The 25th Reich (2012) Movie Script
What's the prognosis, Corporal?
Mama Mia!
Well if that ain't the cat's meow.
As much as I have a fondness for pussy,
I suggest we skip
the oral lesson, Captain
And how, Sergeant Weaver.
Say, Captain...
I saw 'A Yank in the Rank"
three times,
and you and Judy Garland
make a fine couple, sir.
So you're the sucker
that came to see that movie, huh?
Yeah sucker three times over, sir.
Well you should've made it
ten times, Ishbak,
they might of run it a second week.
"North-West Mounted Police"
"Billy the Kid's Gun Justice"
I've seen them all, but
"A Yank in the Rank,"
that's my favorite, sir.
You know...
I haven't looked at another girl's legs
since that night we left.
Well I've looked at other men.
Yeah, but I bet you didn't look at them
the same way you looked at me...
- That first night in Kansas City!
- That first night in Kansas City.
Ah, it's a dilly.
You know, when you beat this outfit
you oughta go into show business.
Maybe... maybe you'll introduce me
to Judy Garland, hey Captain?
Why...
I'll introduce you to a
great many things, Ishbak.
Say... Australia's some crazy place, huh?
Like you seen the animals
they got around here?
"Boing, boing, boing"
Ain't none of them as bad ass
as the Chupacabra we got
back home in Tornado Alley.
No, Updike, you're a punch-drunk
hay-burner,
everyone knows the 'chapa-cabra'
don't exist.
Hey, Barelli, if y'all's a guinea, how come
you ain't in Italy kissin' Mussolini's ass?
- To hell with you, you dumb rube.
- Now, now, boys...
we're all batting
for the same team here.
- All for the same team.
- I don't care what you goofs think,
I'm as Uncle Sam as the rest of ya's.
Three generations all in Brooklyn,
I might be a wop but I ain't no fascist.
You seen what those guys
done to Sicily?
Brooklyn? When the hell'd that
become part of the States?
Say, if we do get invaded,
and there's a last stand,
it'll be in Brooklyn. Jeez...
there's some neighborhoods
even I wouldn't walk into.
This is it boys,
guess we hoof it from here on in.
I've never seen a puma before, Sarge,
what am I meant to do?
Shoot them, you idiot!
Dang!
Now if that ain't the biggest purple-helmeted
snot-Nazi I ever did see.
Look at it and weep, Updike.
What if I wipe your ass with it,
Mussolini?
Yeah, you wipe your ass
with this, Updike,
might just get you into heaven.
It looks like you're about
to wet your pants, Ishbak.
The last puma I saw, Sergeant,
was at the San Diego Zoo.
Well at least it was behind bars.
Captain...
Aw, Jesus of the pure earth.
Ah, minchia...
Looks like this good ol' boy was
trying to do himself a little huntin'.
Stupid kangaroo fucker,
takin' on a God damn puma.
As if a little pop gun like this
would scratch those kitty cats.
Alright, Sergeant, I wanna be on the
top of that ridge by sunset.
We bring those pumas tonight,
tomorrow will be duck soup.
Yes, sir. Alright boys,
you've got three minutes,
then I want a chorus
of "Teddy Bear's Picnic."
Barelli, Ishbak,
you got detail on the coffin.
Updike, you think you can get
Muhammad to the mountain?
Enough dynamite, Sarge
and I'll get the mountain to Muhammad.
Atta boy!
- Ishbak, get your ass over here.
- Comin', Sarge, right away.
Son of a bitch.
What the fuck's in this thing anyway,
Sarge, your old lady?
Yeah, maybe one of those wop dames
from Esposito's pork store, Barelli.
So Italians like to eat, you think
we got a choice in the matter?
Can the horseplay, Barelli,
and get moving,
- we're burning daylight.
- Yes, Sarge.
You should see how my mama eats.
Say, Captain, what's that Nazi-loving
eye-tie doing on this detail anyhow?
I mean, they're God damn
National Socialists, sir.
Orders from the top, Corporal.
Ours is not to reason why.
Yeah, well I don't like shipping out
with no fascist.
This detail's crummy enough as it is.
All that we are is the result
of what we've thought,
what we think is what we become.
"Billy the Kid's Gun Justice." Scene 42.
Don't go getting all nickelled
and dimed, Updike.
Okay boys, round 'em up
and move 'em out.
You boys drop that transmitter
you'll be down three weeks
in the hoosegow.
We'll be careful, Sarge.
God damn right you will.
Say, Sarge, can we get
The Andrew Sisters on this thing?
"Beep, beep, baby, eight to the bar..."
That ain't no crystal set, Barelli,
doesn't pick up signals,
it sends 'em out.
Ultra high frequencies
to attract the pumas.
Like a dog signal right, Sarge?
We had this old hunting dog
back home,
as quick as all get-out
when my daddy blew that whistle.
Oh that's exactly what it is, Updike,
only damn more expensive
than your old daddy's dog whistle.
Hey, Captain, how come the 96 couldn't
keep a racoon like everybody else, huh?
Well, they wanted Lana Turner but
she was busy servicing the Joint Chiefs.
Say, didn't the 91st have a pet monkey?
Nah, that was the general's wife. Ha!
Maybe it was a kraut-loving gippo.
Can it, Corporal.
We wouldn't be on this dumb-ass detail
if that rube wop didn't roll his truck.
I said can it!
Take it easy with that box, guys.
Alright, smoke 'em if you got 'em.
Oh, holy smokes!
You stinking, worthless kike!
I was just taking a swig, Sarge!
Yeah, try taking a swig while I shove
that canteen up your tight Jewish ass!
Don't go all hard-boiled, Sergeant.
- He didn't do it on purpose.
- God damn it!
A whole stack of man hours went
into building this contraption...
a whole stack of man hours.
Guys, I just hate to make you hump it
all this way up this mountain for nothin'.
Okay, Private? Barelli?
Pick it up.
Updike, back on point.
This ain't a hog-tyin'.
Shit, I can't figure
why you bums are with us.
Screwball Jew-ball,
and a no good ginzo.
Ought to be a law against y'all.
Quit gold-brickin', keep movin'...
you got me to deal with.
- Captain, how much further?
- Not far.
This will do, find a flat spot
over here, flat and level put it down.
Put it on a flat spot, for God sake.
Aw, jeepers...
- And take it easy!
- Yes, Sarge.
Right there take it easy, easy, easy.
Everything kosher down there,
Sergeant?
