The Shaukeens (2014) Movie Script

"You're the feeling,
lam your image."
"You're the antidote,
lam ailing."
"You're generous..and
lam selfish."
"You're the song,
lam the words."
"You're the prayer,
lam the duty."
"You're free,
and I am chained."
"You're the dusk,
and I am the praise."
"You're sanctity,
lam the pain."
"When I met you,
I had the entire world."
"You're the dream,
and I am reality."
"l admit you're my fate."
"l feel drawn towards you."
"It's your grace.."
"..that pulled me
out of the darkness."
"It's your grace.."
"..that changed me completely."
"You're the feeling,
lam your image."
"You're the antidote,
lam ailing."
"You're generous..and
lam selfish."
"You're the song,
lam the words."
"You're the prayer,
lam the duty."
"You're free,
and I am chained."
"You're the dusk,
and I am the praise."
"You're sanctity,
lam the pain."
"When I met you,
I had the entire world."
"You're the dream,
and I am reality."
"l admit you're my fate."
"l feel drawn towards you."
"It's your grace.."
"..that pulled me
out of the darkness."
"It's your grace.."
"..that changed me completely."
"My're my tormentor."
"You're my deluge and my dawn."
"lam your path."
"You're the boat,
lam the shore."
"My're my tormentor."
"You're my deluge and my dawn."
"lam your path."
"You're the boat,
lam the shore."
"It's your grace.."
"..that pulled me
out of the darkness."
"It's your grace.."
"..that changed me completely."
"It's your grace.."
"..that pulled me
out of the darkness."
"It's your grace.."
"..that changed me completely."
Sheila, you?
What's this?
You r g race.
MY grace?
Nice poster, isn't it?
This film
will release next week.
But right now, you're here to watch
Shaukeens(Romantic at heart)" let's focus on that.
Delhi, a fun-loving city.
Frankly speaking,
this city has..
..more twists and
turns than my films.
You'll find romance,
but at someone's tomb.
Drama, at temples.
at some memorial service.
And fights
are common on streets.
And what makes this
city so fun-loving..
..are the men.
Take them for instance.
Lali, KD and Pinky.
They've all turned 60..
..but their nature hasn't changed.
The sight of a girl..
..still makes their tail wag.
The reason
behind their condition" their loneliness.
There's a serious dearth
of hair and fun in their lives.
Technically speaking,
he has a big family.
A shoe-store
at Connaught Place.
And respect in the society.
But still lonely at heart.
You'll ask why.
His wife
has turned religious..
..and distanced herself
from married life.
Due to which
Lali has been showing..
..a strong
interest in fashion.
Lali's younger sister,
Poor girl got divorced
a week after her marriage.
And son..
He's a real sample.
He deliberately
gets pictures taken"
..for posters
at his father's shop..
Mom, my milk.
And thinks he's a model.
Anyway, Lali is not
interested in his son.
But he's very
interested in women.
Fed up of the austerity
in his house..
..Lali's found some
sanctity at his store.
Frontier Boot House for Men.. now Ladies Shoe House.
And finally Lali's life
has become a bit colorful.
"There is no relief from this pain."
"Are you a lover or a butcher?"
Similarly, his friend Pinky.. dealing with
an utterly boring life.
Harishankar Goyal.
His life is more like
an unfulfilled dream.
He had to take care of his
father's business at a young age..
..and couldn't
complete his education.
As soon as he was old enough
his father got him married.
So no girlfriends.
He had kids
right after marriage.
So no fun with the missus.
When his sons grew up..
..he thought he'll go
globetrotting with his wife.
But his wife went to
the heavenly abode instead.
By the way, Mr. Goyal is the
richest amongst his three friends.
He's the king of Catch
Spices at Chandni Chowk.
Two sons and their wives.
In fact,
he's even a grandpa now.
But he's unhappy.
And so he's
got a grumpy nature.
But recently
he's seen a ray of hope.
Hi. Excuse me.
"When there is love in the world."
"Wonder why this heart asks for more?"
An Angel has descended
right opposite to him.
I guess Pinky's in
love with this masseuse.
But there's one problem.
Frankly, Pinkly loves
girls that speak English.
And Angie speaks only English.
But he doesn't know English.
So how can they talk?
I guess this love-story
will always be incomplete.
I feel sad.
But not for the next one.
Kamal Dheer Sharma, aka..KD.
He's the real image
of Delhi's passion.
He's rich,
stylish, overly-connected.
..and a big gloat.
And why not.
He's a bachelor after all.
He's 60, but his attitude
is not a day over 30.
It's still
really easy for him.. befriend females.
Pinky considers him
as his love and sex guru.
But the truth is..
"that sex is miles
away from his life.
But still..he
runs an NGO for widows.
He's like an angel
for these helpless women.
But for KD, this is an opportunity
to prepare for the real thing.
KD tries these
tricks outside too.
Because in this ambiance..
..he can only be benevolent,
not a lover.
We've heard that
in his younger days..
..KD was in love with someone.
"Why to get stuck at one place?"
Later she got married..
..and KD decided
never to get married.
This is just a rumor.
I don't guarantee
this story's true.
You must be wondering
why Akshay Kumar..
..that's me, is so interested
in three old perverts of Delhi?
Take a look for yourself.
What's wrong, uncle?
She's like your daughter.
Forget it.. - No, dear.
You don't know these old men.
They come here to get in the mood.
Stop talking rubbish.
You've been doing dirty
things behind the bush..
..and blaming me
of being ill-mannered.
Do you see that?
Such shameless kids these days.
Stop all this. Or I'll have you
thrown out of the park.
Hey old man..
Gentleman. Gentleman.
Stay in your limit!
Gentlemen..please don't fight.
They are sorry. You can continue.
You can please carry on.
They are sorry.
Okay, let's go.
He was misbehaving.
Why did you have to apologize?
- Yes.
We weren't the ones
behind the bushes. - Right.
I would've ruined
that boy's career..
..even before it took off.
Do you know who I am?
I don't know about you.
But I know who I am.
How embarrassing was
that cheap behavior of yours.
What cheap, embarrassing behavior?
What did we do? - Not us, you.
Why did you have
to peak in the bushes?
If that boy hadn't interfered"
..he would be sitting on her lap.
Don't be so ridiculous, Lali.
lam ridiculous.
I am the Secretary of the
Shopkeeper's Committee of our area.
We can't act so cheaply in the open.
Try to be discreet.
Mr. Lalwani, how are you sir?
Hello, Mr. Sehgal.
It's been a long time
since you've been to my shop.
I definitely will, sir.
When is the committee meeting?
Next Friday..Friday the 13th.
Give my regards to Mrs. Sehgal.
Okay. - Okay, see you.
People respect me a lot.
Not like you two.
Lali, you're overdoing it now.
Look, Pinky.
Abuses and name-calling
may be common in Chandni Chowk.
But not here.
This is an educated society.
Get that?
Why do you stress so much
on education for everything?
I've got an Audi.
So what? - Enough, stop this.
Stop fighting amongst yourselves.
Don't waste a Sunday.
So what's the plan?
Tell us.
The plan's right ahead. Come on.
On the right.
On the right. - I did.
2..3..and bend!
2..3..and up!
What a sight?
I can say she's married.
I don't think so. - 200%.
But you know..
Married girls don't
satisfy me anymore.
Look to your left, foreigners.
Ogling secretly is no more fun.
What are you doing?
Put on your spectacles.
..or else people will
know what we're staring at.
How long will we just watch?
Take my advice,
let's get some action tonight.
Action. - What?
There he goes again.
Let him speak, Lali.
What do you mean action?
Escort service.
Girls will come home.
No, it's not safe.
It's absolutely safe, Lali.
This is Delhi.
You can get everything
with just a call.
Lali, you backed out
the last time as well.
Let's try it once.
We might get lucky.
- Only boys do such things.
We're respectable people.
What if someone
spots us at the hotel?
And these days they make MMS clips.
Who's talking about hotel?
My idea, my risk!
The action will take
place at my farm house.
Where the hell are they?
Did you give them
the right address? - 200%
I don't have a good
feeling about this.
Let's cancel this. - No..
Here come the girls.
My babies..
Come on.
Come on.
They are old.
You said it's a bachelor's party.
