The Invisible Woman (1940) Movie Script

Where is he?
Where is he?
Get up!
I am up, I was up,
and I've been up all night.
I would have stayed up if you hadn't knocked
me down. I didn't know you were there.
If you'd come in a moment later, I wouldn't
have been there. I have handed in my notice.
Have you seen
the morning paper?
After 25 years in this household,
I can't see anything, sir.
Just glance at that,
and you'll see plenty.
Hmm, hmm, hmm.
Must be spring again.
I haven't had time to find out. Good morning.
Listen to me, you extravagant,
girl-crazy young idiot!
Good morning.
Good morning.
Ah, George, new shoes?
No, sir. It's a bombproof
shelter for my tootsie, sir.
New shoes!
Now, look here!
For 40 years I've been working myself into a
nervous breakdown handling your family's affairs.
But this is the last straw!
We got off easy. She sued for a
million. And she got 100,000 cash!
Good heavens, man, doesn't anything
ever bother you? No, nothing.
What's the use of worrying about
something that's already happened?
It won't happen again,
I'll guarantee you that!
You're broke!
And you've got to get away
from all this!
No more girls
and no more parties!
- And no more Professor Gibbs!
- Gibbs, hmm!
You'll pardon me, sir, but that
should have occurred long ago.
That reminds me. He called me
this morning and asked for $3,000.
Write him out a check. Three
thousand dollars for that... that...
Thank you.
You've already wasted a
fortune on his silly ideas.
None of them are any good, excepting the
rat trap, and then he was right at home.
You can't expect me to brush
off the professor just like that!
He's practically an heirloom.
I inherited him from Dad.
What has he invented
in the last 10 years?
Not a darn thing! He's got to
stop draining your bank account.
Thousands for chemicals,
bulbs, bulbs, chemicals!
What for? He must be inventing something.
But what? I don't know. I never ask him.
Write that scatterbrain professor
that he's had the last penny...
he's ever going to get
from you.
May I help you, sir?
This makes me very happy.
I'm sure you won't regret
this move at all.
You make it strong, and
I'll withdraw my resignation.
Stop breathing down my neck.
It's the breath of pleasure, sir.
And perhaps
a touch of garlic.
George, are you sick?
Me, sir? No, sir.
Stick out your tongue.
Give that to the professor.
Thank you, sir.
What is this, Halloween?
Professor Gibbs?
Go away.
Now, Professor,
it's only me, Mrs. Jackson.
Hmm. You will find
Mrs. Jackson in the kitchen...
where she belongs.
Ahh. Professor! You drank it!
Having a touch of indigestion
this morning.
Here's a note from Mr.
Russell. Huh? Hold this.
Yes, this will be
the check for 3,000.
There's no check.
Nothing at all.
Dear, dear, dear.
You stay here. I've got to run
into town. What'll I do with this?
Hold it carefully.
It might explode.
Morning paper.
Here you are!
M- M-My ad. My ad.
I want to change it, please.
That's fine. We only run
a couple thousand ads a day.
Have you got a receipt?
A receipt?
Would that be
a little piece of paper?
I seem to remember
putting it in my wallet.
I can never find...
Oh, here it is.
Look, would that be it?
It's it. P-19.
I was just going
to send it through.
That's what I call
a coincidence, eh?
A remarkable one, really.
You really want this in?
Yes, of course.
Unless you would like to try
the experiment. No, thank you.
Ah, no sense of adventure.
Put yourself in the garage,
lazy bones.
Professor, what's the big idea?
That car went in by itself!
A little invention of mine.
Dear me. You look enough like
Dick Russell to be his brother.
Come out of it, Prof. I
am Dick Russell. No, no.
He wouldn't be going fishing,
and he wouldn't be up this early.
I'm sorry I couldn't send you
that money I promised.
It's not that I've lost faith.
It's simply I'm flat busted.
Good! Wonderful!
Come into the lab, quick!
They're all open.
Tell me what they are.
Answers to my ad
I put in the paper.
My boy,
all your troubles are over.
- You'll make millions out of this.
- Millions out of what?
Come on,
help me pick the victim.
A peculiar fellow
took my ad.
Thought I was cuckoo.
Anything in yours?
"Am willing to undergo experiment if you
will deposit $100,000 to my account. "
They all think I'm crazy.
I can't understand it.
- You believe I can do it, don't you?
- Do what?
Make people invisible!
Invisible... with my new
machine! It absolutely works.
I tried it on the cat.
There's the cat. Of course, there's the cat.
I only gave her
a slight treatment.
Wears off after a while.
If only I could get a person
to try it on! Listen to this!
"I am willing to submit to your
experiment on Friday afternoon.
Please let me know your address.
K. Carroll, 1132 North Vista. "
Eureka! In return for all you've
done for me, your fortune is made.
You're a millionaire,
starting tomorrow.
You mean, I'll see the positive proof
tomorrow? I mean, you won't see it.
I won't see it?
Kitty, K. Carroll
is going to join your club.
Hey, John! John!
About this inventory... Congratulate
me, man! I'm practically a millionaire.
Have you gone mad?
Got everything packed,
George? Yes, sir, everything.
Furniture is in order, silverware stored,
trunks packed, pictures all covered.
That's fine. Put everything
back now. Very good, sir.
Did you say, "Put everything
back"? I certainly did.
We're not leaving. We're
not leaving. We're... Aah!
Mrs., uh... Housekeeper!
Jackson is the name.
I've been with you for 12 years,
and the name's stillJackson. Mmm.
Mrs. Jackson, tomorrow I am
expecting a gentleman, Mr. K. Carroll.
Bring him right in here to me. Don't
mention a word of this to anybody.
Keep it a dead secret.
See that this is mailed
to him at once.
Take a very good look at him...
because you won't see him again.
It's the mail.
I'll get it.