Sweet as a lullaby, Captain,
sweet as a lullaby.
And, behold...
God made the heavens
and the pure earth.
God's absent without leave, Sergeant,
or don't you watch the newsreels?
You don't believe
in a higher power, Captain?
I put faith in my own instincts
before some imaginary sky-fairy.
If I wasn't an Atheist before Hollywood,
I sure as heck am now.
Rest the men, Sergeant.
Yes sir, Captain.
Captain...
I go the way that
providence dictates sir,
with all the assurance of a sleepwalker.
I'll keep that in mind, Sergeant.
Dismissed.
Okay you bunch of goldbricks,
get off your asses, we've got work to do.
- Updike, I want some bait out ASAP.
- Sergeant.
Barelli, get some communication
going with HQ.
- Yes, Sarge.
- Ishbak, you got detail on the latrine.
Oh come on, Sarge, I did it last week!
So do it again this week!
Move your ass!
Oh, you gotta be kidding me...
(indistinct rhythmic whispering)
(indistinct rhythmic whispering continues)
We've always been here... waiting for you,
to take you back to the stars.
Oh, man.
Shit! Don't matter how much
of this God damn slop I eat,
this stuff ain't fit for a two year old.
Aw, don't be a nudnik, Updike,
quit your whinin'.
Say, Captain, do you think after the war
you can get me a shot in Hollywood, hm?
And put Lon Chaney out of a job?
I love that big death scene
in "Screaming Leathernecks," Captain,
where you fled Germany
with those five orphans,
that was some swell picture, sir.
You saw that, too?
What are you, a masochist?
Not that I know of, sir.
Yeah, that death scene was my idea,
RKO hated it,
but I talked Scheaffer around.
It was the best scene in the God damn
picture. Got nominated, you know.
- Wow!
- A good looking boy like you, Captain,
I bet those Hollywood dames was just
begging you to bang their brains out.
Ooh-la-la! Like Judy Garland,
hey Captain?
Say, did you get to bang her too?
Might have.
Come on, Captain, we'd sure
appreciate some juicy details.
Yeah come on Cap, let us know.
Yeah, Captain,
what have you got to hide?
Oh, no sir, I'm trying to,
I'm trying to give up butts...
No, take a closer look, Ishbak.
Go on, Ishbak, what's it say?
To the sexiest man I know, J.G.
Wow! Judy Garland?
You banged Judy Garland, sir?
Ain't that the berries!
How about you, Ishbak?
How'd you end up in this outfit?
- I mean, you'll all belly-laugh sir.
- No we won't,
we're all friends here, beat your gums.
My father's a Rabbi in New York,
wanted me to join the Yeshiva,
but I started wondering, sir,
where it was that God actually lived,
and more importantly, sir,
where it was that war actually lived,
and the conclusion I came to, sir,
was that both God and war
live inside ourselves,
and the moment we get the fires
of peace stoked again,
the sooner we'll all get on
with our lives.
That's why I enlisted.
Who would of thought,
you're pretty fucking smart
for a kid, Ishbak. I'll give you that.
But, but there's one more thing I want,
one thing I want
more than anything on earth...
Spit it out, Ishbak.
Is to be a player, sir,
to be an actor just like you.
- One born every minute.
- Aw, it's okay, Ishbak, good for you.
A man should know what he wants,
I mean if a ham like me can make it
on the silver screen, you sure as hell can.
You boys might be content
with puttin' on makeup
and prancing around like
a bunch of pansies in fancy dress.
I got me a man's ambition.
Well, don't keep it pent up, Corporal.
I'm gonna be
President of the United States.
Well, that is a dilly!
Go ahead and laugh,
you bunch of blue-noses,
you'll all see, my daddy's a senator,
he's gonna grease that ladder for me...
nice and slippery like.
You got a problem with my daddy, boy?
Take it easy, Updike.
I ain't the one with the problem,
Corporal Updike,
but, ah, I just like to keep
my opinions to myself.
No go on, Barelli.
Speak your piece,
that's what we're fightin' for.
The American people
ain't stupid, Corporal Updike.
They're about as likely to elect a dumb
redneck cracker
asshole like you for President
as they are a dime-store wop like me.
- Why you...!
- Easy, Updike, take it easy.
At ease.
You're funny, Barelli.
You're a real funny boy.
I like you.
Yeah, well, I think the President
should be a straight talking man,
a man of values.
Someone the average
Joe can relate to, not some
East Coast intellectual,
or pinko liberal.
I think it's a fine idea, Updike,
a mighty fine idea.
Alright, I've had enough
of this bullshit, let's go.
Let's get this show on the road.
Barelli, I want you on the God spot,
if you see one of them pumas,
you nail its ass.
Yes, sir.
Fucker.
Hah! President...
Warm you up, Captain?
Pasadena, Sergeant, thank you.
(whispering)
(whispering intensifies)
Captain, wake up! The pumas are here!
Wake up, Captain, they're here!
Come on,
get up, get up!
We couldn't wake you, sir.
Over do you read me? Over...
Is it a puma?
Ain't no puma that big.
Or some kind of bear, Updike?
Was it a bear?
Ain't no bear, neither.
I picked a hell of a time
to give up butts.
- Updike. Get back on the point.
- Yes sir.
We're gettin' the hell out of here.
Slow down, Captain.
Holy smokes!
Updike, where the hell are we?
Dang! This is the right direction,
I'm sure of it!
Well this is due east,
we followed the same path down.
Yeah, so where's the Jeep, huh?
Hell, I must be losin' my marbles.
It should be here, right here... damn!
Say, Captain...
I think you need to see this.
Shoot, some kangaroo fucker stole
the God damn Jeep.
Yeah, and I think some kangaroo fucker's
stolen the God damn road!
What are you an idiot?!
Jesus of the pure earth...
It worked... it actually worked!
What are you talking about, Sergeant?
You expect me to believe
this flour-flushing shit?
I know you don't believe
in anything, Captain,
no need to reinforce the fact.
You're O.S.S? A Colonel?
It's not the road that's gone
gentlemen, we have.
This "radio transmitter"
is a time machine...
a time... machine.
We've gone backward,
difficult to say how far,
approximately fifty thousand years.
Beggin' your pardon, Sarge, but,
have you completely lost your marbles?
You shouldn't talk that way
to a superior officer.
Yeah that's right, Barelli, don't talk
that way to a superior officer.
This is bullshit!
A psych operation, a trick, and one
I should have been informed of.
