The Great McGinty (1940) Movie Script
Tommy.
Mmm?
You buy me a drink, Tommy?
OK.
Sure.
You don't feel so good tonight, Tommy,
yeah?
I'll be all right.
- Two maiden's prayer.
- On the fire.
I had a wife and a couple of kids.
The house was almost paid for.
It was what they call half-timber,
with tapestry brick underneath.
My brother, he live in a big house, too,
with many butlers and maids.
Hm?
Oh, it doesn't matter.
People used to say,
"You watch that Thompson boy.
"He'll go a long way in this world. "
I came a long way, all right.
One crazy minute.
- You want the Tabasco in it?
- Do you want Tabasco in it?
Huh?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
OK.
What do you do back home, Tommy?
Bank.
What do you care what I did?
Oh, I was just talking, Tommy.
Thank you.
That's right. Don't lose any of it.
It's wonderful stuff.
She used to play that.
Give that to the band.
You go home so soon, Tommy?
No, I'm going in there.
You feel bad, huh?
You ask a lot of questions, don't you?
What's that got to do with me?
All right.
- I got him.
- Thank you.
Go ahead. Heave-ho.
Hey!
Give me that gun!
What happened? Why shoot him,
you big bull? What is wrong?
Get outta here. Somebody lit a firecracker.
I'll bring him out.
Let me at it, then. What do you care?
Go on. Let me do it.
I'm not like the rest around here.
I don't fit, see? I'm not a crook.
- Come on, now.
- Don't you understand?
I was a cashier at the First National Bank.
- I was going places, I had a future.
- Come on, come on. Outside.
Cashier at the... what?
What's the matter, Tommy?
What happened?
Oh, you.
You leave him alone, you big horse.
The guy wants to burn his brains
cos he was cashier of a bank. No fooling.
And I suppose you
was the president of the bank?
Who? Me?
No.
Here.
I was the governor of a state, baby.
What you were?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
All the latest news.
Move along and give your friends a chance.
And don't forget the mayor
who didn't forget to remember the less
fortunate on this cold election night.
Boys, mosey on to that tool shed
around the corner. Don't forget.
Come on, boys, step right along.
There's a couple of bucks in it for you.
On to the tool shed.
You could use a couple of bucks.
- You're kidding.
- I ain't kidding.
Soon as you finish your soup, go to
that tool shed. They'll tell you what to do.
- All right, boys, step right up.
- Right over there.
- On to that tool shed.
- Come on. Give your friends a chance.
Come on, you're next.
Hold it, boys. Come on. One at a time.
Don't forget who give it to you, boys.
- Soup guy sent me over.
- Some soup, ain't it? Kind of the mayor...
Never mind the apple sauce,
how do I get the two bucks?
Simple, baby-face,
you go and vote for Mayor Tillinghast,
- and come back here and collect.
- How do I know you'll be here?
How do you know I'll be here?
How do you like that?
Listen to this guy. You fill him full of soup
and right away he don't trust nobody.
You got your soup, didn't you?
You'll get your two bucks.
The nerve some guys got.
"How do I know you'll be here?"
Go round the corner to the barbershop.
- Did you register?
- No.
When the guy asks your name,
that's the watcher, see?
You say, "Hello, Bill",
then he'll call out the right name for you.
You vote and that's all there is to it.
- What do you get for repeating?
- Who said anything about repeating?
Where do you think this is?
Some people is too lazy to vote, that's all.
Some of them are sick and can't vote.
Maybe a couple of 'em croaked recently.
That ain't no reason why Mayor Tillinghast
should lose their support.
All we're doing is getting out the vote.
The watcher will give you a ticket.
- What if I get two tickets?
- Two tickets is four.
- Three is six?
- Can't get away from arithmetic.
Give me one of them lists.
Smart guy.
Next.
- Who will I get?
- Huh?
- Your name, please?
- Oh, yeah.
- Hello, Bill.
- Oh.
Hello, hello, hello, hello.
Rufus J Widdicombe, 165 North Clark
Street. How you been, Rufus?
- Fine, Bill.
- Sit right down.
Rufus J Widdicombe.
Wid-di-combe.
Just pull the handle down.
Well, so long, Bill.
So long, Rufus.
Give my regards to Minnie.
Ah, yes. I'll tell her you were asking for her.
- Hello, Bill.
- Oh, hello. Hello.
- How have you been?
- Oh, fine, fine.
- That's the stuff.
- I've got a list here for...
Emanuel J Goldberg,
117 Davison Road.
Right this way, Mr. Goldberg.
- Doctor Heinrich L Schussendorf.
- Thank you, Heinrich.
Doctor Heinrich I...
Why, I could have sworn
Doctor Schussendorf was dead.
Not yet, lady.
Not quite.
Well,
I ain't gonna wait around here all night.
The guy's had time to vote ten times.
If you see him,
tell him I've got something better to do.
There you are.
From the time you took,
anybody would think that you...
There you are. 37.
37?
- You heard me.
- 64 bucks!
74 bucks.
74? Hey, Mike, come in here a minute.
You might not...
74 bucks?
Well, look, um... I've been paying off
a little heavier than I figured today.
How would you like to meet me someplace
tomorrow?
You wouldn't care for that?
You'll get your dough. You don't have
to look sidewise at everybody.
Come on. We'll go down to the club.
You'll get your dough.
I'll let you wear my coat
when we get down there.
Come on up. This way.
Wait here.
- 37.
- What do you mean he voted 37 times?
He voted 37 times
and I need the dough to pay him off.
- I don't believe a man can vote 37 times.
- I tell you, he voted 37 times.
Who voted 37 times?
Oh, evening, boss. Good evening, Mr. Mayor.
A lug I got outside here. He voted 37 times,
but Charlie won't give me the dough for him.
Pay him off. See what kind of service
I'm giving you, Wilfred?
- Bring the lug here. We want to look at him.
- We certainly do.
Hello.
Come on. Give me that dough.
Hey, you.
Quit feeding your face and come on in here.
Markov?
This is the lug, eh?
Yeah. This is him.
You ain't supposed to vote more than once.
Who are you?
A tough guy, eh?
You like the dark meat, eh?
You got 'em now?
A landslide?
A landslide. Thanks, Hibney.
A tough guy, eh?
Come over to the bar, Wilfred.
You too, tough guy.
Set 'em up.
- What will you have, boys?
- Orange juice.
Orange juice.
- How's my back hair, Flossy?
- What did he say?
Give me a double pecan fudge twist
with two cherries on it.
What did he say?
Give me a boilermaker.
- A what?
- A whisky and a glass of beer.
- Where's he been?
- A funny guy, eh?
- I guess you don't know where you are.
- That's right and I don't care.
A wonderful feeling.
Anyway, the gentleman to your right
happens to be the mayor of the city,
the Honorable WH Tillinghast.
That geek?
And me, I happen to be somebody you'd
better not forget the next time you see me.
So just to help you remember...
Hey! Cut it.
The guy don't know better.
I'll take care of him later.
OK.
Mayor Tillinghast wins the election.
Congratulations, Wilfred.
- Now, listen. You...
- Take your finger out of my face.
The lug kills me.
He thinks he's me.
Yes?
- 'That slug is here. '
- Send him in.
Access? What do you mean?
Got a new suit.
It looks more like the suit got you.
- Listen, you...
- You listen for a change.
The reason you're alive
and walking around in that... horse blanket
isn't because I like you.
It's because I can use some guts
in my business.
Not guts behind a gun. Anybody's got that.
But with the bare mitts.
Like I got.
There's been too much rough play
in this city and it's unhealthy.
It introduces a very bad element,
like Louie, see?
Take away his rod and what you got left?
A violet.
What I'm in is a business.
And business got to be run business-like.
When a customer is late
and a guy like Louie handles him,
he discontinues to be a customer.
- You think you're tough?
- Tough enough.
I could slap you down with one hand.
You and who else?
All right. I haven't got time now.
You'll find out.
In the meanwhile, if you want to do
some collecting, you got a job.
I'll give you a few names that are behind,
and if you can collect, you get 20%.
I pay hospital bills, too.
Protection, huh?
And good protection. If it wasn't for me,
everybody would pick on them.
They'd be at the mercy.
Now, you start...
Yeah. You start with Madame La Jolla.
She runs a kind of a fortune-telling parlor.
And you tell that old... battle-axe
it's 250 or Madame La Jolla
doesn't jolla any more. You get me?
I slave and give the best years of my life
to put away a few miserable bucks,
and then you bloodsuckers
suck it away from me.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself
to goad a poor, honest, old woman.
- You got the entirely wrong slant on this.
- No, I haven't.
- Yes, you have. Now wait a minute, Miss...
- Just call me Juliette.
Juliette. You gotta pay protection.
Do you want to be at the mercy of every slug
that wears a uniform?
You want the fire commissioner
telling you that your joint is a trap?
Or the health inspectors
telling you that your air is vicious?
Or the plumbing inspector
saying that your pipes stink?
Juliette, you need somebody
to cooperate all those guys
and protect you from human greed.
You gotta pay somebody.
Buying from us is just like getting club rates.
Well...
I'm just a poor old woman,
but you explain everything so nice.
- How much was it? Two and a half yards?
- That's right.
Thank you.
You're a nice-looking boy
to be doing this kind of work.
Do you want to go upstairs
and have your fortune told?
No, thanks, Juliette.
This is strictly business with me.
Well, you know where it is.
You can't put a black king on a black queen,
Benny.
Who says I can't?
- It's a guy alone.
- Well, let him in.
- You Benny Felgman?
- What about it?
- Can't put a black king on a black queen.
- Who are you?
- The Boss sent me over.
- Has he got a grudge against you?
- No, he just gives me the easy work.
- Oh, yeah? Now, look.
Benny, don't slug him. He's green.
- I'm gonna let you off easy.
- Tell him we don't want any trouble.
I don't need any protection from him.
And if he don't like it, he knows where I live.
- What's the sense in taking that attitude?
- Get that hand out there.
We're trying to run everything
smooth and brotherly.
Why don't you just fork over the 500 fish
and save yourself a shellacking?
- What?
- Benny, don't slug him.
What are you gonna do
if they send some rough guy?
- Wait a minute, Benny, what are you doing?
- Agh!
- Don't, Mr...
- Out of the way, fleabag.
What did he ever do to you, pal?
- You can't expect...
- Are you Saunders?
- Just a minute.
- Listen, you little slob.
I showed one guy today he needed
protection, I got enough left to show you.
You'd think you guys are doing us a favour.
Hey. You.
What?
Jump in. I'll take you for a ride.
Come on.
That's quite a suit.
You collected, huh?
250, 400 and 500.
1150 bucks. Count it.
I guess you think you're kind of hot stuff,
huh?
Keep the change.
Keep what change? I got 20% coming.
I said keep the whole wad.
I never expected to collect it.
Then what's the idea of sending me out?
I'm glad you didn't disappoint me.
For a minute I was afraid
you were gonna say thank you.