I'm expecting a letter. All right, honey.
Have you got a letter for me?
K. Carroll?
That's it.
Thank you very, very much.
Oh, have you got a feller?
- Hooray! He's made an appointment!
- Then you have got a feller!
This isn't from a fella,
Mrs. Patton.
This is the call to adventure.
What would you do if you could
completely disappear?
Don't tell me you're thinking
about running out on me...
when your room rent's way past due? No.
I hate to bring it up, but after all,
I've got to live, you know.
Live! Get up in the morning, run
for the subway, punch the clock,
get kicked around all day
by that nasty Mr. Growley.
Run for the subway and go to
bed! Dream about the subway!
You're gonna dream yourself out
of your job if you don't get going.
Oh, dear, the time clock!
Come on now, girls.
Hurry up.
Kitty, you're late.
You're telling me!
Someday I'm gonna give you
a real punch right in the nose.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Kitty, what kept you?
My mail.
I never get any mail.
All I get is a cold in my head.
Here, dear.
You're wearing number 37.
Oh, Kitty, hurry!
What are you thinking of?
What would you do
if you could become invisible?
Kitty, do you feel all right?
I feel as though
I'm ready to take the plunge.
Hurry, Kitty!
I will.
All right, pay attention!
Quit daydreaming!
Remember, we're not in
business for your amusement!
Every minute wasted means money lost.
Every second delayed keeps a buyer waiting.
Eyes front, chin up,
shoulders back!
- Where's number 37?
- Coming right out, Mr. Growley.
All right, Carroll.
Don't try to sneak by.
You were two minutes late.
You're docked an hour's pay.
That's unfair!
I've never been late before.
Besides, two minutes is exactly
130th of an hour. Really, Carroll!
Maybe you'd like to take up bookkeeping...
somewhere else! Well, would you?
- Well, I didn't mean...
- That's better.
And you?
I'm sorry, Mr. Growley.
I have a cold in my head.
You sniffle in front of customers,
you're fired! Mr. Growley!
Mind your own business.
There are plenty of younger
women for your job. Yes, sir.
Now I know what I'd do.
I'd kick him
right in the pants.
All right, get going,
Good morning. I'm sure
you'll like our new showing.
How do you do?
How do you do?
How are you?
How do you do?
This is our new dinner dress.
Show the back, little lady.
Let me see that.
How much?
Take it easy, will you?
What's that?
They tore it.
Mr. Growley, I came here to
do business. Not be insulted.
Please, ladies!
Of course the girl is wrong.
She'll apologize to you
or I shall dismiss her.
They tore it. Apologize.
The customer's always right.
This time the customers happen
to be wrong, aren't they, girls?
Since you three stick together so
well, you can be fired together,
or do you apologize?
I apologize.
All right.
You can go.
Now, ladies, while the models
change, I'll show you new material.
Kitty, what are you doing?
I'm leaving.
We can't go on being stepped on
like this for 16.50 a week.
Docked when we're sick, when we're late.
Treated like dogs, humiliated!
It's time one of us showed
Growley where he gets off.
It's time he behaved
like a human being.
What are you gonna do? Where
you gonna go? I'll be back.
If I have any luck,
nobody will see me!
Professor Gibbs, please.
Who shall I say is calling?
Miss Growley...
I mean, Miss Carroll.
I came in answer to an ad.
Would you tell Professor Growley...
Professor Gibbs that I'm here?
Step in.
There's a person outside, Professor,
to see you about your ad.
Good. Send him in.
It's a her.
A her?
You mean, skirts and things?
Mmm, skirts and things.
Mrs. Jackson,
you're letting me down!
I can't possibly perform my experiment
unless the subject doesn't wear...
hasn't any...
is... is, you know, in the, uh...
in the "altogether,"
as it were.
What am I going to do?
How should I know?
Dear, dear.
I can't afford to lose her.
I might never find another!
You tell her.
Tell her what?
About the disrobing. Tell her it's
purely in the interest of science.
We can put her
behind the screen.
Nothing could be
more proper.
And, of course, during the
experiment, you'll stay right here.
I don't know as I want to see folks
get invisible. Might give me a turn.
It's her or you, Mrs. Jackson.
Take your choice.
You're either victim
or chaperone!
All right, all right!
I'll tell her!
Be careful of this.
It belongs to my roommate.
And this too.
Also these.
The shoes are mine, though.
She gave them to me.
May I come in?
Yes, we're ready for you now.
How's the visibility today, Prof?
You didn't tell me in your
letter that you were a girl.
I wanted to be sure it wasn't one of
those "for girls only"propositions.
I expected a man,
but you'll do.
Give me your arm.
Ouch! Is that all there is to it?
Oh, no! We have to treat
the body externally as well.
Will it hurt? Will it hurt? Not at all.
Perhaps a slight tickling
sensation for a minute or two. Good.
I don't tickle easily.
All ready to begin!
Wait a minute! This won't make
me invisible forever, will it?
Just for a few hours.
Just what I want.
Go ahead, shoot! You're sure you're
willing to go through with this?
- I said, shoot!
- Because it'll work!
It really doesn't hurt.
- No, but it tickles.
- I'll say it does.
Ooh, you look like
a custard pie.
Am I dissolving yet?
That's that!
She's gone!
Don't you dare
come back here.
Why, is something
still showing?
I can't see anything,
but how do I know you can't?
Here, take this.
Try and take
a good look at yourself.
I really am invisible!
There, Mrs. Jackson! Do you see? No.
No, I don't.
Not a darn thing.
Wait till I call Dick.
It's a staggering success.
Sit down, Miss, uh...
Kitty, Kitty Carroll.
Make yourself at home.
I'll be right back.
You watch her, Mrs. Jackson. Watch what?
Seven years bad luck.
Don't you come near me,
miss. Don't worry, cutie.
I'm going away from you. Professor
said you were to stay here.