That thing that attacked us
was a marsupial lion,
extinct in our time, but not in this one.
Updike!
- Plot us a course back to the base.
- There is no base.
Everything within a two-mile radius
of that transmitter
has been shipped back in time.
- Our jeep's right where we left it.
- In 1943?
Now you're on the trolley.
No one knew if the coffin would work,
might've done nothing,
might've killed all of us.
And this mission might still be
a one-way ticket.
Man, you are completely nuts!
Don't pretend like you
just got off the boat.
Negative! You put this entire squad
in jeopardy.
And gladly, I'm willing to die
for what I believe in.
- Yeah what's that?
- A way of life,
a political system that works.
Why, I'd sacrifice myself and every one
of you to preserve those things.
Am I right, Updike?
Hell yes, sir.
The way I see it, Captain,
you ain't the one
giving' the orders anymore...
- Y'all been demoted.
- Yeah,
yeah, well, the way I see it, Updike, is that
I think you've had too much
giggle-water.
May I remind all of you,
refusal to obey a superior officer
in a time of war is treason.
I prepared this mission,
I've studied all of your psychological
profiles, all of you!
I know everybody's dirty little secrets.
You disobey me again and I'll scrag you
good and proper, O'Brian.
Understand?
We've come back to the past
to save the future, gentlemen,
to put an end to the tyranny
of Hitler's Third Reich!
Humanity will owe you all a great debt.
I wanna be west of those mountains
in two hours.
Updike, hit the sixes,
you're back on point.
Yes sir, Colonel sir.
And Barelli, you're on fire extinguisher,
let's move out.
Stay outta my way, grease-ball.
Anybody can make history,
Corporal Updike,
but only great men can write it.
God bless America, sir.
- Captain?
- Move out, Private.
You heard the Colonel.
You really believe
we've moved through time, Captain?
I don't know
what I believe anymore, Ishbak.
When are we gonna put that cracker
asshole back in his box, Captain?
Upon the road of life
I stumbled into a dark wood,
for the right path had been missed.
What, what was that, Captain?
"Inferno in Alabama."' Scene 27.
Apple sauce!
You see what kind of a fine
actor he is huh, Barelli?
Oh jeez, if he can act us back to 1943
I'll give the man
an Academy Award myself.
Hold it right there.
Jesus of the pure earth!
Scatter! Hit the deck!
Shit!
What are you afraid
of, a little prick?
Ishbak... Ishbak!
Alright, we can't lollygag around.
Fire up that box,
I gotta get this kid back to 1943.
If he lives, there's no gain.
If he dies, there's no loss.
What the hell kind
of an animal are you?
The kind of animal that follows orders.
You took it out of your pants and
you should of done somethin' with it.
- Cut it out, get back!
- I'll kill you, Barelli! Fuckin' kill you!
Updike, that's enough!
Enough God damn it!
Okay, Updike?
Okay, Barelli?
You wanna get that kid back home,
then you do what I say... what I say!
You fucking rube,
you've condemned us all.
Our salvation lies yonder, Captain,
now move out.
Updike, you're on my ass... now!
God damn bunch of 8-balls.
God damn back-talkin' assholes!
Anything comes sniffin'
around, Ishbak,
you shoot it's God damn ass off,
you understand?
I'll be right back.
I didn't expect this.
What were you expecting?
Well, I'll be dipped in shit.
We found it buried
right here in 1939...
Decayed, corroded.
Forgotten for over
fifty thousand years.
Wait, you're saying
that's where that-there box
came from, Colonel?
That box was the only thing
salvageable,
it's the heart of the ship...
a quantum wave generator
that buckled time and space
like a Barnum & Bailey Circus mirror.
What's our mission, sir?
Why, we're gonna fly that giant
suppository back to 1943
and shove it up Adolf Hitler's ass.
Those potato-mashers won't know
what hit 'em...
Ah boys, we're gonna change
the course of human history.
This time next year pigeons
will be crapping on our statues
from Washington State,
to Washington D.C.
Just what us Italians need
another fucking statue.
God damn it!
I'll get inside that thing
if it takes me all eternity.
We camp here tonight!
Don't sweat it, Private,
that ship's electromagnetic field
scares the hell out of those critters.
They won't come any closer.
It ain't the critters that
are eating me, Colonel.
It's the fact that I'm gonna have
to eat those critters.
Where's your atheism now, O'Brian?
Here you are at God's doorstep
but you refuse to acknowledge it.
That chunk of metal means
there might be little green men,
it does not mean there's a God.
Well I think it proves definitively
that there's a God
and he's on our side.
That sounds like something
a Nazi'd say.
Well, maybe they'd be right.
Maybe the real war
isn't man against man.
Maybe it's man against God?
We're gonna use that ship
to overthrow God, right?
Yeah, Updike's on the trolley,
that's exactly
why God led us to the ship.
Negative.
Whatever flew that ship is long gone,
or didn't you see those graves?
I wouldn't expect you
to agree with me, O'Brian.
I doubt if anything like that has been
mentioned in the Torah.
Oh, is that a revelation to you, boys?
Our beloved Captain here
is of the Judaic persuasion.
Donald O'Brian is a stage name.
You wanna tell 'em
what your real handle is, Captain?
Go on, Captain.
You got a right to speak...
that's what we're fighting for.
Kinderman,
Elijah Kinderman.
Shit!
Well, Kinderman,
I believe the destiny of man
is to rule the cosmos,
to be first raised as God's children,
but then to ascend and take his place.
We're gonna need more water.
Corporal Updike,
go fill the Captain's canteen.
Yes sir, Colonel, sir.
Might as well, ah,
fill 'em all up, hey Colonel?
Ain't nothin' I like better
than a round, full moon.
You gonna tell me
what you want, Mussolini?
I feel I owe you an apology.
What?
Well, growin' up in Brooklyn,
I seen a lot of ugly things,
Protestants thumpin' Catholics,
Catholics thumpin' Jews,
everyone running their own
little stinking' racket,
talk about organized religion.
What the hell kind
of tune are you playin'?
I'm playing "Yankee Doodle Dandy."
I'm playing
"The Star Spangled Banner,"
but unless we all start singing
from the same song book,
then those Nazi bastards
will have us singing "Lilia Marlene",
you know what I'm saying?
The Colonel's gone mad,
he's all balled up,
he's never gonna get inside
that tin can.
Ishbak's a goner
if we don't help him quick.
So, you got a better proposition?
