The Gamers: Hands of Fate (2013) Movie Script

where several threads converge in the tapestry of worlds
a world of settlers both by choice and accident
a world of conflict between civilizations
young and ancient, noble and cruel
living and, otherwise
a world unresolved with many vying to shape its fate
only one thing is certain for Countermay
its future will not be determined here
or... here, for that matter
at last
show them in
seven years of riddles and traps
seven years of waiting for you to make a mistake
and now we have you
the shadow
the shadow
the shadow
you've ruined my carpet
so we have
where is the girl, fiend
straight to it then, no foreplay?
you will release the princess at once! and what, in our long relationship
suggests I would do this
there's but one way this can end
with your death, and us departing with our prize
for women are prizes to be won, yes?
you simple surface dwellers
the princess was never my objective, on no
merely a means to an end
you see, I have discovered a great secret about our world
a truth that defies all...
don't you dare...
it might be work
are you going to get that?
let it go to voice mail
you were saying
I was
you simple surface dwellers, the princess was never my objective, no
I have discovered a secret about our world a truth that defies all of...
I'm surprised you even get reception down here
If you answer that I will punch you forever
it's work, I've gotta...
No, no now's a great time
boss, uh.. some guy has a question about renting a room
that's on the rate sheet
right, he'd like to know how much it costs
oh! yea that would be on the rate sheet
and if we're going to take a break
I need to feed the meter I uh... I actually have to get going
you've got to be kidding seriously?
sorry, we have an early loading in the morning
and we still haven't cleared the bay
you're killing me guys, you're killing me
and that's really what I should be doing
guys, this is going to be a while
we've pissed off a pretty big customer
yeah? who?
to be continued
so... same time next week?
I'm good
Ah yeah, I'm not this isn't going away any time soon
I'll be in tech and I've been drafted into helping with tech
Grumble thank you sweetie
grumble I say
oh freakin come on!
this keeps happening!
are we really gonna miss another session?
we're down 60% of the party
so what do you suggest?
does game night not mean anything to anyone anymore?
if I wanted to play once every two months I'd be Lodge's sex life
why didn't you hey?
relax, sometimes life gets in the way
yes I'm still here yes you're still stupid
it's not like it's gonna be a year till we game again
A year later
five more minutes and we kill him
firm but fair you shut up!
I'm the antagonist, I can't antagonize?
so... china talking to us again
seriously, where the hell is he?
what is that noise?
my minions... minioning now shut up
what the shit crapped all these dorks in my store?
we're double booked
sorry I can't game
I guess we're not gaming
the streak continues
I can grab us a table at the AFK
we can still have waffles I've earned waffles, waffles of shame
that would be lovely
I warned you
you sell card games and they'll come
those mouth breathing card floppers in ones and twos at first
and then more would follow and now, they've nested!
and taken over my precious table space
is this what you wanted, Leo?
a gaggle of shambling fail elementals clawing the air?
I do not get your nerd rage on this
you love breaking games
why don't you just stick around see what happens
oh! might I? might I please?
perchance to spend hundreds of dollars on a non
interactive game with no underlying narrative?
sqwee! hold me back! this is sarcasm by the way
this game has absolutely zero...
(oh my god!)
You, beard face, you the T.O.?
hey, other beard face boom! card me
oh our first Holden player tonight
mind if I ask your build? quest military switch
awesome my own special blend
yeah I miss switch, I used to run something very similar with the Tuatha
before the legacy broke us
it was my favorite deck ever
sorry man yeah I quit the game after that
kinda stopped being fun you know?
...hey what's she doing out of the kitchen? hey, take care of Dundereal for us?
you got it
girls suck at games!
here we go... hey, could you make me a sandwich?
we both know you don't need any more carbs
come on, show us your tits!
I left them at home!
hey, is it hard to shuffle
with my dick in your hands?
sorry, all I heard was virgin virgin crusty sock
allright Chad, I warned you you're outta here
Hans! door!
why's it my fault that she can't take a complement?
right this way!
ahm. miss I'm really sorry about that comes with the territory
how dare I game with ovaries?
you only won cause boobs!
oh I can use that one
sup crag chin?
am I kicking your ass today?
nah, Cas here hates ccgs... ...that offer no competition
maybe I'll meet you in the tourney
no, wait, sorry
I meant meeeeehhhhhhh...
I need three things to live water, salt and her name
oh would you look at that we're actually just past the sign in phase
an entry fee is 10 bucks but for you
I'll give you 30 if I meet her in the first round
I'll take that 30 and the +3 beads of protection
do I look like a sheep? cuz I'm getting fleeced
you still need a deck to play
ah whatever I'll take the grand mighty empire of... green one
you don't just grab a faction at random
your choice of empire is the most important decision that you shall ever make
they each have their own unique histories, and tactics and varying victory conditions
take the Tuatha green one
we are a people of mighty power green one!
we were the first to uphold the... green one
citizens of Countermay
one generation ago
Simm Buxtehude and Tuatha Dundereal
led an alliance against the god king Shad Hujem
and his undead allies
they toppled the dark one from his god head seat
and sealed his throne under a mountain of stone
hey, Natalie right?
I know, hard guess the only girl here
that is how I wanna be remembered
I'm Cas and you have already turned tonight's fortune completely around
I have a tazer
the sunken pyramid of Ixhasa
rises from the deep
and from it issues forth the dread army
with a single goal in mind
to return Ulix the eternal emperor to the god head seat
and restore their empire
will Ixhasa be victorious?
or will the mortal men stand together
and claim the throne for themselves
we shall have the answers to all this and more
when we cry havoc!
HAVOC! cry havoc!
HAVOC and let slip the dogs of war!
well, that was pointless
where were we?
allright yeah, lets play
with cards
I do not get your angle man
welcome to the romance of the nine empires collectible card game
where you take the part of one of the nine warring factions
ho oh yeah, ok nine of them I gotcha
yeah I'm just going to declare victory now
allright you got me I don't actually play this game
wonder of wonders!
