The Return of the Musketeers (1989) Movie Script
[ Man ]
They've stolen the king!
[ Crowd murmuring ]
[ indistinct chatter ]
[ Gasp ]
How much longer? Come on.
Yours was the chicken
and yours was the chicken.
Mmm, mmm.
Hey, what are you doin' up there?
Hmm?
[ humming ]
Oh, I see.
[ indistinct chatter ]
[ laughing, indistinct chatter ]
[ sniff, sniff ]
- Ah! - Keep it off the table.
Somebody's got to clean that.
[ indistinct chatter ]
Hmph!
No, no, don't tickle me.
Don't tickle me.
Oy, oy, what do you call this?
Chicken. Idiot.
[ indistinct chatter ]
[ man ]
I said friends, friends.
- [ grunting ]
- This tastes like the pudding.
[ man ]
I just want something to drink.
[ woman indistinct ]
[ indistinct chatter ]
Oh, hello.
Hello.
[ man ] Oh no.
Good evenin'. Stop it.
Oh!
What's the matter with it? To you.
Good morning.
Have you a table away from the fire?
Get out of here!
Certainly.
Gaston, Gaston!
Come here!
He's been interfering
with my ox, that man.
Must go, must fly.
Busy, busy.
All right.
Get 'em up!
Here you, get off of there.
Mind my cabbage.
[ man ]
Frenchmen!
Brothers of the Fronde!
We demand an end to misrule.
An end to corruption!
An end to cardinal Mazarin.
We demand the release of the people's
champion! To hell with Mazarin!
The duke of Beaufort!
- Down with Mazarin!
- Mazarin, god save him.
[ man ] All Paris seemed to be in a
foul temper that summer, I remember.
Damning Mazarin,
cheering for Beaufort.
As if it mattered which
lordly rascal misruled France...
In the name of little king Louis.
Well, it was all one to me, D'Artagnan,
the forgotten lieutenant,
waiting at palace doors
like a lackey.
Remembering those
brave times long ago
when we defeated
the great cardinal of Richelieu,
the three musketeers and I,
heroes of yesterday.
[ chuckling ]
Now only I was left,
the shabby,
downward-heeled soldier.
A sad relic of the old days...
And a source of some amusement
to the young fops of the court.
Until that day when
cardinal Mazarin sent for me...
And offered me employment.
He needed men with long swords
and short purses, he said.
Well, mine was short enough.
I was to seek out my old comrades,
Athos, Aramis and Porthos,
whom I hadn't seen in 20 years
and hire them for his service.
Dirty work no doubt, but old
soldiers can't be choosers.
[ crowd chanting ]
Down with Mazarin!
Down with Mazarin!
I wonder if they'll break
the cardinal's windows again.
I do hope so.
Who cares? It's just politics.
Oh! The duchess of Longueville
is on her back again.
I'm not at all surprised.
[ laughing ]
...Four, five, six.
One, two, three,
four, five, six.
[ clicking tongue ]
See, one, two, three --
when I'm grown up,
I shall not allow politics.
So they'd better smash Mazarin's
windows while they have the chance.
[ crowd chanting ] Down with Mazarin!
Down with Mazarin!
- Down with Mazarin! Down with Mazarin!
- Louis, that is naughty.
Down with Mazarin!
[ clearing throat ]
You interrupt our pleasure,
cardinal.
A thousand pardons, sire.
I thought I heard my name.
May I be permitted to address
her majesty, your mother?
Have you begged an audience?
Louis!
The cardinal is your prime minister.
And it's time for your afternoon nap.
[ crowd chanting ]
We want Beaufort!
[ crowd chanting ] We want Beaufort!
We want Beaufort!
Soon he will be
too big to send to bed.
Then your pretty
little niece will lead him.
Until then, you and I
must rule France together.
Close together.
[ crowd shouting ]
Oh! That rabble!
Filth! Middle class!
[ Mazarin ]
Let them burst their lungs.
Monsieur Beaufort is safe
in the dungeon of Ardennes.
I have found the perfect jailer
for him. Come and look, dear.
[ Mazarin ] Down there.
Do you recognize him?
He was rotting in the Bastille,
where you sent him, my dear.
Rochefort! Richelieu's creature? That
reptile! They would've destroyed me.
That was 20 years ago and he's been
buried alive for five of them.
Now he has only one loyalty, fresh air.
And with half of France
against me, I need him.
And every good agent I can find.
Men like those musketeers,
who served you so well
in the old days.
Hmm, musketeers,
those noisy ruffians.
They had their uses. One of them
made love to my dressmaker.
The silly slut got herself strangled.
I looked like a scarecrow for weeks.
[ chuckling ]
I gave him this ring
and the fellow pawned it.
That would be D'Artagnan.
[ D'Artagnan ]
Of course I'd pawned it.
Did she think I'd been
living on memories?
That ring was all the reward
we four musketeers had got
for saving her honour long ago...
And ruining ourselves when we
killed her enemy, milady Dewinter.
They called us murderers.
We were disgraced, scattered...
And now 20 years after,
this slippery cardinal
was bidding for our swords.
Silver? Skinflint.
Perhaps I should be grateful to him for
on that day began the last adventure...
When the four of us were all
for one and one for all again!
[ indistinct chatter ]
Your servant, ma'am.
Oh!
My god! Planchet!
Hide me, master.
Oh, god.
[ man ] She said, take me to the market.
That's what she said.
I said, what, with these knees?
Oh! Oh!
[ woman ] Put that back.
Excuse me, sir.
Have you seen a fat scoundrel?
Paris is full of them.
And of impudent upstarts.
I was only asking.
You were pawing like a peasant.
Well, I should have known.
A musketeer, brave
cloaks and bad manners.
Can't you swaggering sword bullies
even answer an honest question?
You're unarmed. I'm busy.
You're lucky.
Go away!
Where the devil
have you been anyway, huh?
Ten years ago I sent you out to buy
cheese. You never came back.
Well?
They were shut. Has he gone?
So, you cut purses now, do you?
I never. I was hungry.
I've been starving for years.
Oh, quiet! Quiet! Quiet.
Wait, wait.
[ groaning ]
Your fat carcass might be worth feeding
if you can tell me where I can find...
Monsieur Athos? Monsieur Porthos?
Uh-huh! Uh-uh!
Monsieur Aramis?
Mmm! Mmm!
Well, answer, you fowl feeder.
Monsieur Aramis is a priest in the
convent and the queen's confessor.
Dear Aramis, the duellist,
the lover, the dandy,
who always wanted to be a priest.
[ D'Artagnan ] So, you got your wish.
Well, come on, blubberguts.
Let's go and disturb him
at his devotions.
[ rooster crowing ]
[ giggling ]
[ dog whining ]
No, thank you.
[ man ]
Shhh! Shhh!
This is one conquest monsieur
l'abb won't live to boast about.
Come on, get up there.
I'm tired.
Oh, stop whining, Planchet.
Look, horsemen.
Oh, very good, master.
Let me at him first.
It's an ambush.
Yeah, it's an ambush.
Not for us, I'm afraid. It's a long
time since I was worth assassinating.
Oh!
[ woman laughing ]
[ woman ]
How was it for you?
Thought as much!
Oh!
[ dog whining ]
My husband?
You there, sir, be off
about your business.