We got one chance,
one chance to repair that box
and get back to 1943
but that ain't gonna happen unless
we all work together, capiche?
Where I hail from a man ain't
a man unless he speaks his piece.
I always admired
that about you, Barelli...
You're an honorable man.
Take my hand, Updike,
I want you to accept my apology.
You're my ginzo bitch,
I'm gonna cut you a vagina.
The bank is open,
I'm gonna make a deposit.
Bye bye, eye-tie.
Colonel! Colonel!
He's gone! Barelli's gone!
- What?
- 'Gator took him.
Came out of the water
and tore him all to hell and gone.
Are you sure he's dead?
What if he's only injured?
No way, that critter had
itself a nice feed of dago meat.
Why you lying sack of shit!
I'll see you court-marshaled for this!
Fuck you, you Jew faggot,
I'll tear you a new asshole!
The wop was dragged into the swamp,
nice and deep.
Cut that shit out! Both of you!
This is still a military operation.
Any more insubordination, Corporal,
and I'll discipline you personally.
Either you tie a leash around
this asshole or I'll do it myself.
There'll be no more fighting
in this outfit! Am I clear?
I said am I clear?
Updike?
Yes, sir.
Both of you, hit the sack.
That's an order.
(indistinct whispering)
Come back to the stars.
What's the ruckus?
O'Brian, you listening to me?
What in the Sam Hill are you doing,
going through the Colonel's property?
He's a Colonel alright...
in the Luftwaffe.
You expect me to believe
that bunch of slimy goose crap?
I don't read no foreign languages.
Then read this.
Fuck.
Son of a bitch!
Colonel! Colonel!
Come back here you God damn
son of a bitch, Colonel!
Colonel...!
He left us here, he left us to die!
What're we gonna do?
Are you listening to me, O'Brian?
O'Brian, are you listening to me?
- The name's Kinderman.
- Fuck.
(indistinct whispering)
I hope you know
what the fuck you're doing.
Are you listening to me?
I said, are you listening to me?
God damn it!
Please Lord, don't let this be a dream.
Are we back?
- We're back.
- How do you know we're back?
Jesus of the pure earth...
Oh baby! You beautiful baby!
Oh-ho-ho baby!
Beautiful baby.
You God damn beautiful baby!
Yeah! Haywood's back baby,
Haywood's back.
Oh, I wish I was in the land of cotton'!
Shit, we goin' back to base right now.
God damn it, Captain, I told you
we were gonna get back, I told you.
You're gonna be on my cabinet,
you're gonna be a Senator, shit,
I'm gonna make you Vice President!
Haywood's back! I'm back daddy,
I'm coming home,
I'm goin' be President!
Yee-haw! Shit!
Big ol' lions, and
giant mosquitos...
took 'em all on, Captain, and...
Whew! I knew we'd do it,
I knew we'd do it, shit!
"Oh, say can you see...
nineteen-forty-three..."
Shit! We gonna get this Jeep
going right now, God damn it...
Where's the God damn key?
Updike,
I hope you packed lederhosen.
This is the day when the planets
will be wreathed in dying garlands,
when the abattoir
will be substituted for the guillotine.
Welcome to New Germania.
Colonel, sir, is that you?
'Course it's him, you can tell
by the stench of his Nazi breath.
You overshot your wad, Kinderman.
300 years to be precise.
Seems like only yesterday.
After WE won the war
we purged the earth of the racially
impure and the mentally inferior
but our crusade won't stop there.
Our National Socialist Armada
readies itself to overthrow
God in the 25th dimension.
The fight's not against God,
Weaver, it's against ourselves.
You're condemning humanity.
Here you are on the edge
of extinction
and still philosophizing
like one of the chosen people.
I offer you a choice Corporal Updike,
renounce your flag, join the Armada.
Help us achieve our final victory
or die with the Jewish scum.
Ha ha ha ha! I knew you were one of us.
What do you have to say for yourself,
Oberleutnant Updike?
Heil Hitler!
It's time for you to prove your loyalty
to National Socialism, my son.
But first, lets make this
an even playing field.
Oberleutnant Updike,
you will give these two prisoners
exactly ten seconds head start.
Jawohl, mein Fuhrer!
You better not lollygag around,
O'Brian,
I got me a hard on
for some pretty-boy tail.
One... two... three...
four... five... six...
seven... eight-nine-ten.
Go, go, go, go... come on!
Now come on, come on...
Come on!
Whoo-hoo! Get on, dogie!
Whatever it is that you've got, Captain.
I don't think I got it in me sir.
Okay, we gotta split up.
I want you to move
to that ridge over there
and let him eyeball you, alright?
I'm gonna come up from behind.
Alright move, I wanna see the back
of your ass, let's go, go, go!
Yes, sir... yes, Captain.
Well, well, I'm gonna stick you
like a Louisiana frog.
Nice try...
Okay then, where's the other dirty kike?
Right on your tail!
I reckon you're
gonna enjoy this boy...
Now it's your turn, Jew boy.
You picked the wrong week
to give up butts.
Hey, Updike!
That's hardly presidential behavior.
Got a present for you, if you want it.
Just might get you into heaven.
I'm gonna finish you
off for good, Barelli.
I know you're here, eye-tie.
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
Hey Barelli,
why don't you stick your head out
so I can make this nice and quick.
Barelli,
I know you're a fascist boy,
why don't you come down here.
You can join us,
you can be one of us boy...
I know you wanna.
Come on, Barelli,
they treat you nice, boy.
The bank is closed, Updike.
This is the final deposit.
Colonel...
Colonel!
Peer into the world, Captain,
as their time has disappeared,
and everything that was crooked
will now be straight.
Come again, Ishbak?
"Drums Along the Rio Grand," sir.
Scene 165?
Kid, I got something
I gotta get something off my chest.
I never did bang Judy Garland.
- You didn't, sir?
- No.
J.G., John Garfield.
A hell of an actor,
and an even better understudy.
Minchia! I never
would have pegged it, Captain.
Hey kid, it's yours, go on.
I hope I didn't disappoint you, Ishbak.
Never, sir. Not in a million years.
Not even in fifty thousand.
Well, come on boys.
It's time Uncle Sam kicked a little ass.
Oy vey ismier!
Minchia! You can say that again.
I don't remember this
being in the Torah!
As the Nazi war drums pound
across the galaxy,
Barelli, Kinderman, and Ishbak,
are all that stand between
good old American freedom
and the fascist domination
of the universe.
Walk proud...