You're a card, you are.
Yesterday you was a hobo on the breadline,
today you got a thousand berries
and a new suit.
I wonder where you'll be tomorrow.
This is a land of great opportunity.
Take me, for instance.
Where I come from is very poor, see?
All the richness has gone...
What makes this bus so quiet?
You don't hear nothing in here.
It's armour. All the richness has gone
a long time ago,
- so everybody lives...
- Armoured for what?
Some people shouldn't interrupt me!
So everybody lives
by chiselling everybody else.
It comes to me very natural.
If I live 500 years ago,
I guess I be a baron, maybe.
A robber baron.
I live on a rock, chisel the city down below,
and everybody call me Baron.
Now I live in a penthouse
and everybody call me Boss.
Everybody except you.
- I got it. Bulletproof, huh?
- That's right.
And if you think I'm not the boss,
you try and cross me up sometime.
You got me all a-tremble.
I bet you're scared to death of yourself.
All right. You asked for it.
Then she says, "You and who else?"
And I says, "Oh, yeah?"
And she says, "Yeah's right. "
So I says, "You and me both. "
She says, "That goes double for me. "
I says, "Oh, yeah?" Then the operator says,
"Deposit 25 cents for three minutes. "
So I hang up on her. You let them
get an angle on you, you're a goner.
- You said it.
- Are you telling me?
He was always a little muscle-bound.
I could beat him to the punch.
Boy, we had some brannigans.
I thought you said
you were the governor of a state.
Yes. You was just a cheap crook.
You gotta crawl before you creep, don't you?
I collected chicken feed for a while, see.
Then the guy makes me an alderman
and I move in on the second floor.
Bus franchises, garbage disposal, nice stuff.
- 100,000 dollars!
- That's what they tell me.
Well, that's a confounded outrage.
Even in the days of Bart Herman,
we didn't pay that price for franchises.
Even in the days of Bathhouse Jake.
Those boys were pikers
compared to this mob.
Ah, you don't mean that, Mr Maxwell.
You gotta remember
that everything's gone up.
Living expenses is higher.
There's an income tax now.
You're dealing with a better class of man.
I will not pay graft. Millions for defence,
but not one cent for tribute.
- You can call it advertising.
- No, sir.
Yes?
I'm sorry, Miss Dangerfield, Alderman
McGinty is in conference just now.
I certainly will.
Thank you.
Go on.
"Backing this agitation, said the mayor,
are so-called pious men
"who have accepted money from racketeers
and gamblers in sanctimonious secrecy.
"The petition was filed by Doctor Jarvis,
"chairman of
the Civic Purity League Incorporated. " Ah.
They're always talking about graft,
but they forget if it wasn't for graft,
you'd get a very low type of people
in politics, men without ambition.
Especially since you can't rob the people.
Sure.
How is that?
What you rob, you spend,
what you spend goes back to the people.
So where's the robbery?
I read that in a book.
That book should be in every home.
- What a racket.
- Not what I...
You shut up!
Quit sucking your clackers, you.
And don't rub that on the carpet.
Now get outta here.
All of you.
Get me Jarvis.
I suppose you saw the afternoon paper.
They cut down good trees
to print stuff like that on them.
Look, Jonas...
we need a new face.
Clean, typical American.
Upright, dependable.
Somebody they don't know too much about.
What do you think of McGinty?
The alderman.
Never heard of him?
Well, that's just what I'm talking about.
- So long.
- McGinty. McGinty, wait a minute.
McGinty, please.
- Back in a little while.
- Yes, Mr McGinty.
Just a minute, McGinty. McGinty.
McGinty!
Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
This guy will pay two and a quarter,
this Maxwell.
- No.
- I just left him.
That's the only good news I heard all day.
Now, listen.
Do you want to be reform mayor?
- What do you mean?
- What do you think it means?
Don't make me say anything twice,
I'm irritated today.
I said, "Do you want to be reform mayor?"
The mayor of this city?
What have you got to do
with the Reform Party?
- I am the Reform Party. Who do you think?
- Since when?
Since always. In this town I'm all the parties.
I'm not going to starve
every time they change administrations.
Well, then, where does Jarvis come in
with his Purity League?
Don't ask me so many questions.
I ask if you want to be reform mayor,
you can give me a plain answer.
Well... sure. I guess so.
All right. You're in.
You'll have to kiss a lot of babies,
squeeze a lot of mitts.
Wear your old clothes.
They don't want no dudes after Tillinghast.
I'll tell Jarvis about it.
Oh. Another thing.
You gotta get married right away.
What do you mean, "get married"?
What do you think it means?
Don't make me say everything twice again,
will you? Women got the vote now.
Maybe you didn't hear about it.
They don't like bachelors.
Well, if they don't like them,
they can lump them.
- What's the matter with you? Are you nuts?
- No. I'm playing hard to get.
Daniel, don't you know what marriage is?
Don't you know that marriage
has always been the most beautiful...
the most beautiful setup between the sexes.
Don't you know that a man without a wife
is like a...
like a coat without the pants,
like a pig without a poke.
Why, the marriage is the most, the most...
All right. Why don't you try it?
Because I ain't running for mayor.
Oh, yeah?
Well, I ain't neither.
Poke that in your pig.
He wants me to get married right away.
How do you like that?
Married? What for?
Because the women
don't vote for single men.
The guy wants me to run for mayor.
- Reform mayor.
- But that's wonderful, Mr McGinty.
- Where's the bourbon?
- Under E.
I'm so happy for you. We must drink to it.
I'll get some ice.
Yeah. Wonderful!
Wonderful in a pig's foot!
We'll have more fun than a barrel
of monkeys. If you'll take me with you.
What are you talking about?
I told him to go fly a kite.
Catch me telling some rib
where I've been at two in the morning.
How did you get the lip rouge on your hat,
Oscar?
- I don't think it's so bad as all that.
- Listen, I know all about it.
My parents was married.
Not gonna catch me
walking the floor all night
with an armload of little ones screaming.
- You mightn't have any.
- What do you mean?
They never had less than eight
on either side of my family. Usually 12.
I don't want to go into that, of course,
Mr McGinty, but they don't yell so much.
- Anyway, it sounds like music to the father.
- I don't like music neither.
It's entirely up to you, of course, Mr McGinty.
I don't care any more about marriage
than you do,
but I'd think twice before I turned down
an opportunity like you have.
You'd widen all the parades, welcome all
the potentates, lay all the cornerstones.
Yeah, in a silk hat. The municipal bricklayer.
It just seems so wonderful to me because
it's beyond anything I could ever hope for.
And because I'm so interested
in your career, Mr McGinty.
- You're a sort of favourite of mine.
- Thanks.
But if you think I'll get hitched to some dame
I don't even know -
- What about Miss Lucy Dangerfield?
- In spades, that dame.
Well...
I'd be willing to do it for you, Mr McGinty.
Hm?
You see, I don't want to get married either.
I feel the same way you do about it.
This way we'd both be protected
because there's always someone
who wants you to marry them.
We'd never have to see each other
except to be photographed outside city hall.
I could run your house and make speeches
for you at the women's clubs,
be your wife in everything
except when we were alone.
You see, I... I've already been married.
- What's that got to do with it?
- Hm?
If that's Lucy, tell her I'll be a little late.
- I gotta think this over.
- Yes, sir.
Hello.
Well?
Does he have to drive that way?
He's kinda nervous.
He don't want the boys to eat everything up
before he gets there.
- I ordered a small feed for you, a blowout.
- Oh, but...
- You like caviar?
- Yes, of course.
And borscht with sour cream. Schaschlik.
And more booze
than you've ever seen in your life.
- This is going to be some schmeer.
- Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
It's wonderfully kind of you but I can't come.
Why not?
- I'm expected home.
- I didn't have time to explain.
- What kind of a wedding is this?
- Can't you come for a little while?
- I can't. It's almost six o'clock...
- Send her home in a taxi. There's plenty...
She can go home in any rig she wants to,
and you keep your big trap shut.
Listen.
- Come on, boys, not on the wedding day.
- Please...
And what a wedding!
- Here, doggy.
- Will you quit wriggling?
I want waggy dog.
Lay off that dog
while you're clean and sweet.
Wouldn't hurt to give him a bath either.
Pee-ew. Duck yourself in that now.
- I'll see you at the office tomorrow.
- Thank you so much for bringing me home.
Would you like to come up
and see where I live?
Well, I really oughta be getting down there.
- One of us oughta be there.
- Well, goodbye.
Goodbye.
Oh, let 'em wait.
Sure I'll come up and have a drink with you.
- You stick right there, buddy.
- Yes, sir.
Oh.
Mr McGinty.
- Yeah?
- I er...
- I did tell you I was married before, didn't I?
- Sure. What about it?
Nothing.
I never can find this key.
I divorced him on grounds of desertion.
I don't know where he is
and I don't care either.
You oughta put it on a little chain
and hook it on the bag.
Be a good idea, wouldn't it? Something else
I probably should have told you before...
I don't see that it makes
the slightest difference, do you?
Here it is.
Do you like gin or...
Well, that's all I've got, anyway.
Take your hat?
- That was his idea.
- I think you look very well in it.
Mmm. Like a coal stove.
I suppose we are really married, aren't we?
I mean, legally.
That's what the guy said.
I er... I don't want you to think
that I've been concealing anything from you.
There's no reason why I should, is there?
It's just that in the excitement, I...
You what?
Sit down, Mr McGinty.
Rub it the other way, will you?
Oh, I'm sorry.
You see...
Here, you little monkeys.
After that hot bath...
Hello, Mommy.
That's what I had to tell you. They're mine.
Now you know.
- Thank you.
- Yes, ma'am.
Sorry it's a little bit dark in here.
I don't think the current's switched on yet.
No. Not until tomorrow.
I just paid the deposit today.
- I got some matches.
- I brought a candle.
Now, this is the foyer.
In there, there's a powder room and a large
closet, and a door leading to the pantry.
The living room.
Hey. Kinda big, innit?
You wait.
Wait a minute.
The dining room.
Here we are, back in the living room.
Hey. This is some dump.
What's the damage on it?
They make a special rate for mayors.
Of course, if you shouldn't be elected...
That will be their tough luck. You know,
I like that last room for the kids.
Fix that up with stuff that they like.
A doll house and one of those slides,
and some railroading for the little fella.
- The works, you know.
- That's very kind of you, Mr McGinty.
Holy smoke.
Well, you only live once.
If you give me some idea of how
you'd like the furniture, I could get that too.
Oh, sure. Well, I... Here.
Get a piano for over here.
Maybe over there.
And over on the other side, I'd kind of put
something to sit on or something.
And I'd er...
Erm...
Well, I guess that takes care of that.
Would you like curtains at the windows?
That's a good idea. Sure.
Maybe a rug on the floor.
Why not?
Maybe a bearskin.
Possibly, yes.
I think I have your general thought.
Here's the balcony.
- Hey, it's pretty, innit?