Not me! Ha-ha! Growley,
Growley! Here I come!
Excuse me, sir.
The professor just phoned.
He said, would you
come over right away?
He said to tell you that he
has done it. That's great!
Just a minute. I've got to
go over and not see somebody.
Pardon, sir. Would you care
to not have a cup of tea?
Now then, Richard, I will show
you she has completely disappeared.
Professor... Go away! Don't
interrupt! You bore me.
Now, can you see anyone?
Neither hide nor hair.
Did you say, "she"?
Permit me
to introduce you.
Uh, Miss Carroll, allow me
to present Dick Russell,
my young friend and patron.
Dick, this is Miss Kitty Carroll.
Don't be afraid.
Shake hands. Shake hands with what?
Come, come, Miss Kitty!
Shake hands. Say hello.
Really, she was here.
Sure, of course she was.
Maybe you'd better lie down
for a while. Lie down? Nonsense!
Good heavens! Maybe some
reaction I didn't foresee.
Maybe she's fainted.
W- Where are you, Miss Carroll?
Where are you, Kitty?
Kitty, Kitty, Kitty!
Kitty, Kit...
Not you. Miss Carroll!
Bah! Avast! Avant.
Out of me way.
"Thou troublest me.
Thy bones are marrowless. "
Oh, there you are, sir.
You'll be pleased to know
the silverware is back from the bank,
the trunks are unpacked and the slipcovers
are off throughout the entire house.
That's fine, George. We're closing
up after all. Very good, sir.
We're what?
Mrs. Jackson! Mrs. Jackson! What do you want?
What have you done with
her? What have I done?
She's gone! Of course. That's
what I tried to tell you.
Where? Where? Wh-Where? How do I know?
Didn't she say anything?
She said, "Growley, Growley! Here I come!"
But that doesn't make sense!
"Growley! Growley! Here I co... "
Growley. Growley? Growley?
Come, come, Mrs. Bates.
I'll finish that for you.
Snuffling and sniffling
in the buyers' faces!
Get your things and get out.
You're fired! Please, Mr. Growley.
Don't fire me. Let me come back
when I get rid of this cold.
You'll never come back!
You're fired!
Eyes front, chin up, shoulders back!
Get going!
You miserable,
wicked man!
Bullying poor
little working girls,
firing them, docking them
and enjoying it.
You're docking a girl
to pay for this too, aren't you?
The day of reckoning has come.
Now you'll see how it feels
when the shoe's on the other foot.
Oh, Mr. Growley.
If a girl's late, you fine her!
If a girl's got a cold,
you fire her!
You certainly do things
the hard way.
There it goes!
And maybe you should be
sent after it.
Please, whoever you are... I
am the voice of your conscience.
Lean over the windowsill,
Oh, I...
I said, lean over!
Eyes front, Mr. Growley!
Chin up!
Shoulder's back, you worm!
You've always had
a kick coming.
And here's one for interest,
and one to grow on!
There, you've had that
coming to you for a long time.
I'm sick of you,
Mr. Growley,
and I'm sick of getting in and out
of these crummy dresses!
I'm sick of leering men buyers
and snooty women buyers.
I'm sick of the whole thing!
Well, well! If it isn't
my old pal, the time clock.
Here's something
to remember me by!
Paper! Paper! Evening paper!
How do you do?
I should like some information
regarding a personal advertisement.
Sorry, sir, but personal
means personal.
Stick 'em up! Oh, go on home to your mother.
I ain't got a mother.
But I got a gun.
There's only 37.50
in the cash box.
We don't want cash. We want the address
of an ad. About being made invisible.
That one was put in by a loony
called Gibbs. Where do we find him?
In the bug house by rights, but
I've got his address. Gimme that!
Pick 'em up,
That's the kinda help
you get nowadays.
This is the joint.
Say, where did you
get this car?
I didn't get it.
Hammerhead got it.
Why'd you do that?
Where did you get this car?
I just picked it up.
Nice pickings!
What are we gonna talk
to this professor about?
It don't make no difference, as long as
you get the layout of the invisible machine.
You're a scientist, Foghorn.
You're a smooth talker.
Here, take this with ya.
Put that away!
Scientists don't carry
tommy guns.
Maybe we should've brought
a butterfly net, huh?
Don't trouble, Mrs. Jackson.
I have nothing more important
to do than answer the door.
Suit yourself!
Let me in quickly, Professor.
Go away!
I am not speaking to you!
Don't be an old, stuffed shirt!
I had to go and smack down the boss!
A fine reason for becoming
invisible. The only reason.
Jobs are scarce,
and I can't afford to be fired!
I've got to warn you...
I am not interested!
I am highly displeased
with you!
Have I the honor of addressing
Professor Gibbs?
My name is Hardwick Spencer.
I'm a fellow scientist.
I represent a group in Mexico.
Good, sir. Come right in.
Thank you.
Go away!
Now, wait...
Not you, sir. Her!
Her? Who's her?
My first subject.
I am annoyed with her
and wash me hands of her.
You've already tried the
experiment and it works? And how!
Don't pay
any attention to her.
I'll gladly show you
the machine.
I suppose you will be
convinced by a demonstration.
That's exactly the idea.
Have you ever been to Mexico?
M- Mexico? Why, no.
Oh, you'll like it.
A fine trip.
And the boys... my associates
will give you a royal welcome.
Thank you for the invitation.
Invitation, my eye!
I saw them drive up. They have guns. G...
Mr. Spencer...
That's a lie!
Is it? Professor, ask him how
he knew where to find you.
Why, he saw the advertisement in the paper.
Of course I did.
Naughty, naughty!
The ad didn't give
the professor's name or address.
She's right. How did you find
me, if I'm not too personal?
Why, I-I...
You're a crook!
I'm a crook!
No, I'm a scientist!