The battle for mankind's survival
has only just begun...
Mama Mia!
Well if that ain't the cat's meow.
As much as I have a fondness for pussy,
I suggest we skip
the oral lesson, Captain
And how, Sergeant Weaver.
Say, Captain...
I saw 'A Yank in the Rank"
three times,
and you and Judy Garland
make a fine couple, sir.
So you're the sucker
that came to see that movie, huh?
Yeah sucker three times over, sir.
Well you should've made it
ten times, Ishbak,
they might of run it a second week.
"North-West Mounted Police"
"Billy the Kid's Gun Justice"
I've seen them all, but
"A Yank in the Rank,"
that's my favorite, sir.
You know...
I haven't looked at another girl's legs
since that night we left.
Well I've looked at other men.
Yeah, but I bet you didn't look at them
the same way you looked at me...
- That first night in Kansas City!
- That first night in Kansas City.
Ah, it's a dilly.
You know, when you beat this outfit
you oughta go into show business.
Maybe... maybe you'll introduce me
to Judy Garland, hey Captain?
Why...
I'll introduce you to a
great many things, Ishbak.
Say... Australia's some crazy place, huh?
Like you seen the animals
they got around here?
"Boing, boing, boing"
Ain't none of them as bad ass
as the Chupacabra we got
back home in Tornado Alley.
No, Updike, you're a punch-drunk
hay-burner,
everyone knows the 'chapa-cabra'
don't exist.
Hey, Barelli, if y'all's a guinea, how come
you ain't in Italy kissin' Mussolini's ass?
- To hell with you, you dumb rube.
- Now, now, boys...
we're all batting
for the same team here.
- All for the same team.
- I don't care what you goofs think,
I'm as Uncle Sam as the rest of ya's.
Three generations all in Brooklyn,
I might be a wop but I ain't no fascist.
You seen what those guys
done to Sicily?
Brooklyn? When the hell'd that
become part of the States?
Say, if we do get invaded,
and there's a last stand,
it'll be in Brooklyn. Jeez...
there's some neighborhoods
even I wouldn't walk into.
This is it boys,
guess we hoof it from here on in.
I've never seen a puma before, Sarge,
what am I meant to do?
Shoot them, you idiot!
Dang!
Now if that ain't the biggest purple-helmeted
snot-Nazi I ever did see.
Look at it and weep, Updike.
What if I wipe your ass with it,
Mussolini?
Yeah, you wipe your ass
with this, Updike,
might just get you into heaven.
It looks like you're about
to wet your pants, Ishbak.
The last puma I saw, Sergeant,
was at the San Diego Zoo.
Well at least it was behind bars.
Captain...
Aw, Jesus of the pure earth.
Ah, minchia...
Looks like this good ol' boy was
trying to do himself a little huntin'.
Stupid kangaroo fucker,
takin' on a God damn puma.
As if a little pop gun like this
would scratch those kitty cats.
Alright, Sergeant, I wanna be on the
top of that ridge by sunset.
We bring those pumas tonight,
tomorrow will be duck soup.
Yes, sir. Alright boys,
you've got three minutes,
then I want a chorus
of "Teddy Bear's Picnic."
Barelli, Ishbak,
you got detail on the coffin.
Updike, you think you can get
Muhammad to the mountain?
Enough dynamite, Sarge
and I'll get the mountain to Muhammad.
Atta boy!
- Ishbak, get your ass over here.
- Comin', Sarge, right away.
Son of a bitch.
What the fuck's in this thing anyway,
Sarge, your old lady?
Yeah, maybe one of those wop dames
from Esposito's pork store, Barelli.
So Italians like to eat, you think
we got a choice in the matter?
Can the horseplay, Barelli,
and get moving,
- we're burning daylight.
- Yes, Sarge.
You should see how my mama eats.
Say, Captain, what's that Nazi-loving
eye-tie doing on this detail anyhow?
I mean, they're God damn
National Socialists, sir.
Orders from the top, Corporal.
Ours is not to reason why.
Yeah, well I don't like shipping out
with no fascist.
This detail's crummy enough as it is.
All that we are is the result
of what we've thought,
what we think is what we become.
"Billy the Kid's Gun Justice." Scene 42.
Don't go getting all nickelled
and dimed, Updike.
Okay boys, round 'em up
and move 'em out.
You boys drop that transmitter
you'll be down three weeks
in the hoosegow.
We'll be careful, Sarge.
God damn right you will.
Say, Sarge, can we get
The Andrew Sisters on this thing?
"Beep, beep, baby, eight to the bar..."
That ain't no crystal set, Barelli,
doesn't pick up signals,
it sends 'em out.
Ultra high frequencies
to attract the pumas.
Like a dog signal right, Sarge?
We had this old hunting dog
back home,
as quick as all get-out
when my daddy blew that whistle.
Oh that's exactly what it is, Updike,
only damn more expensive
than your old daddy's dog whistle.
Hey, Captain, how come the 96 couldn't
keep a racoon like everybody else, huh?
Well, they wanted Lana Turner but
she was busy servicing the Joint Chiefs.
Say, didn't the 91st have a pet monkey?
Nah, that was the general's wife. Ha!
Maybe it was a kraut-loving gippo.
Can it, Corporal.
We wouldn't be on this dumb-ass detail
if that rube wop didn't roll his truck.
I said can it!
Take it easy with that box, guys.
Alright, smoke 'em if you got 'em.
Oh, holy smokes!
You stinking, worthless kike!
I was just taking a swig, Sarge!
Yeah, try taking a swig while I shove
that canteen up your tight Jewish ass!
Don't go all hard-boiled, Sergeant.
- He didn't do it on purpose.
- God damn it!
A whole stack of man hours went
into building this contraption...
a whole stack of man hours.
Guys, I just hate to make you hump it
all this way up this mountain for nothin'.
Okay, Private? Barelli?
Pick it up.
Updike, back on point.
This ain't a hog-tyin'.
Shit, I can't figure
why you bums are with us.
Screwball Jew-ball,
and a no good ginzo.
Ought to be a law against y'all.
Quit gold-brickin', keep movin'...
you got me to deal with.
- Captain, how much further?
- Not far.
This will do, find a flat spot
over here, flat and level put it down.
Put it on a flat spot, for God sake.
Aw, jeepers...
- And take it easy!
- Yes, Sarge.
Right there take it easy, easy, easy.
Everything kosher down there,
Sergeant?
Sweet as a lullaby, Captain,
sweet as a lullaby.