Mind your manners.
Do you own the highway? What!
What do you want here?
Marguerite, what are you doing here?
Let me alone.
I can see what you're doing here.
Marguerite, stop talking, come here.
Stand in front of me.
All right, go and talk to him.
Ouch! Get away from me,
you hussy you!
[ grunting ]
Ow!
- Planchet, attack them! Attack them!
- I'd help if I could.
- Planchet, get stuck in!
- Get stuck in -- stick in -- Oh, no, no!
- ...Alone!
- Marguerite!
It is you!
Ow!
Sorry.
[ coughing ]
Ha-ha!
Get off!
There's no room.
Aramis!
D'artagnan!
Did you drop from heaven?
No, from paradise.
Whose side are you on?
Oh, thank god for that.
That way!
Quickly! Quickly!
[ laughing ]
Hey! Hey!
Come on!
Come on!
After them!
Come on, men!
Just here.
Planchet, get rid of the horses.
Ah, welcome to the convent of noisy.
Normally we'd enter by the door.
- [ wheezing ]
- [ mooing ]
Don't worry, they're all still
at prayers. I'm very strict.
[ hoofbeats ]
Can you see them?
There they go.
After them!
Huh?
Strange, when I was a musketeer,
I longed to be a priest.
Now I'm an abbe
and I miss the old days.
Then join me. Think of it,
the four of us together again.
Serving Mazarin?
He's vain, greedy,
Italian and the queen's lover.
What sort of cardinal is that?
I suppose your next sermon
will be on poverty and chastity.
I never preach. Not since a gentleman
laughed at one of my sermons.
I said a mass for his soul.
Aha! You're still a swordsman, huh?
Not for cardinal Mazarin.
[ sighing ]
Oh, well, I'll just
have to try Porthos.
[ shouting ] Planchet! Where are you?
Shh, not that way.
Porthos is a very
rich man these days.
He married the great
estate in Picardy.
Help me with this, will you?
You won't tempt him.
Oh, I can talk Porthos
into anything. You'll see.
Planchet!
Shhh!
[ D'Artagnan ]
Sorry. Come and hold this rope ladder.
[ grunting ]
I've got it.
oh, yes, it's all mine.
Farms, pastures, miles of it.
These peaches are delicious.
From my own orchard.
Gettin' closer, you know.
[ Porthos ] Wherever it is, somewhere.
This vintage, exquisite.
My grapes are the envy of the
province, so they tell me.
And the air.
Oh, yes, my own air.
You like it?
Fragrance of money.
Ha, ha, happy Porthos!
No, my friend, unhappy.
I have neighbours, you see.
Rustic gentry, poor as mice
but with ancestors and titles.
I am plain monsieur
Porthos, so they snub me.
Oh, I've killed a couple of 'em.
[ gun cocking ]
But even that gets me no invitations.
So depressing.
Oh, god almighty.
You need action.
Service, sir.
A sword in your hand again.
And cardinal Mazarin
can provide it.
He'd give you a title, baron Porthos.
What would your neighbours
say then, huh? Baron?
Me? A nobleman?
With a silver crest on me coach.
Uh-huh!
By god! That'd show 'em!
Oh!
I thought it was going quite well.
You say Aramis refused to join us?
Incredible, a man of his
gifts skulking in a nunnery.
Athos is bound to come when
he knows I've agreed. I hope so.
Aramis tells me he's changed, since
he adopted a son a few years ago.
No more drinking or brawling.
Just a quiet country gentleman.
Deplorable!
It's hard to imagine. Athos
growing old at peace with the world.
[ Porthos laughing ]
You can take your summons,
soak it in wine and choke on it.
- You time-serving --
- Bring him down.
Bring him down, arrest him, bind him.
Athos, comte De la Fer, I summons
you on charges of riot, disturbance --
...Summons on me, you fool!
That man there, your father,
is he mad?
- Speak, man.
- My father's drunk.
I'm studying the relation of the planets.
Conversation with either of us is useless.
- Come back tomorrow.
- Summon the guard.
Summon the guard!
As far as I'm concerned,
I've served my summons.
- Oh!
- You can arrest him.
That one there!
Go on!
Oooh!
Aaah!
[ grunting ]
- Give me a hand, boy.
- Oh, father, reason with them.
What do you think
I'm trying to do?
[ men grunting ]
[ Athos ] Come on here!
Fine country gentleman, yes, sir.
One for all, come on!
And all for aaah--
what it 'tis?
D'artagnan!
Yes!
Welcome home, boy!
[ laughing ]
Oh, there you are. Remember him?
Porthos!
[ D'Artagnan ] Oh, wonderful, Athos!
You haven't changed!
This is wonderful!
[ laughing ]
- It's you.
- Ha, small world.
[ Athos laughing ]
Raoul! Come here.
I want to introduce you
to two old comrades of mine.
Raoul!
This is D'Artagnan!
And Porthos!
I'm afraid, gentlemen,
Raoul does not approve...
Of this or this!
Come, boy, your
toy can be mended.
Yeah, it's all here.
Won't take a minute.
Your servant, gentlemen.
I'm sorry, father.
Raoul!
Raoul! Is this any way to treat
my friends? Don't be hard on him.
Have you forgotten another
young man 20 years ago
who was most uncivil
to musketeers?
[ chuckling ] Leave him to Porthos.
He'll charm him out of it.
[ laughing ]
Him?
They fall at different speeds. Why?
Why do they fall at all?
What attracts them to earth?
Something to do
with religion, I expect.
Why should Mazarin want me?
Because you're Athos,
the bravest and the best.
[ chuckling ]
Was I ever that even 20 years ago?
And now, what should
he need me for?
To fight against the
Fronde and Beaufort.
Are you pledged to Mazarin, boy?
I've taken his pay.
Then give it back. There
is no honour in his service.
Look, if the Fronde
want to rescue Beaufort...
And replace this creeping
cardinal, let them.
What's it to you?
You are a solider, not a politician.
Why should you serve Mazarin?
To earn a living.
You have your estate and your son.
Aramis has his church...
And his women.
Porthos has more money than he can spend.
What have I got after 20 years?
Your honour, boy,
and that same clean heart that came
out of Gascony all those years ago.
God go with you.
I cannot.
[ sighing ]
Would have been good,
the four of us together again.
Planchet, get on
your horse if you can.
Porthos is worth a dozen.
Will you do something for me?
Will you look after the old fool?
I have a fondness for him...
And the young one.
Come on, that's a good boy.
Sit, sit.
[ Planchet mumbling ]
Does he suspect anything?
No, D'Artagnan trusts me, you see.
And your son, does he know?
I am sending him to Paris.
Come, we have a long ride
ahead of us.
[ crowd shouting ]
Get going!
No good talkin' to me.
You should have thought of that before.
Sell his boots first.
We won't get much for the rest.
[ crowd murmuring ]
In nomine patri
spiritus sancti.
[ crowd booing ]
[ groaning ]
Ah, you're the priest, huh?
My arm, help me, jesu, my arm.
You are the headsman of Lille?
What? Yes. Help me.
In god's name, my arm!
It's broken.
Twenty years ago you beheaded
a noblewoman, milady Dewinter.
You murdered her with
an axe such as this.
Not murder.
It was my duty.