- Yes, it is.
- What's that across the street? A church?
- Mm-hm.
- Ring a lot of bells?
- Oh, I don't think so.
Well, I guess we've seen everything.
- Mr McGinty.
- Yes, ma'am?
I just want you to know that
even though our marriage is a peculiar one,
it's made me very happy.
It's a cinch we ain't got nothing to fight about
like people that's in love.
Yes, that is a cinch, isn't it?
- Hey. Wait a minute.
- What's the matter?
- They're having my parade. I almost forgot.
- Why, so did I, Your Honour.
I wanna see this.
Paper, paper, read all about it.
"Tillinghast trails. "
Paper, paper, read all about it.
"Tillinghast trails. "
Extra, extra, extra, read all about it.
Extra, extra, read all about it.
Extra, extra, read all about it.
- Mrs McGinty!
- Yes, Bessy?
Here it is! Hot ziggity!
What is it, Mommy?
Ladies and gentlemen...
The Mayor.
The Mayor.
Mr McGinty!
I'm terribly sorry. Stupid of me to leave
all this stuff here without a night-light.
Or a red lantern. Very pretty.
I'm so sorry.
I think it's covered by insurance, though.
- Collision.
- It's nice of you to take it so good-naturedly.
Many men would...
I forgot to congratulate you.
- On that?
- On being mayor, silly.
I mean, Your Honour.
Congratulations, yourself.
Now, if you'll be kind enough to show me
where I live in this bone yard.
I'll be glad to show you.
Oh! Mr McGinty.
- Had it coming to me.
- Now, if you'll only let me help you.
There.
There.
- You'll be all right now?
- I never felt better in my life.
Good night.
Don't you think
you better take your shoes off?
I'll take them off later.
Oh, no, you don't.
That's been tried before, sister.
- Mr McGinty!
- Uh?
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Here. Go buy yourself a hat.
I don't want your money.
Just trying to make you more comfortable,
that's all.
I...
I'll tell you a little secret.
What?
I'm as drunk as a skunk.
Of course you're not, Mr McGinty.
Now, you go straight back to bed.
What do you mean by getting up
at this time of the night and coming in here?
Now, I'll be in in a minute,
and if you're not in bed, I'll...
I'm terribly sorry, Mr McGinty. They have no
business coming to this part of the house.
The only thing I'm sorry about is...
...they had to see me like this.
But how can the city
even contemplate a municipal bus line,
when it has a 99-year contract with me?
A contract that you may even remember
something about, Mr Mayor.
Look, Mr Maxwell,
I'm only the mayor, see?
Now, if it was up to me, I'd make you
a free gift of all the bus rides to this city.
I think you run a beautiful bus.
I travel on them myself.
And I'll be genuinely sorry
to see them disappear from our streets.
Disappear?
But there must be some way,
some solution of mutual satisfaction.
I don't know how to talk to a mayor,
but if I could only persuade you that...
You can't persuade me, Mr Maxwell.
Because it's entirely out of my hands.
But I'll tell you what I'll do.
Just for old times' sake, I'll send
the chairman of the bus committee up,
and if you can persuade him,
it's all right with me.
Is he er...
difficult to persuade?
Well, he probably ain't impossible.
- Glad to see you looking so well.
- But, Mr Mayor, can't we...
Drop in again some time.
We'll go to a game. Do you like baseball?
- I'm not a fan, by any means.
- That's where you make your mistake.
You worry too much about business
and contracts and the flaws in them.
Get out, fill your lungs with fresh air,
forget your troubles.
- But let me...
- Look at that crowd.
- How many people do you think there were?
- I haven't an idea.
Look again.
How many people do you think there are?
- 10,000.
- Guess again.
- 20,000.
- You're not even warm, Mr Maxwell.
Well...
Oh.
You mean it's more like 40,000?
That's more like it. But that ain't it.
Mr Mayor, about that flaw you mentioned.
There's no flaw in that photograph,
Mr Maxwell. It's perfect.
What was your last guess?
50,000.
There were 75,000 people in that stadium.
Ain't that wonderful?
75,000 filling their lungs
with nature's own sunshine.
I'll send the guy up to see you. Goodbye.
I pray the lord my soul to take.
Amen.
And God bless...
Papa who went away,
and Mama,
and Uncle George and Bessy, and Brownie.
- And...
- And...
- And Mr McGinty.
- And Mr McGinty.
Who has been
so kind and generous to us all.
Who has been so kind and generous
to us all.
Amen.
- Oh, no, you don't. Now come on to bed.
- Whee!
Please, Mommy.
You've got to go to bed.
I have to get dressed.
- Please, Mommy.
- No, not tonight.
Blind man's buff.
Oh, right. Just one more game of
blind man's buff and this is the last one.
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
Here we go.
Fee, fi, fo, fum.
I smell the blood of an Englishman.
- You're moving.
- I am not.
You are moving.
- Hello, Uncle George.
- Hello.
- Don't say anything, we gotta hide.
- Now you're gonna get me in wrong.
Where are you?
You'll be sorry for this when I find you.
Hello, George. I'm sorry I'm not dressed.
Those little brats!
You haven't seen them, have you?
Uh? Well, just...
How do you mean that? Er...
You have seen them.
- You little monkeys. Come out of there.
- Catherine...
I don't think they meant any harm.
Stop that and you too, Mary.
- For heaven's sake, what's going on?
- Bessy, thank you.
Ten times they've played it
and this time they're gonna get a spanking.
Stop it, Donnie. Mary, stop it.
Now, stop it, both of you.
- I'll tell Mr McGinty on you, then you'll see.
- They'll see what?
Oh, good evening, Mr McGinty.
I'm sorry you had to walk in on this.
I seem to be always apologising for them.
I just used your name
to F-R-I-G-H-T-E-N them.
Oh.
Good evening.
- I think you could be more polite, George.
- Why should I be? I don't like him.
Well, you are in his home.
Bessy, put them to bed
and I'll dress as quickly as I can.
Come on, Donnie.
Playing pool tonight, Your Honour?
A funny thing happened to me the other day.
I'm playing the 12 ball for the side pocket
and the blue ball's right in the way.
I look over behind the 8 rock, and do you
know what happened to the 8 rock?
Come in.
Come in.
Put it on the bed, Bessy.
- Did you wash out those other stockings?
- No, I was bakin' a cake.
Oh, my. Mr McGinty.
What are you doing in my room?
Who's this lug that gives me
the "good evening" every night?
- Just George.
- What does he do, room here?
Of course he doesn't, Mr McGinty.
He wanted to marry me and since I'm still
free in a way, he takes me out to dinner.
We always go to very quiet places
where I won't be seen, or up to his flat.
Oh, yeah? Tell him to hand me just one
more "good evening" like he give me tonight,
and I'll hand him something
that will take his mind off marriage for good.
Where does that bozo get off
to be propositioning my wife, anyway?
You mean proposing, Mr McGinty,
and he doesn't any more.
He just takes me out to dinner.
Can't you eat home once in a while? Is there
anything the matter with the grub here?
Well, if there were, Mr McGinty,
you wouldn't know it.
What have I got to do with it?
I don't think you have anything to do with it,
Mr McGinty.
I'm running your house as best I can.
I go to clubs and meetings,
I'm photographed all the time...
You've already got the women's vote.
If I choose to go out quietly with an old friend
instead of sitting alone in the evenings,
I don't really see that...
I...
- I'm sorry.
- It's all right.
No hard feelings.
Course not.
You know, why don't you er...
Why don't we have dinner together
sometime?
I'd be glad to, Mr McGinty.
Any time except tonight.
You know, if you told anybody
we'd been living like this,
just down the hall...
for six months,
neither one of us
ever giving the other one a thought...
...they wouldn't believe it.
That's right.
Even if it was true, they wouldn't believe it.
Here it is, Miss Catherine.
It took them a little longer than...
- Put it on the bed.
- Yes, sir, Mr Mayor.
You know that john in the front parlour?
- Yes, sir, Mr Mayor.
- Mr McGinty.
Tell him he's barking up the wrong tree.
Yes, sir, Mr Mayor.
Daniel.
Say that again.
Daniel.
I must have been blind.
"But they had to get up pretty early
to be smarter than Willie Rabbit
"because he was as full of brains
as a dog is full of fleas.
"Just as he got to the edge of the field
by the old, split-rail fence,
"a shadow fell across his path.
"And who do you suppose it was?
"I'll give you three guesses
and then three more, and three other ones.
"But you could try all night
without guessing who it really was,
- "because it was none other than... "
- Darling.
Hm?
Just a minute.
"... none other than our friend,
"Mugley Wugg the tortoise. "
That's who I thought it was.
They love you so.
To think I used to use you
as the boogeyman.
I don't feel no different towards them
than if they was mine.
They're so proud of you, it hurts sometimes.
They think you're George Washington and
Abraham Lincoln rolled together, only finer.
Donnie had a fight on your account today.
He did, eh? The little son of a gun.
What about?
One of the boys heard his father say
you're a grafter. Shouted it out at recess.
Donnie didn't know just what it meant,
but he hit him anyway.
Too bad, isn't it?
I thought you didn't care about that.
What's that slogan of yours?
"You can't rob the people because what
you rob, you spend" and something or other.
I wasn't married to you, then, Dan.
I think you're a fine man, Dan,
Who? Me?
Yes, you. I think you're a fine, honest man
with decent impulses and everything else.
I couldn't have been as close to you
and been mistaken.
I don't think I could love you so much.
I know I couldn't admire you so much.
What have you been drinking?
You're a tough guy, McGinty.
You're not a wrong guy.
If you were on the other side,
you'd play just as hard.
- You mean a dick?
- I don't mean anything in particular.
I just mean that to have all the power
you have to do things for people,
and never to do anything
except shake them down a little,
seems like a waste of something,
doesn't balance.
Do you understand?
What are you trying to do? Reform me?
I'm just being dull. I guess
I went to one lunch too many this week.
I heard so much about sweatshops and
child labour and firetraps, the poor people...
I couldn't do anything about those things
if I wanted to, honey.
Those are the people he works with,
they're the people that put me in.
You've got to understand
how those things work.
You mean you would do something
if you could?
- What?
- Something about the tenements, maybe.
- Why? You got relatives living down there?
- You know I haven't.
Oh. You just like that stuff, huh?
Don't you know those people just wanna be
let alone? They wanna be dirty.
They don't like people fooling with them.
Give them a bathtub, they keep coal in it.
You gotta understand, honey,
no man is strong enough to buck the party.
No matter how much
he wants to make his wife happy.
You'll be strong enough someday, Dan.
And then you'll wash clean of all graft
and crooks and thieving politicians,
and really deserve your title,
the Honourable...
- You liked the kids, hmm?
- Why shouldn't he like them?
Sure I liked them.
The guy with the red hair
says not so much lemon in his.
Tell him to go soak his red hair.
She always used to say,
"You'll be strong enough someday. "
I knew it was wrong, see, but I liked the way
it made me look in her eyes and the kids.