And, behold...
God made the heavens
and the pure earth.
God's absent without leave, Sergeant,
or don't you watch the newsreels?
You don't believe
in a higher power, Captain?
I put faith in my own instincts
before some imaginary sky-fairy.
If I wasn't an Atheist before Hollywood,
I sure as heck am now.
Rest the men, Sergeant.
Yes sir, Captain.
Captain...
I go the way that
providence dictates sir,
with all the assurance of a sleepwalker.
I'll keep that in mind, Sergeant.
Dismissed.
Okay you bunch of goldbricks,
get off your asses, we've got work to do.
- Updike, I want some bait out ASAP.
- Sergeant.
Barelli, get some communication
going with HQ.
- Yes, Sarge.
- Ishbak, you got detail on the latrine.
Oh come on, Sarge, I did it last week!
So do it again this week!
Move your ass!
Oh, you gotta be kidding me...
(indistinct rhythmic whispering)
(indistinct rhythmic whispering continues)
We've always been here... waiting for you,
to take you back to the stars.
Oh, man.
Shit! Don't matter how much
of this God damn slop I eat,
this stuff ain't fit for a two year old.
Aw, don't be a nudnik, Updike,
quit your whinin'.
Say, Captain, do you think after the war
you can get me a shot in Hollywood, hm?
And put Lon Chaney out of a job?
I love that big death scene
in "Screaming Leathernecks," Captain,
where you fled Germany
with those five orphans,
that was some swell picture, sir.
You saw that, too?
What are you, a masochist?
Not that I know of, sir.
Yeah, that death scene was my idea,
RKO hated it,
but I talked Scheaffer around.
It was the best scene in the God damn
picture. Got nominated, you know.
- Wow!
- A good looking boy like you, Captain,
I bet those Hollywood dames was just
begging you to bang their brains out.
Ooh-la-la! Like Judy Garland,
hey Captain?
Say, did you get to bang her too?
Might have.
Come on, Captain, we'd sure
appreciate some juicy details.
Yeah come on Cap, let us know.
Yeah, Captain,
what have you got to hide?
Oh, no sir, I'm trying to,
I'm trying to give up butts...
No, take a closer look, Ishbak.
Go on, Ishbak, what's it say?
To the sexiest man I know, J.G.
Wow! Judy Garland?
You banged Judy Garland, sir?
Ain't that the berries!
How about you, Ishbak?
How'd you end up in this outfit?
- I mean, you'll all belly-laugh sir.
- No we won't,
we're all friends here, beat your gums.
My father's a Rabbi in New York,
wanted me to join the Yeshiva,
but I started wondering, sir,
where it was that God actually lived,
and more importantly, sir,
where it was that war actually lived,
and the conclusion I came to, sir,
was that both God and war
live inside ourselves,
and the moment we get the fires
of peace stoked again,
the sooner we'll all get on
with our lives.
That's why I enlisted.
Who would of thought,
you're pretty fucking smart
for a kid, Ishbak. I'll give you that.
But, but there's one more thing I want,
one thing I want
more than anything on earth...
Spit it out, Ishbak.
Is to be a player, sir,
to be an actor just like you.
- One born every minute.
- Aw, it's okay, Ishbak, good for you.
A man should know what he wants,
I mean if a ham like me can make it
on the silver screen, you sure as hell can.
You boys might be content
with puttin' on makeup
and prancing around like
a bunch of pansies in fancy dress.
I got me a man's ambition.
Well, don't keep it pent up, Corporal.
I'm gonna be
President of the United States.
Well, that is a dilly!
Go ahead and laugh,
you bunch of blue-noses,
you'll all see, my daddy's a senator,
he's gonna grease that ladder for me...
nice and slippery like.
You got a problem with my daddy, boy?
Take it easy, Updike.
I ain't the one with the problem,
Corporal Updike,
but, ah, I just like to keep
my opinions to myself.
No go on, Barelli.
Speak your piece,
that's what we're fightin' for.
The American people
ain't stupid, Corporal Updike.
They're about as likely to elect a dumb
redneck cracker
asshole like you for President
as they are a dime-store wop like me.
- Why you...!
- Easy, Updike, take it easy.
At ease.
You're funny, Barelli.
You're a real funny boy.
I like you.
Yeah, well, I think the President
should be a straight talking man,
a man of values.
Someone the average
Joe can relate to, not some
East Coast intellectual,
or pinko liberal.
I think it's a fine idea, Updike,
a mighty fine idea.
Alright, I've had enough
of this bullshit, let's go.
Let's get this show on the road.
Barelli, I want you on the God spot,
if you see one of them pumas,
you nail its ass.
Yes, sir.
Fucker.
Hah! President...
Warm you up, Captain?
Pasadena, Sergeant, thank you.
(whispering)
(whispering intensifies)
Captain, wake up! The pumas are here!
Wake up, Captain, they're here!
Come on,
get up, get up!
We couldn't wake you, sir.
Over do you read me? Over...
Is it a puma?
Ain't no puma that big.
Or some kind of bear, Updike?
Was it a bear?
Ain't no bear, neither.
I picked a hell of a time
to give up butts.
- Updike. Get back on the point.
- Yes sir.
We're gettin' the hell out of here.
Slow down, Captain.
Holy smokes!
Updike, where the hell are we?
Dang! This is the right direction,
I'm sure of it!
Well this is due east,
we followed the same path down.
Yeah, so where's the Jeep, huh?
Hell, I must be losin' my marbles.
It should be here, right here... damn!
Say, Captain...
I think you need to see this.
Shoot, some kangaroo fucker stole
the God damn Jeep.
Yeah, and I think some kangaroo fucker's
stolen the God damn road!
What are you an idiot?!
Jesus of the pure earth...
It worked... it actually worked!
What are you talking about, Sergeant?
You expect me to believe
this flour-flushing shit?
I know you don't believe
in anything, Captain,
no need to reinforce the fact.
You're O.S.S? A Colonel?
It's not the road that's gone
gentlemen, we have.
This "radio transmitter"
is a time machine...
a time... machine.
We've gone backward,
difficult to say how far,
approximately fifty thousand years.
Beggin' your pardon, Sarge, but,
have you completely lost your marbles?
You shouldn't talk that way
to a superior officer.
Yeah that's right, Barelli, don't talk
that way to a superior officer.
This is bullshit!
A psych operation, a trick, and one
I should have been informed of.
That thing that attacked us
was a marsupial lion,
extinct in our time, but not in this one.