I'm just a chiseled gamer guy who saw a gorgeous gamer girl
and was willing to risk total humiliation for a chance to talk to her
after this is all over what do you say you teach me how to play over a cup of coffee?
I know this great waffle place it's open all night
let me break it down for you
you're cute, sure
you speak in complete sentences
and I'm reasonably certain that you bathed in the last 24
the thing is I'm here to game I have this tournament to win
and a whole army of the undead to thwart
I can do 20 pull-ups
not in a row or anything...
Tazer Ok! yeah sure
you just do your thing
and I
will just eh...
wanna see how the whole shebang turns out
play it off and back away and...
she totally franced ya, didn't she?
ah, course she did
ah how does utter defeat taste? bitter I hope
this is not sarcasm by the way
the night is young, and as you said victory conditions vary
you got a... little.. here, come here
oh no hey look I'm sorry
but you know it's like I've always said men are bad at relationships
and women are bad at things
ladies and gentlemen
our winner and regional champion
Chris Hunter boo...
congratulations you've won a birth in the national championship
and the storyline prize
what's it gonna be?
war or diplomacy?
war of course! boo...
hey hey hey if you don't like the way the game is going
all you gotta do is beat the legacy at Gencon
come on! hate me more!
your pulp rage gives me strength
great game Natalie
way to give the legacy another win
hey, you kicked some serious ass in there
I lost
now I gotta play my way through the Swiss
fucking legacy
right, you don't play
they're this... cabal of elite dickbags
who like fucking with the player base and making unpopular story decisions
they created the starvation deck that all denial thing you saw in there
and they just sit behind an undead army
that doesn't have to eat while they wipe out all food production on the board
so you can't even bring your heroes into play without them starving to death
and they just whittle you away
while you sit there watching your deck burn
and they're gonna ride that pony all the way to the championship
and flush questing down the toilet
Them's the stakes
Ixhasa wins
questing's gone as a victory condition
I never thought I'd leave this game
but I can't take this shit anymore
and without any ability to affect anything
wow, I've really ranted all over you
it's ok I didn't understand most of it anyway
so... waffles?
tell you what thunder jaw
win Gencon for Holden
put my queen on the throne
and sure, I'll go out with you
challenge accepted
no it wouldn't and I'm telling you it would!
There is zero evidence to support your claim
the evidence is rather clear!
Let's ask Cas. Cas!
Say that you were to chop off the hydra's dick
do you think... Shut up
Ready for this?
We're going to Gencon!
The best four days in gaming!
Expecting a bigger reaction!
well, Joe and I were already going
Yeah and now someone from the group
actually has a chance of getting laid
So I'm winning a tournament for this card flopper chick
She's totally into me
Will he be there?
yes, Gary, of course he'll be there.
He's always there
You're gonna have to deal with him sooner or later
I don't think I'm ready yet
Now all I have to do is learn how to play the nine kingdoms
yea tomato tomaaa I don't care
Allright! Which one of you guys
wants to lose to a guy who's touched boob?
Buxtehude, you are summoned to the queen!
It is as I feared war has come to Holden
The cult of shad Hujem marches against us
Meet them in battle, Myriad
Save our kingdom
The god king shall return
I'm warmed up now rematch
and use a real deck this time
Buxtehude, you are summoned to the queen!
It is as I feared war has come to Holden
The ord of the floating isles march against us
Meet them in battle, Myriad
Save our kingdom
I said real deck
I'm bored
I'll play! I'll play
Buxtehude, you are summoned to the queen!
It is as I feared war has come to Holden
this... feels so familiar
Something unlike anything I have ever seen marches against us
Meet them in battle, Myriad
Are we even playing the same game?
I'm playing chibi dance number one, hurray
I don't know what you're playing
Man you are like an anti montage
come on let's leave that sad man alone
You just keep getting worse!
Please, from the bottom of my heart
and I do mean this sincerely
Keep trying
You're flailing at mediocrity is
Marvelous entertainment
Might I have a look at your deck
It's not like you're going to be able to help
Those kids were obviously cheating
Now he's blaming kids!
This is like Christmas
And my birthday all at the same time
Let's do a test draw see if we can find the problem
Am I summoned
to the queen?
We must face... Is it war?
Has war come to Holden?
War?! Heavens no!
I merely wished to assess our defenses
Have you been sleeping? You look troubled
I've been having the strangest dreams
at least that's what I think they are
our defenses are woefully inadequate
not a kingdom in the world can stand against the dread army
and with famine rampant we have neither the troops nor the wealth to prevail
If we are too weak to stand on our own
then, what we clearly need are allies
A political marriage would strengthen our position
I'm of more use to us here
What do you suggest?
How shall we defend ourselves?
let me quest, majesty
the way my father did, the way that made Holden great
the days of epic questing are over, Myriad
They died with your father
Assess our defenses
I would know how inadequate they are
before I take marriage off the table
There's your problem
Your gold to food ratio is off
you've got too few quests
and a metric butt load of heroes
if you're questing...
you need to focus around these two
Myriad, and Dundereal
We have only these few men
Do they look strangely similar to you?
We can't supply a larger army and our weapons selection is...
embarrassingly out of date
we cannot defend ourselves with this
my father could have
I wonder
crafty as he was I doubt even old Simm could have
made a go at this with these paltry resources.
sly old fox
I miss him
There has to be something we haven't considered
Something we haven't thought of
There is
Leave the castle
lead your people back into the marches
It has been a wonderful experiment
and a welcoming refuge
but Simm made may enemies when he carved it from the wilderness
enemies with long memories
I've been through the fall of a dynasty Myriad
Life goes on
Life goes on if you allow it
Byron, could you please go count the bulk dice again?
Sort them by color.
Holder won't last a generation
or annexed
it's only a matter of time
Dundereal won't say what the whole court knows the queen will have to do
is marry me off to secure peace
which wouldn't have even been an option if I had been born your son!
