it to the dumps, to oblivion.
We're doing great,
but please do it my way.
I've cased this kid.
I know his ins and outs.
He's full of juice and vinegar, waiting for
a big shot like you to put on the squeeze.
You got the boy's job back.
But he's not gonna accept your favour.
The manager, yeah, but not that boy.
- What has this boy got that Susie likes?
- Integrity. Acute, like indigestion.
What does this mean, "integrity"?
A pocketful of firecrackers...
waitin' for a match.
You know, it's a new wrinkle.
I never thought I'd make a killing
on some guy's integrity.
I'd hate to take a bite out of you.
You're a cookie full of arsenic.
I still think he's behind the smears.
Not that I'm convinced, but you'll
never prove it in a 1,000 years.
Steve,
you'll do what you want, but it can't hurt.
If he offers you an olive branch,
so today like olives.
Excuse me.
Steve, before we go in, could I...
Hi! Just in time.
JJ just finished up his rehearsal.
Looks like a wedding.
You look lovely, dear.
- Steve, you've met my brother?
- Of course.
Frank.
Looks like you went out and got
a packet of trouble for yourself.
You've been very kind about it.
Give Susie credit for that.
She said there was nothing to the smear.
As a matter of fact, I'll have plenty
to say about smears on my show today.
And that's why I'd...
Well, I'd like your personal assurance too.
Mr Hunsecker, there is nothing to
this smear. You have my sincere word.
I'll buy that. Now you do me a favour.
- Be good to my kid sister.
- Yeah. She's had a lotta trouble for a kid.
Susie has her girlish secrets,
but in her heart of hearts,
I imagine she fancies you
in an uncommon way.
Now how about you? Not just, uh...
Well, not just tomcatting around, I hope?
- JJ, Steve is not...
- Take it easy, Susie.
Steve wouldn't be much of a man
if he didn't understand my concern.
No, I wouldn't.
Serious as a deacon.
I like it. I like it fine.
In a world of old rags and bones, I like it.
Now, you take Sidney here.
If Sidney ever got anywhere near Susie,
I'd take a baseball bat
and break it over his head.
Sidney lives so much in moral twilight,
that when I said you were
coming here, he predicted disaster.
Said you wouldn't take my favour.
He said you'd chew up the job
and spit it back in my face.
- Any truth in that?
- Since you bring it up...
No, Mr Hunsecker. If I can amplify...
Don't amplify.
Steve would like
to thank you for this favour.
You don't listen very good, do you?
JJ said to keep your mouth shut.
Isn't it time you shut yours? Who are
you to tell Frank D'Angelo to shut up?
Steve, this isn't important.
Does he have to be here?
Why? Has he bothered you before?
- Is it news to you?
- People tell me I'm a very gifted man,
but I still can't see around corners.
Just what exactly are you so hot about?
I know it's difficult to be an artist
in this crudest of all possible worlds...
Look, I'm not here as an artist.
I'm here as an average Joe
who happens to love your sister.
Well, just be careful
you don't knock her off her feet, hm?
Frankly, son, I lost you on that last hill.
Just give us the punch line.
Steve.
There's no punch line.
Maybe I was admiring your
know-how. Yours and Falco's.
Why do you keep
coupling me with Falco?
Why is he here?
Tell me, sir, when he dies do you think
he'll go to the dog and cat heaven?
Let's forget about dogs and cats
and all that pseudo-literary junk.
I'll lay it on the line. What about
that ruckus in my office today?
You were there, Frank. According to
St Dallas, JJ was behind the Elwell smear.
- Don't go wild, Sidney.
- Look at them and tell me who's wild.
- Steve was overexcited. He didn't mean...
- How did you mean it?
Quiet! All of you.
Susie, sit down.
This requires investigation.
How did you mean it?
Come on, I'm waiting.
I don't take kindly to you
and Falco teaching me ethics.
Who's the injured party here? You?
You have no right to ask questions.
And your snide...
Wait a minute. I haven't handed over
punishing privileges to you yet.