You lie. You were hired to murder
her by four men. Who were they?
I don't know. I don't remember.
Remember and I will release you.
You swear it?
Oh, for pity's sake,
the one was called
the comte De la Fer.
I never knew the others.
It's the truth. The comte De la Fer --
it was his crime, not mine! Let me go!
I will release you
as you released her.
Burn in hell!
[ screaming ]
[ gagging ]
Murderer!
Come on.
[ shouting ]
[ grunting ]
My god, what are you?
- Evidently not a priest.
- Then in god's name, why --
It's an excellent disguise
for a woman traveling alone.
It shields her from danger.
- You murdered that man.
- No, monsieur.
I did justice on one of the
butchers who murdered my mother.
For years I have been seeking them
and today I found the first.
He has paid and
guided me to the four others.
That's incredible.
I don't believe you.
That hardly matters under the
circumstances, does it, monsieur --
Raoul, vicomte de Bragelonne.
Oh, a nobleman.
Your family crest?
It's my adopted father's,
comte De la Fer.
De la Fer?
Where have I heard
that name before?
No matter. I must not
deprive such a noble house...
Of so precious an heirloom,
now must I?
I don't understand. I have no quarrel
with you, monsieur De Bragelonne.
You will hardly try
to quarrel with me again now, will you?
But that man!
That poor fellow who was
murdered by a mad priest?
Do I look like a mad priest?
Would anyone believe you
if you said I was?
Do I look like...
A murderer, Raoul?
But you killed him...
In cold blood.
Yes, I executed
my mother's murderer.
Suppose it had been
your own mother?
I never knew her.
She must have been beautiful,
young, full of life.
If men had slaughtered her...
Like a beast in the shambles,
what would you have done, Raoul?
[ man grunting ]
Oh, straight in.
- Bad luck, sir.
- [ murmuring ]
No, through here, monsieur le duc.
Oh, a moment, gentlemen.
Twit.
If the duke of Beaufort attempts
to escape, you will shoot him down.
I say, fellow!
Fellow, may we have our ball back?
[ grunting ]
Oh.
This ball is cracked.
Healthy game of pale-meille, my lord duke?
Yes.
Your followers are playing a
somewhat more strenuous game.
My own invention. Look. Oh.
Is it Thursday today? [ Rochefort ]
They're chained to their seats.
If they stop pumping, they drown.
Pull in your end.
Enjoy your game, sir.
[ prisoner ]
You're going too fast for me.
[ keys jingling ]
Keep an eye on him.
Yes, sir.
Right.
[ whispering ]
Look up there.
Keep pumping, boys.
I'll get the rope.
Stand on my shoulders, sir.
Sorry about my shoulder, sir.
Let me help you, sir.
Sorry about my hand, sir. Step
on my head if you like, sir.
Sorry about my head, sir.
Good luck to ya, sir.
You've got a lucky face.
Boy, that made a change,
didn't it?
And how precisely did the duke of
Beaufort escape? Or didn't you notice?
He had accomplishes.
Who, how many, I don't know.
I rode as fast as I possibly could --
in the wrong direction, alas.
Beaufort, being intelligent,
will make it for the frontier.
Eminence, I will be in
the saddle immediately --
you will be in your quarters,
sir! Under arrest!
Until I decide
how to dispose of you.
The captain of
the guard at once. No.
Wait. Don't be nervous,
this cardinal is not like the old one.
He's gonna make you a baron, remember?
You really think he will?
Is he a cardinal
of his word?
You may count on it,
monsieur Porthos.
Your barony is riding for the frontier
at this very moment; don't let it escape.
Bring it safe to me and I
shall place it in your hands.
Ahh!
Come on, baron.
Oh, my good--
now, wait.
Wait for me.
[ murmuring ]
You men there!
Follow me!
What? Who was that?
Oh, god. Oh, god.
[ D'Artagnan ]
This way!
Two horsemen pursuing, sire!
Well, get on with it!
Faster! Whip up, coachman!
[ D'Artagnan ] You see what becomes of
locking your enemy up like a criminal,
instead of cutting his throat
like a gentleman.
That's what I'd have done to Beaufort
if I'd been Mazarin, god forbid.
Faster, faster!
Still following us, sire.
This escaping duke was not the
foolish weakling he pretended to be.
He had half of France on his
side and unless we caught him,
he'd raise a storm that might sweep
our oily cardinal out of office.
And where would my promotion and
Porthos' title be then, huh?
They outnumber us
three to one!
If we can put a pistol to Beaufort's
head, numbers won't matter.
Leave it to me. You
deal with the escort.
[ shouting ]
[ Beaufort ] Whip up, coachman!
Come on, whip up!
Whip up!
He said it was his wife.
Go on! Go on!
I don't eat beans
and it was lent.
Off you go!
Come on, clear out!
Clear out!
Go on, vamoose!
Go and have some lunch.
Oh, all right.
Go away, go on.
Go away!
That damn sword.
Get --
oh!
Whoa!
Go back and kill the clown.
Sire!
Stand still, clown!
- Come here, come here.
Whoa! Whoa! - Get out of my way!
Which way's he going?
Come on!
Ah!
Lost the sword!
Come on, come on,
you donkey!
Don't let him get away!
Come on!
- Eh?
- Up, up, up!
Aaah!
[ Porthos groaning ]
- Help!
- Get off, you buffoon!
D'Artagnan!
I'm at a loss!
I'm here!
Sorry! Sorry!
I won't be a moment.
I must say I'm not exactly thrilled
with your part of the plan.
- Hang on.
- How embarrassing.
[ grunting ]
En garde!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Monsieur!
[ coachman ]
Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa!
Surrender, monsieur le duc!
No!
- Put up your sword, Gascon.
- Athos?
[ shouting ]
Ha, ha-ha, ha!
Stop it, you great
thundering blockhead! [ shouting ]
Damn it, Porthos!
Can't you see it's me? Aramis?
Blockhead am I?
- Your swords, gentlemen.
- Never!
- This isn't mine anyway.
- Monsieur le duc,
I know all these men,
sire, personally.
If you will ride on, I will ensure
that they will remain neutral.
Right! Let's go!
Come on! Drive on!
Hah!
Steady, Gascon.
You made fools of us! Why didn't you
tell us you were Beaufort's men?
I expected honesty
from you at least, Athos.
- Or have you turned jesuit as well?
- I won't take that from you!
Back!
Have you all gone mad?
That's Athos, man! And Aramis.
Comrades!
What the devil are we fighting for?
You treated us like children,
not to be trusted!
You were Mazarin's men, boy!
You would have had to chosen between us.
What would you have done?
You have to say that to me?
Damnable insult!
What would we have done?
Run tattling to Mazarin, probably.
[ Porthos ]
Hey! Hey!
Damn you, D'Artagnan!
Aramis, I swear to god,
I didn't mean to --
he struck in anger.
You provoked it.
Take his hand.
We have been friends for too long...
To fall out over a word
and a blow, Aramis.
Aramis.
Aramis!
Athos, I swear, I didn't mean --
oh, for god's sake, Gascon!
One for all and
all for one! Huh?
But that was 20 years ago.
Three can drink
as well as four.
And the money
will go further.
The duke of Beaufort is free and will
sweep away the corrupt regime of Mazarin!