This is about the first 10 years of R9E
I have play sets of all the rares
All the promos
Some of these even go back to the initial print run
These are total collector items now
Practically impossible to find
And I've kept them hidden for years
His journals, his unfinished work the quests he never completed
I found them Did we need to bring them all?
We thought these lost
Where ever did you find them?
No where that can't be repaired
I'm sorry? These are rather heavy
We can complete the quests he never did
Find the artifacts and allies we need to defend our kingdom, don't you see?
And these are the edge you need
You know how to play this game?
Yes, and I can teach you
and I mean you gotta convince me
if it's a worthwhile use of my time
so I'll put it to you straight
this girl...
is she worth it
there's just something about her
the drive, the poise
the way she made that 11 year old cry
the moment I saw her I just knew
this girl's special
this is a girl
that I could really
really have sex with
that's all I needed to hear
with this deck you'll be questing
so you'll need a blend of strong mid-game quests
game ending knockout quests
and quick cheeser quests to get you started
here is a classic
a most peculiar lamp
oh just so you know when I remember this
I'm totally gonna imagine the matrix training sequence
cards, lots of cards
so the lamp yeah
it's 10 renown
plus you get to search for and play 3 cards
from your own deck
if you got 40 renown already
this will push you over the edge
most peculiar lamp lying in wait to hijack
I'm gonna assign colonel baker
who is using his reaction to assign mike
who is using his reaction to assign the Chaplin
who motherfuckin ha
where'd they come from?
I've been wondering that for 30 years
thanks for showing us the way
now stay down
down I said
we need that lamp
this strikes me as an appropriate time to slip by in the vain
hello Mike is it?
you stay down
hey who am I?
apple pie
you are ageless, not immortal
you can't go throwing yourself into risk like that
why ever not?
Holden needs you
Holden has me
the lamp
oh baby oh baby
man, good game, wow
everybody, give it up
for our second place finisher
second place?
what, did I miss the finals?
well I mean, it's a... you know...
it's a formality
I'm not in the know today who am I playing?
oh, you.. you don't know
The die has been cast and the cards drawn
and this year's sacrificial lamb
will be played by a newcomer
Shawn Cassidy!
it's Cas
the legend
the Meach
Meach... Meach...
Meach... Meach...
Meach... Meach...
Meach... Meach...
Meach... Meach...
rise my friends
so what are you supposed to be like the end boss or something?
look around you Mr. Cassidy
what you see is a row of championship banners
for this is my home store
it is here I have qualified for every global storyline tournament
since the dawn of the game and yet the topic of conversation tonight
is not my inexorable 10th consecutive qualifying tournament victory
but is instead
of some newcomer
slinging a slate of vintage quests
why is this?
regimes change and empires fall
that sure looks comfy
does that come with the win?
one half or one third?
will I be defeating you tonight with one half or one third of my deck
pick half...
it's less embarrassing
I think you're already playing with half a deck there buddy
one third it is...
you go first
we're not cutting for it?
start out strong
set yourself up for victory
there's a reason you're carrying three of these
biggest turnip?!
quick 2 renown
biggest turnip?!
not every quest gets to be epic
maybe I'm missing something
what exactly is the big heroic deed here?
growing a giant freak vegetable?
more or less
and said mutant tuber has the potential to win you the game?
I don't think turnips are tubers
your empire's at war
and regardless of the tactical or
economic realities on the ground
you could theoretically win a military conflict
by growing a turgid bit of purple stew bait
hey, I have an idea how to end this flashback
take another
I'm sorry?
take another turn
I insist
now take another
come on man
it's like we talked about
a desperate offer could save your ass
you get 3 renown to give 1 of your quest rewards
to one of your opponent's guys
and that helps me how?
it might buy you a turn
I said might
a word of advice Mr. Cassidy
no matter how gimmicky your deck
the jank that gets you through the Swiss
won't hold up in the elimination rounds
tell your puppet master
questing is dead
our champion
for the 10th consecutive year
Meach... Meach...
Meach... Meach...
Gary it's conversations like these that keep you single
but, but the logic bears out, right?
tell me I'm wrong here's the thing
I'm not! If I have to pick a side
you do fine
yes, two dicks would grow back
see? it's simple science!
I don't know what Lodge's problem is
hey, hey ah, can I talk to you? please!
you did great
he beat me in 9 cards
the Meach has won 4 Gencons!
he's arguably the best player in the game today
great, so...
how am I supposed to beat him at Gencon?
with any luck the legacy will knock him out of the tournament
ok, how am I supposed to beat the legacy?
with any luck the Meach will knock them out of the tournament
you're not helping!
every year in the sweltering late August heat
a strange creature will follow its instinctual migration pattern
here to urban Indiana
the gamer
during this great annual migration
gamers of all species from the Midwestern neck beard
to quivering man joy will descend upon Indianapolis in the tens of thousands
a group of gamers, called a table
is virtually unheard of in these numbers
but congregate they do every year
for Gencon
they have come such a distance for the same reasons as any migratory mammal
to build up resources for the long winter months
and to mate.
the pageantry of the 4 day con is not to be missed
members of this giant table will adorn themselves with colorful plumage
and perform bizarre mating displays to stand out from their rivals
competition among males for the demographically fewer females
is fierce but seldom lethal
of the gamers who do successfully mate
many will return a year later with their offspring
the geeklet, assuring the cycle of gamer life will continue
for at least another generation
but for every successful pairing there are multitude of failures
male gamers who fail to successfully find a mate
must return to their feeding grounds alone
where they will content themselves with their comic books
video games, and their latent misogyny
I knew you had it in you.
you're being a bit of a dick
come on, we gotta get you signed up
keep working on that!
yes my master!
today's all about placing high enough in the Swiss
that you advance to the elimination rounds
that's where the real fight begins
but first we gotta get your deck logged in the...
are you even listening?
oh Fortuna...
hey Natalie!
hey wenchhead!
remember me? I'm the guy who's gonna put your king on the throne
only it's queen
and.. oh dear god you thought I was serious
I expect that date when I win
awesome why's a bowling team here?
so full disclosure
my tazer's not actually legal in the states had to send away for it to Singapore
I'm detecting a hint of negativity
it's a.. it's you!
from... right! yeah!
displaced military switch tacs yeah!
you're telling me he plays?
are you joking?
oh my gosh, he's awesome well...
you lasted what like nine cards against the Meach?