Updike!
- Plot us a course back to the base.
- There is no base.
Everything within a two-mile radius
of that transmitter
has been shipped back in time.
- Our jeep's right where we left it.
- In 1943?
Now you're on the trolley.
No one knew if the coffin would work,
might've done nothing,
might've killed all of us.
And this mission might still be
a one-way ticket.
Man, you are completely nuts!
Don't pretend like you
just got off the boat.
Negative! You put this entire squad
in jeopardy.
And gladly, I'm willing to die
for what I believe in.
- Yeah what's that?
- A way of life,
a political system that works.
Why, I'd sacrifice myself and every one
of you to preserve those things.
Am I right, Updike?
Hell yes, sir.
The way I see it, Captain,
you ain't the one
giving' the orders anymore...
- Y'all been demoted.
- Yeah,
yeah, well, the way I see it, Updike, is that
I think you've had too much
giggle-water.
May I remind all of you,
refusal to obey a superior officer
in a time of war is treason.
I prepared this mission,
I've studied all of your psychological
profiles, all of you!
I know everybody's dirty little secrets.
You disobey me again and I'll scrag you
good and proper, O'Brian.
Understand?
We've come back to the past
to save the future, gentlemen,
to put an end to the tyranny
of Hitler's Third Reich!
Humanity will owe you all a great debt.
I wanna be west of those mountains
in two hours.
Updike, hit the sixes,
you're back on point.
Yes sir, Colonel sir.
And Barelli, you're on fire extinguisher,
let's move out.
Stay outta my way, grease-ball.
Anybody can make history,
Corporal Updike,
but only great men can write it.
God bless America, sir.
- Captain?
- Move out, Private.
You heard the Colonel.
You really believe
we've moved through time, Captain?
I don't know
what I believe anymore, Ishbak.
When are we gonna put that cracker
asshole back in his box, Captain?
Upon the road of life
I stumbled into a dark wood,
for the right path had been missed.
What, what was that, Captain?
"Inferno in Alabama."' Scene 27.
Apple sauce!
You see what kind of a fine
actor he is huh, Barelli?
Oh jeez, if he can act us back to 1943
I'll give the man
an Academy Award myself.
Hold it right there.
Jesus of the pure earth!
Scatter! Hit the deck!
Shit!
What are you afraid
of, a little prick?
Ishbak... Ishbak!
Alright, we can't lollygag around.
Fire up that box,
I gotta get this kid back to 1943.
If he lives, there's no gain.
If he dies, there's no loss.
What the hell kind
of an animal are you?
The kind of animal that follows orders.
You took it out of your pants and
you should of done somethin' with it.
- Cut it out, get back!
- I'll kill you, Barelli! Fuckin' kill you!
Updike, that's enough!
Enough God damn it!
Okay, Updike?
Okay, Barelli?
You wanna get that kid back home,
then you do what I say... what I say!
You fucking rube,
you've condemned us all.
Our salvation lies yonder, Captain,
now move out.
Updike, you're on my ass... now!
God damn bunch of 8-balls.
God damn back-talkin' assholes!
Anything comes sniffin'
around, Ishbak,
you shoot it's God damn ass off,
you understand?
I'll be right back.
I didn't expect this.
What were you expecting?
Well, I'll be dipped in shit.
We found it buried
right here in 1939...
Decayed, corroded.
Forgotten for over
fifty thousand years.
Wait, you're saying
that's where that-there box
came from, Colonel?
That box was the only thing
salvageable,
it's the heart of the ship...
a quantum wave generator
that buckled time and space
like a Barnum & Bailey Circus mirror.
What's our mission, sir?
Why, we're gonna fly that giant
suppository back to 1943
and shove it up Adolf Hitler's ass.
Those potato-mashers won't know
what hit 'em...
Ah boys, we're gonna change
the course of human history.
This time next year pigeons
will be crapping on our statues
from Washington State,
to Washington D.C.
Just what us Italians need
another fucking statue.
God damn it!
I'll get inside that thing
if it takes me all eternity.
We camp here tonight!
Don't sweat it, Private,
that ship's electromagnetic field
scares the hell out of those critters.
They won't come any closer.
It ain't the critters that
are eating me, Colonel.
It's the fact that I'm gonna have
to eat those critters.
Where's your atheism now, O'Brian?
Here you are at God's doorstep
but you refuse to acknowledge it.
That chunk of metal means
there might be little green men,
it does not mean there's a God.
Well I think it proves definitively
that there's a God
and he's on our side.
That sounds like something
a Nazi'd say.
Well, maybe they'd be right.
Maybe the real war
isn't man against man.
Maybe it's man against God?
We're gonna use that ship
to overthrow God, right?
Yeah, Updike's on the trolley,
that's exactly
why God led us to the ship.
Negative.
Whatever flew that ship is long gone,
or didn't you see those graves?
I wouldn't expect you
to agree with me, O'Brian.
I doubt if anything like that has been
mentioned in the Torah.
Oh, is that a revelation to you, boys?
Our beloved Captain here
is of the Judaic persuasion.
Donald O'Brian is a stage name.
You wanna tell 'em
what your real handle is, Captain?
Go on, Captain.
You got a right to speak...
that's what we're fighting for.
Kinderman,
Elijah Kinderman.
Shit!
Well, Kinderman,
I believe the destiny of man
is to rule the cosmos,
to be first raised as God's children,
but then to ascend and take his place.
We're gonna need more water.
Corporal Updike,
go fill the Captain's canteen.
Yes sir, Colonel, sir.
Might as well, ah,
fill 'em all up, hey Colonel?
Ain't nothin' I like better
than a round, full moon.
You gonna tell me
what you want, Mussolini?
I feel I owe you an apology.
What?
Well, growin' up in Brooklyn,
I seen a lot of ugly things,
Protestants thumpin' Catholics,
Catholics thumpin' Jews,
everyone running their own
little stinking' racket,
talk about organized religion.
What the hell kind
of tune are you playin'?
I'm playing "Yankee Doodle Dandy."
I'm playing
"The Star Spangled Banner,"
but unless we all start singing
from the same song book,
then those Nazi bastards
will have us singing "Lilia Marlene",
you know what I'm saying?
The Colonel's gone mad,
he's all balled up,
he's never gonna get inside
that tin can.
Ishbak's a goner
if we don't help him quick.
So, you got a better proposition?
We got one chance,
one chance to repair that box
and get back to 1943
but that ain't gonna happen unless
we all work together, capiche?