So...
One day I said,
"All right. I'm strong enough now. "
In a pig's ear I was strong enough.
Look what he done to our lake front,
look what he done to our city.
For our city.
Look what he done for you and you and you.
The worst crook we've had
since the year of the big win.
The least you can do, friends,
the smallest token of gratitude
that you can show,
is to send him to the capital.
I'm giving it to you straight, friends.
You owe him that.
Senator Honeywell on the other hand,
my friends,
You won't be making no mistake, friends.
And I'll tell you something else...
Now just compare them, coolly,
without prejudice.
On the one hand, we have virtue.
On the other...
...year alone, he put 40,000 men to work.
He gutted the treasury.
40,000 lunch pails, my friends.
He raided the city.
40,000 happy families.
He raised the taxes.
Money in circulation, prosperity.
He built miles of useless buildings,
bridges, beaches.
Eyesores, my friends.
Each and every one of them a monument,
a testimonial to graft.
And gave you the most beautiful city
in the world.
Come on. Your legs are too short.
- Pass?
- What do you mean "pass"?
These are His Honour's children.
- Hello, little fella.
- Look at Bessy and Brownie.
They're so excited.
- Oh, I'm so proud of you, Dan.
- What?
- I'm so proud of you.
- Oh.
You're strong enough for anything now.
What?
I said you're strong enough.
Oh.
To do good for people,
to justify the faith of your constituents.
I'm the governor of a state.
You're the governor's lady.
Isn't that enough for you?
Can't we let well enough alone?
Everybody don't get to be governor.
I, Daniel McGinty, do solemnly swear,
that I will faithfully discharge all duties
incumbent upon me as governor,
that I will do equal right to the poor
and to the rich,
and that I will, to the best of my ability,
protect, defend,
and preserve the constitution and the laws
of this sovereign state,
so help me, God.
Well?
Here we are.
- It took a little doing, but it's worth it.
- That's right.
Congratulations, Mr Governor McGinty.
Thanks.
You don't look as happy as you should.
- Don't you feel good?
- I feel all right.
You should feel all right
with this staring you in the face.
Ah, what a wonderful opportunity.
This state needs everything.
They had honest governors so long,
the whole place is in rack and ruin.
- Yeah?
- It's ridiculous.
The roads, for instance.
They're in terrible condition.
In case of war, we'd be at the mercy.
We need a whole new highway system.
How would an enemy get to here?
How do I know? Am I a general?
Then we'll need a new waterworks system,
a state canal and...
You'll kiss me for this one.
- A new dam.
- I do, huh?
I'm guessing from your expression
you don't know what a dam is.
You think a dam is something
you put a lot of water in.
A dam is something
you put a lot of concrete in.
And it doesn't matter how much you put in,
there's always room for more.
And any time you're afraid it's finished,
you find a crack in it and you put
some more concrete in. It's wonderful.
What's the matter with the old dam?
It's got a crack in it.
Of course,
right now while the farmers are looking on,
we could start off with a nice,
little state capital building.
White marble, maybe.
Or do you like pink?
What do we need
a state capital building for?
What do we need it for?
This one is falling apart.
Look.
It ain't safe.
Looks safe enough to me.
I'm the guy that's gotta work here.
You're kind of dumb this morning,
ain't you, Dan?
Yeah.
What are you trying to pull, lug?
Look.
There ain't gonna be no dam.
No bridges, no buildings that the people
don't need from now on.
The people?
- Are you sick or something?
- I feel fine.
Then what are you trying to put over,
you cheap, double-crossing rat?
After I spent 400 grand to put you in here.
I figured that out.
Here's the key to my deposit box.
- I'll pay the rest out of my salary.
- I don't want salary.
- Know how long you'll be here?
- I know exactly how long I'll be here.
You think you know, you poor sucker.
I'll put you in a jug so long,
you'll splash when you come out.
You'll be splashing with me,
maybe you'll be splashing by yourself.
You think so? Anything happens to me,
you'll be in the clink ten minutes later.
You think I'm an amateur? I'll pin so much
on you, you'll look like a Christmas tree.
What are you gonna pin on me
when I just started this morning?
I've been hatching this a long time.
First I'm gonna put through
a child labour bill,
then I'm gonna stamp out the sweatshops.
Then I'm gonna banish the tenements.
What do you know about child labour?
You've never even seen a sweatshop.
What's this tenement business?
Who have you been talking to?
You're spouting like a woman.
Your wife!
That cheesecake you married.
You make one crack about her...
Don't you know a rib started all the trouble?
Did you never hear of Samson and Delilah,
or Sodom and Gomorrah?
Look, I told you to leave her out of it.
Let me at him, let me at him.
Please.
They say he'll get 20 years.
I hope he does. Serve him right.
I'm not gonna press the charges.
He ain't a bad guy, honey.
According to his way of looking at things.
Remember he took me off the breadline.
But he tried to kill you.
Why shouldn't he?
Don't you think I'd take a pop at a guy
that slipped me the triple cross?
You gave him back the money.
Sure.
Anything should slip up there,
we'd be up the crick. No fooling.
You're just tired and irritated, darling.
Nothing's going to slip up.
Nothing can go wrong.
You're going to do your best for everybody.
You'll be the finest governor
this state ever had.
There's no money in it, you understand?
Just a salary.
- There are some things finer than money.
- Yeah?
I feel leery about the whole setup.
Sweatshops and tenements
are very hot stuff to handle.
Child labour is just plain dynamite.
Well, suppose it is.
It's worth the effort, isn't it?
Maybe.
"Maybe. "
Doesn't it mean anything to stop children
being exploited in dark, airless factories,
when they ought to be out
playing in the sunshine?
- Did you ever work in a factory?
- You know I didn't.
Well, I did, see.
When I was seven years old.
Instead of playing on the streets,
learning a lot of dirty words.
I earned four dollars a week for my mother.
And it wasn't dark and airless,
it was very neat and clean.
We folded the boxes,
then we twisted the oilpaper on the taffy...
...what we didn't eat.
And I want you to know that we liked it.
Oh, Dan, sometimes you're impossible!
- Who can that be at this time of the night?
- I don't know, maybe it's George.
- What would George want at this hour?
- Maybe it isn't George.
- Get the door bell.
- Yes, sir.
- Is the Governor in?
- Yes, sir.
- What do you want?
- Governor McGinty?
- What about it?
- We've got bad news, Governor McGinty.
You look as though a cyclone had hit you.
- I had a nightmare.
- You had too much ice cream.
- There.
- May I have Brownie in bed with me?
No, darling, Brownie's going to stay
down here, where she belongs.
- Catherine.
- Yes, Dan?
I'm sorry I got sore a little while ago.
That's all right, darling.
Anyone would get nervous on a day like this.
I er...
I may have to go away tonight for
a little while. It may take a few days, even.
Dan, what are you talking about?
Well...
There's some kind of trouble about a bridge
or something I built when I was Mayor.
I may have to go down home
and explain about it.
Why are you going, Daddy?
Oh, by golly. I went and talked too loud.
Daddy's got to go away for a little while.
I want you to take good care of your mother
while I'm gone.
- Yes, Daddy.
- That's the idea.
- Take good care of your brother, too.
- Yes, Daddy.
She's gonna break a lot of hearts
when she grows up.
What's the matter, Dan?
They can't do this to you, Dan. I'll go to
the Supreme Court, I'll see the President.
I'll get a petition signed by every citizen.
They can't put a man in jail
for doing something honest.
Maybe they can't, but they're putting up a
good bluff. Did you get the habeas corpus?
- The judge was out for dinner.
- Why don't you find out where he eats?
- How long are they hoping to sentence for?
- They're hoping for ten years.
I'll stand by you, Dan.
I'll fight for you day and night.
We'll beat them if it takes 20 years.
Never mind about that part, just get me
out of here on bail, I'll take care of the rest.
As a matter of fact, Dan,
I did find the judge. He won't issue the writ.
Oh.
Don't worry, Dan,
we'll do everything humanly possible.
Well, I guess that's that.
- Good night, Dan.
- Good night, honey.
Take her home,
see that she gets some rest.
- I'm terrible sorry, dear.
- It's all right.
Well, I see you're still here.
Who asked you anything?
Good night, Mr Governor.
You know how long you're gonna get?
You're gonna get 10 to 20 and not
in no country club neither. The beach.
And what do you get? 30 days?
I hope you are satisfied, you rat.
The first time I catch you alone,
I'll bat your brains all over the yard.
You and your little brother.
How about a little quiet down there?
Why don't you guys shut up?
- How about shutting your own trap?
- Yeah. Stick a cork in it.
You're pretty brave behind them bars.
- Listen, you cock-eyed cockroach,
I'll come out...
Hey, hey, hey. Quiet.
Who do you think you are, anyway, huh?
Just because I'm new,
don't think you'll get away with anything.
Any more stink out of you guys,
and I'll send you both to solitary.
I got all the keys right here
and it's gonna be very simple.
And that goes for you too, baby-face.
Yeah!
Bah!
Hello.
What?
Can you talk a little louder?
I can't quite hear you.
Honey, I can't talk loud
and I only got a minute.
Dan!
Dan, where are you?
How can you be telephoning?
Honey, I've only got one life
and I'm not gonna live it in the icebox.
But we'll have you out of there in no time.
Honey, they've got me dead to rights.
Yeah, I know you'd go along with me.
But that ain't right. You've got to think
of the little guy and the little lady.
It wouldn't do them no good
to have their old man in the jug.
Now, here's what you do, see?
Kind of hard to say, honey.
Speak to George,
get yourself a divorce and then...
Dan! Don't talk like a fool.
Dan, wherever you go...
Hey!
Are you coming? For Pete's sake!
All right, all right. Honey, I can't hear you
any more, but there's just one more thing.
You know the dresser in my room?
You pull out the left top drawer.
Between the drawers
you'll find a key fastened with plastic,
got a number on it,
the name of the safe deposit company.
They won't ask you any questions.
Just a little something I held out on you,
keep you going and put the kids
through college without selling magazines.
So long, honey.
I'm sorry it didn't work out, but...
...you can't make a silk purse
out of a pig's ear.
Pat the little fella for me.
Dan!
Dan.
Operator.
Dan.
Thanks.
Why don't you shut up for a change?
Why didn't he kill you?
I never could figure that out.
I know why. It's because you're a big liar,
that's why. About the whole thing!
OK, sister, have it your way.
That will be two bucks, you.
Why don't you go home, Tommy?
- All right. Let's go.
- I mean really home, where you belong.
You're not a kind of tramp like him
that anyone would be glad to get rid of.
You go home.
In a little while, everything is forgotten.
All you need is a little courage.
All he needs is a little bicarbonate of soda.
Oh, shut up, you.
So I caught you again,
you cheesy cheapskate. Give me the dough.
- Listen, you fat, little floor flusher.
- Fat?
Come on. Quit horsing around.