Oh, it can happen! In England,
Oliver Cromwell is overthrowing a king.
Yes! The world is
changing, my friends.
To hell with Mazarin!
To hell with Mazarin!
God save the king!
God save the king!
To hell with Mazarin!
To hell with Mazarin! God save the king!
What appalling handwriting.
Oh.
Ah! Careful, man.
Here, let me.
Why do the working class delight in
destroying the property of their betters?
Via, via, go away, please.
[ mumbling ]
so, the English civil war
is over, eh?
And roundheads
have captured their king.
But Cromwell doesn't say
what they will do with him.
Depose him and then --
king Charles' death
is inevitable.
And France must not interfere.
General Cromwell insists.
Roundhead diplomacy. Does he think
he can cut off a crowned head,
even an English one, and royal France
will stand by doing nothing?
What will France do?
Stand by, protest it.
My ministry wouldn't last
a day if I declared war.
We shall be nosily neutral.
You may give monsieur Cromwell my word,
provided no one knows I've given it.
He's the winner,
so I must be friends with him.
But how long will you waste your talent
serving that Anglo-Saxon savage?
Your eminence knows of a more
civilized service? Infinitely.
I can always use reliable agents and
I pay better than monsieur Cromwell.
Cardinal.
Sire? This rubble at the gate.
I will not --
who is this lady?
Sire, may I present you
mademoiselle Dewinter?
An English...
Diplomatist.
English diplomacy
is beautiful.
- Your majesty.
- Rise, ma'amselle.
You look disturbed.
Pardon, sir, I had understood
that your majesty was,
forgive me,
much younger.
Who told you that?
He did, I suppose.
- Well, I shall be 11 next year.
- Only 11? Oh, your majesty's teasing me.
You see, cardinal?
I am not a child anymore.
You may go. I wish
to speak to ma'amselle.
Forgive him, ma'amselle.
He's a tiresome fellow.
A useful accountant,
but he is rather old.
[ sighing ]
Ooh, ooh!
Ahh! Aah!
Ooh! Ooh!
They're not real, you know.
What did you say to Mazarin?
That the duke of Beaufort escaped, thanks
to a dozen of his men who held us off.
Ooh-ooh-ooh!
So, he kicked us out.
No barony for Porthos,
no promotion for me.
You see before you two unemployed
gentlemen. I cannot say I'm sorry.
You two were made for better
stuff than serving Mazarin.
On my way here I saw a woman
disguised as a priest...
Kill a headsman
with his own axe.
- Young women nowadays, eh?
- She said he was her mother's murderer.
He and four other men
20 years ago.
Good god.
I didn't believe her at first.
But then she explained and...
We talked
and we... Talked.
What'd she look like?
What did she say?
Her name was Justine Dewinter.
Her mother was English.
And her looks --
she's beautiful.
Justine Dewinter.
Did she say who the
other four men were?
She said their headsman
had led her to them, but --
oh, my god.
You three?
And Aramis.
But it wasn't murder, Raoul.
I know what you think of musketeers,
but we're not assassins.
Milady Dewinter was evil.
She deserved to die.
One of us loved her,
you see.
She haunts us still...
Through her daughter,
Rochefort's bastard.
Oh, I have heard
of the child over the years.
How she grew into an
assassin like her mother.
A courier,
a spy for Oliver Cromwell.
Once she knows our names,
her mother's executioners,
what will she do?
One thing we must do,
we must...
Prepare ourselves.
[ queen ]
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
[ sighing ]
Grave news, madame,
it seems likely...
That the English will cut off
their king's head.
Don't be silly.
They can't.
Isn't he my brother-in-law?
Your son's uncle, in fact.
Cromwell intends to put him
on trial for treason.
That's impossible. Kings can't
commit treason, be put on trial.
I mean, where would it end?
It's unthinkable.
His people will never permit it.
The people of England,
madame, will permit anything,
except cruelty to horses
or a rise in the price of beer.
King Charles must be saved.
He's one of us. I'm sorry, my dear.
Only a miracle can pluck Charles
Stuart's head from beneath the axe.
Chevreuse!
Chevreuse!
[ bleating ]
[ bleating ]
Look at me.
Look at my stomach.
Now that's
a king's stomach.
I think.
Oh!
A king is always head and
shoulders above his subjects.
Where are you going?
I'll teach you to meddle with a king.
You heard her.
Quick, quick, quick.
Go, go, go, please.
Congratulations, I've never seen
his majesty so captivated.
Little monsters are just
as susceptible as big ones.
But your eminence is troubled?
My eminence is enraged.
You will tell general Cromwell
that the queen, dio mio, women,
proposes to send
a party of ruffians,
Uh-huh. French ruffians, if you
please, to rescue king Charles.
It is none of my doing.
Make that clear.
Who are they?
A pair of blunderers.
D'artagnan and Porthos.
She's sending for them today.
And a retired bully named Athos.
D'artagnan, Porthos, Athos.
I'll inform the general.
And remind him I am not to blame.
He will oblige me
by disposing of these rascals.
Have no fear.
Oliver Cromwell is a very thorough man.
[ groaning ]
[ groan ]
Both ends again.
Here, there's teeth marks in it.
Oh, my flaming knee.
Oh, my wrist.
Think that's bad,
you should've humped her mother.
You? What do you want?
Mazarin's bloodhounds
are at my heels.
I've, I've been in hiding and then
I heard you were here in Paris!
Justine, you must help me.
Why should I?
My god, girl, I'm your father.
Ah, you remembered.
Your memory wasn't so keen when
you abandoned me in England.
Your inconvenient bastard. How
often have I seen you since?
I've been rotting these
five years in the bastille.
And you can rot in it forever.
Get out.
Justine!
Justine, you can't turn me away.
I have to get out of France.
You can take me on
your passport... As a servant.
Please, Justine,
have you no pity at all?
As much as you had for me or for my mother,
whose murderers you left unpunished.
What could I do?
I was bleeding my life out...
In the church at Armentieres
when they took her.
That was 20 years ago.
Have you even tried to look for them?
For the comte De la Fer?
What do you know of him?
Only his name,
but not the other three.
Who were they?
Better you should never know.
Believe me, child,
they are fatal men.
Their names, dear father,
are your passport to England.
Or shall I call the
cardinal's bloodhounds?
Aramis, Porthos.
- D'artagnan.
- And Athos,
the comte de la fer.
[ queen ] Once I gave you a diamond
ring, monsieur D'Artagnan,
and you and these brave
gentlemen saved my honour.
Perhaps my life. Now
you go to save the life...
Of my brother-monarch and
I have no ring to give you.
Nothing indeed, except my prayers.
God bless you all.
So young, so gallant.
Godspeed you gentlemen. You will always
have the love and gratitude of your queen.
And we know what that's worth.
You can stop grovelling, boy.
She's gone.
Royalty is superb.
We are to get our throats cut rescuing
a foreign king and pay our own expenses.
Why do we do it?
Because she's a queen.
Oh no, no, no.
We do it because we are gentlemen.
And if we refused her,
we would not be.
And of course, queens
have power and influence...
And honours to bestow
like a barony, remember?
Of course.
This will be savage work,
for hard men, hired swords.
I know your scholarly distaste
for this kind of thing,
perhaps also for me.
But you will do it because
the queen commands it.
