Tom and Jerry Meet Sherlock Holmes (2010) Movie Script

Aha, the perfect plot on paper.
Stop, thieves!
Holmes. Holmes, I say.
Holmes? Holmes?
- You'll never guess where I've been.
- You've just come from The public house...
...where word amongst the patrons is...
...another diamond robbery
has taken place.
The third in as many days.
By Jove, how did you know that?
Elementary, my dear Watson.
I can tell by the redness of your face
how many blocks you've run.
Four and a quarter blocks,
by my calculation...
...which would put you
at the Rathbone Inn.
And since there's been talk of little else
but the diamond robberies...
...I concluded
that a new one had occurred.
I assume, in your haste, you neglected
to bring a newspaper for verification?
Drat it, Holmes, sometimes my head
is emptier than my hat.
Jerry, could you come in here, please?
I say, Jerry, quickly now.
Ah, there you are.
Would you be a good little fellow and
fetch us the latest copy of The Times?
Whoa! Watch it.
What in heaven's name?
Um, thank you.
Great Scott.
Who is this ruffian, Holmes?
Urgent! Mr. Sherlock Holmes
- Holmes, what is it?
- A potential case, doctor.
- Are you free for the next few hours?
- I suppose so. What of it?
I need you to accompany me
to the Bruce Nigel music hall.
That's a rather seamy part of town.
What is this about?
Apparently, we shall find out
when we get there.
And you two shall have to learn
to coexist...
...for the sake of this investigation.
There's a yearning in the heart
Of this young lady
Alone, so very far away from home
Across the big old pond
To foggy London
To sing this little tune for you again
There's a burning in the heart
Of this young bosom
For a pleasure even treasured
By the queen
Yes, Victoria herself
Has a few upon her shelf
But my brolly is the best I've seen
Bumbershoot, bumbershoot
Strolling along with my bumbershoot
Rain or shine, it's divine
It simply can't be beat
Bumbershoot, bumbershoot
Nothing compares to my bumbershoot
Silk and lace, class and grace
My bumbershoot's a treat
Bumbershoot, bumbershoot
Wonderful, fun-derful bumbershoot
In the park, on a lark
My gamp is tried and true
Bumbershoot, bumbershoot
Who needs a man with a bumbershoot?
Good for walks, never talks
And goes in a stand when I'm through
Come in.
Miss Red, Sherlock Holmes
at your service, ma'am.
Jerry, behave.
Dr. Watson, miss.
Dreadfully sorry about that.
No need to apologize, gentlemen.
My admirers often act like that.
But thank you so much for coming.
I'm being blackmailed, Mr. Holmes.
I noticed by the ring on your finger
you're engaged to be married.
- I presume that's relevant?
Very perceptive, sir.
My fiance is a well-to-do
high-society chap...
...who doesn't know
I work in this low-class music hall.
And someone is extorting money
from you to keep your secret...
...since your fiance would surely break
the engagement were he to find out.
Precisely. Every evening,
after my performances...
...I must travel a long distance
and drop off a payment.
I didn't know where to turn...
...until a trusted family friend insisted
I seek out your services.
- Where is your residence, if I may ask?
- The corner of Brighton and Lane.
That's right behind
the Punjab embassy.
- Doctor? Doctor.
- Yes, Holmes? What is it?
I have just deduced the motive
for the blackmail.
Do you recall the case
of the Red-Headed League?
That was the crime perpetrated by
your arch-nemesis, Professor Moriarty.
I think this case is quite similar.
It's not really money they're after,
it's time.
They need Miss Red to be away
from her home.
I don't follow, old top.
The most famous single jewel
in the world, the Star of Punjab...
...will be on display starting tomorrow
at the Punjab embassy.
This jewel is especially light-sensitive
to the rays of a solar eclipse...
...which is to happen tomorrow
at 8:02 in the morning.
Everyone will be there,
which is why the Star of Punjab... going to be purloined tonight.
- Incredible.
- We must get to Miss Red's immediately.
Why, thank you, sir.
You're sweet.
We were lucky to get this assignment
guarding the Star of Punchy-jab...
...hey, son of mine?
I can't tells you how proud I am...
...that you're following in your old man's
footsteps as a guard-type dog.
I'm gonna learn you three lessons
of being a guard dog...
...just like my pop taught me.
First, you gotta inner-spectorate the area
around the diamond...
...and make sure the floor
is all secure-like.
Next, you gotta check the inter-gility
of the glass.
Yup, solid as a rock.
A glass rock, that is.
That's a good one. Heh-heh-heh.
Oh, I get it. Heh, heh.
Going a little too fast, eh?
I'll try and slows it down a bit.
Lastly, and most importantly... always, always gotta make sure
the thing you're guarding... this case the diamond, is safe.