Back to Mexico, you wolf
in scientist's clothing!
Take it away! Don't do that! Take it away!
And don't you come back,
or I'll cut you dead!
Well, I suppose I should be grateful
to you for disposing of him like that.
Thank you...
and good-bye.
Come on, Professor.
Be a sport and forgive me.
Haven't I proved
your experiment a success?
I knew that beforehand.
I merely wished to utilize you
to convince somebody.
Gosh, I am sorry.
Is there time to show me to this
somebody before I get visible again?
Just about. I'll tell him
we're coming over.
Hmm. Dick Russell, please.
Tell him it's Professor Gibbs.
Uh, now what are you doing?
I'm dodging the draft.
The man from Mars,
Professor Gibbs, sir.
He seems to have passed out...
Uh, seems to be out, sir.
What? Tell...
You're materializing!
Go get your clothes on!
- My clothes are on!
- Nonsense! They're behind the screen.
What screen? He seems to be
on one of those things again, sir.
Ah, he's nuts. He says
you're nuts, Um... What?
Tell him a slight complication
has arisen.
The girl came back,
but now she's materialized.
If I can persuade her to get undressed
again, I'll bring her right over.
The girl?
Bring her over undressed?
Why, Professor,
I'm ashamed of you!
Now what's up? It's too
delicate to repeat, sir.
Part of it was, he would bring
the girl over. Oh, no, he isn't!
We're leaving right now for the
lodge. We'll leave now for the lodge?
You mean, I have to cover up
everything else again? Certainly.
Don't say that.
Give the moths a holiday.
I've been in service 25 years,
and I never...
I resign again, sir,
and again.
And again, and again.
Sometimes I suspect
that man of his isn't all there.
On the other hand, you are.
What could have gone wrong?
You're not supposed to
be visible for another hour!
I'm sorry, but at least I'll get
back to work so I can check out.
Yes, I suppose you must, though
it's very awkward for me. Very!
Years of work,
taking all that money from him.
Never be able to pay him now.
He'll think I'm balmy! This would
have solved everything. Dear, dear.
You're breaking my heart.
Do you want me
to be invisible again?
Yes! But you wouldn't.
I don't suppose
I should expect...
But if you could get
the rest of the day off...
I'll try Growley.
You are the nicest visible
I have ever met.
And we'll abolish
the time clock too.
And, Mrs. Bates, don't forget
to call the lady with the cold.
Tell her to stay in bed until it's better.
She can have her job back anytime. Yes, sir.
That's all, except in the future
we'll serve tea at 4:00.
You'll all like that,
won't you? Yes, Mr. Growley.
If you'll excuse me,
I have to answer my phone.
What's happened
to Mr. Growley?
Hello, Miss Carroll.
How are you, my dear child?
Yes, of course
this is Mr. Growley.
You needn't have bothered
to ask at all.
Certainly. Take the
whole weekend if you like.
Have a lovely time. Bye-bye,
my dear. And have fun.
How am I doin'?
It's you, Professor!
You reformed Growley!
In the name of all working girls, I
thank you. I haven't time for this.
You promised to be invisible
again. Okay, Professor.
You won't be seeing me
in a few minutes.
He can't do this to me!
Hold my hat, Professor.
Dick! Richard!
Wait! Wait, stop! Stop!
Richard, you can't do this.
Where are you going?
To the lodge, fishing.
- Fishing? What for?
- Fish.
F- I-esh, fish.
And me with an invisible woman
for him not to see.
Yeah, this is Foghorn.
What? It's the boss.
The boss?
Not in town?
Great to hear your voice,
Where you talkin' from?
Oh, you're still down there, huh?
Well! He's still in Mexico.
We tried to get it,
but we met with
kind of a complication.
I'll complicate you into such small pieces,
your own mother couldn't put you together again.
I want to be invisible
so I can go home.
I got to see
the old home town again.
I got to smell the lake.
I got to hear traffic.
I'm homesick.
Now he's cryin'.
Gosh, that's bad.
Last time he cried, we had
to have that triple funeral.
We'll get that machine or bust.
But how we gonna get it
over the border?
That's your worry, fathead.
Nobody understands me.
I'm sensitive. That's what I am.
Ever been to the big town?
No, senor.
I can almost hear
the elevated right now,
the taxi drivers
bawling each other out,
the cash register
in the Gay Paree...
and the way the newsies
used to holler headlines...
the morning after
we pulled a big job.
Senor, I do not know
anything about that,
but I have never heard
of a chemical formula...
that would make
the human body unseen.
Watch your step.
You're talking to a lonesome guy,
and a homesick guy too.
My gang's on the trail of an
invisible machine, see? S, s.
And they're rushing it
down here, see? S, s.
You are going to set it up
and make it work, see? S, s.
Or you'll have to find the formula how to
put yourself together again, see? S, s.
What is all this "s, s"? Are
you Spanish? I'm a Pomeranian!
Fishy, fishy in the brook,
master caught him with a hook.
Cooky fries him in a pan.
Oh, phooey! What a smell!
What a pull,
but here we are.
What very superior
There's a very superior bush for
you to undress behind. What for?
I don't want anyone but Richard
to know that you're here.
Let me go in this way
and scare him to death!
Do as I say, or when I bring you to,
I will give you the wrong face.
Hurry up!
Why couldn't you have
done this in the desert?
It certainly
would have been warmer.
Ouch! Darn those roses!
Watch where you're going,
will you, Philo?
Who could that be at this hour of
the night, disturbing my culinary art?
- Hurry up. There's somebody coming.
- Whew! Kind of chilly.
I wonder how the nudists stand it. Shh!
- Oh! Oh, it's you.
- Yes, it's me, sunshine.
- I thought we'd drop in on young Richard for a bit.
- We?
Uh, "we" in the sense
of visiting royalty.
Uh, that door, you know,
the hinges need
a little oiling, my boy.