Not a bachelor's party"
..l said the party is bachelor.
What if they get a heart attack?
Kid, its short work.
Do it, please.
Dude, they're real old.
Who are you calling old?
Come on, turn the car around.
Come on. - Who are you calling old?
Stop the car.
Who are you calling old?
Cheap girl.
You call us strong men, old.
The DCP of Janakpuri is my buddy.
I'll shut down yourjoints.
Calling me old.
I won't spare that pimp.
He doesn't know who I am.
Cool down.
A cassata for him.
KD, your planning is never any good.
You weren't in the mood at first.
Then you were.
Then you lost it.
As the girls left, so did my mood.
This is the worst Sunday of my life.
We did not do anything
and the rascals called us old.
Pinky.. - Forget it.
Sunday isn't over yet.
It is. - Look around.
Take a look.
That girl gestured towards me..
..and turned towards that tree.
We just flopped badly a minute ago.
Your name should be KLPD, not KD.
Lali, by God, I am not lying.
What do you want to do? - Come on.
Come on.
For the sake of our friendship,
let's go.
We'll have to talk to her first.
lam an expert in talking to girls.
Have trust.
Come on.
But..what will you say?
There are three of us.
And we even have a car.
We live close-by.
Darling. - Yes.
I'll just call you back.
Three oldies are trying
to get fresh with me.
I'll set them straight first.
What were you saying?
- Who weren't flirting?
Police! - We were just leaving..
Where are you going?
Dear! Dear! Please forgive us!
Don't touch me. - Calm down!
Calm down, for God's sake.
! You-
Pay me? For what?
Who do you think I am?
It was a mistake.
Police! Police!
- What's wrong, madam?
Why are you hugging this old man?
Inspector, these three
old men were harassing me.
And this one..
He was saying obscene things.
take them to the police station.
Make them lie down
on ice slabs and beat them.
He's like your father, dear.
You shouldn't say such things.
Again.. - Hold on.
Don't you own a shoe-store at CP.
Beat him with his own shoes.
Madam, calm down.
Listen up, everyone will have
to come to the police station. - No.
Hari Singh,
get these old men in the van.
Madam, you may leave.
Come on.
there was a bit of misunderstanding.
I only asked her..
..whether we can drop her home.
She was all alone.
Its late night.
He's absolutely right.
We're respectable people.
You know me.
It was all a mistake, forgive us.
Mistake? Forgive you?
But..what pill did you all take"
"that made you so
pervert at this age?
You're right.
We'll stay in control.
Lali. Pinky.
We've to work on this. - Yes.
You must be just a few
years older than my father.
These things don't suit you.
Point noted, son.
Bless you.
How much do you have?
Check it.
Must be around 10.. - ls that all?
Do you take credit card?
Are you crazy?
Come on, get lost.
And listen,
I've a free advice for you.
If you're all feeling so erotic"
..then, there's nothing
you can do here.
Go to some foreign country.
These things are legal out there.
Do you know any place
where it's all legal?
You can find 50 girls
at every 500 meters.
All like those.
Are you sure? - 200%
Delhi's no longer safe for us.
Take my advice,
let's get out of here.
To the capital of debauchery.
Bunty. Rim.
Bring my food.
Right away, father.
Come on fast.
Lucky, get my pajama.
Blue or white.
Bring the blue one.
But..the blue one's wet.
Get the blue one.
Heat the lentil little more.
Or he'll get furious.
And I've to talk
to him about Mauritius.
It's wet.
Father, I told you
the blue one's wet.
Get the white one.
Where's my food?
You know Bhanu..our
distributer in Mauritius.
He's invited us to Mauritius.
He'll pay all the expenses.
If we could go to
Mauritius for a week.
Go ahead.
And anyway, I am going
on a holiday with KD and Lali.
To Bangkok.
Father, Bangkok?
What happened?
Father's going to Bangkok.
Bangkok, at this age?
What's wrong with it?
There's a Buddhist Temple.
Dense forests.
Also one-tusk elephants.
But, can see those" Ram Nagar and Corbett too.
And Ranchi's full
of Buddhist temples.
But why Bangkok?
And father,
everyone will laugh at us.
Everyone knows what
goes on at Bangkok.
But we didn't know.
Now that I do, we won't go.
O kaY-
It needs more salt!
Brother, how's KD?
He's still the same. Jolly.
He hasn't come home for a long time.
Has he gone out?
He's still in the city for now.
But going out next week.
On a holiday, with Pinky and me.
You three are going to Bangkok.
Who's going to Bangkok?
- Your father.
O Lord! O Lord! O Lord!
Dad, you? - Why? What happened?
What is there?
It's heaven for those
who are starving.
Starving for what?
You got to be kidding me.
Dad, what will we say..
..if anyone asks where you are.
You don't need to lie.
What's so special about it?
We're going to see
the one-tusk elephant"
..and Buddhist temples.
ls there anything else?
Trip to Bangkok means
characterless certificate.
O Lord! O Lord! O Lord!
What are you doing?
Brother, if you're going to Bangkok
take sister-in-law along.
Dad, I'll sue you.
Why does a 60 year old
man need to go to Bangkok?
I've never been there, how can you?
Stop that.
O Lord! O Lord!
I was going with my friends..
..because the tickets were cheap.
I am not anymore.
Embarrassing. Disappointing.
What's wrong?
What is he saying?
He's getting furious in English.
You're a bachelor.
We've a family.
We need to consider few things.
Why did you get married,
and have kids?
It's futile to make
any plans with you two.
Your spices have made our life hell.
Bollywood heart-throb Akshay Kumar..
..was shooting at Film City"
..when a big horde
of girls charged at him.
Akshay was there to shoot
an ad for Dollar Vests.
But the situation got out of hand..
..and he had to leave
halfway through the shoot.
During this time, Akshay's foot.
..was caught in the door of his car.
After which he bashed
up his bodyguard.
The film stars are the
ones who really live it up.
We're nothing compared to them.
Akshay's next film's shooting
location will be Mauritius.
..where he'll spend a long time.
Then I'll have to tell Bunty.
He's going there
with daughter-in-law.
For a week.
Hold on. Bunty. -Yes.
Your Bunty? - Yes.
You see, we export
raw spices to Mauritius.
And our distributer
has sent two invitations.
I mean, for Bunty and his wife.
He can even send three.
Cheers. - Cheers.
Bu nty.
Papa, dinner is served.
Papa, white or blue?
Leave that, sit.
Sit here.
Bunty, tell Bhanu in Mauritius. send three invites,
instead of two.
No, father. Sonu's still too young.
And there's no point
in taking him along.
He'll spend the week
with his uncle and aunt.
I wasn't talking about Sonu.
KD, me and Lali are going
to Mauritius not Ritu and you.
And us?
You can go to Ram Nagar
and Jim Corbett National Park.
And you can even visit
Ranchi on your way back.
It's filled with Buddhist temples.
What? - Yes.
Go and tell him. - Yes.
Father, blue or white?
You pack the bag.
Yes. - Go.
"Romantic at heart."
"Romantic at heart."
"Romantic at heart."
How do I take this Shilajeet?
You take it with the Holy water.
"l failed university.."
"..cause I was busy being romantic."
"l failed university.."
"..cause I was busy being romantic."
"My pajama string is loose,
everyone knows that."
"But I am still busy being romantic."
"Now on seeing beauty,
I pull the cheeks."
"I'll throw the net
and catch the fish."
"Now I see the girl and understand."
"Whether she will give love
or not at midnight."
"Romantic at heart."
"Romantic at heart."
"We're still romantic at heart."
"Romantic at heart."
"Romantic at heart."
"We're still romantic at heart."
"Romantic at heart."
"Romantic at heart."
"We're still romantic at heart."
" heart."
" heart."
"We're still romantic at heart."
Why are you changing in the car?
You could've waited
until we got to Mauritius.
Where will we stay in Mauritius?
At a girl's house. - Girl?
He's talking nonsense again.
No nonsense.
I made reservations
over the internet.
I've rented a girl's house.
You..don't believe me.
Look here.
But..will the girl stay with us?
No, she won't. - Then?
Just like we're out on a holiday.. is that girl.
But the house will be all ours.
What's the point then?
If the girl isn't there"
Whether the girl's there or not..