Time out, gents. Here we go again.
Mmm?
You buy me a drink, Tommy?
OK.
Sure.
You don't feel so good tonight, Tommy,
yeah?
I'll be all right.
- Two maiden's prayer.
- On the fire.
I had a wife and a couple of kids.
The house was almost paid for.
It was what they call half-timber,
with tapestry brick underneath.
My brother, he live in a big house, too,
with many butlers and maids.
Hm?
Oh, it doesn't matter.
People used to say,
"You watch that Thompson boy.
"He'll go a long way in this world. "
I came a long way, all right.
One crazy minute.
- You want the Tabasco in it?
- Do you want Tabasco in it?
Huh?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
OK.
What do you do back home, Tommy?
Bank.
What do you care what I did?
Oh, I was just talking, Tommy.
Thank you.
That's right. Don't lose any of it.
It's wonderful stuff.
She used to play that.
Give that to the band.
You go home so soon, Tommy?
No, I'm going in there.
You feel bad, huh?
You ask a lot of questions, don't you?
What's that got to do with me?
All right.
- I got him.
- Thank you.
Go ahead. Heave-ho.
Hey!
Give me that gun!
What happened? Why shoot him,
you big bull? What is wrong?
Get outta here. Somebody lit a firecracker.
I'll bring him out.
Let me at it, then. What do you care?
Go on. Let me do it.
I'm not like the rest around here.
I don't fit, see? I'm not a crook.
- Come on, now.
- Don't you understand?
I was a cashier at the First National Bank.
- I was going places, I had a future.
- Come on, come on. Outside.
Cashier at the... what?
What's the matter, Tommy?
What happened?
Oh, you.
You leave him alone, you big horse.
The guy wants to burn his brains
cos he was cashier of a bank. No fooling.
And I suppose you
was the president of the bank?
Who? Me?
No.
Here.
I was the governor of a state, baby.
What you were?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
All the latest news.
Move along and give your friends a chance.
And don't forget the mayor
who didn't forget to remember the less
fortunate on this cold election night.
Boys, mosey on to that tool shed
around the corner. Don't forget.
Come on, boys, step right along.
There's a couple of bucks in it for you.
On to the tool shed.
You could use a couple of bucks.
- You're kidding.
- I ain't kidding.
Soon as you finish your soup, go to
that tool shed. They'll tell you what to do.
- All right, boys, step right up.
- Right over there.
- On to that tool shed.
- Come on. Give your friends a chance.
Come on, you're next.
Hold it, boys. Come on. One at a time.
Don't forget who give it to you, boys.
- Soup guy sent me over.
- Some soup, ain't it? Kind of the mayor...
Never mind the apple sauce,
how do I get the two bucks?
Simple, baby-face,
you go and vote for Mayor Tillinghast,
- and come back here and collect.
- How do I know you'll be here?
How do you know I'll be here?
How do you like that?
Listen to this guy. You fill him full of soup
and right away he don't trust nobody.
You got your soup, didn't you?
You'll get your two bucks.
The nerve some guys got.
"How do I know you'll be here?"
Go round the corner to the barbershop.
- Did you register?
- No.
When the guy asks your name,
that's the watcher, see?
You say, "Hello, Bill",
then he'll call out the right name for you.
You vote and that's all there is to it.
- What do you get for repeating?
- Who said anything about repeating?
Where do you think this is?
Some people is too lazy to vote, that's all.
Some of them are sick and can't vote.
Maybe a couple of 'em croaked recently.
That ain't no reason why Mayor Tillinghast
should lose their support.
All we're doing is getting out the vote.
The watcher will give you a ticket.
- What if I get two tickets?
- Two tickets is four.
- Three is six?
- Can't get away from arithmetic.
Give me one of them lists.
Smart guy.
Next.
- Who will I get?
- Huh?
- Your name, please?
- Oh, yeah.
- Hello, Bill.
- Oh.
Hello, hello, hello, hello.
Rufus J Widdicombe, 165 North Clark
Street. How you been, Rufus?
- Fine, Bill.
- Sit right down.
Rufus J Widdicombe.
Wid-di-combe.
Just pull the handle down.
Well, so long, Bill.
So long, Rufus.
Give my regards to Minnie.
Ah, yes. I'll tell her you were asking for her.
- Hello, Bill.
- Oh, hello. Hello.
- How have you been?
- Oh, fine, fine.
- That's the stuff.
- I've got a list here for...
Emanuel J Goldberg,
117 Davison Road.
Right this way, Mr. Goldberg.
- Doctor Heinrich L Schussendorf.
- Thank you, Heinrich.
Doctor Heinrich I...
Why, I could have sworn
Doctor Schussendorf was dead.
Not yet, lady.
Not quite.
Well,
I ain't gonna wait around here all night.
The guy's had time to vote ten times.
If you see him,
tell him I've got something better to do.
There you are.
From the time you took,
anybody would think that you...
There you are. 37.
37?
- You heard me.
- 64 bucks!
74 bucks.
74? Hey, Mike, come in here a minute.
You might not...
74 bucks?
Well, look, um... I've been paying off
a little heavier than I figured today.
How would you like to meet me someplace
tomorrow?
You wouldn't care for that?
You'll get your dough. You don't have
to look sidewise at everybody.
Come on. We'll go down to the club.
You'll get your dough.
I'll let you wear my coat
when we get down there.
Come on up. This way.
Wait here.
- 37.
- What do you mean he voted 37 times?
He voted 37 times
and I need the dough to pay him off.
- I don't believe a man can vote 37 times.
- I tell you, he voted 37 times.
Who voted 37 times?
Oh, evening, boss. Good evening, Mr. Mayor.
A lug I got outside here. He voted 37 times,
but Charlie won't give me the dough for him.
Pay him off. See what kind of service
I'm giving you, Wilfred?
- Bring the lug here. We want to look at him.
- We certainly do.
Hello.
Come on. Give me that dough.
Hey, you.
Quit feeding your face and come on in here.
Markov?
This is the lug, eh?
Yeah. This is him.
You ain't supposed to vote more than once.
Who are you?
A tough guy, eh?
You like the dark meat, eh?
You got 'em now?
A landslide?
A landslide. Thanks, Hibney.
A tough guy, eh?
Come over to the bar, Wilfred.
You too, tough guy.
Set 'em up.
- What will you have, boys?
- Orange juice.
Orange juice.
- How's my back hair, Flossy?
- What did he say?
Give me a double pecan fudge twist
with two cherries on it.
What did he say?
Give me a boilermaker.
- A what?
- A whisky and a glass of beer.
- Where's he been?
- A funny guy, eh?
- I guess you don't know where you are.
- That's right and I don't care.
A wonderful feeling.
Anyway, the gentleman to your right
happens to be the mayor of the city,
the Honorable WH Tillinghast.
That geek?
And me, I happen to be somebody you'd
better not forget the next time you see me.
So just to help you remember...
Hey! Cut it.
The guy don't know better.
I'll take care of him later.
OK.
Mayor Tillinghast wins the election.
Congratulations, Wilfred.
- Now, listen. You...
- Take your finger out of my face.
The lug kills me.
He thinks he's me.
Yes?
- 'That slug is here. '
- Send him in.
Access? What do you mean?
Got a new suit.
It looks more like the suit got you.
- Listen, you...
- You listen for a change.
The reason you're alive
and walking around in that... horse blanket
isn't because I like you.
It's because I can use some guts
in my business.
Not guts behind a gun. Anybody's got that.
But with the bare mitts.
Like I got.
There's been too much rough play
in this city and it's unhealthy.
It introduces a very bad element,
like Louie, see?
Take away his rod and what you got left?
A violet.
What I'm in is a business.
And business got to be run business-like.
When a customer is late
and a guy like Louie handles him,
he discontinues to be a customer.
- You think you're tough?
- Tough enough.
I could slap you down with one hand.
You and who else?
All right. I haven't got time now.
You'll find out.
In the meanwhile, if you want to do
some collecting, you got a job.
I'll give you a few names that are behind,
and if you can collect, you get 20%.
I pay hospital bills, too.
Protection, huh?
And good protection. If it wasn't for me,
everybody would pick on them.
They'd be at the mercy.
Now, you start...
Yeah. You start with Madame La Jolla.
She runs a kind of a fortune-telling parlor.
And you tell that old... battle-axe
it's 250 or Madame La Jolla
doesn't jolla any more. You get me?
I slave and give the best years of my life
to put away a few miserable bucks,
and then you bloodsuckers
suck it away from me.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself
to goad a poor, honest, old woman.
- You got the entirely wrong slant on this.
- No, I haven't.
- Yes, you have. Now wait a minute, Miss...
- Just call me Juliette.
Juliette. You gotta pay protection.
Do you want to be at the mercy of every slug
that wears a uniform?
You want the fire commissioner
telling you that your joint is a trap?
Or the health inspectors
telling you that your air is vicious?
Or the plumbing inspector
saying that your pipes stink?
Juliette, you need somebody
to cooperate all those guys
and protect you from human greed.
You gotta pay somebody.
Buying from us is just like getting club rates.
Well...
I'm just a poor old woman,
but you explain everything so nice.
- How much was it? Two and a half yards?
- That's right.
Thank you.
You're a nice-looking boy
to be doing this kind of work.
Do you want to go upstairs
and have your fortune told?
No, thanks, Juliette.
This is strictly business with me.
Well, you know where it is.
You can't put a black king on a black queen,
Benny.
Who says I can't?
- It's a guy alone.
- Well, let him in.
- You Benny Felgman?
- What about it?
- Can't put a black king on a black queen.
- Who are you?
- The Boss sent me over.
- Has he got a grudge against you?
- No, he just gives me the easy work.
- Oh, yeah? Now, look.
Benny, don't slug him. He's green.
- I'm gonna let you off easy.
- Tell him we don't want any trouble.
I don't need any protection from him.
And if he don't like it, he knows where I live.
- What's the sense in taking that attitude?
- Get that hand out there.
We're trying to run everything
smooth and brotherly.
Why don't you just fork over the 500 fish
and save yourself a shellacking?
- What?
- Benny, don't slug him.
What are you gonna do
if they send some rough guy?
- Wait a minute, Benny, what are you doing?
- Agh!
- Don't, Mr...
- Out of the way, fleabag.
What did he ever do to you, pal?
- You can't expect...
- Are you Saunders?
- Just a minute.
- Listen, you little slob.
I showed one guy today he needed
protection, I got enough left to show you.
You'd think you guys are doing us a favour.
Hey. You.
What?
Jump in. I'll take you for a ride.
Come on.
That's quite a suit.
You collected, huh?
250, 400 and 500.
1150 bucks. Count it.
I guess you think you're kind of hot stuff,
huh?
Keep the change.
Keep what change? I got 20% coming.
I said keep the whole wad.
I never expected to collect it.
Then what's the idea of sending me out?
I'm glad you didn't disappoint me.
For a minute I was afraid
you were gonna say thank you.