9 cards, yeah
they got a lot to say don't they?
have you recruited him yet?
ah... why no she has not tell me more
oh man, check it
so a bunch of us story players formed
an alliance
to take down the legacy, and...
keep questing in the game.
we're gonna get the best anti-starvation deck into the finals
whether it's ours or somebody else's
isn't that great?
oh check it, even we got buttons!
buttons, wheeee!
wait, wait, so...
it's an alliance to lose?
clearly nothing that you would be interested in
it's an alliance to win
as a team
oh shit, like NASCAR?
and we'd love to have you man
here's the thing...
I'm trying to wrangle a date with ginger smack over there
Natalie? yes and I can't do that
unless I get her monarch ass down on the god head seat so...
I have to win
just gimme the damn button
I wanted to thank everyone for making nine empires the game it is today
you know 15 years ago when we started this people told us
we were crazy for making a card game where the players could influence the story
and, well, they were right
but here we still are
and here's your head writer for nine empires: Penelope Chalk
The fate of the world lies in your hands brothers and sisters
in 3 days time we will crown our new monarch
until then
we cry havoc! HAVOC!
cry havoc! HAVOC!
let slip the dogs of war!
it's a dollar per roll
or 7 for five, but you have to roll
and you only get a kiss on the cheek if you roll a 20
otherwise, it's a chocolate kiss
so 1.4 rolls per dollar at the wholesale rate
with a 5% chance of return will yield a total
bulk value of approximately $14.25 per kiss
so, here...
is five hundred dollars
you owe me 35 kisses
it's for charity
come here come here
badges please
there's so much cool stuff here
oh that's really nifty
there's so much going on
Hey look! CHIBI
I don't have a problem with you man
we can both enjoy the con, ok?
you go your way, and I'll go mine
CHIBI CHAN what the hell did you just say to me?
ah CHIBI.. huh?
you think I'm just gonna stand here and take that, huh?
we may have a situation
take it back, take it back
is this man bothering you?
this is no man!
hey, hey hey hey hey
sorry sorry
sorry, our friend's dehydrated
that humidity and air
you guys, totally worth taking those ewoks
I hate ewoks!
good game well played
how are you doing this?
were you just pretending not to play?
because I need a pity victory because I'm a girl?
I'm five and one today dude
hey, not what he's thinking
at all
I mean your, eh... you... you...
being elite is not even on his mind right?
you ok? so...
what does it matter if he just learned how to play the game?
he's... what are you today? four and two
he's four and two
do you know what that means? I do. It means that if he
wins the next match we all advance
that's some go team stuff right there right?
that's why we're here
you got a pretty mouth
Buxtehude, you are summoned to the queen
It is as I feared war has come to Holden
the dread army of Ixhasa marches against us
at the very least we can stop wondering when they come
the undead are already burning our crops
blading our fields
they aim to starve us out!
if anything we can thank them for using consistent tactics
one mo
what quest awaits us?
to pale mountain?
we need to stop an army not have questions answered
the apple of life then? no one's died
besides we'd never complete it
why wouldn't I complete it?
because they'd never find your body
this card needs to be torn in half to activate the quest reward
it's a rare rare
a Gencon participation card from 98
there were only 500 of these ever printed
just slide that back in your deck
then where are we bound with the dead at our door?
plague of locusts on your farm
consistent tactics plague of locusts on your other farm
I take the field
let's find a most peculiar lamp with all haste
with skinny
according to my father's notes the lamp was entombed in the wall
winded old man?
ehhhh you again
I'm... sorry?
you're about to wish for a bountiful harvest to feed your people
and torrential rain to turn your home battlefield to mud
this will stymie the dread army
and buy you enough time to quest for victory, yay...
yeah that sounds good
yes, we'll do that
you actually have to say that you...
we wish for a... bountiful harvest
which is ho in this season and pairs quite nicely with...
torrential rain
and maya for my third
that is a bounty
you're the first guy to knock a legacy player out of the tournament
ok, so, these you can totally redeem for other cards
and this book is a history of the game
ok... so he can play
ok so he can play hell yes he can play!
you lost!
to whom?
who the hell is that?
some punk throwing vintage quests out of Holden
quests? you lost to a quest deck?
your wishes are granted
I thank you
to Holden? oh no need
your enemy has withdrawn
how can you know that?
this is hardly the first time we've done this dance
it's not always the same enemy
and it's not always you or the pair'em
and you are not always victorious
you do usually have the turnip though
ignore him he'd trick you out of your last wish
does this have something to do with this...
sense that I've been living the same moments
over, and over again?
my... you are a perceptive one
excuse us
what are you talking about?
it's hard to say, it's it's...
it's a feeling like a dream you can't quite remember
a sense that we've done it all before
like we're trying to remember the steps to a dance that we can't
quite recall until we're dancing it again
the phrase you're looking for which from a language of
artiste and romance is deja vu
I would know more of this
how to explain...
this realm is locked in a quantum state
your world exists only as possibilities
this encounter is but one of many iterations
like the one you may become
of a single true reality
that has yet to be determined
when this version of events fade it will do so as a dream
but one you will not remember for it will never have occurred
and you
will return to the place you always do
I am summoned to the queen
with no memory this has happened a thousand times before
this can't be true
this can't possibly be true
good to be here it's good to be here
iron chops
Jayce would like to invite you... Oh.. no no no, and others...
Jayce and other members of the alliance
would like to invite you to the LARP tonight
sorry, I don't LARP
I'm not a.. LARPER
so, furries are people that LARPers make fun of
and LARPers are people that gamers make fun of
and gamers are people that people make fun of
plus I'm gaming with my group for the first time in like...
a year, so... which sounds
that sounds awesome
that's very cool
but if you change your mind for real you are invited so
please stop by
what's happening?
is the world ending?
not ending... just resetting.
and we'll not remember this?