..but her scent will still be there.
What good's that?
Are you done already?
"When the bangles clinker.."
"..and the anklets tinkle."
"When the bangles clinker.."
Seems like we're in Karol Baug.
They're all Indians.
Years ago,
they all migrated here from Bihar..
..and settled down here.
They are all Indians.
But there will be dirty womes, right?
- 200%.
Come on. Hurry up.
You're too slow.
Excuse me.
Welcome! Welcome!
Goyal uncle.
Give me the garland.
Welcome, Goyal uncle.
Who are you?
I am Bhanu.
Bunty called up and informed me
that you're coming.
We've been making a living
by selling your spices.
How was your journey?
What's this?
That Bunty's sent spies after us.
No more fun.
Look, Pinky.
If you like to stay with them..
..then you can. It's okay.
We'll take your leave.
You'll feel homely
in the family atmosphere.
Please take care of him.
No. No..
He's our distributor,
he's honoring all of us.
You can go ahead,
we'll meet after few days. - No.
This is not done. - Then what?
Look, Bhanu.
Text me your number.
We'll definitely
meet before we leave.
Uncle, I thought we'll
have lunch together"
..and show you the temples around.
Next week, our company's sponsoring.. event of the Indian Community.
Look, Bhanu. Don't be stubborn.
We don't want to go anywhere.
And remember,
if you tell Bunty about this"
...I'll give distribution
to someone else.
Get that? - Yes.
Did you? - Yes.
"Romantic at heart."
Call ataxil!
"Romantic at heart."
"Romantic at heart."
"Romantic at heart."
"Romantic at heart."
"Romantic at heart."
"Romantic at heart."
What a beautiful place.
So artistically done.
Thank you.
Nice fragrance too.
Lali, there's a feminine smell.
Look here.
What we're doing here..
We haven't done anything
don't make me feel guilty already.
You'll get a chance to some action.
Today evening?
What's in the evening?
Look, you two have
never been to a strip club.
I have.
In Moscow.
I'll take you two
to a strip club here.
Until then..keep your vigor at bay.
ls this the place?
It's written right there,
Banana Club.
Why is it so quiet?
Pinky, such clubs are sound-proof.
To contain their wildness.
Let's be a pan of this wildness.
Yes come.
Normally how much for three?
1000 each.
Any discount?
Are you Indian?
You know Hindi?
Yes, we're from India.
Give us a discount,
this is our first time.
500 each.
Did you see howl bargained?
Why is it so quiet?
I am not getting positive
vibes from this place, KD.
It's the best club of Mauritius.
The girls will come out any minute.
Come, let's settle down.
Come on.
Presenting to you,
from Shaukeen company..
..a Bhojpuri song,
in Bollywood style.
Please enjoy.
"Youth is on the dance floor."
"Youth is on the dance floor."
"Sexy female-snakes are
coiled around the rod."
"Shaking every pan of their body."
"Wearing bikini tops."
"This youth is lolly-pop."
If she takes her clothes off..
...I'll lose interest in women.
Let's go. - No.
She's dancing for us.
It'll upset her.
"Do mixi-pop in Bhojpuri."
"Do mixi-pop in Bhojpuri."
"Do mixi-pop in Bhojpuri."
What happened? Did you get tired?
I think I fell.
Don't worry, I'll get up.
Lali, walk slowly.
The flight to India leaves at 12.
If we're fortunate,
we'll even get tickets.
India? Have you lost your mind?
I am crazy?
Do you see where we are?
This is your red-light area?
In there it seemed like.. elephant was dancing
in a sugarcane field.
She bent the iron bar. - No, Lali.
She wasn't that bad.
Hey stupid,
I know how desperate you are.
Even English speaking
dogs can turn you on.
You're wrong. - What wrong?
You're wrong. - What wrong?
Hold on. What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Don't judge the book by its cover.
It's a new place,
and our first night.
Let's explore it a bit.
Lali, give it a chance.
The night's still young.
Does anyone have a torch?
O Love God, forgive us.
Hail the God of Love.
Hail the God of Love.
Hail the God of Love.
Hail the God of Love.
Lali. -Who is it?
What's going on?
He was clicking your pictures?
- Really? Why?
Forgive me, dear.
We're like your father.
He means he was checking..
..if you're the same
person who owns this house.
Yeah, I am.
I am Lali.
Hi, I am KD. - Hi.
These are my friends.
Introduce me. - Okay.
This is Pinky. - Hey, Pinky.
Our third buddy.
He's a bit weak in English.
You didn't have to say that.
That's okay, I know Hindi.
No, no, speak in English.
One minute.
Indian? - Yes.
Guys, I am really sorry I came back.
Actually, I was going
on a road-trip with a friend.
But last minute something happened..
..and I had to cancel my trip.
I know you've paid
for your entire stay.
Technically, you own this place.
- No.
I don't want to disturb you.
I can.. I can sleep anywhere.
I can go to my friend's house.
No, no.. - There's no need
to go to your friend's house.
Lali, can I just explain to her? - Okay.
We've no problem
with you staying here.
In fact, we're very happy.
Oh gosh, guys, thank you. - No.
You don't need to thank us.
We should be thanking you.
You see, you gave us some..
What's it called? - Enjoyment.
Hold on.
We got some refreshment.
I am sorry.
We felt refreshed.
Ahana, it's a really sweet name.
Tell us something about yourself.
Well..l am glad you asked.
I earth child.
What's she saying?
- She's down-to-earth.
With gypsy blood.
But I am actually a fashion
designer by profession.
Fashion designer?
Then we'll get along really well.
Because actually,
I am a shoe-designer by profession.
What's your shoe size?
Let me guess.
It's 7.
How did you..
God, you're good.
You are..
Yeah, right. Rich people.
Designer boots..branded ones.
I run a simple NGO.
Social service.
For women.
A philanthropist.
After I retire,
that's what I am going to do.
I have a business, of raw spices.
It's famous all over the world.
And I also own an Audi.
When I look at you,
I get the vibes of a cook.
By the way..Lali's married.
My wife's gone to Himalayas.
- Beautiful.
He has a kid..
..and he's of marriageable age.
That's not true.
That's so sweet.
Anyway, do you guys want to see
some of my creations?
This is my workshop. How is it?
Well, it's a little..
All this stuff is recycled.
Unique, just like you.
I'll show you some of my designs.
Look at this.
Men's Jacket,
made from a dead monkey.
lam the first one to do it.
Excuse me.
Look at this.
Hat made from used toothpicks.
Would you like to try it on?
- It's nice.
It's very nice.
Thank you very much?
It's beautiful.
And my favorite.
Right here.
Frog eye necklace.
Made from frog's eye.
You're a very..unusual designer.
Please keep quiet.
What he's trying to say is that
it's a very unconventional design.
So..people buy lot of your obnoxious"
I mean unique designs, right?
Actually, I am way ahead of my time.
Most people think it's very cruel.
No, no, no. It is a great artwork.
Back home in India, priceless.
Any an lover would
buy it at any price.
I see. Why don't you buy it then?
Pinky's absolutely right. buy them for your Widow Home.
So that it's lonely
walls can come alive again.
Buy it.
Okay. 0km]-.
Dear..pack everything.
Oh my, God. Are you serious KD?
Thank you.
This is my very first sale.
Thank you.
I need to upload this on FB.
But on one condition.
You have to.. me around Mauritius.
Dude, I would love to.
How much for this?
How much for this?
"My mood changed as I smoked grass."
"Grass is the solution
to everything."
"Let me enjoy the intoxication."
"Hey DJ play the dub-step trance."
"How do I tell you what I feel?"
"Everything seems upside down."
"Take a's Manali's stuff."
"Take a's Manali's stuff."
"Ahh puff..stuff."
"Ahh puff..stuff."
"Ahh puff..stuff."
"Come on now."
"Come on now."
away the stuff with me."
"I'll hold you in my arms,
and you puff the smoke again."
"It'll clamber through your breath,
puff it again."
"Enjoy the stuff and
puff the joint away."
"Your body's beautiful,
don't try too hard."
"Beloved, with me you're
the kite and I'm the string."
"Puff the stuff again."
"When you puff the stuff'll forget all pain."
"Puff the stuff again."