Lay the whip down.
I might respect what you say.
- Steve...
- Shut up.
Susie, did you know
about this accusation?
No.
Before you leave, son,
I'll answer your question.
Susan Hunsecker's the injured party.
Or perhaps you'll be telling me
I don't have my sister's welfare at heart.
You've got more twists
than a barrel of pretzels.
Did you hear that, Susie?
- Continue, please.
- I can't cope with them.
You're too shrewd for me,
so I'll just be honest.
Susie and I are in love.
We wanna get married.
Give him credit.
The boy's gall is gorgeous.
Why don't we hear what Susie has to say?
That's stout of you, but perhaps Susie
may not care to air her views in public.
Susie?
Susie, as always, is free
to say anything she wants.
Go on, dear.
Say exactly what's on your mind, dear.
Those "dears" sound like daggers.
- What are you trying to do?
- Get her to stand up to you,
but you make her afraid to speak!
- Son, you raise your voice once more...
- Steve, please, please stop.
- JJ...
- I'm sorry, Susie.
Well, son, it looks like we may have
to call this game on account of darkness.
If looks could kill, I'd be dead.
No, I don't care about you. My whole
interest, if it's not too late, is in Susie.
And how to undo what you've done to her.
What have I done to her, except
not buy her a new fur coat lately?
You were right, Sidney. This boy is a dilly.
Why? Because I don't like the way you toy
with people? Your contempt and malice?
Sorry, Frank. You think
about yourself and your column.
To you, you're some kind
of a national glory,
but to me, and a lot of people like me,
your slimy scandal
and your phoney patriotics...
To me, Mr Hunsecker,
you're a national disgrace.
Son, I don't relish shooting
mosquitoes with elephant guns.
Suppose you just shuffle
along and call it a day?
My day with Susie isn't over yet.
Here's your head. What's your hurry?
You did it, JJ. You did it good.
Susie, I'd have to take it very much
amiss if you ever saw that boy again.
I'll never see him again.
Mary, call Van Cleve at this number.
Tell him I said he was right. Those
Dallas boys are not worthy of his club.
Taxi!
Susie. Susie!
Ouch!
Mr Hunsecker, this was to be
delivered to you personally.
- This is warm.
- You wanted them at the table.
Are you a critic?
- I'll change them.
- Forget it, forget it.
We're on the verge of a farce. A real farce.
As I see it, if Susie had stood behind him
today, he might have proved a threat.
But since primarily he's wedded to his
work, he's not gonna be able to take it.
Stop tinkering. That horseradish is fine.
It's all over, because any hour now
that boy will give her up.
Now, is it a farce, or is it?
Sidney, this syrup you're giving out,
you pour over waffles, not JJ Hunsecker.
What do you mean,
this lousy kid'll give up my sister?
How does it matter whose sister?
The main thing is that they're through.
Am I supposed to forget
how that kid talked to me today?
JJ, is he worthy of a second glance
from a man like you?
- I mean that...
- Bite on this.
- Steamship tickets.
- The next sailing. Susie's run down.
That's good. Now that louse
is outta Susie's hair for good.
I want that boy taken apart.
JJ, why do something that's gonna drive
them right back into each other's arms?
I know how to handle Susie. You just...
You just handle the boy.
Preferably tonight.
What's tomorrow? A holiday?
Your fat cop friend.
I think I'm going home. Maybe I left
my sense of humour in my other suit.
You've got a god-given brain,
Sidney. Use it.
You think this is
a personal thing with me?
Are you telling me I think of this
in terms of personal pique?
Today that boy wiped
his feet on the choice,
on the predilections of 60 million people
in the greatest country in the world.
If you had any morals, you'd understand
the immorality of that boy's stand today.
It wasn't me he criticised.
It was my readers.
Don't remove the gangplank, Sidney.
You may wanna get back on board.
JJ, it's one thing to wear your dog collar.
When it turns into a noose,
I'd rather have my freedom.
The man in jail is always for freedom.
Except, if you'll excuse me,
I'm not in jail.