Nonsense! The hinges were oiled this morning!
I suppose the cat
needs oiling too!
Cats and I
are mutually allergic.
Queer, isn't it?
Very, considering
you have one at home.
Not that I care,
but are you feeling all right?
I've never felt better in me life.
A little cold coming on.
Beastly weather.
Isn't it?
Mr. Russell likes it. He says
it makes the fish bite better.
You'll pardon
an old-fashioned hint,
but we weren't expecting
company up here.
As soon as I have elucidated matters
with Richard, we will pop off!
Why do you
keep saying "we"?
I am referring to the editorial "we".
Did something come down
the chimney?
Perhaps it was Santa Claus.
Yes, perhaps it was.
There is no Santa Claus!
That's right, there isn't.
Months too early for him. Shoo!
What was that?
Mice! We never had
mice here before!
Hang up my coat for me,
will you, my dear fellow?
Stop that, will you? I
can't help it. I'm freezing.
Behave yourself!
Nothing like a spot of brandy
on a damp night.
Nothing like making yourself at home either.
Did you shoot that elk? No,
I think it was born there.
What goes on...
Ha-Ha-Have one with me.
Well, thank you.
Perhaps I'd better.
Maybe I... Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, my. Went down
the wrong way, huh?
That's good.
I hope you don't choke.
I hope.
Thank you. That's enough.
What are you,
a ventriloquist?
Sometimes! Sometimes.
That's right, of course.
Ventriloquism. I picked it up at
college from the fellow next door.
Well, for a minute
you had me worried.
Did you see what I see?
He also dabbled in magic.
Help! Help! Mr. Russell!
Spooks, Mr. Russell!
Really, Miss Kitty!
You have no control!
I'm too cold to have
any control.
Ah! Well, if you're cold, I suppose
you'll have to put something on.
Now, uh, I wouldn't drink
too much if I were you.
Why not?
It warms me up.
There is no telling what reaction
alcohol may have upon your invisibility.
Now, uh... It's raining.
I'll have to bring your things in
before they get soaked.
Here, take this, will you?
Mr. Russell!
Mr. Russell!
What's the matter with you?
The professor is up here.
The professor. Here?
And he's acting very peculiarly.
Frankly, I'm frightened. We both
know he's cracked. What's he doing?
I don't know what he's doing now, but just a
minute ago while I was in there, he was trying to...
He had a... It was a long... It
came out of a... I don't know, sir.
It can't be as bad as that.
Let me show you, please.
All I ask
is a little cooperation.
Do you see what I mean, sir?
Where'd those clothes come from? They're his.
You're sure you're all right?
Oh, sir!
Well, we'll just have to
humor him. Yes, yes, sir.
And you too.
Oh, Mr. Russell.
Oh, Professor.
Well, a new tailor, Professor?
Eh? What...
Oh, well, my boy, I...
The rain, you know.
I was afraid of catching cold.
It's good you brought something
to change into.
Oh, oh, they're not mine.
No, no, no, of course,
my dear boy, I...
I can quickly explain if I
can see you alone for a moment.
Alone, eh? What for?
I've done it, my lad!
I've brought her!
She's here.
Just take it easy, Professor,
and everything'll be all right.
Mr. Russell!
There it goes again!
Stop staring, stupid.
Give him this.
Go on, give it to him.
Here, George. Up!
Here. I hope you're ashamed
of yourself, young woman.
Of course, I'm young.
Now, now, you don't need another
drink. You haven't fainted!
Okay. Here, handsome.
You don't look so hot yourself.
That's very thoughtful of you.
Oh, drinks, decanters,
ventriloquists, magicians...
Come on, George.
Pull yourself together.
Tell him it's nothing supernatural.
Just a simple little invention.
Oh, I beg your pardon, sir. I
shouldn't have given way this way. L...
Look now, sir!
Flying cats!
Sure I can fly.
Here, catch him!
Talking cats!
Oh, here I go again, folks.
Whoever heard of such a thing?
It's only an invisible girl talking.
Come on, get hold of yourself.
Go up and lie down.
Oh, thank you, sir.
It would be a pleasure.
I've been in service all my life.
My father's been in service before me.
I've never been...
I owe you an apology.
I thought you were crazy.
I never dreamed...
Ah, I still don't believe it.
Say, Professor, is this the guy who's
going to promote your cute little machine?
Ah, yes, yes, of course.
Pardon me.
Uh, uh, Miss Carroll,
Mr. Richard Russell.
How do you do?
Huh, I don't think much of him.
He's no businessman.
He's a playboy.
I've seen his pictures
in the papers.
They call him
"The Patsy of the Pacifiic. "
Well, listen, Miss Nothing.
I'm perfectly capable of handling any
business deals of any kind or size.
Oh, I see. It's only women
you can't handle.
Yeah, beautiful women. But you
wouldn't know anything about that.
Oh, is that so?
Any girl who'd become invisible
can't be very easy on the eyes.
Professor, I insist on being
visible again right now!
Lmpossible, my dear.
You will have to wait until morning.
Hey, look out!
You'll stay good
and invisible till then.
I wasn't taking any chances.
Besides, you'd hardly want to
take shape before your clothes dry.
You... You don't mean
she's really...
Yeah, I mean she's really.
Hey, hey, no, you don't!
Better make you
some strong coffee.
I don't know what's the matter.
I never liked to drink before.
Fight the impulse!
Her desire must be caused
by something in the treatment.
Well, well!
Now I know the meaning
of the expression, "Alone at last. "
Hey, you almost
stepped on me!
Why don't you carry
a red lantern or something,
or at least put some clothes on
so I can see where you're not?
But then you're hiding
your stylish, stout figure.
I'll spike that ugly rumor
in three hooks and a zipper.
Darn it, they're still
soaked. How very convenient.
At least the stockings are dry.