"When you puff the stuff'll forget all pain."
"Puff the stuff again."
"When you puff the stuff'll forget all pain."
"Ahh puff..stuff."
"Ahh puff..stuff."
"Puff the stuff again."
"When you puff the stuff'll forget all pain."
I've a bad headache.
Don't know why?
200% it's the Shilajeet.
Why will Shilajeet
give me a headache?
Pinky's ignorant.
But what made you
take this cheap stuff?
I was just trying it.
But where is he?
Rascal. - No, no.
Bloody pervert.
- Lali, you misunderstand me.
Ahana, I'll save
you from this savage.
You rascal.
People like you humiliate India.
Leave me, it's not him.
Then who?
It's him. -You did it.
Him, you idiot. Him.
It's him.
Thank God. We misunderstood.
Sorry, Pinky.
Sorry, we blundered.
You were wearing a towel, and..
When I have promised..
- There would be a problem because of you.
Stop it!
All of you out!
You guyS are Pigs-
All men are pigs.
Get out! All of you!
We're really very sorry.
It was just misunderstanding.
I broke up with Kunal, my boyfriend.
You've a boyfriend? - She had.
Broke up.
I had planned this
road trip with him.
And stitched a special
outfit for him.
But..he made fun of my creation.
He said it was stupid and obnoxious.
I invited my so called friends.. that they'll
make me feel better.
But those ham.
They came to my party.
Drank my alcohol.
And now they're liking
my ex-boyfriend's pictures on FB.
I've just 11 likes on my status.
..and he has 43.
Baby, let me give you a hug.
You need the warmth.
I don't know why I am discussing.. personal life with all of you.
We really don't know each other.
Don't say that.
We don't just share
a physical relation.
But we also have a
emotional relationship.
Feel it.
He's getting too close.
Take your hands off.
Ahana, come here.
If you keep crying like this,
you'll wet your dress.
Let her cry.
It'll lighten her mind and body.
You know're right, Lali.
I won't cry.
In fact, I'll decide something today.
I will never again
take anyone of my age.
There's no maturity.
My next boyfriend will be.. least 10 years elder to me.
I think 25 will be better.
Think big.
But we fall in that category. Right?
Why not? I can take anyone of you.
What's she saying?
Line's clear, boy.
I did everything
in our 2 year relationship.
Kunal never even asked
me for a glass of water.
Ahana. Would you
like a glass of water?
Lali, you're a sweetheart.
Water's one thing" Move.
- Come on, move.
Water's one thing,
and this closeness is one thing.
200% it will work.
You know, Lali..he used
to make me clean this house.
What are you doing?
We're in a live-in too.
You guys are so sweet.
You know what,
I felt so much better now.
I need some fresh air.
Let's hit the beach.
I need my bikini.
You mean..two piece?
You don't expect me to go naked.
Don't just stand there, get ready.
Should I take the Shilajeet?
Hello. What's that? - Underwear.
You expect me to wear
pajamas to the beach?
Didn't you bring swimming trunks?
No, those nylon trunks make me itchy.
I'll disown him in public.
You knew we were going to Mauritius.
It's filled with beaches.. why didn't you
bring swimming trunks?
Should I wear my pajamas?
We'll have to leave him here. - No.
He's right. - No.
I want to see Ahana in bikini.
I beg you, please.
Don't be stubborn like a kid.
We'll take a picture and show you.
Photo is no good.
Ahana, what is this?
What happened?
What are you wearing?
Where's your bikini?
It's exactly what I feared.
Kunal is dating Tara Shah.
It's on their FB, their relationship.
And both were partying
at the Buddha bar last night.
50 people like this status.
And 40 of them are my own friends.
I want to kill myself.
Please don't. - Hold on.
Come on, let's go to
the beach and talk, dear.
Mister" - I mean Ahana.
Wear your bikini.
The cool breeze will
calm your mind and body.
I don't want to go anywhere.
lam in a very bad mood.
Oh my, God.
And 20 more likes.
Where are you going?
To kill myself and don't follow me.
Wear your bikini.
"In the lonely days.."
"In the lonely nights, I miss you.."
"My heart's burning for you."
"Day-Night I am crying for you."
"Why did you leave me?"
"Why did you leave me?"
"In the lonely days.."
"In the lonely nights, I miss you.."
"I've no buddy."
"I'm so lonely."
"Your memories haunt
me all the time."
"In the lonely days.."
"In the lonely nights, I miss you.."
"In the lonely days.."
"In the lonely nights, I miss you.."
"Miss you.. - I am lonely-lonely."
"Miss you.. - I am lonely-lonely."
"Miss you.. - I am lonely-lonely."
"Miss you.. - I am lonely-lonely."
I will kill myself.
Take 3!
That's me.
Coming up next is a close-up of me.
Just watch" my appearance changes
this story completely
"He was small when
I brought him home."
"Fed him milk myself."
"He was a sweet, cute little pup."
"l made him a bulldog."
"Then he showed his real color."
"One day his collar was loose."
"He ran after me."
"He bit me so hard on my back."
"Love is a dog."
"Love is a dog."
"Love is a dog."
"Love is a dog."
"A beautiful girl
taught me a lesson."
"l forgot all my duties.."
"..but she turned out to be a liar."
"A beautiful girl
taught me a lesson."
"l forgot all my duties.."
"..but she turned out to be a liar."
"She had bowled me over.."
" writing a love
letter with her blood."
"l would live and die for love."
"l had made him the God of my love."
"Till now how many
shoulders he has sat on."
"He has pissed in every lover's ear."
"Love is a dog."
"Love is a dog."
"Love is a dog."
"Love is a dog."
"Love is a dog."
"She built her dreams
on the tomb of my desires."
"She fooled me and dumped me."
"She built her dreams
on the tomb of my desires."
"She fooled me and dumped me."
"l would save every penny
to pay for her leisure."
"l would take her to
multiplex to show her film."
"You'll regret it one day too."
"You'll sing this song one day too."
"Love is a dog."
"Love is a dog."
"Love is a dog."
"Love is a dog."
"Love is a dog."
"Love is a dog."
Right, love is a dog
and men are romantic at heart.
If your desires have awakened too"
..then fulfill them.
I'll be back in 10 minutes.
Excuse me, have you seen?
"In the lonely days.."
"In the lonely nights,
I miss you.."
"lam Lonely..Lonely.."
"In the lonely days.."
"In the lonely nights,
I miss you.."
"In the lonely days.."
"In the lonely nights,
I miss you.."
"Miss you."
"Miss you."
"lam Lonely..Lonely.."
"Miss you."
"Miss you."
"lam Lonely..Lonely.."
I wonder where she is.
Did she actually commit suicide?
Don't say that?
You two hugged her,
I didn't even touch her.
I mean we didn't
get to know each other.
If anything happens to her,
we'll be in a mess.
Everyone knows we stay with her.
Come on.
Let's pack.
We'll leave for India.
- I'll book the tickets.
"You're my sanctity."
Ahana. - Come on.
Andi, I have to meet Akshay Kumar.
I don't care what you do?
You have such a big event
management company.
lam sure you can
work something out.
Okay. Thanks.
I'll call you later.
Ahana. - Oh my, God.
You guys will not
believe what happened.
We were really scared.
Thank God, my baby.
I am so haPPY-
Let her go.
But what happened, Ahana?
It was like a dream
come true, Lali.
I saw Akshay in person.
He's in Mauritius.
I see. - We heard that too.
And you didn't tell me.
We didn't know you're
such a big fan.
Dude. He's half my life.
Some like collecting stamps.
..and some like collecting coins. Akshay Kumar.
Akshay Kumar's photo.
He's the one who inspired
me to become a designer.
Engagement photo?
I love him.
I even went to Mumbai to meet him.
But nothing happened.
It's very difficult to meet him.
Are you so desperate
for Akshay Kumar?
Dude. If someone
introduces me to Akshay..
..l will do anything for him.
I mean..
Who do I have to sleep
with to meet Akshay?
I am so excited.
"Who do I have to sleep
with to meet Akshay."
She can do anything to meet Akshay.
I guess she didn't mean it. - No.
She meant it.
She'll do what she said.
200%. - Really?
Indian? - Move aside.
Hello, Indian.
Move aside.
Indian? - Yes.