You're in jail. You're a prisoner of your
own fears, your own greed and ambition.
You're blind, Mr Magoo.
This is the crossroads for me.
I won't get Kello. Not for
a lifetime pass to the Polo Grounds.
Not if you served me Cleopatra on a plate.
- Sidney, I told you...
- I swear on my mother's life,
I wouldn't do that. Not if you gave me
a column would I do a thing...
Who do you think writes the column while
Susie and I are away for three months?
The man in the moon?
Thank you, Sidney.
And, Sidney, I'll have
that piece of paper back.
Two cups of coffee.
Steve, I love the way
you stood up to my brother.
Nobody ever did that before.
But it frightened me.
Is that why you walked out?
Yes.
What you say to me, it's true.
I'm weak. I can't change.
I gather... you're trying to say goodbye.
Yes.
I came here with half
an idea of saying goodbye.
But I guess I'll hang around...
to plead.
Susie, is this really what you want?
Yes.
My brother's capable of doing you
very great harm. I can't let that happen.
- I won't give you up.
- We can't see each other again.
Susie, that's fish four day's old.
I won't buy it.
Outta that mouth I love,
like a ventriloquist's dummy,
- Your brother is saying goodbye.
- No, Steve.
Please don't.
Please don't.
At least this way I'll know that...
you'll be somewhere in the world,
alive and happy, working.
I won't give you up.
You've got to go.
This coat is your brother.
I've always hated this coat.
Goodbye, Mr D'Angelo.
Take care of Steve.
Say something funny, Mr Hasenpfeffer.
Look back and see
if she's still standing there.
She's still standing there.
I'll have a straight coke.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Excuse me, Joe.
- Steve don't feel too good.
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
So, if you don't mind,
he'd like to leave after this set.
I like that boy, Frank.
Anything he wants to do is OK with me.
Hey, Mr Falco!
I hate to give you the satisfaction,
but they broke it off tonight for good.
Tell that to Hunsecker.
Tell him we agree, he's a big man.
He wins all the marbles.
What's all the rush?
I thought you said three o'clock.
He's leaving early, right after this set.
It's nice, Sidney, you giving me this tip.
- He's got 'em on him.
- And he's got 'em on him.
I appreciate a thing like this.
And I appreciate where you're
lookin' out for the virtue of the city.
- What's ya hurry?
- Let go of me, Kello.
Hey, Murph! Do you like this face?
Well, I'll be doggoned, it's melting.
Something got you scared, Sidney?
Listen. Rectify me a certain thing.
Weren't you kiddin', snooks,
when you told JJ I was fat?
Rest in peace, Kello, you're skinny.
But JJ says you sweat.
Is that a fact?
He's a dilly, ain't he?
I get the distinct impression, snooks,
that you don't like me. Could I be wrong?
You could be right, ya fat slob!
Come back, Sidney! I wanna chastise you.
Thank you very much.
Hey, fella.
Three Scotches,
one vodka and orange juice...
- Sidney, there's a phone call for you.
- Lou, I told you I'm not takin' any calls.
I don't care who calls. No calls.
- I still wanna make a toast.
- I'm buyin' the booze, so I make the toast.
Here's to the thing we dream about.
It makes you cool in the summertime...
Hey, how ya been?
- Sidney.
- Hello, Charlie.
I'm Herbie, remember?
The funniest man in town.
Gentlemen, I'm toasting
my favourite new perfume.
Success.
Sorry, kid. It's important.
The operator at 21 took the message.
I'm not takin' messages
unless it's JJ Hunsecker.
It is. He wants you
to come over to his house.
Gentlemen, duty calls,
and the best of friends must part.
Sidney, Al and I talked it over
and we want you to handle our account.
One of you guys want
a bread-and-butter account?
Sidney, why don't you take me along?
Maybe I'll rub his back for ya.
JJ?
JJ?
Susie?
Susie?
What...
What are you doing out there
this time of the night?
The door was open.
- Where's JJ?
- He isn't here.