You're a card, you are.
Yesterday you was a hobo on the breadline,
today you got a thousand berries
and a new suit.
I wonder where you'll be tomorrow.
This is a land of great opportunity.
Take me, for instance.
Where I come from is very poor, see?
All the richness has gone...
What makes this bus so quiet?
You don't hear nothing in here.
It's armour. All the richness has gone
a long time ago,
- so everybody lives...
- Armoured for what?
Some people shouldn't interrupt me!
So everybody lives
by chiselling everybody else.
It comes to me very natural.
If I live 500 years ago,
I guess I be a baron, maybe.
A robber baron.
I live on a rock, chisel the city down below,
and everybody call me Baron.
Now I live in a penthouse
and everybody call me Boss.
Everybody except you.
- I got it. Bulletproof, huh?
- That's right.
And if you think I'm not the boss,
you try and cross me up sometime.
You got me all a-tremble.
I bet you're scared to death of yourself.
All right. You asked for it.
Then she says, "You and who else?"
And I says, "Oh, yeah?"
And she says, "Yeah's right. "
So I says, "You and me both. "
She says, "That goes double for me. "
I says, "Oh, yeah?" Then the operator says,
"Deposit 25 cents for three minutes. "
So I hang up on her. You let them
get an angle on you, you're a goner.
- You said it.
- Are you telling me?
He was always a little muscle-bound.
I could beat him to the punch.
Boy, we had some brannigans.
I thought you said
you were the governor of a state.
Yes. You was just a cheap crook.
You gotta crawl before you creep, don't you?
I collected chicken feed for a while, see.
Then the guy makes me an alderman
and I move in on the second floor.
Bus franchises, garbage disposal, nice stuff.
- 100,000 dollars!
- That's what they tell me.
Well, that's a confounded outrage.
Even in the days of Bart Herman,
we didn't pay that price for franchises.
Even in the days of Bathhouse Jake.
Those boys were pikers
compared to this mob.
Ah, you don't mean that, Mr Maxwell.
You gotta remember
that everything's gone up.
Living expenses is higher.
There's an income tax now.
You're dealing with a better class of man.
I will not pay graft. Millions for defence,
but not one cent for tribute.
- You can call it advertising.
- No, sir.
Yes?
I'm sorry, Miss Dangerfield, Alderman
McGinty is in conference just now.
I certainly will.
Thank you.
Go on.
"Backing this agitation, said the mayor,
are so-called pious men
"who have accepted money from racketeers
and gamblers in sanctimonious secrecy.
"The petition was filed by Doctor Jarvis,
"chairman of
the Civic Purity League Incorporated. " Ah.
They're always talking about graft,
but they forget if it wasn't for graft,
you'd get a very low type of people
in politics, men without ambition.
Especially since you can't rob the people.
Sure.
How is that?
What you rob, you spend,
what you spend goes back to the people.
So where's the robbery?
I read that in a book.
That book should be in every home.
- What a racket.
- Not what I...
You shut up!
Quit sucking your clackers, you.
And don't rub that on the carpet.
Now get outta here.
All of you.
Get me Jarvis.
I suppose you saw the afternoon paper.
They cut down good trees
to print stuff like that on them.
Look, Jonas...
we need a new face.
Clean, typical American.
Upright, dependable.
Somebody they don't know too much about.
What do you think of McGinty?
The alderman.
Never heard of him?
Well, that's just what I'm talking about.
- So long.
- McGinty. McGinty, wait a minute.
McGinty, please.
- Back in a little while.
- Yes, Mr McGinty.
Just a minute, McGinty. McGinty.
McGinty!
Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
This guy will pay two and a quarter,
this Maxwell.
- No.
- I just left him.
That's the only good news I heard all day.
Now, listen.
Do you want to be reform mayor?
- What do you mean?
- What do you think it means?
Don't make me say anything twice,
I'm irritated today.
I said, "Do you want to be reform mayor?"
The mayor of this city?
What have you got to do
with the Reform Party?
- I am the Reform Party. Who do you think?
- Since when?
Since always. In this town I'm all the parties.
I'm not going to starve
every time they change administrations.
Well, then, where does Jarvis come in
with his Purity League?
Don't ask me so many questions.
I ask if you want to be reform mayor,
you can give me a plain answer.
Well... sure. I guess so.
All right. You're in.
You'll have to kiss a lot of babies,
squeeze a lot of mitts.
Wear your old clothes.
They don't want no dudes after Tillinghast.
I'll tell Jarvis about it.
Oh. Another thing.
You gotta get married right away.
What do you mean, "get married"?
What do you think it means?
Don't make me say everything twice again,
will you? Women got the vote now.
Maybe you didn't hear about it.
They don't like bachelors.
Well, if they don't like them,
they can lump them.
- What's the matter with you? Are you nuts?
- No. I'm playing hard to get.
Daniel, don't you know what marriage is?
Don't you know that marriage
has always been the most beautiful...
the most beautiful setup between the sexes.
Don't you know that a man without a wife
is like a...
like a coat without the pants,
like a pig without a poke.
Why, the marriage is the most, the most...
All right. Why don't you try it?
Because I ain't running for mayor.
Oh, yeah?
Well, I ain't neither.
Poke that in your pig.
He wants me to get married right away.
How do you like that?
Married? What for?
Because the women
don't vote for single men.
The guy wants me to run for mayor.
- Reform mayor.
- But that's wonderful, Mr McGinty.
- Where's the bourbon?
- Under E.
I'm so happy for you. We must drink to it.
I'll get some ice.
Yeah. Wonderful!
Wonderful in a pig's foot!
We'll have more fun than a barrel
of monkeys. If you'll take me with you.
What are you talking about?
I told him to go fly a kite.
Catch me telling some rib
where I've been at two in the morning.
How did you get the lip rouge on your hat,
Oscar?
- I don't think it's so bad as all that.
- Listen, I know all about it.
My parents was married.
Not gonna catch me
walking the floor all night
with an armload of little ones screaming.
- You mightn't have any.
- What do you mean?
They never had less than eight
on either side of my family. Usually 12.
I don't want to go into that, of course,
Mr McGinty, but they don't yell so much.
- Anyway, it sounds like music to the father.
- I don't like music neither.
It's entirely up to you, of course, Mr McGinty.
I don't care any more about marriage
than you do,
but I'd think twice before I turned down
an opportunity like you have.
You'd widen all the parades, welcome all
the potentates, lay all the cornerstones.
Yeah, in a silk hat. The municipal bricklayer.
It just seems so wonderful to me because
it's beyond anything I could ever hope for.
And because I'm so interested
in your career, Mr McGinty.
- You're a sort of favourite of mine.
- Thanks.
But if you think I'll get hitched to some dame
I don't even know -
- What about Miss Lucy Dangerfield?
- In spades, that dame.
Well...
I'd be willing to do it for you, Mr McGinty.
Hm?
You see, I don't want to get married either.
I feel the same way you do about it.
This way we'd both be protected
because there's always someone
who wants you to marry them.
We'd never have to see each other
except to be photographed outside city hall.
I could run your house and make speeches
for you at the women's clubs,
be your wife in everything
except when we were alone.
You see, I... I've already been married.
- What's that got to do with it?
- Hm?
If that's Lucy, tell her I'll be a little late.
- I gotta think this over.
- Yes, sir.
Hello.
Well?
Does he have to drive that way?
He's kinda nervous.
He don't want the boys to eat everything up
before he gets there.
- I ordered a small feed for you, a blowout.
- Oh, but...
- You like caviar?
- Yes, of course.
And borscht with sour cream. Schaschlik.
And more booze
than you've ever seen in your life.
- This is going to be some schmeer.
- Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
It's wonderfully kind of you but I can't come.
Why not?
- I'm expected home.
- I didn't have time to explain.
- What kind of a wedding is this?
- Can't you come for a little while?
- I can't. It's almost six o'clock...
- Send her home in a taxi. There's plenty...
She can go home in any rig she wants to,
and you keep your big trap shut.
Listen.
- Come on, boys, not on the wedding day.
- Please...
And what a wedding!
- Here, doggy.
- Will you quit wriggling?
I want waggy dog.
Lay off that dog
while you're clean and sweet.
Wouldn't hurt to give him a bath either.
Pee-ew. Duck yourself in that now.
- I'll see you at the office tomorrow.
- Thank you so much for bringing me home.
Would you like to come up
and see where I live?
Well, I really oughta be getting down there.
- One of us oughta be there.
- Well, goodbye.
Goodbye.
Oh, let 'em wait.
Sure I'll come up and have a drink with you.
- You stick right there, buddy.
- Yes, sir.
Oh.
Mr McGinty.
- Yeah?
- I er...
- I did tell you I was married before, didn't I?
- Sure. What about it?
Nothing.
I never can find this key.
I divorced him on grounds of desertion.
I don't know where he is
and I don't care either.
You oughta put it on a little chain
and hook it on the bag.
Be a good idea, wouldn't it? Something else
I probably should have told you before...
I don't see that it makes
the slightest difference, do you?
Here it is.
Do you like gin or...
Well, that's all I've got, anyway.
Take your hat?
- That was his idea.
- I think you look very well in it.
Mmm. Like a coal stove.
I suppose we are really married, aren't we?
I mean, legally.
That's what the guy said.
I er... I don't want you to think
that I've been concealing anything from you.
There's no reason why I should, is there?
It's just that in the excitement, I...
You what?
Sit down, Mr McGinty.
Rub it the other way, will you?
Oh, I'm sorry.
You see...
Here, you little monkeys.
After that hot bath...
Hello, Mommy.
That's what I had to tell you. They're mine.
Now you know.
- Thank you.
- Yes, ma'am.
Sorry it's a little bit dark in here.
I don't think the current's switched on yet.
No. Not until tomorrow.
I just paid the deposit today.
- I got some matches.
- I brought a candle.
Now, this is the foyer.
In there, there's a powder room and a large
closet, and a door leading to the pantry.
The living room.
Hey. Kinda big, innit?
You wait.
Wait a minute.
The dining room.
Here we are, back in the living room.
Hey. This is some dump.
What's the damage on it?
They make a special rate for mayors.
Of course, if you shouldn't be elected...
That will be their tough luck. You know,
I like that last room for the kids.
Fix that up with stuff that they like.
A doll house and one of those slides,
and some railroading for the little fella.
- The works, you know.
- That's very kind of you, Mr McGinty.
Holy smoke.
Well, you only live once.
If you give me some idea of how
you'd like the furniture, I could get that too.
Oh, sure. Well, I... Here.
Get a piano for over here.
Maybe over there.
And over on the other side, I'd kind of put
something to sit on or something.
And I'd er...
Erm...
Well, I guess that takes care of that.
Would you like curtains at the windows?
That's a good idea. Sure.
Maybe a rug on the floor.
Why not?
Maybe a bearskin.
Possibly, yes.
I think I have your general thought.
Here's the balcony.
- Hey, it's pretty, innit?
- Yes, it is.