Want to meet Akshay Kumar?
No. Not me. But my friend does.
Good morning, Ahana.
What's so good about this morning?
Right in the morning.
My baby. Let me give you a hug.
Please KD, not now.
Andi's not answering his phone.
He promised to
introduce me to Akshay.
Bloody liar.
Ahana, have you seen Lali?
Forget about Lali.
Come on, Ahana.
Don't spoil your mood.
Listen to me. Get into bikini mood.
And we'll hit the beach.
It'll change your mood too.
What about Akshay? - Relax.
I am there.
We will hit the beach.
And we'll have
breakfast at the beach.
Baked beans. Focaccia bread.
Muffins and whipped cream.
And..pumpkin pie.
KD. - Yeah.
Where's Lali?
Forget about Lali,
go get your swimming trunks.
I'll introduce you to him.
I'll even get you popcorn and cold
drink outside the Akshay's tent.
Thank you, son.
You're doing so much for me.
It's overwhelming.
Uncle..l am not doing this for you.
It will cost you.
100,000 per person.
I want to meet Akshay Kumar,
not the Prime Minister.
You can meet the
Prime Minister for free.
You're meeting Akshay Kumar.
Take it or leave it.
- Okay, I will take it.
Cash or card? - Cash.
The pink one's nice.
- The blue one is better.
No way.
Blue bikini, blue ocean,
blue sky..and more blue..
It's too much blue.
Pink is better.
It should cover the body too.
Her body's like..
Okay, okay..
We'll try both one by one.
Andi, where the hell are you?
It's not Andi, its Lali speaking.
Hey Lali, where are you?
We're going to the beach.
Forget the beach,
listen to me carefully.
Are KD and Pinky with you?
Yeah, they're right here with me.
Don't repeat what I'm about to say.
I am on Akshay Kumar's set.
Are you serious? How?
If you want to meet Akshay Kumar..
..then come immediately on the set.
I'll text you the address.
Pinky, pinch me.
I can't believe it.
- Shall I do it again?
Lali, you're the best.
I'm coming.
Listen, the shooting's
about to begin.
And listen,
don't tell KD and Pinky about this.
O Kay; bye'
Oh my, God.
You guys carry on to the beach..
..and I'll see you later.
Pinky..something's wrong.
Lali calls and she..hops,
skips and jumps to him.
Let her through.
Let her through.
What are you doing?
Oh my God, Lali you..
I can't believe this"
Thank you.
Have a cold drink.
It's from Akshay's fridge.
Sir, who is this?
She wants her picture taken.
My friend. - I can understand.
I can't believe this.
lam sitting outside
Akshay's makeup room.
And sipping soft drink
from his fridge. - Of course.
I got to put this on FB.
Lali..deceived me. -You?
With us?
Pinky, you're not a
contender in Ahana's case.
Why not?
I am a man too, a pervert.
And shameless, like you two.
I am a contender too.
My bro..hold it
like this and zoom in.
That's when you'll
get the VIP shot.
Are you filming me? - No.
Candid shoot.
Please don't delete that.
This video is all I have.
You perverts. - No..
No, we are needy, hungry..
Where's Akshay?
Out buying a sari.
Sir, he's Akshay Kumar.
You will have to wait.
He won't just enter like this.
Cut it!
Cut it!
What a fantabulous shot! Superb!
Mind-blowing, Akki. What a shot.
You gave me goose-bumps.
See for yourself.
Would you like to see the monitor?
Anything wrong with the shot?
It's a promo shot.
Then why do I need to see it?
I haven't been doing anything
else for the last 20 years.
Climbing up and down
the helicopter. What else.
Kuku, get my coconut water.
Thank you.
It's too light.
Make it properly.
I got goose-bumps.
Touch it.
It's better now.
Always make it strong.
It should give me that feeling.
Akshay, help.
Akshay. - What happened?
Akshay sir, just a minute.
Just a small endorsement.
He's the biggest
builder of Mauritius.
Kishore Samtani. Shake hands.
No, no, that will cost extra.
Hurry up, quickly. Fast.
Take a picture.
Just three pictures.
One more, sir.
Very good.
Last one.
Very good.
Last one.
Very good.
Don't forget the check.
Where are you going, sir?
One more endorsement.
Come, baby. Come forward.
She's from the most famous
restaurant in Mauritius.
Two photos.
Fast. With her.
The lobster eating pose.
That's always good.
She's the owner's girlfriend.
She wanted to be in the frame.
No, I am a lesbian.
The things these
people say these days.
Anyway, last endorsement.
Mauritius International School.
Come on, kids.
Sir doesn't have time.
Take a picture with few kids.
And that's it.
Let's go quickly.
Come on, kids.
Smile. Smile.
Go back to school.
School is open.
Go back to school.
Thank you.
Thank you, sir.
Very good.
We are going to make lots of money
but one final endorsement.
This is the best one. - I am tired.
Sir.. - I am tired.
Akshay Kumar, I hate you.
But the world loves you.
The world loves you.
Shall I make the call?
Final endorsement.
Hello. Vipin.
Hold on.
He's in a bad mood..'s the heroine's fault.
I don't know what happened.
No, I've not seen your pictures.
I told you I don't
want to see your pictures.
Please hold.
Oh God.
The world's cheapest,
lowest director"
"Baljeet Basu's calling, sir.
- Give me the phone.
Should I say no?
Give me the phone.
Hold this.
No, sir.. - Sir.
Sir, Akshay Kumar speaking.
Yes, sir.
Sir, I am completely prepared.
Just come see me.
Yes, sir.
That chart is all ready.
Your Shubojeet is
getting ready, sir.
Ask me anything.
I am eagerly waiting for you, sir.
Please come. Okay, sir.
See you. Bye.
Sir, please.
don't waste your time with him.
He's completely mad.
Don't waste time.
A Bengali director
needs a Bengali actor.
I'll call Mr.
Rahul Bose, he's free these days.
Stop it.
Stop it right now.
Do you know the director
you're talking about?
Yes. - He's won 5 National Awards.
5.. - 5 National Awards.
He's Akshay Kumar's
ticket to National Award.
Imagine your boss..
His photograph,
National Award winner.
Akshay Kumar.
Sir, what good will
a National Award do?
Tell me honestly.
Two minute interview
on the National channel.
Waste of time. - Shut up.
Your focus should
be on the 200 crores club.
You must look there, sir.
You are a star.
You're a champion.
You're a Khiladi (Player).
Don't do that, sir. Don't do that.
You're looking very unnatural, sir.
You're number 1.
You're the Khiladi.
You're the no.1 Akshay Kumar.
No.2..Salman Khan.
No.3..Shahrukh Khan.
No.4.. Jacky Bhagnani.
He's catching up.
I'm worried.
Jacky Bhagnani is catching up.
It's a flop!
What kind of a title
is Kerala Charlie for a film?
Who cares if it's a good film?
Good films are only meant for DVD. me later.
John's film..
The reports are mixed. - Mixed?
Tell me something.
You can't tolerate
to see others happy?
Akki, lfeel really
sad when a film flops.
I swear.
I swear on that light.
No show in Satara.
Tell me Dubai's
collection by tonight.
Fine, I'll call you later.
It won't even do 100 crores.
We'll do it, sir. We'll do it.
I have everything planned.
We'll host a big event
with the Indian Community here.
We'll make 200 crores..
300 crores at least.
No, this time we'll cross 400..
- Shut up..
100, 200, 300 crates.
You two are driving me nuts.
lam fed up of this.
Tell me something, KK.
How many films did I do for you?
And what did I do?
In every film either I'm
jumping from the helicopter.
Or running after the heroine,
or the train.
Or cars..even running
after item girl.
Did you make me do anything real?
You know something, if you
don't make me do something new..
..l will quit this bloody industry.
Don't say that.
Saraswati's always
on the set. - Who?
Lady luck.
It might just come true.
Take your words back, Akki please.
Akshay.. - Ji.
What? - Ji.
Ji. - Say again, Ji.
Sir, your shot's ready.
What a unique film?
The shot's ready,
and the director's right here.
Stop all this nonsense.
Good news, sir.
Another endorsement.
Helicopter" Sir..
Sir, hold on.
Lali. Take.
Fast. - Who the hell are you?