I know you're excited...
...but there's no need for conniptions.
We already checked the floor, son.
That was lesson one.
My boy, you still gots a lot to learn
about guard-dogging.
If my theory is correct,
and I'm certain that it is...
...there should be an entrance
to a tunnel somewhere in this house.
Good job, Jerry.
Give me a hand, doctor.
By Jove, there is a tunnel.
Sawdust. We're too late.
The Star of Punjab
has already been stolen.
They cut a hole right through
the embassy floor.
Hadn't we ought to report this
to the police? Mr. Holmes.
At this stage, it would only
cast suspicion on you, Miss Red.
I need to determine
who is behind this theft.
And this may be just the clue
we need.
- What is it?
- A porcelain button.
Unless I miss my guess, this could
only be the work of Brett Jeremy...
...a tailor in Lancashire.
Come on, chaps.
What are you doing, son?
You're only supposed to ring the alarm
if something happens to the-
We must split up.
Watson and I will go to Lancashire... pursuit of this button.
Tom and Jerry, I'm charging you...
...with getting Miss Red to my flat
for safekeeping.
Watson, hurry.
Here you are. Come on, giddyup.
I think he's trying to tell us something.
Excuse me, mate. That's my shovel.
Blimey, the tunnel leads
right to this house.
Tom, Jerry,
there are constables in my house.
You mark my words, whoever lives here
is the one we're after.
All right, men.
This is the woman we're looking for.
Oh, yes. I'll say.
I'll cover the whole area.
Oh, yeah. Hey, when do we start?
Pipe down now, the lot of you.
I put you into teams of two
so you can scour the city...
...and find this hardened criminal.
And in addition, the Punjab embassy
has offered the arresting officer...
...a handsome reward.
All right, little buddy.
Why don't you go pick me up
an extra pair of handcuffs?
Sure thing, friend.
Here they are, partner.
Don't forget your billy club.
- Huh?
Hey, I think I see someone.
- You do?
- Yeah, that way.
Stop in the name of my reward.
I've got you now.
All right, lassie,
you're coming with me.
Oh, there you are.
Aw, shut up.
All right, all right.
You'd be waking up the devil
with that racket.
Brother Jerry,
come to see me now, have you?
What brings a scamp like you
to my humble house?
It's sanctuary she'd be needing,
isn't it?
What about him?
If he's okay with you,
he's okay with me.
Come on, my lady.
So, what kind of mischief have you
gotten yourself into this time, Jerry boy?
You know how I love to hear
your stories.
Oh! The police are after you?
The police are here?
Hey, why are we wasting our time
in this place?
Well, you see, it's a statistical fact
that criminals often hide in churches.
Please, you must help me.
I'm innocent.
All right. Come with me, lass.
Ha-ha-ha. See?
No redheads.
Nothing in here but candles.
A good policeman always does
a thorough search.
What now?
I'm not sure.
Do angels have whiskers?
You two, make yourselves scarce.
Oh, yes.
Listen to this, Butch.
Ha, ha. What an amateur.
Let me take a whack at it.
Excuse me, mate. That's my shovel.
Are you boys okay?
Shame on you two.
What's the idea leaving a lady all alone
in the middle of the night?
The thieves are inside?
Don't be expecting me to go into
that snake pit of dancing and laughter...
...and rowdy merry-making. Whoa!
Unless you really need me.
Hey, I wanna go. I think we should go.
- Yeah, it's time to go, isn't it?
- Don't worry. We've got loads of time.
There's a yearning in the heart
Of this young lady
Alone, so very far away from home
Across the crowded pub
Right in the corner
You'll find the stupid louts
You're looking for
There's a burning in the heart
Of this young bosom
For a big old rock
That's hidden in his hat
Yes, the middle one, you see
Holds the diamond treasury
But not for long, you dumb old cats
Hey, waiter, where's my drink?
Bumbershoot, bumbershoot
Strolling along with my bumbershoot
Rain or shine, it's divine
It simply can't be beat
Bumbershoot, bumbershoot
Nothing compares to my bumbershoot
Silk and lace, class and grace
My bumbershoot's a treat
Bumbershoot, bumbershoot
Wonderful, fun-derful bumbershoot
In the park, on a lark
My gamp is tried and true
Bumbershoot, bumbershoot
Who needs a man with a bumbershoot?
Good for walks, never talks
And goes in a stand when I'm through
Oh, spot on, dear.
Oh, no.
Boys, look.
Oy, there he goes. Catch him.
Oof! Got him.
Get him. Get him.
I'll take that.
Come on, let's go.
Thomas, the cats took Jerry.
Poor Thomas. Are you okay?
Well, now I've seen everything.
Oh, there's something familiar
about those flying felines.