- What's that across the street? A church?
- Mm-hm.
- Ring a lot of bells?
- Oh, I don't think so.
Well, I guess we've seen everything.
- Mr McGinty.
- Yes, ma'am?
I just want you to know that
even though our marriage is a peculiar one,
it's made me very happy.
It's a cinch we ain't got nothing to fight about
like people that's in love.
Yes, that is a cinch, isn't it?
- Hey. Wait a minute.
- What's the matter?
- They're having my parade. I almost forgot.
- Why, so did I, Your Honour.
I wanna see this.
Paper, paper, read all about it.
"Tillinghast trails. "
Paper, paper, read all about it.
"Tillinghast trails. "
Extra, extra, extra, read all about it.
Extra, extra, read all about it.
Extra, extra, read all about it.
- Mrs McGinty!
- Yes, Bessy?
Here it is! Hot ziggity!
What is it, Mommy?
Ladies and gentlemen...
The Mayor.
The Mayor.
Mr McGinty!
I'm terribly sorry. Stupid of me to leave
all this stuff here without a night-light.
Or a red lantern. Very pretty.
I'm so sorry.
I think it's covered by insurance, though.
- Collision.
- It's nice of you to take it so good-naturedly.
Many men would...
I forgot to congratulate you.
- On that?
- On being mayor, silly.
I mean, Your Honour.
Congratulations, yourself.
Now, if you'll be kind enough to show me
where I live in this bone yard.
I'll be glad to show you.
Oh! Mr McGinty.
- Had it coming to me.
- Now, if you'll only let me help you.
There.
There.
- You'll be all right now?
- I never felt better in my life.
Good night.
Don't you think
you better take your shoes off?
I'll take them off later.
Oh, no, you don't.
That's been tried before, sister.
- Mr McGinty!
- Uh?
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Here. Go buy yourself a hat.
I don't want your money.
Just trying to make you more comfortable,
that's all.
I...
I'll tell you a little secret.
What?
I'm as drunk as a skunk.
Of course you're not, Mr McGinty.
Now, you go straight back to bed.
What do you mean by getting up
at this time of the night and coming in here?
Now, I'll be in in a minute,
and if you're not in bed, I'll...
I'm terribly sorry, Mr McGinty. They have no
business coming to this part of the house.
The only thing I'm sorry about is...
...they had to see me like this.
But how can the city
even contemplate a municipal bus line,
when it has a 99-year contract with me?
A contract that you may even remember
something about, Mr Mayor.
Look, Mr Maxwell,
I'm only the mayor, see?
Now, if it was up to me, I'd make you
a free gift of all the bus rides to this city.
I think you run a beautiful bus.
I travel on them myself.
And I'll be genuinely sorry
to see them disappear from our streets.
Disappear?
But there must be some way,
some solution of mutual satisfaction.
I don't know how to talk to a mayor,
but if I could only persuade you that...
You can't persuade me, Mr Maxwell.
Because it's entirely out of my hands.
But I'll tell you what I'll do.
Just for old times' sake, I'll send
the chairman of the bus committee up,
and if you can persuade him,
it's all right with me.
Is he er...
difficult to persuade?
Well, he probably ain't impossible.
- Glad to see you looking so well.
- But, Mr Mayor, can't we...
Drop in again some time.
We'll go to a game. Do you like baseball?
- I'm not a fan, by any means.
- That's where you make your mistake.
You worry too much about business
and contracts and the flaws in them.
Get out, fill your lungs with fresh air,
forget your troubles.
- But let me...
- Look at that crowd.
- How many people do you think there were?
- I haven't an idea.
Look again.
How many people do you think there are?
- 10,000.
- Guess again.
- 20,000.
- You're not even warm, Mr Maxwell.
Well...
Oh.
You mean it's more like 40,000?
That's more like it. But that ain't it.
Mr Mayor, about that flaw you mentioned.
There's no flaw in that photograph,
Mr Maxwell. It's perfect.
What was your last guess?
50,000.
There were 75,000 people in that stadium.
Ain't that wonderful?
75,000 filling their lungs
with nature's own sunshine.
I'll send the guy up to see you. Goodbye.
I pray the lord my soul to take.
Amen.
And God bless...
Papa who went away,
and Mama,
and Uncle George and Bessy, and Brownie.
- And...
- And...
- And Mr McGinty.
- And Mr McGinty.
Who has been
so kind and generous to us all.
Who has been so kind and generous
to us all.
Amen.
- Oh, no, you don't. Now come on to bed.
- Whee!
Please, Mommy.
You've got to go to bed.
I have to get dressed.
- Please, Mommy.
- No, not tonight.
Blind man's buff.
Oh, right. Just one more game of
blind man's buff and this is the last one.
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
Here we go.
Fee, fi, fo, fum.
I smell the blood of an Englishman.
- You're moving.
- I am not.
You are moving.
- Hello, Uncle George.
- Hello.
- Don't say anything, we gotta hide.
- Now you're gonna get me in wrong.
Where are you?
You'll be sorry for this when I find you.
Hello, George. I'm sorry I'm not dressed.
Those little brats!
You haven't seen them, have you?
Uh? Well, just...
How do you mean that? Er...
You have seen them.
- You little monkeys. Come out of there.
- Catherine...
I don't think they meant any harm.
Stop that and you too, Mary.
- For heaven's sake, what's going on?
- Bessy, thank you.
Ten times they've played it
and this time they're gonna get a spanking.
Stop it, Donnie. Mary, stop it.
Now, stop it, both of you.
- I'll tell Mr McGinty on you, then you'll see.
- They'll see what?
Oh, good evening, Mr McGinty.
I'm sorry you had to walk in on this.
I seem to be always apologising for them.
I just used your name
to F-R-I-G-H-T-E-N them.
Oh.
Good evening.
- I think you could be more polite, George.
- Why should I be? I don't like him.
Well, you are in his home.
Bessy, put them to bed
and I'll dress as quickly as I can.
Come on, Donnie.
Playing pool tonight, Your Honour?
A funny thing happened to me the other day.
I'm playing the 12 ball for the side pocket
and the blue ball's right in the way.
I look over behind the 8 rock, and do you
know what happened to the 8 rock?
Come in.
Come in.
Put it on the bed, Bessy.
- Did you wash out those other stockings?
- No, I was bakin' a cake.
Oh, my. Mr McGinty.
What are you doing in my room?
Who's this lug that gives me
the "good evening" every night?
- Just George.
- What does he do, room here?
Of course he doesn't, Mr McGinty.
He wanted to marry me and since I'm still
free in a way, he takes me out to dinner.
We always go to very quiet places
where I won't be seen, or up to his flat.
Oh, yeah? Tell him to hand me just one
more "good evening" like he give me tonight,
and I'll hand him something
that will take his mind off marriage for good.
Where does that bozo get off
to be propositioning my wife, anyway?
You mean proposing, Mr McGinty,
and he doesn't any more.
He just takes me out to dinner.
Can't you eat home once in a while? Is there
anything the matter with the grub here?
Well, if there were, Mr McGinty,
you wouldn't know it.
What have I got to do with it?
I don't think you have anything to do with it,
Mr McGinty.
I'm running your house as best I can.
I go to clubs and meetings,
I'm photographed all the time...
You've already got the women's vote.
If I choose to go out quietly with an old friend
instead of sitting alone in the evenings,
I don't really see that...
I...
- I'm sorry.
- It's all right.
No hard feelings.
Course not.
You know, why don't you er...
Why don't we have dinner together
sometime?
I'd be glad to, Mr McGinty.
Any time except tonight.
You know, if you told anybody
we'd been living like this,
just down the hall...
for six months,
neither one of us
ever giving the other one a thought...
...they wouldn't believe it.
That's right.
Even if it was true, they wouldn't believe it.
Here it is, Miss Catherine.
It took them a little longer than...
- Put it on the bed.
- Yes, sir, Mr Mayor.
You know that john in the front parlour?
- Yes, sir, Mr Mayor.
- Mr McGinty.
Tell him he's barking up the wrong tree.
Yes, sir, Mr Mayor.
Daniel.
Say that again.
Daniel.
I must have been blind.
"But they had to get up pretty early
to be smarter than Willie Rabbit
"because he was as full of brains
as a dog is full of fleas.
"Just as he got to the edge of the field
by the old, split-rail fence,
"a shadow fell across his path.
"And who do you suppose it was?
"I'll give you three guesses
and then three more, and three other ones.
"But you could try all night
without guessing who it really was,
- "because it was none other than... "
- Darling.
Hm?
Just a minute.
"... none other than our friend,
"Mugley Wugg the tortoise. "
That's who I thought it was.
They love you so.
To think I used to use you
as the boogeyman.
I don't feel no different towards them
than if they was mine.
They're so proud of you, it hurts sometimes.
They think you're George Washington and
Abraham Lincoln rolled together, only finer.
Donnie had a fight on your account today.
He did, eh? The little son of a gun.
What about?
One of the boys heard his father say
you're a grafter. Shouted it out at recess.
Donnie didn't know just what it meant,
but he hit him anyway.
Too bad, isn't it?
I thought you didn't care about that.
What's that slogan of yours?
"You can't rob the people because what
you rob, you spend" and something or other.
I wasn't married to you, then, Dan.
I think you're a fine man, Dan,
Who? Me?
Yes, you. I think you're a fine, honest man
with decent impulses and everything else.
I couldn't have been as close to you
and been mistaken.
I don't think I could love you so much.
I know I couldn't admire you so much.
What have you been drinking?
You're a tough guy, McGinty.
You're not a wrong guy.
If you were on the other side,
you'd play just as hard.
- You mean a dick?
- I don't mean anything in particular.
I just mean that to have all the power
you have to do things for people,
and never to do anything
except shake them down a little,
seems like a waste of something,
doesn't balance.
Do you understand?
What are you trying to do? Reform me?
I'm just being dull. I guess
I went to one lunch too many this week.
I heard so much about sweatshops and
child labour and firetraps, the poor people...
I couldn't do anything about those things
if I wanted to, honey.
Those are the people he works with,
they're the people that put me in.
You've got to understand
how those things work.
You mean you would do something
if you could?
- What?
- Something about the tenements, maybe.
- Why? You got relatives living down there?
- You know I haven't.
Oh. You just like that stuff, huh?
Don't you know those people just wanna be
let alone? They wanna be dirty.
They don't like people fooling with them.
Give them a bathtub, they keep coal in it.
You gotta understand, honey,
no man is strong enough to buck the party.
No matter how much
he wants to make his wife happy.
You'll be strong enough someday, Dan.
And then you'll wash clean of all graft
and crooks and thieving politicians,
and really deserve your title,
the Honourable...
- You liked the kids, hmm?
- Why shouldn't he like them?
Sure I liked them.
The guy with the red hair
says not so much lemon in his.
Tell him to go soak his red hair.
She always used to say,
"You'll be strong enough someday. "
I knew it was wrong, see, but I liked the way
it made me look in her eyes and the kids.