Sir, my family. He's my uncle.
Uncle, okay. You'll get a discount.
Akshay, I am your biggest fan.
I've seen all your movies.
I also have your pictures.
In fact, you were the one..
..who inspired me
to become a designer.
I made these sunglasses for you.
If you wear them..
What am I asking?
Lali, click.
you're looking nice in these.
Doesn't the material
seem different?
They're made up of my toenails.
I've made them
with my own toenails.
Uncle, your daughter
wasn't funny at all.
She's not my daughter.
- Then who is she?
We're friends. - More than friends.
Akshay, I love you.
You're a Rockstar.
I told you.
No, no, Andi.
There are already
40 likes on my status.
Since I posted that picture"
..Kunal and Tara have gone offline.
They must be burning with jealousy.
Oh my, God. So cool.
Okay, I got to go.
lam on cloud 9.
You're the best. - Thank you.
Remember you said
something the other day.
What did I say?
You forgot.
You said whoever introduces
you to Akshay Kumar..
I feel shy?
I don't remember. Say it.
Where's my return gift, Ahana?
Come here.
O kaY-
..your gift.
New title.
Lali the Rockstar.
Lali the Rockstar.
Make another peg for me.
It's alcohol, not sherbet.
Gulping aWaY-
Stop lecturing.
Make me a peg.
Hey guys.
Friends, Romans and countrymen.
Where were you?
What did you do with this child?
Are you crazy?
I took Ahana to see
Akshay Kumar's shooting.
Lali, don't be modest.
Guys, Lali introduced
me to Akshay Kumar.
Lali, no..
He's no longer Lali.
He's a Rockstar. - I am a Rockstar.
Rockstar Lali.
Rockstar Lam!
That ugly looking face,
and Rockstar.
I'm all over FB because of Lali.
But the shooting must
have ended in 3-4 hours.
Where did you go after that?
Actually" - Hold on.
Ahana, you must be tired.
I think you should go and sleep.
No, I am having fun.
- No. Be a good girl.
Lali the Rockstar's saying this.
What did she do to get tired?
I'll tell you, hold on.
Come on.
You're right, I will go to sleep.
My back is paining.
Goodnight, boys.
- Goodnight.
And you, Rockstar.
Naughty girl.
So what's happening
with this lady finger?
Lady finger?
You were really shrewd.
You made schemes in the night.
Don't be jealous.
All three had equal opportunity.
I was smart and won the game.
You're not smart, but a traitor.
Tell me what you
did after the shooting?
You was my promise.. introduce her to Akshay Kumar.
I fulfilled that.
And then her promise..
I must admit.
She's true to her words.
Okay, goodnight.
My back's paining too.
Lal I Rockstar, good n ig ht.
Oh my, God!
Make me a drink.
You do it.
Don't waste time,
lam on a ISD call.
For the last time I am asking you.
What's the name of
Akshay Kumar's uncle..
..who lives at Chandni Chowk?
He's a distant uncle.
You always said he's special.
He's your friend too.
- That's true.
But he's a distant uncle.
Fine, tell me his name?
Manu Kukreja..
He owns a sari shop
at Chawdi Bazaar.
He's really respected.
Fine, call him now and
tell him to talk to Akshay Kumar.
And tell him to invite me for tea.
I need to urgently introduce
someone to Akshay Kumar.
But he's not in Delhi.
He's gone to Vaishno Devi.
Hail Goddess!
Ahana. Where's my omelet, darling?
lam hungry?
Just two minutes, Rockstar.
Okay Rockstar.
Would you like a piece of bread?
How about a slap?
Ahana. - Here we go.
A very special omelet,
for my Rockstar.
Ocean Snail's omelet. Eat it.
Snail? You mean turtle?
No. I am not hungry,
I won't eat it.
Why not? Eat it.
Ahana, feed him yourself.
I don't want it.
lam not hungry.
lam allergic to omelet.
I'll come.
I'll come, son. Definitely.
Bless you, son.
And listen.
If you ever need
money in Mauritius.
..then call uncle KD.
Okay, son?
Okay. Hail Goddess.
Hail Goddess.
Hello. Breakfast?
I can guess from your faces..
"that Ahana made breakfast.
That's right. You try it too.
Thank you, but I am full.
Finished jogging? - Yes, I did.
And I even talked to Rajiv.
I wonder how he found my number..
..and also that I am in Mauritius.
Who Rajiv?
Rajiv Bhatia.
You guys call him..Akshay Kumar.
What? Akshay?
What's going on?
What Akshay?
He's Raju for me.
He was saying..uncle KD,
I hate you.
You're in Mauritius
and you didn't tell me.
You have to come for tea.
He was insisting.
My sweet boy.
So you will have
tea with Akshay Kumar?
He's inviting me
to his personal chamber.
Not outside like other fans.'re a Rockstar.
please can I come along with you?
What's going on?
I am not a Rockstar, he is.
Forget about him. - Ahana.
It was a joke.
Please, can I come along? - Okay.
But what will I get in return?
More than what Lali got.
What's going on?
You're a bassvku:
Ranjit sir.
You women-beater.
- Mind your language.
This is Akshay Kumar.
Akshay. Akshay who?
lam talking to Shubhojit.
Listen, you're not
Akshay Kumar for me.
You're my Shubhojit.
My character.
My character.
So Shubojit doesn't play golf.
When will you understand
my Shubhojit? When?
Sir, I'm trying my
best to understand him.
The book that you gave me..
..on Shubhojifs life history,
I read it all night.
Sir, it contains information"
"about Shubhojifs father,
grandfather, uncle, nephew, everyone..
But nothing on Shubhojit.
To understand Shubhojit,
you need to know his history.
Get in this history
and grab Shubhojifs soul.
I promise you, soon I'll
grab everything about him.
I promise you.
Look, Shubhojit is
an evil and lowly man.
He's dark on the inside.
He's basically..HKB.
'Hawas Ka Pujari.'
Now relax.
Sir, this is the plot
of the famous Hollywood film..
"Talented Mr. Ripley.
You think I am copying.
I am copying?
That's why managers
always remain managers.
Sir, don't mind him.
Go, go. -Yes, sir.
Leave my Shubhojit alone.
Sir.. - Please.
I really apologize.
Sorry about that.
No entry, boss.
Tell Rajiv,
uncle KD's here to meet him.
Rajiv who? - Don't irritate me.
Tell Akshay Kumar that
his KD uncle from Delhi.. here to see him.
Tell Akshay sir
that his uncle's here.
Totally awesome.
Hail Goddess.
Son. - Yes.
Stop reading,
concentrate on your job.
Where's Akshay Kumar's van?
Sir, we don't have vans,
only tents.
Fine, where's Akshay Kumar's tent?
This side.
Okay. Come on.
Son, concentrate on your job.
Work hard, and you'll be a star soon.
- Yes, sir.
And who are you?
Tell him, son.
Uncle KD, Akshay sir's guest.
You? - What?
Tea or coffee?
First water.
You tell me, lwill send it.
You're local.
That looks constipated.
Lose some of it.
Bring that dirty feeling.
Dirty! Dirty! Dirty! Dirty!
Very nice.
Don't move.
Now..look at yourself
in the mirror.
Sir, I can't breathe.
This face will become your reality.
Sir's getting the fits.
Hey.. shut up.
We're working on my expression"
..and you think I am getting fits.
Such a great director.
Oh, God.
So sorry to disturb you.
Your uncle's here to see you.
My uncle? - Yes, uncle KD.
What KD? - Yes, uncle KD.
Akshay Kumar doesn't
have an uncle as well.
You do, he's waiting.
Script is your God.
If you don't take care of it,
it won't take care of you.
Respect. - Mistake.
Calm down. - Go.
Ahana, you enjoying?
lam going crazy.
I am in Akshay's
personal makeup room. me!
Okay, babe.
Show me.
Come on. - First hug me.
Naughty KD.
What's going on?
I got something for you.
Rajiv, my son.
You insisted so much.
So I am here for tea.
Tea? - No, thanks.
Tea gives me acidity.
By the way, Manu Kukareja..
..from Manu Bazaar says hello.
Who is Manu Kukareja?
You haven't patched up
with Manu uncle yet, Rajiv?
What's Rajiv?