Now to find my feet.
This is worse than dressing
in the dark.
Now we'll see who's stalling.
It so happens that
by profession I'm a model.
What for, piano legs? Any time you hear
of a piano with legs like mine, sonny,
run, do not walk,
to your nearest music store.
Apologies are now in order.
Does the rest of you follow
that same interesting pattern?
None of your business.
Well, now where are you?
At the end of the cigarette.
When it rains, all the roads
around here get washed out.
You and the professor better
plan to spend the night.
Just because
I have good-looking legs?
No, because the roads
are washed out.
Besides, the professor and I
have all this business to discuss.
And because
I have good-looking legs.
If I knew where your neck was, I'd wring it.
I think I'll have
just another little one.
Oh! Oh, I feel dizzy.
It must be the altitude.
Sure, altitude.
Spelled B-R-A-N-D-Y.
Oh! Call the professor.
Everything's spinning.
Hey, Professor!
What? What?
What's the matter? She
says it's the altitude.
She says?
We'll have to get her to bed.
Okay, let me.
I forgot she's...
Yeah, she certainly is.
Come on, hold out your arm.
I can't stand up on
my good-looking legs.
That's all right.
Just a little too much altitude.
Better take her
to the showers.
Hmm. Upsy-daisy.
Hmm, not very heavy.
You think you're
a great big strong man.
We better get her to bed.
Hey, what's going on here? I'm
leaving, sir, without notice.
Don't be ridiculous. You're
getting to be a problem child.
Either the professor goes
or I go.
He has a personality
like a temporary filling.
The professor's just an old...
I don't mind pole vaulting
decanters and flying cats,
but when it comes
to invisible women...
This invention means
a lot of money to me.
When I start paying you again,
I'll give you a raise.
A raise.
Oh, thank you. That's well
worth looking forward to.
I'll reconsider.
I can hardly wait
to see her face.
Most fortunately for you,
this one is invisible,
and I sincerely hope she
remains that way. Why?
Because looking at a woman
is only the first step to trouble.
You look, she smiles.
You soften, she sues.
Invisible women! These days
you can't believe your own eyes,
even if you don't
see anything.
Oh, shh.
Just stop that!
Do you want them down here?
Be quiet!
Oh, my bunion.
That's it.
I didn't do it on purpose.
Come on!
Look, a safe.
Boy, look how it goes around
and in and out and down and up.
Gosh, just like the world
of tomorrow.
Come on, get busy.
Take it apart, but slow, so I can
diagram how to put it back together again.
But keep it quiet.
Help! Police!
Oh, oh!
Oh, let me out!
Oh! Oh!
- Here I am.
- B-B-B... Your breakfast, sir.
The professor said she'd
be visible this morning.
If she is, I'll be invisible
by tonight. Let's take a look.
Oh, please,
let well enough be well enough.
Oh, my goodness.
Doggone it. Where is she? Look, sir.
Ah, Kitty.
Why don't you both come in
and then knock?
Oh, my head.
My head.
Pardon me, madame, you haven't
any head. That's what you think.
It's as big as all outdoors.
Oh, dear,
I- I need an aspirin.
Get me a nurse.
Get me a doctor.
Get me something.
Where's the professor?
We better get the professor.
What for? To cheer up a lot of bedclothes?
Oh, Professor!
Professor! Oh, Professor!
Oh, Professor! Professor!
Oh, Professor!
Professor! Professor!
Oh, darn it.
I'm still invisible.
Hey, Professor!
Professor? Hey, Professor! Professor?
Oh, Professor, where are you?
Professor! Did someone say, "professor"?
It's me, Kitty. I thought I heard somebody.
Professor, look at me.
I can't see me at all.
Ah, that's too bad.
By George, I was right!
I warned you to go easy on the
spirits. How right you were!
When there is an affinity
between two molecular forces...
and the natural reagent
is chemically counter...
Aw, have a heart, Professor.
Well, there is the result:
Chemically invisible.
Stop broadcasting.
I simply refuse to stay this way.
Now what's the matter?
I stubbed my toe.
Dear Professor, you've got
to get me out of this, please!
I've got to be visible!
Think of my suspense.
We'll rush back to my
laboratory, and I'll fix you up.
George, pack everything up. We're
leaving. We'll all rush, eh, Richard?
Let's get a move on. I'm tired
of being a piece of laundry.
Your car is ready, miss.
It says here we're in Mexico. I know that.
You don't think that guy at the
customs gate was speaking Gaelic.
Hey! Boys!
It's all right.
It's Foghorn.
All right, boys, get those
crates off, but treat 'em gently.
Got it, huh?
You bet, boss.
There it is, right down
to the last gadget.
Yeah, and I've got it diagramed
on paper and everything.
The... The machine!
It's gone!
Maybe it's made itself
That's hardly possible.
I wonder what that was.
If you had any sense,
you'd look and see.
Mrs. Jackson!
Really, Mrs. Jackson! What an
odd place to spend the night.
The formula
for the injection!
Richard, help me.
Quick, quick!
They can't use the machine
without these.
What luck!
What do ya mean, luck?
What about me? Do I have to go
through the rest of my life like this?
Really, Professor, I think
she looks much better like this.
You have a nerve,
you fishless fisherman!
Children, children. What
are you gonna do about me?
Experiment till I find out what's
keeping you invisible so long.
Yes, but how long's
that gonna take ya?
I haven't a notion.
It took me 10 years
to perfect the machine a...
Now what are you
laughing at?
The chap who took it
without the injection, you know.
Oh, my dear, that machine is apt to
do the strangest things to people.
Ah, senor, this machine,
I love her!
She's so beautiful.
If only I could to meet the man who
make her, I would kiss him, I think.
Just stick to business.
If it works, I'll kiss him for you.
Thank you, senor.
She is ready, I think.
You think.