- I got a message to come over.
- Did you?
- Well, if he isn't here, I...
- Mr D'Angelo phoned.
- Yeah?
- About Steve.
I went down...
I went down to the hospital,
but they wouldn't let me in.
It's all over town about Dallas.
How is he?
They wouldn't let me in.
But I gave Steve up.
Why'd you and JJ do it?
What are you talking about?
Who gives you the right to talk like that?
Don't bother to lie, Sidney.
I don't care any more.
Look, Susie, you're very upset,
so I'm not gonna argue with you.
Feeling sorry for yourself won't help.
Why don't you go to bed
and get a good night's sleep?
I'm sorry about Steve, not myself.
I'm sorry about my brother.
And I'm sorry about you too,
because you're going down with the ship.
- What ship?
- This ship.
Don't you know how my brother's
gonna see you after tonight?
You're gonna be the man who...
drove his beloved little sister to suicide.
You know, I've heard
this woman-talk before.
Why don't you start growin' up, huh?
Start thinking with your head
instead of your hips.
I got nothing against women thinking
with their hips. That's their nature.
Just like it's a man's nature to go out
and hustle and get the things he wants.
Susie, look at yourself.
You're 1 9 years old. Just a kid,
and you're falling apart at the seams.
You tiptoe around on those bird legs
of yours, nervous and incompetent,
with a fatality for
doing wrong, picking wrong,
and giving up even
before you start a fight.
Wait a minute.
It's the truth and the truth hurts.
Visit me when I'm not
writing your brother's column
and I'll revise that delicate outlook of life.
To give credit where credit is due,
that body of yours deserves a better
fate than tumbling off some terrace.
Susie?
A bed is the best friend a girl ever had.
Pleasant dreams.
Hey, now, don't be no square.
Don't do anything stupid.
Susie?
Susie!
Su... Susie!
Susie!
Are you crazy? Are you outta your mind?
What would your brother say
if I told him you tried a thing like that?
- I'll get you a drink.
- No! Go away!
Susie, look, I'm sorry.
If I did anything to hurt you...
Get out of here!
I did it for you.
It's all right, Susie. I'm here.
Take it easy, dear.
- JJ, Susie wasn't...
- Calm yourself, dear. Don't worry.
Put this on, Susie.
It's lucky I came over
after I got your message.
- I got here as quickly as I could, but...
- What message?
What message?
Well, be that as it may,
someone called me.
It's just lucky I came over here in time.
Why?
JJ, Susie was so depressed
she tried to kill herself.
Depressed?
- About what?
- She heard the news about Dallas.
What news about Dallas?
Oh, uh...
I took it for granted
that you heard about it around town.
You're not gonna like this, but they
picked him up on a marijuana rap.
And is that why
you put your hands on my sister?
JJ, please.
Susie tried to throw herself
off the terrace.
Susie, tell him the truth!
Tell him!
JJ, please. Look, I can explain.
JJ...
Stop!
You're defending your sister, ya phoney?!
Didn't you tell me
to get Kello? Didn't you...
Susie, just as I know he's lying
about your attempted suicide,
you know he's lying about me.
We can't leave it like this, can we?
I suggest you go to bed, dear.
You're growing up.
Cute!
Sergeant? This is JJ Hunsecker.
Let me talk to Lieutenant Kello.
Harry? Sorry to bother you,
but a bad mistake has been made.
JJ, you've got such contempt
for people, it makes you stupid.
You didn't beat those kids.
You've lost her. You'll never get her back.
Harry, Sidney Falco
planted that stuff on Dallas.
Jealousy. Behind my back,
he was tryin' to make my sister.
That fat cop can break my bones, but he'll
never stop me from telling what I know.
He's leavin' right now.
Where do you think you're going?
I'm leaving. I'm going to Steve.
No. You're going to the hands
of a good psychoanalyst.
You tried to kill yourself tonight.
Yes.
I'd rather be dead than living with you.
For all the things you've done,
JJ, I know I should hate you.
But I don't. I pity you.