No.
Because my father wants me.
They've stolen the king!
[ Crowd murmuring ]
[ indistinct chatter ]
[ Gasp ]
How much longer? Come on.
Yours was the chicken
and yours was the chicken.
Mmm, mmm.
Hey, what are you doin' up there?
Hmm?
[ humming ]
Oh, I see.
[ indistinct chatter ]
[ laughing, indistinct chatter ]
[ sniff, sniff ]
- Ah! - Keep it off the table.
Somebody's got to clean that.
[ indistinct chatter ]
Hmph!
No, no, don't tickle me.
Don't tickle me.
Oy, oy, what do you call this?
Chicken. Idiot.
[ indistinct chatter ]
[ man ]
I said friends, friends.
- [ grunting ]
- This tastes like the pudding.
[ man ]
I just want something to drink.
[ woman indistinct ]
[ indistinct chatter ]
Oh, hello.
Hello.
[ man ] Oh no.
Good evenin'. Stop it.
Oh!
What's the matter with it? To you.
Good morning.
Have you a table away from the fire?
Get out of here!
Certainly.
Gaston, Gaston!
Come here!
He's been interfering
with my ox, that man.
Must go, must fly.
Busy, busy.
All right.
Get 'em up!
Here you, get off of there.
Mind my cabbage.
[ man ]
Frenchmen!
Brothers of the Fronde!
We demand an end to misrule.
An end to corruption!
An end to cardinal Mazarin.
We demand the release of the people's
champion! To hell with Mazarin!
The duke of Beaufort!
- Down with Mazarin!
- Mazarin, god save him.
[ man ] All Paris seemed to be in a
foul temper that summer, I remember.
Damning Mazarin,
cheering for Beaufort.
As if it mattered which
lordly rascal misruled France...
In the name of little king Louis.
Well, it was all one to me, D'Artagnan,
the forgotten lieutenant,
waiting at palace doors
like a lackey.
Remembering those
brave times long ago
when we defeated
the great cardinal of Richelieu,
the three musketeers and I,
heroes of yesterday.
[ chuckling ]
Now only I was left,
the shabby,
downward-heeled soldier.
A sad relic of the old days...
And a source of some amusement
to the young fops of the court.
Until that day when
cardinal Mazarin sent for me...
And offered me employment.
He needed men with long swords
and short purses, he said.
Well, mine was short enough.
I was to seek out my old comrades,
Athos, Aramis and Porthos,
whom I hadn't seen in 20 years
and hire them for his service.
Dirty work no doubt, but old
soldiers can't be choosers.
[ crowd chanting ]
Down with Mazarin!
Down with Mazarin!
I wonder if they'll break
the cardinal's windows again.
I do hope so.
Who cares? It's just politics.
Oh! The duchess of Longueville
is on her back again.
I'm not at all surprised.
[ laughing ]
...Four, five, six.
One, two, three,
four, five, six.
[ clicking tongue ]
See, one, two, three --
when I'm grown up,
I shall not allow politics.
So they'd better smash Mazarin's
windows while they have the chance.
[ crowd chanting ] Down with Mazarin!
Down with Mazarin!
- Down with Mazarin! Down with Mazarin!
- Louis, that is naughty.
Down with Mazarin!
[ clearing throat ]
You interrupt our pleasure,
cardinal.
A thousand pardons, sire.
I thought I heard my name.
May I be permitted to address
her majesty, your mother?
Have you begged an audience?
Louis!
The cardinal is your prime minister.
And it's time for your afternoon nap.
[ crowd chanting ]
We want Beaufort!
[ crowd chanting ] We want Beaufort!
We want Beaufort!
Soon he will be
too big to send to bed.
Then your pretty
little niece will lead him.
Until then, you and I
must rule France together.
Close together.
[ crowd shouting ]
Oh! That rabble!
Filth! Middle class!
[ Mazarin ]
Let them burst their lungs.
Monsieur Beaufort is safe
in the dungeon of Ardennes.
I have found the perfect jailer
for him. Come and look, dear.
[ Mazarin ] Down there.
Do you recognize him?
He was rotting in the Bastille,
where you sent him, my dear.
Rochefort! Richelieu's creature? That
reptile! They would've destroyed me.
That was 20 years ago and he's been
buried alive for five of them.
Now he has only one loyalty, fresh air.
And with half of France
against me, I need him.
And every good agent I can find.
Men like those musketeers,
who served you so well
in the old days.
Hmm, musketeers,
those noisy ruffians.
They had their uses. One of them
made love to my dressmaker.
The silly slut got herself strangled.
I looked like a scarecrow for weeks.
[ chuckling ]
I gave him this ring
and the fellow pawned it.
That would be D'Artagnan.
[ D'Artagnan ]
Of course I'd pawned it.
Did she think I'd been
living on memories?
That ring was all the reward
we four musketeers had got
for saving her honour long ago...
And ruining ourselves when we
killed her enemy, milady Dewinter.
They called us murderers.
We were disgraced, scattered...
And now 20 years after,
this slippery cardinal
was bidding for our swords.
Silver? Skinflint.
Perhaps I should be grateful to him for
on that day began the last adventure...
When the four of us were all
for one and one for all again!
[ indistinct chatter ]
Your servant, ma'am.
Oh!
My god! Planchet!
Hide me, master.
Oh, god.
[ man ] She said, take me to the market.
That's what she said.
I said, what, with these knees?
Oh! Oh!
[ woman ] Put that back.
Excuse me, sir.
Have you seen a fat scoundrel?
Paris is full of them.
And of impudent upstarts.
I was only asking.
You were pawing like a peasant.
Well, I should have known.
A musketeer, brave
cloaks and bad manners.
Can't you swaggering sword bullies
even answer an honest question?
You're unarmed. I'm busy.
You're lucky.
Go away!
Where the devil
have you been anyway, huh?
Ten years ago I sent you out to buy
cheese. You never came back.
Well?
They were shut. Has he gone?
So, you cut purses now, do you?
I never. I was hungry.
I've been starving for years.
Oh, quiet! Quiet! Quiet.
Wait, wait.
[ groaning ]
Your fat carcass might be worth feeding
if you can tell me where I can find...
Monsieur Athos? Monsieur Porthos?
Uh-huh! Uh-uh!
Monsieur Aramis?
Mmm! Mmm!
Well, answer, you fowl feeder.
Monsieur Aramis is a priest in the
convent and the queen's confessor.
Dear Aramis, the duellist,
the lover, the dandy,
who always wanted to be a priest.
[ D'Artagnan ] So, you got your wish.
Well, come on, blubberguts.
Let's go and disturb him
at his devotions.
[ rooster crowing ]
[ giggling ]
[ dog whining ]
No, thank you.
[ man ]
Shhh! Shhh!
This is one conquest monsieur
l'abb won't live to boast about.
Come on, get up there.
I'm tired.
Oh, stop whining, Planchet.
Look, horsemen.
Oh, very good, master.
Let me at him first.
It's an ambush.
Yeah, it's an ambush.
Not for us, I'm afraid. It's a long
time since I was worth assassinating.
Oh!
[ woman laughing ]
[ woman ]
How was it for you?
Thought as much!
Oh!
[ dog whining ]
My husband?
You there, sir, be off
about your business.
Mind your manners.