Fine, Raju. How sweet.
How sweet, wonderful.
Don't just stand there, hug him.
KD, click us. -Yeah.
ls he your father?
No, dude.
If he's my father and your uncle
then we would be brother-sister.
That's just gross.
We're just friends.
No, more than friends.
Hold my leg.
Rajiv, hold it.
Click us, quickly.
Akshay, I designed this scarf.
I created it from pigeon feathers.
Son, we can party later.
No need for a party.
You don't need to
touch my feet either.
Please, no need for any formality.
We'll leave.
Come on.
Come on. Let's go.
Akshay, I love you.
Come on.
No problem.
Rajiv.. - Are you leaving,
or should I throw you out?
No, we've got our
own transportation.
If you need anything in Delhi..
Yes, sir.
Next time I see this
girl on my set, I'll slap you.
On second thoughts,
I'll slap you anyway.
Go, get the coconut water.
Kuku, coconut.
KD..they are already
200 likes on my status.
Look at the comments.
See. Raju respects me so much.
You see,
our kids are very cultured.
KD, you think Akshay
liked the scarf I designed?
Of course, you're a great designer.
He must have gone crazy by now.
I did it, KD.
I gave Akshay the
best design of my life.
AhanaAhana is a Rockstar.
What about me?
What am I?
You? are..a Rockstar.
I love you.
Now give me a hug.
Oh, God!
Oh, God!
Stop it, dear. Don't make my cry.
KD, I am too drunk.
Let's go to the beach. Come on.
Come on.
I will float away, Ahana.
- Come on.
"Have you ever seen.."
"..anyone's heart going away."
Come on, KD.
"There goes my heart..who's
upset with me."
"There goes my heart."
What are you two doing here?
Ahana called and asked for a towel.
What's going on here?
You can see what's going on?
Take a look.
That's the meaning of my life.
KD, how did you do it?
Rascals, you don't know me.
The other name for arrangement
is Kamal Dheer Sharma.
Hey. guys-
Thanks, Pinky.
Give me the towel. - No.
You don't need it.
There's a cool breeze blowing.
You'll dry up yourself.
Sorry, Pinky.
lam going up, I am tired.
Bye KD, I love you Rockstar.
Bring my clothes. - Okay.
Pinky, get her slippers.
Don't be shocked,
I'll tell you everything.
You pick up the underwear
and the slippers.
Yeah, baby.
You were right.
This girl's really fast.
First me, then you.
Lali, this is generation X.
No big deal in sex.
This is just time pass for them.
Food's horrible, let's have sex.
Movie's so boring, let's have sex.
How cute puppy, want to have sex?
You two should be ashamed.
One is married..and the other.
It's futile to talk to you.
What's wrong with you now?
Mr. Goyal's lost his mind
after watching Ahana in a bikini.
No..l am gearing up too.
For what?
lam a contender
too in Ahana's case.
Pinky! Pinky! Pinky!
Don't you ever think about it!
Ahana's like the Gucci
and Armani showroom.
..and you're a bag of spices.
Lali, you're overdoing it now.
Pinky. Ahana is my love.
I can't tolerate an old
man like you looking at her.
I swear on my dead grandma,
Shakuntala Devi.
If I don't make Ahana
sit on my lap in 24 hours..
..then my name isn't
Harishankar Goyal aka Pinky.
Keep it dog.
What happened, uncle?
Why did you call me so urgently?
You know Akshay
Kumar's in Mauritius.
So do anything you can,
and introduce me to him.
Uncle, you're really fortunate.
Remember I told
you that our company.. sponsoring a program
for the Indian Community.
Yes. Yes.
The chief guest for
that is Akshay Kumar.
Just tell me how many passes
you want. I'll arrange for it.
No. No passes.
No passes.
I'll be the other chief
guest of that event.
I'll sit next to Akshay Kumar.
Shut up.
That's so absurd.
It's impossible.
Impossible? I see.
Then I'm giving the dealership
to Chhada and Chhada.
Uncle, that's blackmail.
Yes, hello Chhada sir..
- Okay, done.
Fine, you're our chief guest no.2.
I'll sit next to Akshay Kumar.
And..also arrange for one
VIP and two general passes.
You haven't caught on
to Shubhojifs character.
Sir, I am trying.
I am trying my level best.
I am trying-
O kaY-
Do you know method acting?
That's fine.
I'll give you some motivation.
Imagine that he's a lowly man.
Your enemy.
He murdered your mother.
He killed your mother.
Now you've to yell at him.
Do it.
Rascal. My mother's.
- Anger.
Sir, look at his face.
It's so cute.
How can I get angry on him?
Give him back.
You can't do anything.
You can only do Khiladi films.
You can't even get angry.
What..what are you doing?
- Nothing.
My back's itching.
Just scratching my back.
Seems like Pinky has
planned something big.
- That's fine..
..but I hope he
doesn't mess up in over-excitement.
Oh my, God.
Guys, look at Kunal's status.
He's coming for the same event.
This will be so much fun.
But where's Pinky?
Here I am, Ahana.
Oh my, God.
Pinky, you look awesome.
What's going on?
I did this for you.
To introduce you to Akshay Kumar.
Really? How?
He's the other chief
guest of our event.
Not just me,
you're the chief guest too.
Akshay Kumar, will garland us both.
What are you saying?
Oh my, God. Thanks.
Thanks? No thanks.
I want full service,
better than KD and Lali.
What do you mean?
Full service..
Akshay Kumar sounds
like he's quite irritated.
Nothing should go wrong..
Whatever happens.
Hey..who is he?
Akshay Kumar loves magic.
Don't forget the rabbit trick.
Don't forget.
He's here.
Out of the way.
I asked you not
to take a photograph.
Why is she taking my photograph?
I can do this character.
God, he's drunk.
Hi, Rajiv.
- I'll never get a National Award.
Listen, forget about that. Focus?
Focus where?
Ranjit Basu gave me a dog..
..and said he's my mother's killer.
Oh, God.
- You should've seen that dog.
He's so damn cute..
Your eyes..
Wear your glasses, please.
I'm going to have a heart attack.
Let's focus here.
Forget about Ranjit Basu.
Forget about him.
Focus about 200 crores club.
Let's go.
Stage is that side.
Why do they keep moving the stage?
Ladies and Gentlemen"
..with a big round of
applause please welcome..
The lady's heart throb,
the superstar"
Mr. Akshay Kumar.
And our guest of
honor for tonight"
..the King of raw spices.
Mr. Harishankar Goyal.
I would like to request Mr.
Akshay.. honor our
guest and his friend.
What nonsense is this?
This was not in the deal.
There's nothing I can do.
Either Akshay sir honors my guest
or my deal gets cancelled.
Please understand"
- You're trying to blackmail me.. front of the media.
- Sir, please. Try to understand.
Someone's blackmailing
me too. Please.
I can't allow this.
Sir. Sir. Sir.
Look, sir.. we will have to do
something, many people have come here.
I will break your legs.
Sir, the media's here.
You'll have to do it.
Good to see you again.
I've another gift for you.
My biggest creation.
Isn't she the same girl that
comes on the sets? - Yes, sir.
If she tries to touch me, I'll
slap her in front of the media.
She's a bloody stalker"
- Not necessary.
Akshay garlands me.
He garlands him.
- I will shoot you.
You can shoot me, sir.
But garland him.
Look at Kunal's condition.
He's so jealous.
lam thrilled.
Girl, focus on me.
Ladies and Gentlemen,
I would like to request.
..Mr. Akshay Kumar to
honor our guest and his friend.
Sir, please do it.
Sir, just for a few minutes.
Hey, give me the garland.
Sir, we will have to do. We
don't have a choice.
Sir, please come.
Sir, come.
Garland whom?
Sir, the one who is sitting.
I've designed this scarf..'
'..from pigeon feathers.'
'You don't know how to get angry.'
'You can only do Khiladi films.'
'Listen to rne, sir.'
'Let's focus here.'
Forget about Ranjit Basu.
'Focus on 200 crores club.'
'O kay? Let's go. '
Sir, please. You have to do it.
Put the garland,
the girl has come to meet you.
You do your job,
so I can do mine with her.
Pinky, what are you talking about?
What job? - What's wrong?
You said you'll sleep with anyone..