You boys sure about the
dame it made invisible?
Sure, boss, positive.
Foghorn seen her!
Foghorn, you're elected.
You see, I told you...
Boss, I don't want
to be invisible.
You heard me. First we
will start with the head.
Never mind the head.
That's useless.
Well, then we will start with the neck. Good.
Boss, what about...
Oh, no, boss. Foghorn understands
those things. He's scientific!
I'm underweight, I am. Foghorn!
There's not many people
I'd let try this machine first.
Now get going! Thanks, boss. That's great.
Senor Foghorn, in back
of the screen, please.
In back of the screen?
S, s.
Now get going.
How does it feel?
He likes it. He always
likes it when he's lit up.
But I can still see him.
So can I.
So can I!
So can O'Klotz.
Something that should be here
is missing, I think.
I thought you guys
got everything!
- Oh, we did, boss. Didn't we, Foghorn?
- Why, sure, we did.
- What's that?
- I said, "Sure, we did. "
Or did I?
Something has gone wrong,
I think.
Hey, you!
Give me back my pipes!
You let go of me
and I'll fight the pack of you!
Let go of him.
Take him down to the cellar
and let him cool off,
and then you do what you should
have done in the first place.
You guys go back and get me the professor,
or I'll have all of you singing soprano.
Yeah, boss. Get his head. I got it.
Fires in July.
You are fussy.
You're a nuisance,
that's what you are.
An invisible female nuisance. I
didn't know you two were talking.
We're not.
Why the fire?
Well, there were so many cracks about how awful
my dress looked without a head, I took it off.
But Tarzan over there
is still as disagreeable as ever.
You can both cheer up because I think I
found the formula to make you visible again.
- Oh, Professor!
- That's swell.
So Dick will be on his way
to Washington with the patents,
and you'll never have to
see each other again.
Isn't that nice?
So, uh, try and put up
with each other...
for just a little while longer,
So you're going
to Washington?
What's it to you? You should
have been there years ago.
You've got the personality
of a politician.
For a person with no personality
at all, you've got no right to talk.
And stop crying.
I'm not crying.
I sniffled.
Even invisible ladies can have
manners. Use your handkerchief.
I'm no kangaroo. I haven't
got pockets in my skin.
Here, use mine.
I'm sorry.
Did I hurt you?
Well, did I?
I shook my head.
I can't see that.
Wait a minute.
Where you going?
I got an idea that will change
the whole complexion of this thing.
Professor's not the only inventor
around here. Put this on.
Why? Well, at least I can see you nod.
That looks silly. It's the
way they're wearing them.
Stand up so I can see
what you look like.
Is that all
the taller you are?
Oh, silly, I'm only trying to find out
which is the front of this thing.
Is this better?
What color did you say
your eyes were?
If you're so interested, why don't
you stick around and find out?
That's just
what I'm going to do.
That's my hand, you know.
Yeah, I know. Do you mind
if I borrow it for a minute?
Mm-mmm. It's a very nice
hand. It's very soft.
Very pleasant to the taste.
Um, why do you
close your eyes?
I can't see you.
I can at least imagine.
I know. I'm just a ghost
where you're concerned.
I'm nothin' but a nothin'.
If this hand is any criterion,
you must have lovely lips,
beautiful hair, nice...
Thank you, Richard. That's a very
charming compliment. Oh, it's you.
Look, reagent
to counteract alcohol.
Kitty, my girl, I'll have you visible
before you can sayJack...
Robinson. I'm almost afraid to be myself.
It's like making
a blind date.
What have you got to lose?
You've already seen me.
You know, in a way, Richard,
I'm sorry to do this.
If more women
were invisible,
life would be much
less complicated.
And much less interesting.
That belongs on the lamp, sir. I know it.
It looks much better
with a bulb in it.
What's the gun for?
It's a damp night, sir.
Do you always wear a shotgun to keep
you dry? Being damp out, it's foggy.
And being foggy, it's a good
cover for the return attack...
of the thugs
who took the machine.
I intend to patrol the grounds, sir,
which at least makes sense.
We needed that hole
for ventilation, sir.
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
I'm so excited!
Sit still. It will only take a minute. Here.
You forgot to say ouch. I'm so
worried about what he'll think of me.
I think he'll think
he likes you.
Yeah, but he's always
liked glamour girls...
with expensive clothes
and furs and things,
and all I've got is
this wrinkled old dress.
What you really need is a new
outfit to make an entrance in.
You needn't rub it in.
Wonderful thing,
these shopping services, really.
Guaranteed glamorous
or your money back.
Open it!
Oh, Professor!
Oh! Oh!
Oh, Professor.
Wait, wait.
Save those for Richard.
I charged it to his account.
I don't care. You're a darling.
Wait, control yourself!
Get dressed and knock him cold!
Oh, boy, will I!
Oh, isn't that lovely!
Just remember one thing,
young woman.
No alcohol or liquor
of any sort.
When you dissipate,
you disappear.
Hey, buddy.
Oh, yes, sir.
Have you got a match?
Why, yes, indeed, sir.
Hold it, will ya, bud?
Why, certainly, sir.
Hey, you frightened him.
Do something.
Oh, look at my hair.
It's a mess.
she's taking her time.
what does she look like?
Hmm, a girl, you know.
I never have paid much attention
to women myself.
Did she ever say anything
about me? Not a word.
Oh, she didn't, huh? Of course, it's a
matter of complete indifference to me.
I'm through with women,
Here she comes.
No, stay right
where you are.
I want to get a good look at
you. Kitty, this is wonderful.
This is even better
than I expected.
Stick 'em up!
How dare you!
Frankie, get her off me!
- Here, hold this.
- Come on, lady. Be a gentleman about this.
Oh, stop it! You're a fine one...
Leave me alone, you hear?
Gimme that. Come on. Where are we going?