Do you own the highway? What!
What do you want here?
Marguerite, what are you doing here?
Let me alone.
I can see what you're doing here.
Marguerite, stop talking, come here.
Stand in front of me.
All right, go and talk to him.
Ouch! Get away from me,
you hussy you!
[ grunting ]
Ow!
- Planchet, attack them! Attack them!
- I'd help if I could.
- Planchet, get stuck in!
- Get stuck in -- stick in -- Oh, no, no!
- ...Alone!
- Marguerite!
It is you!
Ow!
Sorry.
[ coughing ]
Ha-ha!
Get off!
There's no room.
Aramis!
D'artagnan!
Did you drop from heaven?
No, from paradise.
Whose side are you on?
Oh, thank god for that.
That way!
Quickly! Quickly!
[ laughing ]
Hey! Hey!
Come on!
Come on!
After them!
Come on, men!
Just here.
Planchet, get rid of the horses.
Ah, welcome to the convent of noisy.
Normally we'd enter by the door.
- [ wheezing ]
- [ mooing ]
Don't worry, they're all still
at prayers. I'm very strict.
[ hoofbeats ]
Can you see them?
There they go.
After them!
Huh?
Strange, when I was a musketeer,
I longed to be a priest.
Now I'm an abbe
and I miss the old days.
Then join me. Think of it,
the four of us together again.
Serving Mazarin?
He's vain, greedy,
Italian and the queen's lover.
What sort of cardinal is that?
I suppose your next sermon
will be on poverty and chastity.
I never preach. Not since a gentleman
laughed at one of my sermons.
I said a mass for his soul.
Aha! You're still a swordsman, huh?
Not for cardinal Mazarin.
[ sighing ]
Oh, well, I'll just
have to try Porthos.
[ shouting ] Planchet! Where are you?
Shh, not that way.
Porthos is a very
rich man these days.
He married the great
estate in Picardy.
Help me with this, will you?
You won't tempt him.
Oh, I can talk Porthos
into anything. You'll see.
Planchet!
Shhh!
[ D'Artagnan ]
Sorry. Come and hold this rope ladder.
[ grunting ]
I've got it.
oh, yes, it's all mine.
Farms, pastures, miles of it.
These peaches are delicious.
From my own orchard.
Gettin' closer, you know.
[ Porthos ] Wherever it is, somewhere.
This vintage, exquisite.
My grapes are the envy of the
province, so they tell me.
And the air.
Oh, yes, my own air.
You like it?
Fragrance of money.
Ha, ha, happy Porthos!
No, my friend, unhappy.
I have neighbours, you see.
Rustic gentry, poor as mice
but with ancestors and titles.
I am plain monsieur
Porthos, so they snub me.
Oh, I've killed a couple of 'em.
[ gun cocking ]
But even that gets me no invitations.
So depressing.
Oh, god almighty.
You need action.
Service, sir.
A sword in your hand again.
And cardinal Mazarin
can provide it.
He'd give you a title, baron Porthos.
What would your neighbours
say then, huh? Baron?
Me? A nobleman?
With a silver crest on me coach.
Uh-huh!
By god! That'd show 'em!
Oh!
I thought it was going quite well.
You say Aramis refused to join us?
Incredible, a man of his
gifts skulking in a nunnery.
Athos is bound to come when
he knows I've agreed. I hope so.
Aramis tells me he's changed, since
he adopted a son a few years ago.
No more drinking or brawling.
Just a quiet country gentleman.
Deplorable!
It's hard to imagine. Athos
growing old at peace with the world.
[ Porthos laughing ]
You can take your summons,
soak it in wine and choke on it.
- You time-serving --
- Bring him down.
Bring him down, arrest him, bind him.
Athos, comte De la Fer, I summons
you on charges of riot, disturbance --
...Summons on me, you fool!
That man there, your father,
is he mad?
- Speak, man.
- My father's drunk.
I'm studying the relation of the planets.
Conversation with either of us is useless.
- Come back tomorrow.
- Summon the guard.
Summon the guard!
As far as I'm concerned,
I've served my summons.
- Oh!
- You can arrest him.
That one there!
Go on!
Oooh!
Aaah!
[ grunting ]
- Give me a hand, boy.
- Oh, father, reason with them.
What do you think
I'm trying to do?
[ men grunting ]
[ Athos ] Come on here!
Fine country gentleman, yes, sir.
One for all, come on!
And all for aaah--
what it 'tis?
D'artagnan!
Yes!
Welcome home, boy!
[ laughing ]
Oh, there you are. Remember him?
Porthos!
[ D'Artagnan ] Oh, wonderful, Athos!
You haven't changed!
This is wonderful!
[ laughing ]
- It's you.
- Ha, small world.
[ Athos laughing ]
Raoul! Come here.
I want to introduce you
to two old comrades of mine.
Raoul!
This is D'Artagnan!
And Porthos!
I'm afraid, gentlemen,
Raoul does not approve...
Of this or this!
Come, boy, your
toy can be mended.
Yeah, it's all here.
Won't take a minute.
Your servant, gentlemen.
I'm sorry, father.
Raoul!
Raoul! Is this any way to treat
my friends? Don't be hard on him.
Have you forgotten another
young man 20 years ago
who was most uncivil
to musketeers?
[ chuckling ] Leave him to Porthos.
He'll charm him out of it.
[ laughing ]
Him?
They fall at different speeds. Why?
Why do they fall at all?
What attracts them to earth?
Something to do
with religion, I expect.
Why should Mazarin want me?
Because you're Athos,
the bravest and the best.
[ chuckling ]
Was I ever that even 20 years ago?
And now, what should
he need me for?
To fight against the
Fronde and Beaufort.
Are you pledged to Mazarin, boy?
I've taken his pay.
Then give it back. There
is no honour in his service.
Look, if the Fronde
want to rescue Beaufort...
And replace this creeping
cardinal, let them.
What's it to you?
You are a solider, not a politician.
Why should you serve Mazarin?
To earn a living.
You have your estate and your son.
Aramis has his church...
And his women.
Porthos has more money than he can spend.
What have I got after 20 years?
Your honour, boy,
and that same clean heart that came
out of Gascony all those years ago.
God go with you.
I cannot.
[ sighing ]
Would have been good,
the four of us together again.
Planchet, get on
your horse if you can.
Porthos is worth a dozen.
Will you do something for me?
Will you look after the old fool?
I have a fondness for him...
And the young one.
Come on, that's a good boy.
Sit, sit.
[ Planchet mumbling ]
Does he suspect anything?
No, D'Artagnan trusts me, you see.
And your son, does he know?
I am sending him to Paris.
Come, we have a long ride
ahead of us.
[ crowd shouting ]
Get going!
No good talkin' to me.
You should have thought of that before.
Sell his boots first.
We won't get much for the rest.
[ crowd murmuring ]
In nomine patri
spiritus sancti.
[ crowd booing ]
[ groaning ]
Ah, you're the priest, huh?
My arm, help me, jesu, my arm.
You are the headsman of Lille?
What? Yes. Help me.
In god's name, my arm!
It's broken.
Twenty years ago you beheaded
a noblewoman, milady Dewinter.
You murdered her with
an axe such as this.
Not murder.
It was my duty.
You lie. You were hired to murder
her by four men. Who were they?