I won't forget, I couldn't
I'll remember it all
stop that you can't know what I'm going to say
lemon tart
dance on my face!
there is one rather major variation this time around
I'm surprised you haven't spotted it
you only used two... I wish to remem...
I made it to the elimination round no surprises there
ok, so, where were we?
ah, yes...
the shadow no wilk wait, I want to savor this
it's been so long
ok, go
the shadow welcomes you into his chamber
please, sit
I'm pretty certain he's dead
are you certain? quite
I'm afraid the homicidal slattern murdered him
with my minion knife
oh yes, of course.
minion knife? well yea, not gonna get minion blood
all over my main weapon
how are you a cleric?
the lord works in mysterious ways
enough of your games, demon
games? what have I done other than offer you refreshment
and watch you reassassinate my servant?
the girl, the princess, where is she where did you take her?
now that, is a matter of no light conversation
please, sit
that wasn't so bad now, was it?
it's been so long since I've had stimulating conversation
no! no!
well we've lost Gary
so... same time next year?
you got a lot of nerve showing your face around here
look dude you can't harass the mascots ok? (Cease your chattering, manflesh)
chill (Or you shall meet the same doom as your friends)
we might need security
CHIBI CHAN (That's right, I killed them)
CHIBI CHAAAN (I killed them all)
CHIBI CHAN (Their tears were delicious)
CHIBI CHAN! (and there's nothing you could do to stop me)
dude, are you ok?
I need security in the ... small room
every damn con
If we cannot come to some accord
find some way to trust each other and form a united front
the Ixhasa will reach the god head seat
and an age of darkness will consume us all
and out of character that means questing is dead
and I'd rather not have that happen on my watch
the Tuatha will join the alliance with Holden
if you hand over the traitor Dundereal
you do not represent the Tuatha you speak for the Unseely
The Unseely won the war
and so we are the Tuatha
the price for our cooperation is your Seely prince
nice timing by the way thanks
did someone mention prices?
we of ash are listening
what Malchior needs is food
yet you built your kingdom on a mountaintop
food or land. Give us a farming province we'll send you an army
no sell it to us, we'll give you a good price
why should it fall to us to fight the dreaded army
it's clear whose fault this is
Arcanix they shattered the new mountain with their magics
and exposed the sea you will not put this on us
no.. excuse me
you provoked them with your crazy magics
that pyramid was under water till you woke them up
and now that we have awoken you are all doomed
if you want our help it might be wise not to insult us
all of you! all doomed
if it's anyone's fault its yours a city king bomb was supposed
to destroy the seat entirely
what... what?
dudes seriously those costumes are unreal you guys went all out
ok a little too into it
why does it keep happening?
nice! can barely tell the tale
I'm so glad you changed your mind
I was hoping you'd come
why aren't you wearing a costume?
oh I, I am, I'm LARPING as a guy who hates LARPING
she's behind me isn't she?
yea... directly.
look, this may look stupid to you
but it's one of the highlights of my year
so if you're gonna be a colossal dick
just go dick it up in the corner
where were we?
you were belittling us
so much for your vaunted technology
so how is it I haven't seen you at a tourney?
vintage cards like that you just don't find them laying around
ah they're a friend's
I'm just passing through
well enjoy it while you can
this might be going away
a lot of players are leaving the game
yeah, but, not these guys
aren't these your most hardcore fans?
they can't stand to see what the legacy is doing to the game
con after con tourney after tourney
what they need is hope really
what they need is a champion
I'm just passing through
hey we didn't see you complain when our a-bomb blew up the god king
and that was our last chance to get home
we'd help miss
but there's just goddamn too few of us
we can't risk open warfare and leave the home state undefended
what about your neighbors
would they be of any help? HAH!
the Hujem? you remember the god king
we'll have no dealings with the displaced
let the dead take them
but if one of us falls, we all fall
the strong of faith will prevail
forget it
a waste of time
you really need to get over this minor dispute with the displaced
minor dispute? they killed our god!
and we'd do it again!
not helping!
there will be no accord
it's not enough that doom is on the march we must be complicit in our own downfall
and where are you?
because you're clearly not here
I'm really not
what would you say if I told you that none of this matters?
nothing happening here that it's all for naught
I'd say I don't understand
I however do
at a diplomatic summit?
you were not invited
it was open to the representatives of the nine empires, was it not?
and is Ixhasa not one of the nine?
there's a lad
a word with your lady
she's not my lady
so you know it's liberating isn't it
knowing that the fate of our world is not determined by us
I don't believe you
I don't need you to believe me
we're but pieces on a board fleshling
toyed with by powers unaware of our existence
powers that favor Ixhasa
the hands that deal our fate do so in our favor
the outcome has already been determined
you need not die with the rest of your people
Dundereal need not die with the rest of your people
what has come over you? you just do not understand!
nothing we do her matters! we cannot affect the outcome!
the entire world is at stake the entire world
the kingdom your father build and you speak of abandoning
perhaps we can escape the cycle
oh get a hold of yourself!
Did you win?
it's a LARP
oh so you all lost?
where'd she go?
hey cardligula
you seen Natalie around here anywhere?
ah, you're confused
you see in human society when someone asks a question
unless she's a card in one of these decks
I haven't seen her
did you see me beat that starvation deck today?