So...
One day I said,
"All right. I'm strong enough now. "
In a pig's ear I was strong enough.
Look what he done to our lake front,
look what he done to our city.
For our city.
Look what he done for you and you and you.
The worst crook we've had
since the year of the big win.
The least you can do, friends,
the smallest token of gratitude
that you can show,
is to send him to the capital.
I'm giving it to you straight, friends.
You owe him that.
Senator Honeywell on the other hand,
my friends,
You won't be making no mistake, friends.
And I'll tell you something else...
Now just compare them, coolly,
without prejudice.
On the one hand, we have virtue.
On the other...
...year alone, he put 40,000 men to work.
He gutted the treasury.
40,000 lunch pails, my friends.
He raided the city.
40,000 happy families.
He raised the taxes.
Money in circulation, prosperity.
He built miles of useless buildings,
bridges, beaches.
Eyesores, my friends.
Each and every one of them a monument,
a testimonial to graft.
And gave you the most beautiful city
in the world.
Come on. Your legs are too short.
- Pass?
- What do you mean "pass"?
These are His Honour's children.
- Hello, little fella.
- Look at Bessy and Brownie.
They're so excited.
- Oh, I'm so proud of you, Dan.
- What?
- I'm so proud of you.
- Oh.
You're strong enough for anything now.
What?
I said you're strong enough.
Oh.
To do good for people,
to justify the faith of your constituents.
I'm the governor of a state.
You're the governor's lady.
Isn't that enough for you?
Can't we let well enough alone?
Everybody don't get to be governor.
I, Daniel McGinty, do solemnly swear,
that I will faithfully discharge all duties
incumbent upon me as governor,
that I will do equal right to the poor
and to the rich,
and that I will, to the best of my ability,
protect, defend,
and preserve the constitution and the laws
of this sovereign state,
so help me, God.
Well?
Here we are.
- It took a little doing, but it's worth it.
- That's right.
Congratulations, Mr Governor McGinty.
Thanks.
You don't look as happy as you should.
- Don't you feel good?
- I feel all right.
You should feel all right
with this staring you in the face.
Ah, what a wonderful opportunity.
This state needs everything.
They had honest governors so long,
the whole place is in rack and ruin.
- Yeah?
- It's ridiculous.
The roads, for instance.
They're in terrible condition.
In case of war, we'd be at the mercy.
We need a whole new highway system.
How would an enemy get to here?
How do I know? Am I a general?
Then we'll need a new waterworks system,
a state canal and...
You'll kiss me for this one.
- A new dam.
- I do, huh?
I'm guessing from your expression
you don't know what a dam is.
You think a dam is something
you put a lot of water in.
A dam is something
you put a lot of concrete in.
And it doesn't matter how much you put in,
there's always room for more.
And any time you're afraid it's finished,
you find a crack in it and you put
some more concrete in. It's wonderful.
What's the matter with the old dam?
It's got a crack in it.
Of course,
right now while the farmers are looking on,
we could start off with a nice,
little state capital building.
White marble, maybe.
Or do you like pink?
What do we need
a state capital building for?
What do we need it for?
This one is falling apart.
Look.
It ain't safe.
Looks safe enough to me.
I'm the guy that's gotta work here.
You're kind of dumb this morning,
ain't you, Dan?
Yeah.
What are you trying to pull, lug?
Look.
There ain't gonna be no dam.
No bridges, no buildings that the people
don't need from now on.
The people?
- Are you sick or something?
- I feel fine.
Then what are you trying to put over,
you cheap, double-crossing rat?
After I spent 400 grand to put you in here.
I figured that out.
Here's the key to my deposit box.
- I'll pay the rest out of my salary.
- I don't want salary.
- Know how long you'll be here?
- I know exactly how long I'll be here.
You think you know, you poor sucker.
I'll put you in a jug so long,
you'll splash when you come out.
You'll be splashing with me,
maybe you'll be splashing by yourself.
You think so? Anything happens to me,
you'll be in the clink ten minutes later.
You think I'm an amateur? I'll pin so much
on you, you'll look like a Christmas tree.
What are you gonna pin on me
when I just started this morning?
I've been hatching this a long time.
First I'm gonna put through
a child labour bill,
then I'm gonna stamp out the sweatshops.
Then I'm gonna banish the tenements.
What do you know about child labour?
You've never even seen a sweatshop.
What's this tenement business?
Who have you been talking to?
You're spouting like a woman.
Your wife!
That cheesecake you married.
You make one crack about her...
Don't you know a rib started all the trouble?
Did you never hear of Samson and Delilah,
or Sodom and Gomorrah?
Look, I told you to leave her out of it.
Let me at him, let me at him.
Please.
They say he'll get 20 years.
I hope he does. Serve him right.
I'm not gonna press the charges.
He ain't a bad guy, honey.
According to his way of looking at things.
Remember he took me off the breadline.
But he tried to kill you.
Why shouldn't he?
Don't you think I'd take a pop at a guy
that slipped me the triple cross?
You gave him back the money.
Sure.
Anything should slip up there,
we'd be up the crick. No fooling.
You're just tired and irritated, darling.
Nothing's going to slip up.
Nothing can go wrong.
You're going to do your best for everybody.
You'll be the finest governor
this state ever had.
There's no money in it, you understand?
Just a salary.
- There are some things finer than money.
- Yeah?
I feel leery about the whole setup.
Sweatshops and tenements
are very hot stuff to handle.
Child labour is just plain dynamite.
Well, suppose it is.
It's worth the effort, isn't it?
Maybe.
"Maybe. "
Doesn't it mean anything to stop children
being exploited in dark, airless factories,
when they ought to be out
playing in the sunshine?
- Did you ever work in a factory?
- You know I didn't.
Well, I did, see.
When I was seven years old.
Instead of playing on the streets,
learning a lot of dirty words.
I earned four dollars a week for my mother.
And it wasn't dark and airless,
it was very neat and clean.
We folded the boxes,
then we twisted the oilpaper on the taffy...
...what we didn't eat.
And I want you to know that we liked it.
Oh, Dan, sometimes you're impossible!
- Who can that be at this time of the night?
- I don't know, maybe it's George.
- What would George want at this hour?
- Maybe it isn't George.
- Get the door bell.
- Yes, sir.
- Is the Governor in?
- Yes, sir.
- What do you want?
- Governor McGinty?
- What about it?
- We've got bad news, Governor McGinty.
You look as though a cyclone had hit you.
- I had a nightmare.
- You had too much ice cream.
- There.
- May I have Brownie in bed with me?
No, darling, Brownie's going to stay
down here, where she belongs.
- Catherine.
- Yes, Dan?
I'm sorry I got sore a little while ago.
That's all right, darling.
Anyone would get nervous on a day like this.
I er...
I may have to go away tonight for
a little while. It may take a few days, even.
Dan, what are you talking about?
Well...
There's some kind of trouble about a bridge
or something I built when I was Mayor.
I may have to go down home
and explain about it.
Why are you going, Daddy?
Oh, by golly. I went and talked too loud.
Daddy's got to go away for a little while.
I want you to take good care of your mother
while I'm gone.
- Yes, Daddy.
- That's the idea.
- Take good care of your brother, too.
- Yes, Daddy.
She's gonna break a lot of hearts
when she grows up.
What's the matter, Dan?
They can't do this to you, Dan. I'll go to
the Supreme Court, I'll see the President.
I'll get a petition signed by every citizen.
They can't put a man in jail
for doing something honest.
Maybe they can't, but they're putting up a
good bluff. Did you get the habeas corpus?
- The judge was out for dinner.
- Why don't you find out where he eats?
- How long are they hoping to sentence for?
- They're hoping for ten years.
I'll stand by you, Dan.
I'll fight for you day and night.
We'll beat them if it takes 20 years.
Never mind about that part, just get me
out of here on bail, I'll take care of the rest.
As a matter of fact, Dan,
I did find the judge. He won't issue the writ.
Oh.
Don't worry, Dan,
we'll do everything humanly possible.
Well, I guess that's that.
- Good night, Dan.
- Good night, honey.
Take her home,
see that she gets some rest.
- I'm terrible sorry, dear.
- It's all right.
Well, I see you're still here.
Who asked you anything?
Good night, Mr Governor.
You know how long you're gonna get?
You're gonna get 10 to 20 and not
in no country club neither. The beach.
And what do you get? 30 days?
I hope you are satisfied, you rat.
The first time I catch you alone,
I'll bat your brains all over the yard.
You and your little brother.
How about a little quiet down there?
Why don't you guys shut up?
- How about shutting your own trap?
- Yeah. Stick a cork in it.
You're pretty brave behind them bars.
- Listen, you cock-eyed cockroach,
I'll come out...
Hey, hey, hey. Quiet.
Who do you think you are, anyway, huh?
Just because I'm new,
don't think you'll get away with anything.
Any more stink out of you guys,
and I'll send you both to solitary.
I got all the keys right here
and it's gonna be very simple.
And that goes for you too, baby-face.
Yeah!
Bah!
Hello.
What?
Can you talk a little louder?
I can't quite hear you.
Honey, I can't talk loud
and I only got a minute.
Dan!
Dan, where are you?
How can you be telephoning?
Honey, I've only got one life
and I'm not gonna live it in the icebox.
But we'll have you out of there in no time.
Honey, they've got me dead to rights.
Yeah, I know you'd go along with me.
But that ain't right. You've got to think
of the little guy and the little lady.
It wouldn't do them no good
to have their old man in the jug.
Now, here's what you do, see?
Kind of hard to say, honey.
Speak to George,
get yourself a divorce and then...
Dan! Don't talk like a fool.
Dan, wherever you go...
Hey!
Are you coming? For Pete's sake!
All right, all right. Honey, I can't hear you
any more, but there's just one more thing.
You know the dresser in my room?
You pull out the left top drawer.
Between the drawers
you'll find a key fastened with plastic,
got a number on it,
the name of the safe deposit company.
They won't ask you any questions.
Just a little something I held out on you,
keep you going and put the kids
through college without selling magazines.
So long, honey.
I'm sorry it didn't work out, but...
...you can't make a silk purse
out of a pig's ear.
Pat the little fella for me.
Dan!
Dan.
Operator.
Dan.
Thanks.
Why don't you shut up for a change?
Why didn't he kill you?
I never could figure that out.
I know why. It's because you're a big liar,
that's why. About the whole thing!
OK, sister, have it your way.
That will be two bucks, you.
Why don't you go home, Tommy?
- All right. Let's go.
- I mean really home, where you belong.
You're not a kind of tramp like him
that anyone would be glad to get rid of.
You go home.
In a little while, everything is forgotten.
All you need is a little courage.
All he needs is a little bicarbonate of soda.
Oh, shut up, you.
So I caught you again,
you cheesy cheapskate. Give me the dough.
- Listen, you fat, little floor flusher.
- Fat?
Come on. Quit horsing around.
Time out, gents. Here we go again.