I don't know. I don't remember.
Remember and I will release you.
You swear it?
Oh, for pity's sake,
the one was called
the comte De la Fer.
I never knew the others.
It's the truth. The comte De la Fer --
it was his crime, not mine! Let me go!
I will release you
as you released her.
Burn in hell!
[ screaming ]
[ gagging ]
Murderer!
Come on.
[ shouting ]
[ grunting ]
My god, what are you?
- Evidently not a priest.
- Then in god's name, why --
It's an excellent disguise
for a woman traveling alone.
It shields her from danger.
- You murdered that man.
- No, monsieur.
I did justice on one of the
butchers who murdered my mother.
For years I have been seeking them
and today I found the first.
He has paid and
guided me to the four others.
That's incredible.
I don't believe you.
That hardly matters under the
circumstances, does it, monsieur --
Raoul, vicomte de Bragelonne.
Oh, a nobleman.
Your family crest?
It's my adopted father's,
comte De la Fer.
De la Fer?
Where have I heard
that name before?
No matter. I must not
deprive such a noble house...
Of so precious an heirloom,
now must I?
I don't understand. I have no quarrel
with you, monsieur De Bragelonne.
You will hardly try
to quarrel with me again now, will you?
But that man!
That poor fellow who was
murdered by a mad priest?
Do I look like a mad priest?
Would anyone believe you
if you said I was?
Do I look like...
A murderer, Raoul?
But you killed him...
In cold blood.
Yes, I executed
my mother's murderer.
Suppose it had been
your own mother?
I never knew her.
She must have been beautiful,
young, full of life.
If men had slaughtered her...
Like a beast in the shambles,
what would you have done, Raoul?
[ man grunting ]
Oh, straight in.
- Bad luck, sir.
- [ murmuring ]
No, through here, monsieur le duc.
Oh, a moment, gentlemen.
Twit.
If the duke of Beaufort attempts
to escape, you will shoot him down.
I say, fellow!
Fellow, may we have our ball back?
[ grunting ]
Oh.
This ball is cracked.
Healthy game of pale-meille, my lord duke?
Yes.
Your followers are playing a
somewhat more strenuous game.
My own invention. Look. Oh.
Is it Thursday today? [ Rochefort ]
They're chained to their seats.
If they stop pumping, they drown.
Pull in your end.
Enjoy your game, sir.
[ prisoner ]
You're going too fast for me.
[ keys jingling ]
Keep an eye on him.
Yes, sir.
Right.
[ whispering ]
Look up there.
Keep pumping, boys.
I'll get the rope.
Stand on my shoulders, sir.
Sorry about my shoulder, sir.
Let me help you, sir.
Sorry about my hand, sir. Step
on my head if you like, sir.
Sorry about my head, sir.
Good luck to ya, sir.
You've got a lucky face.
Boy, that made a change,
didn't it?
And how precisely did the duke of
Beaufort escape? Or didn't you notice?
He had accomplishes.
Who, how many, I don't know.
I rode as fast as I possibly could --
in the wrong direction, alas.
Beaufort, being intelligent,
will make it for the frontier.
Eminence, I will be in
the saddle immediately --
you will be in your quarters,
sir! Under arrest!
Until I decide
how to dispose of you.
The captain of
the guard at once. No.
Wait. Don't be nervous,
this cardinal is not like the old one.
He's gonna make you a baron, remember?
You really think he will?
Is he a cardinal
of his word?
You may count on it,
monsieur Porthos.
Your barony is riding for the frontier
at this very moment; don't let it escape.
Bring it safe to me and I
shall place it in your hands.
Ahh!
Come on, baron.
Oh, my good--
now, wait.
Wait for me.
[ murmuring ]
You men there!
Follow me!
What? Who was that?
Oh, god. Oh, god.
[ D'Artagnan ]
This way!
Two horsemen pursuing, sire!
Well, get on with it!
Faster! Whip up, coachman!
[ D'Artagnan ] You see what becomes of
locking your enemy up like a criminal,
instead of cutting his throat
like a gentleman.
That's what I'd have done to Beaufort
if I'd been Mazarin, god forbid.
Faster, faster!
Still following us, sire.
This escaping duke was not the
foolish weakling he pretended to be.
He had half of France on his
side and unless we caught him,
he'd raise a storm that might sweep
our oily cardinal out of office.
And where would my promotion and
Porthos' title be then, huh?
They outnumber us
three to one!
If we can put a pistol to Beaufort's
head, numbers won't matter.
Leave it to me. You
deal with the escort.
[ shouting ]
[ Beaufort ] Whip up, coachman!
Come on, whip up!
Whip up!
He said it was his wife.
Go on! Go on!
I don't eat beans
and it was lent.
Off you go!
Come on, clear out!
Clear out!
Go on, vamoose!
Go and have some lunch.
Oh, all right.
Go away, go on.
Go away!
That damn sword.
Get --
oh!
Whoa!
Go back and kill the clown.
Sire!
Stand still, clown!
- Come here, come here.
Whoa! Whoa! - Get out of my way!
Which way's he going?
Come on!
Ah!
Lost the sword!
Come on, come on,
you donkey!
Don't let him get away!
Come on!
- Eh?
- Up, up, up!
Aaah!
[ Porthos groaning ]
- Help!
- Get off, you buffoon!
D'Artagnan!
I'm at a loss!
I'm here!
Sorry! Sorry!
I won't be a moment.
I must say I'm not exactly thrilled
with your part of the plan.
- Hang on.
- How embarrassing.
[ grunting ]
En garde!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Monsieur!
[ coachman ]
Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa!
Surrender, monsieur le duc!
No!
- Put up your sword, Gascon.
- Athos?
[ shouting ]
Ha, ha-ha, ha!
Stop it, you great
thundering blockhead! [ shouting ]
Damn it, Porthos!
Can't you see it's me? Aramis?
Blockhead am I?
- Your swords, gentlemen.
- Never!
- This isn't mine anyway.
- Monsieur le duc,
I know all these men,
sire, personally.
If you will ride on, I will ensure
that they will remain neutral.
Right! Let's go!
Come on! Drive on!
Hah!
Steady, Gascon.
You made fools of us! Why didn't you
tell us you were Beaufort's men?
I expected honesty
from you at least, Athos.
- Or have you turned jesuit as well?
- I won't take that from you!
Back!
Have you all gone mad?
That's Athos, man! And Aramis.
Comrades!
What the devil are we fighting for?
You treated us like children,
not to be trusted!
You were Mazarin's men, boy!
You would have had to chosen between us.
What would you have done?
You have to say that to me?
Damnable insult!
What would we have done?
Run tattling to Mazarin, probably.
[ Porthos ]
Hey! Hey!
Damn you, D'Artagnan!
Aramis, I swear to god,
I didn't mean to --
he struck in anger.
You provoked it.
Take his hand.
We have been friends for too long...
To fall out over a word
and a blow, Aramis.
Aramis.
Aramis!
Athos, I swear, I didn't mean --
oh, for god's sake, Gascon!
One for all and
all for one! Huh?
But that was 20 years ago.
Three can drink
as well as four.
And the money
will go further.
The duke of Beaufort is free and will
sweep away the corrupt regime of Mazarin!
Oh, it can happen! In England,
Oliver Cromwell is overthrowing a king.