I quested the shit out of it
you beat the lowest ranking member of the legacy with a deck
they'd never seen
congratulations are not yet in order
oh uhmmm, Jayce and Natalie and some of the story players
have this whole little alliance thing going
I have no dealings with the lesser kingdoms
is that a starvation deck?
cuz if it is... I'm sorry
did I interrupt your sentence with the middle of my ritual?
you dropped this
in each...
in each of these envelopes is a potential future
for the nine empires
nine versions of the story depending on who wins the god head seat
by a vote of 37:19 the regional qualifying winners have chosen war over diplomacy
and as a result the elimination round will be played under conquest rules
any unique hero killed from this point forward
will be permanently dead in the storyline
Buxtehude, you are summoned to the...
something's different
it certainly is
I'm so sorry
if I... stop
do you regret this at all?
would you change it?
have had it never happened?
and in what way have you wronged either of us
You are summoned
to the quee... sleep
is it my turn?
and that's 50
ahhh ok...
good game?
yeah something like that
you too? yeah but I tagged every card he played
his whole deck, right there
this guy could ruin our plans
Sean Cassidy vs. Chris Hunter
we're switching tactics
you're gonna lose to the quest deck
what? come on I can take this guy
you don't need to take him, you need to kill off his heroes
we were tarred for conquest rules let's use them
understand me?
sweep the leg
brilliant, brilliant!
we've seen too much of their army for this to be a split attack
Holden is not the target
we are! why we're but two people?
two people tying up their army
let them pursue us it means Holden's safe
is it now?
I gave you an out
you remember Skafla
Unerring strike
that won't thwart the quest I win next action
without one of your heroes
so who's for the chop?
ok thanks
ok who was it?
hey hey
good luck tomorrow
congrats on making the semis
thanks same to you
you know I actually won the tournament that...
brought him to Holden
it really, really hurts my deck
it got wicked bonuses with Myriad in play
I don't know how I'm gonna make up the difference
that's why it's sad?
because your deck suffers mechanically?
not because Myriad lost the love of her life?
what it's not enough to win the damn tournament?
I have to get everyone's favorite character across the goal line as well?
and I'm telling you it is the best way to kill a hydra
ignore the heads with the teeth and just keep chopping dong
until so many have grown back... to gracefully change the subject
if you'd all just sit
how long are you gonna keep me cooped up in here?
I've been wondering that myself
till you're ready to not start any shit with CHIBI CHAN
so... gaming? Anyone?
can we play?
can you? you have half a party
yes, yes we can!
we could still play, see?
hey everyone
this campaign's dangerously unboring
but don't worry, I'm here to fix it
first off, we're gonna avoid combat whenever possible
and negotiate with inferior opponents
and remember take everyone's feelings into account
especially random one-off NPC's with no continuing story
tee hee
girl stuff
kiss me up you big handsome pally
muah mmmmuah
see? can't even tell the difference
and how are you going to play without a game master?
who's controlling me, for instance
finally! if it's either of the we're starting now
deliver us from the undead!
please win the tournament save our heroes
take this in tribute
who is it?
another bunch of freaks convinced I'm their messiah
is this... is this merv?
close the door before Gary gets loose
oak in the wind baby
excuse me
Gary! thanks!
hey hey, hey guys
could you just give us a minute?
like, go into his room
yeah cool
the hell was that!
we lost Gary containment
now a bunch of card floppers are in my room offering me bounties
baby naming rights if I beat the undead
I'm sorry, I did not mean to get everyone's hopes up
their hopes are up because they think you can save our game
I know! it's so stupid it's not even why I'm here!
you're here for a piece of ass
hey oh, I'm sorry
is that not the entire reason you came to Gencon?
don't have a stroke I get it
hot gamer chick
the latest in fantasy fuck toys another game to be won
and walked away from
don't need to know anything else do you?
but you don't, right?
anything else about me
at all
that's about what I thought
and you wonder why I think you're a joke
you may be too cool for this game
or the people who play it
but I'm not
so please excuse me if I'm not swooning over
someone whose idea of a good time
is shitting all over the thing that I love
why do you even care?
all I've ever see is these asshats turning you down and ignoring you
they're fawning all over me and you've been kicking ass
for what, years?
go join the legacy
you belong with them
hey, quest-hole
you're coming with us
cuz it looks like I'm doing the exact opposite
looks like we got us a frisky one
maybe you don't hear so good
or maybe you need me to explain how things work around here
but I said you're coming with us OH!
oh! what the hell, man?
are we not fighting? I thought we were fighting
I'm a hemophiliac you dickwad!
I'm sorry it was clear to me that we were fighting
I have to go to the hospital I'm pressing charges
fine, just least the way I'll go just...
don't bleed on me
number one team team hurray
ninja dragon riders
secret rock star USA
ninja dragon riders
honoring techniques of our ancestor now revenged
ah? yeah!
dragon riders
what a show huh?
so sad what happened they deserved better
yes they did!
I hate that chibichan
strutting around the con
like we're gonna forget it was his fault the show went off the air
yes! yes exactly!
gone, boom
all of those plot lines unresolved
oshee, is she ever gonna know her daughter is still alive?
huh? or Hekaru
is he ever gonna collect the seven dragon crystals?
we'll never know!
and you know why?
that fuckin rabbit
he puts his show on in the exact same timeslot as NDR
sucks away all the ratings we never even got a change to say goodbye
that's so crazy you know
it's like you're reading my mind!
CHIBI CHAN! (Now we have you)
CHIBI CHIBI CHAN! (There is no escape)
(MINE!!!) (MUA HA HA H---)
rabbit season!
blast him!
you! pack your bags all the rest of you out
come on, let's go move along
move along
let's go move along move along
come on
now Mr. Cassidy
I suppose you're wondering why you've been brought here today
no not really
a common theme one finds in classical mythology
is the belief that all events are predetermined
that all outcomes have already been decided
by gods
weaving together the strands of fate
on a related note you may call me
I'm sorry?
no I'm gonna call you...
you look like a Lewis to me
I see that we are evenly matched not really no
is this going somewhere?
you're a good player, yes but new
you'd be wise to ally with us
go your own way if you must
but be warned, we set our agenda into motion years ago
and it is unstoppable now
we're gonna turn this into another poker
another magic
starvation is just a tactic to frustrate the story players
and it's working, it's driving them away from the game
with them gone, the publishers need to look for different revenue streams
a.k.a sponsored tournaments with cash prizes
and that means money
you hear me?
getting paid to play games
that's it?
that's the big evil plan?
what about the story? fuck the story!
that's just there to keep people invested
and after we kill questing when I win tomorrow
in a couple of years the only players left will be guys like us
and you could be a part of that...
did you just brain freeze yourself?
the legacy has dominated the tourna scene
yeah ok we're done here
you're doomed if you cross us! I'll keep that in mind
we're more powerful than you can possibly imagine
I'm sure you are...
what's up? do it
no no no, aaah!
can't we just accept that he's not coming?
the finals start at noon
it's not noon
ergo, the finals haven't started yet
he's coming right?
why would I know that?
nice lecter I'm not cosplaying!