..who introduces
you to Akshay Kumar.
KD and Lali's turn is up.
Now it's my turn.
Pervert old man.
Sir, control. - What control?
I know old perverts
like you really well.
'Hawas Ke Pujari.'
- Akshay.
Shut up!
I know women like you too.
She goes around with
a different old man each day.
lam not that kind of girl.
Akshay, I am a designer.
What designer? You don't
know anything about designing.
Let me tell you about her.
She's mad.
This woman is mad.
Where are you running away?
Hold on.
Old man no. 1.
Old man no. 2.
Old man no. 3.
What are your names? - KD.
He owns a shoe-store.
Take shoes from that
store and clobber them.
You can land in
your graves anytime.
But still run behind women.
They are romantic for girls.
That girl standing next to you.. your daughter's age,
right? - Yes.
Still you lust her.
Think about sex.
And make faces.
You should be ashamed.
I feel their faces
should be blackened..
..make them sit on a donkey, and..
What city are you from?
- Delhi.
What Delhi? Forget Delhi?
You all should be
thrown out of India.
But sir, even you're
making a humiliating scene.
They are being perverts"
..and I am making a scene?
Akshay, are you drunk?
Come up, lady. Come up.
Ask me again.
Akshay, are you drunk?
Yes, I am drunk.
lam drunk, but it's
from my own hard earned money.
I don't owe anyone anything.
Get that.
I don't care about anyone.
Enough of this life of
suffering and drinking in secret.
lam an alcoholic.
You want a pose.
Take a pose!
Shubhojifs angry!
Very nice.
No sir.. No sir..
I found you.
Filmstar Akshay Kumar
abuses in public.
Akshay Kumar abused three old men.. a Indian community
event in Mauritius.
And also accused
a female of sex-trade.
He's not like that.
I know, I am his wife.
Our father's mental
condition isn't stable.
This is his friend KD's fault.
KD uncle and Lali uncle.
These two have an eye for our shop.
lam saying this,
Lali is not romantic.
Akshay Kumar, in a drunken state.
What have I done?
All men are pigs. -Ahana.
Let me..
- You all think from your pants.
KD. -You disgust me.
Leave her.
Her anger is justified.
Let's go.
Delhi's on fire.
Our news is everywhere.
Three lecherous men.
How will we go home?
Everything will be fine.
We've to be positive.
This is your fault.
That's Akshay Kumar.
Run. - Run, run.
Open the door.
Open the door.
Have you three lost your mind?
Why are you all running?
You will kill us.
I came here to apologize.
Say sOFFY-
I said too much yesterday.
And where's Ahana?
I want to apologize to her too.
Ahana isn't talking to us.
Mr. Akshay Kumar,
we made a big mistake.
That girl was humiliated
because of us.
Honestly, she doesn't even know..
..about the cheap
things we said about her.
You know.
I can clearly guess
from your faces..
"that you were all born perverts.
Excuse me, sir. I am not a pervert.
This KD got me in this mess.
I am a respectable man.
Everyone knows me.
I am the secretary of my society.
Lali, you mean I am a cheap thug.
You dragged me and
Pinky in your cheap plan..
..for your own pleasure.
You used our shoulder
to fire your gun.
And that's why we're in Mauritius.
We're family men.
We've kids and grandkids.
Can't you control yourself?
But no, you don't know
anything about family values.
Lali, you're saying too much.
What Lali?
- You're saying too much.
Do you know why
KD never got married?
Let it be.
Let me speak. - Forget it.
Let me speak today!
KD loved someone. - Maybe.
That girl was your sister Chanchal.
Interesting, twist in the story.
Mr. Akshay, wear your glasses.
He remained a bachelor..
..for the promise that we'll never
flirt with each other's sister.
The one you're calling cheap..
"strangled his love for
the sake of our friendship.
We were friends, we still are..
..and we'll still be friends.
Good or bad.
We'll always stay together.
Are you crazy?
You took that childhood
promise so seriously.
Chanchal got divorced.
And you're searching
for love in Mauritius.
You should've told me before.
You three are great.
Even after 100 mistakes.
..your single good
deed won my heart.
Come on,
let's rectify our mistakes.
Come on, I'll help you. - Please.
How dare you come back?
Get lost. - Ahana.
Lali, Pinky and
KD told me every1hing.
I don't know..
..what I said on stage yesterday.
I apologize.
I am really sorry about it.
You just said "Men are pigs".
We're not pigs.
We' re H KP.
Hawas Ke Pujari. - No.
'Haste Khelte Puppies'.
Just look at them.
Look at their faces.
I want you to come for
my press conference tomorrow.
Don't say no. You have to come.
Give me a chance to
rectify my mistake, please.
What's the dress code?
Formal..or casual?
That's the spirit?
Good evening, everyone.
Few hours ago..
..l created a big
stir back in India.
Well, that's what we wanted.
This was all a well
planned marketing campaign.
What? - Absolutely.
This was a marketing campaign..
..for my next film.
And the film is called 'Alcoholic'.
What a name.
What a name.
And now..those who made
this campaign successful.
Humiliated themselves
in front of millions of people.
Let me introduce you to
my three really lovely uncles.
Meet KD uncle.
What a fine man.
I want to tell everyone..
...KD uncle's responsible
for everything I am..
"Everything I learnt.
Thank you, KD uncle.
I have no words, son.
Thank you, son. - So sweet.
So sweet.
And that's Lali uncle.
Fashion, style, class.
He's my style icon.
Love you, Lali uncle.
Love you. - Thank you.
And..the spice King
from Chawdi Bazaar.
Pinky uncle.
You all know I am a chef,
I love cooking.
And it was possible because of him.
Give him a big hand.
Thank God he was saved.
And now the girl..who
got herself humiliated" front of millions of people.
And still stayed strong.
Please and only..
Ahana Basin.
Ahana Basin.
Friends, I would like
to tell you another thing.
She is in my next film..heroine.
Akshay, what are you saying?
I can't act.
You don't know designing either.
And anyway,
those who don't know anything".
.. become an actor.
Look at me..
what is there to laugh about that?
Take 39..
Raj..l am pregnant"
Akshay, I can't do this.
What's my motivation?
- She's impossible.
"The summer party freaking crazy."
"l am standing straight
although I'm drunk."
"Because I am an alcoholic."
"Yes, I am an alcoholic."
"Yes, I am an alcoholic."
"The summer party freaking crazy."
"Yes, I am an alcoholic."
"Yes, I am an alcoholic."
Raise the mic.
I feel like it's
going to fall on me.
Kunnu, get me a double peg,
on rocks.
"Yes, I'm an alcoholic."
"Yes, I'm an alcoholic."
I think I need earrings.
Give me my earrings quickly.
This is a difficult dialogue.
Can we change it?
Kunnu, get me something new.
"l drink alcohol like milk."
"l always make a
big peg for myself."
"l drink alcohol like milk."
"l always make a
big peg for myself."
"l never measure my peg."
"l drink from my own money."
"Yes, I'm an alcoholic."
"Yes, I'm an alcoholic."
"Yes, I'm an alcoholic."
"The summer party freaking crazy."
"Yes, I'm an alcoholic."
"Yes, I'm an alcoholic."
"Yes, I'm an alcoholic."
"Yes, I'm an alcoholic."
"Yes, I'm an alcoholic."
"Baby it's true, I love to party."
"That's exactly why I've
such a big stock at home."
"Baby it's true, I love to party."
"That's exactly why I've
such a big stock at home."
"l never measure my peg."
"l drink from my own money."
"Yes, I'm an alcoholic."
"Yes, I'm an alcoholic."
"Yes, I'm an alcoholic."
"The summer party freaking crazy."
"Yes, I'm an alcoholic."
"Yes, I'm an alcoholic."
Okay, one more time.
I'll chant Om.
I am ready.
Raj, I am pregnant..with
your child.
I forgot my line.
No, no. I'll do it again.
Akshay, you don't
mind waiting, right?
Kunnu, bring me that
snake charmer's basket.
Shoo those snakes on me.
They will bite me.
At least that poison
will give me some fun.
How's my hair?
This w is driving me crazy.
lam tired of seeing her.
Why did I go to Mauritius?
I'll kill her some day.
My sari's falling.