Yes! The world is
changing, my friends.
To hell with Mazarin!
To hell with Mazarin!
God save the king!
God save the king!
To hell with Mazarin!
To hell with Mazarin! God save the king!
What appalling handwriting.
Oh.
Ah! Careful, man.
Here, let me.
Why do the working class delight in
destroying the property of their betters?
Via, via, go away, please.
[ mumbling ]
so, the English civil war
is over, eh?
And roundheads
have captured their king.
But Cromwell doesn't say
what they will do with him.
Depose him and then --
king Charles' death
is inevitable.
And France must not interfere.
General Cromwell insists.
Roundhead diplomacy. Does he think
he can cut off a crowned head,
even an English one, and royal France
will stand by doing nothing?
What will France do?
Stand by, protest it.
My ministry wouldn't last
a day if I declared war.
We shall be nosily neutral.
You may give monsieur Cromwell my word,
provided no one knows I've given it.
He's the winner,
so I must be friends with him.
But how long will you waste your talent
serving that Anglo-Saxon savage?
Your eminence knows of a more
civilized service? Infinitely.
I can always use reliable agents and
I pay better than monsieur Cromwell.
Cardinal.
Sire? This rubble at the gate.
I will not --
who is this lady?
Sire, may I present you
mademoiselle Dewinter?
An English...
Diplomatist.
English diplomacy
is beautiful.
- Your majesty.
- Rise, ma'amselle.
You look disturbed.
Pardon, sir, I had understood
that your majesty was,
forgive me,
much younger.
Who told you that?
He did, I suppose.
- Well, I shall be 11 next year.
- Only 11? Oh, your majesty's teasing me.
You see, cardinal?
I am not a child anymore.
You may go. I wish
to speak to ma'amselle.
Forgive him, ma'amselle.
He's a tiresome fellow.
A useful accountant,
but he is rather old.
[ sighing ]
Ooh, ooh!
Ahh! Aah!
Ooh! Ooh!
They're not real, you know.
What did you say to Mazarin?
That the duke of Beaufort escaped, thanks
to a dozen of his men who held us off.
Ooh-ooh-ooh!
So, he kicked us out.
No barony for Porthos,
no promotion for me.
You see before you two unemployed
gentlemen. I cannot say I'm sorry.
You two were made for better
stuff than serving Mazarin.
On my way here I saw a woman
disguised as a priest...
Kill a headsman
with his own axe.
- Young women nowadays, eh?
- She said he was her mother's murderer.
He and four other men
20 years ago.
Good god.
I didn't believe her at first.
But then she explained and...
We talked
and we... Talked.
What'd she look like?
What did she say?
Her name was Justine Dewinter.
Her mother was English.
And her looks --
she's beautiful.
Justine Dewinter.
Did she say who the
other four men were?
She said their headsman
had led her to them, but --
oh, my god.
You three?
And Aramis.
But it wasn't murder, Raoul.
I know what you think of musketeers,
but we're not assassins.
Milady Dewinter was evil.
She deserved to die.
One of us loved her,
you see.
She haunts us still...
Through her daughter,
Rochefort's bastard.
Oh, I have heard
of the child over the years.
How she grew into an
assassin like her mother.
A courier,
a spy for Oliver Cromwell.
Once she knows our names,
her mother's executioners,
what will she do?
One thing we must do,
we must...
Prepare ourselves.
[ queen ]
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
[ sighing ]
Grave news, madame,
it seems likely...
That the English will cut off
their king's head.
Don't be silly.
They can't.
Isn't he my brother-in-law?
Your son's uncle, in fact.
Cromwell intends to put him
on trial for treason.
That's impossible. Kings can't
commit treason, be put on trial.
I mean, where would it end?
It's unthinkable.
His people will never permit it.
The people of England,
madame, will permit anything,
except cruelty to horses
or a rise in the price of beer.
King Charles must be saved.
He's one of us. I'm sorry, my dear.
Only a miracle can pluck Charles
Stuart's head from beneath the axe.
Chevreuse!
Chevreuse!
[ bleating ]
[ bleating ]
Look at me.
Look at my stomach.
Now that's
a king's stomach.
I think.
Oh!
A king is always head and
shoulders above his subjects.
Where are you going?
I'll teach you to meddle with a king.
You heard her.
Quick, quick, quick.
Go, go, go, please.
Congratulations, I've never seen
his majesty so captivated.
Little monsters are just
as susceptible as big ones.
But your eminence is troubled?
My eminence is enraged.
You will tell general Cromwell
that the queen, dio mio, women,
proposes to send
a party of ruffians,
Uh-huh. French ruffians, if you
please, to rescue king Charles.
It is none of my doing.
Make that clear.
Who are they?
A pair of blunderers.
D'artagnan and Porthos.
She's sending for them today.
And a retired bully named Athos.
D'artagnan, Porthos, Athos.
I'll inform the general.
And remind him I am not to blame.
He will oblige me
by disposing of these rascals.
Have no fear.
Oliver Cromwell is a very thorough man.
[ groaning ]
[ groan ]
Both ends again.
Here, there's teeth marks in it.
Oh, my flaming knee.
Oh, my wrist.
Think that's bad,
you should've humped her mother.
You? What do you want?
Mazarin's bloodhounds
are at my heels.
I've, I've been in hiding and then
I heard you were here in Paris!
Justine, you must help me.
Why should I?
My god, girl, I'm your father.
Ah, you remembered.
Your memory wasn't so keen when
you abandoned me in England.
Your inconvenient bastard. How
often have I seen you since?
I've been rotting these
five years in the bastille.
And you can rot in it forever.
Get out.
Justine!
Justine, you can't turn me away.
I have to get out of France.
You can take me on
your passport... As a servant.
Please, Justine,
have you no pity at all?
As much as you had for me or for my mother,
whose murderers you left unpunished.
What could I do?
I was bleeding my life out...
In the church at Armentieres
when they took her.
That was 20 years ago.
Have you even tried to look for them?
For the comte De la Fer?
What do you know of him?
Only his name,
but not the other three.
Who were they?
Better you should never know.
Believe me, child,
they are fatal men.
Their names, dear father,
are your passport to England.
Or shall I call the
cardinal's bloodhounds?
Aramis, Porthos.
- D'artagnan.
- And Athos,
the comte de la fer.
[ queen ] Once I gave you a diamond
ring, monsieur D'Artagnan,
and you and these brave
gentlemen saved my honour.
Perhaps my life. Now
you go to save the life...
Of my brother-monarch and
I have no ring to give you.
Nothing indeed, except my prayers.
God bless you all.
So young, so gallant.
Godspeed you gentlemen. You will always
have the love and gratitude of your queen.
And we know what that's worth.
You can stop grovelling, boy.
She's gone.
Royalty is superb.
We are to get our throats cut rescuing
a foreign king and pay our own expenses.
Why do we do it?
Because she's a queen.
Oh no, no, no.
We do it because we are gentlemen.
And if we refused her,
we would not be.
And of course, queens
have power and influence...
And honours to bestow
like a barony, remember?
Of course.
This will be savage work,
for hard men, hired swords.
I know your scholarly distaste
for this kind of thing,
perhaps also for me.
But you will do it because
the queen commands it.
No.
Because my father wants me.