I heard about what happened it's a shame
shame was definitely involved
history of the nine empires
weird reading about it in the third person
you know I played in some of the tournaments that helped write the early chapters
yeah? yeah!
fall of the god king founding of Holden
was a great time in the game
you know what I loved about it?
the fact that it was never just about what you yourself were doing
I mean, not if you were in the tournament circuit
when you had years of other players accomplishments to consider
to live up to and you get onto that stage
and all of those people pulling for different factions
my hands were actually shaking during some of the matches
and the cry havocs? where everyone's howling at the top of their lungs?
and it barrels down in your chest and focuses things like a laser
and puts you in a state of no mind how many games have you played
where you control the landscape of what's to come?
where you drive the game? where you're part of the story
I did not know this world existed
and now that you do what the hell are you doing out here?
the finals are going on and you said this girl was worth it
what's changed?
yeah it's this way yeah
that's what's up baby ah!
Cas! where have you been?
I'm really sorry the finals start in like
now! look I'm really sorry
I can't play tonight
ok sure you can
get up there, kick ass my deck's gone
burnt actually
guess who did it
no no no no you you'll hey hey hey hey hey
it's ok you still got a champion oh no
still got a champion she's sitting right there oh no no
you're not playing?
I accept your concession sidebar
what is your angle, ok? how is this supposed to get me in bed?
when it started it was all I was after
but then
Kinda against my will I got invested
in the story, Myriad and the group
and if I had my deck I'd hurl it headlong into getting our queen on the throne
date or no
so quit wasting time on me and go kick some undead ass
hey buddy have you got Cas's deck list?
ah yes but I can't give it to you
listen up people
ok so we've got.. oh sh...
we've got eight minutes to rebuild Cas's deck
or he can't play
hey look I know, I know it's not gonna be easy
right, some of these cards have been out of play since
but I have seen them!
I know we have them
as trophies as trade stock
so please dig deep people
everybody's gonna get their cards back, but this
this here is to stop the undead
this is for Countermay!
let's save the world
cards up everybody lets go
thank you thank you oh my...
ok good good good I don't deserve this
but this isn't about you
beautiful what you got?
oh that's coming back to you!
because I've had enough
you're gonna keep doing this until you get whatever it is our of your system
so you just... go!
and if I see you on the news tomorrow
I will deny you three times
you can take the mask off
I kinda like it
thank you thank you thank you we are so...
we're so close
we're one short
alright? it's a hang on
kind of a... huge one
I need an apple of life
who's got one?
who's got one?
apple of life come on we just need one we got it
I could use some help against the undead
go team
you damn right
Ixhasa, Malchior, Holden
in one of these envelopes lies the future of Countermay
today we crown a new high monarch
today we shall have a reckoning
today we shall cry havoc! HAVOC!
cry havoc! HAVOC!
and lets slip the dogs of war!
cannot wait to get my beer on
hey no autographs dude
Buxtehude, you are...
not again
I had hoped for a more even match upon a return engagement
I see I'm to be disappointed... I have never had such a bad draw
it's like these cards have a mind of their own
will Myriad be joining us?
it's like she's not even in here!
what do you mean, gone?
her chamber is empty and there's a map missing from the cache
which map?
yours is a world of many possibilities, yes
and few are aware of all the versions played out
before the course of events resolves
what of those who control our destiny?
the ones playing games with our fate?
you have it backwards!
these players do not determine the fate of Countermay
they are reading its history and through a means of divination
as old as time
it is as I predicted
your quest tricks may get you through the Swiss but they will not hold up
against an elite build in the elimination round
there is no time left to quest majesty
Malchior is here
the hell have you been?
do we stand any chance of defeating them in a pitched battle?
well then... Chealy?
to battle!
quite liked Myriad
it's a pity another Buxtehude has to die because you two overestimated yourselves
I got nothing
this is why we hunt and you gather
Lewis weaver advances to the final round
great game Natalie
I am here to treat with your queen
I've seen you beat a legacy starvation deck
a feat I myself have been...
unable to accomplish
what's that have to do with anything?
a test draw!
that's what I saw you doing you were doing a test draw against starvation
If I tailor the deck to beat starvation I leave myself open to military
it was a gamble
you overestimated yourself
I propose an alliance
oh so now you want an alliance watch your tone
I'm one turn away from crushing your pathetic little army
an army that, oddly enough...
has show that it can beat starvation
so here's my offer support Malchior
in exchange
we will meet the dread army in the field and delay them long enough
for Buxtehude to quest for victory
should you succeed
you will choose
king hammerdoom of Malchior to sit the god head seat
and Myriad will marry prince Rannon to make our alliance permanent
reject this offer and Holden burns
accept this offer and I will concede this match
this is my choice
my answer is yes then our swords are yours
what's wrong with you? (Don't listen to me --)
where are we? (my voice is full of lies)
That's not my real mouth
Is that really you? No, not really
just another hallucination born out of your rapidly deteriorating mental state
I blame the energy drinks don't try to stop me
I can't stop you
that's not really why I'm here
I'm here to ask you one simple question
is this what a ninja dragon rider would do?
you know what he did to you! I certainly do
and if you truly believe that this is the right way to honor our memory
torch the fucker!