Where I hail from a man ain't
a man unless he speaks his piece.
I always admired
that about you, Barelli...
You're an honorable man.
Take my hand, Updike,
I want you to accept my apology.
You're my ginzo bitch,
I'm gonna cut you a vagina.
The bank is open,
I'm gonna make a deposit.
Bye bye, eye-tie.
Colonel! Colonel!
He's gone! Barelli's gone!
- What?
- 'Gator took him.
Came out of the water
and tore him all to hell and gone.
Are you sure he's dead?
What if he's only injured?
No way, that critter had
itself a nice feed of dago meat.
Why you lying sack of shit!
I'll see you court-marshaled for this!
Fuck you, you Jew faggot,
I'll tear you a new asshole!
The wop was dragged into the swamp,
nice and deep.
Cut that shit out! Both of you!
This is still a military operation.
Any more insubordination, Corporal,
and I'll discipline you personally.
Either you tie a leash around
this asshole or I'll do it myself.
There'll be no more fighting
in this outfit! Am I clear?
I said am I clear?
Updike?
Yes, sir.
Both of you, hit the sack.
That's an order.
(indistinct whispering)
Come back to the stars.
What's the ruckus?
O'Brian, you listening to me?
What in the Sam Hill are you doing,
going through the Colonel's property?
He's a Colonel alright...
in the Luftwaffe.
You expect me to believe
that bunch of slimy goose crap?
I don't read no foreign languages.
Then read this.
Fuck.
Son of a bitch!
Colonel! Colonel!
Come back here you God damn
son of a bitch, Colonel!
Colonel...!
He left us here, he left us to die!
What're we gonna do?
Are you listening to me, O'Brian?
O'Brian, are you listening to me?
- The name's Kinderman.
- Fuck.
(indistinct whispering)
I hope you know
what the fuck you're doing.
Are you listening to me?
I said, are you listening to me?
God damn it!
Please Lord, don't let this be a dream.
Are we back?
- We're back.
- How do you know we're back?
Jesus of the pure earth...
Oh baby! You beautiful baby!
Oh-ho-ho baby!
Beautiful baby.
You God damn beautiful baby!
Yeah! Haywood's back baby,
Haywood's back.
Oh, I wish I was in the land of cotton'!
Shit, we goin' back to base right now.
God damn it, Captain, I told you
we were gonna get back, I told you.
You're gonna be on my cabinet,
you're gonna be a Senator, shit,
I'm gonna make you Vice President!
Haywood's back! I'm back daddy,
I'm coming home,
I'm goin' be President!
Yee-haw! Shit!
Big ol' lions, and
giant mosquitos...
took 'em all on, Captain, and...
Whew! I knew we'd do it,
I knew we'd do it, shit!
"Oh, say can you see...
nineteen-forty-three..."
Shit! We gonna get this Jeep
going right now, God damn it...
Where's the God damn key?
Updike,
I hope you packed lederhosen.
This is the day when the planets
will be wreathed in dying garlands,
when the abattoir
will be substituted for the guillotine.
Welcome to New Germania.
Colonel, sir, is that you?
'Course it's him, you can tell
by the stench of his Nazi breath.
You overshot your wad, Kinderman.
300 years to be precise.
Seems like only yesterday.
After WE won the war
we purged the earth of the racially
impure and the mentally inferior
but our crusade won't stop there.
Our National Socialist Armada
readies itself to overthrow
God in the 25th dimension.
The fight's not against God,
Weaver, it's against ourselves.
You're condemning humanity.
Here you are on the edge
of extinction
and still philosophizing
like one of the chosen people.
I offer you a choice Corporal Updike,
renounce your flag, join the Armada.
Help us achieve our final victory
or die with the Jewish scum.
Ha ha ha ha! I knew you were one of us.
What do you have to say for yourself,
Oberleutnant Updike?
Heil Hitler!
It's time for you to prove your loyalty
to National Socialism, my son.
But first, lets make this
an even playing field.
Oberleutnant Updike,
you will give these two prisoners
exactly ten seconds head start.
Jawohl, mein Fuhrer!
You better not lollygag around,
O'Brian,
I got me a hard on
for some pretty-boy tail.
One... two... three...
four... five... six...
seven... eight-nine-ten.
Go, go, go, go... come on!
Now come on, come on...
Come on!
Whoo-hoo! Get on, dogie!
Whatever it is that you've got, Captain.
I don't think I got it in me sir.
Okay, we gotta split up.
I want you to move
to that ridge over there
and let him eyeball you, alright?
I'm gonna come up from behind.
Alright move, I wanna see the back
of your ass, let's go, go, go!
Yes, sir... yes, Captain.
Well, well, I'm gonna stick you
like a Louisiana frog.
Nice try...
Okay then, where's the other dirty kike?
Right on your tail!
I reckon you're
gonna enjoy this boy...
Now it's your turn, Jew boy.
You picked the wrong week
to give up butts.
Hey, Updike!
That's hardly presidential behavior.
Got a present for you, if you want it.
Just might get you into heaven.
I'm gonna finish you
off for good, Barelli.
I know you're here, eye-tie.
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
Hey Barelli,
why don't you stick your head out
so I can make this nice and quick.
Barelli,
I know you're a fascist boy,
why don't you come down here.
You can join us,
you can be one of us boy...
I know you wanna.
Come on, Barelli,
they treat you nice, boy.
The bank is closed, Updike.
This is the final deposit.
Colonel...
Colonel!
Peer into the world, Captain,
as their time has disappeared,
and everything that was crooked
will now be straight.
Come again, Ishbak?
"Drums Along the Rio Grand," sir.
Scene 165?
Kid, I got something
I gotta get something off my chest.
I never did bang Judy Garland.
- You didn't, sir?
- No.
J.G., John Garfield.
A hell of an actor,
and an even better understudy.
Minchia! I never
would have pegged it, Captain.
Hey kid, it's yours, go on.
I hope I didn't disappoint you, Ishbak.
Never, sir. Not in a million years.
Not even in fifty thousand.
Well, come on boys.
It's time Uncle Sam kicked a little ass.
Oy vey ismier!
Minchia! You can say that again.
I don't remember this
being in the Torah!
As the Nazi war drums pound
across the galaxy,
Barelli, Kinderman, and Ishbak,
are all that stand between
good old American freedom
and the fascist domination
of the universe.
Walk proud...
The battle for mankind's survival
has only just begun...