"Cemetery property. "
Ah! That's it. Those three cats
are the local gravediggers.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
I remember selling this button. To a cat.
He bought it the day before yesterday.
An odd fellow.
- Do you know his name?
- Oh, no. You know cats, quiet types.
But I can ask him in a day or two,
when he picks up his trousers.
Oh, my word.
What are you looking for, Holmes?
Almost anything, my dear Watson.
- A goose feather. That's no good.
- A freshly plucked one at that.
We find the fowl
this feather came from...
...and our thief's goose
is as good as cooked.
Careful now,
those flying cats could be anywhere.
Ah! My goodness.
It's the Star of Punjab.
He's safe.
More than safe, lass.
He's got ahold of something.
That bloke may have got away with the
diamond, but at least we got the key.
The key to what?
Let's canvass this area, men.
They can be anywhere.
Those criminals are a wily sort.
The reputation of Scotland Yard
is at stake.
I don't see how
we'll get you to Mr. Holmes' flat...
...with these bobbies bobbing about.
Wait. My dear family friend,
the one who sent me to Mr. Holmes...
...lives right in this neighborhood.
I'm sure I'd be safe there.
Then what are we waiting for?
Hello, professor.
Why, Red, my dear.
I'm in a bit of trouble.
- May I come in?
- Of course, my child.
The horse from the cemetery.
That means the thief is in the house.
Miss Red.
Come on. I hope we're not too late.
Now what are we gonna do?
The key from the horseman.
Let's see if it works.
Ah, here we go, my dear.
Some tea and biscuits.
It's just...
...what the professor ordered.
- I apologize for the delay.
- I can't thank you enough, professor.
- I so appreciate your help.
- Of course.
Will you please excuse me
for just a moment?
Help yourself
while I check on a small annoyance.
Is someone there?
Look, it's all the stolen diamonds.
I've got it.
I'll take that.
Miss Red, Miss Red,
he's not your frie-
Yes, aren't you clever?
I am in fact Professor Moriarty...
...who recommended Sherlock Holmes
to Miss Red.
I also ordered false clues
to be left for him.
Because the only thing sweeter
than the perfect crime... the perfect crime committed
right under your enemy's nose.
You've got your diamonds.
What you need Red for? Let her go.
Oh, the diamond robberies
were just the opening act.
For the main event,
I'm going to steal the crown jewels.
Oh, and one last thing, my child.
Thank you, my dear.
This machine you see before you
is a sophisticated heat ray...
...powered by
these unique diamonds...
...which are able to intensify
the sun's light.
I've designed it to work with the light
from a solar eclipse.
When the eclipse occurs...
...this machine will send out
a powerful beam...
...which will be reflected
by a series of mirrors... slice through
the Tower of London.
You're daft.
Sherlock Holmes will stop you.
I think not.
You see, I've sent your beloved
Sherlock Holmes...
...on a wild-goose chase.
I've got him, Holmes.
It doesn't match.
Off to the next farm then, eh?
I'm not sure, Watson.
Something is wrong.
Maybe we should take a break.
It is already morning
and the solar eclipse is about to begin.
Ah, we have such a fine view.
The eclipse.
The button, the diamonds, the mirrors.
Watson, that's it.
What's it, Holmes?
He's going to steal the crown jewels.
I pray we're not too late.
After that fiasco at the embassy...
...we were lucky to get this assignment,
my son.
It's the easiest job in London.
Nobody has stolen the crown jewels
since they were moved here in 1202.
What is it, my boy?
I'll teach you.
What? He was asking for it.
All right!
Oh, no, no. I can't look.
We'll never catch him now.
"Never" is not in my vocabulary.
Look, Butch.
I bet those cats are behind
these robberies.
Get down here right now,
you mangy fleabags... I can arrest you.
Well, well, pussycats.
Looks like youse and me
have a got rendezvous with pain.
Never fear, my lady.
Forget about me.
Someone has to stop this coach.
We've got him now, Holmes.
A horseless carriage?
Well, now,
I've just about seen everything.
You've arrived just in time
to say goodbye...
Oh, dear.
Mr. Holmes.
The brake, it's broke.
Time to fly, boys.
Mr. Holmes.
Mr. Holmes.
A hand up? Anyone?
Thank you, my dear Watson.
And it all worked so perfectly
on paper.
The best-laid schemes of mice and men
often go awry.
Here you go, constable.
Take him back to Scotland Yard.
All right, come along quietly.
There's no point in resisting.
Oh, boy. I'm excited.
I'm going to get the promotion
and the reward.
You know what? I'm happy.
Dearly beloved...
I'm so glad it worked out for Miss Red.
She makes a lovely bride.
You may kiss the bride.
Heaven help us.
That's right. I also do weddings.