but you're gone
you and all the other ninja dragon riders
you're gone, Hekaru
acceptance is the final step
and all the deliciously appropriate revenge in the world won't bring you back
Remember us Gary
remember us and we shall rider our dragons which are also ninjas across the skies forever
there there
let it all out
getting a little weird now
thank you Hekaru
I think that I'm ready to hate productively again
I'm gonna be ok
I'm gonna be ok
hello a little help please
the final round will take place with Ixhasa
and an alliance between Malchior and Holden
You should have been one of us man
hell you are one of us
dude, I'm nothing like you
it's not too late to join you know
you and me we could rule this scene
cut the crap and your deck allright
but consider this
the Meach the guy who beat you in 9 cards
he's afraid to play me
don't look surprised you had to know that it would end this way
your choices sealed your fate before we had begun to play
stop blaming luck and chance poor craftsmen only blame their tools
remind the other fools what happens when they face the legacy
we are the legacy!
what have you brought us?
the emissary of the dread army it's like she know every move I'm gonna make
she's everywhere thwarting every quest
we won't last much longer
I have only one quest left
one we've never attempted
I was wondering when you'd arrive
the apple of life
which blossoms...
once a millennium
and has enough life force
to raise an entire army
shall I eat it?
return to the golden ageless life of the fey
we could run away together
spend more stolen moments in side chambers
of course...
Holden will fall
and it's people join the dread army
but if that's what meant to happen who are we to prevent it
I understand now what you were trying to tell me
about our world
the emissary filled me in when she gave me the gift
you are not Dundereal
shall I prove it?
in more intimate ways
a string of kisses down your spine perhaps
I will kill you
one hand in the small of your back
the other at your navel to steady you
hoist you, like a mainsail
take my word, little girl
for I've been around long enough to know
there is no escape from predeterm...
we make our own fate old man
five short
too bad you won't last the turn
for this?
my army's starved and died for this bit of sodding fruit?
it can raise the dead!
the dead are here
you may have lost the kingdom to save one man
saving Dundereal was never my intent
activating apple of life
not that it really matters but who are you raising from the dead?
oh you clever bitch
what just happened?
I believe he just resurrected your entire army
an entire army that you now have to feed
and yep, you don't have any food production on your board
holy sex balls
he just starved a starvation deck
did you just forget that my entire army will reanimate next turn?
did you just forget that I'm 2 renown away from victory?
not like this
best game I've had in years
so who's our monarch? the Mach's guy
king hammerdom
hammer doom
it is a time of celebration
the dread army falls defeated by an alliance of might and metal
where her father buried the god head seat
Myriad put an ally upon it
assuring beyond all doubt
that more than one Buxtehude
will live on in legend!
we won we won we did it we did it
we did it we did it
get naked!
da Vinci
your student...
acquitted himself well today
and yours got a little out of hand
admittedly so
I'll be far more discriminating the next time I elect to train a team
the game can't survive another legacy
the game
misses you
the game's in good hands
my flight doesn't leave for another 6 hours
do you wanna get a bear?
hell yes and I'm buying
thank you Simm
dearly beloved
we are gathered here
before the eyes of god... of all gods
to recognize the wedding
of Myriad Buxtehude of Holden
and prince Rannon of Malchior
so congrats, you saved our world
please, that's a little dances with wolvesy
I won a card game
I was gonna go last samuraiesque or avatarish perhaps
we're really talking about birth of a nation
except your not a racist fuck(?) indeed indeed not
I'm a dick not an asshole an important distinction
you're gonna want to wipe your prints off that
thanks for the tip
I suppose you'll be expecting that date now?
I didn't actually get your monarch on the throne
plus I owe you an apple of life card. you and Leo
it died for a good cause
lets face it, getting a date with the whole I did X so you own me Y thing
is kinda... douchy
well, you're kind of a douche bag so...
kinda expecting you to contradict me there why? it's true
so uh...
will I be seeing you at the next regional qualifier?
I think you might cool
I hear you know this great waffle place
maybe we grab some coffee after, sling some cards, talk about the game
I'd like that
see you around Cas
I have something for you
a belated wedding present
what is this?
the roots of the tree of life grow through many worlds
there is another realm where the apples of life blossom
a world far closer to the root
we may still be able to save your love
our marriage is one of strategic interest
but that doesn't mean that we have to suffer for it
oh... my am I early?
I was just leaving
save your love
and leave behind that ridiculous dress
suits you not at all
father try to keep up
what else is there to say?
you were such an important part of my life
and... and it's just isn't the same without you
and I miss you
but even though you're gone
I still love you
I always will
thank you
for the time that we spent together, and...
and wherever you are
may you unite the seven dragon crystals of destiny
the same way that you united the seven dragon crystals
of my heart
can I get a minute guys? of course, you bet
number one king team hurray
ninja dragon riders
secret rock star USA
you can't take the sky from me
a little left there
a little more to the left
now split the difference
actually I don't know what I was thinking that's way too left
oh come on
are you ready?
allright that's good
thank you
this guy
look, congratulations and everything
but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited to not have your face around
polluting my favorite game anymor...
they based a card on you oh look at that they totally did
would you...
sign this for me? sure
game time yeah
lose the beard, Jesus
what a dick
so... this sure seems familiar
yeah haven't we all been here before?
it's like deja vu all over again
the shadow...
now, give us the girl
the girl was but a means to an end
to lure the five of you here to kill us
you? no...
my quarrel was never with you the great secret I mentioned
do you remember it?
what is that? is that...
oh my my quarrel has never been with you
it's been with those who've continually thwarted my plans
now you...
I have quite the quarrel with
don't look surprised you had to know that it would end this way
your choices sealed your fate before we had begun to play
stop blaming luck and chance poor craftsmen only blame their tools
remind the other fools what happens when they face the legacy
we are the legacy!
you story guys the answers there if you take time to look
if narrative is what you crave why not just read a book?
hey here's my story it's called winning you might give it a try
you simply can't deny the awesome sauce that is the legacy
we are the legacy
gods are we can't you see
who are we we are the legacy