You wouldn't trust a beautiful dame like
that with a couple of lugs like us, would you?
Perhaps you're right.
Well, come on!
Before I resign, sir,
permit me to state...
there are prowlers about
and they've got my gun.
Oh, my!
Pleasant evening
for a drive.
We're not going for a drive.
We're being taken for a ride.
Why don't you look
where you're going?
Hey, what...
George, did you have to throw
the fish? It's Friday, sir.
Now before you say, "Where am I?"
you're right here in your own front hall.
You're quite all right. Good grief!
Kitty and the professor! They got 'em!
If they did, well, good
riddance, I'll say, sir.
Pardon me, please.
Whatever it is,
we don't want any.
I want Mr. Russell.
Mr. Richard Russell.
He's out tuna hunting.
Who is it? I don't know, sir,
but it sounds likeJenny Lind.
Let him in.
Come in.
I'm Mr. Russell.
I can tell you where they took
the girl and the professor.
For the love...
For the love of Pete, where?
Down at Blackie Cole's hideout in
Mexico. He's got the invention too.
George, get the airport.
Call the airport. We're leaving.
Oh, airport!
No, on the phone!
Oh, excuse me. You don't know what this
means to me, Mr... What's your name?
It used to be Foghorn.
How much farther is it?
About five miles.
I hope the professor hasn't
shown them how to use the machine.
As soon as he does, Blackie
will bump both of them off.
That is, unless the professor
talks Blackie to death first.
So you see,
the entire principle...
is a combination of chemical,
biological and dynamic influencing.
Cut out the stalling! For an
hour you've been using big words.
Professor, for the love of Mike, cut
out the stalling. I want to go home.
You'll both go home on a slab if this guy
don't come through. I want to be invisible.
I don't blame you. It would
be a decided improvement.
Now, Professor,
you either play ball with us...
or we get rough
with the lady.
Play ball? I was never
any good at games.
You know what I mean. Come clean
about how that machine works.
Make me invisible, or else.
I would very much
rather "else. "
I did not invent
that machine...
to make killers
like you invisible.
How do you know I'm a killer?
You have all the earmarks,
my friend.
The constricted cerebellum,
the receding frontal bone,
the Lombrosian earlobe.
I got all that, huh?
And you are also given...
to sudden and unexpected
outbursts of weeping.
Well, what do ya know?
You'd cry, too,
if you was exiled like me.
Sometimes I think I can
hardly stand it any longer.
Hey, lady!
That stuff! Ll melt
your bridgework.
I haven't any bridgework.
Isn't he silly, Professor?
I don't feel a thing.
The reagent must be
still functioning.
There's a molecular antagonism,
you know.
I don't get the scientific lingo,
but alcohol used to be my business.
But that stuff
is practically T.N.T.
Oh, in that case...
Lady, have a heart.
I've seen 'em drink hair tonic, I've
seen 'em drink vanilla, but never this!
Boss, look!
Take this...
and that!
Here I am. If you move fast, you
can still catch me in the dress.
Oh, faster than that.
Here I am.
No, no, no.
Over here.
I don't know
my own strength.
Strike one!
Look out, shorty.
You're next.
Better put that down
or you'll break it.
There. Now you look like
a fish. Blackie! Blackie!
You big fish.
A little bit of this
will put you right to sleep.
You're even dizzier
than you look.
Strike two!
And now to black out Blackie.
What do you say, Blackie?
How about you and I going over
this room with your fine-tooth comb?
That's the only way
you'll ever find me.
How to have fun at parties.
Why be a wallflower?
You, too, can be invisible
in six easy lessons.
Amaze your friends.
Amaze yourself.
Now, just follow me.
Come on, Blackie.
You may not be able to catch me,
but you might catch on to the trick.
Over here.
I've always wondered how this thing
works. My, but it's pretty, isn't it?
Come on, Blackie. Come on,
let's look at this closer.
This way. Here I am.
Now the whole secret is
to touch the wire cylinder.
That must be
quite a shock to you.
Strike three! You're out!
- How am I doing?
- Fine. Untie me.
Not yet, Professor. There are more
of them outside. You're safer here.
Whee! Set 'em up
in the other alley!
Miss Kitty!
Yes, Professor.
Are you all right?
Never felt better.
Look, I'm mistress of all I survey! Good.
Something seems to be
the matter with my feet.
They're all tied up.
I never thought of that.
Hey, somebody's coming.
I think it's...
Yes, it's Dick!
He can't rescue me
this easy, he can't.
Lfhe wants me,
let him fight for me.
You take the back door
and I'll take the front door.
And I'll be in Brooklyn
before you. Oh, no, you don't.
Open up in there!
We'll scare 'em out.
Yeah, we'll scare them.
Those are the noisiest
grasshoppers I ever heard.
Christopher Columbus!
We're being shot at!
Help! Help!
It's Kitty. We've got to go to her.
Let's try and make her come to us.
Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty.
Here, Kitty. Here, Kitty.
Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty.
Here, Kitty.
It serves you right.
That's what you get for putting me in that
Turkish bath and turning me into a tenor.
You double-crossed me.
Sure, I double-crossed you.
You had it coming to you.
L... Gee!
I got my pipes back.
Thanks, boss.
That's all right.
Let bygones be bygones.
Now my pipes are gone.
- Oh, help!
- I don't know why I should be afraid.
Professor, where's Kitty?
No, no, not that!
Anything but that!
- What was that?
- That was Kitty.
Help, help!
I'm drowning!
Where are you?
Right beside you.
We fell for each other
in a big way after all.
You're all wet,
but... but I love you.
Well, he may have
Mrs. Russell's coloring,
but he definitely resembles
our side of the family, sir.
He has your eyes.
Oh, yes, my eyes exactly.
I'm not so sure
about that.
Who do you think he looks like,
Professor? A bit like me, don't you think?